All language subtitles for Three.Can.Play.That.Game.2007.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG-ing

Love? Love is finding
that special someone...

...you wanna spend
the rest of your life with.

Love is letting someone else
into your heart.

Love is giving of yourself.

Love is taking on
someone else's baggage.

- Love is hard.
- Love is a commitment.

Love is eternal.

Love is a pain in the ass.

Whatever you want to call it,
love can be crazy.

- Crazy.
- Crazy as shit.

Oh, we can't curse? Get the fuck
out of here... Oh, wait. Sorry.

Start over, start over.

And cut. That's a wrap.

- Excellent. You good? All right.
- I'm good.

Good work, I'll see you tomorrow.
You guys did a great job, thank you.

- Any calls? Thanks, Erica.
- No.

I'm Shante Smith.

I used to be an advertising executive
at Parker and Long in Los Angeles...

...and quite often, part-time
street therapist for my girlfriends.

So I decided that I could provide
a more valuable service to society...

...by going into business for myself.

So I moved to Atlanta.

Hotlanta, the breeding ground
for young athletes, musicians...

...businessmen, artists,
baby, you name it.

That also means that it's home
to several distractions.

You see, Atlanta needs me, baby...

...and Shante is here.

Here you go. Thank you.

Looking good.

You remember Keith, right?

Fine, smart, smooth and chocolate.

We had it going on.

But then he decided that
he wanted to take a job in Dubai.

I was like, " Cool. I'll go with you...

...as long as
you put a ring on that finger."

Well, he didn't wanna commit...

...so y'all know
what I had to do, right?

Kick his ass to the kerb.

But enough about that for now...

...because it's time for me
to check out the season finale...

...of my favourite TV show,
The Trainee.

So I'll holler at y'all later.

Well, you've finished
your last challenge.

Thus far, I've been impressed
with the both of you.

It's now time for America to
decide who is the next trainee.

America, call in.
Make your voice heard...

...before I make my decision.

Okay, attention everybody.
This is your last chance to call...

...so take out your phones
and call as many times as you can.

Please, vote for Byron, vote for Byron,
vote for Byron. I know.

Well, the results are in...

...and I must say,
this was a very close race.

I'd like to congratulate the both of you
for doing outstanding jobs.

But unfortunately,
we can have only one winner.

Being that I'm not one to
k eep people waiting...

...I just want to tell
Mr. Byron Thomson...

...pack your bags...

...and bring an umbrella,
because in October...

...you'll be working with me at
my global headquarters in Seattle...

...because you are the next trainee.

Congratulations.

Byron won, Byron won, Byron...

Congratulations, Byron.

Yo, the trainee is here!

That's what's up,
know what I'm saying?

Yeah, baby. What's up?
That's what's up.

Gizzard Jones, what's up, baby?

- Congrats, dog.
- Thanks, man.

- You did your thing, man.
- Thank you...

- I couldn't have done this without you.
- You deserve it, baby.

When I first met Byron,
there was just something about him.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- What, what?

Give me this, these...

- No, no, no...
- No, that's what the eye surgery's for.

Now, show those beautiful eyes.

Then for some reason, I just had
a desire to be there for him...

...tak e care of him, and help him
become the man I knew he could be.

In the beginning, Byron was afraid
to go out for The Trainee...

...but I knew he could do it,
and look at him now. Living it up.

Nothing mak es a woman feel better
than watching her man be a man.

And even though I wasn't a big fan
of all the attention he was getting...

...I still felt as though
he belonged to me.

I'm happy as all get out,
but I'm so tired.

- Tired? You better drink a Red Bull.
- How you doing?

- You see that?
- I'm so grateful...

- Did you see that?
- See what?

See what? See that.
Look how the women are treating you.

- You the man, dog!
- Come on, man.

I'm serious.
We gotta capitalize on this.

Okay, now you're tripping.
You enjoy, I'm going back to the party.

Yeah, you go ahead, I'm gonna chill
right here. What's up, sweetie?

- Where's the trainee?
- With his fine self.

- Byron?
- We were just trying to meet him.

Can I help you?

We were hoping that
maybe we could meet him.

- Together.
- Okay, well...

...you ladies look like
you have a lot of potential.

Why don't you step into my office
and let me look over your credentials?

Oh, I don't know.

Did I mention
Byron's my best friend?

The things I could do for you, baby.

Hey, man, I'm about
to make my speech...

...so I need my best friend to...

What's wrong with you?

What?

I love you, man.

All right, all right, yeah, I love you too.
Now, come on. All right?

You the fucking trainee, man.

Thanks. Man, I really don't know
what to say.

You know, I'm not used to
being the centre of attention.

I just wanna thank
each and every one of you...

...for voting for me, you know?

This is a dream come true.

And I'd like to give
an extra-special thanks...

...to my baby, Tiffany.

You made this dream a reality.

I love you, baby.

And last, but definitely not least...

...I want to thank
Dexter McKinzie's project manager...

...Ms. Carla Hilliard.

She held my hand
through this entire process.

Thanks, boss.

And enjoy the rest of the party.

Carla, what are you doing in here?

Hey, Byron. I was hoping I could
have you to myself for a minute.

Excuse me?

I think we need to spend some
alone time together, don't you?

Well, l...

To talk.

To talk. Yeah, we definitely
need some time to talk.

I mean, Mr. McKinzie didn't send me
down here to have a good time.

We've got a lot of work to do...

...and we're going to be spending
quite a bit of time together.

- Hey.
- Yes?

- Have you seen Byron?
- I did, over near the bathroom...

...but that was a while ago.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Thanks.

I mean, you have gorgeous eyes,
but no, I'm taken.

Come on.

It seems that way.

You think you're up for the task?

Byron, hello?

Tiff...

Tiff...

Tiff, it's... It's...

Excuse me.

Tiffany?

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

Are you sure?

No.

I'm coming in, okay?

Okay.

Oh, my God, Tiffany.

Come on,
you're going to be all right.

- No.
- Calm down, calm down.

No, I don't wanna calm down.
You don't understand.

It hurts. It hurts so much that
I just want to break something.

No, give me.

Tiffany, breaking your nails
is not gonna help the situation.

Now, come on. You know what?

I want you to come to dinner
at my house tonight.

- Okay? So we can discuss this.
- No. No, I'll be fine.

No, don't be silly. Come on.

And I think it's about time
you meet my Dale.

Yeah, come on,
let's get you cleaned up.

What you gonna do?
You gonna spank that booty.

Spank that? You gonna spank it?

I might bite the thing, bite the thing.

Remember Denzel said,
"Mo' better makes it mo' better"?

Tiffany.

You are going to get through this.
You are. Be strong.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Yeah, see? Lt'll be okay.

There's always a few bumps
in the road, right, baby?

You're right. Love has acne.

- I'm gonna check on dessert.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- That was good.

So did you cook it?

No, I didn't cook. He cooks.

- He cooks?
- He did that, yes.

He's cooking in the kitchen,
he's cooking in the bedroom...

...it's just...
- Slow it down. Okay, thanks.

Okay.

Perfect.

- Anything else I can...? Y'all straight?
- No, thank you.

- What about you, babe?
- We're fine. We're fine.

Oh, gosh.

- Oh, please, allow me.
- Thank you, baby.

Yes, sir.

Here you go, yes.

Yes.

And as a matter of fact...

...I just took the turkey out
the freezer for taco Tuesday.

Taco Tuesday.

I'm talking about the girl
who's all kind of freaky stuff.

- As a matter of fact, you know what?
- What's that?

- Kiss that one.
- Now the left side.

Even better on the right. I'm going
to go upstairs and start your bath.

Rose petals, scented candles,
the way you like it.

