Original subtitles

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ oh ♪

♪ you found me in a good mood ♪

♪ ya little bastards ♪

♪ my grandma told me, do not take shit ♪

♪ from anybody in this motherfucking bitch ♪

♪ see, my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark can suck my... ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪ - ♪ my grandma told me... ♪

♪ Never, never, ever, ever take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why my heart won't quit ♪

♪ my dad taught me how to handle the riffraff ♪

♪ and mum bought the paint first time I did graff ♪

♪ one time for the fam that you got ♪

♪ my granny got a gun and never ran from the cops ♪

♪ so I stand on this rock with a zen mentality ♪

♪ and drift this bitch 'til we bend reality ♪

♪ my bloodline bangs when I handle the beat ♪

♪ so don't bark up my family tree ♪

♪ I say what you think, but I'm not a mind reader ♪

♪ I'm good to my girl, but I wear a wife-beater ♪

♪ happy as fuck when I rap with my cuz ♪

♪ if you're battling him, then you're battling us ♪

♪ a world full of wolves, who's the leader of the pack? ♪

♪ When they teach you how to act ♪

♪ trying to keep you in a trap conditioned ♪

♪ 'til you're blue in the face so take it from rage ♪

♪ I won't do what they say because ♪

♪ my grandma told me never, never, never... ♪

Yes!

♪ Especially that shark in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark can suck my... ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪ - ♪ my grandma told me... ♪

That shit looks dangerous.

I should play with it.

♪ While my grandma's why my heart won't quit ♪

♪ just Bob like you're mad on Marley ♪

♪ and I finally got a job to get my dad that Harley ♪

♪ though it's hardly a job 'cause the tune forms refuge ♪

♪ I'm an uncle now with a newborn nephew ♪

♪ flowers grew, ground broke with the buzz ♪

♪ jam with my fam, sound folk with my cuz ♪

♪ we don't say it enough ♪

♪ so from all of my band ♪

♪ I'ma take a sec to give it up to all of our fans ♪

♪ I'll just stand in the kitchen with a plan and a vision ♪

♪ I'm a man on a mission with my folk on a Friday... ♪

Oi, Joel, are we still meeting

at the telephone exchange? Is that shit safe?

Yeah, mate. - Man: Sweet.

Sorry about that, mate. Just drinking some juice.

Could go with something stronger.

- You nearly there? - Yeah, mate.

Pulled up. No one's here.

Sweet. You got the beers?

'Course... You're not on the phone

while driving, are you?

Yeah, I don't think this counts, mate.

- Darryl, nearly forgot - to tell you

I ran into Roy's missus on the way over here.

- Oh, yeah? How's she looking? - Like shit.

I thought she was half-decent.

Nah, she's disgusting.

Hey, you remember to bring...

Sorry, mate. You sounded a bit muttered there.

Did you remember to bring Betsy?

I picked it up on me way to work.

- Joel?

Lost you, mate. Joel-y?

- Lost you.

Whoo.

Darryl. Nice wheels.

Joel-o.

Yeah, I feel like some kind of junkie mad Max.

- Yeah, never seen it, mate. - Do you like me new hat?

Yeah, yeah, if your hobbies

are disrespecting foreign soldiers,

then it's great.

Suppose will keep your virginity in check.

Bullshit. I've fucked three whole people

- and you know it. - You've fucked one girl.

- In all three holes. - In all three holes, yeah.

That's a good one. Have I told you that one?

Yeah.

Anyway, where are the beers?

Don't you wanna see your surprise first?

If it's got a pulse and a vagina, yes.

Well, you're in for a bit of luck.

Get back.

- Fuck!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Roy's missus.

She's rough as guts, I told you.

Did she shit herself? Did I just shit myself?

No, no, she's full zombie.

Hey, at least she's got more than three holes.

Hey, watch it. That's still Roy's wife.

So where are the beers?

You bastard.

How the fuck am I supposed to...

What are you gonna do with her?

What do you mean? You want me to do s...

Roy might wanna fuck her

with his eyes closed one last time.

Even Roy wouldn't smash that.

'Kay? Will take him hours to get down here,

if he gets down here at all.

Plus, we can't have her wandering around

eatin' people's faces and whatnot.

So what're you suggesting?

You put her out of her misery.

I'm not putting her o...

- Why do I have to do it? - Because I'm in charge.

Okay? And I can't do it because...

I'll lose me spot on the cricket team.

That's bullshit, mate. You know, I wanna play

on that cricket team, too.

Do you think the captain's gonna pick me

when I've blown his wife's face to pieces?

Even if you got on the team, you'll only be fielding

fine-leg to fine-leg.

G-g-get Betsy, go get Betsy.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, this is what we have to promise.

When we see Roy, we tell him exactly what happened.

Whatever, whatever, just bloody do it. Go on.

I'm not taking the fall for this whole thing.

Just do it. Come on, do it.

- Do it, now!

Okay. All right. Reassess.

All right. We'll just...

We'll tell Roy that she fell on a rock.

Big fuckin' explosive rock.

How many shells you got left?

Uh, eight.

Well, seven now. Where's Roy, anyway?

He took a job up the coast on Friday,

spent the weekend there.

Last I heard from him he was on his way back.

Did he get paid mileage and overtime?

Oh, yeah.

Should soften the blow of his dead wife a bit.

Yeah.

All right, I got some cat 5 cable.

- And... - Oh, yeah.

I got cutters,

exchange tools, and a screwdriver down the front.

Shit, man. The security door...

You have to slam the bloody door.

Fuck.

Silicon, duct tape...

We're gonna need more weapons.

Seven shells isn't gonna protect us for long.

Ay, at least we know no one's getting in here.

This place has got a door. We're safe.

Yeah, well...

We should just sit here and wait it out.

Do you think we're gonna die?

Maybe.

Well, let's talk about something.

Let's... reminisce.

- Really? - Absolutely.

I've, uh...

Never told anybody this before.

Yeah?

Um...

When I was a kid,

just a little fella, I had an uncle.

And he seemed to the outside world,

to be a very nice man. My parents went out.

It was just the two of us, um...

He'd t-t-take me by the hand and, uh,

lead me into his basement.

And he said it was our secret.

Hey, I'll stop you there.

Let's just talk about fun, childhood anecdotes

or "did you ever play a fun game of cricket or"...

Darryl, I was talking about cricket.

That was... He'd take me down there

for secret cricket games.

Sure.

- We should play cricket. - Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Howzat!

You don't need to appeal. You bowled me, you fuck-head.

Oh, yeah, that's why you'll never be on the cricket team, mate.

Well, the bat's too small

and my diabetes is playing up, right?

Now give me the ball so I can show you a fast bowl.

Ah, fuck.

We are not doing this in the dark.

What, you're still scared of the dark?

No.

No, I'm not afraid of the dark.

Absolutely not. That's bullshit.

Yeah, well, we're nearly there.

I can keep it on for a little bit

but the backup power only lasts about six hours

- without a generator. - Sounds like a plan.

Oh, no.

I cracked the screen. That's terrible timing.

Do you have reception on your phone?

Nope. Mobile base stations are down, as well.

That's without us getting paid to go and restart 'em.

Looks like they'll be down for a while.

- What was that? - I don't know.

All right, we're done here.

You just gotta go in there and turn the main switch on.

All I gotta do is go in there,

where we just heard the death rape noise,

and flick a switch on in the darkness?

That's all I gotta do, is it?

You're the one holding a shotgun.

Oh, fuck. Betsy.

Shit.

Get it off me. Somebody get this thing off me!

Roy, is that you?

You know what? I'm gonna fucking kill this fuckin' thing!

I can't see it, man. Fuck!

Fucking kill it!

Hey, listen, I got something to tell you, mate.

- - It's about your missus.

Don't fuckin' talk. Just kill this fuckin' thing.

Got it, dad!

Ah, fuck! Oh, shit!

Eat shit!

Okay.

Show no mercy.

Holy shit, did everyone see that?

- No. - Jesus.

Darryl, you know my daughter, Emma.

Yeah, I haven't seen her for a few years.

But she's really grown out... up, she's grown up.

Um, how did you produce that?

I'm pretty sure there was a mix-up at the hospital.

