Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:16,139 --> 00:00:21,008
I know a lot of you are thinking that
periodonture can be a boring subject,
2
00:00:21,099 --> 00:00:25,172
but, in fact, I'm here to tell you
that it can be very... very...
3
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,854
M-M-Michael,
what's a hip word for "hip"?
4
00:00:28,939 --> 00:00:31,612
There is no hip word for "hip".
5
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:34,452
"Hip" hasn't been hip for years.
6
00:00:34,539 --> 00:00:37,178
Yo, I'm jiggy with it.
7
00:00:37,779 --> 00:00:39,849
I told you to stop watching MTV.
8
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,692
You were more fun
before you could speak.
9
00:00:42,779 --> 00:00:45,168
I'm trying to spice up this speech
I'm giving
10
00:00:45,259 --> 00:00:48,012
to the Central London
Dental Association.
11
00:00:48,099 --> 00:00:52,456
OK? And my subject
is Teeth As Fashion. Hah!
12
00:00:52,539 --> 00:00:54,973
Should be a gas.
13
00:00:55,059 --> 00:00:56,651
Yeeh!
14
00:00:58,619 --> 00:01:01,736
Gas. You get that? You get it?
Nitrous oxide?
15
00:01:03,219 --> 00:01:05,449
OK. Won't use that, then.
16
00:01:05,539 --> 00:01:09,088
Be of good cheer!
For in this place born will He be,
17
00:01:09,179 --> 00:01:13,013
that shall save us from
sorrow's sear, both even and morn.
18
00:01:13,099 --> 00:01:16,614
Sir, wit ye well. The time is near.
He will be born.
19
00:01:17,459 --> 00:01:19,814
You're not pregnant, are you?
20
00:01:19,899 --> 00:01:23,778
The community theatre is doing the
mystery plays. I'm auditioning for Mary.
21
00:01:23,859 --> 00:01:26,327
Just to be clear, you're not up the duff?
22
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:29,252
Ben, you have
no appreciation for the arts.
23
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:33,014
- I love Jackie Chan.
- Martial arts don't count.
24
00:01:33,099 --> 00:01:35,454
Would ye like toast with thy cereal?
25
00:01:35,539 --> 00:01:38,531
I'm begging you,
send me to boarding school.
26
00:01:38,619 --> 00:01:39,847
OK.
27
00:01:41,179 --> 00:01:44,808
And how about more coffee
for ye, gruff innkeeper?
28
00:01:44,899 --> 00:01:47,015
Oh, thanks, lusty wench.
29
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,090
- Ow!
- When will you get that tooth seen to?
30
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:57,014
It's fine. It's just sensitive
to hot and cold and... lukewarm.
31
00:01:58,459 --> 00:02:00,051
And air.
32
00:02:00,139 --> 00:02:03,449
You're being such a baby
about seeing the dentist.
33
00:02:03,539 --> 00:02:07,737
Other dentists don't have
my people skills and gentle touch.
34
00:02:07,819 --> 00:02:12,290
Other dentists don't start
their checkups with, "Is it safe?"
35
00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:15,576
So, you plan to spend
the rest of your life in pain?
36
00:02:15,659 --> 00:02:17,854
Worked for me so far.
37
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,055
Anyone seen the keys to our car?
38
00:02:26,139 --> 00:02:29,290
It is not our car. It is my car.
39
00:02:30,499 --> 00:02:33,650
Fine. Anyone seen the keys to "my car"?
40
00:02:35,699 --> 00:02:37,178
Forget it.
41
00:02:37,259 --> 00:02:39,853
- Remember last time you borrowed it?
- I got lost.
42
00:02:39,939 --> 00:02:43,978
What? You ended up in Pamplona
for the running of the bulls!
43
00:02:44,059 --> 00:02:47,938
- All the tyres were gored.
- Can I help it if the car is red?
44
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:54,254
- I need it to get to a job interview.
- What? Oh, God! Here are the keys.
45
00:02:54,339 --> 00:02:57,729
Great. It's for a senior
accounts manager at a bank.
46
00:02:57,819 --> 00:03:00,174
That's wonderful, Nick.
47
00:03:00,259 --> 00:03:02,215
It's not our bank, is it?
48
00:03:02,299 --> 00:03:04,608
Why would a bank even consider you?
49
00:03:04,699 --> 00:03:09,329
Because of my last job, running
a financial planning department.
50
00:03:09,419 --> 00:03:12,729
Nick, your last job was at Pizza Hut.
51
00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:15,094
Yeah, but they don't know that.
52
00:03:15,179 --> 00:03:19,058
- What time is your interview?
- Three. But I want to be late.
53
00:03:19,139 --> 00:03:22,495
I don't want them to think
I'll be on time every day.
