All language subtitles for The.New.Adventures.of.Old.Christine.S02E19.Faith Off.ebng

What do you think?
Is it serious?

Well, I've only been in
medical school two weeks,

so technically...

I'm not really a doctor.

I can't actually
find my classes.

Do you see a Building
322 on this map?

Right there.

Oh, great!

You should be a doctor.

Hey, Matthew, I have to cancel
my 11:15 appointment with you.

It turns out that suspicious
mole was a chocolate chip.

Less than 24 hours' notice-- I'm afraid
I'm still gonna have to bill you.

Damn doctors.

Richard, what are
you doing here?

It's almost 8:00.
Ritchie's gonna be late for school!

Oh, shoot, come on, Ritchie,
we got to get you to school, little man.

Wait, I have to get
my tape recorder.

- Okay.
- What?

Why does he need
a tape recorder?

Well, the last few weeks he's been
asking a lot of questions about sex.

Why men and women
sleep together,

what their dirty parts do--

so I told him I'd give him the
sex talk on the way to school,

and he wants to record it.

I wouldn't mind getting a copy
of that tape when you're done.

Wait, you're having
a sex talk with him?

I thought I was supposed to
have the sex talk with him.

No. You got to have
the body hair talk.

No, I had to have
the body hair talk

because he accidentally saw
me coming out of the shower.

And it was the
middle of winter.

Uh, I'm afraid I can no
longer be your doctor...

or your brother.

Look, Christine, I'm his dad.

A boy should hear
about sex from his dad.

I did.
And I never heard you complain.

Quite the opposite.

I have got to find
my medical school.

Look, I'm just saying that
there is a huge difference

between knowing how to do it and
knowing how to explain it. All right?

I mean, I must have told you,
like, a thousand times

how my menstrual cycle works.
You still could never understand.

That is not true.

Okay, yeah,
explain it to me then.

Well...

every 30 days, give or take,

a woman's body produces about
a hundred eggs, more or less.

No, I'd say that's way less.

Like what, 50?

Well, no,
let's go with a dozen.

Right. 'Cause they're eggs.

So... if a man's sperm
makes its way upriver

and one gets through,
then you get a baby.

If not,
the woman gets her period.

And the period can last
for quite a long time.

In some cases,
the entire length of a marriage.

Okay. I'm giving him the talk.

Hey, sweetheart,
here's your bookbag, okay?

Now, don't forget, I'm picking
you up at 2:00 outside school.

- Okay.
- Okay, love, you have a great day.

- Love ya.
- Bye, Mom.

Bye, darling.

Yeah.

Let me tell you,
I have plenty of sexual complaints.

He used to work it like he was
scratching a lottery ticket.

And let me tell you,
there were no instant winners there.

Hi. Sorry.

You forgot Ritchie's lunch!

- Oh, they're having a fight.
- Oh, divorce is so ugly.

Divorce? Look at her blouse.

- Look at her hair.
- Look at the back of her hair.

Hey! I'm standing right here!

Look at her shoes.

Hey! I'm just trying to
bring my son his lunch.

Will you make sure
that he gets it?

Yeah, sure.

I got to run,
but I'll call you later

and we'll set up a time
I can come by the house.

Great. Oh, and if my husband answers,
just hang up.

I like doing that to him.

Or if he answers,
I'll just use a foreign accent.

I'm looking for Lindsay.
Do not make me wait.

That is funny.

What-what, uh,
what are you going up to her house for?

Well, Lindsay has some
work she needs done.

She asked if I'd be interested.

Yeah, I'm redoing
my master bath.

Because I just redid
my master bath.

That's not why.
I don't do everything you do.

I didn't get my eyes done.

I didn't get my eyes done.

Really? Wink.

I could wink.

Richard, you're
renovating her bathroom?

Yeah. I'm a contractor;
that's what I do.

No, I know, but I mean,
shouldn't you interview more people

before hiring some
clod off the street?

Hey, what are you doing?

No, no, I mean, not you, but...

Oh! I just winked. So, ha.

And now I can't stop winking.

Yeah, you're not winking.

Am I winking now?

No. Nothing's moving.

- Oh, no.
- Okay, I'll drive you.

- Okay.
- Yeah. This way.

Hey... why are you
sabotaging my work?

Why are you taking a job from
a parent at our kid's school?

They already hate us here.

She'll just be waiting for an
opportunity for you to screw up.

They'll ostracize us even more.

I mean, seriously, Richard,
if something happens,

it doesn't just affect you,
it affects Ritchie, too!

Why would something happen?

I'm a good contractor.

No, I know you're
a good contractor,

but if something
were to happen...

Nothing's gonna happen.

Look, Christine,
I may forget things sometimes,

and I may not know how
the egg gets to the uterus

and brings on the flow...

but I know my job.

Okay, you're right.
Just please, be extra careful, okay?

And for the record,
you don't get your period

just because your egg
is in the uterus, all right?

A lot of other stuff happens.

A lot.

You don't know, either, do you?

I have a pretty good idea.

Hello? Everybody decent?

