All language subtitles for The Cleveland Show s01e08 From Bed to Worse.eng

♪ My name is Cleveland Brown

♪ And I am proud to be

♪ Right back in my hometown

♪ With my new family

♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪

♪ And even a bear

♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪

♪ It's true love we share ♪

♪ And so I found a place

♪ Where everyone will know

♪ My happy mustached face

♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪

(chuckles)

Dinner!

What's on tap, baby?

Your favorite.

I usually have my "favorite"
as a midnight snack.

Your bib's on
the nightstand.

(moaning)

Uhp.

Oh, I know I'm not looking
at another plate of scallops.

Scallops?! Hooray!

It's his favorite.
I figured that out

since we've had it
ten times this month.

I'm gonna go toast
up my favorite:

fish sticks
and Tater Tots.

Honey, we're out of them.

We had some
this morning.

What happened to 'em?
Guilty!

♪ Fish sticks and Tater Tots
and Strawberry Quik. ♪

DONNA: Dinner!

CLEVELAND:
What's on tap, baby?

So, Cleveland Jr.,
are you all packed

for your school trip to D.C.?

I'm not going on that trip.

Not going?

This is your chance to
visit our nation's capital

and see how white people
created our country

with no help from
anybody else.

I'm not going.

Bye, Shamu.

It's just that
Junior's never spent

a night away
from his parents.

Roberta, you going on
that trip, aren't you?

No way I'm babysitting.

Roberta, let me introduce you

to some gentlemen of influence.

Mr. Andrew Jackson
and his twin brother

Mr. Andrew Jackson.

And a hemp-growing slave owner--

you know him as "The General"--

Mr. George Washington.

Forty-one dollars?

$41 for keeping
an eye on my boy.

Forty-one dollars.

Hey, Junior, you ready
to have a good time

in Washington
with your big sister

looking out for you?

CLEVELAND JR.: Okay.

All right.
Come on up here, Junior.

Daddy, watch out!
Somebody put a lot of boogers

under your part
of the table. (clearing throat)

Let's go, people.

I want fannies
on the bus!

Come on, fannies
on the bus!

(sighs)

Come on, little brother.

Hey, Cleveland Jr.
What?

Get bitches, man.

(indistinct shouting)
Okay, zip it, lock it,

put it in your pocket.

This is Tim and Arianna,

Raymond's mom and dad.

That's, uh, that's Raymond,
right back there.

Hello?

Eh, you watch out,
pretty girls.

He's, he's going to try
to kiss your face.

Oh, that's a wonderful
message, Tim.

Because kissing girls
is certainly

going to get him
into Princeton University.

They'll be your chaperones.

They have the power
to give you demerits.

I will take back that power
at the end of the trip.

But until then, you will
treat them with respect.

Remember, no iPods,
no carbonated beverages,

and one last rule.

Have...

fun!

(bouncy jingle plays on TV)

ANNOUNCER (on TV):
The Barf Family

will return on Fox
after these messages.

Um, fast-forward.

What?
Fast-forward through the commercial.

I'm not gonna fast-forward
through the commercial.

Why not? That's why
we got a DVR.

We got a DVR so
we could record

the programs we
want to watch

with he commercials.

Your generation
needs to calm down.

Look, these ad
men are doing

all sorts of research
on what we want to buy.

Then they're putting
descriptions of the products

on during the shows they
know we're gonna watch.

They're going
shopping for us.

"Fast-forward through
the commercials."

Fast-forward to
your bedtime.

ANNOUNCER:
Cascade, your husband...

Wow!

(indistinct shouting)
Tim, why aren't you doing anything?

They're going crazy back there.

It's like American Pie Four:
Band Camp.

(sighs)

May I have your
attention, please...

(bus thuds, Tim grunts)

(screams)

Oh, so sorry about that.

But hey, you know,
now, now you look like

a, a very pretty
Edward James Olmos, ha.

Yes, you see what
you made me do?

You made me make
a freak out of that girl.

I brought Daniel Boone hats
to wear for the bus ride.

Sounds like fun.

It is fun.

(funk music plays)

(whispering):
There's Oliver Wilkerson.

They say there ain't a
sport he hasn't lettered in

or a girl who
hasn't let him in.

Give me your seats.

Why was I whispering?
He's deaf.

But I want to sit
close to my sister.

It's not right
to separate a family.

Tell him, Roberta.

He's not my real brother.

His dad married my mom.

Nobody asked my permission.

Well, well, well--
the plot thickens.

(laughter)

Out of my
chair, fatso.

Rallo, be nice.

Well, I'm tired of him
picking the menu,

eating my fish sticks,

sitting where
I used to sit,

running around like
he owns the place.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is your name on the mortgage
of this house?

No. Is yours?

No, but that's just
a matter of paperwork.

I have an appointment
with Len Stein later this week.

Oh, he called back?

Yeah, I made us
an appointment

at 10:30 on Thursday.

I got to work
on Thursday.

Oh. You know
what I'll do?

I'll get Len to overnight
us the signature copies.

Hold on.

Len? Hey, Cleveland
Brown here.

Cleveland Brown?

Donna Tubbs'
new husband.

Yeah. How you doing?

Listen, Donna won't be able
to make it on Thursday,

so we were hoping you could
send us the signature pages

of the inter-spousal
transfer of title form.

I'm assuming they
need a real signature and not a faxed copy?

Right, yeah. Um, could
you just send them

to us here
at the house?

Yeah, that way
we'll sign them

and I'll just make our
file copies at Kinkos.

Hey, and while I'm there,

I'll just overnight it
right back to you.

Great!
Thanks, Len!

Ask me Thursday at noon
if my name's on the mortgage.

So I'm getting undressed,

thinking he's running
the bath for me,

only to walk in
and see his big ol' butt

stepping into the tub.

And believe me,
it was not a good angle.

(grunts)

Did you even get a bath?

Hell, no.

We was out of hot water.

I had to take a whore's
bath at the sink.

Oh, but I am clean,
m-most definitely clean.

Sounds like he's not respecting
your position in the family.

I'm the man of that house.

So what are you
gonna do, Rallo?

I'm gonna hit him
where it hurts: the dong.

(vocalizing dramatic sting):
♪ Dong, dong, dong.

(buzzing)

Oh, there it is.

Mm.

Move your
black crack, Jack.

Cleveland!

Rallo had a nightmare.

I'm far too scared
to sleep alone.

You can sleep
with us tonight.

CLEVELAND:
There's no room.

Trust me, there's room
for three in this bed.

- What?!
- Uh, uh,

I said there's room
for "Clee" in this bed.

You don't call me "Clee."

Sure, I do.

I love you, Clee.

Oh, I love you, too, Dahn.

Mm, mm, mm,

mm, mm--

(grumbling):
'Nuff of this damn...

Ha!

Good night, chump.

(yawning)

Oh, look who's
sitting at his spot

at the head of the table.
(grumbling)

Sleep well? I did.

Like a baby.

Like a baby nestled
against his mother's bosom.

I should be the bosom-nestler.

Mmm! This Danish is good.

Check out
my tower of power!

DEREK:
Your junk is monumental.

(all laughing)
Look at him.

Tim, they're using
the Washington Monument

now as their wang.

Go stop them.
Okay, okay.

No.
What?

No, I-I'm not going
to tell them to stop.

They're just kids having fun
like we used to have.

Oh, what happened to us?

What happened to the free spirit
I fell in love with

who, who used to zip
around town on her Vespa

like a giant Audrey Hepburn?

You're right.

I've become a nag.

A horrible, whining,
repetitive nag.

Th-Th-That's
all I'm saying.

W-We, we, we need
to do something crazy.

We need
a game-changer tonight!

Yes, yes, let's get
tattoos and eat falafel.

Oh, Arianna,
where have you been?

Right in front of you.

(pleasurable moaning)

OLIVER:
Wow, everybody's hooking up on this trip.

Oh, is this yours?

I'm gonna need
a closer look.

Oh, man.

You wouldn't believe
the horrifying

and terrifying
nightmare I had.

Another nightmare?
Mm-hmm.

Oh, you poor thing.

Don't you see he's just
tricking you into babying him?

Cleveland, he's
a little boy.

Let him get used
to our new family.

But he doesn't need
to sleep in our bed.

That's where we do things
to each other.

Dirty things.

Disrespectful things.

Things that make it
hard for me

to look you in the eye
the next day.

Your sweet talk is not
going to work on me tonight.

RALLO:
Mama, I'm cold.

Come back to bed.

Cleveland, he's five.

Exactly.
Let's just go for it.

He won't know
what we're doing.

He'll think
we're wrestling.

Doggy wrestling.

(Ernie snoring,
muffled bass beats)

(hiphop playing)

(laughter)

(laughing):
Sweet jammies.

Thanks, they're also
flame retardant.

Excuse me, Roberta?

What do you want?

I need you
to do me a favor.

Um, check
under my bed for...

(clearing throat):
...monsters.

Cleveland Jr., get out of here.

You're too old to be
believing in monsters.

Well, I know that
intellectually,

but phobias are not
always rational.

That's what makes them so--

(roaring)
(screaming)

(all laughing)

Cleveland, can you
dry this for me?

Why don't you have
your boyfriend Rallo do it?

Please, Cleveland.

He's my son and he's
adjusting as best he can.

But we promised
in our wedding vows

that we would have sex
every night.

What?
No-no, we didn't.

It was implied.

Look, I'm serious.

Donna, this has been
going on too long.

I'm your husband.

All right, all
right, fine.

I'll talk to
him tonight.

Good.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall
for that conversation.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

Hey, what's that awful smell?

Oh, it's on my little
hand-things.

Is that--?

(sniffs)
Oh, gross.

Oh, now why would I land
on a steaming pile of--?

All right, here's your pizza,
your banana split

and your milkshake,
served with a crazy straw

and crazy napkin--

designed by our crazy chef
Nick Nolte.

(muttering)

You know what, Mama?

The more time I spend with you,
the more I like you.

You can't say that
about most women.

Rallo, baby, there's something
we need to talk about.

I love you,
but Mama's married now.

And a husband and a wife have
a room with their bed,

and a child has
a room with his bed.

Oh, so all of a sudden
I'm a "child"?

No, you're a young man,
and a young man...

Don't you patronize me, lady.

Rallo, please.

People are beginning to stare.

Well, let's give them
something to stare at.

This woman
broke my heart.

Uh, excuse me.

I'm taking
a child psychology course

at the community college.

Maybe I can help you guys
work this out?

You can try.

(loud slaps)

Listen to your mother!

Okay, that'll be two tokens.

Send a woman to do
your dirty work.

How do you sleep
at night?

Butt naked, next to your mama.

(high-pitched laugh)

I can't believe we're stuck in
this motel for another night.

Nothing exciting has ever
happened in a D.C. hotel.

Didn't Marion Barry get caught
smoking crack at a D.C. hotel?

Okay, yeah,
but besides that.

Didn't Reagan get
shot at a D.C. hotel?

Besides that.

Watergate happened at
a hotel, I know that.

(stammering):
I know, I know.

And didn't Elliot Spitzer...?

O-Okay, whatever.

The point is, we need to go out
and find a party.

Hey, guys, I got an idea.

We need to go out
to find a party.

Yo, Oliver's right.

There are so many bomb spots
out there

where I could get the crowd
jumping with my demo.

There's a fat beat on top of it.

I'm going, like--

(beatboxing):
♪ Ooh, yeah, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, yeah, ooh, ooh...

Then I go:

♪ Federline, Federline Jones.

It's hot, y'all.

Peace.

(Tim laughing and shushing)

Our marriage no longer feels
like a death sentence!

(boys laughing
and shushing)

Where's Roberta?

Last I saw, she was with
Federline at this party.

He played his demo and they
beat the crap out of him.

Mr. Tim, uh, sorry to wake you,

but I think Roberta might
be in trouble.

Hello?

Is anybody there?

TIM:
Oh, yes. Oh, Tim, you're so naughty.

- Oh, Yes! Yes! Yes!
- That tickles.

Oh, yes, Tim! Oh, yes!

(both roaring)

(siren wailing)

Which direction is
the club Roberta's at?

(gunshots)

Donna, guess what's
wearing my watch.

Hope it's waterproof.

(both laughing)

Uh... oh...

(screaming)

Ow, ow, oh!
Rallo!

Ow, oh, ow!

(sobbing)

Oh, baby, Mama's so sorry.

It's his fault.

He made me break my leg.

And he ate my Tater Tots
and my fish sticks.

And he sat in my chair.

And he called me the N-word.

Wha-- I'm allowed to, right?

I usually make a left
to go to the bathroom

when I'm in your room,
but I was in my room

where it was all dark and scary
and I got turned around.

I didn't know
which way to go.

We're so sorry.
Aren't we, Cleveland?

Oh, why? 'Cause he doesn't
know his left from his right?

What's wrong with you?

My loins ache.

I'm so sorry, Rallo.

You can sleep in our bed
as long as you need to.

What?!

Oh, man, this kid is worse
than people who don't recycle.

Hi, I'm Cleveland Brown,
reminding you to recycle.

It's great for the environment,
and it only takes a second.

Aw, it's wet.

Is that milk?

(sniffs)
Aw, it's beer.

Oh, oh, this whole bag stinks.

Aw, you know what,
(bleep) this.

It's all trash to me.

Y'all recycle.

I'm gonna go wash
my (bleep) hands.

Drugs here.

Get your drugs here.

Ice cold drugs.

(deep male voice):
You boys want to party?

What, like a pizza party?

Let me rephrase that.

You want to see my vageenis?

No, thank you.

But do you know
where this club is?

Yeah, baby.

Go to the end of this street,
then two blocks to the right.

If you pass the corpse in the
alley, you've gone too far.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you, ma'am.

(lively party sounds)

How would you like to be
seen by two million people?

Really?

Yeah, take off your shirt.

What?!
Come on,

we'll give you
a free hat.

(cheering)

No-- I don't think--
I'm not-- uh...

CLEVELAND JR.:
You want to see a pair of boobs?

Check these out.

Check out the
fat chick.

(hiphop playing)

Roberta, I'm here
to rescue you,

like Luke did for his sister
Princess Leia in Star Wars.

And like Anakin did
for Padme

in Star Wars, Episode Two:
Attack of the Clones,

which unlike the
three original films,

did not seem to take place
in an authentic environment.

You came to save me.

Thank you,
little brother.

But how are we gonna
get out of here?

Like this.

That's right.
I'm a boy.

(screeching)

All I want is to sleep
in the same bed as my wife.

But it's not just about
the bedroom, Rallo.

I married your mother
because I love her very much,

and we are now trying to build
a new life for all of us.

So, what do you say?
No.

What?! But I'm offering you
the head of the table,

the newspaper...
I said no.

The remote,
the first bath...

I love her, too,
and she's mine.

And where I come from,
you don't share a woman.

Rallo, you're not being...

Look, old man, I broke
one leg to get what I want.

Don't think I won't
break another one.

Oh, you-you broke your leg
on purpose?

You-- you're crazy!

(gasps)

What are we gonna read
tonight, sugar?

How about
Thomas the Tank Engine?

I'm sorry, baby, Mama's
not feeling too good.

I'm going to sleep.

Good night, Cleveland.

(sighs)

Aw, Sir Thomas,
she's laying here with me,

but she's thinking about him.

I don't mind torturing
Old Brown,

but I cannot bear
to see my mama in pain.

Well, as Kobe Bryant once said,

"I have overstayed
my welcome in this bed."

(snoring)

Hey, old man,
we need to talk.

Wake up!
(screams) What the...?!

I'll take that deal if
it's still on the tab--

DONNA:
Oh, Clee!

Oh, Dahn!

♪ Whenever you call me
I'll be there ♪

♪ Whenver you want me
I'll be there ♪

♪ Whenever you need me
I'll be there ♪

♪ I'll be around

The crown is heavy, but
somebody's got to wear it.

Yeah, you got a fish stick
and a remote control.

Have fun living
with that pin in your leg

for the rest of your life.

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