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1
00:00:05,733 --> 00:00:07,429
I finished cleaning
the living room, master.
2
00:00:07,430 --> 00:00:09,734
Now... Now, be careful, Jeannie.
This is my painting arm.
3
00:00:09,734 --> 00:00:11,141
Oh, you finished
the living room.
4
00:00:11,142 --> 00:00:12,101
Mm-hm.
Sorry.
5
00:00:12,102 --> 00:00:14,373
Ten seconds.
Wonderful.
6
00:00:14,373 --> 00:00:16,453
Well, my cousin Marilla
could do it in six.
7
00:00:16,454 --> 00:00:17,766
Oh, that's all right, Jeannie.
8
00:00:17,766 --> 00:00:19,556
I'm very happy with you
just the way you are.
9
00:00:19,557 --> 00:00:22,214
Oh, thank you, master.
10
00:00:22,214 --> 00:00:24,677
Oh, your picture is beautiful.
11
00:00:24,678 --> 00:00:26,214
You really think so?
12
00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:27,430
Oh, yes.
13
00:00:27,430 --> 00:00:29,029
Where will you hang it?
14
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:31,498
Well, I'm not gonna hang it
anyplace, Jeannie.
15
00:00:32,229 --> 00:00:33,925
Well, then why
are you painting it?
16
00:00:33,926 --> 00:00:35,653
Well, all the astronauts
are doing paintings
17
00:00:35,654 --> 00:00:36,966
for the Air Force benefit show.
18
00:00:36,966 --> 00:00:38,565
They're gonna auction them off.
19
00:00:38,566 --> 00:00:40,033
Yours will be the best.
20
00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:42,661
I, uh...
I hardly think so.
21
00:00:42,662 --> 00:00:45,964
We have some very good
Sunday painters.
22
00:00:47,685 --> 00:00:49,061
TONY:
There we are.
23
00:00:49,062 --> 00:00:50,885
I don't think that's any
competition for Rembrandt.
24
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,325
Uh... Uh...
Here's the original.
25
00:00:52,326 --> 00:00:53,893
I just hope the critics
don't laugh.
26
00:00:53,894 --> 00:00:55,429
You know,
he was a wonderful painter.
27
00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:56,452
Oh.
28
00:00:56,453 --> 00:00:58,453
I just wish I could paint
like him.
29
00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:14,886
Oh, I have the strangest
feeling, master.
30
00:01:14,886 --> 00:01:16,261
TONY:
Oh? Of what?
31
00:01:16,262 --> 00:01:19,014
I think the critics
are going to love your painting.
32
00:01:19,014 --> 00:01:21,014
[CHUCKLING] Oh.
33
00:01:23,238 --> 00:01:26,373
[?]
34
00:02:07,622 --> 00:02:09,623
[?]
35
00:02:14,149 --> 00:02:15,650
[?]
36
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:18,275
[WHISTLING]
37
00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:20,243
Oh.
38
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,797
Oh. Ah.
39
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,652
Ah.
Good morning, Michelangelo.
40
00:02:27,653 --> 00:02:28,613
Rembrandt.
41
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:30,021
Oh, Michelangelo, Rembrandt.
42
00:02:30,021 --> 00:02:32,292
If you've... You've seen one,
you've seen them all.
43
00:02:32,293 --> 00:02:33,573
How do you like it?
44
00:02:33,574 --> 00:02:35,333
Well, I don't know.
45
00:02:35,333 --> 00:02:37,380
Uh, it's a pleasant,
little entry.
46
00:02:37,381 --> 00:02:39,781
I'd like to see more
grays and blues.
47
00:02:39,781 --> 00:02:41,700
Well, the reason I didn't put
the grays and blues...
48
00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:43,301
What am I discussing this
with you for?
49
00:02:43,301 --> 00:02:44,516
You don't know the difference
50
00:02:44,517 --> 00:02:46,244
between a Michelangelo
and a Rembrandt.
51
00:02:46,245 --> 00:02:48,708
Well, I may not know art,
but I know what I like.
52
00:02:48,708 --> 00:02:50,596
This is my little, uh,
entry over here.
53
00:02:50,597 --> 00:02:51,908
Ha-ha.
How do you like it?
54
00:02:51,909 --> 00:02:53,700
Get over here in the light.
Right there.
55
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,877
Now, what do you think?
Uh...
56
00:02:55,878 --> 00:02:56,580
what is it?
57
00:02:56,581 --> 00:02:58,149
It's an abstract.
58
00:02:58,149 --> 00:03:01,349
And I bet my painting brings a
bigger price than your painting.
59
00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:02,853
Yeah, w... I know
this is for charity, Roger,
60
00:03:02,853 --> 00:03:04,068
but that's ridiculous.
61
00:03:04,069 --> 00:03:06,181
Well, we'll let
our public decide, okay?
62
00:03:06,182 --> 00:03:07,333
Ah, good morning, gentlemen.
63
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:08,388
TONY:
Good morning, sir.
64
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,277
Ah, well, I see you
brought your paintings in.
65
00:03:10,278 --> 00:03:11,781
Oh, don't let me
disturb you, major.
66
00:03:11,781 --> 00:03:13,860
Uh, this is Major Nelson's, uh,
painting here, sir,
67
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:14,981
and this is, um...
Not bad.
68
00:03:14,982 --> 00:03:16,869
Not bad at all.
69
00:03:16,869 --> 00:03:21,797
I think I would've liked to have
seen more grays and blues.
70
00:03:21,797 --> 00:03:22,917
Ah-ha.
71
00:03:22,918 --> 00:03:24,452
Hm.
This is my little entry, sir.
72
00:03:24,453 --> 00:03:25,669
It's, uh, nothing really.
73
00:03:25,669 --> 00:03:28,548
Just a little, uh...
Oh, you're wrong, major.
74
00:03:28,549 --> 00:03:29,892
Do you really like it?
75
00:03:29,893 --> 00:03:31,493
Oh, definitely.
76
00:03:31,493 --> 00:03:35,460
I'd say it was a...
triumph of, uh...
77
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:36,900
matter over mind.
78
00:03:36,901 --> 00:03:38,724
Well, I'll see you gentlemen
at the auction.
79
00:03:38,725 --> 00:03:41,125
ROGER:
Yes.
80
00:03:46,725 --> 00:03:48,837
Matter over mind.
I don't know.
81
00:03:48,838 --> 00:03:50,757
Hey, it must be even greater
than I thought.
82
00:03:50,757 --> 00:03:52,356
Oh, boy!
83
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,957
Ha.
Rembrandt.
84
00:03:55,397 --> 00:03:57,285
Well, I'll, uh,
see you at the auction, okay?
85
00:03:57,286 --> 00:03:58,920
All right, Roge.
86
00:04:01,189 --> 00:04:02,308
[CLEARS THROAT]
87
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,460
Hello.
88
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:04,420
Goodbye.
89
00:04:04,421 --> 00:04:05,476
But I just got here.
90
00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:07,076
And you're just leaving.
Now, go home.
91
00:04:07,077 --> 00:04:08,165
Oh!
92
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,988
But I wanna see your painting
auctioned off.
93
00:04:09,989 --> 00:04:11,876
The last auction I went to
was in Mesopotamia,
94
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,317
and they were selling slaves,
and...
95
00:04:13,317 --> 00:04:14,947
Oh, it was so exciting!
Now, Jeannie...
96
00:04:14,948 --> 00:04:16,068
We're not selling slaves.
97
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:17,636
This is not
a professional auction.
98
00:04:17,636 --> 00:04:19,780
We're just amateurs,
you understand?
99
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,700
No, if any of our paintings sell
for more than $100,
100
00:04:21,701 --> 00:04:22,852
it'll be a miracle.
101
00:04:22,852 --> 00:04:24,035
Oh.
102
00:04:24,036 --> 00:04:27,780
I think your painting is worth
far more than $100, master.
103
00:04:27,780 --> 00:04:29,539
You're prejudiced.
104
00:04:29,540 --> 00:04:30,755
A little.
105
00:04:30,756 --> 00:04:33,156
I am very fond of Rembrandt.
106
00:04:33,156 --> 00:04:34,948
[LAUGHING]
Well, I'm hardly a Rembrandt.
107
00:04:34,949 --> 00:04:37,412
Now, you... You better go home
and finish your housecleaning.
108
00:04:37,412 --> 00:04:39,717
Oh, but I have finished cleaning
the house.
109
00:04:39,718 --> 00:04:40,772
Thirty-seven seconds.
110
00:04:40,773 --> 00:04:42,917
Thirty-seven seconds?
No kidding?
111
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:44,580
Well, that's a record.
112
00:04:44,581 --> 00:04:47,845
Yeah... But, uh, see... I can't
have you around here, Jeannie.
113
00:04:47,845 --> 00:04:49,380
Uh, why don't you go out
to lunch someplace.
114
00:04:49,381 --> 00:04:51,140
Oh, well...
115
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,324
All right.
116
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:54,756
I know a wonderful restaurant
in Atlantis.
117
00:04:54,757 --> 00:04:55,524
Don't get wet.
118
00:04:55,524 --> 00:04:57,028
I won't.
Goodbye, master.
119
00:04:57,029 --> 00:04:58,116
Bye.
120
00:04:58,117 --> 00:04:59,940
I think you are going
to enjoy your auction.
121
00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:01,207
[GIGGLES]
122
00:05:02,405 --> 00:05:03,772
[CLEARS THROAT]
123
00:05:12,485 --> 00:05:14,948
General Peterson asked me to
express his appreciation to you
124
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,092
for coming down here and helping
us with our auction.
125
00:05:17,093 --> 00:05:20,196
We're very fortunate in having
two of the foremost art experts
126
00:05:20,196 --> 00:05:21,347
in the world here.
127
00:05:21,348 --> 00:05:23,140
It's all in the name of charity,
Dr. Bellows.
128
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,419
Yes, indeed.
Sweet charity.
129
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,372
Where would you like me
to put this, sir?
130
00:05:26,373 --> 00:05:27,364
Here, let me see it.
131
00:05:27,365 --> 00:05:28,325
Hm.
132
00:05:28,325 --> 00:05:29,507
Not bad.
133
00:05:29,508 --> 00:05:30,563
Do you really like it, sir?
134
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,843
The frame.
135
00:05:31,844 --> 00:05:33,445
The thing in it?
136
00:05:37,444 --> 00:05:40,836
Why don't you, uh, hang it
on the wall over there, major.
137
00:05:40,837 --> 00:05:41,828
Yes, sir.
138
00:05:41,829 --> 00:05:42,963
Amateur.
139
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:45,797
Oh, excuse me.
140
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:48,804
Well, now, I think we'd better
get this auction started.
141
00:05:48,804 --> 00:05:49,955
Oh, I hope I'm not late, sir.
142
00:05:49,956 --> 00:05:51,363
Ah, no, no, no.
You're... You're...
143
00:05:51,363 --> 00:05:52,675
We're just about ready to begin.
144
00:05:52,676 --> 00:05:54,116
Now, uh, this is Major Nelson.
145
00:05:54,117 --> 00:05:55,396
Uh, Dr. Van Weesen.
146
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,707
How do you do?
I am Dean Geller.
147
00:05:56,707 --> 00:05:57,955
How do you do, sir?
A pleasure.
148
00:05:57,956 --> 00:05:59,172
Uh, where do I put this, sir?
149
00:05:59,173 --> 00:06:00,484
Well, oh, anywhere over there.
150
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,892
Another abstract?
151
00:06:01,892 --> 00:06:04,761
Oh, no, no, no.
This is a copy of a Rembrandt.
152
00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:09,508
Uh, the amateurish quality
comes through, of course.
153
00:06:09,509 --> 00:06:10,468
Of course.
154
00:06:10,468 --> 00:06:13,411
Anyone can see that, uh...
155
00:06:13,412 --> 00:06:14,947
VAN WEESEN:
Second-rate.
156
00:06:14,947 --> 00:06:16,355
Very second-rate.
157
00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:17,827
Oh, yes.
158
00:06:17,828 --> 00:06:19,716
It is definitely
second-rate.
159
00:06:19,716 --> 00:06:21,443
Well, I'll just hang it up
over here.
160
00:06:21,444 --> 00:06:22,595
Oh, let me help you.
161
00:06:22,596 --> 00:06:23,908
I'll take care of it
for the major.
162
00:06:23,909 --> 00:06:25,796
No, that's quite unnecessary.
Oh, allow me.
163
00:06:25,796 --> 00:06:27,811
I do know how to hang a picture.
Please, allow me.
164
00:06:27,812 --> 00:06:28,868
I'm sorry to insist...
165
00:06:28,869 --> 00:06:29,828
Gentlemen.
166
00:06:29,828 --> 00:06:31,107
[CHUCKLING]
167
00:06:31,108 --> 00:06:32,836
I'm afraid they're very nice,
aren't they?
168
00:06:32,837 --> 00:06:35,459
Um, how would you like to be
our auctioneer, major?
169
00:06:35,459 --> 00:06:37,732
Uh, me, sir? Well, I don't
really know anything about it.
170
00:06:37,733 --> 00:06:38,980
Oh, there's nothing to it.
171
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,899
You, um... You find a few
kind words
172
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,436
to say about each painting.
173
00:06:42,437 --> 00:06:44,708
Uh, you may have to lie
a little, but...
174
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:45,988
[BOTH LAUGH]
175
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,555
And then you get
the bidding started.
176
00:06:47,556 --> 00:06:49,188
Well, I'll give it a try
if you want me to.
177
00:06:49,188 --> 00:06:50,147
Thank you.
178
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:51,780
Uh, right over here?
Yes, right there.
179
00:06:51,781 --> 00:06:53,215
[CLEARS THROAT]
180
00:06:54,725 --> 00:06:58,147
You know, this isn't just a copy
of a Rembrandt.
181
00:06:58,147 --> 00:07:00,783
It looks to me
like a deliberate forgery.
182
00:07:02,532 --> 00:07:04,098
And not a very clever one.
183
00:07:04,099 --> 00:07:06,979
The, uh, brush strokes
are all wrong.
184
00:07:06,979 --> 00:07:09,187
And the frame... new.
185
00:07:09,188 --> 00:07:11,395
And everyone knows that
the original of this painting
186
00:07:11,395 --> 00:07:13,283
is hanging in the Louvre.
187
00:07:13,284 --> 00:07:16,963
Still, it would be nice
to have...
188
00:07:16,963 --> 00:07:18,663
as a conversation piece.
189
00:07:19,556 --> 00:07:22,211
Yes, wouldn't it?
190
00:07:22,211 --> 00:07:23,267
[GAVEL BANGING]
191
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:24,323
Ladies and gentlemen, uh,
192
00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:25,891
may I have your attention,
please?
193
00:07:25,891 --> 00:07:27,620
Uh, I'd like to start
the auction now,
194
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:30,019
and, uh... And bear with me.
I'm kind of new at this.
195
00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:31,221
[LAUGHING AND APPLAUSE]
196
00:07:35,236 --> 00:07:39,555
Uh, our first, uh painting
of the day is by Major Davis.
197
00:07:39,555 --> 00:07:40,995
Major Davis.
198
00:07:40,996 --> 00:07:43,235
[APPLAUSE]
199
00:07:43,236 --> 00:07:44,740
Pretty little thing,
isn't it, huh?
200
00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,659
Uh, w... I'll start
the bidding off today
201
00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:48,419
with, a, um...
202
00:07:48,420 --> 00:07:50,500
Uh, a bid for $50.
203
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,259
TONY:
Fifty dollars. Do I hear sixty?
204
00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:53,635
Sixty.
205
00:07:53,635 --> 00:07:55,138
Sixty dollars.
Thank you very much, sir.
206
00:07:55,139 --> 00:07:56,867
Uh, do I hear 70?
207
00:07:56,868 --> 00:07:57,827
Seventy.
208
00:07:57,828 --> 00:08:00,388
Seventy dollars!
Do I hear, uh, 100?
209
00:08:00,388 --> 00:08:01,571
Uh, 75!
210
00:08:01,572 --> 00:08:03,395
Seventy-five. Seventy-five.
Do I hear 80?
211
00:08:03,395 --> 00:08:04,514
Eighty. Seventy-five.
212
00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:06,690
Seventy-five going once.
Seventy-five going twice.
213
00:08:06,691 --> 00:08:07,843
Seventy-five going thrice.
214
00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:09,475
Sold to the lucky gentleman
over there.
215
00:08:09,476 --> 00:08:10,819
Take the picture to him, Roger.
216
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:12,320
[MURMURING AND APPLAUSE]
217
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:16,899
The, uh, next painting
for the day is...
218
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:17,955
[CLEARS THROAT]
219
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,458
By Major Roger Healey.
220
00:08:19,459 --> 00:08:20,626
[APPLAUSE]
221
00:08:23,268 --> 00:08:24,643
TONY:
Roger.
222
00:08:24,644 --> 00:08:26,211
Uh, this is a, uh,
perfect example
223
00:08:26,212 --> 00:08:28,613
of the neo-primitive school.
224
00:08:29,956 --> 00:08:32,035
Neo-primitive school?
225
00:08:32,035 --> 00:08:33,314
I'm so enthusiastic about it
226
00:08:33,315 --> 00:08:36,515
that I'm gonna start
the bidding myself for...$50.
227
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,195
[LAUGHING] Oh!
228
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,211
Do I hear 100?
229
00:08:42,211 --> 00:08:44,002
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the kind of painting
230
00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:46,403
that goes well in...
any room in the house.
231
00:08:46,403 --> 00:08:49,571
Uh, do I hear 90?
232
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:50,980
Please, ladies and gentlemen.
233
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:53,027
You are missing
the bargain of the day.
234
00:08:53,028 --> 00:08:56,099
An original painting
by Major Roger Healey.
235
00:08:56,099 --> 00:08:57,633
Sixty?
236
00:09:00,035 --> 00:09:02,242
Fifty-five?
Oh, come on now, 55.
237
00:09:02,243 --> 00:09:04,162
[BOTH CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY]
238
00:09:04,162 --> 00:09:06,786
Well, guess who just bought
the painting.
239
00:09:06,787 --> 00:09:08,188
[LAUGHING]
240
00:09:09,059 --> 00:09:10,306
[APPLAUSE]
241
00:09:10,307 --> 00:09:12,162
Let that be a lesson
to all of you.
242
00:09:12,163 --> 00:09:13,667
Thank you, Roger.
243
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:16,136
You just bought yourself
an original Roger Healey.
244
00:09:17,059 --> 00:09:18,019
[CLEARS THROAT]
245
00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:18,979
Now, let me see.
246
00:09:18,979 --> 00:09:19,938
Oh, the next one...
247
00:09:19,939 --> 00:09:22,338
Uh, the third painting is...
248
00:09:22,339 --> 00:09:24,580
This, as you can see,
is a copy of a Rembrandt,
249
00:09:24,580 --> 00:09:26,723
and I should know.
I painted it myself.
250
00:09:26,724 --> 00:09:27,875
MAN:
Ah, well!
251
00:09:27,875 --> 00:09:30,402
[APPLAUSE]
252
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,898
Now, uh, who'd like to start
the bidding...
253
00:09:32,898 --> 00:09:33,898
I'll bid $10.
254
00:09:34,851 --> 00:09:36,450
Ten dollars.
Thank you very much, sir.
255
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,820
Ten dollars.
Uh, Do I hear $10.50?
256
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:40,450
Uh, $20.
257
00:09:40,451 --> 00:09:41,635
TONY:
Twenty dollars.
258
00:09:41,636 --> 00:09:42,979
Twenty.
Do I hear 21?
259
00:09:42,979 --> 00:09:44,483
One hundred dollars.
260
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,795
TONY:
A hundred?
261
00:09:45,796 --> 00:09:46,851
A hundred!
262
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:47,874
Well, thank you very much, sir.
263
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:50,114
Uh, these two art critics
know a great masterpiece
264
00:09:50,115 --> 00:09:51,491
when they see one.
265
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:54,146
One hundred dollars,
going once... going twice...
266
00:09:54,147 --> 00:09:55,458
Five hundred.
267
00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:56,323
Five hundred?
Well, I...
268
00:09:56,323 --> 00:09:58,242
One thousand dollars.
269
00:09:58,243 --> 00:09:59,938
TONY: One thou... Now,
see, I have a bid...
270
00:09:59,939 --> 00:10:01,506
Five thousand!
271
00:10:01,506 --> 00:10:03,042
Ten thousand dollars.
272
00:10:03,043 --> 00:10:05,091
You're bidding 10,000 for that?
273
00:10:05,092 --> 00:10:06,371
Fifty thousand dollars.
274
00:10:06,371 --> 00:10:08,072
Fifty thousand dollars?
275
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:11,515
One hundred thousand dollars.
276
00:10:12,258 --> 00:10:13,731
Uh, w... Uh, now...
Now, wait.
277
00:10:13,732 --> 00:10:14,947
No, sir, no...
Gentlemen, please.
278
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,386
I don't think you quite
understand.
279
00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:17,826
This is not
an original Rembrandt.
280
00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:19,138
I painted it myself.
281
00:10:19,139 --> 00:10:20,610
Two hundred thousand dollars.
282
00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:21,987
Two hundred thousand...?
283
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:24,258
Well, that's certainly very
generous of you gentlemen.
284
00:10:24,258 --> 00:10:25,794
I had no idea
you were that interested
285
00:10:25,795 --> 00:10:27,330
in the Air Force
Benevolent Fund.
286
00:10:27,331 --> 00:10:29,314
Three hundred thousand dollars.
287
00:10:29,314 --> 00:10:32,049
And that is my highest price.
288
00:10:33,444 --> 00:10:35,044
Three hundred thousand?
289
00:10:36,514 --> 00:10:38,015
Take it.
290
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:42,658
Uh, this painting is going
for $300,000 once...
291
00:10:42,659 --> 00:10:44,227
$300,000 twice...
292
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,527
Going thrice!
293
00:10:47,524 --> 00:10:48,958
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
294
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,888
Well, congratulations.
295
00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:58,755
Your painting brought
more than my painting,
296
00:10:58,755 --> 00:11:01,378
and you nosed me
out by $299,950.
297
00:11:01,379 --> 00:11:02,723
I don't know what happened,
Roge.
298
00:11:02,723 --> 00:11:04,514
The people just went crazy.
299
00:11:04,515 --> 00:11:06,306
Three hundred thousand dollars.
300
00:11:06,307 --> 00:11:08,514
Well, maybe they figured
because it was for a charity,
301
00:11:08,514 --> 00:11:10,018
they could use it
as a tax write-off.
302
00:11:10,019 --> 00:11:11,139
Hey, maybe that's it.
303
00:11:11,139 --> 00:11:13,122
Yeah. Hey, where are you
gonna hang my painting?
304
00:11:13,123 --> 00:11:14,626
I don't know.
I haven't decided yet.
305
00:11:14,627 --> 00:11:15,747
Treat it gently, won't you?
306
00:11:15,748 --> 00:11:17,309
[KNOCK AT DOOR] Come in.
307
00:11:18,627 --> 00:11:19,650
Major Nelson?
Yes.
308
00:11:19,651 --> 00:11:20,995
Dr. Bellows
would like to see you
309
00:11:20,995 --> 00:11:22,241
in the laboratory right away.
310
00:11:22,242 --> 00:11:23,265
Oh, thank you very much.
311
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,322
My pleasure, major.
312
00:11:24,323 --> 00:11:25,347
[CHUCKLES]
313
00:11:25,347 --> 00:11:27,650
I'd like to see her
in a laboratory.
314
00:11:27,651 --> 00:11:29,314
I wonder what
Dr. Bellows wants.
315
00:11:29,315 --> 00:11:30,649
Probably painting lessons.
316
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,082
GELLER:
Hm. Very interesting, that.
317
00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:39,042
You see?
318
00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:40,035
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
319
00:11:40,035 --> 00:11:41,668
Come in.
320
00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:44,482
Oh, pardon me.
321
00:11:44,482 --> 00:11:45,857
Uh, you want to see me, doctor?
322
00:11:45,858 --> 00:11:47,650
I certainly do, major.
323
00:11:47,651 --> 00:11:49,666
Would you mind turning
the lights on, please.
324
00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:51,199
Oh, yeah.
325
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,538
There's no doubt about it.
326
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,490
This is a genuine Rembrandt.
327
00:11:55,491 --> 00:11:57,057
[CHUCKLING] Oh, no, sir.
328
00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:58,723
The... That's a genuine
Anthony Nelson.
329
00:11:58,723 --> 00:12:00,353
Believe me.
I painted it myself.
330
00:12:00,354 --> 00:12:01,506
Oh, did you, major?
331
00:12:01,507 --> 00:12:02,946
Then perhaps
you'd mind telling me
332
00:12:02,946 --> 00:12:06,017
where you got canvas
300 years old?
333
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:07,617
Oh, well,
I didn't know it was that old.
334
00:12:07,617 --> 00:12:09,249
I just found it
lying around the garage.
335
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:12,930
This pigment is at least
300 years old.
336
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,817
Can you explain that, major?
337
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:17,217
Well, really there's nothing
to explain, sir.
338
00:12:17,217 --> 00:12:19,778
Uh, t-t-the art dealer sold me
a bunch of old pigment.
339
00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:22,146
I... I think you gentlemen are
making a ridiculous mistake.
340
00:12:22,146 --> 00:12:23,457
Major Nelson,
341
00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:26,979
I am perhaps the world's
foremost authority on Rembrandt.
342
00:12:26,979 --> 00:12:29,282
Harmenszoon van Rijn.
343
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:32,227
His brush strokes
are as familiar to me
344
00:12:32,227 --> 00:12:33,602
as my wife's face.
345
00:12:33,603 --> 00:12:35,394
Uh, w... I don't know about
your wife's face,
346
00:12:35,395 --> 00:12:37,090
but those brush strokes
are mine.
347
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,266
B-besides, isn't the original
hanging in the Louvre?
348
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:40,994
We thought that it was.
349
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,522
The one in the Louvre
must be a fake.
350
00:12:43,523 --> 00:12:48,066
There is no question about the
authenticity of this painting.
351
00:12:48,066 --> 00:12:51,075
Are you beginning to get
the picture, major?
352
00:12:51,075 --> 00:12:53,090
But, sir, I-I-I... I don't know
anything about art.
353
00:12:53,091 --> 00:12:54,497
I just know what I painted.
354
00:12:54,498 --> 00:12:56,226
Now... Oh, look,
I-if you'll just go look
355
00:12:56,226 --> 00:12:58,723
at the bottom right-hand corner
of this,
356
00:12:58,724 --> 00:13:00,738
that you'll see that Rembrandt
has signed it:
357
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:01,739
"Rembrandt."
358
00:13:03,202 --> 00:13:04,546
C... Jeannie...
359
00:13:04,546 --> 00:13:06,178
Harmenszoon.
Yeah.
360
00:13:06,179 --> 00:13:08,738
Now, major, you're going to tell
us where you got this painting.
361
00:13:08,738 --> 00:13:10,274
Well, I'm a... I'm afraid
I can't, sir.
362
00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:13,442
And I'm afraid you'll have to.
363
00:13:13,442 --> 00:13:15,137
You see, major,
364
00:13:15,138 --> 00:13:18,434
if you painted this picture and
signed it Rembrandt and sold it,
365
00:13:18,434 --> 00:13:21,281
you're guilty of conspiracy
and grand larceny.
366
00:13:21,282 --> 00:13:23,554
On the other hand,
if you didn't paint it,
367
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:26,145
and it's the original Rembrandt
that was hanging in the Louvre,
368
00:13:26,146 --> 00:13:27,778
then you're guilty of theft.
369
00:13:27,778 --> 00:13:29,633
BOTH:
And grand larceny.
370
00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:31,522
And grand larceny.
371
00:13:31,523 --> 00:13:34,825
I can't wait to hear
what your choice is.
372
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:42,751
[?]
373
00:13:46,658 --> 00:13:47,968
Jeannie!
Jeannie!
374
00:13:47,969 --> 00:13:49,538
This is your master calling,
Jeannie.
375
00:13:49,539 --> 00:13:50,562
Where are you?
376
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,263
[JEANNIE SINGING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
377
00:13:58,786 --> 00:14:00,386
Hi, Jeannie.
378
00:14:00,386 --> 00:14:01,820
Oh, hello.
379
00:14:02,722 --> 00:14:03,778
What are you doing?
380
00:14:03,779 --> 00:14:05,313
I am painting a van Gogh.
381
00:14:05,313 --> 00:14:07,489
Oh, isn't Rembrandt good enough
for you?
382
00:14:07,490 --> 00:14:09,217
[CHUCKLING]
383
00:14:09,218 --> 00:14:11,138
Did the auction go well, master?
384
00:14:11,138 --> 00:14:13,026
Oh, no, it went great.
385
00:14:13,027 --> 00:14:15,394
I can't tell you what
a sensation my painting caused.
386
00:14:15,394 --> 00:14:17,569
Oh, I am glad.
387
00:14:17,570 --> 00:14:18,785
What did you get for it?
388
00:14:18,786 --> 00:14:20,098
About 30 years.
389
00:14:20,098 --> 00:14:21,818
[GIGGLING] Oh.
390
00:14:22,498 --> 00:14:23,938
I do not understand.
391
00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:26,178
Jeannie, it's against the law
392
00:14:26,179 --> 00:14:28,130
to go around painting
original Rembrandts.
393
00:14:28,131 --> 00:14:31,202
But why?
He painted so beautifully.
394
00:14:31,202 --> 00:14:32,994
Because they're gonna put me
in jail for it.
395
00:14:32,995 --> 00:14:36,098
Dr. Bellows has given me until tomorrow
morning to explain that painting,
396
00:14:36,098 --> 00:14:38,145
and I couldn't explain it
in a million years.
397
00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:39,457
Oh, I am sorry,
398
00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:41,248
but, but... But
I... I only did it because...
399
00:14:41,249 --> 00:14:43,233
Well, because you said you
wished you could paint
400
00:14:43,233 --> 00:14:45,802
as well as Rembrandt.
Will you stop listening to me?
401
00:14:46,402 --> 00:14:47,835
Tony?
402
00:14:48,961 --> 00:14:49,921
Tony!
403
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,656
Yeah, I'm...
I'm up here, Roger.
404
00:14:53,729 --> 00:14:55,521
Hi, Jeannie.
Hi, Tony.
405
00:14:55,522 --> 00:14:57,761
Hey, h... I just figured out
what must've happened.
406
00:14:57,761 --> 00:14:59,649
Well, look, you...
You painted the picture,
407
00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:01,665
Jeannie blinked and turned it
into the real thing.
408
00:15:01,665 --> 00:15:02,752
Brilliant!
409
00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:04,449
From now on,
we'll call you Rembrandt.
410
00:15:04,450 --> 00:15:05,825
[LAUGHING]
Oh, Roger, ah-ha!
411
00:15:05,826 --> 00:15:08,001
That's fu... That's about
as funny as a court martial.
412
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:09,825
And that's exactly what's
gonna happen to me
413
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,906
if I don't explain that thing
by tomorrow morning.
414
00:15:11,906 --> 00:15:13,504
Well, why don't you
tell him the truth.
415
00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:14,721
That's always the best thing.
416
00:15:14,722 --> 00:15:16,656
Just tell them that Jeannie...
417
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,649
Court martial, huh?
418
00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:22,242
Well, look, why don't you have
Jeannie paint another Rembrandt,
419
00:15:22,242 --> 00:15:23,873
and then everyone'll
be confused.
420
00:15:23,874 --> 00:15:25,642
Oh, I will be happy to.
421
00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:27,714
No. I'd still be in trouble.
422
00:15:29,186 --> 00:15:31,298
Why don't you have somebody say
the picture's a fake.
423
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,089
Well, I thought of that.
It wouldn't work.
424
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:35,138
Oh, how do you know
it will not work?
425
00:15:35,138 --> 00:15:38,656
Because Dr. Bellows is flying
over Pierre Millay from Paris.
426
00:15:38,657 --> 00:15:39,681
Pierre Millay?
427
00:15:39,681 --> 00:15:41,249
Yeah. Yeah!
No kidding?
428
00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:42,817
Who... Who's he?
429
00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:44,930
Pierre Millay is the art expert
at the Louvre.
430
00:15:44,930 --> 00:15:47,968
He's... He's the world's
foremost expert on art.
431
00:15:47,969 --> 00:15:49,185
Oh, boy.
432
00:15:49,185 --> 00:15:50,816
Well, the world is gaining
a Rembrandt,
433
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,751
but losing an astronaut.
434
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:55,360
Are you standing there
435
00:15:55,361 --> 00:15:57,409
telling me Major Nelson
painted a Rembrandt?
436
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:59,521
Well, of course he didn't
really paint it, general.
437
00:15:59,521 --> 00:16:00,512
He pretended to.
438
00:16:00,513 --> 00:16:02,433
But I have two art experts
439
00:16:02,434 --> 00:16:04,102
who swear that it's genuine.
440
00:16:05,057 --> 00:16:07,137
Art experts have been known
to make mistakes.
441
00:16:07,138 --> 00:16:08,930
Oh, I'm aware of that, sir.
442
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:10,689
So I've taken the liberty
of flying in
443
00:16:10,690 --> 00:16:12,609
the greatest art expert
in the world:
444
00:16:12,609 --> 00:16:14,337
Pierre Millay, from the Louvre.
445
00:16:14,338 --> 00:16:15,777
And if he says it's genuine?
446
00:16:15,778 --> 00:16:17,409
Then Major Nelson
will have to explain
447
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:19,104
what he's doing
with a stolen Rembrandt.
448
00:16:19,105 --> 00:16:20,065
And once he does that,
449
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,505
then I think we can
make him explain
450
00:16:21,505 --> 00:16:22,848
a lot of other mysterious things
451
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,608
that have been happening
around here.
452
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:28,079
I've waited a long time
for this day, general.
453
00:16:34,113 --> 00:16:35,073
Major Nelson.
454
00:16:35,074 --> 00:16:36,289
Yes, sir.
455
00:16:36,289 --> 00:16:38,464
Monsieur Millay will be here
any minute. Shall we go?
456
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,193
Um, I don't think
it'll be necessary, sir.
457
00:16:40,194 --> 00:16:41,730
There's something
I want to tell you.
458
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:43,712
Oh, I'm sure there is.
But I don't want to hear it.
459
00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:45,920
You... You don't want to hear it?
That's right, major.
460
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,089
This time, you're gonna make your
explanation in front of General Peterson.
461
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,009
I want him to hear it.
Yeah, but, sir, really...
462
00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:53,844
Uh, major,
the general is waiting.
463
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,904
I want you to know I don't
believe a word of this, Tony,
464
00:17:03,904 --> 00:17:06,656
but since Dr. Bellows
is making an issue of it,
465
00:17:06,657 --> 00:17:08,768
it's my duty
to get to the bottom of it.
