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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,695
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,005
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,108
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,040
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,046
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,278
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,653
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,152
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,424
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,863
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:26,929
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,987
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,556
(chuckles)
14
00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:32,730
(twittering)
15
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:37,644
Good morning, Stoolbend!
16
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,708
Oh, and good morning to you!
17
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,508
I cause cancer.
18
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,010
(laughs)
19
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:48,811
Now, let's see what's going on
at the Browns' house.
20
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,816
I'm the moon.
21
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:53,318
RALLO:
Mom!
22
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,090
You having a nightmare?!
23
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,259
No. But what were
you gonna... never mind.
24
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:59,088
Check it out.
25
00:01:00,693 --> 00:01:04,633
The day is here. I'm tall enough
to ride the Eliminator,
26
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,032
the scariest
rollercoaster there is.
27
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:10,204
Fine, we'll go to
Krazy Kingdom this weekend.
28
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,474
Now I got to get back
before Cleveland
29
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:13,973
realizes I'm not in bed.
30
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:17,784
CLEVELAND:
Donna!? Donna!?
31
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,848
I'm trapped inside
the duvet cover!
32
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:25,579
Junior, you're
late for breakfast.
33
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,916
And you should probably
skip breakfast.
34
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,122
Sorry, Dad.
Little preoccupied.
35
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,964
Got a big report
due in Social Studies.
36
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,089
Really? What is it?
37
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,755
Well, the topic is,
"What Makes an American?"
38
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,934
So, I wanted to write about
a great American...
39
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:42,173
You.
You want to profile me?!
40
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,099
Excuse me.
41
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,865
ROBERTA:
My pancake!
42
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:50,143
Come on, Junior, I'm granting
you total access to my life.
43
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,184
Donna, give him your pass.
44
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:54,349
(sighs)
45
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:02,016
See your badge?
46
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,992
Come on, Eddie,
you know me!
47
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,461
Can't let you in
without a badge.
48
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,990
That's cool, I get it.
49
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,525
(grunts)
50
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:15,698
...so instead of me repeating
eighth grade, we moved.
51
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,843
Did you remember
to describe my youth as
52
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:18,938
...hardscrabble?
Hardscrabble.
53
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,509
Yeah.
54
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,308
Dad, what are you doing?
55
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,809
Enjoying the best part of my
job, other people's couches.
56
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,283
You down with OPC?
57
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,611
Sure, whatever.
58
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,476
Pants off, Junior.
59
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,184
This is America.
60
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,317
Get all this down.
61
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,963
My fellow American
citizens and I
62
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:42,089
are discussing the important
issues of the day.
63
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,656
Let's just say that I have it
on very good authority
64
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,365
that Justin Long should be
named Justin Wide.
65
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,698
Called it.
66
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,172
Freedom of speech.
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00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:52,101
This is what our
descendants fought for.
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00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:55,706
Should we sing
the National Anthem?
69
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,109
(to "Auld Lang Syne"):
♪ I pledge allegiance
70
00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:00,052
♪ To the flag
71
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:04,177
♪ Da da da da da da da
72
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:10,315
ALL:
♪ Da da da da da da da da
73
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:13,034
♪ U-S-A!
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00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,030
RALLO:
Boom. Boom. Boom.
75
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,431
Hello down there,
my tiny friends.
76
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,373
Guess which one of us
77
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,938
has grown tall enough
to ride the Eliminator?
78
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:27,138
I don't know, Rajon Rondo?
He seems pretty tall.
79
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,941
No, he said
which one of us.
80
00:03:28,943 --> 00:03:30,613
Oh, I thought
he meant black people.
81
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,141
I'm talking about me.
82
00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:34,606
I've been getting my eight hours
and drinking my milk.
83
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,675
Mama's taking me to
Krazy Kingdom this weekend!
84
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,075
Rallo, would you
take my frog,
85
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,016
Mr. Ribbit, with you up
on that roller coaster?
86
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,261
I want to see if his eyes
pop at that altitude.
87
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,487
I will take him
in the name of science.
88
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,793
Now make sure your moms
brings the $65
89
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,926
for the souvenir photo
at the end of the ride.
90
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,031
Of course!
That's the most important part!
91
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,103
I already know the face
I'm gonna make.
92
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,072
(people screaming
on roller coaster)
93
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:02,838
(door opens)
94
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,013
Hey, y'all.
95
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,212
(frog croaks)
Just humbly returning home
96
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,354
from my
all-American work day.
97
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,780
Hey, Junior, why don't you
read us your report?
98
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,115
Yeah, yeah, no, yeah,
99
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,791
no, no, yeah, no.
100
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,090
Uh, no.
101
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,092
Come on, let's hear it.
102
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,457
(microphone feedback squeals)
103
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,964
Mom, Dad,
104
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,265
time for the
report about me!
105
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,468
Excuse me,
pardon me, sorry.
106
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:32,200
Makin' us wait on the porch
just for a ridiculous entrance.
107
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:34,006
You may begin, Junior.
108
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:36,608
(sighs)
Fine.
109
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,610
"What Makes an American."
110
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,382
Mm...
111
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,950
Corners cut. Promises broken.
112
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,079
Allegiance pledged only to
selfish instincts.
113
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,445
This is a day in the life
of my father,
114
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,194
a typical American.
115
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,989
Let's see where
he's going with this.
116
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,991
As he shovels down junk food...
117
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:53,993
Well...
118
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,594
...shows no respect
for his work...
119
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:56,626
(awkward laugh)
120
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,000
...and spends the day
in a drunken stupor...
121
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,429
Libel.
122
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,774
...my father is America:
123
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:05,340
wasteful, gluttonous,
and self-satisfied,
124
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,439
with no sense of purpose.
125
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:10,941
In summation, mm-mm-mm.
126
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,448
Lavar, your son just
got his ass blasted!
127
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,751
Sit down!
128
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,849
Cleveland,
are you all right?
129
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:22,915
Fine.
130
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,363
I'm fine.
131
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:27,028
(whimpers)
You're fat!
132
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,387
You're all fat!
133
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:33,396
(tires screech)
134
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:36,134
♪ Da da da da
135
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,696
(whistles)
136
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:40,035
♪ You dropped a bomb on me
137
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,810
Junior...
138
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,879
♪ You dropped a bomb on me
139
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:47,678
(high pitched):
♪ I... I.. I...
140
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,681
♪ I... I had seven tacos.
141
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,024
(stomach rumbling)
142
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:55,349
Oh, here come Ol' Dixie!
143
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:59,016
(grunting and moaning)
144
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,186
(farting and squirting,
Cleveland moaning and sobbing)
145
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:07,597
CLEVELAND:
Why, why, why...
146
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:08,501
Oh....
147
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,535
Oh, look, a burrito!
148
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,368
(grunting)
149
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,714
Whoa, whoa, ah!
150
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,408
(grunts)
151
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,986
I think it's best
if we all agree
152
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:36,763
to keep the details of my
accident strictly between us.
153
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,934
All right, here's the guy who
fell off the toilet.
154
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:39,772
(interns laugh)
155
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,167
I don't want no scrubs!
156
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,828
Now, Cleveland,
your case is an
157
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,436
important learning opportunity
for these interns.
158
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,439
You have a sustained abrasion
of the nerve root
159
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:50,611
at the cauda equina--
or, in layman's terms,
160
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,981
a "poop chute bruise."
161
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,379
(interns laugh)
162
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,480
Or we came up with some other
good ones, too.
163
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:58,982
Uh, a "cracked crack," "a
heinous sprainus of the anus,"
164
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,786
"wrecked rectum,"
"pooper blooper,"
165
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,289
"spraint..." (laughs)
166
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,161
That was yours, right?
Yes, sir.
167
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,030
Nice job.
You're a doctor now.
168
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,958
All right!
Vicodin for everybody!
169
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,434
May I leave now?
170
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,933
Oh, hold on, Cleveland.
171
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,334
Does anybody else
have anything?
172
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:18,265
Uh, chocolate
sore-butt?
173
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,302
You're fired.
174
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,536
No, wait,
I just got that.
175
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,942
You're a doctor now, too.
176
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,383
(laughs)
Chocolate sore-bu!
177
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,110
Oh, I think
that's my favorit.
178
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,175
(all laughing)
179
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:34,719
Oh, that's rich.
180
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:39,193
Well, thank God the doctor
said it wasn't serious.
181
00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:41,133
I could've died.
182
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,998
And Junior, I ask that
you not include
183
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:47,427
this embarrassing episode in
your embarrassing report.
184
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:50,104
I'm not writing my report
about you anymore, Dad.
185
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,443
I'm not really looking to remind
people that we're related.
186
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,710
The teasing about
your toilet accident,
187
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,039
or "crapcident," has been,
188
00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:00,305
at best, unkind.
189
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,114
How did they
even hear about it?
190
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,075
I mentioned it to
everyone I know.
191
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,284
I also mentioned it
to everyone I know.
192
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,446
And introduced myself to a few
people just to tell them.
193
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:12,286
I tweeted it to my
1.2 million followers.
194
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,092
Well, falling off the toilet
is nothing
195
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,034
to be ashamed of, Junior.
196
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,759
Don't call me Junior.
197
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,104
From now on, my name
is Carlton Brown.
198
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,441
Come on, step-siblings.
199
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:25,970
(sighs)
200
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,313
Don't worry, Cleveland.
201
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,867
Carlton will come around.
202
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:29,876
Who?
203
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:30,937
Oh, Carlton Brown.
204
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,044
He's just trying to get
between me and my son,
205
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,906
who I love and I want to
be proud of me.
206
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,946
That I can't be the only one
who's ever fallen off a toilet.
207
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,022
I'll prove it!
208
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:46,192
I wonder if my
Match.com profile's still up.
209
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,427
Hey, Roberta.
210
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,133
Gonna become
a man this weekend.
211
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,535
What's that, Rallo?
212
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:57,967
Let me ask you something.
213
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,941
You're an experienced
young woman.
214
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,440
You remember
your first time?
215
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,771
What?!
216
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:05,006
What makes you even think
I had a first time?
217
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,152
Come on, I know you
like to go fast.
218
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,777
Did you scream?
What?!
219
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,422
When you were done,
did you get right back on? Rallo!
220
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,748
Did you take a picture?
Did anyone throw up on you?
221
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,454
Is it better in
the front or in the back?
222
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,515
What face did you make?
Was there a long line?
223
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:18,964
Did you keep your eyes open
the whole time?
224
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,629
Were you worried you were
gonna get stuck?
225
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,087
How long did you think
you were upside down?
226
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,325
That is my business and
I am not talking about it!
227
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,502
Get out!
228
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,031
(scoffs)
I'm not gonna tell anybody
229
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,196
about my first roller coaster.
230
00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:35,342
Thank you, diverse group
of strangers,
231
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,882
for agreeing to meet
in my basement.
232
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,678
I have in my hand stolen
hospital records,
233
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,081
revealing that each of you,
at one time,
234
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,483
fell from a height
of less than three feet,
235
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,585
most likely from
a seated position,
236
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:51,118
with Us Weekly paper cuts
on the upper thighs.
237
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,994
Queimporta, so what?!
238
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,633
Get to the point, ese!
239
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,158
Wha... are you Hispanic?
240
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,933
Si... what,
I can't dress how I want?
241
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,872
The point is, I believe
that every one of you
242
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,099
fell off the toilet.
243
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,835
Well!
Oh, come on.
244
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,440
Sacre bleu!
245
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,772
Wait, now you're...
246
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,806
Oh, where was I?
Oh, yeah...
247
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,652
I fell off
the toilet, too!
248
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,407
But if we all came forward,
we could prevent
249
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,976
others from suffering
like we have.
250
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:23,086
And my son could be
proud of me again.
251
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,360
(clears throat)
Emmy.
252
00:10:25,359 --> 00:10:28,259
So, who's willing
to stand with me
253
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,131
and become the face of
toilet-related injuries?!
254
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,201
Drop dead!
You're the only ignoramus
255
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,100
dumb enougo
fall off the.
256
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:39,766
Oh, one thing, old-timer.
257
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,173
How exactly did you
injure yourself?
258
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,535
Gay sex.
259
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,183
Good day!
260
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:50,024
(yells)
261
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,447
Uncaring bastards!
262
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,651
Who was that?
263
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,453
The evil toilet industry.
264
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,824
Big Toilet?
Mm-hmm.
265
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,763
I called American Standard
266
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,989
about making
their toilets safer.
267
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,804
Those flush fat cats
were not bowled over.
268
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,928
So, I plunged ahead
and said,
269
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,673
"Tanks for nothing,
you pieces of (bleep)."
270
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,940
(sighs) So what's the next
beat of this story?
271
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,808
Well, since I'm obviously
alone in this,
272
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:18,938
I am going to single-handedly
make sure no one else
273
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:21,945
suffers the indignity of
injuring themselves
274
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,248
while growling one out.
275
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:29,491
And by doing so,
regain the respect of my son!
276
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:32,489
And that's just one of
the uses for Formaldehyde.
277
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,832
Wow.
278
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,827
Whoa.
279
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,358
I can't believe this.
280
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,633
You're writing your
report on Gus?
281
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,503
He's a very accomplished
bartender and filmmaker.
282
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,942
Come on, Gus, what do you
say we finish this report
283
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,098
upstairs in my room?
284
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,636
Unfortunately,
I can't handle stairs,
285
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:50,982
for I have
the knees of a cow.
286
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,647
But if you'd agree
to carry me, Carlton...
287
00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:55,907
(Rollo yells, then a thump)
288
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,246
(yelling)
289
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,121
Are you wrinkling up
my Juicy pants?!
290
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,290
Yeah.
291
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,518
'Cause I'm practicing up
for that.
292
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:06,594
That's it!
293
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:08,686
My only poster!
294
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:11,026
Wheeeee!
295
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,661
This is wonderful!
296
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:18,695
(gasps)
We've been Katrina'd!
297
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:21,005
CLEVELAND:
Junior, get in here and bring your notepad!
298
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,967
There's no one here
by that name!
299
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,036
(groans)
Carlton!
300
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,605
Coming!
301
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:33,952
Son, get ready to be proud of
your father again.
302
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,194
The Toilet Bar.
303
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:37,359
Patent denied.
304
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,087
Check this out.
305
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:43,262
"Public Hearing, State Capitol,
Toilet Safety Proposal?!"
306
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,463
That's right.
I got it on the docket.
307
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,295
Called in a favor
with my man Benson
308
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,800
at the governor's office.
309
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,372
That's great, Cleveland.
310
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,870
Roberta, take your brothers,
311
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,972
pack some overnight bags,
and meet me at the car.
312
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,044
We're going to the amusement
park a little early.
313
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,183
Are we there yet?!
314
00:12:58,178 --> 00:12:59,638
We're not in the car
yet, Rallo.
315
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,246
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
316
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:03,408
Cleveland, the kids
and I will be back
317
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,246
whenever you stop
acting the fool.
318
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,082
Donna!
319
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,946
Junior, don't leave!
320
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,994
Come with me to the hearing.
321
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:10,990
Don't you see?
322
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:14,131
I'm doing all this for you!
323
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,027
You're a sad weirdo.
324
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,329
Good riddance!
325
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,931
When I appear
on the underperforming
326
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,204
Piers Morgan Tonight,they'll rue the day
327
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:27,674
they turned their backs
on Cleveland Brown.
328
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:31,214
The bar has been raised.
329
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:44,356
And now, America,
the bar has been lowered.
330
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,857
(toilet flushes)
331
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,329
Wow.
332
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,497
That was... ooh.
333
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,697
Wow.
334
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:52,628
(remote blips)
335
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,132
This is Cleveland Brown.
336
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:58,344
I have sustained no injuries and
have fallen zero times
337
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,168
since docking was initiated.
338
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:04,813
The test of the Toilet Bar beta
version was a complete success!
339
00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:06,641
Now, to release the bar...
340
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,776
(grunting)
341
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:11,623
All right, design flaw.
342
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,118
No biggie.
343
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:16,289
Unfortunately, since I've been
left alone indefinitely,
344
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,919
I'll now be forced
to break the prototype
345
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:20,955
in order to free myself.
346
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,031
(grunting)
347
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,433
(panting)
348
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,296
Wait a minute,
let me try something.
349
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,514
♪ Like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there. ♪
350
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:35,507
Dang.
351
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,668
I'm gonna die.
352
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:42,477
(grunting)
353
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,922
Help!
354
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,017
I'm stuck on a toilet
355
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:49,689
because I built a defective
toilet safety bar
356
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:55,089
trying to prove to my son I'm
not the idiot he said I was
357
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,995
in his Social Studies report!
358
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,258
(takes deep breath)
359
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:05,366
Also, Rallo wants
to go on a roller coaster!
360
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:09,509
(people screaming)
361
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,879
At last we meet, Eliminator.
362
00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:20,516
My good man, I think you'll
find everything's in order.
363
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,088
What are you doing?
364
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,091
Whew!
365
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,088
Sorry, little guy.
366
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,826
But I won't get
my picture!
367
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,331
Hey, you might want
to get him checked out,
368
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,203
make sure he doesn't have that
Webster thing.
369
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,731
What have
I been saying?!
370
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,944
I have now been sitting
on this toilet for 25 hours,
371
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,313
my second-longest time ever.
372
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,982
At this point,
the only thing keeping me going
373
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,851
is my toothpaste art.
374
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:53,119
Might as well sign it.
375
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,319
Holy frijole, that's it!
376
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:09,498
All right, Window, you don't
like me and I don't like you.
377
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,772
But we gotta work together now,
378
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:15,111
because this is
the last chance I've got.
379
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:19,438
Godspeed, roll of toilet paper.
380
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:26,148
"Trapped in bathroom.
Clevela."
381
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,992
Who in tarnation
is Clevela?!
382
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,919
You know who's good
with puzzles and such?
383
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:31,994
Cleveland.
384
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,192
I'm gonna go ask him.
385
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,933
You gonna eat that?
386
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:39,355
Num-num-num-num-num...
387
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,166
LESTER: Cleveland?
You in there?
388
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:41,927
Cleveland!
389
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:43,025
(opens door)
390
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,666
You in here,
Cleveland?
391
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:45,671
Hello...?
392
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,872
(door opens)
393
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,213
Oh, my God, Cleveland!
394
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,808
Do you know
who Clevela is?
395
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,679
She's trapped
in a bathroom, too!
396
00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:56,009
Mr. Brown, stay calm.
397
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,476
We'll have you out of here soon.
398
00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:01,024
Please hurry,
the bowl is almost full.
399
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,351
Step aside!
400
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,856
(gasps)
401
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:07,358
You're the cranky old
gay sex guy from my basement!
402
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,090
(clears throat)
403
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,555
I'll, uh, need a moment to
assess Mr. Brown's condition.
404
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:15,533
(whistles)
405
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,165
You built this yourself?
406
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,170
Yeah.
407
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,701
I thought I could help people,
408
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:24,006
but like a redhead in a Playboy,I was no help at all.
409
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,480
Hey-- you have helped someone.
410
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,009
You've helped me.
411
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,354
Is that bruise shaped like--
412
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,481
A toilet seat.
413
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,475
That's right.
414
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,846
It wasn't gay sex.
415
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,024
We did everything but.
416
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,922
Then after they left,
I slipped off the toilet,
417
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,534
landed on my back,
and hit my head.
418
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,257
Boy, did I feel stupid.
419
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,162
I was too ashamed
to tell you before,
420
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,834
but seeing you like this
gives me courage.
421
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,673
I'm going to try
to use my toilet again.
422
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:52,539
Chief, get me
to the state capitol.
423
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,709
It's go time.
424
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,175
Are you sure
you want to do this?
425
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,238
The whole city will see you!
426
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,906
They need to see!
427
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,575
If you had seen this before,
428
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,223
you would've gotten
the help you need!
429
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,434
On the wings of a
porcelain eagle.
430
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:24,042
Whoa, slow down,
Speed Racer!
431
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:25,297
Don't.
432
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,465
Just don't.
433
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:27,713
Uh, Mom?
434
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,207
You need to see this.
435
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,839
REPORTER: ...we are unsure if
this is some form of protest,
436
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:34,475
but the man is on his way to the
state capitol building...
437
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,351
What is he doing?!
438
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,419
He's on a
flying toilet.
439
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:41,318
'Cause, you know, that's
something that happens.
440
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,621
NEWS ANCHOR: Onlookers have
reported hearing the man
441
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,963
shout the words "respect"
and "teenage son" and "fat."
442
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,931
But no one seems to know what
443
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:52,659
this bizarre display could
possibly mean--
444
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,325
I'll tell you
what it means.
445
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,334
That man is risking his life
446
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:58,796
so that I no longer
need feel ashamed.
447
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:02,905
Toilet-Related Injury
survivors, raise your hands!
448
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:06,176
Weird town.
449
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:09,479
We're going to the capitol
to support Cleveland!
450
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,282
Come on, Carlton!
451
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:14,994
The name is...
Cleveland Brown, Junior.
452
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:19,358
I pray to God military jets are
scrambling to shoot him down.
453
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:23,456
Now, kids, remember
Mama's high-speed chase
454
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:24,933
that she was totally
exonerated of
455
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,531
because the police officer
filled out the ticket wrong?
456
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:28,774
Buckle up.
457
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,813
(grunting happily)
458
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:50,322
(Rallo yells happily,
laughs)
459
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:56,033
I love my irresponsible mama!
460
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,080
(Rollo yells happily)
461
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:18,352
RALLO:
I got my picturrrre...!
462
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,998
"...And though my father was
only allowed to speak
463
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,658
"for three minutes
before the committee
464
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,026
"ejected him in disgust...
465
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:38,774
"and though he was cited
for public indecency...
466
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:42,511
he showed great courage and
fought for what he believed in."
467
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:44,778
That's what makes an American.
468
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,807
And that's what makes my dad...
469
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,453
my hero.
470
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:52,978
Cleveland Brown Jr.,
proud son of Toilet Man.
471
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,146
(cheering)
472
00:20:55,196 --> 00:20:59,746
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