- How you doing, Darryl? - Yeah, not bad.

Everyone I know is probably dead. But, yeah...

So what'd you want to talk to me about?

Uh, it's probably

a private conversation we should have.

Is your thrush playing up again?

No, I never had thrush.

It was a tapeworm, and it's dead.

Oh.

What's happened? Talking about

Darryl's tapeworm again?

No. It was thrush, and...

No! No, it was... a rotter snuck into the building

with Roy and Emma.

I killed it.

Emma got the assist.

Hit me up. Don't have to hit me up.

That can't stay here. You know that, right?

Health and safety.

Come on.

Okay. There.

All right. Up, up! Come on.

Use your bloody knees. Come on.

So why do we have to put it in the men's toilet?

Because it's a man.

And it'd be rude to put it in the women's toilets.

- Isn't that right, Emma? - I'm easy.

I'm gonna get all this toilet paper.

We can use it as bandages if anyone gets bitten.

If one of us gets bitten, the person closest to 'em has to kill 'em.

Unfortunately, that's just the way it is.

Hey, Roy? I was thinking, maybe,

'cause I saved your life earlier,

you'd put me on the cricket team next year.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Nobody's getting on that team unless somebody dies first.

What, just one person's gotta die?

Easy, I thought I had to go to training or something.

Why not? You shoulda seen me

hitting sixes with Joel before.

Are you out of your skull, Darryl?

You have the coordination of a stillborn giraffe.

Now, put the bloody gun down,

wash your hands, get out of the toilet.

No, that's fair enough. That's true.

I need a fuckin' holiday.

- What're you looking at, pup? - Just checking the place out.

Never been in a telephone exchange before.

Well, it's not as glamorous as the media makes it out to be.

It's a shitstorm out there.

Nearly hit a couple of those 'tards with the Ute

- on the way over. - Dad!

There's nothing wrong with calling a 'tard a 'tard.

People need to stop being so soft.

What do you reckon's causing all this?

I mean, is it like, you know,

government poisoning the water supplies

with, like, airborne pathogens?

Kids on meth?

No, I've dabbled with meth, mate.

I didn't behave like this. I chased people,

but I didn't bite them. Not this hard.

What have you been up to, Joel-o?

Trying to figure out what supplies we have

so I can figure out a plan.

Got expired mud cake and cheese.

And sausages. Still frozen.

Brilliant. What supplies did you bring, Roy?

Everything.

Fucking toilet paper up the fuckhole.

Tek screws, silicon,

and...

- The Toolmaster 5000.

Now, this is amazing.

Solid steel frame, it's got everything.

Pliers, file, magnifying glass, it's blue...

Yeah, it's awesome, mate. You could really fuck someone up with that.

Or build a shed.

If this can't save us, nothing can.

Well, I've got a 12-Gauge shotgun.

But, yeah, whatever you say.

How safe are we in here?

I don't like the idea of being sitting ducks.

Oh, don't worry, Emma, we're all fucking safe here.

Really safe. This place has, uh, running water,

some backup power, doors.

- Windows? - Windows.

Double-glazed windows. So, you know, you need

a security pass to get in.

Just make sure you shut the doors.

It's not a massive tent.

Well, what's the plan here?

Just relax,

kick back, and enjoy the vacation.

Dad, people are dying outside.

No, she's right.

We're only protected in here for so long.

We only got enough food supplies to last us, I don't know...

Years? Even decades?

- Couple of days, Darryl. - Even a few days, yeah.

We need a plan. We need to find somewhere with weapons and food,

otherwise we're just fish in a barrel.

Can we just, please, just keep it to one animal?

I thought we were sitting ducks.

You don't stress, puppy.

They gotta go through the door,

and then get through me to catch you.

Just don't want us to die in this hole, you know?

Anything that we can do to stay safe would be great.

I got it.

How 'bout this?

You two homos come up with a plan,

and I'll tell you if it's any good.

- Dad! - What?

That's so homophobic.

I'm not homophobic.

Two of my best mates are homos.

There's lesbo-Cheryl,

and Billy the ballbag, the butcher.

I mean, even Darryl here is a bit gay.

He's kidding. He's...

Once in the showers after footy,

I leaned on a cock and...

Hey, I got an idea, though! He... okay, ready?

I go to the shops

- and I buy us some food. - Oh, no, you can't go

to the shops, they're way too dangerous.

No, there's some kind of guerilla war

going on at the supermarkets.

People are getting killed over supplies.

In fact, you know what I heard on talkback radio?

The first sign of infection,

purple spots on your genitals.

- That's hilarious. - It is hilarious.

Joel, what about this mainframe thing?

Do you think we can use this to call for help?

Ah, the MDF.

If the power's down, that means the base stations are down,

that means there's no mobiles, no radio for normal people.

I see, right. So the "normies" are incommunicado.

Is that right?

See, government buildings, such as health and defense,

- they have backup comms. - Yes, yes, I know exactly where you're going with this.

Do you want me to take it from here?

You do it. No, you say it.

If I can get a line out, maybe I can call them

and maybe they can come and get us.

Oh, well, I was gonna say prank calls.

- Can you go get my phone? - Yep.

All right, I'll see if I can splice it into this

- and get a clear dial tone. - Great.

Hey, guys, I've solved our food problem.

Chips. Three different fucking flavors.

Get me the gun now. I'll smash it.

Wait, shouldn't you preserve your ammo?

And the chips?

Yeah, I guess so. Can I borrow two bucks?

♪ That boom box in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey, yeah... ♪

Don't fuck around.

♪ ...it seems that the dreams... ♪

♪ ...has gone from love to a thug ♪

♪ with a million dollar watch ♪

♪ you see I'm talking 'bout the jungle ♪

Fucking pig!

♪ With a witty dominion ♪

♪ I'll flow like this and I still don't like pigs ♪

♪ attitude is what I got ♪

♪ I'm flippin', I'm trippin', I'm puffin' on pot ♪

♪ so don't even think to sleep on me... ♪

♪ ...i figured it out I'm the king of the house ♪

♪ I'm a flying flock of axes ♪

♪ I'm going vampire killing... ♪

♪ ...ripping the faces off vultures ♪

♪ the trolley's full of goodies for the kids ♪

♪ so rat-a-tat-tat the big macka is back ♪

♪ and I'm loading off the dip ♪

♪ there's blood and there's guts ♪

♪ comin' out of the speakers ♪

♪ there's fire in my veins ♪

♪ and it's right off the meter ♪

♪ with a fist in the sky ♪

♪ I'm a fly like an eagle ♪

♪ come on! ♪

♪ Hit me again ♪

♪ come on... ♪

Yeah.

- Hey, puppy. - Hey, dad.

Got your favorite. Salt and vinegar.

Aw, thanks, dad.

I've only got two skills, really.

Knowing the breeds of dogs and picking chips.

At trades, they called me "dog-knowing, chip-pickin' Roy."

Mmm, mouthful.

You know,

the world's gone to shit.

I reckon I might just let you

have your very first beer.

Thanks, dad.

You know I'm 19, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Birthday's may 24th.

This isn't my first beer.

Look, as far as I'm concerned,

you're as pure as the driven snow.

Fuck, remember that pregnancy scare?

Oh, fuck, that was intense.

What's up with Roy? Doesn't seem like a guy

whose wife's just lost her head.

Yeah, he's taking it pretty well, isn't he?

You haven't told him, have you?

No fucking way. Not with Emma there.

She's a big girl. She can take it.

- She could take it, all ri... - Hey!

Don't be... uh, d-Darryl? You got, uh, a signal?

Yeah, no, nothing yet, mate.

Anyone hear that?

Nope.

No one heard that?

I think you're hearing things, baby.

The longer you take to tell him,

the harder it's gonna be.

As soon as the opportunity presents itself,

I will tell them their dearly beloved wife and mother

has recently been shot in the face.

- Don't say it like that. - I'm gonna say hello to pop.

Oi, Roy, sir, that motherfucker

that jumped on you earlier wasn't like the ones

- in the movies, was it? - No, I don't reckon.

Yeah, they're not brain-dead, though.

They're more hive minded. They just seem stupid.

Some of them are still pretty fuckable.

I find the virus takes them from a ten out of ten

down to about a seven.

