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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,665
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:07,042
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:09,141
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,045
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,348
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,850
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,223
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,551
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,116
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,126
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:29,028
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:31,030
(chuckles)
14
00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:37,372
♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na,
na-na, na ♪
15
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,711
♪ Turning 63,
my dad is turning 63 ♪
16
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:40,967
♪ I really think so
17
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:43,135
♪ Doe, doe, doe,
doe-doe, doe-doe. ♪
18
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,084
Trying to please a man
who don't want you.
19
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:46,579
(doorbell rings)
20
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,580
Ooh, that's Robert.
How do I look?
21
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,153
Ugh, Robert?
He's the worst.
22
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:55,153
No job, no family,
does whatever he wants.
23
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,856
I wish I was him.
24
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:59,187
'Sup, Doughboy?
25
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,763
Uch, Robert!
You're the worst.
26
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,002
I wish I was you.
27
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:06,067
Dah!
Did you feel that? I didn't.
28
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,397
Hand over
my ali-money.
29
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,001
You'll never find it
30
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:13,173
because I keep my money in
a neck bag like a tourist.
31
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,174
(both grunting)
32
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,106
Stop fighting over me!
33
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,181
Enough! I have had it!
34
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,280
You must be the two biggest
jackasses on the planet.
35
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,053
Oh, you know
what I just remembered?
36
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,781
I don't have to listen to this.
37
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,416
Come on, Roberta.
38
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,521
I'm taking you out
on your stepdaddy's dime.
39
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,593
I hope we're going
for pancakes.
40
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:32,932
Turd.
41
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:35,127
(sighs)
Want to do it?
42
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,529
No.
43
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,530
Cleveland, you and Robert
fighting has got to stop.
44
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,372
Maybe you can invite him
to your dad's birthday party.
45
00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:42,368
Okay.
46
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,969
Really? That's it?
47
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:46,141
You'll just do it?
Sure.
48
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,570
You're gonna wear me
down eventually.
49
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,875
I might as well
just give in now.
50
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,877
ANNOUNCER: This joke broughtto you by marriage.
51
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:55,149
Marriage-- it's justa never-ending compromise.
52
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:57,819
SINGERS:
♪ And a slow death...
53
00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:03,723
I'm Captain Johnny Depp,
and I put my artistic integrity
54
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,164
in question
for a billion dollars.
55
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:10,431
(gasps)
Blackbeard!
56
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:13,071
A blacker beard
than Jada Pinkett Smith.
57
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:16,737
And you, sir, have enough booty
for several pirates.
58
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,397
Let's do this.
59
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,743
(both grunting)
60
00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:27,845
By the way, nice costume.
61
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,578
What's your beard made of?
62
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,353
Hair from the drain.
63
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:34,152
No wonder you smell
like Cleveland's butt.
64
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,315
He-yah!
65
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,340
He-yah!
66
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,106
(gasps)
Oh, suck!
67
00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:00,183
What was that noise?
68
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,181
Nothing.
Junior broke your recorder!
69
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:03,553
Really?
70
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:06,351
My $1,100
Berchtesgaden Fleitl?
71
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,323
Damn it, this is why I told you
72
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,222
not to play Gay-Disney
Pirate Adventure in the house!
73
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,694
BOTH:
We're sorry.
74
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,392
You know I'm supposed to play
the opening
75
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,564
of the new Christina Ricci
Mistubishi dealership
76
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,233
in Tuckahoe this Saturday.
77
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,231
How am I supposed
to do that now?
78
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,673
Why don't you use
one of your other recorders?
79
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,139
Do you hear yourself?
80
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:24,997
Do you think Yo-Yo Ma
would just play
81
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,705
one of his other cellos
if he broke Petunia?
82
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,308
Probably. If he had to.
83
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,240
Well, I am not Yo-Yo Ma!
84
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,875
I'm Yo-Mama!
85
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,850
And you best bring me
a new one by Saturday.
86
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,649
We don't have $1,100!
87
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,251
Then I suggest you do what
nine percent of Americans
88
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:44,294
are too lazy to do,
and get a job.
89
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:47,259
(clinking)
90
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:48,691
Mmm!
(makes kissing sound)
91
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,326
Ugh! No, Junior,
it's not a wedding.
92
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,661
I know.
93
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:55,225
(clears throat)
Ladies and "genitalmen."
94
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,896
(giggles)
95
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,874
But seriously,
there's a great man here today.
96
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,413
That man... is me.
97
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,179
(clears throat)
98
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:06,578
But seriously...
99
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,010
Hey, bitch, show us your jugs!
100
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,515
(laughter)
101
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,277
Easy, cheap laugh.
102
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:17,216
For my father on his birthday,
I have embroidered a tapestry
103
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:20,534
depicting memorable moments
in our relationship.
104
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,627
And it's my gift to you.
105
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,360
Happy birthday.
106
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:28,365
Wow, you actually made a quilt
gayer than the AIDS Quilt.
107
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,799
Hey, here's
my gift, Freight.
108
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:33,243
Well, Al B. Sure!
A title fight in Vegas!
109
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,040
Plane leaves
in two hours.
110
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,612
Luther "Black Guy"
Jones versus
111
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,610
Mario "Mexican
Guy" Salazar.
112
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,312
That fight's been sold out
for months.
113
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,214
How'd you get these?
114
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,376
I pretended to
be a Make-a-Wish kid named Gerald.
115
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,385
(chuckles)
Classic hustle.
116
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,247
All right,
let's get to Vegas.
117
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,215
But you can't go tonight!
118
00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:52,464
You haven't even tried
to blow out the trick candles
119
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,229
I got you-- (clears throat)
I mean, regular candles.
120
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:56,799
One blow should do it.
121
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,227
Let's blow this place.
122
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:08,107
I'll just save these
for next year.
123
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,438
Don't worry.
I'm peeing, I'm peeing.
124
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,205
Donna, stand in
front of me.
125
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,651
Ah...
126
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:20,450
How are we gonna come up
with $1,100 by Saturday?
127
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,994
Well, you are on
a street corner.
128
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,860
Hot dog stand?
Kinda.
129
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,293
Rallo, check this out!
Let me see that.
130
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,296
Hmm, that's a capital "L."
131
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:34,528
La, la, low... loo-loo...
132
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,165
That's a "S."
133
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,300
Looks like a snake,
goes like sss...
134
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:41,935
Los... tee-tee.
135
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,282
Loosst.
136
00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:45,778
Lost. Lost!
137
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,879
"D." D...
138
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,521
It says "Lost Dog."
I wanted to do it!
139
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,117
And they're offering
a $50 reward!
140
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,389
There's a bunch of 'em.
141
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,819
Grab as many as you can, Junior.
142
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,555
That's how we're gonna get
Mama's money.
143
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,330
We'll be dog bounty hunters!
144
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,499
Or we could play bass
in this guy's band.
145
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,628
I don't want
to be in Styx.
146
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:11,369
(knocking)
147
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,372
Hey, Tubby,
we're back from Vegas.
148
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:16,414
So, did you have fun
with "Cool Robert"?
149
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,880
Hell, yeah.
150
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,808
Did you know
there's a hepatitis J?
151
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,713
(chuckles)
Vegas is crazy.
152
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,045
(laughs)
Oh, I know.
153
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,650
I went to the M&M Store once.
154
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,522
Yeah, we got real crazy.
155
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,861
So crazy that we decided
to make him and me official.
156
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,058
You got married?
157
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,859
What? Hell no.
158
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,261
That would be ridiculous.
159
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,232
I adopted him.
160
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,261
He's my son now.
What?!
161
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,496
I've always wanted a son
I could point to and say,
162
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,942
"See that man over there
in the tracksuit?
163
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,407
"That's my son,
my boy, my spawn.
164
00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:50,178
No one wears a tracksuit
like my son."
165
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,437
You've never seen
me in my romper.
166
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:53,876
I'll go get it.
167
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,051
(sighs)
Come on, cool son.
168
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,279
Let's go rustle up
a few hustles.
169
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,085
Uh, Donna, get my back snaps?
170
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,417
They're gone, Cleveland.
171
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:03,623
My bottom's cold.
172
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,194
(groans)
173
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,257
Dad, good news.
174
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,596
I was able to resew
the tapestry
175
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,571
into what I must admit
is a smart messenger bag.
176
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,772
(groans)
'Sup, Doughbro?
177
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,874
Papa Freight Train, we
playing poker or what?
178
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,376
Poker? Deal me in.
179
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:26,979
Oh, I almost forgot.
180
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,980
I hus-tul-ed today.
181
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,822
I asked for a water
at a fast-food restaurant
182
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,889
and I filled it with lemonade,
183
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,617
got caught, apologized,
184
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,992
now I can't go back to Chipodle.
185
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,791
I'm out.
186
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,793
It's kind of late;
you've had a few.
187
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,625
Why don't you just crash
in the guest room?
188
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,930
Gracio, Pop.
189
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,802
You don't have
a guest room.
190
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,830
Yeah, we do,
the one with the race car bed
191
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,066
and the plastic sheets.
192
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,940
That sounds like my bed.
193
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,109
I lost my virginity in that bed.
194
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,677
My masturbational virginity.
195
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,737
In a moment
of fumble-handed confusion
196
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:02,575
while playing my Atari 2600.
197
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,783
Don't touch
my Laverne & Shirley puzzle!
198
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,985
I've been working on it
for 36 years.
199
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,517
You shouldn't be
in here at all.
200
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:09,922
Dad said I could
stay here.
201
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,093
There's only room
202
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,991
for one son
in this family.
203
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,163
Yeah, well then, bye-bye.
204
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:19,527
Falc you! Pew!
205
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,203
Pew! Pew!
206
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,271
Pew!
207
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,573
(in slow motion)
No...!
208
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,878
98 pieces.
209
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,515
I'll be dead before I finish it.
210
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,851
(screams)
211
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,615
Who got puzzle
all over this floor?
212
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,785
He did.
213
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,532
It was justified.
214
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:50,328
He was shooting me with little
Millennium Falcon disceses.
215
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,030
That's an outside toy!
216
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,732
Now both of you, go to bed.
217
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:54,734
BOTH:
But, Dad...
218
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:55,865
No buts!
219
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,139
Butts are what I'm gonna kick
220
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,967
if you two punks
don't straighten out.
221
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,073
See what you did?
222
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,044
You did.
223
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,243
He's right.
224
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,884
It's an outside toy
225
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,049
and a choking hazard.
226
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,077
And that puzzle did look hard.
227
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,982
BOTH:
Man, I could use a drink.
228
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,224
I know where my dad keeps
his schnapps.
229
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,650
What about gin?
230
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,055
Nah, gin makes me cry.
231
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,927
(whispering):
Quiet, you'll wake up Dad.
232
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,887
What's he use
this room for?
233
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:25,725
He writes mystery novels under
the name Jocelyn Elderwood.
234
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,827
(giggling)
235
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:37,377
I'm going to tell you
a secret right now
236
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,507
that I've never
told anybody.
237
00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:41,083
(clears throat)
238
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,781
I've never danced
for my father.
239
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,354
Also, he hates me.
240
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:46,792
Teach me.
241
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,587
Teach me how to
impress my dad.
242
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:49,919
How to hus-tul.
243
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:50,963
You mean, "hustle"?
244
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,688
No, "hus-tul."
245
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,793
There's a "T."
You're missing the "T."
246
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,395
That's the problem with you;
you play by the rules.
247
00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,727
The only rule of hustling is
there are no rules.
248
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,774
Then how do you know
whose turn it is?
249
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,899
(sighs)
You've got a lot to learn, little bro.
250
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,306
As long as it's
not reading
251
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,977
or writing cursive,
I'm your man.
252
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,707
(barking)
253
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,312
I heard you
found my dog.
254
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,713
Which one is it?
255
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:15,675
Bark. Bark.
256
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,417
Where's our 40 bucks?
257
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:20,989
You didn't read
the flier closely.
258
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,748
It said,
"40 barks."
259
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,316
Here you go.
260
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,994
BOTH:
Bark, bark, bark,
261
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:29,163
bark, bark, bark...
262
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,732
Ah, forget it.
263
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,401
We'll never make enough
by Saturday.
264
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,800
Junior, check this out.
265
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:38,769
(cash register dings)
266
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,572
5,000 bucks!
267
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:42,844
This is our way out, Junior.
268
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,743
Beat it, poor people's dogs.
269
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,005
We're moving up
to a better clientele.
270
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,784
Don't I know you?
271
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,182
I know, I know.
272
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,923
I get that a lot,
but I'm not him.
273
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:56,988
(train horn blowing in distance)
274
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,820
(beeping)
275
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,461
Cool, a forklift!
276
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,963
What is this place?
277
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,195
This is Hustle House.
278
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,500
Or should I say,
your classroom.
279
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:12,673
Over here, we've got 600 boxes
of hollowed-out soap.
280
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,343
Perfect hustle.
281
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,111
It runs out after two days,
and by then, you're long gone.
282
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,540
(laughs)
283
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,845
I'd kill to get in
on that hustle.
284
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,147
Over there, you got your
weenie pills, enlargers, pumps,
285
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,121
your various
penile miscellany.
286
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,349
All right, Cleveland,
287
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:30,194
first, I'm putting you
on quality control.
288
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,057
We're gonna watch this bootleg
289
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,960
Chinese version of The Hangover.
290
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,158
I am typical
fat and lazy American
291
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,995
who have no chance of surviving
when China take over!
292
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,301
(both laugh)
293
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,572
A bologna suit.
294
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,171
Why do we wait so long
to do the things
295
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,674
we know will make us happy?
296
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,235
Now, here's what
we're gonna do.
297
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,313
We're gonna roll you down
this hill, and then...
298
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,382
(dogs snarling,
Cleveland Jr. screaming)
299
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,249
Oh, my God!
300
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,351
Rock Hudson!
301
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,222
We're rich!
302
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,051
(laughs)
303
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,415
Stop that. Stop that.
304
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,993
Why are you licking me?
305
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,391
Ah, you must like me
more than bologna.
306
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,234
(chuckles)
307
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,359
But I don't care
how cute you are,
308
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,904
you're nothing
but a dollar sign to me.
309
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,273
All right, I love you.
310
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,072
(screaming)
311
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,014
Hey, you found Rock Hudson!
312
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,009
(screaming)
313
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:27,081
(giggling):
Ooh...
314
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,020
That's badass.
315
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,520
I've always wanted to look like
316
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:39,022
an Italian or Armenian
or Arab guy.
317
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,015
Or black guy.
318
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:41,226
Or black guy.
319
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:42,858
ROBERT (ringtone):
Yo, you got a call.
320
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,233
What up?
321
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,201
Whoa, that is a big hustle.
322
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,729
But I'm tied up all week.
323
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,134
Ooh! Pick me!
324
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,636
I'll get back to you.
325
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,267
What am I gonna do?
326
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,142
I need someone I can
trust, like... a brother.
327
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:56,742
Uh, Robert.
328
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:57,813
I don't know, man.
329
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,441
This is the
big leagues.
330
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,106
We're talking a three,
possibly four-figure deal.
331
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,815
No way!
332
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,148
Come on, let me be
a legitimate hustler like you
333
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,994
so my dad loves me.
334
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,259
You really want to dance
for your father, don't you?
335
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,388
(sighs)
336
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,062
A'ight, go to our
satellite office
337
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,330
in the back of the old
gun shop in Pittsburgh.
338
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,329
Everything you need
to know is in here.
339
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,631
I won't let you down, bro.
340
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:23,404
I trust these instructions
aren't in cursive?
341
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:27,073
You are hustling
your brother, no?
342
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,343
Yes. Yes, I am.
343
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,512
And this is just the beginning.
344
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:34,581
(laughing maniacally)
345
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:45,118
Tubby, what are you doing
bothering me-- whoa.
346
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,515
That's a nice
tracksuit.
347
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:47,926
Oh, this new
highly flammable thing?
348
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,688
Just hitting the road.
(knuckles crack)
349
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,126
Got my hustles.
350
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,931
Hmm. When you get back,
I want to hear about them.
351
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:57,004
I'd... I'd like that.
352
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,773
May I dance for you?
353
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:00,712
Not yet.
354
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:03,007
Oh, hey, Junior.
355
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,709
I was gonna ask
you something.
356
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:05,941
What was it?
357
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,146
Oh, yeah.
358
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,507
Where the hell's
my money?!
359
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,005
You said I had
till Saturday.
360
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,616
Is that what I said, Larry?
361
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,619
W-Why do you have Larry?
362
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:17,321
We were just talking about
how disappointed I would be
363
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,024
if I didn't get to
perform on Saturday
364
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,855
at that new
car dealership.
365
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,391
Miss Donna, we're on the verge
of a big score...
366
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,896
Don't verge me!
367
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,068
I need that
recorder, Junior!
368
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,867
My ducats is due!
369
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,940
(laughs)
370
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,269
(sighs)
371
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,907
Cleveland Brown,
badass hustler.
372
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:43,154
Give me some skin.
373
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,919
Where's your Purell?
374
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,088
Now, you're gonna be delivering
phony autographed head shots
375
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:50,257
for display in dry cleaners
across the country.
376
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,517
(whistles)
377
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:57,256
Erin Gray.
378
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,100
Hey, Robert.
379
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,672
I'm done with my hustles.
380
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,600
ROBERT: You went to
30 dry cleaners already?
381
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,605
I thought that would
take you all week.
382
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,567
I hustled.
(laughs)
383
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,006
All right, I'll think of
some more and get back at you.
384
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,412
Okay! Bye!
385
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,249
Okay, nice work.
386
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,781
Thanks for your help.
387
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:22,016
I have no idea how
anyone would know
388
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,192
where to go, but
you're welcome.
389
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:28,130
Hey, brother, I'm done here,
so I'm heading back.
390
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,758
Also, I can't poop
anywhere but home;
391
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,034
I'm about eight pounds
over where I was.
392
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,403
ROBERT: Hold up, I got
something else for you.
393
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:38,702
Kim Kardashian wore a goose coat
at the Fat Armenian Awards.
394
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,465
Now everybody
wants a goose coat.
395
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,573
So, you're heading up north
to Canada to pick up 400 geese.
396
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,036
(sighs)
397
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,205
Canada.
398
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,382
Free health care.
399
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,580
Mm, finally get
this ankle looked at.
400
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,152
(heartbeat thumping)
401
00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:59,258
Rallo! We've got to find that
dog and get our reward
402
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,989
before your mom--
her words, not mine--
403
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,655
"beats the black off me."
404
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,363
Rallo?
(dog whimpers)
405
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,902
(gasps)
My bone!
406
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:10,972
It's you!
407
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,343
Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck.
408
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,183
Goose!
409
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,178
Of course you're good at this.
410
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,110
You're the inventors
of the game.
411
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:25,015
That's like playing Chinese
checkers against the Czechs.
412
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,618
What am I doing?
413
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:30,959
Chasing wild geese,
it's like some wild-goose ch...
414
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:32,157
Son of a bitch!
415
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:35,088
Robert!
416
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:39,356
Okay, one more game.
417
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,166
Duck. Duck. Duck.
418
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:46,273
Lunchtime, Rock.
419
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:47,942
Mama hasn't been
to the store yet
420
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:50,211
so all we got is pigs feet
and baking soda.
421
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,940
Rock Hudson?
422
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:54,375
Rock Hudson?! Oh, my God!
423
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,281
You looking for that dog?
424
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,522
Junior left with him
about 40 minutes ago.
425
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:02,118
If you walk slowly, you should
be able to catch up to him.
426
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,192
You're right!
427
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,334
(doorbell rings)
428
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,400
Junior, wait!
429
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:13,401
Oh, hello.
430
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,970
You must be here
for the pool party.
431
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,669
The ad implied you
would be older.
432
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,700
And thinner.
433
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:19,865
And whiter.
434
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,643
No, Mr. Waterman, sir.
435
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:25,141
We found your dog and would
like our $5,000 reward please.
436
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,675
No, we're keeping him!
437
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,249
Actually, he's my wife's dog.
438
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,208
I can't stand
the little bastard.
439
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,046
He barks at all my guests.
440
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,992
The sweaty delivery man
I invited in for a shower.
441
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,318
The sweaty gardener I invited
in for a shower.
442
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,863
The sweaty fireman...
443
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,088
We get it.
444
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,993
I keep leaving
the door open
445
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:45,325
so he'll run away, but he
keeps finding his way back.
446
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,101
Don't you, you
little rooster-blocker? (growls)
447
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:50,700
So, sounds like it might be
worth something to you
448
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,903
if you never saw
this dog again.
449
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,236
Are you extorting me?
450
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,570
I would never...
451
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:59,205
(barking)
452
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,382
All right, fine!
453
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,780
Here's everything
in my wallet.
454
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:06,352
$5,000 and a picture of
Pat Sajak at the beach?
455
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:07,552
I'm keeping this.
456
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,094
I love you,
Rock Hudson.
457
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,959
Don't say that!
458
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,857
You know how many people died
not too long after saying that?
459
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,390
Oh, my God! Larry!
460
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,355
You gonna die, jungle cat!
461
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:18,433
Wait!
462
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,501
Oh, you made it,
just in time.
463
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:26,568
(playing "When the Saints
Go Marching In")
464
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,813
Keep your head down
around here, Rock.
465
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:29,808
Mama crazy.
466
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:30,809
(barks)
467
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,540
(tires screech)
468
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:36,907
Cable installer?
469
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,486
But that's my awful job!
470
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:43,290
(tires screech)
471
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,259
Terry! Who have you been
working with this week?
472
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,258
Robert.
473
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,259
What's his last name?
474
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,260
I don't know.
475
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,131
Oh, my God! That's him!
476
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:53,060
Guys, has anyone been in here
drinking with you this week?
477
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:54,296
Yeah, Robert has.
478
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,140
No!
This can't be happening!
479
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,637
Wait, that hasn't been
Cleveland sitting here?
480
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,009
(speaking Japanese)
481
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,608
Yeah. Lobert.
482
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:06,310
No...!
483
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:12,484
So, every time the dealership
sold another hatchback,
484
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,115
obviously, I played this.
485
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,991
(playing "The Farmer
in the Dell")
486
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,826
There you are, brother!
487
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,529
I thought I might
find you here...
488
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,001
Oh, cute dog.
489
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,329
You tricked me!
490
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,973
You're trying
to steal my life!
491
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,428
Cleveland, what are
you talking about?
492
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:31,536
He hustled me!
493
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,138
You hustled yourself.
494
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,339
But more accurately,
I hustled you.
495
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:36,341
But why?
496
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,542
Look at your life, fool.
497
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:38,644
You have everything.
498
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,935
You always did.
499
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,006
You had the coolest dad in town.
500
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,475
The baddest mom.
501
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,323
You had a damn
Millennium Falcon.
502
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,518
You think I had a Millennium
Falcon growing up?
503
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,520
You don't think I wanted
to run around going,
504
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,462
"Pew! Pew! Pew!"
505
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:54,787
All I had was an old pair of
pants I found in the woods.
506
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:55,794
Corduroy?
507
00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:57,155
And look at your ass today--
508
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,403
dinner on the table,
laundry done,
509
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,799
drinking every night
and coming home to have sex
510
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,071
with a woman you ain't
even got to hold down.
511
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,870
This is the real Hustle House.
512
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,872
And you're the real hustler.
513
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,074
Wait a minute, Robert.
514
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,575
You hustled your own brother?
515
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,407
You don't hustle family.
516
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,212
I'm disappointed in you, son.
517
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,854
But, Dad...
Don't you sass me.
518
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,348
Get over here!
519
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,380
(grunting)
520
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,554
No! No!
521
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,322
I'm sorry, Dad! I'm sorry!
522
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:23,391
(crying):
Oh...
523
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,659
Oh, it hurts!
524
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,587
(crying)
525
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,533
Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
526
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,598
And he went in
your liquor cabinet.
527
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,057
I got it made.
528
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,495
I'm the coolest hustler
in this town.
529
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:37,270
You heard Robert
say so himself, Dad.
530
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,440
So, I guess I finally
earned your respect.
531
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,110
I'm not saying
you earned my respect,
532
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:44,438
but you may dance for me.
533
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,844
(crying)
534
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,575
(playing "Private Dancer")
535
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,510
Oh, it hurts!
536
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,487
CLEVELAND:
I would never dancefor my father again.
537
00:20:54,537 --> 00:20:59,087
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