Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,844
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:06,138
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,340
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,842
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,775
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,451
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,679
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,585
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,747
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:23,856
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,858
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,890
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,756
(chuckles)
14
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:35,665
So I tell her, "Baby, don't
come over for a play date
15
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,099
if you ain't
ready to play."
16
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,344
- Straight up.
- Uh-huh.
17
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,469
Shorty be tripping.
18
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:40,773
(car horn honks)
19
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,414
That's my old lady.
I'm out.
20
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,911
A'ight then.
Be good, my brother.
21
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,483
What up, Shavonne!
22
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,481
Hi, Rallo!
23
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:50,876
Dang.
24
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:53,645
That lady's butt--
kablam!
25
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:57,494
Rallo, you boys been playing
with my shoes again?
26
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:58,461
No.
27
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,689
Really?
28
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:03,334
You know what
this means.
29
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:07,470
This means I got to
go shoe shopping!
30
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,768
♪ [ Pop ]
31
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,971
Okay, then we'll
meet at 7:00.
32
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,827
I'll text Vanessa
and I.M. Jodie.
33
00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:45,536
You Twitter Gabby, poke Tracy,
and cyber-bully Maria.
34
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,539
Oh, I got another call.
Hang on, girl.
35
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,871
Hey, girl!
(phone ringing)
36
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,836
Ooh, hang on, girl.
37
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:51,775
Hey, girl!
38
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,479
Wow, Donna,
between Rallo and Roberta,
39
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:57,482
this house is a veritable
beehive of activity.
40
00:01:57,485 --> 00:02:01,685
Mm-hmm, and the queen bee
is happy to see her honey.
41
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,489
(buzzing, laughing)
42
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,262
CLEVELAND JR.:
1,345...
43
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,960
1,346...
44
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:12,804
1,347...
45
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,800
1,348...
46
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:15,972
What are you doing, son?
47
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,540
Counting to a million.
48
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,838
Why... why are you
doing that?
49
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,470
Why does anybody do anything?
50
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,435
Did you eat the brownies
in the back of the freezer?
51
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,335
No.
52
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:25,876
Good. Don't!
53
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,780
'Cause they're your dad's
for when he goes to concerts.
54
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:30,783
Got it?
55
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:31,854
Okay.
56
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,692
1,349...
57
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:37,457
Man, I got to find
Cleveland Jr. a friend.
58
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:38,318
I agree.
59
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,355
That boy is lonelier than
60
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,660
a widowed trapeze artist
with Alzheimer's.
61
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,963
(drumroll)
62
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:44,904
Ah.
63
00:02:44,899 --> 00:02:46,729
(drumroll)
64
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:47,734
Ah.
65
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,365
(drumroll)
66
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,640
Ah.
67
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:54,271
This is a good place
to meet people.
68
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,835
See anyone
who interests you?
69
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,683
That guy seems cool.
70
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,375
Or how about
that young man over there
71
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,753
playing basketball?
72
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,421
Hey, mind
if we play?
73
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,350
Sure.
All right.
74
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,824
The two of you against
this old-timer.
75
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:10,823
Check it.
76
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,594
Ow! Ow!
77
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,833
Foul! Foul!
78
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,457
Daddy, he's leaving.
79
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,032
Well, then
he forfeits.
80
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,801
You forfeit!
81
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,842
He seems lonely.
82
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,637
Looks like he could
use a friend, too.
83
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:30,643
Hey, sport,
I got a proposition for you.
84
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:31,444
Yeah?
85
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,305
My name's Cleveland.
86
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,413
How'd you like to play
with Cleveland Jr.?
87
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,546
What?
Oh, you'll love him.
88
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,320
He's a little chubby, but
he's always up for a good time.
89
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:43,691
A lot of other kids have jerked
him around, but I can tell
90
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,091
you're the kind of guy
who would treat him right.
91
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:50,763
Don't get me wrong: he's
a handful, but a nice handful.
92
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,764
Look, I'll be
honest with you.
