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1
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,120
[ Cellphone chimes ]
2
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,500
Ah.
David just parked.
3
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:09,540
You know, I don't think
I've ever met Mark's dad.
4
00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,960
Well, we've actually been
separated for years,
5
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,920
so he's never been
to a parent-teacher
conference before.
6
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,460
He was
working overseas.
Oh.
7
00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:19,170
Not for money,
but, um...
8
00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:20,580
But he's a good dad...
yeah.
9
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,500
Not a great dad,
or he would've been on time.
10
00:00:24,170 --> 00:00:25,080
I'm just --
I'm just kidding.
11
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,380
I'm just kidding.
12
00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:28,080
We have that kind
of relationship,
13
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,500
you know,
when he's not around.
14
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,920
Oh, so, so sorry
we're late.
15
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,000
Who's this?
16
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,290
This is my girlfriend,
Blue.
17
00:00:36,290 --> 00:00:37,710
Blue,
this is Darlene,
18
00:00:37,710 --> 00:00:41,000
and -- and Mark's teacher,
Mrs...um, Reynolds.
19
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,750
Thank you
for having me,
20
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,170
member of
the noblest profession.
21
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,790
Ah, and it's so nice
to finally meet you, Darlene.
22
00:00:50,790 --> 00:00:53,620
Yes, it's...
nice to meet you, too.
23
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,040
And what a delightful surprise
that it's happening here!
24
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,120
I should've told you
that Blue was coming,
25
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,750
but at
the last minute,
26
00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:03,210
she felt that --
27
00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:05,750
I-I mean we felt
that if she was here,
28
00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:07,620
she could be
a more profound part
29
00:01:07,620 --> 00:01:09,580
of Mark's life journey.
30
00:01:09,580 --> 00:01:11,790
Yeah, I've only
met Mark twice,
31
00:01:11,790 --> 00:01:14,000
but I've known him
forever.
32
00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:18,540
And, you know, like
they say, the more
parents, the better!
33
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:23,170
Um...who says that?
No one says that.
34
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,750
So, why don't
we get started.
35
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:26,420
Uh, yeah, sorry.
36
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,880
I'm -- I'm anxious
to hear how Mark's
doing in his new class.
37
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,500
First, Mark is
an absolute pleasure,
38
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,750
although he can be...
a little too talkative at times.
39
00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:35,210
That is so Mark.
40
00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:41,960
I'm always saying that.
He's so highly verbal.
41
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,380
Totally. You would
know, 'cause you've
met him twice, so...
42
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:48,540
So, uh...
Mark's a big talker?
43
00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:50,500
Is that -- Is that
affecting his schoolwork?
44
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,290
No. Honestly, it's a struggle
to keep him challenged.
45
00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:54,670
W-W-Well, you know,
if you think
46
00:01:54,670 --> 00:01:56,380
he needs some extra work
to challenge him,
47
00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:58,960
we can help him when the kids
stay over this weekend.
48
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,880
H-Hold up. What --
The kids are staying over?
49
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,120
I never agreed to that.
50
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:07,380
Huh. My smart watch is telling
me to get up and move,
51
00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:09,080
and, I don't know,
now seems like a good time.
52
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:14,040
You said the kids
could sleep over sometimes.
53
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,120
That's just
something you say, like,
54
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,710
"They're your kids, too."
55
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:20,420
Come on.
56
00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:22,000
I'm trying to make up
for lost time here.
57
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:27,540
Fine.
They can sleep over.
58
00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:30,420
[ Chuckles ] And you do
not have to worry.
59
00:02:30,420 --> 00:02:32,500
I lived
on a weed commune...
60
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,750
...where we all shared in
the raising of the children.
61
00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:41,080
Oh, yeah, sure.
Well, it's easier that way
62
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,040
when you're too stoned
to know whose kid is whose.
63
00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:56,540
♪♪
64
00:02:56,540 --> 00:03:06,670
♪♪
65
00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:16,670
♪♪
66
00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:19,960
♪♪
67
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,290
"The Conners" is recorded
68
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:26,620
in front of a live
studio audience.
69
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,000
Ah, damn.
[ Clears throat ]
70
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,170
You okay?
71
00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:30,920
Ah, I'm short a guy
at work.
72
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,580
My back's acting up
from hangin' drywall.
73
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,750
Turns out...
74
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,460
I forgot to eat right
and exercise
75
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:37,960
for the last 50 years.
76
00:03:39,380 --> 00:03:40,460
It's never too late.
77
00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:42,580
That's what they say,
but...
78
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:43,250
it is.
79
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,420
Hey, Beck.
80
00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:47,960
What do you need?
81
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,580
Willpower
or a beer.
82
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:53,080
Once again,
we have a winner!
83
00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:56,500
Hey, you know what,
Deej?
84
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,290
If you want to pick up
a couple extra bucks,
85
00:03:58,290 --> 00:03:59,460
you could help out
on my crew.
86
00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:01,170
I am slammed at work.
87
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,880
You know the servicing
of vending machines,
88
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,830
it's not just
collecting coins.
89
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:08,250
Vandals scratch curse words
into the glass.
90
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:10,040
And they say
firemen are heroes.
91
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:13,830
Hey, Dad?
92
00:04:13,830 --> 00:04:15,250
Mm-hmm?
93
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:18,040
How come you didn't ask me
to do drywall?
94
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,420
'Cause I'm a girl?
[ Sighs ]
95
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,620
Wait, you're not
gonna get me with that one.
96
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,880
No, I didn't ask you
because you're a woman.
97
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,960
Come on. I could really
use the extra money.
98
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,290
I'm saving to put a down payment
on a mobile home
99
00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:34,830
with a patio and a tree
that you can tie yourself to
100
00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:35,920
when the tornado comes.
101
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,830
I'd love to, Beck,
but it's construction.
102
00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:42,330
I'm not comfortable
having you around
103
00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:45,000
all that rough language
and dirty jokes,
104
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,120
and I don't think
I can cut back.
105
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,380
Women built
the pyramids, Dad.
106
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:53,380
I don't know
if that's true,
107
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,750
but I like how quick
you came up with it.
108
00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:57,580
So, is that a yes?
109
00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:59,380
All right, Butch.
We'll give it a shot.
110
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,290
Oh!
111
00:05:01,330 --> 00:05:03,080
And, Mom,
we'll be fine.
112
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,000
Don't text me every
five minutes when I'm
with Dad and Blue.
113
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,880
I won't.
114
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,830
Just remember, any
nice feelings you
have about her...
115
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:09,790
hurt me.
116
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,750
Are you jealous because
new mommy is so pretty?
117
00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:16,960
Ohh. That was rough.
118
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,000
I'm a little wounded...
and kinda proud.
119
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:24,000
Harris, you come
from a long line of
sharp-tongued women
120
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,880
who have found that
this particular gift
121
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,880
keeps them from having any
truly successful relationships
122
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,210
outside the family.
123
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,080
[ Knock on door,
door opens ]
124
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,880
Hey.
You got everything?
125
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,210
Everything but happiness.
126
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,000
I mean I'm working on it
with a new boyfriend.
127
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,580
Sorry,
I-I-I meant bags.
128
00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:45,330
Oh, yeah,
we got baggage...
129
00:05:45,330 --> 00:05:47,040
but...
[Clears throat]
130
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,620
we're aware of it,
and as a life coach,
131
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:50,290
I know that once you're
aware of the problem,
132
00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:52,830
then you can begin
that long, long process.
133
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,290
Uh, yeah...
134
00:05:54,290 --> 00:05:56,330
sensing that
you're still living alone?
135
00:05:56,330 --> 00:05:59,210
Uh, no, no,
I've got Bev with me now.
136
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:00,750
Talking to her
is a challenge.
137
00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:04,210
Did you know that
she was beautiful in her day
138
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:05,750
but neither of her daughters
inherited that?
139
00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:09,620
[ Laughs nervously ]
140
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,080
So strange being in
this house without your mom.
141
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,330
When you and I
were having problems,
142
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:23,460
she'd always take me aside
and say,
143
00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:25,920
"David, I can't understand you
when you're crying."
144
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,500
Well, you were the daughter
she always wanted.
[ Chuckles ]
145
00:06:32,830 --> 00:06:33,580
How you doing?
146
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:35,040
Mm.
147
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:35,960
Up and down.
148
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:40,040
Well, things look like
they're going really
well with you and Blue.
149
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,540
Yeah. Thank you for being
so accepting of it.
150
00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:44,170
Oh, yeah, no problem.
151
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:45,750
Um...did you tell her
152
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,620
that we slept together
like three months ago?
153
00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:49,620
I just need to know in case
I mention it in passing.
154
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,580
Please do not do that.
155
00:06:56,460 --> 00:06:58,250
Okay, but let's
be brutally honest.
156
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:01,380
After we had sex, you were
totally ready to ditch Blue.
157
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:02,210
Well...
158
00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:04,920
It was great sex.
159
00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:09,080
Yeah. It was.
160
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,620
[ Chuckling ] Don't --
Don't...confuse me.
161
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:16,500
I-I really think I found
something that works.
162
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,750
[ Scoffs ]
Really? With her?
163
00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:19,620
Yeah.
164
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:23,000
Yes, I think
I found my soulmate.
165
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,120
That's great.
[ Chuckles ]
166
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,710
I mean,
I just wanted clarity.
167
00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:32,500
As long as we're clear,
it's great.
168
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:33,330
Hi, Dad.
169
00:07:34,710 --> 00:07:36,580
Oh, me. Yeah. Hi.
Hi, son.
170
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,790
What happened
to your socks and shoes?
171
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:42,330
We're grounding.
172
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:44,580
Harris and I are
gonna do it this
weekend with Blue.
173
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:47,420
She says it's a way
to be more connected
to Mother Earth.
174
00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:49,920
Uncle David's girlfriend, Blue,
says God is in the dirt.
175
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,170
You replaced
this wonderful woman
176
00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:56,170
with "God is in the dirt"
woman?
177
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,250
Great to see you,
Geena.
178
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,960
I see the war
has softened you.
179
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,830
Hello, everyone.
Name's Becky.
180
00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:17,120
Not gonna lie, I'm also
the boss's daughter.
181
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,120
Just because I may own
this business one day
182
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,580
should not affect
how you treat me.
183
00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:27,330
Good morning,
Miss Healy.
184
00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:29,880
Nice to see you on time
for your first day.
185
00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:32,670
What's in here?
186
00:08:32,670 --> 00:08:33,790
Water. Duh!
187
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,920
Water has bubbles
when you shake it.
188
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,420
There's no bubbles
when I shake this.
189
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:41,580
[ Sniffs ]
This vodka?
190
00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:43,250
Oh, my God.
191
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:44,580
Okay...
192
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,420
Who put vodka
in my water bottle?
193
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:49,040
Dwight?
194
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,620
So not cool, man.
195
00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,540
Guys, would you go out
and unload my truck?
196
00:08:54,540 --> 00:08:55,380
Thanks.
197
00:08:58,540 --> 00:09:00,080
What the hell's
going on?
198
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,580
It's 6:30
in the morning.
199
00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:03,080
Sorry, Dad.
200
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,380
I usually take a shot
201
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:06,500
before I start
at the restaurant.
202
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,500
Sober Becky wasn't
getting really good tips.
203
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:10,830
Here's a tip --
204
00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:12,000
if somebody gets hurt
on this job,
205
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,540
I lose my license.
206
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:15,580
That's why I have
a zero-tolerance policy
207
00:09:15,580 --> 00:09:17,580
for alcohol!
208
00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:19,080
And the union's
okay with that?
209
00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:22,580
Is this going to be
a problem?
210
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:24,580
Okay, fine.
211
00:09:24,580 --> 00:09:26,920
Sober Becky it is.
212
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:28,670
We'll all get to
know her together.
213
00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:32,580
How come those glasses
are still full?
214
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:33,540
Ha ha!
215
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,710
Señoritas' night.
216
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:36,210
I-I want to have fun.
217
00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:38,670
I just keep thinking
about how David and
his crazy girlfriend
218
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:40,290
are playing house
with my kids.
219
00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:41,830
Well, you're here,
you're out,
220
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:43,620
you're two shots away
from losing Darlene
221
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:44,540
and discovering...
222
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,000
Dah-leenah!
223
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,170
Look, I know
it's hard to hear,
224
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:56,210
but David found someone,
and so should you.
225
00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:58,120
There is a room
full of guys here.
226
00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,380
And you're a catch.
227
00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:00,620
You're an educated,
228
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:02,670
diabetes-free woman
in Lanford?
229
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,210
There's only
two of us.
230
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,210
All right, let's make this
a drinking game.
231
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:10,380
Every time we spot
a guy who looks like
232
00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,210
he doesn't have a job,
we take a drink,
233
00:10:12,210 --> 00:10:13,620
and then
you'll have the courage
234
00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:15,080
to approach
the ones who do.
235
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:17,330
I'm in.
236
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:21,580
Plaid shirt at two o'clock.
Check it out.
237
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:24,500
He's wearing a watch
with a leather band.
238
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,420
Yeah, but nobody
wears a watch anymore.
239
00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:27,920
That means he can't
afford a phone.
240
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,380
No job!
241
00:10:31,790 --> 00:10:33,120
Hey.
242
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,080
That guy's
stitches are even.
243
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,000
Them there's
doctor stitches.
244
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,080
Healthcare -- job!
245
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,580
If you're not gonna
hit that, I will.
246
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:45,790
Okay,
this is pathetic.
247
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,920
Hunting for men or
our lives aren't complete?
248
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,620
We're better than that.
249
00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:50,580
Excuse me.
250
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,620
Sorry.
251
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:52,670
Can I buy you
a drink?
252
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:53,880
Oh, hi.
Yeah, sure.
253
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,540
Gin and tonic?
254
00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:57,120
Yes.
255
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,330
While you're
doing that,
256
00:10:58,330 --> 00:11:00,250
I'm gonna get the 411
on Stitches for ya.
257
00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:03,620
Uh, two gin and tonics,
please.
258
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:05,420
I'm sorry. W-What kind
of gin do you prefer?
259
00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:06,670
Oh, you choose.
260
00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:07,880
Sure, yeah, yeah.
261
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,080
Sometimes the man chooses.
[ Chuckles ]
262
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,080
Uh, well...
263
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,290
Let's see, they got
the one with the fancy
English guard guy.
264
00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:16,920
But, you know,
once you put the tonic in,
265
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,540
it most likely is gonna
taste the same anyway.
266
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:19,710
You know what?
267
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,210
We should probably
be looking at tonics.
268
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:23,460
Uh, d-do you have
a list of tonics?
269
00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:24,880
Um...
270
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,120
Two English guard guys
and your best tonic.
271
00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:30,120
Y-You're not
with somebody, right?
272
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,040
Oh, no, I was,
but that was, like,
273
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,460
20 years ago,
so I think I'm free.
274
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,120
[ Chuckles ]
275
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,790
Uh, I'm Darlene.
276
00:11:37,790 --> 00:11:38,790
I-I got to tell you,
I --
277
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,420
I love your curly hair.
278
00:11:40,420 --> 00:11:41,620
But you probably
hate it, right?
279
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:43,540
Everybody always wants
what they don't have.
280
00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:44,710
I'm sorry.
281
00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:47,170
I'm sorry. I'm kind of
a direct person.
282
00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:48,750
I assume you're
talking to me because,
283
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,960
at some point, you
want all this small
talk to lead to sex?
284
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,170
It doesn't have to.
285
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,210
No, no, no, it's okay.
286
00:11:54,210 --> 00:11:55,500
I'm seriously
considering it.
287
00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:00,120
Stitches was a bust.
288
00:12:01,710 --> 00:12:03,290
[ Clears throat ]
Horse kicked him
in the head.
289
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,380
He's not all there.
290
00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:09,790
♪♪
291
00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:10,830
Hey.
292
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,380
Oh, hey. Hi, you.
293
00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:13,920
Uh, I was just
on my way out.
294
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,120
Let me get
my shoes on.
295
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,120
Do you mind if we go inside
and talk for a minute?
296
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,790
Oh, yeah, just --
just a minute.
297
00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:23,210
I'm late to the place
I was clearly on my way to.
298
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,120
I just thought I'd stop by
and give you an update
299
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,670
on how things
are going.
300
00:12:31,670 --> 00:12:32,880
Uh...
301
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,670
Mark's fine and...
302
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:35,920
Harris is fine, too.
303
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,540
Why would you
come over here
304
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:39,830
to tell me
everything's fine?
305
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:41,750
All right, uh...
306
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:43,960
Something happened
but nothing's wrong.
307
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:46,880
Does it look like
I'm enjoying this game?
308
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:52,460
Harris had
a friend over, um...
309
00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:55,170
a boy...
and they had sex.
310
00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:58,500
What?!
311
00:12:58,500 --> 00:12:59,750
Wha-- How --
What do you --
312
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,120
How could you
let this happen?!
313
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,540
I was at work and I-I know
that's no excuse
314
00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,170
and I-I feel horrible.
315
00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:06,330
Wait, w-why were you
at work
316
00:13:06,330 --> 00:13:07,790
when you were supposed
to be watching our kids?!
317
00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:09,040
I couldn't help it.
318
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,460
I started my job
at Trader Joe's,
319
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:11,620
and they made me
work overtime
320
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,210
to do all the
stupid chalkboards.
321
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,540
They really like
my drawings,
322
00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:19,540
which makes me feel good,
but on the other hand --
323
00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:20,540
David!
324
00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:21,960
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
325
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,750
Look, I-I-I was just as upset
as you are right now,
326
00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,580
but...
327
00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:28,670
here's the good news.
328
00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:30,080
Blue was there
329
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,040
and Harris ended up
telling her what happened
330
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,620
and they really
bonded over it.
331
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:35,830
[ Scoffs ]
Oh, good.
332
00:13:35,830 --> 00:13:37,670
That's the first thing
I was worried about --
333
00:13:37,670 --> 00:13:39,460
how will this
affect Blue?!
334
00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:42,540
I know that there's
a lot to talk about,
335
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:46,040
and we will, but I
have to go to work now.
336
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,000
[ Scoffs ]
I n-- I need this job.
337
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,120
They want me to open early
to stock the stone fruit.
338
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,880
It -- It's actually a pretty
big vote of confidence.
339
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,170
Where are you going?
340
00:13:53,170 --> 00:13:56,380
To your house
to get my kids.
341
00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:57,290
Stop!
342
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:00,880
What?!
343
00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:04,710
I don't know. I didn't expect
the "stop" to work, so...
344
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,080
[ Knock on door ]
345
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,380
Where are they?
346
00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:13,710
David told me you would
probably be upset.
347
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:14,750
Come here.
348
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:15,580
Don't touch me!
349
00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:18,210
I want my kids.
350
00:14:18,210 --> 00:14:20,710
Well, they're upstairs
getting ready to go.
351
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:22,250
Harris!
352
00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:23,500
You know what?
353
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,250
I -- As soon as you found
out this happened,
354
00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:26,830
you should have
called me.
355
00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:28,290
I don't have a cellphone.
356
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,830
They kill bees.
357
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,250
Oh, okay, I'm sorry.
358
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:36,580
See, I didn't realize
you're out of your mind.
359
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,080
That explains how
you got suckered into
360
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,380
letting a 16-year-old
be alone with a boy.
361
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:44,670
Harris did not
trick me, okay?
362
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:47,920
We had a very powerful
discussion about sex
363
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,210
and the
female body
364
00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:51,250
and getting
our needs met
365
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:52,580
before anything
even happened.
366
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:55,170
Do not move!
367
00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:58,330
You're saying you knew about
this before it happened?
368
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:02,040
You crystal-licking,
patchouli-smelling
hippie bitch!
369
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,290
Hey. I, uh...
370
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:07,420
forgot my chalk.
371
00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:09,380
So...
372
00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:12,750
...how's everything
going?
373
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:16,040
Um, Darlene is working
through her anger
374
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,290
to get to
a more mature place.
375
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:19,710
I will kill you!
O-Okay, okay,
all right.
376
00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,670
That's -- That's -- That's
a good...starting point.
377
00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:26,080
Uh, Blue, how do you feel
about Darlene wanting to...
378
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,120
kill you?
379
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:30,460
I think you should get her
out of our house.
380
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:32,670
Oh, my pleasure,
Blue.
381
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,620
Harris, why don't you go
upstairs and get your stuff
382
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:36,790
and find your brother
and knock the crack
pipe out of his hand
383
00:15:36,790 --> 00:15:38,080
and meet me in the car!
384
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,920
Hey, Mark, I'm about to talk
to your sister about sex.
385
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:47,960
You want to listen in?
386
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:50,330
Okay, he can't hear
anything.
387
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,500
Okay, first of all...
388
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,000
...are you okay?
389
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,330
Yes.
390
00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,620
Well, how well
do you know this boy?
391
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:00,710
Pretty well.
392
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:01,880
Better now.
393
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:06,710
Look, I know you're mad at me,
but I'm not stupid.
394
00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:09,500
I've heard everything
you've said to me about
sex since I was 11.
395
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,710
Well, then, why didn't
you come to me?
396
00:16:11,710 --> 00:16:14,210
Did you tell your mom
you were going to have sex?
397
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:17,000
No. My mom relentlessly
grilled me.
398
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,880
That's why
I didn't push you.
399
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,210
I was waiting for you to talk
to me when you were ready.
400
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,790
[ Sighs deeply ]
401
00:16:26,790 --> 00:16:28,500
What's up?
402
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,000
Just checking my texts.
403
00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:33,670
Oh, nothing from him?
404
00:16:33,670 --> 00:16:36,080
Not yet.
405
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,380
I'm sorry. Boys can be
really stupid.
406
00:16:38,380 --> 00:16:40,170
They're training
for being men.
407
00:16:41,670 --> 00:16:42,540
[ Clears throat ]
408
00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:46,250
He'll call.
409
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,670
You know, or he won't, and
you'll be fine either way.
410
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,960
So, your big thing
is that...
411
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,880
you want me to come to
you with all my personal
problems and stuff,
412
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,710
and you won't judge me?
413
00:16:57,710 --> 00:17:00,000
[ Chuckles ] Yeah, that's
exactly what I want.
414
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,420
Okay, then we need to
stop at a drug store for
a morning-after pill,
415
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:06,040
because I'm worried
that we used the condom wrong.
416
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,040
I know I'm old enough
to get the pill by myself,
417
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,830
but I'd feel better
if you came with me.
418
00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:13,750
Who talks to their mom
about that kind of stuff?
419
00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:19,750
Hey, Deej. I bought
the "Mamma Mia!" soundtrack.
420
00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:20,750
You want to listen?
421
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:21,960
Score! Yes!
422
00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:27,290
Okay, great. I wanted
to talk to you in private.
423
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:31,210
What's up?
424
00:17:31,210 --> 00:17:33,290
I've been thinking
about what you said...
425
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:35,670
and you're right.
426
00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:37,830
I don't actually think
I can go a whole day...
427
00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:40,830
...without drinking.
428
00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:43,170
Okay. I want
to hear a plan.
429
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:45,620
I believe
I can give you
430
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,210
a good half-day's
work for now...
431
00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:51,330
...and then work on getting
the other half together.
432
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:55,000
W-What are we talkin' about?
A month? A year?
433
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,000
Until after
Oktoberfest?
434
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,120
I forgot about Oktoberfest.
I love Oktoberfest.
435
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,380
I'm gonna give you
six weeks,
436
00:18:04,380 --> 00:18:06,750
and if you still don't
have it under control,
437
00:18:06,750 --> 00:18:07,960
I'm gonna have
to pull the job.
438
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,620
I know I can stop.
439
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:10,460
I hope so.
440
00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:14,580
[ Loudly ] Pierce Brosnan
is a much better singer
441
00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:15,830
than he gets credit for!
442
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,460
[ Knock on door ]
443
00:18:24,580 --> 00:18:26,380
Hey. What do you want?
444
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:28,670
I'd like to say
goodnight to the kids.
445
00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:30,500
Okay,
Mark is already asleep,
446
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,580
but if you want, you
can go tuck Harris
and her boyfriend in.
447
00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:36,080
I deserve that.
448
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:41,170
Oh, before you go up,
we should talk.
449
00:18:41,170 --> 00:18:43,290
Look, I-I know
I screwed up.
450
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,170
The only thing I can say
is that, in the future,
451
00:18:45,170 --> 00:18:47,000
I will watch her
like a hawk.
452
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,580
Yeah, you better,
because from now on,
453
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,000
they're not coming over
unless you're gonna be home.
454
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,670
And Blue can't be part
of parenting decisions.
455
00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:57,250
Fine. But she's going to be
a part of the kids' lives.
456
00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:59,500
She's gonna be at all
the major life events,
457
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,540
like high-school graduations
and college drop-offs.
458
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,750
Okay, great.
459
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:05,670
If -- If any of our kids
graduate from high school
460
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,420
or go to college,
461
00:19:07,420 --> 00:19:09,330
you can bring Blue
and all the rest of
the primary colors.
462
00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:14,080
Will you quit making fun
of her name?
463
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,540
They named her Blue
464
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:17,080
because she wasn't
breathing when she was born.
465
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,710
Wow.
That explains a lot.
466
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,500
Um...there's
one last thing.
467
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,170
Yeah.
468
00:19:32,710 --> 00:19:34,460
[ Voice breaking ] It's clear
that things are serious
469
00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:36,000
with you and Blue, so...
470
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:41,330
...um, I think it's time
we get a divorce.
471
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,620
Yeah, sure, no, I'm...
472
00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:44,460
It makes sense.
473
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:51,040
It's gonna be weird
not being married to you.
474
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,580
Yeah, I would've
thought it got weird
475
00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,500
when you started living
with another woman, but...
476
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:55,170
[ Chuckles ]
477
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,380
Yeah.
478
00:19:58,380 --> 00:20:00,000
Yeah.
479
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,170
[ Sniffles ]
480
00:20:03,210 --> 00:20:06,380
I-It'll be weird not being
married to you, too.
481
00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:07,500
[ Cellphone chimes ]
482
00:20:08,710 --> 00:20:10,420
What's up?
483
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:12,080
Oh, um, nothing.
484
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,880
I don't know,
actually, um...
485
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,500
I don't know why
I'm hiding this.
486
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,210
Uh...
487
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:21,920
I-I met a guy at the bar
the other night,
488
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,250
and, uh, he wants
to go out on Friday.
489
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:26,040
With me.
490
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:28,920
Cool.
491
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,580
So you like him?
492
00:20:32,580 --> 00:20:36,170
Oh, I don't know. I mean,
we only went out once.
493
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:38,170
But, you know, I think
he could be my soulmate.
494
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,250
They're old enough
to behave like adults,
495
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:55,420
but they don't think
like adults.
496
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,880
You just got
to hang in there.
497
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,290
[ Sighs ]
498
00:20:58,290 --> 00:20:59,960
I don't know how
you handled it,
499
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:02,830
with me sneaking in
and out of Darlene's
bedroom all the time.
500
00:21:02,830 --> 00:21:04,960
You guys were right downstairs
when we were going at it.
501
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,290
We weren't exactly quiet.
502
00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:15,920
You know, David...
[Sighs]
503
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,580
if you disappeared,
504
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:20,000
everybody would think
you just ran off again.
505
00:21:21,830 --> 00:21:24,120
I pushed too hard.
I felt it.
33903
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