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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,059 --> 00:00:15,364 My wedding to Marwa is quickly approaching, 2 00:00:15,397 --> 00:00:17,736 but treachery is afoot. There are people 3 00:00:17,769 --> 00:00:20,775 that are against me getting married and being happy. 4 00:00:20,808 --> 00:00:23,113 No one is against you or you getting married. 5 00:00:23,146 --> 00:00:25,050 Don't be so naive, my little friend. 6 00:00:25,083 --> 00:00:28,056 Conspiracy is abound! Ask the djinn. He will tell you. 7 00:00:28,089 --> 00:00:30,562 Do you wish to know if conspiracies abound? 8 00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:33,501 No! Stop trying to trick me into using up all my wishes. 9 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,404 You're just not thinking straight, Master. 10 00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:37,208 - Maybe it's because you haven't slept in a week? - 11 00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:39,278 Nandor is so hyper-focused on having 12 00:00:39,312 --> 00:00:41,316 the perfect wedding, he doesn't even slumber anymore. 13 00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:44,255 He just lies awake all day, thinking of more things 14 00:00:44,288 --> 00:00:46,392 to make the wedding even more perfect. 15 00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:48,230 Ah. 16 00:00:48,263 --> 00:00:49,833 More things. More. 17 00:00:49,866 --> 00:00:52,706 More, more, more. 18 00:00:52,739 --> 00:00:54,509 Maybe you are the one who is not thinking straight 19 00:00:54,543 --> 00:00:56,279 because you have not slept in a week! 20 00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:02,525 Yeah, no. I'm awake, I'm awake. I was just... 21 00:01:02,559 --> 00:01:04,262 I was just... Uh, my eyes were just a little, just... 22 00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:05,732 What were we talking about? 23 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,101 We were just talking about how hard 24 00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,771 you're working on the wedding. 25 00:01:08,804 --> 00:01:12,211 Yeah, no, it's true. I haven't slept in a week, but I guess 26 00:01:12,244 --> 00:01:14,215 that's what it's like to be the best man to a vampire 27 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,219 who is absolutely losing his fucking mind 28 00:01:16,252 --> 00:01:19,258 because he wants to have the perfect fucking wedding! 29 00:01:19,292 --> 00:01:20,762 Can I do that last part again? 30 00:01:20,795 --> 00:01:23,300 Just without the cursing this time? 31 00:01:25,470 --> 00:01:27,842 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 32 00:01:27,876 --> 00:01:30,447 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 33 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,186 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 34 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:36,125 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 35 00:01:37,562 --> 00:01:40,602 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 36 00:01:40,635 --> 00:01:43,373 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 37 00:01:43,406 --> 00:01:45,645 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 38 00:01:45,678 --> 00:01:48,383 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 39 00:01:58,838 --> 00:02:00,140 Twirl it. 40 00:02:00,942 --> 00:02:03,380 Mm, no. 41 00:02:03,413 --> 00:02:06,219 You know, I've always dreamed of having a big wedding. 42 00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:07,589 Or at least since that time 43 00:02:07,622 --> 00:02:09,158 that we watched The Wedding Planner 44 00:02:09,191 --> 00:02:10,695 on that rainy Sunday together. 45 00:02:10,728 --> 00:02:12,766 - That was nice. - It was okay. 46 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,368 - Knock, knock. 47 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,306 Come in, my love. Hi. Hey. 48 00:02:16,339 --> 00:02:18,644 I wanted to ask you about the flower arrangements. 49 00:02:18,678 --> 00:02:21,717 Yes. Red and black roses. 50 00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,923 But I was really hoping we could go for white and pink. 51 00:02:24,956 --> 00:02:28,798 That's... What about the black and the red? 52 00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:30,635 No. 53 00:02:30,668 --> 00:02:33,808 I will have Guillermo look into it straightaway for you. 54 00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:35,578 Thank you, my love. Thank you, Guillermo. 55 00:02:35,611 --> 00:02:37,281 - Of course. - Bye. 56 00:02:37,314 --> 00:02:38,851 - - You see? 57 00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:41,389 Even my own bride is trying to sabotage this wedding 58 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:42,726 with her insane demands! 59 00:02:42,759 --> 00:02:44,462 - Enough. - But... what? 60 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,736 So you're just going to abandon me in my darkest hour? 61 00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:49,706 No one's trying to sabotage your wedding, okay? 62 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,844 - Pull yourself together. - You pull yourself together. 63 00:02:51,877 --> 00:02:53,446 And you do not snap at me. 64 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,317 - I'll snap at you. - You just did. 65 00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:56,854 Nandor, quick question. 66 00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:58,724 Did you invite Sean and Charmaine to your wedding? 67 00:02:58,758 --> 00:03:01,830 Why would I do that? It is an all-vampire wedding, Laszlo. 68 00:03:01,864 --> 00:03:04,268 But I think he would be greatly offended 69 00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:06,272 - if you didn't invite him. - Okay, fine. 70 00:03:06,305 --> 00:03:07,942 Guillermo, figure out a way to make it work. 71 00:03:07,976 --> 00:03:09,980 Good man. - His request 72 00:03:10,013 --> 00:03:12,251 for a human plus-two is all too transparent. 73 00:03:12,284 --> 00:03:14,823 Add another name to the list of people that are against me 74 00:03:14,856 --> 00:03:16,527 - and my wedding. - 75 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,764 Oh, perhaps I should add your name to the list, also? 76 00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:20,267 How much do you want some of this stuff? 77 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,335 'Cause you literally have a genie... 78 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,505 - A djinn. - who can solve 79 00:03:22,539 --> 00:03:24,241 all these problems, but no. 80 00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:25,812 You don't want to use any of your precious wishes. 81 00:03:25,845 --> 00:03:27,247 Well,you're gonna have to, because some of these 82 00:03:27,281 --> 00:03:28,784 things are literally impossible. 83 00:03:28,818 --> 00:03:30,788 - Like what? Name one. - Oh, one? Um, I don't know. 84 00:03:30,822 --> 00:03:34,295 You want a live dodo bird to roast for the wraiths to eat. 85 00:03:34,328 --> 00:03:35,932 Oh, you would deny the servants a hearty meal of their own? 86 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,303 - Can't we just do turkey? - No! 87 00:03:38,336 --> 00:03:40,775 It has be a dodo. What's the problem here? 88 00:03:40,808 --> 00:03:42,746 They're very slow birds, very easy to catch. 89 00:03:42,779 --> 00:03:44,549 - They're everywhere! - Not anymore! 90 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:47,354 - Since when? - 1681! 91 00:03:47,387 --> 00:03:50,494 - You'll figure it out. - I'll figure it out. 92 00:03:50,528 --> 00:03:52,364 - Oh. 93 00:03:52,397 --> 00:03:53,801 The nightclub needs cheaper drinks. 94 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,573 No, we want the drinks to be very expensive, 95 00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:58,744 so then we attract rich humans. 96 00:03:58,778 --> 00:04:01,249 Am I right? They gorge themselves 97 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,852 on sauces and creams, 98 00:04:02,886 --> 00:04:05,558 and get their muscles massaged. Oh. 99 00:04:05,591 --> 00:04:07,428 Rich humans are basically like veal-- 100 00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:11,469 conceptually repulsive, but so buttery on my tongue. 101 00:04:13,774 --> 00:04:15,243 Hello? 102 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,016 Hello? 103 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,820 What the fuck? 104 00:04:21,355 --> 00:04:23,393 Are you okay? 105 00:04:24,896 --> 00:04:26,466 I'm fine. 106 00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,470 - - Mm, my goodness. 107 00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:31,375 Guillermo, did you kick five holes in the wall 108 00:04:31,409 --> 00:04:34,482 - and then fuck a chicken? - Hmm. 109 00:04:34,516 --> 00:04:37,387 - No. - What happened to the lamp? 110 00:04:37,421 --> 00:04:39,058 You know what? 111 00:04:39,091 --> 00:04:41,563 I think this little feller is having a tantrum. 112 00:04:41,597 --> 00:04:43,667 Is this true, Guillermo? Is Nandor's wedding 113 00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:45,705 making you put your knickers inside a twist? 114 00:04:45,738 --> 00:04:47,775 It's just too much for you, isn't it? 115 00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,846 - Let him speak. - I'm perfectly fine to... 116 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,619 Say no more. We can help. 117 00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:54,523 - Okay. Let's see here, let's see here. 118 00:04:54,556 --> 00:04:57,094 Oh, well, getting a dodo bird is easy. That's no problem. 119 00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:59,599 - It is? - Yes, I have an antique dodo bird net 120 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,435 in the Chamber of Curiosities. You can borrow it. 121 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:02,772 It is obviously 122 00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:04,643 not in my nature to want to help Guillermo. 123 00:05:04,676 --> 00:05:07,314 Don't put your back out being grateful. 124 00:05:07,347 --> 00:05:09,351 But because he is the nightclub's accountant, I really 125 00:05:09,385 --> 00:05:10,588 need him to not have a stroke. 126 00:05:10,621 --> 00:05:11,890 The Baron has not gotten back to you 127 00:05:11,924 --> 00:05:13,994 about officiating the wedding ceremony? 128 00:05:14,028 --> 00:05:16,767 Hey. - Yes. 129 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,971 We will take care of The Baron so then you can turn all 130 00:05:19,004 --> 00:05:20,641 of your attentions to catching the dodo bird. 131 00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:22,010 Oh, wow. That feels 132 00:05:22,044 --> 00:05:23,479 really weird being so nice. Ooh. 133 00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:32,932 - He is a good boy. - 134 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,103 Would either of you like to give him 135 00:05:35,136 --> 00:05:36,707 - a little scritchie? - No, but... 136 00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,711 - - Oh. - Eeh. 137 00:05:38,744 --> 00:05:41,617 Of course, I am so flattered that Nandor asked me 138 00:05:41,650 --> 00:05:43,486 to officiate his wedding 139 00:05:43,521 --> 00:05:45,390 - to the beautiful and charming what's-her-name. - Hmm. 140 00:05:45,423 --> 00:05:46,793 - Marwa. - Gesundheit. 141 00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:48,664 But what you ask of me-- 142 00:05:48,697 --> 00:05:51,670 - it is simply not possible. - Baron, 143 00:05:51,703 --> 00:05:54,543 everyone who's anyone who's a vampire is going be there. 144 00:05:54,576 --> 00:05:56,547 Yes, I am aware of that. 145 00:05:56,580 --> 00:05:59,084 I am sorry. 146 00:05:59,118 --> 00:06:03,092 But look at my wretched state. 147 00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:05,698 Oh, I could not bear so many witnesses 148 00:06:05,731 --> 00:06:07,769 to this tattered vessel. 149 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:11,475 Once they dined on the lavish feast 150 00:06:11,510 --> 00:06:13,413 that was my visage, 151 00:06:13,446 --> 00:06:15,818 but now, well, I serve them 152 00:06:15,851 --> 00:06:20,528 only a charred and flaking peasant's crust. 153 00:06:20,561 --> 00:06:22,431 - Oh. You look great. - Yes, - Oh. 154 00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:24,936 Never looked better. - Oh, you are too kind. 155 00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,773 We're being honest. Yeah, it's the truth. 156 00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:29,579 But I am not the dashing, radiant being 157 00:06:29,613 --> 00:06:31,449 that I once was. 158 00:06:31,482 --> 00:06:33,520 I think I might know just what you need. 159 00:06:33,554 --> 00:06:35,190 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 160 00:06:35,223 --> 00:06:36,927 That he's still fuckable 161 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,465 - even though he looks like a burnt log? - No. 162 00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:41,570 Obviously, he's fuckable. I mean, come on. 163 00:06:41,603 --> 00:06:43,439 I am thinking that somebody 164 00:06:43,473 --> 00:06:46,412 needs a... 165 00:06:46,445 --> 00:06:49,552 - makeover. Makeover. - Makeover. 166 00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:50,988 ♪ What I want ♪ 167 00:06:51,022 --> 00:06:52,659 ♪ You've got and it might ♪ 168 00:06:52,692 --> 00:06:54,996 ♪ Be hard to handle ♪ 169 00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:57,467 ♪ But like a flame that burns the candle ♪ 170 00:06:57,502 --> 00:07:01,008 ♪ The candle feeds the flame ♪ 171 00:07:01,042 --> 00:07:03,079 ♪ Yeah, yeah, what I've got, full stock ♪ 172 00:07:03,112 --> 00:07:06,620 ♪ Of thoughts and dreams that scatter ♪ 173 00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:08,824 ♪ And you pull them all together ♪ 174 00:07:08,857 --> 00:07:12,164 ♪ And a-how, I can't explain ♪ 175 00:07:12,197 --> 00:07:14,703 ♪ Oh, yeah, well, well, you ♪ 176 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,113 ♪ You make a-my dreams come true ♪ 177 00:07:23,019 --> 00:07:25,625 ♪ Whoa, oh, waiting for, waiting for ♪ 178 00:07:25,658 --> 00:07:27,895 ♪ Waiting for, waiting for, waiting for ♪ 179 00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:30,735 - ♪ Waiting for ♪ - ♪ You make my dreams. ♪ 180 00:07:34,509 --> 00:07:36,513 - Okay, what about this one? It's just kind of what 181 00:07:36,546 --> 00:07:38,182 you're wearing right now. 182 00:07:38,216 --> 00:07:40,755 Back in Al-Qolnidar, I would just wear the severed penis 183 00:07:40,788 --> 00:07:44,194 of an enemy on a sling made from his dismembered intestines. 184 00:07:44,228 --> 00:07:46,198 - This is a wedding tradition? - No. 185 00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,036 For me, that was a Tuesday night. 186 00:07:51,042 --> 00:07:53,914 Nothing? Okay, whatever. 187 00:07:53,947 --> 00:07:56,152 - Nandor? - Yes, my love? 188 00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:57,889 - I was just looking through the guest list - Mm-hmm. 189 00:07:57,922 --> 00:08:00,193 and I noticed that my parents are not on here. 190 00:08:00,226 --> 00:08:03,199 They had a prior engagement of being very dead. 191 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,203 I just always thought my parents would be there 192 00:08:05,236 --> 00:08:07,207 for my wedding day. 193 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,946 Okay, fine. I will see what I can do. 194 00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:12,050 Thank you. 195 00:08:12,084 --> 00:08:13,954 How many wishes do I have? 196 00:08:13,987 --> 00:08:16,225 - You know I can't tell you that. - Eh. 197 00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:18,630 Okay, fine. I wish 198 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,302 for you to bring Marwa's parents back to life for the wedding. 199 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:24,074 - And do you want them to speak English? - Sure. Why not? 200 00:08:24,108 --> 00:08:27,548 Do you want to bring them back to life permanently, or-or...? 201 00:08:27,582 --> 00:08:30,186 Eh, just for the weekend is fine. 202 00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,157 - It is done. Baba-joon! Maman! 203 00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:33,761 Oh, my dearest. Where is that 204 00:08:33,794 --> 00:08:35,965 - idiot husband of yours? Baba, please. 205 00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:37,769 On second thoughts, 206 00:08:37,802 --> 00:08:40,941 maybe an early departure on Sunday after brunch. 207 00:08:42,612 --> 00:08:44,649 Oh, and for the chocolate fountain-- 208 00:08:44,682 --> 00:08:46,853 it's possible to just put stuff on that 209 00:08:46,887 --> 00:08:49,224 that's not necessarily chocolate, right? 210 00:08:49,258 --> 00:08:51,730 Like what? - What? We want, uh, it... 211 00:08:51,763 --> 00:08:53,667 - I'm not sure yet, but it's... - Yes, that's fine. 212 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,638 Okay, it's fine? Can I get a couple 213 00:08:55,671 --> 00:08:57,307 of those, uh, five-hour energy capsules, please? 214 00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,579 Talking about the normal ones or the kinds for your dick? 215 00:08:59,612 --> 00:09:01,717 Derek. Sorry, one se-one second. 216 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,656 - Derek, what are you doing here? - I'm working. 217 00:09:04,689 --> 00:09:06,258 - Working? You're a vampire. - Hush. 218 00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:09,331 And being a vampire doesn't exactly pay the bills, so... 219 00:09:09,364 --> 00:09:11,603 - What bills? - Clothes, coffin, 220 00:09:11,636 --> 00:09:13,741 storage facility for the coffin. Which, by the way, 221 00:09:13,774 --> 00:09:15,009 I'm not allowed to sleep in, 222 00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:16,345 but whatever. But, you know, 223 00:09:16,378 --> 00:09:17,949 it's not a bad gig. 224 00:09:17,982 --> 00:09:19,118 Why don't you just take money from the peop... 225 00:09:21,322 --> 00:09:23,259 ...from the victims that you kill? 226 00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:25,296 Because I'm a vampire, not a thief. 227 00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:27,367 All right, so that's $16.56. 228 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:31,208 - 18, 19, and 20. What's going on, my man? - Thanks. 229 00:09:31,242 --> 00:09:32,845 - I'm-I'm good. I just... Oh. - 230 00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:34,148 It's the flower people. I have to take... I have 231 00:09:34,181 --> 00:09:35,718 - to take this. Hello. Guillermo. - Oh, okay. 232 00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:36,720 Great shooting the shit with you, man. 233 00:09:36,753 --> 00:09:38,022 - Mm-hmm. - Really good. 234 00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,726 In fact, good to talk to, well, anyone. 235 00:09:39,759 --> 00:09:41,028 I'm sorry, can you give me one se-one second? 236 00:09:41,061 --> 00:09:42,732 Really quick, one second. 237 00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,903 Derek? 238 00:09:44,936 --> 00:09:46,873 - Are you okay? - Ye-Yeah. 239 00:09:46,907 --> 00:09:49,712 Yeah. No. Ish. 240 00:09:49,746 --> 00:09:51,048 You know, it's really lonely 241 00:09:51,081 --> 00:09:53,887 being a-a vampire. 242 00:09:53,921 --> 00:09:55,658 Say, do you want a key cut or something? 243 00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:59,331 Do you want to go to a vampire wedding? 244 00:09:59,364 --> 00:10:01,770 - I do. - I'll send you the info? 245 00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:03,005 - Yeah. Text it to me. - I'll text it to you. I have to go, 246 00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:04,843 - though, okay? Okay. - Okay. Cool. 247 00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:06,713 - Wait. You had my number this whole ti... Mm. - Hello? 248 00:10:06,746 --> 00:10:08,149 - Yeah. I have to go. - Hmm. Okay, yeah. 249 00:10:08,182 --> 00:10:09,786 I am not being 250 00:10:09,819 --> 00:10:11,122 greedy with my wishes. 251 00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:12,658 I simply do not have that many left. 252 00:10:12,692 --> 00:10:14,662 - How many do you have left? - Not many. 253 00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:16,666 - Ay... Well, poor Guillermo. 254 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,035 He's about to have a nervous breakdown 255 00:10:18,069 --> 00:10:19,873 with all this stuff he has to get done. 256 00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:21,877 - Boo-fucking-hoo. She's right. 257 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,881 And it's a terrible thing when you work with someone, 258 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,684 and all you want to do is please them, 259 00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:27,320 but they treat you like a piece of human shit they wish 260 00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:29,659 they could just scrape off the sole of their shoe. 261 00:10:29,692 --> 00:10:31,830 - What? - Huh? 262 00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:34,234 Nandor, what is the point in having a djinn 263 00:10:34,268 --> 00:10:35,738 if you're not going to use the djinn? 264 00:10:35,771 --> 00:10:37,642 - Uh... With all due respect, 265 00:10:37,675 --> 00:10:39,344 you are being a real bridezilla. 266 00:10:39,378 --> 00:10:41,683 - I don't know what that is. Oh, it's like 267 00:10:41,716 --> 00:10:43,887 a combination of a bride and a Godzilla. 268 00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:45,658 What is a Godzilla? 269 00:10:45,691 --> 00:10:47,829 Okay, I think we're getting a little bit off-topic. 270 00:10:47,862 --> 00:10:49,933 He's a giant lizard creature that destroys cities. 271 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,235 - Enough! - Whoa! 272 00:10:51,268 --> 00:10:52,972 - Whoa! Fuck! - 273 00:10:53,005 --> 00:10:55,376 - You were saying? - Nandor, 274 00:10:55,410 --> 00:10:57,080 if you want these impossible things, 275 00:10:57,113 --> 00:10:58,817 then you're going to have to use your wishes. 276 00:10:58,851 --> 00:11:02,090 Okay, fine! I wish for Baron Afanas to be returned 277 00:11:02,123 --> 00:11:04,963 to his original, non-burnt-up, non-just-a-torso form. 278 00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:07,133 - It is done. - I wish for a live dodo bird 279 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,369 that we will slaughter and roast 280 00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:09,839 and feed to the Wraith waitstaff. 281 00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:11,710 - It is done. - And while we're at it, 282 00:11:11,743 --> 00:11:13,947 I wish that Marwa would like all the same things that I like. 283 00:11:13,981 --> 00:11:15,684 Ah. - It is done. - And I wish that... 284 00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,389 I'm sorry, but you've used up all your wishes now. 285 00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:21,328 - What? - Well, it's been, um... 286 00:11:21,362 --> 00:11:23,266 - Yes, yeah. Happy now? - I just got everything 287 00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:25,403 - I wanted out of this, so... Yeah, big smile. - Hmm. 288 00:11:25,436 --> 00:11:27,407 Okay, I wish for you all to get the fuck 289 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:28,810 - out of my bedroom. Okay, I can do that. - 290 00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:35,991 This season... - Game face. 291 00:11:36,025 --> 00:11:37,394 ...the boys are back with even bigger flips. 292 00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:39,732 More demo, more laughs... 293 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,137 Remove those blindfolds. 294 00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:43,840 ...and even more surprises than before. 295 00:11:44,842 --> 00:11:46,078 Tuesdays at 9:00. 296 00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:50,721 I am very glad that 297 00:11:50,754 --> 00:11:53,025 my wedding will now be perfect. 298 00:11:53,059 --> 00:11:54,361 I do feel a little sad that I had 299 00:11:54,394 --> 00:11:56,733 to use up all my wishes to make it so. 300 00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:59,438 Hmm. Looking back, 301 00:11:59,471 --> 00:12:01,375 - - ...I probably should not 302 00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:04,114 have used up so many wishes on such trivial things. 303 00:12:04,147 --> 00:12:07,120 I wish for the lid of my coffin to be closed. 304 00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:08,924 Are you sure? I can just go fetch Guillermo. 305 00:12:08,957 --> 00:12:11,061 With Guillermo, it will be a whole thing. 306 00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:13,065 - Ah. 307 00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:15,771 Guillermo. 308 00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:18,409 The dodo did a doo-doo. 309 00:12:20,881 --> 00:12:24,054 Sean and Charmaine Rinaldi, 310 00:12:24,087 --> 00:12:26,458 you will not be freaked out 311 00:12:26,492 --> 00:12:29,131 that almost everyone at this wedding 312 00:12:29,164 --> 00:12:31,468 is a vampire. 313 00:12:31,503 --> 00:12:33,406 And tomorrow morning, 314 00:12:33,439 --> 00:12:36,011 you will remember 315 00:12:36,045 --> 00:12:38,750 ♪ Nothing. ♪ 316 00:12:39,852 --> 00:12:41,355 - ♪ ♪ - 317 00:12:41,388 --> 00:12:43,225 Three-quarters full, and people are still coming in. 318 00:12:43,259 --> 00:12:45,798 Yes, I can hear them. I can hear their hushed whispers. 319 00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:47,802 Hoping and praying for a disaster that will 320 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,438 prevent my nuptials from being finalized. 321 00:12:49,471 --> 00:12:52,210 Will you listen to yourself? 'Cause maybe it's you 322 00:12:52,243 --> 00:12:54,414 who's actually not too sure about this wedding. 323 00:12:54,448 --> 00:12:56,218 And maybe you're the one trying to sabotage it 324 00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:58,189 by accusing everyone else of being against it. 325 00:13:01,495 --> 00:13:04,468 Can you blame me for being a little afraid? 326 00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:06,973 It's a big step for me. 327 00:13:07,007 --> 00:13:08,844 Hey, it's gonna be okay. 328 00:13:08,877 --> 00:13:10,848 You're gonna be okay. 329 00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:12,217 I'm gonna be right here by your side. 330 00:13:13,219 --> 00:13:15,524 So, if you're scared, I'll be right there. 331 00:13:15,557 --> 00:13:17,127 I never said I was scared. 332 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,396 I said I was afraid. There's a difference. 333 00:13:18,429 --> 00:13:20,400 - Okay. - Hmm. 334 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,872 - Well, if you get afraid, I'll be there. - Yes. 335 00:13:24,876 --> 00:13:26,445 Thank you, Guillermo. 336 00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:27,948 You're my best... 337 00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:31,488 ...man. 338 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:34,996 - You're a vampire, too? - Yes, I am. 339 00:13:35,029 --> 00:13:37,000 - Get the fuck out of here. - 340 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,603 That's so cool. Sean Rinaldi. 341 00:13:38,637 --> 00:13:40,273 - This is my wife Charmaine. - 342 00:13:40,306 --> 00:13:43,346 And now, it gives me great pleasure 343 00:13:43,379 --> 00:13:45,116 to introduce tonight's officiant, 344 00:13:45,149 --> 00:13:47,855 a legend of the vampire world for over 345 00:13:47,888 --> 00:13:49,424 - ten centuries, - 346 00:13:49,458 --> 00:13:52,430 please give it up for Baron Afanas! 347 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:54,836 - - Now we're talking. - Here we go. 348 00:13:54,869 --> 00:13:56,906 - ♪ ♪ - 349 00:13:59,645 --> 00:14:01,850 - 350 00:14:05,924 --> 00:14:08,029 - Look at that. - 351 00:14:08,062 --> 00:14:09,231 Oh, yes, that'll do. 352 00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:10,400 That will do very nicely. 353 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:11,268 I'm as stiff as a board. 354 00:14:12,404 --> 00:14:13,573 Make way. Coming through. 355 00:14:13,607 --> 00:14:17,013 Please rise for the bride. 356 00:14:17,047 --> 00:14:18,449 - Beautiful! 357 00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,055 Wow. Oh, there we are. 358 00:14:22,591 --> 00:14:25,496 - Lovely. - You look beautiful. 359 00:14:28,269 --> 00:14:31,175 - Hi. - Mm. - You may sit. 360 00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,645 Sit down, sit down. 361 00:14:32,678 --> 00:14:34,181 Let's leave it. 362 00:14:34,214 --> 00:14:35,884 Dearly benighted, 363 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,022 we gather here tonight 364 00:14:38,055 --> 00:14:42,297 to join these two in unholy matrimony. 365 00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:44,468 - I'll be all over that later. Not to bore you 366 00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:46,205 with a long speech because, well, 367 00:14:46,238 --> 00:14:48,209 it is not just the bride and groom 368 00:14:48,242 --> 00:14:50,948 who are eager to get down to some fornicating. 369 00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:52,585 - Am I right? Yow! Yow! 370 00:14:54,254 --> 00:14:56,960 So, before they exchange rings, 371 00:14:56,993 --> 00:15:01,569 I must ask if anyone here can show just cause 372 00:15:01,603 --> 00:15:05,076 why Nandor and Marwa may not be lawfully wed. 373 00:15:05,109 --> 00:15:08,617 Speak now or forever hold your peace. 374 00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:10,621 - There's no one disagreeing. - Then, 375 00:15:10,654 --> 00:15:12,691 - by the power vested in... I object. 376 00:15:12,725 --> 00:15:14,060 - Whoa. 377 00:15:14,094 --> 00:15:15,096 Mama, please. - Awkward. 378 00:15:15,129 --> 00:15:16,231 I told you. 379 00:15:16,265 --> 00:15:18,235 - Didn't I tell you? - Yes. 380 00:15:18,269 --> 00:15:21,375 A vampire marrying a woman he was already married to, 381 00:15:21,408 --> 00:15:24,481 but then abandoned to die alone, only 382 00:15:24,515 --> 00:15:26,485 to be brought back to life by djinn magic? 383 00:15:26,519 --> 00:15:28,122 It's just not natural. 384 00:15:28,155 --> 00:15:30,594 Mother, this is what I want. 385 00:15:30,627 --> 00:15:32,531 But I can't just not say anything. 386 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,201 Well, you could try. 387 00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:36,338 So awkward. 388 00:15:37,373 --> 00:15:39,612 So... that happened. 389 00:15:39,645 --> 00:15:42,350 - Now, with no further ado... - I, too, object. 390 00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:43,720 - The fuck? I sort of feel like 391 00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:46,125 this is more about Nandor wanting a wedding, 392 00:15:46,158 --> 00:15:48,462 and wear a big dress, than actually wanting 393 00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:51,135 to be married to Marwa. Facts are facts. 394 00:15:51,168 --> 00:15:53,405 - I'm gonna sit down. I'm done. Proceed. Thank you for that. 395 00:15:53,439 --> 00:15:56,078 Well, anybody else? 396 00:15:56,111 --> 00:15:57,548 - Actually, yes, I thought of something else. - 397 00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:58,984 Oh. 398 00:16:01,021 --> 00:16:02,423 I just want to conclude by saying 399 00:16:02,457 --> 00:16:04,762 I think all marriage is a sham. 400 00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:06,766 Apart from my own marriage 401 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,672 to my darling wife Nadja over there. 402 00:16:09,705 --> 00:16:14,147 The very first time I met Nandor the Relentless, 403 00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:16,418 - I fell deeply in love with him. - Ooh! 404 00:16:16,451 --> 00:16:18,155 'Course, as I got to know him better, 405 00:16:18,189 --> 00:16:20,293 that feeling faded. 406 00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:21,696 But the memory 407 00:16:21,729 --> 00:16:23,667 of that one-sided passion 408 00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,637 is still too much 409 00:16:25,671 --> 00:16:28,777 for me to give this marriage my full endorsement. Thank you. 410 00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:30,781 Hello. Um, my name is Derek. 411 00:16:30,814 --> 00:16:33,553 - Who invited this guy? - I'm just a bit bummed 412 00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:35,456 these two can find love and get married, but I can't 413 00:16:35,489 --> 00:16:39,599 find one chill bud to have a bull sesh with? 414 00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,437 I only very recently became aware 415 00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:44,174 that vampires are real. 416 00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:46,579 Which, by the way, doesn't freak me out at all. 417 00:16:46,613 --> 00:16:48,048 - Mm. - It got me to thinking. 418 00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:49,384 - Everlasting life. Aw. 419 00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:51,288 You know? That's a long time. 420 00:16:51,321 --> 00:16:53,593 Long time to be with another person. 421 00:16:53,627 --> 00:16:55,731 You like her right now, but... 422 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,435 Marwa, I just want to say that I think it's a little rude 423 00:16:58,469 --> 00:17:00,607 that you haven't stopped by my house. 424 00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:03,445 You're new to the neighborhood. You haven't bought any, like, 425 00:17:03,479 --> 00:17:05,216 cookies or anything. That's what people do. 426 00:17:05,249 --> 00:17:06,753 Nope. Sorry, we do not validate. 427 00:17:06,786 --> 00:17:09,090 Once again, for the last time, please do not get in line 428 00:17:09,124 --> 00:17:10,293 to ask if we validate. 429 00:17:10,326 --> 00:17:11,361 G-Get on with it. 430 00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,465 I cannot tell you how moved I am 431 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,604 - to see you all gathered here. - Since when did The Sire speak English? 432 00:17:15,637 --> 00:17:18,442 Oh, I taught him. Flashcards, mostly. 433 00:17:18,475 --> 00:17:21,816 - Hmm. - Time lays waste to all. 434 00:17:21,849 --> 00:17:25,724 And love turns to dust. 435 00:17:25,757 --> 00:17:28,429 Ruin is inevitable. 436 00:17:28,462 --> 00:17:32,705 And all else is prelude. 437 00:17:35,243 --> 00:17:37,213 He's got a point. 438 00:17:37,247 --> 00:17:38,650 Thank you for that. 439 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,388 Next it's... The Guide again. 440 00:17:41,421 --> 00:17:42,758 I forgot to say earlier, 441 00:17:42,791 --> 00:17:45,530 I also fell deeply in love 442 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,735 with Marwa when I first met her. 443 00:17:47,768 --> 00:17:50,473 Enough of this bullshit! I've had enough! 444 00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:52,076 I know what you are doing. 445 00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:53,379 You're plotting against me. 446 00:17:53,412 --> 00:17:54,782 Fuck you. 447 00:17:54,815 --> 00:17:56,653 - And I agree with him. - Thank you. 448 00:17:56,686 --> 00:17:58,757 I admit, 449 00:17:58,790 --> 00:18:01,495 I have had my doubts about this marriage, as well. 450 00:18:01,529 --> 00:18:04,669 - - I almost called it off more than once. 451 00:18:04,702 --> 00:18:08,342 - What? - But then, yesterday, a feeling came over me. 452 00:18:08,375 --> 00:18:11,214 And I realized that if this is what 453 00:18:11,248 --> 00:18:12,785 - Nandor wants... Oh. Oh, fuck. 454 00:18:12,818 --> 00:18:15,757 - then it is what I want, also. - Oh. 455 00:18:15,791 --> 00:18:17,895 'Cause when it comes to Nandor, 456 00:18:17,928 --> 00:18:20,433 I like what he likes. 457 00:18:29,451 --> 00:18:32,390 - ♪ ♪ - 458 00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,672 Marwa, I must ask, 459 00:18:39,705 --> 00:18:41,308 when did this moment come over you 460 00:18:41,341 --> 00:18:42,878 where you realized that 461 00:18:42,911 --> 00:18:45,817 whatever I like, you like also? 462 00:18:45,851 --> 00:18:47,655 Yesterday evening. 463 00:18:48,623 --> 00:18:50,827 Was it early evening or late? 464 00:18:50,861 --> 00:18:52,196 Late evening. 465 00:18:52,230 --> 00:18:53,733 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 466 00:18:55,504 --> 00:18:57,675 Yes. 467 00:19:00,714 --> 00:19:03,185 I'd forgotten how handsome a vampire the Baron is. 468 00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:05,590 Oh, yes, he's absolutely delicious. 469 00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:07,728 I must confess we had a little quickie 470 00:19:07,761 --> 00:19:09,464 in the cloakroom after the ceremony. 471 00:19:09,497 --> 00:19:11,869 - As good as you remembered? - Oh, so much better. 472 00:19:11,903 --> 00:19:13,740 Right. Well, then don't mind if I do. 473 00:19:13,773 --> 00:19:15,877 - Oh, enjoy, my love. Ooh. - I bloody will. 474 00:19:15,911 --> 00:19:17,715 I say there, Baron, 475 00:19:17,748 --> 00:19:21,355 fantastic to see you returned to your former glory. 476 00:19:21,388 --> 00:19:25,731 I have been wanting to have a private word with you, Laszlo. 477 00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,901 If you would be so good as to meet me 478 00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:31,341 in the coatroom in five minutes. 479 00:19:31,375 --> 00:19:34,849 Oh, yes. I think I can manage that. 480 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,385 Ah. Oh. 481 00:19:36,418 --> 00:19:38,823 Baba, let's dance. - So. 482 00:19:39,792 --> 00:19:41,361 So. 483 00:19:41,395 --> 00:19:43,499 I suppose later tonight 484 00:19:43,533 --> 00:19:46,371 is when you will make her a vampire 485 00:19:46,405 --> 00:19:48,810 so that the two of you can be together 486 00:19:48,843 --> 00:19:51,248 forever and ever 487 00:19:51,281 --> 00:19:54,421 and all eternity. 488 00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:55,924 We will see. 489 00:19:55,957 --> 00:19:57,528 Yes, just as I thought. 490 00:19:57,561 --> 00:19:58,930 So that was great. 491 00:19:58,963 --> 00:20:00,767 - Then other times, I hit, uh, - Thank you. 492 00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,472 Dyker Beach-- which, yes, it's a public course-- 493 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:07,380 but, oh, man, I mean, they really take care of the greens. 494 00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:08,783 So you, uh, get out to the links often? 495 00:20:08,817 --> 00:20:11,656 - - I hear that. 496 00:20:11,689 --> 00:20:13,660 - Ah... - 497 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,435 - 498 00:20:18,469 --> 00:20:19,972 - Marwa. - Hi. 499 00:20:20,005 --> 00:20:21,374 - You look beautiful. - Thank you. 500 00:20:21,408 --> 00:20:22,945 Congratulations. 501 00:20:22,978 --> 00:20:25,282 You have done such a wonderful job tonight, Guillermo. 502 00:20:25,316 --> 00:20:27,286 Oh, no. 503 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,290 I don't know what I would do without you. 504 00:20:29,324 --> 00:20:31,562 - Mmm. - Oh. Thank you. 505 00:20:31,596 --> 00:20:33,666 - Oh. - That's... Thank... 506 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,904 Oh, well, that's a lot of kissing. 507 00:20:35,937 --> 00:20:37,941 - Mmm. - Thank you. Wow. 508 00:20:41,716 --> 00:20:43,553 - Hey, bro. - Hey! Fu... 509 00:20:43,586 --> 00:20:45,724 I got you a little, uh, wedding present. 510 00:20:45,757 --> 00:20:48,897 A brand-new djinn lamp. 511 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,272 - What? - It's a little small. 512 00:20:53,305 --> 00:20:57,413 This one only has three wishes, so use them wisely, huh? 513 00:20:57,447 --> 00:20:58,716 Could I use one of the wishes 514 00:20:58,750 --> 00:21:00,453 to wish for a thousand more wishes? 515 00:21:00,486 --> 00:21:03,593 - No. - Eh. Thanks for nothing. 516 00:21:03,626 --> 00:21:05,329 ♪ There's going to be a wedding ♪ 517 00:21:05,362 --> 00:21:07,601 ♪ A wedding in the dark ♪ 518 00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,572 ♪ There's going to be a marriage ♪ 519 00:21:09,605 --> 00:21:12,978 ♪ And everyone will ask ♪ 520 00:21:13,011 --> 00:21:16,586 ♪ Who will come first on the wedding night ♪ 521 00:21:16,619 --> 00:21:20,459 ♪ The wedding night, the wedding night ♪ 522 00:21:20,493 --> 00:21:23,867 ♪ Who will come first on the wedding night? ♪ 523 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:25,604 ♪ I think Nandor might ♪ 524 00:21:25,637 --> 00:21:28,008 ♪ On the wedding night ♪ 525 00:21:28,041 --> 00:21:30,981 ♪ Who will come first on the wedding night? ♪ 526 00:21:31,014 --> 00:21:32,718 ♪ If his cock feels right ♪ 527 00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:35,055 ♪ And her pussy is tight... ♪ 528 00:21:35,089 --> 00:21:36,526 - Should I put hair on it? It looks much better. 529 00:21:36,559 --> 00:21:38,362 - Hey! Uh-oh. 530 00:21:38,395 --> 00:21:40,466 Little Colin Robinson, what are you doing? 531 00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:42,303 - Shoo, you little rascal! - 532 00:21:42,336 --> 00:21:43,338 Run, Colin, run! Go, go, go, go! 533 00:21:43,372 --> 00:21:44,909 Oh. 534 00:21:44,942 --> 00:21:47,046 LASZLO ♪ On the wedding night ♪ 535 00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:49,350 - ♪ The wedding night ♪ Come on, boys. 536 00:21:49,384 --> 00:21:51,856 ♪ Who'll come first on the wedding night ♪ 537 00:21:51,889 --> 00:21:54,494 It's okay. Back to sleep. 538 00:21:54,528 --> 00:21:56,899 Back to sleep. 539 00:21:56,933 --> 00:21:58,803 NADJA So, this song is called "The House Mate." 540 00:21:58,837 --> 00:22:03,378 ♪ He's relentless in love, he's relentless in bed ♪ 541 00:22:03,412 --> 00:22:05,482 ♪ He's Nandor the Relentless ♪ 542 00:22:05,517 --> 00:22:07,654 ♪ He wears all sorts of capes ♪ 543 00:22:07,688 --> 00:22:09,925 ♪ He's not got much in his head ♪ 544 00:22:09,959 --> 00:22:13,031 ♪ He's Nandor the Relentless. ♪ 545 00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:14,367 Nandor has, uh, 546 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,371 really wasted a lot of wishes 547 00:22:16,404 --> 00:22:17,741 - on stupid things. - NANDOR Yee-haw! 548 00:22:17,774 --> 00:22:20,514 It's the bee's buzz! What a good bee you are. 549 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:22,083 Oh, hey! So fun! 550 00:22:22,116 --> 00:22:23,753 Okay, now. 551 00:22:23,786 --> 00:22:25,690 But it's not my job to judge. 552 00:22:25,724 --> 00:22:28,563 Hey... No, I-I said I wanted to play one-on-one 553 00:22:28,596 --> 00:22:30,934 with the real guy, not the cardboard cutout guy. 554 00:22:30,967 --> 00:22:32,804 I should have been more specific. 555 00:22:32,838 --> 00:22:34,808 Three points! Hey! 556 00:22:34,842 --> 00:22:39,518 ♪ Hold me forever ♪ 557 00:22:39,552 --> 00:22:44,562 ♪ Kiss me until I see the heavens open ♪ 558 00:22:44,595 --> 00:22:49,872 ♪ Promise my heart will not be broken... ♪ 559 00:22:52,076 --> 00:22:55,115 - Sean? Oh, Seanie. - Shut the fuck up. 560 00:22:55,149 --> 00:22:56,652 What's wrong with you?! 561 00:22:56,686 --> 00:22:57,453 - What did you do last night? - Jesus. 562 00:22:57,486 --> 00:22:58,690 Uh... I don't... 563 00:22:58,723 --> 00:23:00,426 - What? - I don't remember. 564 00:23:00,459 --> 00:23:02,564 I must have really torn one up, huh? 565 00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:04,535 Wait a minute. Weren't you there? 566 00:23:04,568 --> 00:23:06,539 No. I was in bed by 9:00. 567 00:23:06,572 --> 00:23:08,108 Aw, shit. You know what, 568 00:23:08,141 --> 00:23:10,012 I think I had one of those CBD gummies Brenda gave me. 569 00:23:10,045 --> 00:23:11,882 They make me fucking crazy. 570 00:23:11,916 --> 00:23:13,753 - Just get up. - That's why you don't do the marijuana. 571 00:23:13,786 --> 00:23:15,824 Oh, my God. I would never do the marijuana. That's a drug. 572 00:23:15,857 --> 00:23:17,460 - That's drugs. Come on. Let's go. - What do you think CBD is?! 573 00:23:17,493 --> 00:23:21,836 ♪ Hold me forever ♪ 574 00:23:21,869 --> 00:23:27,013 ♪ Never let me go without you ♪ 575 00:23:27,046 --> 00:23:31,956 ♪ Kiss me until I see the heavens open ♪ 576 00:23:31,989 --> 00:23:35,095 ♪ Promise my heart will not be. ♪ 577 00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:40,139 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 40709

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