54
00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:25,651
Fine. But could you drop me
at my audition?
55
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:29,732
All right. But you really should
get a car of your own.
56
00:03:29,819 --> 00:03:31,969
Why did we have him?
57
00:03:32,059 --> 00:03:36,928
Because I didn't know that "a quickie"
meant that you'd be that fast.
58
00:03:40,299 --> 00:03:42,335
(# Pop on radio)
59
00:03:43,939 --> 00:03:48,330
- May I help you?
- I'd like a lemon poppy-seed muffin.
60
00:03:48,419 --> 00:03:50,489
Oh. This is the last one.
61
00:03:52,419 --> 00:03:54,057
Half price.
62
00:03:58,499 --> 00:04:01,969
- How's the new job?
- Great. All the muffins I can eat.
63
00:04:02,059 --> 00:04:03,617
- Want one?
- No, thanks.
64
00:04:03,699 --> 00:04:06,657
I've got a date with Sophie.
How do I look?
65
00:04:06,739 --> 00:04:08,730
- Incredible.
- That good, huh?
66
00:04:08,819 --> 00:04:10,889
No. That you actually have a date.
67
00:04:13,619 --> 00:04:17,134
- There she is.
- Who's that with her?
68
00:04:17,219 --> 00:04:19,892
He could be her brother.
69
00:04:21,259 --> 00:04:23,898
- Close family.
- Shut up.
70
00:04:27,619 --> 00:04:30,008
Oh. We'll take two mochaccinos.
71
00:04:30,099 --> 00:04:33,216
It's... it's me, Michael.
72
00:04:33,299 --> 00:04:36,689
- Weren't we meant to be on a date?
- I am on a date.
73
00:04:36,779 --> 00:04:38,656
I meant together.
74
00:04:38,739 --> 00:04:42,209
I thought I called and said
I was seeing someone else.
75
00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:43,698
Nope. You didn't.
76
00:04:48,339 --> 00:04:49,772
So, we still on, then?
77
00:04:58,059 --> 00:05:00,015
Ow. Ow.
78
00:05:00,939 --> 00:05:02,770
Ow!
79
00:05:04,539 --> 00:05:06,609
Ow. Ow. Ow.
80
00:05:06,699 --> 00:05:08,371
(Crowd cheering on TV)
81
00:05:09,659 --> 00:05:11,615
Is that you, Susan?
82
00:05:11,699 --> 00:05:13,929
I am so glad to be home!
83
00:05:14,019 --> 00:05:17,648
I'm so glad you're home, too.
Could you pass the remote?
84
00:05:17,739 --> 00:05:20,094
Nick forgot to pick me up.
85
00:05:20,179 --> 00:05:23,057
I had to get a lift
with the three wise men.
86
00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:25,095
They kept getting lost!
87
00:05:25,179 --> 00:05:26,851
I was watching that.
88
00:05:26,939 --> 00:05:28,611
- I've seen it.
- I haven't.
89
00:05:28,699 --> 00:05:31,293
Do you want to waste your life
in front of the telly
90
00:05:31,379 --> 00:05:34,610
- or talk about my audition?
- Are they mutually exclusive?
91
00:05:34,699 --> 00:05:39,727
I went in cool as a cucumber
and hit them with my best stuff.
92
00:05:39,819 --> 00:05:43,334
I was the most incredible Mary.
93
00:05:43,419 --> 00:05:45,853
I was... maternal.
94
00:05:45,939 --> 00:05:48,851
Long-suffering. Passionate.
95
00:05:48,939 --> 00:05:51,055
Yet full of grace.
96
00:05:51,139 --> 00:05:55,530
By the end, the director was
so mesmerised by my performance...
97
00:05:56,419 --> 00:05:59,092
he sat there, speechless.
98
00:06:02,299 --> 00:06:04,017
Oh.
99
00:06:04,099 --> 00:06:09,457
And then the idiot
gave the part to Julie Radcliffe.
100
00:06:09,539 --> 00:06:11,450
No!
101
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:14,929
Yes! Julie Radcliffe got Mary!
102
00:06:15,939 --> 00:06:21,775
It didn't hurt that she was barely wearing
anything and prancing all over the stage.
103
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:24,214
She may as well
have done a lap dance.
104
00:06:24,299 --> 00:06:27,928
- What part did you get?
- Shepherd number two!
105
00:06:29,099 --> 00:06:34,537
How could that stupid director cast
Julie Radcliffe as the Virgin Mary?
106
00:06:34,619 --> 00:06:36,894
I can act circles around her.
107
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,937
Can you imagine Julie as a virgin?
108
00:06:50,419 --> 00:06:53,411
What about my humiliation
do you find so amusing?
109
00:06:53,499 --> 00:06:55,854
- Susan, Susan. Hey, hey...
