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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
2
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,197
Christina Walters?
3
00:00:30,872 --> 00:00:33,568
God, l haven't heard that name in ages.
4
00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:36,335
The kind of woman
who can get any guy she wants.
5
00:00:36,444 --> 00:00:38,469
That's Christina Walters.
6
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:43,247
We dated briefly,
but she's not the commitment type.
7
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:47,043
She's a player. She just likes to have fun.
8
00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:50,190
l met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass.
9
00:00:50,491 --> 00:00:54,257
Totally hit it off. All night long we dance.
l buy her drinks.
10
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:57,557
At the end of the night, she just splits.
11
00:00:58,132 --> 00:01:00,760
l lay down all that groundwork for nothing.
12
00:01:02,503 --> 00:01:04,061
Lesbian.
13
00:01:05,974 --> 00:01:08,568
She gave me her number. lt's been three days.
14
00:01:08,743 --> 00:01:11,268
l saw Swingers. l know how these things work.
15
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,574
Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone.
16
00:01:14,749 --> 00:01:18,480
l stay up nights trying to figure out
why she said she'd call and didn't.
17
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:23,447
Maybe she wanted to call and that's why
she said she was going to call, but....
18
00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:25,486
''Christina
19
00:01:27,328 --> 00:01:28,818
''Christina''
20
00:01:30,732 --> 00:01:35,362
You know, there ought to be
some kind of a signal...
21
00:01:35,536 --> 00:01:40,473
...to let us guys know
when we are talking to a lesbian.
22
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:44,411
So we don't waste our time.
23
00:01:44,812 --> 00:01:48,475
Prolonged impotence is very common
after a breakup.
24
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,550
Lots of men suffer from it.
25
00:01:50,718 --> 00:01:55,553
They just don't talk about it.
Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab.
26
00:01:55,723 --> 00:01:58,624
But, even still,
because she said she was going to call...
27
00:01:59,193 --> 00:02:02,060
...she should've called
to say she wasn't going to call...
28
00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:04,858
...and l would've thanked her for calling--
29
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:07,028
All right. Okay.
30
00:02:07,368 --> 00:02:10,166
l apologize for saying she was a lesbian.
31
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:11,703
lt's not true.
32
00:02:12,907 --> 00:02:16,638
My male ego got bruised and l lashed out.
l'm sorry.
33
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,375
l'm not used to being blown off, that's all.
34
00:02:21,049 --> 00:02:23,847
l'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose.
35
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:29,589
l know deep down inside she's scared
and lonely just like everyone else.
36
00:02:30,925 --> 00:02:33,894
She'll settle down though,
once she finds the right man.
37
00:02:34,629 --> 00:02:35,823
Or woman.
38
00:02:36,297 --> 00:02:39,130
Maybe has a little boxed lunch at the Y.
39
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:44,502
Jeez, l'm sorry. Did l say it again?
You're goddamn right l said it again.
40
00:02:44,572 --> 00:02:47,905
Why don't you shave your head, Christina,
and take up women's golf?
41
00:02:47,975 --> 00:02:52,139
Why don't you go to the Depot.
Lots of carpet you can munch on there.
42
00:02:58,686 --> 00:03:02,554
At least l don't get that dizzy,
head-spinning nausea as much as l used to.
43
00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:03,954
Hooray!
44
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,155
Like l said, l'm doing fine.
45
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,392
l am fan-fucking-tastic.
46
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,585
-Christina.
-Valerie!
47
00:03:41,829 --> 00:03:43,524
Shake it if you've got it.
48
00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:47,726
Miss Courtney.
49
00:03:47,902 --> 00:03:51,167
Hello, Miss Christina.
How you doing? What you doing?
50
00:03:51,572 --> 00:03:53,403
Dancing too much. How you doing?
51
00:03:53,474 --> 00:03:56,272
Same thing. How was your day?
52
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:57,900
Pretty good.
53
00:03:57,979 --> 00:04:01,676
l got a new account designing
a campaign for a sports line.
54
00:04:01,749 --> 00:04:03,979
They got the right girl, didn't they?
55
00:04:04,652 --> 00:04:06,085
Thank you.
56
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,751
So, what's up?
57
00:04:07,922 --> 00:04:12,154
The usual. Defending the rights
of my broken-hearted clients.
58
00:04:12,326 --> 00:04:16,194
Trying to squeeze every penny
out of their miserable, cheating spouses.
59
00:04:16,364 --> 00:04:18,628
You go get them, woman.
60
00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:21,561
l'll order a pizza and stay in tonight.
61
00:04:21,736 --> 00:04:24,864
Okay, but if we do that,
you know what will have to happen.
62
00:04:25,039 --> 00:04:29,032
Girl, l've been shaking my ass
all the way up this hill.
63
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,470
Which track?
64
00:04:30,545 --> 00:04:32,410
Track three. Oh, yeah!
65
00:04:33,748 --> 00:04:35,272
Koochie!
66
00:04:49,630 --> 00:04:52,758
ls your granny here? What's going on?
67
00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:55,494
lt's Jane. She loves this song.
68
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,901
Jane, what's up?
69
00:05:04,078 --> 00:05:05,705
He dumped me.
70
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,072
Kevin dumped me.
71
00:05:08,916 --> 00:05:12,317
lt was just three days
before our one-year anniversary.
72
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:15,751
-Baby.
-Maybe he just freaked out.
73
00:05:15,923 --> 00:05:20,087
He will call up tomorrow when he realizes
what a huge mistake he made.
74
00:05:20,261 --> 00:05:22,422
-He's probably going through that whole--
-No.
75
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,530
He says he's been wanting this for six months.
76
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,730
He says he's been dying inside
ever since l brought over my garment bag.
77
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,966
-Honey.
-What?
78
00:05:34,742 --> 00:05:38,473
We're all guilty of it.
You made yourself too available.
79
00:05:38,646 --> 00:05:41,046
lt's a classic mistake, sweetheart.
80
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,877
-Yeah.
-Not according to this.
81
00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:46,246
''Commandment four.''
82
00:05:46,954 --> 00:05:49,320
''True Love: The Ten Commandments.''
83
00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:53,720
''Commandment number four:
Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities.
84
00:05:53,861 --> 00:05:56,227
''Boundaries are the enemies of love.''
85
00:05:56,297 --> 00:06:00,700
Sweetie, you know what?
This book is relationship propaganda.
86
00:06:00,968 --> 00:06:02,299
Listen to me.
87
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:06,639
Dating is all about boundaries.
88
00:06:06,807 --> 00:06:08,798
Honey, you have to protect yourself.
89
00:06:08,976 --> 00:06:12,241
We've all had our heart stomped on
one too many times...
90
00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:15,315
...because we served it to them
on a big old platter.
91
00:06:15,616 --> 00:06:18,710
A good defense is the best offense.
92
00:06:18,886 --> 00:06:20,979
l am so tired of playing games.
93
00:06:21,055 --> 00:06:24,650
This is not about playing games.
This is about self-preservation.
94
00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:28,952
You can't throw yourself out there
all exposed and vulnerable every time.
95
00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:30,893
That is how you get smacked down.
96
00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:32,523
Do you understand?
97
00:06:32,967 --> 00:06:37,063
Don't go looking for Mr. Right.
Look for Mr. Right Now.
98
00:06:37,238 --> 00:06:41,436
And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day...
99
00:06:42,043 --> 00:06:46,207
...that ''now'' part is just going to drop away.
100
00:06:46,347 --> 00:06:47,905
Naturally, you know?
101
00:06:48,249 --> 00:06:51,082
Meanwhile, you're just
going to have fun together.
102
00:06:51,152 --> 00:06:54,918
Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit.
103
00:06:55,089 --> 00:06:58,252
Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out.
104
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:03,161
We are taking you out.
You are going to have a good time.
105
00:07:03,497 --> 00:07:04,828
No.
106
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:08,724
Oswaldo!
107
00:07:08,869 --> 00:07:11,963
Hey, Christina. Courtney.
108
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:15,072
-Jane.
-Hello, Jane.
109
00:07:15,743 --> 00:07:17,301
-Welcome.
-Thank you.
110
00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:21,875
Shut up!
111
00:07:30,157 --> 00:07:32,421
Okay, girls, let's go.
112
00:07:37,598 --> 00:07:39,361
This is it, Jane.
113
00:07:45,806 --> 00:07:47,535
Go, baby!
114
00:08:36,524 --> 00:08:38,515
-Right here, baby.
-Oh, my God.
115
00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:46,664
Look at the shoulder, baby.
Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby.
116
00:08:48,102 --> 00:08:49,899
What's your name, baby?
117
00:08:50,604 --> 00:08:53,573
Here we go. Circle of love, circle of love!
118
00:08:58,479 --> 00:09:00,413
We're going to go now.
119
00:09:02,817 --> 00:09:04,785
Bye-bye.
120
00:09:16,363 --> 00:09:19,389
My God. lt's like Siegfried & Roy or something.
121
00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:21,432
Martinis, ladies.
122
00:09:22,203 --> 00:09:25,695
-Compliments of the gentleman at the bar.
-Which one?
123
00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:31,436
Thank you, Leather Coat Guy.
124
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,740
Cheers.
125
00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:38,518
Leather Coat Guy is looking good.
126
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,117
Shotgun!
127
00:09:41,088 --> 00:09:42,077
Cheater.
128
00:09:46,694 --> 00:09:47,752
What's up?
129
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,224
Nothing. What's up with you?
130
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:54,729
Nothing.
131
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,331
What's up with you?
132
00:09:58,439 --> 00:10:00,907
Nothing. What's up with you?
133
00:10:02,676 --> 00:10:03,608
Nothing.
134
00:10:03,677 --> 00:10:03,744
You know, l am having the best time.
135
00:10:03,744 --> 00:10:07,009
You know, l am having the best time.
136
00:10:07,081 --> 00:10:08,173
Are you, sweetie?
137
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:12,312
My boyfriend dumped me. l'm at this club
where no one wants to talk to me.
138
00:10:12,386 --> 00:10:14,786
-l want to go home.
-No.
139
00:10:16,257 --> 00:10:18,589
No. Christina, l can't do this.
140
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,820
Yes, you can. lt's really very easy.
141
00:10:21,428 --> 00:10:22,895
Observe.
142
00:10:25,933 --> 00:10:27,798
l just pinched his ass.
143
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:29,267
l'm sorry. Hi.
144
00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:32,203
-Hi. What's your name?
-Peter.
145
00:10:32,273 --> 00:10:35,299
Peter, this is my friend, Jane.
Jane would love to dance.
146
00:10:36,944 --> 00:10:41,040
l don't mean to be rude,
but l have some friends waiting for me.
147
00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:42,910
Nice to meet you, though.
148
00:10:44,218 --> 00:10:47,915
-He hated me. l suck.
-You don't suck. That guy was a dick.
149
00:10:47,988 --> 00:10:51,890
l'll make sure that you have fun tonight
if it's the last thing....
150
00:10:52,293 --> 00:10:53,885
What did you call me?
151
00:10:57,064 --> 00:11:00,522
You just called me a dick. l heard you.
Why am l a dick?
152
00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:03,729
Because l didn't like the way
you treated my friend.
153
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,736
l didn't do anything to your friend.
154
00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:08,701
You barely gave her the time of day.
155
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:12,342
You tried to pawn me off on her
and l didn't go for it.
156
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:16,979
You should be so lucky to even talk
to someone as hot and sweet as Jane.