- All right?
- Thank you.

- Tiffany, nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.

- I'll see you in a minute.
- All right, baby.

- Good.
- All right.

Where did you find him again?

- Girl, I didn't find him. I made him.
- You made him?

You know how they say
every man is a dog?

Well, it's true, they are.

You just need to make sure
you have a loyal one.

That's the trick.

Yeah, but I feel so stupid,
I didn't even know Byron was a dog.

Girl, a man being a dog
is a man being a man.

And a man is a dog,
and a dog can be trained.

Come here,
I have to show you something.

Okay, with you that excited,
it better be porn.

Great, great.

Let me tell you something.

I used to be off the hook, okay...

...doing my thing every day,
you know what I'm saying?

Yes, I did, you know.

But then Shante came in.

Watching the game and hanging
with my boys was important.

Cooking? Cleaning? Breast-feeding?
That's women's work.

No matter how old you get
the games never stop.

- We used to fight about everything.
- Everything.

Who's gonna drive.

- Where do you squeeze the toothpaste?
- Top or bottom?

- How do you have sex?
- Top or bottom?

Different toilet, same sh...

Until I called Shante Smith.

We don't argue over anything
anymore since we talked to Shante.

There you go.

- I understand what a woman is about.
- She straightened me right on out.

Definitely saved our marriage.

- I'm the one that needed to change.
- I'm so glad you did.

- My wife is gonna love this.
- I enjoy spending time...

...with my baby
and going shoe-shopping.

- Thanks, Shante.
- Thank you, Shante.

For loving a white boy.

Having problems
with your relationship?

Can't get your man to commit?

Get along with your family?

Or even pick up the laundry?

Whatever.

Women, you have a lot of power
in relationships...

...but often,
you just don't know how to use it.

I'm Shante Smith.

Call me and let me show you
how to work what you've got.

- Damn.
- Shante Smith.

- Yes.
- Shante, you look so beautiful.

Thank you for squeezing my friend in,
it's like a Christmas present for her...

...because you helped me
and my relationship.

Dale and I are like,
crazy in love, we have sex...

You're very welcome, Linda.

- You remember my name?
- Of course.

You were one of my favourites.

- Okay, right this way.
- All right.

So where is she?

Right in her office.

Hold this.

I'm Shante Smith.

You're Tiffany, right?

Oh, I've heard so much about you.

- It's so nice to meet you.
- You too.

Well, how you doing?

I'm...

l...

l... I can't take it.

Oh, no, no, no, hold on,
it's gonna be all right.

All right, come on now,
come on, girl, now breathe.

- Breathe.
- I'm gonna breathe.

I'm gonna breathe.

I can't breathe, I can't breathe.

Women have a tendency of dating
the same guy...

...over and over again.
- I'm gone.

- I'm out of here.
- Holler, bitch.

Behavioural scientists
would call it residual behaviour...

...but I call it
just being stuck on stupid.

It's okay. It's okay.

You don't understand.

I never thought a guy as sweet
as my Byron could cheat on me.

Oh, believe me, honey.

If they can cheat, they will.

But he has to work with her
every day.

Oh, Lord, don't pass out on me now.
Wait, wait, have a seat, have a seat.

All right, now, look, just because men
are more likely to cheat...

...doesn't mean that
they can't be faithful.

Now, they can be,
but under the right conditions.

Before you can conquer the beast...

...you must first understand
the nature of the beast.

- Gizzy, you even listening to me?
- Yeah.

- Then what should I do?
- Relax.

How am I supposed to relax, all right?
She caught me with Carla.

- That sexy-ass project manager?
- Yeah.

- And you mad?
- Giz.

Hey, man, panicking never works.

That's true. Tell me,
what should I do? Send her flowers?

- Dinner. Bed and breakfast.
- No.

No, what?

No, you're not gonna send flowers
or any of that.

Save that for when you really mess up,
like forgetting her birthday.

For now we do nothing.

Give me that.

Do you understand
what I am telling you?

She caught me hugged up
with Carla.

You don't think
I should do something?

I didn't say do nothing.

I said for now we do nothing.

Let her make the first move...

...then we make our play.

- But what if she doesn't make a move?
- Oh, she'll make a move.

Trust me, there will be
a response for this.

How severe,
now, that's the question.

Okay, see, now you're starting
to make me afraid.

Oh, be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Don't be afraid.

You gotta punish his ass.

Smack that thing just like that,
I promise you.

Punish him.

So, what did Shante say?

Tiffany, I have a plan.

If you really want your man back...

...have a face to face with him...

...and give him
a chance to come clean.

Hi, I just wanted to talk to you
about what happened.

- Sure.
- Great.

Come on in.

Always sit down.

It's a power position.

It keeps you in control,
and puts him at ease...

...and that's exactly where
we want him to be.

At ease.

Okay, tell me everything.

Well, you know,
we talked a little bit, and...

You talked a little bit?
Did you hear what I just said?

Tell me... I need to know
every single detail.

What did she have on,
was the hoots out?

She eat something?
She wash her hands?

- Did she sit down?
- Well, yeah, she sat down.

- Okay, see, that's important.
- What?

Come on, she sat down, so what?

Dog, that's body language. Body
language speaks volumes, okay?

There's weak body language,
strong body language.

Sitting down means she's comfortable.
She's assuming control.

She's calm and she sat down,
that means she's at home.

You might as well
give her your keys.

But she's got keys,
my place is like her home.

No, not home physically, mentally.

She's about to
take your ass to war...

...sitting down means
war ain't nothing but a thing to her.

- Do you love her?
- No.

No, baby, I love only you.

If you loved only me, you wouldn't
be messing around with that whore.

- Why she got to be a whore?
- Are you defending the whore?

- No.
- It sounds like you're defending her.

- I'm not.
- Why do you care if I call her...

...what she is? A whore.
- I don't care.

- Okay, Byron, then call her a whore.
- What?

Call her a whore.

Okay. You know, she's a... She's a...

- A whore.
- That's right, a whore.

Why are you getting
all emotional about this?

- I am not getting emotional.
- I hate to admit it...

...but women do get a tad bit irrational
when emotions are high.

But you must not, and I mean never,
lose control.

Byron! I'm not getting emotional.

- Okay.
- What else happened with the whore?

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

- Nothing. Nothing.
- Nothing? Nothing?

- Cross my heart, hope to die.
- You're lying, tell me the truth.

Absolute truth: I was in the bathroom,
the women's bathroom was full...

You are such a liar! God!

One thing I ask you about.
One thing. Just one.

That went well.

- That's it?
- No, no, no, there's more.

Then she sits in the car for a half-hour
talking to somebody on the phone.

You went there, gave him
a piece of your mind anyway.

- But he is such a liar.
- Okay, no problem, not tripping.

The real question is,
do you want him back?

- Yes.
- Are you sure?

- Yes.
- And you want that ring?

- Yes.
- Okay.

Then I guess we put him
on the Five Step Programme.

From now on, you must do everything
that I tell you to do.

No deviation. Agreed?

- Okay.
- All right. Step one.

- Then she pulled off.
- She left?

Okay, she's gotta be
getting help from her girls.

No worries. You got me.

Right.

Hey, you're back.
Listen, I didn't wanna leave things...

I'm hungry. Are you hungry?
You wanna eat?

- Sure.
- Good, I got some groceries in the car.

You wanna get them for me?
Thank you.

- She bought you groceries?
- Yeah.

Can you believe it? She actually
started to cook me dinner.

- Okay, this is weird.
- I know, right?

No, but wait, it gets worse.
Because check this out.

I go in the kitchen,
and the strangest thing happened.

Excuse me, I have to
get the spoon to...

...stir the pasta.

Gotta stir that pasta.

Oh, dear, I'm sorry,
did you make a noise?

Just gonna get the spoon
for the pasta.

Whoa, what are you doing?

Just getting the spoon for the pasta.

- Oh, baby, what are you doing?
- I'm doing what I think you like, right?

You do like this, right?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- And do you like that?

How about that?

Want some more?

More of this?
Well, you can't have any more.

It was too good to be true.

Just like it's too good to be true
that you could be faithful to me.

Oh, I know. You like hot,
sleazy businesswomen that...

...act sophisticated, but really
are closeted freaks, don't you?

Yeah.

I mean, no. Come on, Tiffany.

Look, we both got a lot of frustration,
let's just go upstairs and work it out.

Really? Okay, let's do it.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- What, what, what?

Okay, come on.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- What, what, what?

- You forgot this.
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God, jealous sex!
You had jealous sex with her.

- Let me finish my story first.
- Go right ahead.

My pants, my pants.
Help me get the pants off.

All right, you got them?

- Wait, wait, wait.
- What? What? What?

I can't sleep with you.
You're on punishment.

- I know, and I'm sorry.
- You're not sorry yet, but you will be.

- What?
- I'm joking, I'm joking.

Oh, God, I love you.

No, no, no. I love you.

And I really... I really am sorry.

- Please forgive me?
- I forgive you.

- She forgave you?
- Yeah, she forgave me.

- Just like that?
- Just like that. Come on.

Get out of here, you stupid dummy,
she ain't forgive you.

- Well, how do you know?
- Have you been punished?

- No.
- Well, then she ain't forgive you.

Forgiveness comes after, not before,
after they've gotten total satisfaction.

Continue.

Wait, all right, you know what?
L... I can't do this.

Honey, I forgive you, but I have
some things to work out.

And we will work them out.
Come on, we gotta finish this first.

No, I gotta go, sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Fact: When a man gets an erection,
he can't think straight.

The blood rushes straight from
the big head down to the little head.

Now, you can use this
to your advantage. Why?

When the little head gets worked up,
the big head drops its defences.

And now it is time for you
to play the big joker.

The hell with diamonds...

...blue balls are a girl's best friend.

Blue balls, blue balls, blue balls

Blue balls, blue balls,
Blue balls, blue balls

So, what did Shante
tell you to do next?

- No, I can't.
- You only think you wanna leave.

- You really wanna stay. Now, come on.
- No...

...and I think we should
go to counselling.

Counselling? So how you gonna
play it when you go?

What you mean, "when I go"?
I'm not going.

- You gotta go.
- I don't gotta do anything.

She forgave me.
Or at least she wants to forgive me.

Okay, so she's mad. Maybe I gotta
jump through hoops, but counselling?

Let some shrink bring up
indiscretions from my childhood.

Tell me it's weird Uncle Jack
dressed me in an Easter bunny outfit.

- And made me promise not to tell.
- Wait, hold up, hold up.

What?

Never mind.
The point is I ain't going.

Yes, you are. I got news for you:

She's going to that session
with or without you.

You gotta go to counselling to see
what she's got planned against you.

Or even worse,
planned without you.

Well...

...Tiffany's already hipped me to
a little bit of what's been going on.

But what's the real problem?

Problem?

You see, I don't think that there is
any real problem. It's...

No, I admit that
I did something stupid...

...and got caught
in a compromising position.

Which I feel terrible about. But...

My heart and soul lies with her.

And only her. You know, I just want us
to get through this.

You want to get through what?

This. This thing, this incident.

You know, I want our relationship
to move on.

Move on to what?

Yeah, Byron, move on to what?

Move on beyond this.

We have got to get over this,
because...

Well, Carla's my boss
to a certain extent.

We have to be together.

- Oh, really?
- Not together, together.

- That was a bad choice of words.
- I should get over it, it's that easy?

- That's not what I said.
- I have issues with the fact...

...that you're going to be working
side by side with that tramp.

- Okay...
- She's got a good point, Byron.

Ganging up on me. Now, look...

...I messed up. And that makes it
difficult for you.

It's not like Carla and I will
spend much time together.

And what little time we do spend
is gonna be strictly...

...strictly work.
You always come first.

Oh, my... I gotta take this.

I'm sor... I'm so sorry. Yeah? Yeah?

- Okay.
- So...

...who was that?
- Who was that?

Nobody. What were you saying?

It was Carla. Speak of the devil.

Yeah, she wanted...

We have to meet...

...this week, for...

...lunch.

Is it hot in here to you too?

- Busted.
- Now you send flowers.

Yeah, because this thing
is all messed up now.

Well, yes and no.

I mean, on the one hand,
you got woman problems.

On the other hand,
you got a job with benefits.

Yeah, damn.

Yeah, I think Tiffany's gonna like this.

Maybe we'll take a yoga
or Pilates class together.

Okay, either you're gay or you're
thinking about marrying this woman.

I'm not gay.

Maybe I am thinking about
marrying her. So what?

So what? Man, you can't get married
under these conditions.

What do you mean,
"these conditions"?

Never buckle to pressure
and get married.

Who said I was feeling pressure?

I'm not feeling pressure.

Because, in all honesty...

...l'm starting to think that...

...I don't know, maybe...

...settling down...

...wouldn't be too bad.

Settling down? Are you crazy?
Look around you, think for a minute.

Looked like a watermelon
in there, man.

This is not what I need
to hear right now.

- Hey, Byron.
- Carla, hi.

- Enjoying the facilities?
- Immensely, yes.

Well, Mr. McKinzie likes to make sure
all of his employees are looking good.

We wanted to give you a preview
of what's in store.

I won't bother you. Just remember
we're having lunch this week.

- It's in the books.
- I look forward to it.

- Me too.
- Damn. That woman is scrumptious.

I can only imagine the craziness
that's gonna take place.

You are living every man's dream
right now.

Know how many women want you?

You know how many women
want me right now?

- Want you?
- You the trainee.

They'll settle for the next best thing.

- You're the next best thing?
- It's called "residual ass."

If you settle down, my chick count
drops considerably. Then what?

Giz, this isn't about you.

I'm not gonna not get married
so you can get some.

I'm not saying not to get married.

I'm saying make sure
it's on your own terms.

You up. I'm done. See that?

Yeah, nice BB guns.

I'm gonna get apple butt.

If flowers don't work the first time,
what do you do?

You send more flowers. But this time,
send them to her job.

That's a class move.
All her co-work ers get to see them...

...and tell her how wonderful they are.
Better yet, how wonderful you are.

- Those flowers are just so wonderful.
- Those are wonderful.

- I wish a man sent me flowers.
- You guys are so not helping me.

No, no, no. Don't fall
for the first pump fake.

You got to make his ass
work a little harder.

If a man doesn't go through
anything with you...

...he won't appreciate you.

All right, I'll admit it:

Sending flowers to the job
was a pretty good move.

Nosy co-workers got nothing better
to do than be all up in your business.

Getting you confused.

All that pressure on a sister
just makes her want to melt.

Don't do it, don't do it.

Stay strong.

Don't fall for the common trap,
Tiffany.

- But they're so lovely.
- So what?

- Okay.
- Think of Carla. Carla.

With her dirty, money-hungry hands
all over your man.

- Yeah, you're right.
- You're damn right I'm right.

All right, now you have
got to stay focused.

Stay focused.

- You're right.
- Yeah.

Trick-ass bitch.

Another one,
with the long straw, baby.

Who are you?

Look, man, flowers, not working,
they're not working.

I know the flowers are not working.

Because she knows you owe her
more than flowers.

It's time to raise the ante.

- What's your pockets looking like?
- Pockets?

- Good. You gonna spend my money?
- Time to go shopping.

- I think I need to break up with my man.
- Mo.

I'm just saying, for real.

This is the real deal.

This ain't even from the flea market.
I'm saying, it's so fresh.

I just love it.

- Yup, that's real.
- Yeah.

I'm saying that purse is just so hot.

No, the whole set is hot.

I think I need to call him.
What's his number?

Hello? Hey, Tyrone, how you doing?
Everything's okay? Good. Good.

I wanna say, I don't fuck
with you no more.

Got a purse and everything.
I ain't got shit.

Your ass ain't never
gave me nothing...

- Shante, I'm getting weak.
- Slow your roll.

Gifts just means
that he's panicking.

- It's time to move on to step two.
- Wait, hold on.

It means I get to keep
the gifts, right?

- Absolutely.
- Okay.

It's time for
Operation Isolate and Destroy.

- Operation who and what?
- Operation Isolate and Destroy.

- What is that?
- Well, it comes in two parts.

- First, you must meet his family.
- The family? No.

Well, you wanna know
what he's about, don't you?

Then you gotta see
where he's from.

See some baby pictures.
Check out that birth certificate.

Are there any crazy traits that are
hereditary? You need to know that.

You're right about that.

Trust me, how a guy treats his mother
is exactly how he's going to treat you.

If he treats her badly,
don't expect any better.

- That's the truth.
- The primary goal...

...of Operation Isolate and Destroy...

...is to cut off his social resources...

...and for you to gain allies.
- The mother and the sister.

Exactly.

If he resists, don't get discouraged.

You just remind him
about that little indiscretion.

- It works every time.
- Every time.

You don't want me
to meet your parents?

- Of course I do.
- Why all the resistance?

- There is no resistance.
- Oh, I see.

So I gotta be a sexy project manager
to get a road trip.

- Tiffany, let's not do this.
- Why?

You don't want to talk about her,
want me to just forget?

I can't, Byron, I can't.
Because the image of you and her...

...is seared into my mind.

- Come on, Tiffany.
- Seared.

Like the day you forgot my birthday.

Or the day I called you with a flat tyre,
and you were "at the doctor."

- Were you really at the doctor?
- Yes.

- Why, were you sick?
- Well...

Or got a little herpes action
you wanna talk to me about?

Herpes? No herpes. I told you,
I was allergic to chocolate.

I'm allergic to chocolate. And what
does that have to do with anything?

So you were just ignoring the fact that
I was in the rain, changing a tyre...

...while you were at
an imaginary hospital...

...getting shots for a venereal disease.
God, Byron.

How many women have
you been with before me anyway?

I don't understand the words
coming out of your mouth.

Why not?
Herpes damage your hearing?

I'm never gonna be finished
with this car.

You gotta make sure
the chrome is just right.

You're paying more attention
to the car than me. I got problems.

Okay, she flipped out on you.

- Yes.
- Continue.

You know, she started piling on stuff
that wasn't even connected.

Like the time I forgot
to tape Oprah. Oprah, dude.

Well, which Oprah was it?

The one where she and Gayle
drive cross-country.

- Tape that. Oprah was in Kentucky.
- I know, no makeup, no perm.

Okay, all this because
she wants to meet your family, huh?

- She got you on the fast track.
- I know.

- You sure she's marriage potential?
- Don't point that thing at me.

She's definitely marriage potential.

Well, then you gotta go Janet Jackson
on her. You gotta take control.

- You down to pull out the big guns?
- Bigger the better. Talk to me.

- Big gun number one.
- Number one.

Sleep with her.

That's easier said than done.

- She's doing the hold out, huh?
- She on strike.

That's what women do, see?

Because the longer a woman waits,
the more power she has.

Holding out, that's her ace.
She ain't gonna play that card.

- Okay.
- Controls her emotional floodgates.

And you need those gates
open and flowing.

- Open and flowing.
- Yes. Best way to do that...

...tap that ass.

- All right. You're sure about this?
- Oh, most definitely.

She wanna meet your parents?
Let her meet them. " Mama, Daddy.

Everybody know each other?"

Just make sure she don't come back
in here without you turning her out.

- Can you handle that?
- Can I handle it? Come on, baby.

- I'm the trainee.
- Can you?

- I'm Byron the trainee.
- Man, you're putting your hand...

Now I gotta start all over.

- Who owns that old squeegee?
- Me, brother.

- I'm gonna leave your ass.
- Never seen no car like this.

You know what colour this is?
This is burnt sienna, brother.

Burnt sienna.

When meeting the parents it's
important to mak e a good impression.

Mak e sure your mak eup
and attire are just right.

You don't wanna outshine Mom.

But you definitely gotta
mak e Daddy smile.

- Hey, y'all.
- Hey there, boy.

Hi, I'm Tiffany. Mrs. Thomson,
it's so nice to meet you.

Thank you, and welcome to
our fair state of Alabama.

Oh, thank you.
And you must be Karen?

- Hey.
- You're adorable.

- And you must be Byron's father.
- Nice to meet you.

Byron said you're a very attractive man,
but I'm glad I get to see it for myself.

Well, what can I say?
Fruit don't fall too far from the tree.

But you got some mighty
tight jeans on there, girl.

You must have painted them on.

- Ralph.
- What?

- Oh, don't mind him.
- Mom, Dad...

- Hey, darling.
- Good rain come along...

...liable to wash them suckers
right off.

Ralph!

- Come on, darling.
- Okay.

Y'all go ahead. I'll get the bags.

Yo, Byron, Byron.

- Yeah, Dad?
- Let me tell you something, son.

One time.

Lord, please let it rain.

That's pretty good, boy. She's fine.
I like how she wear them jeans too.

What if they don't like me?

What do you mean,
if they don't like you?

All you gotta do is be polite
and respectful of Byron...

...and his mother and sister
will like you.

But what about the daddy?

Did you wear the jeans?

- Yes.
- Then he lik es you.

He just can't be too obvious
or he'll be needing my services too.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.
He's France.

Girl, you're the United States.

You don't need his v ote.

Remember, you are down there
to get the support of the women.

Okay.

So when is it
you start your new job?

Well, I leave for Seattle in October.

Boy, why you still jumping over hoops
over a game show?

Well, it's more than just a show,
Dad.

This is the opportunity of a lifetime.

Really, and I never would have won
if it hadn't been for Tiffany.

Girl, you turned him
on to that mess?

I encouraged him to do the show,
if that's what you mean.

Got his head all twisted up.
Got the boy thinking he's a city boy.

You know,
you ain't nothing but trouble.

Daddy,
I think Byron's winning is cool.

Everybody's talking about it.
And I like his new look.

I like it too, Ralph.

He looks hip.

Did you do that too?

Well, you know, new haircut,
got rid of the glasses, hip for TV.

Hip, tip, double flip, who cares?

You know what you need?

You need some discipline.

Well, it was a really great meal,
Mrs. Thomson.

- Can I help you with the dishes?
- No, I got it. You relax.

Help her, baby. Let her help you.

Let's see if the girl
knows how to get her hands dirty.

Yes. Let me help you.

- Thank you, baby.
- No problem.

- What the hell is wrong with you?
- Oh, shit, I'm only messing with her.

Okay, I am officially freaking out.

Don't panic. You're doing fine.
The worst is almost over, Tiffany.

Okay.

She is so nice. I really like her.

- Me too.
- Me too.

I mean, I could take or leave her.

- So you guys really like her, huh?
- She's really cool.

And she's gorgeous.

She's all right.

Look, can we break it up before
she comes back? Come on.

- You're supposed to help me.
- What?

I'm helping you, boy.
You need to listen to your dad.

