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1
00:00:01,450 --> 00:00:03,618
[?]
2
00:00:03,619 --> 00:00:05,520
Thanks, Jeannie,
I'll be home early.
3
00:00:05,521 --> 00:00:07,555
Oh, master, be careful.
4
00:00:07,556 --> 00:00:09,724
Okay, I'm only gonna go down
to the office.
5
00:00:09,725 --> 00:00:12,660
Oh, yes, master, but next week,
you will be going to the moon,
6
00:00:12,661 --> 00:00:14,929
and I wish to instill in you
a careful attitude.
7
00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:16,264
[CHUCKLES]
8
00:00:16,265 --> 00:00:19,217
Okay, I promise I'll stop
at all the red lights.
9
00:00:20,986 --> 00:00:22,254
Oh, I'm sorry...
10
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:23,922
[CHUCKLES]
11
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:25,623
Hey, what's the big idea?
12
00:00:25,624 --> 00:00:27,259
You just kissed me goodbye
inside.
13
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,626
Did I? I forgot.
14
00:00:28,627 --> 00:00:29,827
Did you?
15
00:00:29,828 --> 00:00:31,530
Well, that's one thing
about my kisses,
16
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,515
they always leave
a lasting impression.
17
00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:35,567
Get inside. Go on, go on.
18
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:36,852
[SCOFFS]
19
00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:38,453
Ooh!
20
00:00:40,056 --> 00:00:43,325
Sister, you kissed my master
and made him think it was me.
21
00:00:43,326 --> 00:00:45,626
For the last time, sister,
you leave my master alone.
22
00:00:45,627 --> 00:00:47,162
He belongs to me.
23
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:48,362
[GASPS]
24
00:00:49,732 --> 00:00:51,616
Do you think I don't know that?
25
00:00:51,617 --> 00:00:52,734
[SNIFFLING] Here I am,
26
00:00:52,735 --> 00:00:55,570
madly in love
with my own sister's master,
27
00:00:55,571 --> 00:00:58,039
knowing I could never have him.
28
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,175
And you begrudge me
one measly little kiss.
29
00:01:01,176 --> 00:01:02,377
[SOBBING]
30
00:01:02,378 --> 00:01:04,880
Oh, there's no charity
in you, sister.
31
00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:08,633
Oh, I am sorry.
I did not think of it that way.
32
00:01:08,634 --> 00:01:10,302
Oh, that's all right. Forget it.
33
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:14,055
Did I hear you say he's thinking
of going to the moon?
34
00:01:14,056 --> 00:01:16,858
Oh, yes, sister,
and I am so happy for him.
35
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,778
It is the one thing he wants
in this whole world.
36
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:22,079
Hm. Then he'd be furious
37
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,566
with anyone
who tried to stop him.
38
00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:25,867
Hm?
39
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,652
I'm sorry, sister,
I did not hear you.
40
00:01:27,653 --> 00:01:30,906
I said, I think you should try
to stop him.
41
00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:33,241
Oh, no, sister, I would never
think of doing that.
42
00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:35,577
I want him to do
whatever will make him happy.
43
00:01:35,578 --> 00:01:36,795
[SIGHS]
44
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:38,914
Well, that's the difference
between us.
45
00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:41,333
You would let him go
into unchartered space,
46
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:44,369
facing all sorts
of unknown dangers.
47
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:46,604
While I,
I would keep him at home.
48
00:01:46,605 --> 00:01:49,373
Safe, protected.
49
00:01:49,374 --> 00:01:52,644
Hm. But, then,
he's your master.
50
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:54,930
Do you really think
it is that dangerous?
51
00:01:54,931 --> 00:01:58,533
The first man on the moon?
Are you kidding?
52
00:01:58,534 --> 00:02:01,236
Why, his chances
are only vech in vechnachi
53
00:02:01,237 --> 00:02:02,687
of coming back alive.
54
00:02:02,688 --> 00:02:03,655
[GASPS]
55
00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:06,575
Vech in vechnachi?
Oh, dear.
56
00:02:06,576 --> 00:02:08,326
Well, I wouldn't want
to try to...
57
00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:10,061
To influence you, sister,
58
00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:12,948
but if I were you,
I'd convince him to stay home.
59
00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:15,750
You are right. I will try.
60
00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:20,422
Oh, and, sis, I wouldn't mention
that you talked to me.
61
00:02:20,423 --> 00:02:23,290
Well, you know
how he feels about me.
62
00:02:23,291 --> 00:02:26,545
He's liable
to misunderstand my motives.
63
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:29,381
Oh, I understand.
I will not say anything.
64
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:32,683
And I forgive you
for kissing him.
65
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:36,304
I had better go. Goodbye.
66
00:02:36,305 --> 00:02:37,722
Hmm.
67
00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:40,141
Oh, dear.
68
00:02:40,142 --> 00:02:42,777
Once a sucker, always a sucker.
69
00:02:42,778 --> 00:02:44,245
[?]
70
00:02:49,468 --> 00:02:51,585
[?]
71
00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:42,403
[?]
72
00:03:46,658 --> 00:03:48,726
[?]
73
00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:50,929
TONY: Now, gentlemen, if
you'll notice on the left
74
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,764
is the crater Langrenus.
75
00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:54,582
The landing site section
has discarded that
76
00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:55,850
because of its depth.
