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1
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:28,056
I've made up my mind.
This is the only way.
2
00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:29,858
I have to kill him.
3
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,091
Kill him!
4
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,960
I'll sneak through
the French windows.
5
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,367
Then, as the moon
spreads its sinister light...
6
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,600
I'll take a piece of piano
wire and garrote him.
7
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,200
Who will ever suspect me?
8
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:47,014
Me, a quiet, simple,
unassuming man.
9
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:50,513
It'll be the perfect murder.
I won't leave a trace.
10
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:55,888
Revenge will be mine, and I
will be... continued next week.
11
00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:00,259
"Continued next week."
12
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:01,995
"Continued next week."
13
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,690
That's not fair.
14
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:07,594
Just when the story's getting real
boss, they go and make it a cliffhanger.
15
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,494
No fair.
16
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:15,105
Herman, shut up.
17
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,808
Yes, dear.
18
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,712
Well, I might as well look in
the missing-persons section.
19
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:28,953
Maybe one of these days I'll spot some
dirty crook and get rich by finking on him.
20
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,456
Would you look at the
crooks they got this week?
21
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,624
Look at that ugly old guy with
a $1,000 reward on his head.
22
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,269
Boy, does he ever look rotten.
23
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,908
Lily, wake up!
24
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,605
What is it? What?
25
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:57,250
I was just looking in the Shocking
Detective Magazine, and I saw...
26
00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,287
this picture of this ugly old guy
with a $1,000 reward on his head.
27
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:04,951
Then I said to myself, "Hey, that
ugly old guy looks very familiar."
28
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:08,361
For that you woke me
out of a dead sleep?
29
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,665
Give me that magazine!
30
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,560
Lily.
31
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:28,482
Lily, dear, you'll
just get in a tizzy.
32
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:43,388
See? I told you,
you'd get in a tizzy.
33
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,930
??
34
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:55,264
Well, Herman, you sound
happy. What are you doing?
35
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:59,267
Just turning in my rotten old
father-in-law for the reward money.
36
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,706
Herman, how could you?
37
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:07,971
It's easy, dear. It was a woman who
was advertising for your sneaky old dad.
38
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:11,177
And she put her address right
here in the detective magazine. See?
39
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:17,152
Now I'm just writing her a letter telling
her to come get him and bring the thou.
40
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:24,329
Now come on, Herman,
you wouldn't do that.
41
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:27,601
Just think, supposing the
shoe were on the other foot.
42
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:32,128
Would Grandpa turn you in for
$1,000? No. He loves you too much.
43
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:33,532
Yeah?
44
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:37,168
Well, then how come when we
first got married, he asked me to...
45
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:39,236
make a donation to a hospital...
46
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,944
and about an hour later,
those two medical students...
47
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,984
came around in a
wagon to pick me up?
48
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,449
That was years ago.
49
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,284
Anyway...
50
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:53,685
it's just natural for a father to
resent his son-in-law. After all...
51
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:58,292
we are royalty and he just
didn't like the idea of some...
52
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:01,665
prefabricated Johnny-come-lately
coming into the family.
53
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,673
All right, dear, I
won't mail the letter.
54
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:15,042
What if that lady in Sioux City wants
Grandpa for doing something bad?
55
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,107
What if he's in trouble?
56
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:20,018
You think my sweet old
Daddy-in-law did something...
57
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,121
you know, spicy?
58
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,917
We are going to find
out from Grandpa tonight.
59
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,154
We are going to bring up
the subject of Sioux City.
60
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,897
Good idea. But one thing.
61
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:38,701
You know, Grandpa is very sensitive
about his past. So, if we ask him...
62
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:43,472
if he's ever been to Sioux City, we
are going to have to be very subtle.
63
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,642
Good. I'll be subtle.
64
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,045
I'll be double subtle.
65
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,417
Even triple subtle.
66
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,984
Everything looks great, Mom.
67
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,358
Yes, Eddie.
68
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:05,866
We should all be thankful that we
live in a big, wonderful country like this.
69
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:09,492
And speaking of a big,
wonderful country, Grandpa...
70
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,971
when was the last time
you were in Sioux City?
