Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,393
(# Tinny dance track
blares from headphones)
2
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:08,998
Oh, come on, Susan.
3
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,674
It's been seven minutes
since the last move.
4
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,513
Don't rush me, I'm trying to concentrate.
5
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,434
- Is that it?
- No, that's "at".
6
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,034
Seven minutes? For "at"?
7
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,395
That's what happens when you hurry me.
8
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,596
OK, let's count it up, shall we?
9
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,559
A - one point, T - one point.
That's... two points.
10
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,280
Michael, pay attention, it's your turn.
11
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,316
That's 36 on a double triple word score,
12
00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,234
plus 12 on a triple word,
plus 50 for using all seven tiles,
13
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,595
which makes... 302.
14
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,912
What? W-What kind of word
is Q-A-T?
15
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,594
Qat, noun, from the Arabic,
16
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,035
a shrub prevalent
in East Africa and Arabia
17
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:16,193
or, specifically, its leaves taken as a tea
for their stimulant effect.
18
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,794
"Quat"? What? Pass me the dictionary.
19
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,997
- You know he's always right.
- Pass me the dictionary!
20
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,196
"Quat", "quat", "qu-at".
21
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,274
Making a right quat of m...
22
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,078
Stupid dictionary.
23
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,151
- Oh, is the game over?
- No.
24
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,470
- Then I give up.
- You can't give up.
25
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,279
What's wrong with doing
something as a family?
26
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,397
- As we have for 20 years.
- Yes, suffering.
27
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,996
You won't know what suffering
is if you don't put down your tiles.
28
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,116
OK.
29
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,708
B-O-R...
30
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,633
l-N-G.
31
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,030
"Boring". That's nine points.
Your turn, Dad.
32
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,749
OK... (Scats and hums)
33
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,433
Oh, hurry up, Ben.
34
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:10,435
Entire galaxies have formed and died
in the time it took you to spell..."at".
35
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,671
- I had bad letters.
- A bad workman blames his tools.
36
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,513
Just remember that tonight.
37
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,993
What's he doing?
I'm trying to concentrate.
38
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,355
I'm moving in slow motion.
39
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:34,515
- Reckon I'll live longer this way.
- Don't count on it.
40
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,717
Hang on. Why didn't you tell
me you were playing Scrabble?
41
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,711
- Because you cheat.
- Me?
42
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,917
Yes, last time we played
you put down seven blanks.
43
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,673
There are only two in the game.
Explain that.
44
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:50,878
- Tippex.
- Your father's grumpy cos he's stuck.
45
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,837
I'm not stuck.
46
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:56,150
- Ah-ah-ah!
- Stop it, go away!
47
00:02:56,240 --> 00:03:00,119
- Stop bothering your father.
- OK. (Mimics rewinding tape)
48
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,591
What letters does he have?
49
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:12,436
(Scottish accent) And here
we have the aged veteran Ben Harper.
50
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:17,674
Battling valiantly against the worst rack
of letters I've seen in my life.
51
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,512
- Ah.
- He lines up another go.
52
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,319
Oh dear, he seems tense.
53
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,710
I think I can detect a vein
throbbing in his temple,
54
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,870
he appears to be turning red!
55
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:31,270
- I've had enough of this.
- But we're having family fun.
56
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,351
You always do this when I'm winning!
57
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,750
- Thanks, Nick. I owe you.
- Yeah. Five quid, wasn't it?
58
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,308
Thank you.
59
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,676
(Ben) Heh-heh-hey!
Michael, look at this!
60
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:54,197
500 megahertz, Power G3 processor!
61
00:03:54,280 --> 00:04:00,310
512k backside level two cache,
128-megabyte SDRAM.
62
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,231
Ha!
63
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,675
No idea what this means.
64
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:08,036
If it keeps you happy
for another three years, I'm happy.
65
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,509
- The G3's already out of date.
- What?
66
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,830
It's got a 20-gigabyte hard drive!
67
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,754
The new one coming out
has a 60-gigabyte hard drive.
68
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,558
It's blue.
69
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,518
Don't be silly,
he doesn't mind about the colour.
70
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,160
- Actually I wanted a green one.
- Oh, good.
71
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,710
- As long as you're grateful.
- Er... excuse me.
72
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,392
- What do I get?
- Sorry?
73
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,550
Michael's getting a new computer.
74
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,916
- The school says he's gifted.
- I'm gifted.
75
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,356
I've got a talent for fashion.
Why not buy me clothes?
76
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,876
You know we've always
treated all our children fairly
77
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,110
so I'm sure you'll understand
78
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,078
that we can't give you anything
at the moment because...
79
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,470
We've spent all this money on Michael.
80
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,676
That's nice. It makes me feel wanted.
81
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:56,469
I think I'll just sit over here
and develop an eating disorder.
82
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,630
Thank you. Diplomatic as ever.
83
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,995
Hi, everyone. Hi, Mum!
84
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,036
Hi, Dad!
85
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,515
Hey, new computer! Cool.
86
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,114
Thought you wanted a green one.
87
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:13,352
On days like these you just know
something wonderful's gonna happen.
88
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,351
What, like you're emigrating?
89
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,238
Ha ha, your sarcastic barbs
cannot wound me,
90
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,232
for I wear the Armour Of Love
and the Shield Of Amour.
91
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,313
- Has Nick got a new girlfriend?
- Or he's found Cartoon Network.
92
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,472
- She's called Amanda.
- Amanda.
93
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,313
How lovely. When are we going
to meet Amanda?
94
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,188
She'll be round any minute. Off to
the cinema and then... who knows?
95
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,748
You buy a ticket,
find a seat and watch a film?
96
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,469
- Ha ha. Shield Of Amour!
- Where's my Mallet Of Silence?
97
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,710
How long have you been seeing her?
98
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,473
We met when I had that limo-driving job.
99
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,199
- That would be Tuesday?
- Yep. We clicked.
100
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,838
She can't get enough of me.
101
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,798
- She can have my share.
- (Michael and Janey) And mine!
102
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,757
Ha ha ha. Shield of... (Sniffs)
103
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,479
Ooh. That reminds me,
better go and tidy up.
104
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,996
- (Mimics aerosol spray)
- That's what you've been using?
105
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,436
A finger and a sound effect?
That explains a lot.
106
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,398
Where are you going with that?
107
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,711
I thought I'd stick it in
a shop doorway and live in it.
108
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,918
- So, Nick's got a new girlfriend.
- Ho ho(!)
109
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,434
- So what?
- You couldn't care less.
110
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,351
No, I care very much that our son
111
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,159
is skipping around
like a lovestruck baboon.
112
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,232
- Aren't you pleased he's happy?
- He's always happy.
113
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,835
When he gets happier,
it's like putting sugar on Sugar Puffs.
114
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,992
- This one sounds different.
- As in different planet.
115
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,117
- Kelly was nice.
- Nice? She had nipple rings.
116
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,156
How do you know?
117
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,590
They jingled when she walked.
118
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,832
What about that gold-digger?
She almost bled Nick dry.
119
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,037
- She only got a cheeseburger.
- Exactly.
120
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,076
(Doorbell)
121
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,232
- Don't you want to meet her?
- Hmmm... Not sober.
122
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,158
- Yes?
- I've come to pick up Nick.
123
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,152
Oh, right. Nick, Amanda's mum's here!
124
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,879
- You are Amanda, aren't you?
- Yes.
125
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,032
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, that's all right,
126
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:20,477
- it must look a wee bit strange.
- I was expecting somebody else.
127
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,950
Hello. Nick! Amanda's mum's here!
128
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,474
- Hello, babe.
- Hi.
129
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,275
(Exhales) Mum, Dad, this is Amanda.
130
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,311
Bloody hell... o.
131
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,072
Hello.
132
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,436
Had we but world enough, and time.
Catch you later.
133
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,353
You... don't have to go through
with this, you know.
134
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,273
Well, bye. Nice to have met you.
135
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,232
- She seemed surprisingly nice.
- Yes.
136
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,392
Did you notice she was... from Scotland?
137
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,152
Mm-hm.
138
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,915
You didn't think she was a little too...
from Scotland?
139
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,632
- Not especially.
- There's quite a difference in their...
140
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,870
nationalities.
141
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,030
Does it matter?
142
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,680
It's only when Nick's 35 she'll be...
143
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,716
from Scotland.
144
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,636
What have you got against the Scots?
145
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,917
- It's nothing to do with Scotland!
- I know.
146
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,515
- Why did you let me carry on?
- I was bored of this book.
147
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,239
- Forget it.
- OK, OK.
148
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,671
You're fine about the situation?
149
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,990
Susan, there really isn't a situation.
150
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,913
- She could be his mother.
- Don't exaggerate.
151
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,956
She's not that old!
152
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,711
(Susan) You can come in now.
153
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,871
- It doesn't seem right.
- Does it matter how old she is?
154
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,633
It would be like Janey dating a foetus.
155
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,876
- Perhaps we should...
- No.
156
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,474
- What was I going to say?
- We should talk to Nick.
157
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,755
- A brilliant idea.
- I didn't mean that!
158
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,910
Not in an interfering way,
159
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,514
just steer him in the right direction.
160
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,478
- Let's try a fresh approach.
- Go on.
161
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,790
Let's... not talk to Nick.
162
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,555
Let's not interfere. Let's leave Nick alone.
163
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,756
- That's a very good idea.
- Yeah?
164
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,393
Your father thinks
we should have a little talk.
165
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,153
- Dad said that?
- Yes. You see, we care.
166
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,310
We want the best for you.
167
00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,756
- You sure it was Dad's idea?
- No, it was Mum's idea.
168
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,832
- It's about you and Amanda.
- Do you mind?
169
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,629
- It's a private conversation.
- That's why I'm listening.
170
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,868
- What's to worry about?
- Well...
171
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,918
You see, you and Amanda are very...
172
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,719
- different.
- I know. She's a girl.
173
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,915
What I'm trying to say is,
she's not a girl, she's a woman.
174
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,592
Still don't see a problem.
175
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,797
- She thinks Amanda's too old.
- Janey!
176
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,269
If I wasn't here,
you'd never have got to it!
177
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,635
Now that I have, I'll get to the point.
178
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,314
When a sophisticated woman
goes out with a sc...
179
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,277
A young man like you
180
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,194
she's probably... I don't know how
to put this delicately...
181
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,829
- Just using you for sex.
- I know. It's great, innit?
182
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,678
- Get out!
- Fine.
183
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,514
But you'll never finish
this conversation without me.
184
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,068
I don't think you've thought this through.
185
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,594
I have. By the way, we're getting married.
186
00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,591
- What?!
- Thought you'd be pleased.
187
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:03,116
- You only met her on Tuesday.
- When you first meet someone
188
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,760
- you want to try everything!
- Nick, Nick...
189
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,479
Marriage is a commitment for life.
190
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,473
Two people who stay together for better
or worse, like me and your father.
191
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,471
Got it. Scrub the wedding.
192
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,758
- So you're not getting married?
- Not now I've thought about it.
193
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,559
Amanda might find this a little erratic.
194
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,598
I shouldn't think so.
I haven't asked her yet.
195
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,597
- Thanks a lot.
- For what?
196
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,955
- For nothing.
- You're welcome.
197
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,998
You'll give Michael
Nick's room when he moves out.
198
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,755
- Nick's not going anywhere.
- Must you keep saying that?
199
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:43,311
- I need space for the computer.
- I need somewhere for clothes
200
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,197
and your dead body.
201
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,113
Do you know how to kill someone
without getting caught?
202
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,758
- What?
- I do.
203
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:53,037
- Hold on!
- I'm always the poor relation.
204
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,157
- I have the smallest room.
- All right, all right!
205
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,232
- Why don't you swap rooms?
- I'm not moving in there.
206
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,709
- It smells of girl.
- Your room smells of f...
207
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,270
Important announcement,
nobody is moving anywhere.
