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1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,972
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:07,212
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,538
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,313
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,553
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,718
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,047
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,693
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,018
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:25,324
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,386
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:31,455
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,730
Hey, guys.
14
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:39,566
Christmas is coming up, so
here's my Christmas wish list.
15
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:43,743
I would've put it on an iPad
Mini, but I do not have one.
16
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,984
And I want a Gucci purse,
because I'm black or Italian.
17
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:48,251
(projector rattling)
18
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:51,479
Hello and thank you
for coming to...
19
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,485
"Getting What's Mine:
A Dynamic Analysis
20
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:58,088
"of Good versus Bad Behavior
Over the Last Fiscal Year
21
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:00,592
and its Relation
to Presents Deserved."
22
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,534
That's it!
23
00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,099
I am tired of
24
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,427
you selfish children begging
like it's a pledge drive.
25
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:08,273
I did not raise a house
full of public radio stations.
26
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,769
Nobody is getting
anything for Christmas
27
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,241
until they give
something back.
28
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,669
Givin' back!
29
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,274
This year,
we're all volunteering
30
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:16,706
at the homeless shelter.
31
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,080
Pass.
32
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:20,909
Then you most definitely
will not get that purse.
33
00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,015
Gaudy materialism!
34
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,947
Fine. Then
I'll get a job.
35
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,092
Don't use me
as reference!
36
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:28,248
(groans)
The rest of you,
37
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,755
go up to your rooms
and put together
38
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,787
a bag of clothes
to donate.
39
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,021
Give 'em away!
40
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:33,626
That includes you,
Cleveland.
41
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:38,527
Hope they like yellow shirts,
blue pants and red thongs!
42
00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:45,195
Hey, sir, we came down
to help feed the homeless.
43
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,406
Did you bring forks?
44
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,467
Uh...
45
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:48,935
(chuckles):
Just kidding.
46
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:49,943
They don't use forks.
47
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,284
Are they Chinese?
48
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,478
Choppysticky?
49
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,650
(laughs)
50
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,377
Just get in the kitchen
and help.
51
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,522
Okay. Bye.
52
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,986
Those onions
getting to you?
53
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,259
I'm chopping potatoes.
54
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:07,458
(sobbing):
Boo-boos.
55
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:11,001
Mm. I'm so hungry, I could eat
a sandwich meant for a peasant.
56
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,398
Hand pain!
57
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:14,299
Hey, those sandwiches
were donated
58
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,071
by the finest
restaurants in town.
59
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:17,570
They're for
the homeless.
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00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,343
♪
61
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,233
(heart beating, heavy breathing)
62
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,770
(glass shatters)
63
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,839
Wow!
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00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,568
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
65
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,180
Meow, meow, meow.
66
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:02,948
(purrs)
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00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:09,385
So, Grundle's department store
maintains the highest standard
68
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,190
for the celebration
of Christmas,
69
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:14,232
set over a hundred years ago
by my grandfather,
70
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,958
the original
Harry Grundle.
71
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,234
I want a job.
72
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,032
Great, you're an elf.
73
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,874
Now put these on. Next!
74
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,239
(giggles)
75
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,737
Kendra? What are you doing here?
76
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,808
You already got the part
of Mrs. Claus.
77
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:30,007
I'm reading for the
role of Santy Claus.
78
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:33,910
The fella who played him
for the last 20 years died.
79
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,214
How'd he die?
80
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,646
A fart to the face.
81
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:39,992
(clears throat)
82
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,917
Ho, ho, h...!
83
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:45,222
I'm sorry, Kendra, you're just
not right for the part of Santa.
84
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:50,226
But I'm fat, jolly, and I only
leave the house once a year.
85
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,001
But you're not a man, doll.
86
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:55,429
But I can do this job
better than any man.
87
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,596
Hey, Arch, you want to be Santa?
No.
88
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,665
Will you do it anyway?
Yes.
89
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,273
Sorry, Kendra,
the role's been filled.
90
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:05,106
I've never been
so embarrassed.
91
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,682
I doubt that.
92
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,080
You're right.
93
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:14,789
Cleveland, you okay?
94
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,588
You haven't
touched your food.
95
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,190
Because I stole and ate
seven sandwiches
96
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,593
from the homeless shelter...
97
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,794
(clears throat)
98
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,895
Going one more time
from the top.
99
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,757
Because your cooking
is terrible...
100
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,196
(clears throat)
101
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:28,401
Take three.
102
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,802
I can't eat this.
103
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,303
Not after what I saw
at the sandwich buffet--
104
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:33,806
I mean, shelter.
105
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,877
While there are men
going hoagie-- hungry,
106
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:40,747
how can I sit at this table,
sandwiched-- correctly used--
107
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,148
between my children?
108
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,619
Where are you going?
109
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,647
To squat and pinch off
seven sandwiches
110
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,323
and head back to the shelter.
111
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,121
Uh-oh.
112
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,993
And then there were six.
113
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,721
Bye for now.
114
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,732
(chewing noisily)
115
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,933
Here, take mine.
116
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,895
Looks like you haven't
had a good meal in days.
117
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,165
Yeah.
118
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,343
I'm homeless.
119
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:10,342
But at least
I'm not ham-less.
120
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,014
Or cheese-less.
121
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,252
(giggles)
122
00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:14,577
I'm pretending to be homeless
123
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,351
while eating
a ham-and-cheese sandwich.
124
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,750
(whispers):
I'm terrible.
125
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:30,259
Come on, Tim the Bear,they don't all look alike.
126
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,174
Don't let Lesterstart rubbing one off on you.
127
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,827
Your sandwich, sir.
128
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,395
Thanks, dummy.
129
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,214
I've seen you around
a lot lately.
130
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,837
You make me sad.
131
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,842
What's your name,
sad man?
132
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,214
Don't got a name.
133
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,212
Why's that?
134
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,853
Didn't think of one.
135
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,778
Oh.
136
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:49,782
Well, I'm Maggie.
137
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,183
Cleveland Brown.
138
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:54,045
Mm-hmm.
This is Reed.
139
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,294
Backwash?
140
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:57,119
No thanks, brought my own.
141
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:59,994
(grunts, gulps)
142
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,363
(sighs)
143
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:05,063
And we call this
gentleman The Prof.
144
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:08,065
I guess this is some sort of
research project for you?
145
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,838
Oh, indeed.
146
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,197
I'm conducting research
on how many college students
147
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,406
one can sleep with
before they revoke your tenure
148
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,738
and drain your life of meaning.
149
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,243
Nine.
150
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,714
That's not tobacco
in that pipe, is it?
151
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,653
No, it's not.
152
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,649
So, what's your story, Brown?
153
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,421
How'd you end up here?
154
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,520
Just like anyone else,
I suppose.
155
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:29,762
Internet bubble.
156
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:30,987
Housing bubble.
157
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,061
Racism.
158
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,019
Vietnam.
159
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,486
Get in the chopper!
160
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,425
Ah, everybody
in the chopper's dead!
161
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,230
Lieutenant Dan
ain't got no legs!
162
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,432
(screams)
163
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,933
Why?!
164
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,504
So I got a shopping
cart and here we are.
165
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,844
Well, on behalf
of everyone here
166
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,609
and the voices
in my head, welcome.
167
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,039
Welcome.Welcome.Welcome.
168
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,683
I'm gonna stab youin the face!
169
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,580
I still think
you'd make a great Santa.
170
00:06:56,583 --> 00:07:02,193
Well, unless I win the
lottery and pay the $58,640
171
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,519
for genital
reassignment surgery,
172
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,755
I am never
getting that part.
173
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,630
Actually, that's kind of
why I invited you out.
174
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:14,100
(gasps) Roberta, I will
pay you back every cent.
175
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,401
No! No, that's not
what I meant.
176
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:17,403
Look!
177
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,374
Saa...
178
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:21,373
Suuuh...
179
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,575
Saaan...
180
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:26,137
Saaanta.
181
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,146
Muh...
182
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,307
"Muh?"
183
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,075
It says, "Santa Wanted."
184
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,883
Upside down
"muh" is "wuh?"
185
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,550
What do you think?
186
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:38,216
Of being a
"Laundrymat" Santa?
187
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:41,125
Do you remember what
you asked Santa for
188
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,488
when you were
five years old?
189
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,056
I don't know what I...
190
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,774
You asked for a black Barbie
with white Barbie hair.
191
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,497
How do you remember that?
192
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:51,342
An elephant never forgets.
193
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:55,308
You told Santa it had to be
that Barbie or nothing at all.
194
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:58,009
Well, that's how I feel
about Grundle's.
195
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,411
If it ain't Grundle's,
it ain't Christmas.
196
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:03,915
Thanks, but
no thanks.
197
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:13,429
(washing machine humming)
198
00:08:13,427 --> 00:08:14,927
Hi, Roberta.
199
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:18,758
You know I saw Eric Clapton
in here once?
200
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:25,772
Okay, new guy,
time for hobo initiation.
201
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,212
Shh.
202
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,807
This is a hot dog.
203
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,379
Take whatever you want.
204
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,777
It's free.
205
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,052
Wow!
206
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,877
I feel like a kid
in a used candy store.
207
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,954
What else you guys got
in this place?
208
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:51,562
♪ I'll be homeless
for Christmas ♪
209
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:58,065
♪ It's the life for me
210
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,411
Donated food fight!
211
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:05,007
♪ Stealing toys
212
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:08,082
♪ For my two boys
213
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,411
And girl.
214
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:17,986
♪ And flu vaccines for free
215
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:26,601
♪ Shelter life is awesome
216
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:32,870
♪ Except the smell of pee
217
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,773
That's me!
218
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:43,945
♪ I'll be homeless
for Christmas ♪
219
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:52,021
♪ And never brush my teeth.
220
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:58,526
(panting)
221
00:09:58,532 --> 00:09:59,972
Hey, guys,
222
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,367
a truck full of
sticks and bandanas crashed into
223
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,869
a truck filled with
cans of beans and harmonicas!
224
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,971
It's what we've been
waiting for!
225
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,314
(cheering)
226
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,868
I want some.
227
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,483
You're up,
little boy.
228
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,922
Don't be nervous.
229
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,247
Nervous? I got on
five pair of underwear.
230
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,652
He ain't getting in there.
231
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,394
Don't touch.
232
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,619
What do you want?
233
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:24,824
Well, I wanted
to tell you
234
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:27,085
that I was a good
boy this year.
235
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,064
Define "good."
236
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,961
I always finished my plate.
237
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,303
That's what
you're supposed to do.
238
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,328
I also brushed my teeth
every night.
239
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,733
Don't care.
240
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:35,925
Dental hygiene
is its own reward.
241
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,336
What do you want for Christmas?
242
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,407
A Nerf Vortex
Nitron Blaster.
243
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,167
You'll get
a wooden tennis racket.
244
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,835
It was good enough for Bjorn
Borg, it's good enough for you.
245
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,305
Ho, ho, ho.
Good-bye.
246
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,353
What?!
247
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,277
Well, (bleep)!
248
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,322
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
249
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,978
(sighs)
250
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:59,421
Sorry, Roberta,
but even a pallet ride
251
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,026
around the yard
can't cheer me up.
252
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,529
Maybe this will.
253
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,100
I tricked her out.
254
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,698
A new coat of paint,
stainless steel runners
255
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,541
and hydraulics that can carry
half a ton of presents
256
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,197
and half a ton of you.
257
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,105
Why did you do this?
258
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,837
Look, you remembered
what I wanted ten years ago.
259
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,883
That's who
should be Santa.
260
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:21,979
Not that monotone jerk
who buys us beer.
261
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,552
Roberta, Mr. Grundle
already told me no.
262
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,552
You can't let sexism
get in your way.
263
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:29,524
Stand up to him.
264
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,863
I can't stand up!
265
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,218
Whatever.
266
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,056
I'm done with getting
my hopes up,
267
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:38,002
and I'm done with Christmas.
268
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,598
This is why I've never
spoken to you before this week.
269
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,840
Junior, we're off
to Grundle's.
270
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,969
I really do wish
I could come,
271
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,914
but they're short-handed
at the shelter.
272
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,180
That's okay.
273
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,508
The kids and I will be fine.
274
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:54,012
You're doing a great thing.
275
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,384
Well...
Proud of you.
276
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,283
(giggles) Tickles.
277
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,916
Merry Christmas.
278
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,562
I'm Ari Cohen,
filling in for everyone.
279
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:07,158
Tonight, we'll be
crowning our annual...
280
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,090
Christmas Angel?
281
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,326
Whatever.
282
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,760
But first, let's check in
283
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,825
with the Grundle's
Xmas Xtravaganza.
284
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,435
And, in an effort to appeal
to younger viewers,
285
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:21,407
we go to a rapping vampire,
live on the scene.
286
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:24,038
♪ I'm sorry to report
there's no Christmas cheer ♪
287
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,284
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus
is nowhere near ♪
288
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,749
♪ The kids are crying,
the parents are... ♪
289
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,779
This is ridiculous.
290
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,694
I've been doing this
for 130 years.
291
00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:35,187
What happened to the days
292
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,358
when a vampire
could just read the news?
293
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:40,527
Anyway, Santa's a no-show
and the kids are upset.
294
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:43,257
It looks like Christmas
is canceled.
295
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,133
Santa forgot Stoolbend.
296
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,902
Where are you, Santa?
297
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,431
(children sobbing)
298
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,266
No Santa?
299
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,241
Roberta was right.
300
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,610
It's up to me to save Christmas.
301
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,876
Hold on, childrens.
302
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,453
Santa's coming.
303
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,299
(screaming)
304
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:21,672
Oh, no! Oh, no!
305
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,468
Wait, I know.
306
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,271
Rascal, rise!
307
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,814
Oh, well.
308
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,079
I've done everything
humanly possible.
309
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:32,677
Good-bye, world.
310
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,479
You were delicious.
311
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:41,517
Don't want.
Don't want. Don't want.
312
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,151
Holy crap! London Fog!
313
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,016
Now it's time
for our Christmas Angel Award.
314
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,856
This year's winner
was nominated by his wife
315
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:51,702
for his work
at the Stoolbend Shelter.
316
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,168
That's where we are. Cool!
317
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,627
Desk lamp?
318
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,135
Give it to me!
I need that!
319
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:00,267
We go there now
as this unsuspecting angel
320
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,613
is about to get his wings.
321
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:06,279
Hey. Look.
322
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,979
I'm... on... TV!
323
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,822
Give me that camera!
324
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,277
I'm homeless!
I want it!
325
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,445
Cleveland, you're pretending
to be homeless?
326
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,294
Yes.
327
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:19,519
But I've continued
to wash down there.
328
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,356
Hmm? Tonight?
329
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,731
No?
330
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,299
But it's Christmas.
331
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:32,338
BOY:
Cleveland Brown sucks!
332
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:35,509
You give a homeless guy
a sandwich, and you're a hero.
333
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:39,478
You take a homeless guy's hero,
and suddenly you're a sandwich.
334
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,909
Well!
335
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:43,754
Cleveland,
a word-- now.
336
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,650
Well, we had a
good run, buddy.
337
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,252
I'd love to say we'll keep
in touch after the divorce,
338
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,915
but I'm not one for
lying on Christmas.
339
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:53,224
You have completely ruined
this family's good name.
340
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,256
You will apologize
and make this right.
341
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,933
Okay.
342
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,831
CLEVELAND:
Good morning, members of the press
343
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:01,833
and unwashed bloggers.
344
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,595
I stand here in a dark suit
345
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,773
with my lawyer by my side
and my wife behind me,
346
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,173
barely able to conceal her anger
347
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,935
as she nods dutifully
to show support,
348
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:15,275
so that I can publicly
apologize for my actions.
349
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,722
What I did at the shelter
was wrong.
350
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,617
It was low down.
351
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,089
Way low down.
352
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,087
Like a midget.
(crowd gasping)
353
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,359
(indistinct
whispering) Really?
354
00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:30,132
And while trying to apologize
for my actions,
355
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,760
I insulted little people,
which was wrong.
356
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,126
It was worse
than interracial marriage.
357
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,525
(indistinct
whispering)
358
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,366
Serious?
Isn't that in the Bible book?
359
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:40,968
Without interracial couples,
360
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,974
we wouldn't have Halle Berry.
361
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,936
So, obviously,
I can't be against that.
362
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:49,146
I'm not some drunk Indian
on the rez.
363
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,349
I knew it when I said it.
364
00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:54,821
If you Native Americans
had even
365
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,121
the most basic system
of ownership,
366
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,123
none of this
would have happened.
367
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:02,285
Anyway, it's not as if you're
a bunch of low-life pervs
368
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,925
lurking in chat rooms
to pick up underage boys.
369
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,131
(indistinct
whispering)
370
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,072
No way!
You've got to be kid...
371
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:11,398
CLEVELAND:
And while I cannot support your man-boy love,
372
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,474
I appreciate
that you'd allow me
373
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,573
to continue my apology tour.
374
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,935
Please know that I am sorry.
375
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:21,554
Me so belly, belly solly.
376
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,585
(groans)
377
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,798
Hey, Brown.
Where you been?
378
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,671
I just wanted to come by
and apologize.
379
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:45,641
For what?
380
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,868
For pretending I was homeless.
381
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,614
Did that happen
one minute ago?
382
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,709
No.
383
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:51,780
Then I forgot about it.
384
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:52,978
Ha! You fried.
385
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,609
Hungry?
386
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:57,124
This is just government cheese
387
00:16:57,117 --> 00:17:00,277
and nonorganic
processed ham food.
388
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:01,986
What happened
to this place?
389
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:04,188
This is what it's like
the rest of the year.
390
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,690
Christmas
is the only time
391
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,562
anyone in this town
gives a crap.
392
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,331
You know what?
393
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:13,060
We need to talk some sense
into this town.
394
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,726
We're going
to Grundle's.
395
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,034
Right now?
396
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,196
What, you got
a tee time?
397
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,703
"Tee" standing
for "trash"?
398
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:19,965
(laughs)
Just teasing.
399
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,473
Y'all bums
come on.
400
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,082
Hey, is that a wheel?
401
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,408
(engine whirring)
402
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:29,313
Three more,
and we can build a wagon,
403
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,745
which we could sell
for drugs.
404
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,751
(all grunting)
405
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,093
Kendra!
406
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,518
Are you okay?
407
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,093
(exhales)
408
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,161
I've got to get
to Grundle's.
409
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,230
That's where
we're going.
410
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,858
It's a Christmas
miracle or something.
411
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,434
(motor sputters)
412
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,773
You'll have to pull me.
413
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,897
With what?
414
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,742
I have a rope.
415
00:17:52,504 --> 00:17:53,944
It's too dark.
416
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,110
I can't see a thing.
417
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,338
I can help.
418
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,912
Here goes 20 minutes
of sobriety.
419
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,620
Hyah! Hyah!
420
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,426
Hmm, I wonder
if I'm Dasher or Prancer.
421
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,299
ALL: Prancer.
CLEVELAND: Wha...?
422
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:24,204
It's after Christmas,
423
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:26,204
and I still have
to wear the shorts?
424
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,606
Mr. Grundle,
425
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,967
why do all the men
get to wear long pants?
426
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,036
I don't hire boys
to see their legs,
427
00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:34,475
and I don't hire girls
to hear them talk.
428
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:35,811
(loud crash)
429
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,775
(crowd gasps and murmurs)
430
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,384
Ho ho ho!
431
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,985
Merry Christmas!
432
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,218
Santa!
433
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,494
Santa, we thought
you forgot us.
434
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,563
Oh, I didn't forget you.
435
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:52,131
Mrs. Claus had a hysterectomy,
and I had to be there.
436
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,932
But thanks to an elf
who never gave up on me,
437
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:59,165
I'm finally here
where I belong.
438
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,812
Now, who wants presents?
439
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,638
We do!
(children cheering)
440
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,513
Uh-oh.
441
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,352
Uh, everyone just take
one thing from the store
442
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,648
and walk out quietly
and confidently.
443
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,780
They can't stop all of you.
444
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,285
(children cheering)
445
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,517
The day after
Christmas is saved.
446
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,323
Back to work,
Hot Legs.
447
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,024
You know what,
Mr. Grundle?
448
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,826
I'm sick
of your sexist ways.
449
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,088
Okay.
450
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:24,356
I quit.
451
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,604
And if you like
these shorts so much,
452
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,669
why don't you wear them
yourself?
453
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:37,308
We will no longer
be objectified.
454
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,840
(wind whistling)
455
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,346
(all shivering)
456
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,607
Come on, let's
keep warm.
457
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,515
Good people of Stoolbend,
hear me speak.
458
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,392
MAN:
Hey, it's the guy who stole from the homeless.
459
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,991
WOMAN:
Undeserved Christmas angel!
460
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,062
MAN:
Sandwich Grinch!
461
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,731
I've tried to apologize
462
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:59,299
for many things recently
and failed,
463
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:03,629
but I come to you now
for one last apology-- yours.
464
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,373
For one week every year,
465
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,412
you open your closets,
your wallets
466
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,368
and your hearts
to the less fortunate,
467
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,636
but the moment Christmas
is over,
468
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,905
you forget all about
these smellies.
469
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:19,915
I say, let's treat the homeless
as if every day were Christmas.
470
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,849
Or Chanukah.
471
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:25,664
So let's all apologize
to the homeless.
472
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,162
I'm sorry.
473
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,531
It's a juicer.
474
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:30,929
I have no use for this.
475
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,330
You're welcome.
476
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,265
Cleveland, you may have
done the wrong thing,
477
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,069
and then several more
wrong things
478
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:39,901
trying to correct
that wrong thing,
479
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,236
but you made up
for it all
480
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,242
with a small
token gesture
481
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,784
that required
no personal sacrifice.
482
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,109
I did, didn't I?
483
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:52,015
Baby, I'm the greatest.
484
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:55,388
So I guess this
is good-bye forever.
485
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:57,618
You could still
come see us. No.
486
00:20:57,668 --> 00:21:02,218
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