All language subtitles for The serial killers guide to life 2019

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Marsha, a lot of people
ask me that.

A lot of people say,
"Chuck, how can I be like you?"

Well, first thing you gotta do,
you gotta read the book.

You know what I mean?

You gotta read the book,

you gotta listen to the cds,

you gotta watch the web,
you gotta find out who I am.

You want to be like me?
You gotta think like me.

You gotta act like me.
You gotta breathe like me.

That's what I always say.

And for me,
you know the real secret?

Its be yourself.
Be me, then be yourself.

Cos ultimately, im Chuck knoah,
only I can be Chuck knoah.

You can be like me,
you cant be me.

But you can be like me.

Visualize the future you want.

Visualize you becoming
that person.

Living through them.

Taking a step in the body
of the new you.

This is who you can be.

Believe in the power of you.

The newer, stronger,
fitter, wealthier,

more successful you...

Watch where
you're fucking going.

Sorry.

The couple
were found on the beach

early this morning
in the high cliffs area...

Idiot.

Well. I suppose ill have
to get dinner myself, then.

No, no, ill get it.
You stay there.

Injuries are
consistent with a high fall,

and are not treating
the incident as suspicious.

Thank you lord for what
we are about to eat,

and for what we enjoy.

- How was the shop today?
- Fine.

Betty smiths mother says
shes a lawyer now.

- Good for Betty Smith.
- Yes, and her mother too.

Believe in the power of you.

I believe in the power of me.

Look at me.

Once upon a time, guys,
I was like you.

Lost, empty...

Pathetic.

But using the "Barry withnott
pathway to success",

look at where I am today.

Are you looking for happiness?
I know you are.

Are you looking for power?
Are you looking for success?

Then I can help you

with the "Barry withnott
pathway to success".

Ive got even better news
for you,

for today for one day only,

im offering every one of you
in this room

12.5% off any Barry withnott
DVD, cd, book or e-book...

The only destination
is a better you!

Thank you.

I wouldn't follow him
down any pathway.

He looks like a greased-up pedo.

Oh... I dunno.
He looks alright to me.

That's because you're like
everybody else.

Er... I don't think
you can smoke in here.

Does it make you embarrassed,
hearing the truth?

This is who you can be.

Excuse me.

Look at all these retards.

Excuse me.

Here, take this.
You're going to need it.

- Excuse me?
- What?

You cant smoke in here.

Im leaving anyway.

Come see me,
if you want to change your life.

Unlike all these... bags of air.

Im so sorry.

I think you should leave.

Lower.

Harder.

Harder!

Lower.

Visualize the future you want.

Visualize it all.

Visualize you becoming
that person.

Living through them.

Taking a step in the body
of the new you.

This is who you can be.

Step one.

When you give yourself over
to possibility,

anything can and will happen.

- Yes?
- Er...

- Oh, its you.
- Yep. Yes.

Wait here one second. Im just
in the middle of something.

So you want to come in
for a little chat or what?

Sit down, then.

- Ignore the mess.
- Erm... ok.

Ive been so busy with research
for my new program,

ive barely had time
for anything else.

Wow!

I suppose you're wondering
what my programs about?

Oh, yeah, yes, sure.

Its sort of a secret, really.

Oh, of course.

This is my last trip
before it launches.

Wow.

I wanna share a secret
with you, Lou.

I have an ambition.

Oh, erm... thanks.

I have an ambition to be
the greatest life coach

in the world.

I want to help people
everywhere.

To have books
on every continent,

so that babies in Sudan
can read my tips on life

and grow up to unlock
their true potential.

That's all I really want
for them, to be their potential.

Well, that sounds
a really important ambition.

Yeah, I think so.

Do you have ambitions, Lou?

Yeah, yeah.

Like?

Like... I want to go
kite-surfing in the Caribbean.

And?

And... ID like
to have lots of money,

so that I can help people.

Like maybe babies in
the Swiss-Dan, like you said.

And have my own range of books,
like you, too.

Yeah, ID just like
to be like you, really.

- Good ambitions.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah...

Yeah.

Thanks for dropping by.

I don't suppose you know anyone

who might be interested
in coming with me on my trip?

Someone who could really
blossom with the right coaching?

Someone with big dreams,

but no one else around
who understands those dreams,

or something similar?