208
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:10,309
I'm not having this family disrupted
because of Nick and his passing fad.
209
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,631
It's the real thing. He got me to program
her number into the phone.
210
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:17,235
He also got you to program
the number of the speaking clock.
211
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,515
Nice thought, though. Nick moving out.
212
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,875
That room of his
would make a nice study.
213
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,428
- Or a nice sewing room for me.
- You don't sew!
214
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,909
You don't study.
215
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,878
It being Nick's room
we'd need to get a decorator in.
216
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,076
Decorator? We'd need a priest.
217
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:36,036
What's this about a priest?
Janey's head spinning round?
218
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,076
Near enough.
219
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,549
I've got to go.
The call of love must be answered.
220
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:44,349
- Have something to eat first.
- Amanda's cooking my favourite.
221
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,989
- I didn't know you had one.
- I do when Amanda cooks it.
222
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,038
- You seen the car keys lately?
- No.
223
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,192
Take a good look.
I won't be back till late.
224
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,589
Nick, it's cold. Button up.
225
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,477
- OK.
- And comb your hair.
226
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,154
God, you're beginning
to sound like Amanda.
227
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,713
- Ben, I need to talk to you.
- Oh, no.
228
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,870
It's important.
229
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,758
If you want Nick's room,
have Nick's room -
230
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,990
that way maybe I can get some sleep.
231
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,550
- No, it's about Nick.
- Oh, you surprise me.
232
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,950
She's old enough to be his mother
and acts like she is.
233
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,679
By blathering on
and keeping people awake?
234
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,352
Somebody will get hurt.
235
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,398
Whenever I hear that,
I always know it's gonna be me.
236
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,630
I'm worried that Nick isn't worried.
237
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,234
He thinks there's nothing to worry about.
238
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,550
Exactly. Someone's got to tell him.
239
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,474
- Why?
- He's got to face up to reality.
240
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:47,758
The reality that his mother is
a guilt-ridden bundle of neuroses?
241
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,195
I didn't mean that.
242
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,474
Look at the upside.
243
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,154
Amanda is a sophisticated career woman
244
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,754
with a successful business.
245
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,876
Think what she can teach him -
246
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,396
how to dress, how to behave,
how to hold down a job.
247
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,471
Weren't we supposed to do that?
248
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,391
Yes.
249
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,040
But now's the time to pass the torch on.
250
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,312
I suppose it had to happen one day.
251
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:25,279
Have you ever wondered
how you'll feel when they fly the nest?
252
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,715
(Satisfied sigh)
253
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,395
Sorry, I was somewhere else
for a moment there.
254
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,675
It's obvious he wants to talk to you.
255
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,273
- Who?
- Nick.
256
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,477
- What about?
- About life, women, relationships.
257
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,109
Ooh, relationships? With Nick?
Oh, God, no!
258
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,918
- You talked to him.
- I did.
259
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,312
But there is some wisdom
a son needs to learn from his father.
260
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,995
I've already taught him to pee
standing up, isn't that enough?
261
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,595
He's reaching out, Ben.
He was trying to talk to you earlier.
262
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,389
- "Have you seen the car keys?"
- That's father-son code
263
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,199
- for "Help me, I'm lost."
- You're insane.
264
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:06,398
Nick doesn't want to talk to me.
Talking makes no difference.
265
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,914
- Then what's the harm?
- What's the point?
266
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,797
- I'd be happy.
- I'd be miserable.
267
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,677
Then I win.
268
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,509
Don't even bother to try
and make love to me tonight.
269
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,035
You're not going to bother, are you?
270
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,551
(Nick) Dad.
271
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,518
Mum says we should have a word.
272
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,750
Sure.
273
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,070
Any time.
274
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,869
- Just let me know when you want it.
- How about now?
275
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,393
- Now?
- Why not?
276
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,952
Sure.
277
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,599
Sure.
278
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,240
I've just got to do something
in the kitchen.
279
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,438
I just wanted you to know that
I really think it's really nice
280
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,832
you're taking an interest in
me and Amanda and our relationship.
281
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,309
Yeah, er... good.
282
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,231
I need to be in there now.
283
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,032
I'm really grateful for this.
284
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:21,831
Not many sons can have this
sort of heart-to-heart with their father.
285
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,954
I thought you didn't even care.
286
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,949
Erm... Ooh, kettle's boiled.
287
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,557
- You didn't put the kettle on.
- No, I didn't, did I?
288
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,916
It's good to know that if
I want you for whatever reason,
289
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,152
you're always there.
Some dads would run a mile before...
290
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,794
Ready for that talk now, then?
291
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,758
You see, what I wanted to say was -
292
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,559
Mum wants to invite Amanda
round for dinner.
293
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,234
Oh, that is a brilliant idea.
294
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,675
Good. Mum said check with you first.
295
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,274
- Yeah...
- That's settled then. I'll tell Mum.
296
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,591
- Nick, Nick...
- Good talking with you. Let's do it again.
297
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,193
Yeah, let's...
298
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,350
- Bye.
- Bye.
299
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,790
Mum? You know you
said Michael was gifted.
300
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,759
Why don't you send him away
to a school for gifted children?
301
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,752
- That's rather a big step.
- That's what I thought,
302
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,831
so I sent away for these brochures.
303
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,718
That's sweet but
he's fine at the school he's at.
304
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,518
They're holding him back
305
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,354
and there's a real danger
his parents will spoil him at home.
306
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,193
- We'll think about it.
- They all have places.
307
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,589
Just phone and arrange the interviews.
308
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,240
As I say, we'll think about it.
309
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,118
I'm feeling nervous about this evening.
310
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,111
So am I. Let's cancel.
311
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,270
No, we're doing this for Nick.
312
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:12,273
You're inviting the enemy
to assess her firepower.
313
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:17,832
You're so cynical. I just want to see what
the cradle-snatching cow is really like.
314
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,799
- So, what time is dinner?
- You're not invited.
315
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,077
- What time did you tell Amanda?
- Me? I'm neutral.
316
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,470
- Nick told her.
- Perhaps I should call her.
317
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,357
Why aren't I invited?
318
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:34,274
Nick and your father will be there -
that's high risk enough.
319
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,874
I know, Janey can have my place.
320
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,076
I know, she can't. Oh, hello.
321
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,276
Again, the poor relation.
322
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,511
One gets a computer,
the other gets a dinner party
323
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,068
and nothing for the poor little match girl.
324
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,073
- Perhaps she'll just fade away.
- Hopefully mouth first.
325
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,271
Oh, my God.
326
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:57,113
- Is she allergic to prawns?
- I didn't speak to her.
327
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,191
- Who was that?
- Her husband.
328
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,394
Oh, Mum. Please can I come?
329
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,317
Well, I must say, darling,
you set a lovely table.
330
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,915
- What are you doing?
- Removing any sharp objects.
331
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:18,869
This is no time for insouciance,
we've got to start panicking.
332
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,077
What's the panic?
For once something is going wrong
333
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,878
and it's nothing to do with me.
334
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,838
Can't you see? Nick will be devastated.
335
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,718
Yeah, but you're not
going to tell him now.
336
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,359
- Are you?
- (Doorbell)
337
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,318
Oh, God, Susan, no! Susan! Susan!
338
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,994
When are you going
to learn to put things off?
339
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,719
- Good evening, welcome.
- Good evening, Ben.
340
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,951
- You've met the lovely Amanda.
- Hello. Hi.
341
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:49,113
Put that on ice, Harper. I'll have mine
with an olive and no tonic.
342
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,668
I need you to help me
with the spring rolls.
343
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,512
Susan! No!
344
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,912
No... She-She's a terrible cook.
345
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,956
That's why I need Nick.
346
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,993
- Please, come in.
- Thank you.
347
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,190
Oh!
348
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,271
Shall we sit down then?
349
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,920
Yep, yep. Sit, please.
350
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,877
So, Ben. Nick tells me
you're a secret agent.
351
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,355
This isn't going to be very pleasant.
