Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:02:32,161 --> 00:02:34,079
I can't help it!
2
00:02:34,163 --> 00:02:36,874
What's a healthy young lad
got to think about, anyway?
3
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:39,460
It's all I can do is think.
4
00:02:39,543 --> 00:02:41,045
Cor!
5
00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:44,548
Knickers! I'm knicker obsessed.
6
00:02:45,049 --> 00:02:47,676
It's one of my troubles.
I'll have to learn to control it.
7
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,220
I must take up... Ooh!
8
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:55,142
Uh, Sewing, or knitting,
or crochet work.
9
00:02:55,225 --> 00:02:57,644
I wonder how you get into a monastery.
10
00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:00,105
Three "A" levels, probably.
Same as anywhere else.
11
00:03:00,689 --> 00:03:03,984
You see, Doctor,
I've got this constant problem.
12
00:03:05,944 --> 00:03:07,112
Cor!
13
00:03:08,447 --> 00:03:11,283
Well, it's just a bit of
carnal fancying, really.
14
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:15,621
But, if the bus was to go on forever,
full of birds,
15
00:03:15,704 --> 00:03:18,165
with me the only bloke,
16
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:20,209
which order would I have'em in?
17
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,504
One.
18
00:03:23,587 --> 00:03:25,130
Two.
19
00:03:26,131 --> 00:03:27,841
You'll be three.
20
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,260
Four
21
00:03:33,764 --> 00:03:36,558
Five. Six.
22
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,606
- Mind out! Oh!
- Oh!
23
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:46,610
Ooh, you bloody nit!
You've nearly broken me arm!
24
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,696
What about me, then?
Look at my groceries.
25
00:03:48,987 --> 00:03:50,698
Don't tell me about
your bloody groceries.
26
00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:52,658
You should look where
you're bloody going first.
27
00:03:52,741 --> 00:03:54,868
Bloody stupid groceries and things.
28
00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:56,870
- Are you all right?
- Well, yeah.
29
00:03:57,663 --> 00:03:59,123
Oh, good.
30
00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:02,084
I'll pick them up.
31
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,047
Hey, you're Linda Spate, aren't you?
32
00:04:07,131 --> 00:04:10,801
That's right. I was in Miss Hoskins'
class when you were in Mr Allwrighfs.
33
00:04:11,135 --> 00:04:12,344
That's right.
34
00:04:14,138 --> 00:04:16,557
- Don't times change.
- What?
35
00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:19,184
Oh, look!
36
00:04:19,268 --> 00:04:21,603
- This one's a bit dirty.
- Aren't we all.
37
00:04:21,687 --> 00:04:24,356
Still, there's no flies on a banana.
38
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,109
- But you know where they've been.
- You what?
39
00:04:27,192 --> 00:04:29,194
Don't you know the advert
Unzip a Banana?
40
00:04:29,278 --> 00:04:30,821
It's just a phallic symbol.
41
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,115
Ooh! What's a fallis kimble?
42
00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:35,075
Phallic symbol.
43
00:04:35,159 --> 00:04:37,578
It's something that stands
for something else.
44
00:04:39,538 --> 00:04:41,290
No, that's a fallacy.
45
00:04:41,373 --> 00:04:42,750
Get it?
46
00:04:44,126 --> 00:04:45,502
It was a joke.
47
00:04:48,047 --> 00:04:49,631
I'm sorry I bumped into you.
48
00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:53,222
Well, I'm still in one piece.
I'll see you, all right.
49
00:04:56,684 --> 00:04:59,729
Fancy fancying runny old Linda.
50
00:04:59,812 --> 00:05:02,148
Dim little girl from secondary modern
51
00:05:02,231 --> 00:05:05,693
and brilliant 17-year-old
from grammar school,
52
00:05:05,776 --> 00:05:07,695
I'll be had up. It's against the law.
53
00:05:15,453 --> 00:05:17,580
Here's your Rice Krispies, Mona.
54
00:05:17,663 --> 00:05:19,624
I said puffed wheat.
55
00:05:19,707 --> 00:05:22,001
And it's Miss Cartwright to you.
56
00:05:23,544 --> 00:05:25,171
You going to have that
nose job done, then?
57
00:05:25,254 --> 00:05:27,506
I've decided to go to Majorca instead.
58
00:05:27,590 --> 00:05:28,966
Where's my tea?
59
00:05:32,845 --> 00:05:33,888
Phwoah!
60
00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:38,601
Mona is a dead loss.
61
00:05:38,684 --> 00:05:40,144
I'll stick to Mary Poppins.
62
00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:48,611
It's Mary. Mary Gloucester.
63
00:05:49,612 --> 00:05:52,281
Okay, this is it.
64
00:05:53,783 --> 00:05:55,493
What if she doesn't know me?
65
00:05:56,911 --> 00:05:58,746
Or pretends not to know me?
66
00:06:00,915 --> 00:06:02,667
What can I say?
67
00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:05,878
"Care to partake of a coffee?"
68
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:08,673
Terrible.
69
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,550
What would Spike say?
70
00:06:12,134 --> 00:06:14,303
"Let's go, girl. I haven't got all day."
71
00:06:15,096 --> 00:06:17,390
I can't talk like that.
72
00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:22,019
Must be the first time I've seen her
without ten million blokes around her.
73
00:06:22,103 --> 00:06:24,855
Okay. This is it.
74
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,776
Can I offer you a lift?
75
00:06:28,859 --> 00:06:32,697
I was told not to accept strange lifts
from strange men in strange cars.
76
00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:34,198
Whoever told you that?
77
00:06:34,282 --> 00:06:35,950
You got it wrong.
They shouldn't have said that.
78
00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:37,451
Ooh! Sorry!
79
00:06:37,827 --> 00:06:40,538
- Um, say, um...
- What are you doing with a bike, anyway?
80
00:06:40,621 --> 00:06:42,915
Oh, just taking it for a ride.
Needs the exercise.
81
00:06:42,999 --> 00:06:45,543
- The tyres are getting fat.
- That's no way to talk about a friend.
82
00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:48,754
Say, how about a coffee, then?
Um, perk you up a bit.
83
00:06:48,838 --> 00:06:51,424
Perk me up a bit.
Perk us both up together.
84
00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:54,552
Oh, I'm... Oh, do you know Claire?
She's my best friend.
85
00:06:54,635 --> 00:06:55,803
- Hello.
- Hello.
86
00:06:57,346 --> 00:07:00,683
They always have some lousy friend
and they must introduce them.
87
00:07:01,058 --> 00:07:03,269
Jamie has invited us for a coffee.
88
00:07:03,352 --> 00:07:05,021
I thought we were going for aubergines?
89
00:07:05,104 --> 00:07:08,149
Aubergines?
She seems a nice class of person.
90
00:07:08,232 --> 00:07:09,942
How did you know my name, then?
91
00:07:10,026 --> 00:07:11,485
How did you know my name?
92
00:07:13,613 --> 00:07:16,699
Terribly sorry, Mary.
Tyler was late with the car.
93
00:07:16,782 --> 00:07:19,535
Tony, where have you been?
I've been dying for a coffee.
94
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:23,289
Well, I ran out of petrol.
Hi, Claire. Hello, Jamie.
95
00:07:23,372 --> 00:07:25,207
I've got to go.
96
00:07:25,833 --> 00:07:27,960
- Bye, Jamie.
- Bye-bye.
97
00:07:34,383 --> 00:07:39,221
My big chance to speak to her
for the first time and I wasted it.
98
00:07:39,555 --> 00:07:42,516
I'm an idiot
and I don't know what to say.
99
00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:44,477
Spike would know.
100
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,813
He's chatting them into bed,
and I can't even chat "hello".
101
00:07:47,897 --> 00:07:50,650
They should have correspondence courses.
102
00:07:51,108 --> 00:07:53,486
"Teach yourself to chat."
103
00:07:53,569 --> 00:07:55,613
"Dear Unknown Teacher,
104
00:07:55,696 --> 00:07:58,532
"what I really want,
to get myself started,
105
00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:01,410
"is to be seduced by an older woman.
106
00:08:01,786 --> 00:08:03,371
"Like in Somerset Maugham.
107
00:08:03,454 --> 00:08:05,539
"Young, sensitive, attractive boy
108
00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:09,669
"is introduced to sex by
beautiful, mature woman of 28."
109
00:08:26,852 --> 00:08:30,106
I wonder where they keep these
beautiful, ripe, experienced women
110
00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:32,483
who are leaching after young lads?
111
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:35,611
Probably locked up with guard dogs.
112
00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:39,031
And Somerset never
worried about protectives.
113
00:08:39,115 --> 00:08:40,574
Just straight to it.
114
00:08:40,658 --> 00:08:43,619
I don't know.
Must have been different in those days.
115
00:08:43,744 --> 00:08:48,457
All the men must have been impotent,
or eunuchs, or something.
116
00:08:51,836 --> 00:08:54,797
Oh ta, Jamie.
Here, I got a penny for you.
117
00:08:54,922 --> 00:08:57,633
- Oh, thanks.
- Thanks very much. Ciao.
118
00:08:59,302 --> 00:09:02,388
After all it is so easy
to take precautions these days.
119
00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:04,724
Perhaps I'm slow.
120
00:09:04,807 --> 00:09:06,726
Maybe it's up to me
to make the advances.
121
00:09:06,809 --> 00:09:08,728
Daddy!
122
00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:12,481
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
123
00:09:18,738 --> 00:09:21,824
- Oh, come in, Jamie.
- Hello, Mrs Kelly.
124
00:09:21,907 --> 00:09:24,368
- Shall I put it in your kitchen?
- Yeah.
125
00:09:24,452 --> 00:09:26,495
I'll be ready for you in a minute.
126
00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:28,831
"Ready for me?"
127
00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:32,627
After the Somerset Maughams,
she's gone for the key of her negligee.
128
00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:34,921
Hey. Maybe she's waiting for me.
129
00:09:39,467 --> 00:09:42,637
- Huh?
- Yes, well, sorry, Mr Kelly.
130
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,973
Half a dollar, Jamie.
For your time and trouble.
131
00:09:46,057 --> 00:09:49,477
No trouble at all, Mrs Kelly.
Absolutely none.
132
00:09:55,816 --> 00:09:58,277
- Are you going drinking tonight, Spike?
- Nah, not me, mate.
133
00:09:58,361 --> 00:09:59,987
Not on a Saturday night.
134
00:10:00,071 --> 00:10:02,156
I've got to satisfy
my other appetites, eh?
135
00:10:02,239 --> 00:10:03,908
I presume you're doing the same?
136
00:10:03,991 --> 00:10:05,618
Yeah, sure.
137
00:10:05,701 --> 00:10:07,954
What do you mean "Yeah, sure"?
138
00:10:08,537 --> 00:10:11,040
- Hey, who is it?
- Uh...
139
00:10:11,123 --> 00:10:13,668
- A little bird I ran into this morning.
- Who?
140
00:10:13,751 --> 00:10:16,003
- Come on. What's her name?
- Linda.
141
00:10:16,837 --> 00:10:19,006
Yeah. That's right. Linda.
142
00:10:19,090 --> 00:10:20,549
What?
143
00:10:21,092 --> 00:10:22,718
Runny old Linda?
144
00:10:23,803 --> 00:10:25,263
Still at your lousy job, then?
145
00:10:25,346 --> 00:10:26,514
Yeah, I need the lousy money.
146
00:10:27,848 --> 00:10:28,975
Give us a lift there on your crossbar.
147
00:10:29,058 --> 00:10:31,227
Do you mind?
Really spoil me chances forever?
148
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:32,770
All right. The basket will do.
149
00:10:32,853 --> 00:10:35,606
- You'll break it.
- Rubbish. There you are.
150
00:10:36,983 --> 00:10:38,901
Well, runny old Linda.
151
00:10:38,985 --> 00:10:40,528
What, what the big biddies?
152
00:10:40,611 --> 00:10:42,029
Yeah. That's the one.
153
00:10:42,113 --> 00:10:44,407
You make sure you don't let
the ol' team down, mate.
154
00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:46,367
You've got a mind like a sewer.
155
00:10:46,450 --> 00:10:48,661
Don't give us that.
It's all you're after.
156
00:10:48,744 --> 00:10:50,329
It's all anyone's after.
157
00:10:50,413 --> 00:10:52,498
It's the "fors" versus
the "againsts", mate.
158
00:10:52,582 --> 00:10:54,250
And we "fors" are winning.
159
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:55,626
You make it sound like a battle.
160
00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:59,130
Well, it's not sunny stories, you know.
That's what you think it is, don't you?
161
00:10:59,213 --> 00:11:01,048
You're waiting for it to be all special.
162
00:11:01,132 --> 00:11:03,801
All hearts and lace and flowers.
163
00:11:03,884 --> 00:11:05,928
By appointment to Her Majesty.
164
00:11:06,012 --> 00:11:09,098
What are you saving yourself up for?
You 13 carat gold or something?
165
00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:12,768
No, mate. You want to
get in there when you can.
166
00:11:12,852 --> 00:11:15,104
- Oh, yeah?
- It's not that important anymore.
167
00:11:15,479 --> 00:11:19,066
Hey, you want old Spike
to come and hold your hand, eh?
168
00:11:19,150 --> 00:11:22,361
Not unless it's small and dainty,
which it ain't. Oi!
169
00:11:23,613 --> 00:11:25,156
Hey, look out!
170
00:11:25,239 --> 00:11:27,950
- Oh, that was stupid!
- I've got it.
171
00:11:43,758 --> 00:11:45,968
JAMIE: Oh, mum!
You've ironed creases into this collar
172
00:11:46,052 --> 00:11:47,845
instead of taking them out.
173
00:11:48,304 --> 00:11:51,057
Joe, put that down.
I can't hear me self-iron.
174
00:11:51,140 --> 00:11:52,350
Drop dead.
175
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:54,769
Turns a pretty phrase, does our Joe.
176
00:11:57,438 --> 00:11:59,273
Mum, you haven't been
wearing this Shirt, have you?
177
00:11:59,357 --> 00:12:01,442
There's porridge all over it.
178
00:12:02,068 --> 00:12:03,194
Mum?
179
00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:07,073
God! It's like talking to a brick wall.
180
00:12:07,156 --> 00:12:09,867
The sooner she gets
her Ph.D., the better.
181
00:12:09,951 --> 00:12:12,912
Oh, Jamie, iron the Daily Express.
Here's a good lad.
182
00:12:12,995 --> 00:12:14,497
Anything else?
183
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:16,082
Yes, you better do the Daily Mirror,
as well.
184
00:12:16,165 --> 00:12:18,167
You know how Dad likes it neat and tidy.
185
00:12:18,251 --> 00:12:20,628
Okay. Hurry up and make my tea.
186
00:12:20,711 --> 00:12:21,879
And if it's the ham salad again,
187
00:12:21,963 --> 00:12:24,382
I'm off to the tearoom,
'cause I'm standing.
188
00:12:24,465 --> 00:12:26,092
Want, want, want!
189
00:12:26,175 --> 00:12:27,802
What did your last maid die of?
190
00:12:27,885 --> 00:12:29,428
Not that Joke, Mum.
191
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,682
I could do with a maid in this house.
192
00:12:41,315 --> 00:12:44,193
- Mum, where's my tea?
- I've made you a lovely salad.
193
00:12:44,277 --> 00:12:46,153
I don't know why I make all these meals.
194
00:12:46,237 --> 00:12:47,822
All you do is eat them.
195
00:12:56,581 --> 00:12:58,583
All right. It's 5:00.
196
00:12:58,666 --> 00:13:00,001
Nobody speaks. Everybody to their places.
197
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:02,420
- I'm going.
- Jamie?
198
00:13:02,503 --> 00:13:03,629
- I'm off, too.
- Off?
199
00:13:03,713 --> 00:13:05,339
Oh, Dad, I've done it
for the last 15 years.
200
00:13:05,423 --> 00:13:06,632
Joe can do a ton his own.
201
00:13:06,716 --> 00:13:08,509
You sit down. Both of you.
202
00:13:17,476 --> 00:13:19,437
In tonight's programme...
203
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,439
Wireless has had it, Dad. It's worn out.
204
00:13:21,522 --> 00:13:24,775
I'll wear you out. Once you get
those results, then I'll keep quiet.
205
00:13:24,859 --> 00:13:26,444
All you have to do.
206
00:13:26,569 --> 00:13:29,030
Championship Cricket
from Gillingham and Leicester
207
00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:33,242
and ain't between whites, all the other
outstanding news of the day.
208
00:13:33,326 --> 00:13:35,912
Here are today's classified results.
209
00:13:36,329 --> 00:13:37,747
League division one.
210
00:13:38,539 --> 00:13:41,500
Arsenal, 2. Fulham, 0.
211
00:13:42,376 --> 00:13:46,047
Chelsea, 3. West Ham, 2.
212
00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:49,592
You fool, woman.
213
00:13:50,468 --> 00:13:52,470
Oh, Dad, I just remembered.
I've got to go. I got a date.
214
00:13:52,553 --> 00:13:54,430
Shh! Not you as well as your mother.
215
00:13:54,513 --> 00:13:56,098
Let him go. Poor lad's got a date.
216
00:13:56,182 --> 00:13:57,308
Look, all I want is silence.
217
00:13:57,391 --> 00:13:59,435
All Jamie wants is a bit of crumpet.
218
00:13:59,518 --> 00:14:01,687
Be quiet, and don't hit your brother.
219
00:14:02,688 --> 00:14:05,399
Oh, look! All over Mr Bumble.
220
00:14:06,192 --> 00:14:07,652
Blast Mr Bumble.
221
00:14:07,735 --> 00:14:11,489
I only ask it once a week.
I just want you all to keep quiet.
222
00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:15,159
Wolves, 3.
223
00:14:15,826 --> 00:14:17,286
Southampton, 5.
224
00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:19,538
- Oh, that was lovely.
Burnley, 0.
225
00:14:21,749 --> 00:14:25,253
? All things bright and beautiful
226
00:14:25,336 --> 00:14:29,215
? All Creatures great and... ?
227
00:14:29,799 --> 00:14:32,176
Oh, Dad, I am sorry.
228
00:14:32,301 --> 00:14:33,928
- I forgot.
Birmingham, 4.
229
00:14:34,345 --> 00:14:35,972
Rotherham, 3.
230
00:14:36,764 --> 00:14:38,641
You forgot?
231
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:40,184
That's ain't! No more!
232
00:14:40,268 --> 00:14:42,436
Oh, look, Dad. Don't upset yourself.
233
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,147
No, it doesn't matter.
It's too late. It's too late!
234
00:14:46,565 --> 00:14:49,944
I don't ask much,
but you've all done it now. You've...
235
00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:51,821
You've spoiled yourselves.
236
00:14:52,029 --> 00:14:53,489
My family.
237
00:15:03,165 --> 00:15:04,500
Oh, you're all in here, Jamie.
238
00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:06,168
Dad, if it's going to be about
the birds and the bees,
239
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:07,753
wait till I've finished shaving, eh?
240
00:15:07,837 --> 00:15:10,089
Dad, the door. I'm freezing.
241
00:15:11,674 --> 00:15:14,010
And watch me transistor.
242
00:15:14,093 --> 00:15:15,511
I want to talk to you, Joe.
243
00:15:15,595 --> 00:15:17,054
I want to hear what's top.
244
00:15:17,138 --> 00:15:19,849
The music is far too loud, anyway.
Your mother is reading.
245
00:15:19,932 --> 00:15:21,392
Don't switch it off, Dad.
246
00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:23,144
It ought to cover your embarrassment
247
00:15:23,227 --> 00:15:26,314
while you tell Jamie about
not getting girls into trouble.
248
00:15:27,898 --> 00:15:30,526
Exactly.
But you are not to speak to a girl.
249
00:15:31,819 --> 00:15:34,697
Your mother says that
you weren't in till 2:30 last night.
250
00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:37,533
- Where were you?
- Out.
251
00:15:37,617 --> 00:15:39,911
And she says that your clothes were
all muddy, as if you've been
252
00:15:39,994 --> 00:15:42,038
rolling about in a ploughed field.
253
00:15:42,455 --> 00:15:45,082
That's right.
I'm doing a bit of a nature study.
254
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,543
Well, watch it, that's all.
You hear what I say?
255
00:15:47,627 --> 00:15:49,045
Watch it.
- Yes, Dad.
256
00:15:49,921 --> 00:15:52,298
Well, watch it.
257
00:15:59,597 --> 00:16:02,183
What were you doing then,
in a ploughed field?
258
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:04,477
Don't you start.
You're worse than him.
259
00:16:04,602 --> 00:16:06,437
So, what were you doing?
260
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,439
I'm only 16. You tell me.
261
00:16:08,522 --> 00:16:11,025
What's that smell?
- My feet. What do you think?
262
00:16:19,158 --> 00:16:24,330
My own brother. Casanova at 16
and me, still a celibate monk.
263
00:16:24,664 --> 00:16:27,458
The whole country's having it off,
and it's like I'm a leper.
264
00:16:27,541 --> 00:16:30,670
Where's me bell? Unclean.
265
00:16:31,671 --> 00:16:33,297
Perhaps I've got BO.
266
00:16:35,341 --> 00:16:37,301
I wonder what Mary's doing.
267
00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:39,595
That Soukup looking jerk.
268
00:16:39,679 --> 00:16:41,305
"Fathefs car."
269
00:16:41,389 --> 00:16:43,307
Still, I did actually talk to her.
270
00:16:44,392 --> 00:16:46,769
Well, here we are at runny old Linda's.
271
00:16:47,061 --> 00:16:48,729
What am I doing here?
272
00:16:48,813 --> 00:16:50,398
As if I didn't know?
273
00:16:50,731 --> 00:16:52,984
Not a nice class of person around here.
274
00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:55,653
Oh, my God! There she is!
275
00:16:58,447 --> 00:17:00,992
Well, I wish I'd thought of
some other name with Spike.
276
00:17:01,075 --> 00:17:03,703
What if some of my mates
see me with her?
277
00:17:04,996 --> 00:17:06,914
What if Spike sees me without her?
278
00:17:10,293 --> 00:17:12,461
I think I'll go to the pub for a drink.
279
00:17:17,383 --> 00:17:19,468
Well, here she is. This is it.
280
00:17:21,262 --> 00:17:23,931
Hey, you, Jamie McGregor.
Where's your bike?
281
00:17:24,015 --> 00:17:26,475
- Well, I don't wear it all the time.
- Oh.
282
00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:28,603
Well, we've got to get me daddy's chips.
283
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:30,771
Just what I hoped we'd do.
284
00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:38,362
- Yes, please.
- Cod and chips, please.
285
00:17:38,446 --> 00:17:40,197
Make that twice, love, please.
286
00:17:41,115 --> 00:17:43,993
Evening, darling.
- Four sixes and three fish.
287
00:17:44,076 --> 00:17:45,328
Right.
288
00:17:46,329 --> 00:17:49,790
Or was it three sixes and four fish?
289
00:17:49,874 --> 00:17:52,418
What are you doing
without your computer, darling?
290
00:17:52,501 --> 00:17:55,588
No. It was four sixes and three fish.
291
00:17:55,671 --> 00:17:59,759
And don't be so cheeky.
I got Jamie here to see me home.
292
00:17:59,842 --> 00:18:01,510
Well, good old Jamie.
293
00:18:06,265 --> 00:18:08,935
I never tire of fish, eh. Do you?
294
00:18:09,018 --> 00:18:11,020
No. I never tire of fish.
295
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:13,940
I tire of meat.
Oh, I do tire of meat.
296
00:18:14,065 --> 00:18:16,651
Oh, yeah. I tire of meat.
297
00:18:16,734 --> 00:18:19,737
I tire of meat
and I tire of chicken,
298
00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:21,739
but I never tire of fish.
299
00:18:21,822 --> 00:18:24,575
No.
I never tire of fish.
300
00:18:24,659 --> 00:18:26,077
- No.
- No.
301
00:18:34,794 --> 00:18:36,504
Six and six please, darling.
302
00:18:36,587 --> 00:18:38,422
Here, Jamie, hold these.
303
00:18:38,506 --> 00:18:41,467
And don't be picking at them
with your fingers, either.
304
00:18:48,933 --> 00:18:51,727
Oh, look. I lost one of me bobbles.
305
00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:54,563
If we went for a walk, we might find it.
306
00:18:54,647 --> 00:18:57,233
Well, I have to
take me daddy's chips first.
307
00:19:00,903 --> 00:19:03,155
Oh, Sphere of mystery,
308
00:19:03,281 --> 00:19:05,616
what magic will you
weave for us tonight?
309
00:19:09,078 --> 00:19:12,290
Here,
does your mum wear contact lenses?
310
00:19:12,373 --> 00:19:14,333
- Your what?
- Your mum.
311
00:19:14,792 --> 00:19:16,877
Does she wear them contact lenses?
312
00:19:16,961 --> 00:19:19,797
Oh. Only over her glass eye.
313
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,632
- Really?
- Yeah.
314
00:19:22,717 --> 00:19:24,260
Sit down, eh.
315
00:19:28,681 --> 00:19:31,142
You're hands are warm.
I thought you said you weren't warm.
316
00:19:31,225 --> 00:19:33,060
Warm hands, cold heart.
317
00:19:33,144 --> 00:19:34,854
Do you believe that then, Jamie?
318
00:19:34,937 --> 00:19:37,106
No. You got it wrong.
Warm hands, warm heart.
319
00:19:37,189 --> 00:19:39,233
Cold hands, cold crotch.
320
00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:41,861
Never heard that one before.
321
00:19:41,944 --> 00:19:43,696
What does crotch mean?
322
00:19:44,572 --> 00:19:45,656
Well, it's sort of...
323
00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:48,034
What shall we say? It's the difference
between the top of your legs
324
00:19:48,117 --> 00:19:49,869
and the bottom of your bottom.
325
00:19:50,453 --> 00:19:52,663
- It's right here.
- Here! Do you mind?
326
00:19:52,747 --> 00:19:54,206
I was only just showing you!
327
00:19:54,290 --> 00:19:56,167
- Well, don't!
- Sorry.
328
00:20:04,717 --> 00:20:06,636
Isn't it a beautiful night?
329
00:20:06,719 --> 00:20:08,512
Just look at them stars.
330
00:20:13,809 --> 00:20:17,939
I wonder if the people up there
are wondering if the people down here
331
00:20:18,022 --> 00:20:20,441
are wondering about the people up there?
332
00:20:20,775 --> 00:20:23,235
But imagine putting them in your eyes?
333
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,114
- What?
- Contact lenses.
334
00:20:27,198 --> 00:20:29,700
Makes me sick just thinking.
335
00:20:30,826 --> 00:20:33,663
One of them fell in her soup yesterday.