Hey, Christine.

What are you guys doing here?
Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah. We were just doing errands.
We thought we'd drop by.

We brought you your
favorite smoothie:

raspberry-matazz with
extra rose hips.

That's right. I like rose hips.

I'm your boss.
Stop looking at me.

Wow, you've done all
of this in a week?

So this is...
pretty much on schedule, then?

Yeah, we're making
good progress.

Now not so much.

Look at these.

Are these the blueprints
or something?

They look so complicated. Wow!

How do you figure out
all of these numbers

and these arrows
and everything?

Can you figure this out?

Christine, what
are you doing here?

Because I'm getting the feeling
you only came by to check up on me.

Matthew, please!

Okay, I am checking up on you,
but only because it's Lindsay.

She's awful.
You don't know her like I do.

I mean, she went after my hair,
and I have great hair.

This isn't about Lindsay;
this is about me.

You think I'm gonna
screw the job up.

Well, I'm not.

Well, I just don't want another
dome house on our hands.

Are you bringing
up the dome house?

I really can't believe you're
bringing up the dome house.

Those were my parents' friends,

and you completely
messed it up.

It was my first job;
it was 15 years ago!

They hired you to
build a dome house,

but it wasn't a dome.

It was like something
out of a Dr. Seuss book.

I kept waiting for
the Lorax to jump out.

"Come on in to my home.

It's not a house.
It's not a dome!"

There were some problems
with the plans.

I fixed it as best I could.

Besides, they were crazy.

They wanted to live in a dome.

You know who lives in a dome?

Eskimos and nobody.

It cost us every penny that
we saved to fix that thing.

And you didn't get work
for six months after that.

And my parents never got to go to
Lake Shasta with the Hallorans again.

They love that houseboat.

Do you have any idea how much my dad
loves peeing off the side of things?!

I'm not having this
conversation again.

Look, Christine,
I appreciate the total lack of faith,

but believe it or not, I know a little
bit more about this than you do.

And right now I have
to run to Home Depot,

and you need to leave.

What's Home Depot?

What? Home Depot.

Home Depot.

Home Depot.
Is he messing with me?

No, he doesn't know what it is.

It's the biggest home
improvement store in the world.

It's the greatest
place on earth.

Can I go?

Don't you have a
class or something?

No, I can't find it.

Yeah, sure, you can come along.

Will I need these?

Your parents should
win a prize.

Yeah, come on.

Okay, you know what? Go ahead without
me. I got to use the bathroom.

Okay, but hurry up.

And I wish I didn't feel the
need to explain this to you,

but the toilet on the front
lawn is not connected.

You don't need to tell me that.

And thanks for telling me that.

Yeah, let's go with the
standing wash basin,

and I'll take it in a
walnut if you got it.

I think we do. Let me go check.

Thanks, Jesse.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Just want to look at some shower
systems. Then we're good.

What's that?

Oh, that's an African violet.

They have a whole lawn and
garden section back there.

There's a sprinkler installation
clinic in half an hour.

Now, that is a
practical clinic.

Not like med school, where it's
all about finding your classes.

What's the matter with you?

A flower?

You're at Home Depot,
and you buy a flower?

Why are you yelling at me?

You're missing the whole point
of this place. Look around.

There are amazing things here.

Fine, I'll browse over there.

No. You don't browse.

You grab, you buy, you build.

Okay! It's my first time.

Here, is this good?

A lightbulb-changing kit?

Well, it's not a flower.

Hey, I can use this to get the
jasmine to climb up my trellis.

Go ahead.
Say "jasmine" or "trellis" again.

I don't want to.

I can't believe
Christine came to my job.

How would she like it
if I went to her gym

and just hung out in
the women's locker room?

No, she would not like it.
I can tell you that from experience.

She's so critical with me:

what I wear, how I drive,

what I can and can't
say to Ritchie.

She even picks on the way I walk.

Well, you do walk
a little funny.

One leg's shorter
than the other.

I can't help it.

I didn't know that.

That's okay. I deal with it.

Oh, please, allow me.

Thank you so much.

It's looking pretty good now,
isn't it?

No. Go to the right a little.
To the right.

Yeah, there! Yeah! You got it!

That thing's been on the
roof since New Year's.

That was a wild party!

And the last one
we invited Mom to.

Hey, look. It's my mom's bra.

Give me a buck,
I'll let you touch it.

You owe me a dollar.

What's wrong with you?

- Lindsay fired me.
- What happened?

- She did?
- Yeah. About an hour ago.

Oh, Richard!

This is terrible!

What did you do?

I married you 15 years ago.

What does that mean?

Think back, Christine.

Earlier today,
when you stopped by.

I left with Matthew,
and you stayed behind.

I did not use the
toilet on that lawn!

No. Not that.

Lindsay has nanny cams
all over the house,

and they record everything.

She...

She what?

You guys, tell me the truth.

Does my butt look
big in that movie?

What a time-saver.

This time, it wasn't me.
It was you.

- This is your fault.
- Well, yes.

I can see how you might
think that this is my fault.

Who else's fault could it be?

Well, I'm not one to
point fingers, but...

Keep going.

That's right. You.

This was your fault.

You went through her stuff.

You stole her coat.
You took her pills.

I did not take her pills!

You ate her chips.

I ate her chips. Yes.

But I'm going to fix this.

I'm going to talk
to Lindsay, okay?

And she's going to have
to listen to me, too,

because I got stuff on her!

Half of those pills weren't
even prescribed to her,

and that is against the law!

You mean like breaking
and entering?

Well, I'm not a lawyer, but...

You're not going to talk to anybody,
okay? I'll fix it.

And, from now on,
you're going to let me live my life

and make whatever mistakes
I'm going to make.

Oh, boy.

Maybe you should figure out your own life
before you go messing around in mine!

My life? My life is fine.

Oh, boy.

If this thing fits me,
I'm going to kill myself.

Ooh! What about this?
You think Richard would like this?

Why are you buying him a present?
Because you got him fired

or because you have
no faith in him?

I do have faith in him. I just,
you know, I think he's kind of a dope.

He can't do anything right.

Have you see the way he walks?

- Come here.
- What?

Do you remember that first
house you and Richard bought
right after you got married?

Do you remember that kitchen?

Oh, yeah! I hated it.

It was so small.

Always smelled like
grilled cheese.

Because you were always making
grilled cheese sandwiches.

Yeah. I know.

That part I liked.
I'm just saying.

Remember how the
faucets leaked,

and the refrigerator
made that sound,

and the oven didn't have temperatures?
It was either just on or off?

Yeah, and the floors
were all uneven.

I used to fall off the table when
Richard and I had sex in there.

I'm just going to keep
going with my thing.

Because, you know, guess what?

It's 15 years later,
and that kitchen has been remodeled.

When did you see that kitchen?

No, the kitchen is Richard,
and he's been remodeled.

Now he's got custom
cherry cabinetry,

the double wall oven,
a wine cooler.

He does?

My house is a dump.

What I'm saying is, once upon a time,
Richard was a screwup,

and he needed you to
set him straight,

but now he's changed;
he's a different guy,

and you got to stop treating
him like the old kitchen.

I know. You're right.

I do think of him like that. I don't
even notice his cherry cabinetry,

but he has changed.
We've all changed.

How have you changed?

I haven't changed.

Oh, good. You're here.

I got something for you.

It's from Home Depot.

It's a Raindance showerhead.

Apparently, it's like taking a
shower underneath a waterfall.

It's my gift to you.

Oop! Look.
I left the price tag on it.

Why are you giving this to me?

Because I feel so terrible about getting
you fired and treating you the way I did

and Matthew made me realize you're
not the same kitchen you used to be.

- You just said "kitchen."
- I know.

- Did you mean to say Richard?
- No, no. It's a metaphor.

Why would I say you're not the
same Richard you used to be?

Oh, wait. That works, too.

What are you doing?

I just want to apologize for not
realizing that you've changed.

And I would really like it
if you would forgive me.

I already did.

No. I mean, for real.

Come on. Forgive me.
I feel bad.

I know. And I forgive you.

Richard, why aren't
you letting this go?

I have. It's gone.

Oh, I see what you're doing.

Okay. So you're going
to say you forgive me,

and then you're going to hang onto
this until, like, ten years from now,

you're going to throw
it back in my face.

Why would I do that?

'Cause everybody does that.

I don't. You do that.

Your mother does that.

Are you wearing her perfume?

No. I'm wearing her bra.

Christine, isn't it hard to hang onto
every wrong that's ever been done to you?

It's exhausting.

Then don't.
Everyone makes mistakes,

and life is too short to
hang onto all of them.

Yeah. I do hang onto everything,
and it's awful.

You're right.
I'm going to try and do it your way.

From now on, I'm going to
let go of all my resentments.

I am. Yeah.

That is my gift to you.

So, I'm...

Guess I'm just going to go ahead
and keep the showerhead for myself.

You're letting it all go?

I am.

- Even the dome house?
- Even the dome house.

Even though we lost
all our money?

Don't care.

- That's very big of you.
- Yeah.

Especially considering we had to
borrow money from your parents

and spend every Thanksgiving
with them until we paid it off.

Remember that?

Yeah.

Two Thanksgivings left,
and then...

we... are... done.

- And you're not mad at me anymore?
- Nope.

I've let it all go. Gone.

I've let it all... go.

What's happening?

No, I just...
I just feel a little bit light-headed.

It's a lot to let go
of for me in one day.

Do you want to hold on to
the dome house, sweetie?

Could I?

- Yeah. Sure.
- Okay.

But then I'm letting
everything else go.

And that is my gift to you.

Thank you.

Hey, remember when
I cashed in our IRA

and bought that drive-in?

And when I lost my wedding
ring at my high school reunion

because I didn't want Brenda
Douglas to know I was married?

Okay.

I'm going to have to go
let it go in my room.

Remember when I found that
cheap obstetrician in the mall?

That was a bad day, huh?