All language subtitles for Nowhere Fast s01e03 Funeral.eng

[Indistinct whispering]

[Woman whispering]: I'm sorry.

[Woman whispering]:
I'm so sorry.

- [Girls squealing]
- (Angela): Oh, my god.

- Where's the ring?
- I left it at home.

- (Mary): Oh.
- (Angela): Oh.

We're not going to tell
everyone straight away.

Just wanna give people
a chance to grieve.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

He put it in my curry chips.

Oh.

- It was fucking disgusting.
- Yeah.

(Mary): There he is now.

I have it sitting in a
glass of mouthwash now

to get the smell off.

(Brid): And then we can announce
our engagement. [Chuckles]

- (Dylan): Fair play.
- Cheers.

- (Angela): Sorry for your loss.
- Thanks.

It's, uh... [sighs]

So sad, huh?

- Yeah.
- (Angela): Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ah, June, your brother
was a great man.

- Thanks for coming.
- Not at all.

Thank you.

- [Gasps]: John.
- All right.

- That's that I suppose.
- Yeah.

Thanks, John.

It sounded very quick. I
heard it on the radio there.

When it happened. It was...

- Mad.
- Yeah.

Uh, um...

Well, at least he died
doing what he loved, huh?

- Yeah.
- [Angela chuckles]

I just... wish it
wasn't so ironic.

[Chuckles awkwardly]

(Angela): Sorry for your loss.

[Inhales deeply]:
Angela, thanks for coming.

[Angela laughs]:
No bother, June.

I'm sorry for your loss.

(June): You are
just so good to come.

(Angela): Oh, it's
no bother. [Chuckles]

- At least we got a nice day for it.
- Yeah, that's, uh,

- that's very sad.
- Angela, wrap it up.

Oh, I'm so sad, I
mean, it was so sudden.

- [Caroline coughs]
- (June): But anyway, sure, look,

it's good to have you back in town.
I heard you got on great in Dublin.

- Oh yeah, it was crazy.
- (June): Was it good?

Yeah, it's very good. I must
go... I'll chat to you, all right.

- Oh, oh, sorry.
- [Angela laughs]: Sorry.

(Caroline): Those are the lads
from the radio station over there.

We'll have a chat with Mike.

He's the main decision
maker. Come on.

- All right, which one's Mike?
- The good looking one. Come on.

What?

- Mike.
- Ah.

- [Kissing]
- Caroline.

- Alan.
- How are ya?

Me and Mike used to know each
other years ago, intimately like.

- [Mike chuckles softly]
- Mike, this is my daughter, Angela.

- Hi, Mike.
- Lovely to meet ya, Angela.

- This is Alan.
- Oh, Alan, hi.

- How are ya?
- [Indistinct chattering]

- How you getting on?
- Yeah, grand.

I don't know,
having a good time.

There's John there. Having
a great time, aren't we, John?

- Ah.
- Yeah, and then... then, uh,

that's Dylan over there, have
you met young Dylan before?

Yes.

Hiya, Dylan.

- You look younger in daylight.
- Whoa.

(Jim): Uncle Eugene,

well, you look great.

[Footsteps approaching]

- All right, Jim?
- Yeah... [exhales] ...Grand.

- Not a bother, you know, yourself?
- Hmm.

Um...

Any craic with you?

Since I rode you last
night, not much craic.

[Whispering]: Shut
up, what are you doing?

Uh, look. [Chuckles]

If you get bored,
come and find me.

Hmm.

Okay.

- See you later.
- Yeah.

Oh, some amount of sandwiches.

- Can I help you with anything?
- Oh, you're very good. So helpful.

Typical libra. No,
everything's under control.

Uh, let me know if you
need anything at all, or...

(June): I've been power
walking for a few years now.

It's just like walking, but you
feel so much more powerful.

- Oh, it's good, now, isn't it, brid?
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's
just like walking,

except it isn't like
relaxing or anything.

- It's like exercise.
- (Both): Hmm.

You'll burn just as many calories
as jogging, but it's not as fast.

Oh, it's good now.

You should come
with us some time.

Oh, god, yeah. That sounds
great. Thanks very much.

I need a way to exercise, now
that the gym is closed down.

Oh, I... I wouldn't say
that. You're gorgeous.

- Oh, god, thanks very much.
- Well...

Maybe just the arms. A bit...

Just... just, just the
top of them there.

Little bit of tone.

Brid.

Now, feel that.

Go on, feel it.

Does that feel like the arm
of a woman of 60 to you?

- No.
- Hmm?

Well, I better go
and mourn properly.

Haven't even had a good
look at the coffin yet. See yas.

It's very sad, isn't it? [Sighs]

Oh, god, yeah. Fierce sad.

He was a great man, altogether.

Oh. [Chuckles]

It occurs to me though,

it's coming up to
death notice time and...

Poor old Eugene won't be doing
it. Who have you got set up to do it?

[Sighs]: We were
just talking about that.

It's coming up in 40 minutes,

we still don't have
anybody lined up to do it.

It'll have to be one
of us, I suppose.

(Alan): Just get
the host to do it.

We haven't had the host
read the death notices

in 25 years at this station.

Do you think that's what
Eugene'd want, do ya?

That eejit of a dj, trying
to liven up the obituaries.

He's a great broadcaster,
Alan, but the man has no pathos.

Well, I'm staying here, anyway.

Ah, sure I'm over the limit.

Well, I'm over the limit, too.

(Angela): Eh,

do you know, I used to
work in radio up in Dublin.

Yeah, yeah, Caroline did
say something about that.

Right enough, yeah.

You should've seen the spread at
Barney Joyce's funeral last week.

The only choice was
processed cheese sandwiches.

- That's not a choice.
- Processed cheese sandwiches.

Sure, they might as well have
kicked the poor craythur into the grave,

with the amount of
respect that's given.

Ah, you're dead right, June.

- [Footsteps approaching]
- Oh.

Here's herself. The merry widow.

That's Irene. She's
a friend of mam's.

Ah, I wouldn't
go that far, brid.

Would you look at her?

Absolute notions.

Oh, she'd have a lot of time to
cook up a storm in the kitchen

now Martin is
gone. God rest him.

- Ah, Irene.
- (Irene): June.

You look lovely.

And what's this? Chicken balls.

A true feast of the orient.
Ah, Eugene would've loved it.

Ah, you know, just something I
knocked up around the house.

Aren't you great?
A true survivor.

- I'm a real bear grylls.
- [June scoffs]

- (Man): You're a hero, Irene.
- [Indistinct chatter]

Doesn't matter how many
chicken balls she brought,

it doesn't hide the fact she
had an affair 15 years ago.

No choice of dip is
going to change that.

So, yeah, works grand now.

Just slip the old lads
a couple of extra pills

and that's quite enough.

Get your bibs and
Bobs done much quicker.

Look, Mary, I'm with
Michelle now, okay?

So, we really can't
be carrying on like this.

Carrying on like what?

What'd you think I'm gonna do? Hop
up and ride you on top of the coffin?

- Jesus, Mary!
- Although...

- [Knocks on coffin]
- It looks sturdy enough.

If it can take six foot
of dirt, it can handle us.

Jesus, Jim, I'm only
pulling your balls.

[Sighs]

Here, do you know
that lad over there?

Him?

No.

Any races coming up?

Yeah, I think we've a meet
coming up down by the crossroads

where people leave flowers.

- Oh, cool.
- Yeah, it should be good craic.

I mean, people are always
going on about how it's dangerous,

drag racing, or whatever,
but we're very careful.

Hmm.

And we're the ones
getting in trouble, you know?

Well, it takes two to tango.

Other drivers on the road should
be looking out for us as well.

I mean, what are
we supposed to do?

There's fuck all to do around
here since the bowling alley flooded.

Hi.

How are you feeling?

- Yeah, grand.
- I'm just gonna...

So, I was a researcher
for a couple of years

and then, I became
broadcast coordinator.

Were you ever on mic?

Not since college,
but I do have demos.

Grand, so, I... I'll
take your word for it.

[Clears throat]:
Would you not get...

Shh!

Yeah, I suppose I should
get a reference off you.

Oh, yeah. That's
no bother at all, just,

give me a minute there. [Laughs]

[Sighs]

Know him well, did ya?

Oh, god yes. Sure,
he was a character.

No, he wasn't.

He wasn't a character at all.

- But I... well, you know...
- Right, come on, out.

Come on. Come on.

- I only came to pay my respects.
- [Screams]: Out!

Come on, out.

One foot in front of the
other. Don't dilly dally.

You sandwich thieving bastard.

Out, now! Don't
fight me on it. Out.

Paying your respects,
my hole. [Scoffs]

[Chuckles]

So sorry about that.

- What a prick.
- [Upbeat music playing]

- Okay, so it's, uh, o-eight-seven...
- [Keypad dialling]

Nine-six-five...

Uh, four-three-one.

All right, that's...
That's in there now.

I... I'll give him
a call in a minute.

- Oh, good.
- [Dial tone trilling]

Oh, god, no. It says it's
calling. I've called him.

I have to go for a piss, I
mean, uh, to the restroom. Sorry.

It's ringing, it's ringing.

[Rock music playing]

Oh! Sorry.

- Mam, do you know where Mary is?
- No, pet.

Okay. Okay, okay.

[Rock music cuts out]

[Rock music starts again]

(Mary): Who... who is this?

- Mary!
- It's Mike coyne

- from 99fm in westmeath.
- (Angela): Mary! That's for me!

It's the radio lads.
Play along, please.

I'm ringing about one of
your former employees,

- Angela glennon.
- Oh. Yes.

- Angela.
- Uh, yeah, I... I heard

she was with you
fellas for a few years

and she said you'd
be her reference.

What's she like?

Well, she's...

Uh, she's sound?

- Uh, she's good with computers.
- (Angela): Mary!

- [Knock on door]
- What the fuck should I say?

Tell him that I... I
work well with people,

but I also work
well on my own, too.

Uh, she works with people.

And she works on her own, too.

I'm proficient in sound
editing and desk work.

- She'd do anything for you, like...
- Mary, what are you saying?

She acted as a solicitor
for me this one time,

wrote a legal letter
and the lad backed off.

He was gonna press
charges but then he didn't,

but he was working with a
very liberal definition of assault.

Hey! There's a queue. Go!

- She's good in a crisis, too.
- I'm turning you around

- and you're heading off.
- I have to go.

One time I hit a cow with
my car and she helped me out.

Oh. Jesus... You
should've heard it.

I still dream about it
sometimes, fucking horrible.

But, anyway,

she held it still while I put it
out of its misery. Poor thing.

And then she helped
me drag it into a ditch

and then helped me cover
it with branches and stuff.

It was like a piñata
full of organs and blood.

Destroyed the tidy
town's entry that year.

- [Gasps]: No!
- Anyway, uh, I have to go.

Huh. Nice.

- [Toilet flushing]
- What did you say about me, Mary?

Only good things, Angela.

- Oh, right. Well, I better...
- Oh, there you are.

- Angela? How're you getting on?
- [Chuckles]

Come on now. How're
you really getting on? Huh?

I haven't seen you
at mass recently.

Oh, well, I've been living
up in Dublin for two years.

Oh, cool. Now, hold on,
there. Hold on, right now.

But don't tell your mummy
you're going to the shop, all right?

Go on. Go on.

- Thanks, father.
- [Girls exclaim]

Thanks, father, huh.

So... [clears throat]

Do you... Do you go
up to the mass up there?

No.

They've great mass in the
city these day, you know,

gluten free eucharist
and the whole lot.

[Both laughing]

Do you mind me asking?

Why're you not going?

Well, I just think it
isn't for me, father.

Are you...

You know, because if you
are, the church is okay with it.

You know, as long as you
don't act on it, you're fine.

- [Chuckles] Am I what? Protestant?
- [Father coughs]

No. God, no! No,
no, are ya... [Sighs]

Gay.

Because, I've no
problem with it.

I mean, the lord knows
I'm no Saint, me self.

- [Chuckling]
- I tell you what.

Just say nothing. Huh?

What god doesn't
know, won't hurt him.

It's just, uh, I don't believe
in god anymore, father.

Right.

Look, say nothing. What god
doesn't know, won't hurt him.

[Both laugh]

Right, right you are, father.
I'll have a think about that.

Good girl, Angela,
good girl. [Chuckles]

God bless her.

[Indistinct chattering]

[Yvonne whispering]: Right
there, just some sandwiches.

(Yvonne): He looks
at peace, god love him.

Yeah, yeah, he
looks well rested.

Jesus, ailish has done a
great job on the make-up.

All that contour, it
makes a difference.

I'll kill for
cheekbones like that.

Eugene's trying
to say something.

Jesus, is he?

He's passed on.

But he wants me to pass on a
message to his wife. I must talk to her.

Yvonne...

Please, now is not a good time.

Remember when colonel qaddafi
kept visiting you in your dreams.

He wouldn't leave me alone.

He tried to warn me
about the housing crisis.

- No one would listen.
- Qaddafi was alive

after the housing crisis.

Well, Eugene is dead and
he's mad for me to chat to cepta.

Well, he just physically
linked in with me and he said,

"Yvonne, please don't
make a fool of yourself

by annoying a
widow at a funeral."

Eugene says you're lying,
he told you nothing of the sort.

Well, I'm hearing a message
from Caroline and she says,

"Yvonne will get no
lift to bingo this week

if she doesn't cop the feck on!"

Fine, so.

But you can start
looking for someone else

to cleanse your chakras.

That's all done now.

I was just talking
to the priest, there.

That's not a euphemism.

Um, how're you
getting on, anyway?

Oh, grand. I... I was just
chatting to your old boss, there.

Oh.

- She's a character, isn't she?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, she is.

The line wasn't great though.
Did she say something about cows?

- Did she...
- Hey.

Did she say that
I was proficient

- at sound editing?
- No.

- Oh.
- But, sure, look,

the death notices
are in 20 minutes and

I'm pissed, so...

- You're hired.
- [Gasps]

Oh, my god! [Chuckles]

You wanna get there quick,
though. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You won't regret this,
thank you so much.

Mam, mam.

- I'm after getting a job!
- Oh my god!

- [Both squealing]
- (Woman): Funeral.

Oh, my god, I'm so proud.
My baby's all independent.

- Oh!
- Okay.

Could I get a lift
to the radio station?

- Grand, when do you want to go?
- Ah, like, now?

Oh my god, okay.
I'll go and get John.

- [Squeals]
- (Angela): Okay.

What the hell are you doing?

Just having a chat.

- How are you getting on?
- Fuck off, brid.

Mam and Michelle will go mad.

We're only having a
smoke, tell them to relax.

Okay, I'll go inside,
and tell them to relax.

Fuck off, brid.

Fuck you, you prick!

(Brid): Prick.

(Caroline): Mike?

You're a big dote. Thanks
for sorting Angela with a job.

- She won't let you down.
- Hmm.

You're grand.

- (Caroline): Oh, Jesus.
- Delighted to be of service.

[Caroline laughing]: Oh,
get up, you mad bastard.

Good man, Alan.

[Groans]

(Caroline): Come on, John.

[Mary laughing]

Ah, excuse me. Um,
excuse me. Sorry, I just, um...

I just have a little
announcement to make, um...

As you know, uh, Jim...

Jim and I have been going out
for a little while now and, um...

Well, we've been
discussing this...

A lot over the last, well,
little while and, um...

And, uh, well, I thought that, uh,
we should let you all know that...

- Well, we've decided to get married!
- [All cheering]

You know... You know,
it's not bad news. Oh.

- (June): Oh, my god!
- (Man): Fair play to you, boy.

Come on, Angela, we've
got to get you to the station.

- Okay, let’s go.
- I'm like your daughter!

[Indistinct chatter]

(June): Oh, of course, oh, yes!

(Caroline): Come on, John.

I'm delighted now
you're back on track

- with your old media career.
- Yeah, well, it's a step anyway.

And to be doing my favourite
show, god, it's amazing!

Your favourite show
is the death notices?

It's different everyday
and you don't get fecking

- Calvin Harris on it the whole time.
- Not unless he dies in the area.

I wouldn't wish him dead,
no matter how bad he is,

don't say that.

- I... I said nothing.
- John!

That's a job for
life you got there.

If you're lucky, that could be you,
dying on the radio in 50 years’ time.

- [Car engine revs]
- (Caroline): To the radio station!

[Upbeat music playing]

(Caroline): Here we are,
99fm. You'll be as cool as ice.

Right, mam. Thanks for the lift.

[Car horn honking]

I'll get John to start laying the
foundations for the granny flat.

Don't.

(Man on radio): Well,
as you know by now,

our great friend, Eugene
O'Toole, is no longer with us.

He's been faded up to
the big studio in the sky.

Anyway, the whole coffin
thing, made me just wonder.

What kind of coffin
would you like to go in?

In a teak coffin, or
mahogany perhaps or...

Or would you just
like to be burned

and have your ashes
fecked into the sea?

Call us on o-eight-nine-o
two-four-three double o seven-six.

And stay tuned cause in the
next hour we've got some top tunes

from Calvin Harris, Johnny
cash, mr worldwide himself, pitbull,

and, of course, Calvin Harris.

But before that we'll
have the death notices.

99fm, stick a flake in it!

(Man over radio):
99fm, stick a flake in it!

Dj Gerry mandrian,
how are you doing?

Hi, I'm Angela.
What's your real name?

Ah, don't worry about it.

Yeah, they got to
be here somewhere.

Ah.

There you go, shit loads
of dead people there for ya.

Hope you can
pronounce all the names.

All right, we're going live
in five, four, three, two, one.

You're listening to the
death notices on 99fm.

In association with jp's garage.

[Car horn blares]

[Clears throat]

Sorry, uh...

Sorry.

Sorry, 99fm regrets to
announce the following deaths.

Francie Maguire, died
peacefully at his home,

surrounded by loved ones,
reposing at madigon's funeral home

tomorrow from noon.

Removal to the
church of the holy ghost,

Friday, at 10:00 A.M...

For burial at kilronan cemetery.

[Clears throat]

Eugene O'Toole, of
banagher, kilcormac,

passed away suddenly, on
air, on this, uh, very radio station.

You... you probably heard it.

Funeral, tomorrow
morning, 11:00 A.M.

At Christ the redeemer
church. No flowers, please.

- [Angela sighs deeply]
- [Indistinct chatter]

(Angela): I was just
at the wake there.

Very beautiful
affair, very dignified.

I'm telling you now, they did
him proud with that spread.

[Women cheering]

[Women chattering excitedly]

And Eugene O'Toole,
a fantastic broadcaster...

- [Woman moaning]
- Will be missed very much.

Just want to say,
here's to you, Eugene.

Here's to you.

(Man over radio): 99fm...

Next time, maybe, stick
to the script, all right?

Yeah, yeah.

[Organ music playing]

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