Okay, now, I definitely heard something.

Shit, we're gonna need more guns.

Light from the building's been attracting the zombies.

This door's definitely locked, right?

- Holy shit. - How many of these fuckers

do you think there are?

There's gotta be about 150...

No, maybe give or take, 77-ish.

Maybe 40? I don't know.

I'm pretty stunned, man. I'm not gonna lie.

- And it'll hold? - Yes.

And it's the only entrance?

Well, there's a roller door around the back.

But you need a security pass for that.

Oh, shit. There's Eddie from trade school.

- He's fucking annoying. - Don't worry, mate.

He's... he's a little bit different, now.

He's still got that annoying fucking face.

Okay, well, what's the plan here?

Well, the lines aren't connected.

- The ISPS are down. - Dad, what can we do?

I got a plan.

That's pretty much my plan, just to get a lung full

of sweet, cherry-flavored water vapor.

Is there any way to get a connection to the lines

and call for help?

Well, from here, sure,

but there'd be no one on the other end.

Except the military.

What's the closest base, seven klicks from here?

We can send a cap kick down the line,

try and shock 'em with 50 volts.

No, no, no, the lines are down. We have to go mobile.

- Roof tower? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck.

And hook it up long enough for them to get our location,

maybe they can come and get us.

Yeah, the military. They'd have beer and weed.

Great, all right. Well, looks like we got a plan.

You, go turn the power off. From now on we work in the dark.

Roy and Emma, you move the supplies into the back room.

Backwire an exchange battery into the desk light.

If we need to see anything, we do it in that room.

I'll get on the roof and start working on the 3g tower.

If I can rebuild the mainframe,

we should be able to broadcast our location.

We got a door which is good but not impenetrable.

Use the old exchange batteries

to power a little electric fence.

Make sure the floor can act as a conductor.

And finally, use whatever else you can to block the door.

Roy, could you give us a hand

moving this big slut of a thing?

Hang on, smoker break.

- What is that? - Electric ciggy.

I'm trying to quit.

You soft cunt.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, Joel-o, how much longer?

Maybe 25 more minutes?

Excellent. I'm gonna have a power snooze.

Hey, wake me up when the helicopters get here

or when the rotters have got us.

That's poetry.

I'm like the Bob Dylan of tradies.

Yep.

- I'm gonna miss these. - They're great hands.

- The beer, Darryl. - Oh, well, you know,

the military's gonna be here real soon

and they got tons of beer.

Yeah.

And then this will all blow over very quickly

because there's gotta be some mad scientist out there

working on a cure, you know?

Yeah.

I think that's what I'll miss most.

Medicine, and intelligent pricks

out there curing diseases.

You know, it's just one tablet

and thrush is completely gone?

Just one. I read that online.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss the Internet.

Me too. Probably for different reasons.

I like double-penetration videos.

Gonna miss my friends.

Yeah, friends. I haven't seen my friends in years.

I don't think I've got any friends anymore.

Aw, Darryl, I'm your friend.

- Really? - Yeah.

What else are you gonna miss?

Um, music?

Guys with big, brown eyes?

Fuck yeah.

I think I'm just gonna miss the nightly news, as well.

Just, it was always comforting seeing places

way more fucked up than ours.

Not so much anymore, I guess.

Nope.

I'm gonna miss my boyfriend.

Yeah, um, just having someone there to talk to,

I guess, makes all the difference, doesn't it?

Uh, actually I was talking about the sex.

The sex is... yeah, well, you know what?

My grandpa used to say, that reminds me...

This sound irrelevant, bear with me, he used to say

"put a jellybean in a jar every time I fuck a chick

"before I'm married, and then take one out

"every time I get laid after I'm married,"

he reckons I'll never have an empty jar.

Turns out, I'll never have a wife.

You know, they do say, um...

Apocalypses can make you go a bit crazy.

All right, let's fuckin' do this.

Come on, come on, come on.

Fuck. Shit! Damn it, come on.

All right, all right.

Yes! Booyah.

Come on, say you're my zombie slave.

You're my zombie slave, bitch.

- You're my zombie slave. - I'm your zombie slave.

- You're my zombie slave. - Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Oh, that's good.

This is thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyable.

Oh, you're so much sexier when you're quiet.

Fuck... me!

Oh, fuck me!

Shit.

What the fuck was that?

Ah, shit.

What's going on down there?

What the hell was that, Joel? Something's going on.

Not in here, though. Not in here.

I don't know, it was some type of fireworks or something.

But whatever it is, it got their attention.

Okay, good. How's the line looking?

Uh...

Be at least 25 more minutes.

That's if we don't have any more surprises.

Oh, monkey fuck!

Is that what I think it is?

They're here! They are coming! I heard them!

No one's coming. No one came in, anyone.

- Oh, shit. - Somebody grab Betsy.

- We're gonna need Betsy. - Get the fuck outta here.

No, there's no way they can get through the electric fence.

- Lachlan! - Emma!

You're alive.

The apprentices are here.

We saw the light go off in the building.

Thought you guys might be in here causing trouble.

Good to see you, Ryan. You're looking good, mate.

Lachlan.

Roy.

So, what's been happening? Everybody all right?

Joel's on the roof trying to get in contact with the military.

Big, black helicopter coming any minute.

You don't want to be doing that.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Before we partake in the pleasantries,

we're gonna need the two of you to come with us

to the back room,

show us your cock and balls.

- Dad! - Darling,

it's a necessary medical precaution.

Um... what are you talking about?

Your penis and testicles, whip 'em out.

- Yeah, Roy, I don't think... - Hey, go get Betsy in case

we see a hint of purple.

Look, we're all exhausted.

I just don't see how showing you our balls

is gonna help anything.

Hang on... did I ask for your opinion?

Uh, fucking no, I didn't.

Your cock and balls, get 'em out now.

Aw, I never knew you cared, Roy.

All right.

- You want the shaft, too? - Fuck, no.

There. Wasn't so hard, was it?

Lachlan, get 'em the fuck out

- or get the fuck out. - That's enough.

What, didn't he satisfy you enough?

Hey, come on, no. You can't hit an Asian.

It's a hate crime.

Fine. Fine. But it's your funeral.

Just don't come crying to me going,

"oh, Roy. We should've checked his balls."

Those balls will come back to haunt you.

It's gonna be like "nightmare on ball street."

- What was that about? - I'm not sure.

He's feeling a bit fucked. I'll go check.

He's got some thing about first signs of infection.

- I don't know. - What, first signs

- show up on your balls? - Apparently.

Oh, well, he could've just said that.

I thought he was getting lonely.

Oh, well, it's good to air 'em out once a day.

What the hell was all that about, Roy?

What are those idiots even doing here?

What's anyone trying to do here, mate? Survive.

Well, that's just what we need, isn't it?

A couple of fuckwits running around,

eating all the chips with their cutoff sleeves,

banging into everything with their giant nut sacks.

They're good people, mate. They've got weapons.

Besides, Emma seemed very happy to see Lachlan.

Emma doesn't need that idiot to look after her, mate.

Emma's got us.

I know you don't like lachy, but he's a good kid.

You've just gotta try and see past his skin color.

What did you just say?

I can't eat with chopsticks, either...

- You fucking racist! - No, no, no, no, no!

Mate, I said nothing about the color of his skin.

I wouldn't care if he was aubergine and pissing rainbows.

Sor... Roy, I thought that's why he got your goat.

No, mate, the reason that he "obtains my goat"

is that he's having sex with my daughter.

Hey, you listen to me. No one, I mean no one,

is having sex with your daughter.

Do you understand?

So how about this? We give 'em a fair go,

I'll make sure lachy's not infected.

If he is, you personally get to pull the trigger,

because I agree with you, mate, if anyone's infected,

we gotta... end 'em.

Yes. That's fantastic.

Hey, listen. Just while I've got you here, uh...

That thing I've been meaning to tell you?

- Oh, yeah. Is it important? - Yes, it is.

Are you turning into one of those

- rotting freaks? - No.

Did you get my daughter pregnant?

Then... it's not fucking important.

Really? Are you sure?

All right, I'm sorry. I was a little bit tense.

Mate.

Ryan.

Oh, cheers, Roy.

Em. - Thanks, dad.

And...

Sorry, lachy, we've, uh...

We only got about nine left, so...

That's all right, I'm not thirsty anyway.

Dad, Lachlan and Ryan were just saying the entire north side's overrun.

Yeah, the whole federal highway's completely blocked.

It's like pandemonium out there.

Last we heard, the Monaro highway's the same.

There's no real way out of town.

Do you know anything about the military base?

- Nothing. - No, fuck the military, man.

They're the ones who put us in this mess.

What about the freaks out there? Do you know anything about them?

What, like what causes it? No idea.

It's gotta be some brain thing, you know?

Turns you all cannibalistic.

Besides that, they're just regular dumb-fucks.

Knives take 'em down, paintballs stun 'em.

If you get 'em between the eyes, you can blind 'em.

Got it from paintball sports a.C.T.

One shot to the 'nads and they're down like a sack of shit.

Wait, what do you mean "the military got us into this mess"?

Well, they're the ones who started

this whole clusterfuck.

Yeah, that's what we've been hearing.

Forget the military.

They'll either put us in a gitmo quarantine

or kill us then and there.

Come on, governments don't kill their own people.

That's never happened in history.

Besides, we're not even infected, anyway.

Yeah, that doesn't matter. Look, they've got guns.

Everyone's trying to get in on them

so they've turned on us.

No, that doesn't make any sense.

They're the enemy.

Look, I'm telling you right now,

if you make contact, you've killed us all.

I think I got a connection.

Shit!

Hang up the phone, Joel!

Hello?

Ha ha! Hi, we're survivors!

Joel, hang the fucking phone up now!

No, no, no, we're at the telephone exchange.

Ah...

Small group of people, uninfected.

But we're, uh, we're surrounded.

Hey, a big, black helicopter, Joel!

Yeah, and beers! Full strength!

And if you could send us a big, black helicopter,

- that'd be Ace.

I got disconnected.

It's all right, I think they got everything they needed.

Damn it. Fuck!

Oi, Joel, Ryan reckons the military's all evil and compromised and shit.

Oh, come... why would they be coming to get us

if they're compromised? They're not compromised.

I've got a good ear for this kind of thing.

Yeah, don't worry about it, mate, the kids are wrong.

Lachlan, Emma, we gotta get out of here.

We can't be here when they get here.

I think he's right.

You know I'm right. You were there when

we heard about the hyperdome... grab your shit.

We need to fuck off now!

- Dad, what if they're right? - Don't worry, darling.

They're not right. They haven't even got sleeves.

Yeah, but I think we need a plan just in case.

- How many flares we got left? - Two.

That's not gonna be enough. They're not gonna

fall for it this time, there's too many of them.

We can make a run for Joel's Ute.

Are you kidding me?

No one rides Marie but me.

Okay. Firstly, Joel,

"Marie" is the shittest name I've ever heard.

Your car sounds like a 65-year-old woman.

Secondly, it's the end of the world.

Do you really give a shit about getting a scratch on it?

A clean car

is the only difference between us and them.

Zombies, not women. Women have clean cars.

Hey, uh, Joel-o, can I, um...

Oh, yeah. Here, swap me.

Hopefully we never have to use this little baby in anger.

See, I feel like you've been

eating paint chips again, Ryan.

Why would our military, the people who volunteer

to defend this great country, turn against us?

All right.

We heard there was a massacre.

Hundreds of civilians, uninfected, holed down

in a shopping center shithole.

They send out an s.O.S. Message,

the military came in their chopper,

took a count, and started firing.

Women, children, the elderly,

they killed fucking everyone.

Sick.

I mean, that's really sick.

I don't know if they thought that they were infected

or if the smell of blood gets their fucking balls hard.

Either way, I don't wanna be there to find out.

Who told you this?

The only remaining survivor.

She was in the crowd when they started firing.

She played dead, hid under a bunch of bodies,

they hightailed it, and she managed to escape.

So you weren't actually there?

No.

And you didn't see it personally?

We believe her.

Oh, you believe her. They believe her!

Hey, you guys are free to go wherever you want

and probably end up dying a horrific death in a ditch,

whereas we are gonna get on

a blackhawk helicopter and fly off into the sunset.

Right, well, you guys are free to come with us,

or you're also free to stay here and fight

our armed forces with a single shotgun.

I'm gonna get on the roof

and figure out a fucking plan.

Mind your step, dickhead.

Pack your stuff, puppy, we're going on the trip of a lifetime.

The view from a blackhawk helicopter is awesome.

Hey, what makes you think she's staying here with you?

Is this some kind of Asian humor?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Look, I'm fine with you staying here

and getting yourself killed,

but she's not staying here with you.

You don't get any fucking say in it, mate.

Well, I do. Look, I don't know what I'm gonna do next,

but I'm definitely not gonna let either of you two

dictate how I live the remainder of my life.

So just cut it out, please?

I love you both, but I love living more.

Lachlan, can I please talk to you for a second?

- Emma, no. - Roy, let her go, mate.

She's just got daddy issues, all right? And it's not your fault.

It's realistically her mum's fault.

Which reminds me, I got something to tell you.

Yeah, well, tell me in the helicopter.

They're a great place for a conversation.

Okay.

How sure are you that they'd kill us?

I'm not sure, but I'm not willing to take the risk.

Well, I believe you, but we've gotta convince them.

What can you tell me about this girl?

Well, her name was Laina.

She was alone,

and she had lost a lot of people.

And is she trustworthy?

That was the impression that I got.

Right, well, where is she now?

She's dead. When we met her, she was heaps sick, ay?

She was coming down with it. She was afraid.

She decided to take her own life

before they got the chance to.

All she wanted was a moment of companionship

in her last few hours.

You fucked her.

You were gone, and she was dying.

I thought I was next.

Look, I'm really sorry. It's just like a moment of weakness.

It lasted like 90 seconds.

All right, dad, what's your plan?

Uh, you tell her, Darryl.

Uh, what do you mean? Like, career plans?

Um, I think I'm gonna be a judge.

No, I meant plans for when the military get here.

Oh, right, yeah. Of course. Yeah. Joel?

We're gonna tell 'em that we're unarmed

and there's only two of us, me and Roy.

Now, Darryl, go get Betsy,

wait behind the door in case anything goes wrong.

Okay, and Ryan? What's your escape plan?

Well, we're gonna wait in the back corner

and be really fucking quiet.

They'll either kill these guys and leave,

or they'll pick 'em up and leave.

After they leave, we'll escape.

Right, so everyone's plan here

is basically "hide and hope for the best"?

Yeah.

Great, let's fucking do it, then.

Well, are you coming with us,

or are you going with them?

Dad, I don't know. Whichever plan works the best

I'll do that, okay?

Wait, so what's the plan again?

We tell 'em it's just Joel and me.

If any shit goes down at all,

you pop out and shoot the prick.

Yep. Nice. Wait...

Why am I on the toilet floor?

Because if you want to be on the cricket team,

you have to have Patience, dedication,

and the ability to follow direction.

Ay, before you go anywhere, you got a light?

Yeah.

Roy? What're you doing?

I hope you guys are ready to kill some tasmanians.

Hey, my cousin's Tasmanian

and she's extremely attractive, I'll have you know.

What? You've met her.

Oh, dude, I thought of a new tagline, too.

Every time I kill one I'm gonna be like,

"that's one small step for man,

one fucking dead lame-brain."

No, wait. That wasn't it.

Yeah, that's way too long.

You know, what if you're in a room with 20 of them?

You'd have to say it every time you kill one.

No, I'd kill them all first

and then say it once at the end.

Yeah, that's really horrible, Ryan.

They're people too, you know.

No, they "were" people,

now they're monsters.

Exactly, they've lost all humanity

and they smell like shit.

- Yeah, you'd know. - Ooh, you told her.

Anyway, what if they can be brought back?

- What if there's a cure? - Sorry, Emma.

That's not the way the world works.

They're standing directly in front of your safety

so you chop their fucking heads off.

They wouldn't think twice about killing you,

so you pay them the same respect.

But don't let me interrupt this argument.

Hey, they didn't bring a helicopter.

Even the fucking rotters

were smart enough to head towards the light.

You two, quickly. Give me your flares.

