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1
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I turned 12
in the summer of 1972...
2
00:00:03,858 --> 00:00:05,726
an awesome time to be a kid.
3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,427
It was the Wild West.
4
00:00:07,462 --> 00:00:09,930
Bike helmets hadn't been
invented yet or car seatbelts
5
00:00:09,964 --> 00:00:12,900
or even normal adult supervision.
6
00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:15,335
Dads weren't around as
much as they are now.
7
00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:18,005
Mine was too busy with his job
at a big defense contractor,
8
00:00:18,039 --> 00:00:20,874
keeping our neighborhood safe
from North Vietnamese invasion.
9
00:00:20,909 --> 00:00:23,677
And my mom was busy running the house.
10
00:00:23,711 --> 00:00:25,279
She had a lot on her plate.
11
00:00:25,313 --> 00:00:26,780
Did I mention we were Catholics?
12
00:00:26,814 --> 00:00:30,117
There were eight of us kids, all boys.
13
00:00:30,151 --> 00:00:33,020
That was a lot of
testosterone for one house,
14
00:00:33,054 --> 00:00:35,589
and it was about to become even more.
15
00:00:35,693 --> 00:00:36,693
I just said that one of them.
16
00:00:36,694 --> 00:00:38,372
would have to give up
their bed to Lawrence.
17
00:00:38,396 --> 00:00:40,330
- for the summer.
- Knock it off.
18
00:00:40,365 --> 00:00:42,933
You are not gonna ruin
your brother's homecoming.
19
00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:45,179
My dad was so excited because
my oldest brother, Lawrence,
20
00:00:45,203 --> 00:00:48,438
filled an obligation all big
Catholic families felt...
21
00:00:48,473 --> 00:00:50,841
sending a son to the seminary.
22
00:00:56,214 --> 00:00:57,214
Having a future priest
23
00:00:57,215 --> 00:00:59,383
was a big source of
status for our family,
24
00:00:59,417 --> 00:01:01,385
putting us way ahead of the Harrigans.
25
00:01:01,419 --> 00:01:03,520
12 kids, and all they
came up with was a nun.
26
00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,067
But having Lawrence back from college
27
00:01:07,091 --> 00:01:09,860
made me, the needy middle child,
28
00:01:09,894 --> 00:01:12,863
feel more forgotten than ever.
29
00:01:12,897 --> 00:01:14,665
This is my body,
30
00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,967
which will be given up for you.
31
00:01:20,438 --> 00:01:23,840
That was the day I famously
decided to upstage God.
32
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What the hell is wrong with that kid?
33
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,660
You made a spectacle
of yourself in there.
34
00:01:32,684 --> 00:01:34,051
You should be ashamed of yourself.
35
00:01:35,787 --> 00:01:37,097
My family just couldn't appreciate
36
00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:38,755
my lively sense of showmanship.
37
00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:39,790
Clearly, I would need to look
38
00:01:39,791 --> 00:01:42,592
for a wider, more sophisticated audience.
39
00:01:45,029 --> 00:01:46,563
Yes.
40
00:01:46,597 --> 00:01:47,998
Yes, I do.
41
00:02:00,144 --> 00:02:01,355
How's college going anyway, college man?
42
00:02:01,379 --> 00:02:03,880
- It's...
- There's food!
43
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:06,083
School's okay. I took a
math class last semester.
44
00:02:06,117 --> 00:02:07,284
They teach math there, too?
45
00:02:07,318 --> 00:02:09,119
You're embarrassing yourself.
46
00:02:09,153 --> 00:02:11,221
St. Joe's is a
fully-accredited university.
47
00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:12,889
You get into Pythagoras' theorem yet?
48
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,292
It's a hell of a theorem, Pythagoras'.
49
00:02:15,326 --> 00:02:17,194
Yeah. I'm a fan.
50
00:02:17,228 --> 00:02:19,262
Bless us, O Lord, and
these, Thy gifts...
51
00:02:19,297 --> 00:02:20,864
Which we are about to receive.
52
00:02:20,898 --> 00:02:23,767
from Thy bounty through
Christ our Lord. Amen.
53
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,404
- Careful.
- This ketchup tastes funny.
54
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:29,306
It's only different because Mom made it,
55
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,918
and then she put it
in the regular bottle.
56
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:33,053
- Mom made the ketchup?
- What, His Majesty's so fancy now.
57
00:02:33,077 --> 00:02:35,545
he can only eat store-bought ketchup?
