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1
00:00:16,089 --> 00:00:19,206
- I need to ask your advice.
- About your clothes?
2
00:00:21,049 --> 00:00:24,405
- No.
- Oh. Never mind.
3
00:00:24,489 --> 00:00:27,959
- No, it's about Abi.
- Why don't you just ask her out?
4
00:00:28,049 --> 00:00:32,327
I'm going to. I'm thinking of taking Abi
to modern Latin dance classes.
5
00:00:32,409 --> 00:00:36,448
I don't think Abi dances, dear.
I can hardly believe she walks.
6
00:00:36,529 --> 00:00:39,965
That's the point. I dance brilliantly.
7
00:00:40,049 --> 00:00:43,359
Salsa, merengue.
8
00:00:43,449 --> 00:00:46,361
Lambada.
9
00:00:46,449 --> 00:00:49,247
The forbidden dance.
10
00:00:51,289 --> 00:00:55,999
See? lt'll give me the chance
to impress her
11
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:59,161
and... touch her.
12
00:00:59,249 --> 00:01:03,003
And caress the little hairs
on the back of her neck.
13
00:01:03,089 --> 00:01:06,365
There are some things
I think you should keep to yourself.
14
00:01:06,449 --> 00:01:08,519
I'm so bad at these things.
15
00:01:08,609 --> 00:01:11,646
- (Abi) I'm home.
- Oh, golly.
16
00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:13,924
(Abi) Hi. Hi.
17
00:01:15,929 --> 00:01:18,363
(Clears throat)
18
00:01:19,489 --> 00:01:21,320
- Abi?
- Yeah?
19
00:01:21,409 --> 00:01:22,922
Nothing.
20
00:01:23,009 --> 00:01:26,968
Abi, Roger's booked two places
for dance class.
21
00:01:27,049 --> 00:01:30,041
But the thing is
I've got no one to go with me.
22
00:01:30,129 --> 00:01:32,279
Why d'you book two then?
23
00:01:32,369 --> 00:01:38,922
Well, I thought, if they've nothing on that
night, a young lady of my acquaintance
24
00:01:39,009 --> 00:01:40,761
might be available?
25
00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:46,003
Well, what are you doing here, then?
Get round and ask her.
26
00:01:51,049 --> 00:01:53,244
- Hello.
- (Grunts)
27
00:01:53,329 --> 00:01:56,401
- Nice day at school?
- Yes.
28
00:01:56,489 --> 00:02:00,038
- Anything special happen?
- No.
29
00:02:00,129 --> 00:02:03,758
- No funny jokes or games?
- No.
30
00:02:03,849 --> 00:02:06,921
- Just a normal day, then?
- Yes.
31
00:02:07,009 --> 00:02:10,081
Are you just going to answer yes or no
to everything?
32
00:02:10,169 --> 00:02:12,125
Dunno.
33
00:02:12,209 --> 00:02:16,122
I don't need you to answer.
It's something that happened at school.
34
00:02:16,209 --> 00:02:20,487
It can't be your work, which narrows it
down to drugs, violence or sex.
35
00:02:20,569 --> 00:02:24,801
- Let's start with the drugs.
- Actually, Mum, it's my school work.
36
00:02:24,889 --> 00:02:28,404
I got a B in my mid-term maths test.
37
00:02:28,489 --> 00:02:32,084
Is that all?
I was about to make you pee in a cup.
38
00:02:32,169 --> 00:02:35,605
Don't you understand?
I never get Bs. I always get A.
39
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:39,238
A*, A-(+) if I've had a heavy night.
40
00:02:39,329 --> 00:02:41,923
Take your mind off it
and help me lay the table.
41
00:02:42,009 --> 00:02:45,445
You don't get it. I'm slipping.
It's all downhill from here.
42
00:02:45,529 --> 00:02:50,398
I'm gonna end up at 18 with a dog
begging for change outside a strip club.
43
00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:53,162
Well, at least you'll have a dog.
44
00:02:53,249 --> 00:02:55,160
Here we are. All right, Mikey?
45
00:02:56,289 --> 00:02:58,041
Good.
46
00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:01,759
(# Sings)
47
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:06,964
- Sorry. Have I missed something?
- Michael's got a B.
48
00:03:07,049 --> 00:03:09,404
Good. Everyone needs a hobby.
49
00:03:10,569 --> 00:03:13,959
Where are you gonna keep him?
A little matchbox?
50
00:03:14,049 --> 00:03:19,123
If you want any honey, you'll need a few
more. I suppose you can use tiny jars.
51
00:03:19,209 --> 00:03:22,599
- Are you doing this deliberately?
- Sorry, what?
52
00:03:22,689 --> 00:03:28,286
- Michael's got a B in his Maths test.
- Oh. Very good, Michael.