No way, we've only got two left.

Let them go, their incompetence just saved us all.

Lachlan, come on, mate. You've got something.

Got a bunch of fireworks.

What the fuck do you bring fireworks...

- No, bro! - Okay, fine. Fireworks.

- Yes, great. - Just give it to him, Lach.

Idiots.

If you play with fire,

you're bound to get fucked.

Come on.

Hey, Roy, what was all that about?

That's just Joel setting off fireworks

to let the army know that we're here.

Oh, fuck. I need a piss.

Roy, you're splashing it all over me.

♪ Cricket team ♪

Roy...

I know we were gonna wait 'til the blackhawk chopper

to talk about this, but I think,

considering we may be dying, you need to know now.

Now, I know grown men usually stand up to piss

but you might wanna take a seat for this one.

- Roy? - Oh, Jesus.

Roy, you stopped pissing mid-stream.

That really hurts the hole.

Fuck me in the ass and throw me down a volcano.

My ball bag...

What does that even mean?

Listen, Dazza, I, um...

I just gotta head out there for a smidge.

Are you gonna wash your hands?

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about Laina.

I honestly thought we were both about to die.

Well, you and Ryan might both be about to die

yet you guys managed to keep each other's pants on.

Come on, Emma, please, I'll have sex with Ryan

right now if that evens it up.

Hey, I'm not riding bitch.

Anything to show you how sorry I am.

Lachy, it's not the point.

Look, if I did, say, something similar,

would you be able to let it go?

In a second. I love you.

Wait, did you do something?

Um...

Are you guys serious?

Obviously you've both been banging other people.

Fortunately, the disease is not sexually transmitted,

but society is fucking crumbling out there.

If there is one time you should be allowed

to cheat on each other, it's now.

Who gives a shit? There is a horde

of crazy, infected murderers out there.

Let's try and keep focus on that, m'Kay?

And the next time someone has sex,

I at least want to be invited to watch.

Oh, shit. That doesn't look good.

Fuck was that?

Come on, Jimmy. Head shots.

All right.

Hello, people in the exchange?

Can you hear me?

Uh, yes. Yes, sir! Uh, affirmative!

- Where's the helicopter? - What?

You know, the big, big, black, spinny...

Mate, I need to know exactly how many people are up there.

Hardly any.

I need to know exactly how many.

- Do you understand? - Yes, sir. Two.

Two people is all the people that is in here.

Uh, and we're totally not infected!

Do you have any weapons?

No, no weapons.

Uh, it's just us here

and... and we're just sitting here

like fish... In a duck barrel, sir.

- - What?

We don't have any weapons.

All right, well make your way slowly down to the front door.

We'll meet up and bring you back to safety, mate.

No, they can't trust this trigger-happy little fuck nut.

Can you hit them from here?

Maybe.

But they still have real guns.

I'll come out, but the other guy, uh, I don't know where he is.

Where is the other bloke, mate? Don't play games with me.

I'm not. He was here a minute ago.

- Don't you fuck around. - He was on the roof.

There's no one on the fucking roof.

Oh, fuck me!

Oh, sweet jeebus.

- - What is it?

Hold me.

Should've been a rapper! It actually hurts!

Finish so I can power through this!

Oh, I can't... oh!

That's Joel's foot. Jesus!

Joel-o...

Soldiers...

My ball bag...

- What's going on out there, Roy? - I definitely heard something.

Looks like we're on our own, Darryl.

Oh, fuck me. I just lost my best fast bowler.

Maybe if I swap Mick and Jonesy...

What the fuck's going on out there, mate?

Look, I don't know how to tell you this, mate.

Joel-o got blown up on the roof,

I think he's dead.

The soldiers turned up without a helicopter.

They got eaten by the zombies, who now have a taste for blood.

They are furious, and we're stuck here in this room

with one shit weapon and no beer.

No beer?

Did this all happen while I was protecting everyone?

Yes.

You're responsible for a lot of deaths, mate. Yep.

I gotta go to the toilet, I'll just leave you here

to think about what you've done.

Hey, guys, I was wondering if maybe... oh, I'm sorry.

You're nuzzling each other, that's cute.

Hey, I've got dibs on watching them first.

Did you tell him, Emma?

- Um... - Tell me what?

Whatever you were gonna say to him.

If you were gonna say anything at all,

which I'm pretty sure you weren't

because there's nothing to say.

I'm going outside for a sec. You know what, no.

I do need... I do need to ask one thing.

Do you guys have any plans to get us out of this shit?

I say we grab those guns from the soldiers.

Hop in the rover, head up the coast,

charter a boat, maybe sail up north and...

Find some weed. Yeah, yeah.

That's more or less exactly my plan.

- I'll tell Roy. Nice. - No, don't tell Roy

'cause we're not fucking doing it.

That's a fucked plan, Ryan.

Shit effort. What were you thinking?

Roy, what's your plan?

I say we wait 'em out.

Those fuckers have been going all night.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but everybody has to sleep

at some point, even if you're a fucking retarded,

brain-dead, flesh-eating prick.

So we wait 'til they're asleep,

we go for the rover,

take it to the military base,

we can have automatic weapons... and beer.

And the academy award for the most dumb-arsed,

bullshit plan goes to... Roy!

Well done, Roy, would you like to say a few words?

Uh, yes. Yes, I would.

I'd just like to say, one, get fucked.

And two, get seriously fucked.

Oh, shit.

- Dad, are you all right? - You look a bit crook.

No, man, I'm fine, I just...

Just had a dodgy pie. I'm gonna go...

Just gonna go lie down for a while.

Lachlan, do you mind cleaning that up?

You know what? No, no, no. I've got this.

I can do this.

What's that, 150 meters?

200 at most?

I could run that in 45 seconds.

Then I grab the guns and the rover keys,

swing back around here, you guys hop on

and we're done and dusted.

Or you'll get ganged up in the middle somewhere,

eaten, turn into one of those freaks

while we're left sitting here like a bunch of lazy hippos.

- What? - What?

Stop making up animal sayings.

- I'm not making these sayings up. - "Lazy hippos"?

Like you've ever seen a proactive hippo.

- You don't know what I've seen. - Guys! Look, I agree.

Ryan, you're never gonna make it on your own.

There's way too many of them, which is why I'll go with you.

- What? - What?

I'm saying "what" to her. What do you mean you're going?

Exactly what I said, lachy, I'm gonna help

- slice some zombie throats... - Ryan: Don't call them that.

Back him up and help us get the fuck out of here.

See, she's more than just a pretty face, mate.

Great rear, too.

Everything's... In order. I'm just gonna go

and swing this plan by Roy, get the okay.

Is everything all right in there, mate?

Yeah, mate, I'm just a bit constipated.

You cry like a bitch when you're constipated, then.

I wasn't fucking crying.

Yeah, look, I heard some light sobbing

or some gentle weeping coming from this booth.

No, I think my hay fever's just playing up a bit.

Sure, right. Yeah. Your hay fever, mate.

Hey, listen, I gotta talk to you about something.

Really urgently.

Don't talk to me while I'm in the toilet!

These are pertinent issues, Roy, okay?

Pertinent... is a word that I learned today

and that I always wanted to use before I died

and I got to so I'm pretty happy with that.

Yeah, okay, what?

Emma's making a run through the rotters,

they're trying to get to the army car and escape.

- Fuck me. - Secondly,

and more importantly, this indoor cricket team.

What's the go there? Am I in? Am I out?

Are you fucking serious?

I just feel like I have the capabilities

to take the team all the way next year, mate.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. If there's a competition this year,

I will keep you in the very, very back,

darkest recesses of my mind

with all of the ugliest, most disturbing people I've ever fucked.

Well, then, I'm as good as in, mate,

because I know you think about those ones

- when you have an at-bat. - Hey, Darryl.

Can I borrow the shotgun for a little while?

What do you want ol' Betsy for, man?

Look, y... you never ask your captain a question, yeah?

And also, I only... only need it for a minute.

And, uh, you can play with this.

Oh! The t-5000!

Oh, my god, oh, my god! This is the best day ever.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

Uh, if you guys are gonna pop a quickie, I'll be there in a moment.

Just hurry, we've gotta do this soon.