- Get...
110
00:06:55,939 --> 00:06:58,692
- You are a wonderful actress.
- No.
111
00:06:58,779 --> 00:07:04,092
Remember after Nick was born, you
swore - and you were so convincing -
112
00:07:04,179 --> 00:07:08,570
you swore to me that we would
never have any more children?
113
00:07:11,179 --> 00:07:13,534
I am good, aren't I?
114
00:07:13,619 --> 00:07:15,894
Hey... you're the best.
115
00:07:17,099 --> 00:07:19,932
- Well, I do have one line.
- Let's hear it.
116
00:07:20,019 --> 00:07:21,975
OK.
117
00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:25,609
Lo, the Saviour has come.
118
00:07:30,739 --> 00:07:33,173
I got goose pimples.
119
00:07:34,899 --> 00:07:39,415
You know, I'm gonna make the best
damn shepherd London's ever seen!
120
00:07:39,499 --> 00:07:41,296
Yes!
121
00:07:42,459 --> 00:07:44,415
Hello.
122
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,972
Oh, my God!
123
00:07:50,939 --> 00:07:53,453
No, Dad, it's me, Nick.
124
00:07:55,459 --> 00:07:58,895
Guess what, Mum.
I got the part of Jesus.
125
00:08:03,339 --> 00:08:06,729
- What?
- I looked for you after the interview,
126
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,014
and I ran into the director.
127
00:08:09,099 --> 00:08:12,978
He said I had the perfect quality
of innocence and naivety.
128
00:08:15,179 --> 00:08:17,898
At first I thought
he was coming on to me.
129
00:08:17,979 --> 00:08:22,097
But then he said I had
to play the lead! It's a miracle.
130
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:26,816
It would have been a miracle
if you'd got the job at the bank.
131
00:08:26,899 --> 00:08:28,457
There must be a mistake.
132
00:08:28,539 --> 00:08:31,372
You don't have the training
for an amateur production.
133
00:08:31,459 --> 00:08:34,929
When I was younger, I played Rum Tum
Tigger at the Theatre in the Park.
134
00:08:35,019 --> 00:08:37,533
It was a car park.
135
00:08:38,459 --> 00:08:41,178
So, let me get this straight.
136
00:08:42,699 --> 00:08:45,975
You got Jesus
and I got shepherd number two?
137
00:08:47,579 --> 00:08:49,331
Yeah.
138
00:08:49,419 --> 00:08:51,171
Cool, huh?
139
00:08:52,539 --> 00:08:54,097
Hey...
140
00:08:54,179 --> 00:08:58,172
You should see the woman
playing my mum. Ding dong!
141
00:09:04,019 --> 00:09:08,171
And so I say to you, throw away your
designer jeans and hip-hop trainers
142
00:09:08,259 --> 00:09:10,215
because, fellow tooth designers,
143
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:12,255
fashions come and go,
just like wives.
144
00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:14,330
Pause for laughter.
145
00:09:15,219 --> 00:09:18,450
Because a beautiful smile
is always in style.
146
00:09:19,739 --> 00:09:21,695
Yes!
147
00:09:21,779 --> 00:09:25,567
- Yes. What d'you think?
- I think I got screwed.
148
00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:28,532
Excuse me?
149
00:09:28,619 --> 00:09:32,168
I got shepherd number two
and I had to listen to your speech.
150
00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:37,970
Susan, shepherd number two is much
better than shepherd... number three.
151
00:09:38,059 --> 00:09:41,335
- There isn't one.
- At least you're not a leper.
152
00:09:41,419 --> 00:09:44,058
The leper has five lines.
153
00:09:44,139 --> 00:09:46,653
Yeah, but no fingers.
154
00:09:46,739 --> 00:09:50,015
There's no point
in trying to cheer me up.
155
00:09:50,099 --> 00:09:53,375
- I'm just a sad little shepherd.
- OK. All right.
156
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:56,690
- I know what'll cheer you up.
- I'm not in the mood.
157
00:09:56,779 --> 00:10:01,216
Come on, fake it. You know,
think of it as acting practice.
158
00:10:02,939 --> 00:10:05,328
D'you think I'm being stupid?
159
00:10:05,419 --> 00:10:07,614
No. No.
160
00:10:08,179 --> 00:10:10,409
No, I think you're being jealous.
161
00:10:10,499 --> 00:10:12,854
Of Julie Radcliffe? Fat chance!
162
00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:15,407
- Not of Julie. Of Nick.
- What?
163
00:10:15,499 --> 00:10:19,811
It's only natural. You go in there
and act your heart out
164
00:10:19,899 --> 00:10:22,459
and come out as shepherd number two.
165
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:27,215
Nick strolls in, scratches his arse
and ends up as the Saviour.
