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1
00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:03,841
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:06,138
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,540
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,842
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,605
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,454
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,649
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,551
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,723
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,862
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,788
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,863
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,763
(chuckles)
14
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:34,869
Bitchin' bods!
Totally awesome!
15
00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:35,769
I ain't afraid
of no ghost!
16
00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:39,510
You ladies want a ride
in my brand-new '84 Trans Am?
17
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,067
Forget about those
sophomore chicks, Terry.
18
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,176
We're graduating
this ear.
19
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,278
Class of '84.
20
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:50,049
Man, I can't wait for
the 1984 Olympics this year!
21
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,151
(rock music plays)
22
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,622
CLEVELAND:
It was 1984.
23
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,721
All right, you animals,
listen up, now.
24
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,163
Our man Cleveland Brown
is officially a legend.
25
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,089
Not only did he win
last night's game
26
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,634
with a home run
in the bottom of the ninth,
27
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,530
but Coach McFall said
they're gonna retire his number
28
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:06,673
after the season.
29
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,767
To Hot Brown
Number Nine!
30
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:09,699
(whooping)
31
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,473
Yeah!
Yeah!
32
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,872
How shot J.R.?
33
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,043
Are y'all
drinking beer?!
34
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:17,042
Hey. Wally Farker, right?
35
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,084
You want in?
36
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,909
It's Farquhar.
37
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:21,984
And no, I do n't wa nt in.
38
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:25,052
But in is what
I'm gonna turn you--
39
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,152
in to the principal.
40
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:30,093
Oh, come on, all we're doing
is letting off a little steam.
41
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,121
Don't touch me!
42
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,825
That's how you get AIDS.
43
00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:34,287
Ha! What Wally doesn't know
44
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,195
is that I'm wearinga condom right now.
45
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,858
Now, if you'll excuse me,
46
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,966
I'm off to report you
to the principal.
47
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:42,299
Uh-uh!
48
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,303
What you talkin' about, Wallace?
49
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,235
Hold this.
50
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,670
(whimpering)
51
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:50,105
(yells)
52
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,341
Uh, ew...
53
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,346
(laughing)
54
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,847
Hey, guys, look!
55
00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:56,649
He's peeing himself!
56
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:57,680
(laughter)
57
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,245
(sobbing):
Oh... no...
58
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:03,793
It's all over
my thigh and pocket contents.
59
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,191
(laughter)
60
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,292
WALLY:
No!
61
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,034
♪
62
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:10,800
(laughter)
63
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:14,028
He peed on his thigh
and pocket contents!
64
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,204
Hey, you want a cold one?
65
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:18,102
Does Amy Winehouse
pick at her skin a lot?
66
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:22,105
Man, all this talk
about the old baseball field.
67
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,879
Know what I say we do?
68
00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:25,178
Start a fight
with those old ladies
69
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:28,009
in red hats and purple
dresses at the mall?
70
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,345
No. (laughs)
71
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,380
Come on, get serious.
72
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,385
No, I was gonna...
(laughs)
73
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,217
Okay, seriously,
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00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,992
I was gonna say... Aw!
75
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:40,691
(tires screeching)
CLEVELAND: Yee-haw!
76
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:44,534
(blows landing,
martial arts grunts)
77
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,739
Ow!
78
00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:58,008
Yaah!
(bone breaks)
79
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,975
(laughter)
80
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:01,881
Did you see me?
81
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,122
I was all, "Yaah!"
(laughs)
82
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:07,148
Now, if I may finish the
point I was making earlier,
83
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,394
we should stop by
the old ball field.
84
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,790
Oh, cool!
Maybe after that,
85
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,761
we can drive over
and visit my daughter.
86
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,290
I haven't seen her
for a year and a half.
87
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:18,226
We'll see how we're
doing on time.
88
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,832
Look at this place!
89
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,944
The bleachers are
covered with racist,
90
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,697
occasionally
hilarious graffiti.
91
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:28,405
I'm surprised the team can
even play on this mess.
92
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,339
Oh, no, there is no team.
93
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,914
When Wally became principal,
94
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,712
he disbanded
the baseball program.
95
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,984
Disbanded the team?!
96
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:38,352
But baseball's our slowly
dying national pastime.
97
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:42,852
Oh, this is a worse travesty
than that remake of Chinatown
98
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,456
with Miley Cyrus.
99
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,058
She's my sister!
100
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,590
(loud slap)
She's my daughter!
101
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:52,025
(slap)
She's my sister and y daughter!
102
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,238
Is that
wacky tabacky?
103
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,698
Uh... no.
104
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,406
Oh, thank goodness.
105
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,337
You're good kids.
106
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,283
(laughs)
107
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,337
But watch the height
of that five.
108
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:08,846
All fives must be
shoulder-height or below.
109
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:12,992
Mm. Smells like a relaxing
afternoon around here.
110
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:15,117
Hey, Wally, this school
needs a baseball team.
111
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:18,562
Can't afford it-- not
with the popularity of the Math Club
112
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,859
and the Fluffers, my
a cappella singing group.
113
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:24,161
What if I could raise the money
before the season starts?
114
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:28,834
Why not? I'd love to see you
raise five grand in a week.
115
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,466
Thank you.
I meant that sarcastically.
116
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,472
Oh. Well, then screw you.
117
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:34,914
Thank you.
What?
118
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,038
You said screw me.
119
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:39,013
I take that to mean
you're attracted to me.
120
00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:41,513
I'm gonna walk away now.
121
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,245
Bye-bye.
122
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,250
Love baseball.
123
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:46,252
Love pound cake more.
124
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:47,853
These cakes got
nuts in 'em? No.
125
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:50,155
Not allergic-- just don't
want nuts in my mouth.
126
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,817
This guy gets it; this
guy'll get it later.
127
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,886
Homophobia's no laughing matter.
128
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,495
(chuckles):
Although, if you really think
129
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,497
about what
they do to each other,
130
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,499
it is kind of funny.
131
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:04,470
I don't know how they're
not giggling the entire time.
132
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,371
(register rings)
133
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:10,413
We've made $422 in five days!
134
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,841
We're on our way.
135
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,405
Terry, how'd you do?
136
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,384
I got us this check
for $120,000.
137
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:17,523
(goofy stammering)
138
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,078
How'd you do that?
139
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:20,386
Old moneybags Waterman
gave it to me.
140
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,817
All I had to do
was reach out and take it.
141
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,463
Oh, Terry, I have that
donation you asked about.
142
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:30,330
But I'm carrying this large
stack of books at the moment.
143
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,801
Perhaps you could
just, um...
144
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:35,399
reach into my pocket
and take the check yourself?
145
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,472
Eh, whatever's clever.
146
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,372
120 grand?!
147
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,205
Hey, thanks, Mr. Waterman!
148
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,340
You're good people.
149
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,505
Think nothing of it, Terry.
150
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,553
(gasps)
151
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,878
(giggling)
152
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:53,323
(giggling, grunting)
153
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:57,224
(groans)
154
00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:01,257
Uh, I'll have what he's having.
155
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,429
♪ We built this ballpark
156
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,995
♪ We built this ballpark
on a gay dude's ♪
157
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:16,205
♪ Cash...
158
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:32,215
♪ Say you don't know me ♪
159
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:36,026
♪ Or recognize my face
160
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,329
♪ Say you don't care ♪
161
00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:39,061
♪ Who goes
162
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,826
♪ To that kind of place.
163
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,408
(song ends)
164
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:53,211
Hey! We got
our field back!
165
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,353
You get the hell out of here!
166
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:59,319
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
plays in background)
167
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,949
This is great, Cleveland.
168
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,524
Baseball is what the kids
in this town need
169
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:06,494
so that they can focus
and not listen to the...
170
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:09,463
to the Pink Floyd
records all the time!
171
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,603
Do you drug-test
the players?
172
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,398
No.
173
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:13,299
(chuckles):
Awesome.
174
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:17,900
Oh-ho! Hey, all about
the civil liberties, this one.
175
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,911
I know my boy's
a little tiny
176
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,138
on account of we nursed
him on root beer,
177
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,483
but he likes to dance
around like a moron
178
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:27,379
and has a high
tolerance for heat.
179
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:31,821
Well, I think we've got
ourselves a mascot!
180
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:35,445
Cool! It smells like
beer and throw-up!
181
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,656
Hey, Junior, where
are you headed
182
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,058
so, quote, "fast," unquote?
183
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,430
Inside. I got a big
day ahead of me.
184
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,660
You sure do.
185
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,595
Come here.
186
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,599
Son, I'm so proud
I can officially
187
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:52,941
pass on the name given to me
by Coach McFall: Hot Brown.
188
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,310
What do you say,
Hot Brown Jr.?
189
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:57,779
No, thank you--
I have no interest in baseball.
190
00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,378
(record needle scratches,
music stops)
191
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,409
Sorry.
His reaction surprised me.
192
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:03,515
Junior, at least
give it a try.
193
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,147
I can't, Daddy--
I'm signing up
194
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,022
for a different after-
school activity: Math Club.
195
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,051
(loud boinging)
196
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,586
I'm sorry.
I sent away for this months ago.
197
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,192
Principal Farquhar
says I have
198
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,433
the second highest
trigonometry scores in the whole...
199
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:18,060
Eh-eh-eh-eh, back up.
200
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:18,995
Math Club?
201
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,369
Who cares about math?
202
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,027
WALLY: I do!
203
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,995
Right this way, Cleveland Jr.
204
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,174
Math Club sign-ups
right this way.
205
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,944
Attaboy.
206
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:29,712
Oh, great!
207
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,340
What else bad could happen?
208
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,952
Oh (bleep).
209
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:42,351
Hey, here's to Cleveland for
bringing baseball to town,
210
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,256
so that all our sons,
except his, can enjoy it.
211
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:50,059
Oh, what would Coach McFall say
if he knew my boy chose
212
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,403
the Math Club
over the baseball team?
213
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:56,599
McFall? Isn't that the name
of, uh, the old alkie
214
00:08:56,603 --> 00:09:00,143
who mops up the floor
for free drinks?
215
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:05,108
(dreamlike music plays)
216
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,612
All right, gentlemen,
217
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,284
before you get on that field,
218
00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,483
I want you
to remember two things:
219
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:14,515
one, you're all
great baseball players;
220
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:19,291
two, overweight divorcees
are an easy lay.
221
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:20,363
Think about it.
222
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,230
So what do you say
we go win this thing?
223
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,029
(players whooping and hollering)
Let's go, let's go!
224
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,961
Let's go do it!
Let's go, brothers! All right!
225
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,396
McFALL:
"Sad sex" on three.
226
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,471
One, two, three.
227
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:29,568
ALL:
Sad sex!
228
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,440
(whooping)
Let's go! Here we go! Yeah!
229
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:38,007
Coach McFall,
it's you!
230
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:40,551
(suppressed retching)
231
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,347
(swallows)
232
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,876
So, I see you're
still a fan
233
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:48,186
of the chewing
tobacco.
234
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:48,648
Hot Brown!
235
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,485
What are you doing
back in town,
236
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,820
you bigheaded S.O.B.?
237
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:55,455
Believe it or not, I'm the
Growlers' new head coach.
238
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:59,262
Unfortunately, my son would
rather join the Math Club.
239
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,196
And you're just
going to sit there,
240
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,771
blubbering
into your beer?
241
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,169
(spits)
242
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,171
Well, not now.
243
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,742
What kind of coach are you?
244
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,340
No one's born loving baseball,
Hot Brown.
245
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:11,884
How could they be?
246
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,278
It's dull as dirt.
247
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,450
You've got to give your son
248
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,378
something from your past
to inspire him.
249
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,853
Like when my dad
let me nail his third wife.
250
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,552
He cheered me on
from the closet.
251
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:21,924
Her name was Maureen.
252
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,062
Looked like a really hot
Dick Nixon.
253
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:28,457
Make baseball your hot
Dick Nixon, Cleveland.
254
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,225
I know the perfect
thing to give Junior.
255
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,333
Coach, I don't know
how to thank you.
256
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:39,466
I need a place to live
and some money.
257
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,373
Oh, we all do, Coach.
258
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,505
We all do.
259
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:48,179
Hey, Daddy.
260
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,681
I was just playing
truth or dare,
261
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:53,353
and I was dared to climb
the bookshelf like a fireman.
262
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,453
Who dared you?
263
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,554
Larry the Leopard.
264
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:58,485
14... you're 14!
265
00:10:58,492 --> 00:10:59,462
Now, get down here.
266
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:02,589
I got something
I want you to have.
267
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,399
Wow!
268
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:06,259
Number Nine?
269
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,226
I thought when you left,
they retired it for good.
270
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,396
I'm Brett Favre-ing it.
271
00:11:10,404 --> 00:11:13,644
Except I'm not being
a public jag-off about it.
272
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:17,140
I want you to join the team
and wear my jersey
273
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:20,714
and keep
the Brown family legacy alive.
274
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,514
Wow!
275
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,516
(both screaming)
276
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:28,749
Larry the Leopard,
call for backup, pronto!
277
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,890
ANGUS:
And Collegiate leading by one,
278
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:37,134
thanks to a great outing
by pitcher Myles Duggan.
279
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,060
Duggan's a junior,
but only because
280
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,266
he was held back this year
for what he claims is
281
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:45,598
a "learning disability"
called-- get this-- "dyslexia."
282
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,535
(laughs)
Gesundheit.
283
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,181
(dance music plays)
284
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:56,578
Look, a black baseball player
that doesn't speak Spanish.
285
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,623
Rallo, what are
you talking about?
286
00:11:58,618 --> 00:11:59,918
That's rare.
287
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,720
Come on, Junior.
288
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:02,552
(cheering)
289
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,656
GORDY:
That's Cleveland Brown Jr.,
290
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:07,528
wearing the original jersey
his father made famous.
291
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:12,627
After 25 years, Hot Brown Number
Nine is back at the plate.
292
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,002
Here's the pitch and...
293
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:15,801
ball one.
294
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:16,972
Little outside.
295
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,540
Good eye.
296
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:19,974
GORDY:
Ball two.
297
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:23,713
This type of excitement is
what makes the game great.
298
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,340
Anything can happen.
299
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:29,305
The next pitch could be
a strike, a hit, an out,
300
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,816
ball three, or
even a foul.
301
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,318
Here we go.
302
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,553
GORDY:
Ball three.
303
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,355
ANGUS:
Wow, I wonder
304
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,557
what will happen next.
305
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,288
GORDY:
Hard to say.
306
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:40,893
Here we go.
307
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:43,664
The pitch and...
ball four.
308
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:44,833
He walks. Slowly.
309
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:48,571
ANGUS:
A respectable if underwhelming return to the field
310
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,368
for the legendary Number Nine.
311
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,540
(sighs)
312
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,468
All right.
313
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,512
GORDY:
And here's deaf powerhouse,
314
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:58,078
Oliver "I Can't Hear You"
Wilkerson.
315
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,338
(nasally):
Come on.
316
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,476
Show me what you got.
317
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,180
It's showtime.
318
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,483
ANGUS:
De plane, de plane!
319
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,316
That ball is flying!
320
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:10,864
Oh, hello, Mrs. Ladybug.
321
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:11,987
Run, Junior!
322
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:12,722
Run!
323
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:15,726
Move your fat ass!
324
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,871
GORDY:
Double play!
325
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,400
What was Brown thinking?!
326
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,666
(crowd booing)
327
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:32,483
(laughs)
328
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,779
Junior stinks!
329
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,780
Good space work, son.
330
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,950
GORDY:
Looks like Number Nineis a Hot Brown mess.
331
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:45,724
ANGUS:
Brown Number Nine makes youhate the game itself.
332
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,925
GORDY:
The Growlers shouldretire that jersey again.
333
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,329
Retire it to the (bleep) can.
334
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,900
ANGUS:Gordy, we've talked about this.
335
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,769
You can't say that on the air.
336
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:55,668
GORDY:
So what?
337
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,069
They'll just bleep it.
338
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,370
Brown Number Ninesucks (bleep).
339
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,309
Hey, did I tell you about the
service call I got this morning?
340
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:10,723
Some Russian dude tried to hook
up his cable box to his oven.
341
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:11,717
(laughs)
342
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,488
Man, what a Number Nine.
343
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:15,747
Uh, I mean dumb-ass.
344
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:16,785
Oh, I get it.
345
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,320
A Number Nine. Ha-ha.
346
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,915
Did you come up
with that yourself?
347
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,856
Uh, no, I heard it somewhere.
348
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,162
Where?
Everywhere.
349
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,663
From who?
Everybody.
350
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,034
When?
All the time.
351
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,772
How?
Derogatorily.
352
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:28,767
That's it!
353
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,598
My legacy has
been besmirched.
354
00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,704
And it's time I
un-besmirch it.
355
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,606
Terry, I'm going to do something
356
00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:37,478
I should've done
a long time ago.
357
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,140
(tires screech)
358
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:42,106
CLEVELAND (sighs):
Oh.
359
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:42,975
Oh, God.
360
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,523
Aw, this is a gross bathroom.
361
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,648
Oh, there's pee on the seat.
362
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,754
I don't care, I'll squat.
363
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,686
Oh, my legs are too tired.
364
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:52,721
I'll just sit in it.
365
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,726
I got hand sanitizer
inside the truck;
366
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,528
I'll just wipe my butt cheeks
off with it.
367
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,430
(sighs):
Ah.
368
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,931
They should've called this
the "ambm."
369
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,674
Oh, man, I got to get out there
370
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,769
and deal with my kid
and my legacy.
371
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,671
Oh, for Pete's sake, somebody
wrote "Brown Number Nine"
372
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,484
on the wall in number two!
373
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:11,807
Oh, this place is gross.
374
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,781
What the hell?
375
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:16,209
I am never eating hot dogs
from this place anymore.
376
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,846
Actually, I wouldn't mind
having a hot dog.
377
00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:20,622
Oh, they're out of paper.
378
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,120
I better call Terry
to bring me some.
379
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,663
No signal?
380
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:25,718
This phone sucks!
381
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,685
What am I supposed to wipe with?
382
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:31,104
Oh, please tell me
I wore old socks.
383
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,457
Yes!
384
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,795
Now we're gonna
do something else
385
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:37,041
I should have done
a long time ago.
386
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:39,597
(tires screech)
387
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,505
(gasps)
388
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:46,835
Oh, no.
389
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,106
Where's my dad's jersey?
390
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,754
Someone stole my dad's jersey!
391
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:51,850
Not just someone.
392
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:55,191
This security footage should
answer all your questions,
393
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,188
unless your questions
are of a sexual nature,
394
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:01,430
in which case you should talk
to your parents or a priest.
395
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:09,372
(TV clicks)
396
00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:31,056
Hey, what are you watching,
The Cleveland Show?
397
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:32,717
(hums theme song)
398
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:34,326
Uh-oh.
399
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,098
Cleveland Jr., may I enter?
400
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,332
Yes.
401
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:47,136
Son, I can't believe I would
do something so stupid
402
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:50,710
as to steal this
jersey back from you.
403
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,940
Here, it's yours.
404
00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:53,676
Fine.
405
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,950
You forgive me for
stealing the jersey?
406
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:56,849
Yeah.
407
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,950
Good. 'Cause
you were awful.
408
00:16:58,952 --> 00:16:59,952
You know that, right?
409
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:01,193
I mean,
you're my boy,
410
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:05,717
(Dominican accent): but you-a
no berry good at the baseball.
411
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,085
No, sirree.
412
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,233
No, no, no.
413
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,188
Awful.
414
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:09,985
Bad boy.
415
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:11,956
Bad baseball
player.
416
00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:12,995
Stinky pie.
417
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,169
Sucka-wacka.
418
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,227
No bueno.
419
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,695
(normal voice): But as for
me stealing the jersey,
420
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,004
that's water
under the bridge.
421
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:20,866
Okay.
422
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,344
All right, then.
423
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:25,812
You're a bad
baseball player.
424
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,148
Bye.
Bye-bye, Junior.
425
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,981
Bye, Miss Donna.
426
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:34,692
Well, that was pretty cold.
427
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,917
Cleveland, you broke into
the school, exploded his locker,
428
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:41,134
and stole back your jersey
because you were ashamed of him.
429
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,127
And I apologized.
430
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:44,128
But what about
my isappointment?
431
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:47,230
Even Tim's son Raymond
went two for three,
432
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,803
and he was blazed
out of his mind.
433
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:51,642
When are you going to realize
that this isn't about you?
434
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:55,138
This is about your son and
appreciating what he's good at.
435
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:59,141
Well, listen to
Dr. Phyl-icia Rashad.
436
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:03,305
I told you never to mention
that name in this house.
437
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,976
I'm gonna kill you,
Phylicia Rashad.
438
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:10,016
I'm gonna kill you.
439
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:12,123
(clears throat)
440
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,688
(school bell ringing)
441
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,164
Hey, Mr. Farquhar.
442
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,803
I watched the
tape you gave me.
443
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:22,098
As far as I'm concerned,
you may as well use this
444
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,142
to erase that
erroneous derivative.
445
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:28,067
The upper limit should be
N cubed, not N squared.
446
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:30,144
No, because the--
447
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,543
He's right!
448
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,944
Hooray!
Yippee!
449
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,146
Nerds!
450
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,319
(cheering)
451
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,678
Stand up!
452
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:40,816
MAN:
You stand up!
453
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,020
I am standing up.
454
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:42,951
I know!
455
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,016
In your face,
dwarf-ass!
456
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,694
That's hurtful!
457
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:51,833
Coach, I did something you
always told me not to do.
458
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,831
I took my eye
off the ball--
459
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,803
the ball being my
relationship with my son.
460
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,403
And now, as a
consequence,
461
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:01,914
there's been a rain delay
in said relationship.
462
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,908
We've all got problems,
Hot Brown.
463
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:08,010
Last night, I slept in
a gas station bathroom.
464
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,184
It was filthy.
465
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,622
My feet were freezing.
466
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:14,187
Thank God someone left
a pair of socks in there.
467
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:18,117
Hey, you think our livers
would be a match?
468
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:19,724
This is an odd place
469
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,186
for the Math
Club to meet.
470
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:22,594
Pop quiz, Junior.
471
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:25,155
How do you turn a nine
into a zero?
472
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,295
CLEVELAND:
Junior!
473
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:29,199
What are you doing
here with Wally?
474
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,866
And what is he doing
with my jersey?
475
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:37,612
Showing Cleveland Jr.
a real Hot Number Nine.
476
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:40,580
(laughing maniacally)
477
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:43,847
That's my jersey.
478
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,120
My dad gave it to me.
479
00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:47,618
But then you gave it to me.
480
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,690
No...!
481
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,759
(grunts)
482
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:53,621
Here, Daddy.
483
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:54,356
I'm sorry.
484
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,930
You've got nothing
to apologize for.
485
00:19:56,930 --> 00:20:00,130
You didn't disgrace
this jersey, son.
486
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,333
I did.
487
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,834
I'm proud to be
your father.
488
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,136
I love you, Dad.
489
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:06,098
(clears throat)
490
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,905
Pride is what
men feel.
491
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,307
Love is for
the ladies.
492
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,348
Fine, go on!
493
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:17,217
Go back to your dad,
you chubby loser!
494
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:17,977
(crowd gasps)
495
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:20,594
Nobody calls my fat son
496
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,717
a chubby loser.
497
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,022
(screaming)
498
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,630
(sobbing)
499
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:33,156
(screaming)
500
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:34,366
Oh, no! No!
501
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,827
Oh, not again!
502
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,165
(laughs)
503
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:38,170
Wee-wee!
504
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:39,901
(sobbing)
505
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,136
CLEVELAND:
I didn't enjoy watching
506
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,081
Wally humiliate himselfthat night.
507
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:47,477
Actually, I did.I enjoyed it immensely.
508
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,480
And as for Wally,well, he relearned
509
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:54,723
the same lesson he learned25 years ago:
510
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,151
mess with me, and you're gonna
511
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:59,055
pee on your thighand pocket contents.
512
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:02,758
My name is Cleveland Brown.
513
00:21:02,808 --> 00:21:07,358
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