What am I talking about, it's old mate lightening lachy.

He'd be finished...

Now.

Showtime.

Fuck.

Fuck that, seven years bad luck.

Fuck!

How do women do that?

God.

Oh, fuck!

That is really dangerous.

Fucking safety catch.

Are you sure you want to do this? As opposed to

sitting around doing nothing? Of course.

- Well, I'm coming with you. - We could die, you know.

- You're not gonna die, - and the only way

I'm gonna die is if I'm protecting you.

And I don't plan on dying, either, not until

I help your dad win a cricket premiership next year.

- That's not ideal.

- So you got my back? - Yeah, you got mine?

Yes, so let's fucking do this.

Yolo!

Okay...

I will fucking kill you first if you ever

- say that again to me. - Got it.

They're coming, they're coming. Grab your fucking gun!

Yolo!

- - What's going on?

They're in here, they got Joel's key card.

- Grab your shotgun. - I don't have the shotgun.

- Roy's got it, mate. - Then grab something else.

Lachlan, load up.

Emma, take this. You're up front.

Darryl, go with her. Lachlan, cover them

from the back, I've got this side.

Any ones you miss, I've got.

Any zombies you miss, I'm fucked.

Stop calling them that. They're not technically undead.

Look, we can hold them off for a bit,

but I don't think we can take them all.

I couldn't hold a fucking child with this.

There they are!

Go, go, go!

Head shots are dead shots. Head shots are dead shots.

Dick shots are dead shots.

Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Shit!

I'm gonna hit this fucker out of the park!

I'm out, you take it. You got it. You got it.

Okay. Um, let me see.

Bottle opener, no, no.

What the fuck is that? Don't know.

Dude, you gave me the shit gun.

Grab your machete and do some karate flips or something then.

- You give me your gun. - Not a fucking chance.

Here we go, okay. All right. Who wants their nails filed? I'm coming for you.

Darryl, we need another one of those electric fences.

Can you make sure it doesn't suck like the last one?

The gun's jammed.

No, no, no!

Don't get blood on it.

There.

Got one in the eyes, did you see that?

- Did you see that? - No one saw it, champ.

- - Oh, the door's stuck.

Unstuck it!

I can't, Roy programmed it.

I don't know the code.

Yeah, well Roy's as good as dead. Find a way.

Ah, shit. Now we're fucked.

Daddy's home.

It's 69, 69, Darryl, you fuckwit. You programmed it.

Six, nine, six, nine. It's six, nine, six, nine.

Everyone out of embers! Let's go, let's go!

Oh, fuck.

Get in here. I'm about to turn it on.

Let's go, Emma. That's it, that's it.

Let's go.

- Let's go. - Come on, dad.

Come on, Roy, you got it. Come on!

- I'm fucking coming!

Fuck that.

Where the hell were you, Roy?

He was crying because he was constipated

and all the flares and the telephone exchange

were making his hay fever play up.

No, I was formulating a plan.

Looks like I saved you morons just in time.

Wait, where's Joel?

Joel's dead, mate.

Oh, Jesus.

Should we do like a minute of silence or something?

Yeah, actually, out of respect for Joel,

could you be silent for, like,

the next four or five fucking hours?

People die, mate, it's part of life.

Speaking of which, em, um...

'Member when you were at primary school and you had

that little puppy dog and I told you it ran away?

- Mippy? - Yeah.

Oh, wait, dad, please, no...

No, no, no, it did run away.

But when I say away, what I mean is...

"Under the front wheels of my Ute".

Oh, my god, Emma, I am so sorry

about Mippy, that is... That's heartbreaking.

How'd you get through the crowd without them noticing?

You ever been to a football grand final?

The only thing more stupid than an angry crowd

is an angry crowd full of bloodthirsty maniacs.

- - Oh, shit, they're coming.

Okay, I'm not saying we're more intelligent than them

but I'll put a case of beer on the fact that a heap more of them

die before they get through that fence.

Mippy would've found a way.

Emma, Mippy's dead.

- Move on. - You move on.

Looks like you're a hero, Roy.

Hmm.

Yeah, guys, I guess, in a lot of ways,

I am a bit of a hero.

- Oh, Roy, right on my shoes. - Sorry.

- Dad, you need to lie down. - No, no, no. Fuck.

We don't have time for that.

Now's the time you guys have gotta run for the rover

and get us the fuck out of here.

I don't have any paintballs left.

- Yeah, Betsy's out, too. - I've got a couple left,

but the sights are off on this thing.

Couldn't you just get out there and do some crazy ninja shit?

Why does everyone keep saying that?

Look, we can't really run and shoot.

- It's gonna wear us down. - All right, give me that.

I have a plan.

I can protect you guys from up here.

Ryan, Lachlan, you two hit the ground,

you split both ways, you run up the flanks. That opens up the centre.

A minute later em bolts up the middle,

grabs the keys from the dead soldiers,

you get in the rover, you come around the back.

I can keep em covered from up here.

That's actually not a bad plan.

Yeah, where'd you learn tactics like that, you Napoleon motherfucker?

I used to be coach of em's under-14 soccer team

'til some of the parents complained.

Were you losing too many games or...

Nah, it's what the newspapers called

"a hugging-based controversy".

It doesn't really matter. Look, I'm gonna go over there

and have another spew somewhere. Lachlan?

I'd just like to say...

Can you go clean up that other spew?

Fuck. Jesus.

- How you doing, Roy? - Never felt better, mate.

You look like shit.

Yeah, well, I'm 51 years old.

Should've seen me after my 21st birthday party.

I lost the ability to speak English for an entire week

and, bizarrely, had somehow learned Spanish.

Congratulations. Look, I know what's going on.

I hope you do, man. I hope your hamstrings

know what's going on, you've got a long way to run.

No, I know what's going on with you and the sickness.

Laina from the hyperdome had the same thing.

I'm not showing you my balls, if that's what you mean.

Look, Roy, you could turn any second now.

What are you gonna do?

Tell you what we're gonna do,

we're gonna keep this between ourselves.

No, I can't let you do that. You're gonna put us

- all in danger. - No, I'm not.

I was never going to.

Not coming with you, I'm staying here.

- What about Emma? - I can protect her

long enough to make sure she gets to the rover,

but once you hit that rover you hit the ignition

and get the fuck as far away from this place as you can.

And you have to promise me one thing.

When this all blows over,

you take Emma and you go see

the wallabies win the world cup.

I don't think that's gonna happen, the final.

Well, just promise me.

- No, no, I can't promise you that. - Just promise it.

No, they've been weak all season.

They're not gonna make it that far. Plus, all the zombies...

- Fucking promise me! - I'm not gonna make

- a promise I can't keep. - Well, then fucking lie to me.

No!

As much as it pains me to admit this, Lachlan,

that's why I've always liked you,

because you stick to your guns.

I said to you, "don't go near my little girl"

and you somehow got her to fall in love with you.

You're a decent man.

You've got admirable qualities.

So don't change.

You know, don't change into a...

Or I'll fucking come and kill you.

I'll kill you.

Look, I want you to have this.

I've killed lots of zombies with it

and I think you deserve it.

And you can kill yourself with it.

You call that a knife?

No, that's a machete.

Yeah, that was like an early 80's film reference thing.

I got something for you too.

Take that, it's, uh...

It's my sat phone number.

There's not enough power to make a call,

but I can receive one,

so when you get far enough away,

I want you to call me

and let me know that you're okay.

And, uh...

Let me say goodbye to my little girl.

Yeah, I can promise you that.

Sorry.

Go on.

Fucking dickhead.

Hey, listen, Roy... Oh, nice blade, man. Fuck!

Hey, look, I got something to talk to you about.

Yeah, look, I've already told you, mate,

I'm considering you for the team.

- No, it's not that, mate. - Whatever it is.

Whatever it is you've been pissing your pants about

this whole time, it no longer matters.

All that matters is we get to that rover and get

- the fuck out of here. - I disagree, mate. I think once you hear...

Mate, you're not listening to me.

The only thing that matters

is that we get to the rover.

You wanna focus on something? Focus on that.

Okay. We're doing it.

Lachy, let's do some cross country.

See? Let's do it.

- Good luck. - I'll see you in the rover.

Without a scratch.

- I love you. - Go!

Come on. Come on, you wanna play?

You wanna play? Let's do this.

Oh, no. Shit, no. I can't make that jump.

That-that-that's too high.

Fucking what?

I'm staying here with you, man.

I'm gonna cover Emma's rear... so to speak.

No, no, no, you get the fuck out there.

Come on, you bloodthirsty bastards.

Who wants some? Who wants this?

La-la-la-la, come on!

- Go!

Did you hear what I said? I just said it.

- Get the fuck out there. - I'm not going.

I'm leaving now. Make a decision.

I'm gonna stay here with Roy.

He's sick, and a player never leaves his captain.

I love you, dad.

You run like hell, baby.

For Mippy!

You know, you are mental for staying here.

That's fine by me.

Ah, come on, you dirty fuckers.

I've got two giant nuts for whoever can catch me.

Jeez, I knew you guys were sick,

but I thought you'd have a bit more race in you.

Am I going left?

Am I going right?

Oh, my god. Sorry. I never hit women, ever.

Whatever.

Oh, fuck, Roy. How long you reckon that door's gonna hold?

How would I know? What am I, an industrial designer?

I'm a fucking good shot, that's what I am.

Keys, keys, where are the fucking keys?

Yep.

- - Wait up!

Where's Lachlan?

I think he's on the other side of the building.

- They're in. - Fuck, yeah!

- They're in the rover! - Hopefully, no one else

has to die, especially not me.

Oh, shit. They broke the door down.

- Nice fucking fencing, Darryl. - What am I, a fencer?

Here, quick! Give me the Toolmaster!

Find us a way out of here!

Whereabouts? Where do I go?

I don't fucking know, just go somewhere!

Fuck, fuck. Follow me, follow me.

All right, we're in fucking heaps of 'em.

Hurry the fuck up!

Here we go. What's this? The nail filer! The nail filer!

Just fucking open it.

Let's go! Come on!

- Roy! - Fuck!

- Grab the vent! - Okay.

Here, take the Toolmaster.

We're coming back for that, right?

Yeah, sure.

Come on!

I'm out for the season.

I'm gonna get raped.

Oh, yeah? Suck some grass!

Huh? You want some grass?

Help me!

Get in here, you pussy.

I got you. I got you.

Thanks for saving my life.

No big deal.

What the fuck? Are you trying to kiss me?

No, no, no, I was just in the moment.

Are you all right?

I think I sprained my ankle.

Give us a look.

That's a pretty nasty sprain, bro.

- What is it? - Shit, I'm gonna pass out.

Jesus, just don't look at it.

What, you can handle a million bleeding rotters eating each other to death

- but a bit of bone's gonna do it for you? - I think I'm in shock.

You're not going into shock, okay? You're not a doctor.

You're just being a pussy.

Keep your mind off it, all right?

Think about what we have to do next.

Find Darryl and Roy.

- What is this place, Roy? - It's a fire escape tunnel.

Could we get any more light?

No, it's a fucking fire escape tunnel!

- Where does it lead? - Fuck, Darryl, it leads

- to the gates of hell. - Don't say that, Roy.

Not after all we've seen.

Okay, it's a fire escape tunnel.

It leads to escape.

Look, we just have to time it with the rover.

We go out too early, we get ate.

We go out too late...

- We'll be eaten. - Exactly.

Roy, can we talk about something?

I can hear the rover. Crawl faster!

- I need to say it. - Fuck it. I can hear the rover! Just go!

- It's about Emma and me. - Oh, all right.

I may have had... In fact, I did have...

- Uh-huh. - A brief, but consensual,

sexual encounter with your girl recently.

How do I say this? Um...

Are you familiar with the act of penetration?

I am familiar with penetration.

All right, so we're on the same page.

Where are these dipsticks?

I don't know, we'll do another lap.

Fuck. Give me that.

Roy! Ow!

Roy! Ow! Ow!

I'm sorry, mate. Ow!

I know it's hairy one, I really do! Ow!

- - Fuck it.

What's that?

- - Hello?

Hey, Roy, can you hear me?

- Are you crying? - No, I'm not crying.

- I'm crying. - What do you want, Lachlan?

Where are you guys? We've been driving around

like a bunch of headless chickens. We can't see you anywhere.

Yeah, we're stuck in the fucking tunnel.

Are you coming out?

No, I don't think we are.

We got a couple of things we gotta work out down here.

Congratulations. Look, I've got something

really important to ask you.

Oh, Lachlan, nothing good ever came

from somebody wanting to know about something important.

No, no, no. This is different.

I wanna ask you if I can marry your daughter.

Fuck, Lachlan, are you sure about that?

More than anything.

Well, have you asked em?

Not yet.

Well, maybe you want to do that, you know?

You're asking her to marry you, not me.

She may have an opinion on it, you fuckwit.

Look.

The world's gone to shit, mate. I don't give a fuck

- what anybody does. - Is that a blessing?

Yeah, that's... my version of a blessing.

So, can you put Emma on?

You fucking dickhead.

Yeah, sure.

- Hey, puppy, is that you? - Yeah, I'm here, dad.

Listen, I gotta tell you something

and I don't want you to say anything

until I'm done, all right?

Okay.

Okay, now, look, me and Darryl

we're gonna stay here and, uh, and we're gonna die.

But I need you to do something for me, okay?

I need you to get as far away from here as you can.

But before you do that, when you're a couple of blocks away,

I need you to shoot a flare so I can see it, you know?

So, then just get the fuck out of here.

When you're safe, when you're really safe,

just blow some shit up for your old dad.

Okay.

Is it... can you hear me?

This fucking battery's dying.

Yes, yes, I can hear you.

I just don't want to leave you.

Oh, baby, I'm sick. I'm fucked.

I know.

I think the only thing now,

the only thing left is to turn into

one of those rotters,

and, you know, like, fuck that, yeah?

I just want you to have a... you know,

have a good life, go do some stuff.

You know, make great decisions.

I wish... I wish I'd been a better dad, you know?

I wish we'd spent more time together.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

You know, the greatest privilege of my life

was watching you grow up.

So you shoot that flare, you fucking shoot it sky high,

- yeah? - Yep. I will.

I fucking love you, puppy. I'm not gonna say goodbye,

so you just fucking rock on, yeah?

We've gotta go.

So, who-who-who was that?

Uh, remember the girl you violated earlier today?

My beloved only daughter? That was her.

Did the battery die?

No, the conversation just came to a natural end.

Could've kept it going.

Yeah, I've just...

I've just never been very good on the phone.

You were saying goodbye to your daughter.

Yeah, and I said goodbye.

I'm pretty sure you said "rock on".

Look, just leave it.

- Mate, come on. - Mate...

- Mate! - Mate!

You're right, mate. I'm sorry.

If that's how we're doing things,

I have another confession,

and this one's actually a bit fucked.

Duck!

- Go! - Oh, shit.

Ah, fuck.

Ah, fuck. Thanks, mate.

That's okay. Hey, listen.

When we first got to the exchange,

Joel had ran into your missus

- on the way over... - Fuck, no...

And she'd been rotted to the core.

Then she tried to attack us...

You fucking didn't!

I'm sorry, Roy.

She's basically dead.

Basically?

Oh, she's actually dead. She's definitely dead.

I shot her with a 12-Gauge. I'm so sorry, Roy.

I'm sorry, mate. Shit. I feel about as sorry

as anyone could be about anything.

It's like the time I broke the fish tank at me parents' house.

And I know it doesn't sound as bad, but shit.

The fish were flopping all around the fucking ground

and mum was screaming. It was awful.

No.

No, Darryl, you did the right thing.

Better you than a stranger, yeah?

I mean, you found yourself in a difficult situation,

you did the only logical thing.

Yeah, you're right. I responded.

And following that line of thought,

I now only have one real option

- left open to me, yeah? - Yeah, what's that?

That's for me to kill you.

- Wait, what's that? - I get to kill you.

No, I don't want that. Fuck that.

You fucked my daughter

and killed my wife

in the same fucking afternoon!

Of course it's gonna sound bad

when you put it like that, Roy.

That's the way it fucking happened, Darryl.

Okay. Yeah, you know what?

You're right, that was rude of me.