166
00:10:27,299 --> 00:10:30,291
- I'd be jealous.
- I am not jealous.
167
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,815
- If you're not mature enough to say it...
- I'm immature?
168
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:38,336
Who's afraid to go to the dentist?
"Don't make me see the bad man!"
169
00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:41,331
I'm not afraid. I'm just... cautious.
170
00:10:41,419 --> 00:10:44,729
- Fine. And I'm not jealous of Nick.
- Oh.
171
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:50,852
I just came in to remind you
to say your prayers.
172
00:10:54,739 --> 00:10:57,697
I just did and you're still here.
173
00:10:58,579 --> 00:11:01,776
Hey, Mum,
you wanna run lines with me?
174
00:11:01,859 --> 00:11:03,815
Sure.
175
00:11:07,739 --> 00:11:11,618
"Lo, the Saviour has come."
That's it for me.
176
00:11:12,819 --> 00:11:16,812
Hey, Dad, that Jesus
had a really good thing going.
177
00:11:16,899 --> 00:11:19,288
That water into wine thing - genius.
178
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,654
No wonder he was so popular.
179
00:11:21,739 --> 00:11:23,775
He was crucified by the Romans.
180
00:11:23,859 --> 00:11:26,054
What did they have against wine?
181
00:11:26,139 --> 00:11:28,209
It wasn't about the wine!
182
00:11:31,219 --> 00:11:35,849
What I mean was that
there were other reasons involved...
183
00:11:35,939 --> 00:11:38,134
Nick, dear.
184
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,858
That's right. Like they were jealous.
185
00:11:42,139 --> 00:11:46,815
Could you excuse us? We need to have
a little chat about shutting up.
186
00:11:46,899 --> 00:11:51,336
Yeah, all right. I've got
to go and turn some wine into water.
187
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,172
No, no. Don't you mean water into wine?
188
00:11:54,259 --> 00:11:56,409
No.
189
00:11:58,299 --> 00:12:02,577
OK. I'll admit that
I'm a little jealous of Nick
190
00:12:02,659 --> 00:12:06,288
if you'll admit that
you're afraid to go to the dentist.
191
00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:09,257
OK, deal. Come on, then. After three.
192
00:12:09,339 --> 00:12:12,934
- (Both) One, two, three.
- I'm jealous of Ni...
193
00:12:17,059 --> 00:12:19,778
I'm glad you got that off your chest.
194
00:12:28,219 --> 00:12:31,734
- Save me some cereal or else...
- Or else what?
195
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,810
I'll send you to hell.
196
00:12:33,899 --> 00:12:37,938
I live here. You think
hell is a threat to me?
197
00:12:38,019 --> 00:12:39,975
(Hammering)
198
00:12:41,259 --> 00:12:45,218
Shut up!
Take that stupid costume off.
199
00:12:45,299 --> 00:12:49,338
I'm a method actor. When I put
this on I become the Son of God.
200
00:12:49,419 --> 00:12:52,889
Really? You can be his problem
for a while then.
201
00:12:53,859 --> 00:12:57,056
- Good morning.
- (Hammering)
202
00:12:57,139 --> 00:12:59,494
Good morning, Nick, dear.
203
00:13:00,539 --> 00:13:03,531
I thought about
what you said about training.
204
00:13:03,619 --> 00:13:06,656
So I've been brushing up
on my carpentry.
205
00:13:10,259 --> 00:13:13,490
- Oh, it's... it's lovely.
- It's a birdhouse.
206
00:13:14,499 --> 00:13:17,969
Once the birds use it,
they'll never want to leave.
207
00:13:18,059 --> 00:13:20,653
They won't be able to.
They'll be impaled.
208
00:13:20,739 --> 00:13:23,537
Can you handle coffee
with that tooth?
209
00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:25,291
My tooth is fine.
210
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,777
- Ow.
- What was that?
211
00:13:27,859 --> 00:13:30,657
- Michael.
- Agh! Agh...
212
00:13:30,739 --> 00:13:35,255
- See?
- You're getting that tooth fixed.
213
00:13:35,339 --> 00:13:38,297
- Allow me to heal it.
- No. Get off!
214
00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:41,530
You're not touching my tooth.
215
00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:44,008
Oh, ye of little faith.
216
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,815
Oh. Let me top you up.
217
00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:51,288
No, I'm trying to cut down on caffeine.
218
00:13:51,379 --> 00:13:55,167
- I'll make you some decaf.
- Susan, my tooth is fine.
219
00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:57,978
- Prove it.
- OK, watch. Look.
220
00:14:02,739 --> 00:14:04,491
See? S...
221
00:14:04,579 --> 00:14:06,535
It's no...
222
00:14:07,699 --> 00:14:11,897
- Good. Let me give you some more.
- I'll see a dentist, OK?
223
00:14:11,979 --> 00:14:16,928
Why don't you see your old mentor,
Roger Bailey? You trust him.
224
00:14:17,019 --> 00:14:19,169
You've already made the appointment.
225
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,057
- Yes.
- So why the coffee torture?
226
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:24,699
Well, I enjoyed it.
227
00:14:28,779 --> 00:14:30,735
Oops.
228
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,769
What's he got that I haven't?
229
00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:38,815
Well, for one thing, Sophie.
230
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,607
You asked.
231
00:14:41,699 --> 00:14:47,137
Give me a double-shot espresso and
cafe mocha chaser with skimmed milk.
232
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:50,529
- Hello, stick boy.
- What are you doing here?
233
00:14:50,619 --> 00:14:54,897
I'm back for a party. But don't
tell Mum and Dad you saw me.
234
00:14:54,979 --> 00:14:59,177
Don't look now. That guy over there
keeps waving at me.
235
00:15:01,139 --> 00:15:03,528
Maybe he wants you to take his order.
236
00:15:03,619 --> 00:15:05,450
Oh.
237
00:15:07,579 --> 00:15:10,889
- You look like you just got dumped.
- I did.
238
00:15:10,979 --> 00:15:15,575
- See that girl over there?
- The one with the really cute guy?
239
00:15:15,659 --> 00:15:18,571
You're not helping.
240
00:15:18,659 --> 00:15:20,934
She doesn't even know I'm alive.
241
00:15:22,499 --> 00:15:25,377
First you've gotta
get her to notice you.
242
00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:26,812
How?
243
00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:29,971
I usually sleep with
their best friend.
244
00:15:30,619 --> 00:15:32,928
Her best friend's her pony.
245
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,249
You've got to make her jealous.
246
00:15:36,339 --> 00:15:39,888
OK? Just find a girl
to pretend she likes you.
247
00:15:39,979 --> 00:15:42,777
Or in your case, pay her.
248
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:49,415
Abi, would you pretend
to be my girlfriend?
249
00:15:50,259 --> 00:15:53,695
- That is disgusting.
- Why? Because we're related?
250
00:15:53,779 --> 00:15:56,213
No. Cos you're a geek.
251
00:15:57,499 --> 00:16:00,252
Right this way, Mr Harper.
252
00:16:00,339 --> 00:16:02,614
Mr Harper?
253
00:16:02,699 --> 00:16:04,655
Trippy troppy.
254
00:16:06,739 --> 00:16:10,015
Welcome to our little tooth factory.
255
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:13,887
Who are you? What? You're not Roger.
Where's Roger? Roger deals with me.
256
00:16:13,979 --> 00:16:15,970
- He doesn't know.
- He doesn't know.
257
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,892
- You don't know.
- We've established that.
258
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,652
I'm Roger Junior. Roger's son.
259
00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:24,173
My father passed away six months ago.
260
00:16:24,259 --> 00:16:25,453
Oh, really?
261
00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:28,099
We sent notices to all his patients.
262
00:16:28,179 --> 00:16:31,808
I threw it in the bin.
I thought it was another reminder.
263
00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:37,053
A "You're due for a checkup" card.
Like a reminder to jump off a cliff.
264
00:16:37,139 --> 00:16:40,051
I'm very sorry about your father.
265
00:16:40,139 --> 00:16:42,448
Never mind. You're in good hands.
266
00:16:42,539 --> 00:16:46,168
I've just qualified
and I'm eager as a beaver.
267
00:16:48,019 --> 00:16:53,173
- I hope this is a good idea.
- Relax. Everything will be just fine.
268
00:16:53,259 --> 00:16:55,534
Yeah. Oh, my...
269
00:16:55,619 --> 00:17:00,647
Oh, my God! You've got a clown
painted on your ceiling.
270
00:17:00,739 --> 00:17:04,891
Yes. That's Bobo.
It's for the kids, mainly.
271
00:17:04,979 --> 00:17:08,335
Bobo's got a bulbous red nose
and nice white teeth.
272
00:17:08,419 --> 00:17:10,887
I think Bobo likes you.
273
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,055
I don't like Bobo.
274
00:17:17,059 --> 00:17:22,087
Don't worry, Mr Harper.
You're dealing with a professional.
275
00:17:22,179 --> 00:17:25,410
OK. I am going to need Frodo.
276
00:17:25,499 --> 00:17:29,412
And Gandalf.
And have Aragorn ready, just in case.
277
00:17:29,499 --> 00:17:31,615
I've named all my instruments
278
00:17:31,699 --> 00:17:36,568
- after Lord of the Rings characters.
- Where did you train? Hamleys?
279
00:17:37,579 --> 00:17:40,332
Right. To the gates of Khazad-Dum!
280
00:17:41,419 --> 00:17:44,331
- Agh! Ow!
- Frodo's found an Orc!
281
00:17:44,419 --> 00:17:46,614
- Excellent.
- I'm leaving.
282
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,736
What did your father die of?
Embarrassment?
283
00:17:58,219 --> 00:18:00,210
- (Susan) I'm home!
- Oh!
284
00:18:00,299 --> 00:18:02,255
Hello!
285
00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:06,218
- How was your rehearsal?
- Wonderful.
286
00:18:07,339 --> 00:18:10,888
I'm really starting
to make the character my own.
287
00:18:10,979 --> 00:18:13,539
- That's good. Good.
- Yes.
288
00:18:13,619 --> 00:18:16,656
I've been practising my sheep calls.
289
00:18:16,739 --> 00:18:18,536
Baa-aa!
290
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,211
Baa-aa-aa!
291
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,688
That's amazing.
292
00:18:22,779 --> 00:18:24,974
Dinner will be late.
293
00:18:25,059 --> 00:18:30,053
I'm going out into the garden
to lie on the lawn and bleat.
294
00:18:30,139 --> 00:18:31,413
Baa-aa-aa!
295
00:18:31,499 --> 00:18:33,330
(Whistles) Come by!
296
00:18:33,419 --> 00:18:34,852
Baa-aa-aa!
297
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:37,294
Baa-aa!
298
00:18:37,739 --> 00:18:41,448
Wow, Mum, I thought
Dad was in here with a sheep!
299
00:18:44,899 --> 00:18:46,855
That's great!
300
00:18:48,499 --> 00:18:51,809
- She's terrible.
- You just said she was great.
301
00:18:51,899 --> 00:18:54,697
I know how to act.
302
00:18:54,779 --> 00:18:57,930
- Dad, I need your help.
- I'll get the nails.
303
00:18:58,019 --> 00:19:02,171
No, it's Mum. I don't know if you've
noticed, but she can be a bit controlling.
304
00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:05,057
What? Your mum? No, no, no.
305
00:19:05,139 --> 00:19:08,211
No. You can't be...
Surely you don't mean...
306
00:19:08,299 --> 00:19:12,178
No, you must mean
some different Susan. Hello?
307
00:19:12,259 --> 00:19:15,331
- What are you doing?
- Checking you for a wire.
308
00:19:15,419 --> 00:19:18,491
Oh. No, it's true.
309
00:19:18,579 --> 00:19:23,494
She won't take direction. She tells
everybody how to say their lines.
310
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:28,414
- Well, you know your mother.
- She made Pontius Pilate cry.
311
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,091
She's gonna get sacked.
312
00:19:32,179 --> 00:19:36,730
No. It's community theatre.
I pay my council taxes. They owe me.
313
00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:38,491
- Tell her to lighten up.
- Why me?
314
00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:40,535
- You're her husband.
- You're her son.
315
00:19:40,619 --> 00:19:43,053
- You were her husband first.
- Not necessarily.
316
00:19:43,139 --> 00:19:46,256
- You calling me a bastard?
- Every day.
317
00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:50,048
Fine. If you're not man enough
to talk to her... I will.
318
00:19:50,139 --> 00:19:52,334
- Good.
- Mum!
319
00:19:53,179 --> 00:19:55,647
Dad wants to talk to you.
320
00:19:57,499 --> 00:20:01,538
Sorry I didn't call you last night.
I was on a really hot date.
321
00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:04,770
Oh, I didn't notice
because... so was I.
322
00:20:04,859 --> 00:20:08,329
She thinks I'm really mature.
She's older, you know.
323
00:20:08,419 --> 00:20:11,172
Oh, your baby-sitter?
324
00:20:13,739 --> 00:20:16,094
- I'm going.
- Michael...
325
00:20:16,179 --> 00:20:18,534
- What?
- Is that how you say goodbye?
326
00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:21,213
- What d'you mean?
- After last night.
327
00:20:21,299 --> 00:20:23,335
What did you do last night?
328
00:20:23,419 --> 00:20:26,456
I was with you... snake hips.
329
00:20:26,539 --> 00:20:28,734
Abi, people are looking.
330
00:20:28,819 --> 00:20:32,289
Do you think I care? I've never been
with a man like you before.
331
00:20:32,379 --> 00:20:34,051
I'm addicted to your lips.
332
00:20:40,219 --> 00:20:43,336
Please! Please! Don't go!
333
00:20:44,499 --> 00:20:46,854
Michael, wait!
334
00:20:51,699 --> 00:20:53,690
Loser.
335
00:20:57,819 --> 00:20:59,969
I forgot something.
336
00:21:03,499 --> 00:21:05,455
Thank you.
337
00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:14,130
I've realised my line may be
the pivotal moment of the play.
338
00:21:14,979 --> 00:21:19,370
After all, without it,
nobody knows who's coming.
339
00:21:22,419 --> 00:21:26,458
- What's that you're drinking?
- Nothing. Er, just a glass...
340
00:21:27,299 --> 00:21:29,449
of pizza.
341
00:21:30,819 --> 00:21:35,893
- So you didn't go to the dentist.
- I did actually, but he was dead.
342
00:21:35,979 --> 00:21:39,449
- Well, isn't that convenient?
- No, not for him.
343
00:21:39,539 --> 00:21:44,249
Fine. Then suffer. But I'm working
out the back story for my character.
344
00:21:44,339 --> 00:21:46,933
- I thought you were a shepherd.
- No.
345
00:21:47,019 --> 00:21:49,487
I'm not just a shepherd.
346
00:21:50,459 --> 00:21:53,496
I was born on a farm near Bethlehem.
347
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:57,288
I wanted to be a potter,
but had to go into the family business
348
00:21:57,379 --> 00:22:01,930
when my father was stoned to death
for stealing a chicken.
349
00:22:02,019 --> 00:22:06,217
- Aren't you over-thinking it?
- That's what the director says!
350
00:22:06,299 --> 00:22:08,813
Well, maybe... Maybe he's right.
351
00:22:08,899 --> 00:22:11,697
Then why do I have to
keep correcting him?
352
00:22:11,779 --> 00:22:14,851
Susan, I say this
with great respect and love,
353
00:22:14,939 --> 00:22:18,329
but have you ever thought
of the remote possibility
354
00:22:18,419 --> 00:22:22,014
- that someone else might be right?
- Yes.
355
00:22:22,939 --> 00:22:24,975
But then the moment passes.
356
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:28,847
Nick, you're not in this scene.
357
00:22:28,939 --> 00:22:32,727
- Oh, righto.
- OK, let's begin. Susan.
358
00:22:35,979 --> 00:22:38,971
Look! What light blazes on the horizon,
359
00:22:39,059 --> 00:22:41,971
illuminating the night sky
like the midnight sun?
360
00:22:42,059 --> 00:22:44,414
- Susan...
- Is it the end of the world?
361
00:22:44,499 --> 00:22:46,933
- Or the coming of Our Saviour?
- Susan!
362
00:22:47,019 --> 00:22:48,816
I'm working!
363
00:22:49,499 --> 00:22:52,536
I thought we agreed,
after much deliberation,
364
00:22:52,619 --> 00:22:55,611
that your line was
"Lo, the Saviour has come."
365
00:22:55,699 --> 00:22:57,849
- I changed that.
- I noticed.
366
00:22:57,939 --> 00:23:01,568
- Could you read it as written?
- It won't be as good.
367
00:23:01,659 --> 00:23:04,571
I mean, "Lo, the Saviour has come."
Who talks that way?
368
00:23:04,659 --> 00:23:06,138
Shepherds.
369
00:23:06,219 --> 00:23:09,336
Shepherds just say
"Hey, sheep, nice eyes."
370
00:23:10,179 --> 00:23:12,135
Your line sounds so dated.
371
00:23:12,219 --> 00:23:15,370
Well, it is set 2,000 years ago.
372
00:23:15,459 --> 00:23:19,816
So is Jesus Christ Superstar, but
Lloyd Webber still added guitars.
373
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:23,528
For the fifth time,
you're not going to sing.
374
00:23:25,379 --> 00:23:27,813
Just do the line as written.
375
00:23:27,899 --> 00:23:32,177
Fine. Fine. Far be it from me
to improve your little play.
376
00:23:32,259 --> 00:23:34,011
Places, everyone.
377
00:23:38,019 --> 00:23:41,250
Lo! The Saviour has come!
378
00:23:41,339 --> 00:23:43,694
Stop! What are you doing?
379
00:23:43,779 --> 00:23:45,770
Saying the line as written.
380
00:23:45,859 --> 00:23:51,217
Where is it written that you waltz
over and assault the other shepherd?
381
00:23:51,299 --> 00:23:55,338
So it's not just what I say,
you're telling me how to perform.
382
00:23:55,419 --> 00:23:58,616
Look, Susan, I don't think
this is working out.
383
00:23:58,699 --> 00:24:00,655
No. You're right.
384
00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:03,936
Perhaps you should try
children's theatre.
385
00:24:04,019 --> 00:24:06,977
- Get out.
- Oi!
386
00:24:07,059 --> 00:24:09,095
Give her another chance, dude.
387
00:24:09,179 --> 00:24:12,216
- Mum, just do the line.
- No, that's all right, Nick.
388
00:24:12,299 --> 00:24:16,770
I'm not gonna be one of his sheep
to be herded any which way he likes.
389
00:24:16,859 --> 00:24:20,568
No offence, Ellie.
You make a fine sheep.
390
00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:22,615
Cheers.
391
00:24:23,179 --> 00:24:27,411
Look, either do as you're told
or leave. Simple as that.
392
00:24:28,699 --> 00:24:32,009
OK. But I'm walking out in protest.
393
00:24:32,099 --> 00:24:34,852
No, you're not. You're being fired.
394
00:24:36,019 --> 00:24:40,535
- If she goes... I go.
- Really?
395
00:24:40,619 --> 00:24:45,010
Yeah, but only after we do
the Last Supper. I'm starving.
396
00:24:45,099 --> 00:24:47,135
So?
397
00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:50,177
- Goodbye.
- No, wait. I was only bluffing.
398
00:24:50,259 --> 00:24:52,614
Can't you do this one thing for me?
399
00:24:52,699 --> 00:24:56,214
I gave birth to you.
And it wasn't immaculate.
400
00:25:00,779 --> 00:25:02,417
Fine.
401
00:25:03,299 --> 00:25:08,089
Why am I always the one
who has to sacrifice himself?
402
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:15,848
"Just relax. We'll have
this tooth out in no time."
403
00:25:17,899 --> 00:25:19,218
Agh!
404
00:25:19,299 --> 00:25:22,097
A little more anaesthetic.
405
00:25:29,819 --> 00:25:31,775
OK.
406
00:25:33,939 --> 00:25:36,612
One quick pull and it's over.
407
00:25:37,459 --> 00:25:40,019
(Laughs) Sounds like my first date.
408
00:25:40,899 --> 00:25:43,367
More anaesthetic, I think.
409
00:25:44,219 --> 00:25:47,097
I've been on my feet all day.
410
00:25:47,179 --> 00:25:50,137
- D'you want to rub them for me?
- Go away.
411
00:25:50,219 --> 00:25:52,574
Can't you see I'm working?
412
00:25:53,579 --> 00:25:55,854
Good to be your own boss.
413
00:25:55,939 --> 00:26:00,376
I was looking for the best dentist
in London - the best dentist is me.
414
00:26:00,459 --> 00:26:02,927
You are drunk, aren't you?
415
00:26:03,019 --> 00:26:05,453
I'm not drunk. I'm anathe...
416
00:26:06,299 --> 00:26:08,688
I'm anisa... I'm not drunk. See?
417
00:26:09,499 --> 00:26:11,251
- Can I help?
- No.
418
00:26:11,339 --> 00:26:14,137
- Can I watch?
- No. You may want to leave.
419
00:26:14,219 --> 00:26:17,131
- There's liable to be a lot of blood.
- Oh, that's OK.
420
00:26:17,219 --> 00:26:19,528
- Yours.
- Fine.
421
00:26:20,379 --> 00:26:23,769
Then I'm not gonna
let you rub my feet.
422
00:26:26,539 --> 00:26:28,495
(Laughing)
423
00:26:32,219 --> 00:26:35,017
Ooh, yes!
424
00:26:36,299 --> 00:26:40,212
(Slurring) OK, Harper... this is it.
425
00:26:42,419 --> 00:26:45,968
It's gonna hurt you
a lot more than it hurts me.
426
00:26:47,059 --> 00:26:48,617
Aagh...
427
00:26:48,699 --> 00:26:50,974
(Gruffly) Got ya!
428
00:26:51,059 --> 00:26:52,777
(Muffled) One.
429
00:26:52,859 --> 00:26:54,338
(Grunts)
430
00:27:06,819 --> 00:27:09,652
- I said sorry.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
431
00:27:09,739 --> 00:27:15,018
- You said to turn the other cheek.
- I didn't mean moon the director.
432
00:27:16,619 --> 00:27:18,735
- Oogh!
- Oh, Ben...
433
00:27:18,819 --> 00:27:20,775
(Groaning)
434
00:27:24,379 --> 00:27:27,337
Oh, wow! It's a miracle.
435
00:27:28,219 --> 00:27:30,175
It's only us.
436
00:27:30,259 --> 00:27:32,295
You've knocked out my tooth.
437
00:27:33,179 --> 00:27:35,932
I told you to have faith in me.
438
00:27:36,019 --> 00:27:38,055
It's the wrong tooth!
439
00:27:40,259 --> 00:27:43,888
- Ben. Ben! No!
- (Spluttering) Forget your bloody...
440
00:27:49,699 --> 00:27:53,328
This has been a long morning
and you want to get to lunch,
441
00:27:53,419 --> 00:27:56,809
but now our keynote speaker,
Ben Harper,
442
00:27:56,899 --> 00:28:00,096
will speak to us on
Teeth As A Fashion Statement.
33960
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof