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1
00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:03,841
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:06,138
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,340
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,742
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:13,675
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,351
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,649
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,491
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,687
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,859
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,818
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,856
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,763
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,500
All right. Herbie
Hancock's coming to town.
15
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,804
Hey, old man, buy me some
Herbie Hancock tickets.
16
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,536
You don't know nothing
about Herbie Hancock.
17
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:44,741
What?! Don't you tell me I don't
know about Herbie Hancock.
18
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,305
I love Herbie Hancock.
19
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,353
Me, too.
20
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:48,278
"Rockit."
21
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:51,752
(hums "Axel F" theme)
22
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,417
♪ Rockit.
23
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:58,093
That ain't "Rockit."
That's "Axel F."
24
00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,362
How does "Rockit" go?
25
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,830
(hums "Axel F")
26
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,899
Aw, doggone it.
Now you've got me doing it.
27
00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,528
You've Herbie Hancock-
blocked me.
28
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:10,173
Kids, I've told you three times
now to go make your beds.
29
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,001
You get two more times,
30
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,765
then a final warning,
and then I go to work angry.
31
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,784
I already made my bed,
Miss Donna.
32
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:18,784
Is that sarcasm, Junior?
33
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:22,449
Because if there's one thing I
do not understand, it's sarcasm.
34
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,380
No, I'm telling the truth.
35
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,215
Oh.
36
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,419
Well, then, thank you.
37
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,790
What kind of idiot
makes their bed?
38
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:32,759
Dam-fa-foo-dun-
may-hebeyad-shoot.
39
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,330
Naw-a-gah-may-mah-beyad, dayum.
40
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,229
I'm proud of you, son.
41
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:40,771
Now maybe you could work
on eating a little slower.
42
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,898
And not as much.
43
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,543
And not so often.
44
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,668
And maybe you
could exercise.
45
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,944
Maybe you
could get a job.
46
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:49,943
(laughing)
47
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:50,914
Oh-ho-ho!
48
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:51,881
You know
I been looking.
49
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,609
I just haven't found
the right one yet.
50
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:55,745
Last week I answered an ad
51
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:59,019
for an old, grizzled cop
two days from retirement.
52
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,149
(gunfire)
53
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:02,354
Okay, Brown, go
draw their fire.
54
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,616
But I'm two days
from retirement.
55
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,555
All right, I'll go.
56
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,930
(screaming)
57
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:12,659
Oh, well, I'm two days
from retirement.
58
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:16,166
And then I tried my hand
as a singing spokesman
59
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,300
for a furniture
flea market.
60
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,914
♪ Living rooms,
bedrooms, dinettes ♪
61
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,837
♪ We got it, you need it,
you'll find it ♪
62
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,483
♪ It's just like,
it's just like a mini-mall ♪
63
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,510
♪ Hey, hey
64
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,575
♪ You heard me-- come shop,
I said flea market ♪
65
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:34,493
♪ Stoolbend: it's just like,
it's just like a mini-mall ♪
66
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,518
♪ Hey, hey
67
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:38,023
♪ Living rooms, bedrooms,
dinettes ♪
68
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,355
♪ Oh, yeah
69
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,960
♪ You can find 'em
at the market ♪
70
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,061
♪ We talkin' about flea market ♪
71
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:47,703
♪ Stoolbend: it's just like,
it's just like a mini-mall ♪
72
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,741
♪ Hey, hey, don't stop,
let's make it a dance ♪
73
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,969
♪ Come on, now, to the left
♪ To the left ♪
74
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,374
♪ To the right
♪ To the right ♪
75
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,676
♪ Let's do this dance, hey ♪
76
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,937
♪ To the left
♪ To the left ♪
77
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,475
♪ To the right
♪ To the right ♪
78
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,810
♪ Let's make this
a dance ♪
79
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:04,754
♪ Flea market Stoolbend,
it keeps you a-jumpin' ♪
80
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:09,792
♪ It's just like,
it's just like a mini-mall. ♪
81
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:13,792
Can I have a
beer, please?
82
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:14,764
Me, too.
83
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:15,632
And I,
as well.
84
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,959
Give me a Stoli
Red Bull, sugar-free.
85
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,565
I got my
father's hips.
86
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,627
Just order a beer, fool.
87
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,165
Whoa, watch out
for this guy, huh?
88
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:27,041
Cleveland, wh-wh-wh-what's
up with the...
89
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,341
with the short
fuse, man?
90
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,042
Aw, I'm just having trouble
finding gainful employment.
91
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:34,445
Oh, yeah, finding
a job is hard.
92
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,848
I've never
found one.
93
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,049
Yeah I-I-I had
to ask Jesus
94
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,792
to lead me to the
job of my dreams,
95
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,517
and when he did, I knew
that he was the guy
96
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,963
that I wanted to keep going to,
to ask for things.
97
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,389
Last year, I asked Jesus
for tickets to the ESPYs.
98
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,634
He didn't come through, so I
just watched it on my plasma.
99
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:51,931
Oh, in your
mom's basement? Shut up!
100
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,902
You know, uh, Cleveland,
there's, uh, an opening
101
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,142
in my department down
at the cable company.
102
00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,407
I-I-I could put in
a good word for you.
103
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,367
Telemarketing?
104
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,535
Yes! Yeah-- why-- you--
105
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:03,883
why does everyone always
say it like that?
106
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:08,347
Telemarketing is the chatter
of the global marketplace.
107
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,479
Ring, ring.
108
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,083
Hello?
109
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:11,624
Cleveland, it's
your future.
110
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,619
Are you going to answer it,
or quietly whisper to me,
111
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,362
(whispering):
"Tell them I'm not here."
112
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,017
Plus, for every new
employee I bring in,
113
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,526
I get a $200 bonus.
114
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,788
And I sure could use it
115
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:27,666
after I donated all that money
to help fight bear AIDS.
116
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,498
(bear roaring)
117
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:30,974
(gasping)
118
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,341
Did you get the bear
to wear the condom?
119
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,876
Oh, cool! Cubicles!
120
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,023
Good morning,
Mr. Waterman.
121
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:47,549
Everything okay
here, Tim?
122
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:48,124
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
123
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:51,462
Say "pineapple" if you
want me to get security.
124
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,188
Oh, no, no, no,
Mr. Waterman,
125
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,463
this is Cleveland, the guy
I was telling you about.
126
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,833
You didn't tell me
he was...
127
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,971
(clearing throat)
128
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:05,537
(continues
clearing throat)
129
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:09,682
Okay, here's your desk
and your phone.
130
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,437
Uh, the keypad has
several buttons with numbers
131
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,506
and other things on them.
132
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,114
You-you-you'll probably
just use the ones
133
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,875
with the numbers though,
I would think.
134
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:20,624
Okay, so I've got you down
for one deluxe package
135
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,021
with high-speed Internet.
136
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,022
No-- thank you, sir.
137
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,094
I just made my first sale!
138
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,362
TIM:
Holy smokes, I've never seen
139
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,491
beginner's lucklike that before.
140
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,096
Okay, bye now.
141
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:35,068
Hey, my phone is filled
with silver dollars!
142
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,536
Bees!
143
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,509
(screaming)
144
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,567
No!
145
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,877
(Cleveland grunting)
146
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,080
All right.
147
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:51,653
No!
148
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,752
Great job, Cleveland.
149
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,023
Sorry for judging you
earlier today.
150
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,662
I did what I grew up
watching my mother do:
151
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,258
underestimate minorities.
152
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:00,729
Course, then she'd
sleep with them.
153
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:03,928
She sounds like
someone I would dislike,
154
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:08,371
and then like a lot,
and then dislike again.
155
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,839
(both laughing)
156
00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:13,835
(sighs)
157
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:20,248
So, no two months gets the
same exotic coffee, right?
158
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:21,877
Portugal?
159
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,952
Do they know coffee in Portugal?
160
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,881
That sounds expensive.
161
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,246
We have Folgers
Crystals.
162
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,864
You have
Folgers Crystals.
163
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,187
Yes, you have
my card on file.
164
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,992
Thank you.
165
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:36,732
(sighs)
166
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,170
Uh, I'm-I'm-I'm gonna go
and, uh, take out the trash.
167
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,997
Okay, but when you get back,
168
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,872
you're gonna crawl down
under these sheets
169
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,972
and take care of Mama Bear.
170
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,641
ANNOUNCER:
You're watching Ike TurnerClassic Movies.
171
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,805
Why don't you come up
and see me sometime?
172
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,015
What the hell
did you just say?
173
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,317
I didn't say
nothin', Ike.
174
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:02,248
Why you-- make-- me--
treat-- you-- like-- this?
175
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:03,116
Huh? Huh?
176
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:07,563
Roberta, Rallo-- Cleveland Jr.
folded the laundry,
177
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:10,001
and I think you two
should put it away.
178
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,227
Put away my laundry?!
179
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,601
It's not my job
to pick up after myself.
180
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,600
I'm not my mother.
181
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:17,738
You'll get this back
182
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,808
when you're done
with the laundry.
183
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:22,037
Aw, man.
Now what am I supposed to...
184
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,782
Oh, there's a book.
185
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,711
Don't laugh, America.
186
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,084
Don't laugh.
187
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,652
Can I have
your attention, please?
188
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:35,092
Due to his remarkable sales,
I'm giving this week's
189
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:39,218
"Employee of the Week" award
to Cleveland Brown.
190
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,056
Hooray!
191
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,290
As part of your "Employee
of the Week" award,
192
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,626
here's $200 bonus.
193
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,231
Neat!
194
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,072
Hey, Tim, you want
to come out with me tonight
195
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:50,097
while I mindlessly blow
through all this extra money?
196
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,343
(sighs)
No, no, no, thanks.
197
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:52,768
You-you-you go on ahead.
198
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:56,683
I'm going to stay late and try
to make a few more sales.
199
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:57,277
Okay.
200
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,237
I might just go buy myself...
201
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,206
♪ A top hat
202
00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:03,684
♪ Gonna get myself
a top hat ♪
203
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,484
♪ Top hat.
204
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:06,686
(sighs)
205
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:09,547
(line ringing)
206
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,558
(sighs)
207
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,342
What are you doing?
208
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,341
Oh, uh... Oh, hey, Arch.
209
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,882
What are you doing, Tim?
210
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:30,737
Oh, nothing.
211
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,984
Time, those are for us
at work, not to take home.
212
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,880
Well... Yeah, well,
I didn't use any today,
213
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,782
so I figured what I didn't use
I could take home.
214
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,684
No.
That's not how this works.
215
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:43,186
Well, it's just that, my wife,
she puts these in her diet sodas
216
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,790
because she likes so much
chemicals, you know?
217
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,762
Then what are
the coffee filters for?
218
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:48,561
Uh...
219
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,402
Why don't you just go ahead
and put everything back?
220
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,657
Look, it's been
a hard month.
221
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:53,826
Sometimes
months are hard.
222
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,004
You going to bring in
extra stuff
223
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,372
when things
are going good?
224
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,900
Well, see you tomorrow, Arch.
225
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,705
No, you won't.
Taking a vacation day.
226
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,747
Whoa, what's this?
227
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:10,680
My chore wheel.
228
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:13,754
It makes doing chores
even more fun.
229
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,294
Watch.
230
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:19,059
Gutter patrol!
All right!
231
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,159
We got to stop this
before it's too late.
232
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:25,761
I know! Look what happened when
nobody stopped Robert Redford.
233
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:26,796
Let me get this straight.
234
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,970
For only $10,000, I can have
every inch of my skin replaced
235
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,341
with fried chicken?
236
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:33,409
That's correct.
237
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,637
I'd be a fool not to.
238
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:40,508
Oh, no way!
239
00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:43,254
Terry Kimple's in
the house, y'all!
240
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,220
Hey, Cleveland!
Holy smokes!
241
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,318
What are you doing here?
242
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,790
Just trying to be
as cool as you.
243
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:50,788
Well, you're going
to need some tighter pants.
244
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:51,761
(laughing)
245
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:55,288
Hey, Tim. Terry here was
my best friend in high school.
246
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,755
He even saved my life once.
247
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,703
Ah, I just did a solid
for a friend.
248
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,799
You'd have done
the same thing.
249
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,698
Hey, man, I needed this.
250
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,795
Thank you.
251
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,936
No problemo.
252
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,281
Hey, what are
you kids doing?
253
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:12,213
(giggling, snickering)
254
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:13,852
Shh! Shh! Shh!
255
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,847
I assume this is yours?
256
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,419
Aw, that is racist.
257
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:19,918
Come on, wise guy.
Let's go.
258
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,020
Now, hang on, chief.
259
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,791
Cleveland didn't know
nothing about this.
260
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,860
That there weed--
261
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,118
well, it belongs to me.
262
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,326
Terry, you could
get expelled.
263
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,258
That's all right, man.
264
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,932
Your future's a hell of a lot
brighter than mine is.
265
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,002
Heck, you could be
the first black president
266
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,031
of the United States.
267
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,965
You take this opportunity
and you use it, Cleveland.
268
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,771
Let's go.
(groans)
269
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,113
You use it!
Use it, man!
270
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,839
You use it!
271
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,514
So, how did
your life turn out?
272
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:49,152
Well, when my adulterous ex-wife
took my house in our divorce,
273
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,119
I moved back to town
and hastily married a woman
274
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:55,289
I had not seen nor spoken to
in over 20 years.
275
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,858
So, in addition to my own
emotionally fragile son,
276
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:02,229
I'm now responsible for two
ill-mannered stepchildren,
277
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:05,899
which is why I got
an entry-level telemarketing job
278
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,369
at the cable company.
279
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,867
So, pretty good, I guess.
280
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,439
What?!
Oh, sorry, man. Sorry.
281
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:14,137
I was just checking out
that pair of legs down there.
282
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,141
(laughing)
283
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,812
I see Terry Kimple
hasn't changed.
284
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:19,340
Yeah! The ladies
love my cable truck.
285
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,876
It's a hot fur magnet.
286
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:21,851
Hey, you know what?
287
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,378
You should come out
with me on my calls today.
288
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,484
We could catch up.
289
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,915
Lord Jesus, could you pleaseencourage Cleveland
290
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,762
to go with Terryin his hot fur magnet,
291
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,118
so I can catch up to his sales?
292
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,556
Hey, Tim, will you
be all right if I leave you?
293
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,862
Oh, yeah! Yeah.
Have a good time.
294
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,195
Thanks, Jesus.
295
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,900
Okay, now, maybe we can talk
296
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:45,542
about bringing backBuffy the Vampire Slayer.
297
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:48,339
(tuba blurts a note)
298
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,211
(plays)
299
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,440
(door creaking)
300
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:58,853
Hey, Cleveland Jr.
301
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,422
My day's going well.
302
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,450
How 'bout "chores"?
303
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,915
That's a funny way
to say it.
304
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,194
But it's going all right.
305
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:06,362
Don't be smart.
306
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:07,329
You listen to me, Jack.
307
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,157
You better stop
cleaning up around here
308
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,862
or things are going
to get messy.
309
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,395
Like this!
310
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,000
No!
311
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,370
Tuck in the corners,
just like Mommy did it.
312
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,469
Just like things were
when Mommy did it.
313
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:20,112
And don't divorce the sheets.
314
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,467
The sheets
must never be divorced.
315
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:26,075
(bleep), dude.
316
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:30,453
So, I said "I don't care
if you're pregnant.
317
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,980
That's a three-way
in my book."
318
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,146
(guffawing)
319
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,885
This is humorous.
Why aren't you laughing, Tim?
320
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:38,521
Yeah, what is this?
321
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:40,255
Is your wife
having her bear period?
322
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,360
(guffawing)
323
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,861
CLEVELAND:
Oh, gross.
324
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,033
Why would you say that?
325
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,230
Let me get the next round.
326
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,132
I'm still playing
with that sweet bonus.
327
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,465
Uh, actually, uh, Cleveland,
328
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,969
do you think I could use
the five dollars
329
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,012
you would spend on that beer,
330
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,367
maybe for a sandwich for me?
331
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:57,006
Seriously?
332
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,140
What, am I buying
rounds of food now?
333
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,346
(laughing)
334
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,607
Hey, I'll tell you what, Tim.
335
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:05,145
You show us your bear penis
and I'll buy you a whole steak.
336
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,092
(laughing)
337
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,117
Oh...
338
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,051
Hey, Yogi.
339
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:12,585
(imitating Yogi Bear):
Is it bigger than the average bear's?
340
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,162
(laughing)
341
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:15,661
CLEVELAND:
He has a bear penis.
342
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:19,262
TIM:
Go ahead and laugh at thefinancially struggling bear.
343
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:20,366
I hope...
344
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:24,067
I hope Jesus makessomething bad happen to you.
345
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,070
(gasps)There. I said it.
346
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:30,242
So, were you serious about
the "penis for steak" deal?
347
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,079
You okay to drive?
You're a little drunk.
348
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:39,522
Yeah, well, thanks to my mama,
I was born a little drunk.
349
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,089
(Cleveland laughing)
350
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,217
Oh, no, no, no!
Oh... Uh-oh.
351
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,393
Oh, no.
This is bad, man.
352
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,491
This will be my third DUI.
353
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,792
I'm going to go to jail.
I'm going to lose my job.
354
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:50,564
They're going to
make me cut my hair!
355
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:53,464
(harp glissando)
356
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:56,026
That there weed?
Well, it belongs to me.
357
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,966
I just did a solid
for a friend.
358
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,571
You'd have done
the same thing.
359
00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:02,013
(Cleveland and Terry
guffawing)
360
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,038
ET's finger!
361
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,044
Phone home!
362
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,175
(laughing)
(laughing)
363
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:11,220
You go on and get out of here.
I was driving this truck.
364
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,218
(siren wailing)
365
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,589
You're a good
friend, man.
366
00:14:14,588 --> 00:14:16,048
Thanks.
367
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,556
(siren wails, stops)
368
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,185
Check him for drugs.
369
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,094
Oh, that's racist.
370
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,296
No, this is racist:
371
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,627
Asian people are
horrible drivers.
372
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:27,433
Ooh-hoo!
373
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,874
Now, get in the car.
374
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:29,729
Aw...
375
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,366
Aw... so.
(laughter)
376
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:38,305
Thanks for bailing me
out, sweetheart.
377
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:41,151
Baby, I'm a ride-or-die
bitch, you know that.
378
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,477
You're a good man,
Cleveland Brown,
379
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:46,752
covering for your friend,
and I'm proud to be your wife.
380
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,253
But we're in trouble, Donna.
381
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,185
I'll probably
get fired for this.
382
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,290
(gasps)
And what if you go to jail?
383
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,692
The thought of my man in prison
lifting rusty weights all day,
384
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,995
getting hard, fighting
for his life in the shower,
385
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,299
all soaped up and shiny?
386
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,131
Mmm...
387
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:06,665
Mm-hmm, beating down a man
for fronting me in the yard.
388
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:07,613
Oh, yeah!
389
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,107
I mean, who the hell does
he think he is, anyway?
390
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:13,610
What makes him think
I won't cut him? Oh, Cleveland!
391
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:14,683
(tires screech)
392
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,981
Okay, flip me over;
I'll be the girl first.
393
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:18,654
What?!
394
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:21,652
This is prison
we're talkin' about!
395
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,593
Hey, Junior,
Roberta and I think
396
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,333
you're obsessively
cleaning everything
397
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,428
because you have
some unresolved issues
398
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,330
about your parents' divorce.
399
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:33,672
I'm totally fine
with the divorce.
400
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:38,137
As a matter of fact,
I've never even cried about it,
401
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,468
not one tear.
402
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,612
What?!
403
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,037
Why would I cry?
404
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,372
I mean, nobody died.
405
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,736
Just a family, a family died.
406
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:49,245
That's all it is, a dead family.
407
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:53,353
That boy's in denial.
408
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,723
He's got to get it out.
409
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,391
You know, it's not
like he doesn't have
410
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,690
plenty of reasons to cry.
411
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:02,262
Yeah, he's so fat, he'll
probably die in his 40s.
412
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,362
Rallo, that's mean.
413
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,263
What if he heard
you say that?
414
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,795
He'd probably cry.
415
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,470
What's the name of
that Jewish comedian?
416
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,799
Don Rickles?
417
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,044
Get him on the phone.
418
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:17,276
Oh, man! Has Waterman
talked to you yet?
419
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,677
Not yet. I hope
he doesn't fire me.
420
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,579
I should be the one
getting fired!
421
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:25,121
Fired by Jesus Christ,
our Lord and Savior.
422
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:25,778
Eh, big deal!
423
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,345
You showed
your penis for food.
424
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:28,554
We all been there.
425
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:31,715
No, I was so jealous
of Cleveland's success that...
426
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:36,755
I prayed to Jesus that something
bad would happen to him.
427
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,833
I'm so sorry, Cleveland.
428
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,502
Tim, you are dumb.
429
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,270
Out of pity,
I accept your apology.
430
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:46,140
(high-pitched):
Bye-bye.
431
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,339
Cleveland, I'm sorry,
but I can't tolerate
432
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,681
the destruction
of company property.
433
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,807
The truck is one thing,
434
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,381
but if anything had
happened to Terry,
435
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,750
well, I... I don't know
what I would've...
436
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,249
this company would have done.
437
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,720
He's a good worker, a good man,
438
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,789
a strong...
(trembling breath)
439
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,818
robust, tastefully cologned man.
440
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,234
O-kay.
441
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,680
(lisping):
Here's your tea, Mr. Waterman.
442
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,707
(dramatic music plays)
443
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,213
Oh...
444
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:32,384
The point is, Cleveland,
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to let you go.
445
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,445
Oh, that's too bad.
446
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,393
I sure am gonna
miss Terry.
447
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,388
He and I go a
long way back.
448
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,320
We were on the swim
team together.
449
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,785
Did he wear a Speedo?
Yes, he wore a Speedo.
450
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:46,755
That is, when you
could get him to put on bathing suit.
451
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,567
Hey, Junior,
get in here for a minute.
452
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,541
What's going on?
453
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,509
We decided it's high
time you cried--
454
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,608
but we got to ease
you into it.
455
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,681
(band playing lively music)
456
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:03,648
"Good evening,
457
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:06,450
"and welcome to the roast
of Cleveland Brown Jr.,
458
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:10,663
a man so huge,
his butt has its own zip code."
459
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:13,487
(remote clicks,
recorded laughter plays)
460
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:14,593
(laughing)
461
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,434
Are you saying
462
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,928
I'm as large as a municipality?
463
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:18,961
And now, a young lady
464
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:22,565
who goes to third base
faster than Rickey Henderson,
465
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,169
my sister,
Roberta Tubbs.
466
00:18:25,171 --> 00:18:26,401
(recorded applause)
467
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,266
Rallo Tubbs, everyone.
468
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,314
Or, as he's soon to be known,
469
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,210
"That's him, Officer."
470
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:34,312
(spits, laughs)
471
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,254
And Cleveland Brown Jr.
472
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:37,749
Or, as you're soon to be known,
473
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,650
"The poor bastard
they buried in a piano case."
474
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,594
(canned laughter, applause)
475
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:49,390
Speaking of Jews, here comes
one in a big, gross diaper...
476
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:54,025
Don Rickles impersonator
Keith Lieb.
477
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:56,373
(recorded applause)
Thanks, Rallo.
478
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,269
Hey, look who it is--
a colored Shelly Winters.
479
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:02,472
That's hurtful even
without knowing the reference.
480
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,335
Hey, Don, let's leave
the "colored" out of it.
481
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,405
All right, all right!
482
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:08,352
Look at this fat son of a bitch.
483
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,808
You put a hot plate on this kid,
484
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,646
you got yourself
a Manhattan studio apartment.
485
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:15,491
(recorded laughter,
Cleveland Jr. sobs)
486
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,488
Stop making fun of me!
487
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,521
There it is!
488
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:22,456
Let out all the pain
from your parents' divorce.
489
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:26,402
I promise you'll
feel better.
490
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,529
I love you guys.
491
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,425
Thank you.
492
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,895
We love you,
too, Junior.
493
00:19:31,905 --> 00:19:34,565
What, did KFC
go out of business?
494
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:37,984
I better get out of here
before I get killed.
495
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,437
He's from
a different time.
496
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:43,676
And that's why we called
him "The Wet Banana."
497
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:47,453
Oh, I could tell
unnecessarily graphic stories
498
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:48,753
about Terry all day,
499
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,555
but I got to go
pack up my desk.
500
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:52,988
Well, let's not
be too hasty.
501
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,932
It's possible I...
overreacted.
502
00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:58,358
I assume you're sorry.
You're sorry, right?
503
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:58,804
Very.
504
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:02,368
And if you stayed,
you could tell me stories.
505
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,598
Say, one every morning over tea?
506
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:05,904
Stories that, you know,
507
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,965
Mrs. Waterman
wouldn't need to hear.
508
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,674
Stories that
only a man should hear.
509
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:13,906
Well, if I come back,
I'd like to work with Terry as an installer.
510
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,613
I don't want to be
chained to a desk.
511
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,576
Plus, Tim's
your salesman.
512
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,115
The bear?
513
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:21,088
Yeah. You don't want
to lose him.
514
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,317
In fact, you
should give him a raise.
515
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,523
(quietly): Have you
seen his weenie?
516
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:26,455
- I have.
- Me, too.
517
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,559
- Isn't it magnificent?
- Isn't it weird?
518
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,191
Isn't it weird?
519
00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:34,601
Yes!
520
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,676
Ha! I don't know
how you got out of it,
521
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:45,537
but you did!
522
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:46,875
So what's the plan, amigo?
523
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,749
You're getting laid,
I'm getting paid,
524
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,679
and we're doing
it drunk!
525
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:52,654
All right!
Whoo!
526
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:55,092
Yee-hah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
527
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,418
Hey, Cleveland,
check it out!
528
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,763
Huh? Oh!
You owe me a steak!
529
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,689
Put that away!
(laughing)
530
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:07,289
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