466
00:17:08,768 --> 00:17:10,208
Yeah... I understand,
sir, and, uh,
467
00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:12,704
there's no point in waiting for
Mr. Millay any longer.
468
00:17:12,705 --> 00:17:15,265
I may as well tell you that,
uh... Well, this painting...
469
00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:17,281
Ah, Monsieur Millay!
470
00:17:17,282 --> 00:17:19,969
Ah, you must be Dr. Bellows.
471
00:17:19,969 --> 00:17:22,081
Yes. How kind of you
to come all this way.
472
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,097
As you Americans say,
473
00:17:24,097 --> 00:17:27,392
the wild horses
could not keep me away.
474
00:17:27,392 --> 00:17:28,671
[LAUGHS]
475
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:29,760
This is General Peterson.
476
00:17:29,761 --> 00:17:30,752
How do you do?
477
00:17:30,753 --> 00:17:31,840
Monsieur.
478
00:17:31,841 --> 00:17:33,601
And this
is Major Anthony Nelson...
479
00:17:33,601 --> 00:17:34,880
Monsieur.
480
00:17:34,881 --> 00:17:36,736
Alias, Rembrandt.
481
00:17:36,736 --> 00:17:41,344
But if this is a joke,
I do not understand it.
482
00:17:41,345 --> 00:17:42,945
Oh, you will, Monsieur Millay.
You will.
483
00:17:42,945 --> 00:17:45,025
Are you ready to make your
confession now, major?
484
00:17:45,026 --> 00:17:46,048
Oh.
485
00:17:46,049 --> 00:17:47,425
Well, I... I may as well,
sir.
486
00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:49,696
You see,
this picture is really a...
487
00:17:49,697 --> 00:17:51,031
A fake.
488
00:17:51,808 --> 00:17:53,632
What did you say?
489
00:17:53,633 --> 00:17:55,393
It is a fake.
A fraud.
490
00:17:55,394 --> 00:18:00,130
Uh... How you say?
Uh... A phony.
491
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:01,568
A-are you trying to tell us
that, uh,
492
00:18:01,568 --> 00:18:03,136
this is not a genuine Rembrandt?
493
00:18:03,137 --> 00:18:05,939
That is what I am saying.
494
00:18:07,841 --> 00:18:10,497
But I have two experts
who say it's genuine.
495
00:18:10,497 --> 00:18:16,417
And I... I, who am the greatest
art expert in the world...
496
00:18:16,417 --> 00:18:18,944
I tell you it is a fake.
497
00:18:18,945 --> 00:18:21,378
A child could see it like this.
498
00:18:21,378 --> 00:18:23,552
This could have been
painted by...
499
00:18:23,553 --> 00:18:24,544
By him.
500
00:18:24,544 --> 00:18:26,825
Ye... Oh, yes.
As a matter of fact, it was.
501
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:28,608
Doctor.
502
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,944
Yes, general.
503
00:18:30,945 --> 00:18:32,415
I've done it again.
504
00:18:32,416 --> 00:18:35,360
Since you said all the time
that you painted it,
505
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:38,208
and since the money
was for charity,
506
00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:39,488
there's no fraud involved.
507
00:18:39,489 --> 00:18:41,490
Do you agree with me,
Dr. Bellows?
508
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,428
Well, I, uh...
509
00:18:46,082 --> 00:18:47,215
Yes, general.
510
00:18:48,672 --> 00:18:51,072
I think there's something you'd
like to say to Major Nelson,
511
00:18:51,073 --> 00:18:52,240
uh, isn't there?
512
00:18:53,281 --> 00:18:55,115
I, uh...
513
00:18:56,450 --> 00:18:58,112
I apologize, major.
514
00:18:58,112 --> 00:19:00,063
Oh, that's all right, sir.
515
00:19:00,064 --> 00:19:01,568
Everybody makes mistakes.
516
00:19:01,568 --> 00:19:03,967
And some of us make more
than others.
517
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:06,976
I'm sorry you had to come
all this way, uh, for nothing,
518
00:19:06,976 --> 00:19:08,480
Monsieur Millay.
519
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:12,416
But it was not for nothing,
monsieur.
520
00:19:12,416 --> 00:19:14,484
Here is my bill.
521
00:19:17,536 --> 00:19:19,371
Five hundred dollars?
522
00:19:21,248 --> 00:19:24,672
Make the check out
to your favorite charity.
523
00:19:24,673 --> 00:19:25,920
Why, yes, doctor.
524
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,871
You could make
your personal donation
525
00:19:27,872 --> 00:19:30,241
to the Air Force
Benevolent Fund.
526
00:19:30,241 --> 00:19:31,551
Oh, but, general, I...
527
00:19:31,552 --> 00:19:34,054
I'll see you in my office,
immediately.
528
00:19:39,808 --> 00:19:41,342
Oh, uh...
529
00:19:42,688 --> 00:19:44,156
[LAUGHING]
530
00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:47,456
[IN JEANNIE'S VOICE]
Did I do well, master?
531
00:19:47,457 --> 00:19:49,504
Oh, Jeannie!
You were wonderful.
532
00:19:49,504 --> 00:19:50,880
I'm glad you're pleased.
533
00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:53,248
I'm just sorry
for poor Dr. Bellows.
534
00:19:53,248 --> 00:19:54,879
Now, you pop out of here
and go home.
535
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,248
I'm gonna take you out tonight,
and we're gonna celebrate.
536
00:19:57,249 --> 00:19:59,744
That would be wonderful, master.
537
00:19:59,744 --> 00:20:01,279
[LAUGHS]
538
00:20:05,408 --> 00:20:08,010
I'll bet I could've been
a pretty good painter at that.
539
00:20:16,832 --> 00:20:18,496
Ah, pardon.
540
00:20:18,497 --> 00:20:20,192
Could you help me, please?
541
00:20:20,193 --> 00:20:23,680
I am looking for the office
of Dr. Bellows.
542
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:24,767
Oh, certainly.
543
00:20:24,768 --> 00:20:26,911
Make a left turn
at the end of the corridor,
544
00:20:26,911 --> 00:20:28,799
and it's the first door
on the right.
545
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,534
Merci.
546
00:20:33,472 --> 00:20:34,495
Hey, hey!
547
00:20:34,496 --> 00:20:35,871
Come in here.
548
00:20:35,871 --> 00:20:38,655
I can't have you
wandering around these halls.
549
00:20:38,656 --> 00:20:40,448
I want you to go home.
550
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:41,727
You want me to go home?
551
00:20:41,728 --> 00:20:43,071
[CLEARS THROAT]
552
00:20:43,072 --> 00:20:45,951
Oh, uh, t... Take off your beard,
and put on your prettiest dress.
553
00:20:45,951 --> 00:20:50,720
Take off my beard
and get into my prettiest dress?
554
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,032
You and I are going dancing
tonight.
555
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:55,200
Hey, monsieur.
556
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,151
Oh, and, uh,
drop the phony accent.
557
00:20:57,152 --> 00:20:58,432
I'm amazed you got away with it.
558
00:20:58,433 --> 00:20:59,800
[LAUGHS]
559
00:21:01,184 --> 00:21:04,096
That art expert act of yours was
one of the best I've ever seen.
560
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,400
I... I wish I had a picture of
the expression on their face...
561
00:21:06,401 --> 00:21:08,128
[GASPING]
You... Wha...
562
00:21:08,129 --> 00:21:10,112
Welcome to America,
Mr. Millay.
563
00:21:10,112 --> 00:21:11,775
Can I take your hat, sir?
564
00:21:11,776 --> 00:21:12,909
Uh, Major Nelson, I...
565
00:21:14,048 --> 00:21:16,063
You still here?
566
00:21:16,064 --> 00:21:17,567
Still here?
567
00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:19,840
But I just got here.
568
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:24,192
And there was no one to meet me
at the airport.
569
00:21:24,192 --> 00:21:25,567
Oh, that's too bad,
570
00:21:25,568 --> 00:21:27,327
but I'll see to it that someone
takes you out
571
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:30,367
to the airport to catch
the next plane back to France.
572
00:21:30,368 --> 00:21:32,767
Catch the next plane
back to France?
573
00:21:32,767 --> 00:21:37,856
But I flew 3000 miles in order
to see our genuine Rembrandt.
574
00:21:37,856 --> 00:21:39,648
I'm sorry we had to disappoint
you, sir.
575
00:21:39,649 --> 00:21:41,919
If you want my candid opinion,
Monsieur Millay,
576
00:21:41,919 --> 00:21:44,855
as an art critic,
you're highly overrated.
577
00:21:46,591 --> 00:21:49,471
Carl was right.
578
00:21:49,472 --> 00:21:52,406
All Americans are crazy!
579
00:21:54,656 --> 00:21:55,839
I go home!
580
00:21:55,839 --> 00:21:57,607
Monsieur.
581
00:22:01,791 --> 00:22:03,199
Uh, art expert.
582
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,567
Well, at... At least he can tell
a phony Rembrandt
583
00:22:05,567 --> 00:22:07,070
when he sees one.
Mm.
584
00:22:07,071 --> 00:22:09,663
Oh, there's one thing that's
been bothering me, Major Nelson.
585
00:22:09,663 --> 00:22:12,062
Yes, uh, just before we went in
to see, uh, General Peterson,
586
00:22:12,063 --> 00:22:13,792
uh, you were about to make
a confession.
587
00:22:13,793 --> 00:22:15,231
Oh, oh, ye... Yes.
Yes.
588
00:22:15,231 --> 00:22:19,680
And, um, I was, um, uh...
Just wondering, uh, what it was.
589
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:20,862
Uh... Oh! Ah, yes.
590
00:22:20,863 --> 00:22:22,335
I just wanted to tell you
that, um...
591
00:22:22,336 --> 00:22:24,192
Uh, yes?
Yes?
592
00:22:24,192 --> 00:22:28,295
I... I didn't think I'd ever
really be a Rembrandt.
593
00:22:37,088 --> 00:22:38,589
[?]
594
00:22:39,519 --> 00:22:40,862
[ALL LAUGHING]
595
00:22:40,863 --> 00:22:43,584
And then when I said I wanted to
dance with him, he turned white.
596
00:22:43,584 --> 00:22:46,286
Oh, I don't blame him.
You're a terrible dancer.
597
00:22:47,487 --> 00:22:48,926
Oh, poor Dr. Bellows.
598
00:22:48,927 --> 00:22:51,936
They are sending him away
for a long rest.
599
00:22:51,936 --> 00:22:53,918
Well, I think he deserves
a rest.
600
00:22:53,919 --> 00:22:54,879
Hey, have you decided
601
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,703
where you're going to hang
my painting yet?
602
00:22:56,703 --> 00:22:57,791
Yeah. Right there.
603
00:22:57,792 --> 00:22:59,583
Right there?
Right... Right... Right where?
604
00:22:59,584 --> 00:23:00,945
Right there...
Jeannie.
605
00:23:01,536 --> 00:23:02,622
[LAUGHS]
606
00:23:02,623 --> 00:23:04,766
Oh, very funny.
607
00:23:04,767 --> 00:23:08,288
Well, I still don't know why
no one bid on my picture.
608
00:23:08,288 --> 00:23:10,559
Oh, perhaps they are not yet
ready for you, Major Healey.
609
00:23:10,559 --> 00:23:12,062
Well, maybe you're right.
610
00:23:12,063 --> 00:23:13,983
I really enjoyed
painting that picture.
611
00:23:13,984 --> 00:23:15,744
It was the most relaxing thing
I ever did.
612
00:23:15,744 --> 00:23:17,599
Then you must paint more often,
master.
613
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,903
Yeah, but it looks so easy.
614
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,301
I wish I knew
how Rembrandt did it.
615
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:22,793
[TONY LAUGHING]
616
00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:28,232
[?]
617
00:24:28,282 --> 00:24:32,832
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