352
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,635
I know, you did them for Christmas.
353
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,871
Not the spring rolls,
something far worse.
354
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,748
Oh, Mum. Not shellfish satay.
355
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,593
- Amanda.
- What about her?
356
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,636
She's married.
357
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,711
- Go on.
- She's married.
358
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,553
- I know.
- You...
359
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,518
- How long have you known?
- From the beginning.
360
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,909
You don't think
there might be a problem?
361
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,355
- In what sense?
- That she has a husband.
362
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,876
Course not.
He's never in when I'm there.
363
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,394
- Isn't that a coincidence.
- I don't think so,
364
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,277
I think Amanda planned it that way.
365
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,999
Could you try to look
a little bit devastated?
366
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,036
Er...
367
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,708
How's that?
368
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,677
I don't have a licence to kill.
369
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,516
I have a licence to practise dentistry.
370
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,795
I have a fairly solid patient list
371
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:33,192
topped up by people phoning up
on the off chance, you know -
372
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:37,034
a crown loose, a cracked filling,
that sort of thing.
373
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,315
And you find that works as a cover?
374
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,595
Er, no, no...
375
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,636
I really am a dentist!
376
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,395
I wonder what you're like under torture?
377
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,835
Pretty much like this.
378
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,639
Speaking of torture,
here come the spring rolls.
379
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,029
Your husband's impervious.
380
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,712
Husbands are, aren't they?
381
00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,475
- How did he take it?
- Surprisingly well but I'm working on it.
382
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,232
Oh, God, here we go.
383
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,909
I must say, Susan,
when Nick invited me to meet his family,
384
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,595
I had no idea how interesting they'd be.
385
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,398
Not really.
386
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,631
How about your family?
I bet there's a story there.
387
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,872
I wouldn't talk about my family,
far too embarrassing.
388
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:27,078
- You're sitting on my hand.
- Oh, that's what it is.
389
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,799
- Soft hands, eh, Dad?
- Shut up.
390
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,916
I was just curious,
391
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,276
as we're all around
the same general age area,
392
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:39,399
- have you had any children?
- What, apart from your son?
393
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,438
Right.
394
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,990
Did I ever tell you when
I parachuted into East Berlin?
395
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,640
Excuse my husband,
he's about to go into hospital.
396
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,076
Oh, I'm so sorry,
we should drink to his health.
397
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,435
No, let's drink to marriage.
398
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,556
- No...
- (All) Marriage!
399
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,030
- And fidelity.
- (All) Fidelity!
400
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:06,159
Oh, and not tarting around
behind your husband's back.
401
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,313
I think she's got the picture now, Mum.
402
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,233
That's really subtly painted, Susan.
403
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,915
There's no need to get upset about it -
Duncan understands.
404
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,195
As long as I'm honest, he never minds.
405
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,350
"Never"? Is this a regular thing?
406
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,351
Regular as a train.
407
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,193
- I meant with other men.
- Honestly, Susan,
408
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,589
don't come the schoolmarm with me.
409
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,477
You must've had a few flings.
410
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,551
She most certainly has not!
411
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,950
You seem very sure about that, Ben.
412
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:39,032
Er, exc... Oh, so you've had
a few flings, have you?
413
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:42,396
Perhaps. While you were
parachuting into Berlin.
414
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,869
Perhaps? Perhaps I couldn't care less.
415
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,270
If you weren't so careless
we wouldn't have had Nick.
416
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:50,271
Ooh, your turn, Dad.
417
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:53,238
You see, this is why
I prefer younger men.
418
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,278
- No strings, no baggage.
- You calling my wife baggage?
419
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,510
- No, I did not.
- No, she did not.
420
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,830
I don't know what
you're on about, you idiot.
421
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,388
- I'm an idiot?
- You think I'm a terrible cook.
422
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,914
Isn't this romantic? Our first row.
423
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,080
I think we've all learned
something from this.
424
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,957
Oh, OK.
425
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,315
- You first.
- Well...
426
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,789
There is a possibility on this occasion
427
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,792
that it may have been wrong
to interfere. Perhaps.
