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1
00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:06,111
And that is how I got
Liza Minelli's poop on my shoe.
2
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,367
(laughing)
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,576
Hey, what's your
problem, Cleveland?
4
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,508
I've just had
a terrible day.
5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,653
(sighs)
6
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:14,777
Okay, what happened?
7
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,152
(crying): My divorce
was finalized,
8
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,321
and I lost the
house to Loretta.
9
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,821
Oh, my God, I've never seen
a black guy cry before.
10
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,193
I always thought you guys
just got more pissed off.
11
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,332
Geez, Cleveland, where
are you gonna live?
12
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,428
I don't know.
13
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:31,229
Quagmire, could I stay
on your gross couch?
14
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:32,702
No, I need that
for humping strangers.
15
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:36,170
How about you, Joe?
Can I stay at your house?
16
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,240
No.
17
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,268
I understand.
18
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,842
Plus, it's not just me.
19
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,140
I also got custody
of Cleveland Jr.
20
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,143
What is he,
14 years old now? Yep.
21
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,675
Man, he aged faster
than Kathleen Turner.
22
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,150
Good news, Kathleen.
23
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,579
You've been offered the
leading role in a new feature.
24
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:51,554
What part?
25
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,092
What else? The babe.
26
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:58,257
ANNOUNCER:
Wow, The Babe seems to be calling his shot.
27
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:00,456
(fans cheering)
28
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,361
Ah, great. Now we're losing.
29
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:09,438
Dad, when am I gonna get
hair around my grits?
30
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:10,837
Oh, you'll get there,
Cleveland Jr.
31
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:13,168
But right now, we got
bigger problems than that.
32
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:16,214
Your mama wants this house
by tomorrow at sundown.
33
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,240
Where we gonna go?
Exactly.
34
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,235
Exactly who?
35
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,446
This ain't no
knock-knock joke.
36
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,608
We gotta figure
out what we're gonna do.
37
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,576
Light it, Brian.
38
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,354
Peter, I don't
wanna do this. Do it, Brian!
39
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,822
It's the only way I'm
gonna catch that bird.
40
00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:29,151
ROADRUNNER:
Meep meep! Here he comes. Light it!
41
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,686
(Roadrunner whooshing)
42
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,760
No, no, no, no, no, no!
43
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,125
Doggone it!
44
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,333
That's it! No more!
45
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,874
I'm tired of being kicked
around by this world!
46
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,170
BRIAN:
I'm sorry, Cleveland. It's all right.
47
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,272
I tried to stop him.
48
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,213
I don't blame you, Brian.
49
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:51,179
You're a dog! A dog!
50
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:53,909
Hello, everyone.
51
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,424
Thank you all for coming.
52
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:57,247
Ha.
53
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,891
Anyway, I have
an announcement to make.
54
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:03,287
Cleveland Jr. and I are
moving to California,
55
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,290
so I can pursue
my lifelong dream
56
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,162
of being a minor league scout
57
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,931
for a professional baseball
organization.
58
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:11,359
Who's gonna run that
deli you never go to?
59
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:15,265
When you sell Boar's Head,
it pretty much runs itself.
60
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,399
So, I put in a call
61
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:19,473
to my old batting instructor,
Mr. Joe Torre.
62
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,543
So, Joe Torre,
who coached the Yankees
63
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:24,282
to four world championships,
was your old batting instructor,
64
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,278
and this is the first
we're hearing of it?
65
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,280
See, this is exactly
why I'm leaving.
66
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:32,482
Nobody ever asks anything about
what Cleveland's got goin' on.
67
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,786
But if Peter wants to put
together a new A-Team,
68
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,189
or overthrow a British pub,
69
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,931
or recreate all thewhole damnedStar Wars movies,
70
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,927
I'm expected to jump on board,
no questions asked.
71
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:46,570
Well then, I guess we're going
to have to find a new Ringo.
72
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,767
Well, gosh, Cleveland,
we're gonna miss you.
73
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,370
Is there anything you
need before you go?
74
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:55,912
Um, you think you and Bonnie
could kiss each other just once?
75
00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:57,910
Well...
I-I-I-I don't know.
76
00:02:57,912 --> 00:03:00,352
I don't know.
I suppose.
77
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,247
We might need
some champagne.
78
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:11,561
(both moaning)
79
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,689
LOIS:
Oh, Bonnie.
80
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,304
Gah-ha-ha-ha-dang!
81
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,057
That's the first time
82
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,804
I ever asked for anything
I really wanted!
83
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,400
QUAGMIRE:
Touch-- touch boobs.
84
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,736
Well, this is it.
85
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,568
I didn't think it was
gonna be so hard.
86
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:28,765
Good-bye, kids.
87
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,306
Good-bye,
Mr. Cleveland.
88
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:32,311
Bye.
Bye, chocolate people.
89
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,453
Quagmire, Joe,
90
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:36,077
don't y'all go drinking
any beers without me.
91
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,023
Ha-ha-ha.
I know you will.
92
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:41,688
Take care of yourself.
Bye, chocolate people.
93
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,319
Good-bye, Peter.
94
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,324
Don't say good-bye.
95
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,955
The French say au revoir.
96
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,701
QUAGMIRE:
Touch-- touch boobs.
97
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:55,296
(engine starts)
98
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:57,336
What the hell?!
99
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,338
He's getting
his own show?!
100
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,010
(funky disco plays)
101
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,637
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
102
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,783
♪ And I am proud to be
103
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,348
♪ Right back in my hometown
104
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,778
♪ With my new family
105
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,483
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
106
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,316
♪ And even a bear
107
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:16,691
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
108
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,320
♪ It's true love we share
109
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,325
♪ And so I found a place
110
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:22,827
♪ Where everyone will know
111
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,860
♪ My happy mustached face
112
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,525
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
113
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,704
(chuckles)
114
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:33,714
Dad, are you sure
moving to California
115
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,367
is the right decision
for us?
116
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,436
Well, it's pretty hard
to steal second
117
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,384
if your foot's
still on first.
118
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,510
That sounds folksy.
119
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,584
What does it mean?
120
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:43,982
It means you gotta
take chances in life
121
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,454
to find true happiness.
122
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,792
That sounds gay.
123
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,047
Gays are smart.
124
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,445
Just look at how many lines
125
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:53,356
Gene Hackman has been able to
memorize over the years.
126
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,690
Hey, look where we are.
127
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,725
CLEVELAND JR.:
Wait a minute.
128
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,500
What are we doing
in Virginia?
129
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,399
I have a surprise
for you, Cleveland Jr.
130
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,771
We're gonna stop off for a day
or two in my old hometown.
131
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,441
Okay, but we're out
of sandwich cookies.
132
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,670
Nutter Butters and
the Oreos gone?!
133
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,306
Damn!
134
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:16,419
There used to be so much
hot fur walkin' around here.
135
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:19,817
Nowadays, the way the ladies
are all grooming themselves,
136
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,950
I don't even know
what you'd call it.
137
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:22,985
I guess you'd say
138
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:26,430
there's so much hot area
of skin walkin' around here.
139
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,157
I'm glad I grew up when I did.
140
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,402
Where's all your
baseball trophies?
141
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:34,497
Hmm. Looks like they
moved the trophy case.
142
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,571
(typing)
143
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:39,769
Beg pardon, could you tell me
where the trophy case...?
144
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,513
Cleveland?
145
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,838
Donna?
146
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,883
♪
147
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:47,107
Thanks for driving me
to the dance, Cleveland.
148
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,484
Robert would've
brought me himself,
149
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,982
but he wanted to get drunk
with his friends first.
150
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,024
It's all right,
I enjoy your company.
151
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,450
I don't know why
you're with that guy.
152
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,656
He don't treat you right.
153
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,417
Oh, he's not so bad.
154
00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,585
Well, I think he is.
155
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:04,003
And I just want you to know
that I think you're great.
156
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,627
You're wonderful, Donna.
157
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:07,603
I love--
158
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:08,731
There you are, baby.
159
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,436
Thanks for keeping her
warm for me, doughboy.
160
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:12,538
Donna, come on over here
161
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:15,469
and show my buddies
your nice fat ass.
162
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,576
BOYS:
Ooh! Yeah!
163
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,877
Dang!
That's a nice fat ass.
164
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:22,009
So, you working here
at the old school?
165
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,875
Yeah, I work for
the principal.
166
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,584
How long you
in town for?
167
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,646
Couple of days.
168
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,253
On our way to California.
169
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,885
Well, if you need
a place to stay,
170
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,521
we have a spare room
at our house.
171
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,056
But what would
Robert think?
172
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:37,801
Oh, Cleveland, there
is no Robert anymore.
173
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,598
We're divorced.
174
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:43,566
I guess there is still some
hot fur around here.
175
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,540
I guess there is.
(laughing)
176
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,440
I guess there is.
177
00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:55,482
Back in high school,
I would have killed
178
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:58,022
to spend the night
at Donna Tubbs' house.
179
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:58,878
Wait a minute, Dad.
180
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,786
Is she the one you used
to look at naked
181
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,648
through her bedroom
window from the ladder
182
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,786
when you used to...?
(loudly clearing throat)
183
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,632
I don't even know why
I told you about that.
184
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,628
"Oh I can keep
a secret, Daddy!"
185
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,600
(gunshot)
186
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,227
You all right, Donna?
187
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,832
Yes, Lester. Why?
188
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,104
There's a couple of
black guys followin' ya.
189
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,643
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
You're also black.
190
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:19,669
(chuckles)
191
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:20,973
Have a good day, then.
192
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:23,684
Well, I guess I'm
back in the South.
193
00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:26,707
89! 43 on the back.
194
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,453
And the greens were fast.
195
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,619
I know, I read
your Twitter.
196
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,917
Holt, this is my
friend, Cleveland.
197
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,920
'Sup, dawg?
198
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:36,555
(imitating explosion)
199
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:37,887
You gotta blow
it up, brah!
200
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,261
WOMAN:
Holt! What, Mom?!
201
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:40,529
It's time
for dinner!
202
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,627
I'm talking
to my friends!
203
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,529
I gotta go get my grub on.
204
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:45,561
I'll come by later.
205
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:46,696
Bring the new Dave.
206
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,030
Live in Austin. Sick.
207
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,096
He's a funny little man.
208
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,044
(laughing)
209
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,770
Rallo, this is Cleveland
and Cleveland Jr.
210
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:58,636
They're gonna be our
guests for a couple nights.
211
00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,535
Oh, okay.
212
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:01,646
We're having fat people
stay at our house now
213
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,248
and nobody runs it by me?
214
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,750
Watch your mouth, Rallo.
215
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:05,821
Roberta!
216
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,289
Where's your sister?
217
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,487
She left.
218
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:09,689
And left you alone?!
219
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,720
Evidently.
220
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:13,094
Hey, I ain't got to go
to school no more.
221
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,563
Rallo got kicked out.
222
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,162
He pulled down
the teacher's pants.
223
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,604
I misread a signal. It happens.
224
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,630
Honey, go show Cleveland Jr.
upstairs to the guest room.
225
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,566
We ain't got no
freight elevator.
226
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:25,141
(laughing)
227
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,008
Nah, you're all right
with me, chubbs.
228
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:28,838
Come on.
229
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,182
That one gets
kicked out of school,
230
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,677
and his sister-- who's supposed
to be watching him--
231
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,809
is probably running around
232
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,154
with her no-good boyfriend,
Federline Jones.
233
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:39,049
Hard to believe a daughter
of yours would be attracted
234
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,252
to a boy who was
no good for her.