58
00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:36,924
Lawrence, I want to pick your brain.
59
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,049
about how young people
see our president.
60
00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:41,485
I find it informative
hearing all points of view.
61
00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:42,963
Nixon's in the pocket of big business.
62
00:02:42,987 --> 00:02:44,087
Nobody asked you, fathead.
63
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,589
Joey, make room for your brother.
64
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:47,000
I wasn't done with my pork chop.
65
00:02:47,024 --> 00:02:48,158
Eat it over the sink.
66
00:02:48,192 --> 00:02:49,960
I mean, is Nixon even on the level?
67
00:02:49,994 --> 00:02:51,405
I mean, what about
that Watergate break-in?
68
00:02:51,429 --> 00:02:53,163
No, no. Nixon had
nothing to do with that.
69
00:02:53,197 --> 00:02:54,975
You know what I call Watergate?
70
00:02:54,999 --> 00:02:56,666
That's phony news.
71
00:02:56,701 --> 00:02:58,735
Would you tell him to cut that racket?
72
00:02:58,770 --> 00:03:00,570
Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.
73
00:03:00,605 --> 00:03:02,572
- I'm not upset.
- You seem pretty upset.
74
00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:03,817
- You want to stay out of this?
- You know what?
75
00:03:03,841 --> 00:03:07,744
I actually, promised I'd
drop in and see my friend AJ,
76
00:03:07,779 --> 00:03:10,013
and I promised to go right now,
77
00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:12,983
so I'm gonna go get changed.
78
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:20,090
Mom, I have to learn these songs.
79
00:03:20,124 --> 00:03:21,458
Why, so you can scare away bats?
80
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,160
No one wants to hear you caterwauling.
81
00:03:23,194 --> 00:03:25,028
- What is this?
- N... nothing.
82
00:03:25,062 --> 00:03:26,263
Just having fun.
83
00:03:26,297 --> 00:03:28,064
Well, stop that.
84
00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:31,301
What are you really doing?
85
00:03:31,335 --> 00:03:33,503
Okay, I'll tell you, but it's a secret.
86
00:03:33,538 --> 00:03:35,138
I'm auditioning for a very prestigious.
87
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,640
children's theater in Hollywood.
88
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:37,674
- Mom!
- No!
89
00:03:37,678 --> 00:03:38,678
Why can't I?
90
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,220
'Cause nobody's driving
you to Hollyweird.
91
00:03:40,244 --> 00:03:42,813
- to be in some ridiculous show.
- I could take a bus.
92
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,015
- or hitchhike.
- You know I don't approve that,
93
00:03:45,049 --> 00:03:46,160
wasting good money on buses.
94
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,028
Look at
me. I'm Timmy. I'm special.
95
00:03:48,052 --> 00:03:50,230
Yeah, no, sorry. We do not have
the wherewithal in this family.
96
00:03:50,254 --> 00:03:52,222
for any of you kids to be special.
97
00:03:52,256 --> 00:03:53,867
And thank goodness you mostly
turned out uninteresting,
98
00:03:53,891 --> 00:03:55,125
like Frank here.
99
00:03:55,159 --> 00:03:58,295
Here's a summer
project... foreign missions.
100
00:03:58,329 --> 00:04:00,063
Poor pagan babies are starving to death,
101
00:04:00,097 --> 00:04:01,208
and the church needs money to save them.
102
00:04:01,232 --> 00:04:03,200
by baptizing them before they die.
103
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,144
Something's yours around here,
104
00:04:14,178 --> 00:04:16,313
you really got to hold onto it, okay?
105
00:04:21,085 --> 00:04:23,053
Mommy, my lungs hurt. I have asthma.
106
00:04:23,087 --> 00:04:24,364
No, you don't. We can't afford asthma.
107
00:04:24,388 --> 00:04:27,257
That's just smog. Go
back outside and play.
108
00:04:27,291 --> 00:04:29,526
- Going to bingo tonight with Dad.
- Ooh, he's got you.
109
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,661
wearing your collar
like his prize poodle.
110
00:04:31,696 --> 00:04:33,363
I don't mind you
being the favorite.
111
00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:35,242
It's less pressure on the
rest of us not to suck.
112
00:04:35,266 --> 00:04:37,534
Well, I might be stepping
off the pedestal soon.
113
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,236
I'm not just home for the summer.
114
00:04:39,270 --> 00:04:41,738
I'm thinking about not going
back to the seminary at all, man.
115
00:04:41,772 --> 00:04:43,273
Mike and Peggy won't like that.
116
00:04:43,307 --> 00:04:45,008
Well, it's my decision, my life.
117
00:04:45,042 --> 00:04:46,910
You think so? Seriously?
118
00:04:46,944 --> 00:04:49,223
I'm the next in line, so if
you don't join the priesthood,
119
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,580
they'll definitely make me.
120
00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:52,182
When Notre Dame beat Michigan State,
121
00:04:52,216 --> 00:04:53,717
Dad promised God one priest.
122
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,519
- Just tell 'em "no."
- I'm not you.
123
00:04:55,553 --> 00:04:58,755
I don't get to grow my hair
and argue politics with Dad.
124
00:04:58,789 --> 00:05:00,423
Don't do this.
125
00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:02,125
I've got a girlfriend now,
126
00:05:02,159 --> 00:05:04,094
a secret girlfriend,
and she's really cool,
127
00:05:04,128 --> 00:05:06,263
but not so cool that she'll
keep making out with me.
128
00:05:06,297 --> 00:05:07,564
once I'm Father Eddie.
129
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,276
Just tell 'em the truth.
They can handle it.
130
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,902
No way! Mom would wig out.
131
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,313
Mom must never know.
132
00:05:13,337 --> 00:05:15,205
Then you shouldn't talk so loudly.
133
00:05:15,239 --> 00:05:17,251
- right next to the bathroom.
- You didn't hear a thing.
134
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,875
I'll have to sleep on that,
135
00:05:18,910 --> 00:05:21,278
tonight, in my own bed.
136
00:05:21,312 --> 00:05:22,422
You'll like it where
I've been sleeping...
137
00:05:22,446 --> 00:05:23,457
under the dining room table.
138
00:05:23,481 --> 00:05:25,282
You can still smell where the dog died.
139
00:05:25,316 --> 00:05:27,717
Narc!
140
00:05:27,752 --> 00:05:28,952
Aaaaah!
141
00:05:31,355 --> 00:05:32,355
Excuse me, Mama.
142
00:05:32,356 --> 00:05:34,001
You should probably know
that Frank and Edd...
143
00:05:34,025 --> 00:05:35,892
Eddie's killing Frank!
144
00:05:42,099 --> 00:05:43,500
As ignored as I was generally,
145
00:05:43,534 --> 00:05:45,135
I was absolutely invisible
146
00:05:45,169 --> 00:05:46,313
whenever my brothers were fighting,
147
00:05:46,337 --> 00:05:49,239
so, really, most of the time.
148
00:05:49,273 --> 00:05:52,442
There's... cat... poop... in... here.
149
00:05:55,212 --> 00:05:57,814
Hi, I was interested in
auditioning for your show.
150
00:05:59,016 --> 00:06:00,517
As the star...
151
00:06:00,551 --> 00:06:02,285
or some other very large role?
152
00:06:03,788 --> 00:06:05,255
Performing experience?
153
00:06:05,289 --> 00:06:07,357
Well, nothing you'd have seen.
154
00:06:07,391 --> 00:06:10,827
I... I sing the
Oscar Meyer Wiener song.
155
00:06:10,861 --> 00:06:12,262
whenever relatives come over.
156
00:06:12,296 --> 00:06:13,463
It's very good.
157
00:06:13,497 --> 00:06:14,998
I'll explain.
158
00:06:15,032 --> 00:06:16,512
- I heard the whole thing.
- No, stop.
159
00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:21,338
I should be the one to tell them.
160
00:06:23,307 --> 00:06:25,108
Mom, Dad...
161
00:06:27,244 --> 00:06:29,613
I'm thinking about
leaving the seminary,
162
00:06:29,647 --> 00:06:31,481
- not becoming a priest.
- What?!
163
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:32,515
- What?
- What?
164
00:06:32,550 --> 00:06:34,027
I'm sorry. I didn't
hear the priest part.
165
00:06:34,051 --> 00:06:35,896
All I heard about was
Eddie's secret girlfriend.
166
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,221
I know this feels like
a big deal right now...
167
00:06:38,255 --> 00:06:40,357
Eddie has a secret girlfriend?
168
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,800
How long has this been going on?
169
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,350
I've been weighing the
decision for a while now.
170
00:06:47,368 --> 00:06:49,750
I was talking about Eddie's girlfriend.
I'd like to meet this person.
171
00:06:49,774 --> 00:06:51,241
I seriously hate you.
172
00:06:51,276 --> 00:06:52,720
I already knew you were up to something.
173
00:06:52,744 --> 00:06:55,512
Remember, I do your laundry.
174
00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:57,381
What are you planning
on studying instead?
175
00:06:57,415 --> 00:06:59,216
- Me, for starters.
- "Me."
176
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:02,152
And not in any classroom, but out
experiencing the world, you know?
177
00:07:02,186 --> 00:07:03,987
M... maybe I'll backpack across Europe.
178
00:07:04,022 --> 00:07:06,089
I backpacked across
Europe when I was your age,
179
00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:08,870
- except there were Germans shooting at me.
- You were actually younger,
180
00:07:08,871 --> 00:07:10,827
and you forged Grandpa's
signature to enlist.
181
00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,006
because you believed
in what you were doing.
182
00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,397
You want to kill Germans?
183
00:07:13,431 --> 00:07:15,198
I'll sign the papers right now.
184
00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:16,667
Lawrence isn't killing any Germans!
185
00:07:16,701 --> 00:07:18,535
He's gonna be a priest! Or somebody is.
186
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,014
If not him, Eddie for sure.
187
00:07:20,038 --> 00:07:22,516
Right now, you need to get down to
that church and help Father Dunne.
188
00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:24,274
The man has diabetes!
189
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:26,610
You're right. I made a commitment,
190
00:07:26,644 --> 00:07:28,088
a word that you might want to look up.
191
00:07:28,112 --> 00:07:29,446
in that new collegiate dictionary.
192
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,682
that we had to buy you for 22 bucks.
193
00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:34,851
because our old dictionary
didn't contain hip new lingo.
194
00:07:34,886 --> 00:07:37,154
like "Congressperson" and "gorp."
195
00:07:38,256 --> 00:07:40,090
I will see you...
196
00:07:40,124 --> 00:07:41,425
at bingo.
197
00:07:45,396 --> 00:07:46,964
And get a haircut!
198
00:07:53,338 --> 00:07:54,371
It was that easy.
199
00:07:54,405 --> 00:07:56,073
One phone call,
200
00:07:56,107 --> 00:07:58,442
and I found my first paying
show-business job...
201
00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:01,044
"paying" meaning I had to pay.
202
00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,051
I had more money than this.
203
00:08:08,086 --> 00:08:10,220
You had 9 bucks, an Abba-Zaba,
204
00:08:10,254 --> 00:08:11,788
and a picture...
205
00:08:11,823 --> 00:08:14,491
of Laurie Partridge.
206
00:08:14,525 --> 00:08:16,159
What happened to my money, Joey?
207
00:08:16,194 --> 00:08:18,128
I saw Jethro Tull at
The Forum on Saturday.
208
00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:20,664
That man don't blow his flute for free.
209
00:08:20,698 --> 00:08:22,265
I have an audition tomorrow!
210
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:24,234
It costs 40 bucks!
211
00:08:24,268 --> 00:08:25,402
Take a chill pill.
212
00:08:26,371 --> 00:08:27,371
Hang on.
213
00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:33,510
Let's reconvene where
there's a modicum of privacy.
214
00:08:33,544 --> 00:08:34,945
10 minutes, in my office.
215
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,015
Bring ice.
216
00:08:42,053 --> 00:08:45,455
I've given some thought
to your money problem.
217
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,791
My problem is you stealing my money.
218
00:08:47,825 --> 00:08:49,760
You're really going
to have to let that go.
219
00:08:51,195 --> 00:08:54,097
My suggestion is
take your little mission box.
220
00:08:54,132 --> 00:08:55,799
up to the rich, douchebag neighborhood.
221
00:08:55,833 --> 00:08:57,534
and ring a few douchebag doors.
222
00:08:57,568 --> 00:08:59,279
With your big brown
eyes and big round head,
223
00:08:59,303 --> 00:09:01,204
you'll clear 40 bucks in an hour.
224
00:09:01,239 --> 00:09:02,939
That money's for the pagan babies.
225
00:09:02,974 --> 00:09:04,307
Rich people don't care.
226
00:09:04,342 --> 00:09:06,209
They get off on giving their dough away.
227
00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:08,378
They just want to feel
good about themselves.
228
00:09:08,413 --> 00:09:10,347
and get you the hell off their porch.
229
00:09:10,381 --> 00:09:12,482
A normal family, I could
just ask Mom or Dad,
230
00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:14,685
but Dad's too cheap.
231
00:09:14,719 --> 00:09:18,722
If he could, Dad would enjoy
tossing his dough around,
232
00:09:18,756 --> 00:09:21,291
taking us all out to a
Ponderosa Steakhouse, say,
233
00:09:21,325 --> 00:09:23,460
or Sizzler.
234
00:09:23,494 --> 00:09:25,395
But that Great Depression thing.
235
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:26,897
always kicks in, and, instead,
236
00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:29,833
we come home to the
taste of fried bologna.
237
00:09:29,867 --> 00:09:31,334
and sadness.
238
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,304
Okay, blow. I got things to do.
239
00:09:34,338 --> 00:09:35,516
Dad let Joey build a tree house.
240
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:38,375
because he liked that Joey
wanted to use his hands.
241
00:09:38,409 --> 00:09:40,577
He had no idea how much.
242
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:46,216
Look... No more holes.
243
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:47,317
And so groovy.
244
00:09:47,351 --> 00:09:48,852
You'd be right at home at a love-in.
245
00:09:51,022 --> 00:09:52,355
That's the style these days.
246
00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:54,424
Trust me... ratty
dungarees with patches.
247
00:09:54,459 --> 00:09:56,760
Well, you certainly get it.
248
00:09:56,794 --> 00:09:59,996
Mom, this is my girlfriend, Wendi.
249
00:10:00,031 --> 00:10:01,231
Girlfriend.
250
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:04,868
Eddie has a girlfriend.
251
00:10:04,902 --> 00:10:06,436
- How come?
- I'm sorry?
252
00:10:06,471 --> 00:10:07,904
No need to be sorry.
253
00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:10,073
Look, I love Eddie.
Well, I love all my boys.
254
00:10:10,108 --> 00:10:13,744
I have to. But how on earth
would Eddie get a girlfriend?
255
00:10:13,778 --> 00:10:15,512
Lots of kids our age are going together.
256
00:10:15,546 --> 00:10:17,714
Yeah, but not with Eddie.
257
00:10:17,749 --> 00:10:19,193
How long have you two known each other?
258
00:10:19,217 --> 00:10:21,585
- A... around four months.
- See, that explains it.
259
00:10:21,619 --> 00:10:23,386
I always say it takes four
and a half months.
260
00:10:23,421 --> 00:10:25,689
before you really see
the flaws in a person.
261
00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:27,134
Now you can move on to some other boy,
262
00:10:27,158 --> 00:10:28,692
and I just saved you two weeks.
263
00:10:31,329 --> 00:10:33,563
I think you are amazing, Mrs. Cleary.
264
00:10:33,598 --> 00:10:36,633
Running this home is a
huge managerial achievement.
265
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:40,237
Modern women look up to
Indira Gandhi and Golda Meir,
266
00:10:40,271 --> 00:10:42,139
but those who choose a domestic career.
267
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:44,207
are no less viable a role model.
268
00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:50,247
I mean, that's just
silly. I'm no role model.
269
00:10:50,281 --> 00:10:53,116
Though, I would like to see
Golda handle all my housework.
270
00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:55,752
and still make franks
and beans for Mister Meir.
271
00:10:55,787 --> 00:10:57,754
You're so slim, Wendi.
272
00:10:57,789 --> 00:10:59,389
I'm gonna make you a shift.
273
00:10:59,423 --> 00:11:02,826
I have this Dacron
fabric. It is so colorful.
274
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,328
It's like an LSD acid trip.
275
00:11:05,363 --> 00:11:07,464
- I wouldn't know.
- Correct answer.
276
00:11:07,498 --> 00:11:09,499
Come with me. Let's
take your measurements.
277
00:11:11,636 --> 00:11:12,936
Good night.
278
00:11:17,475 --> 00:11:20,177
Thank you so much, ma'am,
on behalf of the foreign missions.
279
00:11:20,211 --> 00:11:22,345
So, listen,
280
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:24,147
there's another good cause I wondered.
281
00:11:24,182 --> 00:11:25,816
if you might give to.
282
00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:29,486
I've always had this dream of
singing and dancing in shows.
283
00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:37,828
I-17.
284
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,096
As in what you never
want to hear the girl say.
285
00:11:40,131 --> 00:11:41,498
"I 17."
286
00:11:41,532 --> 00:11:43,500
Good luck to you.
287
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:49,506
You came.
288
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:50,640
I'm glad.
289
00:11:50,675 --> 00:11:52,019
I've spotted Lawrence Cleary,
290
00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:54,010
our handsome seminarian.
291
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:55,823
Mike, could you have
your son call some numbers.
292
00:11:55,847 --> 00:11:57,447
and give this old voice a rest?
293
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:02,319
Back off, girls. That
part of his life is over.
294
00:12:07,592 --> 00:12:08,658
Okay.
295
00:12:08,693 --> 00:12:10,026
G-50.
296
00:12:10,061 --> 00:12:12,295
As in, "Gee, where have
the last 50 years gone?"
297
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:13,707
Well, I'll tell you where they went.
298
00:12:13,731 --> 00:12:15,532
Me calling bingo numbers.
299
00:12:21,939 --> 00:12:25,275
I-20. That would be I-20.
300
00:12:27,445 --> 00:12:29,012
I-20.
301
00:12:30,514 --> 00:12:33,383
As in I am 20,
302
00:12:33,417 --> 00:12:35,485
which means I'm an adult.
303
00:12:35,519 --> 00:12:38,154
But am I really an adult
if I can't even stand up.
304
00:12:38,189 --> 00:12:40,323
for who I am and what I want to be?
305
00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:42,525
Dad, I'm sorry. I don't
want to be a priest,
306
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,427
and I'm dropping out of the seminary.
307
00:12:48,566 --> 00:12:50,600
Bingo!
308
00:12:51,524 --> 00:12:53,830
He's quitting, and he said it
in front of the whole bingo.
309
00:12:54,371 --> 00:12:56,606
There is no putting the
toothpaste back in the tube.
310
00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:57,974
Don't be silly.
311
00:12:58,008 --> 00:13:00,309
I've been refilling that
same Pepsodent for years.
312
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:01,577
I don't get it.
313
00:13:01,612 --> 00:13:02,945
Priesthood was always his idea.
314
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,814
since he was little, not mine.
315
00:13:04,848 --> 00:13:05,982
Remember his 10th birthday.
316
00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:07,683
where all he asked for was a chalice?
317
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:10,686
How'd you leave things with him?
318
00:13:10,721 --> 00:13:11,865
He's staying with his friend AJ.
319
00:13:11,889 --> 00:13:14,490
- And where does he live?
- Don't know. Don't care.
320
00:13:14,525 --> 00:13:16,526
In Burbank,
across from Shafer Field.
321
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,094
Thanks. Okay.
322
00:13:18,128 --> 00:13:20,296
After work, you go make
things right with him.
323
00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:21,641
You're telling me what to do now?
324
00:13:21,665 --> 00:13:23,199
I am, when you're being dumb.
325
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,511
Mike, I know I'm not
up on current events.
326
00:13:24,535 --> 00:13:26,669
like Nixon a... a... and Pythagoras,
327
00:13:26,703 --> 00:13:29,772
but I am smart when it comes
to this house and these kids.
328
00:13:29,806 --> 00:13:31,507
Some might even say I'm a role model.
329
00:13:31,542 --> 00:13:33,442
- Who might say that?
- Some!
330
00:13:33,477 --> 00:13:35,355
There's a whole generation
gap happening out there,
331
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,290
which I know more about 'cause
I watch "Sonny and Cher,"
332
00:13:37,314 --> 00:13:40,249
but I will not have any gaps
in my house with my boys.
333
00:13:41,685 --> 00:13:43,196
The truth is,
I never really cared.
334
00:13:43,220 --> 00:13:44,687
about Lawrence being a priest.
335
00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:46,289
I don't care what any of my kids do,
336
00:13:46,323 --> 00:13:48,457
- as long as...
- I know, "as long as they're happy."
337
00:13:48,492 --> 00:13:49,836
I don't even care
about them being happy.
338
00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,694
I just want them around.
339
00:13:51,728 --> 00:13:54,564
They'll scatter to the
four winds soon enough.
340
00:13:54,598 --> 00:13:57,066
I won't have you pushing
one of them out the door.
341
00:14:01,605 --> 00:14:03,485
I'll take it under advisement.
342
00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:08,177
I might go for a drive
after work tonight.
343
00:14:11,181 --> 00:14:13,683
Clear my head.
344
00:14:13,717 --> 00:14:16,185
No particular destination.
345
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,120
- Across from Shafer Field.
- Shut up.
346
00:14:23,193 --> 00:14:24,727
I'm off to save more souls.
347
00:14:24,761 --> 00:14:26,295
You're not going anywhere...
348
00:14:28,465 --> 00:14:29,832
without your mission box.
349
00:14:29,866 --> 00:14:32,435
Nice work. There's a lot of money there.
350
00:14:32,469 --> 00:14:34,347
Now, I know this wasn't
the summer you pictured,
351
00:14:34,371 --> 00:14:36,839
but you did well, and honestly, Timmy,
352
00:14:36,873 --> 00:14:39,085
if you had any talent at all,
I think I would've noticed.
353
00:14:39,109 --> 00:14:41,210
Thanks, Mom. I should go.
354
00:14:41,245 --> 00:14:43,079
Bring William with you, okay?
355
00:14:43,113 --> 00:14:44,457
You haven't ventured outside in days.
356
00:14:44,481 --> 00:14:46,882
You're gonna get rickets.
357
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:48,417
Mommy?
358
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:50,419
Will I get rickets, too?
359
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,221
Pat...
360
00:14:52,256 --> 00:14:53,256
maybe.
361
00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:00,323
Lawrence, I think it's your dad.
362
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,992
I guess there's no
pretending you're AJ's mom.
363
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:08,831
Mom, Timmy's not out.
364
00:15:08,865 --> 00:15:10,599
collecting for the foreign missions.
365
00:15:10,634 --> 00:15:13,669
He's auditioning for the
stupid show you told him not to.
366
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,371
That kid is a mental case.
367
00:15:15,405 --> 00:15:16,672
And, Frank,
368
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,841
about you being such
a big tattle-tale...
369
00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:22,111
Thank you. Eddie, watch
the baby! Frank, keys.
370
00:15:28,418 --> 00:15:29,719
William.
371
00:15:29,753 --> 00:15:31,287
Am I a good singer?
372
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:34,190
No, but confidence helps.
373
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,559
You really seem to have a lot of it.
374
00:15:36,593 --> 00:15:38,160
God only knows why.
375
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:43,999
And with one tug of a
disarmingly sticky door handle,
376
00:15:44,034 --> 00:15:46,836
I took my first step into show business.
377
00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:52,875
What are we doing out here?
378
00:15:52,909 --> 00:15:55,845
You know a lot of people saw me
get in the car with you, right?
379
00:15:57,848 --> 00:16:00,216
You quit the seminary over a girl?
380
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,651
No. AJ's a recent development.
381
00:16:02,686 --> 00:16:04,197
I don't even know what's
going on there, to be honest.
382
00:16:04,221 --> 00:16:07,223
Don't worry. She'll
figure it out and tell you.
383
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:11,160
You know, this
isn't about celibacy, Dad.
384
00:16:11,194 --> 00:16:12,572
There are big changes
right now, and I want.
385
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:15,236
- to be a part of them.
- Trust me, I know about the changes, okay?
386
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:18,834
Your mother watches "Sonny and Cher."
387
00:16:18,869 --> 00:16:20,613
Look, you've
been jerking our chain.
388
00:16:20,637 --> 00:16:23,072
about this priest thing
for years, all right?
389
00:16:23,106 --> 00:16:24,940
And maybe...
390
00:16:24,975 --> 00:16:27,009
I got excited.
391
00:16:27,043 --> 00:16:29,745
because it's respectable.
392
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,847
It's certainly a step up for the Clearys.
393
00:16:33,884 --> 00:16:36,752
My dad worked his whole
life in a coal mine.
394
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,120
That man never had two...
395
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:44,093
There she is... the LGM Minuteman III.
396
00:16:44,127 --> 00:16:45,294
Wait, it's going to the moon?
397
00:16:45,328 --> 00:16:48,030
Yeah, we're sending a nuclear
warhead to blow up the moon.
398
00:16:48,064 --> 00:16:50,366
We're fed up with tides
and women's periods.
399
00:16:51,501 --> 00:16:53,569
It's a test.
400
00:16:53,603 --> 00:16:56,405
She'll ditch in the
ocean 800 miles that way,
401
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,240
maybe take out a few sea otters.
402
00:16:58,275 --> 00:17:00,443
You know, for something so dreadful,
403
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:03,712
which I abhor on principle,
404
00:17:03,747 --> 00:17:05,114
it's pretty cool.
405
00:17:06,783 --> 00:17:08,050
Did you build it?
406
00:17:08,084 --> 00:17:11,487
Son, I am a machinist.
407
00:17:11,521 --> 00:17:12,788
Engineers, the scientists,
408
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,057
they figure out what they need.
409
00:17:15,091 --> 00:17:17,226
I grind a few pieces on a lathe...
410
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:18,794
grommets, some sheeting.
411
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,930
They're down there right now,
412
00:17:20,964 --> 00:17:25,801
my bosses, the big brains that
took us to the moon, and...
413
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:27,403
they own the future.
414
00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:30,306
I'm just a guy holding their coats...
415
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,941
because I didn't go to college.
416
00:17:34,611 --> 00:17:36,846
Look, if you are.
417
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,547
determined to quit the seminary...
418
00:17:41,651 --> 00:17:45,454
might I suggest some
version of a college degree?
419
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:51,026
My father, Michael Lawrence Cleary,
420
00:17:51,061 --> 00:17:53,696
he scratched at the earth for a living.
421
00:17:53,730 --> 00:17:55,898
I want my sons reaching for the stars.
422
00:18:02,005 --> 00:18:03,038
You know...
423
00:18:05,242 --> 00:18:07,877
there's a tiny fixed
nozzle with the TVC system.
424
00:18:07,911 --> 00:18:10,613
on the third-stage
booster when it separates.
425
00:18:12,082 --> 00:18:14,850
It's just a few centimeters.
426
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:17,853
It has to hold up against 400,000 PSI.
427
00:18:21,258 --> 00:18:23,459
There you go.
428
00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,194
I made that nozzle.
429
00:18:27,364 --> 00:18:28,964
Screw it.
430
00:18:28,999 --> 00:18:30,366
Let's get some waffles.
431
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,969
Our revels now are ended.
432
00:18:34,004 --> 00:18:35,971
These are our actors.
433
00:18:36,006 --> 00:18:39,241
The solemn temple,
the great Globe itself,
434
00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:40,843
yea, all which it inherits...
435
00:18:40,877 --> 00:18:42,545
Maybe you can get your 40 bucks back.
436
00:18:48,618 --> 00:18:51,053
Those sneakers
look like Eddie's size.
437
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:52,687
We should come back later with a ladder.
438
00:18:56,026 --> 00:18:58,027
Okay. Next up is...
439
00:18:58,061 --> 00:18:59,895
Timmy Cleary.
440
00:19:05,235 --> 00:19:06,902
Do you have sheet music?
441
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,171
Never mind. Just...
442
00:19:09,205 --> 00:19:10,873
You'll be fine.
443
00:19:29,326 --> 00:19:31,727
? Sing of good things.
444
00:20:18,541 --> 00:20:20,075
Okay, we should go.
445
00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:21,520
But... But
what about Timmy disobeying?
446
00:20:21,544 --> 00:20:23,646
- What about him wasting 40...
- He's excellent.
447
00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:38,694
People remember the 1970s
as a tense and divisive time
448
00:20:38,728 --> 00:20:40,329
with war and Watergate
449
00:20:40,363 --> 00:20:42,998
and the generations
pulling against each other,
450
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,100
but I think back on
my ridiculous family,
451
00:20:45,135 --> 00:20:46,869
and it gives me hope for today
452
00:20:46,903 --> 00:20:49,048
that tense times are something
we just have to go through
453
00:20:49,072 --> 00:20:51,006
once in a while to
come out the other side
454
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,275
a changed, more accepting world.
455
00:20:58,455 --> 00:21:00,915
Time to try on your pantaloons, milord.
456
00:21:00,989 --> 00:21:02,522
It's stupid going to all this trouble.
457
00:21:02,624 --> 00:21:04,902
- He's the understudy.
- An excellent understudy.
458
00:21:05,286 --> 00:21:07,064
You heard him sing. He's
practically an Osmond.
459
00:21:07,088 --> 00:21:09,500
- I'm a heartbeat away from the star.
- And anything could happen.
460
00:21:09,524 --> 00:21:11,035
That boy could get sick or he could fall.
461
00:21:11,059 --> 00:21:12,469
and break a leg on the way to rehearsal.
462
00:21:12,493 --> 00:21:13,504
And if no one else was around,
463
00:21:13,528 --> 00:21:14,805
who's to say if he fell or got pushed.
464
00:21:14,829 --> 00:21:17,229
- Right, Joey?
- Kid sounds like a klutz to me.
465
00:21:17,331 --> 00:21:18,597
You'll need to point him out.
34525
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