53
00:03:28,369 --> 00:03:30,963
No, Dad. It's very bad.
54
00:03:31,049 --> 00:03:33,643
Well, I was half right.
55
00:03:33,729 --> 00:03:37,438
He's really taking this to heart.
I mean, look at his little face.
56
00:03:39,529 --> 00:03:43,124
- Yup. I'm looking.
- Will you two leave me alone?
57
00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:47,679
Sounds like a father and son moment.
Enjoy.
58
00:03:50,609 --> 00:03:53,407
Well, Mikey, it's not so bad, you know.
59
00:03:53,489 --> 00:03:56,367
When I was at school, I got plenty of Bs.
60
00:03:56,449 --> 00:03:58,405
Exactly.
61
00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:02,402
- The thing is, nobody's perfect.
- Well, it's easy for you to say.
62
00:04:02,489 --> 00:04:05,925
Maybe your expectations are too high.
63
00:04:06,009 --> 00:04:08,967
- What's wrong with aiming high?
- Take my advice.
64
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:14,123
Go into life with low expectations.
Then you're never disappointed.
65
00:04:14,209 --> 00:04:16,769
Dad, you're always disappointed.
66
00:04:17,889 --> 00:04:19,925
Course, it never works.
67
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:24,719
There you go again.
Ha. High expectations.
68
00:04:29,009 --> 00:04:33,446
- I've been thinking about what you said.
- Oh, yes.
69
00:04:33,529 --> 00:04:36,566
About it being great to have a hobby.
70
00:04:36,649 --> 00:04:38,640
When did I say that?
71
00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:41,926
When you thought
Michael had taken up beekeeping.
72
00:04:42,009 --> 00:04:45,319
But one,
Michael is not taking up beekeeping,
73
00:04:45,409 --> 00:04:49,482
and two, I'm not doing
whatever it is you're working towards.
74
00:04:50,889 --> 00:04:54,359
- Evening classes.
- That was quick. Good night.
75
00:04:54,449 --> 00:04:56,883
I fancy dance lessons.
76
00:04:56,969 --> 00:05:00,928
I fancy Halle Berry but neither of us
are going to get what we want.
77
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:05,400
Roger's taking them,
even though he dances like Fred Astaire.
78
00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:08,128
And he dresses like Noel Edmonds.
79
00:05:08,209 --> 00:05:10,962
He's not exactly a role model,
is he, Roger?
80
00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:14,803
lt'll be something to do when the kids
have left home and we're alone.
81
00:05:14,889 --> 00:05:19,440
We are never going to be alone.
You keep inviting people into the house.
82
00:05:19,529 --> 00:05:23,124
First there's Abi, then Roger.
He spends more time here than I do.
83
00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:25,484
- He cheers me up.
- And I don't, I suppose?
84
00:05:28,849 --> 00:05:33,286
So, dance classes.
It's good exercise, it's fun, it's creative.
85
00:05:33,369 --> 00:05:34,688
I don't dance.
86
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:39,285
- It's a natural expression of joy.
- That's why I don't dance.
87
00:05:39,369 --> 00:05:42,122
You don't like dance.
Let's think of something else.
88
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,769
- French.
- Oh, dear...
89
00:05:44,849 --> 00:05:47,409
Basic Accountancy.
90
00:05:47,489 --> 00:05:51,767
Semaphore. Cornish For Businessmen.
91
00:05:53,169 --> 00:05:56,366
- What?
- It's a boom county.
92
00:05:56,449 --> 00:05:58,041
No.
93
00:05:58,129 --> 00:06:02,805
- I know. What about wine tasting?
- Now you're talking. Oh, yes.
94
00:06:02,889 --> 00:06:06,962
- My specialist subject. What wines?
- Chardonnay, Sauvignon.
95
00:06:07,049 --> 00:06:10,928
- They do one grape a week.
- Complete the course, you get a bunch.
96
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,598
So funny. Good night.
97
00:06:20,969 --> 00:06:24,723
- So, shall I sign us up?
- Yeah, good idea, yeah.
98
00:06:24,809 --> 00:06:28,245
Complete the course and get a bunch.
99
00:06:29,129 --> 00:06:31,768
(Ben) That's so funny...
100
00:06:36,489 --> 00:06:41,483
- That must be the teacher.
- You sign us up and I'll get stuck in.
101
00:06:44,409 --> 00:06:47,367
- Good evening.
- Ah. Good evening.
102
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:50,486
- Are you here for modern Latin dance?
- Shh!
103
00:06:50,569 --> 00:06:52,560
Sorry?
104
00:06:52,649 --> 00:06:57,359
- Yes, that's right. Ben and Susan Harper.
- Ah. Ah, yes.
105
00:06:57,449 --> 00:07:01,078
So, have you ever... danced before?
106
00:07:01,169 --> 00:07:04,844
Of course.
