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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:14,857 Man imitating James Brown: Ummmm-ah! 4 00:00:14,902 --> 00:00:16,597 I say ummmm-ahh! 5 00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:19,128 Good afternoon, Pussycats! 6 00:00:19,173 --> 00:00:22,074 I say good afternoon, Pussycats! 7 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:24,634 I am here to introduce... Ha ha... 8 00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:27,341 my best friend and your captain... 9 00:00:27,381 --> 00:00:30,111 Jonny Awesome! 10 00:00:30,151 --> 00:00:32,085 Thank you, Matt. 11 00:00:33,821 --> 00:00:36,722 What the fuck is up, American High School? 12 00:00:36,757 --> 00:00:39,726 Yes! 13 00:00:43,531 --> 00:00:46,523 ♪ Ain't this the last time ♪ 14 00:00:46,567 --> 00:00:49,365 ♪ I can feel like you ♪ 15 00:00:50,771 --> 00:00:53,365 ♪ Well, you go from town to town ♪ 16 00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:55,637 ♪ And everybody knows who you are... 17 00:00:55,676 --> 00:00:57,940 Boy: Yes! Whoo! Awesome. 18 00:00:57,979 --> 00:01:00,948 ♪ Mmm, how do you do? ♪ 19 00:01:00,982 --> 00:01:02,040 ♪ How do you do? ♪ 20 00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:04,108 All right, guys. Ahem. 21 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:07,917 Unfortunately, we have to put a pause to the fun for a moment... 22 00:01:07,955 --> 00:01:12,119 and bring up... You know her as the boring and the bland... 23 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,751 and the ordinary... 24 00:01:13,794 --> 00:01:17,093 and incredibly unhook-up-able-with... Al... 25 00:01:17,131 --> 00:01:18,996 - Er... - Unhookupable? 26 00:01:19,033 --> 00:01:21,433 Yeah, she's... Okay, let's bring up Gwen Adams. 27 00:01:21,469 --> 00:01:23,164 Get up here! 28 00:01:23,204 --> 00:01:25,695 Man, is she ordinary? 29 00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:27,708 Soaky Gwen. 30 00:01:27,742 --> 00:01:30,176 I'm just kidding. Get up here. 31 00:01:30,211 --> 00:01:32,941 She's a good fuck too, by the way. Ha ha! 32 00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,572 There you go. 33 00:01:34,615 --> 00:01:35,775 Thank you. 34 00:01:35,816 --> 00:01:37,943 I would... 35 00:01:37,985 --> 00:01:39,612 - This must be really difficult for you. - Like... 36 00:01:39,654 --> 00:01:42,521 - Wow. You're definitely... - Boy: You suck! 37 00:01:42,556 --> 00:01:43,784 Unpopular. 38 00:01:43,824 --> 00:01:45,951 Boy: He's a dick! 39 00:01:45,993 --> 00:01:49,793 I mean, if this was MySpace, Tom wouldn't even be your friend. 40 00:01:50,798 --> 00:01:52,993 Boy Fucking whore and slut! 41 00:01:53,034 --> 00:01:55,662 Oh yes, sir! 42 00:01:55,703 --> 00:01:59,298 Ha ha ha ha! Awesome. Whoo! 43 00:02:01,509 --> 00:02:03,841 That's me, and it's pretty safe to say... 44 00:02:03,878 --> 00:02:06,108 that I am incredibly unpopular. 45 00:02:06,147 --> 00:02:07,637 But it's not my fault, though. 46 00:02:07,682 --> 00:02:09,843 There are plenty of contributing loser factors. 47 00:02:10,851 --> 00:02:14,548 For starters, instead of having a cool dad who lets my girlfriends sleep over... 48 00:02:14,588 --> 00:02:16,886 my dad just tries to sleep with them. 49 00:02:16,924 --> 00:02:19,358 He used to be an actor. He made a ton of money... 50 00:02:19,393 --> 00:02:21,827 on the hit '80s TV show, "Coast Watch" 51 00:02:21,862 --> 00:02:23,261 and a lot of Japanese action flicks. 52 00:02:25,266 --> 00:02:28,463 It'd be nice to have a strong older brother to look up to. 53 00:02:28,502 --> 00:02:30,527 Maybe this'll kill me. 54 00:02:31,539 --> 00:02:33,734 Too bad I don't. 55 00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:36,436 Don't even ask where my mom is. 56 00:02:36,477 --> 00:02:39,469 Having the coolest boyfriend in school is usually a bonus. 57 00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:43,640 Yeah, not when you marry him. 58 00:02:45,419 --> 00:02:47,148 We'll get to that later. 59 00:02:47,188 --> 00:02:49,088 Girl singing: ♪ What we did right... ♪ 60 00:02:49,123 --> 00:02:51,284 My husband's an exhibitionist... 61 00:02:51,325 --> 00:02:53,555 and made it his mission to have sex with me... 62 00:02:53,594 --> 00:02:55,221 at every landmark in school. 63 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,856 We've never been caught. 64 00:02:57,898 --> 00:03:00,264 Lastly, this... 65 00:03:00,301 --> 00:03:02,428 is Hilary Weiss! 66 00:03:02,470 --> 00:03:05,530 Hilary is a devil with a vagina. 67 00:03:05,573 --> 00:03:06,870 Hey, Holden. 68 00:03:06,907 --> 00:03:10,206 She wanted Holden but he wanted me, so I married him. 69 00:03:10,244 --> 00:03:11,734 I want you to take me to dinner. 70 00:03:11,779 --> 00:03:14,612 Gwen: She's been trying to steal my boyfriend since the third grade. 71 00:03:14,648 --> 00:03:17,776 We hate each other, but I got the man. 72 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,619 I'm running for prom queen... 73 00:03:22,656 --> 00:03:24,351 to beat out Hilary. 74 00:03:24,392 --> 00:03:27,759 Not like I really care about that kind of stuff obviously. 75 00:03:27,795 --> 00:03:30,263 But I want to be the one personally responsible... 76 00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:33,289 for bringing down Satan. 77 00:03:33,334 --> 00:03:35,029 Ugh! 78 00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:39,298 Oh, and I'm 10 days late on my period. 79 00:03:42,343 --> 00:03:44,903 Ahh, late for school. Gotta go. 80 00:03:57,525 --> 00:04:00,460 ♪ Everyone is always on the go... ♪ 81 00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:04,521 Boy: Check this out... 82 00:04:04,565 --> 00:04:05,998 Gwen: Jonny and Matt. 83 00:04:06,033 --> 00:04:08,194 I uploaded a video of myself onto YouTube... 84 00:04:08,235 --> 00:04:11,329 shirtless and flexing. Mad views already, bro. 85 00:04:11,372 --> 00:04:12,600 - Mad views? - Mad views. 86 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,198 - Nice. - We're awesome. 87 00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:15,230 So awesome! 88 00:04:15,276 --> 00:04:17,904 Gwen: They hold the world record in awesomeness... 89 00:04:17,945 --> 00:04:19,970 whatever that means. 90 00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:22,778 - Awesome. You got a lighter? - No. 91 00:04:22,817 --> 00:04:26,184 Gwen: Oh, here comes Dixie, Hilary and Trixie. 92 00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:28,916 Together they've slept with the entire school... 93 00:04:28,956 --> 00:04:30,150 twice. 94 00:04:30,191 --> 00:04:31,954 You're a chauvinist pig! 95 00:04:35,763 --> 00:04:38,254 Hey, Holden. 96 00:04:38,299 --> 00:04:40,631 How about you and I have a little dance party... 97 00:04:40,668 --> 00:04:43,193 Gwen: God, she's such an idiot! 98 00:04:43,237 --> 00:04:45,501 If there was an award for fewest brain cells... 99 00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:47,370 she'd be undefeated. 100 00:04:49,443 --> 00:04:51,240 Oh! 101 00:04:51,278 --> 00:04:54,577 - Cat fight! - Awesome. 102 00:04:54,615 --> 00:04:58,073 "Ooh, I'm gonna save the day. I'm gonna pull her away." 103 00:04:58,118 --> 00:05:00,416 - Bye, Holden. - Bye, little scaredy cat. 104 00:05:00,454 --> 00:05:02,547 Walk away, walk away. 105 00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:04,581 What the fuck is wrong with those two? 106 00:05:04,625 --> 00:05:06,820 Who the fuck gets married in high school? 107 00:05:06,861 --> 00:05:09,659 It's all right. We like to watch you leave. 108 00:05:18,606 --> 00:05:20,767 California... 109 00:05:20,808 --> 00:05:23,709 you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. 110 00:05:25,012 --> 00:05:26,946 Gwen: This is our history teacher, Mr. Seuss. 111 00:05:26,981 --> 00:05:29,711 Rumor has it his uber hot wife is cheating on him. 112 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:32,241 She's our art teacher and vice principal. 113 00:05:32,286 --> 00:05:33,685 You can see from her photos... 114 00:05:33,721 --> 00:05:36,019 she's extremely qualified. 115 00:05:36,056 --> 00:05:38,286 California... 116 00:05:38,325 --> 00:05:41,385 where certain parts of Anaheim worship a giant rat. 117 00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,760 - Kip Dick. - This means you should swim naked. 118 00:05:43,797 --> 00:05:47,255 Kip Dick, out! Harass. Be gone. 119 00:05:47,301 --> 00:05:49,269 Seuss, I'm just here to learn like everybody else... 120 00:05:49,303 --> 00:05:52,238 Yeah, but what you're trying to teach her, her dad doesn't want her to learn. 121 00:05:52,273 --> 00:05:53,638 Move it. 122 00:05:53,674 --> 00:05:57,405 Fine fine. You know, your class is boring anyway. 123 00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,570 Well, thank you. 124 00:05:58,612 --> 00:06:01,308 But you know, this is only for students who have graduated this century. 125 00:06:01,348 --> 00:06:03,976 Okay. Quietly... 126 00:06:04,018 --> 00:06:07,112 as we continue our exciting adventures in California history... 127 00:06:07,154 --> 00:06:09,622 Ooh! My dad works in porn; 128 00:06:09,657 --> 00:06:13,320 he works in the state of California 'cause he's awesome! 129 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,385 What the fuck? 130 00:06:15,429 --> 00:06:18,227 Did you get high? 131 00:06:18,265 --> 00:06:20,631 - Totally, dude. - Seuss, Seuss. 132 00:06:21,869 --> 00:06:23,837 Oh, what the... Oh! 133 00:06:23,871 --> 00:06:26,271 And that'll be enough for California history. 134 00:06:26,307 --> 00:06:28,104 Make sure you've all read chapter 14... 135 00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:31,009 one through six, due... what the heck... Tomorrow. 136 00:06:32,947 --> 00:06:36,348 Yo yo yo! This is your principal. 137 00:06:36,383 --> 00:06:39,011 I need all my seniors down to the gymnasium. 138 00:06:39,053 --> 00:06:43,149 I repeat, I need all my seniors down to the gymnasium. 139 00:06:45,225 --> 00:06:47,125 Ooh, Principal Mann. 140 00:06:47,161 --> 00:06:49,026 Ooh, yeah! 141 00:06:50,564 --> 00:06:53,124 That was another amazing announcement. 142 00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:55,795 Oh, you were fabulous, sir. 143 00:06:57,938 --> 00:06:59,633 To the gymnasium. 144 00:07:27,001 --> 00:07:28,468 Yo. 145 00:07:28,502 --> 00:07:30,493 Dad, what are you doing here? 146 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:33,973 Just hanging out with my bros, being totally awesome. 147 00:07:34,008 --> 00:07:35,066 Yeah. 148 00:07:35,109 --> 00:07:37,873 By the way, your dad has awesome cologne. 149 00:07:37,911 --> 00:07:39,378 Totally awesome. 150 00:07:39,413 --> 00:07:41,813 It's Essence of Apple. 151 00:07:41,849 --> 00:07:44,340 Well, I'm gonna skedaddle. 152 00:07:44,385 --> 00:07:46,876 - Mr. D. - Mr. D. 153 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,387 Call me Kip! 154 00:07:48,422 --> 00:07:49,980 All right, Kip. 155 00:07:53,694 --> 00:07:55,491 Nice. Who's the cutie? 156 00:07:55,529 --> 00:07:56,996 I don't even know. 157 00:07:57,031 --> 00:07:58,999 - Awesome. - My name's Katie. 158 00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:01,558 Shh. It doesn't matter. 159 00:08:01,602 --> 00:08:03,194 Why don't you guys swing by the house later? 160 00:08:03,237 --> 00:08:05,603 We'll throw around the pigskin, crack a few beers. 161 00:08:05,639 --> 00:08:07,971 - Honey, bring some of your friends. - You're cute. 162 00:08:08,008 --> 00:08:11,034 I know. I know. 163 00:08:11,078 --> 00:08:13,638 Hey. Hey, shithead. 164 00:08:13,681 --> 00:08:15,774 How come we never threw around the pigskin, huh? 165 00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:19,377 That's 'cause I'm ashamed of you. 166 00:08:19,420 --> 00:08:21,752 What the fuck, Dad? 167 00:08:22,923 --> 00:08:24,754 I told you never to call me that. 168 00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:26,487 You never loved me. 169 00:08:26,527 --> 00:08:29,360 Oh my God. Could you be more of a pussy? 170 00:08:29,396 --> 00:08:31,796 Now you're supposed to be a Dick. Start acting like one. 171 00:08:31,832 --> 00:08:34,027 Look at yourself. I mean, come on... 172 00:08:34,068 --> 00:08:36,696 Do some push-ups, get a girlfriend, get a life. 173 00:08:36,737 --> 00:08:38,204 No more jerking off. 174 00:08:38,238 --> 00:08:40,798 Yeah, well maybe if I had a Dick teaching me how to be a Dick... 175 00:08:40,841 --> 00:08:43,071 I wouldn't be such a pussy, all right? 176 00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:44,668 Talk to the hand. Talk to the hand. 177 00:08:44,712 --> 00:08:46,907 - Real mature. Real mature. - Talk to the hand. 178 00:08:46,947 --> 00:08:48,710 - Fuck you, Dad! - Hey... 179 00:08:48,749 --> 00:08:51,047 - Cheesy-looking motherfucker. - The balls... 180 00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:55,553 You know, Jonny's still single and available. 181 00:08:57,057 --> 00:08:59,389 Dad, I'm married. 182 00:09:00,494 --> 00:09:04,294 Yeah, well, it's never too late for an upgrade. 183 00:09:09,002 --> 00:09:12,460 Girl: Quiet. Quiet! 184 00:09:12,506 --> 00:09:15,100 Boy: It is with pride to introduce to you... 185 00:09:15,142 --> 00:09:17,440 the cornerstone of this school... 186 00:09:17,478 --> 00:09:21,005 Assistant Principal Becky Apple. 187 00:09:22,015 --> 00:09:26,145 Boy: Look at those! 188 00:09:26,186 --> 00:09:28,677 As seniors on the fast track to graduation... 189 00:09:28,722 --> 00:09:30,587 a ritual is often performed. 190 00:09:30,624 --> 00:09:33,923 I am of course talking about prom. 191 00:09:33,961 --> 00:09:35,019 Man: I love you! 192 00:09:35,062 --> 00:09:38,930 Prom is the be-all, end-all of your time here. 193 00:09:38,966 --> 00:09:42,834 On that note, I'd like to hand you over to the prom chair, Hilary Weiss. 194 00:09:42,870 --> 00:09:46,271 Man: Whoo! 195 00:09:46,306 --> 00:09:49,400 Totally. I want to bite your ass! 196 00:09:49,443 --> 00:09:52,537 Thank you, Miss Apple. Thank you, students. 197 00:09:52,579 --> 00:09:54,479 - Boy: Fucking suck! - Without your hard work... 198 00:09:54,515 --> 00:09:57,575 and dedication, our prom would not be possible. 199 00:09:57,618 --> 00:10:00,212 You guys are so awesome! 200 00:10:00,254 --> 00:10:03,223 - Boy: Cocksucker! - Boy 201 00:10:03,257 --> 00:10:05,748 And on a more serious note... 202 00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:08,455 when prom comes, all of you need to vote for me... 203 00:10:08,495 --> 00:10:09,757 Hilary Weiss. 204 00:10:09,797 --> 00:10:13,460 I mean, I'm the prettiest girl in school, so it's a no-brainer. 205 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,695 Where'd you go? 206 00:10:15,736 --> 00:10:17,829 Holden: We hit the jackpot, Gwen... the principal's desk. 207 00:10:17,871 --> 00:10:21,204 - You, me, now. It's unlocked. - What? 208 00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:24,369 Come on, this'll leave our last mark on campus. 209 00:10:24,411 --> 00:10:26,709 Ow. 210 00:10:26,747 --> 00:10:30,012 Plus, I want to let all the boys know... 211 00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:32,518 - That I'm a freak in the sheets. - Boy: Whoo! 212 00:10:39,426 --> 00:10:42,657 I can't believe I'm really here. 213 00:10:42,696 --> 00:10:44,687 Come here. 214 00:11:26,673 --> 00:11:29,233 Holden: Are we almost done? 215 00:11:29,276 --> 00:11:32,074 Holden: I can't do this. 216 00:11:32,112 --> 00:11:35,240 Oh God. Oh God. 217 00:11:35,282 --> 00:11:39,514 Oh my God. Oh fuck. 218 00:11:39,553 --> 00:11:41,248 - So last year... - Thank you. Thank you. 219 00:11:41,288 --> 00:11:43,153 Thank you. That was very nice. 220 00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:45,624 - Thanks! - Holden: Oh, fuck! Oh my God! 221 00:11:49,129 --> 00:11:51,757 Oh, Gwen. Oh, Gwen. 222 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,732 Oh my God, Gwen. 223 00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:55,496 What's going on here? 224 00:11:55,535 --> 00:11:57,867 I think they were having sex. 225 00:11:57,905 --> 00:12:00,271 Yes, Alice, that's a rhetorical question. 226 00:12:00,307 --> 00:12:02,798 - But, sir... - How could you not lock my door? 227 00:12:02,843 --> 00:12:04,708 I ain't cleaning this shit up. 228 00:12:04,745 --> 00:12:07,213 Oh, you'll clean it up, Grandpa. And you'll like it! 229 00:12:07,247 --> 00:12:10,114 Do you two understand this is mahogany wood from Bangladesh? 230 00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,118 Where are you going? 231 00:12:12,152 --> 00:12:13,813 Sit down! 232 00:12:19,059 --> 00:12:22,051 Big deal... we banged on Principal Mann's desk. 233 00:12:25,065 --> 00:12:27,556 Look, I'm... I'm sorry. 234 00:12:27,601 --> 00:12:29,398 I really am, but... 235 00:12:29,436 --> 00:12:31,131 Gwen: Don't touch me. 236 00:12:31,171 --> 00:12:34,231 Alice, where's my popcorn? 237 00:12:39,413 --> 00:12:42,905 Oh, sir, that's my breast. 238 00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:44,747 I know. 239 00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:56,027 I'm Zoey... 240 00:12:57,998 --> 00:13:00,933 the new girl. I just transferred from Cancun. 241 00:13:00,968 --> 00:13:02,731 I enjoy long walks on the beach... 242 00:13:02,769 --> 00:13:05,329 I'm a Pisces and I'm perfect. 243 00:13:05,372 --> 00:13:06,669 Oh. 244 00:13:09,509 --> 00:13:11,807 You do realize the school year's almost over with. 245 00:13:11,845 --> 00:13:14,075 I heard about your internship program... 246 00:13:14,114 --> 00:13:16,480 for young hot blondes with impressionable minds. 247 00:13:16,516 --> 00:13:19,849 I had to try it out. You know, see if I fit in. 248 00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:22,878 Um, the position's already been filled. 249 00:13:22,923 --> 00:13:25,414 - We'll see about that. - Mm-hmm. 250 00:13:27,794 --> 00:13:30,058 ♪ I don't care just what you're made of... ♪ 251 00:13:30,097 --> 00:13:32,088 You know we have class, Principal Mann. 252 00:13:32,132 --> 00:13:35,192 Oh, I think that can wait. 253 00:13:35,235 --> 00:13:37,829 Ah, Miss Hilary Weiss. 254 00:13:37,871 --> 00:13:40,237 Ahh! 255 00:13:40,273 --> 00:13:43,436 ♪ I don't want to be embarrassed ♪ 256 00:13:43,477 --> 00:13:46,173 ♪ I don't want to notice you... ♪ 257 00:13:46,213 --> 00:13:49,307 Change of plans: you can go to class... 258 00:13:49,349 --> 00:13:51,408 and I'll talk to your pretty little girlfriend. 259 00:13:51,451 --> 00:13:53,749 Wait... what was she whispering to you about? 260 00:13:53,787 --> 00:13:55,516 Now move! 261 00:13:55,555 --> 00:13:58,786 You can't punish her during prom-queen campaign. That's undemocratic. 262 00:13:58,825 --> 00:14:01,385 ♪ Run to you ♪ 263 00:14:01,428 --> 00:14:04,761 ♪ I want to run to you... ♪ 264 00:14:04,798 --> 00:14:07,266 Looks like you're failing Seuss's class. 265 00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:10,599 If you don't get an A on the final, you won't graduate. 266 00:14:12,873 --> 00:14:15,535 That was done perfectly, sir. 267 00:14:15,575 --> 00:14:19,067 Of course, Alice. Now I want that desk clean by tomorrow morning... 268 00:14:19,112 --> 00:14:22,104 so clean that I can eat off of it... 269 00:14:22,149 --> 00:14:25,016 if I choose to. Let's go, Zoey. 270 00:14:34,327 --> 00:14:37,490 How am I ever gonna show my face at school again? 271 00:14:37,531 --> 00:14:39,999 I'm the school slut. 272 00:14:40,033 --> 00:14:42,593 That spot was reserved for Hilary. 273 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,804 We have never been caught... never. 274 00:14:48,809 --> 00:14:52,370 And we've pulled off some really risky missions: 275 00:14:52,412 --> 00:14:54,903 here at Mr. Seuss's classroom; 276 00:14:54,948 --> 00:14:56,939 here at the 50-yd line of the football field; 277 00:14:56,983 --> 00:15:00,475 and not to mention the bleacher sex! 278 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,579 Bleacher sex! 279 00:15:02,622 --> 00:15:05,557 That is still the single-most uncomfortable spot... 280 00:15:05,592 --> 00:15:07,583 to ever get it on. 281 00:15:07,627 --> 00:15:10,755 I still have splinters from that. 282 00:15:10,797 --> 00:15:14,198 Lunch is almost over. 283 00:15:14,234 --> 00:15:16,600 Please please please... 284 00:15:16,636 --> 00:15:18,695 don't make me go back to that hell. 285 00:15:20,874 --> 00:15:25,368 Boy: Gwen Adams, report to the nurse's office for a pregnancy test. 286 00:15:25,412 --> 00:15:26,743 That is all. 287 00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:32,546 Gwen: Oh God, what if I'm pregnant? 288 00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:34,747 Again. 289 00:15:37,057 --> 00:15:39,651 Excuse me. Do you have a pass? 290 00:15:42,262 --> 00:15:44,321 Oh, boy. 291 00:15:48,301 --> 00:15:50,792 First patient of the day. 292 00:15:57,077 --> 00:15:58,806 Hi. 293 00:15:58,845 --> 00:16:00,972 - Welcome to my office. - Hi. 294 00:16:01,014 --> 00:16:04,381 I just need to pick up a pregnancy test. 295 00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:07,944 Okay, I think we... we should get to know each other... 296 00:16:07,988 --> 00:16:10,889 since you're in my office and I don't even know your name. 297 00:16:10,924 --> 00:16:12,357 I'm Nurse Doogie. 298 00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:15,486 I'm Gwen. Can I just have a pregnancy test really fast? 299 00:16:15,529 --> 00:16:16,962 You're Gwen. 300 00:16:16,997 --> 00:16:19,022 I heard about you... You had some sex, didn't you? 301 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,625 Was it good? It was great for me. 302 00:16:21,668 --> 00:16:26,128 I, uh, heard it while I was in the bathroom over the speaker and... 303 00:16:26,173 --> 00:16:27,902 Can we not talk about that, please? 304 00:16:27,941 --> 00:16:30,205 - No no, I... - Stop. Please don't touch me. 305 00:16:30,243 --> 00:16:32,404 Uh, put this robe on. 306 00:16:32,445 --> 00:16:34,140 Let's get started with the exam. 307 00:16:34,181 --> 00:16:35,876 - What? - Put this on. 308 00:16:35,916 --> 00:16:39,352 Can you just get me the little strip that I pee on? 309 00:16:39,386 --> 00:16:43,117 Uh, I don't have anything for you to pee on except for... 310 00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:45,056 well, me, if you're into that. 311 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:48,117 I could lay under a glass table if that's what you want to do. 312 00:16:48,161 --> 00:16:50,026 - I love it. - What? 313 00:16:50,063 --> 00:16:52,725 Ooh. Um, okay. 314 00:16:52,766 --> 00:16:55,462 Uh, um, I'm gonna examine you now. 315 00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:58,335 You should... You should get on the table right here. 316 00:16:58,371 --> 00:17:01,568 - I'm on the table. - Oh, yeah. 317 00:17:01,608 --> 00:17:05,066 - I'm gonna miss my class. - I'll write you a note. 318 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,807 I love him! 319 00:17:07,847 --> 00:17:12,409 I don't know. It's like I just try so hard. 320 00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:16,178 I just give so much, you know? 321 00:17:16,223 --> 00:17:18,851 And I'm just afraid he'll get mad. 322 00:17:18,892 --> 00:17:20,359 Have you even talked to him about it? 323 00:17:20,393 --> 00:17:21,724 I can't! 324 00:17:21,761 --> 00:17:24,924 He gets frustrated and he walks away. 325 00:17:24,965 --> 00:17:26,762 I mean, I want to make him happy... 326 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,597 but he doesn't care. 327 00:17:28,635 --> 00:17:31,399 I didn't want to do the principal's-office thing. 328 00:17:31,438 --> 00:17:32,928 I did it for him. 329 00:17:32,973 --> 00:17:34,907 Do you want to do the nurse's-office thing? 330 00:17:34,941 --> 00:17:37,171 - What? - Nothing. 331 00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:39,007 Um... 332 00:17:39,045 --> 00:17:40,945 I- I-I think you're really nice, Gwen. 333 00:17:40,981 --> 00:17:42,915 - And I want to help you. - Thank... 334 00:17:42,949 --> 00:17:45,042 I don't want you to get kicked out of school. 335 00:17:45,085 --> 00:17:47,781 So... So I did something for you: 336 00:17:47,821 --> 00:17:49,880 I- I-I peed in a cup for you. 337 00:17:49,923 --> 00:17:52,721 And that way you won't get expelled for being pregnant. 338 00:17:52,759 --> 00:17:55,523 - Thank you! - I'm pretty sure you're not pregnant. 339 00:17:55,562 --> 00:17:59,396 You're the best friend I have. 340 00:17:59,633 --> 00:18:02,796 So that's why you should use three fingers instead of two. 341 00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:08,034 Gwen. Class, what have we learned from her actions today? 342 00:18:09,876 --> 00:18:12,902 To be more discreet when you're acting like a whore. 343 00:18:12,946 --> 00:18:15,847 - Who are you? - I'm Zoey, the new girl. 344 00:18:15,882 --> 00:18:17,679 I just transferred from Cancun. 345 00:18:17,717 --> 00:18:21,084 I enjoy long walks on the beach, I'm a Pisces... 346 00:18:21,121 --> 00:18:22,611 and I'm perfect. 347 00:18:22,656 --> 00:18:23,987 I don't like you. 348 00:18:24,024 --> 00:18:27,187 That's probably because you see me as competition. 349 00:18:27,227 --> 00:18:29,889 I'm hot, I know. 350 00:18:31,698 --> 00:18:35,634 Talk back to me again and you'll have your next period through your mouth. 351 00:18:36,636 --> 00:18:39,264 - Leave me... - Think about that. 352 00:18:39,306 --> 00:18:40,432 Bitch. 353 00:18:40,473 --> 00:18:43,601 Go on and paint. Make it erotic. 354 00:18:43,643 --> 00:18:46,669 Excuse me, Miss Apple? Can I get some inspiration? 355 00:18:52,552 --> 00:18:54,383 Paint it. 356 00:18:58,858 --> 00:19:00,621 Well, this is disturbing. 357 00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:03,652 - I didn't even do anything yet. - That's what's disturbing. 358 00:19:03,697 --> 00:19:05,631 What? You think you can start whenever you want to? 359 00:19:05,665 --> 00:19:07,496 - No, I just... - You think you're better than me? 360 00:19:07,534 --> 00:19:10,128 Gwen: Abso-fucking-lutely. 361 00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:12,035 No, I wouldn't say... 362 00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:14,968 What? 363 00:19:19,579 --> 00:19:22,309 What are you looking at? 364 00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:24,214 You're looking at the new girl. 365 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,150 Yeah, she's new. 366 00:19:29,122 --> 00:19:32,990 She's hot too. I'm gonna fuck her. 367 00:19:35,562 --> 00:19:38,759 Holden, you gotta get it together. 368 00:19:38,798 --> 00:19:40,322 You can't let her talk to you like that. 369 00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:42,494 - Yeah, but have you seen the new girl? - Yeah, I've seen her. 370 00:19:42,535 --> 00:19:44,867 I always kinda thought you were gay, though. 371 00:19:44,904 --> 00:19:46,929 This class is great... 372 00:19:46,973 --> 00:19:49,669 - I love Mrs. Apple so much. - Just great. 373 00:19:49,709 --> 00:19:52,007 She looked at me when I was painting... 374 00:19:52,045 --> 00:19:53,512 and said I did a good job. 375 00:19:53,546 --> 00:19:55,707 Wow, that is really good, Holden. 376 00:19:55,749 --> 00:19:57,512 You know, I'm not gonna lie. You've got... 377 00:19:57,550 --> 00:20:00,041 negative and positive space, continuity... 378 00:20:00,086 --> 00:20:02,179 rhythm, symmetry. 379 00:20:02,222 --> 00:20:03,780 - Who the fuck are you? - It's great. 380 00:20:03,823 --> 00:20:05,688 Yeah, who the fuck are you? 381 00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:07,056 Pff! Whatever. 382 00:20:07,093 --> 00:20:09,527 I used to bang a chick that owned an art gallery. 383 00:20:09,562 --> 00:20:10,722 Holden: Yeah, that's gay. 384 00:20:10,764 --> 00:20:13,232 That... if I'm gay, then that's fucking gay. 385 00:20:13,266 --> 00:20:14,961 - Are those real? - Pick it up. 386 00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:17,128 - Oh, God. Oh, crap. - Pick up the pencil. 387 00:20:17,170 --> 00:20:19,866 Oh, she's picking it up. Oh my God. 388 00:20:23,543 --> 00:20:25,534 You know something? 389 00:20:25,578 --> 00:20:29,173 - I don't even know him anymore. - That's really good, though. 390 00:20:29,215 --> 00:20:31,945 Like, I am serious; I am jealous of his artistic ability. 391 00:20:31,985 --> 00:20:33,247 Come on. 392 00:20:36,089 --> 00:20:38,057 Miss Apple? 393 00:20:38,091 --> 00:20:40,457 Um, I just wanted to thank you... 394 00:20:40,493 --> 00:20:43,121 for the best class I've ever taken. 395 00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:45,688 I mean, the way you convey art... 396 00:20:45,732 --> 00:20:48,963 and what it feels like and... 397 00:20:49,002 --> 00:20:51,436 - Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. - Is supposed to be, it's amazing. 398 00:20:51,471 --> 00:20:52,870 - There you go. - And I just wanna... 399 00:20:52,906 --> 00:20:54,635 wish I would've showed up more often. 400 00:20:54,674 --> 00:20:57,234 - Get along. - Thank you for the head, Becky. 401 00:20:57,277 --> 00:20:59,939 - Miss Apple. - Miss Apple. Miss Apple. 402 00:20:59,979 --> 00:21:02,004 Bye. 403 00:21:02,048 --> 00:21:04,073 Man, that guy's a yapper. 404 00:21:04,117 --> 00:21:05,311 - Go. - Third wheel. 405 00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:06,784 Go! 406 00:21:06,820 --> 00:21:08,048 I love you. 407 00:21:10,457 --> 00:21:13,153 I'm sorry, I... I guess... 408 00:21:13,193 --> 00:21:15,855 it was a big mistake and... 409 00:21:15,895 --> 00:21:17,123 Look, I'm... 410 00:21:19,065 --> 00:21:20,327 Ahh. 411 00:21:21,401 --> 00:21:23,665 Tough break, baby. 412 00:21:23,703 --> 00:21:25,796 What did you say to Principal Mann today? 413 00:21:25,839 --> 00:21:28,433 Just two little magic words: 414 00:21:28,475 --> 00:21:31,205 "b" and "j." 415 00:21:33,346 --> 00:21:34,904 - Oh. - How does he taste, girl? 416 00:21:34,948 --> 00:21:36,040 Mmm. 417 00:21:36,082 --> 00:21:37,947 But you still like me, right? 418 00:21:37,984 --> 00:21:39,542 - No. - Say it. 419 00:21:39,586 --> 00:21:42,214 - Say it. - Say you love us. 420 00:21:42,255 --> 00:21:43,813 I'm in love with Gwen. 421 00:21:43,857 --> 00:21:47,725 - Holden, tell me you want me. - I'm married. 422 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,354 Uhh! Tell me you want me. 423 00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,421 You're a fucking whore. 424 00:21:52,465 --> 00:21:55,298 You guys are all fucking stupid. 425 00:21:55,335 --> 00:21:57,633 You know you love us. 426 00:21:57,670 --> 00:21:58,728 - Bye. - Bye. 427 00:21:58,771 --> 00:22:00,204 - Toodles. - Fuck! 428 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,798 What the fuck is your problem? 429 00:22:01,841 --> 00:22:04,139 You can be a real bitch sometimes, you know that? 430 00:22:04,177 --> 00:22:06,509 Oh, come on, you're not gonna leave me. You're just gonna leave me here? 431 00:22:06,546 --> 00:22:09,982 - Really? Why am I such a bitch, huh? - What the fuck am I supposed to do? 432 00:22:10,016 --> 00:22:12,041 For starters, you can keep your fucking shirt on! 433 00:22:12,085 --> 00:22:14,485 You want me to walk? I don't even know how to take the fucking bus. 434 00:22:14,521 --> 00:22:16,614 - Why don't you go do Hilary? - What the fuck? 435 00:22:22,128 --> 00:22:24,392 What the fuck? 436 00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:26,864 - Hey there, gorgeous. - Hey. 437 00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:28,800 You want a ride? 438 00:22:29,802 --> 00:22:32,100 - Um.. - Get in. 439 00:22:32,138 --> 00:22:34,265 Yeah, please. 440 00:22:36,209 --> 00:22:39,076 Just take me anywhere but here, please. 441 00:22:39,112 --> 00:22:41,046 You got it. 442 00:22:47,887 --> 00:22:50,048 - Thank you. - No problem. 443 00:22:57,397 --> 00:22:58,557 Problem? 444 00:23:00,934 --> 00:23:02,868 Just a little bit. 445 00:23:05,338 --> 00:23:07,670 So you want to take me to dinner? 446 00:23:07,707 --> 00:23:09,698 I can't go with you. 447 00:23:09,742 --> 00:23:12,472 Please. 448 00:23:15,315 --> 00:23:17,408 Please. 449 00:23:21,487 --> 00:23:25,981 ♪ So long, we never say goodbye ♪ 450 00:23:26,025 --> 00:23:29,552 ♪ Your love I want to live and die ♪ 451 00:23:29,596 --> 00:23:33,623 ♪ So long we never say goodbye ♪ 452 00:23:33,666 --> 00:23:37,193 ♪ Your love I want to live and die ♪ 453 00:23:37,236 --> 00:23:41,400 ♪ So long we never say goodbye ♪ 454 00:23:41,441 --> 00:23:44,706 ♪ Your love I want to live and die ♪ 455 00:23:44,744 --> 00:23:49,738 ♪ So long we never say goodbye ♪ 456 00:23:49,782 --> 00:23:55,277 ♪ I want to live and die ♪ 457 00:23:55,321 --> 00:23:57,789 ♪ in LA. ♪ 458 00:24:01,527 --> 00:24:04,394 I got ice. I got the dental floss and... 459 00:24:04,430 --> 00:24:06,728 G- Gwen? What are you doing here? 460 00:24:06,766 --> 00:24:09,166 - I assume you're staying in tonight? - Hold on. 461 00:24:09,202 --> 00:24:10,726 I gotta go. 462 00:24:10,770 --> 00:24:13,068 No, I'm waiting for my MySpace date... 463 00:24:13,106 --> 00:24:14,869 which I thought was you. 464 00:24:14,907 --> 00:24:18,866 You're, uh... You're not "Miss Tish," are you? 465 00:24:18,911 --> 00:24:21,379 - No. - Well, good. 466 00:24:21,414 --> 00:24:23,905 I mean, if I wanted a discreet relationship with my daughter... 467 00:24:23,950 --> 00:24:25,474 I'd just ask. 468 00:24:25,518 --> 00:24:28,078 Can I just stay? 469 00:24:28,121 --> 00:24:30,487 Uh, I said no. 470 00:24:30,523 --> 00:24:31,956 Oh, I gotta take that. 471 00:24:31,991 --> 00:24:34,186 - Bubbles? Yeah, did you get the lube? - Dad? 472 00:24:34,227 --> 00:24:35,888 Are you... Dad, it's only gonna take... 473 00:24:39,132 --> 00:24:42,101 Sometimes I feel like you like me, but then sometimes I don't know. 474 00:24:42,135 --> 00:24:44,000 And Jenny... You know, that big thick girl from third period... 475 00:24:44,037 --> 00:24:47,006 you know, she wore that little black dress today but she didn't look little... 476 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,532 anyway, she told me that you really sometimes stare at me in class. 477 00:24:50,576 --> 00:24:51,838 And I feel you sometimes... 478 00:24:51,878 --> 00:24:54,142 you know how they say you can feel when someone's staring at you? 479 00:24:54,180 --> 00:24:55,807 And I kinda sometimes feel like you're staring at me... 480 00:24:55,848 --> 00:24:58,442 but then I don't really know. And I don't know, I just really like you... 481 00:24:58,484 --> 00:25:01,351 - And I want you to like me back... - Here! Take it. 482 00:25:01,387 --> 00:25:04,083 Hi. How's the new job? 483 00:25:04,123 --> 00:25:07,581 - What did you say? - You're spitting in my food. 484 00:25:07,627 --> 00:25:10,619 How many girls do you have anyway? 485 00:25:10,663 --> 00:25:12,824 Ya! I like the other one. 486 00:25:12,865 --> 00:25:16,323 This girl here... she's a floozy. 487 00:25:16,369 --> 00:25:17,859 - Bye. - Bye. 488 00:25:17,904 --> 00:25:19,098 Bye. 489 00:25:19,138 --> 00:25:20,264 - No! - Go ahead. 490 00:25:20,306 --> 00:25:21,466 Okay. 491 00:25:21,507 --> 00:25:23,839 'Kay. Bye. 492 00:25:23,876 --> 00:25:26,538 So anyways, I am so hungry. 493 00:25:26,579 --> 00:25:28,376 I'm so glad you took me to get something to eat... 494 00:25:28,414 --> 00:25:30,848 because that way we can really get to know each other better. 495 00:25:30,883 --> 00:25:33,511 And, you know, talk. 496 00:25:35,088 --> 00:25:37,886 Are you gonna eat that? Mmm. 497 00:25:39,225 --> 00:25:43,628 Today I went to the mall and my daddy took me on this little shopping spree... 498 00:25:43,663 --> 00:25:46,689 and I told him, "Daddy, I just don't... I just want a little shopping spree.” 499 00:25:46,733 --> 00:25:49,224 He almost bought me the whole mall. But that's my daddy. 500 00:25:49,268 --> 00:25:51,828 He loves me and he always wants to spoil me. 501 00:25:51,871 --> 00:25:54,601 Guess what? This summer, he's gonna take me to Brazil. 502 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,609 And I'm really excited to go to Brazil because... 503 00:25:57,643 --> 00:25:59,838 all those Spanish classes that we took. 504 00:25:59,879 --> 00:26:01,972 You remember when we took Spanish class with Mr. Alvarez? 505 00:26:02,014 --> 00:26:04,380 Woman: And I was thinking maybe we could, probably we could... 506 00:26:06,419 --> 00:26:08,910 Excuse me. Do you have something to say? 507 00:26:08,955 --> 00:26:12,015 Actually, they speak Portuguese in Brazil. 508 00:26:12,058 --> 00:26:15,323 Um, sweetie, I think I should know what they speak. 509 00:26:15,361 --> 00:26:17,727 They speak Spanish in Brazil. 510 00:26:17,764 --> 00:26:21,097 You must have had to sleep with your geography teacher to pass. 511 00:26:21,134 --> 00:26:23,602 Oh, yeah? Maybe you could help me... 512 00:26:23,636 --> 00:26:25,297 nasty little girl. 513 00:26:25,338 --> 00:26:27,772 Woman: Real mature. 514 00:26:27,807 --> 00:26:30,571 Who do you think you are? 515 00:26:30,610 --> 00:26:32,976 I can't take this. Hold on, I want one more bite. 516 00:26:33,012 --> 00:26:36,205 Let's go. 517 00:26:37,216 --> 00:26:39,343 Adioso! 518 00:26:39,385 --> 00:26:40,784 Come on. 519 00:26:41,888 --> 00:26:44,652 Woman: Oh, yes, you big bad boy. 520 00:26:44,690 --> 00:26:47,181 - Say something to me in Oriental. - Give it to me harder. 521 00:26:47,226 --> 00:26:48,716 Mmm, I said Oriental. 522 00:26:48,761 --> 00:26:50,854 Yes, I don't know Oriental. 523 00:26:50,897 --> 00:26:54,094 Well, just pretend, can you? 524 00:26:54,133 --> 00:26:57,159 You're an Asian prostitute. You're an Asian prostitute. 525 00:26:57,203 --> 00:26:59,330 Yes, I am. 526 00:26:59,372 --> 00:27:01,499 I'm gonna get my happy ending, aren't I, baby? 527 00:27:01,541 --> 00:27:03,634 - Yes, you are. - Oh, shit. 528 00:27:03,676 --> 00:27:05,371 This is a nice house, Kip. 529 00:27:05,411 --> 00:27:07,845 I really like your cheekbones. Right here. 530 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,848 Well, I just want you guys to feel at home here. 531 00:27:09,882 --> 00:27:11,509 Mi casa es tu casa. 532 00:27:11,551 --> 00:27:13,109 Yo tambiano. 533 00:27:13,152 --> 00:27:16,212 Kip, I want to be just like you when I grow up, bro. 534 00:27:16,255 --> 00:27:18,485 - You want to go upstairs? - Show us the way, dude. 535 00:27:18,524 --> 00:27:19,786 - Show us the way. - Pornos. 536 00:27:19,826 --> 00:27:21,418 - Nice. - Lots of porn; 537 00:27:21,460 --> 00:27:24,452 learn the techniques. I'm serious, you really have to watch. 538 00:27:26,899 --> 00:27:29,459 God, I gotta get a better security system. 539 00:27:29,502 --> 00:27:32,130 Oh, wow! This place just got a whole lot more whack. 540 00:27:32,171 --> 00:27:34,833 I thought you guys were watching the back door, and not hers. 541 00:27:34,874 --> 00:27:37,399 - Hey, Gwen. Good to see you. - Let's talk. 542 00:27:37,443 --> 00:27:40,606 Come on. I don't want to fight anymore. All right? Let's have a little talk. 543 00:27:40,646 --> 00:27:42,546 Now look, we don't need to fight. 544 00:27:42,582 --> 00:27:44,379 - Now what do you need? - Nothing. 545 00:27:44,417 --> 00:27:46,248 - Money? - No. 546 00:27:46,285 --> 00:27:50,051 Of course. How about drugs? 547 00:27:50,089 --> 00:27:52,489 No, Dad. 548 00:27:52,525 --> 00:27:54,049 Are you pregnant? 549 00:27:54,093 --> 00:27:55,458 Gwen: Yes, Dad! 550 00:27:55,494 --> 00:27:57,587 I'm so pregnant right now, it's not even funny. 551 00:27:57,630 --> 00:27:58,995 - No! - I didn't think so... 552 00:27:59,031 --> 00:28:01,363 'cause your husband's gay! Ho! 553 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,528 Like a homosexual! 554 00:28:04,570 --> 00:28:06,697 - Okay. You done? - Now what's wrong, honey? 555 00:28:06,739 --> 00:28:07,831 - Let's talk. - Nothing... 556 00:28:07,874 --> 00:28:09,808 No, we can talk. Now's a good time to talk. 557 00:28:09,842 --> 00:28:11,776 I'm gonna go to my room. Okay? 558 00:28:11,811 --> 00:28:13,335 Stop! 559 00:28:13,379 --> 00:28:14,744 I don't think so. 560 00:28:14,780 --> 00:28:17,806 - Share your feelings. - Yeah, share your feelings. 561 00:28:17,850 --> 00:28:20,284 You know, for... whoa. That was... Can you just... 562 00:28:20,319 --> 00:28:22,617 like, when me and him are... 563 00:28:22,655 --> 00:28:24,520 I don't know if you realized this, but there was two men talking... 564 00:28:24,557 --> 00:28:26,081 and you just kind of butted in there. 565 00:28:26,125 --> 00:28:27,922 It's not your fault, but just learn. 566 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,689 Yeah. 567 00:28:29,729 --> 00:28:32,357 - Hey, what the fuck? - Look what I found. 568 00:28:32,398 --> 00:28:34,958 Buzz, who is that? 569 00:28:35,001 --> 00:28:38,027 What? I'm getting laid. I thought that's what you wanted from me. 570 00:28:38,070 --> 00:28:41,096 Yeah, well, you know, I recognize her, all right? 571 00:28:41,140 --> 00:28:42,801 That's a... that's a prostitute. 572 00:28:42,842 --> 00:28:46,938 This is my girlfriend, all right? I might be paying her, but shit. 573 00:28:46,979 --> 00:28:49,971 You're not spending my money for some skanky two-bit ho. 574 00:28:50,016 --> 00:28:52,849 Hey, listen, I can't make you happy, okay? 575 00:28:52,885 --> 00:28:54,785 You want me to fuck; you don't want me to fuck. 576 00:28:54,820 --> 00:28:57,084 - What's it gonna be? - With all the girls here... 577 00:28:57,123 --> 00:28:58,590 you've got to pick a prostitute? 578 00:28:58,624 --> 00:29:00,615 Hey, they don't have any experience like she's got. 579 00:29:00,660 --> 00:29:02,059 - That's right. - She knows what to do with her... 580 00:29:02,094 --> 00:29:03,925 - Yeah, she teaches me things... - I please this man. 581 00:29:03,963 --> 00:29:05,453 I don't even need to know, buddy. 582 00:29:05,498 --> 00:29:08,524 - Okay, she can stay. - Guys: Awesome! 583 00:29:08,567 --> 00:29:10,592 You know what? I think I want some dick in me. 584 00:29:10,636 --> 00:29:13,969 Yes. I want to put Mr. Dickie in... 585 00:29:14,006 --> 00:29:15,871 See, it's all one big happy family, honey. 586 00:29:15,908 --> 00:29:18,468 - Right. I'm going to my room. - Just... 587 00:29:18,511 --> 00:29:20,445 - Wait... wait a second. - I'm going to my room! 588 00:29:20,479 --> 00:29:23,073 - Honey? - I'm still holding out for Mrs. Apple! 589 00:29:23,115 --> 00:29:25,675 I show up to art class for the first time whole semester... 590 00:29:25,718 --> 00:29:27,413 Mrs. Apple gets naked. 591 00:29:27,453 --> 00:29:30,217 I would have showed up every day if somebody would've told me that. 592 00:29:30,256 --> 00:29:33,714 Miss Apple is the most phenomenal-looking... 593 00:29:33,759 --> 00:29:35,693 teacher I've ever seen. 594 00:29:35,728 --> 00:29:38,162 She makes me never want to cut again. 595 00:29:39,165 --> 00:29:42,657 Yeah, well, I'm afraid I've been tapping that lately, fellows. 596 00:29:42,702 --> 00:29:44,363 Awesome! 597 00:29:44,403 --> 00:29:46,598 - Whoo! Wait a sec... - No. 598 00:29:46,639 --> 00:29:48,937 - That's not awesome. - That's not awesome, man. 599 00:29:48,975 --> 00:29:51,967 That's the most unawesome thing I've ever heard of actually. 600 00:29:52,011 --> 00:29:54,775 Wait. You're not gonna let one bad Apple come between... 601 00:29:54,814 --> 00:29:56,441 a bunch of great guys. 602 00:29:56,482 --> 00:29:58,712 Thank you for the drinks. Thank you for the funny puns. 603 00:29:58,751 --> 00:30:00,309 I'm go... I'm going home. 604 00:30:00,353 --> 00:30:02,344 Say it's not true, Kip. Take it back. 605 00:30:02,388 --> 00:30:04,015 I'm sorry. I'm going home. 606 00:30:04,056 --> 00:30:06,650 Hey, Matt! Matt. Jonny? 607 00:30:06,692 --> 00:30:08,887 Wait. Wait now... 608 00:30:08,928 --> 00:30:10,793 Matt: I love her and you... 609 00:30:10,830 --> 00:30:12,593 Jonny? 610 00:30:13,599 --> 00:30:16,261 Eh, he'll walk it off. Don't worry. 611 00:30:17,503 --> 00:30:20,028 Kip'll make it better. So... 612 00:30:21,173 --> 00:30:23,334 Oh hi, girl. 613 00:30:23,376 --> 00:30:25,970 So let's get the party going, huh? 614 00:30:26,012 --> 00:30:27,946 Okay, group kiss. Group kiss. 615 00:30:27,980 --> 00:30:29,743 'Kay! 616 00:30:31,917 --> 00:30:35,011 - Jonny! - Why are you girls still dressed? 617 00:30:44,830 --> 00:30:46,388 I enjoyed that. 618 00:30:46,432 --> 00:30:47,729 I'm glad. 619 00:30:47,767 --> 00:30:49,632 So let's go inside and make a baby. 620 00:30:49,668 --> 00:30:51,568 I'm not gonna have sex with you. 621 00:30:51,604 --> 00:30:54,004 Gwen's gone. I'm here. 622 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,100 Let's look at the facts: we're the most popular kids in school. 623 00:30:57,143 --> 00:30:58,872 Let's make a baby. 624 00:30:58,911 --> 00:31:01,539 It's just me and you... 625 00:31:01,580 --> 00:31:05,573 and endless nights of making babies. 626 00:31:05,618 --> 00:31:08,018 Fuck. I think you're a really great girl... 627 00:31:08,054 --> 00:31:11,023 and I had so much fun tonight. I... 628 00:31:11,057 --> 00:31:13,821 I haven't done anything like this in a long time. 629 00:31:13,859 --> 00:31:16,885 You know, people... People think being married is so great... 630 00:31:16,929 --> 00:31:19,295 but it's really not... 631 00:31:19,331 --> 00:31:21,458 especially at such a young age. 632 00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:23,764 Like, you think you have everything. 633 00:31:23,803 --> 00:31:25,771 You know you want to like me. 634 00:31:25,805 --> 00:31:27,534 She'll understand. 635 00:31:28,674 --> 00:31:30,335 Ow. 636 00:31:30,376 --> 00:31:32,970 God, why are you making this so difficult? 637 00:31:33,012 --> 00:31:34,707 I'll see you tomorrow. 638 00:31:35,714 --> 00:31:38,444 ♪ Let it come true ♪ 639 00:31:38,484 --> 00:31:40,952 ♪ Come true ♪ 640 00:31:40,986 --> 00:31:43,386 ♪ Let it come true... ♪ 641 00:31:43,422 --> 00:31:45,083 Purple. 642 00:31:45,124 --> 00:31:47,183 What does purple mean? 643 00:31:47,226 --> 00:31:49,717 Shhhh... 644 00:31:49,762 --> 00:31:52,458 Okay, we'll disregard this one. 645 00:31:52,498 --> 00:31:54,557 Okay, last one. 646 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,467 Come on, negative negative negative... 647 00:31:57,503 --> 00:31:59,733 Aww! 648 00:32:03,709 --> 00:32:06,507 Ew, that's so gross. 649 00:32:08,647 --> 00:32:10,410 Come on. 650 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,312 Eww. 651 00:32:16,355 --> 00:32:19,188 Ooh! Another negative. Yeah! 652 00:32:19,225 --> 00:32:21,989 So that makes three positive... 653 00:32:22,027 --> 00:32:23,551 three negative... 654 00:32:23,596 --> 00:32:26,793 and three inconclusive. 655 00:32:26,832 --> 00:32:30,131 I thought these things were supposed to be, like, 98% accurate. 656 00:32:43,449 --> 00:32:47,010 People, please! Let's maintain some order here. 657 00:32:47,052 --> 00:32:50,783 Order? I will not have my daughter exposed to this indecency. 658 00:32:50,823 --> 00:32:53,451 Man: For this, the senior trip is canceled! 659 00:32:53,492 --> 00:32:56,017 Yeah, we must police these sexual deviants! 660 00:32:56,061 --> 00:32:57,528 He can't do his job! 661 00:32:57,563 --> 00:32:59,224 We need a new principal! 662 00:32:59,265 --> 00:33:00,698 All: Yeah! Yes! 663 00:33:00,733 --> 00:33:01,859 - Get out! - You're outrageous! 664 00:33:01,901 --> 00:33:03,391 - Outrageous! - Outrageous! 665 00:33:03,435 --> 00:33:04,595 - Out! - Despicable. 666 00:33:04,637 --> 00:33:06,366 - Get out of here. - Unacceptable! 667 00:33:06,405 --> 00:33:07,736 - We don't want you here anymore. - Out! 668 00:33:07,773 --> 00:33:10,071 We don't need sexual perverts like yourself. 669 00:33:12,678 --> 00:33:16,170 Mann: Attention, maggots. Due to the lewd and unusual "fornification" 670 00:33:16,215 --> 00:33:18,843 of that cunt... Er, I mean Gwen... 671 00:33:18,884 --> 00:33:20,852 your senior trip will be canceled... 672 00:33:20,886 --> 00:33:22,854 and I will also be standing down as principal... 673 00:33:22,888 --> 00:33:25,413 leaving Tits Mc... I mean, Miss Apple... 674 00:33:25,457 --> 00:33:26,947 as acting principal. 675 00:33:26,992 --> 00:33:29,893 I will be available via video chat for comments. 676 00:33:31,497 --> 00:33:33,124 Mr. Mann. 677 00:33:33,165 --> 00:33:34,359 Principal Mann. 678 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:37,096 - I am acting as principal now. - I'm the principal! 679 00:33:37,136 --> 00:33:39,195 - I'm acting as principal now. - I'm the principal. 680 00:33:39,238 --> 00:33:41,672 - I'm acting as principal now. - I am the principal. 681 00:33:41,707 --> 00:33:46,541 - I'm acting as principal now. - I'm the principal. 682 00:33:54,753 --> 00:33:56,618 What a bitch. 683 00:33:56,655 --> 00:33:58,850 Yeah... A bitch. 684 00:34:05,864 --> 00:34:08,458 Oh, girls, look who's crying. 685 00:34:08,500 --> 00:34:09,489 Oooh! 686 00:34:09,535 --> 00:34:11,901 - Little girl wanna cry? - Get away from me. 687 00:34:11,937 --> 00:34:13,461 - You're pathetic! - Ow. 688 00:34:13,505 --> 00:34:15,973 You know, I'm so happy... 689 00:34:16,008 --> 00:34:18,101 that I get to be the first one to tell you this... 690 00:34:18,143 --> 00:34:21,909 but Holden's going with me to prom. 691 00:34:21,947 --> 00:34:23,539 Did I stutter? 692 00:34:23,582 --> 00:34:26,176 I said your husband, Holden Adams... 693 00:34:26,218 --> 00:34:30,382 - is going with me, Hilary Weiss. - Yeah. 694 00:34:30,422 --> 00:34:31,980 Congratulations. 695 00:34:32,024 --> 00:34:33,491 Thanks. You know... 696 00:34:33,525 --> 00:34:36,551 it's been my dream and this day has finally come. 697 00:34:36,595 --> 00:34:38,756 But guess who's gonna be prom queen? 698 00:34:38,797 --> 00:34:41,129 It's gonna be me. 699 00:34:43,502 --> 00:34:45,663 Ladies and gentlemen, it is Tuesday. 700 00:34:45,704 --> 00:34:47,899 Take one, pass it back. Do not kill yourselves... 701 00:34:47,940 --> 00:34:49,771 until after you've failed. 702 00:34:49,808 --> 00:34:51,935 Boy: Guys, remember what Coach said: 703 00:34:51,977 --> 00:34:53,308 "No pass, no play.” 704 00:34:53,345 --> 00:34:55,245 Let's get a break for good luck. Ready? 705 00:35:02,388 --> 00:35:05,118 - Hey. - Don't "hey" me. 706 00:35:05,157 --> 00:35:07,022 What are you mad about now? 707 00:35:07,059 --> 00:35:08,959 Hilary, prom... Hello. 708 00:35:08,994 --> 00:35:11,189 - You know? - She told me. 709 00:35:11,230 --> 00:35:14,825 - Um, I'm not really sure about it. - Why would you consider it? 710 00:35:14,867 --> 00:35:18,064 Why wouldn't you come home with me? 711 00:35:18,103 --> 00:35:19,832 Look, I'm sorry. 712 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,510 But guess who's gonna be prom queen? 713 00:35:30,549 --> 00:35:32,346 It's gonna be me! 714 00:35:32,384 --> 00:35:35,410 It's gonna be me... Be me... 715 00:35:37,756 --> 00:35:41,419 Let's make a baby... Be me... 716 00:35:41,460 --> 00:35:44,429 ha ha ha... Be me... 717 00:35:46,598 --> 00:35:49,396 ♪ I've been waiting for the right time ♪ 718 00:35:49,435 --> 00:35:52,268 ♪ So the lights can open my eyes ♪ 719 00:35:52,304 --> 00:35:55,205 ♪ Wonderin' if I'll ever change ♪ 720 00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:56,935 ♪ Or if I'll stay the same ♪ 721 00:35:56,975 --> 00:36:00,274 ♪ I'm not afraid of what I'm doing to myself... ♪ 722 00:36:16,228 --> 00:36:18,355 Yo... 723 00:36:18,397 --> 00:36:20,991 What, did your fucking puppy dog die? 724 00:36:21,033 --> 00:36:23,263 How bad did you do? 725 00:36:23,302 --> 00:36:26,032 Check out mine. 726 00:36:26,071 --> 00:36:29,507 All you did was draw a picture of a naked woman. 727 00:36:29,541 --> 00:36:31,338 Duh! 728 00:36:32,644 --> 00:36:35,169 Have fun in Lameuville. 729 00:36:35,214 --> 00:36:37,239 Why did he slap me? 730 00:36:41,053 --> 00:36:42,816 I'm sorry. 731 00:36:55,567 --> 00:36:57,535 I didn't write anything. 732 00:36:57,569 --> 00:37:00,197 Oh. Then you fail. Goodbye. 733 00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:02,002 - What? - You fail. 734 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:04,600 That's how it works: you don't do nothing, you get nothing. 735 00:37:04,643 --> 00:37:07,703 - No. - Don't cry. 736 00:37:07,746 --> 00:37:09,543 - I don't like to see crying. - Theodore. 737 00:37:09,581 --> 00:37:10,570 Yeah, babe? 738 00:37:10,616 --> 00:37:12,550 There's something I've been meaning to tell you. 739 00:37:12,584 --> 00:37:14,415 - What's that, pumpkin? - These are divorce papers. 740 00:37:14,453 --> 00:37:16,921 We're getting a divorce. Here. 741 00:37:16,955 --> 00:37:19,753 T- T-t-this is ludicrous, Becky... Ludicrous. 742 00:37:19,792 --> 00:37:21,987 We're happily married. 743 00:37:22,027 --> 00:37:23,517 Well... 744 00:37:23,562 --> 00:37:26,360 let me figure out a way to force you into it... 745 00:37:26,398 --> 00:37:28,559 and I'll get back to you. 746 00:38:02,868 --> 00:38:08,966 ♪ Oh, no...♪ 747 00:38:17,416 --> 00:38:19,077 Whooo! 748 00:38:31,797 --> 00:38:35,460 ♪ I heard you cry... ♪ 749 00:38:40,806 --> 00:38:42,603 Gwen? 750 00:38:43,675 --> 00:38:45,336 Gwen? 751 00:38:47,746 --> 00:38:50,146 Gwen: This is the little girls' room. 752 00:39:00,192 --> 00:39:01,921 Hey, it's me. 753 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:05,020 I'm not feeling too good. 754 00:39:05,063 --> 00:39:06,724 Yeah? 755 00:39:08,734 --> 00:39:10,224 I love you. 756 00:39:10,269 --> 00:39:13,568 If I was going to college, um... 757 00:39:13,605 --> 00:39:15,368 I'd want to go single. 758 00:39:17,543 --> 00:39:20,478 Gwen... 759 00:39:20,512 --> 00:39:23,208 you're saying some pretty hard things to me right now. 760 00:39:25,684 --> 00:39:28,482 I want to take a break. 761 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,648 We're married! We're married, remember? 762 00:39:33,158 --> 00:39:35,388 - We have a cool life together... - Come on. 763 00:39:37,195 --> 00:39:39,129 I'm sorry. 764 00:39:42,167 --> 00:39:45,000 I think we need to get a divorce. 765 00:39:45,037 --> 00:39:49,030 ♪ The sky turns gray ♪ 766 00:39:50,042 --> 00:39:52,977 ♪ As we drive away ♪ 767 00:39:54,279 --> 00:39:58,113 ♪ And we still ♪ 768 00:39:59,117 --> 00:40:04,111 ♪ Break and then fall away ♪ 769 00:40:05,123 --> 00:40:08,092 ♪ When the sea... ♪ 770 00:40:08,126 --> 00:40:10,890 Hello, child. 771 00:40:10,929 --> 00:40:13,056 You look lovely tonight. 772 00:40:16,034 --> 00:40:18,127 Don't walk away from me. 773 00:40:18,170 --> 00:40:19,637 I didn't move. 774 00:40:19,671 --> 00:40:21,195 I know. 775 00:40:22,541 --> 00:40:25,601 I can see you better than you can see yourself. 776 00:40:31,116 --> 00:40:33,311 I'll bring you some baby oil. 777 00:40:35,020 --> 00:40:37,511 Oh, my seed... 778 00:40:37,556 --> 00:40:40,582 your aura looks pained... 779 00:40:41,793 --> 00:40:45,160 but I can bring a smile to your tortured soul. 780 00:40:46,164 --> 00:40:49,099 I have a surprise for you. 781 00:40:49,134 --> 00:40:52,035 Come, let me show you the way. 782 00:40:56,074 --> 00:40:58,440 Get a drink. 783 00:40:58,477 --> 00:41:00,104 I'm only 18. 784 00:41:01,380 --> 00:41:03,473 So Jell-O shot? 785 00:41:03,515 --> 00:41:04,982 No! 786 00:41:05,017 --> 00:41:07,315 Show me the surprise. 787 00:41:07,352 --> 00:41:09,718 Oh, want your surprise? 788 00:41:09,755 --> 00:41:12,155 Okay. 789 00:41:12,190 --> 00:41:15,125 Okay, I realize that... 790 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,390 well, I haven't been the best father. 791 00:41:19,031 --> 00:41:21,659 I've had this epiphany. 792 00:41:21,700 --> 00:41:25,067 I finally... finally see the light. 793 00:41:25,103 --> 00:41:28,903 And when you see this surprise, I think you will understand. 794 00:41:28,940 --> 00:41:31,568 Close your eyes, sweetheart. 795 00:41:31,610 --> 00:41:33,771 Stay right there. Okay? 796 00:41:36,148 --> 00:41:38,378 Okay, open them. 797 00:41:38,417 --> 00:41:40,351 - Surprise! - Surprise! 798 00:41:40,385 --> 00:41:42,546 We're getting married. 799 00:41:47,325 --> 00:41:49,156 That's not a pony. 800 00:41:49,194 --> 00:41:51,185 Yeah, but I'm gonna ride it like a racehorse. 801 00:41:51,229 --> 00:41:53,026 Yes! 802 00:41:53,065 --> 00:41:55,693 Oh my God, you guys are adorable. 803 00:41:55,734 --> 00:41:59,727 Oh, let me join this beautiful circle you guys have going on here. 804 00:41:59,771 --> 00:42:01,136 Please do. 805 00:42:01,173 --> 00:42:03,368 - We're missing you, man. - Gwen? 806 00:42:03,408 --> 00:42:07,469 Come here. I am so so glad we talked today. 807 00:42:07,512 --> 00:42:10,276 I mean, you have so many things going through your head... 808 00:42:10,315 --> 00:42:12,215 and I've been really worried about you. 809 00:42:12,250 --> 00:42:13,239 - Oh. - Really? 810 00:42:13,285 --> 00:42:15,776 Just lay your head down. And I love the family... 811 00:42:15,821 --> 00:42:17,846 and that's the biggest thing, man. 812 00:42:17,889 --> 00:42:21,154 God. What if me and Gwen got married too? 813 00:42:22,327 --> 00:42:25,262 - We could be like a big family. - That would be awesome. 814 00:42:25,297 --> 00:42:27,891 It would be amazing. You are adorable, by the way. 815 00:42:27,933 --> 00:42:29,161 -I... - Thank you! 816 00:42:29,201 --> 00:42:31,260 - That's so hot that you just did that. - Son-in-law. 817 00:42:31,303 --> 00:42:34,067 I think about you a lot... all the time, actually. 818 00:42:34,106 --> 00:42:37,234 Look, we could get together, take it slow... 819 00:42:37,275 --> 00:42:39,209 and maybe I could learn to love you and shit. 820 00:42:39,244 --> 00:42:41,735 I don't know. Just maybe we should give it a try. 821 00:42:41,780 --> 00:42:44,305 I think it's the best thing possible for you. 822 00:42:44,349 --> 00:42:46,579 'Cause it's all about family, right? 823 00:42:46,618 --> 00:42:48,085 - It is. - Yes! 824 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:49,678 - Absolutely. - Absolutely. 825 00:42:49,721 --> 00:42:51,586 God, you are just something else. 826 00:42:51,623 --> 00:42:53,420 - Oh, so are you! - Thank you. 827 00:42:53,458 --> 00:42:55,551 We should let the girls talk... 828 00:42:55,594 --> 00:42:57,152 - We should. - Get to know each other. 829 00:42:57,195 --> 00:42:59,720 Let's go do some drugs... 830 00:42:59,765 --> 00:43:00,857 Dad! 831 00:43:00,899 --> 00:43:04,198 Oh, son! Let's do it. 832 00:43:04,236 --> 00:43:06,636 Okay? This is gonna be great. You're gonna love it. 833 00:43:06,671 --> 00:43:07,968 - I'll miss you! - I promise. 834 00:43:08,006 --> 00:43:09,439 Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. 835 00:43:09,474 --> 00:43:11,567 I'm gonna get you some drinks because you look pretty rough right now. 836 00:43:11,610 --> 00:43:13,100 - Okay? - Oh, baby baby... 837 00:43:13,145 --> 00:43:15,545 All right. And you... I'm gonna think about you later. 838 00:43:15,580 --> 00:43:17,377 You're just... You little vixen you. 839 00:43:17,415 --> 00:43:18,882 You're the best. 840 00:43:18,917 --> 00:43:20,680 You are the best. Ow! 841 00:43:23,922 --> 00:43:25,583 I don't think so. 842 00:43:25,624 --> 00:43:27,615 You answer to me, bitch. 843 00:43:27,659 --> 00:43:29,559 You like me like that? 844 00:43:29,594 --> 00:43:32,757 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Harder harder. Oh. 845 00:43:32,798 --> 00:43:35,631 You are great. Yes. 846 00:43:35,667 --> 00:43:39,228 - Come on, boy. - It's like fucking a meat cave. 847 00:43:39,271 --> 00:43:41,466 Harder, baby. Harder. 848 00:43:41,506 --> 00:43:43,531 - Yes, there you go. - Oh, shit. 849 00:43:43,575 --> 00:43:45,543 By the way, I'm pregnant. 850 00:43:47,345 --> 00:43:49,506 Fuck it, it's not my kid. Mmm! Mmm! 851 00:43:52,417 --> 00:43:54,510 Hello? 852 00:43:58,290 --> 00:44:00,554 If I stomp my foot and snap my fingers... 853 00:44:00,592 --> 00:44:02,822 it means come with! Hello? 854 00:44:02,861 --> 00:44:05,921 Jonny, I am not a lamp post... I am a girl. Okay? 855 00:44:05,964 --> 00:44:08,296 Well, I don't care if you're a fucking desk. 856 00:44:08,333 --> 00:44:11,496 All right? If I snap my fingers, that specifically means... 857 00:44:11,536 --> 00:44:14,300 come with me, because I am the man and I'm awesome. 858 00:44:14,339 --> 00:44:16,500 Snap fingers, come with... let's go. 859 00:44:16,541 --> 00:44:19,271 I am sick of your... "Oh, I'm Jonny Awesome. 860 00:44:19,311 --> 00:44:21,302 I'm so sweet! I wear tank tops and work out... 861 00:44:21,346 --> 00:44:23,109 and get a pedicure every Monday, Wednesday and Friday." 862 00:44:23,148 --> 00:44:25,446 I hope you go prematurely bald! Hal 863 00:44:28,086 --> 00:44:31,351 That Rogaine is not mine! 864 00:44:31,389 --> 00:44:33,880 Oh, fine then! 865 00:44:33,925 --> 00:44:36,450 Go! 866 00:44:36,494 --> 00:44:38,462 Just leave. 867 00:44:38,496 --> 00:44:42,193 Go! Go! 868 00:44:42,234 --> 00:44:45,829 Stupid, lying, stupid! 869 00:44:50,208 --> 00:44:54,406 Messed up again and stupid. 870 00:44:54,446 --> 00:44:57,244 Oh, God! 871 00:44:57,282 --> 00:44:59,477 Ahhh, no! 872 00:45:02,220 --> 00:45:05,189 You guys are still here. 873 00:45:06,491 --> 00:45:08,652 Gwen: What an idiot. 874 00:45:08,693 --> 00:45:11,662 - I'm gonna go. - Bye. 875 00:45:24,876 --> 00:45:27,242 So let's recap: 876 00:45:27,279 --> 00:45:29,304 I'm the youngest divorcee in history; 877 00:45:29,347 --> 00:45:31,042 I'm failing history class; 878 00:45:31,082 --> 00:45:34,074 I'm an unpopular whore who ruined the senior trip... 879 00:45:34,119 --> 00:45:36,246 and got Principal Mann fired; 880 00:45:36,288 --> 00:45:39,485 I might be pregnant; some chick from my school just became my mom; 881 00:45:39,524 --> 00:45:42,755 and my ex is taking the anti-Christ to prom. 882 00:45:45,897 --> 00:45:48,365 Don't think you're gonna see my vajayjay. 883 00:45:53,238 --> 00:45:55,729 Should I hang myself? 884 00:45:57,542 --> 00:45:59,237 "Definitely yes." 885 00:46:00,245 --> 00:46:02,736 You had to add the "definitely." 886 00:46:04,749 --> 00:46:08,378 Kip: Yeah, things just aren't the same since my loser daughter showed up... 887 00:46:08,420 --> 00:46:11,116 marital problem. I don't even know why people get married. 888 00:46:11,156 --> 00:46:12,714 I mean, my God. 889 00:46:12,757 --> 00:46:14,315 I mean, what do you need to get married for? 890 00:46:14,359 --> 00:46:16,054 It's all about fornication. 891 00:46:16,094 --> 00:46:17,994 Who needs a piece of paper for that? 892 00:46:18,029 --> 00:46:20,998 I gotta get out of the house, Apple. You gotta help me out here. 893 00:46:21,032 --> 00:46:24,195 Meet me tomorrow in the dumpsters. 894 00:46:24,235 --> 00:46:26,430 Let's get trashy. 895 00:46:26,471 --> 00:46:28,962 Thanks, Dad. 896 00:46:29,007 --> 00:46:31,168 I think I actually have a plan. 897 00:46:36,014 --> 00:46:38,244 Principal Mann? 898 00:46:38,283 --> 00:46:40,808 - Who are you? - It's me, Gwen Adams. 899 00:46:40,852 --> 00:46:43,150 What do you want? 900 00:46:43,188 --> 00:46:45,622 I think I can help you get your school back... 901 00:46:45,657 --> 00:46:47,318 if you'll help me graduate. 902 00:46:49,227 --> 00:46:50,751 What's your plan? 903 00:46:50,795 --> 00:46:53,457 Meet me by the dumpsters tomorrow. 904 00:46:53,498 --> 00:46:55,932 And bring Mr. Seuss. 905 00:46:55,967 --> 00:46:59,494 Me and Seuss will meet you by the dumpsters tomorrow. 906 00:47:06,211 --> 00:47:08,941 Kip: Who's your friend? 907 00:47:08,980 --> 00:47:10,345 Tiffany. 908 00:47:10,382 --> 00:47:13,408 Well, I have one rule: 909 00:47:13,451 --> 00:47:15,078 no fat chicks. 910 00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:16,951 Are you not convinced yet? 911 00:47:16,988 --> 00:47:19,388 Maybe they're looking for something. 912 00:47:19,424 --> 00:47:21,858 Oh, I love it when you're trashy! Ha ha! 913 00:47:21,893 --> 00:47:24,521 Yeah, he's looking for something: her vajayjay. 914 00:47:24,562 --> 00:47:27,531 Your name may be Apple but I want to see those melons. 915 00:47:27,565 --> 00:47:30,966 This is the perfect opportunity to get some dirt on her. 916 00:47:31,002 --> 00:47:34,369 You'll get your life back and I'm gonna reclaim my school. 917 00:47:34,406 --> 00:47:35,930 This is what we're gonna do: 918 00:47:35,974 --> 00:47:38,636 We're gonna tape them and once we have the evidence... 919 00:47:38,676 --> 00:47:40,541 we're gonna watch them squirm like worms. 920 00:47:40,578 --> 00:47:41,977 I still love her. 921 00:47:42,013 --> 00:47:44,243 - Mmmmm! - Yeah. 922 00:47:44,282 --> 00:47:46,750 I gotta get a better screening process for my teachers. 923 00:47:49,654 --> 00:47:52,851 Come to Papa! Oh, baby! 924 00:47:57,962 --> 00:48:00,453 Please explode and kill me. 925 00:48:03,301 --> 00:48:05,826 I don't like coffee; she likes coffee. 926 00:48:05,870 --> 00:48:07,997 She likes a lot of other things. 927 00:48:11,109 --> 00:48:14,135 - Hey, Mr. Seuss. - Hey, Candi. 928 00:48:14,179 --> 00:48:15,771 I need you to sign these for me. 929 00:48:15,814 --> 00:48:17,805 Sure sure. What am I signing? 930 00:48:17,849 --> 00:48:20,249 Well, they're divorce papers from Miss Apple. 931 00:48:21,252 --> 00:48:23,880 She doesn't even have the guts to divorce me in person? 932 00:48:23,922 --> 00:48:26,117 - She sends her little pet fembot! - I'm a teacher. 933 00:48:26,157 --> 00:48:29,320 We had a love story right out of Shakespeare. 934 00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:33,126 You tell her that I will not give her a divorce. 935 00:48:33,164 --> 00:48:36,099 10 minutes after I'm dead, we're gonna have a honeymoon in hell. 936 00:48:36,134 --> 00:48:38,500 Right. Of course. 937 00:48:38,536 --> 00:48:40,231 - I'll be back. - Okay. 938 00:48:40,271 --> 00:48:43,172 You have a great day. It was so good seeing you. Bye. 939 00:48:43,208 --> 00:48:44,869 See ya. 940 00:48:46,711 --> 00:48:50,147 Seuss, Seuss, why the long face, buddy? 941 00:48:50,181 --> 00:48:52,672 - You're not even faculty! - Look. Look. 942 00:48:52,717 --> 00:48:54,947 I have a little gift from your soon-to-be-ex wife. 943 00:48:54,986 --> 00:48:57,318 - Oh, I can guess what this is! - Ha ha ha ha! 944 00:48:58,690 --> 00:49:00,749 Hey, we wash our vegetables in there. 945 00:49:00,792 --> 00:49:04,057 You know, I also don't appreciate your little parking-lot performance... 946 00:49:04,095 --> 00:49:06,120 - A few minutes ago. - Oh, you saw that? 947 00:49:06,164 --> 00:49:09,258 Everybody saw that. My principal saw that. I'm not gonna get tenure. 948 00:49:09,300 --> 00:49:11,860 Did your wife use to be a gymnast? I mean, she's flexible. 949 00:49:11,903 --> 00:49:14,428 You don't even go here. You know... 950 00:49:14,472 --> 00:49:17,032 Seuss, Seuss, Seuss, Seuss, this is a good thing. 951 00:49:17,075 --> 00:49:19,407 Do you know what? It's man's nature to be free. 952 00:49:19,444 --> 00:49:22,880 You're now set free. The whole horizon is out there for you. 953 00:49:22,914 --> 00:49:26,406 Making love to my wife on a pile of trash! 954 00:49:26,451 --> 00:49:28,214 Aren't women impossible? 955 00:49:28,253 --> 00:49:31,188 Don't worry, buddy. You're gonna feel better. I promise you. 956 00:49:31,222 --> 00:49:34,316 Hang in there. Now if you want to keep talking... 957 00:49:34,359 --> 00:49:37,226 you can find me. Just follow the essence... 958 00:49:37,262 --> 00:49:39,594 - I'll find you. I'll find you. - Of your wife's vagina. 959 00:49:39,631 --> 00:49:44,227 Put your severed head on... 960 00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:58,613 Hilary: And I decided we are having a bikini prom! 961 00:49:58,650 --> 00:49:59,981 All right. Whoo! 962 00:50:01,085 --> 00:50:04,020 - Are you ready? - Yeah. Let's do it. 963 00:50:04,055 --> 00:50:05,317 Okay. 964 00:50:05,356 --> 00:50:08,951 Get your dad's cell phone and text Miss Apple. Here is her number. 965 00:50:10,528 --> 00:50:12,723 - Consider it done. - And Gwen? 966 00:50:12,764 --> 00:50:14,527 This better work. 967 00:50:20,638 --> 00:50:22,265 Dad? 968 00:50:22,307 --> 00:50:24,138 - Dad? - Wait your turn. 969 00:50:24,175 --> 00:50:25,767 - Dad! - Okay. 970 00:50:25,810 --> 00:50:27,801 - Gwen? What do you want? - Girl: Ew. 971 00:50:27,845 --> 00:50:29,540 I just need to borrow the phone. 972 00:50:29,581 --> 00:50:33,483 Oh. What, are you calling the courthouse for divorce papers? 973 00:50:33,518 --> 00:50:35,918 - No. - Then I don't think I can help you. 974 00:50:35,954 --> 00:50:37,353 - Dad, it's... - Girl: Bye bye. 975 00:50:37,388 --> 00:50:40,551 Look, if you need it that bad, it's in my pants. I kinda got my hands full. 976 00:50:40,592 --> 00:50:43,060 Jonny: Coach. Thank you so much. 977 00:50:47,932 --> 00:50:50,196 Jonny: Coach, everybody! Yeah! Whoo! 978 00:50:50,235 --> 00:50:53,033 - He's sexy. Isn't he sexy? - Matt: He is. 979 00:50:53,071 --> 00:50:55,437 Jonny: Man, I would fuck... Okay. So anyway... 980 00:50:55,473 --> 00:50:58,533 let's move the... Oh, Kip Dick! 981 00:50:58,576 --> 00:51:00,134 - Kip Dick! Whoo! - Kip Dick! 982 00:51:00,178 --> 00:51:02,840 Yo, Awesome, you are the man! 983 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,678 No, Kip, you the man. 984 00:51:05,717 --> 00:51:08,345 I tell you, Awesome, you ever thought about being my son? 985 00:51:08,386 --> 00:51:11,287 - You should marry my daughter. - Does she give oral yet? 986 00:51:11,322 --> 00:51:13,415 I do. 987 00:51:13,458 --> 00:51:15,619 Hey, let's give it up again for Kip Dick! 988 00:51:15,660 --> 00:51:17,491 Awesome! 989 00:51:19,931 --> 00:51:23,867 Gwen: By setting up Miss Apple, I was killing three birds with one stone: 990 00:51:23,901 --> 00:51:26,062 helping Mann get his job back... 991 00:51:26,104 --> 00:51:28,698 getting a little retribution for Seuss... 992 00:51:28,740 --> 00:51:30,503 not to mention teaching my dad a lesson. 993 00:51:30,541 --> 00:51:32,441 This was supposed to be done hours ago. 994 00:51:32,477 --> 00:51:34,570 Goddamn Alice. 995 00:51:34,612 --> 00:51:37,172 Last time I was in a boys' locker room... 996 00:51:37,215 --> 00:51:40,184 - Oh, yeah, the gang-bang. - We remember. 997 00:51:40,218 --> 00:51:41,708 You guys, we gotta hurry. 998 00:51:41,753 --> 00:51:44,916 Great plan, Mann... nowhere to hide. 999 00:51:44,956 --> 00:51:46,548 Shh! 1000 00:51:46,591 --> 00:51:48,320 Everyone hide! 1001 00:51:48,359 --> 00:51:50,554 Hey, I bet they're doing it right now. 1002 00:51:50,595 --> 00:51:52,825 - Thank you. - That means they're gonna have sex. 1003 00:51:52,864 --> 00:51:54,456 Hide! 1004 00:52:05,643 --> 00:52:08,077 Whoo! Oh! 1005 00:52:19,624 --> 00:52:21,592 Apple? 1006 00:52:26,964 --> 00:52:29,899 I got what you want. 1007 00:52:38,509 --> 00:52:41,171 Ah, there you are. 1008 00:52:43,981 --> 00:52:45,778 Come to Papa. 1009 00:52:49,153 --> 00:52:52,281 You make me feel like a princess. 1010 00:52:52,323 --> 00:52:55,190 Well, good. Note to princess: 1011 00:52:55,226 --> 00:52:56,921 lose the skirt. 1012 00:52:58,663 --> 00:53:01,928 I had no idea you were into these smelly jockstraps... 1013 00:53:01,966 --> 00:53:04,730 but whatever works for you, baby. 1014 00:53:04,769 --> 00:53:06,999 Yeah. 1015 00:53:07,038 --> 00:53:09,905 Oh, baby. 1016 00:53:09,941 --> 00:53:14,139 You've been a bad girl. You've been a bad girl! 1017 00:53:19,083 --> 00:53:21,551 Miss Apple: Ooh, yes, spank me. 1018 00:53:21,586 --> 00:53:23,383 - Ooh! - Pull my hair! 1019 00:53:23,421 --> 00:53:25,753 - Yeah! - Oh! 1020 00:53:25,790 --> 00:53:28,850 I'm gonna ride you into the sunset, baby. Whooo! 1021 00:53:28,893 --> 00:53:32,659 Oh oh, yes! Oh, yes! Ooh! 1022 00:53:32,697 --> 00:53:34,927 Oh yeah, oh yeah! 1023 00:53:34,966 --> 00:53:37,901 Oh, pull my hair. Spank my ass! 1024 00:53:37,935 --> 00:53:40,165 Yes. Oh, yes. 1025 00:53:40,204 --> 00:53:43,071 Kip: You gotta spank me too, baby. Ooh, I love that. 1026 00:53:43,107 --> 00:53:45,769 I love that. Spank me again. 1027 00:53:45,810 --> 00:53:48,005 Oh, yes yes yes yes yes! 1028 00:53:48,045 --> 00:53:52,209 Oh, yeah, baby! Whooo-aaaaah! 1029 00:53:54,318 --> 00:53:57,116 Candi: Kip, you were supposed to meet my parents today! 1030 00:53:57,155 --> 00:53:59,487 Hey, what are you... Oh! 1031 00:53:59,524 --> 00:54:01,116 Oh, bag shot! Oh! 1032 00:54:01,159 --> 00:54:03,093 God, oh, Jeez! 1033 00:54:03,127 --> 00:54:06,153 God, someone's pussy smells. Get off me! 1034 00:54:06,197 --> 00:54:08,597 God! God! 1035 00:54:08,633 --> 00:54:10,533 - Jesus. - Kip... 1036 00:54:10,568 --> 00:54:13,162 I asked you if there was anyone else and you said no. 1037 00:54:13,204 --> 00:54:16,571 I don't like it when men lie to me. 1038 00:54:16,607 --> 00:54:20,236 Well, honey... 1039 00:54:20,278 --> 00:54:22,610 are we cool now? 1040 00:54:23,648 --> 00:54:25,513 Yeah, we're cool. 1041 00:54:25,550 --> 00:54:27,814 Franklin's gonna buy Candi and I dinner tonight... 1042 00:54:27,852 --> 00:54:30,412 while we talk about what a dick you are. 1043 00:54:30,455 --> 00:54:34,482 And after that, we're gonna have hot lesbian sex in my hot tub. 1044 00:54:39,697 --> 00:54:42,461 - Can I watch? - I don't think so, Kip. We're done. 1045 00:54:42,500 --> 00:54:44,331 But I love Candi and Apples. 1046 00:54:44,368 --> 00:54:46,962 Wait, I got a KD Lang CD. I'll drive. 1047 00:54:47,004 --> 00:54:49,598 Halt. Hey, Gwen, how you doin'? 1048 00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,006 Awesome. Listen, you know... 1049 00:54:52,043 --> 00:54:54,603 with everything that's going on... you know... 1050 00:54:54,645 --> 00:54:56,875 - Your man's out mingling with... - Husband. 1051 00:54:56,914 --> 00:54:59,781 Every other... whatever. Point of the matter is... 1052 00:54:59,817 --> 00:55:02,115 I got to thinking and I thought, you know... 1053 00:55:02,153 --> 00:55:04,553 - Maybe me and you should go. - Where? 1054 00:55:04,589 --> 00:55:06,284 Prom. 1055 00:55:06,324 --> 00:55:08,918 - Ha! Duh! - You're asking me to prom? 1056 00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:11,690 We could. Yeah. 1057 00:55:11,729 --> 00:55:15,392 - No. - Uh, no? Ha! That's my answer to you. 1058 00:55:15,433 --> 00:55:19,164 'Cause I'm not gonna go to prom with you. You're pretty horrible. 1059 00:55:19,203 --> 00:55:21,831 Mann: Attention, munchkin turds... 1060 00:55:21,873 --> 00:55:24,967 Miss Apple has a few recorded words for you... 1061 00:55:27,512 --> 00:55:31,073 Yes, spank me! Pull my hair. 1062 00:55:32,350 --> 00:55:34,545 Mann: Now with that being said... 1063 00:55:34,585 --> 00:55:37,520 Miss Apple, I'm really gonna miss you. 1064 00:55:37,555 --> 00:55:40,251 Principal Mann? 1065 00:55:40,291 --> 00:55:42,919 Hold on, Alice. Go ahead, Gwenn. 1066 00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,929 - We make a great team. - Thanks, Gwen. 1067 00:55:45,963 --> 00:55:48,022 I couldn't have got the school back without you. 1068 00:55:48,065 --> 00:55:49,999 Aww! 1069 00:55:50,034 --> 00:55:52,525 Looks like we won't be seeing you next year. 1070 00:55:52,570 --> 00:55:54,128 Thank God. 1071 00:56:02,647 --> 00:56:04,342 First I need a date... 1072 00:56:04,382 --> 00:56:08,648 but there's only two viable options: Jonny or Matt. 1073 00:56:09,854 --> 00:56:11,913 Jonny... 1074 00:56:11,956 --> 00:56:13,116 Matt. 1075 00:56:13,157 --> 00:56:14,647 Ech! 1076 00:56:15,660 --> 00:56:18,493 Jonny, Matt. 1077 00:56:18,529 --> 00:56:20,224 Jonny. 1078 00:56:21,465 --> 00:56:23,524 Matt. 1079 00:56:24,535 --> 00:56:26,230 Jonny, Matt. 1080 00:56:26,270 --> 00:56:28,397 Jonny, Matt... Matt, Jonny. 1081 00:56:28,439 --> 00:56:30,600 Jonny, Matt. Matt Matt Matt. 1082 00:56:30,641 --> 00:56:32,871 Jonny, Matt. 1083 00:56:32,910 --> 00:56:35,845 Jonny, Jonny... Jonny, Jonny. 1084 00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:37,745 Jonny. 1085 00:56:40,585 --> 00:56:42,143 Hey, Jonny. 1086 00:56:42,186 --> 00:56:44,746 Imitating Chinese voice: How are you? You still cry? 1087 00:56:44,789 --> 00:56:47,087 I'm not crying. 1088 00:56:47,124 --> 00:56:50,116 Oh, you wanna go prom with Jonny? 1089 00:56:50,161 --> 00:56:52,391 - You want... - Yeah, let's do prom. 1090 00:56:52,430 --> 00:56:54,261 He give you fruity wooty... 1091 00:56:54,298 --> 00:56:57,165 which is Chinese for "fuck your brain out"! 1092 00:57:01,305 --> 00:57:03,773 And now I need the perfect outfit. 1093 00:57:07,144 --> 00:57:10,011 ♪ Whoa-oh whoa-oh ♪ 1094 00:57:11,015 --> 00:57:13,210 ♪ Whoa-oh whoa-oh ♪ 1095 00:57:13,250 --> 00:57:15,582 ♪ Another Friday night, I'm waiting by the phone ♪ 1096 00:57:15,620 --> 00:57:18,111 ♪ You're hanging with your friends... ♪ 1097 00:57:18,155 --> 00:57:19,486 No? 1098 00:57:19,523 --> 00:57:21,150 ♪ I'm better off alone ♪ 1099 00:57:21,192 --> 00:57:24,958 ♪ Yeah, we had plans tonight, they must have slipped your mind ♪ 1100 00:57:24,996 --> 00:57:27,556 ♪ And you think I'd go... ♪ 1101 00:57:27,598 --> 00:57:30,158 I wonder where Holden is. 1102 00:57:30,201 --> 00:57:32,431 Nope. Over it! 1103 00:57:32,470 --> 00:57:35,837 ♪ But boy, I've been feeling this way ♪ 1104 00:57:35,873 --> 00:57:39,673 ♪ So long, you should have seen me ♪ 1105 00:57:39,710 --> 00:57:42,372 ♪ Climb on ♪ 1106 00:57:42,413 --> 00:57:46,179 ♪ It's all your fault, I'm running out of reasons ♪ 1107 00:57:46,217 --> 00:57:51,211 ♪ I'm not leaving, I'm already gone ♪ 1108 00:57:51,255 --> 00:57:55,316 ♪ So long ♪ 1109 00:57:57,561 --> 00:57:59,722 ♪ Whoa-oh whoa-oh ♪ 1110 00:57:59,764 --> 00:58:03,723 ♪ By tomorrow night, I'll be having fun ♪ 1111 00:58:03,768 --> 00:58:07,295 ♪ 'Cause I got lots of friends who never liked you none ♪ 1112 00:58:07,338 --> 00:58:11,434 ♪ Don't try to call me now, I know your talk is cheap ♪ 1113 00:58:11,475 --> 00:58:15,411 ♪ And all I have to say is leave a message at the beep ♪ 1114 00:58:15,446 --> 00:58:19,507 ♪ If I were you, I wouldn't wait or bleed ♪ 1115 00:58:19,550 --> 00:58:22,041 ♪ 'Cause boy, you're gonna have to wait ♪ 1116 00:58:22,086 --> 00:58:24,919 ♪ So long ♪ 1117 00:58:24,955 --> 00:58:28,686 ♪ You should have seen me climb on ♪ 1118 00:58:28,726 --> 00:58:32,560 ♪ It's all your fault, I'm running out of reasons ♪ 1119 00:58:32,596 --> 00:58:37,158 ♪ I'm not leaving, I'm already gone ♪ 1120 00:58:37,201 --> 00:58:40,637 ♪ So goodbye, good luck to you ♪ 1121 00:58:40,671 --> 00:58:44,471 ♪ You can't hurt me anymore! I'm so far over you ♪ 1122 00:58:44,508 --> 00:58:49,377 ♪ Already out the door... ♪ 1123 00:58:52,383 --> 00:58:55,079 So Hilary might have a larger booty... 1124 00:58:55,119 --> 00:58:57,383 but I have brains. 1125 00:59:19,009 --> 00:59:21,375 - Oh, yeah! - It's me! 1126 00:59:22,980 --> 00:59:26,814 - I'm so excited! It's prom! It's prom! - Whooo! 1127 00:59:26,851 --> 00:59:28,876 Goin' to prom! 1128 00:59:28,919 --> 00:59:30,318 Yeah! 1129 00:59:30,354 --> 00:59:32,345 Aren't you gonna close the door? 1130 00:59:32,389 --> 00:59:33,754 Oh. 1131 00:59:45,236 --> 00:59:47,466 You're welcome. 1132 00:59:47,505 --> 00:59:49,996 I'm just messing with you. 1133 00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:52,668 You look... Good. 1134 00:59:52,710 --> 00:59:56,976 What's with the Sith Lord thing? Whoo, it's Gwen Adams! 1135 00:59:57,014 --> 00:59:58,743 I'm just kidding. Wanna make out? 1136 00:59:58,783 --> 01:00:01,843 Not yet. Let's wait. What's with the cheetah bra? 1137 01:00:01,886 --> 01:00:04,047 Raar! I just want to bite into those breasts. 1138 01:00:04,088 --> 01:00:07,717 Aren't you excited? Prom! 1139 01:00:07,758 --> 01:00:09,988 - Is that my boy Jonny? - Kip Dick! 1140 01:00:10,027 --> 01:00:13,155 Love the vest. My God, you look hot. 1141 01:00:13,197 --> 01:00:16,064 - Ooh, big night tonight. - Yeah! 1142 01:00:16,100 --> 01:00:19,331 - Ha! - Errrr! 1143 01:00:19,370 --> 01:00:22,862 Yoink. Mr. Dick! 1144 01:00:22,907 --> 01:00:24,704 Whoo! What's up, man? 1145 01:00:24,742 --> 01:00:26,607 Let's do it. 1146 01:00:26,644 --> 01:00:28,544 Come on. 1147 01:00:28,579 --> 01:00:31,412 - Yes! - Wait, don't forget me. 1148 01:00:31,448 --> 01:00:34,645 Yeah. Prom rules! 1149 01:00:34,685 --> 01:00:37,813 Whoo! Well, come on, honey. We gotta get there. 1150 01:00:37,855 --> 01:00:40,551 - Get inside. - Gonna be awesome. 1151 01:00:40,591 --> 01:00:42,889 Ah, yes! 1152 01:00:42,927 --> 01:00:44,588 - Whoo-hoo! - Yeah. 1153 01:00:44,628 --> 01:00:47,096 You know, if you need a little road head, I won't be in the way. 1154 01:00:48,132 --> 01:00:51,295 Come on, baby. Prom night. 1155 01:00:53,304 --> 01:00:55,101 Hey! 1156 01:00:55,139 --> 01:00:57,130 What the fuck? 1157 01:00:57,174 --> 01:01:00,041 Fuckin' cocksuckers. I wanted to go to prom. 1158 01:01:10,421 --> 01:01:15,120 ♪ Everyone is always on the go ♪ 1159 01:01:15,159 --> 01:01:18,959 ♪ Gotta get to school or my mom will know ♪ 1160 01:01:20,197 --> 01:01:23,257 ♪ Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class ♪ 1161 01:01:24,969 --> 01:01:27,836 ♪ If I don't get there in time, she's gonna kick my ass ♪ 1162 01:01:29,440 --> 01:01:32,603 ♪ Yeah, it's a good social program ♪ 1163 01:01:32,643 --> 01:01:34,702 ♪ Where all the kids can go uptown ♪ 1164 01:01:34,745 --> 01:01:37,213 ♪ Yeah, it's a new way to know that ♪ 1165 01:01:37,248 --> 01:01:39,682 ♪ Everything's okay ♪ 1166 01:01:39,717 --> 01:01:43,016 ♪ Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class ♪ 1167 01:01:44,588 --> 01:01:47,421 ♪ If I don't get there on time, she's gonna kick my ass ♪ 1168 01:01:48,893 --> 01:01:51,885 ♪ Yeah, it's a good social program ♪ 1169 01:01:51,929 --> 01:01:54,090 ♪ Where all the kids can go uptown ♪ 1170 01:01:54,131 --> 01:01:56,497 ♪ Yeah, it's a new way to know that ♪ 1171 01:01:56,533 --> 01:01:59,229 ♪ Everything's okay ♪ 1172 01:01:59,270 --> 01:02:01,636 ♪ Ooh, it doesn't get much better ♪ 1173 01:02:01,672 --> 01:02:04,072 ♪ Never thought I'd ever play the fool ♪ 1174 01:02:04,108 --> 01:02:08,943 ♪ Everything I need's in my American high school ♪ 1175 01:02:08,979 --> 01:02:11,345 ♪ Oh, Lord, it doesn't get much better ♪ 1176 01:02:11,382 --> 01:02:13,816 ♪ Never thought I'd ever play the fool ♪ 1177 01:02:13,851 --> 01:02:15,751 ♪ Everything I need... ♪ 1178 01:02:15,786 --> 01:02:17,651 Hell of a party, huh? 1179 01:02:17,688 --> 01:02:19,781 Doogie, what are you doing here? 1180 01:02:19,823 --> 01:02:21,688 Me? I'm on call. 1181 01:02:21,725 --> 01:02:24,694 Any of the girls drink too much, I'm gonna give them a breathalyzer. 1182 01:02:24,728 --> 01:02:27,492 I brought something for them to blow on. 1183 01:02:27,531 --> 01:02:29,624 Listen, I see kids like you all the time... 1184 01:02:29,667 --> 01:02:31,658 you don't know if you're coming or going. 1185 01:02:31,702 --> 01:02:34,694 I know I haven't come in a long time. I just went... I'd gone. 1186 01:02:34,738 --> 01:02:36,729 But you don't know if you're coming or going. 1187 01:02:36,774 --> 01:02:39,140 You need to have more confidence. You need to, you know... 1188 01:02:39,176 --> 01:02:41,235 - I know. - Take a risk, you know? 1189 01:02:41,278 --> 01:02:43,405 Whoa, wait a minute. 1190 01:02:43,447 --> 01:02:46,814 I see your guy dancing with another girl. 1191 01:02:46,850 --> 01:02:49,819 Yeah, you know why he's with that lady blonde? 1192 01:02:49,853 --> 01:02:51,650 - Why? - I'll tell you why. 1193 01:02:51,689 --> 01:02:53,748 There's a lot of reasons. 1194 01:02:53,791 --> 01:02:55,850 One of them come to mind: she's fuckable... 1195 01:02:55,893 --> 01:02:58,862 and you're sitting here with a guy with a mustache... 1196 01:02:58,896 --> 01:03:01,160 and a two-inch penis. 1197 01:03:01,198 --> 01:03:03,029 - Oh! - I know. 1198 01:03:03,067 --> 01:03:05,934 Lower. 1199 01:03:05,970 --> 01:03:07,301 Yeah. 1200 01:03:07,338 --> 01:03:10,933 You need to go after what you want. 1201 01:03:10,975 --> 01:03:12,465 Thanks. 1202 01:03:12,509 --> 01:03:15,478 Listen, I'm not picking sides, okay? 1203 01:03:15,512 --> 01:03:17,673 There are no sides, okay? 1204 01:03:17,715 --> 01:03:20,275 There's one thing that controls relationships. 1205 01:03:20,317 --> 01:03:21,477 What's that? 1206 01:03:21,518 --> 01:03:24,248 The penis. Yeah. 1207 01:03:24,288 --> 01:03:27,849 Let me ask you this: What does a guy with a 12-inch penis eat for breakfast? 1208 01:03:27,891 --> 01:03:29,256 I don't know. What do they eat? 1209 01:03:29,293 --> 01:03:31,557 Let's see, this morning I had waffles... 1210 01:03:31,595 --> 01:03:33,563 uh, some jelly on some toast. 1211 01:03:33,597 --> 01:03:35,292 But listen, you need to move forward. 1212 01:03:35,332 --> 01:03:37,857 - You've got to stop looking backward. - I know. 1213 01:03:37,901 --> 01:03:39,869 You need more confidence. 1214 01:03:39,903 --> 01:03:41,700 I know you have it. 1215 01:03:41,739 --> 01:03:43,969 - Okay? - Thanks, Doogie. 1216 01:03:44,008 --> 01:03:45,270 You're welcome. 1217 01:03:46,877 --> 01:03:48,845 Gwen: Doogie's the best, isn't he? 1218 01:03:48,879 --> 01:03:51,040 - You want to fuck or not? - What? 1219 01:03:51,081 --> 01:03:52,776 God! 1220 01:03:52,816 --> 01:03:55,148 ♪ They got me thinking naughty ♪ 1221 01:03:55,185 --> 01:04:00,020 ♪ And I want to put my hands on that booty... Booty ♪ 1222 01:04:00,057 --> 01:04:02,150 ♪ Not trying to offend you ♪ 1223 01:04:02,192 --> 01:04:04,717 ♪ But I want to get up in you ♪ 1224 01:04:04,762 --> 01:04:08,198 ♪ I can't hold it back, you're so sexy... ♪ 1225 01:04:08,232 --> 01:04:09,927 Good evening, boys and girls! 1226 01:04:09,967 --> 01:04:12,401 All: Good evening, Mr. Mann. 1227 01:04:12,436 --> 01:04:14,427 Thank you. It's been a good night. 1228 01:04:14,471 --> 01:04:16,939 Man, you rock! 1229 01:04:16,974 --> 01:04:20,307 Right back at ya, sweet pea. 1230 01:04:20,344 --> 01:04:23,643 All right, this is the main part of our ceremony. 1231 01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:27,013 It's the climax of the prom. 1232 01:04:27,051 --> 01:04:30,452 And that means it's queen time! 1233 01:04:35,159 --> 01:04:37,821 So let's have those ladies move to the front right now. 1234 01:04:48,705 --> 01:04:50,832 With that being said... 1235 01:04:50,874 --> 01:04:53,206 our prom queen is... 1236 01:04:56,980 --> 01:04:58,743 Gwen Adams! 1237 01:04:58,782 --> 01:05:00,647 Thattagirl! 1238 01:05:00,684 --> 01:05:03,346 Let's give it up for Gwen Adams. 1239 01:05:03,387 --> 01:05:05,651 Gwen: Oh, I almost feel bad. 1240 01:05:05,689 --> 01:05:07,350 Yeah, right! 1241 01:05:07,391 --> 01:05:09,586 At this point, you probably think I cheated the system, huh? 1242 01:05:09,626 --> 01:05:12,424 I mean, I didn't even campaign that hard. 1243 01:05:12,463 --> 01:05:14,363 But you're wrong: I won fair and square. 1244 01:05:14,398 --> 01:05:16,161 Well, almost. 1245 01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:17,189 Don't judge me. 1246 01:05:17,234 --> 01:05:19,202 You would have done the same thing. 1247 01:05:31,548 --> 01:05:33,709 I'm proud of you, kiddo. 1248 01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:38,888 All right, with that being said... 1249 01:05:38,922 --> 01:05:40,549 it's time for our prom king! 1250 01:05:40,591 --> 01:05:43,685 What you mean, "prom king"? 1251 01:05:43,727 --> 01:05:46,958 Oh, come on, man. Every prom has a prom king... 1252 01:05:46,997 --> 01:05:50,626 - And a queen. - You suck! 1253 01:05:50,667 --> 01:05:53,636 All right, I can't help that you guys spend all your time and money... 1254 01:05:53,670 --> 01:05:55,570 votin' on the hos. 1255 01:05:55,606 --> 01:05:58,734 So with that, I'm gonna invoke executive decision. 1256 01:05:58,775 --> 01:06:01,767 Varsity champion, our captain... 1257 01:06:01,812 --> 01:06:03,973 Jonny Awesome! 1258 01:06:08,285 --> 01:06:10,651 Awesome! Ahh! 1259 01:06:14,725 --> 01:06:16,955 Fifth year in a row, baby. What! 1260 01:06:16,994 --> 01:06:19,554 Whoo! Ha ha! Whoo! 1261 01:06:21,398 --> 01:06:22,990 Whoo! 1262 01:06:26,837 --> 01:06:30,364 Wow. Ha ha! This is totally unexpected. 1263 01:06:30,407 --> 01:06:33,501 - Totally unexpected. - I mean, I didn't even expect it. 1264 01:06:33,544 --> 01:06:35,978 - Didn't expect it. - I mean, it's a total shocker. 1265 01:06:36,013 --> 01:06:38,106 - It's a shocker... Capital ♪. - Matty? 1266 01:06:38,148 --> 01:06:41,311 Uh, first I would first and foremost... 1267 01:06:41,351 --> 01:06:43,148 - Like to thank... - Bitches. 1268 01:06:43,187 --> 01:06:45,951 All the bitches. Secondly, I'd like to thank... 1269 01:06:45,989 --> 01:06:48,184 - Hos. - All the hos. 1270 01:06:48,225 --> 01:06:50,887 - Thirdly, I just want to thank... - Bitches and hos. 1271 01:06:50,928 --> 01:06:53,954 All the bitches and the hos. 1272 01:06:53,997 --> 01:06:56,693 - You're a ho. - She knows she's a ho. 1273 01:06:56,733 --> 01:06:59,201 And I don't know why I'm talking like a reverend... 1274 01:06:59,236 --> 01:07:00,863 but I want to preach to you! 1275 01:07:00,904 --> 01:07:04,237 Who's gonna pledge $100? Who's gonna pledge $100? 1276 01:07:04,274 --> 01:07:06,538 ♪ Because we're awesome! ♪ 1277 01:07:06,577 --> 01:07:09,444 - Ho! - That's... That's how I sing. 1278 01:07:10,714 --> 01:07:13,649 Uh, Gwen? Ahem... 1279 01:07:16,286 --> 01:07:19,312 Ha ha. 1280 01:07:19,356 --> 01:07:23,053 Uh, now me and your queen of the prom... 1281 01:07:23,093 --> 01:07:25,254 - Shall dance, shall we? - Matt: Shall we dance? 1282 01:07:25,295 --> 01:07:27,957 Yeah, I think we're supposed to. 1283 01:07:27,998 --> 01:07:29,158 Awesome. 1284 01:07:30,767 --> 01:07:33,600 Mann: Let me get your attention. Let me get your attention! 1285 01:07:33,637 --> 01:07:37,539 Allow me to introduce to you Principal Mann's personal friend... 1286 01:07:37,574 --> 01:07:42,170 international recording artist Trini Lgpez! 1287 01:07:42,212 --> 01:07:43,941 "La Bambal" 1288 01:08:12,509 --> 01:08:14,704 You too. 1289 01:08:14,745 --> 01:08:16,872 You too. You too. 1290 01:08:17,881 --> 01:08:21,180 I'm sorry, my lips are really tired. Maybe next time. 1291 01:08:23,353 --> 01:08:25,685 Come here. 1292 01:08:25,722 --> 01:08:27,690 Jonny shouldn't treat you like that. 1293 01:08:29,092 --> 01:08:31,219 Uh-oh! 1294 01:08:32,229 --> 01:08:34,629 I got it, I got It. 1295 01:08:34,665 --> 01:08:36,132 I got it. 1296 01:08:36,166 --> 01:08:38,396 I got it, I got It. 1297 01:08:38,435 --> 01:08:40,665 I always have a problem getting it up. 1298 01:08:40,704 --> 01:08:42,899 Okay. How you doin', Holden? 1299 01:08:42,939 --> 01:08:44,600 I'm good, buddy. How you doin', Doogie? 1300 01:08:44,641 --> 01:08:47,201 Me? I'm stoned. 1301 01:08:47,244 --> 01:08:49,439 Hey, you want my advice? 1302 01:08:49,479 --> 01:08:52,346 - Not really. - You don't want my advice? 1303 01:08:52,382 --> 01:08:54,748 I know you're not gonna take it. You better list... Listen to me. 1304 01:08:54,785 --> 01:08:56,514 Listen to me. That hurts, doesn't it? 1305 01:08:56,553 --> 01:08:59,078 No, it doesn't hurt. I lost sensation in my left nipple... 1306 01:08:59,122 --> 01:09:01,249 - Is there a problem here? - Damn. 1307 01:09:01,291 --> 01:09:03,191 - Huh? Is there a problem here? - Yeah... 1308 01:09:03,226 --> 01:09:05,251 - Adams? - No, I'm good. 1309 01:09:05,295 --> 01:09:06,819 - He's my bitch. - What? 1310 01:09:06,863 --> 01:09:09,491 Sounds like you come from a loving family there, Holden. 1311 01:09:09,533 --> 01:09:11,524 - It's amazing, Doogie. - Wow. 1312 01:09:11,568 --> 01:09:13,126 - Doogie? - Yeah. 1313 01:09:13,170 --> 01:09:16,003 Look at Gwen. You've been examining her, right? 1314 01:09:16,039 --> 01:09:18,371 I'm gonna be real with you for a second. 1315 01:09:18,408 --> 01:09:21,900 I want to lick her up and down and bite her ass like a meatball. 1316 01:09:21,945 --> 01:09:23,776 Oh. 1317 01:09:26,249 --> 01:09:29,377 - You know... - Yeah? 1318 01:09:29,419 --> 01:09:31,819 I'm telling you, fucking teenagers. 1319 01:09:33,123 --> 01:09:35,353 - Isn't it best? - It is good. 1320 01:09:35,392 --> 01:09:37,883 Hey, Brian. 1321 01:09:37,928 --> 01:09:39,691 - Hi. - Mind if I sit down? 1322 01:09:39,730 --> 01:09:42,494 - Hello. - Yeah, I voted for "bush." 1323 01:09:44,067 --> 01:09:47,559 Hello, lovely. 1324 01:10:06,690 --> 01:10:09,625 Awesome people don't do drugs, you know what I mean? 1325 01:10:09,659 --> 01:10:12,787 Gwen, what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? 1326 01:10:12,829 --> 01:10:16,424 - What the fuck are you doing? - Bro, my sash. 1327 01:10:16,466 --> 01:10:18,491 - Owl - Listen. 1328 01:10:18,535 --> 01:10:21,003 - Seriously, ow. - Listen! Listen! Listen to me! 1329 01:10:21,037 --> 01:10:23,130 - You are so high-strung. - Stop! No! Why are you so good-looking? 1330 01:10:23,173 --> 01:10:26,040 I'm sick of it. You're so awesome and you're so good-looking and I'm not. 1331 01:10:26,076 --> 01:10:28,101 I'm not good-looking and I'm not awesome! 1332 01:10:28,145 --> 01:10:30,113 - I know, baby. I know. - I'm not. I'm not. 1333 01:10:30,147 --> 01:10:32,377 I know, I know. Come here. Let it out. 1334 01:10:32,416 --> 01:10:33,940 - Just come on, let it out. - I'm not! 1335 01:10:33,984 --> 01:10:37,545 I'm not and look! 1336 01:10:37,587 --> 01:10:39,646 - Ow! You always hit me. - Sorry, dude. 1337 01:10:39,689 --> 01:10:41,623 - Oh, ow! Ow! - Ow! Ow! 1338 01:10:41,658 --> 01:10:44,126 - Ow ow! - Now you're really hitting me. 1339 01:10:44,161 --> 01:10:46,095 - Ow! - You're really hitting me. 1340 01:10:46,129 --> 01:10:48,097 - My crown! - Oh! 1341 01:10:48,131 --> 01:10:52,830 I will fuck you in the ass so fucking hard, you have no fucking idea. 1342 01:10:56,339 --> 01:10:57,897 I'm just kidding. I wouldn't hurt you. 1343 01:10:57,941 --> 01:10:59,670 - Yeah. Yeah. Awkward. - Never again. 1344 01:10:59,709 --> 01:11:01,643 - I'm gonna leave now. - Yeah. 1345 01:11:01,678 --> 01:11:04,374 Whew! Wow. 1346 01:11:05,382 --> 01:11:07,680 I mean, he's not bad looking, but... 1347 01:11:07,717 --> 01:11:09,651 Hey. 1348 01:11:09,686 --> 01:11:12,246 - What? - No pussy for you. 1349 01:11:12,289 --> 01:11:15,690 I will uppercut your face, random bearded guy! 1350 01:11:15,725 --> 01:11:18,819 That's right. I'll do a fucking ollie all over this skate park... 1351 01:11:18,862 --> 01:11:22,992 with your fucking dick-ass Miyagi ass! 1352 01:11:23,033 --> 01:11:24,864 Yeah! 1353 01:11:24,901 --> 01:11:27,267 - Get away from me! - Stop! Stop. 1354 01:11:27,304 --> 01:11:31,206 Stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1355 01:11:31,241 --> 01:11:32,902 I love you. I love you, Gwen. 1356 01:11:32,943 --> 01:11:34,410 - Really? When is that? - Yeah. 1357 01:11:34,444 --> 01:11:36,878 When you're dancing with Hilary or when you're fucking her? 1358 01:11:36,913 --> 01:11:38,847 She's nothing! She's nothing! 1359 01:11:38,882 --> 01:11:40,713 Don't ruin my night. 1360 01:11:42,118 --> 01:11:44,279 She's nothing! 1361 01:11:44,321 --> 01:11:48,781 ♪ I gotta tell you that I never ever felt this way... ♪ 1362 01:11:48,825 --> 01:11:50,725 Ooh! There you are! 1363 01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:52,751 You have ruined everything. 1364 01:11:52,796 --> 01:11:54,957 This is my prom, okay? 1365 01:11:54,998 --> 01:11:56,727 You see that band over there? That's mine. 1366 01:11:56,766 --> 01:11:58,791 This whole entire prom is mine. 1367 01:11:58,835 --> 01:12:01,360 Everybody here is for me, okay? 1368 01:12:01,404 --> 01:12:03,031 And you are ruining it! 1369 01:12:03,073 --> 01:12:06,065 Listen, the only reason that you are even here... 1370 01:12:06,109 --> 01:12:08,771 that you are even in this place is because of me... 1371 01:12:08,812 --> 01:12:10,439 is because I want to be prom queen! 1372 01:12:10,480 --> 01:12:13,176 And it's not because of me, it's all me! Don't you get it? 1373 01:12:13,216 --> 01:12:15,844 It's all about me and me... 1374 01:12:17,153 --> 01:12:19,087 Fuck you, slut! 1375 01:12:19,122 --> 01:12:20,612 Oh my God. 1376 01:12:20,657 --> 01:12:23,057 Did you see that? She just got hit in the face. 1377 01:12:23,093 --> 01:12:24,253 Of course I saw it. 1378 01:12:24,294 --> 01:12:26,819 - You just got hit in your face. - Oh my God. 1379 01:12:26,863 --> 01:12:29,855 I'm gonna throw my peanuts at you 'cause you're stupid. 1380 01:12:32,035 --> 01:12:35,436 - Let's go kick a puppy. - Oh, is there a puppy here? 1381 01:12:45,582 --> 01:12:48,312 That's it... Just mess with it a little. 1382 01:12:52,923 --> 01:12:55,153 I haven't seen your dad in a minute. 1383 01:12:55,191 --> 01:12:56,852 He's with Zoey. 1384 01:12:56,893 --> 01:13:00,294 Oh! He's probably banging her right now. 1385 01:13:00,330 --> 01:13:02,355 Awesome! 1386 01:13:02,399 --> 01:13:05,391 Why do you always say "awesome"? I mean, we get it. 1387 01:13:05,435 --> 01:13:08,063 Yeah, you're so awesome. You wear the hat. 1388 01:13:08,104 --> 01:13:09,594 "Ooh, awesome! 1389 01:13:09,639 --> 01:13:10,970 Awesomeness, man!” 1390 01:13:11,007 --> 01:13:13,305 You're a bitch. Yeah. 1391 01:13:13,343 --> 01:13:15,334 No wonder Holden divorced you. 1392 01:13:15,378 --> 01:13:18,870 Suck a dick for crying out loud. Suck my dick, okay? 1393 01:13:18,915 --> 01:13:20,405 You're sucking my dick, trust me... 1394 01:13:20,450 --> 01:13:22,850 all of a sudden the frown is upside down. 1395 01:13:22,886 --> 01:13:26,253 You be all like, "Thank you, Jonny. Thank you for that cock.” 1396 01:13:26,289 --> 01:13:29,258 And I'll be like, "No problem. You want some more cock?" 1397 01:13:29,292 --> 01:13:30,987 And then you'll be like, "Yes, please.” 1398 01:13:31,027 --> 01:13:33,621 And I'll be like, "No problem. Got plenty of cock here." 1399 01:13:33,663 --> 01:13:35,528 And it'll be great! 1400 01:13:35,565 --> 01:13:37,658 And you'll be like... 1401 01:13:37,701 --> 01:13:39,726 on account of my great girth. 1402 01:13:39,769 --> 01:13:40,895 - Yeah! - Wow. 1403 01:13:40,937 --> 01:13:43,770 See, look. Yeah. You're opening up already. 1404 01:13:43,807 --> 01:13:47,072 Look, you're going through a divorce... 1405 01:13:47,110 --> 01:13:49,305 which, by the way, sucks! 1406 01:13:49,346 --> 01:13:52,440 I mean, you graduate high school like, "Hey, I'm divorced already... 1407 01:13:52,482 --> 01:13:54,143 and I'm boring on top of that." 1408 01:13:54,184 --> 01:13:56,084 Nobody wants to eat that cake. 1409 01:13:56,119 --> 01:13:58,485 The point is, you're having fun now; 1410 01:13:58,521 --> 01:14:00,887 it's prom night; you got a crown tonight, right? 1411 01:14:00,924 --> 01:14:03,085 - We both got crowns. - Yeah. 1412 01:14:03,126 --> 01:14:04,889 - Now come on. - ♪ did. 1413 01:14:04,928 --> 01:14:08,022 Let's have some fun. What do you say? 1414 01:14:08,064 --> 01:14:09,656 Okay. 1415 01:14:19,509 --> 01:14:22,103 Awesome! 1416 01:14:22,145 --> 01:14:23,476 Ow. 1417 01:14:23,513 --> 01:14:25,811 - What! - What? 1418 01:14:25,849 --> 01:14:28,943 You were, like, practically asking for it. What are you doing? 1419 01:14:28,985 --> 01:14:31,749 Where... why are you leaving? Don't leave. 1420 01:14:31,788 --> 01:14:33,619 Oh... Ho! 1421 01:14:33,657 --> 01:14:35,989 Ha! Yeah, leave. 1422 01:14:36,026 --> 01:14:37,926 Ha. Ha. 1423 01:14:39,963 --> 01:14:42,454 I'm so stupid! 1424 01:14:42,499 --> 01:14:45,627 Oh, no! 1425 01:14:47,704 --> 01:14:50,673 ♪ You're feeling kinda sad ♪ 1426 01:14:50,707 --> 01:14:52,937 ♪ You've been a little bad ♪ 1427 01:14:52,976 --> 01:14:56,537 ♪ To the girl who was just in your car ♪ 1428 01:14:58,715 --> 01:15:00,808 ♪ And now she's gone away ♪ 1429 01:15:00,850 --> 01:15:03,978 - ♪ And never gonna stay... and - What are you doing? 1430 01:15:04,020 --> 01:15:05,954 Get it together, man. 1431 01:15:05,989 --> 01:15:08,116 I'm cheering you up. I'm making fun of this situation. 1432 01:15:08,158 --> 01:15:10,422 Look at you: you're a disgrace. 1433 01:15:10,460 --> 01:15:13,361 Hey, look at me, look at me, look at me. 1434 01:15:13,396 --> 01:15:15,728 - Can't! - What is your name? Huh? 1435 01:15:15,765 --> 01:15:18,461 What is your name? J-J-J-J... 1436 01:15:18,501 --> 01:15:20,401 J... What's your name? 1437 01:15:20,437 --> 01:15:22,462 - Jonny. - Jonny. That's right. That's right. 1438 01:15:38,388 --> 01:15:41,016 Students, parents and faculty... 1439 01:15:41,057 --> 01:15:44,390 welcome to the commencement ceremonies for American High School. 1440 01:15:44,427 --> 01:15:46,691 Principal Mann wanted to be here today... 1441 01:15:46,730 --> 01:15:49,460 but something very important came up at the last minute. 1442 01:15:49,499 --> 01:15:52,798 So now I ask you to stand up and receive your diplomas. 1443 01:15:52,836 --> 01:15:56,431 Gwen: So I actually made it to graduation without bailing out. 1444 01:15:56,473 --> 01:15:58,441 Doogie was right: 1445 01:15:58,475 --> 01:16:00,466 all I needed was a little confidence. 1446 01:16:00,510 --> 01:16:04,105 I may not have aced Seuss's class, but I sure did learn a lot... 1447 01:16:04,147 --> 01:16:08,345 about who I am and what I want in life. 1448 01:16:08,384 --> 01:16:10,579 Seuss: I enjoyed your brave struggle against alcoholism. 1449 01:16:10,620 --> 01:16:13,521 Jonny? Jonny, I say. 1450 01:16:13,556 --> 01:16:16,354 - Wha' is it, Matt? - Well, wha' it is is... 1451 01:16:16,392 --> 01:16:19,657 prom was so much fun, I think it's the littl' things that matter. 1452 01:16:19,696 --> 01:16:22,460 And the littl' things like her not makin' prom queen... 1453 01:16:22,499 --> 01:16:24,729 were very very excitin' and fun to me. 1454 01:16:24,768 --> 01:16:28,465 I think that the fact that I won the crown durin' prom... 1455 01:16:28,505 --> 01:16:31,702 - is totally fantabulous. - Shut up! 1456 01:16:31,741 --> 01:16:35,939 I must've drunk me about seven aluminum cans of Guinness. 1457 01:16:35,979 --> 01:16:38,209 I don' know what you're sayin', but all I heard was... 1458 01:16:38,248 --> 01:16:40,182 - Prom was awesome, I got a crown... - Shut up! 1459 01:16:40,216 --> 01:16:43,185 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the graduating class... 1460 01:16:43,219 --> 01:16:45,278 of American High School! 1461 01:17:37,707 --> 01:17:40,972 Well, I'm glad it's finally over. 1462 01:17:41,010 --> 01:17:44,173 Closure can be a beautiful thing. 1463 01:17:44,214 --> 01:17:47,012 I really don't think graduation's that important. 1464 01:17:47,050 --> 01:17:50,850 I was talking about the divorce papers. 1465 01:17:52,355 --> 01:17:55,017 Hey. Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. 1466 01:17:55,058 --> 01:17:57,117 You gave it your best shot, right? 1467 01:17:58,127 --> 01:18:00,459 You know what I don't understand, though? 1468 01:18:01,497 --> 01:18:03,761 I mean, people look at me... 1469 01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:06,428 they seem to forget that I'm a dad too. 1470 01:18:06,469 --> 01:18:10,701 I mean, all I ever wanted was for my little girl to be happy. 1471 01:18:10,740 --> 01:18:13,300 You know what? She nearly had me convinced... 1472 01:18:13,343 --> 01:18:14,935 that you were the one. 1473 01:18:14,978 --> 01:18:16,605 Gwen: And even more surprisingly... 1474 01:18:16,646 --> 01:18:19,080 my dad stuck up for me for once. 1475 01:18:19,115 --> 01:18:21,106 He may have actually turned over a new leaf. 1476 01:18:21,150 --> 01:18:25,052 To be honest, I never thought she'd sign the papers. 1477 01:18:25,088 --> 01:18:28,546 Are you really gonna marry this guy? 1478 01:18:28,591 --> 01:18:31,685 Are you serious? This is a very rich man. 1479 01:18:34,230 --> 01:18:36,892 Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. 1480 01:18:36,933 --> 01:18:39,231 Who says life is fair, huh? 1481 01:18:40,236 --> 01:18:42,761 I'm gonna go munch me some Candi. 1482 01:18:44,974 --> 01:18:46,805 I want a little pussy. I mean, why not? 1483 01:18:46,843 --> 01:18:49,607 I got a dick; I could stick it in, have a good time. 1484 01:18:49,646 --> 01:18:51,113 Fuck! 1485 01:18:53,149 --> 01:18:56,482 What kind of a classless whore would fuck TeePee? 1486 01:18:56,519 --> 01:18:59,113 One that I'm in love with? Yeah, perfect. 1487 01:19:00,757 --> 01:19:02,748 Maybe this'll kill me. 1488 01:19:05,995 --> 01:19:08,759 Hilary, Hilary, Hilary. 1489 01:19:08,798 --> 01:19:10,322 - Hey, bitch. - Whoo hoo. 1490 01:19:10,366 --> 01:19:12,800 - Hey, loser. - Couldn't help but notice... 1491 01:19:12,835 --> 01:19:16,703 a lack of something up here... a lot of space. 1492 01:19:16,739 --> 01:19:20,266 Lack of brains. I think you wish you were awesome. 1493 01:19:20,310 --> 01:19:22,369 Gwen: After Hilary lost prom queen... 1494 01:19:22,412 --> 01:19:24,471 things kind of started falling apart for her. 1495 01:19:24,514 --> 01:19:27,381 I guess she finally learned an age-old lesson: 1496 01:19:27,417 --> 01:19:29,009 quit being such a whore! 1497 01:19:33,990 --> 01:19:36,652 We are so not friends anymore. 1498 01:19:36,693 --> 01:19:38,524 I've always hated you. 1499 01:19:38,561 --> 01:19:39,823 - Always. - Bitch. 1500 01:19:39,862 --> 01:19:42,262 I wouldn't bang you with TeePee's dick. 1501 01:19:42,298 --> 01:19:44,357 Yeah, bitch. 1502 01:19:44,400 --> 01:19:45,424 - Bitch. - Bitch. 1503 01:19:45,468 --> 01:19:47,766 And you got a fat ass, whore. 1504 01:19:47,804 --> 01:19:50,364 - And big arms. - Yeah, I said it: whore! 1505 01:19:50,406 --> 01:19:52,966 - Huge! - Three times: whore. 1506 01:19:53,009 --> 01:19:56,467 Hey, I don't want to interrupt the pity party over here... 1507 01:19:56,512 --> 01:19:58,707 but... You know, I'm no math major or anything... 1508 01:19:58,748 --> 01:20:01,478 but there's one of me, two of you. What do you say we add each other up... 1509 01:20:01,517 --> 01:20:03,747 - And have a foursome? - Can't wait! 1510 01:20:03,786 --> 01:20:06,084 - I love it! - Later, bitches. 1511 01:20:06,122 --> 01:20:08,317 - I Am awesome! - Bye. 1512 01:20:08,358 --> 01:20:11,418 You know, now that you're not hanging out with old hair extensions... 1513 01:20:11,461 --> 01:20:13,554 I thought maybe we could... 1514 01:20:13,596 --> 01:20:15,530 - Just the two of us. - Okay. 1515 01:20:15,565 --> 01:20:17,123 - Yeah. - All three? 1516 01:20:17,166 --> 01:20:19,191 Wh-what? No. What the fuck? 1517 01:20:20,203 --> 01:20:23,695 Don't tell anybody about this, TeePee, but I'm desperate. 1518 01:20:26,476 --> 01:20:28,068 Ooh, a gummy worm. 1519 01:20:28,111 --> 01:20:30,841 That teeth thing creeped me out. 1520 01:20:33,249 --> 01:20:35,740 I put 'em in! 1521 01:20:35,785 --> 01:20:38,049 So that's me: school-conquering... 1522 01:20:38,087 --> 01:20:39,884 man-eating, Satan-slaying... 1523 01:20:39,922 --> 01:20:41,981 independent me. 1524 01:20:42,025 --> 01:20:45,188 And this time, I'm in charge. 1525 01:20:45,228 --> 01:20:47,321 Oh, and I almost forgot... 1526 01:20:47,363 --> 01:20:48,955 I'm not pregnant! 1527 01:20:49,098 --> 01:20:52,431 Sometimes life really blows. But it's up to you to sit back... 1528 01:20:52,502 --> 01:20:55,027 relax, and enjoy the blowjob. 1529 01:20:58,641 --> 01:21:00,836 So after graduation... 1530 01:21:00,877 --> 01:21:02,902 Hilary started her own mentors' program... 1531 01:21:02,945 --> 01:21:05,778 to teach young girls the importance of confidence... 1532 01:21:05,815 --> 01:21:07,976 and aim. 1533 01:21:08,017 --> 01:21:11,475 It was very successful. 1534 01:21:15,324 --> 01:21:20,057 It would have it that Jonny, Matt and Holden started a boy band. 1535 01:21:20,096 --> 01:21:22,462 Three guesses what their name was. 1536 01:21:22,498 --> 01:21:25,126 Shocking, I know. More shocking... 1537 01:21:25,168 --> 01:21:27,659 is that their record actually hit top 10. 1538 01:21:27,703 --> 01:21:29,603 Worst records ever! 1539 01:21:29,639 --> 01:21:31,334 Candi cleaned up Kip's act... 1540 01:21:31,374 --> 01:21:34,571 and the two of them opened up a rape-help clinic for young women. 1541 01:21:34,610 --> 01:21:36,544 They're both very happy. 1542 01:21:38,714 --> 01:21:42,741 Principal Mann and Miss Apple ended up reconciling their differences... 1543 01:21:42,785 --> 01:21:45,811 and found love... with one another. 1544 01:21:47,356 --> 01:21:50,883 Don't feel bad for Mr. Seuss, though. The PTA declared him principal. 1545 01:21:52,895 --> 01:21:55,022 And as for me, who knows what's next? 1546 01:21:55,064 --> 01:21:58,591 That's kind of the great part. The world is my non-conflict diamond... 1547 01:21:58,634 --> 01:22:02,126 or oyster or whatever. And if Hilary taught me anything... 1548 01:22:02,171 --> 01:22:04,731 it's to go after what I want with everything in me. 1549 01:22:04,774 --> 01:22:08,471 And as I recently discovered, that happens to be a lot. 1550 01:22:08,511 --> 01:22:10,445 ♪ One, two ♪ 1551 01:22:10,480 --> 01:22:14,814 ♪ Now it's true, you gotta go go, get out on your own ♪ 1552 01:22:14,851 --> 01:22:18,014 ♪ You gotta be free, I can do it alone ♪ 1553 01:22:18,054 --> 01:22:21,546 ♪ You know I owe it all to you ♪ 1554 01:22:21,591 --> 01:22:24,424 ♪ One, two, now we're through 1555 01:22:24,460 --> 01:22:27,520 ♪ Well, I fought off my demons ♪ 1556 01:22:27,563 --> 01:22:30,623 ♪ I've saved the world 1,000 times ♪ 1557 01:22:30,666 --> 01:22:33,066 ♪ I'm so sick of screaming ♪ 1558 01:22:33,102 --> 01:22:36,697 ♪ That I'm weak in the knees ♪ 1559 01:22:36,739 --> 01:22:40,197 ♪ Now I know what you're thinking ♪ 1560 01:22:40,243 --> 01:22:43,144 ♪ But you should know that I don't care ♪ 1561 01:22:43,179 --> 01:22:45,739 ♪ I'm so moving on ♪ 1562 01:22:45,781 --> 01:22:50,309 ♪ 'Cause you'll never be pleased ♪ 1563 01:22:50,353 --> 01:22:53,550 ♪ Now I can turn my head off ♪ 1564 01:22:53,589 --> 01:22:57,047 ♪ Relax, put down my hair ♪ 1565 01:22:57,093 --> 01:22:59,891 ♪ I can do it in one shot ♪ 1566 01:22:59,929 --> 01:23:03,626 ♪ I can make you disappear ♪ 1567 01:23:03,666 --> 01:23:06,999 ♪ You gotta go, go get out on your own ♪ 1568 01:23:07,036 --> 01:23:10,096 ♪ You gotta be free, I can do it alone ♪ 1569 01:23:10,139 --> 01:23:13,666 ♪ You know I owe it all to you ♪ 1570 01:23:13,709 --> 01:23:16,269 ♪ One, two, now we're through ♪ 1571 01:23:16,312 --> 01:23:19,679 ♪ You gotta go, go get out on your own ♪ 1572 01:23:19,715 --> 01:23:22,775 ♪ You gotta be free, I can do it alone ♪ 1573 01:23:22,818 --> 01:23:26,254 ♪ You know I owe it all to you ♪ 1574 01:23:26,289 --> 01:23:29,258 ♪ One, two, now we're through 1575 01:24:20,042 --> 01:24:22,738 ♪ go, go get out on your own ♪ 1576 01:24:22,778 --> 01:24:25,747 ♪ You gotta be free, I can do it alone ♪ 1577 01:24:25,781 --> 01:24:29,148 ♪ You know I owe it all to you ♪ 1578 01:24:29,185 --> 01:24:32,177 ♪ One, two, now we're through 1579 01:24:32,221 --> 01:24:35,418 ♪ You gotta go, baby, go get out on your own ♪ 1580 01:24:35,458 --> 01:24:38,427 ♪ You gotta be free, I can do it alone ♪ 1581 01:24:38,461 --> 01:24:41,897 ♪ You know I owe it all to you ♪ 1582 01:24:41,931 --> 01:24:44,900 ♪ One, two, now we're through ♪ 1583 01:24:44,934 --> 01:24:47,994 ♪ You gotta go, go get out on your own ♪ 1584 01:24:48,037 --> 01:24:51,165 ♪ You gotta be free, I can do it alone ♪ 1585 01:24:51,207 --> 01:24:54,665 ♪ You know I owe it all to you ♪ 1586 01:24:54,710 --> 01:24:57,474 ♪ One, two, now we're through 1587 01:24:57,513 --> 01:25:00,641 ♪ You gotta go, baby, go get out on your own ♪ 1588 01:25:00,683 --> 01:25:03,675 ♪ You gotta be free, I can do it alone ♪ 1589 01:25:03,719 --> 01:25:07,211 ♪ You know I owe it all to you ♪ 1590 01:25:07,256 --> 01:25:10,316 ♪ One, two, now we're through. ♪ 1591 01:25:41,090 --> 01:25:44,821 ♪ Everyone is always on the go ♪ 1592 01:25:45,828 --> 01:25:50,288 ♪ Gotta get to school or my mom will know ♪ 1593 01:25:50,333 --> 01:25:53,393 ♪ Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class ♪ 1594 01:25:55,104 --> 01:25:57,971 ♪ If I don't get there in time, she's gonna kick my ass ♪ 1595 01:25:59,575 --> 01:26:02,203 ♪ Yeah, it's a good social program ♪ 1596 01:26:02,244 --> 01:26:04,508 ♪ Where all the kids can go uptown ♪ 1597 01:26:04,547 --> 01:26:07,015 ♪ Yeah, it's a new way to know that ♪ 1598 01:26:07,049 --> 01:26:09,483 ♪ Everything's okay ♪ 1599 01:26:09,518 --> 01:26:12,817 ♪ Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class ♪ 1600 01:26:14,390 --> 01:26:17,223 ♪ If I don't get there on time, she's gonna kick my ass ♪ 1601 01:26:18,694 --> 01:26:21,686 ♪ Yeah, it's a good social program ♪ 1602 01:26:21,731 --> 01:26:23,892 ♪ Where all the kids can go uptown ♪ 1603 01:26:23,933 --> 01:26:26,299 ♪ Yeah, it's a new way to know that ♪ 1604 01:26:26,335 --> 01:26:29,031 ♪ Everything's okay ♪ 1605 01:26:29,071 --> 01:26:31,437 ♪ Ooh, it doesn't get much better ♪ 1606 01:26:31,474 --> 01:26:33,874 ♪ Never thought I'd ever play the fool ♪ 1607 01:26:33,909 --> 01:26:34,967 ♪ Everything I need... ♪ 111991