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1
00:02:03,796 --> 00:02:05,721
Oh... por favor.
2
00:02:07,414 --> 00:02:08,831
Holy Maria.
3
00:02:12,694 --> 00:02:14,740
Please, I...
4
00:02:44,070 --> 00:02:47,146
Well, well, well, well.
5
00:02:47,263 --> 00:02:49,224
If it isn't Sir Richard Hawkins.
6
00:02:49,349 --> 00:02:54,254
Thieving English privateer
and pain in the bum hole.
7
00:02:54,416 --> 00:02:56,718
King Phil... ip.
8
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,293
Is that you, Phil?
9
00:02:57,193 --> 00:02:59,071
I thought so.
10
00:02:59,074 --> 00:03:01,169
- You don't mind if I...?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
11
00:03:00,058 --> 00:03:03,473
- You carry on. Fill your boots.
- That's very decent of you.
12
00:03:03,593 --> 00:03:05,856
Hm-mm-mm.
13
00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:08,798
Love to stop for a portrait,
but er... must dash.
14
00:03:09,348 --> 00:03:12,205
Do look me up if ever
one of your Armadas pans out
15
00:03:13,128 --> 00:03:15,429
and I'll take you out in London.
16
00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:18,376
- My treat.
- I'll be sure to pop it in the diary.
17
00:03:20,094 --> 00:03:23,460
You seem very chipper
for someone being robbed.
18
00:03:21,984 --> 00:03:25,182
No, it's just I'm a...
a little bit excited.
19
00:03:26,305 --> 00:03:29,466
You see, I'm interested to see
how you're gonna get out of this one.
20
00:03:30,776 --> 00:03:33,245
It's a round room, no corners, two exits.
21
00:03:34,572 --> 00:03:37,128
Not exactly holding
all the cards there, Phil.
22
00:03:37,254 --> 00:03:39,810
Have you forgotten
the first rule of espionage?
23
00:03:40,105 --> 00:03:42,709
No. Always hide in plain sight.
24
00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:45,937
Mr Hawkins.
25
00:03:50,636 --> 00:03:52,682
Oh, bugger.
26
00:03:53,893 --> 00:03:55,127
Take him.
27
00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:58,749
Get him up!
28
00:04:00,235 --> 00:04:04,377
I sail under the sovereign protection
of Queen Elizabeth
29
00:04:04,492 --> 00:04:06,709
and she will not stand for this!
30
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:10,754
Good.
31
00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:18,631
I'm counting on it.
32
00:04:26,121 --> 00:04:29,197
Make way!
33
00:04:29,314 --> 00:04:31,070
Make way!
34
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,385
Aaargh!
35
00:04:32,932 --> 00:04:35,027
Make Way!
36
00:04:35,744 --> 00:04:37,705
I don't suppose you could...?
37
00:04:37,830 --> 00:04:39,198
He's gone.
38
00:04:40,873 --> 00:04:42,835
Make way!
39
00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:46,163
Letter for Her Majesty.
40
00:04:46,707 --> 00:04:48,376
Where is she?
41
00:04:48,615 --> 00:04:50,615
- Undressing. What is it?
- King Philip ll of Spain.
42
00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:53,196
It would seem...
43
00:04:54,849 --> 00:04:56,472
"he's captured Sir Richard.
44
00:04:57,786 --> 00:04:59,798
Hawkins?
45
00:05:00,597 --> 00:05:03,502
I agree, Your Majesty,
46
00:05:03,619 --> 00:05:06,525
Hawkins is a most valuable asset
47
00:05:06,642 --> 00:05:11,207
and we all want him back out there
robbing the Spanishes.
48
00:05:11,325 --> 00:05:15,285
But diplomacy is our only option.
49
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,265
- A summit with King Philip.
- Ooh!
50
00:05:18,392 --> 00:05:21,590
As your father, King Henry, always said,
51
00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:26,108
"Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer."
52
00:05:27,162 --> 00:05:29,547
And a lot of stuff about women
that I never really...
53
00:05:29,674 --> 00:05:31,685
- Will there be dancing?
- What about a joust?
54
00:05:31,803 --> 00:05:33,340
- Kiss chase.
- Sex wrestling.
55
00:05:33,462 --> 00:05:36,237
- Perhaps a nice play.
- I hardly think we need to...
56
00:05:36,358 --> 00:05:38,405
Wait.
57
00:05:38,529 --> 00:05:42,452
Who said... a play?
58
00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:08,762
I'll get you!
59
00:06:23,274 --> 00:06:25,830
Bill! Bill!
60
00:06:28,042 --> 00:06:31,240
- What?
- Your friends are here.
61
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,390
Ladies and gentlemen,
62
00:06:36,514 --> 00:06:39,505
gently to hear, kindly to judge,
63
00:06:39,623 --> 00:06:42,057
we are... Mortal Coil.
64
00:07:28,062 --> 00:07:30,108
- It's not you.
- It is you.
65
00:07:30,786 --> 00:07:32,664
It is you.
66
00:07:32,787 --> 00:07:34,703
Maybe you're destined
for something different.
67
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,029
Like what?
68
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:38,028
- Erm...
- Er...
69
00:07:38,706 --> 00:07:41,441
- Cooking.
- Anyway, we'd better...
70
00:07:42,536 --> 00:07:43,954
"shuffle off.
71
00:07:44,879 --> 00:07:46,246
Sorry, Bill.
72
00:07:48,496 --> 00:07:50,204
Sorry, Bill.
73
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,802
I thought his name was Phil.
74
00:08:04,058 --> 00:08:06,104
I knew something like this
was gonna happen.
75
00:08:06,911 --> 00:08:09,769
- Talent jealousy.
- You'll get over that.
76
00:08:10,273 --> 00:08:11,557
Not me. Them.
77
00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:14,242
Well, I will call in
at the butcher's tomorrow
78
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,710
and see if he still needs someone
in the afternoons.
79
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,925
Whoa, Anne.
80
00:08:19,044 --> 00:08:21,902
I'm not gonna go
and work in some butcher's.
81
00:08:22,024 --> 00:08:25,560
But you said if things didn't work out
with the band, you'd get a proper job.
82
00:08:25,686 --> 00:08:27,138
- You promised.
- I know.
83
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:29,222
And I have.
84
00:08:31,008 --> 00:08:33,224
I've written a great work for the stage.
85
00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:36,291
- What?
- I'm a writer now.
86
00:08:36,414 --> 00:08:38,000
- Oh, my God.
- What?
87
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,589
Bill, you're not a writer.
88
00:08:41,140 --> 00:08:44,083
- What's this, then? Scottish mist?
- Scotch mist.
89
00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:46,421
This is why you're not a writer.
90
00:08:46,547 --> 00:08:48,933
Oh! It's just another fad, Bill.
91
00:08:49,058 --> 00:08:52,728
Just like the acting, the band,
the interpretive dance.
92
00:08:52,848 --> 00:08:55,622
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. This is different.
93
00:08:56,041 --> 00:08:58,863
It's like the words flow through me.
94
00:08:59,362 --> 00:09:01,796
Like I'm the east and they're the sun.
95
00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,991
- Well, not that, but...
- Bill...
96
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:08,899
Writing scripts isn't a job,
not in Stratford.
97
00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:11,581
You need theatres and patrons and...
98
00:09:14,134 --> 00:09:15,806
- No.
- Just think about it.
99
00:09:14,923 --> 00:09:18,035
There is no way
that you are moving our entire family
100
00:09:18,159 --> 00:09:21,439
- down to that bloody London!
- ..a talented young writer in London.
101
00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:25,057
You wanna go to London? You go to London.
102
00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:27,491
But me and the kids
are not going with you.
103
00:09:27,611 --> 00:09:30,637
You're 30 years old.
It's time you grew up.
104
00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:34,175
- What, and give up my dreams?
- They're just dreams.
105
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,832
Oh!
106
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:43,114
Well... we'll see who the dreamer is,
sweetheart
107
00:09:43,788 --> 00:09:47,203
That London is not gonna know
what hit it.
108
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:50,781
People will remember the name
Shakespeare...
109
00:09:50,249 --> 00:09:52,126
20 years from now!
110
00:10:17,453 --> 00:10:19,500
To each their dreams.
111
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,112
- Earl of Essex.
- Of course, sir.
112
00:10:48,235 --> 00:10:50,196
- Earl of Essex!
- Earl of Essex!
113
00:10:50,321 --> 00:10:51,774
- Oxford.
- Of course, sir.
114
00:10:51,896 --> 00:10:53,821
- Earl of Oxford!
- Earl of O!
115
00:10:53,939 --> 00:10:55,356
- Croydon.
- Of course, sir.
116
00:10:55,472 --> 00:10:57,311
Straight out the front gate,
down the road towards Penge.
117
00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:59,656
Now, you need to veer left
when you hit a stream.
118
00:10:59,724 --> 00:11:04,288
No, I don't want to go to Croydon.
I am Croydon.
119
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,718
The Earl of Croydon.
120
00:11:06,936 --> 00:11:08,520
- Barry.
- Yeah?
121
00:11:08,639 --> 00:11:10,937
- You got a Croydon down there?
- I was here yesterday.
122
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:14,056
- All right.
- Er... Got a Chester.
123
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,456
Cornwall?
124
00:11:15,577 --> 00:11:17,708
- Got a Crawley.
- Yes, that's me.
125
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:21,540
- But you just said Croydon.
- There is no Earl of Crawley.
126
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:23,845
That's me. Your list is wrong.
127
00:11:23,964 --> 00:11:26,991
We've gotta go by the list, sir.
A lot of Catholics about, you see.
128
00:11:27,115 --> 00:11:29,161
You can't just let anybody in.
129
00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:31,725
But he just...
130
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:36,237
Ah. Southampton, would you
please tell these idiots who I am?
131
00:11:36,354 --> 00:11:39,297
Yes, Crawley, isn't it?
132
00:11:39,419 --> 00:11:41,466
- Earl of Crawley.
- Curly Wurly.
133
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:49,255
So no jokes at all as such.
We go out and do funny observations.
134
00:11:52,138 --> 00:11:54,185
I'd stick to the juggling.
135
00:11:55,204 --> 00:11:58,195
I pulled his finger.
Turned out he had dysentery.
136
00:11:59,717 --> 00:12:00,782
Ha, ha, ha.
137
00:12:00,909 --> 00:12:03,645
- Anyone seen a spare chair or...?
- Drake, darling.
138
00:12:03,761 --> 00:12:06,497
Are you still harping on
about your little pleasure cruise?
139
00:12:06,614 --> 00:12:09,471
- Oooh!
- Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
140
00:12:09,593 --> 00:12:13,093
You're still burning your way through
all your daddy's hard-earned money?
141
00:12:13,212 --> 00:12:15,683
Oooh-hoo-hoo!
142
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:18,753
I'm trying, love.
Investing in the ans now.
143
00:12:18,875 --> 00:12:20,412
It's like pouring it down a privy.
144
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:26,117
Oh, and have you erm...?
145
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,825
Oh, yes. Three tankards of mead and
just a bowl of those crispy pork things.
146
00:12:29,944 --> 00:12:31,822
- I'm the Earl of Croy...
- Now, get this.
147
00:12:31,945 --> 00:12:34,039
- Go on, the one about the sailor.
- Oh!
148
00:12:34,158 --> 00:12:38,035
Now, this... I warn you, you'll have
to mark this one "Not safe for work."
149
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,039
No, seriously.
150
00:12:40,162 --> 00:12:43,153
He calls it an apartment,
but it's just a hut with...
151
00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:45,316
Hang on.
152
00:12:48,336 --> 00:12:50,346
I love this one.
153
00:12:59,532 --> 00:13:02,137
Is it true as well that
during the battle of the Armada
154
00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:04,135
they slept between two and five pm?
155
00:13:04,259 --> 00:13:07,032
Yeah, mostly. We'd stop fighting
and they'd go and have a lie down
156
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,910
or go and chuck dads at a board.
157
00:13:09,027 --> 00:13:10,613
Hey, where's our drinks?
158
00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:13,757
- Where are our drinks?
- I am the Earl of Croydon.
159
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,824
I fetch drinks for no man.
160
00:13:16,945 --> 00:13:18,398
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
161
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:21,810
- Here's your tip.
- Oh. "Ha-ha-ha!"
162
00:13:21,928 --> 00:13:23,429
Oh, hilarious.
163
00:13:23,545 --> 00:13:25,301
It's a jesters' convention.
164
00:13:25,418 --> 00:13:29,559
"Ooh, I sailed around the world.
Look at me, everyone. Ooh!"
165
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,807
You're no better than me!
166
00:13:32,826 --> 00:13:35,684
- I do stuff.
- Like what, exactly?
167
00:13:35,806 --> 00:13:38,833
Well, I do... er...
168
00:13:41,383 --> 00:13:43,345
juggling.
169
00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:46,794
Fire eating.
170
00:13:47,642 --> 00:13:50,548
Ah! I'm a prostitu...
171
00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:52,627
No, sir.
172
00:13:57,179 --> 00:13:58,716
Writering.
173
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,885
Writering? Writering.
174
00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:04,126
I am a writer.
175
00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:06,983
- No, you're not, darling.
- How dare you!
176
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:12,638
I'm the finest writer in all of England!
177
00:14:12,761 --> 00:14:14,807
Are you, now?
178
00:14:17,061 --> 00:14:18,296
Who is it?
179
00:14:21,114 --> 00:14:23,379
Indeed I am, Your Majesty.
180
00:14:23,498 --> 00:14:25,544
Why, how very fortuitous, Lord...
181
00:14:27,329 --> 00:14:29,169
Ooh, I want to say Crawley.
182
00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:33,079
Croydon, Your Majesty.
The Earl of Croydon.
183
00:14:33,759 --> 00:14:35,805
Crawley is down towards Horsham.
184
00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:38,024
Croydon is... um...
185
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:40,664
Do you know Penge at all?
186
00:14:40,783 --> 00:14:42,744
I don't care.
187
00:14:42,869 --> 00:14:48,621
There is to be a diplomatic summit
with our beloved cousin,
188
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:51,432
King Philip ll of Spain.
189
00:14:51,554 --> 00:14:54,327
- King Philip ll of Spain.
- Spain.
190
00:14:55,226 --> 00:14:56,679
Sorry.
191
00:14:56,802 --> 00:15:01,028
And what better centrepiece
to this fine event...
192
00:15:01,325 --> 00:15:06,399
than a demonstration
of our great nation's...
193
00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:10,277
utter dominance in the ads?
194
00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:17,503
A play penned by
one of my very own courtiers.
195
00:15:18,866 --> 00:15:22,741
And we shall be most pleased
to hear this play of yours.
196
00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:28,748
Because you know what happens
if we're displeased.
197
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:35,139
- Sorry, you do know what happens if...
- Yep. Yes, yeah.
198
00:15:37,641 --> 00:15:39,602
Oh, no, that's gone.
199
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,644
Si.
200
00:16:08,785 --> 00:16:10,408
Ooh!
201
00:16:18,875 --> 00:16:20,753
What is the score, Your Majesty?
202
00:16:22,365 --> 00:16:24,545
Juice.
203
00:16:27,304 --> 00:16:30,465
Your Majesty,
there is a messenger here to see you.
204
00:16:30,582 --> 00:16:32,713
From England.
205
00:16:32,839 --> 00:16:36,338
"To His Majesty King Philip ll of Spain."
206
00:16:36,458 --> 00:16:37,609
That's me.
207
00:16:37,777 --> 00:16:42,379
"Queen Elizabeth cordially invites you
to diplomatic talks in London
208
00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:48,086
to discuss the capture of her most
loyal subject, Sir Richard Hawkins."
209
00:16:48,762 --> 00:16:50,808
Actually, I just need to...
210
00:16:53,658 --> 00:16:55,704
I told you she would take the bait.
211
00:16:55,871 --> 00:16:59,492
The rabbit is in the snare.
212
00:17:05,365 --> 00:17:07,326
Your Majesty...
213
00:17:08,217 --> 00:17:10,602
the specialists you requested.
214
00:17:10,772 --> 00:17:12,734
Oh, yes. Talk to me.
215
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,948
Lope Lopez, Your Majesty.
216
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,715
Master of inquisition.
217
00:17:20,394 --> 00:17:22,573
It's for making people talk.
218
00:17:26,992 --> 00:17:29,123
Juan Domingo, Your Majesty.
219
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:33,125
Espionage. . and weapon-ry.
220
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,306
- Nice.
- Actually, I was aiming for the pillar.
221
00:17:42,575 --> 00:17:44,622
Sweaty hands.
222
00:17:45,938 --> 00:17:48,541
And... where's the other one?
223
00:17:48,663 --> 00:17:50,843
Gabriel Montoya, Your Majesty.
224
00:17:51,557 --> 00:17:53,313
Master of disguise.
225
00:17:54,537 --> 00:17:57,869
If you need a milkmaid, Washerwomen
or female fisherman,
226
00:17:57,987 --> 00:18:00,372
I am your woman - man.
227
00:18:01,562 --> 00:18:03,355
Man.
228
00:18:02,394 --> 00:18:03,811
OK.
229
00:18:03,927 --> 00:18:05,973
We have been presented with a...
230
00:18:07,929 --> 00:18:10,484
- Why are you here again?
- Sorry. Um...
231
00:18:11,846 --> 00:18:14,485
I just need to take food orders
for the banquet.
232
00:18:14,613 --> 00:18:17,252
Just so we've got some rough numbers
on the mains.
233
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:19,305
Whatever is fine. I don't care.
234
00:18:19,423 --> 00:18:22,367
Er... l can't eat shellfish.
235
00:18:22,488 --> 00:18:24,499
- What?
- Well, prawns are fine.
236
00:18:24,618 --> 00:18:28,117
But... l have to avoid the bivalves.
237
00:18:28,236 --> 00:18:30,247
What... What, what?
238
00:18:30,365 --> 00:18:32,715
Bivalves. You know, er... mussels,
239
00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:35,304
scallops, oysters and...
240
00:18:35,431 --> 00:18:39,439
Oh, what is the one
which er... stick out of the sand?
241
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,317
- Razor clams.
- Razor clam!
242
00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:42,851
Ai, ai, ai.
243
00:18:42,967 --> 00:18:44,552
And I can't do nuts.
244
00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:47,104
If I even eat a small, itty-bitty nut,
245
00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:50,131
my throat, it expands,
it swells like a man's thing.
246
00:18:50,247 --> 00:18:52,378
- And langoustine.
- You had that thing with...
247
00:18:52,503 --> 00:18:55,749
- No one's gonna force you to eat nuts.
- OK, you know what? Whatever.
248
00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:58,555
- Oh...
- Just go now.
249
00:19:00,678 --> 00:19:02,179
Seriously?
250
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:09,373
We have been presented
with a unique opportunity
251
00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:12,688
to rid the world of this Protestant cow,
252
00:19:12,811 --> 00:19:15,585
to strike from within her royal court
253
00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:19,676
This is our Trojan horse.
254
00:19:20,816 --> 00:19:23,285
It doesn't look like a horse.
255
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,081
Well, it's not an actual horse.
You know, it's a... a metaphor.
256
00:19:27,244 --> 00:19:28,746
Read a book.
257
00:19:30,139 --> 00:19:33,638
It's a hiding place from which
a secret attack can be sprung.
258
00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:38,570
Gentlemen,
who would like to kill a queen?
259
00:19:38,697 --> 00:19:40,961
- Yes!
- Yes, please!
260
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,041
Yes!
261
00:19:47,722 --> 00:19:49,684
Yes!
262
00:19:57,301 --> 00:19:59,057
OK, what is this? Some kind of veneer?
263
00:19:59,174 --> 00:20:02,286
You need a softer wood,
like a balsa, something like that.
264
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,453
- Or do the chair.
- Stick it in the chair maybe.
265
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:06,542
- Try the chair.
- You'll ruin the chair.
266
00:20:17,641 --> 00:20:19,602
You been before?
267
00:20:22,196 --> 00:20:24,581
- No, first time.
- Oooh.
268
00:20:25,261 --> 00:20:27,308
It's nice. You'll like it.
269
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:32,720
- Don't steal anything.
- Yeah.
270
00:20:43,270 --> 00:20:46,044
- Wait for me.
- This way.
271
00:20:46,165 --> 00:20:48,127
- Here!
- Tom!
272
00:20:52,508 --> 00:20:54,470
London.
273
00:21:27,888 --> 00:21:29,680
- Yeah, well, it's mostly pork.
- Right.
274
00:21:29,803 --> 00:21:33,085
- When you say mostly pork, what"?
- Well, mostly pork and other stuff.
275
00:21:33,636 --> 00:21:35,767
- It doesn't matter. It's only for him.
- Yeah.
276
00:21:35,892 --> 00:21:37,477
Right.
277
00:21:58,041 --> 00:22:00,646
Ian!
278
00:22:02,213 --> 00:22:03,922
Ian!
279
00:22:04,854 --> 00:22:06,174
MY Lord.
280
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,263
Why did you let me get drunk?
281
00:22:08,386 --> 00:22:10,094
- I wasn't there.
- Exactly.
282
00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:12,355
Look what happened.
283
00:22:12,474 --> 00:22:14,267
Now I have to write this incredible play
284
00:22:14,390 --> 00:22:17,417
or some power-crazed lunatic's
going to chop my head off.
285
00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:20,531
- Well, report him to the Queen.
- I'm talking about the Queen.
286
00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:25,083
And stop leaving me
multiple chamber pots.
287
00:22:25,586 --> 00:22:27,257
It's very confusing.
288
00:22:27,417 --> 00:22:29,597
Sun...
289
00:22:29,717 --> 00:22:32,151
I suppose writing a play
can't be that hard, can it?
290
00:22:32,271 --> 00:22:34,366
I mean, it's just...
291
00:22:34,485 --> 00:22:37,730
talking, isn't it, but... written down.
292
00:22:39,168 --> 00:22:41,214
"Hello. I'm a man in a play."
293
00:22:41,339 --> 00:22:43,725
"Hello. I'm a woman in a play."
294
00:22:43,852 --> 00:22:46,625
Oh, this is easy.
295
00:22:46,747 --> 00:22:48,369
- Ian?
- Hm?
296
00:22:48,491 --> 00:22:50,538
Go out and fetch me paper and quills.
297
00:22:50,706 --> 00:22:54,932
I'm going to put Croydon on the map.
298
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,129
Good day to you, sir.
299
00:23:10,247 --> 00:23:12,427
I am a dramatist from a distant vale
300
00:23:12,546 --> 00:23:15,659
who comes to London
seeking fame and fortune.
301
00:23:15,783 --> 00:23:17,954
Would you be so kind
as to point me in the direction
302
00:23:18,039 --> 00:23:19,916
of the city's most reputable theatre?
303
00:23:20,636 --> 00:23:22,004
Ha.
304
00:23:26,767 --> 00:23:28,814
The theatres are closed, my friend.
305
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,877
Plague. It's killing the ads.
306
00:23:32,003 --> 00:23:34,436
And people. I heard.
307
00:23:35,026 --> 00:23:37,495
It's taken my play.
It might as well have its audience.
308
00:23:37,665 --> 00:23:38,949
You're a writer?
309
00:23:39,070 --> 00:23:40,826
I'm a writer too.
310
00:23:46,180 --> 00:23:48,736
Shakespeare. Bill Shakespeare.
311
00:23:48,862 --> 00:23:50,012
Christopher Marlowe.
312
00:23:50,139 --> 00:23:52,016
So, what son of stuff
do you write, Chris?
313
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:55,252
Drama, tragedies,
tales of betrayal and revenge.
314
00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,557
Frailties of the human condition.
315
00:23:57,973 --> 00:24:00,153
- You?
- Bum jokes.
316
00:24:00,783 --> 00:24:03,253
People hit by sticks. Comedy.
317
00:24:04,274 --> 00:24:06,321
- Comedy?
- You know, like erm...
318
00:24:08,872 --> 00:24:10,833
I see your mum's in.
319
00:24:10,958 --> 00:24:12,326
That's not my mother.
320
00:24:12,448 --> 00:24:15,221
That's not what your sister told me.
321
00:24:17,898 --> 00:24:20,671
- That's a man.
- That's what makes it funny.
322
00:24:21,388 --> 00:24:24,500
- You're not from London, are you, Bill?
- No, Stratford.
323
00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:28,084
Just came down here to try
and get this baby into a theatre or...
324
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,501
Look, I'm the most
successful playwright in London
325
00:24:30,627 --> 00:24:33,618
and I can't even buy a house
without borrowing money.
326
00:24:34,001 --> 00:24:35,758
I mean, imagine that.
327
00:24:36,428 --> 00:24:38,268
If I can't make a living from the theatre,
328
00:24:38,386 --> 00:24:41,243
I hardly see the works of Shakespeare
taking the world by storm.
329
00:24:42,302 --> 00:24:44,265
I see.
330
00:24:45,198 --> 00:24:49,340
- Do you act?
- Well, I've... trodded the boards.
331
00:24:51,286 --> 00:24:53,248
I'm thinking about going for this thing.
332
00:24:53,372 --> 00:24:55,334
It's not much, but it's money.
333
00:24:56,193 --> 00:24:58,966
It's a two-hander, so...
if you wanna come along...
334
00:24:59,685 --> 00:25:00,920
Thank you.
335
00:25:03,132 --> 00:25:05,869
Don't thank me.
336
00:25:05,985 --> 00:25:08,503
Thank your mother who is dead.
337
00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:13,443
- What?
- Not like that, then?
338
00:25:14,415 --> 00:25:17,914
Oh, no. No, never like that.
339
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:21,992
Right. Interesting.
340
00:25:24,328 --> 00:25:28,288
So, this thing, is it a meaty role?
341
00:25:28,415 --> 00:25:29,699
Not exactly.
342
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:31,915
- Vegetables!
- Vegetables.
343
00:25:32,629 --> 00:25:35,270
Madam, why not try some vegetables
with your meat?
344
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,380
Try some vegetables? They're really
good for you. And they help you poo.
345
00:25:40,506 --> 00:25:41,875
Get 'em right down.
346
00:25:44,210 --> 00:25:46,171
Are you cold?
347
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,117
I'm cold.
348
00:25:53,790 --> 00:25:55,969
Sssh.
349
00:25:56,088 --> 00:26:00,605
- Walsingham. I thought you were dead.
- No, just in deep cover.
350
00:26:02,048 --> 00:26:04,689
- But it was an open casket.
- Yeah, it was very deep.
351
00:26:05,711 --> 00:26:09,549
Listen, Molly...
I need some information.
352
00:26:10,233 --> 00:26:12,449
Is it true, about this summit?
353
00:26:12,575 --> 00:26:14,621
Oh, yes, here at the palace on the 7th.
354
00:26:15,427 --> 00:26:17,983
- I hear the Spanish are hunky.
- Well, you hear wrong!
355
00:26:18,110 --> 00:26:22,251
Catholics can't put on muscle mass
because God hates them.
356
00:26:22,367 --> 00:26:26,848
They've no muscle and no backbone,
like snakes.
357
00:26:27,518 --> 00:26:29,868
Surely snakes are all backbone. No?
358
00:26:30,626 --> 00:26:33,484
- Well, like worms, then.
- Oh, no, worms are all muscle.
359
00:26:33,606 --> 00:26:38,547
- Someone knows a lot about Catholics.
- No, no, just... garden creatures.
360
00:26:40,291 --> 00:26:42,761
Hm... One can't be too careful, Molly.
361
00:26:43,484 --> 00:26:44,852
They're everywhere, you know.
362
00:26:44,974 --> 00:26:50,169
The Catholic threat may be sleeping now,
but it will soon awaken like a...
363
00:26:51,552 --> 00:26:53,647
- Bear?
- Yes.
364
00:26:53,766 --> 00:26:55,218
Good.
365
00:26:55,340 --> 00:26:58,199
Like a non-muscular, spineless bear!
366
00:27:00,876 --> 00:27:04,751
- Uh... False alarm.
- So we're safe, then?
367
00:27:05,772 --> 00:27:07,357
Safe? Ha!
368
00:27:07,474 --> 00:27:09,739
If the Catholics
are so weak and spineless...
369
00:27:09,858 --> 00:27:12,074
What they lack in muscular,
skeletal integrity,
370
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,720
they more than make up for in cunning.
371
00:27:16,542 --> 00:27:19,182
They'll be hatching plots as we speak.
372
00:27:19,309 --> 00:27:21,067
Well, should I tell the old...
373
00:27:21,184 --> 00:27:23,230
- Majesty?
- No.
374
00:27:23,153 --> 00:27:26,010
I will be her eyes and ears and mouth.
375
00:27:26,729 --> 00:27:28,231
No, not mouth.
376
00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:33,978
Just tell her Sir Francis Walsingham
is back and I remain, as always,
377
00:27:34,094 --> 00:27:36,359
her most faithful servant.
378
00:27:53,594 --> 00:27:55,386
We are close. Disguises on.
379
00:28:01,641 --> 00:28:03,396
- Boss.
- What is it?
380
00:28:03,513 --> 00:28:05,016
I don't understand.
381
00:28:05,132 --> 00:28:10,629
If you have been invited to England, why
do we have to sneak ashore like this?
382
00:28:12,454 --> 00:28:14,755
Because, Juan, one:
383
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,787
the invitation was for me
and my closest advisors,
384
00:28:17,903 --> 00:28:19,998
not a group of trained assassins.
385
00:28:20,585 --> 00:28:22,463
They were very clear about that.
386
00:28:22,586 --> 00:28:25,529
And two, Juan:
an assassination like this,
387
00:28:25,652 --> 00:28:28,122
it takes time and planning.
388
00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:31,274
People don't just kill themselves.
389
00:28:32,590 --> 00:28:34,637
My cousin did.
390
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,800
Sleep well this night, dear Queen.
391
00:28:52,133 --> 00:28:54,821
Soon this land shall be mine.
392
00:28:59,838 --> 00:29:02,478
Boss, I have some bad news.
393
00:29:06,352 --> 00:29:08,313
We forgot the horse.
394
00:29:12,068 --> 00:29:14,247
Gentlemen, good evening.
395
00:29:15,772 --> 00:29:18,328
And welcome... to England.
396
00:29:18,667 --> 00:29:23,015
If you'd just like to follow me up to
Customs, we'll get you checked in, OK?
397
00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:27,834
You land us here? I said clandestine.
398
00:29:33,705 --> 00:29:36,006
I don't know what that means.
399
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,902
One donkey, straw, made thereof.
400
00:29:42,262 --> 00:29:45,205
All... righty, Richard.
401
00:29:45,327 --> 00:29:50,486
If you'd like to shimmy that one along
and pop the next one sur la table.
402
00:29:51,244 --> 00:29:54,356
Strapping lads,
like my sons would have been.
403
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,320
The plague.
404
00:29:56,438 --> 00:29:58,873
Let's have a look.
What have we got here?
405
00:30:04,656 --> 00:30:07,392
OK. Ours is not to judge prior...
406
00:30:08,664 --> 00:30:10,676
What's this?
407
00:30:10,793 --> 00:30:13,566
- It's for making peo...
- Gazpacho.
408
00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:17,697
It's for making gazpacho.
It's a... cold soup.
409
00:30:18,285 --> 00:30:20,416
It's very nice.
410
00:30:30,377 --> 00:30:33,961
Well, everything seems to be in order.
Enjoy your stay.
411
00:30:36,764 --> 00:30:38,810
Psst. Sir.
412
00:30:43,831 --> 00:30:46,179
- King Philip ll of Spain?
- Yes.
413
00:30:47,705 --> 00:30:50,695
Oh. Very clever.
414
00:31:14,344 --> 00:31:17,286
- Morning.
- Walsingham.
415
00:31:19,069 --> 00:31:22,484
- I thought you were dead.
- Don't believe everything you read.
416
00:31:22,603 --> 00:31:24,698
- I can't read.
- Good.
417
00:31:25,967 --> 00:31:27,928
- Any survivors?
- No, sir.
418
00:31:28,179 --> 00:31:30,395
Whoever it was did a thorough job.
419
00:31:34,268 --> 00:31:37,344
We did get one of theirs, sir.
No idea who they are.
420
00:31:44,911 --> 00:31:46,874
Catholics.
421
00:31:47,210 --> 00:31:48,834
The game is afoot.
422
00:31:51,382 --> 00:31:53,429
This is heavy.
423
00:31:55,554 --> 00:31:57,771
Wait. That might be our man.
424
00:32:08,668 --> 00:32:12,931
The weather in London is
unseasonably cold for this time of year.
425
00:32:13,648 --> 00:32:18,929
But the mynah bird must wait until winter
before its song can be heard.
426
00:32:19,545 --> 00:32:21,423
What the hell does that mean?
427
00:32:22,185 --> 00:32:24,959
Honestly, you try and start
a conversation with someone...
428
00:32:28,316 --> 00:32:32,626
The weather in London is
unseasonably cold for the time of year.
429
00:32:32,744 --> 00:32:35,941
- Are you the secret Catholic contact?
- Er... Yes.
430
00:32:36,065 --> 00:32:37,215
No. Um...
431
00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:40,840
- Yes.
- OK, let's go.
432
00:32:41,003 --> 00:32:43,473
- Right, yes. This way, Your Majesty.
- Come.
433
00:32:44,792 --> 00:32:46,330
Ow.
434
00:32:57,191 --> 00:32:59,202
You're kidding, right?
435
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,960
This is the biggest
Protestant church in England.
436
00:33:02,088 --> 00:33:05,963
Last place you'd look for
a Catholic hideout, Your Majesty, yes.
437
00:33:06,899 --> 00:33:09,164
- Hide in plain sight.
- Ha-ha.
438
00:33:10,006 --> 00:33:13,167
Yes, I like this guy. He's got cojones.
439
00:33:20,649 --> 00:33:23,206
Come along, come along. This way.
440
00:33:23,331 --> 00:33:25,378
Sorry. Sssh.
441
00:33:29,803 --> 00:33:31,765
Over here.
442
00:33:52,432 --> 00:33:55,205
Your Majesty,
I think you'll find everything you need.
443
00:34:06,844 --> 00:34:08,381
Jesus Christ.
444
00:34:10,037 --> 00:34:11,708
Sorry.
445
00:34:12,590 --> 00:34:14,177
My sweet angel.
446
00:34:14,294 --> 00:34:15,880
Greetings from that London.
447
00:34:16,593 --> 00:34:20,383
I am delighted to report
that despite your slight doubts,
448
00:34:20,509 --> 00:34:23,416
my dreams of success
are coming to fruition.
449
00:34:23,958 --> 00:34:26,949
Sorry. Trousers stolen in the night.
450
00:34:28,343 --> 00:34:30,184
Very much not my fault.
451
00:34:30,599 --> 00:34:33,372
I have secured a challenging role
performing daily
452
00:34:33,536 --> 00:34:35,717
with renowned dramatist
Christopher Marlowe.
453
00:34:36,305 --> 00:34:39,331
I greatly regret the terms
on which we parted
454
00:34:39,455 --> 00:34:41,247
and look forward to your reply,
455
00:34:41,371 --> 00:34:44,059
as reading it would provide
a welcome distraction
456
00:34:44,180 --> 00:34:47,971
from my tireless schedule
of rehearsals, performances and...
457
00:34:48,097 --> 00:34:50,059
Oh, no.
458
00:34:51,121 --> 00:34:53,167
Daddy!
459
00:34:53,514 --> 00:34:56,505
- Daddy!
' Hey, guys!
460
00:34:58,369 --> 00:35:02,716
- Wh... What are you doing here?
- I brought the kids to see Daddy.
461
00:35:02,839 --> 00:35:06,338
- And what's Daddy dressed as?
- A tomato.
462
00:35:06,457 --> 00:35:07,657
Mm-hm.
463
00:35:07,778 --> 00:35:10,211
And can we think of any plays
that a tomato might be in?
464
00:35:11,566 --> 00:35:14,170
- Gosh, well, there's...
- Look, kids.
465
00:35:14,291 --> 00:35:17,827
- A human statue.
- No, he's... dead.
466
00:35:19,017 --> 00:35:21,535
Oh, look. A juggler.
Go and have a look. Go on.
467
00:35:22,221 --> 00:35:24,860
- Wow.
- So this is it, is it?
468
00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:30,822
- This is your big, challenging role?
- OK, I admit I'm not on the stage yet.
469
00:35:30,991 --> 00:35:32,576
But I'm making inroads.
470
00:35:32,694 --> 00:35:35,939
If I work really hard,
I could be the next Christopher Marlowe.
471
00:35:37,291 --> 00:35:39,132
Oh, this is Christopher Marlowe.
472
00:35:39,250 --> 00:35:41,551
Chris, Anne. Anne, Chris.
473
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:44,540
- Hello.
- I'm staying with Aunt Jane.
474
00:35:45,083 --> 00:35:47,214
Have them back by three.
475
00:35:47,339 --> 00:35:50,161
Anne, please, give me a chance.
476
00:35:50,703 --> 00:35:54,323
Enter our hero. Let's call him Hero.
477
00:35:55,045 --> 00:35:57,007
Erm... Blah, blah, blah...
478
00:35:57,131 --> 00:36:00,208
Oh, God. Writing's hard.
479
00:36:06,860 --> 00:36:09,379
That poor sexy woman.
480
00:36:19,771 --> 00:36:21,951
Hello, my dear.
481
00:36:22,070 --> 00:36:23,352
Going somewhere?
482
00:36:25,475 --> 00:36:27,316
Here, look. Ring and ting.
483
00:36:27,433 --> 00:36:31,829
- Get away from me!
- Unhand that beautiful woman, sir!
484
00:36:33,693 --> 00:36:35,993
What's the matter with you? Cowards?
485
00:36:36,673 --> 00:36:38,295
Get him.
486
00:36:39,696 --> 00:36:41,790
Yeah.
487
00:36:45,357 --> 00:36:47,403
Aaaah!
488
00:36:53,021 --> 00:36:54,777
Oh.
489
00:36:54,894 --> 00:36:56,855
Bit embarrassing.
490
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,502
Let that be a lesson to you.
491
00:37:08,498 --> 00:37:10,764
Good God. Are you all right?
492
00:37:10,883 --> 00:37:13,741
It's quite hard to tell.
I mean, it's deep, but it hasn't gone...
493
00:37:13,863 --> 00:37:15,703
- Oh, right.
- Thank you.
494
00:37:15,821 --> 00:37:19,188
Quickly. Poor people are easily startled,
but they'll soon be back.
495
00:37:19,908 --> 00:37:21,955
And in greater numbers. Come.
496
00:37:22,761 --> 00:37:24,262
Aaargh!
497
00:37:25,145 --> 00:37:28,052
- Don't dawdle, Ian.
- I'll be right with you.
498
00:37:28,807 --> 00:37:30,598
He's had lunch.
499
00:37:31,148 --> 00:37:32,600
And I take his throat out. Nnnyh!
500
00:37:32,723 --> 00:37:34,939
And the blood is...
501
00:37:35,065 --> 00:37:38,395
It's everywhere. It's on the walls,
it's on the architraves, on the rugs.
502
00:37:38,513 --> 00:37:40,269
And the Queen, she tries to get away,
503
00:37:40,386 --> 00:37:43,123
but she can't run because
she's slipping in all of the blood.
504
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:46,436
So I grab her by the hair
and I pull her round to look at me
505
00:37:46,559 --> 00:37:49,333
and I say, "Knock, knock! Lope's here!"
506
00:37:49,454 --> 00:37:51,889
And she's like, "Oh, no!"
And I go, "Shut up!"
507
00:37:52,009 --> 00:37:55,339
And I put my thumbs
right into her eyes and when I let go,
508
00:37:55,357 --> 00:37:57,792
the eyes, they plop out
and drop down onto the cheeks.
509
00:37:57,762 --> 00:38:01,007
And so I pick up the eyes
and I look at them with my eyes and I go,
510
00:38:01,125 --> 00:38:05,352
"Ahh! Do you like that, lady, huh?
Do you like that?"
511
00:38:10,470 --> 00:38:12,395
- OK.
- Yeah.
512
00:38:15,107 --> 00:38:17,541
Thank you for that, Lope. It's very nice.
513
00:38:18,597 --> 00:38:22,304
- Let's call that plan J. Hm?
- Plan J.
514
00:38:22,430 --> 00:38:24,222
OK.
515
00:38:27,538 --> 00:38:29,585
Sorry. Do you want to...?
516
00:38:29,711 --> 00:38:31,757
- Oh.
- Hm.
517
00:38:32,904 --> 00:38:37,130
The problem with it is, because of
the unfortunate incident on the beach...
518
00:38:37,585 --> 00:38:40,020
the authorities are now on high alert
519
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:46,656
The issue is now not how we kill the Queen
but getting close enough to do it.
520
00:38:47,165 --> 00:38:48,534
Boss, I have an idea.
521
00:38:48,655 --> 00:38:51,040
Does it involve you dressing up as a lady?
522
00:38:52,359 --> 00:38:54,879
- Well, yes.
- OK, any other ideas in the room?
523
00:38:54,998 --> 00:38:56,500
No, no, please, please.
524
00:38:56,516 --> 00:38:58,272
Listen.
525
00:38:58,289 --> 00:39:02,297
We need to find a way to get us all inside
the palace without raising suspicion.
526
00:39:03,995 --> 00:39:05,751
The play's the thing.
527
00:39:07,369 --> 00:39:09,330
Yes, that's it.
528
00:39:15,196 --> 00:39:18,563
We must find this Earl of Croydon...
529
00:39:19,198 --> 00:39:22,989
for his play is our Trojan horse.
530
00:39:23,754 --> 00:39:25,424
Any questions?
531
00:39:31,289 --> 00:39:35,383
Please come in, relax.
Welcome to my humble abode.
532
00:39:35,547 --> 00:39:39,215
- I really don't think this is necessary.
- No, no, it's no trouble at all.
533
00:39:39,335 --> 00:39:42,278
- You're in deep shock.
- Actually, I don't think I am.
534
00:39:42,401 --> 00:39:44,531
Yeah, that's one of the symptoms.
535
00:39:44,657 --> 00:39:47,903
Ian, would you fetch the lady
some brandy, please?
536
00:39:48,021 --> 00:39:50,032
- Brandy.
- And nibbles. Fetch some nibbles.
537
00:39:50,660 --> 00:39:52,537
Oh.
538
00:39:52,660 --> 00:39:54,030
So...
539
00:39:54,151 --> 00:39:58,462
- Erm... ls there somewhere I could...?
- Oh, yes, of course.
540
00:39:58,962 --> 00:40:00,887
Just up the stairs, second on the left.
541
00:40:17,685 --> 00:40:19,986
Ian, whoever that is, I'm out!
542
00:40:21,303 --> 00:40:23,652
Gentlemen. How may I...
543
00:40:23,773 --> 00:40:24,888
Right.
544
00:40:25,007 --> 00:40:27,647
Seriously, Lope,
what is wrong with you? Hm?
545
00:40:28,115 --> 00:40:30,585
- What?
- Is this about your dad?
546
00:40:33,607 --> 00:40:35,787
- Ian, who was it?
- Some handsome men.
547
00:40:39,781 --> 00:40:41,875
Who the hell are you?
548
00:40:42,973 --> 00:40:46,340
King Philip ll of Spain.
549
00:40:46,464 --> 00:40:48,050
Oh.
550
00:40:48,934 --> 00:40:50,691
Oh, God. Not now.
551
00:40:55,874 --> 00:40:58,004
- Anyway, how are you?
- Don't worry.
552
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,160
If I wanted to kill you,
you'd be dead already.
553
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,054
What is this, some son of Catholic plot?
554
00:41:06,570 --> 00:41:09,004
A Catholic plot?
555
00:41:10,402 --> 00:41:13,344
No, no, no. I assure you,
there is no conspiracy here.
556
00:41:13,467 --> 00:41:17,778
No, no, no. It's just that things
between me and your beautiful Queen...
557
00:41:22,291 --> 00:41:25,621
"they have been
a little bit... difficult.
558
00:41:26,037 --> 00:41:28,556
So, I was thinking.
559
00:41:29,315 --> 00:41:35,237
How can I demonstrate that our two nations
can work together, in harmony?
560
00:41:37,617 --> 00:41:40,221
A half-and-half flag cake?
561
00:41:42,216 --> 00:41:44,346
It's a cake, obviously.
562
00:41:44,471 --> 00:41:46,737
Half of it looks like the English flag.
563
00:41:46,856 --> 00:41:48,273
- Imagine...
- The other...
564
00:41:48,389 --> 00:41:51,464
"this great play of yours ends.
565
00:41:51,581 --> 00:41:55,977
People are applauding,
they are cheering.
566
00:41:57,097 --> 00:41:59,786
Then you step forward and you say,
567
00:41:59,908 --> 00:42:02,209
"Your Majesty, surprise.
568
00:42:02,333 --> 00:42:05,192
'This play has been a collaboration
with our Spanish friends."
569
00:42:06,081 --> 00:42:08,599
She cries. She hugs you.
570
00:42:09,486 --> 00:42:11,835
She gives you Devon.
571
00:42:12,850 --> 00:42:15,538
- I do like Devon.
- Who doesn't?
572
00:42:16,255 --> 00:42:21,972
Together... we shall put on a play
that will go down in history...
573
00:42:22,556 --> 00:42:25,632
- Wait a minute. ls this it?
- Yeah, well, it's not quite finished.
574
00:42:26,345 --> 00:42:28,780
Not quite finished?
It's, what, three pages?
575
00:42:28,900 --> 00:42:31,116
It's been a bit of a struggle
if I'm honest.
576
00:42:31,242 --> 00:42:33,881
You're telling me.
"Hello. I'm a man in a play."
577
00:42:34,009 --> 00:42:35,632
"I am a woman also in a play."
578
00:42:35,647 --> 00:42:39,146
- Talk about clunky exposition.
- Well, what do you expect me to do?
579
00:42:39,265 --> 00:42:42,682
Stumble across some unsuspecting
young writer with a completed play,
580
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,318
hoodwink him, steal his work
and pass it off as my own?
581
00:42:45,338 --> 00:42:48,499
Oh. I'm sorry.
I didn't realise you had visitors.
582
00:42:48,516 --> 00:42:50,188
Oh, Anne,
583
00:42:50,248 --> 00:42:52,379
this is erm...
584
00:42:52,472 --> 00:42:56,093
- Geoff... Smith.
- Yes.
585
00:42:56,772 --> 00:43:00,781
A theatrical impresario.
And these are the...
586
00:43:02,733 --> 00:43:05,554
Cockney Players of Bow.
587
00:43:06,351 --> 00:43:08,482
- All right?
- London Town.
588
00:43:08,607 --> 00:43:10,025
Down the rub-a-dub.
589
00:43:10,141 --> 00:43:12,780
You see,
I'm putting on a play for the Queen.
590
00:43:12,908 --> 00:43:15,293
If you can find one, mate.
591
00:43:17,761 --> 00:43:20,280
- I'll find one, mate.
- Well, you better had.
592
00:43:22,912 --> 00:43:25,043
My husband's written a play.
593
00:43:30,384 --> 00:43:33,122
Can you spare a moment
to talk about vegetables at all?
594
00:43:33,238 --> 00:43:35,078
- No.
- They're really good for you and...
595
00:43:35,196 --> 00:43:37,242
Hey. What are you doing?
596
00:43:38,304 --> 00:43:39,622
This is a meat market, mate.
597
00:43:39,751 --> 00:43:43,166
This is our patch,
not some son of vegetable pa...
598
00:43:44,434 --> 00:43:45,972
Surely there's room enough for...
599
00:43:46,094 --> 00:43:48,189
There some son of problem here,
Leslie?
600
00:43:48,351 --> 00:43:51,040
No, no. No problem.
601
00:43:51,543 --> 00:43:54,534
Just a salad that needs addressing.
602
00:43:55,035 --> 00:43:56,451
Ups-a-daisy.
603
00:43:56,567 --> 00:43:59,389
Here, you can't just walk around
pushing people about.
604
00:43:59,846 --> 00:44:01,348
What, like that?
605
00:44:03,263 --> 00:44:05,782
Take your veg and stick it!
606
00:44:06,583 --> 00:44:08,254
- All right.
- Sorry, mate.
607
00:44:08,371 --> 00:44:10,466
Had a bad day. Fancy a spot of lunch?
608
00:44:10,085 --> 00:44:11,878
We'll get something light.
609
00:44:14,300 --> 00:44:16,310
Phil Shakespeare?
610
00:44:24,135 --> 00:44:26,096
Bring out your dead!
611
00:44:26,561 --> 00:44:27,930
Marlowe.
612
00:44:30,180 --> 00:44:32,396
Bring out your dead!
613
00:44:34,182 --> 00:44:35,332
Who's dead?
614
00:44:42,441 --> 00:44:43,506
Walsingham.
615
00:44:43,633 --> 00:44:46,879
- I thought you were dead.
- I'm as alive as the next man.
616
00:44:48,444 --> 00:44:50,829
Just... hiding in plain sight.
617
00:44:51,935 --> 00:44:53,521
In these troubled times, a truly...
618
00:44:57,044 --> 00:45:00,121
- It's a pretty good yield.
- Yeah, it's been a good day today.
619
00:45:00,834 --> 00:45:03,740
- Any more dead?
- Anyway, down to business.
620
00:45:03,856 --> 00:45:05,951
I need some information.
621
00:45:05,983 --> 00:45:09,943
No, I'm out of the spying game,
I told you. I'm now a credible artiste.
622
00:45:10,529 --> 00:45:13,169
There's been a dip in writing work.
623
00:45:14,404 --> 00:45:16,923
- The cucumber's for the dip.
- Makes sense.
624
00:45:17,384 --> 00:45:21,865
Well, spy or no spy, I would ask you
to keep your ear to the ground
625
00:45:21,982 --> 00:45:24,415
for any signs of a Catholic plot.
626
00:45:24,536 --> 00:45:26,413
- Well, like what?
- Well, I don't know.
627
00:45:26,536 --> 00:45:31,610
Er... Priest holes, candles,
massive Marys...
628
00:45:31,925 --> 00:45:33,631
big pictures of the Pope.
629
00:45:33,756 --> 00:45:35,935
If you see anything,
you can contact me
630
00:45:36,054 --> 00:45:38,403
through the pie stall in the marketplace.
631
00:45:38,992 --> 00:45:43,509
Until next time, then,
I'll bid you... adieu.
632
00:45:49,635 --> 00:45:51,767
- Your Majesty.
- Hm.
633
00:45:51,892 --> 00:45:53,683
Familiarize yourself with this.
634
00:45:53,808 --> 00:45:55,766
- "Thou shalt be king."
- Don't be nervous.
635
00:45:55,851 --> 00:45:57,862
Same for you, Mick.
636
00:45:57,980 --> 00:46:01,007
- I have lady pads.
- Erm...
637
00:46:02,834 --> 00:46:06,200
- I have the lady pads?
- Oh, yes, I see.
638
00:46:06,324 --> 00:46:08,625
Erm... Yeah,
you're playing both female roles.
639
00:46:09,071 --> 00:46:14,145
OK! Suit the action to the word
and the word to the action.
640
00:46:14,647 --> 00:46:18,487
Oh, and speak the speech
as I pronounced it to you,
641
00:46:18,607 --> 00:46:22,446
because some of you
have slightly weird accents.
642
00:46:22,992 --> 00:46:26,492
All-day breakfast. Fish and chips.
643
00:46:28,442 --> 00:46:30,234
Good. Well...
644
00:46:30,954 --> 00:46:33,302
Best of luck, guys. Break a leg.
645
00:46:34,062 --> 00:46:35,478
No problem.
646
00:46:36,276 --> 00:46:38,237
- Nibbles?
- No.
647
00:46:38,788 --> 00:46:44,928
Presenting a bold new work
for the stage by Bill Shakespeare.
648
00:47:00,181 --> 00:47:01,633
♪ Two men who look the same
649
00:47:01,757 --> 00:47:03,513
♪ But have a different aim
650
00:47:03,629 --> 00:47:06,996
♪ It's a series of funny misunderstandings
651
00:47:07,589 --> 00:47:10,919
♪ Two twins each with a lover
♪ Who mistake each for the other
652
00:47:11,037 --> 00:47:14,573
♪ Somehow fall into the service
of a mad king
653
00:47:14,699 --> 00:47:16,369
♪ Take this letter
♪ Wait, there's two
654
00:47:16,529 --> 00:47:18,201
♪ And they mix up which goes to who
655
00:47:18,328 --> 00:47:21,573
♪ The comic complications keep expanding
656
00:47:21,692 --> 00:47:25,277
♪ In a tale so confused
You can't help but be amused
657
00:47:25,396 --> 00:47:28,895
♪ By this series
of funny misunderstandings
658
00:47:34,676 --> 00:47:36,347
♪ A jilted bride
♪ That's not funny
659
00:47:36,464 --> 00:47:38,257
- Pretend she died?
- On the money!
660
00:47:38,380 --> 00:47:41,203
♪ And her poisoned body's
hidden by a monk
661
00:47:41,915 --> 00:47:45,414
♪ Until a fool who's quite smart
♪ He's a fool, that's a start
662
00:47:45,532 --> 00:47:48,355
This monk is nuts
♪ And locks him in a trunk
663
00:47:49,790 --> 00:47:53,121
♪ And his servant, make him thick
Then hit him with a stick
664
00:47:53,281 --> 00:47:56,987
♪ It's a series of funny misunderstandings
665
00:47:57,859 --> 00:48:01,527
♪ Cue a mixed-up wedding blessing
♪ Further vexed by more cross-dressing
666
00:48:01,647 --> 00:48:04,505
♪ Which goes on to heal
two families at war
667
00:48:05,267 --> 00:48:08,632
♪ When the bride they thought was dead
comes back with a donkey's head
668
00:48:08,758 --> 00:48:11,228
♪ But marries anyway because her groom
669
00:48:11,355 --> 00:48:16,682
♪ Has been drugged by a whore!
670
00:48:17,827 --> 00:48:20,429
♪ Add a priest, add a lion,
add a wrangle over money
671
00:48:20,550 --> 00:48:22,221
♪ It's too much ♪ I'm confused
672
00:48:22,338 --> 00:48:23,792
♪ Yes, that's what makes it funny
673
00:48:23,914 --> 00:48:25,584
♪ Severed heads, star-crossed lovers
674
00:48:25,702 --> 00:48:27,204
♪ English kings, evil mothers
675
00:48:27,319 --> 00:48:30,772
♪ With a big happy ending
notwithstanding
676
00:48:31,279 --> 00:48:34,815
♪ We think you'll agree
this has turned out to be
677
00:48:34,940 --> 00:48:37,120
♪ A series of
678
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:45,755
♪ Funny misunderstandings!
679
00:48:50,333 --> 00:48:52,344
Oh, God, I'm dead.
680
00:48:59,572 --> 00:49:01,618
I heard about the play.
681
00:49:06,437 --> 00:49:08,531
Sorry, mate.
682
00:49:13,249 --> 00:49:15,296
Why are you dressed as a sausage?
683
00:49:16,016 --> 00:49:18,959
I got turned.
Playing for the other team now.
684
00:49:19,890 --> 00:49:22,106
Well, if they need a spare rib,
put a word in.
685
00:49:23,381 --> 00:49:26,408
- Looks like I need a change of career.
- Oh, come on, Bill.
686
00:49:28,490 --> 00:49:29,811
I'm sure it's not all that bad.
687
00:49:29,938 --> 00:49:34,285
You know, sometimes these things,
they seem worse than they actually... are.
688
00:49:34,407 --> 00:49:37,434
Oh, no. Why would you...?
689
00:49:39,698 --> 00:49:42,605
Where's all the...?
What the hell's that?
690
00:49:43,530 --> 00:49:45,794
Dance moves.
691
00:49:50,043 --> 00:49:52,392
I'm not a writer, am I?
692
00:49:54,046 --> 00:49:55,838
Just a fad.
693
00:49:57,888 --> 00:50:01,811
Right, first things first -
write what you know.
694
00:50:03,465 --> 00:50:04,701
OK?
695
00:50:05,636 --> 00:50:07,598
Well, get a quill.
696
00:50:10,489 --> 00:50:12,451
And ales.
697
00:50:16,279 --> 00:50:19,949
You've just got to take in everything
around you. Take in all your surroundings.
698
00:51:00,047 --> 00:51:02,094
' Yes!
' Yes!
699
00:51:21,503 --> 00:51:23,514
- Ow!
- This is not a library.
700
00:51:24,995 --> 00:51:27,683
His Lordship sent me
for Mr Shakespeare's play.
701
00:51:27,805 --> 00:51:30,966
- Oh, well, there you go.
- I'll deal with this.
702
00:51:31,593 --> 00:51:36,498
Mr Shakespeare works for coin,
which I don't see any... of.
703
00:51:36,958 --> 00:51:39,732
His Lordship said he'd pay
Mr Shakespeare when he saw him next.
704
00:51:39,853 --> 00:51:42,965
Don't give me that old chuff.
You know how this works.
705
00:51:43,088 --> 00:51:45,558
- No money, no funny.
- All right.
706
00:51:46,196 --> 00:51:48,581
Don't stab the messenger... please.
707
00:51:48,709 --> 00:51:51,565
You tell Mr Croydon that Mr Shakespeare
will meet him tonight.
708
00:51:52,029 --> 00:51:54,851
Somewhere neutral.
The Bull's Inn, Deptford.
709
00:51:55,009 --> 00:51:58,170
It's quite safe. He brings the money,
he gets the script.
710
00:51:58,287 --> 00:52:00,080
- I'll tell him.
- Good.
711
00:52:00,201 --> 00:52:03,192
And I'll tell your mum... who isn't here.
712
00:52:05,928 --> 00:52:08,228
- Needs work.
- Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
713
00:52:09,717 --> 00:52:11,848
You'll be fine. Just stick to your guns.
714
00:52:11,974 --> 00:52:13,596
50 pounds, not a farthing less.
715
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:15,643
- Got it.
- Bill.
716
00:52:17,423 --> 00:52:19,942
- I think you've got something.
- What, from the river?
717
00:52:20,062 --> 00:52:22,278
No. I mean...
718
00:52:22,446 --> 00:52:23,731
talent.
719
00:52:23,851 --> 00:52:26,927
It's a little rough, sure,
but... it's there.
720
00:52:28,108 --> 00:52:30,288
So, I am a writer?
721
00:52:30,407 --> 00:52:33,012
Not yet. This...
722
00:52:34,155 --> 00:52:35,304
I can teach you.
723
00:52:35,431 --> 00:52:37,477
Only you can find this.
724
00:52:38,412 --> 00:52:39,609
A nipple?
725
00:52:40,539 --> 00:52:42,587
We'll work on it.
726
00:52:45,362 --> 00:52:46,732
Thanks, Chris.
727
00:52:51,109 --> 00:52:52,817
Thanks.
728
00:52:59,411 --> 00:53:01,337
Bill, you forgot the play!
729
00:53:01,454 --> 00:53:03,417
Sorry. I...
730
00:53:03,967 --> 00:53:05,165
Oh, no.
731
00:53:10,959 --> 00:53:14,836
Christopher Marlowe.
How nice to see you again.
732
00:53:14,962 --> 00:53:21,017
It would seem your world
has been turned upside down.
733
00:53:21,135 --> 00:53:24,670
Which is funny,
because you are the wrong way up.
734
00:53:24,796 --> 00:53:29,955
Look, I know
I missed a few payments, but...
735
00:53:30,075 --> 00:53:31,274
Ssssh'.!
736
00:53:31,395 --> 00:53:33,442
Honestly, you writers.
737
00:53:33,566 --> 00:53:35,952
You are all the same.
738
00:53:35,978 --> 00:53:39,308
We lend you money to buy little house.
739
00:53:39,326 --> 00:53:43,287
You now have little house.
You pay back money.
740
00:53:43,413 --> 00:53:44,783
Absolutely, and I will.
741
00:53:44,904 --> 00:53:48,319
Overdue payments may result
in increased interest rates,
742
00:53:48,438 --> 00:53:53,681
recovery action and forfeiture
of life and limb/limbs.
743
00:53:53,844 --> 00:53:55,723
Terms and conditions apply.
744
00:53:55,846 --> 00:53:58,279
- Small print?
- Not really.
745
00:53:58,784 --> 00:54:01,338
Although, admittedly, it is in Russian.
746
00:54:01,828 --> 00:54:06,768
Perhaps we were not clear
what happens to people who are late twice.
747
00:54:09,321 --> 00:54:12,311
This is a late customer.
748
00:54:13,535 --> 00:54:16,696
- Urgh!
- Which is funny because he is dead.
749
00:54:18,101 --> 00:54:21,808
In order to avoid
further inconvenience,
750
00:54:22,486 --> 00:54:25,598
we now require you to pay full amount.
751
00:54:26,403 --> 00:54:30,279
50 English cash pounds
by this time tomorrow.
752
00:54:30,404 --> 00:54:34,837
50? Where the hell
am I supposed to find 50... pounds?
753
00:54:35,770 --> 00:54:41,268
50 pounds by tomorrow.
Or we have to buy another trunk.
754
00:55:01,378 --> 00:55:03,425
Ooh. Got you these.
755
00:55:05,849 --> 00:55:08,113
Some son of rose. I forget the name.
756
00:55:12,361 --> 00:55:13,986
I've got news.
757
00:55:17,301 --> 00:55:19,347
Keep them closed.
758
00:55:22,026 --> 00:55:24,121
OK?
759
00:55:24,240 --> 00:55:26,202
Open them.
760
00:55:30,413 --> 00:55:32,969
- I've sold my play.
- Wow.
761
00:55:33,096 --> 00:55:34,548
To an earl.
762
00:55:34,670 --> 00:55:36,936
Earl of Croydon.
763
00:55:37,055 --> 00:55:39,404
- It's near Penge.
- Penge, yeah.
764
00:55:39,523 --> 00:55:42,769
And they're putting it on for the Queen.
Not here. At the palace.
765
00:55:42,888 --> 00:55:44,644
This was just, you know...
766
00:55:45,697 --> 00:55:47,745
- For the drama.
- Yeah.
767
00:55:47,868 --> 00:55:49,963
But it's good, Anne.
768
00:55:50,065 --> 00:55:52,414
- Imagine it.
- Where...?
769
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,035
Get down from there.
770
00:55:58,055 --> 00:56:03,515
The Rose Theatre is delighted
to present a play by Bill Shakespeare!
771
00:56:15,233 --> 00:56:17,026
Listen.
772
00:56:17,149 --> 00:56:21,194
I know I haven't
always made things... easy.
773
00:56:23,492 --> 00:56:25,927
But it really feels like
things are looking up for me.
774
00:56:27,282 --> 00:56:29,244
For us.
775
00:56:33,839 --> 00:56:35,801
And you said I'd never make it.
776
00:56:36,690 --> 00:56:39,597
- What?
- "Go and be a butcher," you said.
777
00:56:40,550 --> 00:56:43,881
"Don't go to London," you said.
Well, look at me now.
778
00:56:44,551 --> 00:56:47,192
Hang on a minute.
I've always supported you.
779
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,197
Well, yes and no.
780
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:52,263
- I mean, up to a point, but...
- Up to a point?
781
00:56:52,386 --> 00:56:55,753
Well, let's face it, here I am, in London,
782
00:56:55,876 --> 00:56:59,630
about to perform my play for the Queen.
783
00:57:00,432 --> 00:57:02,103
And who's that down to?
784
00:57:03,482 --> 00:57:05,492
Yours truly.
785
00:57:05,611 --> 00:57:08,300
Number 1A, Me Avenue.
786
00:57:08,996 --> 00:57:12,919
- It was me, you idiot.
- What?
787
00:57:13,041 --> 00:57:15,777
- I told Croydon about your play.
- What? When?
788
00:57:15,893 --> 00:57:18,629
- The other day, at his house.
- At his house, were you?
789
00:57:18,746 --> 00:57:21,179
- Not like that. He picked me up.
- Did he, now?
790
00:57:21,300 --> 00:57:24,715
- I was trying to help you.
- Well, I don't need your help.
791
00:57:24,834 --> 00:57:28,672
Well, that's a bit of luck, isn't it?
Because you're not gonna get it again.
792
00:57:28,793 --> 00:57:31,227
- I'm going back to Stratford.
- Fine.
793
00:57:33,857 --> 00:57:36,764
One day you'll realise what you just lost.
794
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:38,842
I hope it was all worth it.
795
00:57:40,839 --> 00:57:45,611
No, one day you'll realise what you lost,
when I'm up here.
796
00:57:48,780 --> 00:57:50,572
When I'm up here.
797
00:58:26,202 --> 00:58:27,909
Saying things in a shod, snappy way
798
00:58:28,033 --> 00:58:31,787
instead of a long, drawn-out way
is the soul of wit.
799
00:58:39,527 --> 00:58:41,793
Ooh. Someone's been in the wars.
800
00:58:42,338 --> 00:58:44,130
Yes, I...
801
00:58:45,616 --> 00:58:48,522
- What are you doing in a pie?
- It's a disguise.
802
00:58:48,638 --> 00:58:52,005
Or one might say a dis-pies.
803
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:54,432
Now, that works in three ways.
804
00:58:54,556 --> 00:58:57,329
One, it's a disguise.
Two, the disguise is pies.
805
00:58:57,451 --> 00:59:00,091
And three, it's got
the word "spies" in it, so...
806
00:59:00,230 --> 00:59:01,816
- It's very clever.
- Mm.
807
00:59:01,933 --> 00:59:03,943
What did you want?
808
00:59:04,061 --> 00:59:08,796
- Well, you know Catholic plots?
- Does the Pope wear a silly hat?
809
00:59:11,341 --> 00:59:12,795
I think I may have found one.
810
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,867
He rents a room
above The Quill and Rapier.
811
00:59:17,621 --> 00:59:20,007
Well, you'll see for yourself.
812
00:59:20,601 --> 00:59:23,932
He's turned it into
some sort of Catholic shrine.
813
00:59:26,604 --> 00:59:28,057
What them?
814
00:59:33,586 --> 00:59:34,955
I'm being framed.
815
00:59:35,076 --> 00:59:37,038
- Left, right, left...
- Come on, lads.
816
00:59:40,058 --> 00:59:42,105
Chris?
817
00:59:42,783 --> 00:59:44,152
Left, right, left...
818
00:59:46,125 --> 00:59:48,256
Mr Shakespeare, I presume.
819
00:59:48,508 --> 00:59:52,130
You, my friend,
are going straight to he... Aargh!
820
00:59:52,256 --> 00:59:54,895
Left, right, left, right...
821
00:59:55,023 --> 00:59:57,324
After him, you fools!
822
01:00:13,669 --> 01:00:17,255
Right!
Can everyone please stop arriving?
823
01:00:35,722 --> 01:00:38,158
- Where's the money?
- Where's Shakespeare?
824
01:00:39,236 --> 01:00:42,651
He's... tied up. I'm... his agent.
825
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:51,203
Play first.
826
01:01:04,950 --> 01:01:06,997
What the hell's this?
827
01:01:07,932 --> 01:01:10,195
Your change, sir.
828
01:01:11,719 --> 01:01:13,936
' Urgh! Aargh!
829
01:01:14,104 --> 01:01:16,320
A pleasure doing business with you.
830
01:01:16,445 --> 01:01:17,559
Why?
831
01:01:17,679 --> 01:01:20,066
Er... Cheaper.
832
01:01:24,279 --> 01:01:26,919
- King Philip ll of Spain.
- Sssh.
833
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:30,203
It's a secret, you see.
834
01:01:30,431 --> 01:01:32,988
This play you have
kindly provided me with...
835
01:01:34,178 --> 01:01:38,054
I'm going to use it to kill the Queen.
836
01:01:40,139 --> 01:01:42,827
A Catholic plot. You fiend!
837
01:01:42,948 --> 01:01:44,741
Don't be like that.
838
01:01:44,864 --> 01:01:46,610
Oh, don't take it out. Don't take it out.
839
01:01:46,737 --> 01:01:49,729
It won't hurt if I do it quickly.
It's a bit like erm...
840
01:01:50,356 --> 01:01:51,773
Do you do your eyebrows?
841
01:01:51,889 --> 01:01:54,104
- No.
- OK. Well, it's a little bit like that.
842
01:01:54,528 --> 01:01:56,538
Aargh!
843
01:02:01,128 --> 01:02:03,089
Bill...
844
01:02:10,654 --> 01:02:12,834
Chris, I'm gonna kill you!
845
01:02:14,784 --> 01:02:16,831
Join the club, mate.
846
01:02:17,508 --> 01:02:20,196
- Oh, my God.
- No, it's a scratch. It's just a scratch.
847
01:02:20,317 --> 01:02:22,364
It's nothing.
848
01:02:23,256 --> 01:02:25,303
Actually, that is quite bad, isn't it?
849
01:02:30,025 --> 01:02:31,986
Chris?
850
01:02:33,005 --> 01:02:35,306
I betrayed you.
851
01:02:35,431 --> 01:02:37,734
I needed the play, the money.
852
01:02:38,667 --> 01:02:41,306
- I'm in terrible debt.
- This was over a debt?
853
01:02:41,434 --> 01:02:44,292
No, no. This was... Catholics.
854
01:02:45,267 --> 01:02:47,192
- Catholics?
- Croydon's company.
855
01:02:47,310 --> 01:02:49,525
- They're Spanish agents.
- The Cockney Players?
856
01:02:49,651 --> 01:02:51,068
- But they're from Bow.
- No.
857
01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:55,277
Mark me, they plan to use our play
to somehow kill the Queen.
858
01:02:56,463 --> 01:02:59,102
You must go to the pie stall
in the marketplace.
859
01:03:00,592 --> 01:03:02,809
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
860
01:03:02,935 --> 01:03:05,151
Oh, sorry. Did you want that?
861
01:03:05,275 --> 01:03:06,778
Want it? He isn't dead.
862
01:03:06,894 --> 01:03:09,837
Well, not quite. But I knock off in five,
and realistically...
863
01:03:09,959 --> 01:03:11,412
Go away!
864
01:03:16,963 --> 01:03:19,869
Right, you see her? Well, your mum...
865
01:03:19,985 --> 01:03:22,976
- For God's sake, not now, Chris.
- Yes, yes, the plot.
866
01:03:23,903 --> 01:03:25,950
You must find Walsingham.
867
01:03:26,541 --> 01:03:30,586
Go to the pie stall in the marketplace
and say these code words.
868
01:03:30,714 --> 01:03:35,062
Saying things in a shod, snappy way...
soul of wit.
869
01:03:37,100 --> 01:03:39,026
You mean "brevity".
870
01:03:39,144 --> 01:03:41,105
Er... Yeah.
871
01:03:41,230 --> 01:03:43,276
But say it my way.
872
01:03:43,614 --> 01:03:46,471
And Walsingham
will deal with the Spanish.
873
01:03:48,212 --> 01:03:50,391
Avenge me, my friend...
874
01:03:50,510 --> 01:03:53,453
for now I go... and it is done.
875
01:03:55,365 --> 01:03:57,543
The bell invites me.
876
01:04:03,134 --> 01:04:04,720
One more thing.
877
01:04:04,837 --> 01:04:08,932
The... the script I gave them, it's...
878
01:04:11,820 --> 01:04:13,782
It...
879
01:04:19,824 --> 01:04:21,954
So wise, so young...
880
01:04:22,761 --> 01:04:24,808
they say do never live long.
881
01:04:32,382 --> 01:04:34,090
Seriously?
882
01:04:36,299 --> 01:04:40,525
Well, Your Majesty, we have our play.
883
01:04:41,620 --> 01:04:42,941
Cheers.
884
01:04:43,069 --> 01:04:45,116
We'll stop for nibbles.
885
01:04:46,304 --> 01:04:48,097
Yes, I don't want to worry you,
886
01:04:48,220 --> 01:04:50,740
but this reads a lot
like a Russian loan agreement.
887
01:04:52,350 --> 01:04:54,227
Why, that double-crossing little...
888
01:04:54,350 --> 01:04:56,530
Furs!
889
01:04:56,649 --> 01:04:59,895
Get your lovely furs!
890
01:05:00,630 --> 01:05:03,065
High fashion furs!
891
01:05:04,378 --> 01:05:06,339
High fashion...
892
01:05:09,231 --> 01:05:12,343
Saying things
in a shod, snappy way inst...
893
01:05:14,680 --> 01:05:17,065
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
894
01:05:20,555 --> 01:05:22,516
King Philip ll of Spain.
895
01:05:25,835 --> 01:05:28,390
- Where is the play?
- I don't know.
896
01:05:28,517 --> 01:05:30,103
You'd better tell me...
897
01:05:31,029 --> 01:05:34,226
or I will let Lope here
loose with his device.
898
01:05:34,903 --> 01:05:38,233
You don't wanna know
where this bit goes.
899
01:05:38,447 --> 01:05:40,494
So, you'd better tell me...
900
01:05:41,342 --> 01:05:45,350
- In your bum.
- Don't actually say it.
901
01:05:45,471 --> 01:05:49,311
Why are you saying it? It's more
dramatic if you don't say it. I... What?
902
01:05:49,431 --> 01:05:50,629
OK.
903
01:05:50,751 --> 01:05:53,052
Listen, as far as I knew,
you had the play.
904
01:05:53,178 --> 01:05:56,629
- I don't know where he's put it.
- Then you will write me a new play.
905
01:05:58,116 --> 01:06:00,853
Without Chris, that's impossible.
906
01:06:00,968 --> 01:06:04,081
Nothing is impossible,
Mr Shakespeare.
907
01:06:04,204 --> 01:06:06,251
Given the proper motivation.
908
01:06:12,017 --> 01:06:14,064
- Anne.
- That's right.
909
01:06:14,613 --> 01:06:16,660
We have Jan.
910
01:06:16,828 --> 01:06:18,668
It's Anne.
911
01:06:18,786 --> 01:06:20,626
Is it? Oh.
912
01:06:21,128 --> 01:06:23,562
- Why?
- Because the Queen needs a play
913
01:06:23,682 --> 01:06:26,456
and I'm not about to let her down.
914
01:06:26,577 --> 01:06:29,133
But he's gonna kill the Queen, you idiot!
915
01:06:29,259 --> 01:06:32,759
I think you mean surprise the Queen.
916
01:06:35,305 --> 01:06:39,095
- Right?
- Well, it's kind of a surprise.
917
01:06:41,308 --> 01:06:43,438
Oh!
918
01:06:43,543 --> 01:06:45,250
Oh, you villainous snake.
919
01:06:46,396 --> 01:06:48,575
As a loyal peer and patriot,
920
01:06:48,694 --> 01:06:51,516
I would never betray the sovereign power.
921
01:06:51,632 --> 01:06:54,453
- You still get Devon.
- Very much back on board.
922
01:06:54,654 --> 01:06:57,175
So, you write me a new play...
923
01:06:58,232 --> 01:07:01,344
"otherwise, it's "Adios, señora."
924
01:07:02,957 --> 01:07:05,476
- It's...?
- It's Spanish for "Goodbye, lady."
925
01:07:05,596 --> 01:07:07,643
It means I'm going to kill her.
926
01:07:17,858 --> 01:07:21,225
Look, you wrote play before.
Write it again.
927
01:07:21,349 --> 01:07:22,802
I thought you were playwright.
928
01:07:22,924 --> 01:07:24,971
Well, you thought wrong.
929
01:07:26,245 --> 01:07:28,630
I can't do this, not on my own.
930
01:07:28,758 --> 01:07:31,021
I hope that is not true. For your sake.
931
01:07:41,528 --> 01:07:43,200
Bill.
932
01:07:42,817 --> 01:07:44,403
What an thou?
933
01:07:44,775 --> 01:07:47,295
By heaven I charge thee, speak.
934
01:07:48,703 --> 01:07:49,853
Hello.
935
01:07:49,980 --> 01:07:51,942
Erm... Hello.
936
01:07:53,216 --> 01:07:54,632
You're not here.
937
01:07:54,792 --> 01:07:57,527
You're just a tired mind
playing tricks.
938
01:07:57,643 --> 01:08:00,841
I'm a friend when you need one.
Question not my coming.
939
01:08:01,687 --> 01:08:05,019
So you've come to help me? With the play?
940
01:08:09,564 --> 01:08:12,809
I can no more lift a quill
than I can tip this cup.
941
01:08:15,950 --> 01:08:17,791
That was a coincidence.
942
01:08:17,909 --> 01:08:19,956
The point is, I cannot give you help.
943
01:08:21,229 --> 01:08:23,191
You don't need it.
944
01:08:23,294 --> 01:08:25,559
I've got nothing here.
945
01:08:26,956 --> 01:08:29,595
No characters, no story.
946
01:08:29,722 --> 01:08:33,308
No story?
No story in the time we've shared?
947
01:08:35,173 --> 01:08:37,728
Of the hand that fate has dealt you
these days past?
948
01:08:39,643 --> 01:08:45,310
Tales of betrayal, plotting kings,
the death of a friend.
949
01:08:46,796 --> 01:08:49,872
Such twists and turns
as would shame any fiction.
950
01:08:54,629 --> 01:08:56,809
Write what you know.
951
01:09:00,910 --> 01:09:02,871
I can do this.
952
01:09:04,442 --> 01:09:06,404
I can do this.
953
01:09:08,147 --> 01:09:10,786
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
That's just the story.
954
01:09:10,914 --> 01:09:12,961
What of the words?
955
01:10:03,855 --> 01:10:05,816
It's a hit.
956
01:10:06,962 --> 01:10:08,633
A palpable hit.
957
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:12,287
So my wife can go.
958
01:10:12,539 --> 01:10:15,700
But you haven't finished yet.
I have some notes.
959
01:10:16,798 --> 01:10:18,928
Number one, we lose this.
960
01:10:19,054 --> 01:10:21,100
It's your play now.
961
01:10:21,268 --> 01:10:25,445
And number two,
the end could be a little more...
962
01:10:26,036 --> 01:10:28,082
How shall I say?
963
01:10:29,527 --> 01:10:30,677
Explosive.
964
01:10:30,805 --> 01:10:33,274
Hooray!
965
01:10:33,401 --> 01:10:34,636
Sssh .
966
01:10:35,146 --> 01:10:36,854
Hooray.
967
01:10:37,658 --> 01:10:39,281
Hm.
968
01:10:39,542 --> 01:10:42,062
Gather round. So, here's the plan.
969
01:10:42,564 --> 01:10:46,234
You wit stack the gunpowder
behind the stage during the first act.
970
01:10:46,354 --> 01:10:49,261
Juan will then light the fuse
when he hears Ramon -
971
01:10:49,377 --> 01:10:51,508
who plays witch number three -
say the line:
972
01:10:51,633 --> 01:10:54,103
Thou shalt be king hereafter.
973
01:10:54,230 --> 01:10:55,647
Hope you like bombs.
974
01:10:55,764 --> 01:10:57,386
I shall then make my excuses
975
01:10:57,508 --> 01:10:59,356
and sneak out
while you exit through the kitchen.
976
01:10:59,381 --> 01:11:01,392
Gotta go now. Bye.
977
01:11:01,510 --> 01:11:04,369
And Mr Shakespeare
will be coming with us
978
01:11:04,490 --> 01:11:07,602
to witness the final act
in his little drama,
979
01:11:07,725 --> 01:11:10,971
where we will quite literally
bring the house down.
980
01:11:12,133 --> 01:11:14,228
Come on. It's a theatre joke.
981
01:11:15,752 --> 01:11:18,391
Gentlemen, to the palace!
982
01:11:19,285 --> 01:11:21,332
OK. Left a bit, John.
983
01:11:21,456 --> 01:11:23,758
Left. My left!
984
01:11:24,224 --> 01:11:26,694
Right. And let it go.
985
01:11:31,462 --> 01:11:32,696
Gemma!
986
01:11:32,824 --> 01:11:35,258
Big day today, obviously.
987
01:11:35,378 --> 01:11:39,168
Security level
has been set at dark woad,
988
01:11:39,295 --> 01:11:42,286
which I believe is this one?
989
01:11:44,361 --> 01:11:46,662
Erm... Hello? Excuse me?
990
01:11:47,298 --> 01:11:48,534
Where are you going?
991
01:11:48,661 --> 01:11:52,077
We're the
Cockney Players of Bow, me old plate.
992
01:11:52,195 --> 01:11:54,664
- Yeah.
- The actors, yes.
993
01:11:54,792 --> 01:11:57,953
Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
I used to do a turn myself.
994
01:11:57,970 --> 01:12:01,082
I don't know if you've ever heard
of The Sticky Players?
995
01:12:01,206 --> 01:12:03,167
Oh... Magic days.
996
01:12:03,192 --> 01:12:06,014
Anyway, just follow the path
and you'll get to the front gate.
997
01:12:06,030 --> 01:12:08,937
Hang on. What are those barrels about?
998
01:12:09,942 --> 01:12:11,527
Er...
999
01:12:11,544 --> 01:12:14,656
Well, there's a Cockney song,
in't there, mate,
1000
01:12:14,780 --> 01:12:16,911
where we roll 'em out.
1001
01:12:19,250 --> 01:12:22,956
♪ Roll out the barrels, mate
1002
01:12:23,082 --> 01:12:25,989
♪ We'll give you some barrels of fun
1003
01:12:26,829 --> 01:12:29,298
- Yeah, mate.
♪ Where's he coming from?
1004
01:12:32,490 --> 01:12:34,876
Very good.
Well, off you trot, then.
1005
01:12:40,048 --> 01:12:41,804
Cheeky.
1006
01:12:41,921 --> 01:12:43,846
Right, drapes. Gemma!
1007
01:12:54,693 --> 01:12:55,759
Classic.
1008
01:12:55,886 --> 01:12:57,641
King Philip ll of Spain.
1009
01:12:57,759 --> 01:13:00,398
- King Philip ll of Spain.
- Of Spain.
1010
01:13:00,824 --> 01:13:02,700
Sorry.
1011
01:13:02,724 --> 01:13:05,328
Her most excellent Majesty...
1012
01:13:05,416 --> 01:13:09,122
by the grace of God, Elizabeth...
1013
01:13:10,737 --> 01:13:12,954
Queen of England...
1014
01:13:13,334 --> 01:13:16,787
France and Ireland.
1015
01:13:18,997 --> 01:13:21,515
Defender of the Faith.
1016
01:13:23,808 --> 01:13:27,901
- Most improved monarch '92 to...
- Let's assume he knows who I am.
1017
01:13:33,557 --> 01:13:38,497
Your Majesty, it is a very great honour
to be invited to your fine country,
1018
01:13:38,623 --> 01:13:40,670
which I just got to this morning.
1019
01:13:41,433 --> 01:13:44,255
I came straight here.
No funny business.
1020
01:13:44,679 --> 01:13:47,150
- Whoa! Talk about boat-lagged.
- Philip.
1021
01:13:47,319 --> 01:13:51,715
It is our greatest hope
that this summit shall pave the way
1022
01:13:51,832 --> 01:13:58,432
to lasting peace
between our two great nations.
1023
01:13:58,601 --> 01:14:00,441
Right, come on,
let's get this over with.
1024
01:14:12,204 --> 01:14:17,230
First we eat, and before you ask,
the Soup's served hot.
1025
01:14:17,355 --> 01:14:18,591
Ah, come off it.
1026
01:14:18,718 --> 01:14:21,103
Then we watch Crawley's new play
1027
01:14:21,229 --> 01:14:26,982
and finally we discuss
the release of Hawkins.
1028
01:14:27,615 --> 01:14:28,767
Who?
1029
01:14:28,893 --> 01:14:30,599
Hello!
1030
01:14:30,820 --> 01:14:33,459
Oh, yes, him, the reason I'm here. Ha-ha!
1031
01:14:33,587 --> 01:14:35,549
Mind like a gauze. It's terrible.
1032
01:14:36,823 --> 01:14:38,360
Yeah, that's him.
1033
01:14:38,483 --> 01:14:41,680
Oh. And one of 'em said something
about a pie stall.
1034
01:14:51,723 --> 01:14:53,309
What about the voice?
1035
01:14:53,427 --> 01:14:55,897
Is it convincing?
1036
01:14:56,066 --> 01:14:58,887
Gabriel... I don't care.
1037
01:15:04,623 --> 01:15:08,765
You then chop up the tomatoes, you cook
the onions, but then you leave it a bit...
1038
01:15:10,583 --> 01:15:11,953
OK.
1039
01:15:13,373 --> 01:15:16,569
Burghley.
I like what you've done with this. Huh?
1040
01:15:17,034 --> 01:15:19,856
Two beards in one. Very nice.
1041
01:15:23,590 --> 01:15:26,279
Whoa. Better make it a good one.
1042
01:15:26,784 --> 01:15:28,539
The wife's in.
1043
01:15:28,656 --> 01:15:34,239
Oh! Didn't I mention?
It seems Devon comes with a duchess.
1044
01:15:36,235 --> 01:15:38,753
Well, he may be
a crazed religious extremist,
1045
01:15:38,874 --> 01:15:40,921
but this Shakespeare is smart
1046
01:15:42,238 --> 01:15:45,011
And a truly smart man knows...
1047
01:15:49,645 --> 01:15:51,947
you hide in plain sight!
1048
01:15:59,885 --> 01:16:01,980
Ladies and gentlemen...
1049
01:16:02,993 --> 01:16:04,870
Your Majesties,
1050
01:16:04,994 --> 01:16:08,191
I'm delighted to present
for your entertainment
1051
01:16:08,314 --> 01:16:10,494
a new tragedy...
1052
01:16:10,613 --> 01:16:13,387
comedy/drama/history play,
1053
01:16:13,508 --> 01:16:17,383
written by and co-starring
the Earl of Croydon.
1054
01:16:18,064 --> 01:16:21,732
That's me. Croydon.
1055
01:16:39,648 --> 01:16:42,470
Oh, for a muse of fire...
1056
01:16:42,480 --> 01:16:46,320
that would ascend
the brightest heaven of invention,
1057
01:16:46,440 --> 01:16:50,921
a kingdom for a stage, princes to act
1058
01:16:51,123 --> 01:16:54,878
and monarchs
to behold this swelling scene.
1059
01:17:10,452 --> 01:17:12,546
Did you see? Did you see?
