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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,695
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,005
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,108
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,040
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,046
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,278
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,683
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,186
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,447
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,886
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:26,962
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:29,031
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,960
(chuckles)
14
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,995
(playing discordant music)
15
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,300
WALLY:
Attention, nerds,
16
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,541
dorks, spazzes, and dweebos.
17
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,867
Get your brass over here.
18
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,973
Welcome to
this year's
19
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:43,035
Stoolbend High
band tryouts.
20
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,084
This is something
of a rebuilding year
21
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,379
after a plane carrying
last year's band
22
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,351
crashed into the
Appalachian Mountains,
23
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:53,020
forcing them to resort
to cannibalism to survive.
24
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,190
Which they didn't.
25
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,518
I don't think
I could eat a person.
26
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,024
I could eat a person.
27
00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:02,225
So, when life gives you lemons,
you make a marching band!
28
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,599
Marching?
29
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,227
(plays melancholy tones)
30
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,432
You can't ask
a guy my size to walk
31
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,195
and blow a tuba
at the same time.
32
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,103
What do you think
killed John Candy?
33
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,665
Two, three, four.
34
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,543
♪
35
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,842
(panting)
36
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,783
Go around.
37
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:23,280
Man, there's ants
all over this turf.
38
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:26,794
I wish they'd just
carry me home.
39
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,687
This is humiliating.
40
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,089
And amazing.
41
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,091
What a day.
42
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,460
(cash register ringing)
43
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,064
FEMALE CHOIR:
♪ Kenny Kenny West, y'all
44
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,355
♪ Oh.
45
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:42,026
Mmm. My old pal, Kenny West,
back in Stoolbend.
46
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:44,896
And who does he request
to install his cable?
47
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,765
Anyone at my company.
48
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,544
Kenny, my man!
49
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,212
Yo, cable man,
why you touching me?
50
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,282
Kenny, it's me, Cleveland Brown.
51
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,210
♪ Be-Cleve in yourself
52
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,576
♪ Something, something,
something ♪
53
00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:58,154
♪ Be-Cleve in yourself
54
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,952
♪ Something 'bout a mustache.
55
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,824
Oh, right.
56
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,622
Uh, whatever happened
to you, man?
57
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,724
Playa, please,
I been round the way.
58
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,256
Think you're
the only one who's got
59
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,891
one of those
turkey-feather jackets?
60
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,626
I got me one of those.
61
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,131
I got 19 TVs,
62
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:14,003
and the "Rudy's
fish dies" episode
63
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,601
of The Cosby Showis coming on,
64
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,243
so chop-chop, chump.
65
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,908
God, it's good to see you, man.
66
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,751
Classy.
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00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,294
Here's the first one.
68
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,260
Wow.
69
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,518
How big is that?
70
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:39,786
1,000 inches.
71
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,293
You can't look
at it directly,
72
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,685
or it'll burn
your eyeballs out.
73
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,126
Kind of like Kathy Griffin,
am I right, Kenny?
74
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:46,172
(laughing)
75
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,367
She's a friend.
76
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,268
(clears throat)
And very gifted.
77
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,000
I like your stories.
78
00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:53,005
Just hook up the cable.
79
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:55,067
(meowing)
80
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,339
Yo, meow.
81
00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,605
Cute exit.
82
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,253
Catch up later.
83
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:04,446
Hi, Daddy.
84
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,851
Wow.
85
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,453
I know, right?
86
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:19,004
What is this?
87
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,969
I don't remember winning these.
88
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,798
Clemon, are you
going to be out of here
89
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,843
before my 7:00 p.m.
boob washing party?
90
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,068
I hope not.
91
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,213
And it's Cleveland.
92
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,978
And one of those awardses
should be mine.
93
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,377
Ladies, go muddy 'em up.
94
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,348
I'll just be a second.
95
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,807
Listen, man.
96
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,545
That's my song.
97
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,250
What?
But we wrote it together.
98
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,822
It's my name.
99
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,220
I'm Cleve.
100
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,522
That's just
a coincidence.
101
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,723
Like how you're standing
over a trapdoor right now.
102
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:45,915
What?
103
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,826
I'm falling all the
way to Beijing...!
104
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,159
(thud)
105
00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:51,734
Herro.
106
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,802
♪
107
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:58,373
FML.
108
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,212
Forgot my lunch.
109
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,767
Which is fine
because I lost my appetite.
110
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,876
I got cut from
the marching band, too,
111
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,748
so I joined
the football team.
112
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,177
One practice,
and I got meningitis
113
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:11,683
from drinking out
of a dirty water cooler.
114
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,945
Principal Farquhar
say accordion
115
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,394
is not marching
band instrument.
116
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,720
Apparently, he's
never seen halftime
117
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,886
at flurghenboll game
at University of Blort.
118
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,795
Dude, that
is so not fair.
119
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,697
Get this,
fellow youths.
120
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,599
He won't let me
join the band
121
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,571
because I'm, quote,
"clearly in my mid-40s."
122
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,741
(groans)
123
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,909
Talk about a... bummer, is it?
124
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,267
You know what?
125
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,406
We don't need Wally.
126
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,210
We can start our own band.
127
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,712
Yeah.
This I like.
128
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,313
We'll stick it
to that grown-up.
129
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,275
All we have to do
is figure out
130
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,254
what type of music
best blends the tuba,
131
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:49,052
the accordion,
the clarinet, and the drum.
132
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,386
(playing jaunty polka tune)
133
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,121
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay
134
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,626
♪ Ta-ra-ra
boom-de-ay ♪
135
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,487
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay
136
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,326
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom...
137
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,901
Gary, you're waking the kids.
138
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,329
We are the kids, Carol.
139
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:05,365
Kenny won't share the trophies,
Cleveland's going to steal them.
140
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,107
Oh, this is too easy.
141
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,454
(screams, crash)
142
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,549
(groans) Piano.
143
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,785
Racist-ass pillows.
144
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,848
(groans)
145
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:28,032
Okay, the trophies.
146
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:31,628
Now, if this mansion
is laid out like Wayne Manor,
147
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,472
those trophies would have been
148
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,498
right outside Alfred's room,
which is...
149
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,574
(monk-like chanting in distance)
150
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:42,844
Hmm.
151
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,422
(chanting)
152
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,196
(gasps)
What the...?
153
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,398
(grunting)
154
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,369
(screams)
155
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:25,378
(snoring)
156
00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:29,924
What happened?
157
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,363
How did I get home?
158
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,328
I don't feel raped.
159
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:34,787
Donna!
160
00:06:36,362 --> 00:06:37,902
There you are.
161
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,498
You were sleeping
so soundly,
162
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,530
I didn't want
to wake...
163
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,334
Cleveland, put
some pants on!
164
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:42,695
There's no time!
165
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,903
Last night, I went back
over to Kenny West's mansion,
166
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,065
and I found a room
where there were people
167
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,514
dressed in black cloaks,
168
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,409
and there was weird chanting
like that Benedictine monks CD
169
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,882
everybody got tricked
into buying in the '90s.
170
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,211
Yeah, I stopped
listening to that
171
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,915
when I got really into
swing music for three months.
172
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:02,118
Speaking of swing,
please put some pants on.
173
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,392
Dag, Ro.
174
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:05,790
Sounds like your step-pops
stumbled upon the...
175
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:06,893
(whispering):
Hip Hop Illuminati,
176
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,094
(shouting):
girl!
177
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,925
The say what now?
178
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:12,863
The Hip Hop Illuminati.
179
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,966
All right, I'm
getting you a towel.
180
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,438
Oh, there's
just this rumor
181
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,597
that some of the biggest
stars in hip hop
182
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,035
are in a secret society
that runs the world.
183
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,311
It ain't no rumor, Willis.
184
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,709
It's for real.
185
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:26,140
They control everything
from the world economy
186
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:29,276
to fashion trends to what
freaky hybrid fruit we eat.
187
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:32,023
Yo, Ro, pass me
that banapple.
188
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,964
Kenny West is part
of the Hip Hop Illuminati.
189
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,757
Cleveland, you're nuts.
190
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,929
Oh, yeah?
191
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,287
I'll show you nuts.
192
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,396
You're welcome, America.
193
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,270
All right, Kenny.
194
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:52,299
I know you're a member
of the Hip Hop Illuminati,
195
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,006
and I'm going to prove it!
196
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:58,737
Let's see, the secret room
was through this...
197
00:07:58,745 --> 00:07:59,975
bookshelf.
198
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,450
Man, I don't know
what you're talking about.
199
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,920
So, then, no secret door
would open if I did this!
200
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,962
(clears throat)
201
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,588
This!
202
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:16,357
Come on, man.
203
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:18,263
You're going to get
book stains on the rug.
204
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,925
Aha! The Da Vinci Code!
205
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,934
Can I borrow this?!
206
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,936
Ow.
207
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:26,938
(groans)
208
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,440
That place was dead
anyways, man.
209
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,513
I'm gonna get me a Slurpee.
210
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,032
It's all under control.
211
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,458
He's gone.
212
00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:50,703
Good.
213
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,397
Now I want to make a toast.
214
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,669
To our gracious host,
Kenny West,
215
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,028
and to the Hip Hop
Illuminati.
216
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,566
ALL:
To the Hip Hop Illuminati.
217
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:05,979
Look, Kenny, I'm cool
with wearing all this stuff,
218
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,549
but we either got to get
bigger hoods or smaller goblets.
219
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:09,879
(grunting)
220
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,523
I vote for bigger hoods.
221
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,048
I just want to say
that I definitely
222
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,923
should be a part
of the Hip Hop Illuminati
223
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,062
since I did work on songs
like "F You,"
224
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,817
"Billionaire," "Nothin' on You."
225
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:22,385
Hey, are we going to raise
global oil prices or what?
226
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,056
I've got a doctor's
appointment
227
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,934
to figure out why my
hair's turning pink.
228
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,233
KENNY:
We'll get to it, Nicki.
229
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,004
Hey, you guys want to see
the world's biggest remote?
230
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:32,073
(plays note)
231
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,672
It's like the piano in Big.
232
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,174
It is!
233
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:37,505
♪
234
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,015
Hey, look at me.
I'm Tom Hanks!
235
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,178
And I'm
Robert Loggia.
236
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,446
(both giggling)
237
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,594
CLEVELAND:
I know they're hiding something,
238
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,520
and I'm getting in there
one way or the other.
239
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,256
Remember the plan.
240
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,025
Ostrich delivery
for Kenny West.
241
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,371
Ostrich? I didn't
order an ostrich.
242
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,197
You didn't?
Just a minute.
243
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,102
He says he didn't
order a ostrich.
244
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,974
Tell him it's a gift
from Kim Jong-il.
245
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,474
He's dead, idiot.
246
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:11,275
It's a gift
from Kim Cattrall.
247
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,808
Well, I guess an ostrich
could be cool.
248
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,954
He's not going to try
to hump my llama, is he?
249
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,746
All right,
I'll take him.
250
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,322
(Cleveland grunts)
Hyah!
251
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,118
Now I've got a job I don't want.
252
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,885
Thanks, Obama.
253
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,133
(doors bang open)
254
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:31,997
(gasps)
255
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,499
I didn't hear
what you guys
256
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:36,500
was talking about,
but I got a better idea.
257
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,303
Ostriches.
258
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,605
We're going to make
ostrich riding a new trend.
259
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,167
It'll be lumpy.
260
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,505
By the way, that's going to
be the new word for "cool."
261
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,981
At least he's not
trying to push
262
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,149
them wigs made
out of spaghetti.
263
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,678
Oh, and about the
spaghetti wigs, check it--
264
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,584
Parmesan hats.
265
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:54,916
Oh, man.
That's so lumpy.
266
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:58,061
See? The talking ostrich
knows what's up.
267
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,955
Wait a minute.
268
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,031
Hi. Cleveland Brown.
269
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,130
Not the ostrich,
the person.
270
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:08,002
And forgotten co-writer
of Kenny's biggest hit.
271
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,031
You co-write, too?
272
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,336
We should co-co-write
a song together.
273
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,008
No.
274
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,007
Yo, Kenny, I thought you said
you took care of this clown.
275
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,979
Nobody takes care of me
but my wife.
276
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,709
And even though
it's not as often
277
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,014
as when we were first married,
278
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,215
it's still a respectable amount.
279
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,987
Probably just shy of
the national average,
280
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,217
but I'm fine with that
281
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,561
because I think people
lie in those surveys.
282
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,557
Actually, we control
those surveys.
283
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,229
Wow, you control a lot of stuff.
284
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,298
Aw, man, you don't know
the half of it.
285
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,057
Gimme a beat, ?uest.
286
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:40,566
(heavy beat begins)
287
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,697
♪ We start that stuff
that then become cool ♪
288
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,303
♪ We start them trends
that then become rules ♪
289
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,805
♪ Leaving stickers
on the hats ♪
290
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,107
♪ That your kids
wear to school ♪
291
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,337
♪ Kenny West, Teeth Crest,
came up from the gutter ♪
292
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,043
♪ Never fooled by Fabio,
I canbelieve it's not butter ♪
293
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,746
♪ Lowerin' cholesterol, yeah
294
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,549
♪ Don't hear what we're saying,
just ask some white teens ♪
295
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,581
♪ Where you think they got
296
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,986
♪ The shutter shades
and tight jeans? ♪
297
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,647
♪ Hey, yo, I'm up in this club
298
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:04,256
♪ And we're more secret
than Freemasons ♪
299
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:07,257
♪ Never have to pay for beats,
because we always freebasin' ♪
300
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,530
♪ Movin' in silence,
that's how the crew goes ♪
301
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:10,729
♪ Runnin' this
like a snotty nose ♪
302
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,101
♪ Gonna need a tissue
303
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,269
♪ Imposters disappear like
the career of Kevin Costner ♪
304
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,327
♪ While we sitting here
305
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,195
♪ Drinking beers
with Jimmy Hoffa ♪
306
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,704
♪ That's my eyeball lookin'
at ya from the pyramid on cash ♪
307
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:22,536
♪ We're so bad we can make
an iPad run Flash ♪
308
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:23,942
♪ Got more secrets
than deodorant ♪
309
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,014
♪ Bitch, we don't perspire
310
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:28,012
♪ We're uncredited consultants
on HBO's The Wire! ♪
311
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,854
♪ Mm-hmm, once again
312
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,380
♪ I'd love to borrow
those DVDs, brother ♪
313
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,385
♪ Hey, yo, we start that stuff
that then become cool ♪
314
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,888
♪ We start them trends
that then become rules ♪
315
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,791
♪ We the first ones
to wait 30 minutes ♪
316
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,293
♪ Before swimming in a pool
317
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,702
♪ Illuminati starts the (bleep)
that then becomes cool ♪
318
00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,299
♪ Illuminati start the trends
that then become rules ♪
319
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,101
♪ Illuminati!
320
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,143
All right, count me in.
321
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:54,739
I'll take my cloak
in a 44 wide.
322
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:56,241
Boot cut,
if that's an option.
323
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:57,143
You ain't gettin' no cloak.
324
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,884
♪ You're a cable installer
325
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,749
♪ Not some bigwillie
shot-caller... ♪
326
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,277
I think we've
rapped enough.
327
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,252
Now get out of here
328
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,080
and forget what you saw,
329
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,815
before we have to make you
disappear, like we did Sisqo.
330
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:08,491
(gasps)
331
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:11,258
Caw! Caw!
332
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,888
Caaar!
333
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,828
Phew.
334
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,061
Yah!
335
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,725
Relax. We're not here
to hurt you.
336
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:22,434
We want you to kill
Kenny West...
337
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,225
I'll do it!
338
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,296
...'s career.
Oh.
339
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,065
Can I offer you a drink?
340
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,273
There's water in the fridge.
341
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,575
I wouldn't trust that
Brita filter, though.
342
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,277
It was here before I was.
343
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:33,749
So was the baking soda.
344
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,147
The kids are sick a lot.
345
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,178
But yeah, I'll kill
Kenny's career.
346
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:45,021
Why do you want me to kill
Kenny West's career?
347
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,185
I thought y'all was...
348
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:47,463
homies.
349
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:48,860
We were homies.
350
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,702
But then his ego got
out of control, man.
351
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,127
And this is coming from rappers!
352
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,102
We're trying to affect people
on a global scale,
353
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:58,101
and he's going on about
ostriches, spaghetti wigs,
354
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,314
and replacing his cat's eyes
with diamonds.
355
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,967
Yeah, everybody knows diamonds
are for belt buckles,
356
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:03,976
watches, and teeths.
357
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,377
But we can't kick him out
358
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,208
as long as he's the biggest
hip hop star out there.
359
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:09,054
So we need you
to sabotage his career.
360
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,049
Why me?
361
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,620
Oh, Question-mark-love,
362
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,988
do you mind not putting
your feet on the coffee table?
363
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,647
It's not me.
It's my wife.
364
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,555
Oh, sorry.
365
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,657
Cleveland, you were there
in the beginning for Kenny.
366
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,990
And let me tell you a little
something about these rappers.
367
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,356
If someone from their past
accuses them
368
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,025
from losing touch
with the streets,
369
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:30,243
they'll do any crazy-ass thing
you say to prove you wrong.
370
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,637
I mean, that's how come
I dress like a spaceman.
371
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,039
To give me street cred.
372
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,870
And you've got to trick Kenny
into making music
373
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,036
no one wants to hear.
374
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,313
Well, that's impossible.
375
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:39,811
I'm a hit maker!
376
00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:41,813
(polka music playing)
377
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:43,375
(sighs)
Excuse me.
378
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,053
Junior! Keep it down!
379
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,481
I'm trying to
have a meeting!
380
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,646
Nobody wants to hear
your terrible music.
381
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:52,255
Okay, so where can we
find terrible music
382
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,729
that nobody wants to hear?
383
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,328
What about the polka music?
384
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,659
That's a great idea
featuring Nicki Minaj!
385
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,226
If you get him to play that,
386
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,774
ain't nobody ever gonna
want to listen to him again.
387
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,240
And then he'll be out,
388
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,738
which will free up
a spot for you.
389
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:08,911
And it's ?uestlove.
390
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,439
Question mark's
just for show?
391
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,883
I'll do it.
392
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,208
And if you're looking for
your comb, it's in your hair.
393
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,014
Hey, Nicki. Bruno.
394
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,746
?uest. Mr. I.am.
395
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,351
Just want to give
you all my demo.
396
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:22,452
You'll see that it's mostly
rumba beats from my Casio,
397
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,755
but there's something there.
398
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,528
A'ight, I'm gonna lay down
some "yeahs."
399
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:30,962
(beat begins)
400
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,934
(rapping):
Yeah. Yeah.
401
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,373
All right, we got that.
402
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,397
You know what?
403
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,872
Let me do that second one again.
404
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:39,071
(rapping):
Yeah.
405
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,072
Nailed it.
406
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,143
CLEVELAND:
Yeah!
407
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,371
Cleveland, what are
you doing here?
408
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,935
Making peace.
409
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,214
I bring you...
410
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,681
your next hit.
411
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:51,120
That's just a bunch of kids and
a guy that used to sell me weed.
412
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,217
Hey, Gary.
413
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,378
Hey, Kenny.
414
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,416
(quietly):
Talk later?
415
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,991
Hell no!
416
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,419
Look, Kenny,
417
00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,434
I know you're a superstar
and I'm a nobody.
418
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,957
But you're forgetting something.
What's that?
419
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:05,833
I know what the nobodies
on the streets want
420
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,072
because I'm a nobody
like them.
421
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,468
And nobody knows nothing
better than me.
422
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,300
He's right. He ain't (bleep).
423
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,835
Sorry, Rallo, I didn't
catch the end of that.
424
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,411
You let go of
the button too soon.
425
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,679
I only heard you
up to "He ain't (bleep)."
426
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,638
That was all.
427
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,106
Ah. Copy that.
428
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,754
Kenny, you've lost touch
with the streets.
429
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,920
And worse, the streets
have lost touch with you.
430
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:31,120
And even worse, touch lost
have with you streets the.
431
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,494
Hit it, Junior!
432
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,332
(playing polka)
433
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,487
Unh! You feel that?
Damn, that's dope.
434
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,756
That's polka!
435
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,764
Sh'mon.
436
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,795
Maybe I have lost touch.
437
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,530
I mean, people on the streets
438
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,665
probably only got a couple of
American Express Black cards,
439
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,171
not a whole suit of 'em.
440
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:47,708
You know what?
441
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,037
I'm gonna polka my way
back to the streets!
442
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,783
There he goes. Sh'mon!
443
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,808
CROWD (chanting):
Kenny! Kenny!
444
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,683
This is it, Cleveland.
445
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,882
If you pull this off,
you gonna be one of us.
446
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,854
And this is just a taste of
the riches you gonna enjoy.
447
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,524
It's a $15 iTunes gift card.
448
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,693
You know how many songs
you can get? 15.
449
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,392
Cool!
450
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,764
How do we listen?
Where do I plug up the earbugs?
451
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,273
Play BTO.
452
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:21,737
Bachman. Turner. Overdrive.
453
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:23,881
Aw, this thing's busted.
454
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,177
Cleveland, there you are.
455
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,578
I got something
I want you to have.
456
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,710
It's the Grammy for our song,
457
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,916
and it's just as much yours
as it is mine.
458
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,918
It... it is?
459
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,690
When you came to
see me yesterday,
460
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,158
I realized something.
461
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,917
I feel like everyone around me
just wants to bring me down,
462
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:42,556
but you're the one dude
who's looking out for me.
463
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,862
You believe in me.
464
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,063
You mean, I "Be-Cleve" in you?
465
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:49,866
I was purposely avoiding
saying that, but yes.
466
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:51,399
You always did.
467
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,044
Oh, fiddlenips.
468
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,939
Kenny, there's something
I gotta tell you...
469
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,911
Kenny, you're on.
No, wait!
470
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,180
I think you're
about to look...
471
00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,608
German.
472
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,882
Oh, God.
473
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,550
Wait, wait, I'm not done!
474
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:03,709
Huh? Huh?
475
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,076
This is gonna be
a barrel of fun!
476
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,416
Kenny, wait!
477
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,520
Don't go out there!
I tricked you!
478
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,762
Hey, look what
Nicki Minaj gave me!
479
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,758
And this.
480
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,830
(laughing)
481
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,932
(audience cheering)
482
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,199
All right, Junior!
483
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,431
Let's get ready
to go viral, my dude!
484
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,766
(playing polka)
485
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,773
♪ A smart and stylish girl
you see ♪
486
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,535
♪ Belle of good society
487
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,743
♪ Not too strict
but rather free ♪
488
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,954
♪ As right as right can be
489
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,807
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay
490
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,575
♪ Ta-ra-ra
boom-de-ay ♪
491
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,384
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay
492
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,375
♪ Ta-ra-ra...
493
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,046
KENNY:
Now let a playa play.
494
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,815
(rapping):
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
495
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,923
♪ Ta-ra-ra,
ta-ra-ra, ay ♪
496
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,485
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
497
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,964
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay
498
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,932
♪ Come here, I want to do
a little diddle ♪
499
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,830
♪ No, I don't need
a (bleep) fiddle ♪
500
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,802
♪ Oh, taste the rainbow,
taste the Skittles ♪
501
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,771
♪ So, put my Malcolm
in your middle ♪
502
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,599
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
503
00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:00,265
♪ Ta-ra-ra,
ta-ra-ra, ay ♪
504
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,173
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
505
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,135
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay
506
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,944
♪ Ay!
♪ I got wood, let me whittle
507
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,975
♪ Ay!
♪ Press you hot like a griddle
508
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,681
♪ Ay!
♪ War machine like Don Chiddle
509
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,682
♪ Ay!
♪ Then I'll buy you peanut brittle ♪
510
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,924
♪ Girl from around the way
511
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,620
♪ You wearing a tiara-ay
512
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,092
♪ Blowing up like Michael Bay
513
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:20,930
♪ Rap is always better with
a little hip hop, hoo-ray ♪
514
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,657
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
515
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:27,972
CROWD (chanting):
Boom-de-ay! Boom-de-ay! Boom-de-ay!
516
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,927
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
517
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,666
CROWD (chanting):
Boom-de-ay! Boom-de-ay!
518
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,642
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
519
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:38,181
CROWD:
Boom-de-ay! Boom-de-ay!
520
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,038
♪ Ta-ra-ra, ta-ra-ra, ay
521
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,046
♪ Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay!
522
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:44,118
CROWD:
Boom-de-ay! Boom...
523
00:19:44,117 --> 00:19:46,817
CLEVELAND JR.:
Three encores, bitches!
524
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,949
CROWD:
Boom-de-ay! Boom-de-ay!
525
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,115
Wow, Kenny!
526
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,863
We really showed a lot
of guts out there tonight.
527
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,829
No, "we" didn't.
528
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:55,827
I did.
529
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,328
I can make anything cool.
530
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,530
I'm Kanye Wes...
531
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,731
Kenny West.
532
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,802
Kenny, that was so lumpy!
533
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,901
Yo yo yo-de-le-de-ho.
534
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,674
Yo, somebody
shoot this fool.
535
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,873
I was just threatened
by Kenny West!
536
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:09,905
Street cred!
537
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,909
Ooh-oooh!
538
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,681
Good job, Cleveland.
539
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,150
You made him
bigger than ever.
540
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:18,178
Yeah, man, if your career was
destroying people's careers,
541
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,854
this would destroy your career.
542
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:22,752
You're very clever, will.i.am.
543
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,685
Wait a minute, William!
544
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,391
I just got that! Ha!
545
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,832
What's your last name?
546
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:28,987
You know what, Cleveland...
547
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:29,855
Uh, uh!
548
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,162
Clev.e.land.
549
00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:34,065
Since you're getting along
so well with these guys,
550
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,367
why don't you just
take my place?
551
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:36,428
I'm out.
552
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:37,996
(whistles)
553
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,244
I got me a real ostrich.
554
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:42,439
His name is Morgan
and he only eats hamburgers.
555
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,512
Bye, everybody!
556
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,611
So, what are we going
to do now, club mates?
557
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,075
We disbanded the club.
558
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,183
You're awful.
559
00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:53,624
And besides, I'm just
filling in for Wyclef.
560
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,790
Wait, you're not Wyclef?
561
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,858
(playing polka)
562
00:20:57,908 --> 00:21:02,458
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