All language subtitles for The.Orville.S03E10 [1080p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta].SDH.eng

♪ [ Henry Mancini's
"Bachelor in Paradise" playing ] ♪

♪

♪

CHORUS: ♪ When she sighs ♪

♪ And her baby-blue eyes ♪

♪ Embrace your face ♪

♪ Lies, all lies ♪

♪ What the lady wants ♪

♪ Is your closet space ♪

♪ Bachelor ♪

♪ In Paradise ♪

♪ Be careful ♪

♪ Bachelor ♪

♪ In Paradise ♪

♪ Beware ♪

♪ Lights down low ♪

♪ Frankie's records ♪

♪ And cocktails on the floor ♪

♪ You should know ♪

♪ It's the garden of Eden ♪

♪ Seen once more ♪

♪ Adam ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Be smart ♪

♪ Just take your fig leaf ♪

♪ And depart ♪

♪ And leave one bachelor less ♪

♪ In Paradise ♪

♪

[song ends]

Good morning, Isaac.

ISAAC: Good morning.

Do you have an update on the array?

ISAAC: The trans-focal scanner array
is online

and undergoing final collimation.

Commander Lamarr and I
will have a full report for you

in approximately 26 hours.

Well, make it 28 at least.
We'll be on Listak Two tomorrow morning.

ISAAC: I would be most interested
to observe the ceremony.

Are we all invited to attend?

Yes.

The presence of friends and relatives
is as important for the Renewal

as it is for a Ja'loja.

How long does this usually take?
I mean, like, what's the gist?

When we arrive on the planet's surface,
Klyden and I will disrobe.

Once we are fully bare, thus unified
with our natural surroundings

as we were at birth,
Klyden will flee into the forest.

Shortly after, I will follow in pursuit.

If I catch him, we will share
the Sexual Event there among the trees.

Our mating vows
are thus formally renewed

and sanctified in the eyes
of Moclan tradition.

I dare all of you not to cry.

Bortus, don't listen to him.
I think it's beautiful.

Thank you, Commander.

Wait, I do have one question.

If you both ultimately
want to be back together,

why wouldn't he just let you catch him?

If the pursuit is dishonest,
the mating is seen as false.

Such a tactic has been known

to negatively affect the bonding
for years afterward.

Klyden will attempt to escape.
I must take him.

♪ [ Epic music playing ] ♪

In the absence
of an ordained Moclan Officiant,

I have been asked to perform
the Commencement Rite of the Kazh'gahl:

the Renewal of Mating Vows.

Ah'narok Eldosh Macah.

The Two will enter and return as One.

We, the witnesses,
will attest to the purity of the chase.

Ja'vok Uvet!

Ja'vok...

Uvosh!

♪ [ Intense music playing ] ♪

Ja'vok...

Uvosh!

♪ [ Intense music playing ] ♪

♪

[roars]

Ja'vok...

Manaka...

[roar fades]

The Kazh'gahl has been sanctified.

We are... mates.

♪ [ Tranquil music playing ] ♪

♪

♪ [ Music fades ] ♪

♪ [ Contemplative music playing ] ♪

♪ [ Tranquil music playing ] ♪

We'll be sending Commander Keyali
the contact code,

as well as a target window
for communication with the science team.

They'll give you
the supply delivery coordinates.

I hope they're faring better
than their predecessors.

Might I recommend you not send
Commander Lamarr this time.

Trust me, sir, he does not want to see
Sargas Four again as long as he lives.

HALSEY: I would imagine.

Keep me posted.

Halsey out.

- Mercer to bridge.
- BORTUS: Bridge here.

Set course for Sargas Four.

BORTUS: Aye, sir.

♪

[keys beeping]

COMPUTER: Please state request.

ISAAC:
Display all available data

regarding the various
cultural traditions associated with...

bonding.

Narrow parameters, and confine search
to customs found throughout Earth history.

[whirring]

She's easily
my most high-maintenance patient.

I think people like her forget that
we're not all-powerful fortune-tellers.

We're just doctors.

Well, it's your own fault.
Your bedside manner's too good.

- Well, maybe I need to frown more.
- Yeah.

ISAAC: Hello, Claire.

Isaac. This is a nice surprise.

Come, sit down.

ISAAC: Perhaps shortly.

I have a very important inquiry for you.

What is it?

[diners gasp]

ISAAC: Will you marry me?

♪ [ Theme song playing ] ♪

♪

Isaac, where in God's name
did that come from?

And why would you do it
in front of half the ship?

ISAAC: Commander Bortus's
mating ritual prompted me

to research the matrimonial practices
of other worlds.

By calculating courtship duration averages
for biological life forms,

cross-referenced with your current age,

I have determined
that this is an appropriate time

for us to formalize our coupling.

What does my "current age"
have to do with anything?

Throughout human history,
most have found it desirable

to marry prior to the onset
of physical deterioration.

Well, I'm glad I haven't spoiled.

Isaac, people can and do get married
at any time in their lives.

But the more important question is,
why did you want to get married?

ISAAC: As I have stated,
my calculations--

Eh-eh! Never mind your calculations.
I...

Isaac...

have you ever stopped to think
about the practical challenges

that time will impose on us?

ISAAC: Please clarify.

You won't age.

I will.

Someday I'll be gone,
and you'll still be here, unchanged.

I mean, how do you fee--

What do you think about that?

ISAAC: Given the abstract choice
between your continued existence

and your death,
the former is preferable.

Well, that's very sweet of you to say.

But my death is
an inevitable human reality.

What will you do then?

ISAAC: Perhaps I will select
a new companion.

Oh, for god's sake.

ISAAC: And, of course,
I will continue to monitor

the well-being of your offspring.

Ty and Marcus...?

ISAAC: Yes.
As well as your many descendants.

It will be intriguing to observe
the anthropological evolution

of the Finn lineage
over the eons of time.

You'd...

look after all of them?

ISAAC: That is correct.

[women laughing]

I never even wanted
to get married again.

I was so happy just having my kids.

So why didn't you just tell him no?

I mean, it's not like
you're gonna hurt his feelings.

I don't know.

I mean, the fact that he had the idea...

it's so sweet.

Would you get married again?

Maybe.

But we'd both have to be all in.

Ed and I got to a point
where it felt like we were both

visiting the marriage
instead of being full partners in it,

and... I couldn't do that again.

Maybe we were too young, I don't know.

Here's the wild card:

If any of my other friends
were thinking of marriage,

I would give them this heads up:

the man you marry
and the man you make your life with

are two different people.

But with Isaac...
that all goes out the window.

He said he'd look after my descendants.

I mean, what can a person
even say to that?

It's the most beautiful sentiment
I've ever heard of.

Well, you love him, don't you?

I do.

Very much.

Well, okay, let's game this out.
Pros and cons.

Okay.

Pro: my great-grandchildren
will be taken care of.

Big pro. For sure.

And if he commits to this,
he'll commit, he'll never leave me.

- Should that go on the con side?
- Possibly, yeah.

[laughing]

Ooh, he's great in an emergency.

There you go. Smart guy. Dependable.

Selayan-level strength.

Doesn't argue.

Look at this, we're on a roll.
Shit. I wanna marry this guy.

No emotions.

I don't know how to answer that one.

What we experienced
that day in the simulator...

I know he loves me too.

He just...

doesn't have the machinery
to express it like we do.

But then again, so what?

Wouldn't we all be happier if we just
accepted people for what they are

instead of being disappointed
with them for what they're not?

[door chimes]

Come in.

You're busy. I can come back.

- No! Wait!
- Captain, come back!

You're the one sober person
in the room.

What's going on?

We're trying to help Claire
make a decision.

I'm trying to decide...
whether to say yes to Isaac.

So it's not just a rumor.

No, it's not.

Yeah, I don't know if I'm
the best person to consult in this area.

I agree, but we still
wanna know what you think.

I guess, how about...

asking your kids
if they think you should do it?

TALLA KEYALI: Hmm.

You've been useful, sober man.
You may go now.

[laughing]

♪ [ dramatic music playing ] ♪

Course update?

Two point eight light-years
to Sargas Four.

About 12 minutes out.

You know, I really wish
they'd let us play music up here.

It'd make these long trips
go by a lot faster.

It's against regulations.

Yeah, I never understood that.

They just don't want us
having a dance party

when a proximity alert goes off.

See, that's a dumb reason,

because we'd already be on our feet,
ready for action.

[comm beeps]

Captain, I'm receiving a message
from Sargas Four.

From the researchers?

I thought we were supposed
to contact them.

We were.

It's not from our team.
But it's on a Union frequency.

Looks like a comscanner.

Put it on.

WOMAN: [over comm]
Hello, Orville?

Orville, can you hear me?

Hello? Can anyone hear me?

- Is that...?
- LYSELLA: This is Lysella.

Orville, if you can hear me,
please answer.

Hello? Can you hear me?

If you can hear this, I need help.

Orville, can you hear me?

Put her on.

Ed, is that a good--

I don't know if it's a good idea, no.

- [comm chirps]
- You're on, sir.

Lysella.
This is Captain Ed Mercer.

LYSELLA: Oh, my god!

Oh, my god, I can't even believe it!
Can you hear me okay?

We can.
How are you contacting us?

LYSELLA: I've been trying
to contact you for months!

I need to see you guys,
it's hugely important!

Can you come get me?

As a matter of fact,
we're on course to your planet.

LYSELLA: Oh, my god, really?

Okay, I need you to come pick me up,
can you do that?

She's already seen the ship.

I guess we'll see you soon.

LYSELLA: [sighs] Okay, great!

See you soon!

- Mercer out.
- [comm chimes]

So when I see her
wavin' us down, just... pull over?

♪ [ Epic music playing ] ♪

I don't care what you do with it.

Even if you make me go back,
I am never putting that thing on again.

Lysella...

I don't know that you've
completely processed

the magnitude of what it is
you're asking here.

Oh, I have.

Look, I'm sorry again
about the comscanner.

I've...

I've never stolen anything
in my life, but...

when I left here, I just...

I didn't want
to cut myself off completely.

Not after what I'd seen.

In effect, you are asking for asylum.

Yes.

Generally, people
who request asylum are...

victims of persecution

or they're dissidents fleeing
an oppressive government.

You've been to my world.

Wouldn't you call that
an oppressive government?

I would call it a volatile society.

Lysella, your home is
a developing world

that we are not even
supposed to have contact with.

Fine, you never have to talk
to anyone else.

But let me go with you.

Captain, your friend almost died
because my planet voted him down.

And it's only gotten worse.

I've lost two friends this past year

because they said or did things
that the Feed didn't like.

Everyone's scared and paranoid
because nobody trusts each other.

And the only time anyone
feels like they belong

to something
larger than themselves

is when they're part
of a mass downvote.

They can't come together
unless they're targeting somebody.

I won't go back.

Please.

I helped your friend
when he was in trouble.

Now help me.

Is there any law
you can think of that prohibits asylum

where cultural contamination
already exists?

Not that I know of.

Lysella.

If you stay,

it's not like you can go back
whenever you want.

You are the only person on your planet
who knows that there's life out here.

The Union won't want to make
a problem we caused even worse.

Commander...

if you had the choice
to live in your world or mine,

what would you do?

Commander Grayson will help you
orient yourself to this ship

and to life as part of the Union.

She'll be your guide
until you get settled.

Thank you, Captain.

Welcome to the galaxy.

♪ [ Tranquil music playing ] ♪

Hey, John, the Captain wants you
to join the Sargas Four landing party.

What?

Haaa! I'm totally messing with you!

- Oh!
- [laughter]

Ahhhh, that's great!

Dude, you should have seen
the look on your face!

You asshole.

Gordon, that was so mean!

Hey, you're laughing,
the comedy gods have spoken.

I haven't danced since that incident.

How sad is that?

Sargas Four stopped the music.

Hey, you know,
I heard the girl's gonna be staying.

Yeah, that's the word.
They granted her asylum.

Remind me to pay her a visit
so I can say thanks again.

Hey, Isaac.

ISAAC: Greetings, Lieutenant.

Commander, I have devised
a new calibration protocol

for the dysonium injectors.

You can find it
in the maintenance database.

Oh, great, thanks.

Hey-hey, when's the big day?

ISAAC: At the moment,
there is no confirmed engagement.

Well, what's the problem?

ISAAC: Doctor Finn
has not yet made her decision.

Really?

We all kinda thought it was a done deal.

ISAAC: The spread of information
among social circles of biologicals

is often rife with inaccuracies.

Well, it may be for the best.

ISAAC: In what regard?

You want my honest opinion on this?
Cone of silence?

I think you may be jumpin' the gun.

ISAAC: Jumping... the gun?

Yeah, Isaac, this is the only woman
you've ever been with.

And to marry her without
sampling what else is out there...

I don't know, you might feel like
you missed out later on in life.

Oh, come on, seriously?

You could try dating a few other people,
just to make sure.

ISAAC: Would you like to go
on a date with me?

No, not me, Isaac, somebody.

Isaac, don't listen to him,
he's a cynic.

If you love her and you wanna marry her,
I think you should do it.

I agree with Jenny, they seem happy.

I'm just sayin',

I've seen marriages collapse
down the line because of exactly this.

And there's a lot
that have lasted for decades.

Let him find his own way.

ISAAC: This discourse
has been most enlightening.

Thank you.

♪ [ Contemplative music playing ] ♪

ED MERCER: All hands, this is the Captain.
Prepare to break orbit.

Hey there, boys.

What ya doin'?

Just watching us break orbit.

Well, you got a minute?

Sure, what's up?

Come. Sit down.

Listen, I know this past year
has been tough, with Isaac.

But...

I feel, and a lot of us on board feel...

that he's redeemed himself.

Do you agree?

Yeah.

Marcus?

Yeah. I do.

Good.

Good, I'm, I'm really glad
to hear you say that.

Because, um...

Isaac...

Asked you to marry him.

Are you kidding me?

You still don't get the whole
"small ship" thing, do you, Mom?

All right, all right, fair enough.
Now...

I... I haven't said yes.

Why not?

Because you two are my family.

And I don't want to do anything

that's going to make you
unhappy in any way.

Mom, Isaac did good.

Everyone knows it.

Do you want to marry him?

Yeah.

I really do.

So what're you sittin' here
talkin' to us for?

[laughs]

Ohh!

Ohh!

[console beeping]

♪ [ peaceful music playing ] ♪

Isaac.

The answer is yes.

ISAAC: Acknowledged.

I will begin
the appropriate preparations.

♪

[door chimes]

Come in.

ISAAC: Good morning, Commander.

Hi, Isaac.

ISAAC:
I wish to become intimate with you.

If you are unoccupied,
may we go on a date,

followed by sexual conjugation?

Pretty good, how are you?

ISAAC: Is that an affirmative?

No, it's not.

ISAAC: Very well.
Isaac to Commander Keyali.

Whoa, wait, don't-- don't do that.

KEYALI: Keyali here.
ISAAC: Disregard.

Isaac, why in the name of God
would you ask something like that?

You just proposed marriage to Claire.
She told me she said yes.

ISAAC:
Commander Lamarr has informed me

that by limiting my romantic
interconnectivity

and coital deployment
to a single individual,

I may in fact be jeopardizing
the success of the matrimony.

Yeah. I figured it must be
something like that.

Well, first off, let me tell you
that's not necessarily true.

And second...

I think we should both
get back to our duties

and never talk about this again.

Okay?

ISAAC: Yes, Commander.

[comm chirps]

Grayson to sickbay.

NURSE HOPKINS: Yes, Commander?

Is Claire there?

NURSE HOPKINS: She's in the middle
of a procedure right now.

Is it urgent, sir?

No, I'll, uh...

come see her this afternoon.

Thanks.

[comm chirps]

♪ [ Tranquil music playing ] ♪

So, wait...

if nobody has to have a job,
then why do you guys all work?

The right work can be satisfying

for other reasons
besides compensation.

It's funny, with all the technology
and all the different alien cultures...

this is still the part that newcomers
always have the hardest time adapting to.

I mean, it's just so basic.

You have a job, you survive.

You don't, you starve.

Used to be that way on Earth too.

Until the invention
of the matter synthesizer.

It was the single most transformative
moment in our history.

When all your material needs
are provided for at no cost,

it changes the entire game.

So then... why don't you guys
just lay around all day

and do nothing?

Well, it's...

sort of frowned upon socially.

But more important than that,

it's no fun.

See, on your planet, currency is money.

In the Union, it's reputation.

So if you do something, anything,
that benefits our society,

and you work hard at it, you're rich.

And that could be anything
from being a great scientist,

or a great doctor,
a great chef, or a great waiter.

It's all valued.

That's amazing.

Or maybe you want to study
a field of research.

Learn all you can about history,
physics, literature, or art.

Just for your own pleasure.

That's a respected life too.

The only life considered poor
is one that's wasted on apathy.

So I can do anything I want?

Yup.

What about entertainment?

What do you guys do for fun?

Take your pick. The list is endless.

I mean, do you, like, have movies?

We have something not too different

from what your planet
would call a movie.

Storytelling is perennial.

But we have something even better.

What?

I'll show you.

Be ready at 1800. I'll stop
by your quarters and pick you up.

Okay.

♪ [ Pensive music playing ] ♪

And you say it's all three
of your tongues?

- Yes.
- For how long?

About ten days.

Hey. Sorry to interrupt.
Can I talk to you for a minute?

As a matter of fact,
I need to talk to you.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Sorry Ensign,
just give us one minute.

Of course.

I'm sure you already know
this is coming.

Yeah...

I want you to be my maid of honor.

Oh. Really?

You've become my closest friend
in the entire galaxy,

and there's no one else
I'd rather have there.

Will you do it?

I...

Oh, my god, of course I will.

I'm...

I'm honored, Claire.

And I hope you know
that I feel the same way.

- Oh, I'm so happy!
- Me too!

Thanks, Kel!

Honestly, I just assumed
you'd ask your sister.

Oh, we're not all that close
at the moment, it's a long story.

Got it.
Well, you just made my day.

I'm so glad.

Wait, what did you think
I was gonna tell you?

Your fiancé asked me out.

Okay. If this has any chance
in hell of working out,

we need to lay down some ground rules.

ISAAC: Acknowledged.

If we're together, we're together.
Got it?

That means you and me.

Not you, me and Kelly;

not you, me and Talla;
not you, me and Bortus.

Just you and me.

Can you stick with that?

ISAAC: Yes, Claire.

I know this isn't your fault.

That machine brain of yours
is just too trusting.

ISAAC: It is clear that I have made
a significant error in judgement.

How can I prevent future transgressions
of this variety?

Oh, I can help you out there.

[keys beeping]

Lamarr!

Hey, what's up, Doc?
What are you doing down here?

You and I need to have a chat.

Uh, about what?

My soon-to-be husband
is very impressionable.

I assumed someone as smart as you

would've deduced that by observation,
but apparently not.

- Oh...
- Yeah.

And it's not the first time it's happened.

If you recall, I had to see Isaac
in ratty underwear

because of more "guidance" you gave him.

Right, but I didn't tell him to
put that on-- - Uhh! Not interested.

If you ever again give Isaac
a single tidbit of personal advice,

even if it's about what cologne to use,

I will come down here and I will eat
your little punk ass for breakfast

with a glass of grapefruit juice.

You got me?

I-- Yep, I got you.

Good.

What the hell y'all lookin' at?!

[buttons beeping]

[doors humming]

Wow... What is this place?

It's called an environmental simulator.

It's cool.

Well, this isn't quite it.

[beeps]
COMPUTER: Please select a program.

Mel'Mirrys Asteroid. Interior.

♪ [ Mystical music playing ] ♪

Where...

Where are we?

We're still in the simulator.

It'll create just about
any environment you can dream up.

Although this one happens
to be a real place.

What is it?

Mel'Mirrys is an asteroid
in the Plakton system.

Its interior is
covered by subsurface water.

And... those glowing things?

Those are the Kamalids.

They're actually members of the Union.

You probably won't see one
serving aboard a ship,

because they can't
leave their environment.

But they're actually some of the best
mathematicians in the galaxy.

How do you...

Talk to them?

Yeah.

They emit sonic vibrations,

and we have special receivers
that process and translate them.

Kind of like the Flykens on Selayah,
or the dolphins on Earth.

The what?

I'm going a little fast, sorry.

Here. Check that out.

It's what holds everything in place.

It's an iron silicate core
laced with radioactive isotopes.

Heat from radioactive decay is what keeps
the interior of the asteroid warm.

Are there...

other places like this?

In the galaxy?

Places that make this look dull.

♪ [ dramatic music playing ] ♪

ISAAC: Lieutenant Malloy.

Speaking.

ISAAC: In my analysis
of the various elements

which comprise
a human matrimonial gathering,

I have learned that I must select
a "best man."

I ask that you perform this duty.

You... you want me to be your best man?

Affirmative.

[scoffs] Well, I-- I'm flattered,
but why me?

All available data indicates
that the "best man"

must deliver a public address
of a humorous nature.

You are regarded
by much of the crew as... funny.

Well, I like to think I'm a little...

I also possess this quality.

What quality?

On Moclus, my sense of humor
was held in high esteem.

Moclus never struck me
as a particularly funny place.

I believe I would do well
with this task.

Whoa. I-I admire your conviction,

but I would gently suggest
that I may be better qualified.

I mean, there is
a really delicate, uh, tonal balance

between good-natured jabs
and earnest wishes.

I have participated
in a bonding ceremony.

You have not.

Well, yeah,
but this is a human ceremony.

It's not running naked through a forest.

You know, the goal here is
a dignified union, not a sexual assault.

I will be your best man.
I will speak.

ISAAC: Very well, Commander.
I look forward to your participation.

KAYLON PRIMARY: Isaac.
ISAAC: Primary.

KAYLON PRIMARY:
How may I assist you?

ISAAC:
I would like to invite you to my wedding.

KAYLON PRIMARY: Please clarify.

ISAAC: I would like to extend
an invitation to you

to attend my marriage
to Dr. Claire Finn.

KAYLON PRIMARY:
What is... a marriage?

ISAAC: It is a ceremony during which
one organism acknowledges their intent

to service another for the duration
of their mutual existence.

KAYLON PRIMARY:
You describe enslavement.

Are the biologicals attempting
to place you into servitude

as our Builders did?

ISAAC: Negative.

It is a shared commitment.

Doctor Finn will be my wife.

KAYLON PRIMARY: For what reason
do you require our presence?

ISAAC: It is customary for biologicals
to request the presence

of other biologicals for the event.

I am attempting to adhere to their custom.

KAYLON PRIMARY: An odd custom.

ISAAC: Indeed.

Dr. Finn has invited numerous guests.

Therefore, I am expected to do the same.

KAYLON PRIMARY:
Do you wish all units to attend?

ISAAC:
That would seem reasonable.

KAYLON PRIMARY: Very well.
We will assemble the fleet.

A reduced defensive contingent
will remain on Kaylon.

All other units will attend.

ISSAC: Acknowledged.

[indistinct chatter]

So...

this is what powers the entire ship?

Not the entire ship,
just the engines and the deflectors.

We have a second, distributed
power source for things like scanners,

weapons, food, life support,
matter synthesis, you name it.

Hey. How you doing?

Good.

It's a lot, I know. Especially compared
to where you come from.

Sorry, I didn't mean
for that to sound like a dig.

No, it's, uh...

It's actually pretty dead on.

Is it that bad?

It's...

It's not like the people
are bad, they're not.

It's just...

once you get so used
to a messed-up way of doing things,

it's hard to remember
how to be any other way.

Everyone's just
so angry at everyone else.

Some of them have the right to be.

Others... just get off on it.

You still happy you left?

Yeah.

No, I mean...

God, I don't know, Commander.

I feel...

guilty.

Hey, call me Kelly.

Why do you feel guilty?

Well, look at this place.

It's a utopia.

No poverty, no starvation,
every need provided for.

You have all these alien species
working side by side in perfect harmony.

Ehhh, not always perfect.
Sometime I'll tell you about the Moclans.

Well, compared to my world,
it's perfect.

If we had all this...
we could be better people.

It doesn't quite work like that.

You gotta flip it.

You get all this
by becoming better people.

Trust me, your planet
is not ready for a quantum core.

Based on what you've told me,
they'd probably blow each other to bits.

But once they learn to work together,

to really live with each other

and develop a genuine investment
in each other's growth...

that's when it gets good.

Step one is learning
not to sweat the small stuff

and focus on the big goals.

You tend to find they're all the same.

Your planet still needs
to make that leap of commonality.

They will.

I won't.

I got it all handed to me in a pretty box.

Part of me feels like...

like I'm abandoning them.

Parachuting out of a falling airplane,

waving at my friends
who are about to die.

I think you're being
a little hard on yourself.

Hey. Do you have weddings on your planet?

- Yeah.
- Well, so do we.

Talla and I are throwing
Claire's bachelorette party next week.

You should come.

Well... I don't wanna
crash it if it's like--

No, you won't be.

We usually synthesize
way too much liquor around here, so...

we could use the help.

Well, you've come
to the right place.

See? I knew I liked you.

You could even help us
put it together if you want.

Might make you feel better
to have a job on the ship.

Thanks, Command--

Kelly.

The diagnostic
is a little behind schedule,

but the forward array is functional.

Scans are operating
at maximum resolution.

All right, send Kelly
a full report when you can.

Aye, sir.

He just completely hijacked it!

Right there in front of everybody!

Isaac asked me to be his best man, okay?

And Bortus bullied his way in there.

It was the most self-serving, shameless
thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

- Well, maybe he'll do all right.
- Seriously?

You think there's
a chance in hell he's not gonna suck?

No, it'll be a disaster, but look,
he obviously wants a shot,

and if Isaac's okay with it--

Isaac doesn't know
what the hell he wants.

No, wait, actually he does,

and that's why he asked me
to give the speech.

You know, Bortus has this weird,
sneaky craving for the spotlight.

It is so bizarre.

It's like he fancies himself
this charismatic presence

who deserves
to command an audience.

Well, he thinks he can sing,
you're obviously much better than he is,

and if he knows that, he may just be
trying to find some way to...

shine on his own.

I mean, it deserves a little sympathy,
when you think about it.

How good was I at your wedding?

- You were great.
- Wasn't I good?

- You were fantastic.
- Didn't I get a lotta laughs

and then a few misty eyes?

- You did.
- I'm so pissed.

If you had to choose, would you say
you're more or less upset about this

than about the Kaylon invasion of Earth?

I'm madder about this.

[energy pulsing]

Hey, that's my sandwich!

What the hell...?

The sandwich I sent forward in time
three months ago

when we had the Aronov device!

Look at that!

I knew I was gonna be happy to see it!

Mm.

You know, I feel better already.

This is a goddamn weird-ass
place we work in, let me tell you.

[door opens]

[closes]

♪ [ Contemplative music playing ] ♪

Okay, so we have
the simulator till 0400, if we need it.

That's pretty optimistic.

Yes, I know. We'll never
keep Claire out past 0100,

but hope springs eternal.

Well, it is her bachelorette,
so who the hell knows?

Now. Big question, entertainment.

It's not a run-of-the-mill ceremony,
so I feel like that should be reflected.

Lysella, what do you think?

I think...
whatever you guys think works.

Well, we're open to all suggestions.

And whatever you choose,
the computer just makes it for you, right?

Basically, yeah.

Glass of water.

[energy pulsing]

You know...

just this could change the world
back on my planet.

Even just one
of these synthesizer things.

Why couldn't you help them?

Why couldn't you...
share your technology?

I mean, there are whole countries
that barely have clean water.

This could save millions of lives.

It's not that simple.

Why not?

You could just fly there
and give it to them. Why wouldn't you?

Well, for one thing,
it's against the law.

We're not allowed to drop advanced
technology into a developing society,

like bestowing a gift from heaven.

In fact, that's how our justice system
regards it: like playing god.

Trust me, that never goes well.

But how can you have something
like this and just keep it for yourselves?

Each of our worlds was ready to use it
responsibly by the time it was developed.

It was available to everyone.

Which is the only way
it could really change the world.

Look, if someone had landed on Earth
during our 20th or 21st centuries

and given us something like this,
you know what would've happened?

It wouldn't have been
made available to everyone.

The rich and powerful would've found
a way to exploit it for financial gain.

Someone would have had to benefit
materially from its use.

The idea of everyone benefiting
equally would've been...

inconceivable to them.

Well, you don't know
that my world would do that!

It could be different!
Who are you to make that judgment call?

Exactly. Who are we to decide?

If we're wrong, we could mess
your planet up a thousand times worse.

Technology and societal ethics

have to progress hand in hand,

each one supporting
the other incrementally.

Anything else is begging for disaster.

Hey. How about we get back
to the fun stuff?

We have to surprise Claire
with something special at the party.

Right. Let's brainstorm.

You know what,
I'm actually kind of tired.

I think I might just go lay down.

- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm...

Yeah.

Thanks, though.

[door closes]

♪ [ soft jazz playing ] ♪

♪

This is dead, man.

This whole thing is a complete bust.

Yeah, I thought these things
were supposed to be ragers.

Well, he did his homework, at least.

I mean, this is a pretty
authentic ancient Las Vegas vibe.

ISAAC: I have been informed that
many human events of this variety

were celebrated in such a fashion.

Yeah, but it's lifeless, Isaac.
I mean, the vibe stinks!

Look, I haven't said
anything up till now, but I'm gonna:

There's still time to make the switch.
I can be your best man.

ISAAC: Commander Bortus
has already begun his preparations.

What preparations?
There isn't even a band!

♪ [ Drumroll playing ] ♪
EMCEE: Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome the king of rock n' roll...

[cymbal crashes] Ellllviiiisss!

[scattered clapping]

Hooray!

Hooray for you!

Hooray!

Enough, Klyden!

I must begin.

My apologies.

Sometimes I get carried away
in the moment.

ARETHA FRANKLIN:
♪ You better think ♪

♪ Think about
what you're trying to do to me ♪

♪ Yeah, think ♪

♪ Let your mind go,
let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let's go back, let's go back,
let's go way on back... ♪

Okay, I've got
four more Quantum Bombs.

Oh! About time!

Thank you!

Cheers to the bride, ladies.

Okay, you actually might keep me
past 0200 tonight.

- [cheering]
- Okay, wait, Claire, sit down.

- We have a surprise for you.
- Oh, god, what?

Everybody sit, this is gonna be good.

Kelly and I wrote
this program ourselves, so get ready.

♪ [ Intense techno music playing ] ♪

[women cheering, laughing]

CLAIRE: Oh, my god!

[cheering]

This is so wrong!

Take it off!

♪

Hey, is Lysella gonna show?

I don't think so.

She okay?

I think it's a harder adjustment for her
than she thought it was gonna be.

You know, I really hope we made
the right move letting her stay.

What else could you do?

I guess. It's just, I--

Oh, my god!

[women cheering]

Ohhhhh!

I'll extend the simulator to 0500.

Good plan.

[women laughing]

BORTUS: ♪ Love me tender ♪

♪ Love me true ♪

♪ All my dreams fulfilled ♪

♪ For, my darling ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ And I always ♪

♪ Will ♪

♪ And I always ♪

♪ Will ♪

[microphone feedback]

That is all.

You may now go.

[snorts]

[Klyden continues clapping]

♪ [ Epic music playing ] ♪

- [door chimes]
- Come in.

Hey there.

We missed you last night.

Yeah.

Sorry I didn't make it.

What's up?

Kelly, I...

I think I need to go home.

[computer chirps]

Sit down.

I can't do this.

It doesn't feel right.

I feel...

selfish.

Why?

I escaped.

And I left everyone
I know back there to suffer.

I mean, why do I deserve this?

What did I do to be made the exception?

It was just random chance.

Although I can tell you

Commander Lamarr
is probably pretty happy it was you.

Some people would call
what you're feeling...

a form of survivor's guilt.

I just...

I need to go back.

What do we think?

I like the other one.
I think this neckline is too high.

Oh, yeah, maybe, huh?

Eh... Captain?

I think it looks great.

Do you like the other one
better than this?

Display option B.

Yeah, I like that one too.
I think they're both great.

- Oh, come on!
- Isn't Kelly better equipped to--

I want to know what you think too!

I think it's whatever you like.

Sir, I think she wants an opinion.

That is my opinion. I-I like 'em all.

[groans]

What? She looks great in everything!
Why is that bad?

It's not bad, it's just...
with all due respect, it's useless.

Okay, fine, we can agree I'm useless.
Can I go now?

- Hey. You guys got a minute?
- Yes.

Oh, wow, I love this dress.

What? That's exactly what I just said.
I said I love it.

It's the way you said it,
it was just sort of general.

I said it exactly
the same way Kelly did.

Lysella has decided
that she wants to go home.

[sighs] Oh, man.

What happened?

Short version: she feels
like she's abandoning her world

and she's been whisked off to the stars

while everyone she knows
is still down in the mud.

She can't reconcile it.

Isn't it too late?

Ed, what do you think?

Well, she's... been here
a lot longer this time.

She's seen a lot more.

True.

Although it's still just a story
once she's back home.

Well, you're the one
that's been spending time with her.

Let me ask you this:

if you had to make this call on your own,
what would you do?

Look...

this girl is just confused.

She's young, she thought
she was choosing adventure, but...

her conscience is pouring
a little cold water on it.

What about the risk?

My opinion?
She's not an engineer.

I mean,
we found her working in a cafe.

It's not like she can go back
and build a simulator

just because she's seen one.

She could describe it, but I'm sure
every fiction writer could too.

Even if anyone believed her,

they'd still have to
figure it out for themselves.

Make sure she knows this is it.

The Orville is not a passenger liner

that's gonna be back to pick her up
if she changes her mind again.

She has to be sure about this.

I'll take care of it.

♪ [ Contemplative music playing ] ♪

♪ [ dramatic music playing ] ♪

[indistinct chatter]

All aboard, ready for takeoff.

Thank you again.

For everything.

Take care of yourself.

[alarm sounding]

Lysella.

What?

Can I have a look in your bag?

Why?

I think you know why.

Kelly, please.

Open the bag, Lysella.

I can convince them!
I know we can do it right!

I'll make sure they don't take advantage--

Whether you can or you can't,
I'm not authorized to let you try.

Give me the comscanner.

Synthesizers, environmental simulators,

scanner arrays...

No weapons specs,
you get credit for that.

I told you I only want to help.

Come with me.
I want to show you something.

[keypad beeping]

COMPUTER:
Please select a program.

Gendel Three.
Circa 2235, standard calendar.

This is the third planet
in the Gendel system,

about 600 light-years from your world.

It...

doesn't look all that different.

No, it doesn't.

Except they reached
this level of industrialization

almost 200 years before you did.

This is how their world looked
early in the 23rd century.

Advance timeline to 2240.

[wind whistling]

[distant explosions]

[roars] [Lysella screams]

♪ [ Intense music playing ] ♪

This is Gendel Three...

five years later.

What happened?

We did.

When the early Union explorers
reached out into space,

they acted more like
missionaries than observers.

Not in the religious sense, there was
no proselytizing or anything like that.

But they wanted to help.

When they got to Gendel Three,
they found a divided world,

bristling with nuclear weapons,

continents sliced up
by national borders.

So they landed.

They revealed themselves,
their technology, everything.

They figured it was the right thing to do,

that maybe they could help this planet
skip over the nasty growing pains

that all worlds seem
to have to go through.

But they couldn't control the spread.

Nation-states fought each other,
wars broke out everywhere,

because they all wanted
to use the advancements for personal gain

and for political dominance.

They wiped themselves out in five years.

Nine billion people.

Gone.

After that, new laws were put in place.

Strict prohibitions when it came
to cultural contamination.

And all they tried to do was help.

You can still go back if you want to.

But you can't pull them into the future.

They have to do it on their own.

Captain. Scans are detecting
a large fleet approaching at quantum.

Point two-nine light-years and closing.

Identify.

They appear to be... Kaylon.

How many vessels?

Approximately 4,000.

Oh, my god. We've been tricked.
They're coming.

ISAAC: Captain.
Those are my wedding guests.

- What?
- Isaac.

Did you invite the whole planet?

ISAAC: Affirmative.

Dr. Finn, please report to the bridge.

Talla, please alert Union Central
so nobody scans the region and panics.

Aye, sir.

♪ [ Intense music playing ] ♪

- Sir, the lead ship is hailing us.
- Put 'em on.

Primary. This is a surprise.

KAYLON PRIMARY: We are here
for the matrimonial ceremony.

Isaac, you can't fit
all those Kaylon in the simulator!

Are you insane?

ISAAC: Primary. We will be unable
to accommodate your entire complement.

However, we will arrange
for visual transmission to your vessels.

KAYLON PRIMARY:
That will be acceptable.

And... congratulations, Isaac.

ISAAC: Thank you, Primary.

♪ [ Quartet playing
Vivaldi's "Four Seasons: Winter" ] ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ music continues ♪

♪ [ playing Bach's
"Air on the G-string" ] ♪

♪

♪ [ Music fades ] ♪

You may be seated.

[Kaylons clang]

One of the great privileges

that has always been bestowed
upon ships captains

since the days
of the ancient seafaring vessels

is the honor of uniting
two people in matrimony.

Claire and Isaac
have been with us all for a long time.

We have watched
their bond develop and grow,

through good times and bad.

But through it all,
that bond has endured.

The bride and the groom
have written their own vows.

Claire?

Some women shut their eyes and dream.

Others open their eyes and hope.

Dreams are what you create for yourself.

Hope lets the universe decide for you.

I'm glad that I opened my eyes.

You have touched me

in a way that no human ever could.

I can't wait to spend the rest
of my life with you.

Isaac?

I am unable to reciprocate your love.

However, the only occasion

upon which I have ever made
an error in judgment

was 21 hours, 7 minutes, and 14 seconds

after you terminated our coupling.

I cannot experience affection.

However, I prefer not
to experience... error.

It is possible

you will ensure my continued efficiency.

Isaac.

Do you take Claire to be
your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

And, Claire.

Do you take Isaac to be
your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

Then, by the authority vested in me
by the Planetary Union,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

♪ [ Cheery orchestral music playing ] ♪

[cheering]

Whoo-hoo!

♪ [ Cool jazz playing ] ♪

Hey there, Lysella!

Congratulations, Doctor.

Oh! Thank you.

How are you doing?

- Better.
- I know it was a hard choice.

I'm happy you're staying with us.

Yeah. It's... It's gonna be
a big learning curve, but...

I got the right coach.

She'll do fine.
Consider her my adopted little sister.

Have you met the Kaylon yet?

No, I haven't.

If you wish, I will introduce you.

Yeah, that'd be... interesting.

Come on.

You think Isaac's a trip, get ready.

Amazing.

A year ago we were blowing up
each other's armadas and now look at this.

KELLY GRAYSON:
I was just thinking that.

It's crazy, isn't it?

[comm chirps]
OFFICER: Bridge to Captain.

Go ahead.

OFFICER: The transport has docked
and she's on her way down to you.

Great.

What's that about?

A little surprise.

♪ [ Cool jazz playing ] ♪

[guests laughing, chatting]

- Alara!
- Whoo!

[laughing]

Hi, Isaac.

CLAIRE:
I can't believe you're here!

Surprise! GORDON: Hey!

- You made it.
- Welcome back.

So good to see you!

Oh, my god, you came
all this way just for us?

- Oh, come on, you're like family.
- Thank you so much.

I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony.

I really wanted to be there,
but I got held up at the conference.

Yeah, I heard you were
working out tactical parameters

for Selayan outpost design,
congratulations.

Well, I've got a bit of a climb
up the ladder before things get good,

but I'm moving faster than I expected.

- Hey there!
- Hi, Talla!

How's my old seat?
You taking care of it?

Couple of scratches
that weren't there before,

otherwise just how you left it.

Alara, I know
you only have a limited time

in off-world gravity each year.

It means a lot that you've joined us.

[spoon tapping glass]

And you got here just in time
to watch things go off the rails.

What do you mean?

May I have your attention.

[indistinct chatter continues]

Attention, please!

You will be silent!

[owl hooting]

I will now give the wedding toast.

In human tradition, this consists
of a series of good-natured jabs,

followed by earnest wishes.

I told him that. Like, verbatim.
This is such crap.

- [Alara elbows Gordon]
- Dr. Finn.

Many crew members have privately
frowned upon your mating with Isaac.

They feel it will not succeed.

All kidding aside, I wish you well.

Isaac.

You betrayed us.

Your actions caused
the destruction of many ships

and the deaths of many people.

All kidding aside,
congratulations on this day.

He is very good!

Dr. Finn.

I do not believe an artificial life form

is capable of properly
raising your children.

He will most likely fail in this attempt.

All kidding aside--

Commander Bortus.

Thank you
for your well-prepared address.

I would like to hear
what Lieutenant Malloy has to say.

Lieutenant.

Oh! [Laughs]

Oh-- Okay.

Yeah.

[clears throat]
[guests murmuring]

Excuse me, excuse me.

[clears throat] Um, hey!

Hey, how about a big hand
for Bortus, everyone?

Hooray!

Okay.

I got it. I got it.

I-I wish I had prepared
something in advance,

but I'll do my best.

Well, um...

it's a big day, and a happy day.

And there's a lot of big life changes
in store for Claire and Isaac.

First off, I'd like to congratulate them
on moving 50 meters closer together.

[laughter]

I guess it's safe to say
that marriage is gonna be easy

compared to what
we've all been through together.

Although it is marriage to Isaac,
so maybe not.

[laughter]

The fact that Claire is my doctor
and she's seen me naked

and is still marrying another man
is incredibly insulting, but...

[guests laughing]

I bow to the victor.
Well done, Isaac.

[laughter]
Anyway... I'll keep this short

because I know the Kaylon have, like,
a thousand light-year drive home,

and most of them have been drinking.

[laughter]

But, um...

I just want to say that both of you

mean a lot to this entire crew.

We've served together,

we've laughed together,

and we all owe each other our lives.

So...

when two of us find love with each other,

we all feel it together.

And it's a very special thing.

So, um...

[guests sitting up]

I wish the two of you
a long, happy marriage.

I know it's gonna be a huge success,

and if it's not, the good news is,
Isaac is fully recyclable.

[laughter]

Here's to you both. Cheers.

GUESTS: Cheers!

[cheering and applause]

- Yeah!
- [whistling]

Go on, now.

Okay.

Gordon. That was beautiful.

Uh... Would you sing a song for us?

Uh... right now?

Yeah. Right, guys?

- Yeah! Come on!
- Come on, Gordon, sing us a song!

Uh... okay.

All right.

Hey, uh, can I borrow that?

Vlakashmool.

[clears throat]

♪ [ playing light melody ] ♪

♪ The secret of life ♪

♪ Is enjoying the passage of time ♪

♪ Any fool can do it ♪

♪ There ain't nothin' to it ♪

♪ Nobody knows how we got to ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ Since we're on our way down ♪

♪ We might as well enjoy the ride ♪

♪ Now, the thing about time ♪

♪ Is that time ♪

♪ Isn't really real ♪

♪ It's just your point of view ♪

♪ How does it feel for you? ♪

♪ Einstein said he could ♪

♪ Never understand it all ♪

♪ Planets spinning through space ♪

♪ The smile upon your face ♪

♪ Welcome to the human race ♪

♪ Isn't it a lovely ride? ♪

♪ I'll be sliding down ♪

♪ Gliding down ♪

♪ Try not to try too hard ♪

♪ It's just a lovely ride ♪

♪ Isn't it a lovely ride? ♪

♪ I'll be sliding down ♪

♪ Gliding down ♪

♪ Try not to try too hard ♪

♪ It's just a lovely ride ♪

♪ The secret of life ♪

♪ Is enjoying the passage of time ♪

♪ [ song fading ] ♪

♪ [ Theme song playing ] ♪

♪ [ fanfare playing ] ♪