157
00:11:17,084 --> 00:11:18,176
Excuse me.
158
00:11:18,252 --> 00:11:22,655
l wasn't suggesting you get married.
l just thought you could get it on.
159
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,782
What? Get it on?
160
00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,951
You know nothing about me.
What if l'm some psycho serial killer?
161
00:11:28,028 --> 00:11:31,259
What if Jane was the girl of your dreams,
but you'll never know?
162
00:11:31,398 --> 00:11:33,127
That is the sweetest thing.
163
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,363
l never thought l'd meet her
by having somebody grab me and say:
164
00:11:36,437 --> 00:11:40,840
''Man, l have good woman for you.
She is very hot and sweet.
165
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:43,741
''Jane! Dance for the man!''
166
00:11:43,844 --> 00:11:45,835
-Maybe that's your problem.
-What?
167
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,973
Maybe if you didn't play it so safe,
Mr. Safety-Poo...
168
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,018
...you might meet a girl you could have fun with.
169
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:56,314
This brilliant love advice comes
from one who loves to play games with men.
170
00:11:56,390 --> 00:11:59,882
Always in control.
That way, she never has to get too close.
171
00:12:00,628 --> 00:12:02,459
Nice manners, by the way.
172
00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:09,493
Where the hell did that guy.... Jane?
173
00:12:10,571 --> 00:12:11,970
What's up with you?
174
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,436
Nothing. What's up with you?
175
00:12:18,012 --> 00:12:20,708
l can't believe he brought that bitch
to our bar.
176
00:12:20,981 --> 00:12:24,883
-This is our bar.
-Forget her, she's a skeev.
177
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:28,353
-But is she prettier than me?
-Of course not, you're beautiful.
178
00:12:28,422 --> 00:12:31,323
Oh, my God, you fucking bitch!
179
00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:33,850
l can't believe you grabbed his ass.
180
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:37,522
He comes right into my face
and starts telling me all this stupid stuff...
181
00:12:37,598 --> 00:12:42,035
...about how l like to play games
and be in control so l never get too close.
182
00:12:42,102 --> 00:12:44,093
Can you believe him?
183
00:12:44,271 --> 00:12:45,704
-What?
-Nothing.
184
00:12:46,206 --> 00:12:49,801
-l've never seen you act like this before.
-Act like what?
185
00:12:50,177 --> 00:12:51,303
They're fake.
186
00:12:51,512 --> 00:12:54,037
All bah-jiggity about some guy.
187
00:12:54,348 --> 00:12:55,872
-Bah-jiggity?
-Yeah.
188
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,144
l'm sorry. l didn't mean to stare.
189
00:12:58,218 --> 00:13:00,709
lt's cool. lt's why l got them.
190
00:13:00,854 --> 00:13:03,448
-l'm not bah-jiggity.
-You are so bah-jiggity.
191
00:13:03,524 --> 00:13:05,185
They look real.
192
00:13:05,292 --> 00:13:07,260
Thank you. You can touch it if you want to.
193
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,352
No.
194
00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:12,521
-Touch it. She likes it.
-Go ahead. lt feels real, huh?
195
00:13:12,599 --> 00:13:16,933
lf l'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter,
it's because you're telling me l am.
196
00:13:17,137 --> 00:13:19,571
-Oh, my God.
-What?
197
00:13:19,807 --> 00:13:21,206
You've named the puppy.
198
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,469
-l did not.
-You just called him Peter.
199
00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:26,101
-l did?
-You've got to feel these things.
200
00:13:26,747 --> 00:13:29,272
l'm psychic and l knew his name was Peter.
201
00:13:30,284 --> 00:13:32,980
-Knock your socks off.
-So soft.
202
00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:34,884
Un-fucking-believable.
203
00:13:35,222 --> 00:13:36,519
Fuck.
204
00:13:37,491 --> 00:13:39,425
l am so getting a pair.
205
00:13:39,526 --> 00:13:42,518
That's why chicks
always go to the bathroom together.
206
00:13:42,763 --> 00:13:46,756
lt's so obvious that you like this guy.
Why are you being such a pussy about it?
207
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:49,064
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
208
00:13:49,136 --> 00:13:52,594
lf you haven't noticed,
there's plenty of guys out there.
209
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,373
See you later.
210
00:13:58,078 --> 00:14:01,570
-What's your problem?
-What's your problem?
211
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,213
-Hi.
-Hi.
212
00:14:09,323 --> 00:14:10,517
Hey, Peter.
213
00:14:15,796 --> 00:14:18,287
-Eric!
-Be right there.
214
00:14:18,465 --> 00:14:20,899
You don't have to do this.
215
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:25,061
l know, but l want to. l spilled your drink.
Can l buy you another one?
216
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,228
Okay.
217
00:14:26,807 --> 00:14:29,002
l want to apologize.
218
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:32,876
l shouldn't have been impolite to your friend.
lf l was, l didn't mean to.
219
00:14:32,946 --> 00:14:37,610
My brother is waiting for me
and l got nervous, l guess. l don't know.
220
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:40,686
l mean, otherwise, l'd be all over your friend.
221
00:14:42,623 --> 00:14:45,524
l'm the one who should apologize. l was rude.
222
00:14:45,692 --> 00:14:49,958
No, l understand. You were protecting
your friend. Anyone would've done that.
223
00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:51,554
l thought that was sweet.
224
00:14:56,336 --> 00:14:57,860
Jesus.
225
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,766
-We good now?
-Yeah.
226
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:00,929
Good.
227
00:15:01,642 --> 00:15:03,439
l should get back to my friends.
228
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,169
Okay.
229
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,645
Thanks for the drink.
230
00:15:08,048 --> 00:15:10,414
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
231
00:15:11,885 --> 00:15:13,580
-Have a good night.
-You, too.
232
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:25,421
Can you take this? l'm a total loser.
l just struck out with this guy.
233
00:15:25,732 --> 00:15:26,926
One more thing.
234
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:31,264
Should l be upset that my ex-girlfriend
has her tongue down that guy's throat?
235
00:15:32,072 --> 00:15:33,266
Oh, my God!
236
00:15:34,241 --> 00:15:36,175
-Jane!
-l guess l blew my chance.
237
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:40,002
-That could have been you.
-lf l wasn't such a dick.
238
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:44,477
-Was l really a dick?
-Yeah. You were a dick.
239
00:15:45,752 --> 00:15:49,552
We should start over. Why don't l walk by,
and you grab me like before?
240
00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:51,591
-l didn't grab you.
-You grabbed me.
241
00:15:51,658 --> 00:15:53,888
You grabbed me right on the ass.
242
00:15:53,961 --> 00:15:56,930
l don't grab, okay?
243
00:15:57,097 --> 00:15:58,155
Pete!
244
00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:01,423
Excuse me.
245
00:16:01,602 --> 00:16:04,127
Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting.
246
00:16:04,204 --> 00:16:08,004
After-hours party back at the hotel.
These two pigs are good to go.
247
00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:11,700
Did l mention that we have
the Freddie Mercury Suite?
248
00:16:13,313 --> 00:16:15,076
She puked on him!
249
00:16:15,249 --> 00:16:19,413
Again? God, she's like a hose.
Go help her, please.
250
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:20,980
Or not.
251
00:16:21,321 --> 00:16:23,983
She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick?
252
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:26,921
-She is hot. Bring her.
-What?
253
00:16:27,127 --> 00:16:30,756
Fuck me. You have so much....
254
00:16:30,931 --> 00:16:33,491
You've got to come. Let me tell you why.
255
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:37,467
You'll never find anyone better than my brother.
He is the greatest--
256
00:16:37,638 --> 00:16:40,630
That hurts me. Just look at him.
257
00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:43,536
Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now.
258
00:16:43,644 --> 00:16:47,080
He is the shit and that's why
he's in my wedding on Saturday.
259
00:16:47,247 --> 00:16:48,578
-No.
-Yes.
260
00:16:48,749 --> 00:16:51,149
-No.
-Just trying to help out.
261
00:16:52,352 --> 00:16:53,341
'Bye!
262
00:16:55,522 --> 00:17:00,186
Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402.
You're invited, you're invited.
263
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:01,725
All right, l'm leaving.
264
00:17:02,996 --> 00:17:05,624
-That's my brother.
-He's special.
265
00:17:05,799 --> 00:17:08,097
Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me.
266
00:17:08,535 --> 00:17:10,469
When is the wedding?
267
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:14,434
Saturday afternoon up in Somerset.
That's where we live.
268
00:17:14,608 --> 00:17:15,700
That's nice.
269
00:17:16,543 --> 00:17:18,238
Peter! lt's looking like now.
270
00:17:19,446 --> 00:17:21,141
You're pinching my arm skin.
271
00:17:22,049 --> 00:17:25,746
l better go. But for real this time.
272
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:29,446
-lt was nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you. l had a great time.
273
00:17:29,623 --> 00:17:31,090
Me, too.
274
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,055
Come by the party if you want to.
275
00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:35,621
-Really?
-Definitely. lf you want to.
276
00:17:35,696 --> 00:17:38,221
l'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by.
277
00:17:38,298 --> 00:17:42,166
l really hope l see you. But in case
l don't see you, have a nice life.
278
00:17:43,737 --> 00:17:44,829
You, too.
279
00:17:54,681 --> 00:17:58,310
Chris, it's Court.
I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy.
280
00:17:58,385 --> 00:18:01,411
I was checking in to see
if you were listening to your messages.
281
00:18:01,488 --> 00:18:06,357
If you are, that means you were
too chicken to hook up with Peter...
282
00:18:06,426 --> 00:18:11,159
...which therefore means you are a loser.
You are a loser. A--
283
00:18:11,231 --> 00:18:12,755
Thanks, Court.
284
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:15,926
''I'm a big loser.''
285
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:19,871
What's up, you bitches and hos and losers?
286
00:18:27,414 --> 00:18:29,245
Too late now.
287
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:40,418
He was kind of cute.
288
00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:45,728
Funny.
289
00:18:49,469 --> 00:18:51,130
Really funny.
290
00:18:54,641 --> 00:18:56,575
Cute boy.
291
00:19:19,466 --> 00:19:21,661
My God, you're so good at that.
292
00:19:21,868 --> 00:19:25,360
l'd like to do that every hour,
on the hour, for the rest of our lives.
293
00:19:25,439 --> 00:19:28,135
-Of course, go ahead.
-Thank you.
294
00:19:28,308 --> 00:19:31,709
Don't worry about returning the favor.
Men don't really like oral sex.
295
00:19:31,778 --> 00:19:32,767
Right.
296
00:19:32,846 --> 00:19:36,748
l'm serious. lt's just a bad rumor
that was started sometime in the '50s.
297
00:19:36,817 --> 00:19:40,014
l had no idea. l need to tell all my friends.
298
00:19:40,187 --> 00:19:44,214
Please, do.
Someone needs to put an end to this madness.
299
00:19:49,496 --> 00:19:53,296
God, l'm so glad l came back to the hotel room.
300
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:55,231
Me, too.
301
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,670
l never thought l'd see you again.
302
00:20:01,708 --> 00:20:05,007
-Room service.
-Right on time.
303
00:20:05,178 --> 00:20:08,079
-lce cream?
-Only the best for our VlPs.
304
00:20:09,182 --> 00:20:11,810
l had them remove all the calories for you.
305
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:15,145
You are good.
306
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,246
All right!
307
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:21,421
l said l wanted to do it to you every hour,
on the hour, but l can't wait.
