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00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:05,027
♪ ♪
2
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,313
(no voice)
3
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:18,818
♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪
4
00:00:18,818 --> 00:00:24,557
♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪
5
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,060
♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪
6
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:29,863
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:35,101
♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪
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00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:40,940
♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪
9
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:46,279
♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪
10
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:51,618
♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪
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00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:57,590
♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪
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00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:04,000
Ripped By mstoll
13
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(chuckles)
Who's that?
14
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,435
Uh, that's Dad's
mother's mother,
15
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:09,869
our great-grandmother.
16
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:12,429
She had real flabby arms.
17
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,536
Yeah, they're a nice match
with the legs.
18
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,280
There's a nice-looking guy.
19
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:21,714
Who's that?
20
00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:23,409
That's Vic Damone.
21
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:26,519
His picture came with the album.
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00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:27,787
JENNIFER:
Mm.
23
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,155
Oh, look.
24
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,524
"Mr. And Mrs. Charles Donnelly
announce the wedding
25
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:32,992
"of their daughter
Elyse Katherine
26
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,594
to Steven Richard Keaton."
27
00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:38,164
Hey, Mom, look at your
old wedding invitation.
28
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:40,100
1964.
29
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,501
20 years ago.
30
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,735
Steven, can you believe it?
31
00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:43,736
(Steven groans)
32
00:01:43,736 --> 00:01:45,972
I guess he can't believe it.
33
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:48,141
Are you guys gonna have a party?
34
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:49,576
Well, I'm working on it,
35
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,511
but your father doesn't like
to celebrate these things.
36
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,646
Of course I do.
37
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:56,449
I love to celebrate
these things.
38
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:59,853
I just don't like big parties.
39
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,088
I happen to believe
it's possible
40
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,857
to have a celebration with, uh,
41
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,859
fewer than a thousand people.
42
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,994
You used to like big gatherings.
43
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,762
Elyse, this is our anniversary,
44
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:11,898
not the march on Washington.
45
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,233
ELYSE:
You know, actually,
46
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,602
you already agreed
to have a party.
47
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,203
When did I agree?
48
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:18,338
Last year.
Don't you remember?
49
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:19,973
Just the two of us
had dinner together.
50
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,274
Course I remember.
51
00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:23,510
It was very romantic.
52
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:24,878
Well, this year,
instead of romance,
53
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,607
let's have fun.
54
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:32,519
You know what I mean.
55
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:35,722
Let's face it, Dad,
she wants a big party.
56
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,390
Well, it's our 20th;
it's a big day.
57
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,225
I-I just feel there are
a lot of people
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00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,827
that I would like
to share that with.
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00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,329
Okay, Elyse, if you insist
on having a party,
60
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,631
I won't stand in your way.
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00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,332
Sounds like a go to me.
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00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:47,567
This is so exciting.
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00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:48,801
You're going to love it, Steven.
64
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,603
Where-where will we have
the party?
65
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,405
Anyplace you want
is okay with me.
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00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:53,439
You decide.
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00:02:53,439 --> 00:02:55,008
I am thoroughly amenable.
68
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,477
Uh, maybe we could get
the banquet room at Guido's.
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00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,379
Not Guido's.
70
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,080
What's the matter with Guido's?
71
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,582
N-nothing, no...
72
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,050
Guido's-Guido's is fine.
73
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,486
Okay, I'll keep it small
and intimate, Steven, I promise.
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00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:08,021
What, just a few other couples?
75
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,757
Well, now, if we're going
to rent a room
76
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,225
and hire a band,
I think, I think...
77
00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:13,487
A band?!
78
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,729
Okay, okay, a band is fine.
79
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:17,997
I'll stay out of this.
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00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,532
It sounds like fun, Mom.
Do you want me
81
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,934
to call Guido's
and reserve the room?
82
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,068
No, that's okay.
83
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:24,059
I already called them.
84
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,108
- (thunder rumbling)
- Hi, Mom. What's for dinner?
85
00:03:29,108 --> 00:03:31,377
You know, I thought we'd start
out with some hors d'oeuvres...
86
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,513
rumaki, pigs in blankets,
things like that...
87
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:37,684
and then chicken Florentine,
zucchini, pastry, and coffee.
88
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:39,953
Well, I'll have everything
except the coffee.
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00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,421
Let's eat.
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00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:45,225
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
I was talking about the party.
91
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,493
Oh. And what are
we having tonight?
92
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,485
Tonight we're having Captain
Barnacle's take-out fish balls.
93
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,701
Again?
94
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:58,371
Well, I hope they defrosted
them this time.
95
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,373
- (thunder rumbling)
- Oh, hello, everybody.
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00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:01,841
- MALLORY: You did!
- I did not.
97
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,443
- I know you did, Alex.
- No, no, no.
98
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,278
You think you know I did,
but I didn't.
99
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:07,113
Steven, where are
the fish balls?
100
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:08,781
I couldn't start the car.
101
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:10,583
I had to leave it at work.
102
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,918
I took the bus home.
103
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,820
I'm soaked to the skin.
104
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,989
I couldn't get the fish balls.
105
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,657
Oh, Steven.
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00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:21,058
You couldn't get
the fish balls?!
107
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,965
Let me run this
by you again, Elyse.
108
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,967
I couldn't start the car.
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00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,435
Had to leave it at work.
110
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,004
Took the bus home.
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00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,995
I couldn't get the fish balls.
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00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,276
Say it with me, "I couldn't..."
113
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,011
- "I couldn't start..."
- MALLORY: Dad!
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00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,546
Dad, Alex has been
reading my diary.
115
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:42,582
I know because he's been
using words and phrases
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00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:43,750
that I use in it.
117
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,084
Look, that is not true.
118
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:46,886
Her-her accusations are...
119
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:50,323
totally bogus and grody
to the max.
120
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:52,725
You see? He doesn't
talk like that.
121
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,627
Look, I didn't read
her diary, okay?
122
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,496
I went into her room
to look for a book.
123
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,829
Ha! What would a book
be doing in my room?
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00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:06,928
She's got me there...
125
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,210
...for sure.
126
00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:15,048
I really had my heart set
on those fish balls.
127
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,250
So, Mom, what is for dinner?
128
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,419
Well, we've got
some frozen waffles.
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00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,821
Throw 'em in the toaster.
130
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:24,157
I'd love to throw 'em
in the toaster,
131
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,692
but the toaster is broken.
132
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,460
I have some gum in my room.
133
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,729
That should hold me over
till breakfast.
134
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:32,732
Look, Steven, I-I've got to talk
to you about the arrangements.
135
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,767
Now, now, Guido's is all set
for the party.
136
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:37,203
Guido's? H... Oh, okay.
137
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,905
Guido's, uh... Guido's is fine.
138
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,839
Whatever you do will be fine.
139
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,013
Is it raining in here?
140
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,682
Yes, it is!
I thought we had that fixed.
141
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,851
- I did! I'll call the roofer.
- Thank you.
142
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,287
- Dad, you've got to talk
to Alex. - About what?
143
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,888
About reading my diary.
144
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:59,025
Alex, read your sister's diary.
145
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,526
MALLORY:
Dad!
146
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,995
Look, I didn't read
her stupid diary.
147
00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:06,399
How would you know my diary's
stupid if you hadn't read it?
148
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,735
Mallory, I don't have
to stick my hand in water
149
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,470
to know it's wet.
150
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:14,640
Okay, now, guys, the roofer can
be here Wednesday after 3:00.
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00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,242
Can anybody be here?
152
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:17,377
- MALLORY: I'm busy.
- ALEX: Not me. - STEVEN: I can't.
153
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,179
Oh! I'll try to be here.
154
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,415
Steven, I-I've got to talk
to you about these arrangements.
155
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:24,417
Now, I've got the guest list
here, and-and I...
156
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,686
That is the guest list?
157
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:30,056
Why don't we use
this guest list?
158
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,058
Fewer people.
159
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,061
- I'll look through it.
- I bet you will.
160
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,629
Oh, this is gonna be
a fun party.
161
00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:37,797
I'm really looking
forward to it.
162
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,332
Yeah, me, too.
