All language subtitles for What.We.Do.in.the.Shadows.S04E07.720p.WEB.H264-PLZPROPER - No HI

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,243 --> 00:00:05,079 Once we clear Keasbey, 2 00:00:05,164 --> 00:00:08,024 it's a straight shot down the Garden State Parkway 3 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,813 until we hit the Pine Barrens. 4 00:00:09,898 --> 00:00:10,960 And let me tell you, 5 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:14,657 the Pine Barrens is some forest primeval shit. 6 00:00:14,742 --> 00:00:16,993 Sean has invited us to his family's cabin 7 00:00:17,078 --> 00:00:18,578 in the New Jersey woodlands. 8 00:00:18,663 --> 00:00:21,313 - The Pine Barrens. - Which is the same thing. 9 00:00:21,398 --> 00:00:24,218 - For a weekend hunting trip. - We vampires 10 00:00:24,303 --> 00:00:25,303 do not hunt. 11 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,218 Of course we fucking do. We hunt humans. 12 00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:28,549 Does that count, though? 13 00:00:28,633 --> 00:00:30,019 Nothing wrong 14 00:00:30,103 --> 00:00:33,125 with a long weekend away from the ladies. 15 00:00:33,209 --> 00:00:35,029 "We dem boys," am I right? 16 00:00:35,113 --> 00:00:37,567 - Yes. - Indeed, but remember, 17 00:00:37,651 --> 00:00:39,304 Nandor and I need to be back 18 00:00:39,388 --> 00:00:41,909 no later than 5:00 a. M. On Sunday. 19 00:00:41,993 --> 00:00:44,081 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have jobs at the railroad. 20 00:00:44,165 --> 00:00:45,850 You're like a broken record, Laz. 21 00:00:45,934 --> 00:00:48,189 Yes, we them boys who work at the railroad. 22 00:00:48,273 --> 00:00:49,791 You know, 23 00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:52,063 that kid looks like the spitting image of Colin Robinson. 24 00:00:52,147 --> 00:00:53,899 It's like Little Baby Dilbert over here. 25 00:00:53,983 --> 00:00:56,071 Well, as we mentioned before, 26 00:00:56,155 --> 00:00:58,776 Colin Robinson is the child's uncle, 27 00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:01,782 so according to genetics, that story makes perfect sense. 28 00:01:01,866 --> 00:01:03,318 Yeah, whatever. Hey, cornbread, 29 00:01:03,436 --> 00:01:04,955 what you playing back there? 30 00:01:05,039 --> 00:01:06,792 - Oh, no. What the fuck... - Oh, it's a game called 31 00:01:06,876 --> 00:01:09,831 "Welcome to Bloxburg," and it's a game on Roblox 32 00:01:09,915 --> 00:01:12,036 and you can build your own house 33 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,109 or get a job like a pizza maker or woodcutter 34 00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:16,612 or insurance adjust... 35 00:01:16,696 --> 00:01:18,315 "You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing... 36 00:01:18,399 --> 00:01:20,988 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 37 00:01:21,072 --> 00:01:24,227 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 38 00:01:24,311 --> 00:01:27,167 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 39 00:01:27,251 --> 00:01:29,922 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 40 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,779 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 41 00:01:33,863 --> 00:01:36,251 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 42 00:01:36,335 --> 00:01:38,823 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 43 00:01:38,907 --> 00:01:42,781 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 44 00:01:53,102 --> 00:01:55,056 You look very nice in the bath. Look at you. 45 00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:56,993 - Thank you, honey. - With the boys being away 46 00:01:57,077 --> 00:01:59,030 on this hunting trip with Sean, 47 00:01:59,114 --> 00:02:01,702 it is just so... ...nice 48 00:02:01,786 --> 00:02:03,939 to have the house to myself for a change. 49 00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:06,678 To ourselves. There's two of us. 50 00:02:06,762 --> 00:02:07,998 Oh, yes. Of course. 51 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,920 It's really nice to have the whole house to myself, 52 00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:12,423 for once. 53 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,229 Since Nandor, Laszlo, Nadja and Baby Colin are all gone, 54 00:02:15,313 --> 00:02:18,869 I get to choose what I want to do for a change. 55 00:02:18,953 --> 00:02:21,375 We really needed a break from Laszlo, Nandor, Gizmo, 56 00:02:21,459 --> 00:02:22,944 and the small weird creature 57 00:02:23,028 --> 00:02:24,948 that clawed its way out of the abdominal cavity 58 00:02:25,032 --> 00:02:27,453 of our deceased former friend Colin Robinson. 59 00:02:27,537 --> 00:02:29,324 It's rare that anyone leaves me alone, 60 00:02:29,408 --> 00:02:32,163 so I'm gonna have my family over tomorrow night. 61 00:02:32,247 --> 00:02:34,968 I've been putting it off for, like... 62 00:02:35,052 --> 00:02:36,289 12 years? 63 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,246 This house, it can be a lot of male energy. 64 00:02:40,330 --> 00:02:41,248 Oh. 65 00:02:41,332 --> 00:02:43,018 I mean, duh. 66 00:02:44,838 --> 00:02:46,325 So while they're off in the forest, 67 00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:47,995 we will be having a good, old-fashioned 68 00:02:48,079 --> 00:02:49,297 sloppy girls' night at home. 69 00:02:49,381 --> 00:02:51,768 - Yes. - And you know, 70 00:02:51,852 --> 00:02:54,174 I think the weekend will be very good for the boys, too. 71 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,776 Did you want to help with the bags? 72 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,146 I wasn't planning to, no. 73 00:02:57,230 --> 00:02:59,317 - Okay, thank you. - Thank you. 74 00:02:59,401 --> 00:03:01,788 Laszlo and Nandor have been bickering a lot recently. 75 00:03:01,872 --> 00:03:03,994 You know, for the past one or two or... 76 00:03:04,078 --> 00:03:05,730 actually, about 80 years. 77 00:03:07,451 --> 00:03:09,304 You want to help with the door? 78 00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:10,873 I wasn't planning to, no. 79 00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:12,844 - Okay, thank you. - Thank you. 80 00:03:12,928 --> 00:03:14,247 It's good 81 00:03:14,331 --> 00:03:16,185 that they're going to have a chance to reconnect. 82 00:03:16,269 --> 00:03:19,057 Put all the bags in there, all right? 83 00:03:19,141 --> 00:03:19,925 Eesh. 84 00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:20,927 Now, that up there, 85 00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:23,199 I got that when I was 14. 86 00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:25,069 Took me nine shots, but I got it. 87 00:03:25,153 --> 00:03:28,326 First time I ever saw something die. 88 00:03:29,561 --> 00:03:31,299 But it wouldn't be the last. 89 00:03:33,202 --> 00:03:35,389 Well, marksmanship clearly runs in the family. 90 00:03:35,473 --> 00:03:38,028 That's a very impressive collection of firearms. 91 00:03:38,112 --> 00:03:40,299 Oh, yeah. Well, it's mostly my granddad's. 92 00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:42,837 He started collecting them when he bought the cabin 93 00:03:42,921 --> 00:03:44,976 from this Polish guy he used to bowl with, 94 00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:46,445 you know, before the cataracts. 95 00:03:46,529 --> 00:03:49,150 It's always sad when a Polish fellow gets cataracts. 96 00:03:49,234 --> 00:03:51,121 No, I think what Sean is saying 97 00:03:51,205 --> 00:03:52,924 is that his grandfather got the cataracts, 98 00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:54,761 which is why he could no longer do bowling 99 00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:55,963 with the Polish fellow. 100 00:03:56,047 --> 00:03:57,200 Actually, the problem was... 101 00:03:57,284 --> 00:03:58,535 No, no, hold on, Sean. No. 102 00:03:58,619 --> 00:04:01,508 The Polish fellow got the cataracts, 103 00:04:01,592 --> 00:04:03,846 ending his bowling career, 104 00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:05,149 cutting his income, 105 00:04:05,233 --> 00:04:07,520 forcing him to sell this cabin, clearly. 106 00:04:07,604 --> 00:04:09,124 The problem with Laszlo 107 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,428 is that he cannot admit that there's something 108 00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:13,032 that even he does not know. 109 00:04:13,116 --> 00:04:15,236 He thinks that he knows all things. 110 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,440 And if there's one thing I cannot abide, 111 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,947 it is someone who's a know-it-all-things. 112 00:04:21,031 --> 00:04:23,852 - Actually... - If I could just take a moment, Sean, 113 00:04:23,936 --> 00:04:25,923 I know a thing or two about fellows, 114 00:04:26,007 --> 00:04:27,927 and I would say it is more than likely 115 00:04:28,011 --> 00:04:29,197 that the Polish fellow 116 00:04:29,281 --> 00:04:32,403 went bowling with other fellows for fun 117 00:04:32,487 --> 00:04:34,808 and not for his livelihood. 118 00:04:34,892 --> 00:04:36,878 Nandor's problem is 119 00:04:36,962 --> 00:04:40,019 he has a bird-sized brain in a mammoth-sized body. 120 00:04:40,103 --> 00:04:41,455 Wouldn't you say? 121 00:04:41,539 --> 00:04:44,394 Well, you see, that theory betrays an ignorance... 122 00:04:44,478 --> 00:04:47,300 - Oh... - ...for the many Polish fellows that have done very well 123 00:04:47,384 --> 00:04:50,039 vis-à-vis bowling competition money. 124 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,375 Agree to disagree. 125 00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,012 Boy, do your thing. 126 00:04:53,096 --> 00:04:57,186 Hey, Siri, search "Polish bowlers top cash prize earners." 127 00:04:57,270 --> 00:05:00,559 Okay, I found this on the web for "bowling Polish 128 00:05:00,643 --> 00:05:01,962 top cash prize earners." 129 00:05:02,046 --> 00:05:03,432 - Check it out. - Yes? 130 00:05:03,516 --> 00:05:07,907 It's a Wikipedia page for someone called Daria Pajak. 131 00:05:07,991 --> 00:05:09,277 Read the page. 132 00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:12,050 "Daria Pajak is a professional bowling player 133 00:05:12,134 --> 00:05:13,585 - from Poland..." - From Poland. 134 00:05:13,669 --> 00:05:15,423 "...who competes on the professional women's bowling..." 135 00:05:15,507 --> 00:05:16,993 - That's right, my boy. - Shut up! 136 00:05:17,077 --> 00:05:18,195 - Hey! - Very mature. 137 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:24,941 Right. 138 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,178 So, what are we doing? 139 00:05:26,262 --> 00:05:28,449 Time for a little hunting of our own. 140 00:05:28,533 --> 00:05:30,219 The most dangerous game... 141 00:05:30,303 --> 00:05:31,922 - Hunting humans... - The hunters become the hunted. 142 00:05:32,006 --> 00:05:34,160 Fucking hell. Stop interrupting me. 143 00:05:34,244 --> 00:05:36,298 Eesh. 144 00:05:36,382 --> 00:05:38,869 I have recently been experimenting 145 00:05:38,953 --> 00:05:40,473 with echolocation. 146 00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:47,988 - Hey, Lazzo, guess what? - What? 147 00:05:48,072 --> 00:05:51,328 I need more Robux to buy gamer wings for my avatar 148 00:05:51,412 --> 00:05:53,632 - because guess what? - What? 149 00:05:53,716 --> 00:05:55,269 - I already have the Gamer Cloak. - Enough. 150 00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:57,173 You're going to scare away the humans. 151 00:05:57,257 --> 00:06:00,613 Silence is the hunter's greatest weapon. 152 00:06:00,697 --> 00:06:02,350 And you're shitting all over it. 153 00:06:02,434 --> 00:06:04,402 Uh, can we go? I'm on eight percent. 154 00:06:09,381 --> 00:06:11,902 You know, you're lucky to have a guy like Lasz 155 00:06:11,986 --> 00:06:13,372 - taking care of you. - I guess. 156 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:17,246 Sometimes I think that Lazzo doesn't like me so much. 157 00:06:17,330 --> 00:06:19,217 Are you kidding me? He loves you. 158 00:06:19,301 --> 00:06:21,488 He's always saying, "I'm not gonna have you grow up 159 00:06:21,572 --> 00:06:24,561 to be a bald-headed, energy-sucking bore." 160 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:27,567 Huh, that's why my old man wouldn't let me watch PBS. 161 00:06:27,651 --> 00:06:29,037 Do you think I'm boring? 162 00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:31,375 What? You got your little computer pad, 163 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,345 and a... stick. 164 00:06:33,429 --> 00:06:35,516 And a whole bunch of other neat stuff, right? 165 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,120 What else do you like doing? 166 00:06:37,204 --> 00:06:40,259 Well, I like to go into the basement in the house 167 00:06:40,343 --> 00:06:44,033 and smash holes into the wall with a hammer. 168 00:06:44,117 --> 00:06:46,004 Like, really hard. 169 00:06:46,088 --> 00:06:48,041 Just over and over again. 170 00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:50,279 Just smashing and smashing 171 00:06:50,363 --> 00:06:53,152 and smashing, and I can't help it. 172 00:06:53,236 --> 00:06:54,587 It makes me feel good. 173 00:06:54,671 --> 00:06:57,293 But like, only walls, right? 174 00:06:57,377 --> 00:07:01,034 You don't like, uh... smashing a person or something? 175 00:07:06,027 --> 00:07:08,449 So our evening is off to a wonderful start. 176 00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:12,390 ♪ There's a girl in the village With one very small foot. ♪ 177 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,461 Mrs. Nandor the Relentless has joined us, 178 00:07:14,545 --> 00:07:16,631 and she fits right in. Everybody! 179 00:07:16,715 --> 00:07:19,070 She looks very like a girl from my village 180 00:07:19,154 --> 00:07:20,406 called Celina, 181 00:07:20,490 --> 00:07:22,343 but she's just wearing much less pig skin. 182 00:07:22,427 --> 00:07:24,080 You can do it. 183 00:07:24,164 --> 00:07:25,616 Go me. Go me. 184 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:29,124 Sometimes you just gotta cool out with your ladies, 185 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,228 have a proper female fuck-about. 186 00:07:31,312 --> 00:07:33,398 Nearly ready. Voilà. 187 00:07:33,482 --> 00:07:35,286 Dang it. 188 00:07:38,392 --> 00:07:41,548 Bienvenidos. Pasen. Gracias. 189 00:07:41,632 --> 00:07:43,085 Adelante. 190 00:07:43,169 --> 00:07:45,055 Thank you for inv... 191 00:07:45,139 --> 00:07:46,458 Oh, no se preocupen de las cámaras, 192 00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,362 este, los contraté para que grab a ran el... 193 00:07:48,446 --> 00:07:50,099 el cumpleaños de la abuela. 194 00:07:50,183 --> 00:07:52,270 - Feliz cumpleaños. - Muchacho, ay. 195 00:07:52,354 --> 00:07:54,440 Ay, mi hijo. Siempre tan consider a do. 196 00:07:54,524 --> 00:07:56,645 Las chamarras, quítensela. Quítensela. Aquí es su casa. 197 00:07:56,729 --> 00:07:58,749 - Look, he's like the butler. - I am not the butler. 198 00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:00,719 I told them that you guys are here making a video montage 199 00:08:00,803 --> 00:08:03,325 for her birthday, so I guess that's what we're doing now. 200 00:08:03,409 --> 00:08:05,095 It looks like Tarzan lives here. 201 00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:06,331 Oh, it's just eco-friendly. 202 00:08:06,415 --> 00:08:07,633 Is your Versace blouse eco-friendly? 203 00:08:07,717 --> 00:08:09,370 - It's real Versace. - You know, they make that 204 00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:11,041 - in menswear too, right? - Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. 205 00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:12,243 Okay, why don't we go upstairs? 206 00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:13,479 Pasen, pasen, pasen. 207 00:08:13,563 --> 00:08:15,182 Oh, careful, there. I... It's messy. 208 00:08:15,266 --> 00:08:16,618 There's thorns here, so be careful. 209 00:08:16,702 --> 00:08:17,820 Hi. 210 00:08:17,904 --> 00:08:19,290 - Más basura. - Aquí estamos. 211 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,228 Ta-da. 212 00:08:21,312 --> 00:08:23,265 Está lindo, mama, ¿verdad? 213 00:08:23,349 --> 00:08:25,269 Bueno, bienvenidos. 214 00:08:25,353 --> 00:08:28,242 Mira estos platos, qué lujosos. 215 00:08:28,326 --> 00:08:29,711 She's really impressed. 216 00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:32,717 ¿Te dieron una promoción en el Panera o qué? 217 00:08:32,801 --> 00:08:35,122 No, no, no, mamá. Trabaja en el ferrocarril, 218 00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:36,391 ¿recuerdas? 219 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:37,460 Oh, you're still at the railroad. 220 00:08:37,544 --> 00:08:38,662 You're working at the railroad? 221 00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:40,132 Yeah, I work at the railroad. 222 00:08:40,216 --> 00:08:41,768 What happened to the Panera Bread? 223 00:08:41,852 --> 00:08:43,238 Speaking of bread, do you want some? 224 00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:45,209 - Oh, I got a promotion. - That's right. 225 00:08:45,293 --> 00:08:46,344 You got a promotion? 226 00:08:46,428 --> 00:08:48,182 - Yeah. - How does a fool 227 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:51,488 get a promotion from a Panera Bread to a railroad? 228 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,225 - How does that happen? - It was a... 229 00:08:53,309 --> 00:08:55,229 - It was at a train station. - A train station? 230 00:08:55,313 --> 00:08:56,531 The Panera Bread was at the train station. 231 00:08:56,615 --> 00:08:58,135 - What train station? - Penn Station. 232 00:08:58,219 --> 00:08:59,404 Nah, nah, nah. Sabes que, homie. 233 00:08:59,488 --> 00:09:01,274 There ain't no Panera Bread at Penn Station. 234 00:09:01,358 --> 00:09:02,677 It was a pop-up. 235 00:09:02,761 --> 00:09:04,113 Pop-up shop. 236 00:09:04,197 --> 00:09:05,516 Wow. 237 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,286 Slower, don't pull! 238 00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:09,490 Ooh, ooh! I have an idea. 239 00:09:09,574 --> 00:09:11,494 - What? - Let's watch Mamma Mia! 240 00:09:11,578 --> 00:09:12,797 Uh, yes. 241 00:09:12,881 --> 00:09:15,169 Mamma Mia is my favorite, favorite 242 00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:17,340 film to watch when I am missing my homeland, 243 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:20,579 but Laszlo never lets me watch it. He says... 244 00:09:20,663 --> 00:09:22,416 "My darling, I can't watch that. 245 00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,120 "It reminds me of all the bastard children 246 00:09:24,204 --> 00:09:26,675 I fathered when I was a human." 247 00:09:27,577 --> 00:09:29,097 Then the other two guys, 248 00:09:29,181 --> 00:09:31,167 they hear this screech in the woods. 249 00:09:31,251 --> 00:09:33,372 And they hightail it out of there, 250 00:09:33,456 --> 00:09:37,397 but they never found the third guy... 251 00:09:38,265 --> 00:09:39,450 ...because you know who got him? 252 00:09:39,534 --> 00:09:41,121 The Jersey Devil. 253 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,223 - The Jersey Devil. - Uh-huh. 254 00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:43,492 Hey, Mr. Rinaldi, 255 00:09:43,576 --> 00:09:45,229 - guess what? - What? 256 00:09:45,313 --> 00:09:47,266 I don't believe the Jersey Devil is even real. 257 00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:48,635 All righty, then. 258 00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:51,541 I guess is not my fault if he comes and eats you. 259 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,347 Okay, well, if he's so real, then what does he look like? 260 00:09:54,431 --> 00:09:57,153 He's got dragon wings, 261 00:09:57,237 --> 00:09:59,457 and a half-goat horse face 262 00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:02,129 with a chinstrap beard like an Amish. 263 00:10:02,213 --> 00:10:04,334 And he's got hooves and horns, 264 00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:07,139 and two low-hanging balls 265 00:10:07,223 --> 00:10:09,477 with a button cock on top. 266 00:10:09,561 --> 00:10:11,147 Fantastic. 267 00:10:11,231 --> 00:10:13,785 And he creeps through the Pine Barrens, 268 00:10:13,869 --> 00:10:18,362 looking for little kids who don't believe in him. 269 00:10:18,446 --> 00:10:20,866 And he goes, "clomp, clomp, 270 00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:22,236 clomp!" 271 00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,311 Uh... Everyone all right? 272 00:10:26,395 --> 00:10:29,250 I got to fix the safety on that one, huh? 273 00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:30,719 No, the Jersey Devil is not real. 274 00:10:30,803 --> 00:10:33,425 It is just a myth that vampires made up 275 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:36,431 to explain all the dead bodies that we leave in the woods. 276 00:10:36,515 --> 00:10:39,304 Sean may be my best friend, but like all humans, 277 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:41,641 he doesn't realize when he's been fucking had. 278 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,712 Sean is your best friend? 279 00:10:43,796 --> 00:10:45,233 Yes. Why? 280 00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:47,520 No reason. 281 00:10:47,604 --> 00:10:50,259 Here's to spending the weekend with you, Sean. 282 00:10:50,343 --> 00:10:51,261 I'll drink to that. 283 00:10:51,345 --> 00:10:52,830 Yes, cheers. 284 00:10:52,914 --> 00:10:55,336 There's just something special about "guy time," you know? 285 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,424 - Hear, hear. - Yes. 286 00:11:01,999 --> 00:11:04,287 Sean, time to go beddy bye. 287 00:11:04,371 --> 00:11:05,622 - Whatever. - Here we go. 288 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:06,624 I got a deer. 289 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:07,460 Mind your head. 290 00:11:07,544 --> 00:11:09,497 - Ooh, that hurt. - What are you doing? 291 00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,401 This is seriously 292 00:11:11,485 --> 00:11:13,271 the funnest level I've ever done on Roblox. 293 00:11:13,355 --> 00:11:14,273 Is it as cool as this? 294 00:11:14,357 --> 00:11:15,476 Careful, Laszlo. 295 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:16,711 Take it from a soldier: 296 00:11:16,795 --> 00:11:18,548 That thing is a weapon, not a toy. 297 00:11:18,632 --> 00:11:19,951 The last time you saw battle 298 00:11:20,035 --> 00:11:22,423 it was just swords and wooden clubs. 299 00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,360 I'd hardly call you an authority. 300 00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:31,307 ♪ Oh, when you're near me, darling ♪ 301 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,943 ♪ Can you hear me ♪ 302 00:11:33,027 --> 00:11:34,781 ♪ S. O. S. ♪ 303 00:11:34,865 --> 00:11:36,986 ♪ And the love you gave me... ♪ 304 00:11:37,070 --> 00:11:39,791 Ah. This dynamo needs a top-up. 305 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:41,361 So, uh, I'm gonna go and get one. Anyone else? 306 00:11:41,445 --> 00:11:42,697 - No, I'm good. - Nah. 307 00:11:42,781 --> 00:11:44,367 Do you want me to pause it or...? 308 00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:45,636 Oh, no, don't worry. I'll only be a moment. 309 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,606 ♪ The love you gave me ♪ 310 00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:49,444 ♪ Nothing else can save me ♪ 311 00:11:49,528 --> 00:11:51,581 ♪ S. O. S... ♪ 312 00:11:59,013 --> 00:12:00,883 Oh. Hello. 313 00:12:06,395 --> 00:12:07,680 - Whose this, Guillermo? - The maid. 314 00:12:07,764 --> 00:12:08,782 I'm Nadja of Antipaxos. 315 00:12:08,866 --> 00:12:10,386 I'm rich now, so I have... 316 00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:11,788 I have a maid. 317 00:12:11,872 --> 00:12:13,558 ¿Es tu novia, no? 318 00:12:13,642 --> 00:12:15,362 Sí, sí, es que... 319 00:12:15,446 --> 00:12:16,631 Girlfriend? Since when? 320 00:12:16,715 --> 00:12:19,437 Yeah. I did say Nadja was my girlfriend. 321 00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:21,708 The lies just pile up on top of each other, you know? 322 00:12:21,792 --> 00:12:23,945 Over the years, you just can't keep track. 323 00:12:24,029 --> 00:12:25,916 Isn't that right, Nadja? You're both 324 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,539 my girlfriend and... 325 00:12:29,474 --> 00:12:31,294 - ...my maid. - Wow. 326 00:12:31,378 --> 00:12:32,998 It all started, actually, when my mom was trying 327 00:12:33,082 --> 00:12:34,867 to set me up with her church friend's niece 328 00:12:34,951 --> 00:12:36,404 and just to get her off my back, 329 00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:38,826 I said I was dating Nadja. 330 00:12:39,895 --> 00:12:40,913 Please don't tell Laszlo. 331 00:12:40,997 --> 00:12:42,616 Es como Daphne y Niles. 332 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,320 Daphne wasn't the maid. 333 00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,558 She was Frasier's dad's physical therapist. 334 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,462 Right? 335 00:12:48,546 --> 00:12:50,332 Nadja, acompáñanos, ¿sí? 336 00:12:50,416 --> 00:12:52,336 - Join us. - Uh... 337 00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:53,705 Por favor. 338 00:12:53,789 --> 00:12:55,742 Okay. Lovely. 339 00:12:57,096 --> 00:12:59,817 Guillermo, your girlfriend was here this whole time, 340 00:12:59,901 --> 00:13:02,022 and you didn't invite her to eat with your family? 341 00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:05,429 Yes, Guillermo can be a little bit of a big rotten shit bag. 342 00:13:05,513 --> 00:13:07,466 - ¿Te llamó shit bag? - Yeah. 343 00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:10,873 One of my many sweet little cheeky pet names for him. 344 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,760 My boyfriend and... 345 00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:16,017 - ...boss. - Guillermo, 346 00:13:16,101 --> 00:13:18,088 ¿me puedes enseñar dónde está el baño? 347 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,690 Sí, claro, abuelita. 348 00:13:19,774 --> 00:13:21,361 Nadja, hola. 349 00:13:21,445 --> 00:13:22,897 I am his mom. 350 00:13:22,981 --> 00:13:24,784 - Bienvenidos. - Sí. 351 00:13:26,421 --> 00:13:27,891 Oh, sí, claro. 352 00:13:41,618 --> 00:13:44,407 I mean, I guess I never thought of it before, 353 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:45,442 but, yeah, it makes sense. 354 00:13:45,526 --> 00:13:46,711 If I have Van Helsing DNA, 355 00:13:46,795 --> 00:13:49,116 then so would my grandma and the rest of my family. 356 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,652 Which makes it 357 00:13:50,736 --> 00:13:52,807 not-a-so good. 358 00:14:04,097 --> 00:14:05,866 Los goosebumps. 359 00:14:14,551 --> 00:14:15,903 I haven't a clue who this 360 00:14:15,987 --> 00:14:17,840 Gena Lee Nolin is, but... 361 00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,810 I wouldn't mind that in my lunch box. 362 00:14:19,894 --> 00:14:22,550 I have a question, Laszlo. 363 00:14:22,634 --> 00:14:24,620 What did you mean by what you said before? 364 00:14:24,704 --> 00:14:27,092 - What did I say before? - About the pistol. 365 00:14:27,176 --> 00:14:29,063 You said I was hardly an authority. 366 00:14:29,147 --> 00:14:30,666 Well, exactly that. 367 00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:33,038 You haven't seen any action in nigh on a millennium. 368 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,909 Probably more accurate to call you a former soldier 369 00:14:35,993 --> 00:14:37,646 than a real soldier, wouldn't you say? 370 00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:41,754 I am and always will be Nandor the Relentless. 371 00:14:41,838 --> 00:14:43,658 I suppose I should not expect you to understand 372 00:14:43,742 --> 00:14:45,462 what it means to be a soldier. 373 00:14:45,546 --> 00:14:49,103 Were you not kicked out of your Rifle Corps, your fancy-pants 374 00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:51,224 college for wealthy lads? 375 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,480 I think you're referring to Eton, 376 00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:56,451 and I told you that in confidence. 377 00:14:56,535 --> 00:14:58,555 Surprise, surprise. 378 00:14:58,639 --> 00:15:00,492 The talk suddenly turns to Laszlo 379 00:15:00,576 --> 00:15:02,196 and he's put his sticky mag down. 380 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,965 I was listening to everything. 381 00:15:04,049 --> 00:15:06,104 It's just the same old, shrill tune. 382 00:15:06,188 --> 00:15:07,740 Sounds like someone's 383 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,911 a little jealous he's not the number one guy in the house. 384 00:15:09,995 --> 00:15:12,650 Says the guy who left the house to "find himself" 385 00:15:12,734 --> 00:15:14,787 and come back with his tail between his legs. 386 00:15:14,871 --> 00:15:17,126 That was an important step in my personal journey. 387 00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:18,828 And a good thing I did come back 388 00:15:18,912 --> 00:15:21,034 since the house went to piss-filled shit on your watch. 389 00:15:21,118 --> 00:15:23,939 You remember to watch your language in front of my boy. 390 00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:26,044 Piss-filled shit house! 391 00:15:26,128 --> 00:15:27,446 Did you get that? 392 00:15:27,530 --> 00:15:28,882 - Yep. - I shouldn't be surprised. 393 00:15:28,966 --> 00:15:32,022 All you ever do is lay about or tinkle on your piano 394 00:15:32,106 --> 00:15:33,625 or have sex with Nadja 395 00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:35,095 wherever and whenever you please! 396 00:15:35,179 --> 00:15:36,764 How is that an insult? 397 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:40,072 Sounds to me like life goals achieved, me old fruit. 398 00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:41,976 You take and you take and you take. 399 00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:43,878 You took the seat in the Honda Element 400 00:15:43,962 --> 00:15:46,517 that wasn't behind Sean's seat in the Honda Element, 401 00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:47,820 even though you know 402 00:15:47,904 --> 00:15:49,624 that Sean likes his seat in the Honda Element 403 00:15:49,708 --> 00:15:50,792 pushed right far back, 404 00:15:50,876 --> 00:15:52,998 and I have the longer legs! 405 00:15:55,619 --> 00:15:58,775 Did you just cock your weapon at me? 406 00:15:58,859 --> 00:16:02,750 I took that seat so I would have a diagonal vantage point 407 00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:05,489 to talk to my friend Sean fluidly. 408 00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:06,924 I should've known. 409 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:10,532 All the way back when we first moved into the mansion 410 00:16:10,616 --> 00:16:12,703 and you had first pick of the bedchambers, 411 00:16:12,787 --> 00:16:16,110 even though we all agreed that I would have first pick! 412 00:16:16,194 --> 00:16:17,797 Now you're being absurd. 413 00:16:20,034 --> 00:16:21,204 What the fuck's that? 414 00:16:22,038 --> 00:16:25,162 "Whereas we three vampires do agree 415 00:16:25,246 --> 00:16:29,570 "upon the following order for the selection of bedchambers 416 00:16:29,654 --> 00:16:30,839 "on our new home 417 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,011 on the rocky shores of Staten Island." 418 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:36,818 "First pick, Nandor the Relentless." 419 00:16:36,902 --> 00:16:40,559 Well, suck on this. "Amendment: In the absence of all 420 00:16:40,643 --> 00:16:43,164 "household vampires at the appointed time 421 00:16:43,248 --> 00:16:44,767 "of bedchamber selection, 422 00:16:44,851 --> 00:16:47,940 "a quorum of two-thirds present 423 00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:51,581 may... pro... ceed." 424 00:16:51,665 --> 00:16:52,984 Unbelievable. 425 00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:55,122 You can't even stand to lose an argument, can you? 426 00:16:55,206 --> 00:16:56,157 You know what you are? 427 00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:59,263 You are what my best friend Sean 428 00:16:59,347 --> 00:17:02,854 might describe as a proper jabroni. 429 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,175 Shit. 430 00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:06,310 I am not a jabroni. 431 00:17:06,394 --> 00:17:07,981 - You are jabroni! - Jabroni. 432 00:17:08,065 --> 00:17:08,983 - Jabroni. - Jabroni. 433 00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:10,886 - Jabroni. - Jabroni. 434 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:11,921 Jabroni. 435 00:17:12,005 --> 00:17:13,558 Ahh! Shit! 436 00:17:13,642 --> 00:17:15,595 Shit, you shot me in the fucking hand. 437 00:17:15,679 --> 00:17:16,864 - Well, you would... - Ow! 438 00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:18,702 What the hell is going on in here? 439 00:17:18,786 --> 00:17:19,970 I heard shots. 440 00:17:20,054 --> 00:17:20,972 No, you didn't. 441 00:17:21,056 --> 00:17:22,876 - Where's the kid? - He was right there. 442 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,015 - Door's open. - It's... Aw, shit. 443 00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:26,851 Oh, shit. 444 00:17:27,937 --> 00:17:30,792 So you actually enjoy to eat a bowl of fungus. 445 00:17:30,876 --> 00:17:33,031 - Voluntarily? - All kinds of fungus. 446 00:17:33,115 --> 00:17:34,967 I'm not a "fun-guy." 447 00:17:35,051 --> 00:17:36,771 At first, I had no interest 448 00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:39,176 in pretending to be whoever this Daphne person is, 449 00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:42,816 but I am loving Gizmo's family. 450 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,754 You're so lovely and nice, compared to... 451 00:17:44,838 --> 00:17:48,294 Oh, here he is, my rotten little shit bag. 452 00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:49,964 Come here. 453 00:17:50,048 --> 00:17:52,603 I cannot believe that such a group of fresh, dazzling 454 00:17:52,687 --> 00:17:55,175 moonbeams are related to such a gray dud. 455 00:17:55,259 --> 00:17:58,014 Do all of you have a very bad visions like Guillermo? 456 00:17:58,098 --> 00:18:00,152 'Cause I have heard that the broken eyes 457 00:18:00,236 --> 00:18:01,621 can run in the families. 458 00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,091 No, no, no. I used to, but then I got 459 00:18:03,175 --> 00:18:04,660 the laser treatment, you know, that... 460 00:18:04,744 --> 00:18:05,896 The Lasik. 461 00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:06,798 Lay-kips? 462 00:18:06,882 --> 00:18:08,735 - No. Lasik. - Lipschitz. 463 00:18:08,819 --> 00:18:09,870 Lasik! 464 00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:11,240 Ay, Dios San to. Cálmate. 465 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,843 - That's what I said. - Sorry. I'm sorry. 466 00:18:12,927 --> 00:18:14,647 I didn't mean to yell all like that. 467 00:18:14,731 --> 00:18:16,217 I don't know what came over me. I just... you know. It's Lasik. 468 00:18:16,301 --> 00:18:18,788 - People know about this shit. - Uh... So, anyway, 469 00:18:18,872 --> 00:18:20,993 in my family we don't have the broken eyes, 470 00:18:21,077 --> 00:18:22,796 but all of the men have one arm 471 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,333 quite a bit shorter than the other arm. 472 00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,771 Fuck, is it getting hot in here? Or is it just me? 473 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:29,810 Miguel, will you let her tell her fucking story? 474 00:18:29,894 --> 00:18:31,747 - Oh, oh. - Má. 475 00:18:31,831 --> 00:18:34,687 Please, go on. Please, please. 476 00:18:34,771 --> 00:18:35,956 And so where-where was I? 477 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,693 So the neighbors 478 00:18:37,777 --> 00:18:38,828 would shout at all the men, 479 00:18:38,912 --> 00:18:40,098 "Make your arms the same length!" 480 00:18:40,182 --> 00:18:41,434 I'm fucking, like about to catch on fire 481 00:18:41,518 --> 00:18:42,870 or some shit. 482 00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:44,340 Something's fucking wrong, Memo. 483 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,679 Eres un monstruo y debes de morir. 484 00:18:47,763 --> 00:18:49,350 What the fuck?! 485 00:18:49,434 --> 00:18:52,122 Demonio maldito chupa sangre, 486 00:18:52,206 --> 00:18:54,226 aléjate de mi nieto. 487 00:18:56,214 --> 00:18:58,151 Abuelita, abuelita. 488 00:19:03,495 --> 00:19:04,847 Fucking hell! 489 00:19:04,931 --> 00:19:06,117 Abuelita, abuelita. 490 00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:07,853 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 491 00:19:09,474 --> 00:19:12,396 Why is there so much fucking sharp wood in this house?! 492 00:19:15,252 --> 00:19:17,272 Nadja, I really have to tell you something about my family! 493 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,009 Yes, Guillermo, I've put it together, 494 00:19:19,093 --> 00:19:20,445 - you bloody moron. - ¡Mami, no! 495 00:19:22,066 --> 00:19:23,751 Oh, my God, we're here for a wedding... 496 00:19:23,835 --> 00:19:25,388 I think it's Pierce Brosnan. 497 00:19:25,472 --> 00:19:27,125 He has to be the papa, no? 498 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,129 - Obviously. - I hope he is, 499 00:19:29,213 --> 00:19:31,868 but I worry there will be a twist. 500 00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:33,404 How long is this movie? 501 00:19:33,488 --> 00:19:34,773 Nadja! 502 00:19:34,857 --> 00:19:36,310 You come into my house? 503 00:19:36,394 --> 00:19:39,950 Do you have any idea who the fuck you are messing with? 504 00:19:40,034 --> 00:19:42,473 Never mind. 505 00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:45,061 Don't hurt her! 506 00:19:45,145 --> 00:19:46,430 ¡Demonio! 507 00:19:46,514 --> 00:19:48,768 No. No, no. 508 00:19:48,852 --> 00:19:50,238 Stop, stop, stop, stop, don't hurt her! 509 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:51,975 No, Mami. No, no, no! 510 00:19:52,059 --> 00:19:54,180 Guillermo, Ella es un monstruo, peligroso, malvado. 511 00:19:54,264 --> 00:19:56,284 Yes, I know, I know, okay? I know she's a vampire. 512 00:19:56,368 --> 00:19:58,888 I've always known. Nadja lives in this house. 513 00:19:58,972 --> 00:20:01,194 Okay? And so do another group of vampires. 514 00:20:01,278 --> 00:20:03,765 And I don't work at the railroad. 515 00:20:03,849 --> 00:20:05,168 I work for them. 516 00:20:05,252 --> 00:20:06,904 I work for the vampires who live here 517 00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:09,243 because I hope to become a vampire myself one day. 518 00:20:09,327 --> 00:20:11,998 And Nadja is not my girlfriend... 519 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,222 ...because I'm gay. 520 00:20:15,306 --> 00:20:17,109 Aw. 521 00:20:18,412 --> 00:20:20,532 - Mijo. - Wait. 522 00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:21,934 You want to be a vampire? 523 00:20:22,018 --> 00:20:23,104 Hey! 524 00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:25,275 Being a vampire is very cool. 525 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,346 We don't give a shit about you being gay. 526 00:20:27,430 --> 00:20:28,781 We've known that forever, I mean... 527 00:20:28,865 --> 00:20:30,085 - Yeah, we knew that. - Una madre sabe. 528 00:20:30,169 --> 00:20:32,089 - Una madre sabe. - Really? Everyone knew? 529 00:20:32,173 --> 00:20:33,358 - Come on, Mo. - ¿Todos? 530 00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:34,793 Familia es familia, homie. 531 00:20:34,877 --> 00:20:36,497 I was so worried because I... 532 00:20:36,581 --> 00:20:39,003 - We love you. - Oh, mami, gracias. 533 00:20:40,556 --> 00:20:42,342 Oh, gracias. 534 00:20:42,426 --> 00:20:44,413 - No, wait, she's gonna try to kill you. - Ay! 535 00:20:44,497 --> 00:20:47,119 Come out, Baby Colin Robinson. 536 00:20:47,203 --> 00:20:49,290 - Nandor. - Oh, Baby Colin Robinson! 537 00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:52,262 Nandor, look, I-I didn't mean to hurt you. I... 538 00:20:52,346 --> 00:20:54,500 You shot me. 539 00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:55,969 See? 540 00:20:56,053 --> 00:20:57,572 No, I shot at you, it's true. 541 00:20:57,656 --> 00:21:00,812 But you've been a fucking pill this whole trip, 542 00:21:00,896 --> 00:21:01,948 and for no good reason. 543 00:21:02,032 --> 00:21:04,219 Maybe I did have a reason, 544 00:21:04,303 --> 00:21:05,355 which was... 545 00:21:05,439 --> 00:21:07,492 I was a little upset 546 00:21:07,576 --> 00:21:10,532 thinking about "guy time," 547 00:21:10,616 --> 00:21:12,836 how we don't have it so much, you and I. 548 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,440 We used to. Now you're always 549 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,110 clinking beers with Sean 550 00:21:16,194 --> 00:21:20,251 or rehearsing songs with the Baby Colin Robinson. 551 00:21:20,335 --> 00:21:21,989 We never hang anymore. 552 00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,291 Bro, I'm not very comfortable 553 00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:25,528 with emotional flamboyance, as well you know. 554 00:21:25,612 --> 00:21:27,132 I'll be brief. 555 00:21:27,216 --> 00:21:29,436 My feelings aren't too dissimilar to your own. 556 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,872 I've missed us. 557 00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:33,111 All right. 558 00:21:33,195 --> 00:21:33,979 Baby Colin! 559 00:21:34,063 --> 00:21:36,134 - Boy! - Baby. 560 00:21:36,935 --> 00:21:38,388 Hey, guys. 561 00:21:38,472 --> 00:21:40,525 What have I told you about running off, you little prick? 562 00:21:40,609 --> 00:21:42,129 I heard something weird outside, 563 00:21:42,213 --> 00:21:43,598 but you were too busy fighting about jabronis and... 564 00:21:43,682 --> 00:21:46,003 - Help! - Sean? 565 00:21:46,087 --> 00:21:47,406 - Shit. - Quickly. 566 00:21:47,490 --> 00:21:49,043 Oh, boy. 567 00:21:49,127 --> 00:21:51,013 - Over there. - Jeepers. 568 00:21:51,097 --> 00:21:53,051 - The fuck is that shit? - Kill me! 569 00:21:53,135 --> 00:21:54,586 The Jersey Devil, fucking hell. 570 00:21:54,670 --> 00:21:57,292 He's real? Look at the size of his balls. 571 00:21:57,376 --> 00:21:59,163 Where's my magic flute? 572 00:21:59,247 --> 00:22:01,567 I hid it in the car 'cause it was annoying me. 573 00:22:01,651 --> 00:22:05,175 Kill me and get it over with! 574 00:22:05,259 --> 00:22:07,612 Shoo. Go away. 575 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,328 Yes, it's working. 576 00:22:16,514 --> 00:22:18,218 He's falling under your spell. 577 00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:21,975 Yes. 578 00:22:22,059 --> 00:22:23,911 Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa. 579 00:22:23,995 --> 00:22:25,115 Oh, shit. 580 00:22:25,199 --> 00:22:26,317 - I'm gonna get my shotty. - Nandor... 581 00:22:26,401 --> 00:22:28,321 I've been double crossed by the devil. 582 00:22:28,405 --> 00:22:30,458 Hey, fuckhead, that's my friend you've got there, 583 00:22:30,542 --> 00:22:31,460 you let him go! 584 00:22:31,544 --> 00:22:33,364 Hey! 585 00:22:33,448 --> 00:22:34,500 - Lights out! - Aah! 586 00:22:34,584 --> 00:22:36,070 - Kick him in the dick. - Oh, yes. 587 00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:37,973 - He's on me! - He's not going down. 588 00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:40,178 Oh, shit. 589 00:22:41,464 --> 00:22:44,119 Hey, Siri, play some New Jersey music. 590 00:22:46,006 --> 00:22:47,192 Get your hands off my ass. 591 00:22:47,276 --> 00:22:48,928 This isn't what I want to be doing. 592 00:22:49,012 --> 00:22:50,265 Grab his balls, man. 593 00:22:50,349 --> 00:22:52,936 - I've got them, I've got them! - No, that's me. 594 00:22:55,692 --> 00:22:57,512 Fucking hell. 595 00:22:57,596 --> 00:23:01,287 ♪ Tommy used to work on the docks ♪ 596 00:23:01,371 --> 00:23:03,257 ♪ Union's been on strike ♪ 597 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,095 Hold on, I'll skip to the good part. 598 00:23:05,179 --> 00:23:07,632 ♪ We're halfway there ♪ 599 00:23:07,716 --> 00:23:09,236 ♪ Whoa-oh ♪ 600 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,107 - ♪ Livin' on a prayer ♪ - Yeah. 601 00:23:11,191 --> 00:23:13,211 - ♪ Take my hand... ♪ - Get him, Lazzo. 602 00:23:13,295 --> 00:23:15,081 - ♪ We'll make it, I swear ♪ - Human form! 603 00:23:15,165 --> 00:23:17,085 ♪ Whoa-oh... ♪ 604 00:23:17,169 --> 00:23:19,623 Kill him, get his button cock. 605 00:23:19,707 --> 00:23:21,127 It's working, I'm draining him. 606 00:23:21,211 --> 00:23:23,631 I'm draining him, too. 607 00:23:23,715 --> 00:23:25,402 Hey, I found the rifle! 608 00:23:26,788 --> 00:23:28,374 Fucking Jersey. 609 00:23:28,458 --> 00:23:30,011 Okay, can we go home now? 610 00:23:30,095 --> 00:23:32,984 Prepare to die, you vile 611 00:23:33,068 --> 00:23:34,286 - vampire... - No, Nadja, no, don't, please. 612 00:23:34,370 --> 00:23:36,056 Okay? I didn't know you were even here, 613 00:23:36,140 --> 00:23:37,659 - and I tried to warn you... - Shut up, Guillermo. 614 00:23:37,743 --> 00:23:38,728 I am about to drink 615 00:23:38,812 --> 00:23:40,665 the blood of your entire family 616 00:23:40,749 --> 00:23:42,135 of vampire-killing evil verm... 617 00:23:42,219 --> 00:23:43,438 No, no, stop, okay? Please. 618 00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:45,141 I'm begging you. Just hypnotize them, okay? 619 00:23:45,225 --> 00:23:46,277 Hypnotize them so they forget everything. 620 00:23:46,361 --> 00:23:48,014 Like it or not, they're my family. 621 00:23:48,098 --> 00:23:50,151 Just... just like you're my family, Nadja. 622 00:23:50,235 --> 00:23:53,124 I so rarely care what Guillermo thinks 623 00:23:53,208 --> 00:23:54,259 or feels or says or does, 624 00:23:54,343 --> 00:23:55,662 but I know what it is like 625 00:23:55,746 --> 00:23:58,067 to watch your entire family die in front of you. 626 00:23:58,151 --> 00:23:59,536 And it's not great. 627 00:23:59,620 --> 00:24:02,542 I watched my Uncle Andreas get crushed to death by a donkey, 628 00:24:02,626 --> 00:24:04,079 and the donkey was his wife. 629 00:24:04,163 --> 00:24:06,283 And then she, the donkey, died of alcoholism. 630 00:24:06,367 --> 00:24:09,423 And now I have had no real family for hundreds of years. 631 00:24:09,507 --> 00:24:11,460 Also, if Guillermo doesn't have a family, 632 00:24:11,544 --> 00:24:13,431 is he going to start calling me "mami"? 633 00:24:13,515 --> 00:24:15,435 Bad enough his relationship with Nandor, so, no, thank you. 634 00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:17,439 Okay, fine! 635 00:24:17,523 --> 00:24:19,209 - But on one condition. - Anything. 636 00:24:19,293 --> 00:24:21,447 Keep Nandor, Laszlo, and the small Colin creature 637 00:24:21,531 --> 00:24:23,618 away from the house at least one night a month 638 00:24:23,702 --> 00:24:25,288 so I can have it to myself. 639 00:24:25,372 --> 00:24:25,922 And... 640 00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:28,494 obtain for me a copy of... 641 00:24:28,578 --> 00:24:32,569 Here We Go Again. 642 00:24:32,653 --> 00:24:35,041 I'm just super glad that everything worked out. 643 00:24:35,125 --> 00:24:36,410 And that my family is safe. 644 00:24:36,494 --> 00:24:39,449 And that they were hypnotized and now the house will be safe. 645 00:24:39,533 --> 00:24:41,353 Most importantly, I'm just glad that 646 00:24:41,437 --> 00:24:43,591 they finally know the truth about me. 647 00:24:43,675 --> 00:24:45,728 Well, besides the bit about you working at the railroad. 648 00:24:45,812 --> 00:24:46,730 Okay, yeah. 649 00:24:46,814 --> 00:24:48,134 And the giant bit 650 00:24:48,218 --> 00:24:49,736 about you being desperate to be a vampire. 651 00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:51,340 Okay, yeah, but Nadja made sure 652 00:24:51,424 --> 00:24:53,478 that they remember the part about me... 653 00:24:53,562 --> 00:24:56,183 telling them that I'm gay, so... 654 00:24:56,267 --> 00:24:57,252 I mean, 655 00:24:57,336 --> 00:24:58,488 who isn't gay? 656 00:24:58,572 --> 00:24:59,590 A lot of people. 657 00:24:59,674 --> 00:25:00,792 Oh, okay. 658 00:25:00,876 --> 00:25:02,629 I'll get the trumpets out. Sorry. 659 00:25:02,713 --> 00:25:05,068 Shade. 660 00:25:05,152 --> 00:25:08,207 After we vanquished the Jersey Devil, we drove home 661 00:25:08,291 --> 00:25:10,478 - before sunrise. - No, I drove. 662 00:25:10,562 --> 00:25:12,482 We hypnotized Sean, but I'm worried that we fucked him. 663 00:25:12,566 --> 00:25:14,486 - Oh, you can make a pizza tree? - Uh-huh. 664 00:25:14,570 --> 00:25:17,359 I just made ten Robux. What's the street value to that? 665 00:25:17,443 --> 00:25:19,509 But we did manage to bring home a little 666 00:25:19,594 --> 00:25:21,517 souvenir from our weekend. 667 00:25:23,203 --> 00:25:25,007 What the fuck is that? 668 00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:30,417 "Devil's Gotta Dance" by Bryan Paul Bell playing... 669 00:25:30,502 --> 00:25:32,622 ♪ The devil's got to dance ♪ 670 00:25:32,706 --> 00:25:35,094 ♪ The devil's got to dance ♪ 671 00:25:35,178 --> 00:25:39,102 ♪ The devil's got to dance, the devil's got to dance ♪ 672 00:25:39,186 --> 00:25:43,411 ♪ Just let the preacher know I did due diligence ♪ 673 00:25:43,495 --> 00:25:45,815 ♪ But the saints don't stand a chance ♪ 674 00:25:45,899 --> 00:25:49,440 ♪ If the devil's got to dance ♪ 675 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:57,456 ♪ The devil's got to dance, the devil's got to dance ♪ 676 00:26:01,331 --> 00:26:05,672 ♪ The devil's got to dance, the devil's got to dance. ♪ 677 00:26:11,751 --> 00:26:19,751 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 49262

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