- It's the Giz.
- Giz, yo. They love her, man.

That's cool. They're supposed to.

Just remember
what you're supposed to do.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got this.
- Okay?

Oh, yeah.

Okay. Now, remember. There's a time
and a place for everything.

There's a time to hit it
and there's a time for a quickie.

Tonight, you making love.

- Okay?
- Okay. Love machine.

Pummel, pummel, pummel.
Come on, let's go.

You mother...

What?

Let's pretend
like we're in high school.

No.

Your parents are right next door.

They're asleep.

They are not thinking about us.

Oh, they're asleep, huh?

Things have changed
since I moved out.

That's disgusting.

Look, either way, they're not
thinking about us. All right?

I knew he might try and pull a fast one,
so I prepared a rebuttal.

It's an old trick,
but it works every time.

Now, if it doesn't work, you might
want to reevaluate your man.

No, no, no.

- Wait, wait, wait. I can't do it. I can't.
- Yes, you can.

- No, I can't.
- Why not?

- Because. Our little friend is in town.
- Because why?

What little friend?
Ain't nobody come to visit.

Our little friend...

...is in town.

No, I don't wanna say hello
to your little friend.

I know, that's the point.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Good night.

Come on, let's cuddle. We'll cuddle.

What? Like I'm the only woman
who's used that trick before.

Now, why did you bring so much
for overnight, son?

Pop, talk to that one.

- It was so nice to meet you.
- Thank you for having me.

Oh, you're so welcome, darling.

- Don't forget about me.
- Never.

Oh, come here.

Give me a hug.
Put your arms around me.

There you go.

What did you say
was the quickest way to Atlanta?

- That's right.
- I'm just joking.

Now, remember, honey.
You are always welcomed here.

You're family now.

Thank you. You hear that?
I'm family now.

Yeah.

You're family now.

- Time to get back in the house.
- All right.

You need to take them shorts off.
They're too short.

You ain't going nowhere with that.

So how did it go?

She's a big hit with the family.

Yeah, who cares? Did you hit it?

Come on, man. Did I hit...?

- No.
- No?

How you come back empty-handed?
That was the whole point.

I couldn't. You know,
she was on her, you know...

Oh, you did not fall for that.

What choice did I have?

That's a strategic move. Women
always say that when they're not.

Yeah, well, I wasn't gonna
force the issue, okay?

Yeah, I guess you got a point there.

Hey, you wanna stay for dinner?

Fresh box of Corn Flakes, baby.

Word. You know, you and me,
we gotta talk about tomorrow.

I've heard about this place.
Never had an opportunity to eat here.

I've never been here before.

- It's kind of cute.
- It was a good choice.

- You really look handsome today.
- Thank you.

Just fans, you know?
They're everywhere. Of the show.

- Well, isn't that great?
- Yeah.

Okay, well, I have some good news
and not-so-good news.

Which would you like to hear first?

My mama always said,
"Start with the bad news."

Okay, I'll start with the good.

The good news is
is we've gotten more phone calls...

...about this year's Trainee
than every other season combined.

More phone calls
than every other season combined?

And every talk show in America
wants you on as a guest.

I'm talking Leno to Oprah.

Oprah? I'm gonna be on Oprah!

- Everybody.
- Yes.

- I'm just saying it to the world.
- It's exciting. Enjoy it.

So here's the bad news.

The bad news is
in order to fit this into your schedule...

...we've got to get you on the road
this month instead of October.

- What?
- What?

- What?
- I mean, by the end of this month?

Yeah, that's the only way
to make it work. Is that okay?

Is that okay?

Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
It's just gonna be tough for Tiffany...

...to up and leave
on such short notice.

- Tiffany?
- Yeah, Tiffany, my...

There's flies in this place.

Well, you picked the place.

Yeah, Tiffany's my...

My girlfriend.

Yeah.

I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.

- About what?
- Tiffany.

First, I realise
that this may sound a little funny...

...coming from me,
due to our little incident.

See, that was personal.
This is business.

To be perfectly honest...

...l'm not sure if Tiffany
is the right move for you right now.

What do you mean,
Tiffany's not the right move for me?

I've seen this a thousand times.

Small-time guy has a small-time girl
and everything is fine.

Then the guy hits the big time
and she can't keep up.

She doesn't understand
why things have to change.

Why you have to be on the road.

Why your meetings are more
important than spending time with her.

Why you are invited to parties
and she can't come.

No, Tiffany wouldn't be jealous
of my work, all right?

She's not like that.

They're all like that.

And see, you don't need someone
that's gonna hold you back.

You need a woman that's gonna
help you move forward.

And she does that.

I mean, she's the one who got me
in the game in the first place.

She got you in the game...

...but baby, I am the game.

You do right by me
and you'll be flying so high...

...your feet will never
touch the ground.

And exactly how does one...

...do right by you?

We'll leave that up to interpretation.

Oh, shit.

I gotta run.

Enjoy lunch.

I'll be in touch.

What the hell's wrong with you,
man?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Now that you met the family
and secured your allies... Good girl.

- It's time to kick in part two
of Operation Isolate and Destroy.

By now I'm sure he's getting advice
from his best friend...

...who probably doesn't even
have a girlfriend.

You must disrupt the communication
between him and his boy.

But you're gonna need
some outside help.

- Well, what kind of outside help?
- Candy Alexander.

Street psychologist.

Oh, so she's a real psychologist?

Well, she is street
and she's a head doctor.

Girl, there's not a man alive
that can resist her.

State Wide Express.

Don't you mean Federal Express?

No, honey.
We only do state-wide deliveries, sir.

Dressed like that?

Look, mister, I have a package for you.
Do you want it or not?

Hell, yeah.

- Like that?
- Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

Yeah.

Shut up, bitch.

Once she shows up...

...Operation Isolate and Destroy
will be complete.

And we'll be ready for step three.

That was good.

You ready for round two?

You already know how I do it.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Candy's gonna love this, man.
That right there.

- How much?
- A hundred dollars for everything.

Everything. Okay, cool.

- Here. Got puppies?
- No. Rottweilers and pits.

- The block is hot. You gotta hurry up.
- Okay, I'll take this right here.

Pleasure doing business.
When did you get out?

- Ten minutes ago.
- Yeah?

The end of the month?

Well, the 15-year anniversary issue
of the magazine is due this month.

When had you planned
on telling me?

I'm telling you now.

Well, how am I supposed to be ready
by then? I have a job.

Can't you ask them for more time?

It doesn't exactly
work like that, baby.

Well, how does it work?

I mean, can't you just ask them?

Gotta know
you had a life before this.

Okay, okay, look.

Maybe I'll just go ahead and leave now
and you join me whenever.

If you want to.

I'm sorry. What?

Look, I don't wanna go without you.

But, you know,
it's just something to think about.

Yeah, it is something to think about.

This is where step three
becomes mandatory.

Show him how quickly
you can move on if need be.

Because besides blue balls...

...fear is a girl's best friend.

Byron, eat your heart out.

Do I really look like that?

- Yeah.
- My head's really that big?

Well, yeah, but I'm really glad
that you could make it out tonight.

Look at you. It's your night.

Well, you know, I wouldn't miss this
for the world.

I'm glad you got the magazine
to support us.

- After what happened...
- You know what? Don't flatter yourself.

This was already in the works.
I gotta go.

- Tiff.
- Byron, have a good night.

Tiff, we need to...
Tiff, we need to talk. Seriously. Tiff.

Tiff, come on.

- Thank you.
- Hey, yo, Giz. Giz.

I've been looking all over for you.

B, you gotta meet this girl
I met the other day.

Man, she just literally showed up
at my doorstep.

