Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,935
Hello, loyal viewers.
2
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:05,768
I want to play a game.
3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,943
You're watching this
on your TV, your laptop
4
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,613
or your mobile
communication device,
5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,952
but what you don't know
is that your life is in danger.
6
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,779
Because I've placed
an explosive in...
7
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,324
(metal scraping)
8
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,619
What was that?
Did y'all hear that?
9
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,991
Somebody needs to stop playing.
10
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,519
(scraping)
11
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,794
Ah, hell, no!
12
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,032
(scraping)
13
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:26,987
Mama!
14
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,034
Aah!
15
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,627
(laughs)
16
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:33,833
Little bitch.
17
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,434
I love Halloween.
18
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,667
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
19
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,973
♪ And I am proud to be
20
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:44,506
♪ Right back in my hometown
21
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:47,152
♪ With my new family
22
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,848
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
23
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,820
♪ And even a bear
24
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,019
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
25
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,821
♪ It's true love we share
26
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,823
♪ And so I found a place
27
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,985
♪ Where everyone will know
28
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,494
♪ My happy mustached face
29
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,526
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
30
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,402
(chuckles)
31
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,668
(eerie music plays)
32
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,841
Damn, that is spooky dope.
33
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,041
You're not wearing that.
34
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:16,742
But it's Halloween.
35
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,014
You're such a prude.
36
00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:21,382
Donna "Saran Wrap" Tubbs
is not a prude.
37
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,022
There's a recession, Roberta.
38
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,717
We don't have money
for nonsense like costumes.
39
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,888
(loud honking)
40
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,847
How come he
gets a costume?
41
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,386
Costume?
42
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,191
This is sports gear.
It's necessary.
43
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,863
Got to cheer on
my Stoolbend Steamers
44
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,362
against the hated
Goochland Glorioles.
45
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:40,204
Cleveland, I was just
explaining to Roberta
46
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,871
that we're cutting back
right now, and that's why
47
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,570
she has to return
that slutty Halloween costume.
48
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,873
All right.
49
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,714
Roberta, you must
return that costume.
50
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:50,710
Ugh!
51
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,111
(Roberta crying)
52
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,913
Are we really broke?
53
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,754
Yeah, but no
more than usual.
54
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,879
Ah, good, 'cause I'm
going to drink the rest
55
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:58,915
of our money at the game.
56
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,749
I'm going to liquidate it.
57
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,924
Get it?
Yes.
58
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,892
Drinky, drinky, wee-wee?
59
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,721
Cleveland, you can't
drink this year. Come again?
60
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,056
You and the guys alternate
being the designated driver,
61
00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:10,062
and this year is your turn.
62
00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:11,904
The designated driver?
63
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,069
No!
64
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:16,137
(eerie music plays)
65
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:23,912
I spend 364 days a year
dressed like a damn nun,
66
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,081
and the one night I want
to show a little skin,
67
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,280
my dumb old parents
won't let me.
68
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,922
Do you want your Federline
to talk to your step-pops
69
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:31,918
and make things right?
70
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,919
He hates you.
What?
71
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,921
But I gots to be tight with
my possible step-pops-in-law.
72
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,994
Maybe he just don't
know me well enough.
73
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,933
He's about to get Feducated.
74
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,658
See, that's the
stuff he hates.
75
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,964
Yes, I'm trying to locate
76
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,495
Toonces, the Cat
Who Could Drive a Car?
77
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,601
What?
78
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:49,802
But how'd he die?
79
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,843
Feline leukemia?
80
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:52,839
Well, that's not funny.
81
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,940
Oh, it's no use.
82
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,942
I've tried one thing
I can think of
83
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,844
to find a
designated driver.
84
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,106
I'm screwed.
85
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,014
What's up, Mr. C?
Shut up.
86
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,946
Come on, I think
yous and mes should get
87
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,122
to know each other better.
88
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,790
What you doing this weekend?
89
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,658
I'll be busy being sober
at a football game
90
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:13,028
unless I can find
some jackass to drive me.
91
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,187
Wait.
92
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,625
There's a jackass
right here.
93
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,630
Federline, congratulations,
you're our designated driver.
94
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,434
Blap yeah.
(groans)
95
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:28,841
Thanks for making it so we
can't have costumes, Roberta.
96
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,182
You ruined Halloween.
97
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,137
It's my mom
and Cleveland's fault.
98
00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:34,976
They're the ones who said we
can't buy costumes this year.
99
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:35,982
Except for me,
100
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:39,153
'cause I'm so cute.
101
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:42,053
Die, die, die, die, die!
102
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,056
Aw.
Aw.
103
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,328
Look, I'm still going out
this Halloween.
104
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,827
And since I can't go
as someone sexy,
105
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:52,999
I'm going to dress up as
the least sexy thing possible.
106
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,200
This is how I'm getting
back at my mom.
107
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:58,002
You're going to have sex
with my dad.
108
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,835
No, I'm going as my mom.
109
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,171
And you should go
as Cleveland.
110
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:05,076
Then we can go out,
egg houses, TP trees...
111
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:06,379
(loud banging)
RALLO: Ow!
112
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,580
Aah, I cut myself
pretty bad!
113
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,382
And people
will think they did it.
114
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:13,094
Come on, Junior, let's get you
in Cleveland's clothes.
115
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,347
Okay, but don't look
at my breasts.
116
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,186
They're not finished.
117
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:20,061
RALLO:
No, no, no, y'all keep planning your pranks.
118
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,260
I'll just... I'll just sit
over here and bleed out.
119
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,199
I can't believe
you'd sell this costume
120
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,242
to a 15-year-old girl.
121
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,067
We want a full refund.
122
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,872
(groans)
123
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:37,114
I'll have to, like,
talk to my manager.
124
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,211
Eric?
125
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,553
Can you believe Roberta
thought I'd let her
126
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,548
out the house
looking like this?
127
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,450
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
128
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,392
Mmm.
What, you like this?
129
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,918
Well, not on Roberta.
130
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:53,232
But on you, it's giving me
a Halloween "boo-ner."
131
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,387
Really?
132
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,725
This? I don't know.
133
00:04:56,730 --> 00:05:01,100
You'd be shocked to learn
what it takes to turn me on now.
134
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,571
Mmm, porn.
135
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:05,269
Put it on, pretend you're
a naughty stranger,
136
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,912
and meet me after the game
at the Travelodge.
137
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,408
Ooh, I love how your
natural cheapness
138
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,241
plays into the fantasy.
139
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:14,406
Mm-hmm.
140
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,475
You forgot your...
141
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,423
(sighs)
142
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,249
Jobs are hard.
143
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:23,324
(all whooping)
144
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,132
(tires screech)
145
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,427
Give me an "N"!
146
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:29,429
"N"!
147
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,930
And give me a "D"!
148
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:31,931
"D"!
149
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:32,932
What's that spell?
150
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:33,933
Goochland!
151
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,604
Whoops, I meant Stoolbend.
152
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,642
Oh, man, I am drunk.
153
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,338
Yo, it's dope finally
hanging with you,
154
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,110
Mr. Brown-Biggie-Brown,
the biggest pimp in town.
155
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,779
Wherever he go, the
bitches do lay down.
156
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:48,948
"Oh, Biggie-Brown."
157
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:52,679
And it is not at all
exhausting to hang with you.
158
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,686
Aah, giant wet willy!
159
00:05:56,122 --> 00:06:00,692
Chet Butler, my previously
established rival.
160
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,864
I'd know your
willy anywhere.
161
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,463
Hey, Cleveland.
162
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,625
Shame to come all this
way just to see your team
163
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,503
get its butt handed to them.
164
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,542
Not this year, Chet.
165
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:14,367
It's your butt
that will have my hand in it.
166
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:18,135
ANNOUNCER:
And going into halftime, it's Goochland 58,
167
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,645
Stoolbend zero.
168
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,207
No worries, no worries.
169
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,976
We got this.
170
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:29,024
♪
171
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,162
ANNOUNCER:
200 years ago, God looked down
172
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:34,488
at the beauty of Virginiaand shed a tear of joy.
173
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:39,225
And that tear watered the lushplains that became Goochland.
174
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,073
But nearby...
175
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,568
God threw a Gatorade bottlefull of chew spit from his car
176
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:48,211
and he called the resultingfoul-smelling cesspool
177
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,538
Stoolbend.
178
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,913
(crowd booing)
179
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,851
What else is on?
Put on Army Wives.
180
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,847
Yes, Stoolbend,located on the banks
181
00:06:56,850 --> 00:07:00,190
of a polluted riverof garbage and raw sewage.
182
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,557
So it was no surprisewhen, in 1841,
183
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,717
Goochland was chosenover Stoolbend
184
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,686
to host PresidentWilliam Henry Harrison
185
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,695
and his wooden wife, Eunice.
186
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:15,198
Harrison was so movedby the glory of Goochland
187
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:18,202
that he bequeathedhis lumber lover to us.
188
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:22,365
And now, please stand and
salute our prized possession
189
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:26,106
Eunice Henry Harrison.
190
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:30,253
♪ Let's knock on wood, baby.
191
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,220
What the hell
is wrong with this town?
192
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,390
She's not that hot.
193
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:37,389
ANNOUNCER:
Uh-oh, watch out, Eunice.
194
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,561
It's the pride of Stoolbend...
195
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,760
rats!
196
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,761
(crowd boos)
197
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,763
How dare they mock our rats.
198
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:50,166
A lot of them... are some
of the best little guys I know.
199
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,968
Well, we may have
lost 77-nothing,
200
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:59,675
but I peed on every roll of
toilet paper in that bathroom.
201
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,584
(car engine starts)
202
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:08,594
Ah, the breeze feels good
on my drunk, hot face.
203
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,189
(car crashes)
204
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:13,793
Yo, I think I went too far.
205
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,134
(grunts in pain)
206
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,598
Oh, no!
207
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,757
My face is cooler,
but at what cost?
208
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,825
CHET:
My car!
209
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,274
Oh, Chet,
I'm so sorry.
210
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:26,270
The black president from
24 is my insurance man.
211
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,773
He's honorable.
Just call him.
212
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,774
Screw the insurance.
213
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,106
I'm gonna take
my payment another way.
214
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,482
Paypal?
You're gonna pay, pal!
215
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,511
(laughs)
216
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:38,476
Uh-oh. Run!
217
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,645
I'm just gonna
put in my earbuds.
218
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,154
I like to run to music.
219
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,315
♪ Gonna be your man in motion
220
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,324
♪ All I need
is a pair of wheels ♪
221
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,956
♪ Take me where
my future's lying ♪
222
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,401
ALL:
♪ St. Elmo's Fire.
223
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,002
Listen up, fellas,
Donna's waiting for me
224
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,135
in a slutty outfit
at a cheap motel.
225
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,470
Which one?
226
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:04,135
But we're in "emminy territory."
227
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,854
Now we'll never make it out
of Goochland dressed like this.
228
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,047
Everyone, clothes off.
229
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,717
This is only going
to attract more attention.
230
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,760
We need costumes.
Let's go.
231
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,163
Okay, almost there.
232
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,532
The bus station's only
15 Kendras away.
233
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,031
Head-to-toe
or elbow-to-elbow?
234
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,503
Oddly, it is the same.
235
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,501
She is a perfect circle.
236
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:32,803
(whistles)
Big gal.
237
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,841
Okay, everybody,
be cool.
238
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,744
Oh, my God, Lil Wayne!
239
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,006
Hey, yo, Weezy.
240
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,924
Federline Jones
from Stoolbend.
241
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,177
I sent you my demo.
242
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,515
Federline, even I know
that's not Lil Wayne,
243
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,851
and I don't know
who Lil Wayne is.
244
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,916
This my dog, Cleveland
Brown from Stoolbend.
245
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,526
Lester Krinklesac,
also from Stoolbend.
246
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,599
And Tim the Bear...
oh, you know what?
247
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,198
My whole posse
from Stoolbend.
248
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:02,029
Did somebody say
"Stoolbend" four times?
249
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,865
Get 'em!
250
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,400
Smurf my (bleep).
251
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:08,205
Let's get the (bleep)
out of smurf, buttsmurfers.
252
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,508
Am I doing it right?
253
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,007
Aah!
254
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:19,123
(all coughing)
255
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:22,619
No, that's the last bus!
256
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,393
Ever?
In the world?
257
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,561
No. Shut up, Federline.
258
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,390
Quick, through these vines.
259
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,555
Are these wine grapes?
260
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,404
Oh, this is a vineyard.
261
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,299
Wow, Goochland really is nice.
262
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:40,414
Where the hell
is Cleveland?
263
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,767
Lady hot.
264
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:42,805
Drink.
265
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,809
(giggles)
Why, thank you.
266
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,582
(howls)
267
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:52,251
Even the guy dressed as an
Armenian woman thinks I'm hot.
268
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,992
How about you, Officer?
269
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,917
You looking
for some action, too?
270
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:56,922
Maybe I am.
271
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,623
Trick or treat?
272
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,425
I'm the sweetest treat
on the street.
273
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,957
Guess that makes you
the trick.
274
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:05,003
If you're willing to pay.
275
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,928
(laughs)
276
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,773
You're under arrest
for prostitution.
277
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,469
Really?
278
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,470
(Roberta laughs)
279
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,012
Oh, man, they're going to be
280
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,607
pulling these out
the field all day.
281
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,810
Now, make sure the
security camera sees us
282
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,812
so my mom and your
dad get in trouble.
283
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:21,914
Okay.
284
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,954
Come on, let's go kill a horse
in the principal's office.
285
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:31,794
WALLY (over P.A.):
This is Principal Wally Farquhar from the security camera room.
286
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,962
Remove those toothpicks.
287
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,330
The field
is not an hors d'oeuvre.
288
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,799
So, Donna and Cleveland, Senior,
289
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,869
I'm coming after you!
290
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:44,802
WALLY (over P.A.):
Uh-oh, the door's locked.
291
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,965
Are there any locksmiths
within earshot?
292
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:51,544
Well, I guess I'll just count
toothpicks to pass the time.
293
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:56,405
One-a-rooney, two-a-rooney,
three-a-reeney, four.
294
00:11:58,684 --> 00:12:02,494
Oh, man, them punks is lucky we
got scared and took off running.
295
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:05,989
If we'd stayed, I would've
hit 'em with a blap and a blap
296
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,892
and a flip-flip-patty-whap-
rat-a-tat-tat.
297
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,855
I'm the Cat in the Hat.
Enough!
298
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,334
You're not a gangster.
299
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,502
You're a sheltered kid
from the suburbs.
300
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,571
You've never done anything
badass in your life.
301
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,401
Whitchy, whitchy,
whitchy, what?
302
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,836
You blappin' me.
303
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,711
"Blapping?"
That's not even a word.
304
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,039
You're an idiot.
305
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,854
You were our designated driver
and that's it.
306
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,507
Wow, this hurts.
307
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,675
Holt?
308
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:31,053
Lester?
309
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,721
Even you, T.T. Bear?
310
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:33,889
(gulps)
311
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,987
A'ight, then. I'm out!
312
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,717
Let him go.
No one's trying to stop him.
313
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,786
(train whistle blows)
314
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,967
Guys, let's hop the train home!
315
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,938
CLEVELAND:
Okay. Okay.
316
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,767
Here we go.
317
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:53,943
No.
318
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:58,710
No. No.
319
00:12:58,712 --> 00:12:59,712
Now!
320
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,213
(grunting)
321
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,754
(all groaning)
CLEVELAND: Ew! Ow! Ew! Ow!
322
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:06,280
CLEVELAND:
Tim, stop eating the diapers.
323
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:09,089
RALLO:
Hello?
324
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,389
Anybody home?
325
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:15,061
Again, I have
cut myself pretty badly.
326
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,931
Little help?
327
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,900
Feeling weak.
328
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,030
Maybe I'll just take a nap.
329
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,142
Aah!
330
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,797
This is all a mistake.
331
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,236
It's just a costume.
332
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,610
So is mine.
333
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,578
Yeah, I'm Whitney Cummings.
334
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,937
(coughing)
335
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,976
I don't belong here!
336
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,121
Sure you don't, sister.
337
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,977
I can't believe someone her
age is still in the game.
338
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,046
Hey, she's somebody's
grandmother.
339
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:47,932
(sighs deeply)
340
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,158
Back home.
341
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,002
Yep, safe at last.
342
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,997
Now off to the beautiful motel
to meet my cheap wife.
343
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,170
I mean, to the cheap motel
to meet my cheap wife.
344
00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,440
FEDERLINE:
Yo, special delivery from Fed X!
345
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,140
Who's a gangsta now?
346
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:06,853
Federline, what are you talking
ab... bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
347
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:07,947
(swallows)
348
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:08,978
That's right.
349
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,482
Still think I'm not a badass?
350
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,623
I done stole they Wood-ass Wife!
351
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:13,949
Ooh-ooh!
352
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,954
Oh, my God.
Did anyone see you?
353
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:16,956
No way!
354
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,987
I'm Stealth like Jamie Foxx.
355
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,362
Remember that terrible movie?
356
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,130
Nobody saw it, nobody saw me!
357
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:25,099
(low rumble)
358
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,566
(shouting)
359
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,211
(neighs)
360
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,807
Let's pray they go for
the women and children first.
361
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,711
Dear Tim Tebow.
362
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,713
Please have them kill
the women and children first.
363
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,046
Amen on three.
364
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,380
One, two, three...
ALL: Amen!
365
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:49,854
(shouting, laughing)
366
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,156
Well, they're
ransacking the town.
367
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,328
And they're looting our stores.
(glass breaking)
368
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,187
Nope, nope, they're realizing
it's all crap
369
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,896
and putting it back
on the shelves.
370
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,698
This is all
Federline's fault!
371
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:00,999
Yeah!
That's right! Yeah!
372
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,871
Look, maybe they'll
leave us alone
373
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,839
if we give them back
their Wooden Wife.
374
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:06,738
And maybe one of ours's.
375
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,870
ALL:
Take mine!
376
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,574
Ha, ha, marriage.
377
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,836
As funny as that is,
why would you give back
378
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:15,006
something that is
rightfully ours?
379
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,015
Quick, barkeep,
what knowest thou?
380
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,017
The Wooden Wife
belongs to Stoolbend.
381
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,849
(crowd exclaiming)
382
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,024
Goochland borrowed it
from us for the
383
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:26,723
ought-three World's Fair
and never returned it.
384
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,426
Gus, how did you know this?
385
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,698
I am 117 years old.
386
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:32,958
CLEVELAND:
Wow.
387
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,204
Stoolbend...
388
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:40,273
come out and play...
389
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,873
There's only one thing to do.
390
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:44,875
Give the Wooden Wife back
and grovel for our lives.
391
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:46,438
Yeah, beg for mercy!
392
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,576
Get the hell
out of town!
393
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,880
Intern the Japanese!
394
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,552
Yo, no way!
395
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,280
This our birch bitch,
396
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,885
and we ain't givin' her up
without a tussle, yo!
397
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:57,718
If we do, we just
the punks they say we is.
398
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,394
Don't listen
to the ass-brain.
399
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,262
He'll get us all
killed to death.
400
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,391
(crowd shouting)
401
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:03,385
CLEVELAND:
No!
402
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,126
The ass-brain is right.
403
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:11,139
(music plays)
404
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,897
Listen up, people of Stoolbend.
405
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:14,936
We've got to stand up
to Goochland.
406
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:18,911
Sure, they may have better
restaurants and better schools
407
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:21,112
and better infrastructure
and better people,
408
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,984
but we have nothing.
409
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:27,254
I say to you,
fellow Stoolbendipudlians,
410
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:30,123
I hope we all die today!
411
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,923
Die... for...
412
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,756
nothing!
413
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,091
Cleveland's right!
414
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,326
I'd like that
on Facebook.
415
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,000
Intern the Japanese!
416
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,929
We might be at a disadvantage,
417
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,934
but you know what you get
when you rearrange
418
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,436
the letters in "disadvantage?"
419
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,107
You get "Advantage, Sid."
420
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,767
Well, today we are Sid,
421
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,106
and we've got the advantage!
422
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,112
MAN:
What?
423
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,013
Stoolbend's a mess.
424
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,945
And we're going to make
the most of the fact
425
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,450
that it's rotting away
beneath our feet.
426
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,622
Who's with me?
427
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,950
I am!
428
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,286
He got it.
429
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:07,290
Put a cone over that
hole and let's go!
430
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,993
(cheering)
431
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:11,756
Cone.
432
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,532
After our night
of mischief,
433
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,174
my dad and your mom
are gonna find themselves
434
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,000
in a whole heap of...
435
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,805
(shouting)
436
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,138
Oh, my God.
437
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,983
Junior, what did you do?
What?
438
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:26,978
Hey, it was your idea.
439
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,050
You're a filthy liar!
440
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:31,118
Now we look and sound
like our parents.
441
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,322
(horse neighs)
442
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,990
What do we want?
443
00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:39,319
To kill the black guy,
but not because he's black!
444
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,055
CLEVELAND:
Chet Butler!
445
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:45,325
Cleveland!
446
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,831
Return Goochland's Wooden Wife
447
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,004
and we might let you live.
448
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,243
You want her, come get her.
449
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,908
Very well, then.
450
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:56,037
Goochland, attack!
451
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:57,242
(yelling)
452
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,181
What the...?
453
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,883
Rolling blackouts!
454
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,024
This happens
all the time in Stoolbend.
455
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,590
We're so used to
the darkness,
456
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,158
we've developed mole eyes.
457
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,432
(screams)
458
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:22,204
(yelling)
459
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,272
(screaming)
460
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:28,474
They're going to eat them.
461
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,606
(cheering)
462
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:36,252
I've been given
a second chance.
463
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:39,749
I'm going to DeVry
to get my advanced degree.
464
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,422
In whoring.
465
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,921
Ooh, we just
rolled into a rumble.
466
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,194
Goochlanders?
467
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:49,927
Ooh, we got a jumper.
468
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,029
I'ma leave it.
469
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,134
BOTH:
Is that what I look like?
470
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,068
Yo, thanks for standing up
for me back at the bar
471
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:04,235
when everybody
called me a ass-brain.
472
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,084
You earned it, ass-brain.
473
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,979
You showed bravery today.
474
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,251
And you have pride
in your town.
475
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,980
Just like every
dumb hockey fan.
476
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,146
Federline?
477
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,424
Blap.
478
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,121
Big preesh, C-Beezy.
479
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,263
CHET BUTLER:
There he is!
480
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,318
On the other side
of the river!
481
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,156
How'd I get over there?
482
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,262
Wait, that's Junior!
483
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,003
Hey, Chet!
484
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,596
What? Two Clevelands?
485
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,472
Remember our polluted waterways?
486
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:36,812
Well, welcome to the
Bridge on the River... Die!
487
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,239
(screaming)
488
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:46,119
How did you find my throat?
489
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,649
Nice try, Cleveland,
but you missed me.
490
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,345
I wasn't trying to get you.
491
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,416
I was trying to wake it up.
492
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,495
We have no idea
what that is.
493
00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,858
(roars)
494
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,366
No! No!
495
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,141
You okay, Junior?
Yeah.
496
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:11,142
But how am I
gonna get across?
497
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,714
I'm gonna show you.
498
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,712
Rat bridge!
499
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,754
(squeaking)
500
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:34,067
Hey there, baby.
501
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:37,397
Give you 100 bucks to get
freaky at the Travelodge.
502
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,903
Sounds good to me,
handsome... Cleveland!
503
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,206
Donna!
504
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,307
Role-playing.
Yep, role-playing.
505
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:49,754
By the time I'm done with you,
you're gonna be a canoe.
506
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:54,688
Hi. I died.
507
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:57,757
Ha, ha, just kidding.
I'll see y'all next week.
508
00:20:57,807 --> 00:21:02,357
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34589
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof