All language subtitles for I Dream of Jeannie s01e29 My Master, the Magician.eng

[???]

Boy.

Master. Oh.

Hello, Jeannie. What
are you doing here?

Well, it is almost midnight.

Oh, really? Is it that late?

I have your dinner waiting
for you at home, master.

Oh, I'm afraid I'm
gonna have to finish

all this paperwork
before I can leave.

I, um... I won't be able to make
dinner at home tonight, Jeannie.

Sorry.

Ah! Then I shall bring it here.

[LAUGHS]

Dinner is served!

Well.

Well, this is really
something, Jeannie.

You really are marvelous.

TONY: This banquet
is fit for a king.

JEANNIE: Oh, but you
are a king, O master.

TONY: This is
absolutely wonderful.

JEANNIE: Oh, I am so glad.

Would you like a roast sheep?

No. No, not tonight.

I may even have a
little difficulty eating this.

An orgy with a
harem girl at NASA?

Yes, sir.

I don't believe it.

I wouldn't have
believed it either, general,

if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes.

Major Nelson must've smuggled
her onto the base somehow.

Why, there was enough
food there for 50 people.

General, please.

The other guests are
probably arriving right now.

If you woke me up in
the middle of the night

for another one of your
wild goose chases...

Sir, I saw this myself.

This time I've
caught Major Nelson.

All right. Let's go.

Would you like some
smoked breast of peacock?

Ah, all right,
I'll give it a try.

Do you think I am a
good cook, master?

Mmm, delightful, Jeannie.
Absolutely delightful.

Ah, and you are not
angry that I came here?

No, no.

I'm delighted you did.
You don't have to worry.

In the daytime it's dangerous.
Bellows never comes at night.

There's your orgy, sir.

[???]

Ah, did you, uh...?
Did you say "orgy," sir?

No, he said "orgy."

Didn't you, doctor?

I'll finish cleanin' in here,
I'll get on to the next office.

Uh, just a moment.

How long have you
been in this office?

Oh, about 45 minutes.

And you didn't see a
lady in here with a...

scanty costume?

No, but I'll sure keep
my eye open for her.

Ah, well, well, maybe it was
one of the other offices, sir.

They all look alike, you know.

What are you
eating there, major?

Oh, this is, uh, breast of
pea-Cheese sandwich, sir.

Ah, it's hardly enough
for 50 people, is it?

It was all so vivid!

I saw the girl,
I... I saw the food.

And you're going to see me

tomorrow morning
at 8:00 in my office.

We're gonna talk about
waking up generals

in the middle of
the night. Yes, sir.

And I'll say one
thing more, doctor.

The next time you
think that Major Nelson

is guilty of anything wrong,
you better have it in writing.

I'll remember that, sir.

Yeah, goodnight, gentlemen.

Good night, sir. Good night.

Jeannie.

Jeannie, you can come out now.

Jeannie, come on.
I'm not angry at you.

You really are not
angry with me, master?

No, no, of course
not. As a matter of fact,

I... I think maybe it's the
best thing that ever happened.

Uh, I just come from the base,

and Dr. Bellows is gonna be
apologizing to General Peterson

for the next six months.

Oh, I don't think
we'll have to worry

about Dr. Bellows anymore.

Oh, that is wonderful.

I am so happy.

You have been
terribly nervous lately.

Yeah, well, you'd be nervous
too if you had a psychiatrist

watching your every
move 24 hours a day.

Ah, well, now that the
danger has passed, just relax.

Mmm? Relax?

With Dr. Bellows off my back,

I feel like I'm
floating on a cloud.

[LAUGHS]

No, no. no, no.

Comfy, master?

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

[HUMMING LULLABY]

Ahh!

You know...

You know, after last
night, I really need a nap.

Ah, Jeannie.

Jeannie, that's... That's
enough of the rocking, I think.

Oh, this is
absolutely marvelous.

It... It's the only way to rest.

Everybody should
be able to do this.

Say, there's a lot of room.

Why don't you come
up here with me?

I don't have a ladder.

Well, hello, Dr. Bellows.

What are you doing here?

You're asking me what I'm doing?

The question is, what
are you doing, major?

Well, you see, I can explain.

Don't say a word.

Uh, sir... Just write.

Just write, "I, Major
Anthony Nelson..."

Yeah, but, sir... Ah! Write.

Write.

"I, Major Anthony Nelson..."

TONY: Major... Anthony Nelson...

"Do hereby admit that I was seen

"floating in the air
of my living room

by Dr. Alfred Bellows."

"Dr. Alfred Bellows."
Um, sir, this is...

Sign it.

Mmm.

There, um, sorry.

Major Nelson,

I've waited a
long time for this.

But I think I've
finally got you.

Yes, sir, this time I
think I finally got you.

Oh, you mean the
old levitation trick.

The old levitation trick?

Yes, ah, well, I'm
an amateur magician.

Well, you didn't think

that I could actually
float in the air by myself.

Oh. You have a very
suspicious mind, sir.

Well, that's what
General Peterson told me

for two hours and 15 minutes.

I don't care what
anyone says, major.

I saw a harem girl in
your office last night,

and I saw you floating
in the air just now.

Yeah, whoa, yes, but I said...

I know what you said.

So you're a magician.

Well, we're gonna find out

just how good a
magician you really are.

And you better be good,
major. You better be very good.

Well... The thing... This
can all be explained...

Oh, he is up to
something bad, master.

Yeah, you're telling me.

Would you like me to
turn him into something?

No, no, Jeannie.

I just hope he doesn't
turn me into something.

Like, maybe, a civilian.

You mean, Dr. Bellows
caught you in the air?

Yeah. Jeannie couldn't
get me down in time.

And before that, he
caught you in the office.

Roger, he's driving me crazy.

Well, what do you think
you're doing to him?

It's a question of
which one cracks first.

Well, I'll tell you who's
gonna crack first, I am.

Look, as long as he
can't prove anything,

there's nothing to worry about.

Yeah, well, I don't
know about that.

Dr. Bellows is no
idiot, you know.

Dr. Bellows is... Ah, we
were just talking about you, sir.

I'll bet you were. And I
was just talking about you.

We're putting on a little show

for the personnel at
the base Saturday.

A show. I love shows, sir.

General Peterson

thought you might
help to entertain.

Me? Well, I don't
really do anything, sir.

Don't be so modest, major.

Modest? Tony?

You're the greatest
magician in the whole world.

Uh, you can do a little
magic act for us, major.

Oh, ah, no...
Well, I... I just...

I'll tell General Peterson
that you've accepted.

Well, uh, goodbye, gentlemen.

Roger... Master. Yeah?

Be careful, it is a trap.

Look, why don't you get yourself
sent to detached duty somewhere?

Listen, if I'm not careful,

I'm gonna be detached
from the astronaut program.

Look, uh, what makes
you think something's up?

Please do not appear
in this show, master.

I haven't any choice, Jeannie.

I already told him I was
an amateur magician.

You're gonna have to
be a professional magician

to get outta this.

I can turn you into a
wonderful magician.

No, no, that's just what
I don't want, Jeannie.

Saturday night I'm gonna go
up there as an amateur magician,

and Doctor Bellows won't
be able to prove a thing.

[HUMMING]

Oh, operator, I'd like to
place a call to Cincinnati, Ohio.

I want to talk to
Nestor the Great.

N-E-S-T-O-R.

That's right.

At the Palace Theater.

Thank you.

Um, now, ladies and
gentlemen, I want you to notice

I have absolutely
nothing up my sleeves.

I take an ordinary walking cane,

which I turn, by
the use of magic,

into a beautiful
bunch of flowers.

You're a real amateur's amateur.

They don't make these
things the way they used to. I...

Oh! That is lovely, master.

There you are, madam.

Eh, and now for my next trick,

I will... Oh, yes.

Uh, for my next trick,
with your kind attention,

I will make this, uh, er,
everyday, ordinary, um, um...

Fish bowl? Fish bowl.

Fish bowl disappear into
thin air before your very eyes.

Bravo!

Jeannie, I haven't
done the trick yet.

Oh. Sorry.

Abracadabra, kalamazoo!

Um, uh...

[LAUGHS]

Jeannie, I would very much
like to do my own magic.

Are you sure you're
ready for show business?

Now, for my next trick, uh...

I will need my hat, please.

[SIGHS]

Sure.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

You're not going to
break an egg in your cap?

Well, believe it or not, this is
the easiest trick in the book.

I will now, with the
aid of my magic wand,

and, uh, a little bit of magic,

turn this egg into
scrambled eggs.

Er, abracadabra,
kalamazoo, presto!

And here we have...

Oh, that's the funniest thing
I ever saw in my whole life.

That is lovely.

Did you see that, Jeannie? Oh!

Wait until I tell the guys
in the base about this.

Oh, you scrambled
an egg in my hat.

Oh, my... Oh, my hat.

Flowers and the silk.
Oh, yeah, the silk.

And the bag, right.

Please, master, let
me turn him into a frog.

No. A bat?

Jeannie, Dr. Bellows
is only doing his job.

And you are only
doing your job, master.

Yeah... Well, unfortunately,
my job does not include

floating around in
my own living room.

Can you not say that
you had an accident?

Then you would not
have to do your magic act.

They'd never believe me.

Oh!

Oh, really, that's too obvious.

Look, let's face it, I've
got to go through with this.

And I want you to
promise me something.

Oh, yes, master.

I want you to promise me
that no matter what happens,

no matter what, you won't
help me with my magic.

Oh, I cannot promise
you that, master.

I have seen your magic, and
you need all the help you can get.

Uh, that's beside
the point, Jeannie.

I want you to promise me.

Oh, but... Jeannie.

Very well, master.

I promise I will not help
you with your magic.

Thank you.

Aren't you even gonna...
wish me good luck?

Well, I'll be happy to
wish you good luck,

but I have a terrible feeling
it is not going to do any good.

Jeannie, please.

Hmm?

Thank you.

I'm afraid I don't
understand, Dr. Bellows.

Oh, sit down, uh, Mr. Nestor.

Thank you.

You mean, you brought
me all the way here

just to watch another
magician perform?

Uh, well, this man is not
a magician, Mr. Nestor.

He's an imposter.

Well, if you already know
that, why do you need me?

Well, I need you to expose him.

You see, there's
one trick that he does

that I can't explain.

Ah.

Um, he floats in the air.

Floats in the air!

Yes.

Um, he calls it the
old levitation trick.

Oh, my dear doctor,
that is child's play.

We use a mechanical
device for that.

Well, I'm well aware of that.

But, uh, there was
no mechanical device.

I checked.

No mechanical device?

That's right.

I want you to watch him tonight.

Uh, tell me how he does it.

Don't worry, doctor. There
is not a trick in the world

Nestor the Great cannot explain.

Oh, you have no idea how
I'm counting on that, Mr. Nestor.

Oh, the show is about to begin.

Shall we go?

Here we are.

Now, you've heard
about babysitters.

Here's a monkey-sitter.

Ah, right around.

Right around.
Come on, up and in.

[APPLAUSE]

Um, would you like to
sit in front, Mr. Nestor,

where you can get a
good view of his act?

Oh, it does not
matter where I sit.

I can spot a phony a mile away.

Tony!

Tony, Nestor the Great
is out in the audience.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I just heard
him tell Dr. Bellows

that he can spot a
phony a mile away.

You gotta get outta here.

Hey, you're on next, major.

Oh, uh, thanks, sarge.

You mean, you're
really gonna go out there

and walk into their trap?

Well, I really don't have
any other choice, do I?

You don't seem
very worried about it.

No. No, I'm not.

What's up? I am.

Or, at least I will be when
I get on this little beauty.

What is it? It looks
like an erector set

that got carried away.

Roger, this is what we
magicians use to levitate.

You're really going to
float in the air on that?

Mm-hmm. And, uh, when
Mr. Nestor examines it,

he won't have any choice
but to tell Dr. Bellows

that it's an everyday,
normal magician's trick.

And you'll be off the hook.

That's right.

Oh, you're a genius, Tony.

Come on, quick, buddy.
Come on, turn around.

[APPLAUSE]

Good luck, major.

Oh, thank you.

You're on, major.

Oh, um, now, you
remember what I told you.

I want you to wheel
this contraption in back

of the curtains over there in
the exact spot I showed you.

And when I say the lines...

BOTH: "I feel the
spirits lifting me up."

Yeah, that's when
you start the motor.

Okay. Uh, okay.

Well, I'm going
to enjoy the show.

Ah, well, good luck.

[FABRIC RIPS]

Uh, ladies and
gentlemen, I, uh...

I'm very pleased
to be here tonight.

I have a calling
card, somewhere.

Oh, yes.

[APPLAUSE]

Right, yes.

Uh, now, of course, no magic
act is complete without the, uh...

The magic wand.

And, um, I'm going
to produce one.

[APPLAUSE]

He is no magician.

Be patient, Mr. Nestor.

Uh, I'll be right back.

TONY: Uh, ladies
and gentlemen...

Oh, well, you're not walking
out on Tony's act, are you, sir?

Oh, no, major.

You might say that
I'm walking in on it.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

I want you to notice a
perfectly normal handkerchief

which I will stuff into
my fist just to show you

that the hand is
quicker than the eye.

[LAUGHTER]

Sorry.

Uh, what's this, sergeant?

This is the gadget
that Major Nelson uses

to help him float up in the air.

Is it?

Well, you underestimate him.

Major Nelson
doesn't need anything

to help him float in the air.

Get rid of it.

Sir, but he told me

to wheel it out in
back of the curtain.

And I'm telling you not to.
He's a major and I'm a colonel.

Any questions?

No, sir.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to perform from you

a rather spectacular trick I've
been working on for some time.

It's, uh, as we
call it in the trade

the pi�ce de r�sistance.

Uh, it's rather difficult to do,

and you must feel that
your spirits are lifting you up.

Yeah, uh.

Uh, you really have to
be in the mood for this.

You must feel that your
spirits are lifting you up.

Lifting you up!

Something's gone wrong.

I think he needs
the machine, colonel.

TONY: Lifting you up!

You're wrong, sergeant.

Tonight, he is
gonna float without it.

Excuse me for just
one moment, please.

Hey, sergeant, where is
my levi...? Oh, Dr. Bellows.

Good evening, Major Nelson.

I-I... Now, I told you I
wanted my levitation machine

right behind that curtain
over there. You understand?

Major Nelson, I have a
signed statement from you

saying that you were
floating in the air.

There was no
levitation device around.

Now, either you're
going out on that stage

and float in the air
without this device,

or you're coming with me
to General Peterson's office

and explain a lot of things.

And explain a lot of things?

That's right, major.

How you float, why
you talk to walls,

what made you fall in love
with Major Healey's safe.

Oh, I have a list of
103 separate incidents.

Well, ah, um...

Now, either you get back
out there on that stage

and do the old levitation trick,

or come with me to
General Peterson's.

Now, which is it gonna be?

I'll come with you to
General Peterson's office.

Good. Now, go back out
there and say goodnight.

Er, but, I, ah... Major.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my next trick is going to be,
ahem, to make myself disappear.

I'm sorry I wasn't
able to perform the trick

I prepared for you, but, uh...

I told you Tony was in trouble.

He is supposed
to float in the air.

But, Jeannie,
you gotta help him.

Oh, but I promised
that I would not.

This is an emergency. If
he doesn't float in the air,

Dr. Bellows is going to
think something's wrong,

and Tony'll get in
all kinds of trouble.

Do you really think so?

I know so.

Jeannie, you gotta
help him this time.

I hope you are right.

Well, I-I hope you all enjoy...
Enjoyed the show tonight.

And if you did,
please tell your friends

we'll be here next year.

Uh, well, it seems that
I... I'm in the mood after all.

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, boy, what a
team you two make.

Is he not wonderful?

Mr. Nestor, I want you
to come up on the stage

and examine this man.

I would be delighted.

Hello. I'm... I'm Tony Nelson.

He is floating!

Oh, what do you
mean he's floating?

I don't know what I mean, but
what he is doing is impossible.

How could it be impossible?
I mean, after all, I'm doing it.

General Peterson!

Oh, there's no need
to call General...

Look, look! He's doing it!

He's floating!

That's what I told you, general.

Oh, hello, general. How are you?

What are you doing
up there, Tony?

Well, it's just a... A
magician's trick, sir.

Mr. Nestor can explain.

NESTOR: Oh, he is lying.

It's been a long, long time.

There is no
magician in the world

who can do what he is doing.

How come he's doing it?

Thank you, Jeannie.

I do not understand this!

So this is your expert witness!

Well, obviously
anybody can do it.

PETERSON: Doctor.

Yes, sir.

He's done it to me again.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, poor Dr. Bellows.
General Peterson was so angry.

Yeah, I know.

That... That's really
my fault, Jeannie.

We've got to be more
careful with that door.

Oh, I was so proud of you.

Hmm?

You are a wonderful magician.

Oh. Well, I... You're
really being too kind.

You know, when I was a kid,

I used to watch
the Great Nestor,

and he had a wonderful trick.

He used to take a seed
and cover it over with a cloth,

and a tree would appear
right in the middle of the stage.

I never did find
out how he did that.

Oh, that is simple.

[DOOR OPENS] [GASPS]

Well, uh, hello,
good mor... Sir, hello.

Good morning, major.

Well, good morning, sir.

I thought I'd drop
these papers off for you.

Oh. Thank you.

Uh... this wasn't here
yesterday, was it?

No.

[HUMMING]

[???]

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