She swallowed it.
336
00:20:33,746 --> 00:20:35,539
Got it back, though, later in the day.
337
00:20:35,623 --> 00:20:36,791
Oh!
338
00:20:45,925 --> 00:20:48,594
Oh! What am I wasting my time for?
339
00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:51,639
Two hours,
I'm freezing raw and stiff as hell,
340
00:20:51,722 --> 00:20:54,475
she just stands there
like an Egyptian mummy.
341
00:21:53,951 --> 00:21:56,037
Oh, that tickles.
342
00:22:05,963 --> 00:22:08,215
My hands have always been warm.
343
00:22:08,299 --> 00:22:09,800
I sweat a lot.
344
00:22:09,884 --> 00:22:11,594
You should feel me feet.
345
00:22:12,845 --> 00:22:15,014
- Right. Off we go.
- Here, Jamie!
346
00:22:15,097 --> 00:22:16,933
- What do you think you're doing?
- I fancy myself really well.
347
00:22:17,016 --> 00:22:18,434
- I've had enough!
- Why are you leaving me alone?
348
00:22:18,517 --> 00:22:19,977
- Bloody charming!
- Half-witted!
349
00:22:20,061 --> 00:22:23,397
- I'm just glad nobody's seeing this.
- You're stupid, that's what you are.
350
00:22:28,694 --> 00:22:31,072
Oh, Jamie! You mustn't!
351
00:22:31,155 --> 00:22:33,324
Ooh, Jamie! Ooh!
352
00:22:33,407 --> 00:22:36,077
- Ooh, Jamie!
- It's Mary! All alone!
353
00:22:36,577 --> 00:22:39,872
I could be with her, and here
lam stuck with this runny thing.
354
00:22:39,956 --> 00:22:41,415
Ooh, Jamie!
355
00:22:44,627 --> 00:22:46,087
Spike!
356
00:22:46,170 --> 00:22:48,339
She really must have no taste.
357
00:22:48,673 --> 00:22:51,550
A Smashing bloke like me
just waiting to be asked,
358
00:22:51,634 --> 00:22:54,553
and she lets herself be picked up
by that phony lecherous jerk.
359
00:22:54,637 --> 00:22:56,681
Jamie! Ooh!
360
00:22:57,223 --> 00:23:00,101
Now, what are you lying there for,
you stupid bitch?
361
00:23:01,894 --> 00:23:04,772
You've thrown me in the cow crap,
that's what you've done.
362
00:23:05,982 --> 00:23:07,942
Here's your rotten bobble.
363
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:10,569
Where do you think you're going?
364
00:23:10,653 --> 00:23:12,071
You take me in the bloody park,
365
00:23:12,154 --> 00:23:14,365
and then you throw me
in the thing, don't you, on the floor,
366
00:23:14,448 --> 00:23:16,075
and you just throw me in things...
367
00:23:16,993 --> 00:23:19,328
It seems so unfair.
368
00:23:19,412 --> 00:23:22,540
The ones you fancy, don't fancy you.
369
00:23:22,623 --> 00:23:26,002
And the ones who fancy you,
you don't fancy.
370
00:23:26,085 --> 00:23:27,253
Period.
371
00:23:28,254 --> 00:23:30,923
I suppose you carry on
till you half fancy someone
372
00:23:31,007 --> 00:23:33,301
and they half fancy you,
373
00:23:33,384 --> 00:23:38,055
and then when you're really old,
about 25, you get married.
374
00:23:38,139 --> 00:23:39,807
And that's marriage.
375
00:23:40,182 --> 00:23:43,686
When unlike poles
don't repel each other too much.
376
00:23:43,894 --> 00:23:46,272
All nice and respectable.
377
00:23:46,772 --> 00:23:49,442
Pictures, Monday. TV, Tuesday.
378
00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:51,527
She washes her hair Wednesday.
379
00:23:51,611 --> 00:23:53,446
You wash yours Thursday.
380
00:23:53,529 --> 00:23:55,156
Friday, dancing.
381
00:23:55,740 --> 00:23:57,116
Like a bloody treadmill.
382
00:24:01,454 --> 00:24:03,539
- Hey!
- Hey!
383
00:24:03,623 --> 00:24:05,499
- Hey! Hey!
- Come on!
384
00:24:05,583 --> 00:24:06,751
What were you doing with Mary?
385
00:24:06,834 --> 00:24:09,587
How long have you been going out with
her? I didn't even know you knew her.
386
00:24:09,670 --> 00:24:11,130
Simmer down.
387
00:24:11,213 --> 00:24:13,841
Look, why should I tell you
anything about a bird you don't date?
388
00:24:13,925 --> 00:24:16,510
And not likely too,
the way you're handling it.
389
00:24:17,678 --> 00:24:19,597
Every bird is fair game, mate.
390
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,433
- For you and for me.
- Oh, yeah!
391
00:24:23,517 --> 00:24:25,311
Hey! Fancy this one, do you?
392
00:24:28,105 --> 00:24:29,899
It's a lovely bit of tail, that.
393
00:24:30,524 --> 00:24:31,859
Oh!
394
00:24:35,696 --> 00:24:37,323
Hey! Where's she gone?
395
00:24:37,406 --> 00:24:38,866
She's here. Shut up, man!
396
00:24:38,950 --> 00:24:40,117
Oh!
397
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:43,746
Hello, sexy!
398
00:24:45,873 --> 00:24:48,459
Do buy one.
It doesn't matter what you give.
399
00:24:50,836 --> 00:24:52,630
Isn't your wife
expecting you home for tea?
400
00:24:52,713 --> 00:24:53,965
Trunk it.
401
00:24:55,841 --> 00:24:57,009
Oops!
402
00:24:57,093 --> 00:24:59,220
Who's going to bath the babies, then?
403
00:25:00,930 --> 00:25:02,515
I didn't prick you, didn't I?
404
00:25:02,598 --> 00:25:05,476
No. Lovely. Do it again.
405
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:09,397
I say, you wouldn't like to come
to our church rave on Friday, would you?
406
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,275
- Church rave?
- Mmm. Do come.
407
00:25:12,817 --> 00:25:14,735
We never get enough decent men.
408
00:25:16,654 --> 00:25:17,947
In that case, I'm on.
409
00:25:18,030 --> 00:25:22,410
Oh. Oh, good. Well, I'll see you Friday.
Saint Michaels.
410
00:25:26,455 --> 00:25:29,917
? It's so hard to see her face
411
00:25:30,126 --> 00:25:34,005
? In an overcrowded place
412
00:25:34,088 --> 00:25:37,675
? And the wet weather on the wind
413
00:25:37,758 --> 00:25:41,387
? They don't get into my mind
414
00:25:42,555 --> 00:25:45,933
? Children are playing ?
415
00:25:46,017 --> 00:25:47,977
Seems a nice class of person
around here.
416
00:25:48,060 --> 00:25:51,063
Oh, there is. We have some lovely times.
417
00:25:51,147 --> 00:25:53,107
In the summer, I don't come as much.
418
00:25:53,190 --> 00:25:56,485
Mummy and Daddy and I go miles away
along the coast for picnics.
419
00:25:56,569 --> 00:26:01,490
And there's swimming and sand
and sea and sun, all on our own.
420
00:26:01,699 --> 00:26:05,036
And then it's Christmas.
All the family comes to church then.
421
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,038
Oh, why don't you come more often?
422
00:26:07,121 --> 00:26:10,166
It's so important to have
such lovely times.
423
00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:13,252
Perhaps I could have a lovely time too.
424
00:26:13,336 --> 00:26:15,379
In a nice, pure way.
425
00:26:15,463 --> 00:26:18,674
Why not? What's wrong
with being nice and pure?
426
00:26:18,758 --> 00:26:20,635
You can't be grotty
all your life, Jamie.
427
00:27:04,887 --> 00:27:07,098
Well, thank you for helping
with the under-fives.
428
00:27:07,181 --> 00:27:08,766
Oh, Michael.
429
00:27:08,849 --> 00:27:11,394
Anything I can do for you, Michael.
430
00:27:12,061 --> 00:27:13,688
Michael, this is Jamie.
431
00:27:13,771 --> 00:27:15,398
- Hello, Jamie.
- Hello, Michael.
432
00:27:20,152 --> 00:27:23,364
Do you spend most of your lovely times
here, or only in the curate's season?
433
00:27:23,447 --> 00:27:27,076
Oh, Jamie! Michaels a priest.
Oh, you are silly.
434
00:27:36,043 --> 00:27:37,253
? Yes
435
00:27:37,336 --> 00:27:40,464
? I was looking back to see
If she was looking back to see
436
00:27:40,548 --> 00:27:42,717
? If he was looking up at me
437
00:27:42,967 --> 00:27:46,137
Michael does a terrific
"Meals on Wheels" for old people.
438
00:27:46,220 --> 00:27:47,555
You must see it.
439
00:27:47,638 --> 00:27:49,390
Michael gives himself to everything.
440
00:27:49,473 --> 00:27:53,144
He's so 20th century,
his concept of service.
441
00:27:53,644 --> 00:27:57,064
You could serve too,
sort of plunge in and give your all.
442
00:27:57,148 --> 00:27:58,983
Michael will be so grateful.
443
00:27:59,066 --> 00:28:00,359
How about you?
444
00:28:10,161 --> 00:28:13,831
? Well, I was looking back to see
If she was looking back to see
445
00:28:13,915 --> 00:28:16,042
? If he was looking back at me ?
446
00:28:20,922 --> 00:28:23,007
Do you mind if we sit down for a bit?
447
00:28:23,090 --> 00:28:25,468
No, it hasn't really
livened up yet, has it?
448
00:28:25,551 --> 00:28:27,011
No.
449
00:28:28,638 --> 00:28:30,806
- Hi, Paula.
- Oh, hi.
450
00:28:30,890 --> 00:28:33,851
Okay. This is Jamie.
Jamie this is my friend.
451
00:28:33,935 --> 00:28:35,311
Charmed, I'm sure.
452
00:28:35,394 --> 00:28:37,605
Charmed, I'm sure. He's nice.
453
00:28:37,939 --> 00:28:39,482
Another rotten friend.
454
00:28:39,565 --> 00:28:40,691
She's like Lady Bountiful,
455
00:28:40,775 --> 00:28:43,694
spreading her boyfriends around
the deserving poor.
456
00:28:43,778 --> 00:28:45,905
Cath is certainly deserving.
457
00:28:45,988 --> 00:28:47,490
Oh, what a lovely suit!
458
00:28:47,573 --> 00:28:49,200
- Is that the one you've just taken up?
- Mmm.
459
00:28:49,283 --> 00:28:52,036
No, it was her dad's.
She just had the legs cut off.
460
00:28:52,119 --> 00:28:53,579
Clever guts.
461
00:28:53,663 --> 00:28:55,957
- Where'd you find him?
- Cath, it's lovely.
462
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,875
I think yours is lovely too.
463
00:28:57,959 --> 00:28:59,752
Lovely! Smashing!
464
00:28:59,835 --> 00:29:01,254
Grand night for grooving.
465
00:29:01,337 --> 00:29:04,257
You should come more often.
We have some lovely times.
466
00:29:04,340 --> 00:29:06,217
Yeah. So rumour has it.
467
00:29:06,717 --> 00:29:08,469
? Every little thing
468
00:29:10,137 --> 00:29:14,016
? Every little thing about you I adore
469
00:29:14,100 --> 00:29:17,645
? You're just the girl I've waited for
470
00:29:17,728 --> 00:29:21,190
? I know that love is real and more
471
00:29:21,274 --> 00:29:23,943
? I'll see you
472
00:29:24,235 --> 00:29:26,404
? Every little thing
473
00:29:27,572 --> 00:29:28,781
? Every little thing ?
474
00:29:28,864 --> 00:29:30,825
Come on. The lights might fuse again.
475
00:29:33,911 --> 00:29:37,039
You might be kinder to her.
She's had a hard time.
476
00:29:37,123 --> 00:29:40,459
She does so much work
for the church, single-handed.
477
00:29:40,543 --> 00:29:43,004
No wonder, the size of her hands.
478
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,424
- Sorry.
- Why don't you help
479
00:29:46,507 --> 00:29:48,801
with our church bazaar on Saturday?
480
00:29:48,884 --> 00:29:50,553
Okay. Just for you.
481
00:29:50,636 --> 00:29:53,514
- Oh, you are good.
- Excuse me, Jamie.
482
00:29:53,598 --> 00:29:55,224
Oh, Michael.
483
00:30:05,067 --> 00:30:07,737
CATH: Come on, Jamie. I won't eat you.
484
00:30:10,656 --> 00:30:11,741
Oh, Jamie. You're Smashing.
485
00:30:18,456 --> 00:30:21,834
Oh, Jamie.
Aren't we having a lovely time?
486
00:30:22,126 --> 00:30:23,502
Mmm.
487
00:30:23,586 --> 00:30:24,795
Paula?
488
00:30:26,005 --> 00:30:28,633
Would you like to come
and arrange the peonies, Paula?
489
00:30:28,716 --> 00:30:30,468
They need your deft touch.
490
00:30:30,551 --> 00:30:31,969
Oi!
491
00:30:39,727 --> 00:30:44,357
Ah, Jamie! Thank you.
Oh! They are heavy!
492
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,068
Cath, would you take this
to the China Smashing?
493
00:30:47,151 --> 00:30:48,611
- Mmm.
- Thank you.
494
00:30:48,694 --> 00:30:51,072
Now, will you help
with the lost children?
495
00:30:58,162 --> 00:31:01,666
Oh, Jamie. Will you get the prize
for the champion cauliflower?
496
00:31:05,127 --> 00:31:07,380
This is the last bundle, Paula.
497
00:31:11,342 --> 00:31:12,802
Close the door.
498
00:31:14,220 --> 00:31:16,514
Oh, you're all hot and Sticky
from all that rushing about.
499
00:31:16,597 --> 00:31:17,974
Hmm. Tasty lips.
500
00:31:18,057 --> 00:31:21,769
You've been an absolute treasure and
I want you to know how grateful I am.
501
00:31:25,147 --> 00:31:27,108
It's the entertainment next.
502
00:31:30,778 --> 00:31:31,904
So, that's what it's called.
503
00:31:31,988 --> 00:31:34,740
- And I want you to be a really big help.
- Come on, let's get out of here.
504
00:31:34,824 --> 00:31:36,242
I thought you might walk me home later
505
00:31:36,325 --> 00:31:37,535
and we could have some time
to ourselves.
506
00:31:37,618 --> 00:31:40,121
- Well, let's go now.
- You've got to stay, just a bit.
507
00:31:40,204 --> 00:31:43,082
Later we really will be alone.
Just the two of us.
508
00:31:44,458 --> 00:31:46,210
Have you told him yet?
509
00:31:46,294 --> 00:31:47,795
It is good of you, Jamie.
510
00:31:47,878 --> 00:31:51,549
- Quick, quick, you're almost on.
- No, but... Stand still.
511
00:31:51,632 --> 00:31:54,260
Hey, what's going on? Oi! Oi!
What are you doing?
512
00:31:54,343 --> 00:31:56,137
Sit down. Sit down.
513
00:31:56,220 --> 00:31:57,513
Now, just remember to watch.
514
00:31:57,597 --> 00:31:59,432
- Jamie, here's your wand.
- My wand?
515
00:31:59,515 --> 00:32:01,058
Now, look, when little Tommy
says his line...
516
00:32:01,142 --> 00:32:03,227
Well, you wouldn't mind.
Sammy couldn't make it. It's good.
517
00:32:03,311 --> 00:32:05,396
When he says,
"Here is Pan, king of the fairies,"
518
00:32:05,479 --> 00:32:07,857
you skip on and make magic passes
with your wand.
519
00:32:07,940 --> 00:32:09,358
You've got the wrong bloke.
520
00:32:10,359 --> 00:32:13,237
We are poor lost babes in the Woods.
521
00:32:13,321 --> 00:32:16,157
And now we must face
the perils of the night.
522
00:32:17,992 --> 00:32:22,288
Sis, don't talk in that Spooky way.
You give me such a fright.
523
00:32:23,748 --> 00:32:25,207
Goodness!
524
00:32:26,125 --> 00:32:30,254
I'm so tired, my legs ache and my head.
525
00:32:30,338 --> 00:32:33,966
I wish I was safe at home,
tucked up in my little bed.
526
00:32:34,467 --> 00:32:38,429
See you, the fairy twinkle toes.
Here is Pan, king of the fairies.
527
00:32:41,933 --> 00:32:44,101
Here is Pan, king of the fairies!
528
00:32:44,185 --> 00:32:45,895
I'm not going to! Trunk it! No!
529
00:32:46,687 --> 00:32:50,149
Here is Pan, our noble king.
530
00:32:50,399 --> 00:32:54,153
Encircle him in fairy ring.
531
00:32:54,862 --> 00:32:59,075
Majestic Pan so Wise, so Sage,
532
00:32:59,158 --> 00:33:03,037
his nimble footsteps grace our stage.
533
00:33:06,165 --> 00:33:10,211
This just isn't my week.
My year, my decade.
534
00:33:10,294 --> 00:33:12,838
Maybe it's not even my lifetime.
535
00:33:12,922 --> 00:33:17,051
Because, Jamie McGregor,
this is your life.
536
00:33:18,469 --> 00:33:19,845
Too horrible.
537
00:33:21,305 --> 00:33:24,183
Still, that's how it crumbles,
Mary-Wise.
538
00:33:25,851 --> 00:33:27,395
There she lives.
539
00:33:29,230 --> 00:33:32,650
Here I sit
and never the twain shall meet.
540
00:33:32,733 --> 00:33:35,361
Well, if that's your attitude, Keith,
I'm not interested.
541
00:33:35,444 --> 00:33:39,532
We didn't ask him to stay out late
last night, did we, Keith?
542
00:33:39,615 --> 00:33:41,742
Will you get into trouble with your mum?
543
00:33:41,826 --> 00:33:44,203
Ha! Watch where you're going, nit!
544
00:33:45,997 --> 00:33:48,374
Let's go this way, eh, Keith?
545
00:33:50,501 --> 00:33:54,088
Well, I'm going this way.
I don't care about you.
546
00:33:59,844 --> 00:34:04,307
Keith! Cheerio!
See you tomorrow then, Keith!
547
00:34:06,434 --> 00:34:08,311
I'm going this way.
548
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:12,773
Keith!
549
00:34:34,128 --> 00:34:37,548
Wish I was in a gang.
I bet Keith would look after me.
550
00:34:41,469 --> 00:34:43,179
It's now or never.
551
00:34:43,804 --> 00:34:46,140
She's given me enough chances,
God knows.
552
00:34:46,223 --> 00:34:49,518
I've just always messed it up,
by going with useless grotty girls.
553
00:34:49,602 --> 00:34:51,479
She's there for the taking.
554
00:35:09,247 --> 00:35:11,540
Why, it's that crappy old croupier.
555
00:35:15,419 --> 00:35:17,880
Anyone can see
what a nauseating creep he is.
556
00:35:29,058 --> 00:35:31,686
Poor Mary, being pestered by him.
557
00:35:31,769 --> 00:35:32,979
Oh!
558
00:35:36,190 --> 00:35:37,692
- How are you?
- Oh, all right.
559
00:35:52,415 --> 00:35:55,459
Oh, why don't I make things happen?
560
00:36:00,798 --> 00:36:06,554
This is the way the world shall end.
Not with a bang, but with a Wimpy.
561
00:36:09,724 --> 00:36:14,895
Oh, there's your handbag! Over here.
Come on, come on.
562
00:36:16,814 --> 00:36:19,609
- Trust Craig Foster.
- Hey, Jamie, catch!
563
00:36:21,611 --> 00:36:22,904
- Hi, Craig.
- Where you been?
564
00:36:22,987 --> 00:36:25,323
- Haven't seen you around lately.
- I've been slimming.
565
00:36:25,406 --> 00:36:26,908
- Yeah?
- Great.
566
00:36:26,991 --> 00:36:30,036
- How's your dad's furniture business?
- Bloody.
567
00:36:31,370 --> 00:36:33,956
- Leave then.
- Who would have me?
568
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,625
Except for Audrey
and she'd have anybody.
569
00:36:35,708 --> 00:36:38,294
Anybody, as long as
it really was a body.
570
00:36:38,377 --> 00:36:40,671
- She packs a good punch though.
- What did you say?
571
00:36:40,755 --> 00:36:42,965
You wouldn't understand.
It wasn't dirty.
572
00:36:43,049 --> 00:36:46,135
- Oh, you are awful.
- Public school jerk.
573
00:36:46,218 --> 00:36:49,555
Well, come on, you lot,
if we're going nowhere, let's go.
574
00:36:49,639 --> 00:36:51,015
Come on, Jamie.
575
00:36:54,268 --> 00:36:55,436
Come on, Jamie.
576
00:37:04,779 --> 00:37:08,824
Okay, then, so open up
the big boys' door, and let us in.
577
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,459
You 18-year-olds look younger every day.
578
00:37:21,420 --> 00:37:23,089
Good evening, governor.
579
00:37:23,547 --> 00:37:26,467
- Chop-chop. What's yours?
- Whisky and tonic.
580
00:37:26,550 --> 00:37:27,760
Mmm-hmm.
581
00:37:34,100 --> 00:37:35,351
You looking for something?
582
00:37:35,434 --> 00:37:37,228
No. Just practising standing around.
583
00:37:37,311 --> 00:37:39,563
You never know
when it might come in handy.
584
00:37:41,357 --> 00:37:44,026
Uh, two rum and coke,
one whisky and tonic.
585
00:37:44,110 --> 00:37:45,319
Yes, sir.
586
00:37:46,529 --> 00:37:50,032
- Have mine. Never liked mine anyway.
- Oh, I thought it suited you.
587
00:37:50,116 --> 00:37:53,411
I'll sit on your knee.
I've always liked a good, clean knee.
588
00:37:53,494 --> 00:37:56,205
- You do keep a clean knee, don't you?
- I do my best.
589
00:37:56,289 --> 00:37:58,040
Hey, look who's there over there.
590
00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:02,837
Oh, Caroline.
I think she's terribly snooty.
591
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,547
I think she's terrific.
592
00:38:04,630 --> 00:38:07,425
Ooh! What's that? It's terribly knobbly.
593
00:38:07,508 --> 00:38:12,221
Uh, it's just my tobacco tin.
Move up a bit. Lovely.
594
00:38:14,098 --> 00:38:16,559
Hey, Audrey,
I thought you were with me.
595
00:38:30,907 --> 00:38:32,950
Bye! Keep that knee clean.
596
00:38:58,100 --> 00:38:59,477
Try kicking it.
597
00:39:01,979 --> 00:39:04,065
Let me help you
with my lucky right hand.
598
00:39:05,107 --> 00:39:06,567
Super.
599
00:39:07,860 --> 00:39:12,156
- I broke many a piggy bank with it.
- Super.
600
00:39:16,661 --> 00:39:19,497
The rain in Spain
falls mainly in the plain.
601
00:39:20,164 --> 00:39:21,457
Super.
602
00:39:25,002 --> 00:39:26,254
All gone!
603
00:39:27,964 --> 00:39:30,800
- Just beginning.
- Super.
604
00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:33,970
Thank you, Boris.
605
00:39:34,053 --> 00:39:37,765
Lot of salad... and a little Juice.
606
00:39:41,394 --> 00:39:44,021
She thinks she's in a charm contest.
607
00:39:44,105 --> 00:39:48,067
And in the white dress,
charming for England, is Caroline.
608
00:39:49,944 --> 00:39:52,196
I bet if I said knickers,
she'd say super.
609
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:53,406
Super.
610
00:40:01,414 --> 00:40:04,250
- Very exotic.
- What's your handicap?
611
00:40:06,919 --> 00:40:11,924
Well, I'm left-handed, I speak too fast,
I'm not much good at chat.
612
00:40:13,426 --> 00:40:15,219
I don't think I ought to tell you.
613
00:40:15,303 --> 00:40:20,057
- You do play golf?
- Play golf? Me? No.
614
00:40:21,267 --> 00:40:24,812
Then I'll teach you.
Saturday morning at the Golf Club, hmm?
615
00:40:26,522 --> 00:40:27,690
Mmm.
616
00:40:28,232 --> 00:40:30,526
All right, then. Stay bright.
617
00:40:32,028 --> 00:40:33,237
Oka)'-
618
00:41:15,613 --> 00:41:17,865
Now, this is how we drive off.
619
00:41:18,324 --> 00:41:21,452
- Which way are we heading?
- That flag over there.
620
00:41:23,955 --> 00:41:25,081
Up...
621
00:41:27,959 --> 00:41:29,210
Down...
622
00:41:31,045 --> 00:41:33,756
Up, down.
623
00:41:34,548 --> 00:41:36,342
Now, you try.
624
00:41:36,425 --> 00:41:38,552
Oh, let's not bother.
Just show me again.
625
00:41:38,636 --> 00:41:40,429
Are you on the balls of your feet?
626
00:41:41,514 --> 00:41:43,599
Bend your legs slightly apart,
like this.
627
00:41:46,060 --> 00:41:47,603
Jiggle up and down a bit.
628
00:41:48,562 --> 00:41:50,356
Hit at it, don't wave at it.
629
00:42:06,289 --> 00:42:08,624
This is very good practise.
630
00:42:10,376 --> 00:42:13,296
It's the performance I like best.
Not the practise.
631
00:42:13,504 --> 00:42:17,383
But every good performance
depends on the lot of practise.
632
00:42:18,551 --> 00:42:19,677
True.
633
00:42:20,553 --> 00:42:22,972
- Mmm.
- Let's just practise lying here.
634
00:42:23,431 --> 00:42:25,975
You never know
when we might need to do it.
635
00:42:26,309 --> 00:42:30,354
- You're learning very fast, you know.
- You're such a good teacher.
636
00:42:32,356 --> 00:42:34,775
Do you think if we both rolled over
and over together,
637
00:42:34,859 --> 00:42:36,694
when we came to the hole,
638
00:42:36,777 --> 00:42:39,363
we'd disappear down it
like Alice in Wonderland?
639
00:42:39,447 --> 00:42:41,657
Do you really think I'm a good teacher?
640
00:42:42,867 --> 00:42:45,453
I think you'd make a good pupil as well.
641
00:42:45,786 --> 00:42:48,122
I have one or two things
I might teach you.
642
00:42:48,205 --> 00:42:49,373
Such as?
643
00:42:57,965 --> 00:42:59,133
Wow!
644
00:42:59,216 --> 00:43:00,301
What do you think?
645
00:43:00,384 --> 00:43:02,595
Never mind what I think.
They'd have me in prison.
646
00:43:05,681 --> 00:43:08,017
How about these
for Trooping of the Colour?
647
00:43:08,100 --> 00:43:11,145
They'd frighten the horses. Ma'am.
648
00:43:12,271 --> 00:43:13,397
Super!
649
00:43:18,069 --> 00:43:20,529
Much better.
We must keep up with the times.
650
00:43:20,613 --> 00:43:23,241
The minute I walk out of here,
this lot will be old fashioned.
651
00:43:23,324 --> 00:43:28,246
That's the fun of living today.
Fast. Zoom-zoom.
652
00:43:28,663 --> 00:43:29,789
Zoom-zoom.
653
00:43:31,249 --> 00:43:33,501
Why don't you come for tea next Sunday?
654
00:43:33,584 --> 00:43:36,212
Super! I better bring my bike
to get home.
655
00:43:36,295 --> 00:43:39,382
Don't bother about your bike.
Stay the night.
656
00:43:39,465 --> 00:43:42,093
Don't bother about anything.
Life's too short.
657
00:43:42,635 --> 00:43:46,472
- Stay the night? Zoom-zoom.
- Wild.
658
00:43:50,810 --> 00:43:56,315
Hey, Jamie! I hear you've got two birds.
Pass us the leavings, would you?
659
00:43:56,691 --> 00:44:00,194
- What are you going to do with two?
- What do you think he's going to do?
660
00:44:00,278 --> 00:44:02,655
It's about time some of the rest
of you lads started to grow up.
661
00:44:02,738 --> 00:44:04,865
Always ogling, never doing.
662
00:44:04,949 --> 00:44:09,954
- You well armed for tonight then?
- Oh, sure. Got a new consignment.
663
00:44:11,914 --> 00:44:12,999
- Spike!
- Yeah?
664
00:44:13,082 --> 00:44:14,292
What do you do?
665
00:44:16,002 --> 00:44:18,879
Well, first of all,
have a very hot bath. Never fails.
666
00:44:18,963 --> 00:44:22,174
What's that do?
- Makes you sterile, you nit.
667
00:44:22,258 --> 00:44:23,843
What do you mean? Clean?
668
00:44:23,926 --> 00:44:26,470
Wait, suppose you're out in the field,
and there's no hot water?
669
00:44:26,554 --> 00:44:28,055
Well, I use tightly wrapped Cotton wool.
670
00:44:28,139 --> 00:44:30,474
By far the easiest method
is a wristwatch.
671
00:44:30,558 --> 00:44:32,727
One plain, every day,
ordinary wristwatch.
672
00:44:32,810 --> 00:44:35,271
And, uh, how is that so?
673
00:44:35,354 --> 00:44:38,482
Think, sir, your O-level physics.
674
00:44:38,566 --> 00:44:43,613
Well, gentlemen, the plain,
the ordinary, the everyday wristwatch,
675
00:44:43,696 --> 00:44:45,865
is strapped on
half an hour before the...
676
00:44:46,824 --> 00:44:49,702
The very radioactivity
of its very luminous dial
677
00:44:49,785 --> 00:44:52,371
is your guarantee
of lasting positive protection.
678
00:44:52,455 --> 00:44:54,040
If the bomb don't go off first.
679
00:45:01,797 --> 00:45:03,341
They're joking, aren't they?
680
00:45:03,424 --> 00:45:06,177
They'd better be,
or they're in for a few surprises.
681
00:45:06,260 --> 00:45:07,929
Don't you know anything, Gerald?
682
00:45:08,012 --> 00:45:09,388
I don't seem to have the chat.
683
00:45:09,472 --> 00:45:10,681
Of course, you have.
684
00:45:10,765 --> 00:45:13,768
You wanna play the field.
Don't make it so special though.
685
00:45:14,101 --> 00:45:16,687
You know, I used to be
a seven stone weakling.
686
00:45:16,771 --> 00:45:17,855
Get off!
687
00:45:22,860 --> 00:45:25,738
She's hidden my pyjamas,
that's what she's done.
688
00:45:29,887 --> 00:45:32,306
Mum, where'd you put me pyjamas?
689
00:45:32,390 --> 00:45:34,225
They're airing in the kitchen.
690
00:45:34,308 --> 00:45:35,977
Your meal's ready.
691
00:45:36,060 --> 00:45:37,645
Are you going through your tenderfoot?
692
00:45:37,728 --> 00:45:39,272
Do you want me to chalk
a few arrows on the ground,
693
00:45:39,355 --> 00:45:41,148
so you know which way I've gone?
694
00:45:43,442 --> 00:45:45,486
Just a wee bit edgy we are today.
695
00:45:45,570 --> 00:45:49,657
Now you eat quiet,
or you'll tie your stomach up in knots.
696
00:45:49,740 --> 00:45:51,242
It'll upset your regularity.
697
00:45:51,325 --> 00:45:53,536
- Mum, not at the table.
- Just a wee bit edgy.
698
00:45:53,619 --> 00:45:56,080
- May I have the blancmange?
- Mmm.
699
00:45:56,581 --> 00:45:58,332
No, not again.
700
00:45:59,083 --> 00:46:03,045
Mrs Milburn's made four.
None of hers would touch them.
701
00:46:03,671 --> 00:46:06,048
We spend our whole time
eating leftovers.
702
00:46:06,132 --> 00:46:08,009
What about the million
standing goats in China?
703
00:46:08,092 --> 00:46:09,510
Can't they think about them?
704
00:46:09,594 --> 00:46:11,929
Just you eat up
your nice porridge, Jamie.
705
00:46:12,013 --> 00:46:14,932
- Joe loves his, don't you, darling?
- Yeah, it's Smashing.
706
00:46:16,225 --> 00:46:20,938
Pickled onion, blancmange,
four breakfast bowls,
707
00:46:21,731 --> 00:46:25,192
porridge, cold sausage.
708
00:46:26,444 --> 00:46:27,737
Empty stomach.
709
00:46:28,195 --> 00:46:32,575
And where's my pyjamas, eh? Oh,
and some brown paper to wrap them in.
710
00:46:32,658 --> 00:46:35,870
Well, all the excitement
and rushing around...
711
00:46:35,953 --> 00:46:39,457
It's all noise and talk with you, Jamie.
You never actually do anything, do you?
712
00:46:39,540 --> 00:46:42,460
Brown paper is all I want.
Save the homespun philosophy.
713
00:46:42,543 --> 00:46:45,755
Let me see, now. Brown paper.
714
00:46:45,838 --> 00:46:47,131
What's the brown paper for then?
715
00:46:47,215 --> 00:46:48,507
To make paper hats with.
716
00:46:48,591 --> 00:46:51,344
Oh! Do you know I've been looking
for this book for ages.
717
00:46:51,427 --> 00:46:53,054
It's for pyjamas, nit.
718
00:46:53,137 --> 00:46:54,722
Oh, you're taking pyjamas with you, eh?
719
00:46:54,805 --> 00:46:56,849
Oh, of course.
You can't let him go naked.
720
00:46:56,933 --> 00:46:58,893
Oh, goodness! Not with his chest.
721
00:46:58,976 --> 00:47:01,229
Oh, I thought at least they'll be
laying on a valet for him.
722
00:47:01,312 --> 00:47:03,231
Putting things out for the young master
in the west wing.
723
00:47:03,314 --> 00:47:04,649
Very funny.
724
00:47:04,732 --> 00:47:07,568
- What are you looking for?
- Brown paper.
725
00:47:07,652 --> 00:47:09,820
I've got some nice Christmas wrappings.
726
00:47:10,071 --> 00:47:12,114
I can't take that.
It'll look as if I've got a present.
727
00:47:12,198 --> 00:47:13,533
No present?
728
00:47:13,616 --> 00:47:15,368
Haven't you ever been away
for the weekend before?
729
00:47:15,451 --> 00:47:17,119
Never mind, I'll do without it.
It's too late.
730
00:47:17,203 --> 00:47:19,372
I'll carry them casually
over my shoulder.
731
00:47:19,455 --> 00:47:21,415
I should have known that brown paper
just doesn't exist.
732
00:47:21,499 --> 00:47:24,168
Brown paper? Why didn't you say so?
733
00:47:28,339 --> 00:47:31,175
Now, you look after it, Jamie.
I know what those people are like.
734
00:47:31,259 --> 00:47:33,553
I shall be wanting it back
for my Sandwiches.
735
00:48:48,002 --> 00:48:50,171
Oh, what a cow of a shot.
736
00:48:51,130 --> 00:48:55,176
Jamie! Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
You want to make it a foursome?
737
00:48:56,093 --> 00:48:57,803
Sounds a bit too kinky for me.
738
00:48:57,887 --> 00:49:00,097
- My father.
- How do you do?
739
00:49:01,515 --> 00:49:03,559
- My brother, Charles.
- Hello.
740
00:49:04,810 --> 00:49:08,272
Mummy. She won't play.
741
00:49:08,356 --> 00:49:09,732
Hello.
742
00:49:13,152 --> 00:49:14,445
Have you brought a present?
743
00:49:14,528 --> 00:49:16,781
- It's my pyjamas.
- Wild.
744
00:49:19,492 --> 00:49:21,786
I wish you'd leave that girl alone.
745
00:49:22,161 --> 00:49:24,080
George, she's a foreigner.
746
00:49:24,455 --> 00:49:26,207
Lovely garden you've got here.
747
00:49:26,290 --> 00:49:30,086
High tea on the low grass.
Sounds quite adventurous, doesn't it?
748
00:49:30,461 --> 00:49:32,505
Isn't this cosy, George?
749
00:49:32,588 --> 00:49:36,133
Oh, it's important to play with one's
children occasionally.
750
00:49:36,842 --> 00:49:39,470
A playful child is a happy child,
I always say.
751
00:49:40,972 --> 00:49:43,182
Ingrid, did you bring the damson jam?
752
00:49:43,266 --> 00:49:45,643
Ja, the Jamson dam is here.
753
00:49:46,352 --> 00:49:48,646
No, dear, that's the ketchup.
754
00:49:50,439 --> 00:49:53,025
Her English really is improving,
you know.
755
00:49:53,109 --> 00:49:54,819
Why did you choose a German one?
756
00:49:54,902 --> 00:49:57,613
I told you.
The French ones were all used up.
757
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:01,117
We're just going to have
a quiet supper at home tonight.
758
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:05,204
No servants, no fuss. Just family.
759
00:50:09,876 --> 00:50:13,504
Well, they're clever people with grapes,
those Spanish.
760
00:50:13,921 --> 00:50:16,382
It's a polite little sherry,
don't you think?
761
00:50:17,091 --> 00:50:19,218
Lovely. Good manners, too.
762
00:50:19,802 --> 00:50:21,012
Mmm.
763
00:50:21,679 --> 00:50:23,973
People know me for my candles.
764
00:50:24,056 --> 00:50:26,684
It's a cross between
medium sweet and medium dry.
765
00:50:26,767 --> 00:50:30,563
It's a bit sweeter than dry
and just a bit drier than medium.
766
00:50:31,397 --> 00:50:35,026
I see what you mean.
You sort of plunk in the middle.
767
00:50:35,902 --> 00:50:38,029
Here, Jamie, next to me.
768
00:50:40,114 --> 00:50:41,324
Move up.
769
00:50:43,284 --> 00:50:44,452
Thank you, Ingrid.
770
00:51:01,052 --> 00:51:03,387
Dextrously, yet, unobtrusively, eh?
771
00:51:03,804 --> 00:51:06,849
You mustn't bruise the wine
or rupture the cork.
772
00:51:06,933 --> 00:51:10,436
Ah! You can always tell
the old masters touch.
773
00:51:11,145 --> 00:51:13,689
Daddy treats Ingrid
just like one of the family.
774
00:51:13,773 --> 00:51:16,442
I can see that.
How does he treat the family?
775
00:51:17,026 --> 00:51:19,028
Daddy just loves to drink.
776
00:51:19,111 --> 00:51:20,571
He's an expert on wine.
777
00:51:20,655 --> 00:51:24,367
Do play along with him,
he so loves to initiate a novice.
778
00:51:25,326 --> 00:51:28,329
Good bouquet greets the nostrils
like an old friend.
779
00:51:29,622 --> 00:51:31,749
Clever people with grapes, these French.
780
00:51:32,375 --> 00:51:35,253
We mustn't start with anything
too influential. It's a peeve.
781
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:37,505
The colour gives it away.
782
00:51:38,047 --> 00:51:41,926
- Oh, you know a bit about wine, do you?
- No, I'm just a novice.
783
00:51:56,649 --> 00:51:58,568
Mmm, not bad.
784
00:52:02,947 --> 00:52:05,825
A wafting reminder
of its French homeland.
785
00:52:06,993 --> 00:52:09,078
A tiny tinge of recognition.
786
00:52:11,664 --> 00:52:15,001
A cautious hello
to its hidden personality.
787
00:52:16,085 --> 00:52:17,295
Hello.
788
00:52:19,213 --> 00:52:24,427
- No magic incense.
- Now, gently meet it halfway.
789
00:52:29,473 --> 00:52:31,559
And let it tickle your tongue.
790
00:52:33,811 --> 00:52:36,522
As it titillates your teeth.
791
00:52:36,606 --> 00:52:39,567
- And tonsils.
- And taste buds.
792
00:52:39,775 --> 00:52:41,944
Ah! Mmm.
793
00:52:42,653 --> 00:52:45,698
Like a hello from an old, old friend.
794
00:52:51,913 --> 00:52:55,333
Did you ever see
such a fuss over grape Juice?
795
00:53:01,339 --> 00:53:02,715
Oh, my God!
796
00:53:11,515 --> 00:53:14,352
George, you've got him pissed again.
797
00:53:16,020 --> 00:53:20,483
Yes, they're clever people with grapes,
see, these Yugoslavs.
798
00:53:20,608 --> 00:53:24,529
You are a brick.
You really made the party go.
799
00:53:25,613 --> 00:53:27,323
JAMIE: Nice of you to have me.
800
00:53:27,406 --> 00:53:29,825
It was lovely having you, darling.
801
00:53:51,722 --> 00:53:55,059
Mummy and Daddy are super
at entertaining, aren't they?
802
00:53:55,268 --> 00:53:56,561
Super!
803
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:59,605
Have a brandy, Johnny?
804
00:53:59,689 --> 00:54:00,982
Oh!
805
00:54:01,065 --> 00:54:02,817
Shall we go upstairs?
806
00:54:04,110 --> 00:54:07,572
Might as well,
or else I might turn into a grape.
807
00:54:08,030 --> 00:54:10,032
Clever people with grapes,
those McGregors.
808
00:54:10,116 --> 00:54:15,580
- Oh, Jamie, you're funny.
- I know. I always laugh at my own jokes.
809
00:54:15,663 --> 00:54:19,208
Don't stay up too late you two.
School tomorrow.
810
00:54:21,002 --> 00:54:23,004
But they haven't had any port.
811
00:54:49,822 --> 00:54:53,576
That's your room there. There.
812
00:54:58,456 --> 00:54:59,624
Hey...
813
00:55:05,379 --> 00:55:06,923
I won't be a moment.
814
00:56:06,357 --> 00:56:08,901
There. That's very sexy, that.
815
00:56:13,322 --> 00:56:15,533
I wonder what's taking her so long.
816
00:56:17,577 --> 00:56:19,745
Maybe she's fallen in.
817
00:56:24,500 --> 00:56:26,002
Two tops!
818
00:56:27,503 --> 00:56:29,255
God, I'll kill Mum.
819
00:56:31,132 --> 00:56:32,508
What am I going to do?
820
00:56:34,427 --> 00:56:36,971
Hey, maybe she's waiting for me.
821
00:56:53,738 --> 00:56:55,907
She might've told me where to go.
822
00:57:10,796 --> 00:57:13,216
Gentlemen, the Queen.
823
00:57:18,304 --> 00:57:19,722
Mmm.
824
00:58:34,005 --> 00:58:36,340
Cynthia, think of the children.
825
00:58:42,054 --> 00:58:45,016
It's like the bloody Arabian Nights,
that's what it is.
826
00:59:28,768 --> 00:59:33,898
No, no, no. No, don't touch me.
That would spoil everything.
827
00:59:36,275 --> 00:59:38,069
Just look at me first.
828
00:59:39,654 --> 00:59:42,031
Right, that's enough.
Now close your eyes.
829
00:59:46,244 --> 00:59:47,912
Close your eyes.
830
00:59:54,418 --> 00:59:55,503
Ow!
831
00:59:57,088 --> 00:59:58,923
Right, come on, stop messing about.
832
00:59:59,006 --> 01:00:01,092
I'm not after
my Duke of Edinburgh's Award.
833
01:00:01,842 --> 01:00:05,596
What are you after, Jamie? Tell me.
834
01:00:20,069 --> 01:00:21,487
Don't you think?
835
01:00:23,573 --> 01:00:25,449
I've got a lovely...
836
01:00:27,368 --> 01:00:28,536
voice?
837
01:00:29,579 --> 01:00:32,790
Look, don't you think
you'll be better off on the bed?
838
01:00:34,959 --> 01:00:37,461
You're not quite capable.
839
01:00:38,254 --> 01:00:41,048
Who's not capable?
840
01:00:41,132 --> 01:00:45,720
I'm capable anywhere. Capable Caroline.
841
01:00:46,596 --> 01:00:50,391
Come on, Jamie.
What's the matter with the floor?
842
01:00:51,767 --> 01:00:54,437
- It's hard.
- Okay.
843
01:00:56,522 --> 01:00:59,275
On top of the wardrobe then.
844
01:01:01,402 --> 01:01:05,865
Daddy told me about the couple
who went on top of a wardrobe.
845
01:01:05,948 --> 01:01:08,034
I suppose Daddy would.
846
01:01:08,117 --> 01:01:10,536
And Daddy would want Jamie.
847
01:01:15,833 --> 01:01:20,630
I suppose Daddy would,
and Mummy, and me.
848
01:01:21,005 --> 01:01:22,673
And you, Jamie?
849
01:01:28,137 --> 01:01:30,097
No! You can't!
850
01:01:37,688 --> 01:01:40,900
Caroline! Caroline!
851
01:01:56,707 --> 01:01:57,875
Ingrid.
852
01:02:00,753 --> 01:02:05,967
God! Don't you ever stop?
You, you sex debaser.
853
01:02:08,052 --> 01:02:12,974
Jamie, a little warm milk
before bedtime?
854
01:02:18,312 --> 01:02:22,149
God! stupid! Women! Well, I've had it.
855
01:02:22,441 --> 01:02:26,028
I mean, I haven't had it.
Yeah, well, I'm off you all from now.
856
01:02:26,654 --> 01:02:30,324
That's the last time any phoney girl
is going to make a fool out of me.
857
01:02:46,048 --> 01:02:49,260
Thanks for dropping me off.
Saved me from being late.
858
01:02:49,510 --> 01:02:52,054
Thanks for a Smashing weekend. Super.
859
01:02:54,265 --> 01:02:57,476
- See you.
- Rain in Spain, eh, Jamie?
860
01:03:01,022 --> 01:03:03,733
Oh, hi, Spike.
You've been here all weekend then?
861
01:03:03,816 --> 01:03:05,193
Ha-ha!
862
01:03:05,276 --> 01:03:07,153
Did you thumb the lift then?
863
01:03:07,236 --> 01:03:08,738
Not bad, you're trying.
864
01:03:08,821 --> 01:03:10,573
Actually, the old man said
I could borrow the Jag,
865
01:03:10,656 --> 01:03:13,117
but Caroline insisted
she brought me herself.
866
01:03:13,201 --> 01:03:14,660
Well, you know how it is, don't you?
867
01:03:15,036 --> 01:03:17,580
Oh, insolence, 100 lines.
868
01:03:17,997 --> 01:03:20,208
You haven't been there for the weekend.
869
01:03:22,460 --> 01:03:24,879
- Have you?
- Hey, Jamie!
870
01:03:27,381 --> 01:03:28,591
Jamie!
871
01:03:33,763 --> 01:03:36,265
- You left these behind.
- Thank you.
872
01:03:39,644 --> 01:03:41,103
About time I got down to some work.
873
01:03:41,187 --> 01:03:44,440
Can't spend all of one's weekends
with birds. Can one, Spike?
874
01:03:46,692 --> 01:03:48,569
- Hey! Jamie!
- Wait a minute!
875
01:03:51,364 --> 01:03:53,157
It's all a rotten farce.
876
01:03:53,241 --> 01:03:56,619
Look at them, all envious thinking
I've had this fantastic weekend,
877
01:03:56,702 --> 01:03:58,663
and look at me, letting them think it.
878
01:03:58,746 --> 01:04:00,915
Everybody's got things upside-down,
879
01:04:00,998 --> 01:04:03,709
all because of phoney old girls
and phoney old sex.
880
01:04:04,293 --> 01:04:05,962
Yeah, well I'm off'em, both.
881
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:26,524
JAMIE:
Ooh, it's cold.
882
01:04:38,995 --> 01:04:40,788
Ooh, it's freezing.
883
01:04:45,001 --> 01:04:48,337
Hey, get out of my mind.
I'm supposed to be off you.
884
01:04:51,966 --> 01:04:53,885
Must get in training.
885
01:04:53,968 --> 01:04:57,054
Especially if our borstals
gonna beat that public school.
886
01:04:57,138 --> 01:04:59,849
Clean health in body and mind.
887
01:05:00,766 --> 01:05:04,562
Keep S-E-X in its place.
888
01:05:05,146 --> 01:05:07,440
I'm giving it up, forever!
889
01:05:16,157 --> 01:05:17,241
Was it Mrs Gamp
890
01:05:17,325 --> 01:05:20,036
who was Chasing donkeys
away from out front?
891
01:05:20,119 --> 01:05:21,954
David Copperfield, Jamie.
892
01:05:22,038 --> 01:05:23,581
- Remember?
- Hmm?
893
01:05:23,664 --> 01:05:27,919
And who said, "Just a piece of cheese.
All I want is a piece of cheese."
894
01:05:28,002 --> 01:05:29,337
Oh, Mum, give over.
895
01:05:29,420 --> 01:05:31,005
That's the hundredth question.
896
01:05:31,088 --> 01:05:32,924
Why can't you read David Copperfield
backwards?
897
01:05:33,007 --> 01:05:35,635
If it's not "Scratch your back",
"Clean the lav", "What's seven twelves?"
898
01:05:35,718 --> 01:05:36,928
it's "Where's the Cheese?"
899
01:05:37,011 --> 01:05:38,721
I didn't say, "Where's the Cheese?"
900
01:05:38,804 --> 01:05:41,098
- I said, "Who said it?"
-"Who said it?"
901
01:05:42,516 --> 01:05:45,686
Betsey Trotwood.
That's who I am thinking of.
902
01:05:45,770 --> 01:05:47,688
Mum, I've got to study.
903
01:05:47,772 --> 01:05:51,150
All right then,
just let me unplug me self,
904
01:05:51,234 --> 01:05:53,819
and I'll pop over to Mrs Milburn's
for a second.
905
01:05:53,903 --> 01:05:55,738
Like that? You'll frighten her cats.
906
01:05:55,821 --> 01:05:58,366
If your Dad comes back, say I'm, uh...
907
01:05:58,449 --> 01:05:59,909
No, you better not say anything.
908
01:05:59,992 --> 01:06:01,577
Say I've just gone.
909
01:06:01,661 --> 01:06:04,288
Oh, no. No, you better not say that.
910
01:06:04,705 --> 01:06:06,290
You better just say, uh...
911
01:06:09,502 --> 01:06:11,087
I don't think I'll go.
912
01:06:11,170 --> 01:06:12,838
Oh, I must run.
913
01:06:12,922 --> 01:06:14,840
God give me strength.
914
01:06:18,427 --> 01:06:22,306
"Gladstone did not understand
the Irish question. Discuss."
915
01:06:26,310 --> 01:06:29,772
"To say that Gladstone didn't understand
the Irish question
916
01:06:29,856 --> 01:06:33,192
"is to say that..."
917
01:06:37,572 --> 01:06:40,157
What the hell is there to discuss?
918
01:06:54,088 --> 01:06:56,299
I wonder what Mary's doing.
919
01:06:57,008 --> 01:06:59,135
Wonder if I'll ever know.
920
01:07:00,344 --> 01:07:02,555
Wonder if she'll ever know.
921
01:07:04,557 --> 01:07:06,851
I wonder if she'll wonder
if I wonder if she'll wonder...
922
01:07:06,934 --> 01:07:09,645
Oh, stop it. You're driving me crazy.
923
01:07:09,729 --> 01:07:10,771
Good.
924
01:07:11,439 --> 01:07:14,066
Have some of Mrs Milburn's
nice blancmange.
925
01:07:15,860 --> 01:07:17,403
None of hers would touch it.
926
01:07:17,862 --> 01:07:20,239
Doesn't she ever make
anything they'll eat?
927
01:07:31,167 --> 01:07:32,627
There's someone at the door.
928
01:07:32,710 --> 01:07:35,504
Are you incapacitated or something?
929
01:07:36,088 --> 01:07:38,591
Got my homework to do, haven't I?
930
01:07:39,258 --> 01:07:40,968
What a nice car.
931
01:07:42,053 --> 01:07:44,138
Is it a Ford or a Jaguar?
932
01:07:45,181 --> 01:07:46,724
I never know the difference.
933
01:07:47,141 --> 01:07:49,143
It's that girl
that was with Craig Foster.
934
01:07:49,227 --> 01:07:50,603
Audrey, wasn't it?
935
01:07:54,524 --> 01:07:56,108
AUDREY: Hello, is Jamie in?
936
01:07:56,192 --> 01:07:59,737
Oh, yes, won't you come in?
Uh, who are you?
937
01:07:59,820 --> 01:08:01,697
- I'm Audrey.
- Oh, well.
938
01:08:02,490 --> 01:08:04,575
Jamie, Audrey's here.
939
01:08:04,867 --> 01:08:07,203
Oh, hello. What a surprise.
940
01:08:07,995 --> 01:08:09,956
- Are you on your own?
- I am actually.
941
01:08:10,039 --> 01:08:11,541
- Shall I take your coat?
- No thanks.
942
01:08:11,624 --> 01:08:13,793
Don't take any notice of her.
She only lives here.
943
01:08:13,876 --> 01:08:15,670
Can you come to a party, Jamie?
944
01:08:15,753 --> 01:08:17,964
Eh? Oh, I'm right
in the middle of my essay.
945
01:08:18,047 --> 01:08:20,174
What a prevarication.
You haven't written a line.
946
01:08:20,258 --> 01:08:21,425
Oh, isn't he awful?
947
01:08:21,509 --> 01:08:24,303
At Craig's dad's place. Very clean.
948
01:08:24,387 --> 01:08:25,763
Thought you'd like it.
949
01:08:25,846 --> 01:08:27,765
Would you like some porridge
or some blancmange?
950
01:08:27,848 --> 01:08:30,309
Okay, I'll come. I won't be a minute.
951
01:08:30,393 --> 01:08:33,104
Mum, don't do anything.
952
01:08:35,022 --> 01:08:36,691
What a rotten house.
953
01:08:36,774 --> 01:08:39,902
Mum, her Dickens.
It's like he wrote about us.
954
01:08:40,278 --> 01:08:43,322
They are characters
and we are characters.
955
01:08:43,406 --> 01:08:45,283
Characters are right.
956
01:08:45,366 --> 01:08:46,576
Must hurry.
957
01:08:46,659 --> 01:08:48,536
She'll be halfway through
me life story by now.
958
01:08:48,619 --> 01:08:50,538
Do you know, I boil them three times
959
01:08:50,621 --> 01:08:51,998
and they're still as bad.
960
01:08:53,708 --> 01:08:56,502
- Mum!
- Jamie, what do you do with them?
961
01:08:56,711 --> 01:08:58,421
He will wear them the whole week.
962
01:08:58,504 --> 01:09:01,465
- Super.
- Come on, let's get out of here. Bye.
963
01:09:01,549 --> 01:09:04,594
Not too many of those nasty drugs now,
you two.
964
01:09:15,396 --> 01:09:18,649
Craig's dad's shop. His dad's away.
965
01:09:19,734 --> 01:09:21,944
I was wondering what happened
in furniture stores at night.
966
01:09:22,028 --> 01:09:23,237
Great!
967
01:09:32,872 --> 01:09:35,708
I guess there is no point
in any preliminary Conversation.
968
01:09:35,791 --> 01:09:37,460
Guess there isn't.
969
01:09:57,939 --> 01:10:00,816
Hi, there, Johnny,
I'll bring her back in half a tick.
970
01:10:08,991 --> 01:10:10,409
Alley-oop!
971
01:10:11,702 --> 01:10:14,497
Ah, you now owe me six pegs,
972
01:10:14,580 --> 01:10:16,707
three wardrobes,
and your mother and father.
973
01:10:16,791 --> 01:10:19,043
Sorry, Arthur,
they're exhibition models only.
974
01:10:19,126 --> 01:10:22,088
Ah, you cheat.
I ain't playing you no more.
975
01:10:24,173 --> 01:10:26,551
Bye, Jamie, see you!
976
01:10:28,261 --> 01:10:30,221
I'll see you tomorrow.
977
01:10:32,181 --> 01:10:33,349
Move.
978
01:10:36,894 --> 01:10:38,229
Aye, aye.
979
01:10:38,312 --> 01:10:39,856
- Oh, Spike.
- Well, I am...
980
01:10:41,357 --> 01:10:44,110
I'm having a lovely time, Spike.
Aren't you?
981
01:10:44,569 --> 01:10:46,320
Hey, sardines.
982
01:10:48,656 --> 01:10:50,741
A request for a game of sardine.
983
01:10:55,288 --> 01:10:57,164
I'll meet you in the alcove
over there, okay?
984
01:10:57,248 --> 01:10:59,000
What do you think I am?
985
01:10:59,083 --> 01:11:01,794
- That's what I want to find out.
- Great.
986
01:11:02,545 --> 01:11:04,130
Hi, Gerald, who are you with?
987
01:11:04,505 --> 01:11:06,549
Oh, it's just an old friend
of the family.
988
01:11:06,966 --> 01:11:08,593
You're coming on at last.
989
01:11:08,676 --> 01:11:10,303
It's the only way, mate.
990
01:11:27,987 --> 01:11:29,739
It happened again.
991
01:11:31,991 --> 01:11:35,620
The constant repetition
of my staggering ineptitude
992
01:11:35,703 --> 01:11:38,372
is staggering and inept.
993
01:11:41,292 --> 01:11:43,169
Since I'm never going to
make it with Mary, anyway,
994
01:11:43,252 --> 01:11:45,504
what am I saving me self for?
995
01:12:55,449 --> 01:12:56,868
You're getting colder.
996
01:12:56,951 --> 01:12:58,452
No, I'm getting hotter.
997
01:12:58,536 --> 01:13:02,331
- I feel I'm getting warmer.
- You are, you are. Over here.
998
01:13:02,874 --> 01:13:04,333
Again, again.
999
01:13:04,458 --> 01:13:06,002
I'm going to find you.
1000
01:13:06,085 --> 01:13:07,962
I think I've lost the scent.
1001
01:13:08,629 --> 01:13:09,672
It's not in here, mate.
1002
01:14:38,693 --> 01:14:40,236
Anybody there?
1003
01:14:41,612 --> 01:14:43,239
Where are you?
1004
01:14:46,409 --> 01:14:47,702
Ooh.
1005
01:14:51,831 --> 01:14:54,500
Oh, Jamie, we shouldn't have.
1006
01:14:55,960 --> 01:14:57,378
Yeah, well.
1007
01:14:58,754 --> 01:15:00,006
That's about it.
1008
01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:03,009
Oh! Oh, sorry.
1009
01:15:39,420 --> 01:15:41,005
Right. Let's go.
1010
01:16:06,030 --> 01:16:07,949
What are you thinking about?
1011
01:16:08,616 --> 01:16:11,744
I've been waiting for you to ask me
what I've been thinking about.
1012
01:16:11,827 --> 01:16:15,831
So I've been trying to think of what
I could say I was thinking about.
1013
01:16:15,915 --> 01:16:19,418
I've thought of 15 witty
spontaneous openings so far.
1014
01:16:19,919 --> 01:16:22,088
But because I thought about me self
thinking about them,
1015
01:16:22,171 --> 01:16:23,839
they all sounded daft.
1016
01:16:23,923 --> 01:16:25,841
Did you practise that as well?
1017
01:16:26,968 --> 01:16:28,177
Yeah.
1018
01:16:29,804 --> 01:16:31,931
What's really the matter?
1019
01:16:34,100 --> 01:16:36,227
I went with Audrey at the party.
1020
01:16:36,853 --> 01:16:38,145
I know.
1021
01:16:40,189 --> 01:16:42,024
Well, it's over now.
1022
01:16:42,859 --> 01:16:47,488
I think anybody who gets involved
with anybody else is mad, don't you?
1023
01:16:47,822 --> 01:16:51,200
That's exactly what I believe.
I always have done.
1024
01:16:51,909 --> 01:16:54,120
You've got to take life as it comes,
haven't you?
1025
01:16:54,203 --> 01:16:57,582
Mmm. You're so right, Jamie. Absolutely.
1026
01:16:58,332 --> 01:17:01,878
You've got to have a good time.
Life's too short otherwise.
1027
01:17:02,086 --> 01:17:05,882
- You got to play the field, haven't you?
- That's what I do.
1028
01:17:05,965 --> 01:17:07,300
I agree.
1029
01:17:08,384 --> 01:17:09,594
I agree!
1030
01:17:09,677 --> 01:17:12,054
- Really?
- Well, of course I do.
1031
01:17:12,346 --> 01:17:14,390
It's taken me long enough
to arrive at it.
1032
01:17:15,683 --> 01:17:18,269
Yes, it has taken you long enough.
1033
01:17:18,936 --> 01:17:20,146
What has?
1034
01:17:20,897 --> 01:17:24,192
Oh, I don't know. Everything.
1035
01:17:24,775 --> 01:17:27,320
When I was 13 and in second class,
1036
01:17:27,695 --> 01:17:30,448
I had written
all over my French exercise book
1037
01:17:30,531 --> 01:17:31,908
Mrs Jamie McGregor.
1038
01:17:31,991 --> 01:17:34,827
I used to sit and look at it
and think how good it looked.
1039
01:17:34,911 --> 01:17:37,496
Really? But you didn't even know me.
1040
01:17:37,830 --> 01:17:40,583
I know, but I wanted to.
1041
01:17:45,213 --> 01:17:47,131
Did you really have my name
on your French book?
1042
01:17:47,256 --> 01:17:50,134
Sure, and on my English book,
I had Mrs Georgie Milburn
1043
01:17:50,218 --> 01:17:52,637
and Geometry was Mrs Tony Smith.
1044
01:17:52,720 --> 01:17:54,680
Now, who was algebra?
1045
01:17:57,725 --> 01:18:00,394
How about tomorrow?
Pick you up at seven, okay?
1046
01:18:00,478 --> 01:18:02,855
Okay. Cross your heart?
1047
01:18:04,440 --> 01:18:05,608
Goodnight.
1048
01:18:29,507 --> 01:18:31,551
God, I never kissed her.
1049
01:18:49,569 --> 01:18:51,863
Oh, let me help you, Mrs McGregor.
1050
01:18:51,946 --> 01:18:54,615
No, that's all right, Mary, dear,
I can manage.
1051
01:18:54,699 --> 01:18:56,701
Just sit yourself down.
1052
01:19:00,204 --> 01:19:01,539
I like your mum.
1053
01:19:01,622 --> 01:19:04,041
So do I. Best of all in the kitchen.
1054
01:19:04,125 --> 01:19:07,169
Oh, you're just showing off.
I was dying to meet her.
1055
01:19:07,253 --> 01:19:09,672
I know. I can't understand why.
1056
01:19:09,964 --> 01:19:15,511
Oh, Mrs McGregor, what a lovely vase.
Where did you get it?
1057
01:19:15,595 --> 01:19:18,055
Oh, Mary, dear, I am glad you like that.
1058
01:19:18,139 --> 01:19:21,309
Do you know,
I've had that vase for 20 years.
1059
01:19:21,434 --> 01:19:25,229
All I had to do was to send in
10 coupons to the Daily Express
1060
01:19:25,313 --> 01:19:27,273
and it was either that
or a gardening book.
1061
01:19:27,356 --> 01:19:31,110
Well, I hadn't got a garden
at the time, so that's what I got.
1062
01:19:33,112 --> 01:19:36,324
Oh, I forgot, I could have had
a medical dictionary as well,
1063
01:19:36,407 --> 01:19:37,783
couldn't I, Jamie?
1064
01:19:57,720 --> 01:20:01,057
I'm the first girl you brought home,
aren't I?
1065
01:20:02,099 --> 01:20:03,267
Yep.
1066
01:20:04,227 --> 01:20:07,813
What would you like, a gardening book
or a medical dictionary?
1067
01:21:07,790 --> 01:21:09,250
It's lovely.
1068
01:21:10,960 --> 01:21:15,464
That's the real us, down there.
This up here, make-believe.
1069
01:21:16,048 --> 01:21:19,427
A pure conto have us on
and make us think we're substantial.
1070
01:21:20,553 --> 01:21:22,763
We rush around like idiots,
1071
01:21:23,848 --> 01:21:26,017
like it all doesn't matter.
1072
01:21:27,935 --> 01:21:30,605
It says, "Nothing's our reflection."
1073
01:21:39,530 --> 01:21:43,159
I know. Let's go away together.
Just the two of us.
1074
01:21:54,212 --> 01:21:56,172
There. Nice, isn't it?
1075
01:21:56,255 --> 01:21:59,217
- How did you know this place existed?
- It doesn't.
1076
01:21:59,300 --> 01:22:03,596
- It's actually a colour supplement.
- Better watch I don't step off the page.
1077
01:22:08,601 --> 01:22:10,269
Here, come here, boy, here!
1078
01:22:11,562 --> 01:22:15,107
Come here. Have you met Walter?
Come here.
1079
01:22:16,317 --> 01:22:18,402
Don't you think he's exactly a Walter?
1080
01:22:18,486 --> 01:22:20,488
I thought perhaps he was a Fido.
1081
01:22:20,571 --> 01:22:22,657
Or even a Bonzo.
1082
01:22:22,740 --> 01:22:24,617
Bonzo? You're raving.
1083
01:22:24,742 --> 01:22:29,455
You can't tell Bonzo from Fido,
after all the experience you've had.
1084
01:22:29,539 --> 01:22:30,957
What'll happen?
1085
01:22:31,040 --> 01:22:34,961
Well, the Canine Defence League
will be after you for a start.
1086
01:22:35,044 --> 01:22:38,506
And then the RSPCA, and then me!
1087
01:22:38,589 --> 01:22:40,508
Stop it. Oh, go away!
1088
01:22:42,051 --> 01:22:43,761
Spike was wrong.
1089
01:22:44,011 --> 01:22:45,763
He believes you should have affairs
all the time
1090
01:22:45,846 --> 01:22:47,682
with whoever happens to come along.
1091
01:22:47,974 --> 01:22:52,144
But you gotta know the person properly.
It's the only way.
1092
01:22:52,645 --> 01:22:53,938
Who says so?
1093
01:22:55,606 --> 01:22:57,942
Come on, I'm going for a swim.
1094
01:22:59,902 --> 01:23:01,904
Hey, I know I'm pretty good
at getting girls excited,
1095
01:23:01,988 --> 01:23:03,990
but this is ridiculous.
1096
01:23:04,615 --> 01:23:06,367
I'm having a swim.
1097
01:23:06,493 --> 01:23:07,953
They'll lock you up.
1098
01:23:08,036 --> 01:23:11,164
My mum's always reading
about people like you on television.
1099
01:23:11,379 --> 01:23:13,131
I just need to get me underpants off
1100
01:23:13,214 --> 01:23:15,300
and little men with binoculars
will pop out the water.
1101
01:23:15,383 --> 01:23:18,261
Oh, you're a prude. That's your trouble.
1102
01:23:18,597 --> 01:23:21,392
- I'm not a prude.
- Yes, you are.
1103
01:23:21,892 --> 01:23:23,268
I don't know.
1104
01:23:23,352 --> 01:23:25,437
What are young girls
coming to these days?
1105
01:23:26,236 --> 01:23:28,614
It will be Piccadilly Circus next.
1106
01:23:29,406 --> 01:23:31,200
Hang about, I'm coming!
1107
01:23:31,283 --> 01:23:33,327
Well, don't take all day about it then.
1108
01:23:35,746 --> 01:23:38,165
- Is it warm?
- It's lovely.
1109
01:24:03,744 --> 01:24:04,871
Mmm.
1110
01:24:05,204 --> 01:24:09,041
After being seduced
by a beautiful mature woman of 28...
1111
01:24:09,959 --> 01:24:12,920
- Mmm?
- This is what I always dreamt about.
1112
01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:24,769
- What's the matter?
- There's something wet!
1113
01:24:25,437 --> 01:24:28,773
Walter, scram!
- Oh, ignore him, he'll go away.
1114
01:24:28,940 --> 01:24:31,151
He's interrupting me.
I can't concentrate.
1115
01:24:35,234 --> 01:24:38,738
Just pretend it's the water,
gently lapping over you.
1116
01:24:39,113 --> 01:24:40,990
What's supposed to be very Freudian.
1117
01:24:41,073 --> 01:24:43,492
It's Pavlov we want, not Freud.
1118
01:24:47,670 --> 01:24:49,005
Oh!
1119
01:24:50,255 --> 01:24:51,798
Go and Chase that.
1120
01:25:02,903 --> 01:25:03,987
Oh!
1121
01:25:15,249 --> 01:25:16,792
What are you thinking?
1122
01:25:17,336 --> 01:25:18,879
Me? Thinking?
1123
01:25:21,465 --> 01:25:23,717
I was wondering what you were thinking.
1124
01:25:23,969 --> 01:25:25,178
Liar.
1125
01:25:27,683 --> 01:25:29,059
I'm sorry.
1126
01:25:31,105 --> 01:25:33,232
Nothing to be sorry about.
1127
01:25:33,233 --> 01:25:34,484
I know.
1128
01:25:35,569 --> 01:25:38,405
I'm not. I just said it for effect.
1129
01:25:57,426 --> 01:25:59,762
Me Tarzan, you Jane.
1130
01:26:00,096 --> 01:26:01,681
Oh, brilliant.
1131
01:26:02,264 --> 01:26:03,849
You just look daft.
1132
01:26:07,228 --> 01:26:08,813
Get aside! Go away!
1133
01:26:09,730 --> 01:26:11,357
Me want white girl!
1134
01:26:11,732 --> 01:26:14,527
Me want white man,
not skinny boy!
1135
01:26:14,610 --> 01:26:16,487
Too late!
1136
01:26:18,280 --> 01:26:19,532
Now, my Lady Chatterley,
1137
01:26:19,615 --> 01:26:22,993
I'll show you why they put the game
in gamekeeper.
1138
01:27:14,795 --> 01:27:17,548
Do you know? I was absolutely standing.
1139
01:27:18,174 --> 01:27:22,470
They'll capsize if they're not careful.
Oh, no, they're all right.
1140
01:27:24,180 --> 01:27:26,932
What did you think
of your skinny boy then, eh?
1141
01:27:27,016 --> 01:27:28,351
Very nasty.
1142
01:27:28,684 --> 01:27:29,935
Nasty?
1143
01:27:30,519 --> 01:27:33,189
I'm talking about last night,
not the rotten boats.
1144
01:27:34,273 --> 01:27:38,069
Last night? Smashing.
You're a lovely fellow.
1145
01:27:38,944 --> 01:27:40,321
I think you're Smashing.
1146
01:27:40,446 --> 01:27:42,656
I bet you say that to all your girls.
1147
01:27:42,740 --> 01:27:45,034
Did you say it
to Audrey and to Caroline?
1148
01:27:45,117 --> 01:27:47,578
- Never.
- Ah.
1149
01:27:51,874 --> 01:27:54,460
- Let's come next weekend, eh?
- Okay.
1150
01:27:54,794 --> 01:27:57,129
Oh, no, I forgot. I've got something on.
1151
01:27:57,505 --> 01:28:01,717
It's impossible. I won't allow it.
You can't have anything on. Not now.
1152
01:28:02,134 --> 01:28:03,844
Not now, next Sunday.
1153
01:28:10,017 --> 01:28:11,477
Hello, Mary.
1154
01:28:11,769 --> 01:28:13,354
Oh, hello, Mark.
1155
01:28:13,437 --> 01:28:14,689
Jamie, isn't it?
1156
01:28:14,772 --> 01:28:17,066
Hi. Listen, we've got two boats outside.
Do you wanna come along?
1157
01:28:17,149 --> 01:28:19,944
Oh, sure, we'd love to. Come on, Jamie.
1158
01:28:35,668 --> 01:28:39,964
- Where are you going next Sunday, then?
- Jamie, pull that in tight.
1159
01:28:40,798 --> 01:28:42,842
I don't know. Sailing probably.
1160
01:28:42,925 --> 01:28:47,096
Who with? Where? Why?
You can't be going with somebody else.
1161
01:28:47,179 --> 01:28:49,098
- Are you telling me?
- Yes.
1162
01:28:49,598 --> 01:28:53,102
Look, I can do what I like
and you can do what you like.
1163
01:28:53,185 --> 01:28:56,188
Remember, we made a bargain.
You crossed your heart.
1164
01:28:57,982 --> 01:28:59,734
Who are you going with?
1165
01:29:02,236 --> 01:29:03,487
Curtis?
1166
01:29:04,321 --> 01:29:05,698
Will you stay the night?
1167
01:29:05,781 --> 01:29:07,658
I don't know. We'll see how we feel.
1168
01:29:07,742 --> 01:29:09,410
At the boatel, just like us?
1169
01:29:09,910 --> 01:29:12,246
So, he's just a bloke
and you're just a bloke?
1170
01:29:12,329 --> 01:29:14,749
I'm not a nun, you know.
I haven't taken any vows.
1171
01:29:14,832 --> 01:29:17,543
You think you can just pick me up
and drop me like a yo-yo?
1172
01:29:17,626 --> 01:29:20,087
Jamie, don't. That makes it sound awful.
1173
01:29:20,171 --> 01:29:22,506
Now, look, will you lean back like this?
1174
01:29:24,717 --> 01:29:25,801
Oh.
1175
01:29:26,635 --> 01:29:29,513
I know.
How about the weekend after next?
1176
01:29:29,638 --> 01:29:32,183
- No, it won't work.
- Why not?
1177
01:29:32,266 --> 01:29:35,061
You could go with somebody else
and I wouldn't mind.
1178
01:29:35,144 --> 01:29:37,730
I think that's the worst thing
I've ever heard you say.
1179
01:29:37,813 --> 01:29:39,106
Why?
1180
01:29:39,523 --> 01:29:41,776
Well, if you don't know,
I can't tell you.
1181
01:29:41,859 --> 01:29:43,861
Your rules and my rules are different,
that's all.
1182
01:29:43,944 --> 01:29:46,113
I've had enough of bits and pieces.
1183
01:29:46,197 --> 01:29:48,866
Bit of a relationship here,
a piece of sex there.
1184
01:29:49,158 --> 01:29:50,868
Jamie, you're just a romantic.
1185
01:29:50,951 --> 01:29:52,661
Okay, it's not illegal.
1186
01:29:52,745 --> 01:29:56,207
So you're out of step.
Things don't happen like that anymore.
1187
01:29:56,290 --> 01:29:57,375
You expect too much.
1188
01:29:57,458 --> 01:30:00,002
And I'll go right on expecting,
thank you very much.
1189
01:30:00,544 --> 01:30:02,963
I just hope I won't be making
the same mistakes again.
1190
01:30:03,047 --> 01:30:04,548
Just sit down.
1191
01:30:04,924 --> 01:30:07,093
Jamie, sit down,
you're upsetting the boat.
1192
01:30:07,176 --> 01:30:08,928
To hell with the boat.
Turn the bloody thing round.
1193
01:30:09,011 --> 01:30:11,639
Don't. Don't be so stupid. Sit down.
1194
01:30:12,056 --> 01:30:13,432
Stupid? That's rich!
1195
01:30:13,516 --> 01:30:15,393
It's the first time
I haven't been stupid!
1196
01:30:15,476 --> 01:30:18,062
Jamie, stop shouting and sit down
before we both go in the water.
1197
01:30:18,145 --> 01:30:20,731
- I'm not shouting!
- Yes, you are. Sit down!
1198
01:30:20,815 --> 01:30:22,400
And even if I am, it doesn't matter!
1199
01:30:22,483 --> 01:30:24,860
- It's all over! You'll see!
- Please, Jamie, I want to come with you.
1200
01:30:24,944 --> 01:30:26,946
- Too late now, girl! You'll see!
- Now get back in the boat.
1201
01:30:33,077 --> 01:30:34,787
I hope she does see.
1202
01:30:35,621 --> 01:30:37,498
I hope I do, too.
1203
01:30:38,082 --> 01:30:41,669
Oh, God, the thing I've wanted
for the last 500 years.
1204
01:30:42,086 --> 01:30:44,505
And it was me who said goodbye.
1205
01:31:01,522 --> 01:31:02,940
- Hi, Spike.
- Hello, mate.
1206
01:31:03,024 --> 01:31:05,151
One more split shift
and I'm chucking this.
1207
01:31:05,234 --> 01:31:07,653
That inspector must think
I'm a Siamese twin.
1208
01:31:07,737 --> 01:31:09,405
There's a lot of money
in split shifts, mate.
1209
01:31:09,488 --> 01:31:11,032
You'll be glad with the lolly next term.
1210
01:31:11,115 --> 01:31:12,158
University.
1211
01:31:12,241 --> 01:31:15,786
Two more weeks and we'll be there.
All those new birds, eh?
1212
01:31:15,870 --> 01:31:17,455
Fresh out of some comment school.
1213
01:31:17,538 --> 01:31:19,957
- I told you I'd given them up.
- Oh, yeah, we know.
1214
01:31:20,041 --> 01:31:21,834
You can pull the other one.
It's got bells on.
1215
01:31:21,917 --> 01:31:24,295
You know, it's a miracle
you got a university place,
1216
01:31:24,378 --> 01:31:26,630
all that crumpeteering you did.
1217
01:31:30,676 --> 01:31:34,138
I'm gonna wait till I'm really old,
then line them up,
1218
01:31:34,221 --> 01:31:38,476
all the birds I've ever known,
shut me eyes and pick one.
1219
01:31:38,642 --> 01:31:41,687
Yeah, you need to.
Some of the ones you've known.
1220
01:31:44,398 --> 01:31:45,649
Audrey.
1221
01:31:46,484 --> 01:31:49,528
I wonder which comic
is in bed with her now.
1222
01:31:49,612 --> 01:31:50,738
A piece of sex here
1223
01:31:50,821 --> 01:31:54,200
and a bit of a relationship there
won't work.
1224
01:31:54,867 --> 01:31:56,911
I know what's happen to Caroline.
1225
01:31:57,495 --> 01:31:59,455
Capable Caroline.
1226
01:32:00,414 --> 01:32:03,793
Paula. She'll catch her curate.
1227
01:32:04,293 --> 01:32:07,797
Suppose l had to go through it all.
But what a drag.
1228
01:32:09,423 --> 01:32:11,050
Even runny old Linda.
1229
01:32:11,926 --> 01:32:13,219
Cor!
1230
01:32:13,594 --> 01:32:15,680
l did go through with it all
and that's it.
1231
01:32:15,763 --> 01:32:18,391
I've had me promiscuity bit.
1232
01:32:21,686 --> 01:32:23,354
Well, back to the grind.
1233
01:32:24,271 --> 01:32:25,981
- Here, did you hear how they got on?
- Who?
1234
01:32:26,065 --> 01:32:27,775
Mary and Claire.
1235
01:32:37,076 --> 01:32:39,203
Seems a million years ago now.
1236
01:32:40,454 --> 01:32:44,125
Mary failed her English.
She won't get in anywhere now.
1237
01:32:44,291 --> 01:32:46,168
Doesn't matter. She'll be all right.
1238
01:32:47,503 --> 01:32:51,424
- How did Claire do?
- Very good grades, probably get a grant.
1239
01:32:51,507 --> 01:32:53,634
- Hmm.
- She's coming with us to Manchester.
1240
01:32:53,718 --> 01:32:56,137
God, I better stay clear of her then.
1241
01:32:56,220 --> 01:33:00,016
I'll have you know
I find her unbelievably attractive.
1242
01:33:04,145 --> 01:33:06,272
- Hmm.
- But she hates men.
1243
01:33:09,233 --> 01:33:12,028
I thought you said you were off women.
1244
01:33:16,615 --> 01:33:18,075
Hair's nice.
1245
01:33:18,492 --> 01:33:19,618
Hmm.
1246
01:33:19,952 --> 01:33:22,038
Perhaps her legs aren't too bad.
1247
01:33:22,663 --> 01:33:24,957
That's the kind of girl
I'd like to marry.
1248
01:33:25,750 --> 01:33:28,002
She seems a nice class of person.
1249
01:33:30,796 --> 01:33:31,922
Wahey!
1250
01:33:33,674 --> 01:33:34,842
Hey!94086
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.