Erm...

Well, im leaving in the morning,

so let me know
if you think of anyone.

- Mum?
- Yes, dear?

What would you think about me
going away for a few days?

To explore myself?

What does that mean?

I don't know,
just to release the inner me,

connect to my potential.

It... its a bad idea,
it doesn't matter.

Is this house not good enough
for you anymore?

It really is. It doesn't matter.

Is this food not good enough
for you anymore?

Mum, it is.

Its all this self-help
nonsense, isnt it?

Filling your mind.
Turning you against me.

Look what you make
your own mother do to survive!

To beg? Is that what you want?

Do you want me
to beg you to stay, Lou?

Is that what you want
to make your mother do?

You're through to val stone,
if you want to change your life,

leave a message after the tone.

Bye, mum.

- Hello, Louise!
- Alright?

Just taking little monty
for a walk before we leave.

Were off on a bit
of a holiday for the week.

Blow off the cobwebs
of coming back here, you know?

- Right.
- Well...

Best of luck with your
self-improvement and everything.

Bye. Come on.

Mum?

You're through to val stone,
if you want to change your life,

leave a message after the tone.

- Lets do this.
- Get in.

Let the voyage
of self-discovery begin.

Step two.

Believe in the power of you

as I believe in the power of me.

- Can you read a map?
- Er...

We've got a busy few days.

Ive lined up
some amazing therapies.

Before we culminate there.

Wheres that?

Chuck knoahs country house.

Huh?

Were going to see Chuck.
Personally.

Er... really?

Really.

Wow!

Good.

This is the best decision
you've ever made.

I know.

I was talking to myself.

Have you got any cash?

All paid for.

Oh, ok. But...

Are you ok?

Yeah, of course, why?

Oh, its just...

You've got a... bit of...

Oh! Yes, mustve caught a nail.

Next stop: Inner Serenity.

The body
of a missing woman was found

near a caravan park
late yesterday,

in what police are describing
as suspicious circumstances.

She is thought to have been
self-help advocate...

Here we are.

Breathe in the fresh air.

I feel better already.

Ah, and heres two more.

Er... you must be...

- Val.
- Right. And this is?

Lou. Shes an add-on.

Er... shouldn't really
just turn up with add-ons

without booking first,
but you're here now, never mind.

Well settle up later.

Heres Graham now too.
Fantastic! Lets get started.

Welcome to nature therapy.

Im Ben, your group leader.

If we could do a quick
introduction round the circle?

Im Graham.

- This is Izzy.
- And this is Ralph.

And this is Lou and val,
as we've just heard.

Lets give them a "first time
to nature therapy" welcome!

- Welcome!

Now, I recognize
some of you from before,

but for the newbies,

this area here will be
our home for tonight,

whilst we reconnect
with pachamama.

So, without further ado,

grab a tent,
lets get cracking and...

Get in touch with nature!

Hmm...
Were a bit short on mallets.

The best thing to do in nature
is improvise.

Use what's around us as tools.

Like our ancestors did
all those years ago.

Like this?

Ow! Fuck!

Ow! Jesus!

My finger... Jesus!

Graham?

Graham?

Breathe deep, breathe deep.

- Hi!
- Hi...

So your new to
in touch with nature with Ben?

- Yeah, its my first time.
- Oh. He really is a genius.

I love your hair.

Oh, thanks!
I love your... just... you!

Well, thanks.

Thanks!

Oh...

Oh! Thank you.

Ok.

- Ok, bye.
- Bye.

- Thank you.
- Ok, thanks!

Now that our homes are ready,
lets take a moment of peace,

before we begin
our true journey into nature.

Ah, Graham what
I have in store for you...

Out here in the natural world,

we do not collect our meals
in plastic containers

from florescent-lit buildings
we call shops!

- We must catch what we eat...
- She seems nice.

And eat what we catch.

Yep. Very.

Delicious!

What are they doing?

- Its called a nature shower.
- Oh...

We take in every pulse of life
from the earth from these trees.

From all living things.

Experience each beat,
every vibration,

and connect
to a Serenity within.

Try it.

Close your eyes.

And connect to inner peace.

Nature has given.

We give thanks
for what we are about to eat.

Now... we are one with nature.

Dandelion wine from grahams
organic home brewery.

Enjoy!

So, er... what brings you both
to nature therapy?

Well, im with val.

Were on a journey
of self-discovery.

- And, well, shes sort of my...
- Im her life coach.

Are you? Wow!
I would love a life coach.

So you said that you'd not done
forest bathing before with Ben?

Ive done something similar
before,

but its good to reconnect
with nature.

This is our fourth time here,
and we love it, don't we?

Oh, yeah, we just love it.

We find it such a wonderful way

to reconnect with
our true selves, you know?

Our true ancestral selves.

Yes, right back inside yourself.

Nature is...

- Its everything.
- Everything!

So, what do you both do?

- Well, Ralph is in it.
- Izzys in hr.

Sorry to interrupt there,
Ralph. My ears are burning.

We were just saying
what a genius you are.

Well... what can I say?

I just...
Work with what ive got.

Anyway, we've got
a lovely treat this evening,

well, Graham does.
A little surprise for us.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That was lovely.

Come on!

Time to get moving.
Lots more to fit in.

Its a shame I cant get
a chance to say goodbye.

Its just... how it is.

Get in.

- Izzy gave me her number.
- That's nice.

Ive never made a friend
like that before.

Thanks, val.

I feel wonderful.

Me too, Lou.

Me too.

Step three. Life is
like a box of chocolates.

All the crappy ones
get left behind.

Hi, mum, its Lou.

I just wanted you to know
im having a great time,

everyones really friendly
and nice.

And im really enjoying
not having to cook.

Anyway... I hope you're good.

Er... lots of love.

Oh, its Louise, by the way.

- Ok?
- Yeah.

Ive just never been
away from home before.

- Do you think shes alright?
- Yeah. Course she is.

Come on, lets get going.

We've got a fair few miles
to go.

Ive been thinking...

Maybe we should take
a detour back home,

just to check mums alright?

Val?

- Ow!
- Does that make you angry?

No... no.

Ow!

- Ow! What are you doing?
- Do you believe in you?

Yeah. Ow!

I don't believe you.
Say it again.

- Yes. Ow!
- Again.

- Yes!
- Again.

- Yes!
- Again.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Good.

Do you trust me?

Yes.

Good.

And honestly, im sure
your mum is absolutely fine.

Now wait here. I just need
to get rid of something.

All done.

- What's this place do?
- - Sound therapy.

Apparently, its a very calming
and centering experience.

So, this is your room.

I hope its to your satisfaction.

- Yeah, great, thanks.
- Good. Good.

Your sound journey
will begin at 4:00.

Until then,
just relax and unwind.

And if you do need anything,
please don't hesitate to call.

Ok? Great.

Namaste. Namaste.

Great.

He seemed nice.

Everything around us is
made of structured vibrations.

Including the human form.

Now these sounds will resonate

with those vibrations
within the body,

unlocking unlimited
possibilities.

These high frequencies stimulate
the brain and the body.

Now let go
of your stagnant energy.

And all together.

- Some more wine, Lou?
- Im ok, ive had enough.

So, val was saying
you're planning

on some pretty big
boundary-breaking

on this little pilgrimage
of self-discovery?

- Sounds enlightening.
- Yeah, yes, it is. Very.

You've got
a good friend there, Lou.

Not many people
would put so much effort

into planning a trip for a pal.

I hope you know
how lucky you are?

Oh, I do. I really do.

And val, tell me what did you
think of the interconnectivity

of the sound-scaping earlier?

Wonderful. Wasn't it, Lou?

Absolutely.

I could feel
an inter-sound connection.

I felt your Sonic pathways
really opening up.

- Really?
- - Mmm.

Oh, please, don't worry,

we've simply put
a herbal relaxer in the wine.

We find it really loosens
things up ready for stage 2.

- Stage 2?
- Yeah...

Its a much deeper
vibrating experience.

Using the energy of sound,

to unlock the magnetic
orgasmic pulse.

Let your mind go free.

And join us.

Open yourselves like a flower

to the realm of sensual,
Sonic possibilities.

Let the journey
of discovery begin!

Sleep well?

- Yeah.
- How do you feel?

Good. Yeah.

Really kind of...
Yeah... connected.

Good morning. Sleep well?

Great, great, great.

Erm, would you like
tuna or egg sandwiches

to take away with you for later?

Its alright, ill put
you down for one of each.

Shh... don't tell anyone.

We should get going.

Hmm. Yep.

Ill settle up.

Thanks so much
for your hospitality.

- Were going to make a move.
- Dont forget your lunch.

Good luck with the rest
of your trip.

I hope you're feeling enlivened.

Absolutely. Wheres Marcus?

He popped out front. He wants
to show you his pride and joy.

Lovely.

Red car driven
by a dark-haired woman

with the registration
starting t48.

The drivers wanted in connection

- with a string of murders...

Im really sorry, Rachel.

We had such a lovely time.

Look, if they, er...

Dont worry, Marcus,
it won't take a second.

All ready to go! I got
your stuff too. So we can...

Did you get my shampoo?
I left it on the side.

Yep. Yes.

Help.

Well talk more about this later.

Help! Help!

Help!

Call the police!

Please call the p...

Sorry.

I couldn't have done it
better myself.

Lets not forget
those sandwiches.

Those are the egg.
Those are the tuna.

Step 4.

An end is only a new beginning.

Police are on the hunt
for a woman in her 30s,

with dark hair,
sought in connection

with what is being dubbed
the self-help killings.

The woman is considered
armed and dangerous.

More as we get it.
And now the weather.

Sure, its a lovely day out
there today, isnt it, Jeff?

Yes, indeed, sue. It really is.

And things will only
actually get warmer

with a warm weather front
sliding in from the west

coming through to the east
and moving on down the coast.

Its set to be
quite uncomfortable...

- Pull over.
- Why?

Just pull over!

- Where are you...?
- Aargh!

Oh, for fucks sake.

I didn't know!

Lou...

Its all im doing, Lou.

That's what all this is for.

To allow us to be
who we truly are.

You've been thinking about
everyone else your whole life.

Now its time to think about you.

Do it!

Kill me.

It did feel pretty empowering,
you know?

Yeah...

You did pretty good
for your first time.

Did I?

You're the best life coach ever,
val.

I think you might be
the best client, Lou.

Hey, mum, its Lou.

Im just checking you got
my message the other day?

I guess maybe you've gone
to see your sister.

You know how you get sometimes?

Mum?

Theres something
you should know...

About me.

And because you'll probably
see it on the news soon.

Im not who you think I am.

But, you know,
I hope you'll be proud of me.

Im not a nobody anymore.

I cant wait any longer.
Ive gotta go for a pee.

Back in a minute.

- Do you need any help?
- Im good, thanks.

Oh, excuse me, im just...

Is that... is that Louise?

Whereve you been?

- We have to go, now!
- What's going on?

Nothing.
We just... we just have to go.

She just came over my head...

How much further
to the next stop?

- Not far. Why?
- No reason.

Are you coming or what?

Welcome to cynthias
sense-of-self course.

ID like to offer you
my deepest gratitude

for choosing to go
on this journey with me.

My task is to guide you
back in time

to the moment
you began your journey

through your mothers birth canal

and out into the world
for the very first time.

Together we will return
to that moment.

Relive its intense,
painful traumas

that have haunted you
from that time,

allowing them freedom through
your body and your voice.

First we will begin by opening
your body and your voice,

so you do not sustain
any physical injuries

during the process of unlocking
these deep-rooted scars.

Now...
Find a comfortable position.

Hi! Have you done this before?

It really is
the best thing ever.

You have lovely eyes.

Please...

Now... close your eyes.

Relax.

And bring your attention
to your breath.

Soften your gaze.

And let the journey re-begin.

And breathing in.

And out.

And in.

And out.

And counting down from...

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one, and...

You are back.

Back in the warm sac
of your pre-birth fluid.

Calm, undisturbed, comfortable.

Nothing can harm you here.

Nothing can touch you.

But wait...

Suddenly your warm fluid bath
is disappearing,

draining from you.

Panic begins to set in.

The walls of your home
are beginning to move.

You are being squeezed.

Forced down a tiny passageway,
crushed on either side.

It makes you scream out.

And you're screaming now.

Come on, scream!

Let it out, Lou.
Face who you are.

Let it out.

Let it out.

We are with you.

We are with you.

We are with you.

Im waiting for you, Lou.

Ive always been waiting for you.

Step 5.

The anything
can and will happen.

What's going on?

You had a reaction
to the re-birthing.

Its a good sign.
You're ready to meet Chuck.

- What?
- We've got to keep moving.

Wait here.

He's not here.

Please, Gary,
this is my last chance to...

Please...
Look, please just tell them

to give me one more week
to come up with it.

Seriously, I cant.

How long have we known
each other?

Yep, I know its just business,

so if its just business,
give me a fucking break!

Well, fuck you, Gary!

And fuck Mary!
And fuck your fucking kids!

Fuck!

Lucy? Its daddy.

Could you put your mum
on the phone, please?

Em, its me, Chuck.
Look, I have to talk to you...

Yeah, I know what
the lawyers said. I just...

I gotta speak with my wife.

No, don't hang up.

Dont... please don't hang...

You are
your own force of nature.

You are your own wind,
your own tree, your own waves.

You can be anything
you want to be.

You are the future of you.

The end is the beginning
of the beginning.

When you give yourself
over to possibility,

the anything
can and will happen.

With this,
you can take on the world.

Step 6.

Unlock what is hidden within
and you may like what you find.

Am I dead?

Aargh... my head!

Are you always like this?

Im in the middle of a divorce.

The publishers are dropping me

because I cant think
of a new book.

Im pretty much addicted
to a lot of drugs!

And im going bankrupt
because when it comes to it,

it turns out
visualizing is worth shit

compared to a fucking
well-paid lawyer.

Anyway who the fuck are you and
what are you doing in my house?

Dont you watch the news?

Jesus, you're...
Fuck! You're the fucking...

- Wheres val?
- You're them! Its you!

You stay there.

- Val?
- Yes.

Val... what's going on?

Shes got a gun.

Please help me, im scared.

You're too late.

Ill do my best.
Thank you, officer.

What's going on?

Its time.

You don't need to kill me.
Seriously, you need me.

You're in the middle of a full
on media clusterfuck right now.

You're famous.

You know what that publicitys
worth with the right contacts?

The news outlets, you're the
number one point of interest

in their shitty little lives
right now.

Seriously. Look, let me get
my agent on the phone.

This is exactly the angle
the publishers are looking for.

Its big, its bold, it'll sell.

Im talking book deals,

seminars, webinars,
the whole lot.

Everyonell wanna know
how to be like you.

Speak with my agent.
Hell make us a deal right now.

Its ringing!
Hey, Gary, its me again, Chuck.

Before you hang up,

ive got an offer
that's gonna blow your mind.

Turn on the TV.
Im with the girls.

We wanna make a deal.
You're gonna make so much money.

Yeah, seriously, its happening.

Ive got a gun to me right now.
Yeah, I know, crazy, right?

Well, lets say 70/30 to us?
Hold on, let me see...

He says if we go 60/40, he's in.

What do you say, we got a deal?

I'm sorry, Gary, Chucks going
to have to call you back.

Nice! Playing hardball,
I like your style...

God, he was even more annoying
in real life.

Yeah. What a letdown.

Sorry!

Fuck!

Nowhere else to run.

Whyd you do it, val?

We couldve just kept on going!

It was time.

Were an evolution of people.

Were the ones
who tell others how to live.

Were the new gods.
We cant run forever.

Ive had a fantastic time.

Yeah...

Me too.

Whatre you doing?

Its time to say goodbye.

Shit!

You're the best
life coach ever, val.

Yeah... I know.

What a journey.

You can say that again.

Visualize the future you want.

Wheres val?

Visualize
you becoming that person.

Living through them,

taking a step in the body
of the new you.

The new, stronger, fitter,

wealthier, more successful you.

The only thing I would say is:
Be true to yourself.

Love yourself.

If I can have a little part
in that, in their future lives,

then that's great.

Because for me, I get joy,
I get love, I get happiness

out of seeing others succeed.

For me, that's my journey.

Im Chuck, im here to help.

And if you wanna think of me
as your god, your guru,

go ahead, that's fine.

But think about it for a second.

Wouldn't it be better,

wouldn't it be
more life-changing,

if you thought of me
as a friend?

Read the book, listen to the cd,

you'll realize im your friend,

im your best friend,
im here to help you.

And that's the only way
we can all get what we want.