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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,500
Thank you.
Hey, this is the life, isn't it?
2
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,679
Oh!
3
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:09,919
We have been invited here
4
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,279
as esteemed members
of the business community.
5
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,839
Could you just start looking
a bit more esteem-worthy?
6
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,279
I hate museums.
7
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,439
Yeah, but this isn't some sort of dusty,
old, fossily place any more, is it?
8
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,239
Look, they've even got
a Shakespeare-aoke booth!
9
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:24,639
Ooh!
Dropped your shopping list there.
10
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,519
Oh. Speech, actually, for my sins.
11
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,879
Aw! Here you are, neck that.
I haven't even had a sip.
12
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,279
Best not. I need my wits about me.
13
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:37,530
You know what you want to do?
Just picture everybody here naked.
14
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,239
- Thank you, Sigmund Freud.
- What?! That's what you're supposed to do!
15
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,199
...But we'll never be defeated!
16
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,319
Deleted, mistreated,
but we'll never be defeated!
17
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:50,599
Deleted, mistreated,
but we'll never be defeated!
18
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,159
Deleted, mistreated,
but we'll never be defeated!
19
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,559
Hashtag what the hell?
20
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,159
Oh, the evening's looking up.
21
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,039
...But we'll never be defeated!
22
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,359
- Get rid of them! Get rid of them!
- ..But we'll never be defeated!
23
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:04,359
Deleted, mistreated,
but we'll never be defeated!
24
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,479
Deleted, mistreated,
but we'll never be defeated!
25
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:11,599
Um... h-hello, and, er... welcome.
26
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:15,159
Um... please excuse
the interruption,
27
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:19,039
although what's a party
without a few gate-crashers?
28
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,540
Typical man,
dodging the awkward questions.
29
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,679
So, do tell,
30
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,799
why have you deleted the important
women of the town's history?
31
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,679
No, no, no-one's been deleted.
32
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,639
Suffragettes, lawyers,
warriors, academics,
33
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:40,119
all consigned to storage while we
make way for yet more Shakespeare.
34
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,639
I would like to thank my venerated
colleague for her opinion,
35
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,039
but I am proud to be at the helm
36
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:50,290
of a new Shakespeare Centre
of International Repute.
37
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,667
Yes, you keep telling yourself that,
Sir Tim.
38
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,719
I would like to introduce the man
who was inspirational
39
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,839
in this reinvention - the curator,
Mr Lucian Shaw.
40
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:18,319
Er... well, possibly the champagne
has got the better of Lucian.
41
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,279
So I will ask Jasra,
our Head of Antiquities,
42
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,960
to help me with
the, er... ribbon-cutting.
43
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,599
Um... perhaps my wife, er...
44
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,350
would do me the honour
of standing at my side?
45
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,159
Shoot me now.
46
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,399
And this is prosecco, not champagne.
47
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,279
Go home, Athena.
48
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:50,919
Happily.
49
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,920
I wonder where
my bloody curator is?!
50
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,119
The actual Society of Herstorians?
51
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,039
Yeah, with placards and everything.
52
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,359
Oh, that's like seeing
a herd of unicorns!
53
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,439
Angry, feminist unicorns.
54
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,399
I can't believe you took Frank
and not me!
55
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,279
Yeah, sorry. But Frank's like
the old museum, isn't he?
56
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,359
In need of a cultural overhaul.
57
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:47,444
That's true. Frank could be way more
interesting and relevant.
58
00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,014
I am sitting here, you know.
59
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,140
I, um... I need to report
a missing person.
60
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,199
Lucian Shaw, he's my curator.
61
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,119
He hasn't been seen
since his no-show last night.
62
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,959
- But how do you know he's missing?
- He wouldn't just not show up!
63
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,359
This is an important day
for the museum.
64
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,799
Could he have just felt a bit
pressured and decided to go AWOL?
65
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,439
Or do you think some
well-meaning idiot
66
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,319
could've said something really
inappropriate and made him run away?
67
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,839
Well, he didn't go home,
68
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,879
he's not answering the telephone.
69
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:20,079
He hasn't been admitted to hospital.
It's completely out of character!
70
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:26,279
My gut says it's Dr Middleton
and those fearsome feminist scolds!
71
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,999
Your gut really ought to refer to
them as The Society of Herstorians.
72
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,279
Yes, well, they'd do anything to
torpedo my museum. With me in it!
73
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,679
Small thing -
why not just go to the police?
74
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,519
No, no, not... not the police.
75
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,559
This is a potential PR disaster!
76
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,999
We've already stirred up
quite enough controversy.
77
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,599
So, how long have you
worked with this Lucian?
78
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,919
Er...
79
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,079
Well, I-I-I hired him
straight out of Cambridge.
80
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,079
He was the pick of the bunch.
81
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,559
I-I brought him to
the British Library
82
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,639
and then the Museum of Scotland,
and now the Arden Museum
83
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,679
about, um... about 12 years ago.
84
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,600
Ooh!
85
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,279
Ah! Look!
86
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,799
- Sorry about
- your lost property.
87
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,279
Middleton!
88
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,599
Yes, it's got her toxic
female fingerprints all over it!
89
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,399
Well, we don't know that for sure,
do we?
90
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,159
It's important for us
to be methodical.
91
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,919
I'm going to get over there!
92
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,520
Excuse me!
93
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:33,200
Here lies a wretched corpse... Hyah!
94
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,799
...of wretched soul bereft.
95
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,719
Hyah!
96
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,359
Seek not my name,
97
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:48,439
a plague consume
you wicked caitiffs left!
98
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,239
- Hyah!
