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1
00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:04,342
(funky disco plays)
♪My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,598
♪And I am proud to be
3
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:08,766
♪Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,706
♪With my new family
5
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,712
♪There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,154
♪And even a bear
7
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,549
♪Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,951
♪It's true love we share
9
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,224
♪And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,563
♪Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:25,818
♪My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,226
♪This isT he Cleveland Show.♪
13
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,759
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,566
Cleveland!
Come on, baby,
15
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,298
we're gonna go
for a ride in the car!
16
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,803
The car?!
17
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:39,035
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
oh, boy!
18
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,010
(panting)
Going for a ride!
19
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,539
Going in the car!
Riding in the car!
20
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,684
Doctor's appointment?
21
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:46,879
Doctor's appointment.
22
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,517
Doctor's appointment?
23
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,818
Just a quick checkup.
24
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,819
But he's gonna poke
my booty hole!
25
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,421
You don't know that.
He might not.
26
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,823
Oh, you're right.
27
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,264
Not in these frumpy dad pants.
28
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,729
Boo...
29
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:04,528
Oh, don't worry,
Cleveland.
30
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,372
You're not scheduled
for an ass jam
31
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,067
for another two months.
32
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,199
You're still gonna do
the Cup 'n' Cough, right?
33
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,773
'Cause this one should
be free.
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00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,512
Wait a minute.
This is from the yogurt place.
35
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,208
Uh! They should
not be doing that!
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00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,581
(laughs)
37
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,249
You're a hoot,
Cleveland.
38
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,577
No, I'm a walrus!
39
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,183
(laughing)
40
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:29,416
I have literally never seen
anyone do that before!
41
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,963
Oh, you can just put those
back in the jar.
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00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,040
What the hell? I told
Junior to pack me
43
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:44,567
a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich,
44
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,772
not a... (mumbles):
whatevadefrickdahwuz.
45
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,474
Try it!
46
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,136
Gah! Oh, man, we gotta put
a bell around your neck.
47
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,254
I decided to try
something new.
48
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,947
I made you
a deconstructed
49
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,949
peanut butter and
jelly sandwich.
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00:01:56,951 --> 00:02:00,251
Sourdough crostini,
spherified raspberry puree
51
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,224
and Thai peanut foam.
52
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,663
Wait, this is like
that scientific cooking trend
53
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,988
I saw on the Food Network
when I flew JetBlue
54
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,764
to my great-grandma
Etta James' funeral!
55
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,603
Sorry for your
loss, but yes.
56
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,569
"Molecular gastronomy."
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00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:17,737
It combines two of my favorite
things: food and nerd stuff!
58
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:20,008
(sighs)
Gimme one dem.
59
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:24,838
Whoa! My taste butts
are loving this!
60
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:28,005
Fierce-looking
lunch, girl!
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00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,775
I'd pay fab cash to wrap my
lips around those nuggets.
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00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,694
You would, huh?
63
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:40,656
Finally, a "thcool" lunch for
the "thophithticated" palate!
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00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,101
We're a hit, Junior!
65
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:47,267
I've never been so happy
to watch other people eat my food!
66
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,868
Oh...
67
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,500
(truck horn playing
"Mexican Hat Dance")
68
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:55,544
What the hell?
69
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:57,243
(hydraulics hissing)
70
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,448
Oye, niños!
71
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:03,877
Choni's food truck
is open for business!
72
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,684
Get your one dollar
burritos,
73
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,786
quesadillas
and virgin Bud Light Clamatos!
74
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:11,658
And your first taco is free!
75
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:12,859
(ranchero music plays)
76
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:16,555
Yay, cheap Mexican food!
77
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,664
Dancing dog!
78
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,226
I'm five. I just like running!
79
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,041
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
We now return to CBS's hit comedy,
80
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,141
Two-And-A-HalfBroke Man-Girls.
81
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,583
Okay, be honest.
82
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,878
Does this dress make
my balls look fat?
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00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:32,509
(canned laughter)
84
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,853
No way!
85
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,378
It's giving me
a total boob boner.
86
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,853
(canned laughter)
87
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:38,751
I just got
my period.
88
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,152
(canned laughter)
89
00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:41,394
(groans)
90
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,388
(phone rings)
91
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,059
Yeap-yeap?
92
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,088
Hi, Cleveland.
Dr. Fist.
93
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,493
I got the results back
from the urine sample
94
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:49,895
you left all over
the bathroom.
95
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,327
Hilarious, by the way.
96
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,102
But I'd like you
to come back in
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00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,999
for a few more tests.
98
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,371
Is there
something wrong?
99
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,539
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Of course not.
100
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,598
Everything's fine.
Just get here as fast as you can.
101
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:01,166
Okay.
102
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,776
And he's had me back
every day this week
103
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,185
for throat cultures,
biopsies,
104
00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:18,718
organ probes, cheek swab,
nastral swab, weenie swab.
105
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,686
But he won't tell me
what's wrong.
106
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,394
Sounds like he doesn't want
107
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,526
to break the bad news to you
till he's absolutely sure.
108
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,102
Sounds like
you're a goner.
109
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,431
Donna the Bear...
110
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,396
Clevebro,
you're dying.
111
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,135
It's the only
explanation.
112
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,440
I've got to do everything
I ever wanted to do
113
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,912
before it's too late.
114
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,810
Bucket List.Nicholson. Freeman.
115
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,712
Never saw it.
On my bucket list.
116
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,884
Shut up.
I'll start with something
117
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:47,593
I've dreamed of doing
as long as I can remember.
118
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,488
Yes, I've always wanted to eat
ice cream for breakfast.
119
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,991
I've been afraid,
120
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,332
'cause Donna said
I'd turn into ice cream.
121
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:57,197
But at this point,
I'm willing to take that risk.
122
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,637
I'm still a "mamammal."
123
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:13,111
I can do anything!
124
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,283
So that's it?
Just the ice cream?
125
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,752
Yep. Oh, and I've always
wanted to fight
126
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:20,451
a hundred Chinese guys
in an old, dusty town square.
127
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:23,024
♪
128
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:29,089
Yah!
129
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:32,626
Just wait... till I use...
130
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,873
your own momentum...
against you!
131
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,269
Nup!
132
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,439
Oh, I do love you so.
133
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,043
By the way,
134
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,954
when I was at the bottom
of the pile of Chineses,
135
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,777
I bit one of them right
in the water chestnuts.
136
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,782
I'm telling you,
137
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,684
there's no reason for you
to be biting Orienticles!
138
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,886
Dr. Fist would have told you
if you were dying.
139
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,419
(doorbell rings)
140
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,385
Cleveland, I have bad news.
141
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,855
Ah! I'm dying
or we're canceled!
142
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,234
It's one of them!
143
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,402
Tell me we're
not canceled!
144
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,971
Cleveland, I lied.
145
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,399
You didn't need any
of those appointments.
146
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:15,705
I just wanted to hang out
with you, because, well...
147
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:20,009
(sobbing)
148
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:23,383
I don't have any friends!
149
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,024
So you're telling me
150
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,918
you made me think
I was dying,
151
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,590
causing me to break my arms
152
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,890
and the saltines
I had in my pocket,
153
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,492
all for nothing?!
154
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,825
I know! (sobs)
155
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:40,070
I felt so guilty when I heard
all of this happened!
156
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,027
Can you ever forgive me?
157
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:46,465
Heads I will, tails I won't.
158
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:04,586
Uhp, rolled under the couch.
159
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,031
Tie!
160
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,887
Please forgive me,
Cleveland. (sobbing)
161
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:11,026
Dr. Fist, why didn't you
just say you wanted
162
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,631
to hang out with Cleveland
163
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,474
instead of making him
think he was dying?
164
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,299
I couldn't ask a patient
to hang out socially.
165
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,635
It's unprofessional.
I'm sorry, Cleveland.
166
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,642
I just thought you were
so much fun.
167
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,884
You know, with that hilarious
walrus impression?
168
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,080
No!
169
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,782
You don't deserve it.
170
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,124
(quietly):
Cleveland, I feel bad for him.
171
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,719
I mean, look at how
pathetic he is.
172
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:36,561
Will you be my friend?
173
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,117
Oh, that's not even one
of our cool plants.
174
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,386
Just offer to have a beer
with him sometime.
175
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:43,325
Fine, fine.
176
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:46,600
Dr. Fist, perhaps you'd like
to have a beer sometime?
177
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,230
Great! Why don't you come over
to my place Thursday night?
178
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,266
And bring those buddies
of yours, too.
179
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,941
Ed, Calvin and Rick
the Moose?
180
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,640
I was thinking of Holt,
Lester and Tim the Bear.
181
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,342
Oh, the second
tier. Sure.
182
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:06,145
Yo, Choni!
This is our turf!
183
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,653
Yeah! Nobody wants
your kind here!
184
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,485
And by that I mean
competition
185
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,861
and nothing offensive.
186
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,189
So get the truck out of here!
187
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,504
And by that, I mean get
the (bleep) out of here!
188
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,827
There's an old saying
in my country:
189
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:22,802
"No way, José."
190
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,503
Well, there's only one
way to respond to this.
191
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:27,805
By working harder
and providing
192
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,478
an even better product
at a competitive price.
193
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:33,107
Hard work?
That's for Mexicans.
194
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,513
No, we gonna fix this
the American way.
195
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,116
By calling in a
criminal cousin.
196
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,517
What up, Sherrod.
197
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,320
I got a job for you.
198
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,791
What? You found Jesus?!
199
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,860
Well, ask him would he mind
if you blew up a truck.
200
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,059
Hello?
201
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,561
Damn-foo-think-he-bee-save.
202
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:53,233
Gon-be-back-on-that-junk-
by-Christmas.
203
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,373
LESTER:
♪Doctor, Doctor, give me the news, I've got a... ♪
204
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,740
♪Bad case of loving you!
205
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:02,009
♪No pill's gonna cure
my ill, I've got a ♪
206
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:07,349
♪Bad case of loving you!
207
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,077
♪Ooh! (laughs)
208
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,152
Oh, that was great!
209
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,591
Wow. So doctors make money?
210
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,488
Dr. Fist, I may have been
slightly peeved at you
211
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:18,761
when I arrived...
212
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:22,489
but having reassessed
the situation...
213
00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:23,856
I've now decided...
214
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,864
we should be friends.
215
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,696
Well, I'm glad to hear that,
because it's wonderful
216
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,672
to spend time
with people again.
217
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,841
I gotta ask, Doc.
218
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,039
What happened to
your friends, anyway?
219
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:38,181
Well, it's a long,
painful story.
220
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,178
Oh, do tell!
221
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,850
My phone fell in the toilet
and I lost all my contacts.
222
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,449
Oh! That's awful!
223
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,591
What about your photos
and your ideas for movies?
224
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,218
Gone, Cleveland. All gone.
225
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,063
It's just me.
226
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,629
All alone in this world.
227
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:56,027
That's sad.
Yep, sad.
228
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,459
So sad.
Super sad.
229
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,764
Sad.
230
00:09:58,765 --> 00:09:59,925
Sa...
Okay!
231
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,373
No way.
232
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,638
Is that life-size Operation?!
233
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,397
You bet.
If there's another way to learn medicine,
234
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,066
I don't know it.
(chuckles)
235
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,035
Go ahead, Holt,
remove the elbow joint,
236
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,813
and then we will
light it up and par-tay!
237
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,214
(buzzes)
Damn it!
238
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,545
No, Holt,
we're not playing strip.
239
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,251
You're not.
240
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,592
CLEVELAND:
Yep...
241
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:25,389
All Night Life-Size Operation
Party, everybody!
242
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,632
(all cheer)
243
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,728
(chuckles)
I never thought I'd be giving a doctor a shot!
244
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,902
Cleveland, it is
my professional opinion
245
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:38,470
that you are the funniest
person in the world.
246
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,172
(clanking cowbell sounds)
247
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:44,944
Rallo! As I live and labor
to breathe.
248
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,145
Yo, Kendra, I'm trying to get
this food truck shut down,
249
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,747
and no judgment here,
250
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,320
but I thought you might have
251
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,178
a few bugs or rodents
in your house?
252
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:57,256
You came to the right
disgusting place.
253
00:10:57,257 --> 00:11:01,927
We have a large selection
of slugs and night crawlers.
254
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,258
Just got a couple
of new squirrels in.
255
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:06,003
Oh, here's a diseased raccoon
256
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,699
that might be
a good fit for you.
257
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:08,771
Well...
258
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,569
(grunts)
259
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:14,014
What about these ghetto ants?
260
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,307
Sure, cock-a-roaches.
261
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:19,108
A timeless classic.
262
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,452
Oops, can't sell that one.
263
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,048
He's like a son to me.
264
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,720
Come here, Bernie.
265
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,619
(beeps)
266
00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:30,662
$5.32, please.
267
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:31,957
Thank you.
268
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:33,728
Have a blessed day.
269
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,327
(bell dings)
270
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,487
Number 23.
271
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:37,826
I'll take a pound
and a half
272
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,101
of the
night crawlers.
273
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,499
Hey, Dr. Fist!
274
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,302
Hey, Pete!
Herpes.
275
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,074
(snickering)
276
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,072
Innie nipples.
277
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,344
(laughing)
278
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,042
"Accidentally" sat on
279
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,414
a bottle of
Worcestershire sauce.
280
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,482
(laughing)
281
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,911
It happens.
282
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,846
Ah, it's nice
having friends again.
283
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,222
It's a welcome change
284
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,750
from crying in my
big, lonely house.
285
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,055
Well, we have
a surprise for you.
286
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,257
Get in the car.
287
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,188
You bought me
a new car?
288
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,033
No, get in my car.
289
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,429
Now the real surprise
is gonna seem terrible.
290
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,873
So, uh, where are
we going, Cleveland?
291
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,340
As I tell a lot of pregnant
women during delivery,
292
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,169
you just passed
the Stool.
293
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,784
That's because the surprise
isn't in the Stool.
294
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,437
After you bummed us out
295
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,505
saying how you've lost touch
with everyone,
296
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,784
I put a picture of you
in an e-mail and wrote,
297
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,283
"Do You Know This Guy?"
298
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,024
Then I sent it
to the entire Internet,
299
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,690
with the subject
"Lindsay Lohan autopsy photo."
300
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:40,260
You... put my picture
on the Internet?
301
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,960
Yep, and I heard back from
a group of your old friends,
302
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,864
and we arranged
a little get-together
303
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,896
at the nicest restaurant
that allows bears!
304
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,772
What?
305
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,708
No, no, no,
those...
306
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,138
tho-those people aren't
my friends, Cleveland!
307
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,613
They're the Mob!
308
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,612
And they want
me dead!
309
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:03,747
(tires squealing)
310
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,050
Whoa!
311
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,481
These things go backwards?
312
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,486
Game-changer!(tires squealing)
313
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,225
Cleveland,
how could you
314
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,901
tell them
where I was?
315
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,400
No, you know what?
316
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,801
It's my fault for thinking
I could have friends.
317
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,265
ALL:
Why? (sighs)
318
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:30,414
Fine, I'll tell you
the whole story.
319
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,440
First of all,
"Chip Fist"
320
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,684
is not my
real name.
321
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,651
My name is
GreenJarvus Ben-Ellis.
322
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,681
I once had a thriving
private practice
323
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,616
on Manhattan'sUpper East Side.
324
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,351
One night, I was eating
325
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,756
at New York City'sItalian restaurant
326
00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:47,589
when I was approachedby a couple of--
327
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:51,304
for lack of a better word--"goombahs."
328
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,768
Seeing my lab coat,which I always wear
329
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,497
to let people knowI am a doctor,
330
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,342
they took me to a roomin the back.
331
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,638
One of their associates had
332
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,810
multiple stab wounds in his
333
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,268
greasy, hairy midsection,
334
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,776
and needed medical attention.
335
00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:08,979
Before I knew it,I was the exclusive doctor
336
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:09,512
to the New York Mafia.
337
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,676
(slurping)
338
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,946
It was high-paying,steady work,
339
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,115
mostly quadruple bypassesfor the mobsters,
340
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:19,563
and boob jobs for theirfat meatball daughters.
341
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,631
But soon thereafter,
I said to myself,
342
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,201
"GreenJarvus,
you're a Ben-Ellis.
343
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,630
"You're better than this.
344
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,695
Get out while you still can."
345
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,374
As luck would have it,
346
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,143
the night beforeI was to perform
347
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:38,141
an aortic decheesificationon the Mafia Don,
348
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:41,184
I was approachedby a couple of FBI agents.
349
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,711
They said if I agreed to
350
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,316
anesthetize the Godfatherinto a temporary coma
351
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,218
so they'd have timeto arrest him,
352
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,550
they'd put meinto Witness Relocation,
353
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:50,886
and I could start a new life.
354
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,761
The end.
355
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,229
Wow!
356
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,587
Hey, we lost 'em!
Pull in the Stool!
357
00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:59,603
You're welcome
to lay low
358
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,329
as long as
you need.
359
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,673
And remember,
360
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,769
all the
decorative guns
361
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,070
on the wall
are loaded.
362
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,111
As is a
random urinal.
363
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,167
(toilet flushes, gunshot)
MURRAY: Ow!
364
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,414
Damn it, Gus!
365
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,680
Ha! Sorry, friend!
366
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:14,878
Oh, there
you are.
367
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,281
You wouldn't happen
to know anything
368
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,383
about a health inspector
finding hundreds
369
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,016
of cucarachasin my truck?
370
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,120
What?!
371
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,552
Congratulations,
372
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,016
your little trick worked.
373
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,855
They took away
my food service license--
374
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,861
and not just for my truck,
but for my restaurant, too!
375
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:33,104
But I swear, I had
nothing to do with...
376
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,729
How could
you do this?
377
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:39,044
And only five months
before Cinco de Mayo!
378
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,609
Poor Choni.
379
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,367
That is indeed
an unfortunate development.
380
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,035
Rallo!
381
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,944
Did you plant those
roaches in her truck?
382
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,646
And called the
health inspector,
383
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,947
and saved our business.
384
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,579
I didn't want
to play dirty.
385
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,284
I had no choice!
386
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,286
This might just
be a food truck
387
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,058
to you, but
it's all...
388
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,787
I've... got!
389
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,392
You're gonna fix this
or I'm telling everybody!
390
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:06,255
I am this close to calling
The New York Times!
391
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,096
Fine.
392
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,471
But one day,
393
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,739
I'm gonna be
bigger than you.
394
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,339
Cut! Good job,
you guys!
395
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:17,011
Darryl, can you play that
last one back for me?
396
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:20,650
RALLO:...I'm gonna
be bigger than you.
397
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,147
That was a little
too big, right?
398
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,018
Nope. This... is "dramma."
399
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:25,818
Now, if you'll excuse me,
400
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,819
I'm in the next scene.
401
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,991
Jit'ry...
jit'ry...
402
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:34,327
Man, I'm
all jit'ry.
403
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,687
Let me try
one of those.
404
00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:38,833
I don't have a light.
405
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,202
No, I got it.
406
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,170
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
407
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,698
Yo, driver man,
you got a light
408
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:44,973
for me and my buddy?
409
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,211
We're hiding
from the Mob.
410
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,035
Oh, no!
They found us!
411
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:54,954
Well, well, well,
Dr. Snitch.
412
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:55,648
Say your prayers.
413
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,218
(glass breaking)
414
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,877
Not so fast!
415
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,285
Cleveland?
Don't be crazy!
416
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:02,647
There's three of them
and one of you!
417
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,185
No.
418
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,990
There's four of us
and one of you.
419
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:10,363
Good-bye, Dr. Snitch.
420
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,203
Cleveland!
Holy (bleep)!
421
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,798
What the
fazool? Shut up!
422
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,130
All of youses!
423
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,725
He lied to me.
424
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,796
Made me think
I was gonna die.
425
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,005
Well, he's the one
that was gonna die.
426
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,667
Because seven days ago,
427
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,735
he saw the ring.
428
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,883
Get it? Prostate exam?
(chuckles)
429
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,510
Figures you wouldn't laugh.
430
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:29,975
That's why I called you.
431
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:33,083
I needed someone
to seriously kill him.
432
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,586
But you blew it!
433
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,157
Taking that again.
434
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,757
But you blew it.
435
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,528
Darryl, mark the second one.
436
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,527
Look, we don't want
no trouble, man.
437
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,199
That ain't fake.
438
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,997
You're one tough
African-Italian-American.
439
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,830
Thank you for
saying it correctly.
440
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,565
Now get
out of here
441
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,470
before I show
you the ring!
442
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,606
Cleveland, what have you did?
443
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:59,239
Don't worry, guys,
Dr. Fist is fine.
444
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,945
He and I planned this
in case they found us.
445
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:03,447
He told me where
to shoot him
446
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,680
in order to miss all
of his vital organs.
447
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:06,875
It was either
two inches
448
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,246
to the left
of the heart,
449
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,894
or two inches
to the right.
450
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,289
Couldn't remember,
so I split the difference.
451
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,458
Dr. Fist?
452
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,932
GreenJarvus?
453
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,133
Uh-oh.
454
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,532
Uh, Holt, would
you mind putting
455
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,873
your fingerprints
all over this gun?
456
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:22,968
On it.
457
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:24,869
Dummy.
458
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,701
Thanks for coming back
459
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,606
so we can clear up
this silly misunderstanding.
460
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,809
See, what you thought was
a cockroach infestation
461
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,382
was actually the
latest cooking trend.
462
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:36,711
Oh, I heard trends
are all the rage.
463
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,146
Go on.
464
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,551
See, you've got your
Peruvian Browns,
465
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,792
nice and mellow,
466
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,718
German Darks, a tad smoky,
467
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,063
with a nutty finish.
468
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:46,888
Look, son,
I know cockroaches.
469
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,333
I was on
Fear Factor.
470
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,728
But you've never seen someone
eat a cockroach
471
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,999
that was prepared properly.
472
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:52,958
Hmm?
473
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:03,573
Flash-frozen
in nitrogen,
474
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,976
and served with
a basil pesto foam.
475
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,179
It's called molecular ga...
476
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:07,910
Molecular
gastronomy,
477
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:08,914
yeah, I knew that.
478
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,475
So you're going to eat that?
479
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,684
Uh, no.
480
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,985
My partner Rallo is.
481
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,518
What?
You know,
482
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,623
to show the health inspector
483
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:18,524
you love Choni's food.
484
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,725
Uh...
485
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,530
(crunching)
486
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,600
(gulps)
Uh...
487
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:25,797
Well,
I'm convinced.
488
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,268
You're back in business.
489
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,527
That's what I'm
hablar-ing about!
490
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,466
Ha! Spanish.
491
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,141
Everybody
bailar!
492
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,609
♪
493
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,309
We're losing him!
494
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,553
(moans)
495
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,208
We gotta get
that bullet out.
496
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,716
But we ain't
no doctors.
497
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,017
Wait a minute,
we don't need to be.
498
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,519
Put him on
the table.
499
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,520
Gus, I need a pair
of cocktail tongs
500
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,992
and the biggest Maraschino
cherry you've got!
501
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,062
You got it.
502
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,830
somebody give
him a moe haircut.
503
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:58,098
I've got my body groomer.
504
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:01,826
Why'd you do that?
505
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:04,574
So that he looks like...
506
00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:07,537
The Operation guy!
507
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,170
Exactly.
508
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:13,375
May Milton Bradley
guide my hands.
509
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,517
To Dr. Fist,
510
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,147
who's as good
as new. (grunts)
511
00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:20,692
So, now that
those mafiosos
512
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,417
think you're dead,
I guess you can go back
513
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,692
to your life
as a big city doctor.
514
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,692
I can...
but I won't.
515
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:28,894
I want to stay
here in Stoolbend,
516
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,425
where my
friends are.
517
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,201
People who care
enough about me
518
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,929
to shoot me and save my life.
519
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,274
Hooray!
520
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,169
He's one of,
quote, "the guys"!
521
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,271
ALL:
Hear, hear!
522
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:43,543
Uh, Cleveland, I wasn't
completely honest
523
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,283
with you about
your test results.
524
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,408
You do have an
aggressive ingrown hair
525
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,213
that is wrapped
around and
526
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,245
currently strangling
your brain stem. Ha!
527
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,351
Doc, you're a... (mumbling)
Boise Idaho.
528
00:20:54,401 --> 00:20:58,951
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