All language subtitles for Nowhere Fast s01e01 Home.eng

(Man): You're listening to
talkchat, the voice of the city.

Up next, we have
controversial columnist

and social critic,
Anthony creggan.

He'll be sharing his
views on single mothers

- after the break.
- [Man grunts]

(Angela): He's out
there in the hall.

- (Maureen): Hmm?
- Anthony creggan.

(Maureen): Hmm.

(Angela): Thinking his
sexist thoughts. The prick.

He couldn't look more
like a serial killer if he tried.

Do you reckon he's murdered
women? Like, really murdered women.

Even if he didn't,

I heard that he goes on
to buses during rush hour.

Not 'cause he wants to
go anywhere, mind you.

He just wants to press
his Mickey against people

and pretend it's an
accident. That filthy bastard.

He just looks like the type of prick
that would wank over some briquettes

or something.

- Angela.
- Huh?

I think we're still on air.

[Angela laughs]

Oh, you really had me going
there, Maureen. [Chuckles]

Still, what a massive cunt.

[Clicks]

Now... that shouldn't
give you any more trouble.

(Anthony): She
libels me live on air.

I am going to sue this station
for everything you've got.

- (Woman): Oh.
- (Man): Oh.

(Anthony): You're going
to rue the day you said,

"Anthony creggan wanks on
briquettes." Because I don't.

- [Car door closes]
- (Angela): How are you, mam?

- [Radio beeps]
- [Angela sighs]

(Caroline): Come here. I
met Mike from the local radio

in the shop the other day and
I put in a good word for you.

We used to know each other
in the 80's, like, sexually, like,

we had a sexual relationship.
If you catch my drift.

I get ya.

This was years before
your step dad, now.

- And my dad?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,

it was before your dad.

Definitely.
Anyhow, I told him...

What was it you did
again, you're a producer?

No, broadcast assistant,
producer's me boss.

Was my boss. [Inhales]

Anyway, mam, it doesn't matter.
I'm not staying here for long.

I'm just gonna save up some
money, stay for a couple of weeks.

Well, look we're delighted to
have you back with us again.

Go home now, have a nice,
quiet night in, get you settled in.

[Angela chuckles]

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

(Caroline): You sure?

You just got the sack from
your dream job in Dublin.

I did not get the sack, mam. The
radio station had to close down

- due to bankruptcy.
- I know, I know.

- It's just I worry about you.
- I know.

Just after the hard time you
had when you were a teenager.

- I know, mam.
- It's just to know you wouldn't...

You know...

- No.
- Try and...

- Mam.
- Kill yourself.

- Jesus!
- Ah!

[Angela sighs]

- [Gemma coughing]
- Gemma.

- [Sighs]: How's school?
- Grand.

(Angela): Yeah?

Come here. Young Martin
lad's going on winning streak.

- Which Martin?
- The ones from down the road.

You know them. The
sister was going out

with the young lad who went to
the eurovision, a few years ago.

Sure, how old is he? He can't be
old enough to go on winning streak.

Yeah, he is, his 18th
was two weeks ago.

Mam gave him a couple of
scratch cards for his birthday.

Turns out she gave
him the lucky one.

Now Mark's on the telly
tonight, all thanks to mammy.

- (Caroline): Hmm.
- Ooh, you could be in the money.

Oh, no, no, a nice hello will do
me. That's all I want. You give to give.

We'll be glued to the
telly tonight, though.

- [Car horn honks]
- [Girl laughs]

(Caroline): The priest got
a new car. A people carrier.

What does he need that for,
when it's only himself in the house.

And the housekeeper
and the three kids.

He's probably good to her,
considering the church's position

on unmarried mothers.

Come on, pet. John!

- Hey, how are you?
- How you doing?

[Angela chuckles]

- Oh, hello. How are you getting on?
- Grand, yeah, yeah.

- Good, good, and how are your kids?
- Grand, yeah.

- (Angela): Yeah?
- Yeah.

[Angela chuckles]

Uh, I... I suppose we'll be
having dinner soon. [Chuckles]

- Yup.
- That'll be, um, grand.

Why don't you go upstairs
and get yourself settled in?

Uh, we've had to make a
few changes to your bedroom.

- (Angela): Ah.
- We turned it into an office

for John to work on
his motivational posters.

- Oh.
- But I left a few things out

I thought you
might like to keep.

Oh, thanks, mam.

[Door creaks]

- [Coughs]
- [Door creaking]

- Are you smoking?
- [Dog barking]

Uh, yeah.

- Oh, I didn't know you smoked.
- Oh yeah, it's cool.

Huh.

[Grunts]

- What's that?
- That?

- It's the bar, it's contraception.
- Whoa.

So, were you...

Well, I thought, you know, "who
knows what's going to happen in Dublin?"

[Chuckles]: And it's better
to be prepared, just in case.

What about yourself?
Do you have anything?

God, no. No, sure I'm not.
Well, there'd be no need.

You can't be at that now.

So, did you have
boyfriends and stuff?

Yeah. Yeah, I suppose
you can call them that.

- They weren't really into labels.
- [Groans]: It looks sore.

- Yeah, well...
- Well, you should get it taken out.

Well, we're not
all made of money.

Doctors cost a lot when you
don't live with your ma anymore.

This cost 300 euro,

and I'm not gonna have
it taken out Willy-nilly.

And you never know,
anything could still happen.

Was it fun up in Dublin?

[Sighs]: Oh, my
god, it was brilliant.

All cool, smart,
successful people.

Parties every night.

Still... it's not as good
as being home with you.

Oh, come here. [Grunts]

[Angela sniffs]

- (Caroline): Oh, are you hungry?
- Yeah.

(Caroline): Hmm. Oh.

[Angela sighs]

- (Caroline): Ah, for feck sake.
- (Angela): Ma, you don't have

to keep every newspaper I'm in.
Getting sued is not an achievement.

Huh?

- What's for dinner?
- Oh, I've done all your favourites.

Chicken and gravy, mash and
roasties, carrots, peas and stuffing.

Oh, a real mammy dinner.

- Come here.
- [Chuckles]

(Caroline): Mm.

[Door bell ringing]

- (Brid): Hey, John.
- (Mary): Hey, John, how are ya?

- Is Angela about?
- (John): Yeah.

We're gonna celebrate
tonight, I tell you.

Lancy's pub'll look like bosmania
by the time we're done with it.

Warfare, John, fucking warfare.

Angela, you big slut,
as I live and breathe.

And Caroline,
you're looking lovely.

(Caroline): Oh, Mary,
would you like a bit of dinner?

Yeah, you twisted my arm.

(Angela): Brid.

- John, another plate.
- (Brid): Angela.

Oh, it's lovely to see you.

So, John, you
still at the lorries?

Nah, let go o'er
there a while back.

So, I was in the, uh, the
novelty bath sponge game

for a while but, uh,
but that dried up.

- [Laughs]
- (John): There you go.

Making me own black
puddings there for a bit,

but sure that's a
young man's game.

Then I tried setting
up me own chip Van

but you need insurance
and all sorts for that, so...

So, what are you at now?

Well, I got this little motivational
poster business set up.

Oh, how is that going?

Not great now, to be honest,
I'm thinking of packing it in.

[Clattering]

Anyone want a can?

- No, thanks, Mary, I'm fine.
- Probably not, no.

- No, thanks.
- Have a can.

- Good man, John.
- [Can hissing]

[Can hissing]

You know, Caroline... [slurps]
I shouldn't even be eating.

I had a great feed
before I came out.

[Thudding]

But you do do a lovely
dinner, so you do.

(Caroline): Ah.

[Groans]

So, brid, how are
things going with Mick?

When's he gonna
pop the question?

[Chuckles]: I don't
know but soon.

I asked him to ask
me and he said yes.

- Oh!
- But then his sister got engaged,

so we have to wait. But
they got married last week,

- so...
- (Caroline): Hmm.

- It should be any day now.
- How was the wedding?

Ah, it was lovely.

There was a lot
of tears on the day.

- Especially from the bride.
- (Caroline): Oh.

God... [chuckles]
She was inconsolable.

Right, girls, let's
get out of here.

That football team
isn't gonna fuck itself.

- [Angela laughs]
- [Clattering]

- That was delicious, Caroline.
- (Caroline): Hmm.

[Gasps]

Would you not stay in and
spend some time with your sister?

You haven't seen her in months.

She's right. I haven't
seen Gemma in a while.

- Ah, I'm going out.
- Where are you going?

To Elaine's.

To study for an exam.

Aw, you're very good.
Have a lovely evening.

Fair play. Right, up.

Angela, I don't want
you drinking too much.

You have to be up
early in the morning.

I got you a little job.

What? What do you mean?

(Mary): Is it all
right if we take this?

Just in a shop, part time.

But, mam, I haven't
even been here four hours.

I just don't want you hanging
around the house doing nothing...

- Like getting depressed.
- Ah...

Trying to...

- Kill yourself.
- Jesus Christ, mam.

- Please, mam, please.
- [Indistinct chatter]

[Angela laughing]

So, Gemma's having an ol' study.

- Yeah.
- Huh.

Your ma never let you
away with that kind of shit

- when we were teenagers.
- I was friends with you.

Me ma's gullible, but
she's not that gullible.

- Oh, yeah.
- [Angela laughs]

So, what's it like being back?

I'd say you're so
happy to see everyone.

- Oh, yeah.
- I couldn't move away

- from my friends and family.
- It's nice to see me ma and all.

Shit though, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh god, it's terrible.
What am I gonna do?

- What the fuck am I going to do?
- Get a job, buddy.

- It's what you gotta do.
- Yeah, fuck.

Or you could do a course
in the community centre.

Michelle's teaching
one on basket weaving.

- Yeah. Who's Michelle?
- My brother Jim's girlfriend.

- [Car door closes]
- I know.

- Mammy loves her.
- [Car door closes]

Does your mom
love all insipid bitches

or is this one special?

- She's just nice.
- I'm fucking nice.

But she didn't wipe her
arse on mammy's new towel,

so she's got that going for her.

I apologized to your mam,
so the ball's in her court.

You could've at least put
them in the wash basket

instead of trying to flush them.

You know, your mam can
have all the fancy towels

she wants, but you should have
toilet paper in your bathroom.

She needs to have a
good look at herself.

- [Engine revs]
- [Rock music playing]

So, Angela, are
you back for good?

[Laughs]: God, no.

I mean, no offence. It's
nice hanging out with you

and all but, oh, I
got shit I wanna do.

When I lived here,
we just drank in fields.

What's wrong with
drinking in fields?

[Scoffs]: Nothing, I'll
give ye that, it's class.

But, you know, I did job in
media and I went to college.

- We all went to college.
- Yeah, I know but, uh...

Why don't you get on the
radio here? Or the paper.

Yeah, you could
write a thrilling exposé

on who had a good time
in the pub on Friday night.

Or you could crack the whole
"who did well in their junior cert"

thing wide open.

It'll be only a matter of time till
you're headhunted by the times.

- [Audience applauding]
- (Woman): It's Saturday night.

- (Caroline): Ooh.
- (Woman): It's winning streak.

And here are your hosts, sinead
Kennedy and Marty whelan.

Welcome, it's winning streak,

- you're very welcome.
- It is, and as always, we have

exotic holidays, new cars
and so much cash to give away.

It's true and one of our
five contestants will get

the chance to spin the
wheel for half a million euro.

[Sinead and Caroline cheer]

(Sinead): Hey, let's meet them.

And our fifth player is
Mark Martin from westmeath.

- Make some noise.
- [Audience cheering, applauding]

(Caroline): Hmm.

Mark, you're very
welcome. Good luck.

[Audience cheering, applauding]

This is your chance out
there now to say hello

to anybody from back home.

- Here it comes.
- (Mark): Eh...

Uh, my... my mam, my dad,
uh, my brother and his two kids,

my uncles and me aunties,

eh, the lads from the
pitch and putt club...

- Caroline.
- Eh, the lads

down at lancy's pub.

- Kieran from the dole office.
- [Indistinct chatter]

- Say nothing.
- Yeah, no...

Eh, spider legs Johnny.

- (Marty): What? ...Okay, right.
- (Mark): Yeah, good friend.

- Ah, airbrakes.
- (Marty): Airbrakes?

- Caroline.
- (Mark): Yeah.

- And, uh, Conor McGregor. [Screams]
- Oh, that's it.

- [Audience applauding]
- He does not know Conor McGregor.

- Not personally anyhow.
- (Mark): Jambon and, uh,

- ah, anybody else who knows me.
- Is that everyone?

- Is it?
- Yeah.

Big round of applause
for Mark. Well done.

[Audience applauding]

That family were always
tight, with their compliments

- and their money.
- [Audience applauding]

[Game show music playing]

- [Upbeat music playing]
- [Laughing]

- [Indistinct chatter]
- [Mary chuckles, sighs]

[Indistinct chatter]

- [Indistinct chatter]
- [Crowd cheering]

Not anymore. Saturn's next.

Oh, I thought I told you not
to come back in here anymore.

I thought I told you
to rev up and fuck off.

A cider, a white wine and
a coke for me, I'm driving.

And a pack of scampi fries,
please, when you're ready.

- [Crowd cheering]
- [Indistinct chatter]

Do you think he
might be able to see?

Fuck 'em.

He's lucky we're in his
poxy pub buying his mixers.

[Upbeat music playing]

What the fuck are you doing?

Oh.

We're hosting a unesco summit
on education in the middle east.

We're having a drink.
What are you doing?

Ah, this is my party and
you're not gonna ruin it.

No, this is Angela's
party. Look.

- [Angela laughs]
- (Mary): And I don't recall

you being invited, so kindly go
back to your soggy vol-au-vents

and your ugly relatives,
and let us sound people

continue having
the craic, all right?

I'm gonna tell the barman
you're sneaking drink.

[Indistinct chatter]

I'll tell your granny
about your trip to england.

Spa weekend, was it? Full body
massage and womb scraping.

What's your problem
with her, Mary?

Do you know, I can't remember.
Right, I'm going for a piss.

[Man laughing]

(Angela): Where's
Yvonne going away to?

She's going to Manchester
to study homeopathy.

Homeopathy?

Is that the one where water
remembers it used to have medicine

in it but forgets all about
the piss, shit and fish jizz?

[Laughs, slurps]

[Coughs]

- You don't have it?
- Sorry, love, I don't.

- Do you have YouTube on that?
- Yeah.

Then, you do have it.

Look, we're paying a lot of money
for you tonight, don't let us down.

I don't mind. You're
the boss, like, whatever.

[Upbeat music playing]

- [Girls screaming]
- But I think the basket weaving

- can really take off. You know?
- [Door closes]

Jim, here.

(Michelle): Hi. Hey.

- Michelle, this is Angela.
- Hiya.

How are you getting on, Angela?

- Ah, grand, sure. You know yourself.
- Yeah?

- And yourself?
- Yeah.

Grand.

Uh...

Uh, I tell you... [chuckles]
This place is after branching out,

scampi fries, that's
new. [Chuckles]

But you know, when I was a child,
I used to call these "fish pillows,"

'cause they look like pillows
but they smell like fish. [Laughs]

[Gasps, laughs]:
What a world, ha?

I tried ryvita, right,
with poppy seeds.

- Oh right, how did you get on?
- Grand, yeah.

When I think about it, I thought,
"Michelle, now you eat sesame seeds

on burger buns. What's
there to be afraid of?"

[Gasps]: You're right, I
never thought about it like that.

Yeah, see, I'm reading
this book at the moment,

how to live without
boundaries and I thought,

"Michelle, if you
can't do with ryvita,

you're never gonna live
your life to the fullest."

[Chuckles]

- I must get them on my next shop.
- [Brid and Angela chuckle]

You see the young
Martin lad on the telly?

Oh, yeah. Mam bought him a
few scratch cards for his 18th,

- a few weeks back. [Chuckles]
- Do you think it was?

Well, we don't know but,

ma will be expecting
a hello tonight, anyway.

But I think, feck the hello,
you'd want a few grand.

That's why I don't like buying
people scratch cards. [Chuckles]

In case they win.

- (Mary): How are you, Jim?
- [Jim grunts]

- All right?
- Right, sure.

- Uh, good to catch up.
- Yeah.

- We're gonna head on.
- Yeah, bye.

Ah, nice meeting ya.

These are really nice.

(Angela): So...

Do you still like Jim or what?

- What are you talking about?
- (Brid): Please, Mary,

don't mess things up for
them. They're really happy.

What are you on about? We
were never even going out.

- You were together for four years.
- Yeah, but it was never official.

We just hung out,
had the ride and talked.

That's what going out
is. That's literally all it is.

Seriously, Mary, don't.

I'll be honest with you, brid,
you're kind of making me

- want to have sex with your brother.
- Don't even joke. That's not funny.

My mam would lose her shit.

[Sighs]: She's only
off the anxiety pills.

Really? God.

I can get her
pills if she likes.

- [Chuckles]
- [Upbeat music playing]

[Crowd cheering]

Okay, okay.

This is a special request going
out for the woman of the hour.

- [Crowd cheering]
- Your favourite song

on this, a very special
going away party.

- [Crowd cheering]
- We all love her very much.

[Heavy metal music playing]

(Woman): What
the hell is this shit?

Everyone will think I like
weird music like a weirdo.

I don't know. Ask your
one over there. I... I...

[Heavy metal music playing]

These are really nice.
I'm sorry, I misspoke.

Why do you hate me?

- Why are you trying to destroy me?
- Look...

I don't know, is it you I hate?
What's your name again?

- You fucking bitch.
- (Mary): Ooh.

She's sneaking drinks
in, they're in her bag.

She had an abortion.

- [Indistinct chatter]
- I told you I'll tell them,

- I fucking told you.
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

- Out right now.
- Hang on, hang on.

- [Gasps]
- I'm getting this.

- (Brid): Fuck's sake, Mary.
- (Man): All of you, all of you out.

- (Brid): Angela, come on.
- [Indistinct chatter]

- (Man): There's the door.
- (Brid): Yeah, thank you.

- [Brid chuckles]
- [Indistinct chatter]

- [Both laughing]
- Hey, hey, Mary, did you bring us

to that pub to specifically
mess up that girl's party?

- No.
- But you knew it was happening.

Yeah, it's been talk
of the town all week...

- (Angela): Whoo! [Laughs]
- Like she's something special.

Did she really have an abortion?

I'd say so. Did
you see her face?

- She was mortified.
- [All laugh]

I can't remember the last time I
was thrown out of a pub. [Chuckles]

What about that time I
came up to visit you in Dublin?

- Oh. [Laughs]
- [Laughs]

- [Angela retching]
- [All laugh]

- You're smoking.
- Yeah, it's cool.

- [Indistinct chatter]
- Oh, shit. Take those.

[Angela and Mary laugh]

What... what are you doing here?

- Oh, how's the studying going?
- Uh, we finished up early,

so we decided to go for a walk.

Gemma, what are you
doing? You're better than this.

[Sniffles]: Who the
fuck are these people?

(Gemma): Don't tell mam.

Are you really gonna throw
your life away getting drunk

in fields with this lot? You
have so much potential.

[Sighs]: And who
the fuck is that lad?

I don't want any trouble now.

Can I have a can?

They're a bad influence.

It might seem like fun now,
getting drunk and doing mad shit

but, you know, time flies
and before you know it

you could be 40, still
living in this village

and you had such a promising
career ahead of you in the media.

- What?
- Go. Go now, go. Go.

- [Vomits]
- [Laughs]

Go!

- [Angela coughs]
- (Brid): You okay?

[Angela coughs]
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

[Gulps]

- [Audience applauding]
- So, here we are with Mark Martin

from westmeath. Mark,
you're nearly there now,

- good one.
- [Audience cheering]

Uh, if you could
select a tube for me.

- What number?
- (Mark): Two.

(Marty): Number two.
Okay, off you go, good luck.

- [Indistinct chatter]
- [Audience cheering, applauding]

- (Sinead): Well done, Mark.
- (Marty): Just one more wheel, Mark,

and you'll have the chance to spin
the big wheel for a minimum prize

of 20,000 euro or,
obviously, the grand prize

- of half a million euro.
- [Grunts]

- [Audience applauding]
- (Sinead): But before you pick

a tube to proceed,
Mark, is there anything

you want to say to
anybody at home?

Caroline?

- Uh, no.
- (Marty): Okay, Mark,

so it looks like it's between
you and jacinta right beside you,

so, who will get to hit that button
first and get you to spin that wheel?

(Sinead): One or two?
What's it gonna be?

I'll pick, um... I'll
go for number one.

(Sinead): Okay,
the very best of luck.

- (Jacinta): Thank you.
- [Hissing]

- (Sinead): It's a wheel!
- Oh, my god.

- Sorry. Sorry about that, Mark.
- Yeah, sorry about that.

Listen, you're not gonna
get a shot with the jackpot

but you're welcome to do. Give
everybody a round of applause.

(Marty): Yes.

[Angela coughs, retches]

[Grunts]

- I've missed this.
- Yeah.

- [Brid and Angela laughing]
- Brid.

- (Brid): Mm-hmm.
- Brid...

Will you put the alarm
on the phone for me

for that fucking job in the
morning. [Sniffles, grunts]

I've lost the use of my hand.

- [Smooches]
- [Mary smooches, moans]

♪ Hey ♪

[Theme music playing]

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