All language subtitles for The.Conners.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Jackie: What was this,
tuna casserole or potato salad?

Darlene: Doesn't matter.
It's just stuff in mayonnaise.

It's been three weeks
since Granny Rose's funeral.

Why are people still
giving us casseroles?

And why do people
bring casseroles
when somebody dies?

It's actually
a practical gift.

When people are grieving,
they don't want to have to cook.

What about when
the casseroles run out?

What if the person who died
is the only one who cooked?

Then we keep telling people
we're grieving

until we figure out
how to feed ourselves.

[ Sighs ] I just feel bad
it's taken us so long

to give them
their dishes back.
That's right.

Other people are dying.

And their relatives
are getting casseroles

in plastic Tupperware,
so...

It's not like the Grim Reaper
is getting a cup of coffee

while we're
piddling around here.

Do we have to keep talking
about death all the time?

Just keeps reminding me
of Grandma.

Here. You go rest, hon.
I got that.

Hey, thanks.

We could not have held this all
together without you, you know.

Well,
that's why I'm here.

I know Roseanne
would want me to step in

and watch over
the family.

No, it'd kill her.

But she's already dead,
so carry on.

No mother should ever
have to bury her own child.

Mom, you're 92.

You're gonna see
all of us die,

and then you're gonna
get buried by a robot.

D.J.: Hey, everybody.

-Geena!
-Hey!

-Geena!
-Hey!

-Welcome home.
-Hi.

I'm sorry
I missed the funeral.

The airport in Afghanistan
was under attack for awhile.

Still faster than O'Hare.

This is all just
fruits and vegetables.

If you don't eat right,

your heart can attack you,
like Granny Rose.

[ Cellphone ringing ]
Oh, I got to take this.

[ Dish clinks,
ringing continues ]

I just finished cleaning out
Mom's dresser.

Remember how
she was always complaining

that she didn't have
any necklaces to wear?

Here they are.

Darlene: Dad?

You got to start
sleeping in your bed.

Sleeping on the couch every
night's bad for your back.

I just dozed off
watching TV.

Not the end of the world.

I read an article
in the dermatologist's office

that said
it's very common

for people not to want
to sleep in a bed

that someone died in.

Fascinating.

About that...

you ever read anything
that anyone wants to hear?

No.
Usually not, no.

Geena, how long before
you have to go back

to Afghanistan?

Oh, they only give you
a five-day leave

for the death
of a loved one.

Aunt Darlene
says that Granny Rose

might come back as a bird
or a grasshopper.

Geena:
That's really sweet.

But I think Aunt Darlene
should put away her yoga pants

and pick up a Bible.

Uh, not that crazy, really.
Just reincarnation.

Only about a billion people
believe in it.

Well, you better make
your reservation in Hell, then,

'cause it's gonna be
crowded.

Reservation?
We already have a cabana.

Dan, can I talk to you
for a minute?

[ Sighs ]

[ Grunts ]

I just got a call from a friend
in the coroner's office.

The autopsy found
that it wasn't a heart attack.

Roseanne O.D.'d
on opioids.

Not possible.

We knew
she had a problem.

She was only on pain pills
for two days after surgery.

Then it was just
ibuprofen.

It's got to be wrong.

Well, I wish it was,
but they think that

she must've taken the pills
right before bed,

and with
her health issues,

it was enough
to stop her breathing.

Wait, what?

Mom overdosed?

That doesn't make
any sense.

I got her knees fixed.

I flushed all her pills.

Oh, my God.

I found these pills
in Mom's closet.

Well, these aren't even
prescribed to her.

She got them
from Marcy Bellinger.

Damn.

That's the only thing
from Mom's closet that I wanted.

I cannot believe how
far past due they are

on some of these.

Maybe we should just
tell the bill collectors

that Mom died.

Don't you remember
Mom used that herself

like five times?

Yeah, but I feel like

we could really sell it
this time.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs ]

Are we horrible
for laughing?

Well,
I'm tired of crying.

And laughing
inappropriately

is what Mom taught us
to do.

I still can't believe
she O.D.'d.

[ Inhales deeply ]

You know what?
I can't do bills right now.

I got to finish my split shift
at the restaurant.

Well, all right,
but we got to get this done,

so let's pick it up
Friday night.

I can't. I have a date.

Okay, fine.
Saturday morning.

I just told you
I have a date on Friday night.

Becky, you can't stay vertical
for one more day?

Look,
maybe you can handle this.

I can't.

I went through it
when Mark died.

I don't want
to do it again.

You're not gonna just dump

all of Mom and Dad's stuff
on me, okay?

I've got two kids.
I've got a full-time job.

No.

You're the obvious choice
to take over for Mom.

You already live here,

and you're
a scary, little tyrant.

You're just gonna compliment me
and walk out?

You're right.

I'm gonna get my phone

and find someone
to cover my shift.

I'm gonna do
what's right.

Becky: You're too trusting!
You might want to work on that!

[ Door slams ]

Hey, you and Aunt Becky
need to make up.

What if she died and the last
thing you ever did was fight?

Oh, hey.

Are you thinking about

how you and Granny Rose
fought a lot

before she died?

Kinda.

You know, families fight,

but we know that
we always love each other.

And, plus,
it's in all those letters

that Granny Rose
left each one of us.

Granny Rose
wrote everyone a letter?

Oh, God.
Maybe not everyone.

[ Chuckles ]
You suck!

I might die tomorrow.
Don't be mean.

[ Vacuum cleaner whirring ]

What are you doing?

Huh? Um...

[ Whirring stops ]

Roseanne always
wanted to do this,

and so I thought that
with all the company
that we've had recently

and the prior 40 years
of unattended filth,

um, this would be a good time
to fulfill her dream.

Uh,
when will it be dry?

I was gonna zone out
in front of the TV for a bit.

Uh, it takes, uh,
three to five days.

[ Door opens ]

I thought about
what I said,

and I realized it was
insulting and dismissive.

I see that now,

because I need a ride
to work.

♪♪

Sorry for your loss.
It's on the house.

I appreciate it.

Um, does your sympathy extend
to close friends?

No.

This is domestic.

My loss
is deeper than that.

I think it goes
all the way to Germany.

You got it.

Darlene: Dad?

What is this?

What's it look like?

It looks like a lawsuit.

You can't do this.

I-I just took it off
the side of your truck.

People
are taking pictures.

That's the point.
Put it back.

Look,
I know that you're upset,

but this isn't gonna help.

It's helping me.

Now,
I can either do this

or drive my truck
through her house.

Don't.

My boyfriend did that,

and he's having so much trouble
getting his license back.

Thank you.
Let's go, Chuck.

The, um,
"truck through the house" thing,

that's just an expression,
right?

♪♪

Grandpa,
this is Enrique and Joey.

Hello, men.

Listen, you guys
can play in here.

I got stuff to do
in the garage.

Mark:
You don't have to go.

They're leaving
'cause they have to do homework.

They just came in
to get a drink.

Really sorry to hear about
your wife, Mr. Conner.

Thank you, son.

People die.
What are you gonna do?

Seen a little too much action
in Nam, Joey?

See you tomorrow.

Hey, that's our cup.
[ Chuckles ]

All right.

[ Sighs ]

I'll be out in the garage,
buddy.

Okay.

Can I ask you something
first?

Sure, if it's quick.

Granny Rose and I
were talking about

this field trip
I'm going on Friday,

and we never got
to finish.

There's these two kids
who want me to sit
next to them on the bus,

and she was gonna help me
figure out who to pick,

'cause whoever
I sit next to,

it kind of means
I like them.

This doesn't sound
quick.

Are any of them boys?

Yeah --
Enrique and Joey.

Would you like to talk
about death some more?

I just need to make
a decision right away.

[ Sighs ]
It's really important.

I got to be honest with you,
pal.

There's a reason that
your mom and Aunt Becky

went to Grandma
for all this stuff.

It's a measure of
my deep affection for you

that I haven't run
out of the room already.

Grandpa Dan?

Yeah?

Did you ever like
a boy?

No.

Does it bother you
that I do?

No!

I was kind of waiting for you
to tell me about it.

Sorry I took so long.

Okay, don't let it
happen again.

♪♪

I hope everyone
is enjoying the movie.

I'm having a blast
sitting on this hard chair,

paying bills
on a plastic tray

stolen
from Hometown Buffet.

At least you don't have a wet
ass from sitting on the couch.

Oh, did I forget to tell you
Aunt Jackie washed the couch?

Oops.

You could've told me.

Yes, I could have.

I'm gonna go get
some more coffee.

Anybody?

I'll go with you.

Don't touch anything.
I've got a system.

What are you doing?

I am making life easier,

with a kitchen
work-triangle concept

that I saw on TV.

So, the flow should be

from the refrigerator
to the stove to the sink.

Therefore,
the coffee maker,

which needs milk
from the fridge,

coffee from a canister
next to the stove,

and water from the sink,

should be in the geometric heart
of the triangle,

which is...

right here.

Where do we plug it in?

Yeah. Yeah.

Um...

I will go
into the basement.

I will drill a hole
through the kitchen floor,

install
a decorative pipe,

which we can paint to match
the ceiling or the floor,

run a cable up
through the pipe,

drill a hole through the center
of the kitchen table,

install an outlet.

Bam!
We're making coffee!

I think
you've had enough coffee.

Uh, you know what?

Um, why don't you go home
and get some sleep?

I'm gonna need you
for the long haul.
Hmm?

No! No, I'm fine.

I mean,
I've got the time right now

to do these things
for you.

I just need to finish.

Yeah, you've done so much
already.

I mean, we can't sit on
the couch or use the kitchen.

I think that's
a pretty good start.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Oh.

Where did these
come from?

Yeah, I found them in
an ice pack in the freezer.

God. So Mom was just
hiding pills all over?

Yeah.
I knew you'd be upset.

I was gonna
throw them away,

but I forgot where I put
the trash can 'cause...

I mean, once something gets
outside the triangle,

it's -- it's --
[scoffs] I mean...

[ Chuckles ]

[ Knock on door ]

Can I help you?

I'm Marcy Bellinger.

Can I speak with Dan Conner,
please?

I got this.

[ Door slams ]
You got a hell of a lot of nerve
showing up here.

Please take that sign
off of your truck.

No.

Everybody's seen it
already.

You made your point.

They all hate me.

I can't eat.

I'm drinking myself
to sleep.

I have to live with this
for the rest of my life.

Isn't that enough
for you?

My wife's gone.
What do you think?

Nobody can afford their meds.
We all help each other.

When Sally Benson
needed LIPITOR

for her husband's
cholesterol,

they got some
from Maria Ramirez,

and they gave her

the anxiety meds
she needed for her son

because they dropped
her insurance.

Rosie needed painkillers.

I had some,
so I gave them to her.

So?

You're part of
a neighborhood drug ring.

Congratulations to you!

You know what, Dan?

You can judge.
But Roseanne called me.

She told me that her knee
wasn't healing up fast enough

and I was the only person
she could turn to.

She said that
she needed those pain pills

to get back to work
'cause you guys were
running out of money.

Don't you try
to put this off on me.

You gave her the pills.
She took them.

She died!
You killed her!

Dad, stop.

We just found another stash
in the freezer.

It's not just Marcy.

Mom was getting pills
from lots of people.

I never would have
given them to her

if I knew
she had a problem.

I know what it's like to --
to have that problem, so...

I just...

I'm sorry.

Darlene,
can you drive Marcy home?

Yeah.

You okay?

I don't know.

Who am I
supposed to be mad at now?

I thought Marcy Bellinger
was a pretty good choice,

until she ruined it

by being all sad
and human and stuff.

How are you doing?

Wish I would've known,
you know?

It wouldn't have mattered,
baby.

She was gonna do
what she was gonna do.

She never listened
to a damn person in her life.

Well, she should've,
you know?

'Cause I still need her.

I just want to call her
and say,

"How am I supposed to do
all this?"

Your mother once told me
that everything you needed,

she gave to you
before you were 5.

I have no idea
what that means.

Yeah, I never could
figure it out, either.

Think it's something
she got off a Snapple cap.

Man, she was stubborn.
[ Chuckles ]

You know, I couldn't even
get her to close her robe

when she'd go out to get
the paper in the morning,

and it was
the neighbor's paper.

You know what?

The hell with it.

I'm still gonna blame
Marcy.

Your mom
would be proud of you.

♪♪

There's no place
for the corn holders.

They're not cooking tools.
They're not utensils.

I tried putting them
with the jello molds.

That made no damn sense.

[ Sighs ]
It's okay, Aunt Jackie.

I just wanted to step in,
you know?

I just wanted to step in

and pick up
where Roseanne left off

and give you guys
everything that you need,

but I'm just looking
for things to do.

I'm packing
and unpacking drawers.

Nothing belongs anywhere.

[ Chuckles ]

I don't even know
where I belong.

I -- [Chuckles]
I don't want to go home.

[ Voice breaking ] I don't want
to leave this house,

'cause -- 'cause I --

I don't want to leave her.

[ Crying ]

It's okay.
It's okay, Aunt Jackie.

You know what?

It's hard for all of us,

and you're just exhausted.

You just go home, okay?

You come back tomorrow,

and she'll still be here.

Okay?

Yeah,
but -- but you need help.

Oh, I'll be fine,
you know.

And if you need anything
tonight,

you just call me, okay?

Anytime.

Okay.

'Cause I just want to make sure
that you're okay.

It hurts.

[ Sniffles ]
I know, hon.

It's gonna hurt
for a quite a while.

No, corn holders
in my shoulder.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Sorry.

[ Corn holders clatter ]

Yeah.

Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

So...

I think I should go home.

Yeah, you know,

D.J. took Grandma Bev home
a while ago.

She's probably worried
about you.

Well, that's never really been
my experience.

♪♪

Dan:
Yo, Junior, come here.

What's up, Grandpa?

Listen, my head
wasn't in the game before,

but now
I'm gonna help you.

What's this?

We're gonna list
the best qualities

of the two guys you're
considering as a seat mate

and compare.

Joey, Enrique.

Fill in the blanks.

"Joey is..."

Mostly depressed
and kind of sarcastic.

"I like him
because he..."

Wears black
all the time.

I see a pattern
emerging here.

Okay.

Same list for Enrique.

Sweet and funny,
a robotics champ.

He's always fun.

Does his family
have money?

I don't know.

They go on vacation
and come back with tans.

Florida people.
I love it.

Thank you, Grandpa.
This really helped.

Who's it gonna be?

I like Joey.

Joey? Are you crazy?!

Enrique's a keeper!

You don't leave
an Enrique on the table

when he's available.

Still like Joey.

What's going on?

Grandpa helped me pick
a seat partner

for the field trip.

He picked
the dark, brooding one.

Ah, point for my team.

Trust me, Mark,

being around dark and brooding
gets old real quick.

Uh, how about growing up
with a drama queen

that thinks she's all that
because she got boobs first?

Who got boobs at all.

How about having
two older sisters

who suck all the air
out of the room

until you're
practically invisible?

Becky,
did you hear something?

No.

Harris,
you hear anything?

Don't drag me
into your weird mind games.

Has anybody even noticed
how much better the flow is

between the refrigerator
and the sink?

I'm glad you called that
to my attention.

I'll look now.

Jackie: Anybody?

-Did you notice it?
-I did, actually.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

♪♪

♪♪