163
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,334
Mallory, can you put something
under this drip?
164
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:44,871
You're a drip, Alex.
Why don't you sit in it?!
165
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:48,363
All right, Mallory.
Bag your face.
166
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:54,080
- 20 years, huh?
- Yeah. It seems just like, uh...
167
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,082
BOTH:
Fifty.
168
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,073
(thunder rumbling)
169
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:02,555
Yes... Y-Yes... I see.
170
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:05,391
I understand
you're very busy now, but...
171
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:08,761
uh, now is when our roof
is leaking.
172
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,665
I'm sorry we never call you
when it's sunny.
173
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:16,068
(sighs)
Wh-When can you come?
174
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,371
A month from Thursday.
175
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,541
Well, I-I appreciate
your squeezing us in.
176
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,075
Thank you.
177
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,610
You're a saint.
178
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,601
Thank you.
179
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,750
Sorry I'm late.
I stayed at the office
180
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,885
to put the guest list
through the computer.
181
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,688
You forgot the roofer, Elyse.
182
00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:37,757
Oh, no, I didn't. He's invited.
183
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:39,622
I mean, you weren't home
when he got here.
184
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,328
So what?
185
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:43,663
So I forgot the roofer.
186
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,132
So what?!
187
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,267
So what? Have you been
in the kitchen lately?
188
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,136
- No.
- No?
189
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,138
Take a dinghy.
190
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,440
Steven, I had
a hard day at work.
191
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,431
Please, let's not get
into a fight.
192
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,644
Okay.
193
00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:00,079
You're right. Uh...
194
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,215
Sorry you had such a bad day.
195
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,783
Well, it really wasn't
such a bad day.
196
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,285
I had lunch with Suzanne,
and she and Ron are coming.
197
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:09,055
Oh, good. At least some
of my friends will be there.
198
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,289
Well, they can't get here
till midnight,
199
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:11,688
and they won't be able
to stay very long.
200
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:16,095
I also ran into, uh,
Bernie Packer.
201
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:18,097
Glad he's not invited.
202
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,832
Well...
203
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,602
- Elyse! - Well, Suzanne
assumed he was invited
204
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,937
and mentioned it,
so I had to invite him.
205
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,572
He's a very sweet man.
206
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,975
He was very helpful
to my mother a couple years ago.
207
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:31,711
In that case, why don't
we take him in as a boarder?
208
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,779
Elyse, the man is a buffoon.
209
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:35,047
He's not a buffoon.
210
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:36,983
He happens to have
a very good sense of humor.
211
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,451
Oh, is he? He's really funny.
212
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,419
I especially like
that noise he always makes.
213
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:41,587
What noise?
214
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,456
(honks loudly)
215
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,957
That noise.
216
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:47,193
I never noticed that noise.
217
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:50,530
How could you not notice
(honking)?
218
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,000
I am aware of the positive
things about Bernie.
219
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,004
(honks) is the most positive
thing about Bernie.
220
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,706
Look, I feel like we're having
some problems here.
221
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,742
If you don't want Bernie
to come to the party,
222
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,343
he doesn't have to come
to the party.
223
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:06,746
We don't even have
to have a party!
224
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,581
We are having the party.
225
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:12,785
I'm not gonna miss my 20th
anniversary because of you.
226
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:16,055
You are having your 20th
anniversary because of me!
227
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:21,127
I-I'm having our 20th
anniversary because of us.
228
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,263
There wouldn't be any us
if it weren't for me.
229
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:25,998
Or me, so there.
230
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,989
(phone ringing)
231
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,202
(angrily):
Hello!
232
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:31,671
(cheerfully):
Bernie!
233
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,005
Bernie Packer.
234
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,997
Great.
Say (honks) for me.
235
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,445
You're coming?
236
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:40,680
Fabulous!
237
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,916
Steven will be so happy.
238
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:46,319
Till then, Bern. Bye.
239
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:49,322
Okay, Elyse, now all
your friends are coming,
240
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,257
including Bernie. Happy?
241
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,391
Never happier.
242
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,893
Oh, I've never been
happier either.