77
00:03:55,851 --> 00:03:59,554
And the same goes
for the, uh, crater Copernicus.
78
00:03:59,555 --> 00:04:01,790
Uh, that leaves us
with the choice of three:
79
00:04:01,791 --> 00:04:04,258
The Sea of Storms,
the Sea of Showers
80
00:04:04,259 --> 00:04:06,795
or the Sea of Tranquility.
81
00:04:06,796 --> 00:04:08,930
Excuse me, just a moment.
82
00:04:11,717 --> 00:04:13,652
[QUIETLY]
Go home. Go home.
83
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,738
Major Nelson, whatever it is,
can't it wait?
84
00:04:16,739 --> 00:04:19,040
I'll have to consider this
later, miss. Uh, please, later.
85
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:21,108
Please, master, it is urgent.
Later.
86
00:04:21,109 --> 00:04:22,410
SCHAEFFER:
Major Nelson.
87
00:04:23,178 --> 00:04:25,246
[GRUMBLES]
88
00:04:25,247 --> 00:04:27,649
Ahem. This one's mine.
Uh, I'm Major Healey.
89
00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:30,217
Would you like to tell me your
troubles and telephone number?
90
00:04:30,218 --> 00:04:31,819
Hm?
Oh, J...
91
00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:32,987
Would you get out of here?
92
00:04:32,988 --> 00:04:34,188
But... But...
93
00:04:34,189 --> 00:04:35,589
I have to talk to him.
Out. Out.
94
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,443
What was that last name?
95
00:04:39,444 --> 00:04:42,380
Uh, Miss... Miss...
Miss Waff.
96
00:04:42,381 --> 00:04:43,798
Proceed, major.
97
00:04:43,799 --> 00:04:45,016
TONY:
Yes, sir, of course.
98
00:04:45,017 --> 00:04:46,751
As I was saying,
we have a choice
99
00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:49,286
between Storms, Showers
and Tranquility.
100
00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:50,388
[CHUCKLES]
101
00:04:51,774 --> 00:04:54,041
Yes.
Since our lowest orbital point
102
00:04:54,042 --> 00:04:55,794
will be over the crater Tycho,
103
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:59,697
uh, the best landing site
would seem to be, um,
104
00:04:59,698 --> 00:05:02,534
"Do not go to the moon.
It is too dangerous."
105
00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,536
What was that, major?
106
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,871
He said, "Do not go to the moon.
It's too dangerous."
107
00:05:06,872 --> 00:05:08,807
Could you speak up a little,
Tony? Can't hear you.
108
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,675
That's what I heard, major.
109
00:05:10,676 --> 00:05:12,676
No, sir, I believe you
understood me
110
00:05:12,677 --> 00:05:15,847
to say Tycho is too dangerous.
111
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:16,881
Oh.
112
00:05:16,882 --> 00:05:19,417
Could've fooled me.
113
00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:23,655
It did not work, sister.
114
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,223
He was showing movies
of the moon,
115
00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:26,958
and I could not even talk
to him.
116
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:30,161
Oh. That poor,
brave fool.
117
00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:32,930
He doesn't realize
what dangers there are.
118
00:05:32,931 --> 00:05:34,816
Listen to this, listen to this:
119
00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:38,319
"The moon-bound astronauts
can expect searing heat,
120
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:42,574
sub-zero cold,
dust craters miles deep."
121
00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:44,442
Oh, that is terrible.
122
00:05:44,443 --> 00:05:46,661
Well, I will talk to him again
when he gets home.
123
00:05:46,662 --> 00:05:47,795
Hm.
124
00:05:47,796 --> 00:05:50,331
I'm beginning to wonder
how much you love him, sis.
125
00:05:50,332 --> 00:05:53,635
If it were me,
I wouldn't waste a minute.
126
00:05:53,636 --> 00:05:55,152
But I cannot see him now,
127
00:05:55,153 --> 00:05:57,055
he is with Dr. Bellows
and a general.
128
00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:59,657
Sis, what's more important?
129
00:05:59,658 --> 00:06:02,460
Embarrassing him a little
or saving his life?
130
00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:06,347
What do you think I should do?
131
00:06:06,348 --> 00:06:08,482
Just leave it up to me, darling.
132
00:06:08,483 --> 00:06:12,437
You're long on devotion,
but short on ingenuity.
133
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,822
No.
134
00:06:13,823 --> 00:06:14,956
[CHUCKLES]
135
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,590
I am sorry, sister,
136
00:06:16,591 --> 00:06:20,161
but I still do not trust you
alone with my master.
137
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,462
[SCOFFS]
138
00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:22,764
What "alone"?
139
00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:25,533
You just said he's with
Dr. Bellows and a general.
140
00:06:26,685 --> 00:06:29,987
Well, that is true.
141
00:06:29,988 --> 00:06:31,456
What are you going to do?
142
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,541
Mm. I just want to show him
143
00:06:33,542 --> 00:06:37,629
how dangerous the moon
really is.
144
00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:40,515
May I borrow
your little soldier suit?
145
00:06:40,516 --> 00:06:42,250
What?
Hm-hm.
146
00:06:42,817 --> 00:06:44,969
Oh. Oh, certainly.
147
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:46,091
[LAUGHS]
148
00:06:47,973 --> 00:06:49,957
So the consensus
from all sections
149
00:06:49,958 --> 00:06:52,459
seems to point
at the Sea of Tranquility.
150
00:06:52,460 --> 00:06:54,813
Specifically this little
declivity here,
151
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,648
which you'll be able
to see more clearly
152
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,349
on the blown-up stills.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
153
00:06:58,350 --> 00:07:00,869
[ROARS]
154
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:02,103
[YELLS]
155
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:06,124
Major Nelson,
what's the matter with you?
156
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,493
"What's the matter with...?"
Couldn't you see?
157
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,462
[TONY WHIMPERS]
158
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,864
It was nothing, sir, I thought
I saw something peculiar
159
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,749
in the Sea of Tranquility.
160
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:16,266
And it made you yell?
161
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,755
Doctor, is he in shape
to make this flight?
162
00:07:20,756 --> 00:07:23,174
I'm beginning to wonder
about that myself.
163
00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:24,725
Can we continue this
this afternoon?
164
00:07:24,726 --> 00:07:26,928
I have a little business
I'd like to attend to.
165
00:07:26,929 --> 00:07:29,631
You certainly do, major,
in my office.
166
00:07:29,632 --> 00:07:31,299
I'm booked up solid
this afternoon.
167
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:35,102
We'll have to finish now.
That is, if you can continue
168
00:07:35,103 --> 00:07:37,171
without going into a fit.
169
00:07:38,657 --> 00:07:41,359
TONY:
Well, as I was saying, um,
170
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,745
this little... I think you'll
notice this little declivity
171
00:07:43,746 --> 00:07:45,780
on the edge of the Sea
of Tranquility.
172
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:46,930
[MAGIC BOINGS]
173
00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:48,449
[WHISTLE TOOTING]
174
00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:49,767
[YELLS]
175
00:07:49,768 --> 00:07:53,254
What is it this time, major?
Something else peculiar?
176
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,622
SCHAEFFER:
He's going to pieces.
177
00:07:54,623 --> 00:07:56,591
Well, proceed, major.
178
00:07:56,592 --> 00:07:59,961
I'm... I'm all right, sir.
179
00:07:59,962 --> 00:08:02,630
The Sea of Tranquility is
definitely the landing site!
180
00:08:02,631 --> 00:08:06,768
Wait a minute, you don't have
to yell, we can hear you. Boy...
181
00:08:06,769 --> 00:08:08,970
Was I shouting?! Sorry!
182
00:08:08,971 --> 00:08:10,772
You're still shouting.
183
00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:11,906
Sorry!
184
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:14,658
[TRAIN RUMBLING]
185
00:08:14,659 --> 00:08:16,961
Precisely 0600 on the third day,
186
00:08:16,962 --> 00:08:19,197
the landing module will descend
187
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,282
into a 50-yard target perimeter!
188
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:22,983
Doctor, will you look at that?
189
00:08:22,984 --> 00:08:24,185
I can't.
190
00:08:24,186 --> 00:08:26,320
The sight of a fine specimen
like Major Nelson
191
00:08:26,321 --> 00:08:31,042
cracking up before my very eyes
is more than I can bear.
192
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:33,594
On the northeast edge
of The Sea of Tranquility...
193
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:37,214
This is the good part.
194
00:08:40,936 --> 00:08:42,687
I don't know what Jeannie's
trying to do
195
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,889
but I gotta stop her before
Dr. Bellows is convinced
196
00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:46,891
I'm completely off my rocker.
197
00:08:46,892 --> 00:08:49,326
ROGER: Yeah, you're supposed
to be in his office right now.
198
00:08:49,327 --> 00:08:50,327
TONY:
Yeah.
199
00:08:50,328 --> 00:08:52,463
Oh, no you don't, major, baby.
200
00:08:52,464 --> 00:08:55,499
I'm not through helping you yet.
201
00:08:56,568 --> 00:08:58,268
TONY:
Hello?
202
00:08:58,269 --> 00:09:01,538
[NEW YORK ACCENT] I am sorry, we
are unable to complete your call.
203
00:09:01,539 --> 00:09:05,443
Please deposit 15 cents
for the first three minutes.
204
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:07,579
Oh, yes, just a moment.
205
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:09,197
Roger, give me 15 cents.
206
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:11,265
What do you 15 cents for?
Just give me 15 cents.
207
00:09:11,266 --> 00:09:14,002
Miss, this is not a payphone.
208
00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:17,688
Then kindly move to a payphone
and deposit 15 cents
209
00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:19,791
for the first three minutes.
210
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,659
No, you don't understand.
211
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:24,328
You must've made a mistake.
This is not a payphone.
212
00:09:24,329 --> 00:09:26,230
Now, would you put
my call through, please?
213
00:09:26,231 --> 00:09:28,766
I am sorry, we are notallowed to engage
214
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:31,302
in personal argumentswith the customers.
215
00:09:31,303 --> 00:09:33,137
This is a recording.
216
00:09:33,138 --> 00:09:36,274
Yeah, but wait a minute,
wait a minute.
217
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,476
I just had a fight
with a recording.
218
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:39,727
Fifteen cents, huh.
219
00:09:39,728 --> 00:09:41,145
Major Nelson.
220
00:09:41,146 --> 00:09:42,363
TONY:
Yes?
221
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:43,964
BELLOWS:
I asked you to go to my office
222
00:09:43,965 --> 00:09:45,533
from the screening room.
223
00:09:45,534 --> 00:09:47,535
Take it easy, sir,
he's feeling a little shaky.
224
00:09:47,536 --> 00:09:49,504
I am not feeling...
I'm not feeling shaky.
225
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:52,040
I just dropped by my office
to pick up papers before...
226
00:09:52,041 --> 00:09:55,043
Well, of course
you're not feeling shaky.
227
00:09:55,044 --> 00:09:56,710
Of course not.
Now, come along,
228
00:09:56,711 --> 00:09:58,413
we're gonna have
a little examination
229
00:09:58,414 --> 00:10:00,131
and it'll be over
just like that.
230
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:01,783
[THUNDER CRASHES]
231
00:10:01,784 --> 00:10:03,050
What's the matter, major?
232
00:10:03,051 --> 00:10:04,919
Huh? Oh, the...
233
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,021
The thunder startled me, sir.
You hear the thunder, Roge?
234
00:10:08,022 --> 00:10:11,175
No, I'm still working out
the 15 cents for the phone call.
235
00:10:11,176 --> 00:10:12,977
Thunder?
236
00:10:12,978 --> 00:10:14,345
[MAGIC BOINGS]
237
00:10:14,346 --> 00:10:16,014
[GUNSHOTS]
238
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:19,651
Well, there's not a cloud
in the sky.
239
00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:20,435
[GUNSHOTS]
240
00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:21,869
[GASPING]
241
00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:23,638
What's the matter?
Did you hear it again?
242
00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:25,406
Uh, no, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine, sir.
243
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,008
TONY:
Just fine. Everything's fine.
244
00:10:27,009 --> 00:10:28,860
BELLOWS:
Oh. Well, just relax.
245
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,428
He's feeling better already.
Better, major? He's a wreck.
246
00:10:31,429 --> 00:10:33,564
I never saw a man
go to pieces so quickly,
247
00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,566
and it happened like...
Don't, don't, don't.
248
00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:38,069
What's wrong? He was just gonna
snap his fingers like this.
249
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:39,237
[THUNDER CRASHES]
250
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:40,804
Oh! Here, here.
251
00:10:40,805 --> 00:10:43,807
Well, the diagnosis
is just a clear case
252
00:10:43,808 --> 00:10:45,343
of nervous disintegration.
253
00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:47,311
What's the matter?
Excuse me, but I'm sorry,
254
00:10:47,312 --> 00:10:49,546
I'll have to inform
General Schaeffer.
255
00:10:49,547 --> 00:10:52,116
Well, they won't put you through
unless you have 15 cents.
256
00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:53,450
What?
Fifteen cents.
257
00:10:53,451 --> 00:10:55,687
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
258
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,238
ROGER: What's the
matter with me anyhow?
259
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:59,256
General? Oh, it...
260
00:10:59,257 --> 00:11:02,560
It pains me to say this
but, uh, I'm afraid
261
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:05,329
we'll have to replace
Major Nelson on the moon shot.
262
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,498
Sir, if you just give me
a couple hours sleep,
263
00:11:07,499 --> 00:11:10,768
I could go home, I'd feel fine
in the morning, really, I would.
264
00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:12,636
Yes, general.
265
00:11:12,637 --> 00:11:13,637
[GONG RESONATING]
266
00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:14,822
[?]
267
00:11:14,823 --> 00:11:17,075
ROGER:
Oh. Wait. Wait.
268
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:18,442
Tell me what to do.
Easy.
269
00:11:18,443 --> 00:11:19,743
No, no, no, easy. Easy.
270
00:11:26,651 --> 00:11:29,470
My master is really
not going to the moon?
271
00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:31,521
[CHUCKLES] The way he's
been acting, darling,
272
00:11:31,522 --> 00:11:33,674
not a chance.
273
00:11:33,675 --> 00:11:36,561
I hope we are doing
the right thing.
274
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:38,162
Oh, don't bother to thank me,
darling,
275
00:11:38,163 --> 00:11:40,598
it was a labor of love.
276
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:43,017
Oh, but I do appreciate
your help.
277
00:11:43,018 --> 00:11:46,237
My goodness, I never would've
had the courage to do it myself.
278
00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:48,138
Just remember, darling,
no matter what he says,
279
00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:49,941
it's for his own good.
280
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:52,042
[DOOR OPENING]
Oh. There he is.
281
00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:54,962
Oh, dear,
I hope he is not too angry.
282
00:11:54,963 --> 00:11:58,699
Well, uh, don't tell him
I had anything to do with it.
283
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,334
I don't want any credit.
284
00:12:00,335 --> 00:12:03,121
But he should know
what a favor you have done him.
285
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,989
No! No, no,
you see, darling, I'm...
286
00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:07,925
I'm not even supposed
to be here.
287
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:10,694
My goodness,
if my real master found out,
288
00:12:10,695 --> 00:12:11,846
he'd kill me.
289
00:12:11,847 --> 00:12:16,700
Oh. And you came here
just to help me.
290
00:12:16,701 --> 00:12:18,402
You know, sister,
I never realized
291
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:21,055
what a really good friend
you are.
292
00:12:21,056 --> 00:12:22,756
Yes,
293
00:12:22,757 --> 00:12:25,309
well, goodbye, sucker.
294
00:12:25,310 --> 00:12:28,062
I mean... Sister. Sister.
295
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:32,316
[?]
296
00:12:32,317 --> 00:12:34,451
It is for your own good.
It is for your own good.
297
00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:35,920
Oh, thanks, thanks a lot.
298
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,322
But It is for your own good.
I'm not going to the moon.
299
00:12:38,323 --> 00:12:39,690
They've replaced me.
300
00:12:39,691 --> 00:12:41,626
Yes, master, for your own good.
301
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,711
TONY: The General thinks
I'm a ding-a-ling.
302
00:12:43,712 --> 00:12:45,396
They might put me
in the statistics section.
303
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:48,499
Yes, master, for your own good.
Don't say that again!
304
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,067
Sorry, this time
you've gone too far.
305
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,201
It's over, finished.
306
00:12:52,804 --> 00:12:54,672
Ha-ha.
That's it, baby,
307
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:57,725
victory.
308
00:12:57,726 --> 00:12:59,143
How could you do this to me?
309
00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:00,544
Ever since I got
in the Air Force,
310
00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:02,680
I've been dreaming
of making a moon shot and why...
311
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,615
But, master,
it was for your own...
312
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:07,184
Don't you ever say that again.
Not ever. Ever.
313
00:13:07,185 --> 00:13:08,886
Well, it is too dangerous.
314
00:13:08,887 --> 00:13:10,688
You're protecting me now.
Okay.
315
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:12,740
Do not thank me, master,
it was a labor of love.
316
00:13:12,741 --> 00:13:15,159
Huh? Well, I appreciate
your concern, but understand
317
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,861
that I can't go on
with this anymore.
318
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,829
Oh, no, master,
you must understand.
319
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,565
If you land on the moon,
you must expect searing heat,
320
00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:23,734
freezing cold, dust craters...
321
00:13:23,735 --> 00:13:25,235
Jeannie, please.
322
00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:26,637
Your chances of coming back
alive
323
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:28,506
are only vech in vechnachi.
324
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:30,708
Vech and vechnachi?
325
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:33,544
That is Persian
for one in a 1000.
326
00:13:33,545 --> 00:13:35,779
Jeannie, don't you understand?
327
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:38,549
Everything you're thinking of,
all the dangers and everything,
328
00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:40,351
that NASA has taken these
into account.
329
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,686
Oh, yes, master, but they're
only mortals, I am...
330
00:13:42,687 --> 00:13:46,157
It's called "technology."
Technology.
331
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,459
Technology?
Mm-hm.
332
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,361
Is that a new kind of magic?
333
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:52,596
[CHUCKLES]
334
00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:54,965
Jeannie, will you help me?
335
00:13:54,966 --> 00:13:56,300
Please?
Well, I do not know.
336
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:59,070
Please? Please, help me.
337
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,505
May I blink you an extra pair
of long underwear?
338
00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:05,209
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, two if you want.
339
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:07,445
And will you promise not to step
in any dust craters?
340
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:10,281
I promise, cross my heart.
341
00:14:10,282 --> 00:14:11,615
All right, I will help you.
342
00:14:11,616 --> 00:14:13,451
Good. Let's go.
343
00:14:15,137 --> 00:14:16,320
Can you get everything straight?
344
00:14:16,321 --> 00:14:18,455
Oh, yes, master.
Everything's under control.
345
00:14:18,456 --> 00:14:19,823
I'll be with you later,
sergeant,
346
00:14:19,824 --> 00:14:22,226
I have this experiment to do.
347
00:14:22,227 --> 00:14:23,627
Now, were you ready, major?
348
00:14:23,628 --> 00:14:25,562
Yes, sir, quite ready.
Good.
349
00:14:25,563 --> 00:14:28,132
All right.
350
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,034
Here we go.
351
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,436
[EXPLOSIONS, GUNSHOTS
ON RECORD PLAYER]
352
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,793
[TRAIN WHEELS CLANKING
ON RECORD PLAYER]
353
00:14:39,794 --> 00:14:41,295
Extraordinary.
354
00:14:41,296 --> 00:14:43,063
Absolutely extraordinary.
355
00:14:43,064 --> 00:14:46,266
Why, it's the most remarkable
recovery I've ever seen.
356
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:48,068
You've been sitting there
for two hours.
357
00:14:48,069 --> 00:14:50,971
Well, you must have nerves
of steel, major.
358
00:14:50,972 --> 00:14:53,573
Hello, Dr. Bellows,
are you listening to records?
359
00:14:53,574 --> 00:14:56,276
Records? Don't be ridiculous.
Here, you've got to hear this.
360
00:14:56,277 --> 00:14:58,712
You've got to hear
this experiment. Wait a minute.
361
00:14:58,713 --> 00:15:00,514
Alrighty.
Now, listen intently.
362
00:15:00,515 --> 00:15:03,984
[EXPLOSIONS, LOUD CLANKING
ON RECORD PLAYER]
363
00:15:03,985 --> 00:15:05,952
[SCREAMS]
364
00:15:05,953 --> 00:15:07,421
Major.
365
00:15:07,422 --> 00:15:10,590
Major. Major, I want you to go
and get General Schaeffer.
366
00:15:10,591 --> 00:15:12,826
I want him to hear this.
367
00:15:12,827 --> 00:15:15,062
Major Healey.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
368
00:15:15,063 --> 00:15:17,231
Oh, never mind.
369
00:15:21,836 --> 00:15:22,903
[LAUGHING]
370
00:15:22,904 --> 00:15:24,238
Oh!
371
00:15:25,806 --> 00:15:27,607
You were wonderful, master.
372
00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:29,776
[LAUGHING] I was, wasn't I?
373
00:15:31,512 --> 00:15:34,348
[SIGHS] Well.
374
00:15:34,349 --> 00:15:36,550
It's a little dumpy.
375
00:15:36,551 --> 00:15:38,452
Like my sister.
376
00:15:38,453 --> 00:15:40,955
Well, now that I'm finally
rid of her,
377
00:15:40,956 --> 00:15:42,857
I can fix this place up.
378
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:45,025
Ah!
379
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:48,112
Whoa. Ha-ha!
380
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,547
Oh, hello, sister.
381
00:15:50,548 --> 00:15:51,899
Uh,
382
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,651
what is this doing here?
383
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:55,335
[LAUGHS]
384
00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:58,322
A little present.
What are you doing here?
385
00:15:58,323 --> 00:16:00,992
Why should I not be here?
This is my home.
386
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:04,311
Oh, yes, yes, but...
But didn't he throw you out
387
00:16:04,312 --> 00:16:07,248
when you had him replaced
on the moon flight?
388
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:09,350
Oh, that.
389
00:16:09,351 --> 00:16:11,452
[CHUCKLES] Well, he was
not replaced after all.
390
00:16:11,453 --> 00:16:13,120
You see, my master
explained to me
391
00:16:13,121 --> 00:16:15,456
that NASA has a new kind
of magic
392
00:16:15,457 --> 00:16:18,676
that takes care of all
the dangers in outer space
393
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:19,910
Ha.
394
00:16:19,911 --> 00:16:21,846
A new kind of magic.
395
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:22,630
Hm.
396
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:25,099
It is called technology.
397
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,716
Oh, brother.
398
00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:29,553
And so you fixed everything up?
399
00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:32,156
Yes, and my master
is leaving in two days.
400
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,891
Is that not wonderful?
401
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:35,992
Oh, scrumptious.
402
00:16:35,993 --> 00:16:39,947
Well, I better be going.
I have my work cut out for me.
403
00:16:39,948 --> 00:16:42,983
Oh, sister, why do you not stay
for a few days?
404
00:16:42,984 --> 00:16:46,237
Oh, no, sis, thank you,
I don't want to put you out.
405
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:47,854
You would not be putting me out.
406
00:16:47,855 --> 00:16:49,956
Oh, yes, I will.
407
00:16:49,957 --> 00:16:51,525
Ta-ta.
408
00:16:54,829 --> 00:16:57,665
What'd she mean by that?
409
00:16:57,666 --> 00:17:00,134
Yes, I'll have that information
for you immediately.
410
00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:02,636
Well, gentlemen,
there's one new detail.
411
00:17:02,637 --> 00:17:04,588
That was the propulsion section.
412
00:17:04,589 --> 00:17:06,356
There's been a change
413
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:09,176
in the weight displacement ratio
in the capsule.
414
00:17:09,177 --> 00:17:11,929
Instead of the usual 50 pounds
leeway, we now have 20.
415
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:14,290
Well, there goes
my lucky paperweight.
416
00:17:16,518 --> 00:17:19,320
They want our last-minute
weight figures.
417
00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:21,155
TONY: Well, that shouldn't
be any problem.
418
00:17:21,156 --> 00:17:23,707
I don't think we could've
gained weight this last week.
419
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:26,743
Well, speak for yourself,
I had a pretty big breakfast.
420
00:17:26,744 --> 00:17:28,446
Well, gentlemen, shall we go?
421
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:29,613
Yes, sir.
422
00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:31,782
[?]
423
00:17:37,706 --> 00:17:40,124
A hundred and...
Wait. Hold it, sir.
424
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,692
Here, take this.
425
00:17:42,693 --> 00:17:45,329
A hundred and seventy-five.
426
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,464
Right on the nose.
Yes, right on the nose,
427
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:49,933
a hundred and seventy-five,
no change there.
428
00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:51,435
Uh, Major Nelson?
Yes.
429
00:17:54,489 --> 00:17:58,091
Last chance, baby,
better make it good.
430
00:17:59,394 --> 00:18:00,494
Ooh.
431
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:07,617
It'll be a hundred and
eighty-one and a quarter, sir.
432
00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:10,053
Oops. Excuse me.
433
00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:11,655
Yeah. Uh...
434
00:18:11,656 --> 00:18:13,290
Major Nelson.
Yes, I'm sorry.
435
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:16,126
If you fidget, the scale
won't register properly.
436
00:18:16,127 --> 00:18:17,127
Yes.
437
00:18:17,128 --> 00:18:19,663
A hundred and ninety.
438
00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:22,833
BELLOWS: Oh, Major, you gained 10
pounds since the last weigh-in.
439
00:18:22,834 --> 00:18:25,519
I couldn't weigh 190, sir.
The scale must be broken.
440
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,187
No, it's not,
it worked perfect for me.
441
00:18:27,188 --> 00:18:28,755
Roger.
442
00:18:28,756 --> 00:18:31,891
Well, even if it's correct,
the situation isn't critical.
443
00:18:31,892 --> 00:18:33,694
You still have 10 pounds leeway.
444
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:34,761
Oh, good.
445
00:18:34,762 --> 00:18:35,862
Let me see if it's broken.
446
00:18:35,863 --> 00:18:37,163
Roge, it's all right.
447
00:18:37,164 --> 00:18:40,066
On second though,
major, let's try it again.
448
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,519
Yes, let's try it.
449
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,403
[MAGIC BOINGS]
450
00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:47,557
Two hundred and five?
451
00:18:47,558 --> 00:18:49,994
Why, Major,
you're over the limit.
452
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:52,262
Well, if I gained 20 pounds,
obviously, it would show,
453
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:53,930
wouldn't it, sir?
454
00:18:53,931 --> 00:18:55,199
Well, that's true.
455
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,535
Could I get weighed
on another scale?
456
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:58,952
Yes, in my office.
457
00:18:58,953 --> 00:19:00,220
Come along as soon as you can.
458
00:19:00,221 --> 00:19:02,656
Yes, sir.
Better lay off the sweets.
459
00:19:05,109 --> 00:19:07,711
Two hundred and five pounds.
Shame, shame, shame.
460
00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:09,780
How much do you weigh,
Dr. Bellows?
461
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:10,781
Uh, what?
462
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:16,086
No matter which scale you use,
it will register the same.
463
00:19:16,087 --> 00:19:19,423
What do you think you're doing?
I thought I explained it to you.
464
00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:20,624
Well, I have changed my mind.
465
00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:22,193
It is much too dangerous
for you.
466
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:23,427
I will not let you go.
467
00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:25,796
Look, I don't have time
to go into this.
468
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:28,765
I'm your master and I order you
to undo whatever you've done.
469
00:19:28,766 --> 00:19:31,335
Oh, please do not order me.
470
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,137
Well, I'm your master
and I order you now. Now.
471
00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:36,407
Oh, I wish I were not
such an obedient genie.
472
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:38,375
Oh, brother.
473
00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:41,378
Here, take this, and it will put
your weight back to normal.
474
00:19:41,379 --> 00:19:42,446
Are you sure?
475
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:43,747
Mm-hm.
476
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:46,283
[?]
477
00:19:46,918 --> 00:19:49,186
[GAGGING]
478
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,191
What've you done to me?
I'm enormous.
479
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,760
I am sorry, master,
but it is for your own good.
480
00:19:56,761 --> 00:19:58,362
Now, wait a minute.
You will thank me
481
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:00,147
when it is all over.
I'll thank you?
482
00:20:00,148 --> 00:20:02,532
Yeah, I'll thank you.
483
00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:05,535
Jeannie, please be nice.
484
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,475
[GIGGLING]
485
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,712
I can't understand
what's taking him so long.
486
00:20:15,713 --> 00:20:18,448
He's the one who insisted
the scale was wrong.
487
00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:21,218
Well, he always was
a slow dresser.
488
00:20:26,357 --> 00:20:28,292
Major Nelson!
[PANTING]
489
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,559
What happened?
490
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:30,860
You really put on a few.
491
00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,362
Yeah. Well, sir,
492
00:20:32,363 --> 00:20:35,732
something weird happened
with my m... Metabolic rate.
493
00:20:35,733 --> 00:20:38,234
Just give me a little time
in the lab. A couple of hours.
494
00:20:38,235 --> 00:20:39,803
Couple of hours?
495
00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:43,006
Why, it'll take you at least
a year to get back to normal.
496
00:20:43,007 --> 00:20:45,008
May I sit down, please, sir?
If you can.
497
00:20:45,009 --> 00:20:46,777
Come over here. Here.
498
00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:47,844
Thank you.
Sit. Yeah.
499
00:20:47,845 --> 00:20:49,045
Well, I...
500
00:20:49,046 --> 00:20:50,213
Oh, no! Oh!
501
00:20:50,214 --> 00:20:52,048
Easy, now.
Easy.
502
00:20:52,049 --> 00:20:55,652
Get him up. Major Healey,
can't you try?
503
00:20:55,653 --> 00:20:57,487
Oh, he's heavy, heavy, heavy.
504
00:20:57,488 --> 00:20:59,723
Hey, haven't you ever heard
about the Air Force Diet?
505
00:20:59,724 --> 00:21:01,991
There's no question of you
going on the moon shot.
506
00:21:01,992 --> 00:21:03,860
The capsule would never
get off the ground.
507
00:21:03,861 --> 00:21:06,330
Sir, this is just temporary.
If you give me a little time...
508
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:10,133
Back into the examination room
and stay there, major.
509
00:21:10,134 --> 00:21:13,570
General Schaeffer
will want to see this.
510
00:21:14,639 --> 00:21:16,206
Oh.
Jeannie's done it this time.
511
00:21:16,207 --> 00:21:19,776
She's done it this time.
I'm finished, I'm washed up.
512
00:21:21,078 --> 00:21:22,846
Whoa!
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
513
00:21:22,847 --> 00:21:24,381
Oh.
514
00:21:24,382 --> 00:21:26,783
[?]
515
00:21:26,784 --> 00:21:29,386
Examination room's over here,
Tony.
516
00:21:29,387 --> 00:21:30,954
Whoa, it's... It's.
517
00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:31,921
Whoa.
518
00:21:37,895 --> 00:21:39,863
Well, it's shocking,
Major Nelson,
519
00:21:39,864 --> 00:21:41,197
absolutely shocking.
520
00:21:41,198 --> 00:21:42,899
I mean,
I knew my sister was dumb,
521
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,902
but I had no idea
she was that dumb.
522
00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:47,471
I put up with this
for a long time,
523
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,105
but this time, we've had it.
524
00:21:49,106 --> 00:21:51,408
I'm through.
525
00:21:51,409 --> 00:21:53,127
Through, absolutely through.
526
00:21:53,128 --> 00:21:55,228
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
Poor sis.
527
00:21:55,229 --> 00:21:57,348
But I can't say I blame you.
528
00:21:57,349 --> 00:21:59,432
Say, if you're in the market
for a master,
529
00:21:59,433 --> 00:22:01,719
maybe we could work
a little something out, huh?
530
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,571
Mm. I thought you'd never ask.
Kiss me.
531
00:22:04,572 --> 00:22:06,373
Uh, w... No, not now.
532
00:22:06,374 --> 00:22:07,807
Would you blink me skinny?
533
00:22:07,808 --> 00:22:09,776
I can't go around kissing you
like this.
534
00:22:09,777 --> 00:22:11,811
You've got a point.
535
00:22:11,812 --> 00:22:13,713
Oh, that's better.
536
00:22:13,714 --> 00:22:15,115
[BOTH LAUGHING]
537
00:22:15,116 --> 00:22:16,116
Mm.
538
00:22:16,117 --> 00:22:17,817
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
539
00:22:19,988 --> 00:22:21,205
Got ya!
Oh!
540
00:22:21,206 --> 00:22:22,623
What is...?
541
00:22:22,624 --> 00:22:23,623
[MAGIC BOINGS]
542
00:22:23,624 --> 00:22:25,425
No, her eyes, you idiot!
543
00:22:25,426 --> 00:22:26,693
Get her in the closet.
544
00:22:26,694 --> 00:22:29,413
I don't want to go in with her.
[SCREAMING]
545
00:22:29,414 --> 00:22:30,430
You won't believe it, sir,
546
00:22:30,431 --> 00:22:33,533
but he must weight
at least 300 pounds.
547
00:22:33,534 --> 00:22:34,868
What happened to the door?
548
00:22:34,869 --> 00:22:37,070
That's what I've been trying
to tell you, general.
549
00:22:37,071 --> 00:22:39,139
He couldn't get through it.
550
00:22:42,910 --> 00:22:43,944
Oh, hello, sir.
551
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:47,247
Who weighs 300 pounds?
552
00:22:47,248 --> 00:22:49,749
Major Nelson, you're...
You're skinny.
553
00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:51,818
Oh, well,
thank you very much, sir.
554
00:22:51,819 --> 00:22:54,120
Perhaps I should go
on a weight-gaining diet?
555
00:22:54,121 --> 00:22:56,323
Don't be ridiculous,
not 10 minutes ago,
556
00:22:56,324 --> 00:22:57,924
you were gargantuan.
557
00:22:57,925 --> 00:22:59,759
Dr. Bellows.
Well, he was, sir.
558
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,428
The first time
he stepped on the scale,
559
00:23:01,429 --> 00:23:02,663
he was 10 pounds overweight.
560
00:23:02,664 --> 00:23:04,431
And the next time
he stepped on the scale,
561
00:23:04,432 --> 00:23:06,266
he was 20 pounds overweight.
562
00:23:06,267 --> 00:23:07,434
What scale is that, sir?
563
00:23:07,435 --> 00:23:09,203
Why, the scale right...
564
00:23:10,938 --> 00:23:14,040
Dr. Bellows, I think you and I
had better have a little talk.
565
00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,875
Oh, not with me, with him, sir.
566
00:23:15,876 --> 00:23:18,745
He's the one who's gaining
and losing hundreds of pounds.
567
00:23:18,746 --> 00:23:20,847
First you tell me
that Major Nelson
568
00:23:20,848 --> 00:23:22,916
has had a complete
nervous collapse.
569
00:23:22,917 --> 00:23:26,186
Then you tell me he's made
a remarkable recovery.
570
00:23:26,187 --> 00:23:28,622
Then you tell me
that he weighs 300 pounds!
571
00:23:28,623 --> 00:23:31,358
And now I find him looking
exactly like he always does.
572
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,728
What exactly have you
against Major Nelson, doctor?
573
00:23:34,729 --> 00:23:36,663
BELLOWS:
Nothing, General Schaeffer.
574
00:23:36,664 --> 00:23:37,831
It's only that I'm trying...
575
00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:43,020
Come on out, Roge. Come on.
576
00:23:45,973 --> 00:23:48,458
[YELLS]
577
00:23:48,459 --> 00:23:50,177
[CRASHING]
578
00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:51,411
Roger.
579
00:23:51,412 --> 00:23:53,213
Shh.
580
00:23:57,635 --> 00:23:59,853
[?]
581
00:23:59,903 --> 00:24:04,453
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