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1
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,570
Stay off your feet.
2
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:31,531
No, that's not really a thing anymore.
3
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:34,826
It's fine to be active.
It's good, actually.
4
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:38,955
As long as you're eating properly,
staying hydrated, you can exercise.
5
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,875
Would you consider yourself
a generally healthy person?
6
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:43,585
Compared to what?
7
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,338
You've got some anxiety around this.
8
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,422
That's normal,
9
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:52,719
but it's helpful to try to minimize stress
during your pregnancy.
10
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:57,432
I find a lot of my patients benefit
from relaxation techniques,
11
00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,226
guided meditation, breathing exercises.
12
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,145
What about when this thing
actually gets here?
13
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,897
Is there a breathing exercise for that?
14
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,151
We're hardwired to do this.
15
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,058
You're going to be a great mom.
16
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:13,823
How would you know that?
17
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,036
How the fuck would you know that?
18
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,830
You're basing that on... on...
19
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,083
On what, my weight?
20
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,043
My blood pressure?
21
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,730
How the fuck would you know
what kind of mother I'm gonna be?
22
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,256
What if... what if I don't even want
this thing?
23
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,216
You ever think about that?
24
00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:33,760
- Of course, I didn't mean to...
- Breathing exercises.
25
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,988
I just meant for you
to take care of yourself.
26
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,490
- Obviously the decision is...
- Take care of myself?
27
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:40,892
What does that even mean?
Do you hear yourself?
28
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:33,820
Liv! Come back here, querida.
Come back here right now!
29
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,206
Dad?
30
00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:50,420
It's okay, Liv. I'm still here.
31
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:57,968
See?
32
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:00,597
I'm right here.
33
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:02,765
I promise.
34
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,417
I love you.
35
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:36,966
Liv.
36
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,761
Liv, come on. You got to get up.
37
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,888
Nope, we're not doing that.
38
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:44,349
Come on. It's you and me, kid.
39
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,351
Time to start our day.
40
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:49,812
Get up, Liv.
41
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,065
You have to keep on moving.
42
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,985
You have to walk... or you'll die.
43
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,011
Rises in the East.
44
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,804
Sets in the West.
45
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,140
Rises in the East.
46
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,518
Sets in the West.
47
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:13,354
North.
48
00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:15,231
I'm going North.
49
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,414
It's impossible.
50
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:34,334
Impossible?
51
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,007
It's not impossible.
52
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,801
How far have you gotten?
53
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,095
It's too hard.
54
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,224
How do you eat an elephant?
55
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,228
How do you eat an elephant?
56
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,481
One bite at a time.
57
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:12,997
One bite at a time.
58
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:05,258
Then you're going to pull the corners.
Yeah.
59
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,135
And smooth it out.
60
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:10,888
And then here,
what you're going to do is fold this part,
61
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,015
make it nice and smooth.
62
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:17,185
Very good.
63
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,832
We're gonna be late.
64
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:42,211
I'll just take this. Right.
65
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,515
North.
66
00:07:58,352 --> 00:07:59,687
North.
67
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,160
♪ I've got your picture ♪
68
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,456
♪ That you gave to me ♪
69
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,918
♪ And it's signed with love ♪
70
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:25,838
♪ Just like it used to be ♪
71
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:29,467
♪ The only thing different ♪
72
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,761
- Liv?
- ♪ The only thing new ♪
73
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,721
- What have I told you about...
- I'm sorry.
74
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,640
♪ I've got your picture ♪
75
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:37,475
About working with mixed media.
76
00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:40,603
♪ She's got you ♪
77
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:41,938
Try some red.
78
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,274
♪ I've got the records ♪
79
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,529
♪ That we use to share ♪
80
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:53,407
♪ And they still sound the same ♪
81
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:56,577
♪ As... ♪
82
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,061
Thought I'd walk with you a bit.
That okay?
83
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,149
I don't know how much walking
I have left in me.
84
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:18,112
- Four, five days maybe, and then...
- Don't think about that.
85
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,614
Just keep going.
86
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,284
It's all I can think about.
87
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:27,955
Dying out here.
88
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,208
Just keep moving forward.
89
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:34,086
Long as you can do that,
you still got a shot.
90
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,384
Liv, don't think about it.
91
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:42,636
Think about something else.
92
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,229
You could've told me...
93
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:54,732
that you were pregnant.
94
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,027
I didn't know.
95
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,489
After, I mean after you knew.
96
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,077
What difference would it make?
97
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:12,291
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood."
98
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,710
- Danny.
- Fine, we'll skip the Frost.
99
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,007
Who knows what difference?
100
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,175
Maybe none.
101
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,638
You could've told me, that's all.
102
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:28,891
I was always more of a...
103
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,393
Langston Hughes gal.
104
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,440
"Holding you is difficult today."
105
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,986
"You feel sharp and jagged."
106
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,407
"All shoulder blades and elbows."
107
00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:51,705
"How I would love to round your edges."
108
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:58,337
"To make you smooth
in my rock tumbler heart."
109
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,010
That's Hughes?
110
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:08,681
That's one of my dad's.
111
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,068
I think I'd be a good dad.
112
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,321
Of course, you do.
113
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,869
You suffer from chronic overconfidence.
114
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,875
I mean, what's to know?
115
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,837
You hug them, you tell them you love them,
116
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,549
you make them feel like nothing
is ever gonna hurt them.
117
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,218
But it will.
118
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,971
Sure, you lie.
119
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,142
I don't believe in lying
to the people you love.
120
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,561
Lies pile up.
121
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:02,610
The truth... is hard,
but that's all we've got.
122
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:03,861
You want some truth?
123
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,573
I think you'd be a good mom, too.
124
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,618
Yeah?
125
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:14,747
Besides, I've known you, what?
Almost a year now?
126
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:17,917
Yeah. Sounds about right.
127
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:22,338
That whole time, I've never once known you
to do anything half-assed.
128
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,675
Raising a kid seems like
a weird thing to start on.
129
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,429
Just some things are out of our control.
130
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:34,099
Yeah. For all of us. Isn't it great?
131
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,282
Could've told me.
132
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,702
You could have told me anything.
133
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:57,915
I would have listened.
134
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:01,919
I know.
135
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,907
Why didn't you tell me...
136
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,703
about the postcards?
137
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:41,458
You lied to me.
138
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,590
All those times
when I asked you where Mom was
139
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,925
and you said you didn't know.
140
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,056
Those were for me.
141
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,602
She was reaching for me.
142
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,693
This place.
143
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,612
These walls.
144
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,824
These rooms.
145
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,244
All the love,
146
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:19,955
all the pain.
147
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,754
We... stayed in it.
148
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:30,632
And we waited.
149
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,970
She knew exactly where we were.
150
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,602
Those words weren't for you.
151
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,149
They were for her.
152
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,072
And you gave her enough.
153
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,242
That wasn't for you to decide.
154
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,999
There's a difference between being left,
155
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,920
and being forgotten.
156
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:29,149
Picture yourself
in a vast endless forest.
157
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,861
Nothing and no one around.
158
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:35,864
Just the trees.
159
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,201
The Earth.
160
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,329
The wind.
161
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,290
The water.
162
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,671
Feel yourself alone in this place.
163
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:56,760
A living breathing part of it.
164
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:00,597
Drinking it in.
165
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,476
You are only your body.
166
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,856
You are only your breath.
167
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,694
Feel the landscape moving through you,
168
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,614
returning you to yourself.
169
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,202
And as you move through it,
170
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,247
you are also a part of it.
171
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,209
You are alive inside your body.
172
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:33,881
You are alive inside your breath.
173
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,010
You are blood.
174
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,555
You are bone.
175
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,726
You are flesh.
176
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,938
You are right where you belong.
177
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:54,693
You are home.
178
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,324
You are home.
179
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,246
You are home.
180
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:52,793
It's okay, Dad.
181
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,589
You're so tired.
182
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:03,804
It's okay to rest.
183
00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,183
You should rest for a while.
184
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,399
It's okay to let go.
185
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,404
It's okay.
186
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,781
I'm here.
187
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:34,334
It's okay, Liv. It's okay.
188
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,258
I'm right here.
189
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,971
I promise.
190
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:46,823
Cars.
191
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:50,535
Cars!
192
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:29,301
It's nice here.
193
00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:31,720
Peaceful.
194
00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:36,975
Your mother loved nature.
195
00:24:39,394 --> 00:24:41,229
I never made much time for it.
196
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:47,652
Maybe I should have.
197
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:54,451
She'd drag us on those hikes.
Do you remember?
198
00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:57,871
And get in the car and drive for too long,
199
00:24:58,455 --> 00:25:02,834
trench through some god-awful path
that was barely a path.
200
00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:08,256
Trying to find some secret
something she'd heard about somewhere.
201
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,177
Both of us complaining the whole time.
202
00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:16,181
And then we'd get there.
203
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:18,808
And she would always be right.
204
00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:22,145
It was always beautiful.
205
00:25:24,564 --> 00:25:26,441
And then we'd all go back home again.
206
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:32,614
I can feel her here, in all of this.
207
00:25:34,699 --> 00:25:36,868
Maybe that's what she was doing
this whole time.
208
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,080
Looking for a place like this.
209
00:25:42,916 --> 00:25:44,000
I hope she found it.
210
00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:49,506
I thought...
211
00:25:54,344 --> 00:25:55,595
If I could find her...
212
00:26:01,184 --> 00:26:02,811
If I could look her in the eyes.
213
00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:10,318
That's stupid.
214
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:13,780
None of it makes any sense.
215
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:17,784
It was a little impulsive,
I'll give you that.
216
00:26:18,493 --> 00:26:22,330
But, then,
you've always been a little impulsive.
217
00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:25,875
Can't imagine where you got that from.
218
00:26:31,881 --> 00:26:32,882
Am I like her?
219
00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:41,683
Yeah.
220
00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:44,185
In your eyes,
221
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:47,355
in your smile.
222
00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:55,363
But most of you
has nothing to do with her.
223
00:26:58,283 --> 00:26:59,826
You know why you became a lawyer?
224
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:03,204
Because I like fighting.
225
00:27:05,332 --> 00:27:06,833
Because you're like answers.
226
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:09,294
Order.
227
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:12,631
You didn't have much of that growing up.
228
00:27:14,174 --> 00:27:16,426
You crave a world
that's black and white.
229
00:27:18,094 --> 00:27:20,388
But the world's not interested
in what you want.
230
00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:24,809
It's been chaos since before we got here.
231
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:28,021
And it'll be chaos after we're gone.
232
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:32,108
And if there's an order to any of this,
233
00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:34,277
it's invisible to us.
234
00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:36,404
So, what if you're like her?
235
00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:39,073
You're also like me.
236
00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:41,576
You stick around.
237
00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:44,788
You're also like you.
238
00:27:46,122 --> 00:27:47,207
Determined.
239
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,710
Make different choices.
240
00:27:57,634 --> 00:28:01,888
Hey, there's nothing wrong with you, Liv.
241
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:04,474
You didn't do anything wrong.
242
00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:08,728
You were just a little girl.
243
00:28:11,606 --> 00:28:13,942
You're just... a little lost.
244
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:16,111
That's all.
245
00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:18,279
And tired.
246
00:28:21,408 --> 00:28:23,118
Maybe you should rest a little while.
247
00:28:25,620 --> 00:28:27,622
This looks like the perfect place
to do that.
248
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,753
I wonder if I would have been ready...
249
00:28:37,632 --> 00:28:38,800
to be a mom.
250
00:28:41,344 --> 00:28:43,012
In my experience...
251
00:28:44,222 --> 00:28:46,015
it's not something you prepare for.
252
00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,893
It's something you give over to.
253
00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:53,356
You just jump in...
254
00:28:54,691 --> 00:28:56,276
and see where it takes you.
255
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:01,364
It's nice here.
256
00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:04,993
I think I'll stay for a while.
257
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:18,935
Sometimes, there's no answers.
258
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:22,093
Sometimes, there's just goodbye.
259
00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:17,511
♪ I found a letter, it read ♪
260
00:32:21,314 --> 00:32:27,362
♪ Our existence has serious ♪
261
00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:32,700
♪ Side effects ♪
262
00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:35,495
♪ Turned on ♪
263
00:32:35,578 --> 00:32:41,250
♪ Turned on the television ♪
264
00:32:45,004 --> 00:32:50,510
♪ And it's telling me the world ♪
265
00:32:50,593 --> 00:32:54,263
♪ Is collapsing ♪
266
00:32:56,432 --> 00:32:58,393
♪ I think it's coming ♪
267
00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:04,857
♪ Oh, and it comes so fast ♪
268
00:33:08,236 --> 00:33:11,155
♪ I'm hearing whispers ♪
269
00:33:11,239 --> 00:33:17,245
♪ Of an infinite yes ♪
270
00:33:17,328 --> 00:33:20,123
♪ And I don't know why it is ♪
271
00:33:20,206 --> 00:33:22,834
♪ Our bodies are dead ♪
272
00:33:22,917 --> 00:33:27,797
♪ Why you look so sad ♪
273
00:33:56,576 --> 00:34:01,956
♪ And my therapist said ♪
274
00:34:05,626 --> 00:34:08,129
♪ We've evolved ♪
275
00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:11,591
♪ Through a series ♪
276
00:34:11,674 --> 00:34:17,263
♪ Of accidents ♪
277
00:34:17,346 --> 00:34:20,099
♪ There's been ♪
278
00:34:20,183 --> 00:34:26,814
♪ Talk of chemical imbalances ♪
279
00:34:29,650 --> 00:34:35,448
♪ Restless sense of detachment ♪
280
00:34:35,531 --> 00:34:40,787
♪ Nausea and or violence ♪
281
00:34:40,870 --> 00:34:42,872
♪ I think it's coming ♪
282
00:34:42,955 --> 00:34:49,879
♪ Oh, and it comes so fast ♪
283
00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:54,884
♪ I feel it coming ♪
284
00:34:54,967 --> 00:34:58,304
♪ I think it's real and significant ♪
285
00:34:58,387 --> 00:35:00,306
♪ I think I think ♪
286
00:35:00,389 --> 00:35:02,850
♪ I think a little too often ♪
287
00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:05,895
♪ That's what my therapist said ♪
288
00:35:05,978 --> 00:35:08,773
♪ We're alone in this wilderness ♪
289
00:35:08,856 --> 00:35:11,692
♪ Left to choke on the pills ♪
290
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:14,278
♪ And to feed on the viruses ♪
291
00:35:14,362 --> 00:35:18,616
♪ I think it's coming
Oh, and it comes so ♪
292
00:35:18,699 --> 00:35:20,910
♪ Fast ♪
20156
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