1060
01:17:13,219 --> 01:17:15,265
I was just... They were...
1061
01:17:25,735 --> 01:17:27,782
lam so going to hell.
1062
01:17:34,612 --> 01:17:36,659
Evening.
1063
01:17:40,147 --> 01:17:42,787
- You set me free.
- No, you set me free.
1064
01:17:44,234 --> 01:17:46,195
Let's go.
1065
01:17:47,725 --> 01:17:49,045
Where are you going?
1066
01:17:49,173 --> 01:17:51,268
We have to save Anne, stop the plot.
1067
01:17:51,387 --> 01:17:54,463
- Are you crazy in the coconut?
- What's a coconut?
1068
01:17:54,579 --> 01:17:57,570
Well, my Catholic friends,
1069
01:17:57,687 --> 01:18:00,630
you have led me a merry dance.
1070
01:18:01,732 --> 01:18:06,079
But now it would seem
that I have the upper hand!
1071
01:18:09,693 --> 01:18:11,570
Aaargh!
1072
01:18:12,163 --> 01:18:16,038
- I won't leave her, not again.
- Well, then, you are on your own.
1073
01:18:16,484 --> 01:18:18,531
May God be with you, my friend.
1074
01:18:24,147 --> 01:18:27,090
'Tis... enough.
1075
01:18:30,405 --> 01:18:32,283
Bit of a rewrite.
1076
01:18:33,940 --> 01:18:36,409
"A Play for Her Majesty"?
1077
01:18:39,517 --> 01:18:41,478
Ha!
1078
01:18:44,838 --> 01:18:46,291
Hark.
1079
01:18:46,413 --> 01:18:49,356
By the pricking of my thumbs,
1080
01:18:49,479 --> 01:18:53,318
oh, something wicked this way comes.
1081
01:18:56,845 --> 01:18:57,995
Witches...
1082
01:18:58,122 --> 01:18:59,187
Witches! OK.
1083
01:18:59,952 --> 01:19:01,321
Scared.
1084
01:19:01,442 --> 01:19:06,903
How now,
you secret, black and midnight hags.
1085
01:19:08,680 --> 01:19:12,858
Hail to thee, the Thane of Glamis.
1086
01:19:13,235 --> 01:19:17,800
Hail to thee, the Thane of Cawdor.
1087
01:19:17,919 --> 01:19:21,249
Hail to thee, for thou shalt be king.
1088
01:19:23,815 --> 01:19:26,842
- Mark me.
- What the hell?
1089
01:19:26,966 --> 01:19:28,976
- What the hell?
- What the hell?
1090
01:19:29,094 --> 01:19:31,916
I could a tale unfold
1091
01:19:32,032 --> 01:19:35,908
whose lightest word
would harrow up thy soul,
1092
01:19:36,034 --> 01:19:42,174
freeze thy blood, make thine eyes
like stars start from their spheres.
1093
01:19:42,760 --> 01:19:47,071
A foul and most unnatural murder.
1094
01:19:48,040 --> 01:19:49,917
Marlowe?
1095
01:19:50,041 --> 01:19:52,220
That I now avenge!
1096
01:19:52,339 --> 01:19:53,623
Shakespeare!
1097
01:19:53,744 --> 01:19:55,792
That's him!
1098
01:19:55,916 --> 01:19:58,555
- Ooh. A cameo.
- The Catholic's mine!
1099
01:20:00,300 --> 01:20:02,262
Listen, you've got the wrong man!
1100
01:20:02,386 --> 01:20:04,858
That's what a Catholic traitor
would say.
1101
01:20:05,985 --> 01:20:09,824
This is what's known
as breaking the fourth wall.
1102
01:20:10,752 --> 01:20:12,509
Ooh!
1103
01:20:12,626 --> 01:20:14,212
Sword fight?
1104
01:20:14,329 --> 01:20:16,376
Sword fight, sword fight...
1105
01:20:43,439 --> 01:20:46,261
Wait! He's not the Catholic.
1106
01:20:49,017 --> 01:20:50,979
We are the Catholics.
1107
01:20:51,103 --> 01:20:54,942
Me amigos, plan J.
1108
01:21:13,368 --> 01:21:15,754
Actually, you know what?
1109
01:21:15,881 --> 01:21:18,993
I've gotta go
to the little kings' room.
1110
01:21:19,117 --> 01:21:20,994
OK. Excuse me.
1111
01:21:21,118 --> 01:21:23,297
It's seafood. King coming through.
Make a hole.
1112
01:21:23,587 --> 01:21:25,294
Goodbye, Queen.
1113
01:21:25,460 --> 01:21:27,385
Yeah.
1114
01:21:29,717 --> 01:21:31,764
Come on, there's another one...
1115
01:21:36,998 --> 01:21:40,449
Oh, villain, villain,
1116
01:21:40,573 --> 01:21:43,940
smiling, damned villain.
1117
01:21:46,193 --> 01:21:47,986
Uh...
1118
01:21:51,132 --> 01:21:53,178
All the world's a stage...
1119
01:21:55,858 --> 01:21:58,970
and all the men... and women...
1120
01:21:59,339 --> 01:22:01,131
merely players.
1121
01:22:01,754 --> 01:22:05,762
They have their exits and entrances...
1122
01:22:07,545 --> 01:22:10,487
and one man in his time
plays many parts.
1123
01:22:11,376 --> 01:22:13,847
Take this man.
1124
01:22:13,573 --> 01:22:16,600
Hath he not played the part of Patron?
1125
01:22:17,447 --> 01:22:19,240
Patriot?
1126
01:22:19,405 --> 01:22:21,113
Traitor?
1127
01:22:21,237 --> 01:22:23,368
Thief!
1128
01:22:23,492 --> 01:22:26,400
Who would rob a scribe of his words...
1129
01:22:27,538 --> 01:22:29,802
a man of his wife...
1130
01:22:29,922 --> 01:22:33,167
a land... of its queen!
1131
01:22:36,265 --> 01:22:39,255
Your Majesty, hell is empty.
1132
01:22:40,692 --> 01:22:43,429
All the devils are here.
1133
01:22:43,715 --> 01:22:45,981
Aren't they, Phil?
1134
01:22:49,846 --> 01:22:52,316
Ah...
1135
01:22:52,805 --> 01:22:54,513
Ha-ha-ha.
1136
01:22:54,977 --> 01:22:57,071
You think you're so clever,
don't you? Hm?
1137
01:22:57,659 --> 01:23:00,480
With your hair and your face.
1138
01:23:02,172 --> 01:23:04,605
Well, this changes nothing.
1139
01:23:05,407 --> 01:23:09,076
We may leave now
this damp, fetid bog of a country.
1140
01:23:09,197 --> 01:23:10,564
All right, mate.
1141
01:23:10,686 --> 01:23:12,732
But know this.
1142
01:23:14,305 --> 01:23:16,400
I will return,
1143
01:23:16,519 --> 01:23:19,462
and my revenge... will have no bounds.
1144
01:23:20,947 --> 01:23:23,042
I shall do such things.
1145
01:23:23,800 --> 01:23:25,846
What they are yet, I know not.
1146
01:23:27,290 --> 01:23:31,432
But they shall be
the terrors of the earth.
1147
01:23:35,529 --> 01:23:37,369
And we're going to bring an horse.
1148
01:23:37,487 --> 01:23:39,921
But it's not a normal horse. Oh, no.
1149
01:23:40,041 --> 01:23:42,900
It's a ginormous horse
and it will confuse you.
1150
01:23:43,021 --> 01:23:45,965
- But that's the point of the horse.
- What is wrong with you?
1151
01:23:46,088 --> 01:23:48,606
What is actually wrong with you?
You are broken in the head.
1152
01:23:48,726 --> 01:23:50,229
It is not a real horse!
1153
01:23:50,344 --> 01:23:52,472
- It is not a real horse?
- It is not a real horse.
1154
01:23:52,515 --> 01:23:54,308
- What is it?
- It is a wooden horse.
1155
01:23:54,432 --> 01:23:55,750
What is so hard to...
1156
01:24:01,413 --> 01:24:06,608
I arrest thee of capital treason
'gainst the Queen and crown, Crawley.
1157
01:24:06,735 --> 01:24:09,423
It's not Crawley. It's...
1158
01:24:11,036 --> 01:24:12,997
Oh, I give up.
1159
01:24:13,314 --> 01:24:15,869
A head filled with such fine words.
1160
01:24:15,996 --> 01:24:18,042
Almost a pity to put a spike up it.
1161
01:24:18,677 --> 01:24:21,027
He didn't write the play.
1162
01:24:22,211 --> 01:24:26,559
- Your Majesty.
- Then who did... girl?
1163
01:24:27,235 --> 01:24:28,773
Bill.
1164
01:24:28,896 --> 01:24:31,160
William Shakespeare.
1165
01:24:32,471 --> 01:24:34,433
My husband.
1166
01:24:35,536 --> 01:24:37,377
Well, well, Mr Shakespeare.
1167
01:24:38,049 --> 01:24:40,314
Is there no end to your talents?
1168
01:24:40,859 --> 01:24:46,272
I may unmask these devils, ma'am,
yet still I cast myself among them.
1169
01:24:46,989 --> 01:24:49,205
For though I share not
the nature of their crimes,
1170
01:24:49,331 --> 01:24:52,697
I too sinned, as a demon might...
1171
01:24:54,994 --> 01:24:57,512
when I cast aside an angel.
1172
01:25:00,102 --> 01:25:02,535
Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?
1173
01:25:04,274 --> 01:25:07,895
Thou an more lovely and more temperate.
1174
01:25:08,596 --> 01:25:10,981
Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May.
1175
01:25:11,107 --> 01:25:13,154
- And summer's lease...
- Stop talking.
1176
01:25:19,069 --> 01:25:21,031
Mr Shakespeare.
1177
01:25:27,073 --> 01:25:29,120
You may kiss my hand.
1178
01:25:35,374 --> 01:25:37,421
I may not be long for this world.
1179
01:25:39,334 --> 01:25:42,361
But I am most grateful
to see a few more dawns.
1180
01:25:44,442 --> 01:25:46,405
Thank you.
1181
01:25:48,360 --> 01:25:50,370
Southampton!
1182
01:25:50,488 --> 01:25:53,855
- Hello, love.
- Is your money room still bulging?
1183
01:25:53,979 --> 01:25:57,941
Oh, it's positively out of hand, darling.
I've had to knock a wall through.
1184
01:25:58,620 --> 01:26:02,847
Then see to it that this loyal subject
finds himself well financed.
1185
01:26:03,176 --> 01:26:04,458
Your Majesty.
1186
01:26:04,580 --> 01:26:08,928
Well, we shall be hearing much more
from you, won't we, Shakespeare?
1187
01:26:09,051 --> 01:26:12,417
Yes, Your Majesty. I have a few ideas.
1188
01:26:12,553 --> 01:26:14,430
Excellent.
1189
01:26:14,553 --> 01:26:17,629
Though maybe one at a time, eh?
Cos that was a bit dense.
1190
01:26:19,577 --> 01:26:23,621
Well, then...
all's well that ends well.
1191
01:26:24,942 --> 01:26:27,629
Time for some music, methinks.
1192
01:26:28,474 --> 01:26:31,842
Ladies and gentlemen...
1193
01:26:32,190 --> 01:26:37,264
I give you Mortal Coil!
1194
01:27:54,624 --> 01:27:57,906
It's a full house, Bill.
Have you settled on a title?
1195
01:27:58,031 --> 01:28:00,669
How about
A Series of Comedy Errors?
1196
01:28:01,011 --> 01:28:03,227
That's... getting there.
1197
01:28:03,522 --> 01:28:05,701
- Ow.
- There.
1198
01:28:07,056 --> 01:28:10,253
- All done.
- Well, what do you think?
1199
01:28:13,059 --> 01:28:15,105
Is the world ready for Shakespeare?
1200
01:28:49,757 --> 01:28:51,550
This...
1201
01:28:50,886 --> 01:28:53,829
No, sorry. I still don't get it.
1202
01:29:05,531 --> 01:29:07,456
Any last words?
1203
01:29:07,574 --> 01:29:10,772
Yeah. Don't get involved in the ads.
1204
01:29:13,919 --> 01:29:16,438
I thought Ian
would have been here, at least.
1205
01:29:26,904 --> 01:29:28,865
Now... No.
1206
01:29:31,907 --> 01:29:33,868
Hello.
1207
01:29:35,609 --> 01:29:37,657
Hello.
1208
01:30:09,499 --> 01:30:11,376
I'm going in.
83979
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