That was inappropriate

and I give you permission to kill... me.

Uh, how did you want to do it?

I don't care, I could just fucking strangle you out.

Could I masturbate at the same time

so there's something in it for me?

Or it's just unpleasant.

No, you can't fucking masturbate.

Look, all right.

I'll fucking Nick cave your head in

against the fucking wall.

Jeez, man, I wish Betsy had some shells.

Oh, fuck. That'd be awesome.

- All right. Surprise me. - Okay.

Or... or even, you could leave me to the rotters.

No, no, no, no, it has to be me that does this.

Can't you just rape me for a bit?

Darryl...

Rape, by its very definition,

cannot be requested.

Look, I'm not an animal. I just...

I just want to murder you.

Now, take the hat off

out of respect for the country...

And shut your eyes.

- Just, all I ask, - is don't use the machete.

That thing's fucking brutal.

Okay. All right.

Okay. On the count of three, yeah?

- Yeah, okay. - One...

Actually, Roy... oh, fuck!

Oh, Roy!

All I wanted to say...

Oh, fuck, that hurt.

You can't kill me yet.

Why not?

'Cause... 'cause I'm not comfortable sitting

- on this fucking thing. - Where the fuck did you get that?

I found it in a random house on the way to the exchange.

So you've had that the whole time?

Yeah, since we've been in immediate danger.

Pretty much, yeah.

- Can I have a look? - Yeah.

That is fucking awesome.

It's got some weight to it, doesn't it?

- Fuck, let's roam. - Oh, fuck!

Your hat!

- Hey, that had a pin. - Oh, yeah. It did.

- Why'd you take it out? - I didn't mean to.

- Oh, shit. - Me? What...

Fuck! Roy, shit.

Shit, let's go, cunt!

Fuck.

Darryl, that was one hell of a bowling action.

You know, we could use a guy like you on the team.

But I fucked your wife and killed your daughter.

- You fucking what? - I f... oh, no.

Other way around. I killed...

That would've been bad.

Yeah, that would've been hardcore.

Hey, Roy, there doesn't

seem to be any of those rotten freaks around.

I think we're free. I think the sun saved us!

Of course it's the sun! It's the light! Yeah!

Oh, wait.

Oh, wait. No.

I think you might've been thinking about vampires, Darryl.

Yeah, I meant vampires. Fuck, too much TV, man.

You know what? - What?

- We've had a pretty good run. - Yeah?

Yeah, I've seen... I've seen man land on the moon,

I've seen the Berlin wall come down,

I've seen magazine porn turn into Internet porn...

Discovery of the Higgs boson.

Particle physics and all that?

Porn on your phone, as well.

- Phone porn! - Phone porn.

How good is that shit?

Tell you what, Sundance.

We get out of here alive,

let's go to Australia.

Fuck.

Fuck, I love this.

Fuck, I love this, too.

These things will kill you.

Fuck you, grandma.

Get off me, you dick.

Oh, god! No!

Oh, fuck this!

You got a bit of a cold, mate?

No.

I love you, mate.

What's that?

I love you. Like a friend.

Yeah, like a gay friend.

No, you know I didn't mean it like that.

Can't believe it.

My only daughter got rooted

by a gay bloke, that is so modern.

I'm not gay, Roy.

Look.

That's my little girl.

Ah, you go, baby.

♪ That boom box in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey yeah ♪

♪ daddy's home, sweetheart ♪

♪ it seems that the dreams ♪

♪ for the children on the block ♪

♪ has gone from love to a thug ♪

♪ with a million dollar watch ♪

♪ you see I'm talking 'bout the jungle ♪

♪ the outback the city I live in ♪

♪ that cunt that'll always bounce back ♪

♪ with a witty dominion ♪

♪ I'll flow like this and I still don't like pigs ♪

♪ attitude is what I got ♪

♪ I'm flippin' I'm trippin' I'm puffin' on pot ♪

♪ so don't even think to sleep on me ♪

♪ 'cause I'm a dodgy mattress ♪

♪ I figured it out I'm the king of the house ♪

♪ I'm a flying flock of axes ♪

♪ I'm going vampire killing ♪

♪ with stakes in me holsters ♪

♪ shooting 'em down ripping the faces ♪

♪ off vultures ♪

♪ the trolley's full of goodies for the kids ♪

♪ so rat-a-tat-tat the big macka is back ♪

♪ and I'm loading off the dip ♪

♪ what up, cunt ♪

Are you still with us or what?

Let's make some noise

for the state of Australian hip-hop.

Hey, Roy.

Roy.

Ah, fuck. Sorry, mate.

I was just trying to formulate a plan.

Oh, it's not gonna work. We got no legs.

Oh, fuck. That's... That plan's fucked, then.

Least we'll get a wheelchair or something.

Yeah, we could have races.

Yeah, fucking beat you.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ oh ♪

♪ you found me in a good mood ♪

♪ ya little bastards ♪

♪ my grandma told me, do not take shit ♪

♪ from anybody in this motherfucking bitch ♪

♪ see, my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark can suck my... ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪ - ♪ my grandma told me... ♪

♪ Never, never, ever, ever take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why my heart won't quit ♪

♪ my dad taught me how to handle the riffraff ♪

♪ and mum bought the pain first time I did graff ♪

♪ one time for the fam that you got ♪

♪ my granny got a gun and never ran from the cops ♪

♪ so I stand on this rock with a zen mentality ♪

♪ and drift this bitch 'til we bend reality ♪

♪ my bloodline bangs when I handle the beat ♪

♪ so don't bark up my family tree ♪

♪ I say what you think, but I'm not a mind reader ♪

♪ I'm good to my girl, but I wear a wife-beater ♪

♪ happy as fuck when I rap with my cuz ♪

♪ if you're battling him, then you're battling us ♪

♪ a world full of wolves, who's the leader of the pack? ♪

♪ When they teach you how to act ♪

♪ trying to keep you in a trap conditioned ♪

♪ 'til you're blue in the face so take it from rage ♪

♪ I won't do what they say because ♪

♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark can suck my... ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪ - ♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, ever, ever take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why my heart won't quit ♪

♪ just Bob like you're mad on Marley ♪

♪ and I finally got a job to get my dad that Harley ♪

♪ though it's hardly a job 'cause the tune forms refuge ♪

♪ I'm an uncle now with a newborn nephew ♪

♪ flowers grew, ground broke with the buzz ♪

♪ jam with my fam, sound folk with my cuz ♪

♪ we don't say it enough, so from all of my band ♪

♪ I'ma take a sec to give it up to all of our fans ♪

♪ I'll just stand in the kitchen ♪

♪ with a plan and a vision, I'm a man on a mission ♪

♪ with my folk on a Friday soak in the light rays ♪

♪ Carolina blue sky coast on a highway ♪

♪ on track fired up and steam-powered ♪

♪ never listen to the dream-doubters and the bean counters ♪

♪ join the mental, consequential song writer ♪

♪ lit the island up like a continental bonfire ♪

♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark can suck my... ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪ - ♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, ever, ever take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why my heart won't quit ♪

♪ 26th of march, the vision is bliss ♪

♪ it's 5:55 on the fifth of the fifth ♪

♪ eso poppin' in new years, flippin' the script ♪

♪ it's just 380 babies chilling in the crib ♪

♪ we're not giving a shit, so respect your elders ♪

♪ the proof's in the pudding that protects and shelters ♪

♪ so tell this to the rock in your way ♪

♪ I don't budge mate, you ain't got what it takes ♪

♪ got tinkerbell's magic dust and I'm saddled up ♪

♪ down at the jam, rattled up in a cattle truck ♪

♪ paint those pics with the pallet of a dreamer ♪

♪ make those sick... ♪

Hey, Roy.

You dead? What're you doing?

I'm trying to die. It just takes ages.

We got no legs, but we're still alive.

Maybe we could come back

for the sequel and/or video game.

Oh, fuck. That'd be sweet.

Play legless characters.

Yeah, we could get those... What do you call those...

Prosth... not prosthetics. Like, robotics.

- Like six million dollar man. - Robocop legs.

- Yeah, Robocop legs. - Let's do that, then.

I'm not even a real cop. Do you reckon I could

- still get 'em? - No. They'll believe it.

Great.