- Middleton?!
99
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,519
Ah, Middleton! Where is he?!
100
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,199
Maybe he's lost somewhere
in the 19th century,
101
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,839
along with your attitudes.
102
00:05:58,840 --> 00:05:59,850
Lucian?
103
00:05:59,852 --> 00:06:02,879
Oh, for the last time,
I don't have your curator!
104
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,759
- Have the Herstorians got him?
- I don't know, you'll have to ask them,
105
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,079
if you can find them.
And good luck with that.
106
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,399
No-one knows who they are,
not even me.
107
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,879
Please! You're one of them.
108
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,279
I mean, I-I-I'd bet
5,000 crowns on it.
109
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,559
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Well, thank you,
I'm very flattered, but, no.
110
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,759
No, I'm far too old
to get up to that kind of mischief.
111
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:25,560
Anyway, anonymity's not my style,
as well you know.
112
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,759
Well, if anything has happened to Lucian,
his blood will be on your hands!
113
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,759
Ooh, gosh! Bit early for melodrama.
114
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,879
I warn you, I've got
top investigators looking into this.
115
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,519
Then let battle commence.
116
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,399
I will crush you!
117
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,799
Not if I crush you first!
118
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,400
Hyah!
119
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,879
Oh, she's pleading ignorance!
120
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,159
These angry women types,
they're all in bed together.
121
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,719
Metaphorically speaking.
122
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,679
Let's not jump to any conclusions.
123
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,559
There's lots of other leads
we can follow.
124
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,399
Do you know anything
about his personal life?
125
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,599
No. Why should I?
126
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,039
We'll, we're going to have
a look at this,
127
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,519
check his recent movements,
talk to museum staff.
128
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,639
From security. It's all they had.
They only keep 48 hours' worth.
129
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,119
Right! Great! Well, that should keep
Sebastian busy. shouldn't it?
130
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,999
It's all interior CCTV.
Public areas only.
131
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,799
So I'm not sure how useful it'll be.
132
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:30,039
Yes, we've been having teething
problems with our new security systems.
133
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,119
- Teething problems?
- The new humidity and temperature controls.
134
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,399
Vital for conservation purposes.
135
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,359
They make massive demands
on the circuits.
136
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,599
Anyway, I've been called down to
the Arts Council.
137
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,879
I shan't be back at my office
until late.
138
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,439
Here's my address in Woods Lane.
I shall be there tonight.
139
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:46,839
- Thank you.
- OK, thank you.
140
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,079
Well, I'll better get back,
make Sebastian's day.
141
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,759
Here.
142
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,919
You'd better take this, as well.
143
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,039
- Safe side.
- OK. Huh-huh!
144
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,560
- See you.
- See you.
145
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,119
Where are you up to?
146
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,119
Camera seven - Manuscript Gallery.
147
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:21,079
Care to share 20 gripping minutes of
one woman and her vacuum cleaner?
148
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,319
It's tedious. I'm sorry.
149
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,639
Tedious? This is Kafkaesque.
150
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,999
I feel like I'm stuck in some
black-and-white CCTV nightmare.
151
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,439
Oh. Well, here's a bit of colour
for you.
152
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,199
That's alarming.
153
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,119
It's really good, isn't it?
154
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,879
Do I spy a potential new recruit?
155
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,039
Yeah, I did actually think
that would be a good way in,
156
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,239
but it's impossible. Cos you
click on their "Contact Us" bit
157
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,119
and you just get a load of
shouty manifesto.
158
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:45,759
Don't you mean woman-i-festo?
159
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,479
That's very good!
160
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,879
There's loads of pictures of them
online doing demos and sit-ins and stuff,
161
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,159
but you just can't identify
any of them.
162
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:57,994
They're really mysterious.
They're like a group of Banksys.
163
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,827
I'm a bit stumped, to be honest.
164
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,559
Progress?
165
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,704
Well, look,
I've traced Lucian's every word,
166
00:09:07,705 --> 00:09:09,799
thought and deed
since this time last week.
167
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,279
Found sod all, except his bicycle.
168
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,319
Well, you must have found something.
He can't have just vanished!
169
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,154
Yeah, there was a banana in a bag.
170
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,660
Are you eating it?
171
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,559
No.
172
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,400
You are, aren't you?
173
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,839
Well, look, it'd only go to waste
otherwise.
174
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,279
Right, well, when you've finished
one of your five a day,
175
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:35,679
could you get yourself down to Dr
M's house and ask her some questions?
176
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,439
No, I can't, I'm afraid.
177
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,199
I've got a date
with a strong, blonde Belgian.
178
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:44,700
Right, let me guess -
a guest ale at the Mucky Mallard?
179
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,279
Oh, busted. Hm!
180
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,719
Come on, Frank, one of us
has got to find something out
181
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,479
before Sir Tim checks in later.
182
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,759
Fine! But if they run
out of Donker Oudekiirk,
183
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,760
it'll be on your conscience forever.
184
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,520
It won't be.
185
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:03,054
From now on,
I'm just going to eat fruit.
186
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,200
Jaffa Cakes don't count!
187
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,759
Prepare for mirth.
188
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,679
You're supposed to say,
"For mirth be..."
189
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,839
Never mind. I'm done!
190
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,319
11 hours and 43 minutes' worth.
191
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,930
Brilliant.
What have you found?
192
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,879
We've got Lucian, here.
193
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,359
Camera 4, 18:31.
194
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,159
He's here, he's holding his index
card, practising his speech.
195
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,319
Oh! That must be around about
when he met him.
196
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,199
He loiters by the drinks' table
for a couple of minutes,
197
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,399
but then the footage blips out
198
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,879
until Camera 5 picks him up
at 18:46,
199
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,719
as he heads towards
the Shakespeare-aoke.
200
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,879
Ah, Sebastian, you would have
loved that. It was amazing!
201
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,639
I gave my Lady Macbeth
at Sydney Opera House.
202
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,479
It was a wonderful stage. It was
actually surprisingly intimate...
203
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,559
Are you trying to ruin my epiphany?
204
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,239
No. Sorry. Go on.
205
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,599
But then we lose his trail again,
206
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:12,999
until Camera 7 finds him
near the cloakroom at 18:49.
207
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,479
- Where did he go then?
- Nowhere.
208
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,559
- He's gone.
- Are you sure?
209
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,919
I have checked EVERY camera.
210
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,420
That's the last we see of him.
211
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,017
But if the Herstorians
did take him out...
212
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:32,177
- ...how did they get him out?
- And when?
213
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,080
Oh! Oh, I think I know!
214
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,654
So the security guards took
the Herstorians back outside
215
00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:45,675
and then Sir Tim stepped up onto
the stage to make a speech.
216
00:11:45,676 --> 00:11:46,659
18:53.
217
00:11:46,661 --> 00:11:48,780
Yeah,
but they were still chanting outside.
218
00:11:48,781 --> 00:11:51,439
So I remember, I looked outside
219
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:52,879
and I saw a van.
220
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,679
- A van?
- Yes.
221
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:58,359
It was a van, and it was revving
its engine while he was talking,
222
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,279
and it was blue
and it was a bit grubby.
223
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,999
Had a dent! Had a dent
in the driver's door.
224
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,359
Methinks the lady finally hath
the hot lead.
225
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,719
Yes! Well done, me! Huh!
226
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:12,279
Right, get yourself down to that
museum and track down that van.
227
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,519
Although 'tis pity the lady
hath not remembered it
228
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,439
before I endured an eternity
of CCTV footage.
229
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,120
Yes. Sorry about that. Hm-hm!
230
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,990
- It's a celebration one.
- Mm-hm.
231
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,360
Halt!
232
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,639
So, Sir Tim says you've
got it in for him and his museum.
233
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,119
Huh! Museum?
234
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,119
That glorified gift shop
235
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,870
that ordinary people
now have to pay to enter.
236
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,479
I don't suppose you've got any idea
where Lucian is, do you?
237
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,799
He's a grown man.
238
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:02,399
People should stop treating him like
a missing child, or a lost puppy.
239
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,719
So you don't know anything?
240
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,359
Well, If I did, I wouldn't tell...
241
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,839
Oh!
242
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,799
So you and Sir Tim have got history?
243
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,919
Sir Tim has proved to be yet another
male philistine who knows
244
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:22,639
the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
245
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,400
As far as I'm concerned,
Sir Tim is history.
246
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:29,399
Allez!
247
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,559
Oh!
248
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,919
Oh, bless you!
249
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,319
You all right? What happened?
250
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,760
Cats!
251
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:44,599
"Purr-icles, Stratford's Favourite
Shakespearean Cat Cafe."
252
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,080
Oh, dear!
253
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,799
Thank you.
254
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,919
I went to the museum, I tracked down
your blue van to a cat cafe,
255
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,439
but the manageress
would only let me speak to her
256
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,239
if I was a paying customer.
257
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:00,639
You're so brave!
258
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,719
Kenneth Branagh
wouldn't get off my lap,
259
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,999
Dame Judi kept trying to
lick my crumpet,
260
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,879
and after all that it turned out the
van was just delivering leaflets.
261
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,080
Oh.
262
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,280
Hello?
263
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,799
Why didn't you warn me I was
walking into the bloomin'
264
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:15,839
Battle of Agincourt?
265
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:16,879
What?
266
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,920
I could've been skewered
like last night's kebab.
267
00:14:18,921 --> 00:14:19,599
Oh...
268
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,799
I'm missing something.
269
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,999
Yes, you are - the fact
that I stared death in the face.
270
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,919
Oh, stop being dramatic!
271
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,254
That's my thing.
272
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,959
Lucian was last seen at the
cloakroom at 18.49,
273
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,519
and the van left during
Sir Tim's speech.
274
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,319
But if he wasn't in it...
275
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,799
If you make me watch
one more minute of CCTV
276
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,800
I am running away
to join the circus.
277
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,519
Oh!
278
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,639
There was another getaway vehicle.
279
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,890
Or... he never actually
got away at all.
280
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,720
Oh...
281
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,440
Never mind him - me!
282
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,279
I was wondering...
283
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,439
Yeah?
284
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,399
Do you think Sir Tim cares this much
about all his employees,
285
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,879
or just Lucian?
286
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,880
What are you getting at?
287
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,199
Some of the boxes
are humidity controlled.
288
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,784
Ask if you want to look inside.
289
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,600
- Lucian?
- Lucian?
290
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,359
Homo stultus?
291
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,799
Latin.
292
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,639
Idiot man.
293
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:30,919
Is it all right if I...
294
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:31,960
Go ahead.
295
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,557
Don't just stand there.
296
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:42,839
It was awful.
297
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,924
- They didn't hurt...
- Custard cream?
298
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:53,919
They said they were teaching
the museum a lesson by removing me
299
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,359
from public view, consigning me
to storage, and leaving me there
300
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:58,399
to be forgotten.
301
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,959
Like the suffragette exhibition.
302
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:00,999
Yeah, exactly.
303
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,834
Do you want another custard cream?
304
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:09,159
Well, you weren't forgotten about,
not for a second.
305
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,799
Do you think
you could you identify them?
306
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,119
No. Possibly their voices,
307
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,839
but they kept those creepy masks on
the whole time.
308
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,160
And look...
309
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,679
Oh. "Payback time."
310
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,479
They said that if I don't reinstate
the important women of
311
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,119
the town's history,
they'll tattoo it on me.
312
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,479
Like a human placard.
313
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,519
Nice.
314
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,799
And then they made me spend
a ghastly night alone with that
315
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,559
horrific mummified woman.
316
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,079
Give us half an hour
and I'll drive you home.
317
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,199
Don't worry. I'll drive you home.
318
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,359
Yeah, Sir Tim,
this is Frank Hathaway.
319
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,839
Ah, good news.
320
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,439
One curator, found and returned.
321
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,319
Yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
322
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,640
Bye.
323
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,759
No, it's just a basic facial
cos he's still quite puffy.
324
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,839
You know, he's quite sensitive
to cats.
325
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,399
Well, I'm glad you've spent
our hard-earned fee
326
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,399
before we've even cashed the cheque.
327
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,919
What the...
328
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,599
Sorry, I really can't tell you
any more than that.
329
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,119
Yeah, you can tell us, though,
can't you, PC Deacon?
330
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,839
Not unless you're museum staff.
331
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,879
Well, we are contracted labour,
in the pay of the museum,
332
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,679
- so technically...
- No, I'm sorry.
333
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:31,959
What's happening?
334
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,359
The museum's been sectioned off
until further notice.
335
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,279
Well, what about my artefacts?
336
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,319
The dust alone,
it's a constant daily battle -
337
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,999
I have to temperature-control
things.
338
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,239
Are you museum staff?
339
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,359
Erm... Yeah.
340
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,359
Well, then I'm sorry
to have to tell you this,
341
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,799
but the museum director's
been found dead this morning
342
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,279
in suspicious circumstances.
343
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,399
- Oh, that's awful.
- In his own museum.
344
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,599
I only spoke to him
yesterday evening.
345
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:58,679
In that case, you're going to need
to give a statement to the DS.
346
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,599
- We're, ah, really, really sorry.
- Yeah.
347
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,879
But we're late with the rent,
so if I could leave that with you.
348
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,719
Sir Tim hired you personally.
349
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,759
We couldn't possibly pay you
out of museum funds.
350
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,427
- But I...
- If you'll excuse me.
351
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,319
Wow. That was insensitive.
352
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,599
I know! Thinks a lot of herself,
that one.
353
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,679
- No, I mean you!
- What?
354
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,439
You. That was...
355
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,799
Oh, just when I thought
things couldn't get any worse.
356
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,279
What are you two doing here?
357
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,319
Just passing.
358
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,639
This isn't one of your shabby
scratch-n-sniffs.
359
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,119
This is a murder investigation.
360
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:34,599
It behoves you to remember
the boundaries, Frank.
361
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,999
Behoves?
362
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,920
It behoves my backside!
363
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,327
- Did I just say that out loud?
- Yeah.
364
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,439
You know, the difference between
you and a real detective, Frank,
365
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:50,239
is instead of weighing up the facts,
you always see the worst in people.
366
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,439
Which is why you will always be
a bottom-feeder.
367
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,774
- You...
- It's not worth it.
368
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,399
Say hi to Sebastian for me.
369
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,279
Yeah, I will do, Viola.
370
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:04,239
So it looks like the Herstorians
have chalked up their first murder.
371
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,159
I think we should
pay our condolences to the widow.
372
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,519
Very decent of you.
373
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,354
What is the definition of behoves?
374
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,199
Lady Forbes-Allen, hello.
375
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,599
- We met briefly at...
- I remember.
376
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:35,679
Right. Yeah.
377
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,359
So we were just passing, and, erm...
378
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,999
We wanted to come and tell you how
sorry we are to hear about Sir Tim.
379
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,759
Must have been a terrible shock.
380
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,260
Thoughtful of you.
381
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:47,959
Oh, gardening?
382
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,039
It's a...
383
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,639
Yeah, I suppose that's a good way
384
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,559
to take your mind off things,
isn't it?
385
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,359
Well, of course I've had all manner
of demands on my time today,
386
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,759
but the helianthus
simply won't wait, so...
387
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,519
Ah, there is one thing.
388
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,020
The small matter of
an outstanding invoice.
389
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,684
You'd better come inside.
390
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,919
This really is a lovely house.
391
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,254
Yeah, it's, ah... sumptious.
392
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,279
There you are.
393
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,440
Thank you.
394
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,519
I must say you do seem remarkably
OK, under the circumstances.
395
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,999
I suppose it hasn't really
sunk in yet?
396
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,239
Possibly not.
397
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,079
I might even miss the old fool,
398
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:38,279
though it's common knowledge ours
was a marriage of convenience.
399
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,519
Really?
400
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,199
He was cultured, I was wealthy.
401
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,919
Not what you'd call a love match,
but it suited us.
402
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:50,559
We were about to mark
our 40th wedding anniversary.
403
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,679
Oh, wow. That really is a milestone.
404
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,279
Indeed.
405
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:58,399
Celebrate would be the wrong word,
considering the banal sacrifices
406
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,719
one makes within the confines of
a marriage.
407
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,240
There it is.
408
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,079
I don't suppose you've got
any idea who did it?
409
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,719
I've already told the police.
410
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,039
Sir Tim's social media
was a toxic swamp.
411
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,457
The man literally had
millions of enemies.
412
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,719
And now, if you don't mind...
413
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:19,840
Sorry.
414
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,159
Ha-ha. Hey!
415
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,639
Thank you!
416
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,119
That's it, then, isn't it?
417
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,199
Job done.
418
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,839
Yeah. Bit of a relief, really.
419
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,439
Wouldn't want to be the one to
have to find the killer.
420
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:40,839
Yeah, lucky escape.
421
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,319
Not for Sir Tim. Poor bloke.
422
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,959
What a way to go, eh?
423
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,959
Yeah, it's hard to believe,
isn't it, really?
424
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,960
Because he seemed so
posh and clever.
425
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,079
Talking of posh and clever.
426
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,359
Oh, hello. How's the puffiness?
427
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:56,839
Abating, as long as I keep
my feet up.
428
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,519
- Poor lamb.
- Lazy sod.
429
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,599
Just a quick one. I've seen
on Dr Middleton's online feed
430
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,679
that's she's about to make
a statement outside the museum.
431
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,040
You're welcome.
432
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,159
Shall we?
433
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:10,200
Yeah.
434
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:27,439
A crime committed not just against
the women of history,
435
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,274
but against us, their descendants.
436
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,599
My forthcoming book,
437
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:38,399
Burning Down the Bard:
Debunking an Outdated Legacy,
438
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:43,679
attempts to address this particular
patriarchal injustice.
439
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:50,559
But there are times in life when
the sword is mightier than the pen.
440
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,040
Therefore...
441
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:58,999
...I solemnly confess to
the murder of Sir Tim Forbes-Allen.
442
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,959
Are you sure you want to do
this here?
443
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,319
- Cuff me!
- That's really not necessary.
444
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,959
Yeah, cuff me, or I'll resist.
445
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,839
Dr Helen Middleton,
I am arresting you for the murder
446
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,079
of Sir Timothy Forbes-Allen.
447
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,479
You do not have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence
448
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,479
if you do not mention
when questioned something
449
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,879
which you later rely on in court.
450
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,999
Anything you do say
may be given in evidence.
451
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,319
Sound trumpets!
452
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,559
Let our bloody colours wave!
453
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,760
And either victory,
or else a grave!
454
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,399
Wow.
455
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,119
Was that a confession
or a plug for her new book?
456
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:35,287
There's no such thing as
bad publicity.
457
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,479
Dr M ticks all the boxes.
458
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,399
Means, motive, opportunity.
459
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,319
Nah, she's an insufferable,
self-promoting narcissist,
460
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:44,799
but I don't think she's the killer.
461
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,134
Another day, another dollar.
462
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:50,599
Why do I feel like
I've been invaded by fruit?
463
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,759
I was just trying to be healthy.
464
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,959
Might have got a bit carried away.
465
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,239
Oh, Sir Tim certainly has
his fair share of death threats.
466
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,359
They're not killers -
they're trolls,
467
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:03,239
going nuclear over whether
Shakespeare's got a Van Dyke beard
468
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,839
or a common chinstrap.
469
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,639
Any fool knows that a common
chinstrap connects transversely
470
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,679
to the sideburns,
whereas a Van Dyke is a totally
471
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,279
different matter...
472
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,679
Thank God.
473
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,430
I didn't know where else to turn.
474
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,399
So when did you
last have this letter?
475
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,799
It was tucked it into
my breast pocket last week.
476
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,679
It could've fallen out anywhere
between home and the museum -
477
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,559
it could even be
among Sir Tim's things.
478
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,359
If you're hiring us to find it,
it must be pretty important.
479
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,679
The content is...
480
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,430
...somewhat personal.
481
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,359
If it fell into the wrong hands
it could be disastrous,
482
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,860
especially now that Sir Tim...
483
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,440
Sir Tim is...
484
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,764
Was there something else?
485
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,479
It was a love letter.
486
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,039
The last one he ever wrote to me.
487
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,879
Oh, bless!
488
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,679
You must be devastated.
489
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:14,479
"Poor honest lord,
brought low by his own heart".
490
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,839
Did Lady Forbes-Allen know?
491
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,319
No.
492
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,559
We were meticulously careful.
493
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,477
That is, until I was
careless enough to lose it.
494
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,039
Look, don't worry.
495
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:30,957
We'll find your letter.
496
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,154
Do you want a satsuma?
497
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,159
I mean, fair do's, Frank.
You actually called that.
498
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:42,199
See?
499
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,799
It just goes to show you that
even someone as unrefined as myself
500
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,439
can be finely attuned to
the foibles of human nature.
501
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,199
Do you think Athena
really didn't know?
502
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,559
That was your cue to say
"You're not unrefined, Frank."
503
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:52,639
I mean, imagine.
504
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:53,959
Imagine finding out that
505
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,319
your husband has been writing
love letters to a man half your age.
506
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:58,640
Hm.
507
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,160
Oh!
508
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:05,999
What's going on?
509
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,839
It's Keeler.
510
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,924
Says I'm a bottom-feeder!
511
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,359
Well, if I'm a bottom-feeder,
Joe Keeler, at least you and me
512
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,110
are in the same pond!
513
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,319
I hope you don't mind me asking...
514
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,559
Loose leaf or bags?
515
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:24,839
Erm...
516
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,239
Always loose!
517
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:32,119
And oolong must be brewed between
85 and 95 degrees,
518
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:34,519
otherwise the nuances are lost.
519
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,399
Top tip. We'll remember that,
won't we, Frank?
520
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,559
Loose, nuances. Roger that.
521
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,679
Oo-long!
522
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,600
And also, erm...
523
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,359
We were wondering if...
524
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,519
If you knew your husband
was cheating on you?
525
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:52,880
Oh!
526
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,679
Well, where to even begin?
527
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,559
I'm guessing you mean Lucian.
528
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,279
Sweet boy, rather intense.
529
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,599
He wasn't the first, of course,
and I very much doubt he'd have been
530
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:12,879
the last, though I suspect he was
rather more smitten than most.
531
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,279
So you knew?
532
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:15,320
Of course.
533
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,959
Well, Lucian's hired us to find
a letter that Sir Tim wrote to him.
534
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,879
I just wonder if you'd come across
it in the last week or so?
535
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,519
'Fraid not.
536
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,319
I'm really sorry
to have to bring it up,
537
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,399
because it must be very painful
for you.
538
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:30,599
Oh, nonsense!
539
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,719
Our marriage survived all manner
of peccadilloes - on both sides.
540
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,479
It was probably stronger
as a result.
541
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,519
Really?
542
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,759
What about...
543
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,439
...I dunno - love?
544
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,719
Clearly, neither of you are married?
545
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,839
- Almost, actually...
- No way, never again. - ..but basically no.
546
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:51,039
Indeed.
547
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:55,959
Well, marriage is like yellow.
548
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,799
It doesn't suit everyone.
549
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:00,399
More tea?
550
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:01,760
No, thanks.
551
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,959
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
552
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:08,600
Mm...
553
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:11,519
What's that?
554
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,020
It's good for my gut bacteria.
555
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:17,239
So what do we know?
556
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,279
Oh, God...
557
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,639
That pickled radish is a bad idea.
558
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:23,399
What was I thinking? Eurgh!
559
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,079
I meant about the letter,
MasterChef.
560
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,079
Perhaps the better question is,
what don't we know?
561
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:33,559
Well, Athena said she didn't
have the letter, and I believe her.
562
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:34,999
Based on what?
563
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,159
Well, you heard her - she just...
564
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,119
She just didn't seem to... care.
565
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,159
As Hazlitt said, "Love turns,
with little indulgence,
566
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,559
"to indifference.
Hatred alone is immortal."
567
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:47,599
Who's Hazlitt?
568
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,039
No idea.
569
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,919
Well, Dr M, she's a museum trustee -
maybe she found it?
570
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,159
If Dr M had it, the entire world
would know about it.
571
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,239
Maybe it's just lost, like gone.
572
00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,839
You know, down a drain, in a bin,
shredded in someone's rabbit hutch.
573
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,439
Lost is not an option,
because "lost", may I remind you,
574
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:05,839
means no fee.
575
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:09,079
It seems to me like Lucian had it
before the kidnapping,
576
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,159
but he didn't have it after,
so surely the Herstorians have it?
577
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,719
What possible use could the
Herstorians have for the intimate
578
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,399
musings of their arch enemy?
579
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,039
Yeah, talk about payback time.
580
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,719
So all we need to do is
track down the Herstorians.
581
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,919
Did you say just "payback time"?
582
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,399
They were going to tattoo
that on Lucian's back.
583
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,439
I heard someone say that recently...
584
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:34,357
Yeah, I know, well, one of these
days it'll be payback time.
585
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,890
Put that in the fridge
for me, will you?
586
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,439
Lu?
587
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,000
Yeah, coming!
588
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,559
Hello? Hi.
589
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,639
Oh. Looking for Lucian?
590
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,399
Ah, wanted a quick word with you,
if that's OK?
591
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,039
Sure. Come in.
592
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,879
Have you met Alvecote Woman?
593
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,839
She's usually up in
the Copthorne Gallery.
594
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,319
I'm hoping she doesn't mind
being down here now,
595
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,519
since she's been in a peat bog
since the Bronze Age.
596
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:07,879
Is that an elbow that's...
597
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,599
Oh, don't answer that.
598
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,399
Listen, I'm going to cut
to the chase.
599
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,734
We know you're a Herstorian.
600
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:15,679
Ah...
601
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,119
- Oh...
- Lu?
602
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:18,559
Don't leave me in here with her.
603
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:20,719
Lu!
604
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:22,159
How could we have lost her?
605
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,039
I don't know. But I am not
looking in any more storage boxes,
606
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:26,559
I'll tell you that for free.
607
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,079
Oh, for God's sake...
608
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,359
I didn't catch that.
609
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,479
Jasra?
610
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,639
Please choose your speech
and press the orange button.
611
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,119
Look, we're not police -
we just want to ask you something.
612
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,399
Yeah. Lucian asked us
to find a letter, and we thought
613
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,759
the Herstorians might have it.
614
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,039
What letter?
615
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,239
It's a love letter, actually,
to Lucian from Sir Tim.
616
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:48,439
We didn't kill him.
617
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,719
We're not here for that.
618
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,159
We just thought he might have
lost it when you kidnapped him.
619
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,119
Nope. The Herstorians don't have it.
620
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,037
How can you be so sure?
621
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,999
Because I'm their leader.
622
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,359
You?
623
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,639
Wait. If Lucian and Sir Tim
were lovers,
624
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:05,439
then there was something.
625
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,919
The evening Sir Tim was stabbed,
he'd just got back from London.
626
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:10,239
No, it's too late!
627
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,119
Just tell me what I need to do
to make it right.
628
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,279
You know what to do -
you simply refuse to do it.
629
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:15,760
Lucian, listen!
630
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,879
So Lucian lied to us.
631
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,479
He said the last time he saw Sir Tim
was at the museum opening.
632
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,980
I think it's time we paid
our lovelorn curator a visit.
633
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,679
Sarge...
634
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:34,879
You might want to come down
to the front desk.
635
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,560
Yeah, now, I reckon.
636
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,879
So it's Marie Corelli?
637
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,279
One R and two Ls?
638
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,864
Right, take a seat.
639
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,439
I don't suppose any of you
have any ID?
640
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,599
Right, what is so important?
641
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,039
Ah, Sarge.
642
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,199
Here we have Mary Arden,
Marie Corelli, Annie Justins
643
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:57,559
and Elisabeth Scott.
644
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:58,679
And?
645
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,879
They all claim to have
killed Sir Tim.
646
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:02,319
What, all four of them?
647
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,399
Five actually.
648
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,279
The Angel of Stratford
just popped to the loo.
649
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,479
What?
650
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,759
Ah, here she is - Emily Minet.
651
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:14,039
Well, whoever they are, get 'em
off my front desk and into custody.
652
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:18,040
Let's see what Middleton's
got to say about this.
653
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,040
Lucian?
654
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:26,319
We'll just have to doorstep him
at work tomorrow.
655
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,199
Do you think he's all right?
Did you see his little misery pit?
656
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,200
Candle and photos, box of tissues...
657
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,239
Lucian? It's Frank Hathaway,
just checking you're all right.
658
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,240
Er, give us a call
when you get this.
659
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,599
I'm just going to say it
out loud.
660
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,519
I think that Lucian going missing at
this point is a little bit suspect.
661
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,039
Should we call the police?
662
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,957
Not enough information.
663
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,457
Guess we call it a day, then.
664
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,039
My gosh! I'm, so sorry Frank.
665
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,080
It must be the pickles.
666
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:11,137
How should I know
if it's a hungry cry or a tired cry?
667
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,279
What...? She's a baby!
What's she got to be angry about?
668
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,119
I've got to go, babe.
669
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,999
Sorry, Custody Sarge
wants to know how long
670
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,639
we're keeping the ladies?
He's worried about the backlog.
671
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,879
Those bloody Herstorians.
672
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,119
Mary Arden. That should have been
a give-away.
673
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,999
There's also got Annie Justins,
Stratford's first female mayor,
674
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,359
and Elisabeth Scott -
she designed the RSC building.
675
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,999
Did it not occur to you
that they're all dead?
676
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,239
I don't know why, but those
women trying to do a Spartacus -
677
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,324
and I am not having it.
678
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,240
Yes, ma'am.
679
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,719
In hindsight, yes.
680
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,079
Yeah.
681
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,720
Publicity stunt, hm, of course.
682
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,480
What? All of them?
683
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,360
Immediately. Yes.
684
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,040
Yes, ma'am.
685
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,479
Well done, girls!
686
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,719
Oh, hello!
687
00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,919
Thank you.
688
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:16,879
I have a message to those
who condemn us for throwing a stone
689
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,639
at the window of patriarchy
690
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,599
by confessing to
a murder we didn't commit.
691
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:25,999
I give you the wisdom
of Emmeline Pankhurst,
692
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,799
"The argument of
the broken window pane
693
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,799
"is the most valuable argument
in modern politics."
694
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,479
- Yes?!
- Yeah!
695
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,319
Yes! So, let's break some windows!
696
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,440
Yeah!
697
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,519
Clock's ticking, Frank.
Come on.
698
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,639
Yeah, I'm just checking
the message board again.
699
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,799
You don't think we should offer
a reward, do you?
700
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,759
How much, for a letter that's
basically worth nothing to anyone?
701
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:58,039
Except one person.
702
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:01,479
The mild-mannered curator
who loves his mum and his bicycle,
703
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,239
but who also possibly murdered
his lover in a jealous rage.
704
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:05,999
Surprise visitor.
705
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,239
- Don't suppose you've seen Lucian?
- No. Why? Haven't you?
706
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,119
He was in this morning,
then he went out,
707
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,639
- said he was going to "meet the monster".
- The monster?
708
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:14,799
Yeah, I'm not going to lie,
709
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:16,839
he had this kind of dangerous
gleam in his eye.
710
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:20,839
- That doesn't sound good.
- Then I found this on his desk.
711
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,239
"It was I who stole them both,
712
00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:24,999
"The life cannot be returned,
713
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,159
"But the letter awaits
thee this day,
714
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:28,879
"in the Woods,
at the eleventh hour."
715
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,719
Ah, brilliant! A riddle.
That's all we need...!
716
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,999
Simple, the murderer has the letter.
717
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,519
Obviously, they can't return
Sir Tim...
718
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,399
Oh, but they can return the letter.
719
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,359
In the woods? What woods?
Any woods?
720
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,119
They've made a mistake, they've
written "Woods" with a capital W.
721
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,037
Hang on.
What if it's not a mistake?
722
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,679
- It's a street, Woods Lane.
- Do you think Lucian's in danger?
723
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,159
Or is he the danger?
724
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:58,919
Look, Frank!
725
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:03,319
Look! Come on! We need to be quick.
No time to explain.
726
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,280
- How do you know she wrote the note?
- The Ts, Athena's Ts.
727
00:36:07,281 --> 00:36:11,448
- What?!
- Find the cheque. You'll see what I mean.
728
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,399
What?
729
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,150
- Oh, yeah. A few snacks in there.
- "A few"?!
730
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,719
The Ts! The Ts are the same.
731
00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:32,839
Ah, the Ts!
732
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:37,239
I thought you were having some
sort of posh caffeine withdrawal.
733
00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:40,119
- We should call the police.
- What you doing?
734
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:43,204
I do this every day,
Frank, I do know!
735
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:45,439
Watch the wall!
736
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,279
Where are you going?
737
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:48,799
I'm going round!
738
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,159
- The entrance is there!
- Yes, I know that, Frank,
739
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,160
I have done this before.
740
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,837
Come on! She could have left
the country by now!
741
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,559
- There we go!
- Right. - See?
742
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:02,759
Right.
743
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:03,999
Go, go, go!
744
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,834
I am going at the correct
speed for the tunnel.
745
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:12,244
Let me do it!
746
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,839
- Thank God! He's gone mad!
- Stay where you are!
747
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:18,599
Let's talk about this.
748
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,759
She's the murderer, not me,
749
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,839
so don't speak to me like
I'm some petulant child!
750
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,199
Stop acting like one!
751
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,399
- Lucian, just give me the knife.
- No.
752
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,999
Anyway, it's not a knife,
753
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,199
it's Sir Tim's garnet-encrusted
letter opener,
754
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,839
and I'm not afraid to use it!
755
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,879
- Please don't.
- Why not?
756
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,159
Because she doesn't deserve it.
757
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:40,079
Her plan was to make me eat every
single one of those letters...
758
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,759
Washed down with Tim's favourite
red. I'm not a monster.
759
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,519
...and then murder me in cold blood.
760
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,199
So, I'd say she does deserve it.
761
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,959
She deserves to be tried
by a jury in a court of law.
762
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,559
I want the truth!
763
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,959
And I want to hear it from you.
764
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:54,799
Want, want, want...
765
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,879
The whining, needy voice of
the avocado-on-toast generation!
766
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,160
Athena, maybe you could
just try and cooperate a bit?
767
00:38:01,161 --> 00:38:01,919
Fine!
768
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,039
She killed him over a letter!
769
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,079
It wasn't just a letter -
770
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,759
though finding that squalid
note on the museum floor
771
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:12,119
was a low point -
772
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:16,119
it was all the other letters,
the photographs,
773
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,160
the nauseating love tokens!
774
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,680
What is it, Athena?
775
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:53,120
I've had a roasting
from those Arts Council despots.
776
00:38:55,640 --> 00:39:00,319
I've got mutinies breaking out
right, left and...
777
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:01,919
Oh...
778
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:03,587
We had an agreement.
779
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:08,600
Ah.
780
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,839
I can't do this any more.
781
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,679
No. No!
782
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,239
You don't get to revise the rules.
783
00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:22,999
We are both allowed
a measure of freedom,
784
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,919
as long we don't fall in love.
785
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,799
Well, I...
786
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,280
I didn't mean to, but I did.
787
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:33,279
And so did he.
788
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,399
Nonsense! We're married!
789
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,079
That's how it's always been,
790
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,919
and that is the way it will
continue to be,
791
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:45,839
so tell that... boy that it's over
and we'll say no more about it.
792
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:49,600
I'm sorry, Athena. I'm leaving you.
793
00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:05,319
Now! Now, steady, darling. You could
actually hurt someone with those.
794
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,319
Well, "darling",
795
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:13,404
maybe you should know how it feels
to be stabbed in the heart!
796
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,079
Tim?
797
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,414
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!
798
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,857
You actually really loved him,
didn't you?
799
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,839
Even though you tried to convince
the whole world you didn't care.
800
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:31,424
I probably even convinced him
I didn't care.
801
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,119
He was the love of my life!
802
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,799
No, he was the love of MY life!
803
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:38,279
Please...
804
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,599
...don't do anything you can't undo.
805
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:42,839
Don't listen to her - do it!
806
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,279
Kill me, go to prison.
807
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,614
The world will be better off
without you.
808
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,119
Stop her!
809
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,839
5960 on scene,
further assistance required, over.
810
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:05,174
Where's a battalion of Herstorians
when you need one?
811
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,079
Lucian's having a lie down,
812
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:09,519
then he's going to present himself
at the police station.
813
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,599
- Is that necessary?
- Might be a charged with ABH
814
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,079
after his little tango with
Sir Tim's letter opener.
815
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,399
Lady Forbes-Allen,
are you all right?
816
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,439
Actually, I'm somewhat relieved.
817
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,239
Yes, I can imagine that
the life of a fugitive
818
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,907
not being quite your cup
of... oolong, is it?
819
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,959
I had to abandon my doctoral thesis
some years ago.
820
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,799
I'm quite looking forward to
having time in prison to finish it.
821
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:34,679
Good for you.
822
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:38,959
The title is Shakespeare Was
A Woman, The Incontrovertible Truth.
823
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:42,839
Hathaway, sticking your fingers in
other people's pies, as usual, eh?
824
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:44,919
Pulled you out a murderer,
though, didn't I?
825
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,319
- Yeah? You seem pretty sure about that.
- Bottom feeders' instinct.
826
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,159
It behoves...
827
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:55,359
It behoves you to take it from here,
Detective Sergeant Keeler.
828
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,110
Stick her in the car.
829
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:04,959
You know, the only statue of a woman
in this town is of Lady Macbeth,
830
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,280
a figment of
Shakespeare's imagination.
831
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,399
I didn't know that
about the statues, did you?
832
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,317
No. Definitely time things changed.
833
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:20,719
When are women going to stop
banging on about their rights?
834
00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:23,519
All I want now is my right to
a pint in the Mucky Mallard.
835
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:27,604
- Of course. I'll run you over, shall I?
- Thanks.
836
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:31,879
When you say you'll "run me over",
837
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:34,159
you don't mean... do you?
838
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:35,679
Lu?
839
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,400
- Lu?
- Frank.
63360
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