71
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,569
Herman!
72
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,511
Was I too subtle?
73
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,506
What are you two talking about?
74
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:25,980
Well, we were just wondering,
Grandpa, since you've been all over.
75
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,648
Have you ever been to
Sioux City? Sioux City, Iowa?
76
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:34,217
And we're not asking because
we're suspicious, or anything like that.
77
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:37,162
Or like you committed
a crime or something.
78
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,291
Herman, please. Thanks, Marilyn.
79
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,832
Grandpa, pass your plate.
80
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:52,777
Sioux City. Sioux City, Iowa.
81
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:57,142
You know, Lily, I just can't seem
to remember if I've ever been there.
82
00:06:57,717 --> 00:06:59,151
Try to remember.
83
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,854
It's a little too rare.
84
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,325
Well, try your other
sword, Grandpa.
85
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:16,125
Lily, I think we ought to give him the
third degree some more on Sioux City.
86
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,637
I think the old coot's
trying to hide something.
87
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,641
Now, that's how to cook a sword.
88
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:32,886
Hello? Sioux City 3458?
89
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,180
Miss Pamela Thornton, please.
90
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:41,284
Now remember, Herman, find out
why she put the ad in the magazine.
91
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:44,820
And what she wants Grandpa
for. And don't goof it up.
92
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:49,365
Miss Pamela Thornton? Hi.
93
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,439
This is Herm...
94
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:57,672
This is an anonymous gentleman calling
you about that reward you offered in...
95
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,872
Shocking Detective Magazine.
96
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:04,582
Well, let's pretend that I'm
the character you're looking for.
97
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,681
Only I'm not.
98
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,616
But if I was the character
in the magazine...
99
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:14,657
which I'm not, what
would you want me for?
100
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:19,592
I see. Would you say
that again, please?
101
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:24,728
Thank you. That's
what I thought you said.
102
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,634
The lady in Sioux City...
103
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,544
is Grandpa's wife.
104
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,380
Wife?
105
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:45,287
My wife? What do you
mean she says she's my wife?
106
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,085
That's what the woman in
Sioux City said, Grandpa.
107
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,960
She said you were
her long-lost husband...
108
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,899
who cut out on her years ago
and now she wants you back.
109
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,960
Rubbish. I don't have
any wife in Sioux City.
110
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,572
What about Philadelphia? No!
111
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:04,201
Shreveport? Lake
Placid? San Bernardino?
112
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:05,805
I don't know.
113
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,043
You see? You see,
Lily? I told you so.
114
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:13,009
Just leave him to me. I'll
cross-examine his brains out.
115
00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:15,822
Wait a minute, Herman.
116
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,120
Grandpa, what do you
mean you don't know?
117
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,161
Are you sure you don't
have a wife in Sioux City?
118
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:23,322
Well, I'm pretty sure.
119
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,298
You know, after all, I've
been married quite a few times.
120
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,931
A man 378 years old
does have a tendency...
121
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,869
to outlive a wife or two.
122
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,070
Where were you on the
night of August the 12th?
123
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,578
What does that
have to do with it?
124
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:43,372
I don't know, but that kind of junk
always seems to work on Perry Mason.
125
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,045
Wait a minute.
126
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,120
Wait a minute.
127
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:52,025
You suppose that woman has
a way of finding out where I live?
128
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,062
Do you? Well, do you?
129
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:57,694
Herman...
130
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,492
you didn't mail
that letter, did you?
131
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,399
Heck, no.
132
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,432
I'm smarter than that.
133
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,505
I wasn't put together
yesterday, you know.
134
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,573
What letter?
135
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,311
Well, you might as well know.
136
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:16,078
Herman was going to mail a
letter to that woman in Sioux City...
137
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:19,119
and collect the reward
money, but I talked him out of it.
138
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:22,353
Give me that letter.
139
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,289
I'm going to burn it right now.
140
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,850
If I don't get that letter, I'm
gonna go right through the ceiling!
141
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:31,795
Now, don't get excited. It's
right over there on the desk.
142
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,152
Hi, you guys. What
are you doing?
143
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:56,678
Please don't bother us right now.