428
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,668
- That's a big admission, Mum.
- It's not an admission, it's a "perhaps".
429
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,273
I hear ya.
430
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:28,920
It's up to you who you go out with.
431
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,117
And whoever you choose,
I want you to remember
432
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,714
that I'll always be here for you.
433
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,633
Thanks, Mum.
434
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,996
I want to thank you for putting
up with me all these years.
435
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,833
Letting me live here rent-free.
436
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,753
Free food, free laundry,
437
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,592
free beer.
438
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,557
No, I mean it, Mum.
439
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:55,236
I'll always appreciate you
and I always will.
440
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,392
- You've split up, haven't you?
- That's right.
441
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,516
I'm so sorry.
442
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,239
It was bound to happen.
She wasn't right for you.
443
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,675
- It wasn't me, it was you.
- What?
444
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:10,276
Amanda didn't like you,
said you were interfering and nosy.
445
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,396
Me?
446
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,199
That... can't be the only reason.
447
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,840
- There was the other man.
- Her husband.
448
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,956
No, Dad. Didn't like him either.
449
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,679
I might have known
it was your father's fault.
450
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,320
- Are you completely crushed?
- No, not at all.
451
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,356
Plenty of other fish in the sea.
452
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,910
Maybe one day I'll find the girl
who's just right for you.
453
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,550
(# Hums Music To Watch Girls By)
454
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,836
Happy as ever.
455
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,151
You'd think he'd allow us
a decent period of gloom.
456
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,629
- That just leaves Janey.
- Hm?
457
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,314
Nick's happy,
Michael's got his computer,
458
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,960
Janey still thinks we're neglecting her.
459
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,792
What are we going to do?
460
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,555
I don't know, I thought
we'd just buy her a pair of shoes.
461
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,108
I despair sometimes.
462
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,317
How could you think our
own daughter could be so shallow?
463
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,789
Thank you so much for the shoes!
464
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,348
Best dad any girl could ever have!
465
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,670
Steady on, it's only a pair of shoes.
466
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,513
You don't think
that's the end of it, do you?
467
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,556
(Doorbell)
468
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:22,510
See? Everybody's happy. (Chuckles)
469
00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:26,680
(# Hums Music To Watch Girls By)
470
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,151
Hello?
471
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,196
- Harper?
- Yeah.
472
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:38,910
Funny. Only she usually goes
for something a bit younger.
473
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,991
- Oh.
- Anyway...
474
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,916
I'm sorry. It's because I care.
475
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,233
- Who was that, dear?
- (Ben groaning)
476
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,437
You know what? He didn't say.
477
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,912
Oh, my God, Colin,
bandits at four o'clock.
478
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,276
(lmitates machine gun and explosions)
479
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,876
This is the X-ray machine.
480
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,915
Ah! This is the fish tank.
481
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,551
I've been here before, Dad.
482
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,235
If you look very carefully,
you can see the Launderette...
483
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,276
on the corner.
484
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:32,430
Is this gonna take long?
485
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,875
Oh, come on, Mikey.
486
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,633
This is Take Your Kids To Work Day!
487
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,678
The clue is in the title.
488
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,318
"Day".
489
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,797
Dentistry a lot more fun
than it looks, you know.
490
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,950
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
491
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,473
No, it isn't.
492
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,595
Hey, Michael. What about this...
493
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,035
(As ventriloquist) 'Ello, Archie!
494
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:03,396
Cor lumme,
we're gonna have a lot of fun!
495
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,113
(Gruffly) In the surgery,
no one can hear you scream. (Chokes)
496
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,592
Jeff's dad can do that
and he's not even a dentist.
497
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,392
- Jeff's dad's in the RAF.
- Really?
498
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:21,109
But has he got... one of these?
(Chuckles)
499
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,430
He's got a Harrier jump jet.
500
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,631
But can he do that?
501
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,508
Hm? And that? Pretty impressive, huh?
502
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,676
Jeff's dad's got an ejector seat.
503
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,393
Yes, I wish I had one of those now.
39419
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof