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1
00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:20,016
Come on, Susan.
Shouldn't you be on your way by now?
2
00:00:20,097 --> 00:00:25,615
I'm taking Janey leftovers from
last night. Her favourite. Kipper balls.
3
00:00:26,537 --> 00:00:29,290
Aren't they the reason she left
in the first place?
4
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:34,815
- You're saying that so you'll get them.
- No, I'm really not.
5
00:00:34,897 --> 00:00:37,092
It's OK. Kipper balls don't travel.
6
00:00:37,177 --> 00:00:39,896
Believe me, they travelled well last night.
7
00:00:39,977 --> 00:00:44,528
It'll be great seeing Janey. We'll do some
real bonding, mother and daughter.
8
00:00:44,617 --> 00:00:49,611
Yup. I'm sure you'll do in two days what
you've never managed in 18 years.
9
00:00:49,697 --> 00:00:54,373
- I'll miss your wit.
- It'll be waiting when you come home.
10
00:00:54,457 --> 00:01:00,692
It'll be fun being back at university
again. Protest marches, all-night parties.
11
00:01:00,777 --> 00:01:03,416
- Wild sex.
- What?
12
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:07,376
Just seeing if you're listening.
Do you have any plans?
13
00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:08,606
No.
14
00:01:08,697 --> 00:01:11,006
Then you have time for a few jobs.
15
00:01:11,097 --> 00:01:14,772
- See you Sunday, then.
- Scrape the oven, de-grease the hood,
16
00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:17,769
get the hair out of the plugs,
and a few other things.
17
00:01:17,857 --> 00:01:21,930
- No problem. If I remember.
- No, no. No worries. I've made you a list.
18
00:01:22,017 --> 00:01:24,850
I've broken it up
into three colour-coded parts.
19
00:01:24,937 --> 00:01:29,453
Red is kitchen, green is bathroom
and brown is waste disposal.
20
00:01:29,537 --> 00:01:32,097
It's not a list, it's a policy statement.
21
00:01:32,177 --> 00:01:35,135
- Will you miss me?
- How can I if you don't leave?
22
00:01:36,817 --> 00:01:40,332
- OK. I can take a hint.
- Take the basket and off you go.
23
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:43,966
I'll get the door for you.
Come on, darling. Bye-bye.
24
00:01:44,057 --> 00:01:46,287
Have a lovely weekend.
25
00:01:48,737 --> 00:01:51,376
Dad, could you sign something for me?
26
00:01:51,457 --> 00:01:54,255
I'm playing golf with Gerald
and I'm already late.
27
00:01:54,337 --> 00:01:57,568
- What's funny?
- Isn't he the 90-year-old blind guy?
28
00:01:57,657 --> 00:02:01,366
He's in town once a year and he's
the only bloke I beat, so leave me alone.
29
00:02:01,457 --> 00:02:04,130
- He's not that blind.
- This is important.
30
00:02:04,217 --> 00:02:08,449
I can't be considered for the trip
to Greece without your signature.
31
00:02:08,537 --> 00:02:10,528
All right. Fine, fine.
32
00:02:10,617 --> 00:02:16,249
458 quid? I'm not paying that
for you just to enjoy yourself.
33
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:19,409
- You'd pay if I was gonna be miserable.
- Like a shot.
34
00:02:19,497 --> 00:02:24,048
- Well, I hope Gerald kicks your arse.
- He can't. He's got arthritis.
35
00:02:24,137 --> 00:02:29,165
I feel like I've spent all night on the
bathroom floor with my head wedged.
36
00:02:29,257 --> 00:02:32,215
- Where have you been?
- I've just told you.
37
00:02:32,297 --> 00:02:35,095
That was the best party ever.
38
00:02:35,177 --> 00:02:38,567
(Yawns) I'm going to have
a little lie down now, though.
39
00:02:38,657 --> 00:02:42,286
I don't know. Susan doesn't tidy up.
She just hides things.
40
00:02:42,377 --> 00:02:43,890
Ooh!
41
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:49,527
Is it morning?
42
00:02:55,537 --> 00:02:57,971
Should I run you down to Casualty?
43
00:02:58,057 --> 00:03:03,734
Since you arrived, I'm there so often
I'm chipping in for staff birthdays.
44
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:08,845
You know, when you twist an ankle,
it sometimes helps if you twist it back.
45
00:03:08,937 --> 00:03:11,735
- Shall I have a go for you?
- No!
46
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:15,526
I've got Brussels.
I'm not afraid to use them.
47
00:03:15,617 --> 00:03:19,815
- That's the pain talking.
- No, you're the pain talking.
48
00:03:19,897 --> 00:03:23,287
- Dad, are you busy?
- Yes, Michael. I'm playing golf.
49
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:27,495
I'm on the 15th green about to tee off.
Of course I'm not, you twit.
50
00:03:27,577 --> 00:03:32,367
Your dad's touchy. He hurt his ankle.
He's in no mood to talk right now.
51
00:03:32,457 --> 00:03:33,572
Go away.
52
00:03:33,657 --> 00:03:36,808
Mum said to always get you
when you're at your weakest.
53
00:03:36,897 --> 00:03:39,650
Pass the phone.
I want to tell Gerald the game's on.
54
00:03:39,737 --> 00:03:42,729
- Anything for you.
- This ankle's not gonna stop me.
55
00:03:42,817 --> 00:03:48,414
- First, this trip to Greece is important.
- Forget it. You don't even do Classics.
56
00:03:48,497 --> 00:03:54,493
But Natalie Harrison does. We visit ruins,
go to tavernas. Swimming.
57
00:03:54,577 --> 00:03:56,374
Topless beaches.
58
00:03:56,457 --> 00:03:58,925
You have more money than I do.
59
00:03:59,017 --> 00:04:02,373
- If you invest it properly.
- Why don't you wait till I'm dead
60
00:04:02,457 --> 00:04:05,255
like a normal grasping relative?
61
00:04:13,937 --> 00:04:17,213
All right, Dad? Michael.
62
00:04:20,297 --> 00:04:22,811
Where's that little red number?
63
00:04:22,897 --> 00:04:25,127
She didn't take it, did she?
64
00:04:25,217 --> 00:04:26,775
Ah, yes. Heh-heh-heh!
65
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:31,134
What the hell are you doing?
66
00:04:31,217 --> 00:04:33,526
I'm a female impersonator.
67
00:04:33,617 --> 00:04:37,371
Ah. Why don't you try impersonating
a normal human being?
68
00:04:37,457 --> 00:04:40,733
Nah, it's been done.
Pretty good, though, eh?
69
00:04:40,817 --> 00:04:43,251
Would you like to feel them?
70
00:04:44,177 --> 00:04:48,136
What about you, Michael?
You know you're desperate.
71
00:04:48,217 --> 00:04:51,812
You're disgusting, you pervert.
Just keep away.
72
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,693
You are gonna have to
pay for that child's therapy.
73
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:05,534
Not a problem. I'll be raking it in. I've got
three spots a week at the Cherry Vanilla.
74
00:05:05,617 --> 00:05:08,575
40 quid a night
and all the Campari I can drink.
75
00:05:11,057 --> 00:05:13,207
So which is my colour?
76
00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:16,892
- How about black and blue?
- Oh, you kinky man.
77
00:05:16,977 --> 00:05:19,127
Now. Where's her jewellery?
78
00:05:19,217 --> 00:05:21,412
Oi, you're not nicking her jewellery.
79
00:05:21,497 --> 00:05:25,376
I wouldn't have to
if you ever bought me any of my own.
80
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:30,372
That's why I've always had to depend
on the kindness of strangers.
81
00:05:32,577 --> 00:05:34,090
Yeah, I can't wait either.
82
00:05:34,177 --> 00:05:38,011
- (Knock on door)
- Yeah, see you tonight, Tom. Bye.
83
00:05:40,057 --> 00:05:42,013
Mum!
84
00:05:42,097 --> 00:05:44,452
- What are you doing here?
- You invited me.
85
00:05:44,537 --> 00:05:47,370
I didn't. I said if you really have to come.
86
00:05:47,457 --> 00:05:50,255
- We agreed. The 12th.
- Did I?
87
00:05:50,337 --> 00:05:53,090
Cos next week would be so much better.
88
00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:57,056
- I thought you were going to Leeds.
- I... am.
89
00:05:57,137 --> 00:06:00,846
Oh, that's a pity.
Because I brought your letters.
90
00:06:00,937 --> 00:06:03,292
One feels like a credit card.
91
00:06:03,377 --> 00:06:04,651
Ooh...
92
00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:11,852
The room looks lovely.
Are these plants supposed to be dead?
93
00:06:11,937 --> 00:06:15,293
This isn't a credit card.
It's an appeal from Oxfam.
94
00:06:15,377 --> 00:06:17,766
Oops! God...
95
00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:21,054
Well, as long as I'm here,
where do I sleep?
96
00:06:21,137 --> 00:06:24,209
- At home.
- Oh, I've missed our jousting.
97
00:06:24,297 --> 00:06:26,174
Oh...
98
00:06:29,057 --> 00:06:31,571
Yes. Gerald Dearden.
99
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:34,888
Yeah. We were meant to play golf
this morning.
100
00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:39,050
Elderly gentleman.
Thick glasses. Falls asleep a lot.
101
00:06:40,097 --> 00:06:43,214
Well, wake him
and tell him to ring me at home.
102
00:06:45,097 --> 00:06:47,327
So, how are you feeling?
103
00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:49,692
Now you're here, worse.
104
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:53,656
I got you this for your foot.
It'll make you all better.
105
00:06:56,057 --> 00:06:58,935
Aaahh! Oh, my God, that's hot!
106
00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:03,009
- That's because it's chicken soup.
- Eh?
107
00:07:04,097 --> 00:07:05,974
What?
108
00:07:08,217 --> 00:07:10,777
You said it was for my foot.
109
00:07:10,857 --> 00:07:13,132
It is, but only if you eat it.
110
00:07:13,217 --> 00:07:16,050
How am I supposed
to bloody eat it now?
111
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:19,925
Oh, you're right. You need a spoon.
I'll be back in a jiff.
112
00:07:22,537 --> 00:07:24,175
Hello, Dad.
113
00:07:24,257 --> 00:07:28,853
Greece is that way. If you start walking
now, you can catch up with your mates.
114
00:07:28,937 --> 00:07:32,213
I don't think you've given this
proper consideration.
115
00:07:33,257 --> 00:07:34,406
Oh, God...
116
00:07:43,537 --> 00:07:47,052
Michael? Can you see my VPL?
117
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:51,414
I'm not looking. If I do, I'll go blind.
118
00:07:52,577 --> 00:07:55,569
Dad. How do I look?
119
00:07:56,497 --> 00:07:59,853
Like a drunken sailor's last resort.
120
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:04,010
Great. I slave away night and day
trying to look pretty for you.
121
00:08:04,097 --> 00:08:06,930
And this is what I get. Brilliant.
122
00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:09,292
Huh. Men...
123
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:14,567
Nick, who do you think you are,
Sharon Stone?
124
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,611
I've got nothing to hide.
125
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,533
Oh, yes you have.
126
00:08:21,617 --> 00:08:24,256
And it's winking right at me.
127
00:08:25,777 --> 00:08:30,567
- Ooh. That looks good.
- No, Nick, leave it. Nick, the...
128
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:37,856
Mmm. Delicious. What's in it? Cheese?
129
00:08:41,737 --> 00:08:45,650
- Are you still here?
- I've got you a video to pass the time.
130
00:08:45,737 --> 00:08:47,693
- What is it?
- Misery.
131
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,850
It's a man trapped in a room and
tormented until he does what he's told.
132
00:08:51,937 --> 00:08:56,089
Let's go to the bit where he gets his feet
smashed for refusing to cooperate.
133
00:08:56,177 --> 00:08:58,133
(Phone rings)
134
00:08:58,217 --> 00:09:01,926
Yeah? Gerald, Gerald, yeah...
Of course it's still on.
135
00:09:02,017 --> 00:09:06,249
Yeah. Come on. It's only a friendly
no-one's-keeping-score.
136
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:10,330
Yeah. See you in the pub for a drink first,
yeah? Right.
137
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,329
I'm gonna crush him. Ha-ha-ha!
138
00:09:13,417 --> 00:09:16,136
You're not going anywhere
until you cooperate.
139
00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:18,173
- What?
- Enjoy the film.
140
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:21,806
Michael. Michael, what are you doing?
Michael! Come here!
141
00:09:21,897 --> 00:09:25,333
Michael,
put this door knob back on now.
142
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:30,092
- Not till you sign.
- You put it on this instant or...
143
00:09:30,177 --> 00:09:34,648
- Or what? You'll not play golf?
- Fine. Fine. All right.
144
00:09:36,217 --> 00:09:39,175
- What do you want me to do?
- Just sign by the crosses.
145
00:09:43,937 --> 00:09:46,576
Hang on. I've just signed two cheques.
146
00:09:46,657 --> 00:09:50,445
One's for next time. I'm not
putting myself through this again.
147
00:09:50,537 --> 00:09:54,132
Oh, no. You've suffered enough.
148
00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:57,493
- Thanks, Dad. I'm your number one fan.
- Great.
149
00:09:57,577 --> 00:10:00,410
Put the door knob back on, Michael.
