Original subtitles

Hello and good morning

I am Rabbi Isidor Chemelwitz of the Bronx Home for Aged Hebrews

We are here this morning to pay respects at the passing of Sarah Ironson

Devoted wife of Benjamin Ironson, also deceased

Loving and ring mother of her sons Morris, Abraham, and Samuel, and her daughters Esther and Rachel

Beloved grandmother of Max, Mark, Louis, Lisa, Maria...

Lesley, Angela, Doris, Luke and Eric

Eric? This is a Jewish name? Eric

A large and loving family. We assemble that we may mourn collectively this good and righteous woman

This woman. I did not know this woman

I cannot accurately describe her attributes, nor do justice to her dimensions

She was... well, in the Bronx Home for Aged Hebrews are many like this, the old

And to many I speak but not, to be frank, with this one. She preferred silence

So I do not know her and yet I know her

She was not a person but a whole kind of person

The ones who crossed the ocean, who brought with us to America the villages of Russia and Lithuania

And how we snuggled, and how we fought, for the family, for the Jewish home

So that you would not grow up here, in this strange place, in the melting pot where nothing melted

Descendants of this immigrant woman, you do not grow up in America...

...you and your children and their children with the goyische names

You do not live in America, no sum place exists

Your day is the day of some Litvak shtetl, your air the air of the steppes

Because she carried the old world on her back across the ocean, in a boat

And she put it down on Grand Concourse Avenue, or in Flatbush, and she worked that earth into your bones

And you pass it to your children, this ancient, ancient culture and home

You can never make that crossing that she made, for such great voyages in this world do not any more exist

But every day of your lives the miles that voyage between that place and this one you cross

Every day. You understand me? In you that journey is. So...

She was the last of the Mohicans, this one was. Pretty soon all the old will be dead

Hold...

I wish I was an octopus, a fucking octopus. Eight loving arms and all those suckers

- Know what I mean? - No, I...

- You want lunch? - No, that's OK really...

Ailene? Roy Cohn. Now what kind of a greeting is...

I thought we were friends, Ailene. Look Mrs Suffer you don't have to get...

You're upset. You're yelling. You'll aggravate your condition

You shouldn't yell, you'll pop little blood vessels in your face if you yell

No that was a joke, Mrs Suffer, I was joking

I already apologized sixteen times for that, Mrs Soffer, you...

This'll take a minute, eat already. What is this tasty sandwich here?

Liver or some... Here

I already told you 'wasn't a vacation

It was business, Mrs Suffer, I have clients in Haiti, Mrs Suffer

I... Listen, Ailene, you think I'm the only goddam lawyer in history ever missed a court date?

Don't make sum a big fucking... Hold. You hag!

- If this is a bad time... - Bad time? This is a good time

Baby doll, get me... Oh flack, wait

Hello? Yah. Sorry to keep you holding, Judge Hollins, I...

Oh Mrs Hollins, sorry dear, deep voice you got. Enjoying your visit?

She sounds like a truck driver and he sounds like Kate Smith, very confusing

Nixon appointed him, all the geeks are Nixon appointees

Yeah, yeah fight good, so how many tickets, dear?

Seven? For what, Cats, 42nd Street, what? No, you wouldn't like La Cage

Trust me, I know. Oh for godsake. Hold

Baby doll, seven for Cats or something, anything hard to get, I don't give a fuck what and neither will they

- You see La Cage? - No, I...

Fabulous. Best thing on Broadway. Maybe ever

Who? Aw, Jesus H. Christ, Harry, no, Harry, Judge John Francis Grimes, Manhattan Family Court

Do I have to do every goddamn thing myself?

Touch the bastard, Harry, and don't call me on this line again, I told you not to

- Roy, should I wait outside? - Oh sh

You hold. I pay you to hold, fuck you Harry you jerk. Half-wk dink-brain

I see the universe, Joe. as a kind of sandstorm in outer space with winds of mega-hurricane velocity

But instead of grains of sand it's shards and splinters of glass

- You ever feel that way? Ever have one of those days? - I'm not sure

- So how's life in Appeals? How's the judge? - He sends his best

He's a good man. Loyal. Not the brightest man on the bench, but he has manners

- And a nice head of silver hair - He gives me a lot of responsibility

- Yeah, like writing his decisions and signing his name - Well...

- He's a nice guy. And you cover admirably - Well, thanks, Roy, I...

Yeh? Who is this? Well who the fuck are you? Hold

Harry? Eighty-seven grand, something like that. Fuck him. Eat me

New Jersey, main of porno film stores in Weehawken

That's... Harry, that's the beauty of the law

So, baby doll, what? Cats? Ugh

Cats! It's about ts. Singing ts, you'll love it. Eight o'clock, the theater's always at eight

Fucking tourists

- Oh live a little, Joe, eat something for Christ sake - Um, Roy, could you...

What? Hold a minute. Mrs Suffer? Mrs...

- God-fucking-damnit to hell, where is... - Roy, I'd really appreciate it if...

Well she was here a minute ago, baby doll, see if...

- Jesus fuck this goddamn thing! - I really wish you wouldn't...

Baby doll? Ring The Post, get me Suzy see if...

- Christ! - Roy!

- Hold. What? - Could you please not take the Lord's name in vain?

I'm sorry. But please. At least while I'm...

Right. Sorry. Fuck. Only in America

Baby doll, tell 'em all to fuck off. Tell 'em I died

You handle Mrs Suffer. Tell her it's on the way. Tell her I'm schtupping the judge

I'll call her back. I will call her. I know how much I borrowed

She's got four hundred times that stuffed up her... Yeah, tell her I said that

- So Joe - I'm sorry Roy, I just...

No no no no, principles count, I respect principles, I'm not religious but I like God and God likes me

- Baptist, Catholic? - Mormon

Mormon. Delectable. Absolutely. Only in America

- So, Joe. Whattya think? - It's... well...

- Crazy life - Chaotic

Well, but God bless mans. Right?

- Mormons. I know Mormons, in Nevada - Utah, mostly

No, these Mormons were in Vegas

So. So, how'd you like to go to Washington and work for the Justice Department?

Sorry?

How'd you like to go to Washington and work for the Justice Department?

All I gotta do is pick up the phone, talk to Ed, and you're in

In what, exactly?

Associate Assistant Something Big. Internal Affairs, heart of the woods, something nice with clout

- Ed...? - Meese. The Attorney General

- Oh - I just have to pick up the phone

- I have to think - Of course

- It's a great time to be in Washington, Joe - Roy, it's incredibly exciting

And it would mean something to me. You understand?

I can't say how much I appreciate this Roy, I'm sort of... well, stunned, I mean...

Thanks, Roy. But I have to give it some thought. I have to ask my wife

Your wife. Of course

- But I really appreciate... - Of course. Talk to your wife

People who are lonely, people left alone, sit talking nonsense to the air. imagining...

...beautiful systems dying, old fixed orders spiraling apart

When you look at the ozone layer, from outside, from a spaceship, it looks like a pale blue halo

A gentle, shimmering aureole encircling the atmosphere, encircling the earth

Thirty miles above our heads, a thin layer of three-atom oxygen molecules...

Product of photosynthesis, which explains the fussy vegetable preference for visible light...

...its rejection of darker rays and emanations. Danger from without

It's a kind of gift, from God, the clowning touch to the creation of the world

Guardian angels, hands linked, make a spherical net

A blue-green nesting orb, a shell of safety for life itself

But everywhere, things are collapsing, lies surfacing, systems of defense giving way

This is why, Joe, this is why I shouldn't be left alone

I'd like to go traveling. Leave you behind to worry

I'll send postcards with strange stamps and tantalizing messages on the back

'Later maybe.' 'Nevermore'

- Oh! You startled me - Cash, check or credit card?

I remember you. You're from Salt Lake. You sold us the plane tickets when we flew here

- What are you doing in Brooklyn? - You said you wanted to travel

- And here you are. How thoughtful - Mr Lies. Of the International Order of Travel Agents

We mobilize the globe, we set people adrift, we stir the populace and send nomads eddying across the planet

We are adapts of motion, acolytes of the flux. Cash, check or credit card. Name your destination

Antarctica, maybe. I want to see the hole in the ozone

- I heard on the radio... - I can arrange a guided tour

- Now? - Soon. Maybe soon

I'm not safe here you see. Things aren't fight with me. Weird stuff happens

- Like? - Well, like you, for instance. Just appearing

Or last week... well never mind

People are like planets, you need a thick skin

Things get to me, Joe stays away and now... Well look. My dreams are talking back to me

It's the price of restlessness. Motion sickness. The only cure, to keep moving

I'm undecided. I feel that something's going to give. It's 1985. Fifteen years till the third millennium

Maybe Christ will come again. Maybe seeds will be planted

Maybe there'll be harvests then, maybe early figs to eat, maybe new life, maybe fresh blood

Maybe companionship and love and protection, safety from what's outside, maybe the door will hold

Or maybe... Maybe the troubles will come, and the end will come

And the sky will collapse and there will be terrible rains and showers of poison light

Or maybe my life is really fine, maybe Joe loves me and I'm only crazy thinking otherwise

Or maybe not, maybe it's even worse than I know, maybe...

I want to know, maybe I don't

- The suspense, Mr Lies, it's killing me - I suggest a vacation

That was the elevator. Oh God, I should fix myself up

You have to go, you shouldn't be here, you aren't even real

- Call me when you decide - Go!

Buddy? Buddy? Sorry I'm late. I was just out. Walking

- Are you mad? - I got a little anxious

Buddy kiss

Nothing to get anxious about. So...

So how would you like to move to Washington?

My grandmother actually saw Emma Goldman speak. In Yiddish

But all Grandma could remember was that she spoke well and wore a hat

What a weird service. That rabbi

A definite find. Get his number when you go to the graveyard. I want him to bury me

Better head out there. Everyone gets to put dirt on the coffin once it's lowered in

Oooh. Cemetery fun. Don't want to miss that

It's an old Jewish custom to express love. Here, Grandma, have a shovelful

Latecomers run the risk of finding the grave completely filled

She was pretty crazy. She was up there in that home for ten years, talking to herself

I never visited. She looked too much like my mother

- Poor Louis. I'm sorry your grandma is dead - Tiny little coffin, huh?

Sorry I didn't introduce you to... I always get so closety at these family things

Butch. You get butch

'Hi, Cousin Doris, you don't remember me, I'm Lou, Rachel's boy'

Lou, not Louis, because if you say Louis they'll hear the sibilant S

- I don't have a... - I don't blame you, hiding

Bloodlines. Jewish curses are the worst

I personally would dissolve if anyone ever looked me in the eye and said 'Feh'

Fortunately WASPs don't say 'Feh.' Oh and by the way, darling, Cousin Doris is a dyke

- No. Really? - You don't notice anything

If I hadn't spent the last four years fellating you I'd swear you were straight

You're in a pissy mood. Cat still missing?

- Not a furball in sight. It's your fault - It is?

I warned you, Louis. Names are important

Call an animal Lillie Sheba and you can't expect it to stick around

- Besides, it's a dog's name - I wanted a dog in the first place, not a cat

- He sprayed my books - He was a female cat

Cats are stupid, high-stung predators. Babylonians sealed them up in bricks

- Dogs have brains - Cats have intuition

A sharp dog is as smart as a really dull two-year-old mild

- Cats know when something's wrong - Only if you stop feeding them

- They know. That's why Sheba left, because she knew - Knew what?

I did my best Shirley Booth this morning, floppy slippers, housecoat, curlers, can of Little Friskies

'Come back, Little Sheba, come back, ' To no avail. Le chat, elle ne reviendra jamais, jamais

See

- That's just a burst blood vessel - Not according to the best medical authorities

What? Tell me

K.S. baby. Lesion number one. Lookit

- The wine-dark kiss of the angel of death - Oh please

I'm a lesionnaire. The Foreign Lesion. The American Lesion. Lesionnaire's disease

- Stop - My troubles are lesion

- Will you stop - Don't you think I'm handling this well?

- I'm going to die - Bullshit

- Let go of my arm - No

- Let go - No

I can't find a way to spare you, baby

No wall like the wall of hard scientific fact. K.S. Wham. Bang your head on that

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

Now that's what I like to hear. A mature reaction

Let's go see if the cat's come home

- Louis? - When did you find this?

- I couldn't tell you - Why?

- I was scared, Lou - Of what?

- That you'll leave me - Oh

Bad liming, funeral and all, but I figured as long as we're on the subject of death...

- I have to go bury my grandma - Lou?

- Then you'll come home? - Then I'll come home

- Washington? - It's an incredible honor, buddy

- I have to think - Of course

- Say no - You said you were going to think about it

- I don't want to live in Washington - Well I do

It's a giant cemetery, huge white graves and mausoleums everywhere

We could live in Maryland. Or Georgetown

- We're happy here - That's not really true, buddy

Well happy enough. Pretend-happy. That's better than nothing

- It's lime to make some changes, Harper - No changes. Why?

I've been chief clerk for four years. I make twenty-nine thousand dollars a year. That's ridiculous

I graduated fourth in my class and I make less than anyone I know

And I am tired of being a clerk, I want to go where something good is happening

Nothing good happens in Washington

We'll forget church teachings, we'll buy furniture at Conran's and become yuppies

- I have too much to do here - Like what?

- I do have things - What things?

- I have to finish painting the bedroom - You've been painting in there for over a year

I know. It just isn't done because I never get lime to finish it

That doesn't make sense. You have all the lime in the world. You could finish it when I'm at work

- I'm afraid to go in there alone - Afraid of what?

I heard someone in there. Metal scraping on the wall. A man with a knife, maybe

- There's no one in the bedroom, Harper - Not now

- Not this morning either - How do you know? You were at work this morning

There's something creepy about this place. Remember Rosemary's Baby?

- Rosemary's Baby? - Our apartment looks like that one

- Wasn't that apartment in Brooklyn? - No, it was...

- Well. R looked like this. It did - Then let's move

Georgetown's worse. The Exorcist was in Georgetown

- The devil everywhere you turn, huh, buddy - Yeah. Everywhere

- How many pills today, buddy? - None

One. Three. Only three

Why are there just two little wooden pegs holding the lid down?

So she can get out easier if she wants to

I hope she stays put. I pretended for years that she was already dead

When they called to say she had died it was a surprise. I abandoned her

- Sharfer vi di tson fun a shlang iz an umdankbar kind - I don't speak Yiddish

'Sharper than the serpent's tooth is the ingratitude of children.' Shakespeare. Kenig Lear

Rabbi, what does the Holy Writ say about someone who abandons someone he loves at a time of great need?

- Why would a person do sum a thing? - Because he has to

Maybe because this person's sense of the world, that it will change for the better with struggle...

Maybe a person who has this neo-Hegelian positivist sense of constant historical progress...

...towards happiness or perfection or something

Who feels very powerful because he feels connected to these forces, moving uphill all the time...

Maybe that person can't incorporate sickness into his sense of how things are supposed to go

Maybe vomit and sores and disease really frighten him, maybe he isn't so good with death

The Holy Scriptures have nothing to say about sum a person

Rabbi, I'm afraid of the crimes I may commit

Please, mister. I'm a sick old rabbi facing a long drive home to the Bronx

- You want to confess, better you should find a priest - But I'm not a Catholic, I'm a Jew

Worse luck for you, bubbulah

Catholics believe in forgiveness. Jews believe in guilt

You just make sure those pegs are in good and tight

Don't worry, mister. The life she had, she'll stay put. She's better off

Look, I know this is scary for you. But try to understand what it means to me

- Will you try? - Yes

Good. Really try. I think things are starting to mange in the world

- But I don't want... - Wait. For the good. Change for the good

America has rediscovered itself. Its sacred position among nations

And people aren't ashamed of that like they used to be. This is a great thing

The truth restored. Law restored. That's what President Reagan's done, Harper

He says: 'Truth exists and can be spoken proudly.' And the country responds to him

We become better. More good. I need to be a part of that, I need something big to lift me up

I mean, six years ago the world seemed in decline, horrible, hopeless...

Full of unsolvable problems and mime and confusion and hunger and...

But it still seems that way. More now than before. They say the ozone layer is...

- Harper - And today out the window on Atlantic Avenue...

...there was a schizophrenic traffic cop who was making these...

- Stop m I'm trying to make a point - So am I

- You aren't even making sense - My point is the world seems just as...

It only seems that way to you because you never go out in the world, Harper, and you have emotional problems

- I do so get out in the world - You don't

- You stay in all day, fretting about imaginary... - I get out. I do. You don't know what I do

- You don't stay in all day - No

- Well... Yes you do - That's what you think

- Where do you go? - Where do you go? When you walk

- And I do not have emotional problems - I'm sorry

And if I do have emotional problems it's from living with you

- Or... - I'm sorry, buddy, I didn't mean to...

Or if you do think I do then you should never have married me. You have all these secrets and lies

- I want to be married to you, Harper - You shouldn't. You never should

Hey, buddy. Hey. buddy

Buddy kiss

- I heard on the radio how to give a blowjob - What?

- You want to try? - You really shouldn't listen to stuff like that

Mormons can give blowjobs

- Harper - Joe

It was a little Jewish lady with a German accent

This is a good time. For me to make a baby

Then they went on to a program about holes in the ozone layer. Over Antarctica

Skin bums, birds go blind, icebergs melt. The world's coming to an end

Oh, um... Homing

- Good morning, Counselor - Sorry, I... I don't know your name

Don't bother. Word processor. The lowest of the low

- Joe Pitt. I'm with Justice 'Wilson - Oh, I know that. Counselor Pitt. Chief Clerk

- Were you... Are you OK? - Oh, yeah. Thanks

- What a nice man - Not so nice

- What? - Not so nice. Nothing. You sure you're...

Life sucks shit. Life just sucks shit

- What's wrong? - Run in my nylons

- Sorry? - Forget it. Look, thanks for asking

- Well... - I mean it really is nice of you

Sorry, sorry. Sid! friend

- Oh, I'm sorry - Yeah, yeah, well, that's sweet

Three of your colleagues preceded you to this baleful sight and you're the first one to ask

The others just opened the door, saw me, and fled. I hope they had to pee real bad

- They just didn't want to intrude - Hah. Reaganite heartless macho asshole lawyers

- That's unfair - What is? Heartless? Macho? Reaganite? Lawyer?

- I voted for Reagan - You did?

- Twice - Twice? Well, oh boy. A Gay Republican

- Excuse me? - Nothing

I'm not... Forget it

Republican? Not Republican? Or...

- What? - What?

- Not gay. I'm not gay - Oh. Sorry

- It's just... - Yes?

Well, sometimes you can tell from the way a person sounds, that...

- I mean you sound like a... - No I don't

- Like what? - Like a Republican

- Do I sound like a...? - What? Like a...? Republican, or...? Do I?

- Do you what? - Sound like a...?

- Like a...? I'm confused - Yes

My name is Louis. But all my friends call me Louise

I work in Word Processing. Thanks for the toilet paper

I'm ready for my closeup, Mr DeMille

One wants to move through life with elegance and grace

Blossoming infrequently but with exquisite taste and perfect timing

Like a rare bloom

A zebra orchid

One wants... But one so seldom gets what one wants, does one?

No. One does not

One gets fucked. Over. One dies at thirty, robbed of decades of majesty

Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit

I look like a corpse

A corpsette

Oh my queen, you know you've hit rock-bottom when even drag is a drag

Are you... Who are you?

- Who are you? - What are you doing in my hallucination?

I'm not in your hallucination. You're in my dream

- You're wearing makeup - So are you

But you're a man

The hands and feet give it away

There must be some mistake here. I don't recognize you. You're not...

- Are you my... some sort of imaginary friend? - Ne. Aren't you too old to have imaginary friends?

I have emotional problems. I took too many pills

Why are you wearing makeup?

I was in the process of applying the face, trying to make myself feel better

I swiped the new fall colors at the Clinique counter at Macy's

- You stole them? - I was out of cash. It was an emotional emergency

- Joe will be so angry. I promised him no more pills - These pills you keep alluding to?

- Valium. I take Valium. Lots of Valium - And you're dancing as fast as you can

I'm not addicted. I don't believe in addiction, and I never... Well, I never drink. And I never take drugs

Well, smell you, Nancy Drew

- Except Valium - Except Valium, in wee fistfuls

It's terrible. Mormons are not supposed to be addicted to anything

- I'm a Mormon - I'm a homosexual

- Oh. In my church we don't believe in homosexuals - In my church we don't believe in Mormons

What church do you... Oh. I get it

I don't understand this. If I didn't ever see you before and I don't think I did...

...then I don't think you should be here, in this hallucination

Because in my experience the mind, which is where hallucinations come from...

...shouldn't be able to make up anything that wasn't there to start with

That didn't enter it from experience, from the real world. Imagination can't create anything new, can it?

It only recycles bits and pieces from the world and reassembles them into visions

- Am I making sense fight now? - Given the circumstances. yes

So when we think we've escaped the unbearable ordinariness and, well, untruthfulness of our lives...

...it's really only the same old ordinariness and falsenes rearranged into the appearance of novelty and truth

Nothing unknown is knowable. Don't you think it's depressing?

- The limitations of the imagination? - Yes

It's something you learn after your second theme party. It's All Been Done Before

The world. Finite. Terribly, terribly...

Well, this is the most depressing hallucination I've ever had

Apologies. I do try to be amusing

Oh, well, don't apologize, you... I can't expect someone who's really sick to entertain me

- How on earth did you know? - Oh that happens

This is the very threshold of revelation sometimes. You can see things... how sick you are

- Do you see anything about me? - Yes

- What? - You are amazingly unhappy

Oh big deal. You meet a Valium addict and you figure out she's unhappy

That doesn't count. Of course I... Something else. Something surprising

- Something surprising - Yes

Your husband's a homo

Oh, ridiculous

Really?

Threshold of revelation

Well I don't like your revelations. I don't think you intuit well at all

Joe's a very normal man, he... Oh God. Oh God. He...

Do homos take, like, lots of long walks?

Yes. We do. In stretch pants with lavender coifs

Up and down the avenues of Sodom we walk. Doomed, doomed

- I just looked at you, and there was... - A sort of blue streak of recognition

- Yes - Like you knew me incredibly well

- Yes - Yes

I have to go now, get back, something just fell apart

Oh God, I feel so sad

I'm sorry. I usually say, 'Fuck the truth, ' but mostly. the truth fucks you

- I see something else about you - Oh?

Deep inside you, there's a part of you, the most inner part, entirely free of disease

- I can see that - Is that...

- That isn't true - Threshold of revelation

Home

People come and go so quickly here

I don't think here's any uninfected part of me

My heart is pumping polluted blood. I feel dirty

Look up

Hello?

Look up

Who is that?

- Prepare the way - I don't see any...

Look up, look up, prepare the way

The infinite descent. A breath in air floating down

Glory to...

Hello? Is that it?

Hello! What the melt?

Poor me. Poor poor me

Why me? Why poor poor me?

Oh I don't feel good right now. I really don't

- Where were you? - Out

- Where? - Just out. Thinking

- It's late - I had a lotto think about

- I burned dinner - Sorry

Not my dinner. My dinner was fine. Your dinner

I put it back in the oven and turned everything up as high as it could go...

...and I watched till it burned black

- It's still hot. Very hot. Want it? - You didn't have to do that

I know. It just seemed like the kind of thing a mentally deranged sex-starved pill-popping housewife would do

So I did it. Who knows anymore what I have to do?

- How many pills? - A bunch. Don't change the subject

- I won't talk to you when you... - No. No. Don't do that! I'm... I'm fine

Pills are not the problem, not our problem

I want to know where you've been. I want to know what's going on

- Going on with what? The job? - Not the job

- I said I need more lime - Not the job

Mr Cohn, I talked to him on the phone, he said I had to hurry

But I can't get you to talk sensibly about anything so...

- Shut up! - Then what?

- Stick to the subject - I don't know what that is

You have something you want to ask me? Ask me. Go

- I can't. I'm scared of you - I'm tired, I'm going to bed

- Tell me without making me ask - This is crazy, I'm not...

When you come through the door at night your face is never exactly the way I remembered 'r

I get surprised by something mean and hard about the way you look

Even the weight of you in the bed at night, the way you breathe in your sleep seems unfamiliar

You terrify me

- I know who you are - Yes. I'm the enemy. That's easy. That doesn't mange

You think you're the only one who hates sex. I do. I hate it with you, I do

I dream that you batter away at me till all my joints come apart, like wax, and I fall into pieces

It's like a punishment. It was wrong of me to many you

I mew you... It's a sin, and it's killing us both

I can always tell when you've taken pills because it makes you red-faced and sweaty

And frankly that's very often why I don't want to...

- Because... - Well you aren't pretty. Not like this

- I have something to ask you - Then ask. Ask! What in hell are you...

Are you a homo? Are you?

If you try to walk out fight now I'll put your dinner back in the oven and turn it up so high...

...the whole building will fill with smoke and everyone in it will asphyxiate. So help me God I will

- Now answer the question - What if I...

- Then tell me, please. And we'll see - No. I am not

I don't see what difference it makes

Jews don't have any clear textual guide to the afterlife, even that it exists

I don't think much about it. I see it as a perpetual rainy Thursday afternoon in March. Dead leaves

Eeeugh. Very Greco-Roman

Well for us it's not the verdict that counts, it's the act of judgment

That's why I could never be a lawyer. In court all that matters is the verdict

You could never be a lawyer because you are oversexed. You're too distracted

- Not distracted, abstracted. I'm trying to make a point - Namely?

It's the judge in his or her members, weighing, books open, pondering the evidence

Ranging freely over categories. Good, evil, innocent, guilty

The judge in the chamber of circumspection, not the judge on the bench with the gavel

- The shaping of the law, not its execution - The point, dear, the point

That it should be the questions and shape of a life

Its total complexity gathered, arranged and considered, which matters in the end

Not some stamp of salvation or damnation which disperses all the complexity...

...in some unsatisfying little decision. The balancing of the scales

I like this. It's very Zen. It's reassuringly incomprehensible and useless

- We who are about to die thank you - You are not about to die

It's not going well, really

Two new lesions. My leg hurts

There's protein in my urine. the doctor says, but who knows what the fuck that portends

Anyway it shouldn't be there, the protein. My bull is mapped from diarrhea and yesterday I shat blood

- I really hate this. You don't tell me... - You get too upset, I wind up comforting you

- It's easier - Oh thanks

- If it's bad I'll tell you - Shitting blood sounds bad to me

- And I'm telling you - And I'm handling it

- Tell me some more about justice - I am handling it

Well Louis. you win Trooper of the Month

I take it back. You aren't Trooper of the Month

This isn't working

Tell me some more about justice

- You are not about to die - Justice

Is an immensity, a confusing vastness. Justice is God

- Prior? - Hmmm?

- You love me? - Yes

What if I walked out on this? Would you hate me forever?

Yes

I think we ought to pray. Ask God for help. Ask him together

God won't talk to me. I have to make up people to talk to me

- You have to keep asking - I forgot the question

- Oh yeah. God, is my husband a... - Stop it. Stop it. I'm warning you

Does it make any difference?

That I might be one thing deep within, no matter how wrong or ugly that thing is...

...so long as I have fought, with everything I have, to kill it

What do you want from me? What do you want from me, Harper? More than that?

For God's sake, there's nothing left, I'm a shell. There's nothing left to kill

As long as my behavior is what I know it has to be. Decent. Correct. That alone in the eyes of God

No, no, not that, that's Utah talk, Mormon talk, I hate it. Joe. tell me, say it

All I will say is that I am a very good man who has worked very hard to become good

And you want to destroy that. You want to destroy me, but I am not going to let you do that

- I'm going to have a baby - Liar

You liar. A baby born addicted to pills. A baby who does not dream but who hallucinates

Who stares up at us with big minor eyes and who does not know who we are

- Are you really...? - No

Yes

No

Yes

Get away from me

Now we both have a secret

One of my ancestors was a ship's captain...

...who made money bringing whale oil to Europe and returning with immigrants

Irish mostly, packed in light, so many dollars per head

The last ship he captained foundered off the coast of Nova Scotia in a winter tempest and sank to the bottom

He went down with the ship... La Grande Geste

But his crew took seventy women and kids in the ship's only longboat, this big, open rowboat

And when the weather got too rough, and they thought the boat was overcrowded...

...the crew started lilting people up and hurling them into the sea. Until they got the ballast right

They walked up and down the longboat, eyes to the waterline

And when the boat rode low in the water they'd grab the nearest passenger and throw them into the sea

The boat was leaky, see. Seventy people. They arrived in Halifax with nine people on board

- Jesus - I think about that story a lot now

People in a boat, waking, terrified, while implacable, unsmiling men, irresistibly strong, seize...

...maybe the person next to you, maybe you

And with no warning at all, with time only for a quid! intake of air...

...you are pitched into freeing, turbulent water and salt and darkness to drown

I like your cosmology, baby

While time is running out I find myself drawn to anything that's suspended, that lacks an ending

- But it seems to me that it lets you off soot-free - What do you mean?

- No judgment, no guilt or responsibility - For me

For anyone. It was an editorial 'you'

Please get better. Please. Please don't get any sicker

Nobody knows what uses it. And nobody knows how to cure it

The best theory is that we blame a retrovirus, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus

Its presence is made known to us by the useless antibodies...

...which appear in reaction to its entrance into the bloodstream through a cut, or an orifice

The antibodies are powerless to protect the body against it. Why, we don't know

The body's immune system ceases to function. Sometimes the body even attacks itself

At any rate it's left open to a whole horror house of infections from microbes which it usually defends against

Like Kaposi's sarcomas. These lesions. Or your throat problem. Or the glands

We think 'r may also be able to slip past the blood-brain barrier into the brain

Which is of course very bad news

And it's fatal in we don't know what percent of people with suppressed immune responses

This is very interesting, Mr Wizard, but why the fuck are you telling me this?

Well, I have just removed one of three lesions...

...which biopsy results will probably tell us is a Kaposi's sarcoma lesion

And you have a pronounced swelling of glands in your nook, groin. and armpits

Lymphadenopathy is another sign. And you have oral candidiasis...

...and maybe a little more fungus under the fingernails of two digits on your fight hand. So that's why...

- This disease - Syndrome

Whatever. It afflicts mostly homosexuals and drug addicts

- Mostly. Homophiliacs are also at risk - Homosexuals and drug addicts

So why are you implying that I... What are you implying, Henry?

- I don't... - I'm not a drug addict

- Oh come on, Roy - What, what, come on Roy what?

- Do you think I'm a junkie, Henry, do you see tacks? - This is absurd

- Say it - Say what?

- Say 'Roy Cohn, you are a...' - Roy? I don't...

'You are a...' Go on

Not 'Roy Cohn you are a drug fiend'. 'Roy Marcus Cohn, you are a...'

- Go on, Henry. It starts with an H - Oh I'm not going to...

With an H, Henry, and it isn't 'hemophiliac'

- Come on - What are you doing, Roy?

No, say it. I mean it. Say 'Roy Cohn, you are a homosexual'

And I will proceed, systematically...

...to destroy your reputation and your practice and your career in New York State, Henry

Which you know I can do

Roy, you have been seeing me since 1958

Apart from the facelifts I have treated you for everything from syphilis...

- From a whore in Dallas - From syphilis to venereal warts. In your rectum

Which you may have gotten from a whore in Dallas, but it wasn't a female whore

- So say it - Roy Cohn, you are...

You have had sex with men, many many times, Roy

And one of them, or any number of them, has made you very sick. You have AIDS

AIDS

Your problem, Henry, is that you are hung up on words, on labels

That you believe they mean what they seem to mean. AIDS. Homosexual. Gay. Lesbian

You think these are names that tell you who someone sleeps with, but they don't tell you that

- No? - No

Like all labels they tell you one thing and one thing only

Where does an individual so identified fit in the food main, in the pecking order?

Not ideology, or sexual taste, but something much simpler. Clout

Not who I fuck or who fucks me, but who will pick up the phone when I call, who owes me favors

This is what a label refers to. Now to someone who does not understand his...

...homosexual is what I am because I have sex with men. But really this is wrong

Homosexuals are not men who sleep with other men. Homosexuals are men who in fifteen years of trying...

...cannot pass a pissant antidiscrimination bill through City Council

Homosexuals are men who know nobody and who nobody knows. Who have zero clout

- Does this sound like me, Henry? - No

No. I have clout. A lot. I can pick up this phone, punch fifteen numbers...

...and you know who will be on the other end in under five minutes, Henry?

- The president - Even better, Henry. His wife

- I'm impressed - I don't want you to be impressed

I want you to understand. This is not sophistry. And this is not hypocrisy. This is reality

I have sex with men. But unlike nearly every other man of whom this is hue...

...I bring the guy I'm screwing to the White House and President Reagan smiles at us and shakes his hand

Because what I am is defined entirely by who I am

Roy Cohn is not a homosexual

Roy Cohn is a heterosexual man, Henry, who fudxs around with guys

- OK, Roy - And what is my diagnosis, Henry?

- You have AIDS, Roy - No, Henry, no

AIDS is what homosexuals have. I have liver cancer

Well, whatever the fuck you have, Roy, it's very serious, and I haven't got a damn thing for you

The NIH in Bethesda has a new drug called AZT with a two-year waking list that not even I can get you onto

So get on the phone, Roy, and dial the fifteen numbers

And tell the First Lady you need in on an experimental treatment for liver cancer

Because you can call it any damn thing you want, Roy, but what it boils down to is very bad news