All language subtitles for The Cleveland Show s01e07 A Brown Thanksgiving.eng

♪ It's the most wonderful
time of the year. ♪

I love Thanksgiving.

ANNOUNCER: It's...
The Cleveland Thanksgiving,

brought to you by Cascade.

Cascade. Your husband
will thank you for it.

With special guests,
Crystal Gayle,

Wayland Flowers and Madame,

Heisman Trophy winner,
Tony Dorsett,

and
The Cleveland Brown Dancers.

(funky disco plays)

♪ My name is Cleveland Brown

♪ And I am proud to be

♪ Right back in my hometown

♪ With my new family

♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪

♪ And even a bear

♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪

♪ It's true love we share ♪

♪ And so I found a place

♪ Where everyone will know

♪ My happy mustached face

♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪

(chuckles)

Freeze, Injun.

I will now steal
your land

and name my sports teams
after you.

Joke's on you, white man.

My descendents will corner the
market on blue jean jackets

and blow cigarette smoke in
the faces of your descendents.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, goody!
That must be my Mommy.

Hi, Mom.

Welcome to our new home.

Cleveland!

Oh, Lord, you're
wasting away.

Are you feeding him?

Not enough. Look at me.

Hello, Cookie.

Well, you've
been eating!

We missed you at the wedding.

Oh, you mean the wedding
with my son

who wasn't good enough for you
25 years ago,

but now you'll take him

since you've been left
with two misbehaving kids?

Yes. That wedding.

And for your information,
my kids do behave themselves.

Ah, (bleep)!

We lit this bag
of dog (bleep) on fire

right on the bears' porch.

Then the bear comes
out and stomps on it!

And he's like, "Oh, I got
dog (bleep) on my (bleep) foot!"

(laughing)

(bleep) bear.

Who the (bleep)
is this?

This is my mother.

I meant no disrespect.

Let me get you a Jets magazine
and some sweet tea.

Oh, thank you,
young man.

But first, I have someone
else I'd like you to meet.

Dad?!

Ow! My neck!
My neck and my back!

Hey, chunky.

Sir.

Donna, you remember
my father,

who left my mother for
a Waffle House waitress.

Twice.

So, you two are
back together?

- Looks that way.
- Why you got to ask so many questions?

(funk music plays)

Ah, girl,
Thanksgiving is whack.

Every moment I have
to be away from you,

my heart is
like, "Damn!"

(sighing)

You know what?

Hell with our families.

We should have
our own Thanksgiving.

A romantic Thanksgiving.

Just the two of us.

For real, yo?

That's tight.

We's Romeo and Julietin'
this Turkey Day.

I loves you, Ro-ham.

I loves you more than
unicorns love pixie dust.

(dance music plays)

(sniffing)

You got any
Fruit Stripe gum?

(snips)
Ow!

Watch where you
walking, pudgy!

(growls)
(growls ferociously)

(whimpers)

Um, can I help you
find something?

Nope. I'm just looking for a
glass without a spot on it.

DONNA:
How embarrassing!

I knew I should have paid
a few cents more for Cascade.

(sad music plays)

Check out baby Cleveland
in the bathtub.

Look at his little,
bitty, tiny cashew.

(both laugh)

I can't see it.

Let me get my
reading binoculars.

(both laughing)

I like this kid.

You know,
I've been thinking.

Maybe I should
shoot out another kid.

Try to get
this one right.

I've had similar thoughts.

And you know, I have not
gone through the change.

You gone through the change
on the outside.

You know, I think
it's wonderful

that the whole
family will be here

for Thanksgiving
supper tomorrow.

Mom, did you
not get my text?

I'm spending Thanksgiving
with Federline.

You most certainly
are not.

Do you have any idea

how much work I am putting
into this dinner?

Judging from those store-bought
pies in the kitchen,

I'd say not enough.

Are you gonna let your crazy
mother talk to me like that?!

(laughs nervously)
That's my mama.

(laughs nervously)

Are you gonna let your big-ass
wife talk to me like that?!

(laughs nervously)
That's my wife.

(laughs nervously)

While you guys work that out,

I'm-a get going.

Roberta, your mother
just wants you...

You are not my father.

New family's really
warming up to you, tubby.

That's it!

You want to dance,
little lady?

Fight, fight,
fight, fight.

Bye, Mom!

You are not
going anywhere!

Let go of my coat!

Your coat?! I paid
for this coat!

RALLO (whistles):
Hey! Cleveland's dad!

CLEVELAND JR:
Dad!

(glass shatters, growling)

ROBERTA: Let go of my coat!
DONNA: I paid for this coat!

Dad!
Fight, fight, fight...

Let go
of my coat.

WOMAN:
Well, what in tarnation

is going on up in here?

ALL:
Auntie Momma!

Damn skippy!

Ooh-wee.
Up jump the devil.

Don't squeeze too tight,

or else somebody's gonna
have to call the fart police.

Those fillin' station nachos

are not agreeing
with your Auntie Momma!

(farts loudly)

I'm outrageous!

(all laughing)

Now, stop all this scrappin',

dippin' and dappin',
don't know what's happenin'.

Now, who's this little one?

Donna,
don't tell me you went

and got yourself knocked up
by Anthony Anderson!

(laughs)

You nasty girl.

Hi, strange lady.

My name is
Cleveland Brown Jr.

And I'm Lavar Brown.

(smooches)

But you can call
me "Freight Train."

Ooh! Well,
choo-choo to you!

Hire me a couple Chinese,

'cause we building
a train track right here!

Auntie Momma, you should have
told me you were coming!

Girl, you know Auntie Momma
can't be tied down!

Unless this one's
doing the tying.

Ooh, ooh!

I'm outrageous!

Hey, Auntie Momma.

Cleveland Brown,

as I live and breathe.

Look at you, all grown up
and unconventionally sexy.

Mustache all puttin'
Wilt Chamberlain's to shame.

Honey, I should know.

I was number
8,433 and 11,760.

(farts loudly)

Ooh, I'm outrageous!

Auntie Momma,
we need to talk.

Mmm-hmm. You know
we will, girlfriend.

I want to hear all about the
young mens up in your life!

But right now, Auntie Momma's
off to the powder room

to see what all these
farts are about.

(chuckles)

Maybe this Thanksgiving
won't be so bad, after all.

I'm going to clean up
this broken glass.

Sorry I tossed him
the knife,

but I wanted him
to kill you.

(giggles)

I can see Auntie
Momma's penis.

Auntie Momma's penis?!

(sizzling)

Let's play a game.

Everybody say something
weird about themselves.

I'll start.

I don't have nails
on my small toes.

Your turn, Auntie Momma!

I don't understand why
a no-good team like the Lions

always gets to play
on Thanksgiving.

But I'd still let 'em pile
up on me in the locker room!

I love a good sack!

Auntie Momma!

I'm outrageous.
(chuckles)

(Loretta, Lavar
and Auntie Momma laughing)

See that, Cookie? A lady
who loves football.

That's a real woman.

No offense.

That's an ugly apron.

Whoops. Sometimes
they jump on you.

What's wrong with you, sourpuss?

You look lower
than Clint Eastwood's testicles.

(flushing)

(creaks and pops)

(groans)

We had a pretty good run.

Had Angie Dickinson,
didn't we, boys?

(cocking)

(screaming)

(shot fires)

She won't let me spend
Thanksgiving with Federline!

Girl wants to be
with her boyfriend.

Pumpkin, why you trying to keep
those two lovebirds apart?

Thanksgiving is about family.

Roberta should be with us.

Now, Sweet Potato
Puddin' Plum Pie,

I remember another
15-year-old girl

with more boobs
than brains

who thought nobody
understood her.

Do you know
who I'm talking about?

(sighs)

Me.

And what did I
tell you back then?

You told me that I
should fly like a bird,

because you can't keep
your heart in a cage.

And then you farted.

And then you said
you were outrageous.

That's right.

And now,
when I look at Roberta,

do you know what I see?

A younger, stupider you.

Donna, let
this caged bird fly, too.

I want you home
before curfew.

Thanks, Mom.

I love you,
Auntie Momma.

(Roberta and Donna laughing)

(sighs) That woman can
convince me of anything.

I'll say.

Donna, I need to talk to
you about Auntie Momma.

Cleveland,
I know, I know.

She can be
a little outrageous.

I think
even she knows that.

But my whole life,
she's been the one person

I could always count on.

I don't know what I'd do
without my Auntie Momma,

or if my image of her
was changed in any way.

Now, what did you
want to say?

(sighs)

She's a handsome woman.

Uh, and not like
men are handsome.

Like a woman is handsome.

(whistle blows)

Okay, Turkey Day
football game!

The count's
five Mississippi.

I've chalked the end zones
with Parmesan cheese.

You get one blitz
per set of downs.

There's no rollover blitzes
unless...

Hey!
You talk too much, C-cup.

Tubbs against Browns.

Donna, you got Rallo
and the fine Auntie Momma.

You got your work
cut out for you.

I'm kind of a ball hog.

And I'm also
a hog hog. Mmm.

Well, I don't know
about all that,

but you can
gargle my (bleep).

You outrageous!

Looks like the outrageous
is contagious!

Okay, we'll kick off.

(marching band plays)

(chuckles) Train left
the station and you...

(groans)

(grunts)

Uh-uh!

(grunts)

(dings)

Damn! Where'd you learn
to play like that?

This ain't my first time
on a football field.

Ask Earl Campbell what we
did on the 50-yard line

at the Astrodome
back in '79.

Why don't you show me?

'Cause Donna used all her
Crisco for the pancakes.

There's, uh, Head and Shoulders
in the crapper.

I like the way you think.

Okay, you guys, kick off!

Game's over.
I'm about to pull my groin.

(hisses)

Hmm.

That's one bald pussy.

I'm worried
about your mother.

I'm worried about
my father.

I'm worried about leaving
my soda can unattended,

because a bee
could easily fly in there.

And then I
would take a sip,

and that bee could sting me
inside my throat.

And then people
would ask,

"What's wrong,
Cleveland Brown Jr.?"

And I wouldn't
be able to tell them,

because my throat
would be all closed up.

Write it in your
worry journal.

(rustling)

What was that?

Oh, damn.
It's homelesses.

Oh, my God!

They stole the Cutlass!

They done stripped
me of my whip!

Whip strip!

Whoo-whoo!

(sighs)

Mmm, this Freight Train

can't wait to hook up
with that caboose.

All aboard.

(farts)

Ooh, I got a feeling sex

is going to be
all sloppy with you.

My reputation precedes me.

(chuckling)

CLEVELAND:
O h , what do I do?

What do I do?!

Do the right
thing, Cleveland.

Daryl Hall?

What are you doing here?

I'm here to weigh in
on your situation.

You really thinking about

letting your father walk
into a wiener factory?

I can't go for
that-- no can do.

Who are you?

Seriously,

you got angel Daryl Hall
on your left shoulder,

and you can't
figure out who I am?

John Oates?

Actual size.

Screw you, Hall.

Your dad's a jerk.

Don't tell him.
Let him wrangle that dangle.

Well, maybe if you
warn your father,

he'll finally
appreciate you.

I still say,
let him tickle that pickle.

♪ Whoa-oh, here she comes

♪ Watch out, boy,
she'll chew you up ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, here she comes

♪ She's a man... ♪

(sighs)

Oh, Dad, come here.

Go away, fool!

It's important.

You can't do this, because...

Dad, you came here with Mom.

Show the woman a little respect.

Your mama ain't a woman.

You're more of a
woman than she is.

Your boobs are bigger,
your ass is rounder,

and your mustache
ain't as thick.

That is a woman!

Now, if you'll
excuse me, Princess,

I'm going to go destroy
your kids' bathroom.

You know what?
I take it back.

You and Auntie Momma
have a great time together.

I'm sure you'll learn
a lot about each other.

(laughs)
I'm outrageous.

(grunts)

Uh-oh.

So, should we wait for
Freight Train and Auntie Momma?

(chuckles)

I don't think we'll have
to wait too long.

Let's just sit back and enjoy

the sounds
of a Freight Train wreck.

(chuckles)

That is cold, old man--

letting your own pops
fall blindly into a manhole.

What? How did you know?

Man, I'm five.

Sitting on laps is my job.

I know what's supposed
to be there and what's not.

I can't say as I blame you
for not telling him.

It will be pretty funny.

Can you imagine?

"Oh, I can't wait
to reach down

"and fiddle with
something nice.

"Oh, no, what's this?

"This is a terrible
turn of events.

I'm going to go
punch Cleveland."

Uh-oh.

Oh, it'll be worth it.

(chuckles)

♪ Crying game.

What a fine-looking meal.

I am starving.

I just worked up a
man-sized appetite.

I hope you all
weren't waiting for me.

I was just upstairs
laying down.

(whispering):
With your face in the pillow.

(retches)
Cleveland, are you okay?

He'd be okay if you
didn't undercook the turkey.

Undercooked?

This turkey looks perfect.

(smooching)

Mmm! Smack myself
in the face with it.

(retching)

Do you want me
to get the bucket?

Mmm! I'm gonna
reach in there

and get me some of
that good stuff.

Look at there, put
my hand up in there.

My whole arm!

Mm, mmm!

Now, that's a mouthful.

(retching)

Looks like I lost
my damn watch.

I don't think it's
in the turkey.

Gobble, gobble.
(laughs)

(retching)

Happy Thanksgiving,
everyone.

Hey, there's your car!
Oh, it's on!

Those homelesses about
to become toothlesses!

They might already
be toothlesses.

I realized that as
I was saying it.

Hey, it's Roberta
and the Friedman boy.

Hey, come help us do
Thanksgiving missionary style.

It's nice to see
the young people

doing the public service
instead of the drugs.

Like I always say,

"Helping others
is the real crystal meth."

Actually, we're not here
to volunteer.

There's one of them fools
who jacked my whip.

Who, Filthy Nick?

Hey, Filthy Nick,
did you steal this kid's car?

Did I steal your car?

Or have you had your
keys all along?

Damn!

Pay it forward.

You look lost, son.

I do?

I may not look
like much to you,

but I've peed a lot
of pants in my day,

and I've learned
a thing or two.

First, family is the
most important thing

you could ever have.

Second, if you try
to wash your pants

in the McDonald's bathroom,
they will call the cops.

(sniffles)

Yo, Ro? Smelly was right.

We should be
with our families.

A'ight.

Filthy Nick!

Send us home!

(whooshing)

(zapping)

I don't understand
why you can do that,

but we still have to
live on spare change.

We're not supposed
to profit from my powers.

All right, this
is killing me.

What's up with you?

I'm outrageous.

No, this is outrageous.

(deep voice):
What do you want?

First, I'll tell you
what I don't want.

I don't want to hold
on to this anymore.

You got me. I'm a man.

You happy? But you
can't tell Donna.

It would break
her sweet little heart.

But why would you...?

Look, Donna's parents
weren't always around.

And I wanted to give her
a strong female role model.

So, when she was about six,
Uncle Kevin became Auntie Momma.

36 years and nine,
ten wigs later, here we are.

But how did you and my dad--
you know-- without him noticing?

Or did he notice?

Let's just say,

when you've been doing this
as long as I have,

you become an expert
at hiding the candy.

Uh, do you have, like,
a little hammock for it,

or is it rigged with
fishing line, or how...?

Look, you got nothing to worry
about with me and your dad.

Now that I know my Donna's in
good hands, I'll be moving on.

You're a good man,
Cleveland Brown.

And you're a
man, too, Kevin.

I'm outrageous.

Oh, Mama,
I'm so sorry

I wanted to spend Thanksgiving
with Federline.

It was awful!

Just as Auntie
Momma planned.

Auntie Momma, is there
anything you can't do?

I can't do it
with the lights on! What?

W-W-Well, we're glad
to have you home, Roberta.

Happy Thanksgiving.

And now that
my work is done,

I better leave before
I turn into a blumpkin.

You're leaving?

Yeah, Peabo Bryson is
performing in Hampton,

and he likes me naked
in his tour bus

when he gets
off stage.

Wow, Auntie Momma.

You know singers
from yesteryear.

Donna, it fills my heart
to see you so happy.

Got room for me in
that trunk of yours?

Oh, Lavar.

What we shared
on that bathroom floor

and on Cleveland's pillow
was beautiful.

But Auntie Momma's not
a one-man woman,

or a one-town woman.

Yep. Bye-bye.

All right, y'all.

I'm outta here!

In three... two... one...

(farting)

I'm outrageous!

That little lady just farted off
with a piece of my heart.

I'm going after her.

Hey, dummy, get me
a skateboard and a burrito.

Before you go
chasing her down,

I got to tell you
something, Dad.

(speaking inaudibly)

...said her real name's Kevin.

(retches)

Been hiding the candy
for 36 years.

(retching)

You...

had sex...

with a man.

(retching)

You have to promise
not to say anything to Donna.

Yeah, uh...

I'm going to be playing
this down in general.

Now, why don't you
go in there

and say something nice
to my mom?

She's had a hard day
watching you

play grab-ass
with a tranny.

Hey, Cookie.

Hey, Freight Train.

Hair looks real.

Why, thank you.

Hey, look, Grandpa
Freight Train.

Auntie Momma
dropped your watch.

CLEVELAND:
Put that down!

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