All language subtitles for Family Ties.S04E21.Teacher_s Pet.eng

(Johnny Mathis & Deniece
Williams' "Without Us" playing)

♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪

♪ For a million years ♪

♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪

♪ For a million more ♪

♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪

♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪

♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪

Come on, son.

Hey, show daddy
how smart you are.

Okay, watch me.

Now you do it.

Come on, Andy. Where's
the old confidence?

Hey, what's going on?

I think we have a major
problem, Elyse. Read this.

"Ring Toss. Hours of Fun."

Oh, no. What are we gonna do?

Keep reading.

(sighs) "Hours of fun for
ages 9 months and up."

So?

Nine months.

And how old is Andy?

He's 11 months. What's
your point, Steven?

He...

(sighs)

(whispers): He doesn't
know how to do this, Elyse.

S-Something for a
child much younger,

and he doesn't
know how to use it.

See.

Well, it isn't that
easy, Steven.

The boy on the box can do it.

Ah.

I think he needs help, Elyse.

I want him to start
preschool now.

Oh, he's too young now.

I want him to start
preschool, Elyse.

I want him to learn
how to use the ring toss,

and... And to use computers.

Hey. ELYSE: Hey.

What's in the bag, Alex?

Ah, an amazing little
item that's gonna finally

bring this family up to
date and into the '80s.

You bought a calendar?

Even better.

Telephone answering machine.

Listen to this.

ALEX (on machine): You have
reached the home of Alex P. Keaton.

(machine plays trumpet fanfare)

If you leave your name, number
and message, the in-house staff

will see to it that Mr. Keaton

(machine plays trumpet fanfare)

returns your call
as soon as possible.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

(machine beeps)

You might have mentioned
the rest of us by name, Alex.

Oh, I don't know. I
like being referred to

as the "in-house staff."

Tomorrow is my first day
as a teaching assistant.

I wanna sound important.

Probably gonna get a lot
of calls from my students.

I still can't believe
they're letting you

teach a course, Alex.

Come on, Jennifer.
I told you, every year

Professor Spanos picks
three of his top students

to teach the freshman
economics course.

It's, uh... It's an honor.

And, uh, I'm even
invited to the faculty

wine-and-cheese party,

although they've asked
me to bring my own cheese.

You're teaching a class.

Alex, if I were going to
Leland I'd want my money back.

(scoffs)

Mallory, if you
were going to Leland

everybody would
want their money back.

Alex, would you keep
an eye on dinner, honey?

Jen and I are gonna
give Andy a bath.

Oh, let me, uh... Let
me come with you, Elyse.

I want to discuss this
preschool thing with him.

Andy is not going to preschool.

Elyse, it's his life.

I've got to hear this again.

ALEX (on machine): You have
reached the home of Alex P. Keaton.

(machine plays trumpet fanfare)

Hi.

Hey, Ellen. Hi.

You wanna see something
funny? What? What is it?

Take a look at this.

What's this?

It's my class schedule
for next semester.

Economics 101, Section 2.

Ellen, that's the
class I'm teaching.

I know. I signed up
for the other class,

but I guess the
registrar made a mistake.

I'm gonna transfer to the
other section tomorrow.

Why?

Alex, you don't really think I
could be in your class, do you?

Ellen, why not?

Because you wouldn't
be able to treat me

like all the other students.

You'd favor me.

Come on. That's not true.

All right, maybe if you
answered a question correctly,

I'd give you a little kiss.

That's it.

Alex, that's very sweet of you,

but I don't think it's
gonna be a good idea.

E-Ellen... Come on.
Look, we always say

we should support
each other, right?

I mean, that's why I-I-I
go to your poetry readings,

I go to dance recitals.

You don't think
I like that stuff.

You said you did. I know. Ellen,

see, that's how we
support each other.

We lie. Tsk.

Ellen, I... I want you
to be a part of my world.

I-I want you to see me teach.

I want you to be proud of me.

I want you to call
me Mr. Keaton.

Okay. I'm gonna give it a try.

Settle down. Settle down.

Welcome

to Economics 101.

My name is Mr. Keaton...

or sir.

And I will be your
teacher for the semester.

Uh, let's start with some
basic theories in economics.

Uh, for example, inflation.

Does anyone know
what causes inflation?

Anyone at all?

All right, uh, young
lady in the second row

wearing the glasses.

Well, I'm not
sure, but I think it...

Uh, excuse me. Uh,
your name, please?

Ellen.

Ellen Reed.

And how do you spell that?

R-E-E-D.

Okay. Go ahead, Miss Reed.

It is Reed, isn't it?

Yes.

And I'm assuming it's Miss.

It's not Mrs. or Ms.

Miss will be just fine.

All right, go ahead, Miss...

Reed.

Miss Reed.

I forgot the question.

The question was,
what causes inflation?

High prices.

(laughing)

Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my.

No, high prices are the result,

not the cause of inflation,
Miss... What was it?

CLASS: Reed.

Maybe you won't be so quick
to raise your hand next time.

Well, since there seems to
be an abundance of ignorance

in this class,
you're all dismissed,

so that you can get
to work on your papers.

(class groans)

That's right. I want a five-page
essay from each of you

analyzing the first
chapter of your textbook,

Money: Keep it Coming.

That's all.

Well, how'd I do?

Fine.

Maybe a little rough on
me, but fine otherwise.

I wasn't rough on you.

I just... I just want
to prove to myself

that I can do this
without favoring you.

Tsk. Well, you certainly
proved that to me.

Yeah, uh, don't... Don't...
Don't worry about it.

Everything is
gonna be fine, Ellen.

In a little while,

you're gonna get used to
being totally subservient to me.

Hey, any calls for me?

I don't know. We
just got in ourselves,

but Sherry has called
Mallory 27 times.

(machine beeps)

SHERRY (on machine):
Mallory, this is Sherry again.

We'll just skip over that.

(machine fast-forwarding)

Alex, what if it's important?

( high-pitched,
accelerated giggling)

Come on, Mal.

I mean, the only
thing that could be

less important than a message
from one of your friends

is a live conversation
with one of your friends.

(button clicks)

Ellen, can you stay for dinner?

Oh, I can't. I've got too
much economics homework.

Skip it.

I would but my
teacher's a little crazed.

Tell me about it.

(machine beeps)

MAN (on machine): Uh, this is
Mr. Herman from the Harper Preschool

returning Mr. Keaton's call.

I'm responding to your request
for information on our program.

Wrong number. Heh, heh.

Harper Preschool
early-admission plans?

Steven, what...?
What is all this?

I thought we decided
against preschool.

We did. I can't help it if
Andy sent for these brochures.

Well...

I'm gonna run.

I can meet you later if you
wanna get a cup of coffee.

Uh, I'd love to, but I've
got to go over these papers.

Uh, I'll call you.

Okay. Talk to you later.

Oh, you've got to look at this.

Rich Albert copied
his entire paper

from the latest issue of
High Finance Magazine.

How can you tell?

Ah, it's just little things

only an experienced
teacher would pick up on.

The figures he quotes,

writing style,

subscription offer at
the end of the paper.

Guess that's
where he slipped up.

Ah, I don't know.
It's a shame, Ellen.

You try to get
through to these kids.

What happens?

So did you mark mine yet?

Uh, yours. Uh, I don't know.

Uh, let me think. I might have,

could have, possibly
gotten to yours.

Or not.

Let's get that coffee, huh?

What did I get?
Ah, come on, Ellen.

You've got to wait till tomorrow
like the rest of the class.

Come on, Alex. What did I get?

All right. All right.
Okay. Let me see.

Reed, Reed, Reed.

Ah, here it is.

You got a C minus.

A C.

Minus. Heh.

Oh, come on, Ellen.
It's the first paper.

I understand that.

I mean a lot of
people did not do well.

Of course.

The... The average mark was a C.

Ah, so I'm below average.

Come on, Ellen. Let's get
that coffee, okay? My treat.

All right, Alex. You
proved your point.

What point?

You wanna show me
how fair you can be

by deliberately giving me a
lower grade than I deserve.

Ellen, are you accusing
me of trying to show you

how fair I can be by
deliberately giving you

a lower grade than you deserve?

Don't twist my words, Alex.

Ellen, you got what you deserve.

As a matter of fact,

I think it might have
been a little generous.

This is a very
superficial analysis.

I did not deserve a C
minus and you know it.

I have never gotten anything
less than a B on any paper.

Maybe if you spent a
little more time studying

and a little less time dancing,

you'd get a better grade.

I cannot believe I was
worried about you treating me

like the other students.

You've had it in for me
since the very beginning.

Come on. What are
you talking about?

If I answer a question wrong,
you really let me have it.

If I'm a minute late to
class, you yell at me.

Why are you late? If I
lag behind on a field trip

to the bank, you
get angry at me.

Ellen, come on, let's face it.

You have been a problem
since the first day of class.

Oh, yeah?

You want to see a problem?

I'll show you a problem.

Oh, what's that? A threat?

Well, you'll just have to
wait till class tomorrow,

Mr. Keaton.

Excellent analysis, Beck.

Albert.

Mr. Keaton?

Yes, Albert. What is it?

I can't make out your
comments. What does this say?

"Plagiarism is illegal."

Thanks. Heh.

Sometimes it's hard to
read your handwriting.

Hello, Miss Reed.

Hey, Teach. How are you doing?

Fine.

I handed out the papers.

Here's yours.

Hey, what do you know?

I got a C minus.

I'm even dumber than I thought.

Today we will begin a
discussion on the formation

of the modern banking system,

with an emphasis

on the relationship

between savings of
commercial institutions,

the formation of
a national bank.

Miss Reed,

are you chewing gum?

No.

Not at all.

These bubbles just
form naturally on my lips,

and I can't figure it out.

(class laughing)

All right. That's it.

Get rid of it. Come on.

Excuse me? You heard me.

Get rid of it now.

Okay.

Oops.

I'm sorry.

It's on your shoe.

Ah, hold on, Mr. Keaton.

While you're here, I've
got some junk to get rid of.

Albert. Albert.

That's enough, Albert.

Now, as I was saying,

new capital was
required to finance...

The purchase of livestock,

equipment...

Miss Reed. Do you have something

you'd like to share with
the rest of the class?

Why not?

A rabbi and a priest
are in a rowboat.

The rabbi is rowing
and the priest

is bailing the water.

Can, uh... Can I talk
to you privately, please?

Look, Ellen. I know you're
upset about your grade

but this is not the
best way to express it.

Why don't you just
graciously accept the fact

that you wrote a lousy paper?

I did not write a lousy paper.

Yeah, I know what
you're trying to do,

and I cannot be intimidated.

Now, take your seat.

Now, many of you will
remember that speculation

caused the panic of 1837.

This was the first in
a long line of panics,

followed by the panic of
1845, the panic of 1853

and the general
nervous tension of 1877.

Each of these
incidents confirmed

the growing need for...

(class laughs)

ELLEN: Sorry.

All right. That ought
to do it. Play it back.

MALLORY (on
machine): Hi, I'm Mallory.

JENNIFER (on
machine): And I'm Jennifer.

If you're calling for either
one of us, or our parents,

please leave a
message after the beep.

MALLORY (on machine): If you're calling
for Alex, he doesn't live here anymore

and we don't know
where he lives. Thank you.

(machine beeps)

Well, what do you think?

Well, it's a step in
the right direction.

Hey, dinner's
almost ready, Alex.

Oh, great. Any calls for me?

No, just the usual death
threats from your students.

That's it, though, huh?

Ellen didn't call?

Oh, sorry.

Darn. I was kind
of hoping she'd call.

Something the matter
between you and Ellen?

ALEX: Uh, yeah.

Listen, Mal, uh, do you mind

if I have a private
conversation with mom and dad?

Come on, Alex. I know
what's going on here.

You and Ellen are fighting
'cause she's in your class.

Ellen probably feels you
expect her to do twice as well

as everyone else, and, uh, you
probably feel she's not working

hard enough 'cause
she's your girlfriend.

(scoffs)

Nice try, Mal.

How did you know?

I just had to substitute you
and Ellen for Nick and me

and imagine what
it would be like

if I was taking a class
and Nick was teaching.

Uh, w-where would
that class be given, Mal?

College on the moon?

Alex, is what Mallory said true?

Ah, Mom, I don't know.

It... It... Everything
was fine at first,

and then Ellen got
upset when I gave her

a C minus on her paper.

And... And now we
hardly talk outside of class,

and inside class she
is an academic menace.

Well, you two have a
problem here, you know,

'cause you... You and
Ellen have a relationship

that's based on trust and love,

and now you're in a position
of absolute authority over her.

So, what's the problem?

The problem is, these
arguments can grow

into big fights very quickly.

Well, it's like this
preschool issue.

Your dad wants Andy to
go to preschool and I don't.

And... And this could have
turned into a great big fight.

Instead we sat down
and we talked about it

and we compromised, and
Andy is not going to preschool.

So, what's the compromise?

I get to keep my
preschool brochures.

You know, actually,
there is a solution to this.

Ellen and I could take her
paper to Professor Spanos,

let him read it, and
give his evaluation.

That sounds reasonable.

Of course, when he finds
out I'm going out with Ellen,

he's gonna be furious.

Teaching assistants
are not supposed to be

romantically involved
with the students.

That's only for
full-time professors.

Oh, and, uh, don't forget,
tomorrow we're gonna discuss

what to do when the
automatic teller machines

run out of money.

(sighs)

Professor Spanos
should be here any minute.

He's read your paper.

I'm sure he'll
decide this fairly,

and in my favor.

Mr. Keaton?

Class is over. You don't
have to raise your hand.

We can be informal here,

Miss Reed.

I just wanted to say
that I'm sorry for the way

I behaved in
class the other day.

I was completely out of line.

It was just an immature
response to your

insane, lunatic,
tyrannical behavior.

I accept your apology.

I have another
question, Mr. Keaton.

Go ahead, Miss Reed.

I just want to know
how you're doing.

Excuse me?

Well, I mean it's just that we
haven't spoken to each other

in a while, and I was just
wondering how you were doing.

Oh.

(clears throat)

I see.

Well, I'm doing
nicely, thank you.

Yourself?

Fine, thanks.

Uh, Miss Reed?

Yes, Mr. Keaton.

I miss you.

You do?

I want things to be the
way they were between us.

Mr. Keaton, I have a
confession to make.

I reread my paper the other day

and I realized it
wasn't all that good.

I didn't try as hard
as I could have.

Miss Reed.

Don't blame yourself.

I was too hard on you.
You know, I-I-I thought

I could handle having
you as one of my students.

I thought I'd treat you
like the rest of the class.

Well, I couldn't. I mean,
I just... I went crazy.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Keaton.

Oh, Miss Reed.

(clears throat)

Worked it out
yourselves, did you?

Uh, Professor Spanos.

Uh, welcome.

I was just explaining
the, uh, concept of, uh...

Deficit spending.
- -deficit spending

to, uh, Miss Reed, here.

Oh, I see. Do you
understand it now, Miss Reed,

or do you need another hug?

Well, we seem to have a conflict
of interest here, Mr. Keaton.

You know, a significant
part of teaching

is exercising good judgment,

and it doesn't appear
as though you have been.

Professor Spanos, please
don't hold this against Alex.

He's a wonderful teacher.

You know, before
I took this class,

I thought economics
was really boring.

All the statistics about
inflation and interest rates

and the devaluation
of the dollar

and trade imbalances.

You know, it really is boring.

Thanks for helping
me out here, Ellen.

But Alex changed all that.

He makes economics interesting.

He's strict, but
everybody in this class

has learned something.

Well,

you don't have any
other students in the class

I should know about,
do you, Mr. Keaton?

Cousins? Children?

Army buddies?

No, sir.

Good.

Well, now, as to this paper,

I think you were a little harsh
on Miss Reed, Mr. Keaton.

I agree. I was much too harsh.

Although it was a very
sloppy effort, Miss Reed.

I agree.

He was much too harsh.

Well, um, good
luck to both of you.

You know, I must admit,

this scene is
somewhat familiar to me.

I met my wife when she
took a microeconomics course

I was teaching at Yale.

I gave her an A on her final
exam and she agreed to marry me.

(chuckles)

That's sweet.

Yes.

Of course, if I knew
then what I know now,

I would have flunked her.

I'm sorry about all this, Alex.

Me too.

I love you.

Tsk.

(sighs)

My paper wasn't
really a C minus, was it?

ALEX: Well,

considering everything that's
been said and done here today,

everything we've been through,

I think I can bump it up to a C.

( upbeat jazzy theme playing)