We have to get rid of an important letter.
144
00:10:56,756 --> 00:11:00,955
If we don't find it and burn it,
Grandpa is going to be in big trouble.
145
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,530
Was it a letter for a
woman in Sioux City?
146
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,693
Yes.
147
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:10,366
Was it right here on
the writing desk? Yes.
148
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,499
Well, then Grandpa
is in big trouble.
149
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,472
I just mailed it.
150
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:31,219
Well, he said he'd go
right through the ceiling.
151
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:41,662
Grandpa, get a hold of yourself.
Your wife may not show up at all.
152
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:44,363
Marilyn, don't call
that woman my wife.
153
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,601
At my age I don't want to meet
a wife I have to be introduced to.
154
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,407
See what you can do, Herman.
155
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:56,442
Now, now, Grandpa, do not worry.
156
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,917
When that woman
shows up to claim you...
157
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:02,615
as her long-lost husband, I want
you to know that I am going to stick...
158
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:05,659
by my father-in-law's
side like glue.
159
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,992
Herman, it's somebody
arriving. And it's a woman.
160
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:13,966
Every man for himself!
161
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,639
Hello. Hello.
162
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:32,811
Won't you come in? Thank you.
163
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:38,146
I'm Mrs. Munster, and
I know why you're here.
164
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:41,490
Oh, Mrs. Munster,
I'm Pamela Thornton.
165
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:45,123
And I received this lovely
letter from your husband, Mervin.
166
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,564
Herman.
167
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,324
Oh, Herman.
168
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,170
Naturally, I was just
so thrilled to find out...
169
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:55,834
that you people know the
whereabouts of my long-lost husband.
170
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:01,437
Well, Miss Thornton,
let's discuss this.
171
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,514
All right.
172
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:15,058
I just want to be reunited
with my darling. Where is he?
173
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,095
Well, you see... I don't
think Grandpa's around.
174
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,563
Grandpa?
175
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,004
Then you must be my grandson.
176
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,731
Come to Nanny.
177
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,384
He's always that way
with strange people.
178
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:42,554
Please, won't you tell me the
whereabouts of my dear, dear husband?
179
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,022
I need him so.
180
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:48,584
Well, maybe he's
not the right one.
181
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,057
And I don't think you'd
want to see him again.
182
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:54,692
You see, he's become very cranky
and broken down in his old age.
183
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:59,171
That's right. Poor old
thing, he's so decrepit.
184
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:04,133
Just between you and me. You know
those fangs he always talks about?
185
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:06,504
They're just dentures.
186
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,609
Herman, they don't
have to overdo it.
187
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:16,020
All right.
188
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,785
I know you're hiding
him here someplace.
189
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:24,553
You haven't heard the last of me.
And believe me, the kid gloves are off!
190
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,593
Good day to you!
191
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:35,771
"Therefore, if Pamela Thornton's
lawful husband, sometimes known as...
192
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:39,279
"the Count, sometimes
known as Sam Dracula...
193
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:44,982
"does not appear at the Ritz
Hotel no later than this evening...
194
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,849
"my client will prosecute
the wife-deserter...
195
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,480
"to the full extent of
the laws of this state.
196
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,854
"Signed, Attorney at
Law, Clarence J. Wedge...
197
00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:56,122
"of Hammer, Wedge, and Thump."
198
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,564
Doesn't sound like a trio that
would sing The Indian Love Call.
199
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:03,161
Grandpa, what are
you going to do now?
200
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,429
What am I going to do now?
201
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,965
I'm going to go down to the hotel
and have it out with that old gal.
202
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,812
Imagine a woman
pretending to be my wife.
203
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:18,944
Boy, some women will go to any
lengths to snare a handsome rascal.
204
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:24,088
You've come back.
205
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,558
Oh, my darling husband.
206
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,525
It's been so long.
207
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,497
Well, let's can the
mushy stuff, sister.
208
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,933
You know darn well I've
never seen you before in my life.
209
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:39,598
Now, calm down,
sugar-boy. Come in.
210
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:47,308
You come right on in and let me
pour you a nice glass of champagne.
211
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:53,083
Thank you. But you see,
we Draculas don't drink wine.
212
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:58,022
And now, let's get this point of
fact straight. I am not your husband.
213
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:02,993
Darling, don't you remember
our wonderful marriage?
214
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:04,697
I certainly do not.
215
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,631
Don't you remember
those romantic strolls...
216
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,135
we used to take hand
in hand along the lake?
217
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,227
No.
218
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:15,571
And then we'd get into our yacht
and take a little midnight cruise.
219
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,770
Our yacht? Yes. We'd
go across the lake...
220
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,007
to have dinner at
the country club.
221
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,047
The country club?
222
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:28,316
And all those marvelous parties we
used to have on our beautiful estate.
223
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:34,026
Our 400-acre estate with
our very own stable of horses.
224
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,221
Fifty-two horses.
225
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,557
And you...
226
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,726
you were so much fun...
227
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,134
in that $10,000 Stutz
Bearcat I gave you.
228
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,835
$10,000 Stutz Bearcat?
229
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:52,210
Darling, please tell me you
remember our wonderful marriage.
230
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:57,542
Well, if you just keep on talking,
I think it'll all come back to me.
231
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,476
Champagne, darling?
232
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,981
Thank you. Clarence?
233
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:08,059
Clarence? Oh,
darling, this is my...
234
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:11,222
Our attorney, Clarence J. Wedge.
235
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:15,328
And he has a little piece of
paper that he'd like for you to sign.
236
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,696
Sign it right here
where I have the X.
237
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,138
Of course. I'll sign anything.
238
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:24,938
So long as you and I can
pick up where we left off.
239
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:31,317
Country club, estates,
yachts, Stutz Bearcats.
240
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,746
I just can't wait to get going.
241
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:41,660
By the way, Wedgie, old boy,
what was it I signed anyway?
242
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:45,492
Just a sworn affidavit stating that
you are Miss Thornton's husband.
243
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,701
And just as long as you
sign that piece of paper...
244
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,428
that's all that counts.
245
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,777
Herman, what do you think
has happened to Grandpa?
246
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:03,671
Now, Lily, by this time he's
probably set that woman straight...
247
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,741
and on his way right home.
248
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,352
You know, I'll bet he
really told her off, too.
249
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,320
It just shows you how much
he loves us and needs us.
250
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,323
Why, he wouldn't give up
our wonderful home life...
251
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,022
for anything in the world.
252
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:19,829
There he is.
253
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,237
Hi, Grandpa. Where's the fire?
254
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,505
Shut up, stupid.
255
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,609
See?
256
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:34,338
He's back to his old
normal self again.
257
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,077
Hey, Grandpa...
258
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,715
how did you make out with
that old hen down at the hotel?
259
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,351
Watch what you're saying
about my wife, buster.
260
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:53,294
I got to hand it to you,
Grandpa. You're quite a card.
261
00:18:56,869 --> 00:19:00,965
The next thing you'll probably do is come
up and tell us you're moving out of here...
262
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,736
and going to live with her.
263
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,936
That's exactly
what I'm going to do.
264
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,241
Grandpa, you're not leaving?
265
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:15,584
Well, I'm sorry, Lily, I just
discovered that I'm a very wealthy man.
266
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:18,189
It wouldn't be fair to you
and the rest of the family...
267
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:21,056
to have a rich aristocrat
like me living here.
268
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,925
It would make you feel inferior.
269
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:31,831
Open up, sweetheart.
270
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:35,341
It's your loving husband come
to share your fortune with you.
271
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,680
Clarence, who is
this silly old man?
272
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:45,150
Silly old man.
273
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:46,679
Now, Pamela, dear...
274
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:51,213
as your newly found, long-lost
husband, I demand an explanation.
275
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,352
All right, stupid,
I'll give you one.
276
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,696
You see, I was to come
into a large inheritance.
277
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:02,462
But in order to collect it, I
had to prove that I was married.
278
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,428
You mean, we're
not really married?
279
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,030
Of course not.
280
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:12,269
I just happened to see your
photograph in an old magic magazine.
281
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,174
And I figured that anybody
that looked like you did...
282
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,217
should have passed on years ago.
283
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,910
Well, thanks for the compliment.
284
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:27,055
But, Pamela, dear,
here I am in the flesh.
285
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,320
Yes, well, Pamela
didn't count on that.
286
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,661
You see, when she
offered the phony reward...
287
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,759
it was to convince the
court she had a lost husband.
288
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,963
Then I found out
you were for real.
289
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:42,297
So, we got you to sign the paper
stating that you were my husband.
290
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,613
And to sum it all up
in legal terminology:
291
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,675
Get lost, you bum.
292
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:56,818
And one thing's for sure. I am never
going to speak to Grandpa again.
293
00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:00,559
He's just a greedy old dum-dum.
294
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:05,354
You won't have much chance to speak to him,
since he took off with that rich woman.
295
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,730
Even if he came back,
I wouldn't speak to him.
296
00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:22,143
Well, if it isn't the
Prodigal Grandpa.
297
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:28,013
No, it couldn't be. It must
be some other old creep.
298
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:31,654
The Grandpa that we knew
took off for a life of luxury.
299
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:47,431
Herman, I'm terribly sorry
for walking out on my family.
300
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,438
Lily, dear...
301
00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:53,775
will you please tell this derelict
creature who dares cross our doorstep...
302
00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:55,640
to split.
303
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,711
Come on, Herman.
304
00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:00,480
I have never seen
that old geezer before.
305
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:03,648
Herman, please take me back.
306
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:05,056
Please?
307
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:08,883
That's funny. I seem to
hear voices from the past.
308
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:14,494
How can you leave a poor old
homeless man out here in the snow?
309
00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:19,568
What snow? Just a minute.
310
00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:35,083
It does look kind
of cold out there.
311
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:38,147
Not only is it cold,
it's very lonesome.
312
00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:42,751
Please take him back, Herman.
After all, this is his home.
313
00:22:42,828 --> 00:22:46,959
It was his home. Until he let his
greedy ways get the best of him.
314
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:52,866
Herman, I'll never be that way again.
Money means nothing to me now.
315
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,176
I know that all I want is
to be with my dear family.
316
00:22:59,178 --> 00:23:00,669
Please take me back.
317
00:23:02,581 --> 00:23:05,608
Well, under those conditions...
318
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:07,685
okay.
319
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,720
I will take you back.
320
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:16,988
Now, one thing,
Grandpa, whatever you...
321
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:22,997
Herman...
322
00:23:23,369 --> 00:23:25,235
can I see you for
a minute? Herman.
323
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:33,872
I spent some cash on
the cab fare to the hotel.
324
00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:37,713
Could you let me have a
five-spot till I get back on my feet?
325
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:42,120
Out! Out of my house!
326
00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:45,049
You money-grabbing,
greedy old thing!
327
00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:47,420
Greedy!
328
00:23:57,069 --> 00:24:00,437
Herman, when are you going to
let Grandpa back in the house?
329
00:24:02,308 --> 00:24:05,278
I'm not gonna let him in
until he's learned his lesson.
330
00:24:07,046 --> 00:24:08,878
Boy, is he learning his lesson.
331
00:24:09,982 --> 00:24:12,645
He's so upset out there,
he's talking to himself.
332
00:24:12,718 --> 00:24:16,018
After what he's done to
me, I'll just have to kill him.
333
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:18,249
I must have my revenge.
334
00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:19,324
Yes.
335
00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:23,852
He's cast me aside like an old
shoe, but I will have his head for this.
336
00:24:23,929 --> 00:24:25,557
His head, I say.
337
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:29,431
He wants to kill me.
338
00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:36,074
My own father-in-law wants to chop
off my head and spoil my good looks.
339
00:24:40,612 --> 00:24:43,377
Grandpa, are you really
going to kill Herman?
340
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:46,476
Heck no. I was just
reading the latest issue...
341
00:24:46,552 --> 00:24:48,453
of Shocking Detective Magazine.
342
00:24:51,023 --> 00:24:52,821
Shocking Detective Magazine?
343
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,519
I knew it all the time.
344
00:24:57,363 --> 00:24:58,991
I wasn't a bit worried.
27618
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