I nearly auditioned for the Royal Ballet.
107
00:07:05,889 --> 00:07:08,198
Too tall.
108
00:07:08,289 --> 00:07:12,521
- And, er... your husband?
- Too short.
109
00:07:12,609 --> 00:07:17,285
As I say, I like a nice Cabernet,
or even a Shiraz,
110
00:07:17,369 --> 00:07:20,679
although I'm not averse
to a nice Sauvignon Blanc.
111
00:07:20,769 --> 00:07:23,841
Oh, yeah. Goes down a treat, mm?
(Smacks lips)
112
00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:25,885
What about you?
113
00:07:25,969 --> 00:07:30,008
We do like a glass of wine
with our dinner.
114
00:07:30,089 --> 00:07:33,081
Well, I love the New World wines myself.
115
00:07:33,169 --> 00:07:36,479
I like the New Zealand
and the Australian. Oh-oh-oh...
116
00:07:36,569 --> 00:07:38,924
Love 'em all. Ha-ha-ha!
117
00:07:39,009 --> 00:07:43,207
Anyway, bring on the booze.
That's what I say. Hey, hide the car keys.
118
00:07:47,889 --> 00:07:53,282
OK. Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to your first class.
119
00:07:53,369 --> 00:07:58,397
Now, normally, I like to start
with a little demonstration just for fun.
120
00:07:58,489 --> 00:08:00,207
(Laughs)
121
00:08:00,289 --> 00:08:03,247
So I need one volunteer, please.
122
00:08:03,329 --> 00:08:05,524
Yeah, yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, yeah.
123
00:08:07,049 --> 00:08:09,165
- So, er... Ben?
- That's right.
124
00:08:09,249 --> 00:08:12,207
OK. Do you have a favourite style?
125
00:08:12,289 --> 00:08:15,759
Er... Yeah, yeah. I like something
with a kick but a good finish.
126
00:08:15,849 --> 00:08:18,602
Ah. Well, you've come to the right place.
127
00:08:18,689 --> 00:08:21,362
- Yeah, don't I know it?
- OK.
128
00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:23,963
You stand so, I stand so.
129
00:08:24,049 --> 00:08:26,517
This is a dance class, isn't it?
130
00:08:31,529 --> 00:08:34,202
(# Salsa music)
131
00:08:37,289 --> 00:08:40,201
♪ One, two, one, two, cha-cha-cha ♪
132
00:08:40,289 --> 00:08:41,438
One...
133
00:08:41,529 --> 00:08:44,043
Stop laughing, please. I'm losing count.
134
00:08:44,129 --> 00:08:45,960
It's only one and two.
135
00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:49,359
How long did you think
you could string me along?
136
00:08:49,449 --> 00:08:52,168
Not half as long as I did.
137
00:08:54,209 --> 00:08:58,088
- Will you stop trying to lead?
- Well, somebody has to.
138
00:08:58,169 --> 00:09:02,321
- One, two, cha-cha-cha...
- Ow. You did that on purpose.
139
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,798
You shouldn't have such big feet.
140
00:09:04,889 --> 00:09:07,198
- What are you doing?
- The cha-cha.
141
00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:10,167
- It is caca.
- That's right. It's her fault.
142
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:13,685
Look what I have to work with.
It's like dancing with Pinocchio.
143
00:09:13,769 --> 00:09:17,603
Maybe you might be better
if you change partners.
144
00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:20,806
- Don't say it.
- We can deal with this next week.
145
00:09:20,889 --> 00:09:23,608
Next week? Really?
I'm not coming back, I'm afraid.
146
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:27,568
Wait, wait. At the end of the month,
we have a dance contest.
147
00:09:27,649 --> 00:09:30,561
- Oh, really? How nice for you.
- No, really.
148
00:09:30,649 --> 00:09:34,437
If you carry on coming to the lessons,
perhaps you can enter.
149
00:09:34,529 --> 00:09:38,761
You're a natural. You have a raw talent.
150
00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:41,443
Thank you. That's very nice of you.
151
00:09:42,329 --> 00:09:45,366
- Oh, and you, Susan.
- Yes?
152
00:09:45,449 --> 00:09:47,167
I'll see you next week.
153
00:10:03,609 --> 00:10:05,088
Look, Ben, I'm sorry.
154
00:10:06,049 --> 00:10:07,448
Sorry. What?
155
00:10:07,529 --> 00:10:13,320
Sorry I made you go to that stupid dance
class. It was a rotten trick. I apologise.
156
00:10:13,409 --> 00:10:16,207
It wasn't stupid. I'm really getting into it.
157
00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:19,326
- You're trying to humour me.
- I can't and I wouldn't.
158
00:10:19,409 --> 00:10:25,279
Look, you heard what Maria said.
She said I was a natural with raw talent.