235
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:42,185
25 years later,
236
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,719
and you still giving me guff
about Robert?!
237
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,315
You need to get laid, fool.
238
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,986
Oh, Mom, thank
God you're home.
239
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,196
Rallo probably
already told you.
240
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,027
I was going to the library
to get him some new books.
241
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:57,273
But on the way, I was mugged
by six Al-Qaedas, and I said,
242
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,141
"Oh no, you don't, Al-Qaedas!"
243
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,309
And I fought 'em off,
one by one.
244
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,639
I fought off six Al-Qaedas.
245
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,035
Oh, please, Roberta.
246
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,346
That's less convincing
than the time
247
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:10,817
I had to use the bathroom
at R. Kelly's house.
248
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:17,987
Uh, flush...
249
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,655
So Coach Torre's office
said they'd reimburse me
250
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,663
for the mileage on
the way out there.
251
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,695
And with gas
prices these days--
252
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,770
write your own
punch line.
253
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,699
(laughing)
254
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:31,774
Gas costs a lot.
255
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:32,702
(laughing)
256
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,206
He gets what
I'm talking about.
257
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,167
I gotta go get ready
for Federline.
258
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,906
It's a school night.
259
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,681
We're studying, Mom.
260
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,180
Studying a wiener.
261
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,111
Rallo! Oh!
262
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,345
I swear, my kids need
some fatherin'.
263
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,881
Tell you what--
I'll get 'em
264
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:49,686
on the right track
before I leave for California.
265
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:50,860
(horn honking)
266
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:51,917
Be back by 10:00.
267
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,785
I'll be back whenever I want.
268
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:57,934
Roberta, can I talk
to you for a moment?
269
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,831
No. You get on my nerves.
270
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,233
Like when white people
make a TV show
271
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,265
they think black
people will watch.
272
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,301
ANNOUNCER:
We now return to...
273
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:09,938
What are you kids doin'?
274
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,383
The church costume
party is tomorrow.
275
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,379
Dat's what I was
tellin' you before!
276
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,122
(canned laughter)
277
00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:21,821
I was like, come on...
You Federline Jones?
278
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:24,762
I don't need my windows
washed, old man.
279
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,188
Get 'em my demo,
know what I'm sayin'?
280
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:30,204
I wasn't offering
to wash your windows.
281
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,897
Do you see a spray bottle?
282
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:32,758
No.
283
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,896
Do you see a squeegee
or a chamois cloth
284
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:37,671
or even a piece of
balled-up newspaper?
285
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:37,941
No!
286
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:41,708
How would I wash your
windows without those things?
287
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:42,808
It would be impossible
288
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,739
to wash your windows
without those things.
289
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:46,406
Okay.
290
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,213
Now, if you wanted me
to check your spark plugs,
291
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:52,176
maybe I could do that,
because all I would need
292
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,045
is for you to
pop the hood!
293
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,794
But that's not why
I came out here.
294
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,260
Now, there's a lady inside
295
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:01,428
who you're going to
bring home at 10:00.
296
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,188
Not 10:01.
297
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,456
Not 9:59.
298
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,904
Because that might be
too soon, as I'm hoping
299
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,201
to get in a bit of
petting, myself, tonight.
300
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:13,843
I don't know why I'm telling
you this, but it's true!
301
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,170
I want it because
it feels good!
302
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,036
Damn, I've put a lot
of time into this one,
303
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,876
and I'm not going to
let you mess it all up
304
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,982
by coming home at 9:59.
305
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,794
So, what time you
gonna bring her home?
306
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:27,917
10:00.
307
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,451
Great. Have fun, kids.
308
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,816
Don't drink too many sodas.
(laughing)
309
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:36,425
You really showed
that kid who's boss, huh?
310
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:37,800
Ah! A bear!
311
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,498
Ah! A black man! Ah!
312
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,299
You see? That doesn't
feel so good, does it?
313
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,372
It's very reductive.
314
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,400
Well, when it... Anyway...
Don't worry about it.
315
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,906
You must be Cleveland.
316
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:48,908
Wh-Who are you?
317
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,409
I'm Donna's neighbor, Tim.
318
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,480
My-My wife and our son,
Raymond, live... live here
319
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,480
in this house right here.
320
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,781
Aren't you supposed
to live in the woods?
321
00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:58,323
Oh, yeah, I suppose.
322
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,418
It's, uh, it's not
the best place
323
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,920
to make a buck in
today's, uh, world.
324
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,063
You know, the rat race.
325
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,488
I know, right?
326
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,963
Tim, for heaven's sake,
how long does it take
327
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,233
to take out the trash?
328
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,901
Stop playing
with that man.
329
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:16,099
Either eat him
or come inside.
330
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:16,943
(sighs)
331
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,237
Hey, do me a favor, right?
332
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,368
Don't-Don't tell the
missus about this.
333
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:24,883
She'd have my head over the
mantle if she found out.
334
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:25,978
(sighs)
335
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,909
Man, that's-that's the antidote
right there, let me tell you.
336
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:33,145
Okay, well, may the peace of,
uh, Jesus Christ be with you.
337
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,953
All right, then.
338
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,155
(sighs)
339
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,187
I don't trust that
Federline Jones.
340
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,962
And I don't trust
Roberta, either.
341
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,561
But I don't
know what to do.
342
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:45,232
Have you considered
genital mutilation?
343
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,302
What?!
344
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,869
(laughing)
I'm just kidding.
345
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,128
(both laughing)
346
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,236
You so stupid.
347
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,538
(laughing)
348
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:53,239
(sighs)
349
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,840
Cleveland, do you remember that
song you used to sing to me?
350
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:58,313
Sing it to me again!
351
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,481
No...
352
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,479
Come on.
353
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,450
I don't remember it.
354
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,178
♪ Oh, Donna
♪ Oh, Cleveland
355
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,153
♪ You're so fine, you're so
fine, you blow my mind ♪
356
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,582
♪ Hey, Donna
♪ Hey, Cleveland
357
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,146
♪ Hey, Donna
♪ Hey, Cleveland
358
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,885
♪ Oh, Donna
♪ Hey, Cleveland
359
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,160
♪ What a pity,
you don't understand ♪
360
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:14,888
♪ You take me by the heart
when you take me by the hand. ♪
361
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,625
(both laughing hysterically)
362
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,000
(Cleveland sighs)
363
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,498
Oh. Mmm...
364
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:21,869
Do you know what time it is?!
365
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:23,898
It's... 10:00.
366
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,404
Damn, I should've
told him 10:04.
367
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:30,176
Federline insisted
I be home on time.
368
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,307
And tomorrow I'm getting
Rallo back in school.
369
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,483
You've got a man
in the house now.
370
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:38,482
Mmm, been a long time.
371
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,415
RALLO:
She's lying!
372
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:44,517
Thank you for giving Rallo
another chance,
373
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,864
Mrs. Lowenstein.
374
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,589
May I call you Hadassah?
375
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,264
Ochay.
376
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,802
Now, remember,
I'm not trying
377
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,557
to stop you from
being who you are.
378
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:54,126
You just got to
be cool about it.
379
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,874
So, what are you going
to do when you want
380
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,399
to go under the table to
look up someone's skirt?
381
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,495
Create another reason
382
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,236
for why I would be
going under the table.
383
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,372
That's right.
384
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,436
Now, go do your thing.
385
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:07,945
Hey, ladies.
386
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:10,348
Oops. I dropped my pencil.
387
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,450
I wonder
where that pencil has gone.
388
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,053
It is a most elusive pencil.
389
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:19,986
One wonders
if I ever will find it.
390
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,493
Attaboy.
391
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:22,334
Speaking of pencils,
392
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,329
I got a golf pencil
in my pants right now.
393
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,972
(laughing)
Oh.
394
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,244
I can't believe you
did it, Cleveland.
395
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,668
Thank you so much.
396
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,272
You know what
you proved to me?
397
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,414
That these kids need
a man in their lives.
398
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,310
And that I need a
man in my life.
399
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,783
Who'd you have in mind?
400
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,121
Who do you think, doughboy?
401
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,017
Robert?!
402
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,078
I owe it to the children
403
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,016
to see if we can
make it work.
404
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,751
You showed me that.
405
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:50,786
(burps loudly)
406
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:51,660
Come on, baby.
407
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,118
Let's go down
to Woolworth's.
408
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:56,126
I'll buy you a grilled
cheese and a parakeet.
409
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,099
(laughing)
410
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,057
We're not
getting a parakeet.
411
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,065
I'd get you one
if you wanted it.
412
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,067
Oh, Robert.
413
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,999
Thanks, Cleveland.
414
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,435
(both laughing)
415
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:10,539
Oh, it can't
get any worse than this.
416
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:14,413
CLEVELAND JR.: Daddy,
can you come wipe me?
417
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,084
Oh...
418
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:22,419
(chirping)
419
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,531
What should we name
our new bird?
420
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:30,187
Is it a boy or a girl?
It's a girl.
421
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,126
Joan. Her name is Joan.
422
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:36,132
Dad, do you think Uncle Robert
would get us a bird, as well?
423
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,296
Hmm, no time for that,
Cleveland Jr.
424
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,235
We're leaving first
thing in the morning.
425
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,570
What? Then I'll cancel
dinner with Robert.
426
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,035
I shouldn't be gone
your last night.
427
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:47,414
No, I'll just do my thing,
and you can do your thing,
428
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,384
which probably
involves Robert's thing.
429
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,583
And your thing.
430
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,294
Oh, which way's
the bar, Thing?
431
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,987
(foghorn blows)
432
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:02,291
So, you're-you're leaving
soon for California, eh?
433
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,995
I ho... I hope you packed
your liberal shoes.
434
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,628
What with their
electric cars
435
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,973
and the Regal Beagle
and all, you know?
436
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,069
Yep, heading out tomorrow.
437
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:14,040
It's not like there's anything
to keep me here in Stoolbend.
438
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,310
Certainly not Donna.
439
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,339
Oh, I know how
to read a person.
440
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:21,675
I can tell, you're sweet
on Donna, aren't you?
441
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,581
No.
You are!
442
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,753
You'd give up baseball
for a woman
443
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,222
who's already busted
out two children
444
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:29,821
out of her tween-leg area?!
445
00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:32,463
No! And even if
I wanted to, I couldn't.
446
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:34,129
Her ex is back
in the picture.
447
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:37,397
Oh, not Robert! He's
a terrible listener.
448
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:38,357
He busted my Gameboy.
449
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,495
Robert stole my lighter.
My good Bic.
450
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,230
Well, he's taking her
to dinner tonight.
451
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,136
(exhales)
452
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,337
Anyway,
nice knowing you guys.
453
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,539
I got some packing to do.
454
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,611
Well, we can't
just let him go.
455
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,210
Cleveland, wait!
Yes?
456
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:55,152
You owe us like $8.50
for your drinks, man.
457
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,878
$8.50 for two
peach schnappses?!
458
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:58,684
Oh...
459
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,585
Cleveland seemed
really sad.
460
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:04,487
Yeah, I thought
they just got more pissed off.
461
00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:08,787
Wait! You said you weren't
leaving till tomorrow.
462
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,125
I thought we'd
get a head start
463
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,800
so we could do
a little sight-seeing.
464
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:15,098
Maybe check out
Dolly Parton's birthplace.
465
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:16,771
(crying)
466
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:17,600
(chuckles)
467
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,204
I guess she could
nurse herself, huh?
468
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:22,235
Stop it, Bob.
This is a real problem!
469
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,812
So, this is good-bye, then.
470
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:27,851
You're a very lucky boy
to have this father.
471
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:32,547
I can't think of a finer man
than Cleveland Brown.
472
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,092
Good-bye, Donna.
473
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:43,294
RALLO:
Oh, I know y'all ain't leaving without making these beds!
474
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,370
Are we gonna have
a pool in California?
475
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:53,370
We'll try. We'll see what
amenities they have for us
476
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,843
when we get there.
477
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:59,211
In our kitchen, will our freezer
be on top of the fridge,
478
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,612
or will they be
side by side?
479
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:01,983
Or will it
be one of those
480
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,711
that has the freezer
on the bottom--
481
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,246
I don't know!
482
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,581
I thought
pursuing your dreams
483
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,616
was supposed
to make you happy,
484
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,421
not a big douche.
485
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,264
I'm sorry, Cleveland Jr.
486
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:16,629
Dad, didn't you
tell me that sometimes
487
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,459
you got to
take chances in life
488
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,355
to find true happiness?
I did.
489
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:23,966
Well, then, what are we doing
driving to California?
490
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,600
Miss Donna's back in Stoolbend.
491
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:33,438
(tires squealing)
492
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,546
(quacking)
493
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,277
CLEVELAND:
Oh, look at the little one!
494
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,486
Oh, baby, it
feels so right
495
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,890
to be back in this
house with you,
496
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,592
the cable TV...
497
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:48,394
Excuse me?
498
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:51,404
Donna, I got
something to say!
499
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:51,897
Cleveland?
500
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,498
You're too good
for this man.
501
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:57,200
Who are you, coming in here,
talking all kinds of trash?
502
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,703
Who am I?
I'm someone who wants more
503
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:01,606
than just a booty call.
504
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,538
I'm someone who would
treat this lady right
505
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:07,084
and be a good father
to her children.
506
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,210
Her children?
My children.
507
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,145
Do you even know
what grades they're in?
508
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,221
The girl must be done
with high school, right?
509
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,290
And Rerun's in what?
510
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:16,889
Sixth grade?
511
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:20,560
Donna, I don't want to go
to California anymore.
512
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,730
But what about your dream?
513
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:23,929
You're my dream.
514
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,830
You always have been.
515
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:29,632
♪
516
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:57,404
♪
517
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,513
♪
518
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,416
I love you, Donna Tubbs.
519
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,918
I have been
waiting 25 years
520
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,290
to hear you say that,
Cleveland Brown.
521
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,120
I love you, too.
522
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:27,425
(sighs)
523
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,460
Hear that, chump?
524
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,962
This nice fat ass
is mine.
525
00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:34,425
You ain't seen the last of me!
526
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,334
Joan!
527
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,765
Say, bird,
let's rip this joint.
528
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:40,269
These is just a couple
of jive-ass turkeys, anyhow.
529
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:43,043
Dat's what I was
tellin' you before!
530
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,812
(canned laughter)
531
00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:47,281
(church bells ringing)
532
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:54,751
I present Mr. and Mrs.
Cleveland Brown.
533
00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:59,091
Y'all okay with having a
black guy as our fourth friend?
534
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,262
I mean...
you know.
535
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:01,430
Hey, we got
a black president.
536
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,887
It's about time
we had a black friend.
537
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,626
Hey, we can talk
to him about the president.
538
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,603
Well, I may not be
a baseball scout,
539
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:11,571
but I think
I just hit a home run.
540
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:12,501
Me, too.
541
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,305
You know, I
guess I could
542
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,667
get used to having
a dad again.
543
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,405
And I could get used to
having a brother and sister.
544
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:21,451
Well, if we ain't the
black Brady Bunch.
545
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,477
Except I'm
not a gay architect
546
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,423
and my wife's not
sleeping with my son!
547
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:28,519
(all laughing)
548
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:29,621
Not yet.
549
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,122
(all laughing)
550
00:21:32,172 --> 00:21:36,722
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