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1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:03,839
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:07,008
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,108
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,280
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,048
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,348
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,850
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,192
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,517
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,863
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:26,189
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:29,033
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,960
(chuckles)
14
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:35,402
(snoring)
15
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:44,041
Sleep the sleep of angels,
my deviated-septumed beauty,
16
00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:46,505
for that is what
you are: an angel.
17
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:51,154
Ah! But your breath is
from Satan's butt crack,
18
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,352
so I'm going to gently
place this breath strip
19
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:57,824
on your pasty tongue
before I kiss you farewell.
20
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:58,585
(choking)
21
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,262
(panting)
22
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,262
How long
have you been up?
23
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,203
Got to get in early
if I'm gonna avoid
24
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,269
being one of
Waterman's victims.
25
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:09,027
But you're not
a 19-year-old Cuban boy
26
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,596
who sells cologne
at the mall.
27
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,674
Humorous, but I'm talking
about layoff victims.
28
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:17,114
There's still rumors
they're gonna let people go,
29
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:20,551
and I've been trying to show
Mr. Waterman I'm a hard worker.
30
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:23,448
Why don't you dress up
like a 19-year-old Cuban boy?
31
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,091
Why don't you come
up with a new joke?
32
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,055
(gunfire, grunting over TV)
33
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,417
Come on, Ro.
34
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,455
Why you giving me
the silent treatment?
35
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,730
You know I likes it
when you screech
36
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,558
sweet nothings
in my sound hole.
37
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,634
Yeah?
Well, how about this?
38
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:41,102
You forgot
our anniversary!
39
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,272
Oh, come on, girl.
40
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,069
You know
you the most important--
41
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,901
Yo, is that
Breaking Bad?
42
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,136
Aw, Malcolm's dad going all
gangster. I loves this show.
43
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,712
It's not about
being gangster.
44
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:54,081
It's about a desperate man
facing his own mortality
45
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,721
who's forced to do
what he must to maintain
46
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,887
his depressing ranch house
for his depressing family.
47
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:00,917
Sorry, Kid Cutie.
48
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,251
Ugh!
49
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,116
I'm tired of all
your blappity crap.
50
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,615
It's over.
For real.
51
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,826
No, no, Ro-Ro!
52
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,957
Get out!
53
00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,392
You heard the lady.
54
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,956
See ya, matzah cracker.
55
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,071
(groans)
56
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:16,138
(chuckles):
He crying.
57
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,767
All right, Roberta,
58
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,911
now we can go find you
a real man-- i.e., black.
59
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,479
Leave me alone!
60
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,237
(crying)
61
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,076
Ugh, she crying.
62
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,581
I got to find her a man.
63
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:30,653
Siri?
64
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,451
Yes, Rallo?
65
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,952
Can I talk to Black Siri?
66
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,123
I am Black Siri.
67
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,321
Really? You don't sound...
68
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,462
Oh, yeah?
69
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:36,757
How am I supposed to sound?
70
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,757
Uh...
71
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,629
Just kidding! (laughs)
72
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,887
What up, playa?
What you need?
73
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,127
Roberta Tubbs, as
I live and breathe.
74
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,944
Fancy meeting
you here.
75
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,697
What are you
doing here, Rallo?
76
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:52,365
Fro blow.
77
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,943
I'm getting a Flo-Jo!
78
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,112
Well, how about that.
79
00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,211
You know Reggie.
80
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,812
Black guy,
black guy name.
81
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:00,853
Whoa.
82
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,208
What? It's true.
83
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,346
Rallo, I am not
dating Reggie.
84
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,151
He wears karate shoes.
85
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:06,553
Tae kwon do!
86
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,654
What?
87
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:09,956
Who says
you should date Reggie?
88
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,317
We're just talking here.
89
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,225
Shoo, shoo.
90
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:16,327
Maybe you should date
black Muslim Jamaal right here.
91
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,560
Cover your
head, woman!
92
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,325
Rallo!
93
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,033
I am not letting
my five-year-old brother
94
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,834
choose my boyfriend.
95
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,636
Fine. Pack it up, guys.
96
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:25,998
Not gonna happen today.
97
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,536
(murmuring)
98
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:34,349
♪ Someone to watch
99
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:38,978
♪ Over me.
100
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,088
Thank you.
101
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,991
I know there's been
a lot of scuttlebutt
102
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,193
about an inevitable
round of layoffs.
103
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,156
But instead of laying off
a bunch of people,
104
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,696
we are simply going to offer
a buyout
105
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:57,871
to one employee... and
eliminate all health insurance.
106
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,911
So, I am offering
a six-month severance package,
107
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,378
paid in advance.
108
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:08,077
Wait, you mean someone is
gonna get paid six months to not work?
109
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,782
And, uh, no more health
insurance for the rest of you.
110
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,723
That's right.
111
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,049
Whoever is first to sign
his name on this contract...
112
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,523
Now hold on a minute.
113
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,622
He's trying to turn us
against each other.
114
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,455
And we're a family here
at Waterman Cable.
115
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,461
I've worked here for years,
116
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:25,633
and you're my brother,
and you're my brother,
117
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,373
and you're my sister.
118
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,798
And I...
119
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,472
am... out of here!
120
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,701
Yay!
121
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,666
We're all happy for Cleveland!
122
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:42,649
CASHIER:
Did you bring your reusable canvas bags?
123
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,320
I ain't Al Gore.
124
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,818
Just put each item
in its own double bag and...
125
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:55,494
I mean, I forgot
my canvas bags in my Prius.
126
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,056
Don't worry about it.
127
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,840
Damn! Was there a sale
on abs or something?
128
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,967
(chuckles)
That's very clever.
129
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,413
No, I got in shape this summer
building a school
130
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,569
in South Africa
for the kids that got molested
131
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,706
at Oprah's school
in South Africa.
132
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:16,253
I don't suppose you could
carry these out for me?
133
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,980
I could do you
one better.
134
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,045
(giggling)
135
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:22,322
Look at me,
136
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:24,563
walking on my own feet
like a fat girl.
137
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,130
Whoa!
No way!
138
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,259
Holla!
Game over!
139
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:31,534
(arena horn blows on TV)
140
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:32,962
Now, that's a baller.
141
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,426
See, you got a real man now,
watching hoops
142
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,336
instead of watching
old VHS's of Yo! MTV Raps.
143
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:41,109
You'll be dunking one day,
little man
144
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,278
Oh, well,
yeah, maybe, then.
145
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:44,877
Hey, my show's on.
146
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:47,178
ANNOUNCER:
We now return to Breaking Bad.
147
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,811
Whoa.
Breaking Bad?
148
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,716
I heard this show
has adult situations.
149
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,488
They trick you
because it's Malcolm's dad.
150
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,117
You haven't seen
Breaking Bad?
151
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,822
Oh, man,
you're in for a treat.
152
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,224
In one episode,
153
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,525
they attach
a decapitated head to a turtle.
154
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,357
And Malcolm's dad
gets half-hearted
155
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,334
manual stimulation
for his birthday.
156
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,573
Who's the parent
in charge here?
157
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:08,898
DONNA:
On the crapper.
158
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,002
All right, look,
starting right now,
159
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,744
your bedtime is
two-and-a-half hours ago.
160
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,340
Get upstairs, brush your
teeth, say your prayers--
161
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,582
to Jesus-- and if I hear
one peep out of you,
162
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,878
I will spank you.
163
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,749
Takes a village.
164
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:20,377
Wha...?
165
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,911
Are you for real?
166
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,345
Upstairs!
167
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,050
(screams)
168
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:30,755
(screams)
169
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,158
Donna, you'll never
believe it!
170
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,429
I've been laid off!
171
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,328
Oh, no, that's awful!
172
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,900
No, it's great!
173
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,768
It came with a six-month
severance package.
174
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,067
They're paying me
not to work.
175
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,039
Oh, that is great.
176
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,067
Because there's so much
work you can do here.
177
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,372
Say what?
178
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:48,444
The gutters need
to be cleaned,
179
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,012
the house needs
to be painted--
180
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,180
inside and out--
fix that hole,
181
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,379
all the furniture
in the guest room
182
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,380
needs to be taken to the
garage, steam-cleaned,
183
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:55,782
and then put back
in the guest room...
184
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:58,023
Excuse me.
185
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,818
♪
186
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:16,067
Donna, you'll never
believe it!
187
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,799
I've been laid off!
188
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:18,735
Oh, no, that's awful!
189
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,669
Yep.
190
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:28,608
Well, I'm off
to look for a job.
191
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,475
You know what I got
in this briefcase?
192
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,584
Dreams.
193
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,075
Dreams and
loose Pringles.
194
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,645
Mostly Pringles.
195
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,455
So, what's the first
stop on your job search?
196
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:37,587
The plant.
197
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,661
What plant?
198
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:39,059
You know, the old mill.
199
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:39,929
What mill?
200
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:40,987
No idea.
201
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,664
Here's your lunch.
202
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:45,103
It's last night's
fish leftovers.
203
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,398
Make sure to reheat it
in the office microwave
204
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,570
without much
ventilation.
205
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,899
Will do.
206
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,603
♪ Take me out
to the job search ♪
207
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:56,066
(bat cracks,
organ playing music)
208
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,676
These are great
seats, Cleveland.
209
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,138
How'd you get
these tickets?
210
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,135
I bought them.
211
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,346
From a scalper.
212
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,678
How much severance
did you get?
213
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,094
Let's just say
it had a comma in it.
214
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,317
(whistles)
215
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,663
Exclermation point.
216
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,487
Don't you feel bad
lying to Donna?
217
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,964
Guys, I've been
working since I was six,
218
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:19,203
when my father locked me in
a slaughter house with four cows
219
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:22,769
and a pen knife and told me
not to come out until I had steaks.
220
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,869
I'm just gonna take
a breather for a while,
221
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:25,842
because I've earned it.
222
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,369
Besides, I'm not
lying to Donna.
223
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:30,384
I am looking for a job.
224
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,977
Hey, manager, you looking
for a third baseman?
225
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,950
No!
All right, then.
226
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:35,878
Guess we'll just
watch the game
227
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,183
and keep getting
drunk in the sun.
228
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,545
Hey, beer guy,
are those lukewarm?
229
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,394
VENDOR: Been in the sun
for three hours.
230
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,859
We'll take the tray!
231
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:51,696
CLEVELAND: I paid
for a look-a-like
232
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,368
to carry the other
end of the sandwich.
233
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,467
Thanks, Ronnie.
234
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,968
You're welcome.
235
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:58,139
What does that have to do
with looking for a job?
236
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,108
It's called a
snack, Lester.
237
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,137
CLEVELAND: Are you hiring?
No!
238
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,505
You guys hiring?
239
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,924
As a matter of fact,
we're about to have an opening.
240
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,317
We are?
241
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,218
Yeah, in the back
of your (beep) head.
242
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,823
Mamma mia.
243
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:18,862
Rallo, I think I've been
too hard on you,
244
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,559
so as a treat,
245
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,361
I brought over the current
season of Breaking Bad.
246
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,402
(chuckles):
DeVon!
247
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,058
Now, I've edited it
down to the scenes
248
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,026
that are appropriate
for a five-year-old,
249
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,835
so it's 40 seconds long and
is mostly desert exterior shots.
250
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:31,537
Oh, yeah?
251
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:32,097
Edit this.
252
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,405
Whoa, you're good.
253
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,538
Well, this is
better than nothing.
254
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,342
Let's watch.
255
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,744
No, this DVD is a reward for
when you finish your homework.
256
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:43,206
I don't want to do my
homework.
257
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,646
I want to drink a damn beer
and watch TV!
258
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,691
(muttering)
259
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,925
DONNA:
Is that you, baby?
260
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:56,699
How'd it go?
261
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,197
I don't think this country
262
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:02,399
is looking for
a hard-working man anymore.
263
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,942
Aw, my poor Cleveland.
264
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:07,107
Junior, bring your
father his slippers!
265
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,207
(panting)
266
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,280
Rallo, go get him
a sandwich.
267
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,779
Tell the unemployed bum
to get it himself.
268
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,481
Because of him, I'm eating
generic sandwich cookies
269
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,424
and drinking water
out the tap.
270
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:20,919
You hush your mouth!
271
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,061
Cleveland's been
rejected every single day.
272
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,627
He will not be
rejected in his own house.
273
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,227
That's a man there!
274
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,798
Made of sweat and tears
and dreams and hopes,
275
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:35,398
cooking in the gumbo of
a thousand disappointments.
276
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,942
Never letting on
when the pain gets too great.
277
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,337
'Cause even when
the giant gorilla of life
278
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:43,739
keeps throwing barrels
down at him, and his old, tired,
279
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,584
stubby legs haven't got
the strength to jump,
280
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:50,480
and there's no sledgehammer in
sight, he's still a man to us.
281
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:53,754
Not a bird, not a puma,
but a man.
282
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:58,994
With three M's,
because he's a m-m-man!
283
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,132
What is he?!
284
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,157
ALL:
A m-m-man.
285
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,601
What isn't he?
286
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:04,957
A puma?
A bird?
287
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:05,455
Did anyone say puma?
288
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,965
Damn right!
289
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:10,497
And the least we can do
is give him a smile
290
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,304
and a bowl of soup
and tell him,
291
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,535
"You're doing fine, baby,"
292
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,010
(sobs) even though
to this cruel world,
293
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,438
he ain't worth
more than a meatball
294
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:19,275
that rolled behind the fridge!
295
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,279
(sobbing)
296
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,982
So if one were to look
behind the fridge right now,
297
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:25,945
there would be a meatball?
298
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,992
When are you gonna
tell Cleveland
299
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,948
about the second job you took?
300
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:31,956
Never! He has enough burdens
without having to worry about me
301
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:35,328
working graveyard
at the airport.
302
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,558
Wheels up in ten minutes!
Tea time's over, ladies!
303
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,125
Hitch up your skirts
304
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,633
and let's get these bags
on that bird!
305
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:43,126
(grunting)
306
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,896
(ticking)
307
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:53,339
Junior, I need your help.
308
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,476
Roberta's new boyfriend
is a pain in my...
309
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,322
(sighs) rear end.
310
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,488
He won't let me say the
A-word.
311
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,317
Even worse, when the guy
shakes hands,
312
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,662
he actually
regular shakes hands.
313
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,418
He doesn't do the
dip-dap-hug-pull-in-elbow-
314
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,056
bump-ear-kiss?
315
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,161
No, man. He's even making me
tuck in my T-shirts.
316
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:14,073
Like, all the way in.
Into my under-ma-pants.
317
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,227
I never thought
I'd say this,
318
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,996
but things were better
when Federline was around.
319
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,774
Where is he?
320
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,743
He's right there, running
the gardening club.
321
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:24,875
This lemon sage
is coming in nicely.
322
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,278
Must be all that southern
light.
323
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,710
Federline?
324
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,405
It's Gabriel Friedman
now, yo.
325
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,546
I mean, Rallo.
326
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,521
What happened to you?
327
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,760
DeVon happened to me.
I can't compete with that guy.
328
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,687
Roberta was right about me.
I was a joke.
329
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:41,792
You were and you are.
330
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,955
But I need you two
to get back together,
331
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,534
and she's never gonna
take you back looking
332
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,772
like a nerdy... J-O-O.
333
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,739
Sorry, Rallo.
That's all behind me.
334
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,367
Now if you'll excuse me,
335
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,242
I have to go complain
about my back.
336
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,110
(groans)
337
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,112
Here you are, sir.
Duck confit.
338
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,445
I only have nine dollars.
339
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,320
I knew that coming here.
340
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:09,418
Dude, you already MC Hammered
all your severance cash?
341
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,962
Turns out, six months' salary
doesn't go as far
342
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,288
as you'd think when
you only eat duck confit.
343
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,334
So, now that you're broke,
I'm fixing to reckon to figure
344
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,931
you're gonna need
to find a job.
345
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,333
Maybe I can find
a job here.
346
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,904
I mean, Donna got a job here.
How hard can it be?
347
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:28,005
Donna got a job here!
And is here!
348
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,108
Pam, can you refill
the waters on my four-top?
349
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:33,110
I'm in the weeds
and I'm loaded up on oxy
350
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,683
for my herniated disk.
351
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,611
I admire you
so much, Donna.
352
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,776
Working three jobs just
to support your family.
353
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,816
Don't talk to me.
We're not friends.
354
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,192
I guess since I told her
I lost my income,
355
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:47,091
she jumped to the conclusion
that she had to earn more money!
356
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:50,033
If she sees me, it's gonna be
boom-boom-bye-bye-punch-face!
357
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:59,437
This place is a glass circle.
There's nowhere to hide!
358
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,443
Cleveland?!
359
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,345
What are you doing
out there?!
360
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,177
I thought you were
looking for a job!
361
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,382
What the hell
is going on?!
362
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:14,193
I-I'm out here
on this ledge because...
363
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,687
because there are no jobs,
and it's hopeless,
364
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,220
and I'm going to jump!
365
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,655
(gasps)
366
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,389
That's right!
367
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,864
You're looking at a
desperate, handsome man
368
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,164
who can't think of
any other options
369
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,796
at this
particular point!
370
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:35,641
That's right,
the economy did this to me!
371
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:39,382
And if someone doesn't give me
a job soon, I'm gonna jump!
372
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,379
Excuse me, pi...
I mean, Officer.
373
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,582
That's my husband
Cleveland.
374
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,653
You've got to let me
back up there.
375
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:46,852
Ma'am, I'm gonna
need you to step back
376
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,493
and take this
breath strip.
377
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,888
He's not suicidal.
378
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,261
He's just a victim
of the economy, man.
379
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,730
Like me.
No one will hire me
380
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:58,698
just because I have long hair
and I'm a sexual predator.
381
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,498
I can't get a job either!
382
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,870
He stands for all of us!
He's our hero!
383
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,539
Yeah, it doesn't
take much!
384
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,767
CROWD (chanting):
Cleveland! Cleveland!
385
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,273
Wow, they're chanting for me.
386
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,036
I'm their hero.
387
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,283
I knew this day would come.
388
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,579
I always thought I'd be
on stage playing sax
389
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,681
with the E Street Band,
390
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,883
especially after the big man
went down.
391
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,175
But I'm okay being a hero
392
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,616
to a bunch of filthy,
lazy hippies.
393
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:26,463
You are my people!
394
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,759
Cleveland! Cleveland!
Cleveland!
395
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:33,032
Me-e! Me-e! Me-e!
396
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:36,402
Hmm.
397
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,503
The flyer said this was
the discount yarmulke warehouse.
398
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:41,736
What is this place?
399
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,041
A tribute to your people.
400
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:48,746
You've lost your way,
Federline.
401
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,718
And we're here to help you
get back in touch
402
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,278
with who you pretended to be.
403
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,286
Just like these
innovators.
404
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,058
MC Serch from 3rd Bass,
405
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,287
The Beastie Boys,
406
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,891
and Robert Van Winkle.
407
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,793
But you might hate him
as Vanilla Ice.
408
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:05,926
It's these brave pioneers
who repaved the way
409
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:09,472
for suburban white boys like
you to adopt our culture.
410
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,669
And not just music.
The world of film...
411
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,612
politics...
412
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,407
and outer space.
413
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:20,349
But Neil Armstrong was the
first man to walk on the moon.
414
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,307
Uh-uh!
Commander Dickie Darnell was.
415
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,476
Black people been on the moon
since the early '30s.
416
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,916
Who's that hep cat?
417
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,458
Your father, Gabriel.
418
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,328
(gasps) Dad?
419
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,697
Yes, otherwise known
as Jimmy JJ Poitier,
420
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,497
which was the name I
went by until 1980,
421
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,300
when I was shot coming
out of a Waffle House.
422
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,303
I'm second-generation wannabe?
423
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,165
That's right!
424
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,943
Don't be ashamed of
being someone you're not.
425
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:52,143
Enjoy it, because
soon enough,
426
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,805
some woman with
pretty freckles
427
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,953
that later turn into
Morgan Freeman freckles
428
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,519
is going to come along
and turn you into
429
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,688
who you really are,
which is me.
430
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,848
You're right!
431
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,156
I gotta re-Fedify!
432
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,788
One step ahead of you.
433
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,966
Big ups, Rallo and
Jiggy Jiggy Junior!
434
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:19,799
I'm blap in action!
(whoops)
435
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,066
Ugh! I'm already done
with this.
436
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,206
(siren wailing)
437
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,211
The real tragedy is
there are kids here
438
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,424
who should be in school,
staying away from drugs,
439
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,547
eating their vegetables
and going to bed early.
440
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,492
Your boyfriend is
hot and boring.
441
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,717
I wonder if all these
food vendors have licenses.
442
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,364
Oh, God.
443
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,589
(beatboxing)
444
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,994
Federline? What are
you doing here?
445
00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:46,226
I'm here
to get you back, Ro.
446
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,032
You said I'm a joke, but
who doesn't like a good joke?
447
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:52,165
I don't like a good joke.
They tend to be hurtful.
448
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,572
Roberta, you got years
before you have
449
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,274
to settle for some
doo-doo butt chump
450
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,776
you got nothing
in common with.
451
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,777
(sighs)
It's true.
452
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,179
Officer? Officer?
453
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,251
There's litter.
Right there.
454
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:11,562
Rah!
(screams)
455
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:12,788
Ha, just messing with you.
456
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:13,592
Here are those guys
you asked to see.
457
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,963
Demanded.
458
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,062
Guys, thank God
you're here.
459
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,064
Listen carefully.
460
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:24,636
I need you to see how cool
this is from up here!
461
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,397
Cleveland, you have
to come down.
462
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,436
This whole thing
is built on a lie.
463
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,881
Yes, but I represent
a larger truth.
464
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,248
We are the forgotten!
465
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:37,647
And I'm not coming down until
every one of us has a job!
466
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,620
(cheering)
467
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,620
Making a million dollars
a year!
468
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,423
(cheering)
469
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:48,285
See, fellas? This is
what I was born to do.
470
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,504
Nothing can
stop me now.
471
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:54,067
Call me the Titanic,'cause I'm unsinka...
472
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,597
WATERMAN (over bullhorn):
Cleveland!
473
00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:58,472
Don't do this!
I'll give you your job back.
474
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,511
All you have to do
is give back
475
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:01,967
the six-month severance
I gave you.
476
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,935
What?!
Severance?!
477
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,344
Yes. In cash.
478
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,976
He volunteered
for it.
479
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,851
I assumed everything
was fine based on
480
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,449
his constant
Twitter updates
481
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:14,821
on how he was spending the
money and not looking for a job.
482
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,751
Hashtag "oops."
483
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,416
Cleveland, is this bitch
for real?!
484
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:19,764
Yes.
485
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,289
(crowd booing)
486
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,855
Hold on, hold on,
I can explain!
487
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,765
Yes, I lied.
And I'm sorry, Donna.
488
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:33,668
And I wasn't looking for
a job, I was acting like a slob,
489
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,313
and now I look like a knob
in front of this mob.
490
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:41,180
Sorry, I was doing
a Jesse Jackson,
491
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,781
trying to rhyme
my way out of this.
492
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,323
Look, I know I've done wrong.
493
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:49,318
But come on, who among you
would take six-months salary
494
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,292
and look for work
the next day?
495
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,491
I took a little time
for myself.
496
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,363
You know how when you get back
from vacation,
497
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,902
you say you need
another vacation?
498
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,897
(crowd murmuring)
499
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,029
RALLO:
Wrap it up.
500
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:04,704
I say we, the 99 percents,
501
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,904
should all go on vacations,
502
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,706
and we should do it
by taxing the one percents!
503
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,139
(cheering)
504
00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:15,175
You hear those cheers, Donna?
505
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:16,351
Donna?
506
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:17,349
Right here.
Yah!
507
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,750
All right, I guess
you're really gonna
508
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,822
let me have it once
I'm safely on the...
509
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:22,991
Boom-boom-bye-bye-
punch-face!
510
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:26,759
I'll sue you...!
511
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,033
Nice aim with the crash pad.
512
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,572
There was a crash pad?
513
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,168
CLEVELAND:
I did sue Donna.
514
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:37,940
She had to keepthose extra jobs
515
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:41,167
for a while to pay me off.
516
00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:42,744
I was then ableto use that money
517
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,842
to pay backmy ill-gotten severance
518
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,275
to Mr. Waterman,who was gracious enough
519
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,580
to give me my old job back...
520
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,323
and for no reason,showed me his penis.
521
00:20:53,373 --> 00:20:57,923
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