All language subtitles for queer.as.folk.2022.s01e02.720p.web.h264

- Hey, Noah, me again, Brodie.

I don't mean to
blow up your phone.

I'm just... I'm
losing my fucking mind

at the house and wondering

if you need some
company over there,

you know, even for
just a couple of...

- Okay, baby's fed.

I was thinking we could go
to Ruby' later for... hello.

- Hi, sorry. Do
you mind if I...

- By all means.

You clearly got your
own breakfast plans.

- Fuck.

- No, no, keep going.

It's like when you used
to play cocktail hour.

Oh, you were so good.

- I was even better
after sneaking

a couple of French 75s.

- What's that?

- Just a thoughtful note
Winston slid under my door.

- You know, he's been even
more of an asshole lately.

- That's because
he is an asshole.

- Then why are you
still with him?

- What can I say, honey?

The best dicks often
have the worst owners.

- Oh, my God. Ew,
do not tell me that.

- Are you going to that Jack
Cole Jordan vigil later?

- How do you even
know about that?

Also, no.

- Well, that little
gay boy is so inspiring

the way he took this tragedy

and turned it into a
call to help people.

- It's not inspiring.
It's opportunistic.

Anyways, I'm not going to
his performative cry-fest.

- Can we talk about
you seeing someone?

Now, it doesn't have
to be Dr. Maxwell.

But I do think seeing
someone is a very good idea.

- Look, I saw the shrink

you wanted me to see,
and it didn't work.

- Okay, fine, fuck therapy.

How about acupuncture?

Now, I know this older woman.
She's on the west bank.

- You think the thing that's
gonna fix me getting shot

is me getting stabbed?

- This is with needles,
and it's not like...

- Julian, where are we going?

- Well, I'm going to the mall.
- I'll drive.

You know, I just
need to change first.

- Brodie, can we
talk about this?

- Sorry, I wanna spend some
quality time with my brother.

Let's go.

What do you think I should wear?

- Okay, take it down,
like, one notch.

Are you sure the babies aren't
gonna suffocate on that?

- Look, I've gotta bring
something to the sip and see,

and dinosaurs are dope and
transcend gender binaries.

They'll love it. So
what do you need to get?

- Nothing, came to hang out.

- Oh, cool.

- Hey.

- So how do you
know everyone here?

- Because they're my
friends. That's Jojo.

Her boyfriend's a
pilot for Delta,

so I get all the
gossip on new routes

and what they're
adding to their fleet.

- Right, I mean,
you see them here,

but don't you wanna, like,

I don't know, meet a girl
or make real friends?

- These are my real friends.

- Right, cool.

- Okay, when someone
invites you into their home,

don't be a dick, all right?

- I'm not. I'm just
looking at it...

- Yes, you were.
Look, I get it, okay?

It's really easy to look past
this place and these people

and think in a
world with Amazon,

why does a mall even
need to exist, right?

- I mean, yeah.

- But it does exist.

Even if you can't see it,

even if you ignore
it, it's still here.

Brodie, just because something
isn't cool or whatever,

it doesn't mean it
doesn't have value.

It just means that you
might need to look harder.

- Wow, that's...
- I have to pee.

- Hey, hey, Brodie,
Brodie. Look at me.

Shh, it's okay, it's
okay. Just breathe.

Come on.

You're okay. Just sit.

Drink this.

You're okay.

- Weird, I think I
was just having a...

- Yeah, I know actually.

- Right.

It's good to see you.

- What?

- I don't know.

I mean, after that night,
I DMed you a few times.

Never heard back, so...

- Yeah, I'm not
really on social media

is a fucking bullshit
blow off line.

I don't know, I guess I just
don't know proper etiquette

for I ate your ass, then
we survived a shooting,

then I discovered you were
secretly in high school.

- Oh, is that not a
common thing for you?

- It was my first time.

- Oh, weird.

You going to JCJ's
vigil tonight?

- No, last place on the
planet I would wanna go.

- Right, okay. See, my
mom wanted me to go,

and I'm just like...

Luckily, she's
working, so saved.

Would you want to,
like, hang out?

I mean, if your friend here

doesn't mind me
tagging along, that is.

You know, I would,

but I have to go to
this potluck sip and see

at Ruthie's, or Ms.
O'Neill's, I guess.

I don't know.

It's for people to come
see the babies and stuff.

Another time?

- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

- Fuck this.

- I'm sorry, this is
just a misunderstanding.

- What was just a
misunderstanding?

- Um, right.

- Kylie Jenner's collection.
- What?

I'm not gonna
steal from Rihanna.

I'm not a monster.

- Thanks for picking up
your phone this time.

- I usually do when someone
calls eight times in a row

and says, "The
police are involved."

- Yeah, well, I really
needed your help.

- It's fine. It's
for a good reason.

Happy I could get him off.
- You got him off?

- Don't make a
"get him off" joke.

Anyway, he got a warning.

Also, you do know that
this is not the kind

of law that I practice, right?

- Right, but doesn't
every lawyer have to learn

about mall cruising cases
the first week of law school?

You know, start with
the important stuff.

- Right, the fundamentals.

Also, it's nice to you
stepping up for Julian.

- I'm nice.
Everybody knows that.

- Brodie, can we go?
- One second.

So Ruthie and Shar are having
this thing for everyone

to come meet the babies
today. Wanna come?

- I wish I could, but I
gotta get back to work.

I'm swamped.
- Okay.

Can we at least hang out soon?

I wanna see you.

- Yeah, maybe.

Hey, don't worry, okay?

If I got arrested
every time I cruised,

I'd be doing 25 to life.

- Thanks.

- So was it a glory
hole situation,

or were y'all going under stall?

- Funny.

- I can't believe I
didn't know you were gay.

Why didn't you tell me?

- I don't know why
you're so surprised.

We don't talk.
- That is not true.

I know for a fact

I sent you that horny frog
meme on your birthday.

- You did, two years ago.
- Wow.

It's a pretty basic meme, too.

- Yeah, I'd seen it,
like, a thousand times.

- Holy shit, Brenda and Winston

are gonna fucking lose
it when they find out.

Look, I can be with you when
you tell them if you want.

- Oh, they already know.

They've known for,
like, two years.

- And they didn't freak out?

Sorry.

I guess a lot has
changed since I've left.

- Yeah, that's kind
of what happens.

- Okay.

Like, maybe we
haven't talked before,

but that doesn't mean
we can't now, right?

I wanna know everything.
Are you going to bars?

Who are your gays?
Do I know them?

- The whole gay scene
really isn't my thing.

- Isn't your thing?

Fuck, look, let me
make up for lost time.

I'm going to be the
Aladdin to your Jasmine

and show you a whole
new world of faggotry.

- Brodie, I was arrested
for sucking dick

in a bathroom stall
today. I think I'm good.

- Julian, shut up and
get on the magic carpet.

There will be go-go
boys and dick pics.

- Have you even seen "Aladdin"?
No, just take me home.

- After.

First we gotta stop at Ruthie
and Shar's to see their babies.

- Oh, my God, they're so cute.

- You told people this
was a potluck, right?

'Cause nobody brought food.
They all just sipping.

If one of these drunk
bitches drops our kid,

my friend count is
gonna drop to zero.

- She is so brave. I mean,
I couldn't handle it.

- After what she just
went through, oh, my God.

- I don't know what to say.

- And she's still here.
- Okay, fuck this.

- Is she okay?

- Hey.

How you holding up
since the shooting...

- Oh, Brodie.
Sorry, just gotta...

- Oh-ho! And they
call you mother.

Ga, ga, ga, ga!

- Hi. Hi, Julian.

- Hi.
- The fuck is this?

- For the babies.

- Great, just put it
somewhere Shar can't see it.

Oh, sorry so much.

- So the party's going well.

- On one hand, it's so nice
to see so many friends.

And on the other, I'd
love if they all died.

Is that weird?

- It's only weird

if you're pretending it's
nice to see these people.

- She won't go to therapy.
She won't go to the vigil.

You know what she will do?

- Kill her liver?
- Well, yeah.

That and masturbating
like she's 13

and just discovered
the hand shower.

- Well, you gotta
admire a sex drive

that can survive a
massive hate crime.

- I do admire it,
okay, but I just wish

she'd acknowledge
she going through it,

instead of pretending like her
biggest problem is getting off.

- Honestly, it's
my only problem.

- I totally get it.

When my dog died, I
couldn't cum for a week.

You just gotta get creative.

Be a teenager about it.

Like, jerk off wherever
and whenever you can.

Public bathrooms, cars, the bus.

- Girl, how have you
not been arrested?

- Trust me, you have a
block. You gotta clear it.

- Hey, babe.

Can you go get those blankets
that kid from NOCCA made us?

- On it.

- Masturbating in your
bedroom during a party?

That's so wrong.

- Get the fuck outta here.

- What? I'm an ideas person.

- You're just a
filthy fucking whore.

- Yes, Mistress.

- Yes, Mommy, I'm
a filthy whore.

- Shit.

- Damn it, she's awake.

- I know, it's
fine. I'll get her.

- Are you sure?
- No, babe, I got it.

- You did it last
time. It's my turn.

- She gets the crying
thing from you.

- Yes, you do.

- There she is. Any luck?

- Unfortunately, no.

- Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

Maybe you just graduated
from darker and darker porn

and now nothing
can get you there.

Been there.

- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, absolutely.

There was this two-month period

when I discovered those
weird Czech videos

where the dudes' bodies
would be half in a wall.

People's faces were a
total turnoff for months.

- I've seen those videos. I'd
work at a place like that.

- You'd be terrible
at a place like that.

- Fuck you. I'd be a star.

- No, that is a
pillow princess job.

You like doing the work.

- Aw, I do like doing the work.

You're not going to the
JCJ vigil thing, right?

Right? Fucking thank you.

Shar keeps pushing it,
saying it'll be cathartic.

I'm like, "Why would I want
go be on display like that?"

"Come on down. See
the crying fag."

- They wouldn't call you a fag.
- I know.

I miss being called a fag.
I'm a woman of fag experience.

- Look,
I get it though.

If one more person
calls me brave,

I'm gonna kick them
full-on in the dick.

- Mm-hmm.

- Although based on
your choice of porn,

I probably shouldn't tempt you.

- Shut up.

- You know I'd do
anything for you.

- Faggot.

- Oh, shit.

I forgot why I was
looking for you.

I think Gen Z might have
crashed sip and see.

- Brodie.

- Sorry so much.

- Oh.

- My gosh, so many options.

Ruthie, hi, happy baby.
- What are you doing here?

- You're on leave, so you're
not technically my teacher.

Plus, we're like friends now.

And friends show up to friends,

like, whatever this
baby potluck thing is.

Also, this is for you and,
like, maybe the babies.

I got the vegan ones, which
should be okay for them.

- I'm guessing this
wasn't your idea?

- I'm sorry, Ms. O'Neill.
I tried to tell him.

- Oh, God, the betrayal
and, like, immediately.

- Yeah, sorry to interrupt,
but you guys need to go home.

Come on, come on.

Okay, fine, but I'm taking this.

Excuse me, have fun. Bye, bye.

Real quick though,
is Brodie here?

'Cause I think he wanted
to hang out with me.

- You know, you actually
you just missed him.

- Oh, do you know
where he was going?

- Maybe go to the vigil tonight.

I think he might be there.

- Really? Because
earlier he said that...

- Must have changed his
mind, said something about it

maybe being good
for him, cathartic.

- Okay.
- Okay, bye.

Thanks for the quiche.

- All right, fine.
- See you.

- Bye.

Quiche.
- Oh, thank God.

I'm so fucking hungry.
- Mm, thank you.

- Hey, how are you doing?

You know, I was supposed
to be at Babylon

for a bachelorette that
night, but I was too tired,

but can you imagine

if I had had one more
cup of coffee that day?

- No, I cannot imagine at all.

I'd like to make a toast!

First, I wanna thank
Ruthie, my best friend,

since... well, since
we were young enough

that calling someone
your best friend

was a very loaded set of words.

You know, Ryan Andrews stopped
being my friend all together

when I gave the title to Ruthie,

but that sacrifice was worth it.

- He got kicked out of school

because he wouldn't stop
taking his dick out in class.

- Regardless, I wanna wish
you and Shar all the best

in your new journey as parents.

I especially wanna thank Shar

because even though
they don't like me...

- What kind of toast is this?

- I want to thank you

because you still
let me be your donor.

You let me play a little part

in bringing these two
beauties into the world.

To Flotsam and Jetsam!

- To Florence and
Jett, but thank you.

- But most importantly,
I wanna raise a toast

to all you wonderful
people here today.

All these great...

Allies.

I mean, if it weren't for you,

who would ask us
if we were okay?

Who would tell us
about all the ways

that the most traumatic
night of our lives

was, kind of, sort of

actually almost about them?

I mean, 'cause that's
the takeaway here.

You know, this party,
the vigil tonight, hell,

the shooting itself, it's
really all about you.

To these heroes.

- Wow.

Someone making
someone else's moment

about them. Can you imagine?

- Okay, Shar, let's
give him a break.

- What? Give him a break?

The person in our home
insulting the people

we work with, he needs a break?

You know what?

I'm gonna go check on
the babies for a minute.

- Guess I should go.

- Well, this was lovely.

Please have more kids,
so we can do it again.

- So your toast was interesting.

- You don't think it went well?

- I think it just
kind of depends

on what you were
going for, you know?

- What if I was going for not
ruining a children's party?

- Then I'd have some notes.

So you have kids.

It's actually crazy that you
didn't tell me that, but okay.

And now you're
ignoring me. Really?

Brodie, what is happening?

- I'm sorry.

Honestly, I'm just going
through a lot, okay?

And I feel really fucked up.

Noah's been ignoring
me, which I get.

But I don't know.

I just thought that
after Babylon, you know,

after Daddius that...

Then he didn't wanna talk to me.

So it was just really
nice seeing him today.

I just really wish
he'd message me back.

- You know what?
I change my mind.

I do need "Aladdin," yeah.
- What?

- Come on, show me the
world. Give me the gay-BCs.

- Oh, okay.

Julian, you're right.
You know how to be gay.

- I have never done the apps.
- Yes, you have.

- No, no, CP just makes
it too tricky, you know?

It's like, do you
mention it and get guys

that are weirdly into it,
or do you not mention it

and risk someone
getting mad at you?

So, no.

- Well, you know, I am
pretty good at the apps.

- I have no doubt about that.

Okay, is this crazy?

What if we trade phones?

And you can build me a profile,

and I can be Grindr
Brodie for a little bit.

Like training wheels.

- Okay, I'm in.

But be careful
with Grindr Brodie.

He's a lot.

- Gross, but thank you.
- You have no idea.

Okay, so you're
gonna get full pics.

You're gonna get dick pics.
You're gonna get armpit pics.

- You know you miss me.

- Why are you here?

- I'm here to fill
your paper tray.

Come on.

You didn't think I
actually left you?

- Stop, stop!

Stop!

Stop!

- Babe, can you take
a break for a minute?

- It's the least I can do.

I don't know why I defended
him in that moment.

He was being an asshole.

- I honestly don't even
care about that right now.

Just come sit down.

