Original subtitles

Hi, mom!

I just love home videos, don't you?

Especially when the home is haunted.

Tonight's twisted tale, my dear couch potatoes,

is filed under "t" for television...

Or should that be...

Terror?

Mr. horton rivers is about to find out,

so stayed tuned to this...

Totally titillating tube.

And... Cue horton.

And... Cue horton.

Mass murder,

dismemberment,

suicide...

It all happened right here

on this quiet street

in the heart of Los Angeles.

Within the walls of the once stately...

Manor right behind me,

Ada ritter,

aging matriarch of the ritter home boarding house,

routinely murdered her elderly guests

for their social security checks.

The bodies were dismembered

and buried in the basement.

12 victims in all.

Police speculate there may have been more.

Only Ada ritter,

whose suicide prompted the investigation,

knew for sure.

Camera 3.

Now, 5 years later,

the horror continues...

Rumors of ghosts, voices in the night,

weird lights and sound.

Nonsense?

Nonsense?

Or is this modern-day chamber of horrors

truly haunted?

Tonight...

We'll find out,

because I'm going inside the ritter house.

Ah...

But you'll be with me

on this special haunting edition

ofhorton rivers live!

Don't leave me.

Bernie boy, the scissors.

Bernie boy, the scissors.

And...

Roll commercial.

Stand by, tape 2.

Tape 2.

Two minutes to start time.

Two minutes, everyone!

Don't you think it's a little stupid

having a police line still up

5 years after the case was closed?

I tried to tell him.

Sam!

Sam, get your tail feathers out here!

His majesty beckons.

His majesty beckons.

Sammy baby!

Sammy baby!

You putz.

Where the hell is she? Come on. Get this side.

Where the hell is she? Come on. Get this side.

Sam!

Sam!

Just a sec. Sam...

Who is that clown?

That is Roland workshafter,

the psychic you requested.

He looks more like a mortician

than a psychic.

Ok. Forget that. Next week's shows.

Ok. You got a choice next week.

You got the satanists,

you got the impotent transvestite,

soldiers of fortune,

a Neo-Nazi black group,

and the culture show for Thursday is breast implants.

Bingo. You got any strippers?

Yes, we got a combo on that one.

Do you want the strippers

who were in the same convent together

or the ones who use animals?

Hmm. I'll take the nuns.

Good choice.

They're as close to heaven as you'll ever get.

How about that couple

that was taking pictures in Paris of Jim morrison?

Yeah, they said they got a bunch

of him having lunch with Marilyn Monroe.

Ok. All right. I like it.

You think people are going to believe that?

Yeah.

They'll believe

what I tell them to believe.

I got a great idea. Listen to me.

1960's rock music,

I get the outfit.

The morrison jacket, the tight leather pants,

stuff the sock down in front.

Nice touch.

I don't really need it, Sam, all right?

And I sing one of his songs, like, uh...

♪♪ Hello, hello ♪♪

♪♪ I'm livin' in France ♪♪

♪♪ I gotta, I've gotta ♪♪

♪♪ Get out of these pants ♪♪

Huh? You like that, huh?

I think you'll be the first TV host

sued by a dead guy.

10 seconds, horton! Get your ear piece in.

Let me tell you something, pal.

You're not tough enough.

You're too conscientious.

You got to have that killer instinct, all right?

And remember something.

Just because you're sleeping with me

doesn't give you a free ride in this town.

Positions, please!

Quiet!

Let's hold the work! Hold it!

Stand by!

Quiet on the set.

Quiet on the set.

Ready on the 2-shot.

Stand by, camera 3.

Hold the 2-shot. Open horton's Mike.

You extraordinarily putrid waste

of human tissue.

Camera 3.

With me tonight is Dr. Roland workshafter,

one of the world's most renowned psychics.

Doctor, I want to say, first of all,

that I am a great admirer

of your wonderful work.

Tell me, sir, is the ritter house haunted?

It's a pit of seething evil.

Would you enter it with us?

You couldn't pay me to go in there,

nor do I recommend you go either.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

Another expert opinion

and an opinion we're going to have to defy

in order to bring the story home to you.

Thank you, doctor.

Give me a break. Ready on camera 2.

Stand by, 2.

Camera 2.

Viewers familiar with my other investigations

will undoubtedly recognize my cameraman,

trip Henderson.

Trip.

Ok, guys.

Let's get inside this joint.

Five years ago,

this place was sealed tight.

What secrets lay inside?

Come on. Come on.

What startling discoveries...

Await us?

Go, god damn it! Get inside!

Go, god damn it! Get inside!

Follow me...

Follow me...

If you dare.

If you dare.

You fuckin' dickhead.

You fuckin' dickhead.

Holy shit!

I feel like I'm in fuckin'lost in space, man.

I feel like I'm in fuckin'lost in space, man.

Stand by, horton.

Go.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is amazing.

I mean, what you're seeing right now

is exactly what homicide detectives

saw 5 years ago.

It's like stepping into a void.

It's like stepping into the past.

Moving on from the foyer to a back hall

in this old house,

past a staircase

to a door that I believe...

Leads to the kitchen.

Leads to the kitchen.

Here, Ada ritter prepared home-cooked meals

for her boarders.

Of course,

little did they know that those meals would, uh...

Perhaps be their last meals.

But look at the counter.

Canned goods, foodstuff, dishes, plates.

Ha ha!

Kidney beans.

It's as though Ada ritter never left.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Ha ha ha ha.

Wow.

At least we know

there are still some inhabitants in this house.

It's his fuckin' family.

Ha ha ha ha.

Now let's head for the parlor.

Now let's head for the parlor.

I hope those damn rats we found in the kitchen

are the only thing we find alive in this house.

Are the only thing we find alive in this house.

Ah, yes.

The game room.

It was in this room, according to police,

that Ada ritter played her clever games

and entertained her guests.

And...

Quite often, as a matter of fact,

would entertain them on the piano.

Would entertain them on the piano.

What's that?

What's that?

What's a haunted house without a couple of sheets?

What's a haunted house without a couple of sheets?

Now...

Into the basement.

It was down there

in a dank,

claustrophobic hell

that police discovered the grisly truth

about Ada ritter.

About Ada ritter.

Down here, the smiling matron of death

chopped up the corpses, all right?

And then stacked their body parts

neatly behind the wall.

12 innocent men.

12 men...

Whose... whose lives just slipped through her fingers

like grains of sand.

12 transients...

Whose final resting place

was this black pit.

Was this black pit.

Trip.

Trip.

What went through the mind

of Ada ritter?

What perverse logic could convince her

that her crimes were justified?

Was it greed? Was it lust?

10 seconds to commercial.

Perhaps an insatiable appetite

for blood letting.

But as we search for clues,

which we'll do when we come back,

we'll find out.

Out. Roll commercial.

Take 3.

Shh. Cindy's sleeping...

All right. Got that, gang?

Is that a killer?

Yeah, yeah, we got it, horton.

Now, get your ass upstairs.

You got 2 minutes.

Fuck! Come on.

Fuck! Come on.

Well, I guess you better remember

who told you first, huh, Sam?

What did I tell you?

It's a great show.

Hey, did the network call yet?

Yeah, horton. The network called.

They want you to pick up the pace.

What?

Hey, the show's dragging.

They're afraid it'll be another al Capone's vault.

What the fuck do they want me to do?

Horton...

Listen, I'm a guy

who knows a good story, all right?

I'm the guy who went to El Salvador.

I'm the guy who went to Afghanistan.

They're the guys who sat home

on their fat asses and ate quiche while I was over there.

Horton.

Ok.

I'm telling you, this is a great show.

The ratings are going to go through the roof.

The ratings are gonna be out the goddamn window

if you don't do something to spice it up.

What am I supposed to spice it up with?

You hear that?

You hear that?

Help me.

Come on, trip.

Something's going on in this house.

Horton, what are you talking about?

Horton, what are you talking about?

Let's rock.

How soon before we're back?

Less than a minute, horton.

Damn it. Hustle it up.

Damn it. Hustle it up.

Oh, great.

What is that?

I don't know.

Some kind of interference.

Trip, you want to check your connections?

We got a lot of snow and static in here.

Roger, kingpin.

Roger, kingpin.

We got about 20 seconds, trip.

We got about 20 seconds, trip.

Christ, we've lost picture.

Give me a check right away.

Let's just roll another commercial

till we find the problem.

Can't you fuckin' people

get the fuckin' bugs out of this equipment?

We'll try, horton. We'll try,

as soon as you get rid of the fucking bug

up your fucking ass.

Horton, do you hear dripping water?

Horton, do you hear dripping water?

Yeah. So what?

The utilities have been off for years.

That place should be bone dry.

Sam, what do you want me to do? Read the meters?

Just check it out if you can.

Just check it out if you can.

Trip! Come here!

Horton, what's happening?

Come here.

Come here.

What is it, horton?

What the hell is going on?

There was a man in that bathtub

and his throat was slashed.

Trip, did you see any that?

Uh, no, man, I didn't.

Are you crazy?

He was in that bathtub, and I saw him!

I was looking at the camera, man.

Are you guys getting this?

Are you guys getting this?

We got picture!

Get out of that commercial right now!

You're on, horton.

You're on live. Get out there.

Go!

Go!

Horton. Horton, get on camera.

Do a stand-up... now.

Do a stand-up... now.

Ladies and gentlemen, what we've been experiencing

and what you've been witnessing

is the first case of psychic phenomena

ever viewed on live television.

Booth, would you patch me in

with Dr. workshafter, please?

Get me camera 2 on workshafter right now.

Come on. Get me an image.

Come on. Get me an image.

Dr. workshafter...

Just what is it, sir, that we've been experiencing?

Two forms of phenomena...

A psychic impression and some poltergeist activity,

both rather common in the world of psi-phenomena.

What is happening is not unusual

for a site where a violent event has taken place.

Frequently what happens is that an impression

has been recorded by the walls

and trapped inside,

and plays over and over again.

Kind of like an instant replay?

Yes, whereas poltergeist activity is the actions

of a mischievous or malevolent

earthbound spirit.

Are we in any danger?

You were in danger the moment you crawled through the threshold.

You were in danger the moment you crawled through the threshold.

Help me...

Trip! Trip! Trip!

Trip! Trip! Trip!

Trip!

Booth, somebody is in this house.

Somebody is in this house.

Please notify the authorities.

Folks, I'm not kidding you, all right?

While we were in commercial,

there are all kinds of things going on in this house.

I am not out of my...

Ok. Yes.

It's the network. They love it.

Whatever we're doing, keep on doing it.

The phones are ringing off the walls.

Ladies and gentlemen, some disturbing events have been taking place.

Now, whether this is all a hoax,

or some supernatural activity is going on,

I don't know, but we're going to find out.

I don't know, but we're going to find out.

Trip.

Trip.

Oh, my god. It's trip.

Horton?

Horton, who's got the camera?

Horton, who's got the camera?

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, Jesus!

Aah!

Aah!

Help me!

Get the security team to stand by.

I've gotta get out of here!

It's the network again. They're ecstatic.

Ratings are going through the roof.

Oh, god. Help me!

Oh, god. Help me!

Help me!

Get me out of this house!

What do you want to do?

We pull it now or we keep him in there?

Oh, god!

It's your call.

Help me!

Keep him in there.

God help me!

Get me out of this house!

Help me!

Help me!

Help me!

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

No!

No!

No! No!

Don't leave me in here!

Horton, can you hear me?

We got to keep you in there.

The ratings are too high.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Sounds cold, I know,

but you got to have that killer instinct, right?

Hang in there, babe.

Aah!

Aah!

Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.

It really looks real.

It really looks real.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Hey, folks,

what's it like to have sex with Satan?

Meet 4 women and one man who say they have

on the next edition ofhorton rivers live.

On the next edition ofhorton rivers live.

Oh, that horton.

He's a real swinger.

He hangs out in all the right places.

No wonder he's such a hit on live...

Or is it dead?... TV!

Captioning made possible by Warner bros.

Captioned by the national captioning institute... www.Ncicap.Org...

Captioned by the national captioning institute... www.Ncicap.Org...