93
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,726
I'm tired of
playing with him.
94
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,795
You want to see him?
95
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:59,043
Come over by the car,
and I'll let you have a look.
96
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,739
Come on, what do you say?
97
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,411
I'll give you
30 bucks right now
98
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,639
if you play with him
in the car.
99
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,775
Boomerang.
100
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:06,749
(sirens whoop)
101
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,847
(cocking guns)
102
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,518
You know, once I read
over the transcript,
103
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,087
I could see how my words
might have been misconstrued.
104
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,788
Thanks for trying
to help me, Dad.
105
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,859
Maybe we'll find me
a friend tomorrow.
106
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:19,829
Yes, we will.
107
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,627
And if not then,
then the next day.
108
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,830
And if not then, then
the next day.
109
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:28,033
And if not then,
we'll give up.
110
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:32,065
Because that will have been
four days, and that's enough.
111
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:35,472
Hey, there's Lester
Krinklesac's boy.
112
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,635
What are you doing, Ernie?
113
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:38,505
Playing kick
the can.
114
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,182
I didn't know
you could play that alone.
115
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,550
Well, I don't
have any friends.
116
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:43,719
(brakes squeal)
117
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,877
Ow! Daddy!
118
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,715
Wear your damn seat belt!
119
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:50,016
Ernie, this is my son
Cleveland Jr.
120
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:53,964
He doesn't have
any friends either.
121
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,331
You want to play
kick the can?
122
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,630
Do I?!
123
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,932
That's okay. I didn't
get it at first either.
124
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,495
I'll teach you how.
125
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,365
All right.
126
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:09,042
Now, you half-wits
have a good time.
127
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:40,943
(chuckles)
128
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,211
And then the old lady
was hobbling after us
129
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,939
'cause the crab apple we threw
broke her windshield,
130
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:49,045
and she tripped over a surveying
flag and landed in the mud!
131
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,019
(laughter)
132
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,817
I bet even she had
to laugh at that one.
133
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:53,520
(chuckles)
134
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,020
I tell you, Ernie,
it's nice having you here.
135
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,763
Looks like I'm not
the only one
136
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,928
around here with
a white boyfriend.
137
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:00,927
(laughs)
138
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,628
She's trying
to call you homosexuals,
139
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,060
Cleveland Jr. and Ernie.
140
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,055
That's funny.
141
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,596
I'm gonna use that.
142
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,131
I'm gonna use it right now.
143
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,936
Y'all are homosexuals!
144
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,838
(laughs)
145
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,110
This has been a perfect day.
146
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:20,210
Well, you know, Ernie,
the fun doesn't have to end.
147
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,524
Why don't we have a good
old-fashioned sleepover?
148
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,547
- Yeah!
- Really?!
149
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,252
Sure!
150
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,753
Mi casa es su casa.
151
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,515
Wow, your dad knows
janitor language!
152
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,494
I love it here!
153
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,622
Come on to my room, Ernie.
154
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:35,926
We can look at our boogers
under the microscope!
155
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,729
Cool!
156
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:40,626
(sighs)
157
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,834
You can go,
too, Cleveland.
158
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,096
Cool!
159
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,038
CLEVELAND:
Ho-ho! Gross!
160
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:53,777
Hey, y'all. So what are
we grubbing on tonight?
161
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:56,211
Oh, Ernie,
you're back for dinner.
162
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:56,946
Again.
163
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,890
Yep. You said I could
come over anytime,
164
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,087
so I'm moving in.
165
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,548
Well, that's not exactly
what I...
166
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:05,016
If Cleveland Jr.'s boyfriend
gets to live here,
167
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,755
then why can't mine?
168
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,990
Okay, he can't live here,
169
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:11,155
and Federline's definitely
not gonna live here!
170
00:07:11,165 --> 00:07:13,765
Ah, I sat on my nuts!
171
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:15,734
(knocking)
172
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,836
Can I help you?
173
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:17,637
Hi, Lester.
174
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,108
This is a little awkward,
but Ernie was talking about
175
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,067
moving into my house,
and I figured you...
176
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:23,836
That true, Ernie?
177
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,744
You want to live here or there?
178
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:26,846
There, I reckon.
179
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,247
Eh, boy's all yours.
180
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,249
(groans)
181
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,750
Well, let's go home.
182
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:36,222
I'll get out of these pants and
you can play with Cleveland Jr.
183
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:40,560
I shouldn't talk to boys.
184
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:45,764
I brought all my stuff!
185
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:46,996
My kit, my kaboodle,
my doo-dads,
186
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,300
my doo-hickies,
my doo-jiggers, my gee-gaws.
187
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:52,773
(chuckles)
We're gonna be roommates.
188
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:53,613
Oh, perfect.
189
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,767
Just what we need, another dude.
190
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,706
Would it kill somebody
to bring home
191
00:07:57,711 --> 00:08:01,781
a hot Puerto Rican chick
who's into black midgets?
192
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,882
And this is Princess,
my pet possum.
193
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,075
(screams)
194
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,146
Hide the cheese!
195
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,924
Sorry, but I'm no good
at living with animals.
196
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:13,093
Hey, big fat ugly
tumor head man,
197
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,563
I'm going down
to the student center.
198
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:16,862
You want a soda
or something?
199
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:19,734
I am referred to as
the Elephant Man.
200
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,133
You don't look like
an elephant.
201
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:24,444
You look like a big fat
ugly tumor head man.
202
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:28,938
This is not why they
call me the Elephant Man.
203
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,012
(zipper unzips)
204
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,250
(thump, trumpeting)
205
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:37,849
Morning.
206
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,786
Uh, could you at least
207
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:44,819
run the water
while you're doing that?
208
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,255
Okay.
(water running)
209
00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,060
Do y'all have a disposal,
210
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,360
or should I do the rest
in the yard?
211
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,933
Both.
212
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:54,772
(shower running)
213
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,208
(possum squeaking)
214
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,380
(Donna screaming)
215
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,750
Get off me!
216
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,378
Is there room for two...
217
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:11,723
(screaming)
218
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,918
(possum squeaking)
219
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:19,322
Hasta la possum, baby!
220
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,856
(possum squealing)
221
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,901
(Cleveland, Donna screaming)
222
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:33,666
So... Lester,
223
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,274
have you given
any further thought
224
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:38,205
to when you might want
Ernie to return home?
225
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,781
He can make
his own decisions.
226
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,180
He's a grown-ass man.
227
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,911
Lester, he's 14.
228
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,016
You got to take back your boy.
229
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:45,778
Why should I?
230
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,216
Seems to me he's happy
anywhere but our house.
231
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,691
Y'all can pay
for my drinks!
232
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:52,787
So Cleveland,
how are you going
233
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,563
to get Lester to
take his boy back?
234
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,531
I guess I'll have
to get creative,
235
00:09:56,530 --> 00:10:00,000
like Van Gogh
when he discovered the Q-tip.
236
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,996
Ew... waxy.
237
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,743
What the hell
are you doing?!
238
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,768
This is my business.
239
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,539
Excuse me. This is
a private residence.
240
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,883
CLEVELAND'S VOICE:
It's me, Cleveland.
241
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:12,738
What?!
242
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:13,676
What are you doing?
243
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:14,910
I'm Lester from
the future.
244
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:16,975
I'm going to visit him
in his sleep and tell him
245
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:20,794
that without his influence,
Future Ernie will destroy NASCAR
246
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:24,057
by making them drive
the other way around the track.
247
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,457
Will you just call
Child Services?
248
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,090
What?
249
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,364
I don't want to get
Lester in trouble.
250
00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:30,833
You won't.
251
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:31,231
Trust me.
252
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,401
I had to call them
more than once with Robert.
253
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,700
They'll come over,
sit Lester and Ernie down
254
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,942
and force them
to talk this out.
255
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,138
That makes sense.
256
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,239
HOLT'S VOICE:
Dyn-o-mite!
257
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,211
What the-- Holt?
258
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,539
I figure you're
Lester, I'll be you.
259
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,544
We may dress as you all,
260
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:50,076
but you all may not
dress as us.
261
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,488
(chicken clucking)
262
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:54,687
There he goes!
263
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,288
I got him!
I got him!
264
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:57,159
(bones snap)
(both gasp)
265
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,387
Dinner'll be ready
in half an hour.
266
00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,233
(doorbell rings)
267
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,857
My, who could that be?
268
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:06,803
Hi, I'm with Child
Protective Services.
269
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,600
I'm here for Ernie.
270
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:10,771
Ernie, this nice man
is gonna sit down
271
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:13,471
with you and your dad
to have a talk.
272
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,213
Okay.
273
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,237
But we were gonna play
mine-shaft disaster
274
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,484
in the crawlspace.
275
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,108
I was gonna be
the greedy mine owner
276
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:24,283
who turned a blind eye to
numerous safety violations.
277
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:25,424
A: you can play later,
278
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:28,789
and B: you know you can't fit
in that crawl space.
279
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,059
I don't have to fit
in there, Daddy.
280
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,518
I'm the owner
of the mine.
281
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,586
I don't have to do
the dirty work.
282
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:35,564
Plus, I already told you,
283
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,732
I knew it was
dangerous in there...
284
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,931
Ah-ya-ya-ya!
You can play later.
285
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,712
Thank God you called us,
Mr. Brown!
286
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,512
No child should live
in such conditions!
287
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,154
(tires squeal)
288
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,879
You called
Child Services on me?!
289
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,886
How dare you!
290
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,159
(squealing)
291
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,487
Eh!
292
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,162
Eh!
(squealing)
293
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,331
(braying)
Eh!
294
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,466
(gasps)
295
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:17,039
Hmph!
296
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,253
I feel terrible.
297
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,153
Terrible, terrible,
terrible.
298
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,256
I broke up a family
299
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,127
and sent away
the only friend Cleveland Jr. had.
300
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,257
I know. I mean,
Lester's not perfect,
301
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,662
but he is Ernie's father,
Cleveland.
302
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:48,234
Whoa! Listen to you:
"He's Ernie's father."
303
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,365
Yesterday, you were all:
304
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,899
"Call Child Services.
Call Child Services.
305
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,065
"They'll have
a conversation.
306
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:55,413
Oh, maybe they'll hug it out.
Oh, that'll be great."
307
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,138
Oh, that's only 'cause
you were all:
308
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:00,884
"My kid is lonely.
He's a loser, blah-blah-blah.
309
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,151
I gotta get him a friend.
Oh, I sat on my nuts."
310
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,251
Uh-huh, and you're all:
"Oh, Cleveland,
311
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,253
"even though we have
our differences,
312
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,845
"I should probably
pleasure you
313
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,216
"right here
in the kitchen,
314
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,624
"any way you want.
315
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,086
"Whatever makes you
feel good the fastest,
316
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,255
so you can get out there
and reunite that family."
317
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,604
And then you're, like:
"No, that's okay.
318
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:21,199
"I'll just go
in the bathroom
319
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,571
"and take care of myself
real quick,
320
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:25,469
and then get out there
and bring Ernie home."
321
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:29,142
Oh, man!
Why'd I have to say that?!
322
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,384
(knocking)
323
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,250
Lester, good news!
324
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,178
I already heard.
We got a black president.
325
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:38,915
I know.
326
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,419
But this is
about Ernie.
327
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,990
I called Child Services
and found out
328
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,989
that they took him to a
foster family in Elmwood.
329
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,362
But first, I listened
to their entire message
330
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,931
because some of their menu
options may have changed.
331
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,332
Anyway, they scheduled
332
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,133
a custody hearing
for tomorrow morning.
333
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,295
All you have to do
is come with me
334
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,044
and we can get
your boy back.
335
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:04,439
What about my six pigs,
my donkey, and my Port-O-John?
336
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,350
I don't know what to do.
337
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,619
Lester won't go to the hearing.
338
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,217
It's like he doesn't even want
his son back.
339
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,320
Am I the only one who
knows psychology here?
340
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,493
No. I minored in it.
341
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,020
Guess what I majored in.
342
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,285
Partying?
There he is!
343
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:23,193
The point is Lester
does want his son back,
344
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:26,056
but he's too proud
and way too stupid...
345
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:26,656
Oh, oh, Lester!
346
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:30,196
We were just speaking
of a different Lester.
347
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,403
In-in case you
did not hear,
348
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,135
this-this other
Lester is stupid.
349
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,070
Uh, sorry I'm late.
350
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,235
I was busy turning Ernie's room
back into a panic room.
351
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,005
Panic Room
with Forest Whitaker,
352
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,083
who was in Fast Timeswith Sean Penn.
353
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,082
Who was inMystic River with...
354
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,224
Kevin Bacon!
Yeah!
355
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,448
In three!
Suck it!
356
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:49,253
You know, Lester,
I-I like having a son
357
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,286
just to do the chores
around the house
358
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,161
that I, that I
don't want to do.
359
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:56,289
Not to mention the tax break
you get for having a child.
360
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:59,196
Taxes? I don't pay
no damn taxes.
361
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:00,229
Screw the government.
362
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,203
Well, the government is
who took your child away.
363
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:07,073
See, Lester,
this isn't about Ernie.
364
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,413
This is about
the government
365
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,179
disrespecting you
as a man.
366
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:14,647
You have to stand up
to the government, Lester.
367
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,348
Show 'em who's boss.
368
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:21,093
I'm gettin'
my son back!
369
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,257
Vegas! Right now!
Right now!
370
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,217
Vegas! Who's in?!
371
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:28,425
I, I've never been
to Las Vegas.
372
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,758
Let's do it!
373
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,633
What the hell!
374
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,631
All right, we just gotta
stop off at my house,
375
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:37,103
grab my black shirt,
and get some cash from my mom.
376
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,136
There he goes.
377
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,142
Slight break.
378
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,683
Oh, that's crisp.
379
00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:45,538
Whatcha think?
380
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,205
Mm, You look
Waffle House handsome.
381
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,354
No brunch after church,
today, ma'am.
382
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,180
I got a hearing
to go to.
383
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,257
Too much?
384
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,562
Mm-mm, just right, baby.
385
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:07,533
Now go get
that kid back.
386
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,104
Hey, baby?
387
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,402
You're right on time.
388
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,240
Oh, hey, Lester.
389
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:18,612
Are all of these
gun-toting rednecks coming
390
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:19,641
to the hearing
with us?
391
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,376
We ain't goin'
to no hearing.
392
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,381
We gonna go to
that foster home
393
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,623
and take my boy back!
394
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:25,777
What are you talking about?
395
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,245
I'm doing what
you told me to do--
396
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:29,854
standing up to the government.
397
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,286
Showing them who's boss.
398
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,461
And no one's gonna stop me!
399
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:37,300
(all hooting and cheering)
400
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,957
(laughs nervously)
401
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:50,312
I always found
Flip Wilson very funny.
402
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,440
Me, too.
403
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:55,014
You know who else
was classy?
404
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:55,745
Ed Bradley.
405
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,649
Ed Bradley was
a class act.
406
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,550
Mm-hmm.
407
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,623
I once became aroused
408
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:04,491
while looking at Halle
Berry and her breasts.
409
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,621
Thank you.
410
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:12,257
Sons of Stoolbend,
I'm not gonna lie to you.
411
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,395
Most of you
are gonna die today.
412
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:18,701
I think I left
a cake in the oven!
413
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:19,765
Fair enough.
414
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:22,173
Now the rest of us are
gonna go in there
415
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:26,735
and show the government
that they can't take my son!
416
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,206
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
417
00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,649
Lester, please.
418
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,252
Remember what
Kenny Rogers said
419
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:36,154
right before he went
into the chicken business
420
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,656
and then made himself look
like an old woman:
421
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:42,188
"You don't have
to fight to be a man."
422
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:44,461
All ri-ri-ri-right,
hold up, fellas!
423
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:47,834
Cleveland and me is gonna try
talkin' to 'em.
424
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,874
Y'all can wait outside.
425
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:51,799
No sodomy!
426
00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:52,695
ALL:
Aw!
427
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:56,235
Well, good thing I brought
Dancin' Dan.
428
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,542
Look at him...
look, look at him.
429
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:02,275
Please return Ernie
to his rightful father.
430
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,882
You seem like perfectly
lovely people, but...
431
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:05,454
Nope.
432
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,492
The child is not going
back to that house.
433
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,917
I ain't leavin'
without my son.
434
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,393
(whistles)
435
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,461
Where do you think
you're going?
436
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,361
You're messing
with my livelihood.
437
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:20,432
That foster kid is money
in my pocket!
438
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,800
(slow-motion, distorted):
No...!
439
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:52,257
Look, Lester obviously
cares enough about Ernie
440
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,455
to risk his own life.
441
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,266
Do I have brains
in my hair?
442
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,898
No, you got it.
Do I?
443
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:57,903
No, uh-uh.
444
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:01,274
I'm gonna ask you once again
to reconsider.
445
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,914
Clearly, Ernie and Lester
belong together.
446
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,939
You're risking your life
just to get me home?
447
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,305
But I thought you
didn't want me home.
448
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,054
I never said that!
449
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,948
You said you didn't want
to live at home.
450
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,890
I was only sayin' that
'cause you didn't say
451
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:15,487
you wanted me
to come home.
452
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,918
You thought...
and I meant...?
453
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,694
Aw, don't that beat all.
454
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,862
Okay, on three,
let's say it.
455
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,332
One, two, three!
One, two, three!
456
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,501
I love you!
457
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,769
Ha! Wussy.
458
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,765
Well, I have to admit...
459
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,011
this new couple seems
to have a few...
460
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,867
issues of their own.
461
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,875
Foster kids, attack!
462
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,408
(all yelling)
463
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,248
Tell you what,
how 'bout if I promise
464
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,421
to keep an eye...
on Ernie,
465
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,290
since I'm just across
the street?
466
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:49,849
All right, fine.
467
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:53,386
Ernie can go home.
I'll sign the release.
468
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,993
Great!
(gunshot)
469
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,364
Great.
470
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:01,427
Hey, Lester,
you got custody!
471
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:05,404
Yee-yip-yip-yip-yip-haw!
472
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,271
We'll take that kid now.
473
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,714
CLEVELAND:
Chandel-where?!
474
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,839
Chandel-what?!
475
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:13,643
Chandel-here!
476
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:15,710
You got a gun?!
477
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,545
You think I'd get
in a truck full of rednecks
478
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,051
without packing heat?
479
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,254
(both laugh)
480
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:23,956
You know what?
481
00:20:23,957 --> 00:20:24,917
You're all right.
482
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:28,334
I take back all
the racist stuff I said about you.
483
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,558
What racist stuff?
484
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,562
Oh, yeah.
You weren't there.
485
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,274
You...!
(chuckles)
486
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:36,968
I told you. Look.
487
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,470
I left my I.D.
in Virginia.
488
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:41,411
I'm 32, dawg.
Look at my class ring!
489
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:44,777
Come on, man!
Please?
490
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:47,877
Hey, Holt, Holt,
you-you gotta get in here, man.
491
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:52,320
I think, I think, I think
I just made out with Nikki Hilton!
492
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:53,348
Oh, oh, my God.
493
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:56,693
I-I-I-I don't know
what was in that aspirin
494
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,419
that, uh, that, uh,
those Arab guys gave me,
495
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:02,294
but it's the best freakin'
aspirin I've ever had!
496
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:03,925
Whoo!
497
00:21:03,975 --> 00:21:08,525
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33975
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof