All language subtitles for Terrordactyl.2016.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

Damn it.

Whoa!

What the goddamn?

Oh, shit.

Anybody in there?

You a crashed astronaut
or somethin'?

Whoever you are,
you blew up my truck!

You gonna get me another truck,

and I'm gonna run
your ass over with it.

I didn't mean that.

We're good.

Dude.

Want to give me a hand?

Jonas, how long do you think

I can keep doing
this job by myself?

Dude, I'm taking my break.

Oh.

I was mowing.

Oh, yeah, mowing what?

The lawn.

With what?

Where's my lawn mower?

Relax.
It's right over there.

Oh!

God damn it.

Thought I finally got it
working this time.

Ooh, ooh, ooh,
you know, I probably

just need to change
something here.

Break's over.

Oh, man, thought
I had it this time.

You know, if you spent
half as much time on real work

as you do with your things,

you might actually make
some good money.

Just saying.

Lars, you've got
a business degree

and you're planting shrubs
all day.

Well, I mean, shrubs
don't crash on my couch

for months on end,

shrubs don't beg me
for a job after college,

and shrubs definitely
don't drink all my beer.

I like shrubs.

Well, shrubs
don't drive you home

after a long night at the bar,

they don't help you get over

your latest and greatest
breakup,

and they don't fix
your truck for you

when it's not working.

All right, fine,
you got me there.

All right, cool.
Fertilizer time!

So I know that was my shovel,

but, eh, what is it now?

- Dude, this?
- Yeah.

This is my shov-brella.

Check it out. Huh?

Oh!

Stay the hell away
from my leaf blower.

Hey, so, uh, five o'clock.

Happy hour at the old
Watering Hole?

No, dude, I just want
to have a few beers

and pass out on my couch.

But it's Friday night.

We always go out on
Friday night.

Yeah, well, I want to try
something different,

like sleeping.

Yeah.
Yeah, you're probably right.

You know, you're probably
getting too old

for that kind
of stuff anyway.

Fine.

But you're buying and driving.

Deal.

Wait till you see
my latest catch.

Biggest, baddest, meanest

river son of a bitch
you've ever seen.

Evenin', Sampson.

Don't you "evenin'" me, sonny.

I'm a marine.

This ain't just any evenin'.

This is a goddamn celebration.

And what'd you shoot this time?

Shark!

Right there in the river.

It was much tougher
than that grizzly

that I shot up in the Yukon.

And he had me in his jaws
most of the time.

Uh, yeah, and what river
would this be?

The L.A. River,
you damn civvy!

Put ten slugs in him.

Tired him out
till he went belly up.

Just like the women in my bed.

You know, one day, Sampson,
you're gonna sober up

and hopefully not be
such a scumbag, huh?

Yeah, sad day that'll be.

Ooh, nuts.

Dude, I got to be honest.
I hate this place.

What? I love it.

I mean, the seats
are old as hell.

The beer tastes like
it came out of the faucet.

Come on.

I don't even want to think

about what these stains are
on this table.

Dude, they wipe off.

And that smell
is absolutely disgusting.

Tell me what there is
to like about this place.

Besides the obvious.

What can I get you boys?

How you doing, Candice?

Hey, Lars, how are you?

Hard day on the job?

Yes, ma'am. That it was.

What about you, Jonas?

Well, I'm doing okay.

You know, hardest day
of work ever, uh,

with, uh, um, the...

The sun.

And we had the dirt
and the shovel and the shrub,

and, you know, we got sweaty
with the work, and so...

Yeah.

Yeah, you're still sweating.

Well, you know me.
I'm always sweating.

Working! I'm always work--
always working.

Huh?
So, uh, how are you?

'Cause it looks
a little slow tonight here.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Everything slow?
Everything okay?

Yeah, it's a slow one.

What can I get you guys?

Uh, two IPAs, please.

All right,
coming right up.

- Oh, man.
- Bro.

- That was magic.
- Yeah?

I could feel the sparks
coming off that.

I think she's really
starting to dig you.

Really, you think?

The signs were all there.
I mean, think about it.

When you started talking
about how much

you sweat
and the shrubs you plant...

come on, man,
why didn't you propose?

Yeah, I'm a gentleman, okay?

Uh, take my time,
picking my moment,

getting to know her a bit.

Dude, you do know her.

We come here
every Friday night,

and every Friday night,
it's the same thing with you.

You sit there,
and you stutter,

and you get all jittery
like a little teenager.

No, don't eat that!

Disgusting.

Just ask her out.

I'm working on it.

Bro, if you don't
say something,

she's gonna end up
with that drunk Sampson.

Ugh.

It ain't that hard, Jonas.

Guess your balls
just aren't as big

as that brain of yours, huh?

Lars, have you
looked at us lately?

Come on, man,
I'm dirty and sweaty

and, oh, let's see, poor too.

I mean, I can't
ask her out like this.

I don't even have
a dollar to my name.

It ain't respectable.

Hard honest work,
that's respectable, Jonas.

Why, because it's hard?
I mean, come on, man.

There's got to be
a better way of making money

than sweating our asses off
in rich pricks' lawns all day.

Dude, as much as you may think,
money ain't always the answer.

Sure as hell would solve
a lot of my problems right now.

I mean, come on, man,
I want to do something big.

I want to, you know,
do something great,

live the dream!

While you do that,
I'm gonna dream

of cheap drinks
and cute waitresses.

Here you guys go.

Feeling better, Jonas?

Yeah, I always feel good
around you.

You can, uh, throw these
on Jonas' tab.

All right,
will do, hon.

It's gonna be ten total.

Oh, man.

Dude, I'm gonna need
to borrow ten bucks.

Are you kidding me?

Hey, sweet cheeks!

When we gonna split
a bottle and a bed, eh?

I told you, Sampson,
I don't date customers.

Oh, honey,
after a couple drinks,

you won't care who I am.

Sampson, all the drinks
in the world couldn't do that.

Well, it was worth a try.

We will report
more as we follow this story.

Watch your heads tonight.

Astronomers at Griffith Observatory

are preparing
for a surprise meteor shower.

The meteors,
which are expected

to come down in the greater
Los Angeles area...

- Here's your change.
- Thanks.

...which brought
the planet a near miss

with a meteor the size
of a six-story building

that by all accounts seems
to have burned up on entry

when it disappeared
from astronomers'...

Love to get my hand
on one of those rocks.

Make a bundle.

What do you mean?

Meteorites, meteors.

You know, pretty cool.

Stuff's been floating
around our galaxy for ages

just collecting space dust.

Then they just hit
our atmo and burn up

like glittery diamonds.

Yeah.

You know, they hit Earth
on a regular basis.

There's all kinds
of different rocks:

irony rocks, stone rocks,
stony iron rocks.

Irony ones are the ones
that are worth the most

and easiest to find,
I guess.

Other ones just look
like regular rocks.

- But yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, the mete--

the mete--meteoroids

and the, um--
the glistening rocks

and the night highway.

I-I can't get--
I love them. I love them.

I can't get enough of them.

I mean, you certainly seem
to like them.

Yeah, my cousin works
at the science museum.

She says people pay
top dollar for space rocks.

Really, that so?

Some guy had one crash
into his living room a year ago.

He was pissed as hell
until he sold it.

Bought a brand-new house.

Good to know.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Hey, wake up, wake up, wake up.

Come on, come on, come on.

We got work to do.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Come on, come on, come on,
here you go.

I'm not done with it!

Right, left.

You got this.
You got this.

Look at you.
You tiny dancer, you.

- Okay.
- Leave me here.

I can't leave you.

Tomorrow's
gonna be awful.

What!
Tomorrow's gonna be awesome.

Let's get you some coffee.

All right, buddy.
Come on, come on.

Almost, yep. Close. There.
Okay, nice, nice.

Meteor shower
is impressing thousands

all across
Southern California.

Authorities have reported
meteor impacts

in the Angeles National Forest

as well as
Joshua Tree National Park.

In other news,
there are a growing number

of disappearances
in the high desert area

which local sheriff's
departments attribute...

So let me
get this straight.

You want to go
digging up space rocks

in the middle
of the goddamn night?

Dude, they're worth a fortune!

So is a good night's sleep.

Jonas, just promise me
this is not gonna turn out

like the jackrabbit scheme;
remember that?

It would've worked
if somebody hadn't gotten angry.

Besides, man, I told you,
rabbits spook easy.

Candice told me these things
are worth a ton of money.

Oh, Candice told you.
Oh, great, yeah.

Tell you what: we're gonna find
one of these things,

we're gonna sell it,

and we're gonna split
the profit 60-40.

Wait, and why
would you get 60%?

Because it was my idea.

Yeah, and it's
a half-assed idea,

so you should get half.

Fifty-fifty.

You know what? Fine.
Fifty-fifty.

But that's only because
I'm your friend.

And, uh, we're using my truck.

I thought this was our truck.

I mean, it's got
my name on it too.

Oh, no, no, no, that's only
'cause I'm your friend.

Dude, where the hell
are we, anyways?

Here, hand me the map.

Thanks. Nice.

- Whoa, got it. Got it.
- Jesus.

God damn it.

Sorry.

So violent.

No, man. Look.

Dude, what is that?

All right, you know what?

If we go...

if we go
about 20 more miles--

Jonas, look out!

Jesus Christ!

Ohhhhh, man.

I told you to keep
your eyes on the road.

Whoa.

Oh, man.

Holy goddamn.

Jesus!

Is that an electrical tower?

Sure looks like it.

How the hell did that come down?

Hey, man, whatever it was,

we're not getting
around that mess.

Come on, let's go.

Jonas.

Jonas, let's go.

Something must have hit it.

Oh, yeah, what,
one of your meteorites?

- No.
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Grab the flashlights.

Sure.

Goddamn,
I hate you sometimes.

Yeah, well, you can
hate me after we're rich.

Dude, what are we even
looking for out here?

Dude, I already
told you, a space rock!

Oh, a space rock, okay.

And how does a space rock

look different
from a regular rock?

I don't know,
probably like

it came from space
or something.

This is crazy. I'm crazy.

- I can't believe I'm doing this.
- Me neither.

You're not exactly
the adventurous type.

- Hey, neither are you.
- Hey!

And this ain't an adventure.

It's a wild goose chase.

I mean, shit, Jonas,
there ain't nothing out here

but dirt and more dirt.

Lars, you saw
that tower back there.

There's something out here.
Keep looking.

Dude, it probably fell
from a quake or something.

I mean, come on, man.

I do not want to spend
all night out here.

It's cold, dark,
and I feel ridiculous.

- Come on.
- Ridiculous? Ridiculous?

You know when I feel
ridiculous

is when I'm planting shrubs
and shit all day.

You don't see me complaining.

I don't see you complaining?

That's all you do!

Come on, man, take a chance!

I mean, think about it.

We could get rid
of the yard work thing.

How bad would that be, huh?

I like the yard work thing,
Jonas.

Oh, man.

It's simple, honest work

that happens during the day.

And you know what it doesn't do?

It doesn't leave me wandering
through the goddamn desert

in the middle of the night
looking for space rocks!

You know what? Screw it.

- Lars.
- I'm out of here.

I'm going back to the truck.

Lars, come on, man.

Good luck chasing your miracles.

Lars!

God damn it.

The truck's back that way.

Shit.

Whoa!

Lars!

Holy crap!

This is exactly how I wanted
to spend my Friday night.

Dude, give me a hand.

It smells
like rotten eggs down here.

Oh. Oh!

What are you looking at?

- That's it. That's a space rock.
- I'll be damned.

God, this thing's got--
thing's got some heft.

It's still warm.

- Yeah.
- I wonder what it's made out of.

Probably something valuable.

So much for the wild
goose chase, huh?

Shut up.

All right, let's get this thing
back to the truck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, man, let's go!

Come on, man,
we're almost there!

I wonder if they pay
by the ounce.

- Here.
- Ooh!

Hey, you mind if we tell Candice
I found the rock?

I don't care.

Go impress your lady friend.

Aw, dang it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Hello.

Um, this is, uh, uh,
Jonas from--

the guy from the bar.

Uh, from Friday,
you know, every Friday.

Right, hey.

You know, when I gave you
my number,

I didn't expect you to call me
at 7:30 on a Saturday morning.

Are you drunk?

No, no, no, why?

Why--why--why would I be drunk?
I mean, I just--

Pfft!
No, I just--I--

You know, I called
to just, you know, uh...

Yeah?

- Remember those space rocks?
- What?

We found a meteorite,
a space rock.

We found it all by ourselves.

I mean myself.
I found it.

Oh, well...

- Good.
- Yeah I, uh--

I, uh--I, uh--I, uh,
wanted to know

if maybe we could stop by
and, you know,

you could take a look at it
and, you know,

just kind of give--give us
your expert opinion on it.

Now?

Sure?

Hell, I'm already awake, so...

meteors!

It's one way to start the day.

- Are you still there?
- Yeah, yeah, still here.

Still here, always here for you.

All right, uh,
let me give you my address.

Ugh. God.

Well, what crawled
up your butt

and made you so happy
this morning?

I just made
a phone call.

Oh, about the rock?

Yeah, you could say that.

Huh.

Your phone got GPS?

Can I use this?
I'm gonna use this.

Yes, go for it.

So where are we headed?

Candice's.

No shit.
How'd that happen?

Just lucky, I guess.

How do I look?

- Good.
- Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, you look lively.

- All right.
- Sure.

I can do lively.
Yeah.

Hey, buddy,
you smell that?

Something in the--
something in the air?

Yeah, actually.

What is that?

That's the smell of change,
my friend.

Lars, I wasn't being serious.

You can't actually smell change.

Jesus.

Come on, man,
you look like a dog

with your head in the wind
right now.

- Stay with me here.
- Shut up for a second, okay?

Smells like rotten eggs.

Ew, God.

- Oh, shit.
- What?

I don't want to smell shit.
Roll up your window.

What the...

- What the hell is that thing?
- I don't know.

Looks like a goddamn
mutant pelican.

Pelican?

Like a bird or something.

Yeah, well, that's
one angry goddamn bird.

Whoaaaaaa.

Oh, God damn it.

Jesus Christ!

Oh, my god! Whoa!

Get it off the truck.
Get it off!

Get it off.

Shake it loose.
Come on.

- Oh my arm!
- Oh, my god, are you okay?

Come on, get off.

I don't think
it likes us very much.

Yeah?

Well, let's see how it likes
sudden stops.

Oh, my baby.

He tore up my baby.

Oh, shit, he's still going.
He's still going.

Should I turn around?

No, screw that.

Drive.

I think we got it, man!

I think we got it!
I think we--

We got it!

- Oh, oh, my baby. My baby.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What did he do to you?

My truck was fine
before today, Jonas.

Sorry.

Hold your horses.
I'm coming.

Val?

Mornin', roomie.

Christ, Val, do you have
any idea what time it is?

It's Saturday morning.
Does it matter?

I lost my keys again.

But I had another adventure
last night.

Oh, what was his name?

Rodriguez.

Val, I work in a bar

and I don't drink
as much as you do.

It is not my fault
that you don't know

how to relax
or get shit-faced for free.

Well, sorry I'm never
in the mood to be felt up

by some douche bag
just to get some cheap drinks.

Don't knock it until you try it.

Speaking of knocking.

Excuse me, I have a date.

On Saturday morning?

God, you're such a prude!

Well, good morning, Cand-ass.

Hi, Vince.

Is Valerie here?

She just got in.

That's your date?

Shut up.

Valerie, my little concubine.

Oh, hi, Vincey.

Now, Valerie, don't start
playing hard to get.

Oh, Vince, once a month.

That's as easy
as it gets for you.

Well, that's why
I'm here, actually.

I wanted to renegotiate
your lease.

I was thinking, uh,
twice a month.

Are you sure you could
even last that long?

Vince, can you please go perv up
our apartment some other time?

I'm waiting for a friend
to arrive.

She's got a date.

On a Saturday morning?

God, you're a prude, ain't ya?

Val, you really got
to get this one laid.

That's what I've been saying.

All right, I'm going.

But think about my offer, Val.

I'll even throw in
free utilities.

And if you ever want
to make alternate payments,

I'm always open
to suggestions.

I suggest you leave.

If you want
to "renegotiate your lease."

You are unbelievable.

I'm extraordinary.

That's one word for it.

Ugh, I really need a shower.

I can't believe you're still
sleeping with our landlord.

Well, I can't believe that
you're still paying for rent.

Barely.

Ah, Christ!

- What else do you want?
- Hey, how's it going?

Hey, we got attacked
by a bird on the way over.

It was a really big one.

I think it was some kind
of a mutant--

some kind of a mutant bird,
really freaked us out.

All right, look, this thing's
kind of heavy, okay?

This pansy's afraid
of elevators.

You live on the tenth floor.

Can we come in, please?

Yeah.

- Okay, thanks.
- Hi.

- Don't move.
- All right.

You need to stop moving
and dancing in your seat.

Okay, okay.

Now you're just wriggling.
Stop it.

You said a bird attacked you?

Yeah, I mean,
that's what they look like.

Tell you what, though:
they're way less friendlier

than they are
on the Discover Channel.

We totally badassed it, though.

KO'd that son of a bitch.

Knocked him right on his ass.
Boom.

And how did you slay

this mighty beast,
O brave knight?

I ain't no knight.

But, you know, at one point,
he's right on top of us,

and then, bam,
I hit the brakes.

Sucker must've flew 50 feet.

Saved both our asses.

What? I did!

I did. Go ahead, ask Lars.

- Please don't.
- Sounds dangerous.

You getting into the monster
slaying business now?

I'm kidding.

I'm glad you're okay.

You know, you're cute
when you blush.

And last night, we--
I mean Jonas

found this.

What is that?

Only the biggest damn payday
you've ever seen.

It's warm.

Yeah, it's been sitting

in the back of my truck
all morning.

I've never seen
anything like it.

Yeah, I don't think anyone has.

Thing fell out of the sky
last night.

I fished it out of the desert.

Dude, what?

It's bad enough you have us
bring it to her.

Now you're gonna tell her
where to find more?

She ain't interested
in the money.

Besides, she thinks I'm cute,
man, come on.

I want 20%.

God damn it.

Jonas, you're about as dumb

as a bowling ball
when it comes to women.

What for?

Call it a finder's fee.

Okay. But you didn't find it.

And you wouldn't have
if I hadn't

have told Jonas
it was worth looking for.

Oh, really?

All right, fine, 20%--

out of his share.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Oh.

Wait a minute. That ain't fair.

Oh, that ain't fair, really?

What's the count at now, huh?

How much money do you owe me?

- Twenty percent.
- Deal.

Let me call my cousin.
She works at the museum.

What about that damn bird?

What about it?

It's dead. You killed it.

Exactly!
You owe me your life for that.

And don't think that's worth
any less than what I owe you.

All right, fine.

Ten percent
from each of our shares.

Does that work?

Deal.

But I don't want to hear
any more about

that "lazy son of a bitch Jonas"
ever again.

All right, all right, all right.

I admit it.
You did good here.

And you even managed
to call her.

Guess you just needed a push
in the right direction.

Thank you.

Doesn't make you less lazy.

Just more respectable.

I like respectable.

Guys.

Something's wrong.

Oh, my God.

Maybe we shouldn't be
so close to these windows.

Dude, dude, dude, dude,
I'm getting the feeling

this one's staring at me.

Is that weird?

Can, I'm taking
your shorts again.

Valerie, shut up for once.

You're taking them again?

We got to distract it.

How?

Lars. Lars.

Your lighter.

Toss me your lighter.

What are you doing?

Trust me.

Hey, hey there,
Big Bird.

Take it easy now.

No need to go
all Cookie Monster on us.

Run.

Run!

Got him.

Come on!
Let's get out of here!

Did you see that shit?

I did that.
I did that.

My truck's in the alley.
Let's go!

- The elevators!
- Oh, God, not the elevator.

You know it's not
gonna get here

any faster
if you keep doing that.

Would you stop that?

We're not taking the stairs.

We're all sticking together.

This elevator sucks.

Blame the landlord.

What the hell
is all this noise?

Who the hell are you?

Who am I?

I'm the building manager.
That's who I am, sonny Jim.

Who the hell are you,
Huckleberry Finn?

We--we were just
on our way out, sir.

What's that smell?

You've been smoking
in that apartment again.

- Haven't you?
- With the--

I told you before,
it's grounds for eviction.

Give me five minutes.

I'll do the paperwork right now.

Turn! Turn!

Go, go, go!

Oh, God. Oh, God.

So--so that guy was...

An asshole.

And you are?

- Valerie, my roommate.
- Okay, okay.

This is exactly how I wanted
to spend my weekend.

- Right.
- You're telling me.

You gonna be okay?

Shit.

How am I gonna pay my rent now?

- What?
- Oh.

No! No!

Out the back!
Out the back!

- There it is!
- Oh, I missed it.

Oh, my truck!

- Our truck!
- We'll take my car.

Come on! Let's go!

- Bitch.
- Come on, dude.

- Come on!
- Bastard!

You guys, my car is
on the other side of the garage.

I'm gonna kill them.

I'm gonna kill
all those freaking birds.

They're not birds.
They're lizards.

Val, hurry up!

- Lizards, like toads?
- I'm gonna kill them.

I'm gonna kill
all those freaking lizards.

Toads aren't lizards.

Didn't you guys ever
learn that in school?

Hey, I went to school.

Mostly.

Lizards,
like dinosaurs.

I'm gonna kill
all these freakin' dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs died out,
like, a million years ago.

That's impossible.

I used
to love them as a kid.

They looked so pretty
in the drawings.

What kind
of dinosaurs are these?

I can't be sure
for certain,

but they kind of look
like pterodactyls.

Terror-dactyls.

Ptero-dactyl.

Fitting name, at least.

Well, whatever they are,
they're everywhere.

- We need to get somewhere safe.
- Can't we just kill 'em?

What, with rubbing alcohol
and matches?

Because that worked
so well last time.

Hey, saved your ass, didn't it?

- I killed one.
- With your brakes.

I could do it again.

Look, guys, can we hide
back at the bar?

I mean, a drink's
always made me feel better.

- What?
- No.

We need to go somewhere
where we can defend ourselves,

somewhere that they can't
easily get into.

You got something in mind?

Yeah, but you're not
gonna like it.

Oh, great, it's Mr. Barbecue
again, wonderful.

Wherever it is, I'm gonna
like it a lot more than here.

Drive.

Christ,
it's a madhouse out here!

Oh, my God, there are monsters
all over Hollywood!

It's not much different
than usual, then.

If I said
that we've got company,

would that be too cliché?

Candice, you're probably
a good driver and all,

but now would be a good time
to exceed posted speed limits.

Hold on to something!

- The freeway?
- Are you insane?

It's the fastest way.

Yeah, yeah, fastest way
to sudden death.

- We have to get downtown.
- Why are we taking the freeway?

Why would anyone
take the freeway?

Shut up and let me drive!

It's still behind us.

Jesus, just the one?

- Not anymore.
- Oh, great, great.

We get stuck here
and we're dead.

I am not dying on my day off!

Whoa, damn!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Today was supposed
to be a spa day.

- What?
- Up here. Up here.

- Take the next exit.
- Jonas, shut up.

All right, Candice,
you stay on this road.

Do I get a say in any of this?

[Candice, Lars, and Jonas] No!

But if you want
to start praying,

now would be a good time.

- Candice, do you mind?
- What are you doing?

No!
Oh, yes, do it! Do it!

Oh, no, they're coming back!

Everybody get down!

They think we're one of them.

What?

They can't tell that it's dead.

They think we're one of them.

Camouflage.

Well, if we're gonna
be attacked by monsters,

I'm sure glad
they're dumb as shit.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

This is
your idea of safe?

Yeah, do people still get mugged
during times of crisis?

No.

Wait, wait. Do they?

Come on.

What?

- Whose place is this?
- I don't know, dude.

Let's just say
I've been handed this address

enough to know it by heart,

even if I didn't want to.

This isn't a drug dealer's
place, right?

No, worse.

- Your boyfriend's?
- I don't have one.

- And I wouldn't bring--
- What?

Oh!

The sexy little spitfire
from the bar

come to see old Sampson,
did ya?

Glad to see ya came
to your senses.

Oh, and you brought company.

Well, haven't played
for that team in quite a while.

Oh, well.

More, the merrier,
I always say.

What the fuck is that?

So...

you slew a dragon.

It's not a dragon.

It's a pterodactyl.

Ptero-what?

Is that scientific for dragon?

No.

The great hunter.

Yeah. Surprised?

Are you sure it's dead?

Oh, it's dead, all right.

That's the second one
I've killed today.

It is now.

What are
ancient flying reptiles

doing in Los Angeles
of all places?

I used to do this guy
who did promotions for movies.

Maybe it's something like that.
Yeah?

They've been dead
for over 65 million years!

And how do you know all this?

I read.

You know, books.

She's kind of a nerd.

Nerds.

I used to shove nerds
into lockers in high school,

trunks in cars, toilets,
walls, concrete floors.

You name it.

How am I a nerd?

Come on, you take over the DVR

with your
Discovery Channel crap.

I-I kind of like nerds.

And you boil leaves
in your coffee.

- It's really weird.
- It's called a French press.

Val, I taught you
how to use it last week.

- It's still weird.
- I'm weird? What about you?

You drink vodka
first thing every morning.

Hey, I drink it
with orange juice.

All right, enough! Look.

What I want to know is,

where the hell
is the damn military, huh?

- Yeah.
- You know, the tanks, the jets.

All that crap our taxes pay for.

That right there, I just might
have an answer for ya.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that looks like military.

Where the hell did you
dig that up?

Well, let's just say
when I left the marines,

I took a few souvenirs.

Yeah, speaking of which,
how did you leave the marines?

Well, you know
how alcohol explodes

when it's stored
next to gasoline?

Uh, no.

Well, it does.
Quite a lot.

Fortunately I've still got
some friends at Vandenberg.

Marines never forget their own.

Yeah, this guy's got
a lot of friends.

Vandenberg Alpha,
this is Lone Hunter.

Do you copy?

You sure that thing still works?

I repeat, Vandenberg Alpha,
this is Lone Hunter.

Do you copy?

It's probably not even
plugged in.

Oh, please.

Waste of time.

Vandenberg Alpha,
this is Lone Hunter.

Do you copy?

Anyone who can get this,
we are under attack.

I repeat,
we are under attack.

Monsters coming from the sky.

Too many to count.
We're getting slaughtered!

Wait. What's that?

It's enormous!

Send everything you've got!
Send--

Shit.

This is worse than I thought.

Now I'm sober.

No, no, no, no, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
these things, these things,

they were extinct before, right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Okay, so all we need to do

is just, you know--
we'll figure out

what killed them all off
last time,

and, you know,
we'll do that again.

- Dude.
- Yeah.

Jonas, they were killed

by a giant meteor
65 million years ago.

Am I the only person
that knows this?

- What I don't get is...
- I'm in science class.

These pterodactyls, right,
they just happen to show up now?

Maybe they've been
waiting all this time,

just now hatching
from their eggs.

I-I don't know.

Yeah, well, how are
there so many eggs?

I mean, is there some giant
dactyl just laying these things,

like, on a big conveyor belt,
you know?

But here's the other question.
How are they making eggs?

Good question!
Nobody's yelling at him.

Maybe you're just
all wrong.

Maybe your ancient
massive meteor

didn't kill 'em after all.

Maybe it just flung 'em

out into the cold, dark
infinite of space.

And that's where they stayed.

Circling around in the void,
biding their time.

Getting more and more
pissed off.

And now they've returned
with a vengeance.

Maybe they just want
their home back.

Our home.

Maybe what they really want
is our freedom.

Maybe they're just
itching for a fight!

Yeah.

Okay, okay, so, uh,
assuming nobody here

in this room has a giant
meteorite somewhere,

um, what's plan B?

Bullets.

- Wow.
- Yes!

Dude, it looks like
Rambo in there.

Guns.

Freedom you can
hold in your hand.

Is that a bomb?

Oh, yeah.

Forgot I even had that thing.

Parting gift
from an old girlfriend.

Navy SEAL, sweet lass.

Sweet ass too.

Isn't that dangerous?

Oh, yeah.

Never sleep with a woman

who has a shiv in her bra.

- Uh-uh.
- Hey.

Those'll cost you, sweet cheeks.

What was all that BS
about freedom just now?

Well, freedom's free.
The guns ain't.

Does it look like
we grabbed cash this morning?

How are we supposed to pay you?

- Oh, uh-uh, no way.
- Dude, dude.

We divided this up enough.

Dude, Lars,

we need weapons.

Yeah, and I need a new truck.

Just don't...

Truck, weapons.

All right, fine.

What do you want?

I want the dragon.

The pterodactyl?

Yeah.

You didn't kill it.

So? And Columbus
didn't discover America.

- Pfft!
- Dude, come on.

Do we have a deal?

- Seriously?
- Who cares?

Jonas, yeah.

Now, who's gonna help me
move this thing?

You ever fire one of these?

Only when I was a kid.

You?

No, Mom didn't
believe in guns.

Said I could build
my own, though.

- Did you?
- Yeah.

Turns out dried cow shit
makes great gunpowder.

Nice.

Uh, that just might be a little
bit too dangerous for a--

What? A woman?

Whoa.

What other surprises you hiding?

I wasn't always a bartender.

Do tell.

Maybe later when there aren't
man-eating reptile everywhere!

Yeah? Yeah.

I think I need to teach you
how to hold a gun.

Or shoot one.

- Oh, the hell no.
- Hey!

Val, in this case,
I think it might be

too dangerous for a woman
to have a gun.

Fine.

Then I'll just go find
my own weapon,

like a sword

or some scissors.

Got it.

All right, so this
is the tricky part.

Once this mainspring is in,
sits right there,

then this can slide
the rest of the way.

See here?

You're really good
with your hands.

I'm sorry. Sorry. Um...

Scary day, right?

Nah.

They're just big animals.

You know, just teeth and claws.

Nothing really to be afraid of.

They've killed
thousands of people.

Right, exactly.

So we need to even the score.

Nothing fazes you, does it?

Nope, nothing--nothing at all.

Really.

All right.

Try sliding that in.

Okay.

Like this?

Oh, dang it. Sorry. Sorry.

Brave monster slayer, huh?

Yeah, well, monsters are easy.

And women are complicated?

Look, I just--I suck at
sweeping women off their feet.

We don't want to be
swept off of our feet.

We want someone
who can keep us on our feet.

Yeah, well, not every woman
is like you.

Sounds like
it's getting personal.

You know, I keep getting told

that I just don't
get personal enough.

Damn it.

Here.

You know, when I was
a little girl,

I kept being afraid
of monsters in my closet.

Couldn't get out of bed,

go to the bathroom, nothing.

You go running
into your parents' room?

Nah, my dad
wasn't the kind to say,

"Don't be scared.
They ain't real."

Instead, he'd tell me
to toughen up.

Show 'em how to be scared.

That work?

Eventually.

One day, I just had
enough, you know?

I just marched
right up to that closet,

opened the door, and saw
there was nothing there.

I was afraid of nothing.

I just needed to face it
and figure it out.

Your dad sounds pretty smart.

Yeah.

He also gave me
a nine-millimeter

for my tenth birthday.

So that definitely helped too.

Dad was big on self-reliance.

Could I try again?

Ain't so scary now.

That was good.

You got it.

Is anyone there?

No, nada,
zip, zilch, nothing!

It's like end
of the world around here.

You could say that again.

Almost out of scotch.

So about the guns...

Hey, fair trade for fair trade.

I'm not the government.
I'm not a charity.

I'm military.

You know,
it's times like these

that really make a girl
think about what she wants.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

And you know
what I want

more than a big strong man
to protect me?

You must have so many guns

just begging to be used.

So you think you could
loan me just one?

Yeah, I'm certain we can
come up with something.

So what'll I get,
a rifle

or a pistol

or a bazooka?

What's wrong?

Oh, shit.

Oh, no, no!

You reptilian asshole.

I was about to get laid.
It's been years.

It's been years,
you son of a bitch!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Out of the way!

Shit.

Maybe Sampson got away.

You know,
he could've survived.

Here's his flask.

Oh, shit.

How did it find us?

I mean, they're just animals.

How the hell
can something like that

track us across
a whole damn city?

I don't know.

Wait a minute.
I think I do know.

It's this thing.

What do you mean?

Dude, think about it.

The minute we picked up
this rock,

those things have been on us
like fleas on a dog.

They want the rock back.

But that's our cash crop.

We can't just
throw it away, man.

I mean what about the business?
What about your truck?

It doesn't matter
if we're already dead.

Lars, keep your voice down.

No, I will not.

Just think about it
for a second.

This whole damn thing
wouldn't have happened

if Romeo here hadn't talked us
into going along

on this prehistoric
joyride through hell.

Christ, Jonas, I mean,

people are getting killed
over this thing.

So it's all my fault now.

Yes, it goddamn is.

The same as it's been, what,
the last dozen times

I've gone along
with one of your schemes?

- Hey!
- Guys...

Just because you don't
want to dream, man,

don't try to bring me down
because I've got one.

Your dream
is my nightmare, okay?

And this one's
gonna end up with us

up to our necks
in prehistoric pigeons!

Guys!

Can you work this out
some other time?

Looks like
the bullet theory works.

Oh, Jesus.

How about you guys
stow your drama,

drop your dicks,
pick up your guns,

and kill some reptile?

Move, move, move, move, move.

Well, this is a fine mess.

This is not my fault.

Yeah?

Well, this is the kind of thing

your schemes always get us into.

My schemes?
My schemes?

When have my schemes ever gotten
us into anything like this?

Guys, will you shut up
and shoot something?

This is crazy!

They're like a goddamn army!

Why are you laughing?

Dude, I just took out,
like, four of them.

Well, keep it up!

All right!

We got them on the run!

Oh, shit.

Nice shot.

Goddamn, I'm happy to see you.

Don't be too happy.
I'm all out of bullets.

Well, shit,
let's stock up, then.

And get the hell
out of dodge.

There's got to be somewhere
where these things ain't.

I locked one in the armory.

Just one?

That ain't so bad.

God damn it.

You okay?

What a goddamn horrible day.

Jesus.

What?

Barbecue.

God, how hard is it
to kill this asshole?

Hey, you oversized iguana!

Goddamn, that's hard to throw.

Oh, crap.

Lars!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Lars, no!
- Lars!

Help!

Put me down! Put me down!
Jonas!

- God, I'm gonna kill you!
- Oh, no, no, no, no!

What do you mean no?

Let's go after him!

Come on!

Whoa! Put me down!

Come on!

Where is he?

God damn it!

There! Come on!

God damn it, Jonas!

Come on!

- Lars!
- Jonas!

Put me down.

No, on second thought,
don't put me down.

You stupid lizard,
bird, reptile.

Oh, Jesus, look at this.

It's a slaughterhouse.

I mean, where's the police,
the national guard, anyone?

Anyone who's smart's
hiding right now.

Yeah, what does that make us?

Jonas! God damn it.

- Come on, this way, come on.
- God damn it!

I'll be there this Sunday,

'cause I'm kill Jonas,
and it's gonna be his funeral.

Jonas!

Through here. Through here.

Come on, come on!

Whoa!

Get down. Get down. Get down.

Shh, shh.

It's coming. It's coming.

It's coming.

What's that sound?

A swarm!

Sorry.

God damn it!

Lars.

Come on.

God, this is worse
than flying into LAX.

- Come on.
- I'm coming.

Did we lose him?

I don't know.

God damn it!

Not as long as he's
got air in his lungs

and curses on his tongue.

Come on!

Jonas,
I'm gonna kill you!

- Christ on a stick!
- No!

That's got to be their nest.

Jonas, we can't just go
cowboying into there.

We can't just
leave him in there.

They're gonna
tear him to shreds.

If we go in there,
they'll tear us to shreds.

I got him into this.

That's Lars up there,

and I'm gonna
do something about it.

What kind of hangover is this?

What the...

Hey there, Barbecue.

Take it easy.

Hope you're still not sore
about, you know...

It's not as bad
as what Jonas did.

I mean, he burned your face off.

What?

Oh, God damn it.

God damn it.

God damn it!

I'll be damned.

Those weren't no meteorites.

They were eggs.

They were you
falling from the sky.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

What are we doing back here?

I thought you
wanted to help him.

I am.

Jonas, we need to call
the cops, the military,

somebody who knows
what they're doing.

Have you seen any cops lately?

And we know what happened
to the military.

Jonas, it's suicide.

You go back in there,
you're not coming back out.

Damn it, Jonas,
you can't do this.

I don't want you
to die before I--

Before what?

Before I get the chance
to really know you.

I spent my entire life
making nothing of myself.

Just making things.

I thought being clever
was enough, but it ain't.

I can't just let him sit there.

I've got to do something.

I owe him that.

Well, if that's
how it's gonna be,

then you're gonna need someone
to keep you on your feet.

They brought the fight to us.

I say we bring it back to them.

You sure you want to do this?

You think you even have
a say in that matter?

Those goddamn flying lizards
better watch out.

'Cause we're gonna
make them extinct again.

Hey, don't worry.

I ain't moving
after that last hit.

Jerk.

Oh, sweet mother of God.

Why are you going
toward that building?

Hi.

Hey.

Where am I? What is happening?

Lars.
Lars Wales.

Johnny.
Johnny Dean.

Well, Johnny Dean,

to answer your first question,

we're in the middle
of a shit storm.

Yeah, these ugly bastards

have taken up shop
in this apartment here,

which I believe belonged
to a couple of artist types.

I'm gonna be honest
with you, Johnny.

I don't know a damn thing
about art.

But I got to say,
I mean, it's pretty good.

How can you stay so calm?

Look, there's no reason
in panicking, okay?

Just take it easy.

Come on, haven't you ever
been in a fight before?

All we got to do is stay calm,
look for our opening,

and then we give them
a real fight.

Bastards.

What are they doing now?

Why don't they just eat us?

I think that's because their
young like their food fresh.

You ready to do this?

Yeah.

Let's kick some past.

How high up did you say
that nest was?

24th, 25th floor, probably.

You know, I was thinking

I could totally use
the exercise.

No?

Damn it.

Shit.

What's he doing?

Why is he looking
at me like that?

No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, please!

No, take him!
Take him! No!

No, no, no please!

I pay my taxes!
I'm a good person!

No!

- Little help here.
- I'm trying.

I didn't really have time
to test this stuff.

How about that?

Burn that bastard!

Oh, God.

Well, that wasn't so bad.

You just had to say it,
didn't you?

You are one
big ugly mother...

Jonas.

Jonas!

Come on. Come on!

Wow.

I feel like I should
say something patriotic.

You coming?

Take it easy, Barbecue.
Come on, man.

Oh, oh, oh.

You're awfully calm.

All right, fine.
This is it?

Come on!

Come on, you son of a bitch!

Come on! Come on, then.

- Lars.
- Lars.

Son of a...

Lars!

Jonas.

Take it easy, Barbecue.

Sorry about burning your face.

You're even uglier
than the big ones.

Lars!

Jonas!

Lars.

Light 'em up.

- Reloading.
- Got it.

Ready.

Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em all!

Not now. Shit.
Come on.

You again.

Back.

Go on.

Bring it.

All right, let's see
if you can fly.

Not so lazy now, huh?

I'm sorry, buddy.

I'm glad
you didn't quit on me.

Never, man.

Was that my new leaf blower?

It still works.

Always nice to see
a little man love.

How's it going, Lars?

A lot better now that
I'm no longer on the menu.

Ah, crap, that's right.

Guys, we got bigger problems
than fishing me

out of a dino's
digestive tract.

There's your 20%.

They're breeding.

Yeah, but not here.

They're bringing them
from somewhere else.

Hey, hey, guys, guys.

Does that look
like Sampson to you?

Looks like he wasn't

the only one
that collected trophies.

- What?
- Poor bastard.

What a way to go.

What is that?

Where am I?

Oh, jeez.

Oh, my God.

Leather-skinned bastard
drove me through a wall

and still couldn't kill
old Sampson.

And now you kids
are here to rescue me, eh?

We'll show them reptili-birds
what's what, right?

Now, who's gonna help me
get out of here?

I don't suppose
anyone thought

to bring my flask
with them, did they?

No.

Must've slipped my mind.

There's got to be something
to drink around this place.

Hey, what's wrong?

The eggs.

Why are they bringing them here?

They're building a new nest?
It makes no sense.

Unless they're all males,

but then
where are all the females?

Wait, how do you know
these ain't female?

I mean, did you look?

Maybe they're waiting
for something.

Maybe--maybe
they're like ants or bees.

How so?

There's always a queen.

God damn it.

Move.

- Move!
- Yeah.

Hey, guys, I'd say right now
is a great time to retire

from the monster-hunting
business, huh?

No, no, no, we need to end this.

Jonas, we can't just stay here.

We need to kill it,
here and now.

- This may be our only chance.
- Oh, yeah?

And how do you propose
we do that, huh?

With that?
No, no way.

That is not enough explosives.

Come on, man,
look at that thing.

It's, like, a half a dozen
stories tall.

Then we need something
that's gonna make a bigger boom.

Yeah, like what?

Great news, everyone.

I found the liquor cabinet!

What?

How many more do we got?

How many more do you need?

No! Wait!
You don't understand.

What are we doing?
This better work.

They can't use that one.

Listen, it's not fair!
Please!

All I wanted to do
was have a drink.

Just a drink.

Come on!

Is that
so much to ask?

- No, no, no!
- Will you hurry up, please?

Huh?

- All right.
- Now...

we just got to get
its attention.

How are we gonna do that?

I think I know how.

Okay, maybe a little
too much attention.

It's coming.

Pull the pins.
Pull the pins. Pull the pins.

Pull the pins!

Sit tight, kiddo.

It's my turn to kill
one of these bastards.

In the name
of my forefathers

and alcoholics everywhere!

Have a drink!

Say it, Lars.
You know you want to.

Oh, goddamn--

Wow!

Good one, Sampson!

Never thought
I'd actually say this,

but I think
I'm gonna miss him.

Hey, guys, I think
it's still alive.

Jeez!

Sampson!

Oh, my God, yes!

Yes!

I'm okay.

Just a little juicy, I guess.

Shame about the head.

Would've made a fine trophy.

It's okay, the bitch probably

wouldn't have fit
on the wall anyway.

Hey, look!
The cavalry's arrived.

Screw 'em!

I got this one
fair and square.

Not so scary now, am I?

Let's just say I'm allowed

to sweep you
off your feet a little.

Hey, Lars, you gonna be ready
for work on Monday?

I think I need a break
from the yard care business.

What do you have in mind?

I need a vacation.

Man, one hell of a way
to spend a weekend, huh?

Whoo!

I need a drink.

Good evening,
and welcome back

to "Tonight
with Tommy Killingsworth,"

the talk show that has
the interviews you want

with the subjects
that matter most.

Today we're talking about the
so-called terrordactyl invasion.

Now, the remaining pterodactyls

have been rounded up and sent
to an uninhabited island

in South America where
they're being closely watched

by the military.

The question I have is,
what's gonna happen next?

Now, all the pterodactyls,
if I'm not mistaken...

Scumbag.

Whoa, look at you, Rico Suave.
Very nice.

Well, I figured
I had to step it up

since you came
with the Elmer Fudd line.

- Very nice.
- Oh, funny, funny.

Fashionably late, I see.

That's what happens to a man

when he gets caught out front
signing autographs.

Wait, where's Candice?

Stuck at her book signing.
Should've seen the line.

- Shut up.
- Wrapped around the block.

- Check it out.
- Wow.

How's he doing?

- Same as always.
- That bad, huh?

With me tonight
are two pterodactyl experts:

Sampson McLain,
who has been hailed as one

of the heroes of Los Angeles
after a cell phone video

of him helping defend the city
against the beasts

went viral
in the days after.

Dude... shit.

We also have
Teresa Quinn,

a biologist and astrophysicist
with Columbia University.

Now, Sampson, I'm interested
in your thoughts

about this pterodactyl
relocation project.

Relocation?

Listen, junior.

The pterodactyls
have had their day.

They're history.

Actually, they're prehistory.

It's now the day
of the human being,

and it's our job to make sure
that it stays that way.

As Americans,
we will never again

be afraid of things
from the past.

- Uh...
- Listen, kiddo.

I've seen things that would
really curl your hair.

So did you ask her yet?

Come on.

What? Come on.
Don't be so worried.

It's not that I'm worried.

It's, like, you know, timing,
all that stuff.

Well, whatever.
Let me see it.

- Now?
- Yeah, come on, whip it out.

All right.
Careful, though, okay?

- Careful.
- Careful, careful, careful.

Whoa.

- Huh?
- Nice.

Ah, just one thing, though.

What? What? What?
What's wrong?

Did you have
to get one so big?

I mean, you're not
compensating, are you?

What, 'cause my balls
ain't as big as my brain?

No, I'll admit, you got that one
figured out just fine.

Listen, slick,
I shot sharks in the river.

I've wrestled grizzly bears.

And for the pterodactyls,

I've been
in the belly of the beast.

Oh, crap.
I think we're up next.

I think somebody's
coming over here. Shit.

They're ready
to mic you guys up.

- All right, thanks, man.
- Thanks, bro.

We'll be ready.

You can bet your sweet ass
on that, kiddo.

Hey, Lars.
You coming?

Can't keep doing
this goddamn job all by myself.

God damn it.

Grizzly bears, you say.

Well, thank you, Sampson.

That was very insightful.

Ms. Quinn,

let's turn to you now.

What are your thoughts?

Well, since the beginning
of time, mankind has asked

if anyone else
occupies the stars.

And now we know.

Our own past is up there,

waiting to return.

Containment is only
the first step toward

preventing an attack like this
from happening again.

We can learn much
from the pterodactyls,

but we also must keep in mind

this may have been
the first wave of these beasts.

Who knows what other dangers
lurk in space,

Waiting to fall
into our backyards?

Who knows what's next?