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1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:03,898
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,174
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,473
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,836
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,605
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,584
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:17,723
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,718
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,790
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,189
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,161
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,190
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,556
(chuckles)
14
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:35,999
Oh, this dinner party is
going to be so much fun.
15
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:38,003
I get to be
with my drinking buddies
16
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,635
and you get to be
with their wives.
17
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,740
I can't believe you've never
been to Tim's pad before.
18
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:46,653
Arianna was pretty judgmental
about me being a single mother.
19
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,477
She always used to ask me
20
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:51,581
how it felt to tear apart
the fabric of American society.
21
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:52,845
How did it feel?
22
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:53,693
(laughs)
23
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:54,347
I'm just kidding.
24
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:58,485
In her defense,
you were driving downreal estate values .
25
00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,792
But not anymore.
26
00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:02,464
Prince Charming has arrived.
27
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:03,463
(doorbell rings)
28
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,564
Last looks.
29
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,695
Any chives?
30
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:07,696
They're all over.
31
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,271
What were you eating?
32
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:09,740
Chives.
33
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,637
Hey, everybody.
Who's your friend, Holt?
34
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,710
Name's Fabrizia.
Doesn't speak English.
35
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,578
But check out
those front air bags, huh?
36
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,437
I'm gonna get in a wreck
tonight, right?
37
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:19,946
(screeches, warbles)
38
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:20,577
(laughs)
39
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,681
Don't worry.
I'll be all right.
40
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,522
Cleveland knows
what I'm talking about.
41
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,847
Uh, her, uh... (humming)s?
42
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,024
HOLT:
Count it.
43
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,722
Hey, Lester,
where's your gross wife?
44
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:31,894
KENDRA:
I'm out here.
45
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,892
The Bears ain't got
no Rascal ramp.
46
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:37,395
So you're just going
to sit outside?
47
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:38,198
I don't mind.
48
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:42,669
This way, I don't got to be
so conscious about my gas.
49
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:43,600
(farts)
50
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,444
There it is.
51
00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:47,768
Well, that was... food.
52
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,275
I wish we could
stay longer, but...
53
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,577
Okay, Celebrity!
54
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:54,179
Only clue you can't give
is their name.
55
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:55,181
Males against females.
56
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,322
Vorresti scopare o no?
57
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,488
Yeah, you're attractive, too.
58
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:00,087
Che cos'e?
59
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:01,847
(sputtering):
Whoa! You speak Italian?
60
00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:04,456
Don't ask her anything
about our relationship.
61
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,358
She's a liar!
62
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:08,589
Lui mi deve settanta-cinquedollari per un'ora.
63
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:12,596
She says you owe her $75
for one more hour.
64
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,470
We had a bet that Tim would
want to play Celebrity.
65
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,499
(chuckles):
You were right.
66
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:21,844
Non so che cosa ti ha detto,ma io sono prostituta.
67
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,482
There was no bet.
68
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,207
She is a prostitute.
69
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:25,712
Huh.
70
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,553
Come on, fellas, let's wipe
the floor with our wives
71
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,849
and this woman Holt
pays to have sex with.
72
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:31,821
Let's go, Cleveland.
73
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:35,519
Ooh, somebody's afraid
her team's going to lose.
74
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,223
"Oh, I'm a girl.
75
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:39,264
"I'm bad at games and math.
76
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,630
And comedy."
77
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:42,531
Here we go.
78
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,300
He was in the TV show Combatwith Vic Morrow.
79
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:45,929
Rick Jason. Next.
80
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,803
He had a band...
Dave Brubeck. Next.
81
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,741
He was the shortest man
in the... Michu, next.
82
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,267
He played shortstop
for the Minnesota T...
83
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,702
Roy Smalley!
Roy Smalley. Roy Smalley.
84
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,436
Time's up.
Ha, ha.
85
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,281
Your turn, ladies.
86
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,707
(sighs)
87
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,711
He's married to Katie Holmes.
88
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:03,284
He was in Risky Business,
89
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:06,194
Top Gun, Jerry Maguire
and Rain Man.
90
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,957
Jumped
on Oprah's couch!
91
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,787
You gotta be kidding me.
92
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:12,962
He's a Scientologist.
93
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:13,990
KENDRA:
My Name Is Earl?
94
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:16,034
What the...?
My Name is Earl.
95
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,060
Time's up.
96
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,404
You ladies suck.
97
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,459
"Suck"?
98
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,496
ALL:
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
99
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:21,031
Whoa-hoa!
100
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:27,505
[ Speaking Italian ]
"Suck," in this context means, "to be bad" at the game.
101
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:28,168
Oh!
102
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:32,435
Well, I think we've all had
about enough of this game.
103
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:32,976
Word!
104
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,080
So what do you say, Tim?
105
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,451
How about the boys go
downstairs to the den
106
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:40,690
while you ladies have a tickle
fight and talk about cupcakes?
107
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:44,564
I figure you can never
have enough confetti.
108
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,988
So I make my own,
and whenever there's a parade,
109
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,485
I grab a couple of handfuls.
110
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,756
Open that drawer over there.
111
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,325
Take a handful.
112
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,934
Take it home with you.
113
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,695
KENDRA:
Happy New Year's!
114
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,514
That sure was a fun party.
115
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:05,841
We have good friends.
116
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,776
You have good friends.
117
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,021
What? Is there
something wrong?
118
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:10,877
(erotic moan)
119
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,154
No, Cleveland.
I'm just tired.
120
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,652
And you can quit jabbing me
'cause I'm going to sleep.
121
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,016
Fine.
122
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,182
Good night, madam.
123
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:41,008
Oh! Hello, madam!
124
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:50,090
All right, traps and yappers,
shut 'em down.
125
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,760
Before today's assembly,
126
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,729
I have a few short
announcements.
127
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:57,557
Despite the best efforts of our
Amnesty International Club,
128
00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:02,074
political prisoner Lopsang Dao
was beheaded last night.
129
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,599
You win some, you lose some.
130
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:07,814
Also, your nominees for
student council president are...
131
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,208
(warbling,
imitating drumroll)
132
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,740
cool deaf kid
Oliver Wilkerson...
133
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,906
(cheering and applause)
Yeah! I'm gonna win!
134
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,145
And Cleveland Brown, Jr.
135
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,151
(cheering and applause stops)
136
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,652
Huh. Guess I must
be getting popular.
137
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:24,224
Dude, I nominated
your brother as a joke.
138
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:25,394
Aw, that's mean.
139
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:28,062
Can you imagine him
running for president?
140
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,862
I can't imagine
him running.
141
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,903
(guttural laughter)
142
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:36,965
(doorbell ringing)
143
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,100
I answered it last time.
144
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,166
No, I did.
145
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,444
I don't think so.
146
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,572
Cleveland, remember?
147
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,706
(doorbell ringing)
148
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,541
I'll get it.
149
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:47,976
(gunshot)
150
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,921
Oh, yeah, you got shot.
151
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,847
I'll get this one.
152
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,192
Hello, Cleveland.
153
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:57,187
Oh, Donna, a group of us
girls always get together
154
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,191
to watch Grey's Anatomy
155
00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:01,832
and eat Chinese food,
just like Sandra Oh.
156
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,859
Are you free
Thursday night?
157
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,764
Yeah, she's free
Thursday night.
158
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,996
Actually, Cleveland,
I have to...
159
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,030
Oh, I'll put
Rallo to bed.
160
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,465
You go have a great time
with my friends' wives.
161
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,841
Just leave my dinner
in the oven
162
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,639
and my clothes laid out
for the next day before you go.
163
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,812
Good girl.
164
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:20,981
She is a good girl.
165
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,118
(speed dialing)
166
00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:31,494
Hey, it's me.
167
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,692
I need to see you.
168
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,833
Call me as soon as you can.
169
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,698
I miss you.
170
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:42,771
Mmm, nobody needs
to see Delta Burke's anus.
171
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:47,140
But I guess I did look up what
page it was on and turn to it.
172
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,206
Where are you goin'?
173
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,042
It's Thursday.
174
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,806
I'm off to watchGrey's Anatomy
175
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,305
with Arianna and
the girls, remember?
176
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,616
Oh, that sounds dreadful.
177
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,619
But have fun.
178
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,632
(doorbell rings)
179
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:23,282
So, now, Donna will be friends
with my friends' wives,
180
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:25,037
which means
I don't have to choose
181
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,105
between my friends and my wife.
182
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:29,013
CLEVELAND (falsetto):
Oh. So you're not going to leave her?
183
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,146
I never said
I was going to leave her.
184
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,721
Well, maybe I'll
tell her about us.
185
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:34,920
Maybe I'll kill you!
186
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:39,592
Go ahead. If I can't have you,
I'd rather be dead.
187
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,663
Oh, now don't say th...
188
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:46,902
Rallo, you are having
a dream.
189
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,341
Hey, Yvette.
190
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,970
There's my girl.
191
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,205
Get your ass in here.
192
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:58,240
Hey, y'all, it's Donna.
193
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,905
Donna Tubbs?
194
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,213
We haven't seen you in so long,
195
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:04,075
we thought you'd run off
and found yourself a man.
196
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,024
Do I look like
I've got a husband
197
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,919
and an overweight stepson?
Uh-uh.
198
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,761
Now give me a drink.
It's ladies' night.
199
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:11,857
(all whooping)
200
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,529
She's back.
201
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,031
Ugh, enough about Robert.
202
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:17,900
How's your ex?
203
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,868
Girl, we're still fighting
over custody of the kids.
204
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,738
Really?
Yeah, he still wants me to take 'em.
205
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,797
Ah!
Ah!
206
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,366
(guttural laugh)
207
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,165
Men.
208
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,206
They're only good
for one thing...
209
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,711
Opening jars.
Opening jars.
210
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:37,576
I haven't had
a pearl onion in years.
211
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:41,751
Now we don't
need men at all.
212
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,655
(all whooping)
213
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,117
Yes!
214
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,337
Junior, boys
shouldn't be rubbin'
215
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,137
on their dad's butt like...
216
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,109
Ooh, baby, is that you?
217
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:03,038
(sultrily):
Mm-hmm.
218
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:03,983
You're in a good mood.
219
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,877
Hey, how was tonight's
episode of Grey's Anatom...
220
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,280
(à la Fletch):
♪ Moon river!
221
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,752
And... go!
222
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:21,330
8.35.
223
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,198
Aah! I'll never make it
out of the ghetto.
224
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,027
Hey fellas, check out
my new campaign poster.
225
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:30,474
My slogan is,
"What can Brown do for you?"
226
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:35,170
You should change that slogan
to "Yes, we canned ham."
227
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,405
(laughing)
228
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:39,180
I wouldn't be laughing
if I was you.
229
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,279
As far as anyone's concerned,
230
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,150
you're just Junior's
little brother.
231
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,019
If he's a big loser,
you're a big loser.
232
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,148
Aw, Jiminy Christmas,
you're right.
233
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,894
I'm gonna be judged
by what my brother does.
234
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,790
Just like those brothers
who made The Matrix.
235
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,663
So, you have a vagina?
236
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:58,762
No, that's my brother.
237
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:00,732
Chins up, Tubby.
238
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,134
I'm your new
campaign manager.
239
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,795
Thanks, but I don't need
a campaign manager.
240
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:08,005
The school newspaper
begs to differ.
241
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:09,941
Listen up...
242
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,683
...first,let's talk demographics.
243
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:14,278
Oliver's got the "cool kid"vote locked up.
244
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,311
But that's only threepercent of the school.
245
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,316
We're gonna targetyour base: the losers.
246
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,319
I'm talking about the nerds...
247
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,491
the band geeks...
248
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,159
the exchange students...
249
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,217
the special ed kids...
250
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,455
...and the teen moms.(baby crying)
251
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,701
(baby laughing and cooing)
252
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:34,131
Now we gotta put you
on the attack.
253
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,374
I don't want to do
anything hurtful.
254
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,240
Well, okay, John Kerry.
255
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,868
Tell me what I gotta do.
256
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,073
All right, first thing:
257
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,944
what are Oliver's
greatest strengths?
258
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,943
He's captain
of the football team.
259
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,305
Otherwise known as...
260
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,983
He's also very handsome.
261
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,752
Therefore...
262
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,051
But he does well
with the ladies.
263
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:57,063
Oh, so we turn his strengths
into weaknesses.
264
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,317
Now you're getting it.
265
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,885
Wow, you're smart.
266
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,293
Say it as a weakness.
267
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,264
I'm a...
268
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,862
- Nerd.
- Jew... nerd.
269
00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:10,369
Who had the fried chicken
in the bread bucket?
270
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,470
I'll give you one guess.
271
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,812
Right here, dude.
272
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:14,867
You know who would enjoy this?
273
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,505
Donna. But there was a flood
at the school library.
274
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,812
She sure came home happy
after your TV night.
275
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,445
So happy that she tickled my--
276
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:27,450
what the Native Americans call--
"maize hole."
277
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:28,924
She didn't come to our TV night.
278
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:32,192
She called and said she was
feeling under the weather.
279
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,092
Wait a minute.
280
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,463
That don't add up.
That's queer.
281
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,961
If she wasn't with you,
where'd she go that night?
282
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:41,273
That, my friend,
is the $25,000 Pyramid.
283
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:45,968
(mysteriously):
Where is she tonight?
284
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:49,412
I haven't worked up an
under-boob sweat like this
285
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,079
in a long time!
286
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:53,007
I hope you're not going to miss
the big cookout on Saturday.
287
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,983
Oh, I'll be there.
288
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,421
Uh-oh, Oreo alert.
289
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,277
Cream filling, anyone?
290
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,446
(slaps bottoms)
291
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:04,192
(screaming)
292
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,161
Yvette, what did you--
293
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,288
Oh, you didn't mean
294
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,293
the stab-in-the-hand thing?
295
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,864
Well, you got to say
"drink-in-the-face"
296
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,332
if you mean "drink-in-the-face"!
297
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,161
(women laughing)
298
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,326
Oh...
299
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,304
Are you okay, sir?
300
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:17,672
Hell, yeah!
Now I can just do my hand.
301
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:23,111
♪ Tie a yellow ribbon
'round the old oak tree... ♪
302
00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:28,245
(slurring):
Cleveland!
303
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,418
Cleveland,
are you awake?
304
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,547
Oh. Hello, Mrs. Brown.
305
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,422
How was your evening?
306
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,121
(slowly):
Fun.
307
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:36,793
(chuckles softly)
308
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:41,030
Restocking the water-damaged
books at the library was fun?
309
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:42,057
What?
310
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:44,202
(gasps)
Oh, yeah!
311
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,497
Ha! Busted.
312
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:46,699
Where were you the other night
313
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:49,270
when you said you were going
to watch Grey's Anatom--
314
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,069
♪ Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma
315
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,971
♪ Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma...
316
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,073
Oh, yeah.
317
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:56,514
(snores)
318
00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:00,583
We've made up a lot of ground,
but we've hit a wall.
319
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:01,980
But if we go
any more negative,
320
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:05,252
it's just going to look like
we're picking on the deaf kid.
321
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,222
Well, then what
are we going to do to him?
322
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:11,620
It's not what we do to him,
323
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,315
it's what we do to you.
324
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:16,756
We're going to fight fire
with fire.
325
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,528
Blind man walking!
326
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:21,404
He went blind?
327
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,701
It's called
"macular degeneration."
328
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,073
Look it up. It's a thing.
329
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:28,111
Oh, my God! Is there
anything we can do to help?
330
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,368
A vote would help.
331
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,976
You've got it.
332
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,578
Kind of puts it all in
perspective, doesn't it?
333
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,581
I know.
Can you imagine being blind?
334
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,024
GUY:
And black.
335
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,119
Derrick!
336
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,350
(Cleveland, Jr. humming)
337
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,556
(mimes playing keyboard
à la Stevie Wonder)
338
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,558
CLEVELAND:
It's a beautiful morning.
339
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,130
And you know
what that means?
340
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,298
(singsongy):
It's river time!
341
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,097
Who wants to go tubin'?
Tubin'?
342
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:54,099
Tubin'!
Tubin'?!
343
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,400
Tubin' down the river!
Where's your mother?
344
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:58,704
Oh, she left you a note.
345
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,705
DONNA:
Dearest Cleveland,
346
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,207
if you are reading this,
347
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,339
it means that Roberta told you
348
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,683
to read the noteon the refrigerator.
349
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,978
There was an emergencyat the school,
350
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,050
so I will be gone all day.
351
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:09,649
XOXO.
352
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,349
I don't know
what's going on with her.
353
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,351
She's acting more suspicious
than my podiatrist.
354
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:18,564
Are you sure this is
a necessary part of the exam?
355
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,518
(sucking)
356
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,486
Nope.
357
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,033
(sucking)
358
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,727
Junior, give me a beer.
359
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,103
What?
360
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,131
(wailing)
361
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,465
Did that wash the crap
out of your ears?
362
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,341
I said, "Get me a beer"!
363
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,540
(laughing)
364
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,539
Ah, we're tubin'.
365
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,376
(all laughing, music playing)
366
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,581
What? What are
you looking at?
367
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:52,092
What the...?!
Donna!
368
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,092
Cleveland!
369
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,363
Who's Cleveland?
370
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,661
Her husband!
371
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,632
Husband?!
372
00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:58,260
(Cleveland screams)
373
00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,395
Waterfall!
374
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,129
(all screaming)
375
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,225
I love you!
376
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,636
(screaming)
377
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:10,109
You really saved our skin,
Mr. Flippers.
378
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,080
Sure did!
379
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,737
See you later, peoples!
380
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,076
Stay dry!
381
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:20,647
ALL:
Thank you, Mr. Flippers!
382
00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:24,964
Hmm. "Emergency
at school," huh?
383
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:31,358
You've been lying
to me, Donna.
384
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,704
Who were those women
you were with at the river?!
385
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,070
They're my single friends.
386
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,868
They have this group
where they talk trash about men
387
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:39,741
while desperately trying
to find one.
388
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:42,069
And if they found out
I got married,
389
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,365
they wouldn't want me around.
390
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,706
Oh, God forbid
you get kicked out
391
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,412
of the man-hating bitch group.
392
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,384
How dare you
call them bitches!
393
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,682
You're the one
acting like a bitch.
394
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:53,515
Un-uh! I'm serious.
395
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,990
Well, you have fun
with your single friends.
396
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,359
I'll have fun with mine.
397
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:01,057
Girl, you will not believe
what she just said to me.
398
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,091
I wish she would!
399
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,425
(snaps fingers)
400
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,468
(mouse squeaking)
401
00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:13,069
(retching)
402
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,177
(retching)
403
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,375
(retching)
404
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,424
Do you still love me?
405
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,250
'Course I do.
406
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:30,385
What is that smell?!
407
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:34,690
Holt's vomit, Terry's
vomit, my vomit.
408
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,094
Vomit.
409
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,826
Single life makes me sick.
410
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:41,331
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry
I lied to you.
411
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,704
But Yvette and the girls
were there for me
412
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:44,673
when Robert and I split.
413
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,371
They made me feel strong
when I was weak.
414
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:50,274
Listen, I'm the one
who should be sorry.
415
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:54,676
I have my friends, and you
should be free to choose yours.
416
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,681
Well,
now they don't want me back
417
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,323
because I lied to them
about being married,
418
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,519
and because I am married.
419
00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:05,164
CLEVELAND:
I wish I could help Donna.
420
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,158
Oh, oh, it feels good to pee.
421
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,161
Mm.
422
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,262
(kids chattering)
423
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,103
All right.
424
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,697
He's deaf. He's blind.
425
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,670
And for the next 40 minutes,
426
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:18,338
I need you all to be mute.
427
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:21,608
Each candidate
gets one minute to respond.
428
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,368
When I ring this bell--
429
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,736
and for you, Oliver,
when I do this:
430
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,605
"Hey, Oliver!"--
431
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,645
it means your time is almost up.
432
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:32,381
Cleveland Jr.,
433
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,685
you may start
with your opening statement.
434
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:35,717
Good afternoon.
435
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,592
At least I think it's afternoon.
436
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,390
I-I'm not sure
because I'm blind.
437
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,493
But though I may
have lost my sight,
438
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,425
I still see a
better future.
439
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:46,331
I've spent
the last several weeks
440
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,472
walking these halls
and hearing your stories.
441
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:52,198
From the exchange student
who can't understand anything
442
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,205
because he "no speaky English,"
443
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,907
to the special needs kids,
444
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,539
whose lunchtime antics
entertain us all,
445
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:03,005
to Ryan Sanderson, who told me
that he was too afraid
446
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:05,476
to tell everyone
that he was gay...
447
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,215
Oh, please.
448
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,189
These are the colors
of the quilt
449
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,148
that is Stoolbend High.
450
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:11,186
(scattered applause)
451
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:15,261
(over-enunciating):
Oliver, you're up!
452
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,631
Read... my... lips.
453
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:21,230
I am captain
of the football team,
454
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,704
(creaking)
3.8 GPA...
455
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:27,343
...future Deaf Businessman
of America,
456
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:31,340
best fingers at the school,
wink, wink...
457
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:32,284
Whoa!
458
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,408
(all gasping)
459
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,954
Hey! He can see!
460
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,319
Uh... It's a miracle!
461
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,588
(all murmuring happily)
462
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,947
You saved my life!
463
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,556
I can't run
against you.
464
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,858
I'm dropping
out of the race!
465
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:50,631
(tauntingly):
Quitter, quitter, quitter!
466
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,130
Ah, he can't hear me.
467
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:52,662
Ladies and gentlemen,
468
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:56,295
I present your new
student council president,
469
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,642
Cleveland Brown, Jr.!
470
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:04,609
(all cheering and whistling)
471
00:19:09,581 --> 00:19:12,851
Congratulations,
Mr. President.
472
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:13,722
Thanks, Rallo.
473
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,190
I couldn't have
done it without you.
474
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:16,789
So, what now?
475
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,619
That's for you
to decide. Me?
476
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,586
I'm getting out of the game.
477
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:25,464
But we did something here,
didn't we?
478
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,669
We did something.
479
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,309
Thank you for taking me
out to dinner, Cleveland.
480
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,683
What a nice surprise.
481
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,621
This night's going
to be full of surprises.
482
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:45,447
Now, you head
to the table.
483
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:48,591
I'm gonna go publicly brush
my teeth in the men's room
484
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,418
and make everyone
uncomfortable.
485
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,863
And I said, "I don't even want
to know whose hair this is.
486
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,560
Just weave it
into my damn head."
487
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,403
(laughing)
488
00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,798
Well, well, well.
489
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,799
If it isn't Miss
"I'm gonna raise my kids
490
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,842
in a stable,
two-parent household."
491
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,497
Yvette,
I'm sorry I lied to...
492
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,006
Here I am
with my two favorite hos.
493
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:12,708
I sure hope my wife
doesn't find out about...
494
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:13,952
Uh-oh!
495
00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:14,777
Cleveland?!
496
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,411
(woodenly):
My wife, Donna.
497
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,746
What are you doing here?
498
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,080
What am I?
What are you doing?
499
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,486
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
500
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:26,457
I'm leaving you high and dry,
you stupid female.
501
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,359
Who are you calling stupid?
502
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:28,931
Dummy over here.
503
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:31,828
As a matter of fact,
all of y'all are stupid.
504
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,501
You're stupid.
You're stupid.
505
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:38,000
You're probably good at math,
but stupid in other areas.
506
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:43,314
And you, like the first two,
are also stupid, too.
507
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,239
Stupid.
508
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:44,884
Come on, Donna.
509
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,707
This piece of trash
doesn't deserve you.
510
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:48,614
How am I doing?
511
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,005
You got your friends
back, right?
512
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,046
Cleveland, you didn't
have to do this.
513
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,651
I don't need them
when I've got you.
514
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,024
You can have both.
515
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,692
See you at home later.
516
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,720
Don't forget a doggie bag.
517
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,625
And don't worry,
I'll use a condom.
518
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,928
- What?
- I love you.
519
00:21:03,978 --> 00:21:08,528
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