Original subtitles

Oh great and mighty Rapu.

We pray to you.

For water and sustenance.

I pray to you, not for me...

But for my daughter.

I'm tired.

Ah, what do we have here?

Look at it...

It's gobbling up all my fruit.

Rapu.

Bringer of light.

Oh, it's one of mine.

I am Gorr.

The last of your disciples.

We have lost everything, my lord.

The land is dry.

All life is lost.

But our faith in you never wavered.

And now we await the promise...

of the eternal reward.

Is this why you celebrate?

He thinks there's an eternal reward.

No... No, sorry.

There's no eternal reward for you, dog!

What we're celebrating is a fresh kill.

We just vanquished the holder of the Necrosword.

Before he could harm any other gods with that cursed blade.

- You see... - He threatened to end my entire empire.

Please lord...

Your empire is already ended.

There's no one left to worship you.

There'll be more followers to replace you.

There always are.

We have suffered...

And we have starved.

My daughter died...

in your name.

And well, you should.

Suffering for your gods is your only purpose.

There's nothing for you after death...

except death!

You are not god.

I renounce you.

Now, your meaningless life...

finally does have a purpose.

To sacrifice yourself to me.

So it's revenge you seek...

Kill all the gods.

Go to Eternity.

It's revenge you seek.

Summon the Bifrost...

Go to Eternity...

Summon the Bifrost...

Go to Eternity.

So the sword chose you...

But you are now cursed.

Funny...

It doesn't feel like a curse.

It feels like a promise.

So this is my vow...

All gods will die.

Come, gather round...

And listen to the legend of the Space Viking.

A.k.a. "The God of Thunder".

A.k.a. "Thor Odinson".

Raised in the way of the Warrior...

Thor was taught to help bring balance.

Fighting the good fight, for those who can't fight good.

He grew.

And he grew.

And he grew.

He was sensitive, like a smile.

And his loving nature did not discriminate.

He once loved a swashbuckling Passionista.

Another time, he loved a wolf woman...

on a woman wolf.

But Thor's one true love was an Earth woman named Jane Fonda.

Oh, wait, no...

Jane Foster.

But sadly...

In the battle for love, Thor lost.

In fact, he lost a lot of people in those days.

His mum.

His dad.

And that guy.

And that guy...

And whoever that is.

And Heimdall.

And his brother.

And his brother again.

And again.

Poor Thor had to watch his planet explode.

And then he said, "What have I done?"

It seemed that everything and everyone he loved, he lost.

And so he hid his heart behind a big, fleshy bod...

So it could never be broken again.

But just because he was done loving, didn't mean he was done fighting.

He teamed up with the Guardians of the Galaxy...

and set off on some classic Thor adventures.

He got in shape...

Putting in the hard yards...

Turning pains into gains...

And never skipping leg day.

He went from dad bod to god bod

But beneath his god bod...

There was still still a sad bod, just trying to get out.

Because all of the bods that Thor had worn over the years...

Couldn't hide the pain that he was feeling on the inside.

So, he gave up his search for love.

Accepting that he was only good for one thing.

Waiting in quiet contemplation for someone to say...

Thor...

We need your help to win this battle.

Thor...

We need your help to win this battle.

Let's go.

Oh, okay.

Come on, Stormbreaker.

Let's hurry, okay?

People are dying.

See you down there.

Hurry up!

Gimme those!

You're gonna break 'em.

- I am Groot! - Oh, you got sap all over it.

Hello, everybody!

Well, well... Look who it is!

- How are we doing, guys? - Horrible!

We're all going to die!

You said this planet would be a relaxing holiday.

I said it was going to be like a relaxing holiday.

Well, look at our resplendent skyscape, three suns are setting.

What can be more relaxing than that?

An actual holiday!

Die, mutant scum!

- God of Thunder! - King Yakan.

You have finally joined our fight.

Well, as they say, better late than not at all.

It is very nice.

As you know, we used to live in the peaceful oasis.

- But then, our gods were murdered. - Murdered?

And now, our sacred temple has been left unguarded...

And Habooska's hordes took control of its power.

It is our most sacred shrine he desecrates.

Not for long.

King Yakan...

Tell them what happened here today.

Tell of the time that Thor...

And his ragtag, motley crew of misfit desperados...

Found the time to battle and etch their names in history.

The odds may be against us...

- But I'll tell you this for free. - Here it comes.

This ends here, and now!

He's not going to go into the temple, is he, no...

Well done, everybody.

We can collectively take credit for that, because we worked as a team.

We used our hearts and our minds to defeat the enemy...

With minimal loss or damage.

What a classic Thor adventure.

Hurrah!

Good book?

Yeah.

I wrote it.

You're... You're Dr. Jane Foster?

I am.

- Hi! - Hi!

How's the Einstein-Rosen bridge?

It's tough.

- Yeah. - Really tough.

It's... you need a 3D model.

You ever see Event Horizon?

No.

- Interstellar? - No.

That movie explains everything really clearly.

Um, alright.

The Einstein-Rosen bridge folds space...

So that point A and point B coexist in space and time, like that.

You just ruined your own book.

Yeah, but now you understand wormholes.

- You watch those movies. - Okay.

Saw the hot Cheetos. Had to get it.

So how's uh... How's it going?

It's going amazing.

Have you...

Told anyone else besides me?

When people find out they start acting weird.

They're just...

different.

I don't need that in my life right now.

Anyway, it's not that serious.

Jane, it's stage four.

Out of like, how many stages?

- Four. - That we know about.

Oh, you have uh...

Somewhere else you gotta be right now, that's more important than chemo?

No...

You're trying to get back to the lab, aren't you?

- I have a few ideas I'm trying. - Okay, no. Time out.

I know you think your lab work is something you have to do.

Otherwise, you're letting down all of civilization, but...

You're not getting what the universe is actually trying to tell you...

So let me translate.

Slow. Down.

You need your energy to fight this thing.

I'll fight it my way, okay?

Well, FYI...

"My way" does not have to equal alone in a lab.

Maybe it's time to play the Space Viking card.

- It's not a card. - Yes, it is.

- There's no card. - There's a card.

It's tall, it's blonde, and it's gorgeous.

It is a handsome card.

