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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,695
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,005
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,108
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,040
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,046
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,278
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,653
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,152
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,424
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,863
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:26,929
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,987
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:31,196
(chuckles)
14
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,135
Say, Blood.
15
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,167
Hi, fellas.
16
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,511
Man, you are not
gonna believe this.
17
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:43,307
Believe what?!
You see that big hole over there on that wall?
18
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:47,810
Yeah.
There's a bunny rabbit on the other side of that hole.
19
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,305
Really?!
Yeah.
20
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:50,516
Look at it.
21
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,448
Cool!
22
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,792
(grunting)
23
00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:56,519
(all laughing)
24
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:57,924
Draw a face on his ass!
25
00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:01,155
I'm going to draw
a face on his ass!
26
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:04,032
CLEVELAND JR.: I think there's
been a misunderstanding!
27
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,161
I don't see a rabbit.
28
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,996
Pull his pants down,
then he'll have a furrowed brow.
29
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:09,972
(all laughing)
30
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,470
(chattering)
31
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,542
OLIVER: Hey, Roberta, your
brother has horrible breath!
32
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,212
(laughter)
33
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,680
(sighs)
Junior, for the last time,
34
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,780
there are no rabbits
at this school!
35
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,022
Oh, bother.
36
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:26,947
"Oh, uncool brother"
is more like it.
37
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,954
(exaggerated laugh)
38
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:33,086
Look, Junior, your nerd stank
is starting to rub off on me.
39
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:36,204
Yeah, this isn't exactly
a high point for me either.
40
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,957
We need to reinvent you,
the way I reinvented myself
41
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,926
the summer after seventh grade.
42
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,965
ROBERTA: That summer,I realized I needed
43
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,040
something that set me apart.
44
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,339
And when I returnedto school for eighth grade,
45
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,011
you should've seen the results.
46
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:52,179
(boys hooting and whooping)
47
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:53,949
The cap was a hit.
48
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,178
(grunts)
49
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,122
You need a new look.
50
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,948
Come on, we're going
to the Fluvanna Mall.
51
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,524
Count to five before
you follow me.
52
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,993
Yeah, I know the drill.
53
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,362
Bitch.
54
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,629
(ding)
It's ready!
55
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,965
Ladies and gentlemen,
as the self-appointed
56
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:21,842
and beloved editor of Slop
Poppers' Wikipedia page...
57
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:22,772
He's the king!
58
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,136
He's tasted them all!
59
00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:25,935
Those things are
cancer in a box.
60
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,506
I must record
the specimen's particulars
61
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:30,175
for my next update.
62
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:33,124
All right...
Chipotle Clam!
63
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,090
(sniffing)
64
00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:37,159
Mmm...
Nice bouquet.
65
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:41,958
Hints of leather.
Very clam forward.
66
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,102
The chipotle peppers
were picked near
67
00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:47,028
Bakersfield, California,
and never washed.
68
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,196
(sniffs and gags)
69
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:55,205
It's not on the label,
but there's a bird in here.
70
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,909
ALL: The king!
(applauds)
71
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:01,978
Junior, you've been in there
for 45 minutes.
72
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,022
Whoops, I fell asleep.
73
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:07,586
Good morning.
74
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,988
Damn, you look good.
75
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,660
Hold on.
There you go, Junior.
76
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,030
Uh-uh!
77
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:16,028
Junior died lookig
for a wall rabbi.
78
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:19,100
From now on,
I'm CJ McCool.
79
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,099
No, wait, just CJ.
80
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,271
I'm so cool,
I'll be known by one nam,
81
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,940
like Madonna and Hitler.
82
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:28,670
Ugh, Madonna's the worst.
83
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,652
(video game beeps)
(grunting)
84
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,278
Wow, a girl.
85
00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:38,923
And she likes
classic video games.
86
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,849
Go try your CJ on her.
87
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,964
She doesn't go to our school,
so she won't recognize you.
88
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:45,988
Make it happen, CJ.
89
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,433
I'm gonna go get a
five-minute public massage
90
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,599
from an old Asian man.
91
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:52,969
(game over music)
92
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:56,637
(grunts)
Kiss my ass, fried egg!
93
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,897
May I...?
94
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:02,035
(rhythmic beeping)
95
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,712
(triumphant music)
96
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,941
That's Burger...
uh, Buntime!
97
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,806
Nice. I'm Daisy.
98
00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,875
CJ. I like your hair.
99
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,953
It's all "I don't care,"
but I know you do.
100
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:17,023
Well, we've already had dinner.
You want to go dancing?
101
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,024
Or we could go for a drive.
102
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:22,056
Or I could rip your spine out
with a finishing move.
103
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:26,966
You're funny. Well, if you
ever feel like hanging out,
104
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,297
here's my number.
105
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,272
You've got really
soft hands.
106
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,601
I sleep with socks
filled with lotion on them.
107
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,506
That's so weird.
Call me.
108
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:41,411
Use your thumbs,
Dong! Dang!
109
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:45,653
There we go!
110
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,023
Come on, bitch!
111
00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,151
That's it, baby.
112
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,915
Ain't nothing to it
but to do it.
113
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,663
That mouthy cashier
at the Rite-Aid
114
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,159
asked when my baby's due.
115
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,030
These babies are due any day.
116
00:04:57,031 --> 00:04:59,031
Hm.
(bones cracking)
117
00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:01,203
All right, logging in
to Wikipedia as
118
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:05,941
Popperkingcleve42.
Now, Chipotle Clam.
119
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:09,139
52 grams of saturated fat.
120
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,843
Mmm, this is making me hungry.
121
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:16,851
Ah, here we go.
122
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:20,120
Late-Night
Spicy Beefloaf Popper.
123
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:27,491
(grunting)
124
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,094
Rallo, what are you doing up?
125
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,356
The back of the microwave
is in my room.
126
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,165
The fan blows right
on my face.
127
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:37,167
Well, since you're up,
hop on my back.
128
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:41,041
(grunting)
One, two, two, two.
129
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,141
You're not going
all the way down.
130
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,383
There it is.
131
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,948
Three... four...
(microwave timer dings)
132
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,647
Wha...? Someone changed
the saturated fat count
133
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,120
from 52 to 48!
134
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,848
The sat-fat's been hacked!
135
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:56,320
CLEVELAND: True Popper King?
136
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:57,663
Oh, hell no!
137
00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:00,028
Let's just change this
back to 52.
138
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,972
All right,
True popper King, it's on.
139
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:16,012
I will find you, wrap foil
around your Wikipenia,
140
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:19,439
and cook it for two to two
and-a-half minutes,
141
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:22,276
as microwaves may vary!
142
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,622
DONNA:
You tell him, baby!
143
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,677
(grunting)
Come on, focus!
144
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:28,886
Blast those abs,
you beautiful monster.
145
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,000
(whistles)
Sweet air, Daisy.
146
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,157
Thanks.
147
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,995
After we got
ice cream last night,
148
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,070
I stopped and got you something.
149
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,466
(gasps)
150
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,641
And I had it
customized for you.
151
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,710
Anderson Cooper
with cornrows?!
152
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,139
Just like my recurring nightmare
I told you about!
153
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,605
Oh, Daisy, I could kiss you.
154
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,984
You could.
155
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,523
Hey, freaks!
156
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,078
Who's this, Daisy?
157
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,916
Your prom date?
158
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,291
(all laugh)
159
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,619
Don't worry about them, CJ.
160
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,085
Well, I'd like to know
what's so amusing
161
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,834
about the idea of me going
to a prom with Daisy?
162
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,130
Uh, because it's disgusting.
163
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,202
Let's just go skate
someplace else.
164
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,831
No. You know what?
165
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,636
That's not how CJ rolls.
166
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,108
Just so you know,
we don't need to be accepted
167
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,637
by a pack of future plastic
surgery disasters
168
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,883
who will get real estate
licenses at 46
169
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,948
in a desperate attempt
to find a third husband
170
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,177
who will take care of them
after their lips explode.
171
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,976
Run.
(girls screaming)
172
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,286
Wow.
173
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:37,019
Were you serious when
you said you might
174
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,694
actually go to prom with me?
175
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,792
Of course!
176
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,033
Oh, CJ.
177
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,528
I can't wait to see
the look on everyone's
178
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,860
faces when they see
I've brought a girl to the prom.
179
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,196
Say what now?
180
00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:51,671
We'll be the first lesbian
couple at my school's prom ever.
181
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:54,772
What?!
I'm gonna go find us some matching Crocs to wear.
182
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,706
How could she possibly think...
183
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,384
Yeah, I see it.
184
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,957
What?!
A lesbian?!
185
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,517
How could she possibly think...
186
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,825
Yeah, I see it.
187
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,257
I probably should've
been tipped off,
188
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,762
but we just had so many
interests in common:
189
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:20,704
professional women's bowling,
rescue dogs,
190
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,371
wearing shorts every day
no matter how cold it is...
191
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,640
Junior, you have to
tell Daisy you're a guy.
192
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,839
But if I tell her,
then I'll lose her!
193
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,941
So what if I have to
live as a girl?
194
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,483
Serena Williams did it,
and he won Wimbledon.
195
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,949
I'm just saying,
a strong relationship
196
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,548
has to be built
on honesty, trust,
197
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:41,091
and knowing if the other person
has a wang. Dang!
198
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:43,148
(murmuring grunts)
199
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:46,586
Rallo, I need you to
lure TruePopperking33
200
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,993
into a chat room and
entice him to come over
201
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,026
with some wine coolers.
(door opens)
202
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,001
Cleve-bro,
sorry to bust in.
203
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,970
Too important.
Someone made a page for you.
204
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,698
And it wasn't me!
205
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:01,474
That's not me!
I've been photochopped!
206
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,475
Hey, you got Angry Birds
on that thing?
207
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:04,437
No, I don't.
208
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,484
But I see it right there.
Can I play?
209
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,810
Sorry, my mom said
no one else can play with it.
210
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:09,805
'Nuff said, 'nuff said.
211
00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:11,516
Oh, and there's a video.
212
00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,186
(screams)
213
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,191
Oh, thank God,
it's not real.
214
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,103
(rings)
215
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:32,344
(big sigh) Let me guess,
you're here for my sister.
216
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:35,669
Daisy.
217
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,276
Hi, CJ!
218
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,307
I got us dinner
reservations for prom night.
219
00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:41,683
And I looked
into an apartment for the two of us.
220
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,352
Oh, boy.
Um...
221
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,780
Daisy...
222
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,345
I have to tell you something.
223
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,154
I can't go to
the prom with you.
224
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,656
What? Why?
225
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:53,257
I haven't been
honest about who I am.
226
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,790
Oh, my God.
227
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,085
You're not out yet.
228
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,026
Beg pardon?
229
00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:01,170
(moans) Why is it so hot today?
230
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,668
Look, I understand
how hard this is.
231
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:06,140
It took me a long time
to come out, too.
232
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,009
But trust me, it's worth it.
233
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,768
(moans passionately)
234
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,836
Whoa.
235
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,975
What's the female version of
"boi-yoi-yoi-yoing"?
236
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:20,022
DAISY'S BROTHER (whiny): Oh, the
Bagel Bites have freezer burn.
237
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,959
Donna, you got that bread
in your purse, right?
238
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,929
And the lemon slices
from the water.
239
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,588
Good girl.
240
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,656
Um, Mr. Brown?
241
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,925
Can I speak to you under
the table for a moment? Of course.
242
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,765
I'm sorry, I didn't
want to embarrass you
243
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:39,940
in front of your wife, but your
credit card has been declined.
244
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,440
Declined!?
245
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,971
You know, it's
a little cramped down here.
246
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,206
Donna, switch?
247
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,541
Okay.
248
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,045
Ah, that's better.
Declined?!
249
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,978
I'm going to go to the bank
and talk to Atm.
250
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,524
(beeping)
Declined!?
251
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,450
But Atm...
(car engine starts)
252
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:59,015
Sorry, Mac. This here car
was reported stolen, bub.
253
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,986
Them's the breaks, pally.
254
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,334
(tires screech)
What?! Why is this all happening?
255
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,030
(phone chimes)
256
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:08,525
(gasps)
True Popper King!
257
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:11,235
He's everywhere!
(phone chimes)
258
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,947
Whoa!
259
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:28,452
Private moment, Mr.Carradine?
260
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:31,455
No! I'm trying to prevent
Truepopperking33
261
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:34,128
from infiltrating our house...
262
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,927
and my mind!
263
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,859
(groans) Enough!
264
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,004
To put an end
to this nonsense, I called
265
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,200
the Slop Popper company, and you
and that other fat-ass
266
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,473
with too much free time, are
gonna settle this
267
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,942
with a "Popper-Off" at
Slop Popper Headquarters.
268
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:52,112
No... way!
269
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,382
And True Popper King
said he'd show up
270
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,281
if you're man enough to compete.
271
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,223
Is this man enough?
272
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,678
(grunting)
273
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,246
Look! Look!
It's up, it's up!
274
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,524
Two inches!
At least two inches!
275
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,993
(bones cracking) Ah, hernia!
Something's very wrong!
276
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:10,827
Okay, listen up, everybody.
277
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,201
I got a new girlfriend.
278
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,499
She's out on the porch,
she's a lesbian,
279
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,031
she thinks I'm
a lesbian named CJ,
280
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:18,166
and I'm gonna come out to you,
and you're all
281
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,541
gonna be supportive, all right?
282
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:20,609
Okay.
Fine.
283
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:21,967
Whatever.
Seems about right.
284
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,035
CLEVELAND: Wait!
Are we gay, too?
285
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:27,014
No.
Then you should probably shave the mustache.
286
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,513
(laughs) Just keeping
everybody loose.
287
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,076
All right, we're re.
Open the door.
288
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:35,418
Everybody, this is Daisy.
289
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,492
My... girlfriend.
290
00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:40,131
What?!
You're a lesbian, !
291
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,857
Get out of my house!
292
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,832
God don't want this, CJ!
293
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,760
(sobbing):
God don't want this!
294
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,926
I hate this gay family!
295
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:51,004
Hold up!
Everybody just take a beat.
296
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:54,274
Now, this here news might be
troubling to some,
297
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,944
but it doesn't change who CJ is.
298
00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:00,153
She's still our kin, and we need
to accept and love her.
299
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,307
He's right!
300
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,454
Come here, CJ.
I accept and love you.
301
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,251
God loves all of his children,
and if he can,
302
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,694
So... can... I.
303
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:12,119
I love this gay family!
304
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,585
Group hug!
305
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:17,103
(family sobbing)
306
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,497
Wow, your family loves lesbians.
307
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:22,399
Yeah, you should see
my dad's Internet history.
308
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:27,544
Junior, you shouldn't
be messing with the prom.
309
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:30,281
It's a sacred evet
where kids say goode
310
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,607
to high school
by dancing, drinki,
311
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,882
and giving birth
in a bathroom sta.
312
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:37,821
I'm giving birth to tolerance
in the bathroom stall
313
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:40,148
of people's minds!
(car pulls up)
314
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,853
(brakes squeal)
315
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,415
(car door opens, then closes)
316
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,457
Daisy, I thought we agreed
on butch tux, Ellen kicks.
317
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:49,461
What happened?
318
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,032
I'm not going, CJ.
319
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,131
(giggles) Watch out,
Martina Navratilova.
320
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,704
There's a new
funny lesbian in town.
321
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,203
I'm serious.
322
00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,835
The school board
called my parents
323
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,670
and said if we show up, they'll
shut down the whole prom.
324
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,136
Daisy, this is
gonna surprise you,
325
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,375
but I've been bullied
at my school, too.
326
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,810
On account of your voice?
327
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,345
What? No!
328
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,550
But you know what
not fighting back gets you?
329
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,252
More bullying.
330
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,924
I'm sorry, CJ.
331
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:19,092
I guess I'm just
not the woman you are.
332
00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:21,929
(door opens)
333
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:22,928
(door closes)
334
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:24,199
(engine starts)
335
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,933
As God is my witness,
336
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,765
I did not tape all this up
for nothing!
337
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:34,110
This lesbian is going
to that prom!
338
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,724
You have no ass, Ernie.
339
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,117
No ass.
340
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,318
I'm sorry, but I can't
take you to the prom.
341
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,020
Do we know any real girls?
342
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,922
I'm a real girl.
343
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:55,094
My stepsister would pretend
to be my lesbian girlfriend?
344
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,255
You would do that for me?
345
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,263
I'd do it for CJ.
346
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:01,795
And I'll do it for you since I
got you into this to begin with.
347
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,271
Roberta, if you
liked black guys,
348
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,101
I'd kiss you.
349
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,336
So, what am I
supposed to do?
350
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:11,381
Just stay home by myself and
watch RuPaul's Drag Race?
351
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,208
Nobody said anything
about RuPa...
352
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,813
No, no. I get it.
353
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,124
You want me
to keep the wig on and watch RuPaul...
354
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,947
No, I'm not
saying that at all.
355
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,052
I'm doing it!
356
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:23,955
(high-pitched beep)
357
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,717
(indistinct chatter,
phone ringing)
358
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,090
Welcome, contestants.
359
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,355
After today, one of you
will be crowned
360
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:35,004
the Ultimate Slop Popper Fan,
and will appear on the cover
361
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:37,041
of Sloppy Seconds Magazine.
362
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:39,137
So, who's it gonna be?
363
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,039
Popperkingcleve42?
364
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,041
Yay!
365
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,883
Or is it Truepopperking33?
366
00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:46,949
Bring him on!
367
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,047
I'm gonna slop
the floor with this chump!
368
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:52,219
♪
369
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:54,948
You're Truepopperking33?!
370
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,285
You're just a kid.
371
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,919
I thought 33
would be your age.
372
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:02,285
No, it's the number of times
I had sex with your mom!
373
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,285
Oh!
374
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,296
She's an adult.
375
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,097
I'm sure she had her reasons.
376
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:09,529
Now, to quote our award-winning
1986 ad campaign,
377
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:13,166
"Lets Stop Talking
and Slop Popping!"
378
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:17,843
First up, Slop Culture trivia.
379
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:21,054
Our founder, Miller N. Green,
created the Slop Popper
380
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,447
after being fired
from what field?
381
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:24,980
CLEVELAND/SPENCER:
Foreskin restoration!
382
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,375
You're both correct!
383
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,916
(crowd applauds)
384
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,591
The year was 1968.
385
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,261
Bobby Kennedy is slain.
386
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,089
A nation mourns.
387
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,125
What kind of Slop Popper did
Walter Cronkite
388
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,430
have in his lap?
389
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,801
Groovy Gravy Flavor!
Correct!
390
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,030
The year was 1994.
391
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,796
Courtney Love was eating
a Slop Popper
392
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,844
when she found
the body of Kurt Cobain.
393
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:47,940
What flavor was she...
394
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:49,541
Grungy Gravy Flavor!
395
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,982
I don't remember the '90s.
396
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:56,048
And now, it all comes down to
The Excellency Round.
397
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,119
(boxing bell dings)
398
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,517
(grunts)
(both panting)
399
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,248
MAN: Stop this madness!
400
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,464
BOTH: Slop Popper creator,
Miller N. Green?!
401
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,317
That's right! What the
hell is going on here?
402
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,986
We're competing to determine
403
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:10,264
who's the biggest
Slop Popper fan.
404
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:13,033
What?! My God,
he's just a child!
405
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,533
An overweight child.
406
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,144
And you, you're just a slob.
407
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,767
A fat slob with
a mustache full of cheese.
408
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:21,343
A "cheese product."
409
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:24,011
I don't want either of you
associated with my company.
410
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,510
But I'm your
most loyal customer.
411
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,983
I eat five Slop Poppers a day!
412
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:32,022
As do I, also,
too, as well!
413
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:33,948
Five a day?!
414
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,153
How are you alive?
415
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:38,185
Slop Poppers were meant to be a
rare treat,
416
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:41,031
the delicate reward
for a bridge well built,
417
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:44,997
a channel well swum, or a
foreskin well restored.
418
00:17:44,998 --> 00:17:47,398
You both make me sick.
419
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,637
You have left me no choice.
420
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:54,137
Shut down production on all
Slop Poppers-- permanently!
421
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:56,040
You heard the old man's
rash decision!
422
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,612
Close down the
billion-dollar business!
423
00:17:58,611 --> 00:17:59,611
(grunting)
424
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,112
(powering down)
425
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,184
We...
426
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,823
destroyed the thing...
427
00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:07,849
we love the most.
428
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:10,694
And I stole $2,200
from your bank account
429
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,320
and registered you as a sex
offender in nine states.
430
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,986
Then I shall move to France,
431
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:18,464
like that Oscar-winning
child rapist, Roman Polanski.
432
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,995
Au revoir.
433
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:25,768
You ready to be a gay icon?
434
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,512
I'm like a fat Judy Garland.
435
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,767
No, Junior.
436
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,435
Liza Minnelli is like
a fat Judy Garland.
437
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,314
(forced laugh)
438
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,453
Let's go.
439
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:50,132
(crowd murmuring)
440
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,460
You're not welcome here.
441
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,625
Your non-traditiol
sexual preference
442
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,604
is ruining everyons
good time.
443
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:57,843
You were warned.
444
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,037
If you don't leave now,
we will shut down
445
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,939
this prom for everyone.
446
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,211
(louder grumbling and booing)
447
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,139
All right, I'll go.
448
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,375
But I want to
say something first.
449
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,780
(record scratching)
(microphone feedback)
450
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:14,122
Hi. I'm CJ, the one you all
assume is a lesbian.
451
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,450
Well, the truth is,
I'm not a lesbian.
452
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,016
I'm a boy.
453
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,364
(record scratches)
Hey!
454
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,659
And my date?
She's my sister.
455
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,431
(record scratches)
Stop it!
456
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:26,029
I was supposed to
come here with someone else.
457
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:29,032
But she was bullied not to come
because she's different.
458
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,195
You should be proud
of who you are.
459
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,874
I tried to change who I was.
460
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,112
And look what happened.
461
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:36,207
I'm a guy pretending
to be a girl,
462
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,479
at a prom, at a school
I don't go to,
463
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,508
with my sister as half
of a lesbian couple.
464
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,984
Daisy, what are you doing here?
465
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,523
I thought you might try
something like this,
466
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,388
and I wanted to make sure
you were okay.
467
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,517
I just didn't know
you had a penis!
468
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,523
I'm sorry I lied to you.
469
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,955
Hey, I'm the one who thought
you were a lesbian
470
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,531
just because you look exactly
like a black Chaz Bono.
471
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,660
(both laugh)
472
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:02,926
Come on, CJ, let these kids
have their stupid prom.
473
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:04,996
You can't leave
your own prom without
474
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,944
having at least one dance.
475
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:07,970
Are you gay?
476
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,444
Who cares?
477
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:16,581
♪
478
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,260
Hey, at least it's not
two guys, right?
479
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,090
Yeah. Could you imagine
if it was?
480
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,155
I mean, that would be
crazy, right?
481
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:33,204
You know, if you took
your toned arms
482
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:36,269
and wrapped them around my waist
and pulled me in close.
483
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,129
Oh, yeah, right.
484
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,166
You mean like this?
485
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,141
(chuckles)
This is hilarious.
486
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,109
BOTH:
I love you, Leon.
487
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:45,908
♪
488
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:51,348
Come on CJ, get in here.
489
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:54,621
Roberta, next time
we do a makeover,
490
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:58,691
let's leave no doubt that I'm
a man who likes the ladies.
491
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,691
(door opens)
492
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:03,663
Why do I listen to you?!
493
00:21:03,713 --> 00:21:08,263
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