I've been tiptoeing around this,

but we gotta talk about it.

I'm worried about you.

- Shar.
- Just let me finish.

I'm worried about you.

I'm mad at you for
sneaking out that night,

and I'm so sorry that
something terrible happened.

But I feel like I can't
talk to you about that

because you went through
this awful thing,

and that's gonna make
me a bad guy every time,

and not being able to
talk to you scares me

because you don't
seem like Ruthie.

And, look, you distant,
and you hurting,

and I get that, but
you also not you.

- That's not true.
- When the last time you cried?

- What?

- Ruthie, since I've known you,

you've been the kind of person
that cries at everything,

and I'm not just talking
"Terms of Endearment."

I'm talking gum commercials.

- Okay, well, in my defense,

that was a particularly
sad gum commercial.

- And I love that you
cry at dumb stuff.

I do, but you haven't since
the babies were born, since...

- I know what it's since.

And I don't think it's that.

I've just been very
sexually frustrated,

and I haven't been able to cum.

- Oh, my God, can we
stop with the sex stuff?

You need to talk to someone.

And you need to go to these
vigils and let yourself grieve.

The sex stuff, not the problem.
- Look, you're probably right.

I probably should
talk to somebody.

Or fine, let's go to the vigils
if that's what you wanna do.

But the sex stuff
isn't just sex stuff.

Okay, well, when I transitioned,

I didn't sleep with
anybody for a long time,

and not for a lack of trying.

Clearly, your girl's a ho-bag.

I went from being this
super cute, gay boy

who people very
much wanted to fuck

to a trans woman

that... well, people just
didn't see me that way anymore.

So what do you do?

Well, all you want
is to feel something,

so you jerk off, but
in those early days,

the hormones made cumming
on my own feel impossible,

and suddenly, I had lost
this entire part of myself

that made me feel okay,
that made me feel alive

even at times when I
wasn't sure I wanted to be,

and it was scary,
and it was lonely,

and then one day years later,
somehow without realizing it,

I had started looking
more the way I wanted to,

more like an after
pic than a before.

You know, the before's
really not so bad.

It's really that
weird middle picture

where you kind of, sort
of look like two aliens

that got fused together in this
weird teleportation accident.

- Babe, I love you,

but I think you're
losing the plot.

- Right.

So I figured out makeup.

I lost my Adam's apple,
and people wanted me again.

And the hormones evened
out, and I could cum again.

I could feel alive again.

But now since that night,

that part of me is gone again.

- I'm so sorry.

I didn't know.

But I know one thing.

I'm gonna fuck the shit
out of you tonight.

- We don't have to.
- Oh, fuck you.

You gonna give me
this beautiful speech

about transness, and
sex, and self-worth?

Nothing could turn me on more.

But we are gonna go to this
vigil first as a family.

- Ugh, fine, zaddy.

- Yeah, there's my moody
teen. I missed her.

- Nope, not including that.
- Everybody lies about it.

Like, even if it's 8
inches, you say it's 12.

- I've never measured my
dick, and I'm not gonna start.

- Oh, I can take your
dick pics for you.

- You do know that
we're brothers,

and that's weird, right?

- You asked for "Aladdin."

- "Aladdin" doesn't have incest.

- It should.

Might have been
less problematic.

- You came.

Which one of my guilt-inducing
text messages did it?

- The one Julian sent.

- You sneaky bitch. I love it.

- Well, then you're gonna love

that I've been on
Grindr for years.

- Then what have
we been doing here?

- You got to teach me something,

which in your current, very
obvious depression spiral

meant something to you,
and I got a profile written

by a famed heartthrob.

- Wow, so this how
it feels to be used.

Honestly, not terrible.

So what are we gonna do tonight?

- I was thinking you should

probably come stay
with me for a bit.

- Wait, really? Move
back into our old house?

- My house, but yeah.

I feel like living alone in
a huge place all by myself

is probably not great
for me right now.

- And do you miss me?

- I said what I said.

- You know I would, but I
don't wanna bail on Julian.

- Why not?

You've basically been
doing it my entire life.

I like him.

Honestly...

Why don't you come too?

It's a huge place.
- Oh, I'm good.

You guys got a lot
of stuff going on.

- All the more reason
for you to come.

- I'll think about it.

I'm thinking about it.

- He's in.
- Fantastic.

We'll head there
right after the vigil.

- Works for us.

- I'll meet you there, okay?

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- I can't believe it.

You're making me
an empty nester.

Now I'm gonna have to
actually speak to your father.

- Aww, what do you talk to a
straight man over 60 about?

- Food, golf, network TV.

It's horrible.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

- Mom, do you think I can't,

like, handle living away
from you or something?

- I know.

I know, but you're
my best friend.

- You're my best friend too.
- Mm-hmm.

- Which is why I
need to move away.

- Look, I love Brodie,

and I'm glad he's
looking out for you,

but when it comes down to
it, Brodie puts Brodie first.

Now, you can call
me overbearing,

but I'm just worried

that when the time comes,
he might not protect you.

- Well, maybe I don't
need protecting.

- I know you're right.
I just know Brodie.

- You know, I don't
think you know him

as well as you think you do.

- A mother knows her children

better than they
know themselves.

- Oh, so I guess you know
that Brodie's the donor

to Ruthie and Shar's babies.

Bye, Mom.

- I know I've been
gone for a while,

but does anybody else get
Mayor Pete fake gay vibes

from him, but like evil?

- I thought y'all liked
Mayor Pete ever since

he looked hot with a beard.

- You know what's weird?

I don't know anybody
that's fucked him.

I know a lot of fags,

and it feels like I should
know someone that's fucked him.

- Excuse me.
- Hi, hi.

- Julian, thank God you're here.

Now we can stop
listening to Brodie.

- Yeah, he's always been
the B-list Beaumont.

- Would we even go that high?

- Hello, my beautiful
trauma queens.

I'm so glad y'all could
make it out tonight.

Within hours of the
shooting, I posted a GoFundMe

that went viral when none other

than Lil Nas X's
number one stan account

on Twitter shared it.

- Is stan account
endorsement impressive?

- Unfortunately, yes. Ugh,
I hate that I know that.

I don't miss teaching
high schoolers.

- I took that fundraiser
and made something bigger.

My charity, Babyl-On,
Babyl-Strong

will raise money for victims'
families as well as survivors.

Actually not survivors,

thrivers.

Because we will
thrive.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, stop.

He's raising money for us.
We shouldn't make fun of him.

- And while I'm up here,

I should probably address
some of the rumors.

Yes, I will be appearing
in the upcoming season

of "American Horror Story."

- Okay, never mind, he's trash.

- I'm really glad
we came to this.

- Okay, Mom.

- Oh, don't be a dick.
I care about you.

And it seems like a lot
of other people do, too.

So is that so bad?

- Yeah, okay,
fine. You're right.

Hey, Brodie!

- Oh, shit.
- What?

- I told him to come tonight.
I said you'd be here.

- Why?

- Because I knew
you weren't coming,

but he seemed like
he was struggling,

so I thought if he came,
maybe it would help him.

- You bitch, all while I'm
trying to get you to go,

and you're blowing me off.

- Hey, those who
can't do, teach.

- Nine souls lost

while celebrating life.

Sheridan Segal,

Andy Jayne,

Max Walker,

Johnny Romano,

Lonnie Simpson,

Michael Ryan,

Kevin Fradmir,

Kennedy Mondelot,

and Daddius Miller.

A moment for those we lost.

- Do you wanna talk
about the vigil?

- Please.

- Are you sure?
We don't have to.

You can top if you
want, I just...

- Shut up.

- Fuck.

- Good boy.

- I missed you so much.

I'm so glad we're
getting a second chance.

- You feel better?