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1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:04,802
(funky disco plays)♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:07,105
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,308
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,480
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,179
♪ There's old friendsand new friends
6
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,521
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,977
♪ Through good timesand bad times
8
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,385
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,718
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,993
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,332
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:29,157
♪ This is The Cleveland Show.♪
13
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,263
(chuckles)
14
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,166
You've got three seconds
to tell me
15
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,199
where the dirty bomb
is gonna go off.
16
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:40,214
Or your knick-knacks
get paddy-wacked.
17
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:46,448
(screams)
18
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,083
No!
19
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:52,423
Miss Donna, Rallo's hitting
Larry in his leopard nards.
20
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,820
Hi!
21
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:57,362
Rallo, I let you watch
one weekend-long
22
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,558
Spike TV James Bond
marathon and...
23
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,830
Is that my .45
taped to your back?
24
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,168
Put this back under
my side of the bed
25
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,867
and leave
Cleveland's son alone.
26
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:12,039
He is a guest in our house.
Thank you.
27
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,439
And, Cleveland, I need you
to get these boys dressed,
28
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,012
put the leaf in the
table, set the table
29
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,440
and make some dinner
to put on the table
30
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,445
because I need well over
an hour to get ready.
31
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:19,777
My mother's coming over.
32
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,680
Again?
33
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:22,512
But I just got
the boys dressed,
34
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,376
put the leaf
in the table,
35
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,015
set the table
and made some dinner
36
00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:28,090
to put on the
table yesterday.
37
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,119
My mother was gone
for 42 years, Cleveland.
38
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:33,885
And I'd appreciate you
taking on a little extra work
39
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,104
so she and I
can continue to bond.
40
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,697
James Bond.
41
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,428
My human nards!
42
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,598
(laughs) I gave
that baby up, too.
43
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,105
(laughing)
44
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:49,637
Oh, Mama, you're hilarious.
45
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,283
Now, is there a history
of clinical depression
46
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,638
in our family?
47
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:55,246
'Cause lately I...
Uh, decaf.
48
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,949
Sure, Donna, I'll...
just get you a new cup.
49
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,282
(cup breaks)
50
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,416
Oh, Cleveland,
could you clean that up?
51
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,792
Come on, Mama, you and I
can go in the basement.
52
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,660
I want to show you the coats
I wear when it's cold.
53
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,829
And I brought this
Lego Martin Scorsese
54
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,628
for us to put together.
55
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,800
16,000 pieces!
56
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,669
That'll take all night.
57
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,497
Oh, and, Cleveland,
do everything.
58
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,674
You can't leave me up here
with all the work.
59
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,442
You're not even good at Legos.
60
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:21,911
You force them!
61
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,009
♪ Da na-na-nana-na na-na na-na
62
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,681
♪ Watch our for the spy
63
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,409
♪ Da na-na-nana-na na na-na
64
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,114
♪ He's watching you
65
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,416
♪ Secret stuff going on
66
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:34,018
♪ Da na-na-na na-na-nana-na-na na-na-na na-na-na...♪
67
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,121
I wish I was I
was Sean Connery
68
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,923
and you were a woman
so I could hit you.
69
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,255
(laughing)
70
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,059
(whistling)
71
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,933
Mm-hmm. I get it.
72
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,466
You're a secret
agent, too.
73
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,771
Very funny.
74
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,112
So what's in
the briefcase?
75
00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:55,867
Come on,
Spy Who Loved Pizza.
76
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,276
What's in it?
77
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,608
A squirt gun,
X-ray specs, extra fat?
78
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:02,452
You got your spy business;
I got mine.
79
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,979
Pshh. Whatevs.
80
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,154
I don't care.
81
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:10,523
So, Roberta,
you know any new dances?
82
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,064
Yeah, the
Hucklebuck.
83
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,489
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
84
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,334
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
85
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,699
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
86
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,357
Just tell me what's in it!
87
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,096
(yelling)
88
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:25,499
(Donna screaming)
89
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,406
Is it believable
that I didn't hear her?
90
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,378
Nah, I better go.
Pretty loud.
91
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:30,707
(both whimpering)
92
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,811
What?
93
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,013
Oh, my God,
Mr. Scorsese.
94
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,575
Oh, I'm your
biggest fan.
95
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,184
Shark Talechanged my life.
96
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,516
Cleveland, we saw a
rat the size of an
97
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:44,191
all-wheel-drive,
wagon-style minivan.
98
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:44,721
Weirdly specific.
No payoff.
99
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,015
Where?
100
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,386
Behind the heating unit.
101
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,555
I hate rats, Cleveland.
102
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:54,034
I hate their chilly little,
third-trimester fetus hands.
103
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,434
Needlessly controversial.
104
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,266
Could have just said
little hands.
105
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:58,901
Just kill that
red-ass mouse!
106
00:03:58,906 --> 00:03:59,936
(rat squeaking, scurrying)
107
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,410
(bang)
108
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,308
(screaming)
109
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:04,738
(sighs)
110
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,183
Filthy...
111
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,382
stupid...
112
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:12,023
awful...
lice-ridden... varmint.
113
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,289
(yells)
114
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,418
Please don't let this
be toilet water!
115
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,793
(all whimpering)
116
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,391
Did you kill it?
Nope.
117
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,893
All right, that's
all I need to hear.
118
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,133
I saw Contagion.
119
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,199
You all are sleeping
at my house tonight.
120
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:26,427
Oh, Mama,
thank you.
121
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,703
Kids, in the
car now!
122
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:30,441
Empty the cheese out of
your pockets, everybody.
123
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,338
All of it.
124
00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:38,343
Bonjour.
125
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,652
Uh-uh, you got to
kill that rat.
126
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,492
I don't care if you
trap it, stab it
127
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,817
or put it in a hoodie
and sent it to Florida.
128
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,262
Just call me
when you got a corpse.
129
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:54,027
Until then, we'll be
staying at my mom's house.
130
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,802
Cheese?
131
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,298
Get out of my house.
132
00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:08,814
(squeaking)
133
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:17,676
I bash your skull in,
and I get my family back.
134
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:22,315
My loud kids,
my wife and mother-in-law.
135
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,093
Wait on them hand and foot,
lose my privacy,
136
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,592
having to go to the bathroom
while my son's taking a shower
137
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,264
asking me a bunch
of weird questions
138
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:32,033
about his weird puberty body.
139
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,832
All just as soon as I...
140
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,535
kill... you!
141
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,708
Yeah, Donna, I ain't
seen hide nor hair of him.
142
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,278
But I know you and the kids
won't come back
143
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:44,607
until he's gone.
144
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:45,841
I'm on it.
145
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,106
I'm not on it.
146
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,484
I'm keeping you alive,
but don't tell Donna.
147
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,553
And watch out
for that rat poison.
148
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,623
Oh, I guess you'd
just call it poison.
149
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:55,851
(chuckles)
150
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,156
Do you do
stand-up comedy?
151
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:57,957
'Cause if you do,
that joke is mine.
152
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,088
I mean it!
153
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:08,471
And I put out rat poison
for him, and I'm like,
154
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:12,339
he probably just
calls it poison.
155
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,669
Too smart
for the room.
156
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,135
Well, Dee Dee,
I have to tell you,
157
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:20,084
that meat loaf
was okay.
158
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,710
But now that I've got
a belly full of garbage,
159
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,916
I'm going to get home
and kill that rat.
160
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,248
The kids and I have
been here for two days.
161
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:29,053
Just call an exterminator.
162
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,356
In this economy?!
163
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,187
No.
164
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,192
Besides,
if you Google "reasons not to call exterminator,"
165
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,655
it may say they use
harmful chemicals,
166
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,074
and Junior's already developed
an armpit hand
167
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,497
from his antiperspirant.
168
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:47,340
♪ Cleveland Brownis getting drunk
169
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:49,781
♪ Getting drunk, getting drunk
170
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:53,747
♪ Family's gone,I'm getting drunk
171
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:57,077
♪ With no pants on.
172
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:57,624
Ah, keys.
173
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,260
What? He's...
174
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,387
he's waiting for me,
like a dog.
175
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,933
Rock Hudson
never waits for me.
176
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,958
He's Rallo's dog.
177
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,602
Rallo's my stepson,
Donna's son.
178
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,228
Donna's my wife.
179
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,203
Anyway, I was never
allowed to have a pet.
180
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,373
Dad, I found a dog.
Can I keep him?
181
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:23,074
You know the rule:
if you can beat him in a fight.
182
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,806
(barking ferociously)
183
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,112
(screaming)
184
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,884
Maybe you could be
the pet I never had.
185
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,984
I'm going to name you
after that Today Show guy.
186
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,486
Rat Lauer.
187
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:38,259
Because you've got a pointy
face, spiky little hair,
188
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,428
and word has it
you're a real cheese hound.
189
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:40,827
(chuckles)
190
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,028
Bristly.
191
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:51,171
Roberta's in on it, too.
192
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,311
I need to get a closer look.
193
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:04,077
Aha!
194
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,794
Hey, look at me--
I'm Frederick Douglass.
195
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:10,187
There is nothing good,
great or desirable
196
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:13,590
that does not come
by some kind of labor.
197
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,364
Look it up, ignorant kids.
198
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,762
Bah!
199
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,433
So, he told you?
200
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:19,662
What's in the briefcase?
201
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,996
Rallo, listen up.
202
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,771
I'm only gonna
shriek this once.
203
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:26,369
What's in that
briefcase is not a five-year-old's concern.
204
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:27,873
Drop it now.
205
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:30,035
I'm gonna go
practice my Hucklebuck.
206
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,813
Huck, huck,
huck, huck...
207
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:36,683
I will find out what's in that
briefcase if it kills me.
208
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,053
Or Junior.
209
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:42,292
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
210
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:44,789
Oh! Oh, please, forgive me.
211
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:45,761
Please forgive me.
212
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:52,299
Oh, walking a dog?
213
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:55,829
Where'd you get that idea?
From everybody?
214
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,536
(gasps)
215
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,468
What, you've never
seen a black man
216
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,242
in a pink robe walking a rat?
217
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,281
♪
218
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:12,817
(squeaking)
219
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,720
(chuckling)
220
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,123
(sighs)
221
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:28,228
Morning, Mama.
Look what I rented.
222
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,235
Let's go make people wonder
if we're shooting a commercial.
223
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,867
Hey, honey.
224
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,942
Was that this morning
we were going riding?
225
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:37,111
Oh, because I just booked
two weeks
226
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,510
singing at a supper club
in St. Louis,
227
00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:41,083
and I've got to leave
in five minutes,
228
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,521
so you all have got to get
out of my house.
229
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:44,377
But you said we
could stay as long...
230
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,894
Not without me here.
231
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,947
It's like my niece
Ernestine used to say:
232
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,056
"Let a hitchhiker take
a bath in your tub?
233
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,118
I don't think so."
234
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,255
You're leaving me again.
235
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,801
This is exactly what you
did to me when I was a baby.
236
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,398
I don't see it.
237
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,069
You are choosing
the road over... (sighs)
238
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:03,368
Forget it.
239
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,700
Kids, we're going home.
240
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,440
Get on.
241
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:11,113
(Cleveland Jr. giggles)
242
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,581
(bell jingles)
243
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,950
MAN: Look, they
must be shooting
244
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,818
a commercial
for black gum.
245
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:24,122
♪ Round and round,love will hmm, hmm, hmm
246
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,764
♪ Just hmm, hmm, hmm
247
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:26,259
DONNA:
Cleveland. Hmm?
248
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,629
Ooh, what reeks?
249
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,729
Donna! You're home
unannounced.
250
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:34,271
Well, time to leave,
announced.
251
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,067
Donna leaving!
252
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,599
Cleveland, is someone
in the bedroom?
253
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:39,895
What? No, that's...
254
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,036
You think I'd...
255
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,238
Oh...
256
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,683
Donna I can't keep
living a lie.
257
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,409
There is someone in there.
258
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,854
Someone I care
about very much.
259
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:54,350
Oh, man. Oh, God.
Oh, man. Oh, God.
260
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,594
But when you
two meet,
261
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:58,159
I think you'll
love him, too.
262
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,488
Him?!
263
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:00,993
I knew it.
264
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,834
Everyone knew it.
265
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,999
Starting at tailback,
wearing number fur,
266
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,868
from Mississqueaky
State-- trust me,
267
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,438
you'll get these
when you see him--
268
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,167
cheese welcome...
269
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,512
Rat Lauer!
270
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:16,841
(screams)
271
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,483
The rat's on my pillow?
272
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,208
Get that disgusting thing
out of this house.
273
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,384
(gasps) I married
a "ratsist."
274
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,553
(screams)
275
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,021
Like the anchor
of the same name,
276
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,449
he's gonna poop
on your shoulder!
277
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:36,228
Cleveland, call 911.
278
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,703
Operator,
my pet rat's been assaulted.
279
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,571
Yes, I do know.
280
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,639
It was Donna Tubbs.
281
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:45,798
And she's got
pot upstairs.
282
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,711
That monster
broke the skin.
283
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:57,145
Now,
Donna-- and I am in no way
284
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,750
defending Mr. Lauer's
deplorable actions here,
285
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:03,993
but you were
coming at him with an extremely negative energy.
286
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,890
I was coming at...
287
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,232
(yells)
288
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,027
Now, you listen here.
289
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:09,859
You done stepped
in it, now.
290
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:13,003
You been lying
to Donna Tubbs.
291
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,429
I'm sorry!
292
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,274
Now, drive me
to the hospital
293
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:15,968
before I drop
dead of rabies.
294
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,238
(whistles)
295
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,640
Rat Lauer,
want to go for a ride?
296
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:25,905
Maybe we'll find
a loose-skinned frog
297
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,452
and call him Al Croaker.
298
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,748
And, as for the rabies,
we'll find a Katie Cure-ic.
299
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,722
(laughs, sighs)
300
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,790
Don't nobody want to get
their news from a woman.
301
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,091
(quietly):
Nice ones.
302
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,693
I know!
303
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,725
Well, Donna,
the good news is
304
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,200
it's extremely uncommon
for rats to carry rabies.
305
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,099
Oh, thank the Lord.
306
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:48,971
Let me finish.
307
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,639
But not that
uncommon.
308
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,967
You ready,
big fella?
309
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,972
Once I cut off his head
and remove his brain,
310
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,975
we'll send it to the lab
and have results within a week.
311
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,537
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
The hell!
312
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,046
Nobody said nothing
about cutting heads.
313
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,907
(chuckles)
314
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,046
Cleveland,
that's the only way to find out.
315
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:08,121
Dr. Fist, may I rip
the rat's head off
316
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,591
with my bare hands and
scoop his brains out
317
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,819
with a press-on nail
while my husband watches?
318
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,285
Sure. Why not?
319
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,563
He is a living being.
320
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,401
Donna, how bad
could the month-long series
321
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,167
of extremely painful
stomach injections be?
322
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,797
I can think
of something else
323
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,072
you thought
would be "too painful"
324
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,670
that I talked you into,
which we immediately stopped
325
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,142
because it
was too painful.
326
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,140
Or, if you drill a
hole in his head,
327
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:32,182
I'll suck his brains
out with a straw.
328
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,779
Okay, okay, okay.
329
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,150
If we took our chances
330
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,978
and Donna did not
get vaccinated,
331
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,684
but she did have rabies...
332
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,146
Certain death
within days.
333
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,824
(inhales through teeth)
334
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,593
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
335
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,332
Like to chew on...
336
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,357
Doctor,
I thank you for your time.
337
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,832
My wife and I want to consider
all options before...
338
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,003
I'll do it.
I'll kill him.
339
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,040
But let me take him
into the woods
340
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,167
so his last breath
isn't this putrid hospital air.
341
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,213
Please, Donna,
I couldn't have a pet
342
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,339
as a child,
and that justifies
343
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,344
(crying):
everything...
344
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,154
Mmm, mmm.
345
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,051
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
346
00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:17,687
(gulps)
Hop in, Rat Lauer.
347
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:20,491
I don't want you to see
where we're going.
348
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,693
It's a surprise.
349
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,496
A terrible, terrible surprise.
350
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,098
(weeping)
351
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,202
(Cleveland Jr. humming)
352
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,565
Hmm, that's new.
353
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,043
Hey, Dad?
354
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:36,572
Oh, well.
355
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,976
(humming)
356
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,589
Where could he...? No.
357
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:54,027
(both screaming)
358
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,687
What's in the briefcase?
Rallo, stop.
359
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,426
What's in the briefcase?
At least let me put some clothes on.
360
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,771
What's in the briefcase?!
Don't "Borat" me, bro!
361
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,067
(both groaning)
362
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,740
Oh, my God.
363
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,970
The briefcase.
364
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:10,037
Rallo, no!
365
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:13,783
Two-for-one
corned beef sandwiches
366
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,680
at the Stubby Pickle Deli?
367
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,253
That's what all
this was about?
368
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:18,881
Well, I guess
you know now.
369
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,215
So give that back.
370
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,590
Nah-uh. Gonna go get
my corned beef on.
371
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,359
What is corned beef?
372
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,958
Guess I'm gonna find out.
373
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:31,627
All right, pull over,
374
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,771
and let's whack
this mole, damn it.
375
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:50,645
Rat Lauer,
I awakened every morning
376
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,650
to your incessant squeaking
on mostly girl issues,
377
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:58,894
(sobbing): and no one but me
ever took you seriously.
378
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,092
You know I just got
to look this little guy
379
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,334
in the eyes one last time
before I do...
380
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,060
(screaming)
381
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,625
Aah, rabbis!
He's got the rabbis!
382
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,133
Kill the son of a bitch!
383
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,835
(screams)
Ow!
384
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,167
Why would
you do that?
385
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,442
I'm not
thinking clearly.
386
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,070
I have rabies.
387
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,105
(screaming)
388
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,484
Get in the car.
389
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,052
(rat screeching)
390
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,159
(panting and whimpering)
391
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,300
Donna,
get my keys. No.
392
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,028
Well, I've tried
everything.
393
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:45,498
I would like
to redeem this coupon.
394
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,165
And, what is the most soup
you can give a person?
395
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,407
(loud buzzing)
396
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:00,718
Welcome back,
Number 14.
397
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,820
Thank you, Number 53.
398
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,993
You see, Rallo,
I'm an operative
399
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,992
for a faction
of ex-CIA officials
400
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:11,134
deemed too extreme
by the Agency.
401
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:11,901
Four years ago,
I was recruited
402
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,898
and trained
for operations.
403
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,430
Thank you, Morgana.
404
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:19,638
A local idiot
named Cleveland Brown
405
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,109
was selected to unwittingly
play the role of my father.
406
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,378
Of course, his actual son,
407
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,978
the real Cleveland Jr.,
had to be eliminated.
408
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:31,451
I'm Tiger Woods.
I'm Tiger Woods.
409
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,887
Why? What is
this all about?
410
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,418
There's a group
of people, Rallo,
411
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,223
who want to see the
American way of life toppled.
412
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,864
They're based
in Stoolbend because of
413
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,160
proximity to Washington
and good schools.
414
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,333
It's just
a great place to live.
415
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:49,030
And I've been taking them down
one by one.
416
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,765
This is my next target.
417
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,040
Tim the Bear?
418
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,838
That's not
his real name.
419
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,840
His real name
is Tim the Terrorist.
420
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,841
He's a killing machine.
421
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,284
And you're going to kill him?
422
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,109
No, Rallo, you are.
423
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:04,524
This contains
a subdermic explosive
424
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,877
capable of blowing you
to smithereens.
425
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:10,616
Which I can detonate
by this cell phone at any time.
426
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,793
No, no! Mama!
427
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,864
If I can ever get
any damn reception.
428
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,903
BOTH:
One, two, three, shoot.
429
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,143
Ah, should've used
stronger scissors.
430
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,109
All right.
431
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,438
(sighs)
432
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,440
Scary! Rat! No bite!
433
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,646
(whimpering)
434
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,282
(sighs)
435
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:41,394
Ha-ha! No sign
of Mighty Mouse.
436
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,617
(laughs)
You should've seen yourself.
437
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,093
You were all...
438
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,661
(mock whimpering)
439
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,090
(laughing)
440
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:52,295
(screaming)
441
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,128
He's chewing
through the tires.
442
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:04,013
Donna, this is
all my fault.
443
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,510
I'm a terrible
husband.
444
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,982
Forgive me.
445
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,910
You mean
for giving me rabies?
446
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,145
I didn't bite you.
447
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,524
Is he gone?
448
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,293
I think so.
449
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,831
Then again, we thought so
a number of times now.
450
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,458
(rattling)
451
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,325
He's crawling through
the exhaust pipe.
452
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:27,873
He's in the car!
453
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,697
(screeches)
454
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,772
(screaming)
455
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,914
(screaming)
456
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,483
(gunshot)
457
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,223
(gasping)
458
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:47,985
Hell got a rat problem now.
459
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:52,317
Mama, you didn't leave.
460
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,885
I couldn't.
461
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:54,993
Not after
getting to know you.
462
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,394
So I went by the house,
463
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,026
and Roberta told me
where you were
464
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,801
and where you
keep your gun.
465
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,629
That's why I
let them know.
466
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,404
Donna, I was tempted,
but I swear,
467
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:07,143
I'll never choose
the road over you again.
468
00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:09,840
Especially now that I
ain't got to do jack,
469
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,912
with my ol' whipped
son-in-law around.
470
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:15,151
Where in
the world is Rat Lauer? He dead.
471
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:17,048
(laughing)
472
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,350
Yep, she infected.
473
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,722
(all laughing)
474
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,391
Please tell me we
got it that time,
475
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,559
Lego Martin
Scorsese.
476
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,787
Dang, back to one.
477
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:35,497
(gasps, sighs)
478
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:36,871
♪ Oh, Junior splat cornand I don't care
479
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,769
♪ Junior splat cornand I don't care... ♪
480
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:43,572
All that crazy stuff
was just a dream, right?
481
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,706
It had to be.
482
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:48,181
Nope.
483
00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:50,251
(explosion)
484
00:20:50,301 --> 00:20:54,851
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