308
00:20:21,495 --> 00:20:23,122
Can l do it again now?
309
00:20:24,731 --> 00:20:25,925
Okay.
310
00:21:10,844 --> 00:21:15,611
San Francisco, California, please,
for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks.
311
00:21:20,086 --> 00:21:21,280
Great dream.
312
00:21:23,423 --> 00:21:27,985
Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite?
313
00:21:29,129 --> 00:21:32,724
Good. Can l have it? Thanks.
314
00:21:35,001 --> 00:21:36,195
Really?
315
00:21:36,570 --> 00:21:37,901
Already?
316
00:21:39,306 --> 00:21:41,570
Have a great day. Thanks. 'Bye.
317
00:21:46,112 --> 00:21:47,807
What am l even calling for?
318
00:21:54,020 --> 00:21:56,488
Hello? Hey, Court.
319
00:21:57,490 --> 00:21:58,479
Yeah.
320
00:22:16,009 --> 00:22:18,739
-Stop talking shit about me.
-Where you been?
321
00:22:18,812 --> 00:22:23,306
Sorry l'm late. l don't want to talk about it.
You ready? l'm starving.
322
00:22:23,917 --> 00:22:28,081
l'll meet you there. l have to drop something off
at the dry cleaners.
323
00:22:28,154 --> 00:22:31,419
Can it wait, please? l'm so hungry right now.
324
00:22:31,491 --> 00:22:34,289
lsn't that Courtney's dress
that you borrowed last night?
325
00:22:34,494 --> 00:22:35,483
Yeah.
326
00:22:35,862 --> 00:22:39,525
Why are you bringing it in?
Did you get something on it?
327
00:22:40,467 --> 00:22:43,459
l'm trying to be a good girlfriend.
328
00:22:45,639 --> 00:22:48,073
-l'm really sorry.
-You slut!
329
00:22:48,141 --> 00:22:50,234
-ls that what l think it is?
-Guilty!
330
00:22:50,310 --> 00:22:53,177
l'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone.
331
00:22:53,313 --> 00:22:56,111
-That's a lot!
-He was holding a lot!
332
00:22:56,182 --> 00:22:59,481
My God! What's this on your skirt?
333
00:22:59,686 --> 00:23:03,213
l am scared enough as it is to go in there.
What am l going to say?
334
00:23:03,390 --> 00:23:06,951
''Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?''
335
00:23:10,030 --> 00:23:11,622
You know what?
336
00:23:11,965 --> 00:23:16,425
-You guys suck.
-No, obviously you suck.
337
00:23:16,503 --> 00:23:18,971
-You suck.
-You suck well. l'm proud.
338
00:23:22,442 --> 00:23:24,433
No spanky-wanky.
339
00:23:49,536 --> 00:23:50,628
Hey, Jane.
340
00:23:51,204 --> 00:23:53,434
-Hi, Mr. Martin.
-How's your mother?
341
00:23:54,007 --> 00:23:57,033
-Great. She's good. Everyone's good.
-Your grandmother?
342
00:23:58,311 --> 00:24:01,246
-Everyone's great.
-That's fine. That's fine.
343
00:24:01,381 --> 00:24:02,939
What you got for me today?
344
00:24:03,016 --> 00:24:06,474
Just a dress, but l'll be back for it
in a few days, so no hurry.
345
00:24:06,886 --> 00:24:09,150
-Any stains?
-No.
346
00:24:10,090 --> 00:24:11,819
-What's this?
-What?
347
00:24:12,392 --> 00:24:14,155
This. Come here.
348
00:24:15,295 --> 00:24:16,353
Stain?
349
00:24:16,563 --> 00:24:18,861
This is going to be a tough one.
350
00:24:21,701 --> 00:24:26,070
l didn't even notice that. l must have spilled
some soda on me last night.
351
00:24:26,439 --> 00:24:30,603
No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think.
352
00:24:31,177 --> 00:24:35,113
lf l know what it is, it's easier for me to remove.
353
00:24:38,218 --> 00:24:41,745
The field trip. Come in, children. Come in.
354
00:24:43,590 --> 00:24:46,024
-Fuck.
-Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin.
355
00:24:46,192 --> 00:24:47,682
Hi, Mr. Martin.
356
00:24:48,728 --> 00:24:53,529
On today's field trip,
we are going to learn about cleanliness.
357
00:24:56,536 --> 00:24:57,833
Jane?
358
00:24:58,471 --> 00:25:00,200
Jane Burns!
359
00:25:00,306 --> 00:25:05,266
Sweetheart, l haven't seen you
since l taught you in third grade!
360
00:25:08,948 --> 00:25:12,907
-Top of the morning there, Mr. Martin.
-Hello, Father Flynn.
361
00:25:15,588 --> 00:25:19,957
As l live and breathe, isn't it....
lt is little Mary Jane Burns!
362
00:25:20,894 --> 00:25:24,091
What a coincidence!
l'm having supper with your parents tonight.
363
00:25:24,731 --> 00:25:27,529
What a stain you got there, little Janie!
364
00:25:28,134 --> 00:25:29,692
So how was it? Was it fun?
365
00:25:29,803 --> 00:25:33,000
Oh, my God, l can't believe l didn't tell you this.
366
00:25:33,573 --> 00:25:37,373
Apparently, one of the guys
who was at the party flipped out...
367
00:25:37,444 --> 00:25:41,073
...was out on the balcony,
screaming at the top of his lungs:
368
00:25:41,714 --> 00:25:46,617
''Christina! Has anyone seen
my little Christina?''
369
00:25:47,821 --> 00:25:52,121
Then he jumps off and dies
because you're a pussy. Why didn't you go?
370
00:25:52,192 --> 00:25:56,492
l don't know! l was going to. l was.
l was going to, and then l wasn't.
371
00:25:56,563 --> 00:25:58,997
And then l called him at the hotel--
372
00:25:59,099 --> 00:26:02,933
Wait. Hold on. Rewind for one second.
You called him at the hotel?
373
00:26:04,637 --> 00:26:08,573
-What did he say?
-Nothing. He said nothing. Okay?
374
00:26:08,842 --> 00:26:10,673
-Why?
-He checked out already.
375
00:26:10,810 --> 00:26:13,677
Let's just sum this up real quickly.
376
00:26:14,214 --> 00:26:17,513
ln the bathroom, we hate him,
yet we call him by name.
377
00:26:18,184 --> 00:26:20,015
Then we throw beer on him.
378
00:26:20,353 --> 00:26:23,652
Then we laugh and we flirt
and we dance with him.
379
00:26:23,957 --> 00:26:28,417
Then we casually call him at the hotel.
Then we obsess about the casual call.
380
00:26:28,495 --> 00:26:31,828
Obsess? l'm not obsessing, okay?
381
00:26:32,632 --> 00:26:37,194
Could all this erratic behavior
be because this guy got under your skin?
382
00:26:37,270 --> 00:26:39,135
-No.
-That you might really like him?
383
00:26:39,572 --> 00:26:43,508
That you regret not going because
you'll never know what might've happened?
384
00:26:43,576 --> 00:26:46,568
No, l don't regret it, and if l had any regrets...
385
00:26:46,646 --> 00:26:49,945
...it would be this conversation,
right now, having it with you.
386
00:26:50,049 --> 00:26:52,984
-Can we drop it?
-Okay. Sorry l brought it up.
387
00:26:53,386 --> 00:26:54,944
l won't mention it again.
388
00:26:58,625 --> 00:27:01,287
Even if l did regret not going to the party...
389
00:27:02,028 --> 00:27:04,622
...it's not like l can do anything about it now.
390
00:27:05,398 --> 00:27:08,663
Sometimes you just have
to let these things go, right?
391
00:27:08,735 --> 00:27:10,965
-Exactly.
-Although...
392
00:27:11,905 --> 00:27:13,532
...if there was regret...
393
00:27:14,407 --> 00:27:17,535
...l suppose there's always something
you could do about it.
394
00:27:20,213 --> 00:27:23,649
You could show up at his brother's wedding,
because it is his brother.
395
00:27:23,716 --> 00:27:26,583
But that's only if you regretted it,
which l don't regret it.
396
00:27:26,719 --> 00:27:30,621
l just don't regret it.
Regret is such a waste of time.
397
00:27:31,357 --> 00:27:34,485
Honey will you just admit
that you regret not going to this party.
398
00:27:34,561 --> 00:27:37,792
-Okay, fine l regret not going to this party.
-You need to let it go.
399
00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:40,594
l'm letting it go. l'm over it.
400
00:27:40,867 --> 00:27:43,859
Hi, honey, how did it go?
401
00:27:44,204 --> 00:27:46,263
-Fine. No problem.
-Good.
402
00:27:47,774 --> 00:27:49,469
Did we have fun last night?
403
00:27:51,344 --> 00:27:52,834
Yes, l did. lt was great.
404
00:27:52,912 --> 00:27:55,506
You guys were right,
a transition guy is what l needed.
405
00:27:55,582 --> 00:27:56,810
Good.
406
00:27:56,950 --> 00:27:58,645
So how was he, was he good?
407
00:27:58,785 --> 00:28:01,811
He was very sweet and complimentary.
408
00:28:02,555 --> 00:28:04,420
And very into pleasing me first.
409
00:28:04,490 --> 00:28:06,890
So how was girth?
410
00:28:07,694 --> 00:28:09,184
Averag-ish.
411
00:28:09,262 --> 00:28:12,857
''Averag-ish.'' That's good.
So what did you tell him?
412
00:28:13,566 --> 00:28:15,056
What do you mean?
413
00:28:15,468 --> 00:28:18,130
What do we always tell them, no matter what?
414
00:28:21,474 --> 00:28:27,276
Oh, my God, your penis is so big.
415
00:28:27,347 --> 00:28:28,905
Good girl.
416
00:28:29,449 --> 00:28:32,145
Your penis is so thick.
417
00:28:34,020 --> 00:28:37,012
Your penis is just so pretty.
418
00:28:39,559 --> 00:28:43,393
You got a handsome dick!
419
00:28:45,498 --> 00:28:47,398
Your penis, it's so...
420
00:28:48,735 --> 00:28:50,066
...hard.
421
00:28:50,136 --> 00:28:53,833
Your penis is just so large.
422
00:28:53,906 --> 00:28:57,307
My body is a movie...
423
00:28:57,377 --> 00:29:01,575
...and your penis is the star!
424
00:29:04,851 --> 00:29:08,014
You're too big to fit in here.
425
00:29:08,321 --> 00:29:11,290
Too big to fit in here.
426
00:29:11,424 --> 00:29:13,824
Too big to fit in here.
427
00:29:20,767 --> 00:29:25,500
''You're too big to fit in here''
428
00:29:30,243 --> 00:29:31,471
Oh, my God.
429
00:29:31,544 --> 00:29:34,411
Oh, my God, it's Fame! We're in Fame right now.
430
00:29:46,259 --> 00:29:48,193
''What a lovely ride
431
00:29:48,261 --> 00:29:50,354
''Your penis is a thrill
432
00:29:50,430 --> 00:29:52,557
''Your penis is a Cadillac
433
00:29:52,632 --> 00:29:54,293
''A giant Coup de Ville
434
00:29:54,367 --> 00:29:58,064
''Your penis packs a wallop
Your penis brings a load
435
00:29:58,137 --> 00:30:02,369
''And when it makes a delivery
lt needs its own zip code
436
00:30:02,642 --> 00:30:04,633
-''Nine
-''Double zero
437
00:30:04,711 --> 00:30:05,678
''Penis
438
00:30:05,745 --> 00:30:10,205
''You're too big to fit in here
439
00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:18,791
''Your penis is so strong
Your penis is so smooth
440
00:30:18,858 --> 00:30:22,453
-''Your penis has got a rhythm
-''Your penis makes me groove
441
00:30:22,528 --> 00:30:26,828
-''Your penis is a dream
-''The biggest one l've seen
442
00:30:26,933 --> 00:30:28,730
''lt's oozy and it's green''
443
00:30:31,003 --> 00:30:31,970
Sorry.
444
00:30:32,038 --> 00:30:36,668
''You're too big to fit in here
445
00:30:40,213 --> 00:30:44,809
''You're too big to fit in here
446
00:30:49,021 --> 00:30:52,957
''Your penis is so big
Your penis is so thick
447
00:30:53,192 --> 00:30:57,185
''Your penis is so pretty
You got a handsome dick
448
00:30:57,263 --> 00:31:01,199
''Your penis is so hard
Your penis is so large
449
00:31:01,367 --> 00:31:05,497
-''My body is a movie
-''And your penis is the star
450
00:31:05,571 --> 00:31:08,039
''Starring your penis
451
00:31:08,608 --> 00:31:12,874
''You're too big to fit in here''
452
00:31:53,953 --> 00:31:56,683
-Come on.
-How much time we got?
453
00:31:56,756 --> 00:31:59,725
We've got three hours before the rehearsal.
Hit the ball.
454
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,355
-Good shot.
-Fore!
455
00:32:03,496 --> 00:32:06,829
l'll shove that club up your ass, you dicklicker!
456
00:32:07,166 --> 00:32:09,657
-What are you up by, two?
-l guess.
457
00:32:10,336 --> 00:32:12,896
lt doesn't get any better than this.
458
00:32:12,972 --> 00:32:14,940
-To the marriage.
-To the marriage.
459
00:32:15,007 --> 00:32:17,874
-To the bride.
-To the bride.
460
00:32:18,478 --> 00:32:20,537
To 50 years with the same woman.
461
00:32:22,648 --> 00:32:24,309
That's really depressing.
462
00:32:25,318 --> 00:32:26,342
Sorry.
463
00:32:27,086 --> 00:32:28,610
Saggy tits.
464
00:32:29,489 --> 00:32:31,957
Be able to use them as a belt by then.
465
00:32:32,792 --> 00:32:35,192
-Or just tuck them in her socks.
-Okay.
466
00:32:36,963 --> 00:32:42,367
God, this marriage is such a big leap.
lt's really intense, Pete.
467
00:32:42,435 --> 00:32:45,768
-But if it's the right woman....
-l guess.
468
00:32:48,274 --> 00:32:50,435
Get up a little. Yes. Fore!
469
00:32:50,943 --> 00:32:54,401
You motherfuckers! Stop bothering me!
470
00:32:54,514 --> 00:32:56,277
You're driving right into them.
471
00:32:56,916 --> 00:33:00,079
l hear John is still AWOL
from that bachelor party.
472
00:33:00,152 --> 00:33:04,555
He showed up, missing an eyebrow,
with a tattoo on his ass that says ''Bitch.''
473
00:33:05,625 --> 00:33:08,890
-l am not an animal!
-Very good.
474
00:33:10,062 --> 00:33:11,393
Speaking of bitches...
475
00:33:12,064 --> 00:33:15,397
...what was going on with you
at the club with that hottie?
476
00:33:16,369 --> 00:33:18,303
-Nothing.
-l mean, Jesus!
477
00:33:18,371 --> 00:33:20,396
l don't know what you're talking about.
478
00:33:20,873 --> 00:33:23,034
-l think you liked her.
-No, l didn't.
479
00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:25,640
Yeah, you did. Don't lie to me.
480
00:33:25,945 --> 00:33:29,381
Don't lie. Don't lie to Darth, Luke.
481
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,681
l could see it in your eyes you liked her.
482
00:33:40,159 --> 00:33:42,184
Nothing l can do about it now.
483
00:33:42,728 --> 00:33:46,027
Should have poked her in the whiskers
when you had the chance.
484
00:33:46,465 --> 00:33:47,727
What's that, Gramps?
485
00:33:48,734 --> 00:33:51,225
l met this hot young dish...
486
00:33:51,404 --> 00:33:55,135
...at the World's Fair back in 1940.
487
00:33:55,308 --> 00:33:59,506
Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven.
488
00:34:00,046 --> 00:34:02,207
l bet you really miss Grandma.
489
00:34:04,016 --> 00:34:05,643
Fuck Grandma.
490
00:34:06,152 --> 00:34:08,017
lt's Pearl l'm talking about.
491
00:34:08,321 --> 00:34:13,953
She was the love of my life.
Don't ever let these moments pass you by.
492
00:34:18,864 --> 00:34:20,092
Fucking Grandma.
493
00:34:21,367 --> 00:34:22,459
Be nice.
494
00:34:25,371 --> 00:34:26,998
Come on. 7-6.
495
00:34:30,843 --> 00:34:32,276
Fore!
496
00:34:51,864 --> 00:34:53,832
You suck!
497
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,189
Damn it!
498
00:34:55,368 --> 00:34:58,360
-But you smell so minty fresh now.
-What do you want?
499
00:34:59,205 --> 00:35:01,696
l need to borrow your black Gucci bag.
500
00:35:02,908 --> 00:35:04,432
lt's in the living room.
501
00:35:04,510 --> 00:35:08,310
l don't know where in the living room,
and l don't feel like looking for it.
502
00:35:08,381 --> 00:35:11,612
Will you help me find it, please?
Come on, please.
503
00:35:11,684 --> 00:35:14,915
Since l'm up now,
and you decided to torture me...
504
00:35:15,087 --> 00:35:16,782
...l'll go and get it.
505
00:35:19,392 --> 00:35:21,519
l'm sorry. Oh, my God. Excuse me.
506
00:35:22,194 --> 00:35:24,162
Can you tell me where the bathroom is?
507
00:35:25,031 --> 00:35:26,965
-Behind you.
-Over here?
508
00:35:32,705 --> 00:35:33,933
Thanks.
509
00:35:34,373 --> 00:35:35,704
Oh, my...
510
00:35:35,941 --> 00:35:37,431
...cock.
511
00:35:38,711 --> 00:35:40,372
Oh, my cock.
512
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:48,277
Do you have any Advil?
513
00:35:52,958 --> 00:35:56,052
He is so cute. So stupid.
514
00:35:59,598 --> 00:36:01,623
Can l get that purse now, please?
515
00:36:01,934 --> 00:36:04,027
Yes, you can have the purse.
516
00:36:04,970 --> 00:36:06,562
Here's the purse.
517
00:36:06,806 --> 00:36:08,797
Thank you very much.
518
00:36:12,578 --> 00:36:15,308
-Where are you going?
-You and l are going to a wedding.
519
00:36:16,515 --> 00:36:20,645
-What wedding? Who's getting married?
-We're going to Peter's brother's wedding.
520
00:36:20,753 --> 00:36:21,742
Peter?
521
00:36:21,821 --> 00:36:25,587
This Somerset place where they live
is some small freak-ass town...
522
00:36:25,691 --> 00:36:29,286
...three hours north, so we have to
get on the road now to make it on time.
523
00:36:29,762 --> 00:36:31,559
-Peter.
-What?
524
00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:35,098
l'm not going to Peter's brother's wedding!
525
00:36:35,167 --> 00:36:40,070
What are you talking about? Yesterday,
you said you wanted to go, so l went....
526
00:36:41,173 --> 00:36:43,801
-l was joking.
-No, you weren't.
527
00:36:45,111 --> 00:36:46,100
Yes, l was.
528
00:36:47,146 --> 00:36:50,513
Fifty percent of what people say
when they're joking is true.
529
00:36:50,850 --> 00:36:54,752
Which means you do want to go,
but you're too afraid to admit it.
530
00:36:54,887 --> 00:36:58,755
So by making some sort of joke about it,
you get to say what you really want...
531
00:36:58,891 --> 00:37:00,518
...without being vulnerable.
532
00:37:00,826 --> 00:37:02,589
-Right?
-Maybe.
533
00:37:03,028 --> 00:37:06,657
Okay. The wedding starts at 5:00.
l refuse to be late.
534
00:37:07,166 --> 00:37:09,566
Put some clothes on. Now! Thank you.
535
00:37:11,203 --> 00:37:13,103
-That was a nice one.
-Thanks.
536
00:37:26,852 --> 00:37:29,582
-Watch the road, sweetie!
-l am watching the road.
537
00:37:30,356 --> 00:37:32,756
Once we get off the 140...
538
00:37:32,925 --> 00:37:36,793
...we'll take the 95, get off on the Somerset exit.
539
00:37:36,962 --> 00:37:40,295
We'll drive around
and we should find the church, no problem.
540
00:37:40,466 --> 00:37:41,490
Ta-da!
541
00:37:46,372 --> 00:37:48,602
-What is that?
-What is what?
542
00:37:49,074 --> 00:37:52,510
-You don't smell that?
-What? l don't smell anything.
543
00:37:52,578 --> 00:37:56,105
-You're used to it. That's what's scary.
-l don't smell anything.
544
00:37:56,182 --> 00:37:59,345
lt smells like moldy ass,
is what it smells like in here.
545
00:38:00,019 --> 00:38:03,147
Come to think of it,
l did leave some ass in the back.
546
00:38:03,322 --> 00:38:05,187
-You did?
-About a week ago.
547
00:38:05,257 --> 00:38:09,125
lt must be the ass. No, no. Sit down.
548
00:38:15,801 --> 00:38:17,996
-What are you doing?
-Jesus, Courtney.
549
00:38:18,070 --> 00:38:20,766
What is all this crap?
550
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,707
Don't throw out anything l might need.
551
00:38:24,143 --> 00:38:28,136
Where is it coming from? Where?
l can still smell it.
552
00:38:29,481 --> 00:38:32,644
Maybe it's you.
Did something crawl up your poon-nonny?
553
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:38,588
l have never, ever had any complaints
in the poon-nonny odor department.
554
00:38:38,657 --> 00:38:42,559
-You know what? Neither have l.
-High five on the clean poon-nonny.
555
00:38:42,728 --> 00:38:43,717
Bitch.
556
00:38:46,398 --> 00:38:47,387
What?
557
00:38:47,867 --> 00:38:49,562
-What is this?
-What is what?
558
00:38:49,635 --> 00:38:50,897
What is this?
559
00:38:51,103 --> 00:38:54,402
Jesus, l don't know.
l don't even know how long it's been in here.
560
00:38:54,473 --> 00:38:56,065
What is in here?
561
00:39:00,813 --> 00:39:03,873
No! That is not okay.
562
00:39:03,949 --> 00:39:08,010
lt isn't okay. You are a disgusting, nasty pig.
Do you understand?
563
00:39:08,087 --> 00:39:10,419
There was maggots on that flesh.
564
00:39:17,363 --> 00:39:19,763
l got maggot juice all over me.
565
00:39:21,133 --> 00:39:22,691
Ladies' room.
566
00:39:23,469 --> 00:39:24,936
Ladies' room.
567
00:39:27,072 --> 00:39:29,199
-Someone's in here.
-Sorry.
568
00:39:29,341 --> 00:39:31,741
-lt might be a while.
-How long?
569
00:39:31,911 --> 00:39:33,572
Let me put it to you this way:
570
00:39:33,746 --> 00:39:37,147
l had lamb curry last night
and l'm shitting out a Buick.
571
00:39:39,551 --> 00:39:41,951
Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?
572
00:39:45,557 --> 00:39:46,854
Hello?
573
00:39:49,128 --> 00:39:50,356
Clear?
574
00:39:54,433 --> 00:39:57,163
l feel like l have maggots all over me.
575
00:39:57,736 --> 00:40:01,365
Don't move. You have a maggot right here.
576
00:40:03,342 --> 00:40:04,570
Stop it.
577
00:40:04,643 --> 00:40:07,009
l'm going to pee my pants.
578
00:40:07,780 --> 00:40:09,611
l'll just use the urinal.
579
00:40:11,684 --> 00:40:13,276
You want to hear some poetry?
580
00:40:13,352 --> 00:40:17,083
''There once was a man from Bandoo
Who fell asleep in a canoe
581
00:40:17,256 --> 00:40:19,690
''He dreamed of Venus
And played with his penis
582
00:40:19,758 --> 00:40:22,386
''And woke up with a handful of goo''
583
00:40:23,429 --> 00:40:25,226
Don't make me laugh!
584
00:40:25,965 --> 00:40:28,433
Darn it. l think l peed on myself.
585
00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:32,293
''Follow the yellow brick road''?
586
00:40:33,906 --> 00:40:38,206
l'm following the yellow brick road.
Follow the yellow brick road.
587
00:40:41,146 --> 00:40:46,482
Buffy! You look like my old doggie Buffy.
Hello, girl.
588
00:40:47,786 --> 00:40:51,916
-Oh, my God, it's on my hands!
-Good girl. What you got in here?
589
00:40:53,659 --> 00:40:55,957
What you got? What's in your mouth?
590
00:40:57,496 --> 00:40:58,827
What you got in there?
591
00:41:01,300 --> 00:41:02,426
What's in there?
592
00:41:03,469 --> 00:41:04,731
Surprise!
593
00:41:16,081 --> 00:41:17,139
Goddamn it.
594
00:41:17,316 --> 00:41:20,774
How could you not know what a glory hole is?
595
00:41:20,853 --> 00:41:23,185
Unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockliffe...
596
00:41:23,255 --> 00:41:27,214
...l don't usually spend much time
in men's public bathrooms.
597
00:41:27,393 --> 00:41:32,023
Goddamn. That is the funniest thing
l have ever seen in my entire life.
598
00:41:32,197 --> 00:41:37,328
l flew across that room.
And you got fucked in the eye.
599
00:41:37,403 --> 00:41:41,567
l'm glad you find it so fucking amusing, okay?
l really do.
600
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:45,633
Could you please have some compassion?
Because l could go blind.
601
00:41:45,711 --> 00:41:47,770
You're not going to go blind.
602
00:41:49,348 --> 00:41:52,875
-Let me look at it.
-l mean, l got a penis in my eye.
603
00:41:54,153 --> 00:41:55,620
Let me see. Let me see.
604
00:41:58,157 --> 00:41:59,215
All right.
605
00:41:59,525 --> 00:42:01,584
-ls it okay?
-Yeah, it's okay.
606
00:42:03,195 --> 00:42:04,924
But l think you're pregnant.
607
00:42:05,230 --> 00:42:08,495
Would you please stop it, already?
608
00:42:11,103 --> 00:42:14,004
Re-dress the mannequins
and check the sock inventory.
609
00:42:14,173 --> 00:42:17,472
Come on, it's Saturday and nobody's here,
and Mr. Mooney--
610
00:42:17,543 --> 00:42:21,639
Mr. Mooney is off sailing with his boytoy,
which leaves me in charge of the store.
611
00:42:21,914 --> 00:42:23,939
Somebody needs to get some.
612
00:42:34,259 --> 00:42:36,591
There's my dirty girl!
613
00:42:39,898 --> 00:42:41,957
lt's me, baby. lt's me.
614
00:42:44,269 --> 00:42:48,296
-Why are you dressed like that?
-lt's my job. l work at a children's hospital.
615
00:42:53,245 --> 00:42:54,837
You look so cute.
616
00:42:57,116 --> 00:42:59,448
-l'm horny.
-Me, too.
617
00:43:06,425 --> 00:43:08,393
-You'll laugh at this one.
-What?
618
00:43:08,460 --> 00:43:12,453
You know l said l had to do laundry today,
because l ran out of clean underwear?
619
00:43:12,531 --> 00:43:16,490
-l've only got the skanky ones left.
-Tell me about it, dude.
620
00:43:18,971 --> 00:43:20,836
You are so unbelievable.
621
00:43:24,042 --> 00:43:26,977
ls that what l think it is?
622
00:43:27,346 --> 00:43:31,680
-Spring break, 1994, baby.
-Turn it up.
623
00:44:05,517 --> 00:44:08,008
-Oh, my God! Brain.
-Jane!
624
00:44:08,287 --> 00:44:10,847
You and l are so awesome together.
625
00:44:11,056 --> 00:44:13,047
We're like two peas in a pod.
626
00:44:13,125 --> 00:44:15,457
-Like oil and vinegar--
-Shut up.
627
00:44:16,461 --> 00:44:18,827
l can't believe l'm fucking a purple elephant.
628
00:44:19,164 --> 00:44:22,964
What do you mean, she's not here?
We have customers, missy.
629
00:44:23,035 --> 00:44:25,469
Sorry, Mr. Mooney. l'll check upstairs.
630
00:44:25,771 --> 00:44:28,399
l'm gone for one day,
the place turns into lndonesia.
631
00:44:37,849 --> 00:44:40,215
-Are you okay?
-l'm fine.
632
00:44:40,319 --> 00:44:42,048
-What is going on?
-Nothing.
633
00:44:43,088 --> 00:44:47,616
l'm just frantic. l've a million things to do.
And l'm dizzy. l'm so dizzy.
634
00:44:47,693 --> 00:44:50,856
Mr. Mooney is downstairs, and he is P-l-S-E-D.
635
00:44:52,197 --> 00:44:53,221
''Pised''?
636
00:45:03,742 --> 00:45:07,007
-Where have you been?
-l was upstairs taking inventory.
637
00:45:07,079 --> 00:45:09,309
Yeah, my aunt Fanny.
638
00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:13,582
-Gallini's.
-Hello, is Jane there?
639
00:45:14,253 --> 00:45:17,051
-Yes, she is.
-Have a lovely day.
640
00:45:19,424 --> 00:45:21,255
-Hello?
-JanieI
641
00:45:23,262 --> 00:45:26,129
Sorry, l can't talk right now.
l'm really busy.
642
00:45:26,198 --> 00:45:27,893
We were wondering:
643
00:45:35,007 --> 00:45:35,996
Shit.
644
00:45:55,260 --> 00:45:56,659
Oh, shit.
645
00:45:56,995 --> 00:46:00,931
l dropped the thingy to my lip gloss.
Could you get it for me?
646
00:46:00,999 --> 00:46:01,988
l'll get it.
647
00:46:04,736 --> 00:46:06,761
lt's too far over. l'll get it.
648
00:46:07,439 --> 00:46:10,101
Hold on to it. Keep steering.
649
00:46:10,175 --> 00:46:12,006
l got it. Don't worry.
650
00:46:13,979 --> 00:46:15,708
Beneath the....
651
00:46:27,526 --> 00:46:28,618
Yeah, baby!
652
00:46:34,132 --> 00:46:37,829
-Oh, yeah, right there.
-No, that's not it.
653
00:46:38,136 --> 00:46:39,967
You like that?
654
00:46:42,908 --> 00:46:45,706
Yeah. Let me have some of that.
655
00:46:45,777 --> 00:46:49,008
-Oh, yeah. Don't stop.
-l'm not going to stop.
656
00:47:16,108 --> 00:47:19,509
l found it. l almost got smothered down there.
657
00:47:19,578 --> 00:47:20,909
Shit.
658
00:47:21,213 --> 00:47:22,202
Are you okay?
659
00:47:24,282 --> 00:47:26,876
-You good?
-Yeah, l'm good. Never better.
660
00:47:28,653 --> 00:47:33,056
Let's get on the same page about what we'll say.
Game plan.
661
00:47:33,125 --> 00:47:36,561
Walk up to him and be like, ''Peter, is that you?
662
00:47:36,628 --> 00:47:41,759
''My friend Courtney, that hot babe?
She and l went to college with the bride.
663
00:47:41,833 --> 00:47:45,997
''That is unbelievable.
l can't believe that. lt's unbelievable.
664
00:47:46,071 --> 00:47:47,504
''Freaky.''
665
00:48:18,837 --> 00:48:20,600
Afternoon.
666
00:48:26,478 --> 00:48:30,505
-Miss Vera's has plenty to offer us.
-Plenty of crap.
667
00:48:30,582 --> 00:48:33,346
-We don't have time for this.
-Okay, let's go.
668
00:48:34,186 --> 00:48:38,520
-Welcome to my store. Can l help you?
-No, we were just browsing. Thank you.
669
00:48:41,526 --> 00:48:43,289
You don't like my store, do you?
670
00:48:43,628 --> 00:48:47,257
No, that's not it at all. lt's really a lovely store.
671
00:48:47,332 --> 00:48:49,800
We were looking for something....
672
00:48:49,968 --> 00:48:53,927
The next dress store is 20 miles from here.
673
00:48:54,172 --> 00:48:55,230
20 miles away?
674
00:48:57,175 --> 00:48:59,939
-We'll miss the wedding.
-Judy Webb's wedding?
675
00:49:00,645 --> 00:49:03,079
l know all about it. l dressed half the guests!
676
00:49:04,216 --> 00:49:06,047
When l was 22...
677
00:49:06,685 --> 00:49:10,018
...my breastices were, like, right about there.
678
00:49:11,022 --> 00:49:12,512
Nice and perky.
679
00:49:12,691 --> 00:49:15,489
Gravity has taken them to there.
680
00:49:16,194 --> 00:49:18,719
lt's like, 22, 28.
681
00:49:19,498 --> 00:49:21,898
22, 28.
682
00:49:22,234 --> 00:49:24,259
Buy some new ones.
683
00:49:25,403 --> 00:49:29,396
Okay, wait. No, no. Look. What is this?
684
00:49:31,710 --> 00:49:36,738
-What is that, though?
-That, again, is gravity.
685
00:49:37,649 --> 00:49:40,846
-Knock, knock. Are you decent?
-Yeah.
686
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:45,412
You're going to love this stuff. lt's our latest line.
687
00:49:45,690 --> 00:49:48,557
lf you need other sizes, just holler.
688
00:49:49,294 --> 00:49:50,886
Thank you, Vera.
689
00:49:52,430 --> 00:49:53,954
Excellent.
690
00:49:54,266 --> 00:49:55,699
Jesus.
691
00:49:56,401 --> 00:49:58,733
-Look.
-That's nice.
692
00:49:59,137 --> 00:50:03,597
Wait a minute.
Do we have time for a movie montage?
693
00:50:04,442 --> 00:50:06,307
Well, you know....
694
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:11,531
-Thank you so much.
-You look sensational.
695
00:51:11,943 --> 00:51:14,070
Thanks to your styling, Vera.
696
00:51:14,145 --> 00:51:15,305
Thank you.
697
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:17,675
Would you like to be on our mailing list?
698
00:51:17,782 --> 00:51:20,876
Sure. Right here?
699
00:51:25,557 --> 00:51:27,855
Just send it there.
700
00:51:28,093 --> 00:51:29,924
That's sweet.
701
00:51:30,996 --> 00:51:34,659
lt sure is. Thank you. 'Bye.
702
00:51:34,833 --> 00:51:35,066
-We've got to go.
-Oh, my God. l can't walk in this thing.
703
00:51:35,066 --> 00:51:38,263
-We've got to go.
-Oh, my God. l can't walk in this thing.
704
00:51:38,436 --> 00:51:41,132
-Take little steps.
-Bondage.
705
00:51:41,306 --> 00:51:43,331
We don't have time, sweetie.
706
00:51:45,276 --> 00:51:46,436
My God!
707
00:51:49,781 --> 00:51:51,043
Oh, my God.
708
00:51:51,616 --> 00:51:54,312
These are the days of our lives.
709
00:51:56,454 --> 00:51:59,753
-This is not discreet.
-No, it isn't.
710
00:51:59,824 --> 00:52:03,817
-We can't walk into a wedding--
-Come on. lt's very LaToya Jackson.
711
00:52:05,930 --> 00:52:08,558
l mean, really. Look at all this....
712
00:52:08,633 --> 00:52:12,194
l may as well strap a sign on my ass
that says ''stalker.''
713
00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:18,268
l'm not going there wearing this outfit.
Can we please just go?
714
00:52:18,376 --> 00:52:20,742
-Yes. Let's go home.
-Really?
715
00:52:22,147 --> 00:52:25,947
We've driven for three and a half hours
and everything.
716
00:52:26,017 --> 00:52:28,315
-But, no, let's go.
-Please.
717
00:52:28,386 --> 00:52:32,379
-Really. Let's go.
-Don't reverse psychology me right now.
718
00:52:32,457 --> 00:52:34,448
l'm not reverse psychologing you.
719
00:52:34,526 --> 00:52:37,927
You're so good at it,
you don't even know you're doing it anymore.
720
00:52:38,763 --> 00:52:40,424
All right, maybe a little bit.
721
00:52:40,498 --> 00:52:44,730
-Court, this is crazy. This was really crazy.
-What the hell were we thinking?
722
00:52:45,103 --> 00:52:48,266
l wish there were some sign from God...
723
00:52:48,339 --> 00:52:50,830
...that you and Peter Donahue
should be together.
724
00:52:50,909 --> 00:52:53,605
How do you know his last name is Donahue?
725
00:52:54,112 --> 00:52:55,943
Because you're sitting on his face.
726
00:52:59,718 --> 00:53:02,653
-My God, it's him! He's so cute!
-Yeah, l know.
727
00:53:02,821 --> 00:53:04,618
Cute? He's adorable!
728
00:53:04,689 --> 00:53:07,852
And look at this.
''Everything he touches turns to sold.''
729
00:53:07,926 --> 00:53:11,521
-He's funny! He's funny, too. See?
-l know.
730
00:53:15,100 --> 00:53:16,362
Church bells.
731
00:53:40,658 --> 00:53:43,149
What do you think? Bride or groom's side?
732
00:53:43,228 --> 00:53:45,253
l have to go to the bathroom, l think.
733
00:53:45,663 --> 00:53:50,396
-Did you misplace your bladder today?
-l'm wearing the tightest skirt ever.
734
00:53:50,668 --> 00:53:53,000
Go to the bathroom. l'll find seats.
735
00:53:53,338 --> 00:53:56,603
-Could you tell me where the restroom is?
-lt's right outside.
736
00:54:07,819 --> 00:54:09,081
Hello?
737
00:54:14,392 --> 00:54:16,553
-l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
-l can't breathe.
738
00:54:16,995 --> 00:54:20,931
Really? Okay.
Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay.
739
00:54:21,666 --> 00:54:22,724
Are you okay?
740
00:54:23,835 --> 00:54:26,463
-You'll be fine. You'll be okay.
-Water!
741
00:54:28,973 --> 00:54:29,962
Okay.
742
00:54:30,809 --> 00:54:34,176
-Thank you.
-l'll leave you alone for a second, okay?
743
00:54:36,347 --> 00:54:38,372
-Judy!
-ln a minute, Dad.
744
00:54:44,556 --> 00:54:48,253
l don't want to go in the deep end.
l don't want to go in the deep end!
745
00:54:51,196 --> 00:54:52,254
Flowers!
746
00:54:54,933 --> 00:54:57,197
l look like a magazine bride!
747
00:54:57,268 --> 00:55:01,466
No, you don't. You look really beautiful.
Like the perfect bride.
748
00:55:01,539 --> 00:55:03,564
Why don't l feel good?
749
00:55:04,809 --> 00:55:08,438
Well, l'm sure that you're just really nervous.
lt's a big day, right?
750
00:55:08,513 --> 00:55:10,845
lt's what every girl dreams of, but...
751
00:55:12,250 --> 00:55:13,911
...how do you know it's real?
752
00:55:14,986 --> 00:55:18,422
l don't know.
l can't answer that for you, really.
753
00:55:19,023 --> 00:55:22,288
But l'm sure the two of you
will be really happy together.
754
00:55:23,394 --> 00:55:26,727
And if you're not,
you can always just get divorced.
755
00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:30,426
-Yeah!
-Yeah, see? lt'll be okay.
756
00:55:30,501 --> 00:55:32,332
Right. You're so right.
757
00:55:32,503 --> 00:55:36,405
So just get yourself together.
You look smashing.
758
00:55:36,474 --> 00:55:38,442
-l look beautiful!
-You look amazing!
759
00:55:38,509 --> 00:55:42,104
-l look beautiful.
-You do. Amazing.
760
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,380
-Now, get off my dress.
-l'm sorry.
761
00:55:46,117 --> 00:55:47,379
l'm getting married!
762
00:55:54,158 --> 00:55:55,250
Hi.
763
00:56:11,476 --> 00:56:14,411
-l bet you miss Grandma.
-Grandma.
764
00:56:17,282 --> 00:56:18,374
Where is she?
765
00:56:34,232 --> 00:56:35,790
Turn around.
766
00:56:47,045 --> 00:56:49,206
lt's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus.
767
00:56:51,783 --> 00:56:53,978
Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
768
00:57:00,758 --> 00:57:02,589
Okay, boys. We're on.
769
00:57:03,661 --> 00:57:06,596
-All right. Straight?
-Big moment.
770
00:57:06,664 --> 00:57:09,064
-You look nice, too.
-Don't stress.
771
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:11,065
A little slap. Slap me.
772
00:57:12,704 --> 00:57:16,663
Don't be gay in God's house.
Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it.
773
00:57:21,212 --> 00:57:22,543
Shit.
774
00:57:33,024 --> 00:57:34,116
Chris?
775
00:57:35,426 --> 00:57:38,293
-l'm okay.
-My God! Honey, are you okay?
776
00:57:38,596 --> 00:57:42,088
-What are you doing?
-l got locked in.
777
00:57:42,166 --> 00:57:44,066
-You all right?
-Yeah.
778
00:57:46,137 --> 00:57:47,627
-You okay?
-Yeah, l'm good.
779
00:57:48,139 --> 00:57:51,472
We don't have to lie anymore
because l made friends with the bride.
780
00:57:57,081 --> 00:58:00,175
No. You cannot lock the door.
Goddamn it!
781
00:58:00,251 --> 00:58:01,980
Hello!
782
00:58:07,592 --> 00:58:08,923
Oh, please, God.
783
00:58:12,663 --> 00:58:14,563
Suki, sukiI
784
00:58:20,471 --> 00:58:22,336
lt's already started.
785
00:58:30,715 --> 00:58:32,182
l bet you miss Grandma.
786
00:58:33,684 --> 00:58:38,087
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
787
00:58:38,790 --> 00:58:41,520
...to celebrate the holy matrimony...
788
00:58:42,193 --> 00:58:44,024
...of Judith Katherine Webb...
789
00:58:44,829 --> 00:58:46,387
...and Peter Donahue.
790
00:58:47,198 --> 00:58:48,495
Peter?
791
00:58:50,301 --> 00:58:51,962
Jesus Christ!
792
00:58:53,171 --> 00:58:54,798
Peter? Shit!
793
00:58:56,874 --> 00:58:57,863
She did it.
794
00:59:01,979 --> 00:59:05,847
This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it?
795
00:59:07,552 --> 00:59:10,817
-Moishe, are you here? No?
-Come on, Sharon, let's go.
796
00:59:10,955 --> 00:59:11,944
Mazel tov.
797
00:59:12,156 --> 00:59:13,851
-Christina?
-The hottie.
798
00:59:13,925 --> 00:59:15,085
Shalom!
799
00:59:20,331 --> 00:59:22,561
That's the strangest thing l've ever seen.
800
00:59:23,568 --> 00:59:25,229
There are no Jews in Somerset.
801
00:59:26,938 --> 00:59:28,906
Shit. Shit. Shit.
802
00:59:30,508 --> 00:59:31,941
-Shall we proceed?
-Sure.
803
00:59:36,881 --> 00:59:38,280
Dearly beloved...
804
00:59:39,150 --> 00:59:41,516
...we are gathered here today...
805
00:59:42,353 --> 00:59:45,754
...to celebrate the holy matrimony...
806
00:59:46,424 --> 00:59:51,293
...of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue.
807
00:59:55,500 --> 00:59:57,661
Which is an honorable estate...
808
00:59:58,469 --> 01:00:01,632
...instituted of God, signifying...
809
01:00:01,939 --> 01:00:03,998
...unto us the mystical union...
810
01:00:04,375 --> 01:00:06,104
...that is between Christ...
811
01:00:07,778 --> 01:00:09,302
-...and...
-Peter.
812
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:10,742
...Saint....
813
01:00:15,653 --> 01:00:17,985
-l'm having reservations.
-Where?
814
01:00:19,190 --> 01:00:20,521
And is commanded...
815
01:00:20,892 --> 01:00:21,916
About this.
816
01:00:21,993 --> 01:00:23,358
-Really?
-Yeah.
817
01:00:27,064 --> 01:00:28,292
...of Saint Paul....
818
01:00:28,633 --> 01:00:30,624
-Me, too.
-Really?
819
01:00:30,835 --> 01:00:31,961
Yep.
820
01:00:35,873 --> 01:00:39,809
And therefore, is not by any to be entered...
821
01:00:39,877 --> 01:00:43,472
-l mean, l love you.
-But l'm not in love with you.
822
01:00:43,814 --> 01:00:44,838
...lightly.
823
01:00:45,116 --> 01:00:46,105
Anymore!
824
01:00:47,552 --> 01:00:49,247
-You're ruining it.
-But....
825
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:50,617
We're still friends.
826
01:00:53,324 --> 01:00:56,384
-l don't want to get married.
-l don't want to get married.
827
01:00:57,328 --> 01:01:01,196
No. No kiss. l haven't married you yet.
828
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:04,197
We're not getting married!
829
01:01:07,205 --> 01:01:08,399
Miguel?
830
01:01:10,241 --> 01:01:11,230
Dad!
831
01:01:11,876 --> 01:01:16,540
But we are having the party.
Exit in the back. lt's to the left.
832
01:01:43,841 --> 01:01:45,866
-How you doing?
-Okay. Are you okay?
833
01:01:45,943 --> 01:01:47,638
Yeah, no. l'm okay.
834
01:01:47,712 --> 01:01:50,408
-You owe me $30,000 for this wedding.
-Daddy, please.
835
01:01:51,582 --> 01:01:54,073
-You know what l'm thinking of doing?
-What's that?
836
01:01:54,151 --> 01:01:58,679
l'll cash in the honeymoon tickets,
fly to Bali, and go scuba diving.
837
01:01:58,756 --> 01:02:01,623
-l'll rip your face off, peckerhead.
-Daddy, stop.
838
01:02:03,294 --> 01:02:04,659
-Sweetie?
-Yes?
839
01:02:05,096 --> 01:02:08,657
-l have a confession to make.
-l have a confession to make. You're dead.
840
01:02:08,733 --> 01:02:11,725
Dad. l met someone.
841
01:02:12,670 --> 01:02:14,365
-You met someone.
-Online.
842
01:02:15,139 --> 01:02:16,163
Online.
843
01:02:19,777 --> 01:02:22,439
His name is Ricky. l think he's really special.
844
01:02:22,513 --> 01:02:25,812
Fuck it! lt's go time! Son of a bitch!
845
01:02:26,651 --> 01:02:27,982
Daddy, stop it!
846
01:02:43,167 --> 01:02:46,762
Refresh my memory.
Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on?
847
01:02:49,473 --> 01:02:52,408
-Yeah.
-That's what l thought.
848
01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:57,575
l'm such an idiot.
849
01:02:59,183 --> 01:03:00,377
No, you're not.
850
01:03:01,052 --> 01:03:03,646
l meet a guy for two minutes...
851
01:03:03,721 --> 01:03:08,181
...and l'm chasing after him
like he's something special.
852
01:03:10,594 --> 01:03:13,461
Maybe you want someone special for once.
853
01:03:15,733 --> 01:03:19,362
Maybe you were thinking
that you were tired of the game.
854
01:03:24,308 --> 01:03:25,832
Are you tired of the game?
855
01:03:28,779 --> 01:03:29,837
Yep.
856
01:03:32,950 --> 01:03:33,974
Let's go home.
857
01:03:35,252 --> 01:03:36,276
Okay.
858
01:03:53,804 --> 01:03:55,931
My God! What's going on?
859
01:03:56,674 --> 01:03:58,141
Excuse me, Officer?
860
01:03:58,876 --> 01:04:00,275
What's going on here?
861
01:04:00,444 --> 01:04:03,845
Twenty years on the force,
and l've never seen something so horrible.
862
01:04:04,415 --> 01:04:07,179
-What? Where?
-Where's the emergency?
863
01:04:07,284 --> 01:04:08,615
Apartment three.
864
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:11,312
-That's my apartment!
-Jane.
865
01:04:14,325 --> 01:04:16,225
Poor girl. Never saw it coming.
866
01:04:16,694 --> 01:04:18,161
Excuse me.
867
01:04:19,697 --> 01:04:23,098
-Goddamn dress!
-Don't go in there. lt's not a pretty sight.
868
01:04:23,167 --> 01:04:24,634
l live here!
869
01:04:34,078 --> 01:04:37,536
-Apparently, they're stuck.
-What do you mean?
870
01:04:38,716 --> 01:04:40,013
Are you okay?
871
01:04:41,585 --> 01:04:43,018
How are you stuck?
872
01:04:43,888 --> 01:04:45,116
l have a piercing.
873
01:04:46,957 --> 01:04:49,949
-l don't get it. How is she stuck?
-Behind her tonsils.
874
01:04:50,628 --> 01:04:52,323
How the hell do you know that?
875
01:04:52,897 --> 01:04:56,264
-Honey, l'm going to pull you really gently.
-No.
876
01:04:56,667 --> 01:04:59,397
l'm going to pull it. Gently.
877
01:05:01,572 --> 01:05:02,971
l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
878
01:05:03,874 --> 01:05:08,038
We've got the ambulance waiting outside.
We have to get going.
879
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:14,344
She could sing. You could sing, Jane.
lt relaxes the throat, honey.
880
01:05:22,126 --> 01:05:24,151
Stop it! You're getting me hard again!
881
01:05:25,029 --> 01:05:26,189
Wrong song.
882
01:05:27,865 --> 01:05:29,196
Armageddon.
883
01:05:46,517 --> 01:05:47,643
Come on, try.
884
01:06:52,883 --> 01:06:53,941
What?
885
01:06:58,088 --> 01:07:02,115
She says to him,
''Girl You Know It's True changed my life.''
886
01:07:02,226 --> 01:07:03,591
lt did!
887
01:07:03,661 --> 01:07:05,629
And this sad little tear slowly....
888
01:07:05,696 --> 01:07:09,826
Come on. What do you want from me?
l was 16 years old.
889
01:07:10,834 --> 01:07:14,770
l don't even know why l started talking to her
in the second grade.
890
01:07:14,838 --> 01:07:18,035
-You thought l was the shit.
-You are the shit.
891
01:07:18,108 --> 01:07:19,336
Shithead.
892
01:07:19,410 --> 01:07:21,378
-My God.
-What?
893
01:07:22,413 --> 01:07:26,611
They found a donor for my patient.
l've got to go. l'm sorry, guys.
894
01:07:26,684 --> 01:07:29,812
-Christina, it was great meeting you.
-Nice to meet you, Greg.
895
01:07:29,920 --> 01:07:32,445
-Jane, it was great meeting you.
-Great meeting you.
896
01:07:32,523 --> 01:07:35,287
So sorry to run off.
l'll make you risotto tomorrow.
897
01:07:35,359 --> 01:07:36,690
lt's fine.
898
01:07:40,864 --> 01:07:44,265
-Can l just say, that was so sweet?
-He's great.
899
01:07:44,735 --> 01:07:46,999
-He's so sweet.
-Shut up.
900
01:07:47,104 --> 01:07:49,129
He doesn't have any piercings, does he?
901
01:07:51,709 --> 01:07:53,404
l don't know, actually...
902
01:07:53,477 --> 01:07:58,005
...because l haven't done that with him yet.
903
01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:02,052
-So, you know....
-Honey, you really do like him.
904
01:08:02,119 --> 01:08:04,644
l don't want to talk about it, because l'll jinx it.
905
01:09:03,981 --> 01:09:07,041
-l closed on the Mahalock house today.
-Great news for you.
906
01:09:07,718 --> 01:09:09,310
You don't need to do a thing.
907
01:09:10,854 --> 01:09:13,516
-What did they say about aluminum siding?
-No.
908
01:09:14,825 --> 01:09:16,554
-Really?
-Really.
909
01:09:16,627 --> 01:09:19,619
Be careful with those fat-free chips.
They cause anal leakage.
910
01:09:20,264 --> 01:09:23,529
-You cause anal leakage.
-Says so on the bag.
911
01:09:33,577 --> 01:09:38,241
What kind of marketing brainiac
puts ''anal leakage'' on his product?
912
01:09:39,850 --> 01:09:41,715
How can they even sell that crap?
913
01:09:42,052 --> 01:09:44,350
-What time is your flight?
-9:30.
914
01:09:46,023 --> 01:09:48,253
l can't believe you're going to Costa Rica.
915
01:09:48,892 --> 01:09:51,383
Your female problems are over with.
916
01:09:51,962 --> 01:09:53,623
-Hope so.
-They are.
917
01:09:53,697 --> 01:09:55,961
You know what l hear about Costa Rican women?
918
01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:58,161
-For five pesos--
-No, Rog.
919
01:09:58,235 --> 01:10:01,500
They take your chimichanga and your pequito....
920
01:10:01,739 --> 01:10:03,639
-No, se�or.
-Listen to me!
921
01:10:05,042 --> 01:10:09,138
All l'm saying is,
make nice with the concierge, okay?
922
01:10:11,515 --> 01:10:13,949
-You all right, Vera?
-Couldn't be better.
923
01:10:18,255 --> 01:10:20,382
-Thank you so much.
-Where do you want it?
924
01:10:20,457 --> 01:10:22,948
Put her down right here.
925
01:10:23,227 --> 01:10:26,287
Since you're going away,
do you want to be on our mailing list?
926
01:10:27,264 --> 01:10:29,425
Yes, ma'am. l'd love to. Thank you.
927
01:10:31,735 --> 01:10:35,068
l've been trying to get us off
that mailing list since 1982.
928
01:10:35,139 --> 01:10:36,572
Relax.
929
01:10:36,807 --> 01:10:41,141
This is the hottest chick in this store
and l caught her trying to escape.
930
01:11:03,934 --> 01:11:05,629
Very strange.
931
01:11:11,508 --> 01:11:15,535
Sweetie, Christina, what's going on?
What happened?
932
01:11:17,714 --> 01:11:21,013
l came to just eat my cookie
and make a phone call, but....
933
01:11:21,185 --> 01:11:24,279
You didn't want to eat the cookies? What?
934
01:11:24,488 --> 01:11:26,718
Just read this.
935
01:11:28,592 --> 01:11:32,153
''Commandment number nine:
Thou shalt love what's possible.''
936
01:11:33,997 --> 01:11:36,397
Honey, we have gone over this.
937
01:11:36,567 --> 01:11:39,661
You did not know the guy was getting married.
938
01:11:40,270 --> 01:11:42,363
lt's all right. He wasn't possible.
939
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:46,034
Not that one. The next one. Commandment ten.
940
01:11:46,543 --> 01:11:50,604
-''Thou shalt not fear''?
-Yes. ''Thou shalt not fear.''
941
01:11:50,681 --> 01:11:52,615
What are you talking about, fear?
942
01:11:52,916 --> 01:11:55,851
What you did was an incredibly brave thing.
943
01:11:56,086 --> 01:12:00,182
You dropped all of your boundaries
and you met this guy halfway.
944
01:12:00,524 --> 01:12:02,958
More than halfway, you went to Somerset.
945
01:12:03,327 --> 01:12:06,660
Guys, it was just another game. Come on.
946
01:12:06,730 --> 01:12:10,928
lf he hadn't been getting married,
if he wasn't the groom, what would l've done?
947
01:12:12,703 --> 01:12:13,897
That's right.
948
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:20,609
l would've done the same old thing.
l would have hesitated. l would have...
949
01:12:23,447 --> 01:12:26,883
...froze up.
l would have kissed him and then ran off.
950
01:12:28,619 --> 01:12:30,519
Give him the wrong phone number.
951
01:12:31,521 --> 01:12:35,150
Hook that fish and just throw him right back.
952
01:12:36,693 --> 01:12:37,819
Jesus.
953
01:12:42,499 --> 01:12:44,228
l'm stuck in a rut.
954
01:12:48,472 --> 01:12:51,566
Big, fat rut.
955
01:12:53,143 --> 01:12:57,011
Guys, l don't want to be that girl anymore.
956
01:12:57,614 --> 01:12:59,479
-l know.
-You know?
957
01:12:59,650 --> 01:13:01,811
l know. None of us do.
958
01:13:05,756 --> 01:13:07,553
Let's go dancing.
959
01:13:12,296 --> 01:13:13,763
So, any chance?
960
01:13:14,064 --> 01:13:17,659
Of what? No, don't even bother.
She's on a mission.
961
01:13:29,179 --> 01:13:32,080
-How is it shaking, ladies?
-No, thank you.
962
01:13:32,482 --> 01:13:35,178
Your body is banging. Your face is--
963
01:13:35,252 --> 01:13:37,186
Neato. Thanks. Neat.
964
01:13:43,160 --> 01:13:45,219
What's going on, hot mama?
965
01:13:48,799 --> 01:13:52,428
Bringing it down. Bringing it up now!
966
01:13:55,973 --> 01:13:59,272
Here it comes, baby. Feel the monkey.
Work the monkey.
967
01:13:59,409 --> 01:14:01,969
The monkey, the monkey, the monkey!
968
01:14:07,617 --> 01:14:10,609
-You're working that monkey.
-You're a really good dancer.
969
01:14:10,854 --> 01:14:14,881
-You have some original moves.
-Thanks, l've been working on it.
970
01:14:15,592 --> 01:14:18,288
-Have me met before?
-A couple of times.
971
01:14:18,862 --> 01:14:19,920
l'm Donny.
972
01:14:25,268 --> 01:14:26,326
Christina.
973
01:14:26,770 --> 01:14:28,897
This is like Sixteen Candles.
974
01:14:30,907 --> 01:14:32,772
l'd love to take you out sometime.
975
01:14:33,110 --> 01:14:36,546
Really? Well, that's nice. l mean....
976
01:14:37,781 --> 01:14:40,011
Give me your card, l'll call you sometime.
977
01:14:41,451 --> 01:14:42,440
Thank you.
978
01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:45,585
You seem like a really nice person.
979
01:14:45,989 --> 01:14:49,186
-Work on the monkey.
-l'll work on the monkey.
980
01:15:18,088 --> 01:15:19,282
Hey, Donny.
981
01:15:20,590 --> 01:15:23,081
-Do you have a pen?
-You bet.
982
01:15:27,397 --> 01:15:31,561
l'm a jerk and l wanted to apologize,
because l didn't plan on calling you.
983
01:15:31,635 --> 01:15:34,866
l'll give you my number so that you can call me...
984
01:15:36,540 --> 01:15:40,237
...because l found out something
that was completely life-changing:
985
01:15:40,877 --> 01:15:43,311
lt's okay to take a chance.
986
01:15:43,413 --> 01:15:47,144
Love is crazy and that's what love is,
it's taking a chance.
987
01:15:48,485 --> 01:15:52,785
My girlfriend Courtney and l
went on this crazy ride for a guy.
988
01:15:53,090 --> 01:15:57,356
l went across the state, practically,
to find this guy that l don't even know.
989
01:15:57,427 --> 01:16:01,488
l don't even know you, but here l am,
having this conversation with you.
990
01:16:01,665 --> 01:16:06,534
And l know that if l just take a chance
with you, maybe, l don't know--
991
01:16:06,770 --> 01:16:08,135
Forget it.
992
01:16:09,072 --> 01:16:11,233
What's a guy got to do to get laid?
993
01:16:51,114 --> 01:16:52,376
-Chris?
-Yeah?
994
01:16:52,449 --> 01:16:53,643
Honey?
995
01:16:56,686 --> 01:16:57,812
What?
996
01:17:01,758 --> 01:17:03,089
My God.
997
01:17:06,463 --> 01:17:07,794
What am l going to do?
998
01:17:08,498 --> 01:17:11,160
l think you can handle this one on your own.
999
01:17:11,768 --> 01:17:13,030
lt's all good, girl.
1000
01:17:15,438 --> 01:17:18,464
Figure this one out. Figure it out. Okay.
1001
01:17:27,918 --> 01:17:29,442
What are you doing here?
1002
01:17:29,886 --> 01:17:33,287
-l came here to apologize to you.
-For what?
1003
01:17:33,356 --> 01:17:36,484
For not telling you l was getting married.
1004
01:17:36,593 --> 01:17:39,494
l should have told you that and l didn't.
l'm sorry.
1005
01:17:39,563 --> 01:17:42,623
You're the guy that needs the last fling
before your wedding.
1006
01:17:42,699 --> 01:17:44,792
No. l'm not that guy.
1007
01:17:45,569 --> 01:17:50,472
You spilled my drink and l let you buy me a beer.
That was all there was to it.
1008
01:17:53,143 --> 01:17:55,373
We had fun, we talked and that was it.
1009
01:17:56,513 --> 01:17:57,502
Right?
1010
01:17:59,382 --> 01:18:01,213
Yeah, l guess you're right.
1011
01:18:02,519 --> 01:18:03,816
l didn't get married.
1012
01:18:10,260 --> 01:18:13,525
-What do you mean?
-Judy and l, we called it off.
1013
01:18:17,267 --> 01:18:21,636
l hope my.... That thing that happened
didn't have anything to do with it.
1014
01:18:21,705 --> 01:18:23,798
No, it had nothing to do with that.
1015
01:18:24,207 --> 01:18:29,110
We realized we were doing the wrong thing.
Two people should be in love.
1016
01:18:30,213 --> 01:18:33,444
But Judy is happy. She's scuba diving in Bali.
1017
01:18:33,516 --> 01:18:37,350
She really liked you, too.
Why were you at my wedding?
1018
01:18:39,289 --> 01:18:44,249
lt was just one of those spontaneous things
my girlfriend and l do.
1019
01:18:44,694 --> 01:18:46,924
lt was just, really....
1020
01:18:48,231 --> 01:18:50,096
lt just got screwed up.
1021
01:18:54,971 --> 01:18:57,872
l came here tonight because l wanted to see you.
1022
01:18:58,575 --> 01:19:01,100
l thought that maybe....
1023
01:19:02,912 --> 01:19:04,903
Well, that night that we met...
1024
01:19:05,649 --> 01:19:10,086
...l thought there was something,
some feeling l had about us.
1025
01:19:11,254 --> 01:19:15,953
l thought that maybe you might feel that way, too.
1026
01:19:16,026 --> 01:19:19,257
ls this a mutual thing?
This is not a mutual thing at all.
1027
01:19:19,329 --> 01:19:21,490
This is a very stupid thing. l'm stupid.
1028
01:19:21,998 --> 01:19:25,263
l should go.
l really apologize for wasting your time.
1029
01:19:25,335 --> 01:19:28,327
And l'll go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now.
1030
01:19:28,405 --> 01:19:32,341
Thanks. See you. l'm stupid. That's right.
1031
01:19:32,909 --> 01:19:37,141
ln fact, that's exactly what l wanted to do.
1032
01:19:38,882 --> 01:19:41,715
Yes. Gosh, it's going so well.
1033
01:20:03,573 --> 01:20:05,768
l'm not going to be afraid.
1034
01:20:12,148 --> 01:20:13,137
Peter?
1035
01:20:16,920 --> 01:20:19,718
Shit. Peter, wait!
1036
01:20:31,701 --> 01:20:33,032
Shit.
1037
01:20:50,220 --> 01:20:51,244
Come on!
1038
01:20:53,189 --> 01:20:54,850
Are you okay?
1039
01:20:55,658 --> 01:20:56,784
Yes.
1040
01:20:59,162 --> 01:21:01,130
l don't think l handled that too--
1041
01:21:01,197 --> 01:21:04,894
l didn't handle it at all. l'm so sorry.
1042
01:21:05,568 --> 01:21:08,469
l wanted to find you so that l could tell you...
1043
01:21:09,239 --> 01:21:13,107
...that l did come to your wedding
because l wanted to see you again...
1044
01:21:13,209 --> 01:21:17,077
...because the feeling is mutual,
and you better be a really good kisser.
1045
01:21:31,594 --> 01:21:32,925
That was weak.
1046
01:21:33,997 --> 01:21:35,294
-Weak?
-Yeah.
1047
01:21:37,567 --> 01:21:39,364
lt's okay. You can try again.
1048
01:21:50,947 --> 01:21:52,938
You were so much better in my dream.
1049
01:21:54,317 --> 01:21:55,716
Hold these.
1050
01:21:59,856 --> 01:22:02,586
-l thought this was mutual.
-Oh, my God.
1051
01:22:02,659 --> 01:22:05,594
l'm serious. l'll call you, okay?
1052
01:22:06,996 --> 01:22:09,021
What? Wait!
1053
01:22:09,299 --> 01:22:11,199
Thanks for the flowers. Nice touch.
1054
01:22:11,267 --> 01:22:13,758
l'm out of practice! l just woke up!
1055
01:22:15,405 --> 01:22:16,702
Unbelievable!
1056
01:22:24,280 --> 01:22:26,805
Christina Walters. Yep. l know her.
1057
01:22:26,983 --> 01:22:29,918
Bitch. Made my life a living hell.
1058
01:22:31,488 --> 01:22:34,457
She tries to pawn me off on her friend.
She calls me a dick.
1059
01:22:34,524 --> 01:22:37,118
She hunts me down like a dog
at my own wedding.
1060
01:22:37,260 --> 01:22:40,058
Then, when l try to apologize, she's like:
1061
01:22:40,330 --> 01:22:44,391
''l don't know you. You're one of hundreds.
l have no feelings for you....''
1062
01:22:50,740 --> 01:22:52,503
ls that how l sound?
1063
01:22:59,983 --> 01:23:02,042
The movie is starting. Let's go!
1064
01:23:30,647 --> 01:23:31,807
Fuck Grandma.
1065
01:23:42,458 --> 01:23:44,426
Save yourself a buck.
1066
01:23:49,065 --> 01:23:51,158
-A girl that you lick.
-Really?
1067
01:23:51,234 --> 01:23:53,168
-That you lick.
-A girl that l lick?
1068
01:24:00,877 --> 01:24:02,640
Are you all right?
1069
01:24:03,479 --> 01:24:05,003
You're watching the credits?
1070
01:24:23,299 --> 01:24:26,393
-Chicks freak on this guy.
-You owe me thirty....
1071
01:24:36,279 --> 01:24:37,268
Copy that.
1072
01:24:44,454 --> 01:24:46,046
ls that what you want?
1073
01:24:51,227 --> 01:24:54,628
l think there's always time for a movie montage.
1074
01:25:04,841 --> 01:25:06,832
l hope you like how sexy l am.
1075
01:25:14,250 --> 01:25:19,187
Okay. l'm not going to be afraid.
1076
01:25:22,225 --> 01:25:24,022
l'm not.
1077
01:25:26,029 --> 01:25:30,398
lt's a very bad rumor. lt's a rumor. l'm serious.
1078
01:25:30,833 --> 01:25:31,993
Crap.
1079
01:25:39,175 --> 01:25:41,006
You really got my ass. lt's good.
1080
01:25:46,015 --> 01:25:47,004
Cut!
1081
01:25:55,058 --> 01:25:57,026
-l look beautiful.
-You look amazing.
1082
01:25:57,093 --> 01:26:00,187
-l look beautiful. Thank you.
-You do. Amazing.
1083
01:26:06,803 --> 01:26:08,998
We can sit here like this all night.
1084
01:26:09,505 --> 01:26:12,531
-l bet you miss Grandma.
-Grandma.
1085
01:26:20,717 --> 01:26:23,208
-l'm not bah-jiggity.
-You are so bah-jiggity.
1086
01:26:36,899 --> 01:26:39,060
lt's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus.
1087
01:26:43,005 --> 01:26:45,371
l guess a blowjob is out of the question?
1088
01:26:46,442 --> 01:26:47,932
That is the sweetest thing.
1089
01:26:48,044 --> 01:26:49,272
'Bye!
1090
01:26:56,119 --> 01:26:57,780
Well, that was fun.
1091
01:30:29,231 --> 01:30:32,962
-lt's over. Bye-bye, go home.
-You can leave.
1092
01:30:33,305 --> 01:30:39,901
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