Jane, are you sure?

I will figure this out...

By myself.

Results are just coming back the same.

I'm afraid the chemo has very little effect.

I'm so sorry, Jane.

If there's anything I can do or if you just wanna talk, call me.

Smell like a king...

Because you're worthy.

Old Spice.

Cut!

Look at this place. It's beautiful, home.

Yes, home, Father.

- We're here to take you home. - Yes.

To Planet Asgard.

Asgard is not a planet, my sons.

It is a people. It is you.

And now it is time for me to pass on to the spirit realm.

I will take my place

in the great banqueting hall of Valhalla, the resting place of the gods.

Oh, one more thing.

You have a sister.

And so now I turn into godly stardust and say farewell.

Oh, look.

Do you see?

It's happened.

I've disappeared.

- No! - Father!

But wait, brother!

An ominous portal has appeared behind us.

Transform!

I am Hela, Goddess of Death.

Now, I return to Asgard, to stake my claim as the rightful heir to the throne.

And no one will stop me!

Join me or die.

- We'll never join you, witch. - Mjölnir.

Impossible!

I broke your hammer!

Time to die!

- Bifrost! - Bifrost!

You can almost feel the power

of these magnificent and immovable stones.

Okay, let's head back to the village...

where we can drink some real Asgardian mead.

Come on.

God of Disaster...

We thank you.

We feared we would be at war forever without the protection of our gods.

But now, peace shall reign.

In return for your service, please accept these gifts.

It is tradition, the protectors of our world are bestowed with great beasts.

- Giant goats? - Oh, look at those. They are wonderful.

Korg, look at that. I think they're beautiful.

King Yakan, thank you so much.

Listen um... about the temple.

- I don't want to talk about the temple. - I know, but if we were to talk about it.

- I think it's important to... - It's making me sad and mad.

Okay, I'll stop talking.

Don't forget the goats.

Which you accepted and now must take with you.

No backsies.

Aww, they are beautiful.

Yes, they are beautiful.

- They also scream quite a lot. - They'll be fine.

We need to find the damn remote, so we can download the distress signal.

Well then retrace your steps. Where did you put the remote?

One of the goats probably ate it.

The goats didn't eat the remote. Don't be ridiculous.

I ain't digging through that crap.

Unload them.

- If you need me, let's pull over. - Found the remote.

I'm putting them down.

Me too!

No, it's not working. It's not charged.

Well maybe, you need to find the charger.

- Get out of the way! - Whoa, whoa whoa!

- Korg, you okay? - Yeah, bro. All good.

Alright. Everybody, just relax.

The goats are going to be fine.

If not, we can just use them for meat.

-Ting people. Meet-ing people.

They're a great conversation starter.

And I've been told you can summon them with a special whistle.

It goes something like this.

No, that's not it.

No, that's not it.

No, that's not it, you have a go.

No, that's not it.

- Oh, hey, guys! - Kraglin!

You've been here this whole time?

Yeah, you said to stay with the ship.

This is Glenda. We're married.

I am Groot.

What did we tell you about jumping into new relationships?

- That I shouldn't be that. - Yeah!

You can't be get married on every single planet we land on.

I am Groot.

Finally!

Alright, here we go. "Distress Calls".

Please help us! The God Butcher has found us!

God Butcher?

- He left us hanging. - It's a warning!

All of these gods murdered.

Our greatest champions...

Now laid to waste.

The horror.

Who could have done something like this?

- Thor, where are you? - Wait, wait, wait.

What was that? Go, go, go back.

Play that one.

Thor, where are you?

- Sif. - We need you here.

Well, my friend is in danger. We must go at once.

Start the ship, my friends.

Oh. Maybe, we should split up.

So many people to save, I mean.

Look at all these distress... calls.

Thor, you gonna be okay?

I admire your commitment to each other. It's a beautiful thing.

Alas, it's something I'll never have.

Buddy, if I may

You may.

After thousands of years of living, you don't seem to know who the hell you are.

I've been lost before.

But then I found meaning, I found love.

And yeah, It got taken from me, and god, that hurts.

But that shitty feeling is better than feeling empty.

My hope for you is that one day, you will find something...

To make you feel this shitty.

I have loved before.

It didn't work out.

They either die a brutal death or they dump you with a handwritten letter.

I don't know which is worse, but it's why I keep everyone at arm's length.

You've grown too attached, damn it! I knew this would happen.

You must go!

I'll find, Sif.

You answer the other calls.

The Galaxy needs its guardians.

- Cool, yeah. We were just leaving. - Shhh, I know it hurts.

But it's better this way. You have to trust me.

To ease the pain, why don't you uh...

Take this ship here, as a parting farewell gift.

Oh, you're giving me my ship?

Yes, she's yours.

May you make as many memories with her as I have.

She's a temperamental old lass,

but will serve you well, in a tight pickle.

- I'll start the ship. - Thank you.

Goodbye, old friend.

Human handshake.

Asgardian shake.

Into the snake that you cannot trust.

Really dragging this out...

To finish, the classic Asgardian high one.

- Let's go. - Take care of my crew.

It's going to be hard for them.

- Hurry up! - Not her.

Remember what I told you.

You ever feel lost?

Just look into the eyes of the people that you love.

They'll tell you exactly who you are.

Alright, bye.

Wadsworth, let's bring to the good memories.

We Asgardians say, "May you travel with the speed of Odin's ravens".

I'll see you in Valhalla where we shall drink mead, and...

They're gone.

Alone again, just me and you.

Stormbreaker!

Watch out ya freakin' crazy ax.

So what do we do now, bro?

Let's go get Sif.

Who or what is that?

Falligar, God of the Phaligarians.

One of the nicest gods you'll ever meet.

Oh, no.

Sif! It's me, Thor.

Odinson.

You're missing an arm.

Let me get you home.

No!

Leave me here.

I want to die a warrior's death.

On the battlefield, in battle.

And then I can claim my place in Valhalla.

Oh, I hate to break it to you.

But for a warrior to get into Valhalla,

you have to die in the battle.

- You survived. - Oh, shit!

Maybe, your arm is in Valhalla.

What happened to you?

I've been hunting a madman.

I followed him here but

- It was a trap. - Who is this madman?

The God Butcher is coming.

He seeks the extinction of the gods.

Asgard is next.

- Look, it's Thor! Thor! - Take Sif to the infirmary.

Hey! Who'd you piss off now?

It's not my fault.

I've never even seen these things, whatever the hell they are.

Welcome back.

Who's the new guy?

Oh, that guy... You're gonna love that guy.

Mjölnir.

Mjölnir!

It's me, Thor.

Have you seen my hammer?

Mjölnir, here boy.

Mjölnir?

Mjölnir.

You're back.

Mjölnir!

'Scuse me. Hello.

That's my hammer you've got there.

And that's my look.

Hey!

Enough tomfoolery, wench.

You take off that mask and reveal yourself.

C'mon.

Hey.

Jane?!

Let me tell you the legend of Thor and Jane.

He was a God of Thunder.

And she, a woman of science.

And although they were from different worlds...

Somehow, it just made sense.

And together, they embarked on a journey of love.

Thor taught Jane the way of the warrior.

And Jane taught Thor the way of the people.

And as time passed, their love grew deeper and deeper.

She's incredible, isn't she, Mjölnir?

I need you to promise me that you'll always protect her.

I love you too, buddy.

A love that deep has a way of becoming magical.

Thor set his sights towards a future and all it might hold.

But the more he pondered a life with Jane, the more he feared losing that life.

And although Jane didn't want to admit it,

she was scared of loss as well.

And so, they built walls between them.

Thor got busy, saving humanity.

Heimdall!

And Jane got busy, doing the same.

Real busy.

And eventually, the space between them grew and grew

Until it became too wide to bear.

Something had to give.

I have to stay up all night, to go through this data, okay?

I have to stay up all night and clean all of this up.

There's two plates!

There's two plates and two forks...

And then one night, it did give.

Jane wrote a note.

And Thor read that note.

And their legend suddenly became myth.

Or so they thought.

You okay?

Uh, heh.

It's a little, uh, hot, and...

I suddenly feel...

It's claustrophobic with the, the helmet, it's...

How?!

Can we talk about this later?

Yeah, sure.

Great seeing you!

What?

Hey! Is that the Necrosword?

That's cool. I've only ever read about it in stories.

Then, you know this is going to hurt.

Pain.

What is pain, but a construct invented by the weak.

Oh, okay! That's very sharp!

Ready?

Don't touch my thing.

Yeah, you better run, you coward.

The children! They're taking the children!

- Mommy! - Mommy!

- Dad! - Mom!

Mom!

Shadow monsters, disgusting.

I flew around the world twice, nothing.

Cowards must have run away. We'll find them.

- Quite a reunion, huh? - Ah, you're telling me.

What's it been like? Three, four years?

Eight years, seven months and six days.

I haven't forgotten.

The last time I saw you or didn't see you, because you left.

It's kind of an oversimplification to say that I left.

Ah, no, you left. You did.

You wrote me a beautiful handwritten letter.

I should know, I was there.

- You weren't there, actually. - I was.

Hence the note...

And if you weren't there to see me leave, then maybe it was you that left.

Fair point.

- Not that it matters, like... - No.

- Who's keeping track, right? - Yeah.

I suppose we both left and both got left.

Now, you're leaving again.

Miek, we need detailed accounts from all the witnesses.

Darryl, get me all the names of the children who've been lost.

Your Majesty, my daughter's been taken.

And she'll be found.

Guys, they're bleeding! Get them to the infirmary, now!

- Darryl! - Majesty.

Should we start working on a performance of this entire debacle?

The people need entertainment.

Particularly now, in times of crisis.

Particularly.

I did not hear a "no".

Nor did I.

Asgard, at night.

We open on some sleeping children.

So that's the ex-girlfriend, is it?

- The old ex-girlfriend. - Jodie Foster.

- Jane Foster. - The one that got away.

The one that got away.

- That means escaped. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Must be hard for you to see your ex-girlfriend

and your ex-hammer hanging out and getting on so well.

What you up to, bro?

Come on.

Come to daddy.

Come on, Mjölnir.

Hey, there you are!

Hey!

- I was just calling you. - Start an army.

With what?

- Half our soldiers are dead. - Half our soldiers are always dead.

- Everyone, please. Go home. - Where are the children?

And I promise you, we'll have news soon.

- I don't know. - Can't go far.

I think the worst has happened.

She'll find them.

You know what?

Asgard!

My friends, we must not quarrel.

In times like this, we need to unite, come together,

and see what's happening here.

We're afraid.

Hm?

Scared.

Afraid.

Anxious.

If we are to find the children, we must first look within ourselves.

I am sorry. Miek.

It's very hard to give a rousing speech with the eh-eh-eh noise.

What are you doing?

- She's taking minutes. - Well, precious minutes. We don't have.

Want the kids back?

I'll be back in a minute.

You write that down, Miek.

Stormbreaker, what are you doing?

Is this about Mjölnir?

Everyone out!

Couldn't find 'em.

Bro, your cape's on fire.

It's fine, it'll grow back.

I'm invoicing you for this.

Listen.

What do we know about this guy?

He travels through shadows.

And he creates monsters with them.

Absolutely, freaky monsters.

He also wields the Necrosword.

How do I know that?

Because he almost speared me in the face with it.

What's a Necrosword?

It's an ancient weapon that's been passed through hands, since the dawn of time.

It has the ability to slay gods.

But it slowly corrupts and kills whoever wields it, which means...

- Oh, so it infected him. - It's infecting him. Yes, it must be.

So basically, we're up against a cursed, shadow, zombie kidnapper.

Awesome! When do we leave?

Thor?

- Can you see me? - Uh, floating head alert.

It's Astrid,

Heimdall's son.

Astrid, are you okay?

I no longer go by the name, Astrid.

I'm now known as Axl.

He's a singer from a popular band I heard on Earth.

GNR.

Astrid...

Your father gave you a very tough Viking name and I intend to honor his wishes.

- Axl. - Astrid.

- I said, Axl. - Astrid.

- Axl! - He's Axl! Now, listen to him.

Alright, fine. "Axl"...

- Where are you? - I'm not sure.

I don't know how to use my magic powers yet.

Your father taught me and I'm going to teach you.

I need you to focus and hold out your hand.

Okay, good.

Now, focus. Close your eyes.

Thor!

Hey! How's it going, kids?

How's it going? Look where we are.

We're in a cage made of spikes.

Yeah, that's right. Not good.

- Are you gonna do something? - Yes. Yes, I am.

But just not right now. I'm a vision ghost, look.

- See. - What will happen to us?

You can tell, this is a very, very bad situation.

You know, the good news is, you're Asgardians.

So if you die, you'll end up in Valhalla.

Oh, my God, go away.

Wait, wait, wait...

Okay, well...

Alright, right, don't cry. Don't cry, it's okay.

Listen, I got a plan, okay.

I'm putting together a really, really good team.

We've got um, uh...

Uncle Korg.

King Valkyrie.

Um, yeah...

My ex-girlfriend, Jane, which is a whole 'nother story I won't bore you with, okay?

But it is a top notch team, and we're gonna have you home before you know it.

Yeah.

I know where you are.

I'm gonna get you out of here.

I'm scared.

We all are.

- Thor. - Please.

Look out for them. Take care. Okay, take care.

I'll see you soon, alright? Axl, get me out of here.

They're in the Shadow Realm.

How do you know?

The atmosphere there has a darkness like no other.

It's as if color fears to tread. It's unmistakable.

Well then, if it's color we need.

Let's bring the rainbow.

Bring the rainbow? Is that a catchphrase or something?

She's only been a Thor for a minute.

I mean, saving lives, she's quite good at. But the rest of it, she needs work.

- How many catchphrases have there been? - A lot.

Yep, jumped the gun.

Hang on, he moves through shadows and he's going to the shadow realm.

It seems like that's where he's going to be the most powerful.

You're right. We can't just go marching in there.

It could be a trap. We'd be endangering the children.

We need reinforcements. We must raise an army.

Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

- I'm thinking it. - What are we thinking?

- Thinking what? - I'm thinking it too.

(both) Omnipotent City.

What's Omnipotent City?

It's the home of the most powerful gods in the universe.

We can pull together the greatest team ever.

We can recruit Ra, Hercules, Tūmatauenga...

Quetzalcóatl, maybe.

And Zeus, the oldest and wisest of them all.

- Did you say, Zeus? - Yes, Zeus.

Like the Zeus. Zeus Zeus.

I'm not sure if he has a second name.

Do you think my god will be there, Ninny of the Nonny?

Ah, you never know Korg, but if they are, we'll ask them to join our team.

Yes!

Stormbreaker.

Calm down, relax.

No, no, no, mate.

We are not traveling in Stormbreaker's janky Bifrost.

Look what just happened.

We can't exactly go in your tiny little flying portal horse, can we?

- We won't all fit. - What are you talking about?

Warsong's awesome.

Stormbreaker's awesome too.

Stormbreaker just needs a conduit.

Anything that can handle space travel.

I love it when she talks shop.

If it has the power to get us there,

It just needs something to focus that energy

So it's not so... unpredictable.

You know, uh.

If we had a ship, we could harness it and use Stormbreaker as a power source.

Ooh, like an engine.

- Like an engine. - You need a ship?

I've got a ship.

Throw all those seats.

There you go. Now, tie those goats to the front.

We leave in 15 minutes.

Essentials only, everyone.

That's essential. Mmhm.

Well you moved on quick, didn't you.

You are some piece of work.

- Oh, hey! - Hey.

- Catching up with an old friend. - Yeah.

I've been meaning to apologize.

Sort of acting a little weird before.

I just haven't really been myself lately. You know, kinda...

Trying to figure out who I am and uh, just felt a little bit lost

And then all of a sudden, I see you dressed as me.

And it was, kinda...

It's a lot for me, too.

So how did uh...

you guys get together?

How did this happen?

I swear, I heard Mjölnir call to me.

Ah, did it?

And so I came here to investigate and...

Its pieces started glowing and swirling, and then...

Crazy.

Thor.

Huh. Well, you know what. It looks good on you. It works, so...

Just checking.

See you later.

What?

We were just talking.

Mommy, don't leave me.

Don't be afraid.

Even when I'm gone, honey.

You won't be alone.

And whatever happens...

Never stop fighting.

- Hey. - You alright?

Great!

The sink would say otherwise.

You think I really should be coming?

I'm not getting any better.

You're a Thor. Of course, you should come.

Besides, what else are you gonna do?

You're a Viking now.

Means you pretty much have to die in battle.

It needs to be devastatingly painful.

Otherwise, you don't get into Valhalla.

My plan.

What about you kinging and stuff?

I love being king.

I love my people.

But it's all meetings and raven mail.

And meetings that could have been raven mail.

I miss fighting.

I miss my sisters.

Which is why you need to come.

Because I need one.

- Okay, we should go. - Hmm. - You packed?

Are you packed?

Yes.

A hand grenade?

No, it's a portable speaker.

Let's go.

If you don't mind keeping the sink thing under wraps.

I got you.

My fellow Asgardians...

Wish us well.

For we shall travel with the speed of Odin's ravens.

We will return with children.

Many children.

Then we shall feast, not on the children.

We do not do that anymore.

Those were dark times.

Shameful times.

Okay, we should go.

So... You still rollerblading?

No, no. You?

Oh yeah, every weekend.

Once you blade, you never fade.

- Right, Korg? - Skate mates for life.

Hey, can I run something by you?

Yeah.

So I was thinking, when we get to the bad guy...

What about if I had, like, the cool catchphrase, like...

"Eat this hammer, bang!"

Or like?

"Check out my hammer, boom!"

Like, what about, uh...

No... Ah, I'm workshopping it, I...

No, they... They're all really good. Mine is uh...

"This ends here and now."

Oh, that's such a good one.

Took me a long time to perfect it.

You'll get there. You just need to practice.

This is my first bad guy.

You never forget your first.

Yeah.

So you got a girlfriend?

Oh, no, no.

Too busy. Don't have time. You know, just...

With work and everything.

Cool.

Let me check this place out.

So cool.

- Who's so cool? - Huh?

The buildings are cool.

What's happening there?

- What? - Am I, uh...

Sensing feelings?

Feelings, what? With Jane?

- Yeah. - No, don't be ridiculous, feelings.

The last time we had feelings were a long time ago. Long, long gone.

Not even... Maybe you have feelings.

Mate, relax. We're on the same team.

I know exactly what team we're on, okay.

Team Jane.

The thing about Thor is that he always bounces back.

Like when Hela stole his hammer, he went and built an ax

which is forged from the heart of a dying star.

And with the same ax which used to cut off Thanos's head.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

What a neat story.

Oh, with all this talk about chopping off heads...

I wanna have a go.

What's this?

Oh...

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho...

Oh.

This is Harpy.

Hello, Harpy.

How are you?

Do you know what Harpy loves?

Having his head ripped off.

What? You liked it, a second ago.

Alright. Alright, alright.

Harpy's gone.

Come on. Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh.

I'm scared.

Ah, look at you.

I knew a little girl, just like you.

And she was brave. And she was smart...

And funny.

And, she liked to draw.

Let me ask you a question...

About gods.

They're meant to protect you, right?

Well, where are they?

- Thor is on his way. - Yeah!

Yes...

I'm counting on that.

That's why you're here.

It's invitation only, so we're gonna have to keep a low profile and blend in.

Luckily, disguises are my speciality.

Greek philosopher.

I stole us these.

What are those?

Actual disguises.

They're the cloaks of the emotion gods.

Every color signifies a different emotion.

- Where are the emotion gods? - Hm, don't ask.

Holy shit.

Welcome to the Golden Temple, kids.

This is where the most powerful created gods in the universe hang out.

That's the god of magic.

God of dreams.

God of carpentry.

Ah, look at that one.

Ah, yes. That's Bao, god of dumplings.

- Psst. Hey, Bao. - Bao!

Look up there, guys!

That's the Kronan god, Ninny of the Nonny.

Hey, Ninny Nonny.

Zeus!

Hey!

I am Zeus!

Yes, yes.

Oh, there he is.

The man, the myth, the legend.

Oh, I don't know if you know this, but I base a lot of what I do on this guy.

He's the god of lightning, I'm the god of thunder. Huge source of inspiration.

That's really good.

You should lead with that when you ask him for an army.

Um, how do we get up there?

We just, like, fly?

No, we can't interrupt him in the middle of an entrance.

He's famous for his entrances.

Thunderbolt.

- Thunderbolt. - Yes!

Zeus!

Now, then.

Now, then.

Silence!

I hereby open...

this holy council of the god.

Where we have many, many serious matter...

To be talk about.

Such as...

Where are we going to hold this year's orgy?

Is this guy for real?

Honestly, I'm not mad at it.

- I'm sure he has a point, okay? - Shh!

- So now we're going to announce... - Sorry.

The winner of the most human souls sacrificed in the name of a god.

Yeah, okay. Maybe, he's not that great.

Oh, no, not good.

No, I don't think it's going to get any better than this.

Look, these gods aren't going to help.

But that thunderbolt, I think that might be of use.

Judges!

Jane, you go right. Thor, you go left.

We bum-rush him, take the bolt, ding dong.

- All right, let's go get it. - No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

There's no ding-donging or bum-rushing.

Especially not, Zeus's bum.

When the time is right, I'm gonna talk to him.

Time is right now.

- Time is not right now. - Who is talking?

Who is talking?!

- These guys! - Korg, shut up.

Do you have something to say to the group?

Sorry.

I'm bashing heads in 60 seconds, so speak fast.

Literally, heads will roll.

Who are you two?

Hello!

Uh, let me be the first to say it is an honor and a privilege...

- No, I can't hear you. - To be here.

Why don't you take the stage?

The stage, down there?

Well, yes. You see the area that looks very much like a stage?

Gotcha.

Coming through.

Oops, sorry.

Good luck, bro!

Mighty Zeus! Heh, wow!

Gods of the universe.

I come here to ask for your help, to raise an army.

There's a maniac, called the God Butcher, who seeks to end us all.

His destruction is everywhere.

Entire planets, realms, have been left completely unprotected.

He's left nothing but chaos in his wake.

But I know where he is.

And with your help...

We can crush him before he kills anyone else.

That guy.

He killed a couple of low-level god.

Eh, boo-hoo.

If that's all, pretty boy...

You go back to your seat and you be quiet.

Um, yeah, I'm sorry. Did you not hear any of what I just said?

He's, he's murdering en masse.

I tell you, one time.

Now, you tart up.

You be quiet.

Because you are this close to being uninvited to the orgy.

Zeus! We must do something.

You can not come to the orgy!

You have to listen to us.

Get thee.

Shazam!

Your highness. Whenever you're ready, you just tell me.

We go on my signal.

What is the signal?

- It'll be go. - Hmm...

Let's see who you are.

I take off your disguise.

And flick!

You flicked too hard, damn it!

Should we help him?

Eventually.

Grape?

Hmm, looks like a shy courgette.

And what about the others?

- We take off their disguise too. - Oh, no, don't, don't flick us.

It's cool.

- Disguise gone. - Disguise off. Cool?

Asgardians...

I thought we'd seen the last of you when Odin died.

You... are Thor.

The God of Thunder.

But is not thunder,

Just the sound of lightning?

Good one, dad!

Zeus, this is bigger than this.

He's taken Asgardian children.

Who do you think we are?

The God police?

Every god watches over their own peoples.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Asgardian problems...

are Asgardian problems.

How the mighty have fallen.

My hero, Zeus...

Afraid.

Couple of thing...

One. Yes, I am scared.

Gorr has the Necrosword.

Which means, he could kill us.

Not good.

Two, I know you try to do the right thing.

I understand.

But all you do, is causing panic.

Panic is not good.

We are safe here.

You, my friend.

You are safe here.

So chill, babycake?

Have some wine. Have some grape.

Anything goes here...

In Omnipotent City. Hmm?

Three, don't talk back to Zeus.

If we are done, I put your clothes back on.

Now, I put your clothes back on.

Flick, flick. Now, this is the Golden Temple of the Gods.

It's not a rude-y, nude-y festival.

If you're not gonna help us, then at least let us use your weapon.

We need your lightning bolt.

My lightning bolt is called Thunderbolt.

So I think, to use somebody's secret weapon like this...

That you should, at least, get the name right when you ask.

Can I borrow Thunderbolt?

Thunderbolt!

No.

Do not worry.

The God Butcher...

He will not reach Eternity.

Eternity?

What does he mean, "reach Eternity"?

Oh, shit!

Eternity,

is a very powerful being at the center of the universe,

who will grant the desire of the first person who reaches it.

So it's like a wishing well?

What do you think a guy called the God Butcher would wish for?

If he seeks the altar of Eternity, that means he could wipe us out at once.

- Zeus, we must act now. - He's not going to make it.

He doesn't have the key.

Is this the purpose of the gods?

To hide away in a golden palace, like cowards?

Maybe we have lost our way.

You know what? We'll stop him ourselves.

I am afraid, I cannot allow that.

This is a secret place,

known only to the gods.

You know where we are...

The God Butcher could use you...

To find us.

This is not good.

So now...

You must stay.

Guards!

Hey!

Can we do my plan now?

Yes, rush his bum.

Hell, yeah!

Oy, you didn't say "go".

Coming, guys.

Thor, catch!

Korg!

Val, duck!

Korg!

Thor.

Oh, no.

No! Korg!

Thor!

I'm perishing.

Zeus!

You're next, Odinson!

That's the sound of lightning.

No.

Korgy? Korgy!

Thor, I'm down here.

Wait! Where are you? I'm gonna get you out, okay..

- Here I am. - Korgy!

I didn't die.

Yes! You're alive!

Turns out, the only part of a Kronan that's alive is his mouth.

Korgy, listen. I need you to call the goats.

I'll do my best.

- Guard him with your life. - I will.

Ready to go for a ride?

Now, you got my six.

Eight o'clock, Val.

7:48!

You can do this, damn it...

That's not it.

That's not it.

Nope.

Come on, Korg. Purse those lips.

I did it!

And then the goat boat came in, it rescued us, and we flew out the window.

The end.

Another classic Thor adventure.

I can't believe you killed Zeus.

Well, you know what they say...

Never meet your heroes.

But what's important is, we are on our way to you, right now.

How are you guys doing? Are you okay?

We're alright. A little scared.

Well, listen. I know what it's like to be scared.

And I'll tell you, when I was your age...

I don't think I would have been as brave as you.

Really?

In fact, you might just be the bravest Asgardians that I've ever met.

All of you.

So I need you to keep being brave, alright?

And take care of each other. You're a team now.

Team kids in a cage.

Can you do that?

Yeah. I think we can do that.

I know you can.

Alright?

- Thor? - Yeah?

I'm glad I met my hero.

Oh, thanks, buddy. Hmm.

How are the children?

As you can imagine, they're a little bit scared because they're kids.

But I told him that everything is going to plan.

Oh so you lied to them.

You still have a plan?

- Yes, there's a plan. - There's no plan.

- There is a plan. - No, there's no plan.

We failed to raise a god army.

- Korg is dead. - He's not dead.

- I'm not dead. - Well, he's a head.

And you, you got properly humilated.

No, I got properly naked, which I'm okay with.

- Jane? - I was okay with it.

- Korg? - I loved it.

The point is we're going into the Shadow Realm weaker than we were before. I mean...

- We're gonna die. - No one's gonna die.

- We... - Okay.

Everything is fine. We did great back there.

- We killed Zeus. - You killed Zeus.

I mean, that may or may not be catastrophic for the whole universe.

And sure,

The entire god kingdom is probably gonna hunt us down for the rest of our days.

But listen, you stole this beautiful weapon.

Alright, this is the army right here.

It's sleek, it's slender, it's powerful, it's beautiful.

Well, for you, I love it.

For you, Valkyrie.

I mean, it's not really what I'm into.

Because I got my, my weapon out there.

Can I borrow that for a second?

Ah! There you are, old friend.

That was quite an entrance, back there.

This and that.

We good?

Yeah?

I mean, I know it's a little weird having my ex-weapon around, but come on.

Mjölnir, in the past.

It's you and me now, buddy.

You know what?

I think it's time for your first beer.

What do you say?

Delicious.

I'm sorry we've been fighting lately.

Hey.

Oh, hey.

It's quite the... view, huh?

Yeah, beautiful.

As I was saying, I was very, very impressed with what you did back there.

You and Mjölnir. Y'know.

Yeah.

- In space, they have dolphins. - What?

There's...

You should see some space dolphins.

- Oh, wow. - So, yeah.

Beautiful.

- Wow. - They're so beautiful, so rare,

And they're very loyal creatures.

And they mate for life...

In packs of 6. Just, love.

♫ And a'hey little Nonny and a fair Finny Fonny ♫

♫ Oh, brother. Man, you look so hot ♫

♫ I wanna get in your rocks ♫

♫ When we get together, we're gonna get it on ♫

♫ And I'm gonna make some babies ♫

That is the song that my dad sang to my other dad when they were courting.

When two Kronans want to make a baby, they get together inside a mountain.

And they go down to a little lava pool.

And they hold hands over the hot lava.

And then after a month,

They pull their hands apart...

and they find they've created a beautiful new Kronan baby boy.

Oh, fascinating. And hot.

Did you ever have a special someone?

Oh, I've had...

so many special someones.

But, I don't know.

I don't know if I want that again.

Is that because you lost your girlfriend in battle and never forgave yourself?

And now, you're just trying to find the answers in the bottom of a bottle.

Or some meaningless dalliance, which only serves to numb the pain.

Instead of bringing you real happiness or satisfaction.

Yeah, something like that.

They're beautiful.

Beautiful thing.

Jane.

- Thor? - I want to feel shitty about you.

What?

Well, you know, well...

I...

I want to feel shitty about something.

And I think that's you.

- Not really getting any better. - That's not it, dammit.

I want, uh...

My friend, he told me that it was better to feel shitty

from losing love than it is to never experience love,

and to feel nothing at all, and feel empty and I think he was right.

Which is how I've been feeling for a long time.

I push people away, kept them at a distance

because of the fear of that loss.

But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't wanna...

Better to close off your heart than feel the pain.

That's what I did.

Yes, I closed off my heart and, and I meditated.

- Do, do you meditate? - No, it's so boring.

It actually made me more angry.

But I'm tired of giving myself over to the idea of fate

and trying to figure out what the universe wants from me.

I want to live in the moment.

I want to live like there's no tomorrow.

Throw caution to the wind.

I want... I want to be with you, Jane.

What do you say?

I have cancer.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm sick.

- Wait, what is happening? - Bye...

- Uh... - No, no, no, no.

Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane.

- Wait, Jane. - What did I say?

I didn't mean that.

Just kidding.

I...

don't have cancer. Let's go smash something.

Jane, I'm so sorry.

Don't be sorry for me.

When did you find out?

Um...

Like, six months ago. I...

I was just feeling tired.

And then, they told me I have stage four.

Get my affairs in order.

And then, I heard Mjölnir calling me so...

I thought, maybe...

If science isn't working, maybe...

Viking space magic.

And that's why you came to New Asgard.

Yeah, I thought the hammer...

maybe could cure me, and...

I think it's getting better...

Maybe not.

Jane, none of us know how long we have.

We don't know what tomorrow holds.

And Mjölnir, Mjölnir chose you.

And it chose you because you are worthy.

And that's something.

When I first met you, I was unworthy...

I was unable to pick up that hammer.

But you taught me, there was no greater purpose than to help those in need.

You made me worthy.

So whatever you wanna do, we can do together.

Okay.

Now, what do you wanna do?

I wanna get those children back to their families.

I want to finish that mission.

Spoken like a true Thor.

How do you feel now?

So scared.

How you feeling?

Shitty.

How shitty?

Really shitty.

Well then.

I wonder what those two are talking about, out there.

Yeah, they're not talking.

Oh!

Do you think those two will ever hold hands over a hot lava pool

and make a Thor baby?

It's unlikely, sadly.

Mm, that's too bad.

I think Thor would make a great dad.

Hey! We're here.

Where did all the color go?

They're not here.

Where are they?

What the hell is this place?

Bifrost is the key.

It's a trap!

Can you tell me why you just threw Stormbreaker out the window?

He needs it to open the gates of Eternity.

We really have to stop meeting like this.

Call the ax.

I'll call the ax when you call the dentist.

Call the ax.

Tell me where the children are or I'm gonna kill...

Call the ax.

Some god you are.

You know nothing

of being a god.

You went to the gods for help

and they did nothing.

We're alike, in that sense.

He's nothing like you.

What was that?

I said, he's nothing like you.

That's right. I'm not a hypocrite.

I'm truly creating peace.

You're murdering innocent gods.

Innocent?

Are you a Valkyrie?

Yes.

Haha, how exciting.

Oh, the gods failed you too.

Your sisterhood was led to slaughter.

Did you pray to the gods...

When the women you loved laid dying on the battlefield?

Did you beg them for help...

As your family was massacred?

Good chat.

This one...

You're interesting.

You're different.

Yes.

Aww...

You're dying.

I'm sorry.

We're on the same path.

Just as the sword empowered me.

The hammer empowered you.

But it did nothing to change your fate.

The gods will use you...

But they will not help you.

There is no...

eternal reward...

for us.

She'll be gone soon.

And you know who won't help her?

I'll give you one guess.

I know your pain.

Love is pain.

I had a daughter once.

I put my faith in a higher power, hoping it would save her.

And she...

died.

Now I understand...

My daughter is the lucky one.

She does not have to grow up in a world...

Of suffering and pain

run by wicked gods.

Choose love.

Call the ax.

Call the ax.

- You okay? - Yeah.

Hmm, I want to kill this guy.

So do I, but we have to take him alive.

He's our only link to finding those children.

Oh! Thank you, Mr. Goat.

Val!

We've gotta get her out of here.

Hey, I got you.

Hey guys, we're here. Come on, let's go.

Stormbreaker, take us home.

Look, there are other, more aggressive forms of treatment we can try,

but something's affecting her body's ability to fight the cancer.

I'm sorry, Thor.

Oh, there you are.

What's going on out there?

Oh, some moron made a fridge without a door. Can you believe it?

Not to worry, I got it open and got you all sorts of goodies.

How's Val?

Oh, she's in a lot of pain, uh, but she is stable.

Okay, good.

Now, I just gotta get this...

- out of my... - Woah! No, no, no.

That's gotta stay in there.

That's all the magic potions and elixirs doing their thing, so...

Just gonna pop out for a moment.

Pick up the kids. Uh, kill a bad guy.

And then, I'll come straight back.

You're going without me?

Uh, yeah.

What happened to like... doing everything together?

He's gonna use those kids to distract you.

You need me.

I do need you, Jane.

I need you alive.

It would be great to have you on the battlefield.

Fighting Gorr side by side,

but that hammer is killing you.

Every time you use it, it's draining all of your mortal strength,

leaving your body unable to fight the cancer.

What happened to live like there's no tomorrow?

That was before I knew you might not have one.

Why not have one more adventure?

Jane, if there's a chance to live. You have to take it.

Spoken like a true Thor who does not have cancer.

I know, I seem like some cool astrophysicist from New Mexico.

Just living the dream.

But, look at me.

I wanna keep fighting.

I'm the Mighty Thor.

And you want me not to do that?

What's the point of more time, and this?

Because I love you.

I've always loved you.

And this is a chance, for us.

If you pick up that damn hammer again, then that chance is gone.

It's your choice, Jane.

But I'd regret it every single day,

If I didn't ask you to stay here, so we can try and figure this out together.

You better come back to me.

I'm coming back, as soon as I can.

Break a leg.

Oh, I'll break all his legs.

Remember that, the gate to Eternity is at the literal center...

- of the universe... - Universe.

- You go past the cluster of comets... - Yes.

Yes, yes. I know. We've been over this.

I'm not going to get lost.

So how are you feeling with the old stab wound?

- I think I lost my kidney - Gone? Completely? Ugh.

I wish I could join you, but...

I'd probably die and that won't help get the kids back.

So you'll have to go it alone.

All you have to do, is destroy that sword.

It's his source of power.

He won't survive long without it.

Hey, don't die.

Yeah, I know.

Eternity.

Finally.

Hey, kids.

I knew he'd come.

Go.

Go, kids.

Everyone okay?

Alright, gather round. Gather round.

Good to see you in person, buddy.

Good to see you.

Alright, listen up! Here's the plan.

We're gonna sneak our way towards Stormbreaker,

Being very careful not to bump into, any of those big shadow monsters.

They're behind me, aren't they?

Does anyone here have battle experience?

Well, no time to learn like the present.

But, we're not strong like you.

We're just kids.

Hey, don't forget. You're Asgardian kids.

I'm not.

- I'm just a Lieckning kid. - And I'm a Mardasian kid.

Okay. Okay.

But today, you're Asgardians.

Now, collect your weapons.

What?

Go and find anything you can pick up.

And bring it back here.

Hurry, hurry.

Okay, go, c'mon.

They're getting closer, hurry up.

Today, is a day that will go down in history.

Today's a day they will talk about for generations to come.

Today, we are Space Vikings!

Present... arms!

Whosoever holds these weapons,

And believes in getting home, if they be true of heart,

Is therefore, worthy, and shall possess...

For a limited time only,

The power of Thor!

General Axl...

Lead your army to that ax.

We shall do our worst...

For Asgard.

Jane.

We destroy that sword and he's dead.

The gateway's almost open. You gotta stop Stormbreaker.

It's okay. I got him.

Stormbreaker, stop this!

Get a hold of yourself. Look what you're doing.

I'm gonna get you out of there.

Come on!

Let go of my friend!

You've lost, Lady Thor.

First off,

the name is Mighty Thor.

And secondly...

If you can't say Mighty Thor,

I'll accept Dr. Jane Foster!

And thirdly,

eat my hammer!

Stormbreaker!

I knew you could do it.

Axl! Get them home.

Jane?

I'm okay.

You have to stop him.

Gorr, stop!

What kind of father would I be, if I stopped.

I know your pain, but this isn't the way.

It's not death or revenge that you seek.

What do I seek?

You seek love.

Love?

Why should I seek love?

Because that's all any of us want.

How dare you turn your back on me.

You've won, Gorr.

Why would I spend my last moments with you, when I can be with her?

I choose love.

You can, too. You can bring her back.

Make your wish.

I'm dying.

She would have no one.

She would be alone.

She won't be alone.

My love.

I've missed you, so much.

I've missed you, too.

- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

Ever since I picked up that hammer...

It's like... I've gotten an extra life.

It was...

Magical.

Not too bad for a human.

Not too bad for a god.

I think I figured out my catchphrase.

- Oh, yeah? What is it? - Look...

It's perfect.

- It's the best one yet. - Thanks.

Keep your heart open.

I love you.

I love you too.

Protect her.

Protect my love.

Let me tell you the legend of the Space Viking.

A.K.A

"The Mighty Thor".

A.K.A

"Dr. Jane Foster".

Her sacrifice saved the universe and taught us all what it means to be worthy.

She helped the children of the gods.

Who laser beamed their way back home,

to their dozy, little fishing village turned tourist destination.

Mommy!

Look at you!

- Are you okay? - I'm fine. I'm okay.

- Are you sure? - I'm okay.

The kids were safe to be kids again.

Widen your stance.

Especially after their king made them all go to self-defense classes.

- Look at all those budding Space Vikings. - And the most important part

The war cry!

Even Heimdall's son

Axl Heimdallson

who could now do his dad's freaky eye magic,

was becoming quite the warrior.

The future of Asgard was secure.

Speaking of futures,

I was forging one of my own.

Now, that my body has grown back.

With a dude I met called Dwayne.

And what about Thor, you ask?

He embarked on a new journey.

Because he had found something to live for.

Something to love for.

A little someone who turned him from sad god

into dad god.

Breakfast is served, bon appetit.

Hello!

There you go!

Hey! Breakfast!

Excuse me.

What is that?

They're... They're panflaps from Earth.

I don't think I like panflaps.

- You love them. - No, I don't.

- Yes, you do. - Never had that in my life.

Come on, eat up. We have to go. We're gonna be late.

- Now, where are your boots? - I'm wearing them.

You're not wearing those.

- Yes, I am. - No, you're not.

- Yes, I am. - No, you're not.

Go to hell, demon!

It's brand new. Now, destroyed.

Thank you very much.

You know what, you wear what you want.

Don't come complaining to me when your feet get sore.

Alright, you get no sympathy here from me.

Ugh, fine. I'll wear the boots.

Thank you.

Now, remember what my mother used to tell me.

Listen to the grown ups.

And if you see anyone scared or being picked on,

- Look after them. Okay? - Okay.

And most of all, have fun.

- Gotcha. - Gotcha.

Now, where is Mjölnir? Where did I put it?

Over there, sleeping in the bed.

In the bed.

Oh, wow!

That is not coming off.

What did you do?

Eh, she looked boring before.

Ah!

Supposed it did.

I love it.

Very creative.

Okay...

Now, see the aliens down there? The stripy ones?

They look nice.

Yeah, they are nice.

That's why we have to look after them.

Got it.

Protect the nice ones.

I love you, sweetie.

Love you, Uncle Thor.

They will always be there for us.

The Space Viking, and his girl born from Eternity

with the powers of a god.

Two warriors, fighting the good fight, for those who can't fight good.

They have traveled far, and have been given many names.

But to those who know them best, they're simply known as

Love and Thunder.

It used to be that being a god, meant something.

People would whisper your name...

Before sharing their deepest hopes and dreams.

They begged you for mercy...

Without ever knowing, if you're actually listening.

Now...

You know, they look to the sky.

They don't ask us for lightning.

They don't ask us for rain.

They just want to see one of their so-called superheroes.

When did we become the joke?

No.

No more.

They will fear us again...

When Thor Odinson falls from the sky.

Do you understand me, Hercules?

- Do you understand, my son? - Yes, father.

Oh!

Huh? Oh.

Huh. Ha ha ha.

Oh, hey!

Jane Foster.

Heimdall.

I see you're dead now.

Uh. Yeah.

Thank you for looking after my son.

You are very welcome here to the land of the gods.

Welcome to Valhalla.