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1
00:00:06,936 --> 00:00:09,245
What are you doing?
2
00:00:09,336 --> 00:00:11,611
I just wanted to taste.
3
00:00:11,696 --> 00:00:16,565
Tastes like cornflakes, doesn't it?
Haven't changed in 50 years.
4
00:00:17,536 --> 00:00:20,687
- You did it deliberately!
- You should lock the door.
5
00:00:20,776 --> 00:00:24,564
You should listen to hear
if anyone's there. Or maybe you did.
6
00:00:24,656 --> 00:00:27,454
Why would I listen
to you having a shower?
7
00:00:27,536 --> 00:00:31,051
How did you know
I was having a shower?
8
00:00:32,016 --> 00:00:34,974
- Anyway, I've seen them before.
- When?
9
00:00:35,056 --> 00:00:39,334
- Last week. Not that bothered.
- It bloody bothers me!
10
00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:44,285
Abi, lock the door in future.
Michael, buy a magazine.
11
00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:47,292
(Phone rings)
12
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:50,326
I'll get it.
13
00:00:52,536 --> 00:00:53,889
Hello.
14
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:58,168
Yes, it's Mr Harper.
15
00:00:58,256 --> 00:01:02,169
Yes, she's here. I'll just get her
for you. It's for you.
16
00:01:04,136 --> 00:01:05,535
Hello?
17
00:01:05,616 --> 00:01:08,369
Hello, Janey!
18
00:01:08,456 --> 00:01:12,290
How lovely to hear from you... at last.
19
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,810
That was seven weeks, four days ago.
20
00:01:14,896 --> 00:01:17,888
- Ask her how much.
- Don't even think that way!
21
00:01:17,976 --> 00:01:20,171
Not that much.
22
00:01:20,256 --> 00:01:22,645
Oh, my poor dear! That's terrible!
23
00:01:22,736 --> 00:01:25,045
Do you have a friend to talk to?
24
00:01:25,136 --> 00:01:28,970
Good. Sit tight. We're on our way.
Love you, Janey. Bye.
25
00:01:29,896 --> 00:01:33,093
What? She snag
her belly-ring in a hedge?
26
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:36,885
She's in a real state.
We've got to go there at once.
27
00:01:36,976 --> 00:01:40,173
- I'm not going to Liverpool!
- She's at Manchester.
28
00:01:40,256 --> 00:01:42,531
Liverpool, Manchester, whatever.
29
00:01:42,616 --> 00:01:44,846
- She's miserable.
- She always is.
30
00:01:44,936 --> 00:01:49,885
- She's dropping out and coming home.
- I'll get the car.
31
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,251
- Abi, you're in charge.
- Her?
32
00:01:52,336 --> 00:01:55,533
- Can I have a boyfriend round?
- Of course.
33
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,414
- Don't I have a view?
- You've seen enough.
34
00:01:58,496 --> 00:02:01,727
What if this boyfriend
is a psychopathic killer?
35
00:02:01,816 --> 00:02:05,206
We'll leave Auntie Vi's number
on the fridge.
36
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:27,245
You're allowed to go faster,
you know. Look - it's a 40mph limit.
37
00:02:27,336 --> 00:02:31,852
Susan, I've already got
six penalty points on my licence.
38
00:02:31,936 --> 00:02:36,566
Besides, you can get there
just as quickly by going slowly.
39
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,090
That doesn't make sense at all.
40
00:02:39,936 --> 00:02:44,487
Quick, the lights are changing.
Damn. You'll have to jump them.
41
00:02:47,176 --> 00:02:49,610
Ah. See the bloke next to us? Mm?
42
00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:54,449
He's the one who overtook us
20 minutes ago.
43
00:02:54,536 --> 00:02:59,690
So it is. But 20 minutes ago
he didn't have a seat full of shopping.
44
00:02:59,776 --> 00:03:03,564
- Remember the tortoise and the hare?
- How could I forget?
45
00:03:03,656 --> 00:03:06,887
I saw the tortoise zip past us
two miles back.
46
00:03:07,656 --> 00:03:09,612
What are you stopping for?
47
00:03:09,696 --> 00:03:12,813
It's a zebra crossing.
With an old lady on it.
48
00:03:14,056 --> 00:03:16,206
Do you want me to kill her?
49
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:19,610
You get three penalty points for that.
50
00:03:19,696 --> 00:03:24,770
If we don't get there soon, Janey may
already be on the train back home.
51
00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:36,125
- Janey?
- (Muffled music)
52
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,253
- Janey?
- I honestly think she's all right.
53
00:03:40,296 --> 00:03:43,527
- Bloody hell! Why are you here?
- See? She's OK.
54
00:03:43,616 --> 00:03:46,255
- We've come to see how you are.
- Why?
55
00:03:46,336 --> 00:03:49,373
Your mother was worried
about the phone call.
56
00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:52,414
I thought you were going to
do something stupid.
57
00:03:52,496 --> 00:03:56,455
I said I was suicidal. I didn't say
I was going to kill myself.
58
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,925
Suicidal? Is that all?
59
00:03:59,016 --> 00:04:01,769
Your mother said
you were coming home.
60
00:04:01,856 --> 00:04:04,051
Well, I'm not. Goodbye.
61
00:04:04,976 --> 00:04:08,571
- So why were you so upset?
- Oh, ju... Boy trouble.
62
00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:11,489
You poor thing.
We can help you get over it.
63
00:04:11,576 --> 00:04:14,170
- I am over it.
- See? She's fine.
64
00:04:14,256 --> 00:04:19,205
- So glad we had this little chat.
- Is there someone in there with you?
65
00:04:19,296 --> 00:04:24,086
- It's Saturday night. What do you think?
- I think we should be on our way.
66
00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:26,770
Perhaps we can meet your friend.
67
00:04:26,856 --> 00:04:30,292
He's not really a friend.
More a sort of... buddy.
68
00:04:30,376 --> 00:04:32,810
So, on... our... way.
69
00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:36,127
Aren't you going to offer us
a cup of tea?
70
00:04:36,216 --> 00:04:37,444
No!
71
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,891
- Your turn.
- I need the loo.
72
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:43,046
There's one on the landing.
73
00:04:43,136 --> 00:04:45,969
- I'm hungry.
- There's a fish and chip shop.
74
00:04:46,056 --> 00:04:49,651
- That's wonderful.
- (Young man) Who is it?
75
00:04:54,056 --> 00:04:56,968
- I'll call you.
- Hurry up, Janey.
76
00:04:57,056 --> 00:04:59,411
(Different man) Yeah, hurry up.
77
00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:15,326
Fancy some chips?
78
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,213
Yes.
79
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,012
Chips.
80
00:05:28,136 --> 00:05:32,414
Well, this trip has been
a complete and utter waste of time.
81
00:05:32,496 --> 00:05:35,215
I don't know. We made Janey happy.
82
00:05:36,176 --> 00:05:38,565
I'm not sure that was us.
83
00:05:38,656 --> 00:05:41,090
Still, it wasn't a waste of time.
84
00:05:41,176 --> 00:05:46,694
No. More a voyage of discovery
into places I never wanna go again.
85
00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:52,606
- Wonder what Janey's doing now.
- Or think about.
86
00:05:52,696 --> 00:05:54,846
We can be home by midnight.
87
00:05:54,936 --> 00:05:59,566
Ben, are you serious? It's the weekend.
We're free, away from home.
88
00:05:59,656 --> 00:06:02,045
In an exotic, vibrant metropolis.
89
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,210
It's Manchester.
90
00:06:05,296 --> 00:06:09,050
All right. OK. Hold those.
Give me the hotel guide.
91
00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:16,087
- Janey's very lucky.
- I'm not listening.
92
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:20,727
- She's got youth on her side.
- And on her other side.
93
00:06:20,816 --> 00:06:23,410
I remember how it was at her age...
94
00:06:23,496 --> 00:06:27,853
new experiences, new friends,
the excitement of new encounters.
95
00:06:27,936 --> 00:06:34,171
The Raythorn Metrolodge.
Mid price, cable TV. Easy access, M62.
96
00:06:34,256 --> 00:06:36,611
Oh. Ooh. They've got a carvery.
97
00:06:38,616 --> 00:06:40,368
Erm...
98
00:06:40,456 --> 00:06:44,654
Don't you think sometimes
things can get a little humdrum?
99
00:06:44,736 --> 00:06:47,773
We don't have to go to the carvery.
100
00:06:47,856 --> 00:06:52,691
- I want to sleep with a stranger.
- We... What?
101
00:06:52,776 --> 00:06:57,531
I read a short story about a husband
and wife who check into a hotel.
102
00:06:57,616 --> 00:07:02,132
To spice up their relationship
they pretend not to know each other.
103
00:07:02,216 --> 00:07:04,252
Hello. Who are you?
104
00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:08,532
- Feel spicy yet?
- I'm serious.
105
00:07:08,616 --> 00:07:12,165
Wouldn't it be wild,
meeting again for the first time?
106
00:07:12,256 --> 00:07:16,010
I don't remember it being wild
the first first time.
107
00:07:16,096 --> 00:07:18,564
Come on, Ben. Think about it.
108
00:07:20,176 --> 00:07:22,212
A one-night stand.
109
00:07:23,056 --> 00:07:25,934
You'll be a stranger.
I'll be a stranger.
110
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,648
Who knows what I might do to you?
111
00:07:32,936 --> 00:07:36,008
- Raythorn Metrolodge?
- OK.
112
00:07:42,656 --> 00:07:44,612
(Soft Muzak)
113
00:07:49,856 --> 00:07:51,608
Good evening, madam.
114
00:07:51,696 --> 00:07:54,005
- Evening, sir.
- How was your journey?
115
00:07:54,096 --> 00:07:55,688
- Terrible.
- Lovely.
116
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:58,848
- What name is it, sir?
- Harper. Ben Harper.
117
00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:02,008
- Name please, madam?
- Delores de Large.
118
00:08:05,096 --> 00:08:07,052
(Snorts)
119
00:08:08,896 --> 00:08:12,172
- Something wrong, sir?
- No. Erm...
120
00:08:12,256 --> 00:08:17,535
Yes, actually. My... real name
is Johnny Stud.
121
00:08:20,856 --> 00:08:24,371
I see, sir. So your pseudonym
is Ben Harper?
122
00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:30,496
- Yes.
- But your real name is Johnny Stud.
123
00:08:32,176 --> 00:08:35,930
It's... more of a description, really.
124
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,769
I see, sir.
125
00:08:38,856 --> 00:08:40,892
- Delores de Large?
- It's sexy.
126
00:08:40,976 --> 00:08:44,446
- Really? Sounds like a porn star.
- If you like.
127
00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:48,006
- Anyway, Johnny Stud?
- Seemed appropriate.
128
00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:50,087
You wish.
129
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:53,088
- Your room key, Ms de Large.
- Thank you.
130
00:08:53,176 --> 00:08:56,134
The number's on the sleeve,
Mr... Stud.
131
00:08:57,336 --> 00:09:00,169
(Both) Enjoy your stay.
(Both) I intend to.
132
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,368
Michael, this is Michael.
133
00:09:12,016 --> 00:09:14,132
Hi there, big fella.
134
00:09:18,136 --> 00:09:22,846
So, you're Michael and I'm Michael.
That's funny, isn't it?
135
00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:26,690
- Michael.
- Oh, my aching sides (!)
136
00:09:27,576 --> 00:09:30,090
- Michael, d'you want a beer?
- Thanks.
137
00:09:30,176 --> 00:09:31,609
Not you.
138
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,256
Oh, have you got an opener?
139
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,612
I used to work in a pub.
140
00:09:37,696 --> 00:09:39,732
(Bottle smashes)
141
00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:44,374
- What happened to Steve?
- I dumped him.
142
00:09:44,456 --> 00:09:47,766
- I thought he dumped you.
- Then why did you ask?
143
00:09:47,856 --> 00:09:50,734
I liked Steve. Steve was nice.
144
00:09:50,816 --> 00:09:53,410
Why don't you go out with Steve?
145
00:09:53,496 --> 00:09:56,169
Cos he's a pillock. Like you, Michael.
146
00:09:56,256 --> 00:10:00,807
- Are you gonna stand for that?
- Not him. You. For God's sake.
147
00:10:00,896 --> 00:10:03,569
To save confusion, I'll be Mike.
148
00:10:03,656 --> 00:10:07,046
I don't like Mike. I like Michael.
149
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,771
Not you.
150
00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:16,055
The problem is, there's two Michaels.
151
00:10:16,136 --> 00:10:21,654
How about this for a solution?
You, gorgeous, sit.
152
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:25,375
You, shrimp boy, out.
153
00:10:27,536 --> 00:10:29,572
Manhattan, please.
154
00:10:29,656 --> 00:10:31,612
You're late.
155
00:10:33,936 --> 00:10:37,167
How do you know?
You've not met me yet.
156
00:10:40,656 --> 00:10:42,612
I know your type.
157
00:10:46,456 --> 00:10:48,412
Hello. Same again?
158
00:10:48,496 --> 00:10:50,771
Not yet, not yet.
159
00:10:50,856 --> 00:10:56,408
You can't just jump in and buy a girl
a drink. What d'you think I am? Fast?
160
00:10:56,496 --> 00:10:58,851
- Sorry, I was just...
- Later.
161
00:10:58,936 --> 00:11:01,973
You have to play me. Like a violin.
162
00:11:05,216 --> 00:11:09,175
Play your cards right,
I might snap your G-string.
163
00:11:09,256 --> 00:11:11,645
(Chortles)
164
00:11:16,496 --> 00:11:20,011
No. Our eyes have to meet
across the room.
165
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,815
You send me champagne,
I invite you over.
166
00:11:22,896 --> 00:11:26,047
You woo me.
Then, with a devil-may-care laugh...
167
00:11:26,136 --> 00:11:29,651
- I'll slip you my room key.
- Should I write this down?
168
00:11:29,736 --> 00:11:32,887
No. It has to be spontaneous.
Now go away.
169
00:11:32,976 --> 00:11:34,932
OK.
170
00:11:38,896 --> 00:11:41,012
- Hi.
- Hi.
171
00:11:41,096 --> 00:11:46,375
- Maureen. That's a nice name.
- Actually, it's Sarah.
172
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:50,927
Maureen left but they were too cheap
to make a new badge.
173
00:11:52,016 --> 00:11:54,655
Johnny. Johnny Stud.
174
00:11:57,816 --> 00:12:01,491
- That's an unusual name.
- I'm an unusual guy.
175
00:12:01,576 --> 00:12:04,932
- In what way?
- Wouldn't you like to know?
176
00:12:05,896 --> 00:12:07,648
Ben. Ben!
177
00:12:07,736 --> 00:12:09,931
Would you like one with me?
178
00:12:10,016 --> 00:12:12,450
- Sorry. Do you fancy a drink?
- Sure.
179
00:12:12,536 --> 00:12:14,447
Ben!
180
00:12:14,536 --> 00:12:20,486
- What do you think you're doing?
- I'm a single guy having a drink.
181
00:12:20,576 --> 00:12:23,852
OK? Plus, we haven't met.
182
00:12:24,576 --> 00:12:27,807
- I assure you, once we do meet...
- Delores.
183
00:12:27,896 --> 00:12:31,775
...the memory of other women
will vanish like morning mist.
184
00:12:31,856 --> 00:12:35,087
All right. But don't leave it
till morning.
185
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:39,931
- Your table is ready when you are.
- Oh, I'm always ready. (Giggles)
186
00:12:40,856 --> 00:12:44,007
Delores is a recent divorcee.
187
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,967
- This is delicious.
- Thank you.
188
00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:55,570
It was the last one in the shop.
189
00:12:55,656 --> 00:12:57,965
Thanks for getting there in time.
190
00:12:59,616 --> 00:13:01,686
Thank you.
191
00:13:01,776 --> 00:13:04,734
No. Thank you.
192
00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:06,966
(Crunching)
193
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:11,890
Michael, are you ever
gonna leave us alone?
194
00:13:11,976 --> 00:13:13,534
No.
195
00:13:14,696 --> 00:13:18,291
Why don't we have... coffee
in the living room?
196
00:13:18,376 --> 00:13:21,095
- I haven't finished yet.
- Exactly.
197
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:24,885
You go through and
I'll bring the... coffee.
198
00:13:30,256 --> 00:13:34,295
Look, this is the first guy I like
who actually likes me back.
199
00:13:34,376 --> 00:13:36,571
- He doesn't know you yet.
- No.
200
00:13:36,656 --> 00:13:40,171
I mean it. When guys are nice to me,
it freaks me out
201
00:13:40,256 --> 00:13:44,329
- cos, well... I think they're crazy.
- They'd have to be.
202
00:13:44,416 --> 00:13:47,328
This one's different. Don't screw it up.
203
00:13:50,736 --> 00:13:52,692
I'll leave that to you.
204
00:14:11,816 --> 00:14:15,491
Waiter, could you send
a bottle of champagne
205
00:14:15,576 --> 00:14:18,329
to the... charming lady over there?
206
00:14:21,616 --> 00:14:24,688
- Was everything all right?
- Yes, delicious.
207
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:27,768
Though I may need some more sugar.
208
00:14:34,496 --> 00:14:37,533
- Oh...
- Champagne from the gentleman.
209
00:14:37,616 --> 00:14:41,325
That's more like it.
About bloody time.
210
00:14:45,656 --> 00:14:48,329
A gentleman sent this for you.
211
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:53,054
I think they've already brought it.
212
00:14:53,136 --> 00:14:55,570
No, this is from that gentleman.
213
00:14:55,656 --> 00:14:57,328
(Cork pops)
214
00:14:57,416 --> 00:14:59,771
Then who sent this one?
215
00:15:31,896 --> 00:15:34,205
She's lovely, isn't she?
216
00:15:34,296 --> 00:15:36,252
Who? Mum?
217
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:42,726
- She's your mother?
- Yeah. She didn't tell you?
218
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,966
She was young. It was sad.
219
00:15:46,416 --> 00:15:48,691
Promise me you won't use her.
220
00:15:48,776 --> 00:15:51,893
She can go off...
(Snaps fingers) like that.
221
00:15:51,976 --> 00:15:54,729
She never said she had a son.
222
00:15:54,816 --> 00:15:57,284
She likes to think I don't exist.
223
00:15:57,376 --> 00:16:01,210
- Are you still here?
- See what I mean?
224
00:16:08,656 --> 00:16:11,966
- Hi.
- Hi.
225
00:16:12,056 --> 00:16:13,694
- Mind if I...
- Please do.
226
00:16:13,776 --> 00:16:16,051
You don't know what I'm gonna say!
227
00:16:16,136 --> 00:16:20,049
- "...sit down"?
- Ah, such chemistry.
228
00:16:22,216 --> 00:16:25,572
What brings
a lovely lady like you here?
229
00:16:25,656 --> 00:16:27,612
The M62.
230
00:16:31,216 --> 00:16:33,650
Haven't I... seen you before?
231
00:16:33,736 --> 00:16:37,251
Yes. On the cover of Vogue.
I'm a supermodel.
232
00:16:42,576 --> 00:16:45,613
- A supermodel?
- Yes.
233
00:16:45,696 --> 00:16:48,005
Delores de Large.
234
00:16:51,016 --> 00:16:54,725
- Sylvester Steele.
- What happened to Johnny Stud?
235
00:16:54,816 --> 00:16:57,649
I don't know,
it just seemed a bit stupid.
236
00:16:58,536 --> 00:17:04,293
(Clears throat)
So... Mr Steele... what do you do?
237
00:17:04,976 --> 00:17:07,695
Erm... l'm, erm...
238
00:17:08,536 --> 00:17:11,096
I'm an insurance salesman.
239
00:17:11,176 --> 00:17:13,770
And that is sexy why?
240
00:17:13,856 --> 00:17:17,451
Oh, well,
I'm more of a chart-topping...
241
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:21,688
stuntman, dotcom...
Formula One person.
242
00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:26,250
I think you run
an art gallery in New York
243
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:29,294
and have homes
in Paris, London and Milan.
244
00:17:29,376 --> 00:17:32,812
Agh! Damn, you've seen
through my disguise.
245
00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:38,129
I try to keep a low profile while I'm
staying at the... Raythorn Metrolodge.
246
00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:43,406
- An apartment in Greenwich Village.
- Upper East Side.
247
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,374
- I hardly think so.
- I know where I live.
248
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,412
Whose fantasy is this?
249
00:17:48,496 --> 00:17:51,693
- I thought we were sharing it.
- No!
250
00:17:51,776 --> 00:17:55,007
You married too young
and your ex-wife is dead.
251
00:17:55,096 --> 00:17:58,168
You have a yacht, a jet
and a villa on Lake Como.
252
00:17:58,256 --> 00:18:00,292
And two cats. Pinky and Perky.
253
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:03,527
- No, Susan, not cats.
- Delores. I like cats.
254
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:07,973
- I like dogs. You can't have it all.
- Yes, I can. It's a fantasy.
255
00:18:08,056 --> 00:18:12,174
- Some people don't know when to stop.
- Or how to treat a lady.
256
00:18:12,256 --> 00:18:14,929
- I sent champagne.
- House fizz.
257
00:18:15,016 --> 00:18:17,928
- He sent me vintage Bollinger.
- Who did?
258
00:18:18,016 --> 00:18:20,484
Someone... who appreciates me.
259
00:18:20,576 --> 00:18:24,046
Look, if it's about money,
I'll send you a cheque.
260
00:18:26,256 --> 00:18:28,008
Don't cheapen it.
261
00:18:28,096 --> 00:18:31,691
Excuse me. There's a phone call
for you, Mr Steele.
262
00:18:31,776 --> 00:18:34,973
What? No. Can't be. I don't exist.
263
00:18:35,056 --> 00:18:37,854
- I think you should take it.
- What?
264
00:18:37,936 --> 00:18:40,734
The villa's probably flooded.
265
00:18:46,256 --> 00:18:48,565
Is that man bothering you?
266
00:18:48,656 --> 00:18:50,931
For 20 years and counting.
267
00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:55,248
I thought I saw him on
a separate table. Are you together?
268
00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:59,614
- I've never met him before.
- You seem confused.
269
00:18:59,696 --> 00:19:03,530
- Let me help. Delores, isn't it?
- No.
270
00:19:03,616 --> 00:19:05,971
Er, yes.
271
00:19:06,056 --> 00:19:09,173
- Are you attached?
- Yes.
272
00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:12,566
Er, no. Or... am I?
273
00:19:13,416 --> 00:19:16,488
I like a girl who says no
when she means yes.
274
00:19:16,576 --> 00:19:19,010
Actually, I said yes
when I meant no.
275
00:19:19,096 --> 00:19:21,485
You don't know what you want.
276
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:24,966
Let me show you, my little rabbit.
277
00:19:30,696 --> 00:19:33,494
So, you went for the garlic prawns.
278
00:19:36,096 --> 00:19:39,452
- Do I take the phone call here?
- There is no call.
279
00:19:39,536 --> 00:19:42,846
- It's about your credit card.
- Why didn't you say?
280
00:19:42,936 --> 00:19:45,734
I didn't want to embarrass you
in front of the lady.
281
00:19:45,816 --> 00:19:48,330
Oh, we're well past that.
282
00:19:48,416 --> 00:19:52,375
- What's the problem?
- The imprint is signed Ben Harper.
283
00:19:52,456 --> 00:19:55,732
But your bar slip
is signed Sylvester Steele.
284
00:19:55,816 --> 00:20:00,014
Aha, that, yes. Er...
Right. It's no problem.
285
00:20:00,096 --> 00:20:03,611
Which is it, Harper or Steele?
Just pick one.
286
00:20:03,696 --> 00:20:05,288
Actually, it's both.
287
00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:09,688
Well, it's Harper, but...
tonight I'm using Steele.
288
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,892
He told me it was Johnny Stud.
289
00:20:11,976 --> 00:20:14,536
Yes. (Laughs) That's...
290
00:20:15,376 --> 00:20:17,936
Well, it is, and it isn't.
291
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:23,409
All right. Well, which isn't it, then?
Harper? Steele? Or Stud?
292
00:20:23,496 --> 00:20:27,205
I'm sorry, I might as well
come clean. I'm, erm...
293
00:20:28,296 --> 00:20:32,767
- My real name isn't Johnny Stud.
- You don't say(!)
294
00:20:34,376 --> 00:20:38,369
No, see, what it is...
is that my wife and I...
295
00:20:38,456 --> 00:20:43,689
and it's totally her idea...
are indulging in a little role play.
296
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,051
Oh, that old game.
297
00:20:46,136 --> 00:20:50,175
Hoping to spice up
a tired and jaded old marriage.
298
00:20:50,256 --> 00:20:52,486
I certainly am not!
299
00:20:52,576 --> 00:20:55,010
Oh, have you given up already, sir?
300
00:20:55,096 --> 00:21:00,170
Rather than extend this conversation,
have I solved your problem?
301
00:21:00,256 --> 00:21:02,212
It's hardly my problem, sir.
302
00:21:02,296 --> 00:21:05,129
But we do get that sort of thing
all the time.
303
00:21:05,216 --> 00:21:08,606
That, for instance,
is Honey Rider, a bikini model,
304
00:21:08,696 --> 00:21:13,167
talking to Rocky Alonso Stone,
international diamond merchant.
305
00:21:14,056 --> 00:21:18,607
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
306
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,772
I understand.
307
00:21:21,856 --> 00:21:25,895
It wouldn't be seemly
to appear too eager. I like that.
308
00:21:25,976 --> 00:21:28,729
You don't understand.
I don't want to.
309
00:21:28,816 --> 00:21:30,772
Ah, but your eyes say yes.
310
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:35,088
- Your eyes will be saying "Ow" soon.
- How quaintly romantic.
311
00:21:35,176 --> 00:21:38,566
So unlike these modern girls
who jump into bed with me
312
00:21:38,656 --> 00:21:40,965
at the drop of a thong.
313
00:21:41,056 --> 00:21:43,251
Excuse me, I'm modern.
314
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:45,054
- So that's a yes?
- No!
315
00:21:45,136 --> 00:21:50,369
I'm going up to my room now,
to have a shower and slip into bed.
316
00:21:50,456 --> 00:21:54,449
I'll order some champagne
and maybe some caviar.
317
00:21:55,496 --> 00:21:58,408
Don't let me be lonely tonight.
318
00:21:58,496 --> 00:22:00,805
Your lucky number.
319
00:22:04,416 --> 00:22:06,532
Susan... What?
320
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:10,894
Oh, sorry, Delores. Of course.
Where were we? Erm...
321
00:22:10,976 --> 00:22:15,254
- Since my ex-wife died...
- Right, that's enough wooing!
322
00:22:15,336 --> 00:22:17,452
I'm plastered!
323
00:22:18,696 --> 00:22:24,054
- Here's my room key.
- Where's the devil-may-care laugh?
324
00:22:24,136 --> 00:22:28,891
Ha! Ha! Ha! Take the bloody key.
I'm going up to order room service.
325
00:22:28,976 --> 00:22:31,046
- See you in 20 minutes.
- 20 minutes?
326
00:22:31,136 --> 00:22:33,366
- OK, five.
- Five.
327
00:22:40,016 --> 00:22:41,972
(Laughs)
328
00:22:45,056 --> 00:22:47,012
Five. OK...
329
00:22:48,856 --> 00:22:51,131
Get in there, Rocky, my son.
330
00:22:53,856 --> 00:22:57,053
We don't have to stay
in the kitchen, you know.
331
00:22:58,016 --> 00:23:01,975
I don't want to disturb Michael.
He's watching telly.
332
00:23:02,696 --> 00:23:05,608
I, er... I do have a room.
333
00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:10,651
I... don't think it's a good idea
on the first date
334
00:23:10,736 --> 00:23:12,886
for me to rush you into bed.
335
00:23:13,736 --> 00:23:16,569
There's always the... kitchen table.
336
00:23:20,216 --> 00:23:23,367
Look, Abi, I really like you.
337
00:23:23,456 --> 00:23:25,924
(Sighs) Not again.
338
00:23:26,016 --> 00:23:28,928
Michael told me
you've had some hard times.
339
00:23:29,016 --> 00:23:30,847
Michael?
340
00:23:30,936 --> 00:23:35,009
I don't wanna take advantage of you
so I'm gonna leave now.
341
00:23:35,776 --> 00:23:40,008
Don't listen to Michael.
He's got this stupid crush on me.
342
00:23:40,096 --> 00:23:43,805
- Your own son?
- What?
343
00:23:43,896 --> 00:23:47,013
- Where did you get that idea?
- Michael told me.
344
00:23:47,096 --> 00:23:51,009
Yeah. He also tells people
he's Batman.
345
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,052
He is not my son.
346
00:23:53,136 --> 00:23:55,855
Yeah, he said you'd say that, too.
347
00:23:58,656 --> 00:24:00,612
Michael?
348
00:24:02,256 --> 00:24:04,212
(Shower running)
349
00:24:06,376 --> 00:24:08,332
Delores...
350
00:24:10,976 --> 00:24:12,932
Hi.
351
00:24:14,776 --> 00:24:18,564
Look, I hope you don't mind,
but I went back to Stud.
352
00:24:18,656 --> 00:24:21,648
I think you'll... know why.
353
00:24:24,776 --> 00:24:26,926
(Deep voice) Oh, baby.
354
00:24:27,016 --> 00:24:29,007
Yeah.
355
00:24:29,096 --> 00:24:30,973
Ooh!
356
00:24:31,056 --> 00:24:32,853
Oh...
357
00:24:32,936 --> 00:24:34,574
Yes.
358
00:24:38,056 --> 00:24:40,490
OK, Delores.
359
00:24:40,576 --> 00:24:42,134
Ah!
360
00:24:43,016 --> 00:24:45,086
Delores!
361
00:24:45,176 --> 00:24:47,565
Ready when you are, baby.
362
00:24:51,896 --> 00:24:53,966
- (Screams)
- (Screams)
363
00:24:57,576 --> 00:25:00,648
All right, Johnny Stud,
you can cool off in here
364
00:25:00,736 --> 00:25:03,330
while we decide
what to charge you with.
365
00:25:03,416 --> 00:25:05,771
My money's on indecent exposure.
366
00:25:05,856 --> 00:25:09,132
Oh, great.
There's a sweepstake, is there?
367
00:25:19,496 --> 00:25:22,249
Oi. Johnny Stud.
368
00:25:24,336 --> 00:25:29,456
- (Nervously) Hello.
- What did he say you were in for?
369
00:25:30,816 --> 00:25:32,772
(Deep voice) Murder.
370
00:25:41,656 --> 00:25:44,295
Hello, darling, I'm home.
371
00:25:49,296 --> 00:25:51,252
Susan.
372
00:25:51,336 --> 00:25:53,691
(Gruffly) Susan. Susan!
373
00:25:59,096 --> 00:26:01,530
Susan!
374
00:26:01,616 --> 00:26:03,846
Oh, hello.
375
00:26:03,936 --> 00:26:07,212
There you are.
I've been worried sick.
376
00:26:07,296 --> 00:26:09,810
Well, I've been sick.
377
00:26:11,456 --> 00:26:15,005
- Too much champagne.
- Poor you(!)
378
00:26:15,856 --> 00:26:17,812
Where've you been?
379
00:26:17,896 --> 00:26:22,686
- Banged in a police cell all night.
- Don't you mean "banged up"?
380
00:26:22,776 --> 00:26:26,086
I do. It was touch and go
for a while.
381
00:26:27,296 --> 00:26:29,856
Sorry. I don't understand.
382
00:26:29,936 --> 00:26:32,404
You had me in the palm of your hand
383
00:26:32,496 --> 00:26:35,647
and you blew it... Johnny Stud.
384
00:26:35,736 --> 00:26:40,526
Don't ever call me that... ever again.
385
00:26:41,336 --> 00:26:46,649
It's a pity. I never got
my night of love with a strange man.
386
00:26:46,736 --> 00:26:48,966
Well, I nearly did.
387
00:26:53,976 --> 00:26:56,092
I'm still not with you.
388
00:26:56,176 --> 00:26:58,644
Let me explain.
389
00:26:58,736 --> 00:27:03,173
After we parted, you gave me
the wrong room card
390
00:27:03,256 --> 00:27:07,772
and I ended up
in Raymond's bed and...
391
00:27:10,936 --> 00:27:13,086
I'm back.
392
00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:16,976
That's the edited version.
393
00:27:17,056 --> 00:27:19,729
Well, I've got a splitting headache.
394
00:27:19,816 --> 00:27:24,048
- I nearly had a splitting...
- It's all right, I get the picture.
395
00:27:28,096 --> 00:27:32,647
- Wait. Did you say police cell?
- Oh, no, no, it was nothing.
396
00:27:32,736 --> 00:27:37,093
After I explained everything...
14 times...
397
00:27:38,296 --> 00:27:42,209
they let me off and
told me not to do it again.
398
00:27:42,296 --> 00:27:43,695
Oh, good.
399
00:27:43,776 --> 00:27:47,655
I don't know. It's very easy
to slip back into these things.
400
00:27:47,736 --> 00:27:49,692
(Knock on door)
401
00:27:51,376 --> 00:27:53,731
Oh, flowers!
402
00:27:53,816 --> 00:27:56,284
How lovely. Ben, you shouldn't have.
403
00:27:57,456 --> 00:28:00,254
Oh. You didn't. It's from Raymond.
404
00:28:00,336 --> 00:28:03,248
"Last night, my dear,
you opened my eyes.
405
00:28:03,336 --> 00:28:06,294
"When will they see you again?"
406
00:28:06,376 --> 00:28:09,288
Seems I've made a conquest.
407
00:28:09,376 --> 00:28:12,095
I don't think so, Susan.
408
00:28:12,176 --> 00:28:14,610
This is addressed to Johnny Stud.
409
00:28:21,536 --> 00:28:24,050
(Ben) Hello?
(Susan) Anyone home?
410
00:28:27,496 --> 00:28:31,091
Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad.
Have a nice weekend?
411
00:28:32,776 --> 00:28:35,768
- Shall we put these in water?
- Yes.
31253
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