243
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:55,695
I'm delirious with glee.
244
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:58,297
Bernie Packer is coming
to our party.
245
00:09:58,297 --> 00:10:01,167
How much delight
could one man possibly stand?
246
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,102
Will you stop
putting down Bernie?
247
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,271
- I am crazy about Bernie!
- Well, you can
248
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,539
just spend the whole evening
with Bernie.
249
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,907
You can just dance with Bernie
250
00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,898
and (honks) Your brains out.
251
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:13,579
ALEX:
Mallory!
252
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:15,548
- What are you doing in my room?
- MALLORY: What are you doing
253
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,283
- in my room? Reading my diary?
- ALEX: No, I was...
254
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,651
- STEVEN: Would you...
- ELYSE: Will you shut up?!
255
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:21,887
I don't want any more
yelling in this house!
256
00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:24,890
Happy anniversary!
257
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,381
Many happy returns!
258
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,901
Alex, will you get
over here, please?
259
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:38,104
We've got to talk
about Mom and Dad's present.
260
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,640
Speaking of talking, Jennifer,
did you know that Mallory
261
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,042
is afraid to talk
to Curt McMillan?
262
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:45,478
Alex, the only way
you would know that
263
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,413
is if you read my diary.
264
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,048
That's not true.
265
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:53,052
He could've eavesdropped
like I did... ah...
266
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,787
Maybe this whole discussion
is academic.
267
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,455
I mean, the way
they've been fighting,
268
00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:58,224
they're probably gonna
call the party off.
269
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,159
It is getting pretty rough.
270
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,228
Now they're fighting
about anything.
271
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,629
ELYSE:
This is my umbrella.
272
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:06,098
I don't know what you did
with your stupid umbrella.
273
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,334
STEVEN: You're right!
It is a stupid umbrella!
274
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:11,170
- You bought it for me!
- (thudding)
275
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,406
Sounds like it's tapering off.
276
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,408
ELYSE: Better than that
ridiculous rain hat
277
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,510
- you bought me!
- (thudding)
278
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,846
Look, just on the off chance
that they do make up,
279
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,849
we have to get them a present.
Now, what do they need?
280
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:27,219
They need a lawyer.
281
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:28,954
I hope they make up.
282
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:31,724
I don't want to end up
at some home for waifs.
283
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,559
Now, come on,
what should we get them?
284
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,289
Let's get 'em
a new set of tires.
285
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,165
Look, I've got
a much better idea.
286
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:41,634
We'll get them, uh, matching
sweater and slacks outfits.
287
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,625
It'll be great.
288
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:48,407
Uh, Mallory, we-we're shopping
for our parents here,
289
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:50,398
not Ken and Barbie.
290
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,780
Alex, do you have to shoot down
every good idea I have?
291
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:58,317
Mallory, the day you get
a good idea, let me know.
292
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:00,753
I will!
293
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:03,689
(imitating Mallory's tone):
Okay.
294
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,191
Will you two stop fighting?
295
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:06,926
We've got to work this out.
296
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,128
- (Jennifer shushes)
- No, I disagree.
297
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:11,460
I think we have a lot
to learn from Einstein.
298
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,937
Talking about
the anniversary, hmm?
299
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,505
Is there still gonna be one?
300
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,336
Why wouldn't there be one?
301
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,274
Been looking all
over the house for this.
302
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:36,055
Look, there's no doubt
in my mind
303
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:38,524
they'll make up before
the party tomorrow night.
304
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:41,960
But if they don't,
I'm calling a family meeting.
305
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:47,600
This family meeting is
hereby called to order.
306
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,170
Will the secretary please read
the minutes of the last meeting?
307
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:53,773
You are the secretary, Jennifer.
308
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,742
You're out of order.
309
00:12:56,742 --> 00:13:00,546
I know,
I'm the secretary, Mallory.
310
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,615
I'm just trying
to be official here.
311
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,250
Jennifer, you were about
to read the minutes
312
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,185
of the last meeting...
will you get to it, please?
313
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,812
I, for one, want to hear them.
314
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,957
You can't hear them.
315
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,059
I was going to get to that.
316
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:17,730
You see, I was reading them
in the bathtub last night...
317
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:18,731
and...
318
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,995
well, the rest is history.
319
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,763
The Chair recognizes Mommy.
320
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,209
I would just like to point out
321
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:33,012
that we're supposed to be
at Guido's in 20 minutes.
322
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:35,214
If we do not proceed
with this meeting,
323
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,016
we'll all miss the party.
324
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:39,185
Suits me fine.
325
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:42,021
I have the floor...
you're out of order.
326
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:45,791
She's right, Dad, technically,
you are out of order.
327
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:48,060
Now you're out of order, Alex.
328
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:51,430
How can I be out of order
telling him he's out of order?
329
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:54,200
You're out of order again.
330
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,169
Listen, the whole purpose
of this meeting is
331
00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:00,039
for us to discuss all the
fighting that's been going on.
332
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,707
- I'm tired of it.
- So am I.
333
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:03,609
Me, too... Alex, I don't see why
334
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,510
you and your sister
can't get along better.
335
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:10,516
Pardon me
for pointing it out, Mom,
336
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:14,418
but you and Dad haven't exactly
been Ozzie and Harriet.
337
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:17,289
Well, look, uh, kids,
338
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,225
we don't need
a meeting like this.
339
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:23,195
Your mother and I can settle our
little differences ourselves.
340
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,698
Really? The two of you
haven't slept
341
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,401
in the same room
for the past three nights.
342
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:31,392
I haven't been tired.
343
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:37,076
I don't like it
when you guys fight.
344
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,911
It's scary.
345
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,779
Sounds like
you don't like each other.
346
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,815
Honey, we don't mean
to scare you.
347
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:46,552
So, now, you're ready
to make up?
348
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,821
Uh, well, um, I-I...
I think the first thing
349
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,423
that needs to happen here, um,
procedurally speaking,
350
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:53,826
is for Alex and Mallory
to end their fight.
351
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,817
How about it?
352
00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:59,598
I will make up with Alex
353
00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:03,402
if he promises
never to read my diary again.
354
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,704
I didn't read it
in the first place.
355
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:07,006
Prove it.
356
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:10,376
For one thing, Mallory,
it has a lock on it.
357
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,241
How would you know?
358
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,282
I, uh...
359
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,952
I've admired it from a distance.
360
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:22,288
I'll bet!
361
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:24,156
Okay, look, I promise,
all right?
362
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:27,026
You have to promise
to stay away from my records.
363
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,194
All right.
364
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:31,931
I'm sorry for all the names
I called you.
365
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,966
Likewise.
366
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:35,524
Say, "I'm sorry."
367
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,327
(quietly):
I'm sorry.
368
00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:42,141
Louder.
369
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:44,243
I'm sorry.
370
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:45,244
Louder.
371
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,379
Mallory!
372
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:48,547
All right.
373
00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:50,015
Very, very nice.
374
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,017
Uh, now, uh...
375
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,679
why don't the two of you
shake hands and make up?
376
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,259
That was very nice.
377
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:02,628
Well, guess that
takes care of everything.
378
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,619
Not so fast!
379
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:08,061
What about you
and Dad making up?
380
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,671
I'm willing, if he is.
381
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:14,673
I am.
382
00:16:14,673 --> 00:16:17,209
I consider us made up.
383
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:19,268
How about a hug?
384
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,841
A handshake?
385
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,561
It was a stupid fight.
386
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,586
Very.
387
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,799
Oh, honey.
388
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,167
(Elyse sighs)
389
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,469
We really should hurry.
390
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:44,737
I told Bernie Packer
391
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,331
we'd give him a ride
to the party.
392
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,944
Get him a mule.
393
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,445
Steven!
394
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:55,881
Elyse, you know
I don't like the man!
395
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,049
But it's raining!
396
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:58,751
What was I going to do,
tell him to take a bus?
397
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,619
No, no, he can ride in our car.
398
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,254
- I'll take the bus!
- Fine!
399
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:04,289
- Okay!
- Ooh!
400
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:05,824
- (thunder rumbling)
- (Alex groans)
401
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:07,626
This meeting is called
because of rain!
402
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,728
STEVEN:
Aah!
403
00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:11,719
(soft, romantic jazz plays,
crowd chatter)
404
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,274
You dance divinely, my dear.
405
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:24,401
Likewise, I'm sure.
406
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,613
Don't you wish
there were some boys here?
407
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:30,104
No. I'm very happy with you.
408
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,318
Thank you. Thank you.
409
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:34,887
Truly, we're blessed.
410
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,822
Whoa! Mom! Dad!
411
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:37,790
(camera shutter clicks)
412
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,492
Perfect! That's a keeper.
413
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:41,660
Congratulations!
414
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:42,928
- Oh!
- Oh!
415
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:45,798
And my love to both of you
on this day of days.
416
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:46,965
Oh, thank you, Chaim.
417
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,133
Thank you, Chaim.
418
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:50,135
I often say to Chaim,
419
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:55,107
"Steven and Elyse due cuoriche battono come uno."
420
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:58,377
"They have two hearts
that beat as one."
421
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,179
Thank you, Akila.
422
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,947
CHAIM: I never heard you
say that, Akila.
423
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:04,616
ALEX:
Whoa! Guys!
424
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:05,617
(camera shutter clicks)
425
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:07,710
Perfect. That's a keeper.
426
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:12,057
MAN:
Brrr!
427
00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,592
(laughs)
Guess who!
428
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,194
That's a tough one.
429
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,395
Bernie Packer.
430
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:18,130
(laughs)
How'd you know?
431
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:21,567
Golly, Steven, how many years
has it been now... eight, nine?
432
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,303
Hey, Guido's, huh?
Nice place.
433
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:27,306
It's a lot like you, Steve...
luxury on a budget.
434
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:28,841
(Bernie laughs)
435
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,175
So, what's for supper?
436
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,711
Or, gee, was I supposed
to bring a bag lunch?
437
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,580
Brrr!
438
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:38,050
Oh, there she is!
There's the little bride!
439
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,818
- (Bernie laughs)
- Bernie, nice to see you!
440
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:43,489
Aw, golly, golly, golly, this is
just great, isn't it, guys?
441
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:45,557
Tell you what.
You two lucky kids...
442
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,259
you're going to spend a week...
443
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,228
that's seven days
and five nights...
444
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:50,596
(laughs)
445
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:53,866
...at my condo on Lake Erie!
(laughs)
446
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,635
- Uh, Bernie...
- Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
447
00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,537
It's just 'cause
I love you, guy! Brrr!
448
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,077
You know, Bernie,
Steven doesn't like to let on,
449
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,875
but he feels
just the same way about you.
450
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:12,384
Once in a while, he gets
this faraway look in his eye,
451
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:14,486
and... and I say,
"Sweetie, what is it?"
452
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:18,445
And he said,
"Elyse, I miss Bernie Packer."
453
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,355
(band plays fanfare)
454
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:27,299
Okay, uh,
got to be out there somewhere.
455
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:29,101
Where are they?
Yes, there they are.
456
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,903
The anniversary couple
and our hosts for the evening...
457
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,539
come on to the dance floor,
Steve and Elyse... the Keatons!
458
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,530
Yay!
459
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:42,744
(band plays upbeat tune,
woman whoops)
460
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:51,123
I'm surprised you wanted
to dance with me.
461
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,158
I wasn't going to make a scene.
462
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,826
That's sweet.
463
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:57,029
(Elyse groans)
464
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,397
"That's sweet."
465
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,499
Do you know this last week,
living with you
466
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,601
has not exactly been a trip
to the beach!
467
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:03,936
Speaking of the beach,
468
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,471
we now have one in our kitchen,
thanks to you-know-who.
469
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:08,473
Yeah. Oh!
470
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:10,309
Now I'm responsible
for the rain?!
471
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:13,378
Well, you're certainly not
responsible for the sunshine.
472
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,481
That's it, Steven!
This dance is over!
473
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,472
Good! Then get off my feet!
474
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:21,286
Uh, excuse me. Excuse me.
475
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,155
I hate to break up
the festivities,
476
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,123
but, uh,
if I could have your attention,
477
00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:27,785
my, uh... my sisters and I
would like to make a toast.
478
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:32,231
20 years ago today, they decided
479
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,199
they couldn't live
without each other,
480
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:36,633
and we're so glad
they felt like that.
481
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,472
When Shari Scharfer dumped me
482
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:43,542
for the captain
of the football team...
483
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,744
Dad taught me
how to throw a spiral,
484
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,338
and, uh, Mom taught me
how to tackle.
485
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:52,618
They took me ice skating
and held me up
486
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:56,321
when my ankles turned,
and, uh...
487
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,380
Mom was seven months pregnant
with Jennifer.
488
00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:02,494
When nobody would buy
my Girl Scout cookies,
489
00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:04,928
Mom and Dad bought them all.
490
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:07,899
They allowed
the Young Republicans
491
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:09,764
to meet at our house.
492
00:21:11,536 --> 00:21:14,273
Though they probably wanted to,
they didn't say anything
493
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:17,542
when, uh,
Johnny Holmstead took me out.
494
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:20,204
He has blue hair and an earring.
495
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:26,251
But, uh, most important of all,
496
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:28,320
the way they respect each other,
497
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,122
the way they're open
498
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:33,425
to each other's feelings
and needs has, uh...
499
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:36,828
has taught us the values
by which we live our lives.
500
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:38,764
And we love them.
501
00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:40,265
ALEX:
Mom, Dad...
502
00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:43,535
ALL THREE:
Happy anniversary!
503
00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:45,237
- Speech! Speech, Steven!
- Speech! Speech!
504
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:47,239
Come on, Steven, say something.
505
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:49,241
- BERNIE: Speech! Speech, Elyse!
- Speech! Speech!
506
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,343
(applause continues)
507
00:21:51,343 --> 00:21:53,845
I'm embarrassed
and proud at the same time.
508
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:56,114
Me, too. (laughs) Uh...
509
00:21:56,114 --> 00:21:57,382
- I...
- You...
510
00:21:57,382 --> 00:21:59,451
I-I think
we should tell you that...
511
00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:02,921
Steven and I have been fighting
all week.
512
00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:05,123
Uh, we, uh...
we have been fighting
513
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:07,092
about, uh, all kinds of things.
514
00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:09,328
- Yeah. - About, uh, uh,
the roof leaking, uh...
515
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,829
Oh, yeah. The...
516
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:12,331
About, uh, this party.
517
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:13,498
(Elyse laughs)
518
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:14,833
About, uh...
519
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,824
Brrr! Brrr!
520
00:22:18,236 --> 00:22:20,839
About everything.
521
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:24,343
Thank you, Alex,
Mallory and Jennifer
522
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,345
for, uh... for showing
your mother and I
523
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:27,573
how foolish we've been.
524
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:31,016
I think we just forgot
525
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,885
how much
we care about each other.
526
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:36,388
How much we need each other.
527
00:22:36,388 --> 00:22:38,690
I'm sorry, Elyse.
528
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:41,526
I'm sorry, too, Steven.
529
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:45,030
I love you.
530
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,021
(whispers):
I love you, too.
531
00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:50,469
Happy anniversary.
532
00:22:50,469 --> 00:22:52,037
Happy anniversary!
533
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,005
- (Elyse laughs)
- Happy anniversary.
534
00:22:57,676 --> 00:22:59,878
Wait! Wait!
No, it's not over.
535
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:01,513
Hit it, boys!
536
00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:02,914
(band plays intro)
537
00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:06,852
♪ Oh, how we danced ♪
538
00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,920
♪ On the night ♪
539
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,591
(crowd joins in):
♪ We were wed ♪
540
00:23:12,591 --> 00:23:16,828
♪ We vowed our true love ♪
541
00:23:16,828 --> 00:23:22,667
♪ Though a word wasn't said. ♪
542
00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:23,656
(camera shutter clicks)
543
00:23:51,730 --> 00:23:53,565
MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.
544
00:23:53,565 --> 00:23:54,691
(Ubu barks)
545
00:24:56,500 --> 00:25:04,500
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