159
00:10:25,369 --> 00:10:27,564
So naive.
160
00:10:27,649 --> 00:10:31,085
- What?
- She just fancied you.
161
00:10:31,169 --> 00:10:33,364
Really? Oh.
162
00:10:33,449 --> 00:10:37,283
Well, I'm a natural with raw talent
and Maria fancies me.
163
00:10:37,369 --> 00:10:42,045
But don't you worry.
She said she'd see you next week.
164
00:10:43,649 --> 00:10:47,039
Doesn't it bother you that she said
we don't work well together?
165
00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:51,122
- You say that all the time.
- But now it's gone public.
166
00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:55,327
Hey, come on, come on.
Let's prove 'em wrong. Come here.
167
00:10:55,409 --> 00:10:58,446
(Kisses cha-cha-cha rhythm)
168
00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:02,366
- You realise we're never going back?
- Susan, please.
169
00:11:02,449 --> 00:11:06,078
For the first time in my life,
I've found something I'm good at,
170
00:11:06,169 --> 00:11:09,081
something that makes me happy.
171
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,444
You'll get over it.
172
00:11:11,529 --> 00:11:15,238
It's just a fad, like your beer-making kit.
173
00:11:15,329 --> 00:11:18,958
- It was good, that beer.
- We had to spread it on toast.
174
00:11:20,449 --> 00:11:25,125
Look. We tried dancing.
It was fun, but I don't think it's for us.
175
00:11:25,209 --> 00:11:29,600
What about the competition?
Maria said I was a dead cert to win.
176
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:33,887
- She said perhaps you should enter.
- Yes, that's what she said.
177
00:11:33,969 --> 00:11:38,485
But you know what Latin Americans
are like. Masters of the understatement.
178
00:11:38,569 --> 00:11:42,528
Try this for an understatement.
No more classes.
179
00:11:42,609 --> 00:11:48,081
Oh, I know what it is. You can't stand
the idea of me being better than you are.
180
00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:51,047
Nonsense. I'm only thinking of you.
181
00:11:51,129 --> 00:11:54,041
I don't want you to be disappointed
when you find out.
182
00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:57,405
- Find out what?
- That you're not better. I am.
183
00:11:57,489 --> 00:12:00,799
- We'll see about that.
- Oh, really?
184
00:12:04,249 --> 00:12:06,809
(# Salsa music through headphones)
185
00:12:13,769 --> 00:12:16,488
Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad.
186
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,764
How was your dance class?
187
00:12:18,849 --> 00:12:21,966
What's the matter with him?
He's engaging with us.
188
00:12:22,049 --> 00:12:25,246
I haven't seen you this happy
since you discovered calculus.
189
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:30,005
I've found the answer to my grades
slipping. I think too much about girls.
190
00:12:30,089 --> 00:12:34,844
It's a simple biochemical problem. Boys
of my age are slaves to their hormones
191
00:12:34,929 --> 00:12:39,207
so all I need to do is stop thinking
about girls, and bingo, A's all the way.
192
00:12:39,289 --> 00:12:42,008
- Ah. You think that'll work?
- Of course.
193
00:12:42,089 --> 00:12:44,683
It's just a matter of willpower and, er...
194
00:12:44,769 --> 00:12:46,999
You're not helping.
195
00:12:49,609 --> 00:12:53,648
Well, much as I've enjoyed
playing agony uncle,
196
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:56,562
my part-time job as dentist calls.
197
00:12:56,649 --> 00:12:59,880
- Don't let's part on an argument.
- I didn't think we were.
198
00:12:59,969 --> 00:13:05,123
I've been thinking about the dance
classes. I suppose we could carry on.
199
00:13:05,209 --> 00:13:07,120
Really?
200
00:13:07,209 --> 00:13:11,282
I mean, who cares who wins or loses?
It's just for fun.
201
00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:14,600
You are so right. It is. It's just for fun.
202
00:13:14,689 --> 00:13:17,362
- That's right.
- It's fun.
203
00:13:20,609 --> 00:13:23,123
But I'm going to win.
204
00:13:23,209 --> 00:13:25,643
(# Merengue music)
205
00:13:31,289 --> 00:13:33,962
(# Tango music)
206
00:13:34,049 --> 00:13:36,768
Two... three... four...
207
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:40,888
Oh, damn this music.
It's always half a beat behind.
208
00:13:48,809 --> 00:13:51,801
Hello. Teaching yourself to dance?
209
00:13:51,889 --> 00:13:54,119
No. Just had a bad prawn.
210
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:57,884
Oh, that dry wit.
You'll kill me one of these days.
211
00:13:57,969 --> 00:13:59,960
That's the plan.
212
00:14:00,049 --> 00:14:02,609
This is all your fault, you know.
213
00:14:02,689 --> 00:14:06,125
I'm really sorry. Why?
214
00:14:06,209 --> 00:14:10,964
You brought this dance fever into
my house. How come you can dance?
215
00:14:11,049 --> 00:14:13,563
- I did a bit in my youth.
- Really?
216
00:14:13,649 --> 00:14:16,561
Yes. Mother used to send me
to ballet classes.
217
00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:20,722
- Doesn't surprise me.
- I used to do some Latin dance as well.
218
00:14:20,809 --> 00:14:23,482
- Perhaps I could...
- Give me a few tips?
219
00:14:23,569 --> 00:14:25,321
Borrow that CD. It's great.
220
00:14:25,409 --> 00:14:29,846
No, no. I need it
for my... dance... competition.
221
00:14:29,929 --> 00:14:32,727
I've cancelled all my patients
this afternoon.
222
00:14:32,809 --> 00:14:34,242
Serious stuff, eh?
223
00:14:34,329 --> 00:14:37,605
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't let Susan beat me.
224
00:14:37,689 --> 00:14:41,159
Yeah. She's so damn competitive.
225
00:14:41,249 --> 00:14:44,924
- Well, perhaps I could...
- Show me a few steps?
226
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,000
Have a cup of tea. I'm parched.
227
00:14:47,089 --> 00:14:51,605
Look, Roger. I'm...
I'm asking... for your help.
228
00:14:51,689 --> 00:14:55,364
I am trying to make it look as if I'm not,
but I am.
229
00:14:55,449 --> 00:14:58,805
I thought I'd never say this, but Rog...
230
00:15:00,529 --> 00:15:02,281
I need you.
231
00:15:04,809 --> 00:15:09,837
Very well, but, er... you have
to give me something in return.
232
00:15:10,769 --> 00:15:12,919
What is it?
233
00:15:13,009 --> 00:15:16,285
- Cup of tea.
- OK, OK. Deal.
234
00:15:16,369 --> 00:15:20,726
- But first teach me how to tango, yeah?
- The Tango Argentino.
235
00:15:20,809 --> 00:15:23,721
- Yeah.
- Hand, so.
236
00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:25,959
- Yeah.
- Head, so.
237
00:15:26,049 --> 00:15:28,722
- Hey.
- Don't fight it.
238
00:15:28,809 --> 00:15:33,678
And... Forward, forward, forward,
side, stop.
239
00:15:33,769 --> 00:15:37,842
Forward, forward, forward, forward, stop.
240
00:15:37,929 --> 00:15:40,204
And... hook.
241
00:15:40,289 --> 00:15:43,281
I've rescheduled Mrs...
242
00:15:43,369 --> 00:15:46,884
He, er... He said he'd give me
a cup of tea.
243
00:15:53,769 --> 00:15:55,725
What's that?
244
00:15:55,809 --> 00:15:59,358
A list of foods to cut out of my diet
cos they increase libido.
245
00:15:59,449 --> 00:16:03,078
Michael, you're 16.
Breathing increases your libido.
246
00:16:03,169 --> 00:16:07,606
Nonetheless, I plan to chemically
castrate myself until after my GCSEs.
247
00:16:07,689 --> 00:16:11,841
Why can't you collect stamps
like other boys?
248
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:16,081
First of all, no red foods like tomatoes,
beef and red peppers.
249
00:16:16,169 --> 00:16:18,524
They promote a surfeit of yang energy.
250
00:16:18,609 --> 00:16:21,726
Then there are prawns, oysters,
asparagus, figs, mangoes,
251
00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:24,448
oh, and lobster, rhubarb and swede.
252
00:16:24,529 --> 00:16:27,168
Bang goes my casserole.
253
00:16:27,249 --> 00:16:31,162
- Yoo-hoo.
- Roger. What a surprise.
254
00:16:31,249 --> 00:16:33,205
What are you doing here?
255
00:16:33,289 --> 00:16:36,998
- You phoned me up and told me to...
- Shh!
256
00:16:37,089 --> 00:16:40,923
- You don't have to whisper. I don't care.
- He's a scamp.
257
00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:43,239
You take after your father.
258
00:16:44,609 --> 00:16:47,043
That I heard.
259
00:16:49,849 --> 00:16:53,125
Roger. Rog, Rog, Rog, Rog...
260
00:16:53,209 --> 00:16:54,847
Rog, Rog, Rog...
261
00:16:54,929 --> 00:16:58,558
There's a little dance competition
at the end of the month
262
00:16:58,649 --> 00:17:01,800
and I was wondering
if you could teach me...
263
00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:03,845
I mean, who cares about winning...
264
00:17:03,929 --> 00:17:05,647
a few killer steps.
265
00:17:05,729 --> 00:17:11,679
How funny.
Ben just asked me the same thing.
266
00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:16,206
Oh, I love you two as a couple.
You're so in tune with each other.
267
00:17:16,289 --> 00:17:19,998
That two-faced lizard.
We agreed this was just for fun.
268
00:17:20,089 --> 00:17:22,842
He was having a laugh
thinking about beating you.
269
00:17:22,929 --> 00:17:25,602
Did you teach him anything special?
270
00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:30,240
Oh, yes.
I taught him the Tango Argentino.
271
00:17:30,329 --> 00:17:32,524
- He's a natural.
- Shut up.
272
00:17:32,609 --> 00:17:36,397
- Sorry, but he's as lithe as an eel.
- Teach the dance to me.
273
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,445
- I couldn't.
- Why not?
274
00:17:38,529 --> 00:17:40,520
It's the dance of love.
275
00:17:40,609 --> 00:17:43,760
- You taught it to Ben.
- Yes, but he's a man.
276
00:17:47,249 --> 00:17:49,683
OK. We've got to do one better.
277
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,806
There is nothing better
than the Tango Argentino.
278
00:17:52,889 --> 00:17:56,848
- I know. You've got to be my partner.
- (Whimpers)
279
00:17:56,929 --> 00:18:01,081
- What?
- If I'm your partner, you'll definitely win.
280
00:18:01,169 --> 00:18:06,038
- I'll be betraying my mentor.
- Yes, but I'm your gateway to Abi.
281
00:18:07,969 --> 00:18:12,042
Oh, dear. What to do. What to do.
282
00:18:12,129 --> 00:18:13,562
Just do it!
283
00:18:15,449 --> 00:18:17,087
OK.
284
00:18:18,529 --> 00:18:20,281
(Door shuts)
285
00:18:22,689 --> 00:18:24,805
(# Hums tune)
286
00:18:24,889 --> 00:18:28,802
- Hello, dear.
- Hello, darling. You missed the class.
287
00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:32,643
- My feet were too tired.
- Oh, really? From what?
288
00:18:32,729 --> 00:18:34,799
A tour.
289
00:18:34,889 --> 00:18:37,357
- A really long tour.
- Mmm...
290
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:40,247
The East End, the West End.
291
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:42,843
Southend.
292
00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:45,318
I walked and walked.
293
00:18:45,409 --> 00:18:49,402
I've had a wonderful day.
Roger didn't turn up again.
294
00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:52,561
Probably taken the caravan
to Broadstairs.
295
00:18:52,649 --> 00:18:54,958
My new assistant, unlike the former,
296
00:18:55,049 --> 00:18:57,563
walks upright
and has opposable thumbs.
297
00:18:57,649 --> 00:19:00,527
And the dance class tonight
was so brilliant.
298
00:19:00,609 --> 00:19:02,565
Oh! I dominated.
299
00:19:02,649 --> 00:19:06,244
That's nice, dear. You're good at that.
300
00:19:06,329 --> 00:19:08,559
- Aren't you worried?
- About what?
301
00:19:08,649 --> 00:19:12,005
You won't get enough practice.
You've lost your partner.
302
00:19:12,089 --> 00:19:16,241
- I'll find someone else.
- The only one left is Batista Dominguez.
303
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:21,039
- Oh, he's lovely. He'll do.
- Batista Dominguez? He's 84.
304
00:19:21,129 --> 00:19:24,280
He's a passionate
and considerate dancer.
305
00:19:24,369 --> 00:19:28,681
- He danced in the Spanish Civil War.
- Oh, yeah? Which side?
306
00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:33,923
Republican, of course. After you, I vowed
never to dance with another fascist.
307
00:19:35,929 --> 00:19:39,922
Susan, this dance competition
is very important.
308
00:19:40,009 --> 00:19:43,365
- I thought it was supposed to be fun.
- Well, it's meant to be fun
309
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:47,203
but it's gonna be no fun thrashing you
if you don't even try.
310
00:19:49,849 --> 00:19:52,363
You smell like a dentist's surgery.
311
00:19:52,449 --> 00:19:55,646
You do say the sweetest things.
312
00:19:55,729 --> 00:20:00,519
Hang on. That's Micron Extra Number 2.
I use Micron Extra Number 4.
313
00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:05,406
Roger hasn't been in Broadstairs,
has he?
314
00:20:05,489 --> 00:20:07,957
He's been here teaching you to dance.
315
00:20:08,049 --> 00:20:10,847
You mean when he's not at the surgery
teaching you?
316
00:20:10,929 --> 00:20:14,638
Well, that's beside the point.
317
00:20:14,729 --> 00:20:18,608
Oh, no. He didn't teach you
the Tango Argentino?
318
00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:20,486
Last week. Ha!
319
00:20:20,569 --> 00:20:24,528
Susan, how could you? This class was
meant to be something we did together.
320
00:20:24,609 --> 00:20:27,760
- Now we're both doing it with Roger.
- Ironic, isn't it?
321
00:20:27,849 --> 00:20:31,762
Look, this has got to stop, OK? Neither
of us is going to dance with Roger.
322
00:20:31,849 --> 00:20:36,843
That might be difficult. Roger's going
to be my partner in the competition.
323
00:20:38,849 --> 00:20:41,727
Buenas noches, señor.
324
00:20:54,009 --> 00:20:55,965
Are you still up?
325
00:20:56,049 --> 00:21:00,201
No, I'm in the other room
sleeping like a baby.
326
00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:04,801
Well, I can't sleep either.
327
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:08,598
- Do you wanna know why?
- No.
328
00:21:08,689 --> 00:21:12,238
If time goes forward
because the universe is expanding,
329
00:21:12,329 --> 00:21:14,968
what's gonna happen
in a contracting universe?
330
00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:20,407
I mean, if time goes backwards,
do we start our lives off being really old
331
00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:24,402
and then end up
getting sucked back into our mothers?
332
00:21:32,529 --> 00:21:35,646
We never gave you a rent book, did we?
333
00:21:37,369 --> 00:21:39,121
Abi?
334
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:44,648
Do you dance?
335
00:21:44,729 --> 00:21:47,562
- I can type.
- That'll do.
336
00:21:53,249 --> 00:21:57,845
Oh, Roger. Thank God you're here.
We have to go over the merengue again.
337
00:21:57,929 --> 00:22:01,001
- No, we don't, Susan.
- Yes, yes, we do.
338
00:22:01,089 --> 00:22:04,684
No, Susan. The time for practice is over.
339
00:22:04,769 --> 00:22:07,602
Just let yourself go.
340
00:22:07,689 --> 00:22:10,078
Roger, I never let anything go.
341
00:22:10,169 --> 00:22:12,239
You can't overthink things.
342
00:22:12,329 --> 00:22:17,483
If you have to think of something,
think, "I am a feather".
343
00:22:17,569 --> 00:22:20,163
Feathers don't kick butt.
344
00:22:20,249 --> 00:22:27,200
No. You are a feather and I am the wind.
345
00:22:27,289 --> 00:22:30,599
Let me sweep you along.
346
00:22:31,449 --> 00:22:34,805
As long as I'm here,
everything will be fine.
347
00:22:37,929 --> 00:22:40,284
Oh, my God...
348
00:22:40,369 --> 00:22:44,840
- OK, where's the food?
- Abi, not yet. We're making an entrance.
349
00:22:46,169 --> 00:22:48,637
All right. I mean, where's the food?
350
00:22:49,929 --> 00:22:53,604
- Oh, my God.
- OK, Roger. Just... just concentrate.
351
00:22:53,689 --> 00:22:55,839
Remember you're my wind.
352
00:22:59,049 --> 00:23:01,005
Ah. Maria.
353
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:04,161
Huh? What do you think?
354
00:23:04,249 --> 00:23:07,047
Er... Very nice, Mr Harper.
355
00:23:07,129 --> 00:23:11,122
I know. Would you believe it? My son...
This'll make you laugh.
356
00:23:11,209 --> 00:23:13,769
My son said I look like a Cuban pimp.
357
00:23:13,849 --> 00:23:15,885
No, not Cuban.
358
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:20,366
- Oh, hello, darling.
- What the hell are you doing?
359
00:23:20,449 --> 00:23:24,840
What? Oh, Abi?
She wanted to come, so I brought her.
360
00:23:24,929 --> 00:23:27,648
You brought her to lure away my partner.
361
00:23:27,729 --> 00:23:31,438
(Chuckles) What are you gonna do
without your ringer?
362
00:23:31,529 --> 00:23:34,441
What are you going to do
without your ding-a-ling?
363
00:23:34,529 --> 00:23:38,124
This is like a... a dream come true.
364
00:23:39,049 --> 00:23:41,847
It's just a sausage.
365
00:23:41,929 --> 00:23:45,046
No, no. The fact that you are here.
366
00:23:45,129 --> 00:23:48,565
- Hello, Susan.
- Hello, Jezebel.
367
00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:54,803
- What do you think you're doing?
- I got the courage to ask Abi to dance.
368
00:23:54,889 --> 00:23:57,562
Well, whoop-dee-doo. What about me?
369
00:23:57,649 --> 00:23:59,605
Oh, you're right.
370
00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:03,728
Thank you, Susan.
This is all down to you.
371
00:24:11,049 --> 00:24:12,448
(Mouths)
372
00:24:12,529 --> 00:24:15,919
Ah, Mrs Gleeves. Shall we show them
what we've learnt?
373
00:24:16,009 --> 00:24:21,288
Oh. Now you notice me. We've been
dance partners for three weeks.
374
00:24:21,369 --> 00:24:26,966
You don't call, you forget my birthday,
and now you show up with that bimbo.
375
00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,483
I didn't bring her for me. It's for him.
376
00:24:29,569 --> 00:24:32,037
- That's why you're dressed like a...
- Please.
377
00:24:32,129 --> 00:24:34,848
She's not my partner,
she's my cousin's daughter.
378
00:24:34,929 --> 00:24:40,287
Oh, I've heard that one before. Now she's
gone and you're skulking back to me.
379
00:24:40,369 --> 00:24:43,122
You're a user, just like my husband.
380
00:24:43,209 --> 00:24:46,326
You're a nutcase, just like my wife.
381
00:24:47,409 --> 00:24:53,598
OK, ladies and gentlemen. Places,
please. Let's begin with merengue.
382
00:24:54,449 --> 00:24:56,565
(# Merengue music)
383
00:25:00,769 --> 00:25:03,442
Come on, Susan. We'll be disqualified.
384
00:25:03,529 --> 00:25:08,557
- Roger's gonna win anyway.
- Susan, please. Susan. Hey. Come here.
385
00:25:08,649 --> 00:25:13,962
I just wanted to win something for once
in my life. This was my one chance.
386
00:25:14,049 --> 00:25:17,086
- Susan? Darling?
- What?
387
00:25:17,169 --> 00:25:19,729
We can win this together.
388
00:25:21,609 --> 00:25:22,644
You think?
389
00:25:24,969 --> 00:25:26,561
(Both) Nah.
390
00:25:30,089 --> 00:25:33,764
- I knew you'd come crawling back.
- I've had a lot of experience.
391
00:25:38,289 --> 00:25:41,884
- Aren't we supposed to be moving?
- I am.
392
00:25:43,769 --> 00:25:47,398
- My wife's quite good, isn't she?
- Not good enough.
393
00:25:47,489 --> 00:25:51,368
I can't wait to see the look on her face
when we crush her.
394
00:25:51,449 --> 00:25:54,759
- Yeah.
- Tango.
395
00:25:54,849 --> 00:25:58,239
Tango Argentino.
396
00:26:03,129 --> 00:26:05,279
- Ow! Ow!
- Sorry. Sorry.
397
00:26:09,049 --> 00:26:11,119
Sorry. I'm sorry.
398
00:26:17,769 --> 00:26:20,283
Probably hasn't had his drink yet.
399
00:26:23,089 --> 00:26:26,445
Come on, Ben.
Careful you don't trip over the mat.
400
00:26:26,529 --> 00:26:30,044
Oh, that... that is so funny!
401
00:26:30,129 --> 00:26:33,246
- Aren't you going to congratulate me?
- What? Again?
402
00:26:33,329 --> 00:26:37,686
- I just like hearing it.
- Congratulations, for the fifth time.
403
00:26:37,769 --> 00:26:42,604
Thank you. Thank you, thank you,
thank you. Oh, thank you.
404
00:26:42,689 --> 00:26:45,078
(Susan) Come on. One more time.
405
00:26:46,929 --> 00:26:52,640
- I knew that'd be a complete disaster.
- We did win in the novelty section.
406
00:26:52,729 --> 00:26:55,641
Oh, yeah. The coveted golden hoof.
407
00:26:56,529 --> 00:27:00,204
Ben, it looks like you're the only one
who didn't win anything.
408
00:27:00,289 --> 00:27:04,282
Now, if there was a trophy
for the best costume...
409
00:27:05,609 --> 00:27:11,206
I've had it with this. I've had it, Susan.
I could have won this competition, OK?
410
00:27:11,289 --> 00:27:14,520
I am a fantastic dancer. Tell her, Roger.
411
00:27:14,609 --> 00:27:17,407
Right. Abi, you've got lovely hair.
412
00:27:18,609 --> 00:27:21,043
Oh, Ben. We all know you tried.
413
00:27:21,129 --> 00:27:24,087
I did. I tried. I really tried to lose it
414
00:27:24,169 --> 00:27:27,605
because I knew you'd be insufferable
if you lost.
415
00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:30,920
Well, now you're being insufferable
now you've won.
416
00:27:31,009 --> 00:27:35,639
I've got nothing to lose, have I?
Just watch this, OK?
417
00:27:35,729 --> 00:27:37,799
(# Tango music)
418
00:27:55,089 --> 00:27:57,683
- Anyone for cake?
- Did you make it?
419
00:27:57,769 --> 00:28:00,567
- No, it's shop-bought.
- Sounds yummy.
420
00:28:00,649 --> 00:28:02,879
Yeah. I'll have some then.
421
00:28:07,689 --> 00:28:10,328
Do you think he's finished yet?
422
00:28:28,009 --> 00:28:31,001
Anyone seen that beer-making kit?
34347
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