150
00:10:01,937 --> 00:10:04,246
Mikey-Mikey-Mikey?
151
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:07,856
You put on the little door knob.
152
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:11,006
Michael!
153
00:10:11,097 --> 00:10:14,487
Look. You can't stay here.
There's no room.
154
00:10:14,577 --> 00:10:17,774
- That's no problem. I'll just...
- Find a hotel?
155
00:10:17,857 --> 00:10:22,135
- Use this.
- Parents can't stay in hall.
156
00:10:22,217 --> 00:10:25,607
Tell them I'm your hip sister
who's crashing here.
157
00:10:25,697 --> 00:10:30,612
No one can stay. You need permission
from the head of faculty and the dean.
158
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:35,725
Oh, Janey. It's not crashing if you have
to have permission from the dean.
159
00:10:35,817 --> 00:10:39,810
Besides, this'll just be like old times.
160
00:10:40,817 --> 00:10:45,333
We drink coffee into the small hours,
discussing politics, love, philosophy.
161
00:10:45,417 --> 00:10:49,171
- Things have changed.
- They haven't changed that much.
162
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:52,249
I've packed my lava lamp.
163
00:10:52,337 --> 00:10:56,853
Mum, this is my life, not a '60s weekend
at a university theme park.
164
00:10:56,937 --> 00:11:02,216
I've got this essay crisis so I'm going to
be working all the time, non-stop.
165
00:11:02,297 --> 00:11:04,970
Rubbish. It won't take a minute
on that laptop.
166
00:11:05,057 --> 00:11:08,333
When I was a student,
we had to write everything longhand.
167
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:10,567
Yes, I know. With a quill.
168
00:11:12,217 --> 00:11:14,970
That's cool. You work.
169
00:11:15,057 --> 00:11:17,093
Everything's mellow.
170
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,533
- Thanks, dude.
- You do your thing, I'll do my thing.
171
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:23,450
Can your thing be somewhere else?
172
00:11:23,537 --> 00:11:25,653
(Phone)
173
00:11:25,737 --> 00:11:28,535
I can't talk now. I'm studying.
174
00:11:28,617 --> 00:11:32,610
Why are you laughing?
Eight o'clock. Bye.
175
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:38,089
- I didn't know you played.
- I don't. It's a sort of test.
176
00:11:38,177 --> 00:11:41,772
If a guy comes in and starts playing it,
I dump him.
177
00:11:41,857 --> 00:11:44,246
♪ If I had a hammer ♪
178
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:49,172
You and me both. You might have had
chill-out time in your day. We don't.
179
00:11:49,257 --> 00:11:53,170
- Of course you do.
- We're studying to repay student loans.
180
00:11:53,257 --> 00:11:56,408
Student loans? Good.
You're planning to pay us back.
181
00:11:56,497 --> 00:11:59,091
It's just a figure of speech.
182
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:03,170
You're right, you're right.
This is your scene.
183
00:12:05,817 --> 00:12:08,809
When I was a student,
we were trying to change the world.
184
00:12:08,897 --> 00:12:13,527
- It doesn't need changing any more.
- Oh, no. You're right. I forgot.
185
00:12:13,617 --> 00:12:18,247
The world is perfect. If we'd known
there'd be a Starbucks on every corner,
186
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:20,897
we could have saved a lot of marching.
187
00:12:20,977 --> 00:12:22,695
Exactly.
188
00:12:22,777 --> 00:12:27,771
OK, OK. You stay here.
I'll go and grab myself a bite to eat.
189
00:12:27,857 --> 00:12:30,815
Oh. I'll come with you.
190
00:12:30,897 --> 00:12:34,333
- Stay here. You have to study.
- I haven't seen you in so long.
191
00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:39,696
Besides, there's this new Pacific Rim
place. It's pricey, but it does fusion stuff.
192
00:12:39,777 --> 00:12:44,168
No, even better. Let's do
the campus canteen. I'll bring the guitar.
193
00:12:50,897 --> 00:12:54,970
- There you go, Gerald.
- So, you've hurt your ankle.
194
00:12:55,057 --> 00:12:57,969
That gives you a real handicap.
195
00:12:58,057 --> 00:13:00,810
We'll see when we tee off, yeah?
196
00:13:00,897 --> 00:13:05,573
- Have I got time to have a drink?
- Of course. Drink as much as you want.
197
00:13:05,657 --> 00:13:07,488
It's only a friendly game.
198
00:13:07,577 --> 00:13:13,015
- What if we double the stakes?
- You're taking advantage. Triple it.
199
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,133
Hello, handsome.
200
00:13:19,217 --> 00:13:21,936
Go away.
201
00:13:22,017 --> 00:13:26,613
No, I mean it. I've come to apologise
for what I did to you in the bedroom.
202
00:13:26,697 --> 00:13:28,016
Whey-hey!
203
00:13:28,097 --> 00:13:32,966
Is this your lovely wife, Harper?
I don't think we've met before.
204
00:13:33,057 --> 00:13:35,730
- Charmed.
- No, this is not my wife.
205
00:13:35,817 --> 00:13:39,207
Ooh! While the cat's away,
the mouse will play.
206
00:13:39,297 --> 00:13:43,131
- Go for it!
- Shut up. It's not what it looks like.
207
00:13:43,217 --> 00:13:47,688
- Won't you buy a drink for the lady?
- I will when I see one.
208
00:13:47,777 --> 00:13:53,568
Oh, please, Ben, don't look away.
I'll do anything you want. Anything.
209
00:13:53,657 --> 00:13:58,253
- Then piss off.
- Harper! Language!
210
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:02,615
It's all right. I'm used to it.
I miss you, Ben.
211
00:14:02,697 --> 00:14:04,574
Ahhh!
212
00:14:04,657 --> 00:14:08,889
And the twins keep asking
why Daddy don't come round no more.
213
00:14:08,977 --> 00:14:11,252
- You have twins?
- Yes.
214
00:14:11,337 --> 00:14:14,409
- Nick!
- That's the boy, and Nickolina.
215
00:14:15,497 --> 00:14:18,807
Don't punish them, Ben. Punish me.
216
00:14:18,897 --> 00:14:20,376
OK.
217
00:14:22,377 --> 00:14:26,006
Oi! You can't hit a lady like that!
218
00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:29,055
It's not her fault she's pug ugly!
219
00:14:29,137 --> 00:14:31,173
Pug ugly?
220
00:14:35,937 --> 00:14:40,249
This looks ooh... interesting.
221
00:14:42,137 --> 00:14:44,776
Where do those bananas come from?
222
00:14:44,857 --> 00:14:47,929
- The basket?
- Janey, you're at university now.
223
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:51,771
I know where I am. You don't have to
keep saying "You're at university".
224
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:57,614
Good point. When one is at university,
every choice one makes is political.
225
00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,655
- Can I get to the till, please?
- Is that your lunch?
226
00:15:00,737 --> 00:15:04,173
- Three carrots?
- Today's my birthday.
227
00:15:04,257 --> 00:15:09,411
You have to have more than that. You're
all skin and bones. You look anorexic.
228
00:15:09,497 --> 00:15:11,488
(Sobs)
229
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:15,536
- What's wrong with her?
- She's anorexic.
230
00:15:15,617 --> 00:15:18,814
If she ate something,
she wouldn't be so touchy.
231
00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:21,969
- Good afternoon.
- Mmm...
232
00:15:22,057 --> 00:15:24,173
The minestrone looks delicious.
233
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,612
It's vegetable lasagne.
234
00:15:28,657 --> 00:15:31,933
- And what's that?
- Shepherds pie.
235
00:15:32,017 --> 00:15:36,568
- Are the potatoes locally grown?
- I hope not. This is Manchester.
236
00:15:36,657 --> 00:15:40,093
Will you hurry up, please?
I'm starving. I've got a lecture.
237
00:15:40,177 --> 00:15:45,012
Don't feel hassled by bourgeois students
whose parents are picking up the bill.
238
00:15:45,097 --> 00:15:49,170
I'm feeling hassled by the pain
in the arse in front of me. Next.
239
00:15:49,257 --> 00:15:52,647
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Not next. I know my rights.
240
00:15:52,737 --> 00:15:58,733
I'll stand here until I'm served properly.
We used to call it passive resistance.
241
00:16:04,577 --> 00:16:07,455
Which is now active annoyance.
242
00:16:18,017 --> 00:16:21,168
Ugly, they called me. Pug ugly.
243
00:16:21,257 --> 00:16:27,127
I think pugs are cute with their squashed
faces and their little black tongues.
244
00:16:27,217 --> 00:16:30,527
I suppose I'm just too damn manly.
245
00:16:30,617 --> 00:16:33,256
No. Just weird.
246
00:16:34,257 --> 00:16:38,694
I'm never gonna make it at the Cherry
Vanilla if I can't even fool three drunks.
247
00:16:38,777 --> 00:16:42,895
Well, I did fool one,
but I don't wanna talk about it.
248
00:16:44,657 --> 00:16:47,376
Maybe it's your five o'clock shadow.
249
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:52,531
No, no. I shaved all over, believe me.
I've got razor burns on my bikini line.
250
00:16:52,617 --> 00:16:54,608
Ask Dad.
251
00:16:54,697 --> 00:17:00,010
- You need something more heavy duty.
- Like what? A Strimmer?
252
00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:03,089
- I know. Wax.
- You think that'll work?
253
00:17:03,177 --> 00:17:06,010
- Yeah, it works all the time.
- Oh, OK.
254
00:17:07,217 --> 00:17:09,936
No, not that kind of wax.
255
00:17:12,217 --> 00:17:14,094
What?
256
00:17:15,297 --> 00:17:18,414
Wow! That was so great!
257
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:22,615
- I feel so alive!
- Funny, I wish I was dead.
258
00:17:22,697 --> 00:17:24,813
You seem a little tense.
259
00:17:24,897 --> 00:17:27,013
Me? Why would I be tense?
260
00:17:27,097 --> 00:17:30,612
I know. My mother started a food fight
in the canteen.
261
00:17:30,697 --> 00:17:34,576
I didn't start it. But I finished it.
262
00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:37,091
Ooh. My mum, Dirty Carrie.
263
00:17:37,177 --> 00:17:39,771
So, what's next?
264
00:17:39,857 --> 00:17:43,133
Spray-paint the library, egg the dean?
265
00:17:43,217 --> 00:17:45,777
A sit-in at the cosmetics factory?
266
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:51,215
There is no way I'm protesting against
a company making long-lash mascara.
267
00:17:51,297 --> 00:17:54,255
All right, Janey. I tried.
268
00:17:54,337 --> 00:17:57,056
If you won't go with me,
I'll go on my own.
269
00:17:57,137 --> 00:18:01,130
You will?
So I'll have the evening completely free?
270
00:18:01,217 --> 00:18:04,812
- To work?
- I think I'll go and have a shower first.
271
00:18:04,897 --> 00:18:08,970
- I didn't think hippies washed.
- Ah, I was never hardcore.
272
00:18:11,697 --> 00:18:15,326
Did I tell you about my hip replacement?
273
00:18:15,417 --> 00:18:17,726
No, not recently.
274
00:18:17,817 --> 00:18:22,891
- I really think it's improved my game.
- Well, woop-dee-doo.
275
00:18:26,097 --> 00:18:30,090
Mmm... Wind's blowing from the left.
276
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:33,852
- That still won't help your score.
- I have a bad foot.
277
00:18:33,937 --> 00:18:37,327
I haven't had time to replace it yet.
278
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:45,535
Where have you been hiding
that lovely ginger gal of yours?
279
00:18:45,617 --> 00:18:49,610
She's not mine and she's not lovely.
280
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,731
Well, I think she's a real smasher.
281
00:18:53,817 --> 00:18:56,854
They say beauty
is in the eye of the beholder.
282
00:18:56,937 --> 00:19:00,134
Fortunately for you,
you're as blind as a bat.
283
00:19:00,217 --> 00:19:03,209
- Do you mind if I get on with it?
- Fine, fine.
284
00:19:04,257 --> 00:19:07,852
- Five quid says you slice it.
- You're on.
285
00:19:09,577 --> 00:19:12,330
- Oh. Whoops.
- That's one stroke.
286
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:15,966
- That wasn't even a swing.
- Rules are rules. You advanced the ball.
287
00:19:16,057 --> 00:19:18,491
- An inch.
- At least it went straight.
288
00:19:18,577 --> 00:19:23,856
Oh, right. You wanna play that way?
Good. OK. The gloves are off.
289
00:19:25,057 --> 00:19:26,888
- That's two.
- What?
290
00:19:26,977 --> 00:19:31,687
- You improved your lie.
- I didn't slice it. You owe me five quid.
291
00:19:31,777 --> 00:19:35,895
Take that off
what you owe me for the past 12 holes.
292
00:19:43,937 --> 00:19:45,848
(Clears throat)
293
00:19:45,937 --> 00:19:51,967
Hard cheese. That's three strokes. You'll
have to do a hole-in-one to make par.
294
00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,935
Just watch this, Gerald.
295
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,129
Try these.
296
00:20:31,417 --> 00:20:34,727
♪ Baby love, oh, baby love
297
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:38,935
♪ I need you,
oh, how I need you, love
298
00:20:39,017 --> 00:20:42,327
♪ But all you do is treat me bad
299
00:20:42,417 --> 00:20:45,568
♪ Break my heart and leave me sad ♪
300
00:20:45,657 --> 00:20:49,411
♪ You never close your eyes
any more
301
00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:52,887
♪ When I kiss your lips
302
00:20:52,977 --> 00:20:57,448
♪ And there's no tenderness
like before
303
00:20:57,537 --> 00:21:00,927
♪ In your fingertips ♪
304
00:21:01,017 --> 00:21:04,373
♪ Vindaloo, vindaloo
305
00:21:04,457 --> 00:21:08,291
♪ Vindaloo, vindaloo, nah-nah ♪
306
00:21:08,377 --> 00:21:11,528
- Great song, that.
- (Husky voice) Yeah, mate.
307
00:21:11,617 --> 00:21:15,007
(Student) I forgot my shampoo.
You got any spare?
308
00:21:15,097 --> 00:21:18,134
Only peach and apple blossom.
309
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:21,645
Cheers. Who is it in there?
310
00:21:21,737 --> 00:21:25,207
- It's Arnie.
- What course are you on, Arnie?
311
00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:30,886
Sports Science with Mechanical
Engineering and Truck Maintenance.
312
00:21:30,977 --> 00:21:34,765
I've got a big date tonight.
Janey Harper. Do you know her?
313
00:21:34,857 --> 00:21:38,293
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know Janey.
314
00:21:38,377 --> 00:21:41,050
Yeah. Who doesn't, right?
315
00:21:41,137 --> 00:21:44,493
What did you say? I had soap in my ear.
316
00:21:44,577 --> 00:21:48,286
- I hear she's really hot.
- That's not what I heard.
317
00:21:48,377 --> 00:21:53,087
She acts like that,
but she's really into commitment,
318
00:21:53,177 --> 00:21:55,691
husbands, babies.
319
00:21:55,777 --> 00:22:00,692
- And spoiling our fun.
- That's all right. I can break a thing off.
320
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:04,167
If her mother
doesn't break your thing off first.
321
00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:06,566
- What?
- I said...
322
00:22:06,657 --> 00:22:10,809
Make sure you play her the guitar.
She'll like that.
323
00:22:10,897 --> 00:22:14,890
- Wicked. Have you got any soap?
- Yeah.
324
00:22:16,017 --> 00:22:19,054
Whoops. Yeah, these first years...
Aaahhh!
325
00:22:24,737 --> 00:22:27,535
- You all right?
- (Groans)
326
00:22:31,457 --> 00:22:33,652
Oh, my God.
327
00:22:33,737 --> 00:22:36,535
Mum, what's taking you so long?
328
00:22:37,137 --> 00:22:40,652
Tom? Mum? What are you doing?
329
00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:43,733
I don't think he's right for you.
330
00:22:50,697 --> 00:22:54,246
Well, that was easy. Now what?
331
00:22:54,337 --> 00:22:56,646
- Now we just pull it off.
- Yeah?
332
00:22:58,337 --> 00:22:59,292
Ow.
333
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:02,574
Come on. One clean yank
and it'll peel off like a plaster.
334
00:23:02,657 --> 00:23:07,253
- You've done this before, have you?
- Well, not on a face.
335
00:23:07,937 --> 00:23:09,768
Aaaahh!
336
00:23:13,297 --> 00:23:17,415
- See? See? We got a whisker.
- The rest of that is skin.
337
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:20,375
- Don't be such a wuss. Come on.
- Don't touch me.
338
00:23:20,457 --> 00:23:23,335
OK. So we've learnt
that wax doesn't work.
339
00:23:23,417 --> 00:23:25,885
How am I gonna go out like this?
340
00:23:25,977 --> 00:23:28,366
- Chisel it with a nail file?
- No.
341
00:23:28,457 --> 00:23:31,688
- Submerge your head in bleach?
- No.
342
00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:34,337
I know. I know.
343
00:23:34,417 --> 00:23:36,726
We just melt it.
344
00:23:40,657 --> 00:23:43,091
Now you're making sense.
345
00:23:45,137 --> 00:23:46,411
(Groans)
346
00:23:52,537 --> 00:23:54,255
(Ben yelps)
347
00:23:55,057 --> 00:23:57,730
Oh...
348
00:24:01,377 --> 00:24:03,208
Eurgh...
349
00:24:03,297 --> 00:24:05,857
So how was your golf game?
350
00:24:05,937 --> 00:24:08,929
Did you beat your crumbly friend?
351
00:24:09,017 --> 00:24:12,168
Golf isn't about winning or losing.
352
00:24:12,257 --> 00:24:14,691
Besides, I've got a bad foot.
353
00:24:14,777 --> 00:24:18,929
It was dark and... he's got a new hip.
354
00:24:19,017 --> 00:24:21,929
- How much did you lose by?
- Is that my ice cream?
355
00:24:22,017 --> 00:24:25,089
- Hasn't got your name on it.
- Yes, it has. Ben.
356
00:24:27,497 --> 00:24:30,330
Then I'll just eat Jerry's half.
357
00:24:30,417 --> 00:24:33,966
I think it's at the bottom.
I just have to get to it.
358
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:35,695
Hi.
359
00:24:36,857 --> 00:24:38,973
Oh, lovely.
360
00:24:39,057 --> 00:24:41,890
Wedge your head behind a toilet again?
361
00:24:41,977 --> 00:24:46,368
No. Nick made me stand in for him
at the Cherry Vanilla.
362
00:24:47,937 --> 00:24:52,169
- Oh. I bet that was a hot ticket.
- So how did we do?
363
00:24:52,257 --> 00:24:55,966
Well, let's see. I went on at nine.
It's now 9:30.
364
00:24:56,057 --> 00:25:00,494
They said I'll never make it as a female
impersonator. I'm not convincing.
365
00:25:02,337 --> 00:25:07,331
I knew it. Never send a woman to do
a man impersonating a woman's job.
366
00:25:08,097 --> 00:25:10,452
Give me back my breasts.
367
00:25:10,537 --> 00:25:12,846
(Ben) Oh, just look at you.
368
00:25:12,937 --> 00:25:18,455
I guess there's never gonna be
a successful drag artist in this family.
369
00:25:18,537 --> 00:25:20,493
Or a successful golfer.
370
00:25:20,577 --> 00:25:24,252
- How much did you lose by?
- It was a temporary setback.
371
00:25:24,337 --> 00:25:27,454
Me and Gerald
have got another match tomorrow
372
00:25:27,537 --> 00:25:31,086
and this time I'm really gonna beat him.
373
00:25:31,177 --> 00:25:33,372
Why? Did he die?
374
00:25:34,657 --> 00:25:37,729
No. We're playing squash.
375
00:25:38,417 --> 00:25:40,248
(Crunch)
376
00:25:40,337 --> 00:25:43,534
Oh... Aaah!
377
00:25:52,257 --> 00:25:54,930
You're not right-handed, are you?
378
00:26:08,657 --> 00:26:10,773
- Hi.
- Hi.
379
00:26:12,137 --> 00:26:14,651
- How was your trip?
- Wonderful.
380
00:26:14,737 --> 00:26:17,854
We had such fun.
381
00:26:20,177 --> 00:26:23,135
I met her ex-boyfriend.
382
00:26:24,537 --> 00:26:27,973
Janey and I just talked and talked.
383
00:26:28,057 --> 00:26:30,890
- Yeah. I heard.
- What do you mean?
384
00:26:30,977 --> 00:26:32,968
I had a phone call from the dean.
385
00:26:33,057 --> 00:26:38,848
Oh, and Janey,
and the parents of someone called Tom.
386
00:26:42,417 --> 00:26:47,093
University didn't make me feel young
at all. Just very, very old.
387
00:26:47,177 --> 00:26:50,374
I know, I know. Truth always hurts.
388
00:26:52,137 --> 00:26:57,370
You were sent home in disgrace. That's
more than you managed as a student.
389
00:26:58,697 --> 00:27:03,327
- Narrow escape.
- Ah-ah-ah. Careful. My wrist.
390
00:27:03,417 --> 00:27:07,205
- What happened?
- It got hurt when I cleaned the cooker.
391
00:27:10,497 --> 00:27:12,453
- Really?
- It's a shame.
392
00:27:12,537 --> 00:27:15,529
I couldn't get through
as much housework as I wanted.
393
00:27:15,617 --> 00:27:19,656
Right... What happened to my dress?
394
00:27:19,737 --> 00:27:23,969
Yeah. Nick was wearing it when
I was trying to strangle him in the pub.
395
00:27:25,937 --> 00:27:31,807
I was a bit tense. Michael had taken
all the door knobs and held me captive.
396
00:27:34,537 --> 00:27:38,166
And then Abi burnt my foot in the... soup.
397
00:27:43,777 --> 00:27:46,655
You know, I think I prefer it when you lie.
32676
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