I mean, literally showed up
at my doorstep like:

Great. Good. Great. But where
have you been the past few days?

I've been e-mailing you, calling you.
I need my consigliere.

Look at her.
She's got girls in each ear.

- No men here.
- They're here...

There's Byron. No.
He's looking over at you.

- Okay, wait.
- Wow, yes. It is him.

- Can he see me?
- Hey, baby. I brought you a drink.

Byron...

...this is Candy.
- Hey, Byron. Giz told me about you.

- What's up?
- I'm going back over to the girls, okay?

I'll see you later.

What the hell's going on?
Is she the reason I can't reach you?

Bro, I think I'm in love.

From now on,
the Gizzard's off the market.

- I'm done.
- What?

I'm gonna make her
my numero uno.

My number one. My ace.

- What the hell is the matter with you?
- Nothing.

It's like the first time in my life,
everything's right.

I mean, all my life
it's like the air I breathed...

...didn't even taste good.

Now it's like God sprinkled a
little seasoning salt on my soul, man.

- I can...
- Seasoning salt?

- I can smell.
- Go. Go. Yes, showtime.

- Good to go. Perfect, perfect.
- Yes. Hey, Judy.

Hey, girl. That's a cute necklace.

- Nice. Okay, toast, okay?
- It's okay.

- Toast.
- All right.

- I can hear better...
- Yo, yo, yo.

- I think my eyesight's better. Look...
- Is that Dorsey Levens?

What, the Dorsey Levens?
Pro Bowl running back Dorsey Levens.

- Good to see you.
- Thanks for inviting me.

- I'm so glad you came.
- Wow, you look incredible.

- Thank you.
- We have catching up to do.

- So much has happened.
- Did he hit that?

- No, no, no, they dated. Briefly.
- Okay.

Thank you.

It's 404-555-0132.

Whoa,
they just exchanged numbers. Briefly.

Damn.

Like, everything tastes better.

- A chance to reconnect.
- Good.

- Wonderful.
- Hey.

Hey, Byron.
You know Dorsey, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were on
my fantasy football team.

Well, you know, used to be.

Hey. Call me.

I will.

So, what was that about?

What?

You guys exchanged numbers.

- Numbers?
- Yeah, you know, numbers.

Oh, no, that's just to catch up.

But, you know, if it bothers you,
I'll not do it if you don't want me to.

No, no, no, not at all.
It's no problem at all.

I trust you.

Good.

Man, you didn't tell me
what to do when that ex showed up.

You didn't prepare me
for her ex, man.

Dude's a football player.
I can't compete.

Relax. He's her ex. No worries.

"No worries," he says,
ladies and gentlemen.

You said we were just gonna whip her
into shape and I'd be better off for it.

Guess what, Giz.
I don't feel better. I feel worse.

Hey, stop acting like a little bitch.
You the man in this equation.

- Do the hand check.
- I don't wanna do a hand check.

Still got your balls? Still there?

- Yes.
- Then act like it.

I'm standing
with my hand on my balls...

...and you're wearing boxers
and a cowboy hat.

I was in the middle of something.
Gonna check on my soul mate.

Why do I listen to you, man?
Why do I listen to you?

You okay, sweetie?

- Baby, hurry up. I'm getting lonely.
- I know, I know. I'm trying...

...to wrap this up.
- Byron's having issues?

He's all fucked up.
Some people don't know true love...

...when they see it, baby.

Did you bring the tomahawk?

Okay, he got to go.
I'm gonna get rid of his ass.

Byron, get the fuck out!

I tried to apologise
and then I tried to compromise.

I got nothing left.
I don't know what to do.

- You gotta help me.
- Okay, okay, let's keep it together.

Now, usually I would tell girlfriend
to move on to step four.

Which means to move in for the kill
and tear his ass up.

But look at him.

He just so precious.

She gonna sleep with him.
I know this in my heart.

- She gonna sleep with him.
- No, she won't.

Besides, what do you care?

What?

I mean, tell me why you're here.

Because I love her.

Then what's the problem?

Okay, I see where you're going
with this.

The love? The love is there,
but she just asked to meet my parents.

You know what that means.
I know what that means.

She wants to get married.
I don't know if I'm ready.

I mean, l...
Because I just got this new job and...

Tiffany and I are having problems.
Giz is ridiculous. It's his...

- And, you know, I'm just so...
- Keith.

You're so Keith.

Keith?

Look, here's what you do.

Tell her that you trust her
and encourage her to go on a date.

I'm sorry. It sounded like you said I
should encourage her to go on a date.

Trust me.

I know what I'm doing.

When she's on the date with him,
she'll only be thinking about you.

As a matter of fact,
let her go out on a couple of dates.

But don't let her go on several dates
with the same man.

That's trouble.

But allowing her to go on a few dates
with a couple of men...

...will remind her of how shallow
the dating pool really is.

I like the way you think.

Yeah, I've been locked up a few times
but it ain't nothing.

You know, I'm a singer
so I say sing. Yeah.

Paris Hilton been locked up.

Martha Stewart, Martin Luther King.

Yeah, Malcolm X, Lil' Kim.
They all been locked up. I get it.

I said, " Look, I appreciate everything
you've done, Mama.

But I'm a grown-ass man.

Don't come in my room
without permission."

I told you the child-support cheque
come on the first of the month.

What you talking about?
Word is bond. I'm gonna bust your...

...gluteus maximus when I see you.
- I want you like MC Hammer want a hit.

You know how bad he want a hit,
don't you? I can't touch this?

That's right, all eight months of it. All
eight months of it's coming. Got you.

There isn't much out there
to pick from.

Especially when you consider the fact
that the majority of the brothers...

...are those kind of lean back
kind of brothers.

You know what I'm talking about.

Whenever the cheque comes,
all of a sudden they lean back?

Oh, this for you. Yeah. No, I told you
I didn't... I wasn't... Yeah.

I ain't bring it tonight.

Can't touch this neither.

Oh, shit. Sorry... Excuse my French.

You just heard me say
"child support," didn't you?

Hook a brother up. Damn. It's 2008.

Women got money anyway,
you know? Y'all blowing up.

2008, black women blowing up
Hey

You know what I don't get?

If he loves me then why would he even
allow me to go out with someone else?

I don't know. Maybe he just needs
to clear his head...

...and I was getting in his way.

Or maybe you're getting in the way
of him and all those other tramps...

...that keep throwing themselves
at him. Put their perky tits...

...up in his face
because they got big tits.

And everybody don't got big titties.
They just don't.

You take a dude nobody wants,
you upgrade him...

...and then his ass
wanna fly the nest.

You know what that is to me?
That right there? That's that bullshit.

That's that bullshit.

Now you've turned the tables.
But you don't stop there.

Oh, no. Because now it's time
to hit her with the:

I think we should just be friends.

That's our line.
That's what we're supposed to say.

He just wants to be friends?
What's that?

- I know what it is. That's that bullsh...
- Bullshit. Bullshit.

- Yeah, we know, Monica.
- I'm just saying.

You're always just saying.
What's with the bullshit?

- It's that bullshit.
- Bullshit.

- This is bullshit.
- I don't like you, okay?

- Yes, you do.
- It's about Tiffany.

Would you... Monica!

You got any mints?

Go, go, go! Come on.

This is supposed to be step four.

- I'm calling him.
- No. No, no, no.

Shante specifically said, " Do not call
him." Don't call him. Don't call him.

You know what? I'm getting
a little bit sick and tired...

...of what Shante has to say.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.
- You know what? I'm calling him.

Yeah, baby. Get your man.
Go ahead, get your man.

- Don't call him. Don't.
- Yeah.

It's cool. Go ahead. So.

Hello?

Leave that phone alone. Let it ring.

She gets you
only after the fifth call.

That's one.

- I'm just gonna call him back again.
- That's two.

This is your girl, Tiff.

Hello, are you there? Tiffany.
It's your girl. Hello.

And he's placed the ball
on the 44 yard line.

It's just... Just a bad connection.
It's okay, he'll pick up.

And then you must be busy.

- Hello?
- Byron, you're there.

Hi, you answered.

Oh, hey, Tiff, what's up?

- H... How've you been?
- Oh, pretty good. Pretty good.

Listen, Byron, I was just wondering
if maybe...

...that you and I could hook up,
and talk.

Wow, Tiffany. I mean, I'd love to,
but I'm really kind of tied up right now.

Okay, well, maybe we could just...
Byron?

- It's okay. It's all right.
- Told you not to call.

- Shante said don't call.
- It was cool.

- You get...
- I'm just saying... I was just...

- Shante said, "Don't call."
- I'm here for you. You all that again?

Thank you, Shante.

But he invited me
to his going-away party.

Perfect.

At the party you'll implement
step number five.

But first,
I want you to sleep with him.

- What?
- Give him some.

- But I thought you said I shouldn't.
- Well, normally you shouldn't...

...but before a party like this
you must have sex with him.

And I'm not talking about
marriage-material sex.

I want you to get freaking nasty
on his ass.

- Oh, my.
- Let him know that you can give him...

...any and everything
that he ever wanted.

Burn an image in his mind of what
you'll be doing to the next man...

...if you leave him.
- I see it.

Number two:
And don't be mistaken...

...there'll be groupies there,
and Byron may be tempted.

But Byron's a smart man,
and a smart man knows...

...that you never give up sure booty
for more booty.

- Yeah, but do you think it'll work?
- Girl, please. I'm Shante.

Smith. Shante Smith.

You dirty dog.

- Tiffany, are you okay?
- Shut up.

- What?
- Shut the fuck up.

Baby, what's gotten into you?

If I have to tell you shut up
one more time...

Yes, ma'am.

Right there, bitch. Right there.

Almost there. Okay. Almost.
Almost there. Almost there.

- What are you doing?
- I'm done.

- What?
- Thank you, I needed that. Come here.

- I'll see you at the party. Yeah.
- What?

You know what? B... Baby, baby.

I got things I gotta do.

Hey, wait. Wait.

- Wait...
- Bye, baby.

My legs don't work. Tiff...
Tiff, help me on my legs.

Look, this is gonna sound
a little weird...

...but Tiffany and I just had sex,
all right? And it was fantastic.

But the weird part is I'm not really sure
if I did her, or if she did me.

Who came over to whose house?

- Well, she did.
- Who initiated the sex?

She did.

Who got up and left?

She did.

Do you see where I'm going
with this?

I know you were a little confused
by me telling Byron...

...to let Tiffany see other people.

Looked like he was pulling
her card, right?

But in actuality,
he was really pulling his own.

Now we're ready for step five.

It's submission time

Why you jumping up and down
like you just hit the numbers?

She said it's time to submit.

I ain't submitting to no-damn-body.

Well, maybe if you did, your love life
would be a little better.

Hold on, heifer. Hold on.

Look, submission is the final step.

I know it's the hardest thing
for a woman to do...

...but in reality,
submission is taking control.

Look at Gandhi, Martin Luther King.

Last time I checked, ain't
no one of them had no coochies.

Well, I do, and you see
the kind of man I got.

Yeah. Submit.

How are you, now?

- I wanna talk to you.
- Yeah.

I don't wanna fight anymore.
I'm not good at it.

It hurts me, it hurts you, and I just
don't wanna be a part of it.

So when you are ready,
you let me know.

Now, barring any
unforeseen circumstances...

...you should have a ring
on your finger in about a week.

But let's keep it real.
Anybody can get people together...

...but only a few can make it last.

So there's only one more thing
that you must do...

...to make sure that your relationship
is real.

This whole thing was a setup?

This some bullshit.

You and Shante
been running game?

You acted like you liked me.

There have been three people in this
relationship: Me, you, and Shante.

So, what you wanna do?
You wanna break up?

I didn't say break up.

No, no, no, I don't wanna break up.
Let's have make-up sex.

I'm not trying to marry
some scheming woman.

I'm not trying to be with a guy
I gotta play games with.

That I gotta convince to marry me.
I'm done.

Well, I'm done too.

- Fine. Fine.
- Fine. Fine.

I don't need this shit.
I don't need this shit. I'm out of here.

- Take one last look.
- What's up?

All right, I know it looks
like I just messed everything up...

...but trust me, breaking up
is a natural part of a relationship.

It gives you time to think,
to decide what you want.

It also gives you time
to deal with the truth.

And even though the truth
might make you break up...

...you can be sure of one thing.

If you get back together...

...girlfriend, y'all getting married.

And that's real.

Baby, Byron can't even come.
He's gotta be in Seattle that same day.

I just feel so bad for him,
sweetie pie.

Well, have you told him yet,
dumpling?

No, boo-boo. Are you crazy?

He already thinks this is my fault.
If he finds out, it's a wrap.

Well, I mean, you gotta do it
sometime, baby.

He doesn't even know
that we're back together, much less...

...you know, getting married.

Okay, look. Let's just run in here,
get the quickie-wedding package...

...and I'll deal with that later.

- Later?
- Eventually.

Someday?

Okay. I'll tell him. Come on.

This is the life.

Nothing like hanging out with
your boys, is there?

I know that's right.

I mean, women,
women are overrated.

Everybody thinks you gotta have one
to be happy...

...but where would I be right now
if I had a woman?

- I probably wouldn't even be here.
- Exactly. Exactly.

And who would I rather be with?
Her, or you?

Come on. Hey, you wanna order
a pizza or something?

So you really miss her, don't you?

Oh, dude, you have no idea.

How about you? You...
You really miss Candy?

Well, not exactly.

Way to man up, man. Way to man up.
I'm proud of you.

- Way to clutch those balls, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clutch... Balls.

Hey, by the way, man...

...me and Candy,
we getting married.

Hello, how are you doing today?
What would you lik e on your pizza?

Get the hell out my house, man.

You ruin my life, then you up
and decide to marry Candy?

You don't understand.
I've been infected by her nectar.

- What?
- I'm powerless.

She got a hold on me.
She's the one.

Who are you? Who does this
to their best friend?

I was perfectly happy with Tiffany,
but no, no, no.

You couldn't leave me alone.

"Be a man. Come on. Be a man.
Come on. Grab your nuts."

Hey, man, I love her.

Forget your love, man. You lost me
the love of my life...

...while you were out finding yours.
The hell am I supposed to do now?

Hold up.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna look it up.

Looking what...? Give me that.

You trying to tell me the entire time
you've been giving me advice...

...it's from some bullshit book?
- It's not just some book.

He wrote the book on the game,
knows every trick.

- How do you think I been so happy?
- Giz!

You know what, man? No.

To hell with love. To hell with games,
to hell with you.

And your nuts.

Come on, Tiffany. Cheer up.

My mom always said,
"You can bring a horse to water...

...but you can't make him..." Exactly.
- Drink.

I know.

You know what, if he's not thirsty
then why should he?

Tiffany, look. The best thing you can
do now is just wait it out.

Shante said his mom
and his sister are your best allies.

They'll pressure him.
He'll come around.

"Come around"? Is that really what I'm
waiting for him to do? Come around?

You know what? I can't anymore.
I can't do this.

- Oh, Tiff, come on. Don't... Tiffany.
- I don't care.

Man.

I really thought she had him
at "Submission."

I'm just tired of the whole
depression thing.

See, that... That's that bullshit.

Yeah, so it's just not
gonna work out.

Carla.

It's work. I gotta take this.

No. No.

You know, Byron, I never thought
I would say this...

...but you are acting like an idiot.

Mom, don't start...

There are some things in life that are
more important than fame and money.

Like friends. You and Giz have
been friends for God knows how long.

And Tiffany?

Do you know how rare it is
to find someone...

...who really wants
and loves you for you?

I know. I know, but, Ma...

She's been manipulating me
to marry her the whole time.

Just follow your heart.

- Hey, Tiff.
- Hey.

- How's everything?
- Everything's fine.

Look, I talked to my mom
and my sister.

Look, after giving it some thought...

...I wanted to see
if we can make this happen.

Make what happen, Byron?

You know, you know.

You could wrap up
what you need to do here...

...and then come out
to Seattle with me...

...and we could try
this marriage thing.

- The marriage thing?
- Yeah.

The marriage thing?

Byron, I wouldn't marry you
if you were the last man on Earth.

- I thought that's what you wanted.
- God, you really don't get it, do you?

This isn't a marriage thing for me.

I don't wanna be your wife by default.
I actually wanna be your only choice.

So, Byron, as much as I love you,
we're through.

Tiff...

Tiff...

Damn, girl,
that wasn't even in the playbook.

- Well, hello.
- Hi.

- You look good.
- Thank you.

Trust me,
you're doing the right thing.

We're gonna do
wonderful things together.

Wonderful things.

Excuse me.

Mr. McKinzie.

This is Carla. Yes, how are you?

We're actually on our way
to the airport. Yes.

It's the strangest thing.

But without the bad in life,
you really can't appreciate the good.

That's funny. " It's hot as hell
in the church." That's crazy.

- Hello?
- She's gone.

I lost him.

When you lose someone you love,
it's...

It's like a gaping hole.

An emptiness. I hate him but...

I don't understand how you can love
and hate somebody at the same time.

Just don't make no sense to me.

- It's weird.
- It's strange.

I used to think marriage
was the worst thing...

...but now I see it's a good thing.

Truth be told,
this is the happiest I've ever been.

I mean,
do you really want my advice?

I've been taking it this long.
No point in stopping now.

But now it's coming from me,
not some stupid book.

In all honesty, men are afraid
they'll never find that special person.

And most won't.

But if you're lucky enough to find her,
then you can't let her go.

No problem,
but I think if we reverse that...

What are you waiting for?

What do I say to her?

It's what I do.

- Sure.
- Grab your balls, say your vows.

Get off the phone, come get your wife.
I've got a wedding to go to.

Idiot. Giz's wedding is today.

Okay, I will call you when we land.

And you have a great day,
good talking to you.

It's all good.

- Pull over. Pull over.
- What are you doing?

- Going to get my woman.
- What?

- I'm going to get my woman.
- Byron, you're making a huge mistake.

Understand,
if you're going to be the trainee...

...then it's business first,
starting with this trip.

Leave now, and I will see to it
that you are terminated...

...and that the runner-up
will get your job instead.

Do what you gotta do, Carla.
This is my business.

This is my life.

Excuse me, sir. I need your cab.
It's a matter of national security.

Your government
will take care of you.

You can call the office
of Homeland Security.

Drive! Nice ascot.

Let's go.

- You gonna stare like that?
- What is wrong with you?

- I wasn't staring.
- I was watching you.

I told you about hitting me in public.
There was something on her dress.

Gorgeous.

Woman, what is your malfunction?
What is wrong with you?

This is great. I mean, really.

The head doctor getting married?
Hilarious.

Oh, my gosh, girl, I just told you,
I really, really like her dress.

It's awesome.

I just can't believe
she is really wearing white.

But them shoes is hot, though.

We are gathered here today
in the sight of God...

...to unite this man and woman.

Guys, this should be me.
I mean, what did I do wrong?

This is it right here.
Right here. Stop.

Okay, look, just keep it, all right?
It should cover the ticket.

If anyone sees any reason
why this man...

...should not be joined
to this woman...

...speak now or forever
hold your peace.

Tiffany.

What? What is that?

Oh, my God.

My bad. Y'all just... It's not really...

Tiffany? Tiffany, where are you?

- What the hell? Hold up, homie.
- Cousin Swole, it's okay. It's okay.

- Go on, sit down. It's okay.
- It's okay, Cousin Swole.

- Giz, Giz, I'm sorry.
- Dude.

- B.
- Byron.

Good luck. Good luck.
I'm sorry about this.

Candy, by the way,
you look beautiful in your dress.

She wore white. Who knew?

Excuse me. Excuse me, y'all look cute,
how are y'all doing?

Byron, what are you doing?
I can't believe you're doing this now.

I have to do it right now. I love you.

I miss you. Every second without you
in my life is too long for me.

Every second in this church
is a hundred bucks for me.

So let's hurry it up.

Wrapping it up, sir. Tiff, can I see you
over here for a second?

Go on, get your man, baby.

Sorry.

Look, I'm a little unprepared to...

Because, you know, I'm supposed
to be getting on a plane...

...not getting on my knees.

This is the only ring I got
so it's gonna have to do.

I promise to buy you a real one once I,
you know, get a new job, because l...

I kind of quit my old one.

Byron, we have had our differences
in the last few weeks.

And we've played a lot of games,
and I just...

I know, Tiffany, I know.
I know and I'm sorry.

But I do love you.

I love you and nothing would make
me happier than to marry you.

- So sweet.
- I know.

For better or for worse, right?

In sickness and in health.

And... And...

Little help here, Giz.

- Shits and giggles?
- Shits and...

For richer or for poorer, as long...
As long as I shall live.

Baby, will you marry me?

Take him back, girl.

Say yes, girl. Say yes.

Yes. Yes, I'll marry you.

Oh, my God.

You know I'm charging you
double for this, right?

Okay, cool, cool.

Grab a seat. Sorry about that, y'all.

Let's get you married.

Scoot back, bro. I'm the best man.

It's nice to have
a little breaking news...

...but let's take care
of God's situation first.

Again, let this be an example
to this couple.

Showing what true love is.

What was lost is now found,
365, 24/7.

This marriage was made in heaven.
You may kiss the bride.

Get a room.

You don't...? I don't know how to egg?
You're showing your real colours.

- You're showing them now.
- Staring at everybody.

At a wedding,
and you're staring at the bride.

- Learn to how to be lucky.
- Lucky?

I told you the light-skinned brother
is coming back.

- I'm a get me a dark-skinned...
- Hey. Call me.

- The love doctor?
- The love doctor.

Girl, I'm calling you in the morning.
He is off the chain.

- And we will fix that.
- In the morning, girl.

Don't you just love a happy ending?
And the wedding was so beautiful.

- Baby, you ready?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna get the car
so you don't have to walk too far.

What?

All that talking and y'all didn't think
that Shante had a man?

He's fine too.
Y'all know I like chocolate.

I'll see you next time.

We always hear:

"You don't need a man,
you don't need a man."

When you can admit
you need this person, that's love.

This is Atlanta, it's like 15-to-1.

You got the brothers locked up,
gay guys.

You got, like, 30, 45 girls
just for you.

You pick one, that's love.

Love is like new shoes,
they just make you feel good.

I don't even pretend
to understand love.

I just know I've been looking for it
my whole life and now I found it.

- She got me.
- She got me.

We got got.

- Thank you, Shante.
- Shante, thank you.

See? Told you.
Told you my system works.

A good man may be hard to find...

...but a hard man
will make you phone a friend.

Hey.

Go, Shante. Go, Shante.
Work it out, work it out.